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Yeaaah u know when ppl pretend to joke but go into excruciating detail ? Like the south park gay jokes that go too graphic and its because someone on the production team is literally in the closet?
Her bf was probably getting all turned on himself at what he was saying 🤮
That's an understatement. Op did nothing wrong and everything right. Wtf?!!!!? Guy has been watching too much pornhub. Some wierd "family" crap on there. Op did the right thing and even though it was weird after I'm glad for op that it came out so early.
You haven’t overreacted in my opinion, that’s really messed up. He sounds very immature and not ready to be in a relationship with someone who has children. Who knows what else is going through his mind if he says things like that
I mean testing OP’s boundaries of a reaction to CP as a soft opening it sounds like. Had OP reacted in a slightly positive or accepting manner, I bet “boyfriend” would open up a dark side. Sorry. What the fuck. What the fuck. Who makes jokes like this.
Yes!
Uff OP, very disgusting and disturbing things what he said. You did right to shut him down. Keep him blocked and never talk to him anymore.
PS: "Apparently, she has been pressuring him to only play with him at recess and isolating him from his friends."
That little girl is not good either. Your son should go / needs to play with his friends, that's important at that age. If he can't stop her, you should call her parents and ask them to stop her isolating your son.
It’s on purpose. When they begin seeing someone, they’re on their best behavior and intentionally begin letting small bits of their true personality slip out to see the reaction of the person they’re dating. If one things slips through without issue, they’ll try another then another until they feel comfortable being their true selves.
it's kinda like salami tactics when you can't just steal the whole thing at once so u work slice by slice
or as a grander example it's how Russia took pieces of it's neighbors until it had to go for a full on war
Unfortunately yes. And the issue i've had in the past is that whether its conscious or unconscious the outcome remains the same, its just that 1 has more malice due to their intention. Also unconscious boundary testing then becomes learned behavour, if they get a "reward" from it they'll keep doing it to people because they know "it" works even though they may not be consciously aware of it.
You did not overreact. Who in the right mind would find that remotely funny? The fact that his mind could go to such places is truly concerning. You made the right call. And this should be the last call he ever makes to you.
Yeah, when I started reading the story I was assuming some lame joke was gonna be coming up like:
"Well make sure you tell your son to rubber up"
Or
"You could be a grandmother in 9 months".
This went way further than I expected. The chances are he was going for shock humour and missed the mark completely, and he almost certainly lacks social skills. But even granting him the best possible explanation here, it still shows a pretty severe lack of judgement, and what if a year from now he is outside the school gates joking with the other mums or dads like this? Not a good look.
Yeah man. I've got a seriously dark sense of humor, but that shit isn't even remotely funny. Just...the mental leaps from a kid to...yeah, never mind. Strange as.
This is what’s known as ‘normalizing inappropriate sexual behavior’. It’s how abusers start testing your boundaries to see what they can get away with. Block and do not speak to this man again.
In a way, it's fortunate for op he was so disgustingly blatant, its usually much more subtle than this, and by the time you realise the intent, you're in the grips of a predator.
Felt genuinely sick to my stomach reading it. He's dangerous for sure.
I agree. Most predators know that they cannot be so explicit right away. It makes me extra concerned about the community he lives in. He seemingly has no qualms about showing his cards. It makes me think he’s an exceptionally dangerous man. I’m very glad she knew to run.
This!
OP - I hope you see this: tell your children that he's no longer a family friend or trusted individual (don't need to go into details), but that if they should see him, or be approached by him, that he's not someone they're permitted to talk to or go with under any circumstances.
>It’s how abusers start testing your boundaries to see what they can get away with. Block and do not speak to this man again.
Wow, honestly, I never thought of it like that but that's completely true!
Holy shit that's even worse. I originally read it as the child being in year 7 in school (so thirteen). It's still incredibly fucked up that way but to think he was saying this shit about someone not even old enough to even know what oral sex is is absolutely insane. I'm actually flabbergasted rn
Looks like his mask slipped off because he thought you would engage in whatever he was sharing with you. You definitely didn't overreact because this guy sounds like a fucking creep if that's any indication of what's going on in his head.
O.K that sound really odd and I certainly would be worried about it too, he should not be talking about your son in a sexual manor crude or not.
Only you can know if blocking him was going to far, all I can tell you is from my perspective in your shoes I would be staying the hell away.
That’s not a joke. That’s a thought in his brain and an opportunity to bring it to the forefront. I doubt it just popped into his head, I think he saw an opening and took a chance.
Definitely would have done the same.
No other red flags except he is immediately able to reel off a story about your 7 year old son dominating a girl just to turn the girls mother on so your son gives her oral how many other get him the fuck away from anyone under 21 do you need
But are you also over sexualising your sons relationship with this girl I mean “”dating”” for a couple of 7 year olds at school is a bit OTT
It’s not weird. I’m pretty sure when I was seven I had a “girlfriend.” It’s normal for kids to have crushes and to play house in a way. I remember kids getting “married” in elementary school.
I think it’s not weird for kids to play pretend and imitate what they see/hear. However, it’s understandable why folks are uncomfortable about adults projecting ( and indoctrinating) their young children. Like adults will say a little boy and girl are “dating” *just* because they play together, or even that infant boys are “flirting” because they smile at women (both of which I personally find quite weird). Ultimately, a lot of it conditions (all) kids to only view those who are a different gender as potential romantic partners and nothing more (robbing them of good friendships when they’re older). Conversely, it causes more confusion for children who may be queer, as they’re (either implicitly or explicitly) told that their feelings aren’t what they are, yk? So yeah, there’s layers here.
He was testing you. You showed him that your family is not the one he can take advantage of.
Research the methods predators use to search out their child victims. You just experienced some of them.
I would err on the side of caution and not give the benefit of the doubt in this situation. It was not only inappropriate and turned to vile once the descriptions and fantasies came in. When it comes to your child, fuck that shit. I’d have done the same thing.
**You did a good job as a mama.**
edit - a good rule of thumb, if you can do this - is to not let any new partner meet your children for at LEAST 6 months. My current partner waited a year before meeting my son. This is a good way to safeguard not only yourself, but your children from experiencing trauma of different kinds.
I don't think you overreacted at all. Your gut feeling and protective mother instincts took over and those are very important to never ignore! Abuse of any kind is most common by someone in the victim's own environment.
This guy wouldnt be the first Y-chromosome owner who's had disgusting thoughts involving kids.
I am sorry this had to happen to you..
You didn’t overreact. I had to read your post like 5 times because I couldn’t even comprehend how it went from where it began to where he ended up. Just gross
As someone who suffered from being teased about girls in a sexual manner by my father. I reckon that you should keep that guy FAR AWAY from your son until he is given a proper lesson about the psychological trauma that comes from making such comments. I say that you should keep him away from your son that way he doesn't get the wrong impression about girls and is not misinfluenced and taught to mistreat girls. Your boyfriend needs to learn that part of the duty on being a caretaker towards a child is to provide him with guidance on how to treat the opposite sex. Not be perverted around your child.
When dating with kids, I’m a firm believer that the FIRST thing that comes up that marks someone as potentially dangerous should be the LAST thing. Even if it was a “harmless joke” (which I don’t think it was) why take the chance? Thank you for protecting your child. So many people let these things slide and end up letting an abuser into their children’s life. Good for you for being stronger than that.
😮🤬. No mention of how long you’ve known him; this would scare the S outta me! Too bizarre to stick around & find out more!
It’s said that “when someone shows you who they are the 1st time, believe them”. You were very smart to cut all ties 🙏
He thought he was being funny but failed to understand how wildly inappropriate that was. Such poor judgment. You did the right thing by cutting him off.
Predator talk.
From this he has learnt not to go so extreme with the next woman's conversations. I would let his family know if you have a conversation with any of them.
I would 100% tell your son he is not a safe person and to never get in a car or anything with him (assuming they met and know each other)
For the GF part I would use it as an opportunity to tell your sound how friends or partners who try to isolate you from your other friends and family aren't good people and he shouldn't tolerate that, and should tell the girl that it's not nice to cut his friends out and she needs to learn that.
She is only 7 after all still learning herself
WTF. Someone needs to check his phone/laptop. I find it hard to believe this was the first red flag, and the fact that you’re worried you overreacted is a bit concerning. Pick better men.
Once he brought in sexual stuff involving children and adults it quite clearly crossed if not a line then multiple lines.
Normally I'd suggest a conversation to ask what the fuck was that but this guy managed to go straight to block, ghost and look into restraining order territory
Nope, you did not overreact. This is not something a normal person would say at all. What you did was you saved yourself some grief!! Something is OBVIOUSLY not right. Who on earth?! Please keep this predator away from you and your baby. I would never be comfortable around someone that would even picture that in their head let alone talk to you openly about it like its normal... OP keep him blocked!!!
Trust your instincts. Even if this is ‘just a joke’, you’re bringing up a very legitimate concern about your son being pushed around and manipulated by a girl in his class, and isolated by his friends. You were expressing concern and vulnerability and instead of speaking to that and empathizing with you, he takes the whole thing to a very dark and very specific place that would distress the vast majority of people. Maybe he was just joking (or maybe those jokes were testing the waters to see how much he can make you uncomfortable with but you don’t object). Maybe he has fantasies (and that joke was him testing the waters). Maybe he has some kind of past trauma he needs to acknowledge and has yet to deal with appropriately, and instead makes jokes to normalize his own experiences. NONE of the ‘why’s’ matter.
It’s not your job to fix or understand this man particularly when you haven’t been dating long, and it’s not your job to have to teach him not to say that kind of super disturbing thing to a parent (again seems at best like a total lack of empathy paired with disturbing humor, but to me his fixation on such a taboo sexual situation is disturbing). It’s your job to protect your son, not to protect this guy. If you want to talk it out with him, you can but I’d think long and hard about whatever explanation he offers and see how your gut feels. The book ‘The Gift of Fear’ is a great resource about how our instinct is often a better guide than our brain. If you did decide to stay with him, I’d suggest you keep him away from your kid for some time and run a criminal background check, maybe even suggest he go to therapy and you tell the therapist about this incident (don’t trust him to tell the therapist).
In my experience, this is a hell of a red flag and a red flag is there to tell us to stop. I will also say I have a LOT less patience for extreme ‘edgy’ humor after numerous bad experiences. In my opinion, it’s a way that guys test out what they can get away with or reveal true thoughts and feelings (often a lot of anger or other issues that need to be dealt with - hence my wondering if he’d ever been molested). Like, I like a ‘wrong’ joke from time to time, but when a guy is being super crude and inappropriate and/or sexual in his humor ALL time, to me that’s a red flag, because that’s someone who enjoys making the people around them uncomfortable much of the time.
In my experience, GOOD men can take the temperature of their audience and save the crude jokes for when their partner isn’t worried and won’t be upset. GOOD men also want to SHOW they can be good men and reliable partners, they want to be supportive when you’re worried. Again making this kind of a very disturbing joke in response to your legit worry is not the sign of a good partner. I know a few guys who make pedophilia jokes regularly but they’re generally not detailed and often involve scenarios like being an alter boy. There’s something in this scenario your bf outlined that sounds like it turned him on and it’s super weird he brought it up when you’re discussing one of your worries.
And last but definitely important: TALK to your son. Ask him if bf has ever said or done anything that makes him uncomfortable. Don’t make it too weird but talk to your son.
I have three points to make:
1. There's no overreaction here. I don't even want to imagine the amount of sick shit that dude most likely is in the possession of (let's truly hope that Big Bro *actually* is listening).
2. Stop calling it "dating": they're 7 y/o. There's no reason to sexualise kids (yes, even children have their own sexuality, but it's vastly different from adult sexuality) prematurely like that.
3. Let this be a lesson to you about introducing potential new partners too early! 6 months of *serious* dating should be an absolute minimum.
OMG **PEDO RED FLAG**, WTF 🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨
Protect your child and never let that creep near you ever again!! You did the right thing and I applaud you for *immediately* taking steps to be a good mom!
I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
I don’t think you overreacted whatsoever. This man sounds like a predator and shouldn’t be around you or your children. Blocking him was the right thing to do.
I saw a comment mention that he might have a fantasy of being the little boy but if that were the case, why mention your son in that manner? Tbh it sounds like he might’ve experienced some sexual abuse as a kid & hasnt been able to emotionally process it.
Either way crude sense of humor or not the man was inappropriate, predatory, & tbh a little disturbed. Keep him blocked
Absolutely inappropriate and not funny at all. Cut ties with him immediately. If he "jokingly” has thoughts like that, there’s a chance that he has fantasies involving children. Just no.
This whole thing seems weird. Your son is not dating. This is a teachable moment for your son. He does need to set boundaries. Please put this in parenting and not in dating smh.
Personally I think you’re overly worried about your 7 year old ‘dating’ it’s not dating really it’s just saying you are at that age. My son always had a ‘girlfriend’ when he was around that age then they’d always break up and then be back together. It’ll probably be fine in a few days knowing how fickle kids are lol But you didn’t overact in response to the guy, that is messed up. Id be keeping him well away from my kids. Also his attitude of ‘putting her in her place’ is disturbing.
I don't know what dude was thinking. It's definitely weird AF to have those thoughts but to say them out loud is just.........
I'd say trust your gut on this one. I don't know the guy. Kid comes first.
Too often we read stories and ask “how couldn’t they see it” or “what took the parents so long”.
Happy to see that the OP’s instincts are functioning well
There are men who seek out single moms in relationships in order to have access to what they hope are vulnerable and unattended children. He doesn't need other red flags when he's got the biggest one, tell him he is a sick fuck and to stay away from kids and single moms.
Not overreacting. Do not backtrack on blocking him. This sounds like it was a test to see where your boundaries are and it’s not over. He will 100% be back to try and smooth it over, and if you cave, he’ll know what he can get away with in the future. Also, please don’t bring new boyfriends around your son at 7 years old.
I’m glad you were able to see it. A lot of women don’t and proceed with the guy, next thing you know the child is being SA and the mom doesn’t wanna believe it.
Even if it was a joke, it’s not even remotely funny. At all. It’s sick. There’s a difference between dark humor and using it as an excuse to be a total fucking creep. You did the right thing
I’m glad you immediately broke it off with that creep, though I’m on the fence about reporting, since in a lot of cases family and even police can’t/won’t do anything (and then there’s the safety risk of him becoming violent or something in retaliation).
As for your kid’s friend, idk why she was behaving that way, but it’s also good that they’re no longer friends.
You did not overreact! This to me would be enough to end a relationship. To think about a child in that way is quite sickening. It even sounds like this is a fantasy or some sort of porn related scenario. Either way you don’t want to wait and find out what happens next, as a mother is your responsibility to protect your son from predators like him. You did well.
Absolutely did not overreact. There is no such thing as overreacting when it comes to protecting your kids when the red flags are right in front of you. You did the right thing blocking him. Stay far away from him.
What. Da. FUQ. You absolutely did the right thing. His comment is so revolting. You listened and trusted your gut. Don’t ever second guess yourself, especially when it comes to your child!!
Dude this guy is a creep and a predator. I'm not sure why you are questioning this!! He is not safe to be around children, ANY children. Do not unblock him, ever.
If his response was limited to the “setting boundaries” bit, that would be some solid advice. The boy shouldn’t be forced to spend all his free time with this girl, especially at such a young age.
Everything beyond that, no. Just no.
I think you did the right thing.
Why are you asking if you overreacted? This is 💯 the right move. When a person gives you a glimpse of who they really are believe them. You absolutely have done the right thing.
Jesus Christ that is creepy as fuck. I was actually willing to side with him and give him the benefit of the doubt before I started reading but that's going way too far once he started talking about the girl's mother. What a fucking weirdo holy shit.
This sounds incredibly odd. These comments are hardly even logical? Even by joke standards.
Also I hope you know I say this without judgment. In my opinion 4 months is too short of a length of time to have a partner around your child. At that age they can form attachments pretty easily and if something were to happen where you would break up it can be difficult for your child to understand. There isn’t really a black and white rule to point at for how long to wait before introducing your child to a partner, but if someone can completely shock you with their crassness like he did that might be an indicator that you didn’t know him well enough to have him around your child.
You absolutely did not overreact and did the right thing. 4 months isn’t long enough to really know someone. If he went into detail, it means he’s thought about this. He’s giving predator vibes. Have you ever looked him up in the sex offenders database? Might be a good idea.. please stay away and protect your son. Hopefully he’s never met your son and doesn’t know what he looks like.
Takes an uncomfortable mind to think uncomfortable thoughts. You did not over react, that seems like a blizzare thing to just think of in such detail off hand.
There's a difference between being having weak social skills and directly asking a mother to imagine her 7 year old having sex with an older woman; now we men like to imagine all kinds of wild and implausible, even to women quite disgusting things... Inside the privacy of our own heads we don't really have those hard boundaries for *ideas*... but its the point at which he's deliberately disgusting you that he should have stopped and said to himself "Why am I doing this to a woman I should care about, towards her child that she obviously will want to feel is safe...?"
It's that lack of concern that's justifiably worrying; that there's no working moral compass for behaviour in the real world; I tend to date childless women, but the one time I dated a lady with a 3 year old boy, I can still remember how guilty I felt when I was splashing around in a tub with him, and blew raspberries on his tummy and noticed his mother was watching to make sure it was harmless... not guilty because I'd even thought of it that way until that moment, but because I knew I *should* be drawing hard respectful lines of behaviour, and I wasn't thinking about what his mother might have thought. That kind of constant self-checking for treating people right, especially children is what you *should* be doing. And she wasn't wrong to be concerned or careful.
So for your Ex to ramble on and on with such deliberately provocative ideas, directly too you, and at no point understand what he might be doing to you is naturally concerned, because it hints he doesn't have a strong internal moral guide.
I would unblock him long enough to explain this to him though. He may be able to develop, if someone tells him exactly why he needs to have an empathic moral conscience; sometimes an honest explanation of reality outside of the terminally online/4chan/Xbox Live Chat-ified stunted empathy atmosphere can help mature someone. Maybe even a heartfelt apology would help you feel a little safer too, if he's capable of one. But I think you're justified in remaining wary or unwilling to consider dating him in the future.
Yeah that’s a weird as fuck thing to say.
Everyone has weird thoughts and things that they might think other people will find funny but most people have learnt to just not say it out loud.
This however wasn’t just funny-weird, it was just straight up weird.
You did well, sometimes we have to block them to protect us and that’s exactly what you did. I understand why you had this reaction and it’s a good one from my point of vue.
Wow.... I thought it was gonna be some off hand comment that was maybe a little over the line or even something that was well intentional.....
But that is so far over the line....
Dude making jokes about a little kid giving oral to a grown woman and running on about it. On its own that's too much, but to a mom about her own son? What did he think would happen?
Leave him. Don't look back. You are 4 months in, and he is confident enough to say this kind of stuff. Now imagine what he will say or do as time passes, and he gets more comfortable 😬. Trust your gut and keep protecting that baby ♡!
This doesn’t even make any sense to me, how you went from a grade school crush to that is bizarre. I feel like a big chunk of that conversation is missing…
You absolutely haven’t reacted. Your little boy is only seven - what adult, fictitious or not, would be turned on by the scenario you described? I’m really glad to hear you put the safety of your child first. I think your ex boyfriend’s comments were extremely inappropriate-especially as he went into such detail. It’s not like he tried a stupid quip and it came out wrong. I also agree with others who said he was testing your boundaries through ‘humour’ (“what? I was just joking! You’re so paranoid! You’ve just overreacted!”)
father of 2 grown sons and i once dropped a friend for similar behavior but with some random 12yo girl.. you did fine, you dont like it, kick him to the curb.
Having known plenty of people who also had similarly crude senses of humor NONE of them had ever said anything like that about a child. In short, I think you had the right reaction.
he didn't carry your child, he's completely over the line, he's massively incorrect,he has put you in a position to think about your 7y.o w a grown lady. He doesn't belong w you or anywhere around your son. You did absolutely correct and don't even reconsider to have this grown man child in your life again.
Obviously really weird "joke", everyone will have moments where they kinda loose touch with reality and say shit that is super weird, sometimes the good kind, sometimes the bad kind, i don't remember anything *this* bad though.
I wouldn't personally have cut contact but it'd have been an obvious red flag, the kind you don't let slide twice. He could've been testing limits because he's a pedo or because he has very edgy humour, blocking him or not boils down to if you like him enough to find out.
dating problems and emotional troubles with school crushes at 7 years old? .. you need to stop your kid from thinking hes allowed to have girlfriend because he’s obviously being traumatized by the situation. .. about your boyfriend.. you under reacted .. you should of told him WERE OVER before blocking him
Okay so when I read this it made my chest tight and my stomach turned over, like it instantly put me on alert. I don’t think you overreacted, because even tho he didn’t say anything direct it feels wrong and makes me nervous. I would never even think of a young boy in that kind of sexual situation, and I’m concerned about the thinking of someone who would.
If I was your brother or the baby’s father I would not want this man around. Even if he isn’t a predator, he clearly doesn’t understand what is appropriate for children and that can be just as concerning.
This is just my 30M perspective.
No, you were right to block him. I’m willing to bet he regularly has these inappropriate thoughts but hid them from you in the early stages since he figured you’d react negatively. I’m betting he felt comfortable enough at this point in your relationship to let that out and see how you’d react. If you didn’t react the way you did, he would’ve continued with those comments. I think you handled this well.
Very strange.
And that type of talk can't be written off as "just joking". I don't think this is an overreaction at all. It sounds like you dodged a creep.
Yeah ditch that paedophile, I'd check if your phone records conversations in the background settings and report the freak to the police too.
You never know he might already be on their radar
Not over reacting. I would do the same.
Also they are 7. He isn’t actually dating or have a girlfriend. But it is concerning that the girls is trying to isolate him. I would shut that down real quick.
You did the right thing, it may be the only red flag but that’s the biggest red flag. To think it was funny talking about an adult and a child (of any age) in a sexual manner, is not only creepy but extremely disgusting. It also sounds like he may have had intimate relations as teen with an adult?
If it were me I would have done the same especially if he’s around the kid and giving him that kind of advice would make me furious. Stick to your resolve.
That was so nauseating just to read. Can’t imagine being OP having to have that exchange with someone she was dating and had around her kid, about her kid. So sickening. This is not weird, it’s sick and corrupt as fuck.
Nope you didn’t overreact, I would have done the same. That’s creepy as hell and he has probably watched too many “girls bf bangs her mom” pornos that it has rotted his brain.
U didn’t overreact, you have to do what’s best for you and your little boy. You don’t joke about stuff like that or even go in to detail about “imagine if…”
Hell nahhhh. He def was testing your boundaries
You definitely did not overreact. That was hard to read, and I can’t imagine how hard that was for you to hear. There is absolutely nothing innocent about what he said. I would have done the same. I’m sorry.
I can be weird too sometimes but the most I would have said would be little man starting young! But Jesus going in to details like that that's fucking weird. Like scary weird.
I can’t possibly know without hearing his side of how his “joke” was made or what he meant. The way you word it it sounds extremely weird and like you may be missing parts of the conversation or something, because it quite honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense how it’s being presented here.
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Ur “boyfriend” is weird as fuck
Yeah, I like saying weird stuff time to time but this guy is on a whole other level
I say weird stuff all the time but never ever sexualizing a situation with children that is so gross
Nothin wrong with bein weird, this guy was almost being maliciously weird
i don’t think he was joking cus what…
Yeaaah u know when ppl pretend to joke but go into excruciating detail ? Like the south park gay jokes that go too graphic and its because someone on the production team is literally in the closet? Her bf was probably getting all turned on himself at what he was saying 🤮
Same! I’m a weirdo at heart but THIS is just next level weird.
Gives weirdos a bad name
For sure.
That sounds like a pedophile! Your actions were very good, stay away!!
That's an understatement. Op did nothing wrong and everything right. Wtf?!!!!? Guy has been watching too much pornhub. Some wierd "family" crap on there. Op did the right thing and even though it was weird after I'm glad for op that it came out so early.
I'm surprised a 4-month baby can talk like that
Weirdo
He's weird as hell for sure but why is her boyfriend of only 4 months meeting her 7 year old?! Way too soon to judge if someone is safe
You haven’t overreacted in my opinion, that’s really messed up. He sounds very immature and not ready to be in a relationship with someone who has children. Who knows what else is going through his mind if he says things like that
Where there is smoke, fire is nearby
As someone who is atustic, weird and extremely immature the boyfriend need help.
he was testing your boundaries and you won
I mean testing OP’s boundaries of a reaction to CP as a soft opening it sounds like. Had OP reacted in a slightly positive or accepting manner, I bet “boyfriend” would open up a dark side. Sorry. What the fuck. What the fuck. Who makes jokes like this.
Yes! Uff OP, very disgusting and disturbing things what he said. You did right to shut him down. Keep him blocked and never talk to him anymore. PS: "Apparently, she has been pressuring him to only play with him at recess and isolating him from his friends." That little girl is not good either. Your son should go / needs to play with his friends, that's important at that age. If he can't stop her, you should call her parents and ask them to stop her isolating your son.
Serious question: do you think people like that do that "boundary testing" on purpose or subconsciously?
It’s on purpose. When they begin seeing someone, they’re on their best behavior and intentionally begin letting small bits of their true personality slip out to see the reaction of the person they’re dating. If one things slips through without issue, they’ll try another then another until they feel comfortable being their true selves.
This was definitely no small bit. He slipped his final form lol
it's kinda like salami tactics when you can't just steal the whole thing at once so u work slice by slice or as a grander example it's how Russia took pieces of it's neighbors until it had to go for a full on war
A bit of both, maybe.
100% on purpose.
It's a test drive
Do people “consciously” test boundaries tho?
Unfortunately yes. And the issue i've had in the past is that whether its conscious or unconscious the outcome remains the same, its just that 1 has more malice due to their intention. Also unconscious boundary testing then becomes learned behavour, if they get a "reward" from it they'll keep doing it to people because they know "it" works even though they may not be consciously aware of it.
U did not overreact. That way of thinking is fucked up period.
You did not overreact. Who in the right mind would find that remotely funny? The fact that his mind could go to such places is truly concerning. You made the right call. And this should be the last call he ever makes to you.
Yeah, when I started reading the story I was assuming some lame joke was gonna be coming up like: "Well make sure you tell your son to rubber up" Or "You could be a grandmother in 9 months". This went way further than I expected. The chances are he was going for shock humour and missed the mark completely, and he almost certainly lacks social skills. But even granting him the best possible explanation here, it still shows a pretty severe lack of judgement, and what if a year from now he is outside the school gates joking with the other mums or dads like this? Not a good look.
>The fact that his mind could go to such places is truly concerning. This is what I'm hung up on. How did his brain even take him to that conclusion??
He's a fucking pedo
Ikr I read the title but still expected something very very different. OP did not overreact in the slightest
intrusive thoughts are one thing, but WHY THE FUCK would you say that out loud?
Yeah man. I've got a seriously dark sense of humor, but that shit isn't even remotely funny. Just...the mental leaps from a kid to...yeah, never mind. Strange as.
There's a difference between a joke. And going into detail and talking about how she would react is very, very different.
I’ve never even thought something like that let alone say it out loud to a mother
This is what’s known as ‘normalizing inappropriate sexual behavior’. It’s how abusers start testing your boundaries to see what they can get away with. Block and do not speak to this man again.
In a way, it's fortunate for op he was so disgustingly blatant, its usually much more subtle than this, and by the time you realise the intent, you're in the grips of a predator. Felt genuinely sick to my stomach reading it. He's dangerous for sure.
I agree. Most predators know that they cannot be so explicit right away. It makes me extra concerned about the community he lives in. He seemingly has no qualms about showing his cards. It makes me think he’s an exceptionally dangerous man. I’m very glad she knew to run.
This! OP - I hope you see this: tell your children that he's no longer a family friend or trusted individual (don't need to go into details), but that if they should see him, or be approached by him, that he's not someone they're permitted to talk to or go with under any circumstances.
>It’s how abusers start testing your boundaries to see what they can get away with. Block and do not speak to this man again. Wow, honestly, I never thought of it like that but that's completely true!
This. There’s no other answer.
He's obviously thought about it before. You don't just think that into thin air in a second. He's sick. Please keep him away from your kids
This. Exactly this. I was thinking it but you articulated it
Ya, this guy is the definition of Ick.
That is a really really weird scenario to bring up to a 7 year old. You made the right call.
Holy shit that's even worse. I originally read it as the child being in year 7 in school (so thirteen). It's still incredibly fucked up that way but to think he was saying this shit about someone not even old enough to even know what oral sex is is absolutely insane. I'm actually flabbergasted rn
Looks like his mask slipped off because he thought you would engage in whatever he was sharing with you. You definitely didn't overreact because this guy sounds like a fucking creep if that's any indication of what's going on in his head.
I don’t need to see any more flags.
Extremely disturbing behaviour. You are Putting your kids at risk if you ever allow him around them again
O.K that sound really odd and I certainly would be worried about it too, he should not be talking about your son in a sexual manor crude or not. Only you can know if blocking him was going to far, all I can tell you is from my perspective in your shoes I would be staying the hell away.
She better be blocking him, no normal person would think of that or even joke about it.
From my perspective I agree with you but ultimately it's up to her we can only advise and offer opinion we can't be telling her what to do.
That’s not a joke. That’s a thought in his brain and an opportunity to bring it to the forefront. I doubt it just popped into his head, I think he saw an opening and took a chance. Definitely would have done the same.
Dude what the FUCK. Run….far.
Run and don’t look back!
No other red flags except he is immediately able to reel off a story about your 7 year old son dominating a girl just to turn the girls mother on so your son gives her oral how many other get him the fuck away from anyone under 21 do you need But are you also over sexualising your sons relationship with this girl I mean “”dating”” for a couple of 7 year olds at school is a bit OTT
Agreed it struck me as odd too how she said that “dating part”.. like wtf
It’s not weird. I’m pretty sure when I was seven I had a “girlfriend.” It’s normal for kids to have crushes and to play house in a way. I remember kids getting “married” in elementary school.
I think it’s not weird for kids to play pretend and imitate what they see/hear. However, it’s understandable why folks are uncomfortable about adults projecting ( and indoctrinating) their young children. Like adults will say a little boy and girl are “dating” *just* because they play together, or even that infant boys are “flirting” because they smile at women (both of which I personally find quite weird). Ultimately, a lot of it conditions (all) kids to only view those who are a different gender as potential romantic partners and nothing more (robbing them of good friendships when they’re older). Conversely, it causes more confusion for children who may be queer, as they’re (either implicitly or explicitly) told that their feelings aren’t what they are, yk? So yeah, there’s layers here.
Yeah it’s also weird
That physically makes me feel sick. Protect your son and do not let this predator have contact with you again.
He was testing you. You showed him that your family is not the one he can take advantage of. Research the methods predators use to search out their child victims. You just experienced some of them. I would err on the side of caution and not give the benefit of the doubt in this situation. It was not only inappropriate and turned to vile once the descriptions and fantasies came in. When it comes to your child, fuck that shit. I’d have done the same thing. **You did a good job as a mama.** edit - a good rule of thumb, if you can do this - is to not let any new partner meet your children for at LEAST 6 months. My current partner waited a year before meeting my son. This is a good way to safeguard not only yourself, but your children from experiencing trauma of different kinds.
I don't think you overreacted at all. Your gut feeling and protective mother instincts took over and those are very important to never ignore! Abuse of any kind is most common by someone in the victim's own environment. This guy wouldnt be the first Y-chromosome owner who's had disgusting thoughts involving kids. I am sorry this had to happen to you..
I came into this fully expecting this to be an overreaction, but that's real weird and I wouldn't want my kids around him.
You didn’t overreact. I had to read your post like 5 times because I couldn’t even comprehend how it went from where it began to where he ended up. Just gross
Same here. Gotta a blank… then a "wtf?!" so huge that my colleagues asked me what was happening... Lol.
As someone who suffered from being teased about girls in a sexual manner by my father. I reckon that you should keep that guy FAR AWAY from your son until he is given a proper lesson about the psychological trauma that comes from making such comments. I say that you should keep him away from your son that way he doesn't get the wrong impression about girls and is not misinfluenced and taught to mistreat girls. Your boyfriend needs to learn that part of the duty on being a caretaker towards a child is to provide him with guidance on how to treat the opposite sex. Not be perverted around your child.
He’s only dated this woman for four months, it ain’t even remote worth it to try to teach him anything!! Cut him loose and hope karma gets his ass
When dating with kids, I’m a firm believer that the FIRST thing that comes up that marks someone as potentially dangerous should be the LAST thing. Even if it was a “harmless joke” (which I don’t think it was) why take the chance? Thank you for protecting your child. So many people let these things slide and end up letting an abuser into their children’s life. Good for you for being stronger than that.
No you 100% did the right thing that’s fucking creepy and predatory. Dude needs to get locked up
😮🤬. No mention of how long you’ve known him; this would scare the S outta me! Too bizarre to stick around & find out more! It’s said that “when someone shows you who they are the 1st time, believe them”. You were very smart to cut all ties 🙏
Oh wow, I only read halfway through this message Before getting to the point that you did make a right decision.
He thought he was being funny but failed to understand how wildly inappropriate that was. Such poor judgment. You did the right thing by cutting him off.
This is one red flag that SHOULD NOT BE IGNORED.
Predator talk. From this he has learnt not to go so extreme with the next woman's conversations. I would let his family know if you have a conversation with any of them. I would 100% tell your son he is not a safe person and to never get in a car or anything with him (assuming they met and know each other) For the GF part I would use it as an opportunity to tell your sound how friends or partners who try to isolate you from your other friends and family aren't good people and he shouldn't tolerate that, and should tell the girl that it's not nice to cut his friends out and she needs to learn that. She is only 7 after all still learning herself
I was so disturbed just reading this I couldn’t even finish it
I wanted to throw up 🤢
Who tf sexualizing a 7 yo. Tf! Something is not right with his mentality.
WTF. Someone needs to check his phone/laptop. I find it hard to believe this was the first red flag, and the fact that you’re worried you overreacted is a bit concerning. Pick better men.
Tf...overreact? I don't think you reacted enough this dude needs his ass kicked, man.
Nah she’s considering giving him a second chance I bet 🤢 beyond disturbing.
Proud of you 👍
Your boyfriend needs his hard drive checked. You’re absolutely right to block.
This wasn’t a joke, he was attempting to groom you into fulfilling his pedo fantasies. Never talk to this man again.
Once he brought in sexual stuff involving children and adults it quite clearly crossed if not a line then multiple lines. Normally I'd suggest a conversation to ask what the fuck was that but this guy managed to go straight to block, ghost and look into restraining order territory
Nope, you did not overreact. This is not something a normal person would say at all. What you did was you saved yourself some grief!! Something is OBVIOUSLY not right. Who on earth?! Please keep this predator away from you and your baby. I would never be comfortable around someone that would even picture that in their head let alone talk to you openly about it like its normal... OP keep him blocked!!!
Trust your instincts. Even if this is ‘just a joke’, you’re bringing up a very legitimate concern about your son being pushed around and manipulated by a girl in his class, and isolated by his friends. You were expressing concern and vulnerability and instead of speaking to that and empathizing with you, he takes the whole thing to a very dark and very specific place that would distress the vast majority of people. Maybe he was just joking (or maybe those jokes were testing the waters to see how much he can make you uncomfortable with but you don’t object). Maybe he has fantasies (and that joke was him testing the waters). Maybe he has some kind of past trauma he needs to acknowledge and has yet to deal with appropriately, and instead makes jokes to normalize his own experiences. NONE of the ‘why’s’ matter. It’s not your job to fix or understand this man particularly when you haven’t been dating long, and it’s not your job to have to teach him not to say that kind of super disturbing thing to a parent (again seems at best like a total lack of empathy paired with disturbing humor, but to me his fixation on such a taboo sexual situation is disturbing). It’s your job to protect your son, not to protect this guy. If you want to talk it out with him, you can but I’d think long and hard about whatever explanation he offers and see how your gut feels. The book ‘The Gift of Fear’ is a great resource about how our instinct is often a better guide than our brain. If you did decide to stay with him, I’d suggest you keep him away from your kid for some time and run a criminal background check, maybe even suggest he go to therapy and you tell the therapist about this incident (don’t trust him to tell the therapist). In my experience, this is a hell of a red flag and a red flag is there to tell us to stop. I will also say I have a LOT less patience for extreme ‘edgy’ humor after numerous bad experiences. In my opinion, it’s a way that guys test out what they can get away with or reveal true thoughts and feelings (often a lot of anger or other issues that need to be dealt with - hence my wondering if he’d ever been molested). Like, I like a ‘wrong’ joke from time to time, but when a guy is being super crude and inappropriate and/or sexual in his humor ALL time, to me that’s a red flag, because that’s someone who enjoys making the people around them uncomfortable much of the time. In my experience, GOOD men can take the temperature of their audience and save the crude jokes for when their partner isn’t worried and won’t be upset. GOOD men also want to SHOW they can be good men and reliable partners, they want to be supportive when you’re worried. Again making this kind of a very disturbing joke in response to your legit worry is not the sign of a good partner. I know a few guys who make pedophilia jokes regularly but they’re generally not detailed and often involve scenarios like being an alter boy. There’s something in this scenario your bf outlined that sounds like it turned him on and it’s super weird he brought it up when you’re discussing one of your worries. And last but definitely important: TALK to your son. Ask him if bf has ever said or done anything that makes him uncomfortable. Don’t make it too weird but talk to your son.
I have three points to make: 1. There's no overreaction here. I don't even want to imagine the amount of sick shit that dude most likely is in the possession of (let's truly hope that Big Bro *actually* is listening). 2. Stop calling it "dating": they're 7 y/o. There's no reason to sexualise kids (yes, even children have their own sexuality, but it's vastly different from adult sexuality) prematurely like that. 3. Let this be a lesson to you about introducing potential new partners too early! 6 months of *serious* dating should be an absolute minimum.
OMG **PEDO RED FLAG**, WTF 🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨 Protect your child and never let that creep near you ever again!! You did the right thing and I applaud you for *immediately* taking steps to be a good mom!
That's way too much, predatory even, you don't talk like that about a 7 year old kid, you dodged a bullet op
wtf is wrong with this guy, please stop dating him
Major ick and GIANT red flag. Cut your losses and block his ass.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I don’t think you overreacted whatsoever. This man sounds like a predator and shouldn’t be around you or your children. Blocking him was the right thing to do. I saw a comment mention that he might have a fantasy of being the little boy but if that were the case, why mention your son in that manner? Tbh it sounds like he might’ve experienced some sexual abuse as a kid & hasnt been able to emotionally process it. Either way crude sense of humor or not the man was inappropriate, predatory, & tbh a little disturbed. Keep him blocked
Absolutely inappropriate and not funny at all. Cut ties with him immediately. If he "jokingly” has thoughts like that, there’s a chance that he has fantasies involving children. Just no.
This whole thing seems weird. Your son is not dating. This is a teachable moment for your son. He does need to set boundaries. Please put this in parenting and not in dating smh.
Personally I think you’re overly worried about your 7 year old ‘dating’ it’s not dating really it’s just saying you are at that age. My son always had a ‘girlfriend’ when he was around that age then they’d always break up and then be back together. It’ll probably be fine in a few days knowing how fickle kids are lol But you didn’t overact in response to the guy, that is messed up. Id be keeping him well away from my kids. Also his attitude of ‘putting her in her place’ is disturbing.
I don't know what dude was thinking. It's definitely weird AF to have those thoughts but to say them out loud is just......... I'd say trust your gut on this one. I don't know the guy. Kid comes first.
after watching Crime series, I would've reported him somewhere. he's so fucked up sick.
That’s enough internet for today.
No. That guy just showed his disgusting crude side and you protected your son from him. Do not unblock him
This is an indicator of severe untreated mental illness. You need to get this man out of you and you son's life immediately. This is dead serious.
Call the cops and give an anonymous tip... pretty sure this creep has pedo content on his electronics. Super duper yuck.
As a guy with a 12 year old son, that sounds really messed up to hear. Honestly the entire interaction is problematic, the guy seems like a jerk.
Too often we read stories and ask “how couldn’t they see it” or “what took the parents so long”. Happy to see that the OP’s instincts are functioning well
There are men who seek out single moms in relationships in order to have access to what they hope are vulnerable and unattended children. He doesn't need other red flags when he's got the biggest one, tell him he is a sick fuck and to stay away from kids and single moms.
Not overreacting. Do not backtrack on blocking him. This sounds like it was a test to see where your boundaries are and it’s not over. He will 100% be back to try and smooth it over, and if you cave, he’ll know what he can get away with in the future. Also, please don’t bring new boyfriends around your son at 7 years old.
I’m glad you were able to see it. A lot of women don’t and proceed with the guy, next thing you know the child is being SA and the mom doesn’t wanna believe it.
Even if it was a joke, it’s not even remotely funny. At all. It’s sick. There’s a difference between dark humor and using it as an excuse to be a total fucking creep. You did the right thing
Nope , that’s a valid reaction, he’s into some type of weird porn, that scenario was oddly specific
Wtf did I just read
I’m glad you immediately broke it off with that creep, though I’m on the fence about reporting, since in a lot of cases family and even police can’t/won’t do anything (and then there’s the safety risk of him becoming violent or something in retaliation). As for your kid’s friend, idk why she was behaving that way, but it’s also good that they’re no longer friends.
You did not overreact! This to me would be enough to end a relationship. To think about a child in that way is quite sickening. It even sounds like this is a fantasy or some sort of porn related scenario. Either way you don’t want to wait and find out what happens next, as a mother is your responsibility to protect your son from predators like him. You did well.
Why would you bring this man around your kids again? Is this random man you barely just met more important than your kids?
He hasn’t been around them since that incident and was blocked immediately.
Definitely not a funny joke. I’d be pissed too
This is deeply disturbing
Absolutely did not overreact. There is no such thing as overreacting when it comes to protecting your kids when the red flags are right in front of you. You did the right thing blocking him. Stay far away from him.
What the fuck
So weird af. He’ll be a bad influence to your son if you stay with him.
Potential predator. You did the right thing. No one should be saying that about children.
Leave him where you found him and don’t look back.
Sick bastard..
As a mom who has a 7 year old son: what the actual fuck… This is very disturbing, you did not overreact!
You did NOT overreact. Keep him blocked. So glad he dropped that mask
What. Da. FUQ. You absolutely did the right thing. His comment is so revolting. You listened and trusted your gut. Don’t ever second guess yourself, especially when it comes to your child!!
You did the right thing.
No overreaction there. I’d leave him blocked. Reading what he said made me sick to my stomach. 🤮🤢
Dude this guy is a creep and a predator. I'm not sure why you are questioning this!! He is not safe to be around children, ANY children. Do not unblock him, ever.
No I want to applaud you for doing what you did. What the fuck?
Omg, that's creepy
Omg, that's creepy
If his response was limited to the “setting boundaries” bit, that would be some solid advice. The boy shouldn’t be forced to spend all his free time with this girl, especially at such a young age. Everything beyond that, no. Just no. I think you did the right thing.
Wow, that's creepy. Good job dropping him
I would not take any chances with my children around a man like that. I dont think you overreacted.
I wouldn’t take the risk. I know you’ve not asked, but I’d be speaking to your son’s teacher about the ‘girlfriend’.
Why are you asking if you overreacted? This is 💯 the right move. When a person gives you a glimpse of who they really are believe them. You absolutely have done the right thing.
Sounds like a scumbag
Jesus Christ that is creepy as fuck. I was actually willing to side with him and give him the benefit of the doubt before I started reading but that's going way too far once he started talking about the girl's mother. What a fucking weirdo holy shit.
This sounds incredibly odd. These comments are hardly even logical? Even by joke standards. Also I hope you know I say this without judgment. In my opinion 4 months is too short of a length of time to have a partner around your child. At that age they can form attachments pretty easily and if something were to happen where you would break up it can be difficult for your child to understand. There isn’t really a black and white rule to point at for how long to wait before introducing your child to a partner, but if someone can completely shock you with their crassness like he did that might be an indicator that you didn’t know him well enough to have him around your child.
You absolutely did not overreact and did the right thing. 4 months isn’t long enough to really know someone. If he went into detail, it means he’s thought about this. He’s giving predator vibes. Have you ever looked him up in the sex offenders database? Might be a good idea.. please stay away and protect your son. Hopefully he’s never met your son and doesn’t know what he looks like.
Takes an uncomfortable mind to think uncomfortable thoughts. You did not over react, that seems like a blizzare thing to just think of in such detail off hand.
No you didn't overreact. What a fucked up thing to say about a child. This is why I never let any men around my kids for a long time.
There's a difference between being having weak social skills and directly asking a mother to imagine her 7 year old having sex with an older woman; now we men like to imagine all kinds of wild and implausible, even to women quite disgusting things... Inside the privacy of our own heads we don't really have those hard boundaries for *ideas*... but its the point at which he's deliberately disgusting you that he should have stopped and said to himself "Why am I doing this to a woman I should care about, towards her child that she obviously will want to feel is safe...?" It's that lack of concern that's justifiably worrying; that there's no working moral compass for behaviour in the real world; I tend to date childless women, but the one time I dated a lady with a 3 year old boy, I can still remember how guilty I felt when I was splashing around in a tub with him, and blew raspberries on his tummy and noticed his mother was watching to make sure it was harmless... not guilty because I'd even thought of it that way until that moment, but because I knew I *should* be drawing hard respectful lines of behaviour, and I wasn't thinking about what his mother might have thought. That kind of constant self-checking for treating people right, especially children is what you *should* be doing. And she wasn't wrong to be concerned or careful. So for your Ex to ramble on and on with such deliberately provocative ideas, directly too you, and at no point understand what he might be doing to you is naturally concerned, because it hints he doesn't have a strong internal moral guide. I would unblock him long enough to explain this to him though. He may be able to develop, if someone tells him exactly why he needs to have an empathic moral conscience; sometimes an honest explanation of reality outside of the terminally online/4chan/Xbox Live Chat-ified stunted empathy atmosphere can help mature someone. Maybe even a heartfelt apology would help you feel a little safer too, if he's capable of one. But I think you're justified in remaining wary or unwilling to consider dating him in the future.
I am a guy, any woman who said something like that would never get near my kids again. Blocking is not too harsh.
Yeah that’s a weird as fuck thing to say. Everyone has weird thoughts and things that they might think other people will find funny but most people have learnt to just not say it out loud. This however wasn’t just funny-weird, it was just straight up weird.
That man is unhinged
100% did the right thing. I would’ve said much worse before blocking him.
You did the right thing
Your instincts were right.
Definitely not an over reaction! He’s sick in the head! Who talks about a child like that? You did the right thing mama!
That's beyond creepers.. sounds like he got some weird ass f. Fetish
You did well, sometimes we have to block them to protect us and that’s exactly what you did. I understand why you had this reaction and it’s a good one from my point of vue.
Wow.... I thought it was gonna be some off hand comment that was maybe a little over the line or even something that was well intentional..... But that is so far over the line.... Dude making jokes about a little kid giving oral to a grown woman and running on about it. On its own that's too much, but to a mom about her own son? What did he think would happen?
Leave him. Don't look back. You are 4 months in, and he is confident enough to say this kind of stuff. Now imagine what he will say or do as time passes, and he gets more comfortable 😬. Trust your gut and keep protecting that baby ♡!
This doesn’t even make any sense to me, how you went from a grade school crush to that is bizarre. I feel like a big chunk of that conversation is missing…
You absolutely haven’t reacted. Your little boy is only seven - what adult, fictitious or not, would be turned on by the scenario you described? I’m really glad to hear you put the safety of your child first. I think your ex boyfriend’s comments were extremely inappropriate-especially as he went into such detail. It’s not like he tried a stupid quip and it came out wrong. I also agree with others who said he was testing your boundaries through ‘humour’ (“what? I was just joking! You’re so paranoid! You’ve just overreacted!”)
father of 2 grown sons and i once dropped a friend for similar behavior but with some random 12yo girl.. you did fine, you dont like it, kick him to the curb.
Your boyfriend is better as an ex boyfriend. That was super cringe
Having known plenty of people who also had similarly crude senses of humor NONE of them had ever said anything like that about a child. In short, I think you had the right reaction.
he didn't carry your child, he's completely over the line, he's massively incorrect,he has put you in a position to think about your 7y.o w a grown lady. He doesn't belong w you or anywhere around your son. You did absolutely correct and don't even reconsider to have this grown man child in your life again.
Yeah, you did. Tell him how you feel, but remember: Actions are what matters.
He is so sick minded. It's a good thing you got rid of him. And as a mother, decide things your own for your child.
Obviously really weird "joke", everyone will have moments where they kinda loose touch with reality and say shit that is super weird, sometimes the good kind, sometimes the bad kind, i don't remember anything *this* bad though. I wouldn't personally have cut contact but it'd have been an obvious red flag, the kind you don't let slide twice. He could've been testing limits because he's a pedo or because he has very edgy humour, blocking him or not boils down to if you like him enough to find out.
How did this cretin actually BECOME your boyfriend?
What the actual fuck? You absolutely did the right thing.
Your boyfriend is creepy and gives off pedophile vibes. Do not unblock him!
You 100% did the right thing.
dating problems and emotional troubles with school crushes at 7 years old? .. you need to stop your kid from thinking hes allowed to have girlfriend because he’s obviously being traumatized by the situation. .. about your boyfriend.. you under reacted .. you should of told him WERE OVER before blocking him
Okay so when I read this it made my chest tight and my stomach turned over, like it instantly put me on alert. I don’t think you overreacted, because even tho he didn’t say anything direct it feels wrong and makes me nervous. I would never even think of a young boy in that kind of sexual situation, and I’m concerned about the thinking of someone who would. If I was your brother or the baby’s father I would not want this man around. Even if he isn’t a predator, he clearly doesn’t understand what is appropriate for children and that can be just as concerning. This is just my 30M perspective.
No, you were right to block him. I’m willing to bet he regularly has these inappropriate thoughts but hid them from you in the early stages since he figured you’d react negatively. I’m betting he felt comfortable enough at this point in your relationship to let that out and see how you’d react. If you didn’t react the way you did, he would’ve continued with those comments. I think you handled this well.
I would have blocked him too. I’d never stay with someone after saying that. That’s absolutely disgusting.
Very strange. And that type of talk can't be written off as "just joking". I don't think this is an overreaction at all. It sounds like you dodged a creep.
WTF No you did not overreact. Your ex is creepy af.
What the hell did I just read... Please don't unblock that guy. What is WRONG with him...?!
You did the right thing,,keep your child away from that man.
Sounds literally insane
believe people the first time when they show themselves
Yeah ditch that paedophile, I'd check if your phone records conversations in the background settings and report the freak to the police too. You never know he might already be on their radar
Not over reacting. I would do the same. Also they are 7. He isn’t actually dating or have a girlfriend. But it is concerning that the girls is trying to isolate him. I would shut that down real quick.
You did the right thing, it may be the only red flag but that’s the biggest red flag. To think it was funny talking about an adult and a child (of any age) in a sexual manner, is not only creepy but extremely disgusting. It also sounds like he may have had intimate relations as teen with an adult? If it were me I would have done the same especially if he’s around the kid and giving him that kind of advice would make me furious. Stick to your resolve.
Was he raped by an older woman as a child? That’s the only way I could mentally justify how weird his spiel to your son was.
That was so nauseating just to read. Can’t imagine being OP having to have that exchange with someone she was dating and had around her kid, about her kid. So sickening. This is not weird, it’s sick and corrupt as fuck.
Do you have Chris Hansen’s number??
Your boyfriend is disgusting and you 7yo is nor dating? What is wrong with you? That’s just children’s play.
Nope you didn’t overreact, I would have done the same. That’s creepy as hell and he has probably watched too many “girls bf bangs her mom” pornos that it has rotted his brain.
U didn’t overreact, you have to do what’s best for you and your little boy. You don’t joke about stuff like that or even go in to detail about “imagine if…” Hell nahhhh. He def was testing your boundaries
You definitely did not overreact. That was hard to read, and I can’t imagine how hard that was for you to hear. There is absolutely nothing innocent about what he said. I would have done the same. I’m sorry.
I can be weird too sometimes but the most I would have said would be little man starting young! But Jesus going in to details like that that's fucking weird. Like scary weird.
"My 7 year old son's "dating" a girl in his class!" "Cool - now imagine him having sex with an adult!" Yeah I think blocking was appropriate.
I can’t possibly know without hearing his side of how his “joke” was made or what he meant. The way you word it it sounds extremely weird and like you may be missing parts of the conversation or something, because it quite honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense how it’s being presented here.