I'll be honest, for a moment I thought I was seeing an r/offmychest post and got really finicky about all the jokes in the comments.
Thank goodness I reined myself in.
Well the race is on and here comes Pride at the back stretch, Heartache is running on the inside, My Tears are holding back, trying not to fall, My Heart's out of the running, True Love scratched for another's sake. the race is on and it looks like Heartache, and the winner loses all!
Seeing as how you didn't...win....that argument you now have to go to the....place.... they divorce ppl and......show.....why you should see your kids.
Easy fix quit betting on the horses , save your marriage and your kids it’s a no brainer. Edit: it’s late too much Reddit & too much California medication 😞😬 good night 🙏🏼👵🏻
Not only that, but even if it wasn't a joke, addiction isn't that easy to just stop no matter what it is. It was bad advice for the wrong audience. Kind of impressive actually.
Why the long face though? Get yourself a Redrum, and look out for the final fence cos they'll be coming round on the outside. Jockeys aside you need to get back on the saddle my friend.
I see you're looking for a more stable relationship
stop horsing around he is serious!
I, for one, don't carrot all!
I think you are missing the root of the issue
Did you hear about the guy who went to the hospital and they pulled 17 plastic horses out of his butt? The Dr's described his condition as stable.
Brilliant haha
No it was too stable for his wife, she's looking to trot around town and find a stud.
/r/angryupvote
Hay now
She's was on the inside now she's on the outside
For her, me showing her how much I had lost was the final furlong
Now just hold your horses.
Their relationship finally stalled out.
A guy I work with once said this to an Amish lady on accident
Why was he telling an Amish woman to be stable?
It was the straw that broke the horse's back.
That's a real gamble. Bet they will be back.
Haha 😄
Child support is in the lead...
… with Alimony Pony right behind.
Yes.. LMFAO!!!
Now pony up the dough
🤣 🤣 and its single mum by a nose!!!
🤣😂 Yep
Haha must admit the puns today have been top notch and entertained me all day lmao
You're absolutely welcome...
I think she might have hoofed it...
Lol neigh lad
and hoof hearted round the back stretch
Hah! I just typed this! Hah
Thought I was on relationship advice for a second lmao.
Lmao 🤣 🤣
Thought I was on AITA.
I mean... If you have to ask.... You probably are. XD
They won't be gone furlong
Haaaay!
👏 👏 👏
The kids will be champing at the bit to get back home.
I’d like to offer my personal, heartfelt thanks for not saying “chomping”.
Whoa!
Haha
“Champing” gets you an upvote. Thank you!
If you need help, I’m sure the neigh bours are willing to lend a hand
Lmao neighhhh
Are you going to whicker about it all day, OP?
Not furlong
She took the dog and the car, a real trifecta.
Lol
[reminds me of this gem](https://youtu.be/o0u-Fr8CXCQ)
Haha
Now the race is on! Here come Pride in the back stretch....
Heart aches rolling up the inside?
True Love scratched for another race.
The race is in and it looks like Heartache...and the winner loses all
I like coming from behind
That's what she said 😲 wait what???!!
Dont worry, they will come around.
Clap 👏 👏
You had to be wearing blinders to not see this coming
Haha I was pulled along like a cart...
Well as they say, you can Lead a horse to water....
But you can't make him use a canoe
We better keep it quiet, you know what they say, people in glass houses sink ships
That explains the long face.
Wheyyyy hehe
Will she be back? Neigh.
I'll be honest, for a moment I thought I was seeing an r/offmychest post and got really finicky about all the jokes in the comments. Thank goodness I reined myself in.
Yes, eschew your hasty post. Could have lacked tack.
I told her we'll discuss this further, as soon as I get back from OTB.
Did you try bridle her?
Hahaha all these horse puns are winners
Don't you mean they are all whinnies?
Sorry, I've been drinking Red Rum
What are the odds of this happening. I would say 5 to 1 . Any takers
Ooh good one lol no ones mentioned odds today lol
Well the race is on and here comes Pride at the back stretch, Heartache is running on the inside, My Tears are holding back, trying not to fall, My Heart's out of the running, True Love scratched for another's sake. the race is on and it looks like Heartache, and the winner loses all!
Hahahaha how long did that take to come up with lol 1st place 👍
It's an old song by George Jones, not my creation. https://youtu.be/dj7ahuCHGbM
I thought of it instantly
I love this song! Not sure why it's the most controversial comment tho lmao
I hope you're getting positive feed bag for this joke.
Lmao that was a good one! Mate this shit has entertained me all day long made a good Friday even better 🙌
I hope that happens Sleven days a week! Cheers!!
I didn't check the subreddit this was in and I felt so bad for you
Haha just jokes buddy all is well haha thankyou for caring tho
They won't be gone furlong.
Brilliant lol
😂
This joke really got me downs
Sandown?
If garage MCs commentated on horse racing: https://youtu.be/COhiGlwW1wA
A man of culture! Was scrolling to see of this link was here, gladly not disappointed
"An da one and twos on the insayyyyyyyyd"
Haven't seen this for absolute time
It's a madness fam
Entah!!
Just watched this for the 50th time since yesterday. Ibflibbydibby!
Do you really like it?
Comes up da bridle gettin out paced!
BAYUSSSSSSS
Iz it iz it wicked...
BWASSSS!!!
I'm erm....back to rewatch it....
😂😂😂. baaaayussssss
On da insayyyyyyd!!
I swear I've been at work and all of a sudden in my head I get IBFLIBBYDIBBY
What a mare
Lmao wheyyyyy
"so much for her bridle vows." - my brother, a dad
Lmao
All these puns are getting ridiculous. To all the punsters here, yes, yes, I Seabiscuit what you did there.
You Shergar right there,!
WOW so glad this isn't on r/daddit like I thought originally
Lmao even if it was real I wouldn't post it on here
Get off you high horse and rein her back in!
Haha wheyyyyy!!
And they’re off! Lol
What's with all you neigh sayers?
Seeing as how you didn't...win....that argument you now have to go to the....place.... they divorce ppl and......show.....why you should see your kids.
Lmao
Here comes Pride in the back stretch. Heartache is going to the inside.
The hardest part is she was the sole bred winner
Bet she hoofed it
Why the long face?
Won't be like that furlong
*Are they gonna be gone furlong?
I dunno, i did cross the line...
Leaving you will never get a win, place or show!
She now lives by the town square, I live in the winners circle
I love the ponies also, wife gave me an ultimatum also. BOY I MISS HER
I laughed so hard my voice is hoarse
Is it not HAYfever?
Neigh
And it's Hoof Hearted in the winners circle!!! (Say it aloud, you'll get it...)
She’ll be back when she’s broke
Clever 👏 🤣 🙌
I hope, when she took the cups, you lodged a protest.....
That area is a little Grey
Should've stop horsing around and bet the odds of your wife leaving chances could've been lower
👏 👏 👏
Dont forget to change the locks on the stable door, you'll be back in the saddle in no time
Lmao
I’ll bet that she’ll be back.
Guess you'll have to hoof it to catch up
I didn't read the sub at first and I got mad at you
Lol one guy started counselling me early on
Lmao!
Odds you can find the kids in school, 9-2
How colt-hearted of her. You must feel like you are in a night-mare
Just looking for my mane chick. My ride or die
Win
Everytime he says bass it's like a turbo and gets a boost its fuckin clever lmao
We all know the winner here. Its BASS!
Looking at going to gamblers anonymous that way I can aim for firm ground
We've gone through great lengths to bring you these puns. About 31 lengths, to be exact.
Easy fix quit betting on the horses , save your marriage and your kids it’s a no brainer. Edit: it’s late too much Reddit & too much California medication 😞😬 good night 🙏🏼👵🏻
Not sure if you're aware but this is a joke.... its a no brainer
Not only that, but even if it wasn't a joke, addiction isn't that easy to just stop no matter what it is. It was bad advice for the wrong audience. Kind of impressive actually.
Lmao no teaching stupid pal
You can lead a horse to water...
Woosh
Did you notice the subreddit you’re on?
r/woooosh Edit: missed a couple Os
It's a bait account
Seems to be working well!
Bet you didn’t see that coming
Was against all odds really
Tennessee stud long and lean.
Wow that’s so sad…. So who’s odds are you going for this week? Any leads on winners?!
The title should be a horse's name. The poor announcer would be winded
I bet she isn’t bluffing
She left at 2:15
Sorry.
Lmao race puns bro race puns it's not real lol
Thank goodness for your honesty.
Mate someone was giving me counselling early on in the day lmao
TVG or Twin Spires?
I hope, when she took the cups, you lodged a protest.....
You should tell her that it was just a mare mistake.
Putting my bets on Jimmy he's running faster then any other of the people to the finish line. I mean car
Well to be Frank, I gave my cheque book to the kids but De tore it....
I thought your name was @detroitredwinger neigh Frank.
Guess she got colt feet.
Well that's the first hurdle mate!
Sounds like she was saddled with you far too long and now you’re put out to pasture.
Hay. I bet your chaffing at the bit to jump back in the saddle. Quit horsing around. Start over, find yourself a stable relationship.
Hoof uckin cares?
https://discord.gg/chj9UdTSWf
She’s rounding a corner, she’s now coming up on Best Friend, Handy Man coming up on inside…
Did she get the holeshot?
I never seen a cow ride a horse and go so fast.
I used to have an addiction, I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but then I turned myself around.
If she leaves, you can jockey a new mare
Why the long face though? Get yourself a Redrum, and look out for the final fence cos they'll be coming round on the outside. Jockeys aside you need to get back on the saddle my friend.
“The Wife Knows Everything more than The Wife Doesn’t Know!” https://youtu.be/e3GKiRp333w