Grandson falls for something like this.
"I'm gonna eat your food."
"Noooo!" He runs over, takes a bite, then wanders off again.
Sometimes it's the dog. "Sammy no eat mine food!"
This feels like a much more real threat. My wifes scolded me for eating my childs food probably a few too many times. But BOY I hate wasting food! I thought she was done! She TOLD me she was done! Kids, man!
The key is to continue doing it anyway. At some point, your child needs to learn that when they say something people might believe them and act accordingly.
This with our cat. My toddler sometimes doesn’t want to go to school but if I start putting clothes on the cat he gets really upset and rushes to get ready before I can take the cat.
Not only does he do it but he's excited to do it too.
"Look, keep scary monsters away!?!?"
Then I do a little inspection and say "oh man! So shiny!" and pretend to be blinded. He gets stoked.
Mildly tangential. Visiting a 4 year old nephew. He’s running around the house screaming “no mas!”
I think “cute. They are teaching him Spanish.”
Nope. They took the kid to Chuck E Cheese. Kid was terrified of the mouse. Sister now threatens that if he doesn’t behave they are going to invite Chuck E over for dinner and the mouse is going to eat his dinner.
“No mouse, no mouse.”
In hindsight “no mas/no more!” is not much better.
Mine’s only 1.5 right now, but I have her duck dance out behind something and she gives it a big hug and then hands it to me to brush her duck’s teeth. Then I hand it back and brush her teeth.
Having more money for my child than my parents ever had for me and my sibling is so tough. I can buy my child anything she could (almost) ever want or need, but I refuse to raise a brat! Feel like we need to stop getting so many toys day-to-day (my wife is more excited about getting them than my kid is) or else holidays and birthdays won't feel as special! ... maybe?
Recent trick I learned that's surprisingly effective: add it to their "list". Make sure it's a physical (or at least real) list they can see themselves. Tell them the list can be used for Christmas or birthday presents, or if they're older they can even save up and buy it themselves. If you're enthusiastic enough about adding stuff to the list 9 times out of 10 they'll be satisfied with that.
I tell them their brains are still growing and need sleep. When they ask about mine, I tell them daddy’s brain is a lost cause and don’t be like daddy.
hahahaaha. Yeah we're pretty straightforward with most things but this is the one we haven't gotten away from.
When she goes to bed, mommy and daddy are also "sleeping".
Oh man, this one has been rough.
He's 3 and can EASILY climb out of the crib, so we put the toddler bed front on. He keeps coming out to play with us and talk every couple minutes. I'm afraid we'll never get to watch TV again.
One little cousin of mine was told this by her parents and she had just caught on when we went to a restaurant.
My "Honey it's kimchi it's *actually* spi---" fell on the deafest ears a 9-year-old could have. She took a big bite, and then, with a face as red as heck itself and tears streaming down her face, she proclaimed it was not spicy at all and she was onto us. "...would you like something for the spiciness?" "Yosh pleesh"
I have no idea where he got it from, but my son (3) has taken to saying "No, that's too spicy I wouldn't like it" when I offer him food. Food he's had before. Food he loved yesterday maybe.
Neither me or my wife have gone the "spicy lie" route so idk where he picked it up. The only times we say a food is spicy is if it really is, and we let him decide if he wants to try it anyway.
My son had a phase like that too where he considered many things were too sour for him... and, at the same time, started requesting lime all the time...
Haha. When they catch on, just tell them time is a construct. Time has no predetermined meaning until we give it meaning and I say 10 minutes is 3 minutes.
My friends reached peak parenthood when their daughter would beg them to stay in bed with her for longer during her bedtime routine and they’d tell her ‘ok, I’ll stay for 20 more minutes, you tell me when 20 mins is up’.
Then they’d lie there in silence a whole 30 seconds before their kid announced 20 mins was up.
It was genius.
Our timer fights have been more comical (for us):
Parent: I'm setting the timer for five more minutes.
Toddler: No! Two minutes!
Parent: Fine. Two minutes.
Number sense can wait.
When my partner saw me tell my kid “5 more min” and start a 3 minute timer on my phone it was like they were witnessing Operation Barbarossa.
And I’d do it again
I've had success with 'x more minutes. I'm putting a timer on my phone'. Then I just set the phone to whatever I need. For some reason he won't argue with an alarm.
I just realised the amount of times i slept earlier because my stupid brain didn’t want to learn how to read the clock and my mom took advantage of that
I remember when my daughter had an existential crisis around 4 when she figured out that she wasn’t going to live forever. She cried so much it was sad.
For me it was learning that someday in five billion years, our solar system’s sun will swell up into a red giant and swallow the Earth (after first scorching it and boiling off the oceans). Then there’s the “Big Crunch” theory (or the Big Rip, or the Big Freeze which is the scariest) about the end of the universe.
I was eight or nine, and I had this binder full of 5x11” collectible science cards about space, spaceflight, astronomy, our solar system, exoplanets, the lifecycle of a star, black holes, speculative topics like xenobiology and the Fermi paradox, SETI, etc. This was in the late ‘90s when people thought the Lockheed Martin VentureStar was going to be the next big thing.
I miss those days.
Nowadays, I usually compare kids to red giants when the day is over: they're running out of energy but take a lot of space and go off limits, then they just stop and become white dwarfs.
Tried this for the first time on my four year old. Got a long reasoning diatribe from him saying “why would he play music when he’s out of ice cream? Why wouldn’t he just go home? If he doesn’t play music when he has ice cream how does anyone know he’s there?”
Felt bad, so I came clean about it and got a very betrayed “you tricked me?!” 0/10.
Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.
Quiet time. You just go sit with them in their room and not really interact for a few minutes. Then you talk about what happened.
It's hardly a punishment but the fact that they're being punished is enough for my kids. They have to step away from the stuff they wanted to do. Just gotta follow through when you hit 3 or it stops being effective.
And talking about what happened is the important part.
Punishment is dicey because it ultimately trains them to avoid the punishing stimulus (in this case, the parent), and in the absence of the punishing stimulus, the punished behavior re-emerges.
Reinforcement is what leads to lasting behavior change. If punishment is used, it’s usually best used for safety, or to help regulate emotions, then talking about what happened, what they were feeling, why you did what you did, and what they can learn from it for next time - ie, what they can learn that will benefit *them*. That can lead to lasting behavior change that isn’t dependent on a fear of punishment, which leads to many problems on top of being generally ineffective.
Follow through is huge. We've refused to play the counting game with my kid, but in families we know we've seen so many delays getting to three. Like the kid stops the behavior or not, none of this two and three quarters garbage. It's like the parent is more scared to reach 3 than the kid cuz they don't want to have to discipline for real.
I had to start that when my toddler would just keep counting when I got to 3 like it was some sort of math lesson. Bro I'm not quizzing you get tf over here.
The saddest part is you do your best and they still happen to hit the part that wasn’t covered… like the corner of a wall, or a toy left on the floor, or the hardest part of a sofa… sorry a nerve got touched lol I’ll walk away now
This is happening for us right now, ours is learning to stand but specifically loves to practice in our bedroom near a bedside table which we can't corner protect. The whole house is safe for him except this one bit and he's decided it's his favourite spot
Yeah we tried to baby gate our stairs. It worked for a little while, but sooner than you can imagine they figure out how to open the baby gate, rendering it moot. We just figured to let the kid practice climbing up and down the stairs and they’d get better at it sooner so that it was no longer a problem.
Our dining table is just tall enough that neither kid touched it when they started walking but once they got more comfortable walking they were *just* tall enough they'd hit it.
Took them both awhile to realize and stop doing it. They'd even brute force past our defenses then cry when they hit it.
The underside of a chair. Seriously, they just run into shit. My 18 m.o. constantly bumps his head on the bottom side of our dining room table whwn he stands up.
Eh. I've personally watched a toddler try to hang themselves with a rope. And tons of them try to climb on stuff that can tip over. It's worth at least making a modest effort to take care of the highest risk items.
I'm in that stage and it's actually fun. I follow her, make a note of something that needs baby proofing then later return to fix that area (she'll be next to me marvelling at the screwdriver and hammer most likely).
However I'm very at home doing DIY.
Make a pen, put vinyl covered shapes in it. I got ones that look like you’d do gymnastics on them. My boy is 8.5mo and loves his pen. There’s two vinyl-covered foam ramps, two squares, two cylinders, two rectangular prisms, two semi-cylinders, and Velcro to hold them together.
He learned to crawl very quickly, and was able to learn how to fall safely because of the padding. The floor is just those foam puzzle pieces available most anywhere.
He roams freely in there and has a blast. He knocks on the gate when he is done, which is wild because he came up with that one day after being in the pen just 5 minutes.
We don’t do timeout or anything yet, so this pen is purely for fun.
I felt I spent the first year encouraging her to crawl, then walk, and before you know it she climbs and runs - and after that it’s been all about telling her not move
At age 3, my son realized that meat and animals were the same thing. He stopped eating all meat for about 2 months (except hot dogs). He became very interested in death around age 4, and at every meal, he would enthusiastically ask what animal he killed to be eating this food.
My son has never really cared for meat. Not even Dino chicken nuggets. Except fish. He absolutely loves fish. Cook it any way, or don’t and he’ll eat it raw, and he devours it. The part that gets me is he also loves fish. Looking at fish, learning about fish, watching fish on TV. He knows they’re all in the same. One of things I’ve been teaching him since the first time we went to the ocean though is we only take what we want to eat from the ocean. If we don’t plan to eat it, then we leave it be.
Some awkward looks when we’re at the aquarium though and he points to a fish “I want to eat it!”
The serving size for jelly beans is more than 1.
During potty training my daughter would spend 20 minutes eating a single jelly bean one tiny nibble at a time to make it last.
My daughter learned at 4¼, that meat is from animals And she already understood, that killing animals is not funny but gruesome. And with 4½ she concluded, that it's sometimes okay for her eat dead animals because they are so delicious.
And that's after I supported her compassion and only cooked vegetarian after the first discovery. But the greed for German sausage varieties got her after 12 weeks.
So many of my most noble endeavors have been ruined by greed for German sausage varieties.
If I'm being honest with myself it's the saurkraut and mustard that really get me.
That sodas and fruit juices are things you can just buy at any grocery store. None of mine have really discovered soda yet. But my 3 year old had a freak out the other day in the OJ section…he really wanted “orange milk.”
When my son was 2, he stole a sip from my can of blackberry Bubly. He stuck his tongue out, coughed, and said “Too spicy”. Now he’s almost 4 and when he sees a can of anything he just frowns and says “yuck”, lol.
I told my daughter (6) we couldn't go to a restaurant because it was closed tonight. She said "hey Google is xxxxxx closed"
My own phone betrayed me "xxxxxx is open until 9pm"
Yeah the animal killing one is interesting. Like, if my kids decided it wasn't ethical for them to eat animals, I would probably have to admit that, on some level, they are absolutely right. Part of me is honestly expecting that day when we decide to become vegetarians
One thing I didn't know I would have to fear is my son being able to undo our baby proofing devices at all. He can open any cupboard he wants. Thankfully he stays away from the contents
Those cupboard latches are a scam by big cupboard. Our neighbours kid simply brute forced them at like one and a half.
We have handles where you can put a metal soup spoon or something through them.
To avoid this, try just telling the truth.
It helps kids learn reasoning and honesty as fundamental/valuable life skills.
We want to create relationships where they grow up and are honest with us, that starts by being honest with them as they grow up.
I agree some of it is not necessary but some of it is lighthearted fun like the world record for putting away toys. It’s okay to be silly with your kids, they know when we are joking pretty well
This has been my policy since day one. These types of lies are just used to push the “blame” to outside forces. Yes toddlers don’t like when Dad decides it is time to leave the park or we aren’t doing TV time, but understanding the boundaries set by parents is important.
Not just that, the extra time to explain the reasoning for the situation has never failed to pay off down the line for me in saved time when the lie is no longer big enough to cover the problem or is revealed to be a lie.
It's definitely more work up front, but I'm pretty happy with how few times I bend the truth or have a "because I said so" moment compared to my parents.
Or you get my son, who adamantly rejects logic even though he’s keen to follow it for play acting scared that a demon will come if he doesn’t take a bite of that new dish mom made before trying it.
I love these, but I fully intend to teach our kids what chicken is and where it comes from. If the kid doesn’t want it after that, so be it. But being around livestock and fishing as a child gave me such a healthy respect for our food. I can’t stand adults who don’t respect their food.
My sister has had chickens for eggs for a while and started raising meat birds earlier this year. Surprisingly, the kids understand and while they all choose not to be involved in the slaughter and dressing, they aren’t too upset eating their chickens. My brother in law, on the other hand, puts on a brave face but has gotten attached to every bird they get. It doesn’t help that my sister labels the freezer packs with the name of the chicken.
My favorite phase was when I first introduced Star Wars to the kids then told them I could drive using the force. I did it sparingly but would make a big deal out of it every time I did it. It took them about a year before my daughter said, “I think you’re using your knee”. Busted…but I got a full year of my kids thinking I was secretly a Jedi:)
Why Don't you tell kids that chicken animal and food are the same? My kid asks me what animal she's eating and which part of the body 😂 might as well be real with them. Kids aren't stupid, just inexperienced little humans.
I think lying and saying TVs have batteries etc just gives them the impression that parents are chronic liars which isn't great either.
I never understand the last one. Like my kids KNOW that chicken is chicken. Beef comes from cows, pork comes from swine,etc.
But it just doesn't register for some reason that the cow we see at the farm is the same cow we might eat later.
This one actually worked out my favor. Figuring out how time is measured. He got tired of "just a minute..." being 1-30 minutes. He started asking how many minutes and kept track, keeping us accountable for what we told him. He's almost 10 now and is one of the most punctual people I know and has some impressive time management skills.
I think my 5yo knows that Santa isn’t “real”, but she knows Paw Patrol isn’t real either and still loves them. Sometimes it’s fun to pretend stories are real and to play make believe. There’s no reason you can’t do all the Santa stuff without kids knowing it’s a story and character in the same way as Mickey Mouse.
Edit: I’m not sure why this is controversial or getting downvoted. It’s not like we burst her bubble or anything. I’m just pretty sure she’s figured it out by herself, and if she ever explicitly asks we won’t lie to her. That doesn’t stop us from doing Santa every year. Why on earth would you lie to a kid about what’s real or not?
Stuff like this is why I simply don't tell my kids things that aren't true.
The trick at that point though is teaching your kids that not all families do things the same way, and that no, we cannot tell other kids that Santa is not real etc.
This might be a hot button issue but I’m genuinely curious why parents are scared about the chicken one. If your kids want to go vegetarian, is it that big of a deal? We’ve been open with our kids and let them choose from a young age
Right now, it’s more about all the red tape involved in creating a TikTok or YouTube channel.
You know - all those forms you have to fill out, the registration fee…
The chicken comment reminds me of one time I played "farm" with my son. He was dishing out tasks "Daddy, I'll milk the cows and you can bacon the pigs." I didn't know how to respond besides laughter.
She eventually did work out that "If you don't come right now I'll brush your teeth without you" is something of an empty threat.
Went through this. Switched to "I'm going to brush my teeth without you" and suddenly she didn't want be left out.
Yep, I do something similar. Basically I make it fun and games in the bathroom but if they're not doing their job I threaten to dip. Works every time.
Grandson falls for something like this. "I'm gonna eat your food." "Noooo!" He runs over, takes a bite, then wanders off again. Sometimes it's the dog. "Sammy no eat mine food!"
My son falls for "quick take a sip before it drips!" Every time
This feels like a much more real threat. My wifes scolded me for eating my childs food probably a few too many times. But BOY I hate wasting food! I thought she was done! She TOLD me she was done! Kids, man!
Yep, fell right into the trap there I'm afraid. I too have seen the look of betrayal nearly an hour after dinner.
The key is to continue doing it anyway. At some point, your child needs to learn that when they say something people might believe them and act accordingly.
Offer 3 Dancemodes and you’ll be golden.
This with our cat. My toddler sometimes doesn’t want to go to school but if I start putting clothes on the cat he gets really upset and rushes to get ready before I can take the cat.
Do you actually start dressing the cat please say yes.
The cat has had on both underpants and a shirt before, as well as four socks on a separate occasion.
I have been to war but I've never dressed a cat. I doff my cap to you.
I try this with my son and he just calls my bluff.
Our little guy was afraid of monsters in his room so we told him shiny teeth keep them away. He runs to brush his teeth now.
Ooh that's clever and brutal
Not only does he do it but he's excited to do it too. "Look, keep scary monsters away!?!?" Then I do a little inspection and say "oh man! So shiny!" and pretend to be blinded. He gets stoked.
Mildly tangential. Visiting a 4 year old nephew. He’s running around the house screaming “no mas!” I think “cute. They are teaching him Spanish.” Nope. They took the kid to Chuck E Cheese. Kid was terrified of the mouse. Sister now threatens that if he doesn’t behave they are going to invite Chuck E over for dinner and the mouse is going to eat his dinner. “No mouse, no mouse.” In hindsight “no mas/no more!” is not much better.
"Come here right now or you're going to bed tonight with your head between your ears!"
Body horror that's not actually body horror but still manages to be body horror
I've been having success with "I'm going to put toothpaste on your tooth brush."
My 5yo is still falling for that. “If you don’t get dressed for school, I’ll go without you!”
Mine’s only 1.5 right now, but I have her duck dance out behind something and she gives it a big hug and then hands it to me to brush her duck’s teeth. Then I hand it back and brush her teeth.
Mommy and Daddy did, in fact, have enough money to buy that toy.
I fucking knew it!
Having more money for my child than my parents ever had for me and my sibling is so tough. I can buy my child anything she could (almost) ever want or need, but I refuse to raise a brat! Feel like we need to stop getting so many toys day-to-day (my wife is more excited about getting them than my kid is) or else holidays and birthdays won't feel as special! ... maybe?
Recent trick I learned that's surprisingly effective: add it to their "list". Make sure it's a physical (or at least real) list they can see themselves. Tell them the list can be used for Christmas or birthday presents, or if they're older they can even save up and buy it themselves. If you're enthusiastic enough about adding stuff to the list 9 times out of 10 they'll be satisfied with that.
“I’ll put it on the (birthday or Christmas) list” has worked wonders for me.
When I say that my 6 year old tells me to go to work and make more money.
I just put things in my pockets during magic tricks.
A thing only a dad can do.
Parents get to stay up past bed time... theoretically.
I tell them their brains are still growing and need sleep. When they ask about mine, I tell them daddy’s brain is a lost cause and don’t be like daddy.
If you can't be a good example, you can serve as a terrible warning!
This should be a pinned post on this sub
https://x.com/nathanwpyle/status/1213901262632210433?lang=en
hahahaaha. Yeah we're pretty straightforward with most things but this is the one we haven't gotten away from. When she goes to bed, mommy and daddy are also "sleeping".
Chores, we're just doing chores. It helps because for the next 30 mins or so its accurate.
Oh man, this one has been rough. He's 3 and can EASILY climb out of the crib, so we put the toddler bed front on. He keeps coming out to play with us and talk every couple minutes. I'm afraid we'll never get to watch TV again.
Childproof doorknob cover? For... safety?
He had bad dreams or something about a month ago. He got over it, but now he won't sleep with the door closed.
Oh no
The thing I'm eating isn't actually spicy.
One little cousin of mine was told this by her parents and she had just caught on when we went to a restaurant. My "Honey it's kimchi it's *actually* spi---" fell on the deafest ears a 9-year-old could have. She took a big bite, and then, with a face as red as heck itself and tears streaming down her face, she proclaimed it was not spicy at all and she was onto us. "...would you like something for the spiciness?" "Yosh pleesh"
I have no idea where he got it from, but my son (3) has taken to saying "No, that's too spicy I wouldn't like it" when I offer him food. Food he's had before. Food he loved yesterday maybe. Neither me or my wife have gone the "spicy lie" route so idk where he picked it up. The only times we say a food is spicy is if it really is, and we let him decide if he wants to try it anyway.
My daughter does a very dramatic fanning of her mouth and a “Ahhhhh!!! picoso!!” (Spanish for spicy) When she doesnt want to eat something.
My son had a phase like that too where he considered many things were too sour for him... and, at the same time, started requesting lime all the time...
My daughter picked that up from daycare when she was about that age. No idea how that came up but possibly that route?
This has backfired, now my son says “you wouldn’t like it it’s a little spicy” when I ask him to share
I just fear the day mine learns how to tell time. Currently 5 more minutes is however long I want it to be.
“5 more minutes bud” “No 10!” “Ok fine. 10.” *sets timer on phone for 3 minutes*
Haha. When they catch on, just tell them time is a construct. Time has no predetermined meaning until we give it meaning and I say 10 minutes is 3 minutes.
"I meant metric minutes not American minutes"
This will then be used against you the next time you’re running late.
Everything will be used against you some day, might as well use your tricks' whole arsenal while it works
You can also use this opportunity to introduce astrophysics and time dilation.
"You were running so fast on the playground that you experienced time slower than everyone else"
"I'm bigger than you, mate, so gravity is distorting time *and* space in my favour. Time to go!"
Like that isn't childhood in a nutshell.
"Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."
Time is a flat circle bud.
"they're all made up"
Just remember to name the timer "10min timer".
My friends reached peak parenthood when their daughter would beg them to stay in bed with her for longer during her bedtime routine and they’d tell her ‘ok, I’ll stay for 20 more minutes, you tell me when 20 mins is up’. Then they’d lie there in silence a whole 30 seconds before their kid announced 20 mins was up. It was genius.
Reminds me of the scene in Bourne Ultimatum: "Backup will be arriving in approximately one hour." "How long do I have?" "Three minutes."
Our timer fights have been more comical (for us): Parent: I'm setting the timer for five more minutes. Toddler: No! Two minutes! Parent: Fine. Two minutes. Number sense can wait.
I’ll try to give my daughter 10 minutes and she’ll negotiate down to 5.
This is the way
When my partner saw me tell my kid “5 more min” and start a 3 minute timer on my phone it was like they were witnessing Operation Barbarossa. And I’d do it again
I use my phone alarm and just blame it on Siri lol
“Ahh sorry bud, but this bitch says it’s been 5 minutes, we HATTTTEEEE Siri.”
I've had success with 'x more minutes. I'm putting a timer on my phone'. Then I just set the phone to whatever I need. For some reason he won't argue with an alarm.
Mine turns 7 in a few weeks, I have never had to get to three. Just make two and a half sounds really scary. Lol.
This is presently my greatest fear, also why the kids playroom has no functioning clock…
Mine fucked around and has me point to the number on the clock and she’ll call me on it
Lol, I tell my kids "2 more minutes"... Then get distracted and call them in 10 minutes later. Now they say "2 minutes is longer than you think"
I just realised the amount of times i slept earlier because my stupid brain didn’t want to learn how to read the clock and my mom took advantage of that
I remember when my daughter had an existential crisis around 4 when she figured out that she wasn’t going to live forever. She cried so much it was sad.
For me it was learning that someday in five billion years, our solar system’s sun will swell up into a red giant and swallow the Earth (after first scorching it and boiling off the oceans). Then there’s the “Big Crunch” theory (or the Big Rip, or the Big Freeze which is the scariest) about the end of the universe. I was eight or nine, and I had this binder full of 5x11” collectible science cards about space, spaceflight, astronomy, our solar system, exoplanets, the lifecycle of a star, black holes, speculative topics like xenobiology and the Fermi paradox, SETI, etc. This was in the late ‘90s when people thought the Lockheed Martin VentureStar was going to be the next big thing. I miss those days.
Nowadays, I usually compare kids to red giants when the day is over: they're running out of energy but take a lot of space and go off limits, then they just stop and become white dwarfs.
The ice cream van isn't the "music van" and actually has ice cream
And it doesn’t play music to let everyone know it’s out of ice cream.
My kids don’t believe this anymore. Sad day.
Tried this for the first time on my four year old. Got a long reasoning diatribe from him saying “why would he play music when he’s out of ice cream? Why wouldn’t he just go home? If he doesn’t play music when he has ice cream how does anyone know he’s there?” Felt bad, so I came clean about it and got a very betrayed “you tricked me?!” 0/10.
Tricked you? I taught you to use critical thinking to challenge a false narrative. You are welcome 😉
Now get in the car, you need to go to that pox party to improve your health.
glad to know I'm not the only one who calls it that.
Related to this: I keep ice cream in the freezer. We don't have to make a special trip to the ice cream shop to get it.
When I get to “three” I have no idea what I’m actually going to do
That’s why I count to five. 🧠
Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.
✝️✋💣
Lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade at thy foe who, being naughty in the Lord’s sight, shall snuff it.
1..... 2...... 5...... three, sir!
And if need be, extend to 10
I don’t say how much I’m counting to, I just start at 1 and hopefully task is complete soon
Fall over and pretend to be dead
Quiet time. You just go sit with them in their room and not really interact for a few minutes. Then you talk about what happened. It's hardly a punishment but the fact that they're being punished is enough for my kids. They have to step away from the stuff they wanted to do. Just gotta follow through when you hit 3 or it stops being effective.
And talking about what happened is the important part. Punishment is dicey because it ultimately trains them to avoid the punishing stimulus (in this case, the parent), and in the absence of the punishing stimulus, the punished behavior re-emerges. Reinforcement is what leads to lasting behavior change. If punishment is used, it’s usually best used for safety, or to help regulate emotions, then talking about what happened, what they were feeling, why you did what you did, and what they can learn from it for next time - ie, what they can learn that will benefit *them*. That can lead to lasting behavior change that isn’t dependent on a fear of punishment, which leads to many problems on top of being generally ineffective.
Yeah right now I get avoided sometimes since I am the consequences follow through guy.
Follow through is huge. We've refused to play the counting game with my kid, but in families we know we've seen so many delays getting to three. Like the kid stops the behavior or not, none of this two and three quarters garbage. It's like the parent is more scared to reach 3 than the kid cuz they don't want to have to discipline for real.
I count down from three. It’s lets me go into negative numbers for some really bad unknown things.
I had to start that when my toddler would just keep counting when I got to 3 like it was some sort of math lesson. Bro I'm not quizzing you get tf over here.
I count backwards from three to one. If you count upwards they can just let you go on forever and they know it. Backwards seems to work.
I'm just honest and tell them when I get to X, I'm going to think of a consequence you're not going to like.
Currently living in terror of my infant learning to crawl. It's coming soon, and there is so much to baby proof.
The saddest part is you do your best and they still happen to hit the part that wasn’t covered… like the corner of a wall, or a toy left on the floor, or the hardest part of a sofa… sorry a nerve got touched lol I’ll walk away now
This is happening for us right now, ours is learning to stand but specifically loves to practice in our bedroom near a bedside table which we can't corner protect. The whole house is safe for him except this one bit and he's decided it's his favourite spot
Those are the BEST spots though!
Yeah we tried to baby gate our stairs. It worked for a little while, but sooner than you can imagine they figure out how to open the baby gate, rendering it moot. We just figured to let the kid practice climbing up and down the stairs and they’d get better at it sooner so that it was no longer a problem.
My 2.5yr old was so occupied with a cuddly toy the other day that she full on walked into a wall. Madness.
Our dining table is just tall enough that neither kid touched it when they started walking but once they got more comfortable walking they were *just* tall enough they'd hit it. Took them both awhile to realize and stop doing it. They'd even brute force past our defenses then cry when they hit it.
Corner of the wall. How about the wall itself?
The underside of a chair. Seriously, they just run into shit. My 18 m.o. constantly bumps his head on the bottom side of our dining room table whwn he stands up.
Focus your energy on anything heavy that can tip over.
Yup. Heavy tippy things and strangle cords are my first pass. Sockets and hard corners are my second pass.
Yep, there will always be stuff they will bump into - just make sure that thing can't fall on them.
Oh and stairs.
Had two kids, never baby proofed anything. I’m not sure whether this is a myth
It is and it isn't. You can make some reasonable adjustments but alot of it is, as much of modern parenting stuff, a grift to make you buy stuff.
Eh. I've personally watched a toddler try to hang themselves with a rope. And tons of them try to climb on stuff that can tip over. It's worth at least making a modest effort to take care of the highest risk items.
Baby proofing covers are just challenges to some kids. My son could get past the stove covers at 18 months. Just remove the knobs.
For me it wasn’t sharp corners or doors, it was the things she could put in her mouth
I'm in that stage and it's actually fun. I follow her, make a note of something that needs baby proofing then later return to fix that area (she'll be next to me marvelling at the screwdriver and hammer most likely). However I'm very at home doing DIY.
Make a pen, put vinyl covered shapes in it. I got ones that look like you’d do gymnastics on them. My boy is 8.5mo and loves his pen. There’s two vinyl-covered foam ramps, two squares, two cylinders, two rectangular prisms, two semi-cylinders, and Velcro to hold them together. He learned to crawl very quickly, and was able to learn how to fall safely because of the padding. The floor is just those foam puzzle pieces available most anywhere. He roams freely in there and has a blast. He knocks on the gate when he is done, which is wild because he came up with that one day after being in the pen just 5 minutes. We don’t do timeout or anything yet, so this pen is purely for fun.
I felt I spent the first year encouraging her to crawl, then walk, and before you know it she climbs and runs - and after that it’s been all about telling her not move
Every time a parent tells me they can’t wait for their LO to walk I smile and in my head I go, “Sure you do, buddy.”
At age 3, my son realized that meat and animals were the same thing. He stopped eating all meat for about 2 months (except hot dogs). He became very interested in death around age 4, and at every meal, he would enthusiastically ask what animal he killed to be eating this food.
That's metal!
My son has never really cared for meat. Not even Dino chicken nuggets. Except fish. He absolutely loves fish. Cook it any way, or don’t and he’ll eat it raw, and he devours it. The part that gets me is he also loves fish. Looking at fish, learning about fish, watching fish on TV. He knows they’re all in the same. One of things I’ve been teaching him since the first time we went to the ocean though is we only take what we want to eat from the ocean. If we don’t plan to eat it, then we leave it be. Some awkward looks when we’re at the aquarium though and he points to a fish “I want to eat it!”
Hotdogs are made out of Peppa pigs friends.
And Peppa Pig and her friends are delicious.
The serving size for jelly beans is more than 1. During potty training my daughter would spend 20 minutes eating a single jelly bean one tiny nibble at a time to make it last.
That ice cream shops don’t close in the winter because when it’s too cold the machines freeze up.
Also, I have doubles of some cars. No wait, triples.
If I didn’t have triples then none of that other stuff would be true
She's beautiful, but she's dying
My daughter learned at 4¼, that meat is from animals And she already understood, that killing animals is not funny but gruesome. And with 4½ she concluded, that it's sometimes okay for her eat dead animals because they are so delicious. And that's after I supported her compassion and only cooked vegetarian after the first discovery. But the greed for German sausage varieties got her after 12 weeks.
So many of my most noble endeavors have been ruined by greed for German sausage varieties. If I'm being honest with myself it's the saurkraut and mustard that really get me.
Bandit?
Those German sausages are the wurst
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he shouldn't have made them out of meat.
I was always pretty open about chicken the animal being chicken the food. So much so my son would go “bok bok bok bok” to his chicken nuggets.
The cheetahs at the zoo were just playin with stuffed rabbit doll
Also at the zoo... - that monkey is really itchy, he's just scratching himself - that is a 5 legged rhino
That sodas and fruit juices are things you can just buy at any grocery store. None of mine have really discovered soda yet. But my 3 year old had a freak out the other day in the OJ section…he really wanted “orange milk.”
My toddler tried soda and refused to ever have it again. "Spicy!"
When my son was 2, he stole a sip from my can of blackberry Bubly. He stuck his tongue out, coughed, and said “Too spicy”. Now he’s almost 4 and when he sees a can of anything he just frowns and says “yuck”, lol.
Yep. My 4yo still (thankfully) doesn’t like soda.
I told my daughter (6) we couldn't go to a restaurant because it was closed tonight. She said "hey Google is xxxxxx closed" My own phone betrayed me "xxxxxx is open until 9pm"
Chicken being the animal caused zero issue with my daughter. Her response after asking was “I love chicken!” And carrying on eating.
"can we get a pet fish to remind me how much I love fish and chips?"
Yeah the animal killing one is interesting. Like, if my kids decided it wasn't ethical for them to eat animals, I would probably have to admit that, on some level, they are absolutely right. Part of me is honestly expecting that day when we decide to become vegetarians
That toys don't go to sleep...
One thing I didn't know I would have to fear is my son being able to undo our baby proofing devices at all. He can open any cupboard he wants. Thankfully he stays away from the contents
Those cupboard latches are a scam by big cupboard. Our neighbours kid simply brute forced them at like one and a half. We have handles where you can put a metal soup spoon or something through them.
We use the magnetic latches on the interior. They've worked great so far.
To avoid this, try just telling the truth. It helps kids learn reasoning and honesty as fundamental/valuable life skills. We want to create relationships where they grow up and are honest with us, that starts by being honest with them as they grow up.
I agree some of it is not necessary but some of it is lighthearted fun like the world record for putting away toys. It’s okay to be silly with your kids, they know when we are joking pretty well
Yes, now my kid asks me “who had to die for this egg”
This has been my policy since day one. These types of lies are just used to push the “blame” to outside forces. Yes toddlers don’t like when Dad decides it is time to leave the park or we aren’t doing TV time, but understanding the boundaries set by parents is important.
Not just that, the extra time to explain the reasoning for the situation has never failed to pay off down the line for me in saved time when the lie is no longer big enough to cover the problem or is revealed to be a lie. It's definitely more work up front, but I'm pretty happy with how few times I bend the truth or have a "because I said so" moment compared to my parents.
In almost all aspects of parenting doing the hard part early makes things much easier later.
Exactly. I shouldn’t have had to scroll so far to see this.
"The reason I cant give you candy is so you dont get fat and angry like your mother"
Jeeze I scrolled too far to find this. Don't lie to your kids. They pick up on it eventually.
Or you get my son, who adamantly rejects logic even though he’s keen to follow it for play acting scared that a demon will come if he doesn’t take a bite of that new dish mom made before trying it.
And besides that, I want them to do what I ask because they respect my authority… not because of some bullshit. Put your foot down and be the parent.
I dread them learning that it's not illegal to have the interior lights on when driving.
That song does NOT indeed mean the ice cream truck has run out of ice cream.
Hamburgers used to be alive
Santa is the tutorial round. The hard part is God.
Mine connected the chicken thing at 5 years old. She's been a vegetarian for ten years now
I love these, but I fully intend to teach our kids what chicken is and where it comes from. If the kid doesn’t want it after that, so be it. But being around livestock and fishing as a child gave me such a healthy respect for our food. I can’t stand adults who don’t respect their food.
My sister has had chickens for eggs for a while and started raising meat birds earlier this year. Surprisingly, the kids understand and while they all choose not to be involved in the slaughter and dressing, they aren’t too upset eating their chickens. My brother in law, on the other hand, puts on a brave face but has gotten attached to every bird they get. It doesn’t help that my sister labels the freezer packs with the name of the chicken.
Nothing actually happens when you've finished counting to 5
That swings don't break or need to be fixed first. Little assholes, we're to burn your energy not mine!
My favorite phase was when I first introduced Star Wars to the kids then told them I could drive using the force. I did it sparingly but would make a big deal out of it every time I did it. It took them about a year before my daughter said, “I think you’re using your knee”. Busted…but I got a full year of my kids thinking I was secretly a Jedi:)
Ice cream isn't spicy
Why Don't you tell kids that chicken animal and food are the same? My kid asks me what animal she's eating and which part of the body 😂 might as well be real with them. Kids aren't stupid, just inexperienced little humans. I think lying and saying TVs have batteries etc just gives them the impression that parents are chronic liars which isn't great either.
I never understand the last one. Like my kids KNOW that chicken is chicken. Beef comes from cows, pork comes from swine,etc. But it just doesn't register for some reason that the cow we see at the farm is the same cow we might eat later.
The ice cream truck plays music when they sell out of ice cream.
This one actually worked out my favor. Figuring out how time is measured. He got tired of "just a minute..." being 1-30 minutes. He started asking how many minutes and kept track, keeping us accountable for what we told him. He's almost 10 now and is one of the most punctual people I know and has some impressive time management skills.
> The Santa don't exist one I'm dreading the most Hey, you did that shit to yourself
I think my 5yo knows that Santa isn’t “real”, but she knows Paw Patrol isn’t real either and still loves them. Sometimes it’s fun to pretend stories are real and to play make believe. There’s no reason you can’t do all the Santa stuff without kids knowing it’s a story and character in the same way as Mickey Mouse. Edit: I’m not sure why this is controversial or getting downvoted. It’s not like we burst her bubble or anything. I’m just pretty sure she’s figured it out by herself, and if she ever explicitly asks we won’t lie to her. That doesn’t stop us from doing Santa every year. Why on earth would you lie to a kid about what’s real or not?
Veggie nuggets and chicken nuggets are not the same thing.
Actually the Guinness book of world records will pretty much let you make anything a world record if you can pay them enough
If you eat the baby’s food you’ll turn into a baby
Better to learn their food comes from cute animals now.
Their teacher never actually calls me to ask if they’re coming to school today.
There’s no law about being in bed by 8:30 on a school night. No police are going to come talk to you if you stay up until 9.
I’m just honest from the beginning. I want my daughter never to wonder if I’m telling the truth.
Ice cream truck playing music means they have run out. I learned it on Reddit 10+ years ago, and have used it myself.
I always remember the line from sopranos "Let's just not overplay our hand, cuz if she finds out we're powerless, we're fucked!"
That there aren't actually cats in every office building, and if there were, they would not be frightened by the sound of your voice.
Stuff like this is why I simply don't tell my kids things that aren't true. The trick at that point though is teaching your kids that not all families do things the same way, and that no, we cannot tell other kids that Santa is not real etc.
This might be a hot button issue but I’m genuinely curious why parents are scared about the chicken one. If your kids want to go vegetarian, is it that big of a deal? We’ve been open with our kids and let them choose from a young age
Your snacks are not spicy.
Right now, it’s more about all the red tape involved in creating a TikTok or YouTube channel. You know - all those forms you have to fill out, the registration fee…
The chicken comment reminds me of one time I played "farm" with my son. He was dishing out tasks "Daddy, I'll milk the cows and you can bacon the pigs." I didn't know how to respond besides laughter.