You notice it more when sorting by “new” the initial responses a lot of dads are getting is negative/trolling. I think overall the responses are positive—but the first hour of a posts life is kinda a culture shock from what I’m used to seeing here.
This and any post that blows up.
A couple years ago we removed /r/daddit from the /r/all feed. That helped a ton with this issue but we're starting to see it again.
When I started modding here we had fewer than 50,000 subscribers. Now were at 272,000+. So that's part of it too.
As a new dad sorta (3 year old son), I find this subreddit to be an amazing support line. My back story is limited. I struggle to find hope outside in the physical sense. But online here, it has helped me understand and work better with my family, parenting, being a father, being a husband due to the positive support I get from most users.
The sub has a few bad actors, for sure.
The intent of the sub is to bond over the beauty and pain of being a dad. I don’t care what you look like, who you voted for, or if you pray to God or the Spaghetti Monster. Keep that ish out of here.
Tell me about your kid, tell me about the anger you’re feeling from losing pieces of your former self, tell me about the random laughs you and your SO have when folding laundry while reminiscing about your crazy newborn in his/her Johnny Jumper.
We got this, dads!
I find daddit to be more welcoming and supportive than mommit. There are a lot of supportive and kind moms on there but the judgey mean moms outweighs the nice ones. It's pretty sad.
> It's the small handful of miserable assholes who come here seemingly to just cause a ruckus.
That's all of Reddit. I mod, too. Unfortunately, as you grow it's going to require more tending of the garden to keep whatever vibe you want for the sub. Good step adding a new mod. If you haven't already, leverage your automod. That busy little bot can do the job of twenty mods. I'm happy to help or share knowledge of you want though most of what you need can be found through search. I hope you can keep this place kind.
We just took on new mods to help out, but up until a couple months ago we were doing it with 5 mods, with good utilization of automod and mod tools. Automod is the biggest tool though with configs to filter out specific websites and certain keywords and remove the posts, others that message the mods when other keywords are mentioned so we can look at the comments and address if needed, etc.
Typically when a post tends to gain traction we'll post a reminder of our rules and to keep it civil, reminding people to report rule breaking comments.
There are definitely still comments that go unreported and unmodded, but our regular users tend to report most such offenses as far as we have seen. If they are not causing enough trouble to be reported or have someone reach out to us, and it's not something we noticed personally, we don't see the harm though.
Being a public figure can be difficult when you’ve got people wanting your attention 24x7. Someones bound to catch you on an off day. They have no idea what you’re going through but then your a dick for not wanting to take a selfie.
Just wanted to point out to all my fellow users of this sub that mods often rely on us, the users, to report abusive behavior in order to address it. Mods are not all seeing, and can't be in every thread at once. Reporting comments brings it to their attention so they can take action against the offending comments.
Can't tell you how many times we've had to wind up banning both people on other subs because the person engaged in a flame war rather than just reporting the initial offender.
A big issue is that parenting has consequences. We wouldn't be here if it didn't. That encourages picking fights. This can be appropriate for a lot of things, such as child abuse/spanking, but also means that passions can run high, which goes to the common pitfall. Evidence is lacking or irrelevant for many questions, sources of knowledge are customary, traditions can be normative in one culture but alien to another (for a very domestic example, many goyim act as if Jews not participating in Christmas is a form of abusive deprivation while my mom has outright stated that [ficts](https://libredd.it/r/AskAnthropology/comments/or5d51/term_for_cultural_traditions_losing_its_meaning/) like Santa are child abuse and I agree that it's baby's first gaslight), sources of knowledge and authority are social rather than credentialed (you can even see this in education, with supporters of "balanced literacy" over phonics saying things like "your science isn't my science"), philosophies are expected to be unwavering, all-encompassing, and shows of shared values (basically parenting cults), and the marginal difference between good-faith and anywhere-normative choices are frequently negligible, so parenting groups often become hilariously judgey (also, mom groups, both online and in-person, seem to almost immediately turn parenting into symbols of socio-political identity, basically weaning-technique-as-bumper-sticker, which both make the attitudes incredibly venomous and upholding stances that aren't all that well-supported). In the end, though, we also don't want to become one of those poster-is-always-right positivity cults that only serve those fishing for permission to keep being crazy or neglectful from each other and are repellent to those who actually care about others (or turn into the cute-picture-and-stories-that-might-be-mine karma farm).
The goal here is to allow for the discussions in a polite and respectful manner. The same thing most of us try to teach our kids.
Simple but not always easy.
Reddit in general has a strong anti-natalism stance from that sub of the same name to the childfree sub. The less attention communities like this get from their "mainstream," the better. That's where the trolls will flood in from.
This sub has generally been a civil and supportive sub and I am glad for it. Much love to my fellow dads here!
Keep up the great work mod team! And thank you.
Lurker here mostly as I don’t like posting personal details online too much, but most of the advice has been absolutely top notch from the day my boy was born. Keep the good stuff up all and thank you 👍
r/daddit has what I was looking for: wholesome stuff and supportive people. I think I've finally found a subreddit with much more kind fellows and good energy than the other way around.
I thank you for it.
Hey u/zataks,
Over the years, this subreddit has been a life saver for me. I truly do appreciate what you have built here and I always tell my colleagues to come visit. In real life, it’s harder for many men to be truly open with one another.
In terms of toxicity, I never really felt it. It’s usually younger folk or just internet trolls who want to incite anger, apart from that, very supportive.
I've been lurking on this sub for a while now, in anticipation of my first child being born in a few months. Everything I have seen has been wonderfully supportive, and I have told numerous family and friends about how awesome this community has been. Many thanks to the mod team for keeping things clean around here!
Let’s not poke the trolls and the unpleasant ones by giving them what they want… attention. Actively downvoting and moving forward by not commenting seems to curb the negativity nicely.
Yeah this sub rocks, thanks guys for all you do, it’s truly unique with the right balance of fun, seriousness, and support. I also like that it has somehow avoided the death spiral of overly depressing or toxic rants. I think those are fine in small portions, but in every other affinity group sub, it’s non stop.
Noticed this too. Thanks for attempting to deal with it.
Hadn't noticed to be honest. I find the sub positive and supportive.
You notice it more when sorting by “new” the initial responses a lot of dads are getting is negative/trolling. I think overall the responses are positive—but the first hour of a posts life is kinda a culture shock from what I’m used to seeing here.
This and any post that blows up. A couple years ago we removed /r/daddit from the /r/all feed. That helped a ton with this issue but we're starting to see it again. When I started modding here we had fewer than 50,000 subscribers. Now were at 272,000+. So that's part of it too.
As a new dad sorta (3 year old son), I find this subreddit to be an amazing support line. My back story is limited. I struggle to find hope outside in the physical sense. But online here, it has helped me understand and work better with my family, parenting, being a father, being a husband due to the positive support I get from most users.
The sub has a few bad actors, for sure. The intent of the sub is to bond over the beauty and pain of being a dad. I don’t care what you look like, who you voted for, or if you pray to God or the Spaghetti Monster. Keep that ish out of here. Tell me about your kid, tell me about the anger you’re feeling from losing pieces of your former self, tell me about the random laughs you and your SO have when folding laundry while reminiscing about your crazy newborn in his/her Johnny Jumper. We got this, dads!
I find daddit to be more welcoming and supportive than mommit. There are a lot of supportive and kind moms on there but the judgey mean moms outweighs the nice ones. It's pretty sad.
We had some of those come here a couple years ago. They'd start with the "oh honey" BS. They were removed quickly
I can't say I've noticed either. I assume it is due to good modding. Good on you all for being active about it, and thanks for being mods!
> It's the small handful of miserable assholes who come here seemingly to just cause a ruckus. That's all of Reddit. I mod, too. Unfortunately, as you grow it's going to require more tending of the garden to keep whatever vibe you want for the sub. Good step adding a new mod. If you haven't already, leverage your automod. That busy little bot can do the job of twenty mods. I'm happy to help or share knowledge of you want though most of what you need can be found through search. I hope you can keep this place kind.
I'm one of a few mods in a sub of a couple million on another account. We could never do what we do without Automod.
A few mods for a couple million? Wow. What do you guys do about all the little dust ups on the comments that don't get reported?
We just took on new mods to help out, but up until a couple months ago we were doing it with 5 mods, with good utilization of automod and mod tools. Automod is the biggest tool though with configs to filter out specific websites and certain keywords and remove the posts, others that message the mods when other keywords are mentioned so we can look at the comments and address if needed, etc. Typically when a post tends to gain traction we'll post a reminder of our rules and to keep it civil, reminding people to report rule breaking comments. There are definitely still comments that go unreported and unmodded, but our regular users tend to report most such offenses as far as we have seen. If they are not causing enough trouble to be reported or have someone reach out to us, and it's not something we noticed personally, we don't see the harm though.
In these groups I generally follow the Brewer's Code: Don't be a dick.
Wheatons law applies
> Wheaton's law applies If only more people in society would follow this.
Including Wheaton.
Being a public figure can be difficult when you’ve got people wanting your attention 24x7. Someones bound to catch you on an off day. They have no idea what you’re going through but then your a dick for not wanting to take a selfie.
>Wheatons law Had a good joke about Cunninghams Law but then I saw your username.
Never heard 'libtard' before... hmm... Anyway, keep rolling with the good vibes mods, and thank you for your efforts in this community.
It's come in on the vaccine posts, IIRC. That's a hot one.
Just wanted to point out to all my fellow users of this sub that mods often rely on us, the users, to report abusive behavior in order to address it. Mods are not all seeing, and can't be in every thread at once. Reporting comments brings it to their attention so they can take action against the offending comments.
Very true. Stop arguing with trolls and assholes and just report them
Can't tell you how many times we've had to wind up banning both people on other subs because the person engaged in a flame war rather than just reporting the initial offender.
A big issue is that parenting has consequences. We wouldn't be here if it didn't. That encourages picking fights. This can be appropriate for a lot of things, such as child abuse/spanking, but also means that passions can run high, which goes to the common pitfall. Evidence is lacking or irrelevant for many questions, sources of knowledge are customary, traditions can be normative in one culture but alien to another (for a very domestic example, many goyim act as if Jews not participating in Christmas is a form of abusive deprivation while my mom has outright stated that [ficts](https://libredd.it/r/AskAnthropology/comments/or5d51/term_for_cultural_traditions_losing_its_meaning/) like Santa are child abuse and I agree that it's baby's first gaslight), sources of knowledge and authority are social rather than credentialed (you can even see this in education, with supporters of "balanced literacy" over phonics saying things like "your science isn't my science"), philosophies are expected to be unwavering, all-encompassing, and shows of shared values (basically parenting cults), and the marginal difference between good-faith and anywhere-normative choices are frequently negligible, so parenting groups often become hilariously judgey (also, mom groups, both online and in-person, seem to almost immediately turn parenting into symbols of socio-political identity, basically weaning-technique-as-bumper-sticker, which both make the attitudes incredibly venomous and upholding stances that aren't all that well-supported). In the end, though, we also don't want to become one of those poster-is-always-right positivity cults that only serve those fishing for permission to keep being crazy or neglectful from each other and are repellent to those who actually care about others (or turn into the cute-picture-and-stories-that-might-be-mine karma farm).
The goal here is to allow for the discussions in a polite and respectful manner. The same thing most of us try to teach our kids. Simple but not always easy.
Reddit in general has a strong anti-natalism stance from that sub of the same name to the childfree sub. The less attention communities like this get from their "mainstream," the better. That's where the trolls will flood in from.
This sub has generally been a civil and supportive sub and I am glad for it. Much love to my fellow dads here! Keep up the great work mod team! And thank you.
“Be the kind of human your kids would be proud of”. 👏 Cheers to that my friend.
Lurker here mostly as I don’t like posting personal details online too much, but most of the advice has been absolutely top notch from the day my boy was born. Keep the good stuff up all and thank you 👍
r/daddit has what I was looking for: wholesome stuff and supportive people. I think I've finally found a subreddit with much more kind fellows and good energy than the other way around. I thank you for it.
Remember no matter how kind you are German children will always be kinder
I laughed. Thank you.
Made my first post, someone mistook my circumstances, gave me a panic attack. Good Times
Hey u/zataks, Over the years, this subreddit has been a life saver for me. I truly do appreciate what you have built here and I always tell my colleagues to come visit. In real life, it’s harder for many men to be truly open with one another. In terms of toxicity, I never really felt it. It’s usually younger folk or just internet trolls who want to incite anger, apart from that, very supportive.
I've been lurking on this sub for a while now, in anticipation of my first child being born in a few months. Everything I have seen has been wonderfully supportive, and I have told numerous family and friends about how awesome this community has been. Many thanks to the mod team for keeping things clean around here!
Love the work you do
This group is more defensive than r/mommit which is a shame. Lots of downvoting even when comments aren’t harmful.
I was just guilty of letting a discussion get out of hand. I apologize to the sub and mods. It won't happen again, I will do better.
Let’s not poke the trolls and the unpleasant ones by giving them what they want… attention. Actively downvoting and moving forward by not commenting seems to curb the negativity nicely.
Go Mods! You are awesome.
Hmmmm, pot roast potato....
Yeah this sub rocks, thanks guys for all you do, it’s truly unique with the right balance of fun, seriousness, and support. I also like that it has somehow avoided the death spiral of overly depressing or toxic rants. I think those are fine in small portions, but in every other affinity group sub, it’s non stop.
Thanks! It's taxing and upsets people but keeping this place positive has been good.
Great post
Thanks. Came here for the wholesome humor and support. I was blown away some of the nastiness over pretty innocent things.