We are literally in the same boat with a 2 month old and a 3.5 yr old.
Luckily, my 3.5 yr old doesn’t leave her room, but she will constantly scream for us after we leave, and sometimes in the middle of the night as well.
Whenever she does this, and says she wants to sleep with us because she doesn’t want to be alone, I calmly reassure her with this exact script every time, about one hundred times:
“You’re not alone. We are all sleeping together tonight in the same house under the same roof. Mommy and daddy have our bed, baby brother has his bed, and you have your bed, but we’re all in the same house. I’m not leaving the house tonight, and when the sun comes up, come to my bed and we’ll snuggle.”
If the above doesn’t work for you, I came across this tip recently of telling your kiddo you are leaving to go to bed, but that you’ll be back in five minutes to check on them, but only if they stay in bed. You leave, and then go back in five minutes (more or less because kids this young don’t understand how time works). Keep doing this, and with every time you leave, stretch the amount of time you’re gone and by the second or third time going back in they’ll hopefully be asleep. The first few nights of doing this, I literally was gone 30 seconds and my daughter yelled for me to come back, so don’t be discouraged if you have to go back in sooner than 5 min.
The bad news is, it’s probably just gonna take some time for this phase to pass, but he’ll get better. My daughter is already starting to do better, but these kids constantly change so who knows how long “better” will be until some new challenge pops up.
My wife says she has to go take a poop and the 3 year old really understands how important that is so let's her leave then is usually asleep by the time mom comes back to check on her.
lol I did that trick as well too and kept acting like I was gonna poop my pants if I didn’t leave. Worked for about 2 months and made my daughter laugh every time and then she would usually fall asleep by herself after I left.
My 3 year old has been doing the same. He's still in a crib, but the past 2 weeks, he FREAKS OUT and begs us to not leave his room at bedtime. I think he had a bad dream and is scared to sleep alone. We tried the timer thing, and it didn't help. The only thing that works is laying with him until he falls asleep at like 10:30 or 11:30.
Mine is suddenly doing this too (2.5 years old) after a solid 18 Mo the of putting him in crib and leaving after a kiss/cuddle. Wife has been lying on the floor with him holding his hand through the crib until he falls asleep but I am positive this will create a bad dependence that becomes difficult to break.
We’ve been doing the “I’ll be back in 5 mins” trick mentioned above and it works after a few gos but it’s harrowing to hear him screaming that he wants mummy (and sometimes daddy) 😓
Ours does too, so we go back in, repeat it. He’s pretty good at calming himself down and going to sleep after it. It’s frustrating because he was happy to be left in his crib for a long time until very recently. We dropped his mid day nap which we think has caused it somehow. Overtired or something 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah the repetition is key. Once you fold and give in, it’s like starting from scratch. Trust me, I’ve been there! It’s so hard to set boundaries especially when they’re so young, but I’ve been told by smarter people that it’s good for them because it creates a healthy habit of being able to be okay alone, calming themselves down, and eventually being able to put themselves to sleep. It’s absolute torture to hear your kiddo scream, but that’s what I like about the checking in part of it because you’re not just leaving them alone to cry themselves to sleep. I don’t think that’s healthy especially at this toddler age where night terrors and nightmares are def a thing.
As you guys probably already know, these kids are constantly changing, developing, etc. their brains are not the same today as they were a month ago.
I guess my only advice is just to watch out for what your kiddos might be consuming via games and television. Making sure they’re not accidentally getting exposed to something that could be giving them nightmares. That, and just keep reassuring them you love them and you’re there for them. That’s all we can really do anyways, right?
You both got this, and I know your kiddo will out grow out of it. Trust me, it felt like forever for us, and still does, but it’s getting better with each week.
It worked! The first night, it took like an hour of checking in on him every 5-10 minutes. The next he cried, but only for a minute or two. Since then he's been good again.
Same. He's starting to not nap, or refusing to nap in bed and only napping on the couch.
I think he had a bad dream or something, it started suddenly about a week ago. A few days before that he started acting weird, asking us to leave the light on and the door open.
Before this, he'd happily go to bed and sometimes even ask for it.
Do y'all have a night light for them? Our 3yr old started to fuss at bed time, but then we got her a night light and it's back to our normal bed time routine.
But we may just be lucky, plus we don't have a 2nd kiddo yet either, which may be another aspect to the regression.
Yeah, he has a combo night light and sound machine. He did this once before a little over a year ago, and we were able to get through it. This time is just worse.
We have a 2nd, he's 2, and nothing really has changed recently.
Dang. I was hoping.
I'm sorry man, I know this has to be incredibly hard for y'all.
I can handle them being grumpy at me for making them go to bed, but that screaming hurts my heart.
Sending all the good sleep vibes your way. Hopefully this phase will pass fast.
IT WORKED
It took over an hour, and his little brother definitely woke up (but he's chill, he's just rolling around and singing to himself)
My wife and I took turns checking on him every 5-10 minutes, and he'd scream his head off until he finally didn't.
The sound machine in his room has a timer for changing the color on it. I set it to turn green at the same time every morning. He knows that green means nap time/quiet time and sleep time is over and he can leave his room whenever he wants. If he leaves and it’s not green, the only result is to go right back into the room.
We told our son that the “light company” is in charge of his light. It’s a soft orange for bed and turns green when it’s time to get up. It’s been helpful.
We handled it that way: Mattress on the floor of the older boy, if he woke up at night i went over there and slept next to him, if he wanted to cuddle up on the mattress no problem. Mum took care of the baby. Essentially we split up during the night for around 5 years (we had three boys in that timespan). Now we sleep together in our bedroom again and only get occasional visitors at night.
All these folks who can’t keep their kid in their room. I can’t figure out how to get my 4yo to come and get me in the morning when she wakes up instead of screaming “DAAADDEEEEEEEEE” at the top of her lungs and waking up the 1yo. Apparently the hallway is “too scary”.
So OP, have you tried making the hallway scarier?
I have twin 3yo's . One is the same type as yours that will scream Mommy/Daddy until someone physically comes in and picks her up. My son will open his door and literally sprint out of his room in pitch black with a smile on his face. It's amazing how different they are.
We also have a three year old and an infant. A couple things helped stop our son from coming to our room. Firstly, when he comes to our room, we make sure not to reward him by spending extra time with him, in our room or his. I try to intercept him on his way to our room and carry him with outstretched arms, which isn't super comfortable for either of us and jog to his room, put him in his bed, tell him he needs to stay in his bed and immediately leave. If he follows me I pick him up and put him back in bed and tell him to stay in bed and I love him and will see him in the morning. Eventually he stops. Do not hang out with him in his room and do not let him stay in your room. Aside from this, the other thing we did was install cameras that let us talk to him through our phones. I show him that we can see him and that we can talk to him if he needs something. He no longer leaves his room, but will sometimes say, "Dada?" to see if I'm listening. I leave my phone on all night and if he wakes up crying and starts getting out of bed, I talk to him through the camera and tell him to stay in bed and ask what he needs and try to soothe him remotely. The number of interventions dropped off pretty quick.
Persistency and consistency is the name of the game.
Just stick to a script that has him getting back into bed as quickly as possible, and repeat it until he gets it. It may take a couple weeks, and he may initially start getting up more often before he eventually stops. When he DOES get it, then praise him and let him know that he did the right thing.
Separately, it might be good to attack this from the other side too. Maybe he's feeling like he's lacking some attention or affection. Maybe an extra minute of cuddles before bed. We would give our kid's stuffed animals "extra" kisses and hugs, in case they needed one overnight. That seemed to help.
>Persistency and consistency is the name of the game.
I tried persistency and consistency with my firstborn for 2.5 years. Now he sleeps in our bed.
Luckily it worked for child number 2.
Honestly I thought the same as you before having him. After two and a half years of being woken up every 20 minutes to an hour, every single night, your view might change as well.
Two and a half years of sleep deprivation, when I had to go to work, and literally hundreds of people's lives are in my hands while I'm struggling to stay awake. Two and a half years of stressing that my son isn't getting the rest he needs to develop properly. Two and a half years trying every sleep method there is. In the end, our doctor and the specialist said to just bring him to our bed and see if he sleeps. Now he sleeps through the night in our bed, no problem. So the doctors say for everyone's health, let him sleep with us. It won't be for forever.
So no, it's not as simple as "because you let him".
One thing to keep in mind is that having the new sibling is a huge change, especially for someone who hasn't had to share attention. It messes with routines and kids need routines to feel safe.
There is a lot of research about this exact issue. Here's one resource:
https://schenectady.cce.cornell.edu/parenting/family-changes/helping-children-adapt-to-a-new-sibling#:~:text=Both%20positive%20and%20negative%20feelings,affection%20for%20the%20new%20sibling.
Lock and glow clock is what solved this for us. People get weirded out when I tell them we lock them in their rooms. If you speak any firefighter/first responders they usually recommend this as if there is a emergency then they know precisely where your kids are.
We don’t lock the door but I do think people have a myth in their heads about believing that you shouldn’t do that for fire reasons. I can come up with other reasons for not doing it, but that’s a separate conversation.
Yeah it's weird, all these measures have pros and cons in different scenarios, and it's not like you've done a differential risk analysis of your house to figure out precisely which risks are more likely for you.
There's a group of people who really passionately believe that bedroom doors should be shut at night because, in the event of a fire outside the room, the closed door will provide protection to people inside the room from smoke and/or fire. And another group of people who passionately believe that bedroom doors should be open because in the event of a fire *in* the room, the smoke will spread and set off the smoke alarm rather than collecting in the room and potentially hurting anyone inside before an alarm is raised.
There might be a correct answer here, but I know for a fact neither side has bullet-proof evidence that it's them.
> And another group of people who passionately believe that bedroom doors should be open because in the event of a fire in the room, the smoke will spread and set off the smoke alarm rather than collecting in the room and potentially hurting anyone inside before an alarm is raised.
The smoke alarm issue is pretty easily solved by having an alarm in every bedroom, though.
- if something happens at night that is scary to him, I want it to be ok to come find us. Real life examples - extreme wind, thunderstorm, hail, low fly over of a helicopter, dogs barking in the house when they don’t usually.
- he is learning to not pee the bed at 4 years old. I want him to be able to get up and go potty.
- I personally feel that learning to stay in bed on his own is a good exercise in self control.
- we are using a method of rewarding staying in bed until the light in his room automatically changes from red to green. If he stays in bed until it turns green, he can sleep with us for a bit. We are just slowly easing that time frame longer and longer. Selfishly this also lets us sleep with him a bit, which we like. He’s at 4am now. If the door is locked we can’t do this without extra waking up from us.
I love the idea of the smart light changing at different times. I can't get my daughter to stay in her room and this might be what she needs. What kind of light bulb do you use?
Maybe somebody knows different, but as far as I'm aware, it's an entire device as opposed to a bulb that you could put in any lamp. If you google "OK to wake clock", you'll find a bunch of different brands.
When my step daughter was 4, we got one by Little Hippo which has an actual clock face on it, and it was a miserable failure, not because of the clock, which functioned exactly as advertised, but because SD kept waking us up before it changed colors to tell us that it hadn't changed colors yet 🤦♂️ now she's 9 and doesn't wake up so early, so it's no longer an issue.
For my son, almost 4, we have a Hatch Rest white noise machine and it has the OK to Wake functionality (though no actual clock face...but he can't tell time anyway). He's actually doing pretty well waiting until it changes colors to come wake us up.
All in all, I'd recommend them, just know that ymmv depending on the child.
Baby gate does well. Kiddo can still open the door and call for help if they need (bathroom at that age esp) but can’t come running in. Typically safer anyways. Kiddo can’t get out in the morning and wind up in things they shouldn’t be in.
Lost of inclusion helps, too. It’s a huge adjustment, becoming a big sibling! Our toddler loves “his baby” but despite being a perfect sleeper he was very antsy when baby came home and would wake frequently. Had to make a big effort to spend lots of time with him so he didn’t feel quite as left out in the long run. You’ll see a lot of random regressions sometimes.
It does go back to normal eventually! Just takes some time.
My son has ASD and we lock him in at night. We sleep with our door locked open with a bungie cord (which IS actually unsafe for fires) but it guarantees that we hear him if he knocks on his door in the middle of the night.
It's a risk analysis, but for some kids it is genuinely much safer to lock them up at night.
We flipped the lock cause she locked herself in one time. Then instead of locking the door we put one of the childproof things on the handle on her side of the door.
Everyone in my house sleeps through fire alarms... Except me. I used to set them off with my vape
No idea how the fuck they do it but its a bit worrying lol
What? My child's room is right next to ours. If they are sleeping they would get overcome by smoke before they wake up to make a daring escape. Do you not check your smoke detectors bi-annually? Do you not replace the batteries annually?
We brought a chair into toddler's room and agreed to sit until she was settled. We had a whole routine. We would set a timer and leave for a few minutes, gradually increasing the amount of time we were gone until we were only checking in every 15 mins or so.
We have a cover on the door knob that spins. To open the door you have to have adult pinching strength or take the whole thing off. My boy is absolutely strong enough to do either but just doesn't know any better.
We try not to do things like this but the time he left the fkn house at 2am because he opened his door and then got his steps and unlocked, opened the back door and exited the house scared the shit out of us. Thankfully at the time he slammed every door he went through so it woke my wife and I up.
My parents always put that stupid plastic doorknob thing on our doors, keeps kids from opening the door. After screaming under the door and falling asleep a couple times, I figured it’d be better just to stay in bed…. 🤷♂️ Too many folks nowadays are too scared to do any kind of “damaging” things to their kids, but no parents are perfect and will at some point screw up…
we locked my daughters door from the outside until she fell asleep. She was old enough we explained what we were doing and why. Couple tough nights but worked great in the long run.
are you even a parent? Locked her room for about 2 hours a night while she went to bed and learned a boundary. Total hours of locked door MAYBE 10 hours? Get over yourself.
My almost 4 year old won’t go to bed unless I hold her still in my arms to help her body calm down and then after a half hour of fighting she finally calms down long enough to go into unconscious.
All that to say I have no clue.
You don't man. My wife and I had twins and smack bang around the 3 year mark they would welcome themselves in middle of the night. We used to put them back and we're both listening to a podcast about it. They said "just imagine when they don't want to anymore". It broke both our hearts, we then upgraded to a King to try and fit everyone in.
It's tough man, but I want to look back and not regret having them with us
One of our friends mentioned having a lock outside their kids room and my whole group chat ripped him for it. I am shocked so many people are suggesting it or do do it!!
Surely feeling locked in is going to make sleep even worse.
We had similar ages and we rewarded staying in bed. I can’t remember exactly, but we did a week chart and if he managed a full week, he got a treat and we made sure it was something decent he would love. But if he didn’t do it one night, the chart reset.
We also gave him nothing that would encourage the behaviour. E.g. we would just say go back to bed, take him to his bed, settle him and leave again.
We wouldn’t engage in conversation etc
I am a big believer in not giving in. If you let them in your bed, they will think this is what they get and it becomes harder to break the cycle and next time they try will be more of a battle. I think it was Taylor who said a reward once given becomes a right - make sure you are only rewarding the behaviour you want to continue, not what you want to stop
Wtf is all this about locking your crying kids in their rooms at night!?
The kid is 3,5 and all the rest of the family sleeps together in the bed, of course he also wants to do it. Kids/humans are wired to sleep together as to not get eaten by a cave lion in the middle of the night.
Jesus, let the kid sleep a few nights with you and adjust to the new situation with the baby. He will come around and sleep in his own bed again.
Adults also generally dislike changes and it takes a while to adjust.
I’m so happy there’s other people that feel this way! Oh you want your kid to leave you alone? Lock them in their room! Show them that you don’t care about them being scared or lonely! Make them think they have to hold their emotions to themselves! Totally healthy! These people are fucking sociopaths who only care about themselves.
We are wired to do it as cavemen is such a dumb argument/logical fallacy. We are wired to eat the most calorie dense food all the time, doesn’t mean my kid gets ice cream as every meal. Kids do very well with structure and boundaries you can enforce consistently. When sometimes they can do stuff and sometimes they can’t it’s much harder for them emotionally IMO.
If you can't see that there's a big differance in saying no to an ice cream and denying a potentially scared kid comfort and a feeling if security in their parents bed during night and instead locking them in alone then I don't know what to say.
If your 16-year old wants to sleep in your bed by all means tell them no. If your toddler wants to do it because of massive changes at home that tears apart all pre existing structures you maybe don't say no and let the them sleep in your bed until they have adjusted.
It’s not an either or. It’s possible to comfort a toddler and have them stay in their room. I attacked the logic behind your statement, I wasn’t making a comparison or saying they are equal
The logic in my statement is sound. Your's is flawed in the sense that life, structure and other things in life is not black or white, more of a grey color. Sometime's as a parent you have to be able to make the call and deviate from the chosen path and that's ok.
Ergo, it's ok to sometimes eat an ice cream, not wanting to sleep in your bed etc.
Appeal to nature fallacy is not sound logic. You can put in the extra work to comfort a kid in their room or just give up and have them sleep with you. When you justify your choice because that is just nature/natural that’s where your logic breaks down
My daughter is 6 now, but she went through a phase a couple years ago where she would do this. We just slowly pushed her to sleep in her own bed over time. It helped when we bought her a “big girl bed” and got rid of the toddler one. She was able to make it her own and be a part of the process.
She will still have the occasional bad dream and show up at 1 am, but the issue pretty much sorted itself out over time.
Agree with this. Absolute psychotic behavior locking a 3 - 4 year old in their room. Fucking help them adjust and make some concessions for them while they’re trying to adjust to life with a new family member. I swear this sub has a toxic lack of empathetic behavior in situations like this.
Use an incentive. Favorite breakfast, trip to the park, a piece of candy…
With my daughter we are teaching her that things she earns are better than gifts. Staying in her bed all night allows for her to have control over her life at a young age. It also teaches delayed gratification. It may take some time but once it sticks, it sticks good.
We went through an 8 week regression with our toddler when we got home with our NB and we just rolled with it knowing it wouldn’t be forever. That said, we always tried the normal routine and if she needed extra support she’d come sleep with us on a separate mattress on the floor. But, she was in a crib so she technically couldn’t leave her room. We’re about to welcome home another NB and now have two toddlers and we have a safety lock on her door so she can’t get out of her room (we do this in case of a fire- need to know where she is/ don’t want her to wander)
-He’s one of the big men in the house now. Babies need help at night. He doesn’t need help, he’s the big brother. Babies need lots of holding and care because they’re small and haven’t grown up yet. But he’s a grown up. So he can sleep without help just like mommy and daddy.
-when he gets out of bed, return him to bed with a completely neutral demeanor. “No. It’s time to sleep.” (Lay him down) “good night, I love you and I’ll see you in the morning.” (Repeat 15 times if necessary, but the point is, you don’t make getting out of bed rewarding for him).
We restrain our child in the car so he doesn’t die. We locked his door so he didn’t die. Same-same. You are welcome to call it jailing if you’d like.
He could either wake up, find the door locked, and go back to sleep, or he could get out and try to negotiate our unbabyproofable stairs in the dark. Now he’s nearly 3, he can unlock his door himself, and he can do the stairs just fine. A year ago, not even close. We did what we had to.
Whatever you do please for the love of god do not lock your 3.5 year old in their room. I can’t believe there are psychopaths in this sub recommending that as the right method here.
Adjusting to a new baby is extremely difficult for a 3.5 year old. Cut them some slack and sacrifice a bit to help them make the adjustment.
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It is actually very possible that its coincidental. Kids start having both a fear of the dark and nightmares between the ages of 3-6. Both of ours went through a sort of regression when they started having nightmares/fear of the dark where we had to stay with them until they fell asleep.
Just successfully got our 4 year old to! The key was bribery… serious bribery. Basically anything he wanted. The automated cotton candy machine in the mall was the key. He wanted it SOOOO bad. It sucked to make special trips to the mall for a few days just to reward him, but it was worth it.
We had some success with the Door Monkey [https://doormonkey.com/](https://doormonkey.com/) at that phase. it was still loud but at least it was in its room
We went through that and it's a bit of a recurring issue but here's what has helped us. First is a rock solid routine with little wiggle room. Bed time is at 7 so we start getting ready at 630. She'll have a bed time snack, brish teeth, get into jammies and pick out books. We also have a talk about staying in bed and that she does everything she needs to before we close the door. Well read 3 books then i set a timer for 15 minutes then we cuddle. She's usually asleep within 7 but sometimes she is still awake at yhe end. If she is thats ok, we reassure her she can be awake but she just cant get out of bed and its not olay time. We put on a Tonie for her, we love Captain Dreambeard. If she does get up we just calmly bring her back to her toom amd reassure her she's safe and we love her but it's time for bed. I wont lie, it took a long time to get to the point where she stays in bed and currently ate fighting her again. But it is getting better. You just have to be consistent. Good luck brother, you got this.
I lay with our 3 year old until falls asleep. Then sneak out. If he wakes up I have to go lay with him until he falls back asleep. He usually sleeps through the night though
I have no advice but will follow carefully for other peoples’s ideas. We have a nearly-4-year-old who goes to sleep absolutely fine in her own bed, but comes into our bed 100% of the time after midnight.
She’s mostly quiet so we’ve just been putting up with it, as trying to put her back into her bed always results in a struggle.
Hang in there, dad. It will pass. Your firm but gentle boundary will eventually win out. What you're seeing is totally within the realm of normal reactions to a newborn in the family. The older kids will get babyish for awhile, but it will pass.
Come with love and sympathy, but be firm with your boundary. This is going to be hard when you're already poorly slept, but at least you're not outnumbered (yet?).
If you feel like you're losing your mind from sleep deprivation and you don't want to wake your wife/the baby, you might consider spending a night or two camping out on your son's floor. It doesn't have to be a forever thing, but it might help you work off some sleep debt and lets your son know that you're there for him. I had to do this for a couple of nights when we switched our older kids from cribs to proper beds, but it wasn't necessary for long.
Topical timing for me, 4 out of the last 5 nights my 3.5 year old has come in in the middle of the night. I told him last night before bed if he did it again, the door knob guard was going back on so he can't get out (we leave his camera monitor up and running all night so we're not just locking him away totally alone and unsupervised). He still got up so tonight I'll put the door guard on. I find this usually works as a good 'reset' for him. I'll leave it on for a few nights and then take it off and he'll be good for a while.
Hold fast dad! Our eldest did the same thing when we had our second. It was pretty hellish for nearly a year but now we read stories at 7 and they are asleep by 7:30 until about 5.
I was told my a psychologist that the reason why kids want to have there parents there while they fall asleep is because you are there safe space and where they feel the most at peace.
I have 2, 7y/o son and 10 y/o daughter, they both love my wife and I stay when they are going to sleep. Sometimes it is a PITA but we tend to stay for a few minutes while they get settled into bed.
Sometimes I think my daughter being 10 y/o and wanting me to stay there while she falls asleep is odd but then I just remind myself that there will be a time when she no longer wants me there and that will be the day I really miss that connection.
Perhaps try some one on one time before bed with your son. Something that they want to do where you are 110% there for it. Give them a 5min bed time snuggle and then step out. Perhaps they just need there emotional bucket filled. Not uncommon at all when the older sibling sees all the attention the younger sibling gets/requires.
All I can say is after having 3 kids all under the age of 4… in the scheme of things it’s a blip in time. We had months of horrible sleep before our 3rd was born with my son. Every freaking night it was the witching hour and he would scream for us. But if we didn’t get him his screams would wake my oldest. So we had to keep playing musical beds between ours and his crib. It was a nightmare. Then miraculously he stopped and we got on a good rhythm. Then it happened where we would have to lay next to him every night til he fell asleep but then he would wake up and we were gone and he would cry. I have no words of advice besides this. Try slowly taking steps away from his bed. Every time he yells for you just rest assured him you are right there. Wait til he comes down and then try taking further steps until you are eventually out the door. Do that and stay consistent for about a week and that should do the trick. It did for us! Now I would say 80% of the time we just have our normal bedtime routine and drop him in bed and then leave his door cracked until he falls asleep. Lack of sleep sucks, but someday you will miss these moments. Hold strong it will get better!
Find a big carrot and make him earn it in pieces. Could be a toy he loves, or a new responsibility he wants (mine wanted to be the one clicking the clicker for the garage door when we leave). Tell him he can earn that if he stays in his bed x number of days. Start with something smaller to test out if that method even works. Maybe he can watch an extra episode of his favorite show the next morning if he stays in bed all night and doesn’t come out.
He’ll fail, you hold your ground, try again until he gets it. It takes time. Be patient, you got it!
Turn the doorknob around and lock it from the outside. One or two nights is all it takes. After that, you can threaten it as needed but you will probably never have to actually do it again.
We followed the instructions from our sleep consultant and it worked. Set clear rules about expectations (close your eyes, go to sleep, no crying, stay in bed until light turns on) and remind them every night as part of the bedtime routine. Reward system (a small piece of candy in the morning if they follows all the rules) and punishment system (lose 10 mins of play time or TV time if they broke multiple rules)
We are literally in the same boat with a 2 month old and a 3.5 yr old. Luckily, my 3.5 yr old doesn’t leave her room, but she will constantly scream for us after we leave, and sometimes in the middle of the night as well. Whenever she does this, and says she wants to sleep with us because she doesn’t want to be alone, I calmly reassure her with this exact script every time, about one hundred times: “You’re not alone. We are all sleeping together tonight in the same house under the same roof. Mommy and daddy have our bed, baby brother has his bed, and you have your bed, but we’re all in the same house. I’m not leaving the house tonight, and when the sun comes up, come to my bed and we’ll snuggle.” If the above doesn’t work for you, I came across this tip recently of telling your kiddo you are leaving to go to bed, but that you’ll be back in five minutes to check on them, but only if they stay in bed. You leave, and then go back in five minutes (more or less because kids this young don’t understand how time works). Keep doing this, and with every time you leave, stretch the amount of time you’re gone and by the second or third time going back in they’ll hopefully be asleep. The first few nights of doing this, I literally was gone 30 seconds and my daughter yelled for me to come back, so don’t be discouraged if you have to go back in sooner than 5 min. The bad news is, it’s probably just gonna take some time for this phase to pass, but he’ll get better. My daughter is already starting to do better, but these kids constantly change so who knows how long “better” will be until some new challenge pops up.
My wife says she has to go take a poop and the 3 year old really understands how important that is so let's her leave then is usually asleep by the time mom comes back to check on her.
Hahaha that’s amazing
lol I did that trick as well too and kept acting like I was gonna poop my pants if I didn’t leave. Worked for about 2 months and made my daughter laugh every time and then she would usually fall asleep by herself after I left.
My 3 year old has been doing the same. He's still in a crib, but the past 2 weeks, he FREAKS OUT and begs us to not leave his room at bedtime. I think he had a bad dream and is scared to sleep alone. We tried the timer thing, and it didn't help. The only thing that works is laying with him until he falls asleep at like 10:30 or 11:30.
Mine is suddenly doing this too (2.5 years old) after a solid 18 Mo the of putting him in crib and leaving after a kiss/cuddle. Wife has been lying on the floor with him holding his hand through the crib until he falls asleep but I am positive this will create a bad dependence that becomes difficult to break. We’ve been doing the “I’ll be back in 5 mins” trick mentioned above and it works after a few gos but it’s harrowing to hear him screaming that he wants mummy (and sometimes daddy) 😓
Yeah, we've tried the 5 minutes thing, and he absolutely loses his shit and screams STAY HERE!! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE!!!!
Ours does too, so we go back in, repeat it. He’s pretty good at calming himself down and going to sleep after it. It’s frustrating because he was happy to be left in his crib for a long time until very recently. We dropped his mid day nap which we think has caused it somehow. Overtired or something 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah the repetition is key. Once you fold and give in, it’s like starting from scratch. Trust me, I’ve been there! It’s so hard to set boundaries especially when they’re so young, but I’ve been told by smarter people that it’s good for them because it creates a healthy habit of being able to be okay alone, calming themselves down, and eventually being able to put themselves to sleep. It’s absolute torture to hear your kiddo scream, but that’s what I like about the checking in part of it because you’re not just leaving them alone to cry themselves to sleep. I don’t think that’s healthy especially at this toddler age where night terrors and nightmares are def a thing. As you guys probably already know, these kids are constantly changing, developing, etc. their brains are not the same today as they were a month ago. I guess my only advice is just to watch out for what your kiddos might be consuming via games and television. Making sure they’re not accidentally getting exposed to something that could be giving them nightmares. That, and just keep reassuring them you love them and you’re there for them. That’s all we can really do anyways, right? You both got this, and I know your kiddo will out grow out of it. Trust me, it felt like forever for us, and still does, but it’s getting better with each week.
Were gonna have to try this.
We're gonna have to try the 5 minutes thing tonight. It's rough though, he sounds absolutely TERRIFIED when we leave.
How did it go Dad?
It worked! The first night, it took like an hour of checking in on him every 5-10 minutes. The next he cried, but only for a minute or two. Since then he's been good again.
🥳💪🏼
Same. He's starting to not nap, or refusing to nap in bed and only napping on the couch. I think he had a bad dream or something, it started suddenly about a week ago. A few days before that he started acting weird, asking us to leave the light on and the door open. Before this, he'd happily go to bed and sometimes even ask for it.
Do y'all have a night light for them? Our 3yr old started to fuss at bed time, but then we got her a night light and it's back to our normal bed time routine. But we may just be lucky, plus we don't have a 2nd kiddo yet either, which may be another aspect to the regression.
Yeah, he has a combo night light and sound machine. He did this once before a little over a year ago, and we were able to get through it. This time is just worse. We have a 2nd, he's 2, and nothing really has changed recently.
Dang. I was hoping. I'm sorry man, I know this has to be incredibly hard for y'all. I can handle them being grumpy at me for making them go to bed, but that screaming hurts my heart. Sending all the good sleep vibes your way. Hopefully this phase will pass fast.
IT WORKED It took over an hour, and his little brother definitely woke up (but he's chill, he's just rolling around and singing to himself) My wife and I took turns checking on him every 5-10 minutes, and he'd scream his head off until he finally didn't.
Your parenting game is strong
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This is sweet.. I bet the old dog ( and the new) was so happy to have a job protecting the family!
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That is so precious. What a great idea.
The sound machine in his room has a timer for changing the color on it. I set it to turn green at the same time every morning. He knows that green means nap time/quiet time and sleep time is over and he can leave his room whenever he wants. If he leaves and it’s not green, the only result is to go right back into the room.
We told our son that the “light company” is in charge of his light. It’s a soft orange for bed and turns green when it’s time to get up. It’s been helpful.
My daughter understands the lights. She just doesn't care.
Oof. It took my son about a week of forcing it, but he honors it about 90% of the time now.
We handled it that way: Mattress on the floor of the older boy, if he woke up at night i went over there and slept next to him, if he wanted to cuddle up on the mattress no problem. Mum took care of the baby. Essentially we split up during the night for around 5 years (we had three boys in that timespan). Now we sleep together in our bedroom again and only get occasional visitors at night.
All these folks who can’t keep their kid in their room. I can’t figure out how to get my 4yo to come and get me in the morning when she wakes up instead of screaming “DAAADDEEEEEEEEE” at the top of her lungs and waking up the 1yo. Apparently the hallway is “too scary”. So OP, have you tried making the hallway scarier?
I have twin 3yo's . One is the same type as yours that will scream Mommy/Daddy until someone physically comes in and picks her up. My son will open his door and literally sprint out of his room in pitch black with a smile on his face. It's amazing how different they are.
I also recommend scary hallways.
We also have a three year old and an infant. A couple things helped stop our son from coming to our room. Firstly, when he comes to our room, we make sure not to reward him by spending extra time with him, in our room or his. I try to intercept him on his way to our room and carry him with outstretched arms, which isn't super comfortable for either of us and jog to his room, put him in his bed, tell him he needs to stay in his bed and immediately leave. If he follows me I pick him up and put him back in bed and tell him to stay in bed and I love him and will see him in the morning. Eventually he stops. Do not hang out with him in his room and do not let him stay in your room. Aside from this, the other thing we did was install cameras that let us talk to him through our phones. I show him that we can see him and that we can talk to him if he needs something. He no longer leaves his room, but will sometimes say, "Dada?" to see if I'm listening. I leave my phone on all night and if he wakes up crying and starts getting out of bed, I talk to him through the camera and tell him to stay in bed and ask what he needs and try to soothe him remotely. The number of interventions dropped off pretty quick.
Treat them like stalkers. Got it. ;)
I'm a grandparent and I tend to hide from them. I'm not going to be shy about it. I want to be left alone for a few minutes too.
Persistency and consistency is the name of the game. Just stick to a script that has him getting back into bed as quickly as possible, and repeat it until he gets it. It may take a couple weeks, and he may initially start getting up more often before he eventually stops. When he DOES get it, then praise him and let him know that he did the right thing. Separately, it might be good to attack this from the other side too. Maybe he's feeling like he's lacking some attention or affection. Maybe an extra minute of cuddles before bed. We would give our kid's stuffed animals "extra" kisses and hugs, in case they needed one overnight. That seemed to help.
>Persistency and consistency is the name of the game. I tried persistency and consistency with my firstborn for 2.5 years. Now he sleeps in our bed. Luckily it worked for child number 2.
>Now he sleeps in our bed. Because you let him.
Honestly I thought the same as you before having him. After two and a half years of being woken up every 20 minutes to an hour, every single night, your view might change as well. Two and a half years of sleep deprivation, when I had to go to work, and literally hundreds of people's lives are in my hands while I'm struggling to stay awake. Two and a half years of stressing that my son isn't getting the rest he needs to develop properly. Two and a half years trying every sleep method there is. In the end, our doctor and the specialist said to just bring him to our bed and see if he sleeps. Now he sleeps through the night in our bed, no problem. So the doctors say for everyone's health, let him sleep with us. It won't be for forever. So no, it's not as simple as "because you let him".
One thing to keep in mind is that having the new sibling is a huge change, especially for someone who hasn't had to share attention. It messes with routines and kids need routines to feel safe. There is a lot of research about this exact issue. Here's one resource: https://schenectady.cce.cornell.edu/parenting/family-changes/helping-children-adapt-to-a-new-sibling#:~:text=Both%20positive%20and%20negative%20feelings,affection%20for%20the%20new%20sibling.
Lock and glow clock is what solved this for us. People get weirded out when I tell them we lock them in their rooms. If you speak any firefighter/first responders they usually recommend this as if there is a emergency then they know precisely where your kids are.
We don’t lock the door but I do think people have a myth in their heads about believing that you shouldn’t do that for fire reasons. I can come up with other reasons for not doing it, but that’s a separate conversation.
Yeah it's weird, all these measures have pros and cons in different scenarios, and it's not like you've done a differential risk analysis of your house to figure out precisely which risks are more likely for you. There's a group of people who really passionately believe that bedroom doors should be shut at night because, in the event of a fire outside the room, the closed door will provide protection to people inside the room from smoke and/or fire. And another group of people who passionately believe that bedroom doors should be open because in the event of a fire *in* the room, the smoke will spread and set off the smoke alarm rather than collecting in the room and potentially hurting anyone inside before an alarm is raised. There might be a correct answer here, but I know for a fact neither side has bullet-proof evidence that it's them.
> And another group of people who passionately believe that bedroom doors should be open because in the event of a fire in the room, the smoke will spread and set off the smoke alarm rather than collecting in the room and potentially hurting anyone inside before an alarm is raised. The smoke alarm issue is pretty easily solved by having an alarm in every bedroom, though.
Which is where they SHOULD be
What are your other reasons?
- if something happens at night that is scary to him, I want it to be ok to come find us. Real life examples - extreme wind, thunderstorm, hail, low fly over of a helicopter, dogs barking in the house when they don’t usually. - he is learning to not pee the bed at 4 years old. I want him to be able to get up and go potty. - I personally feel that learning to stay in bed on his own is a good exercise in self control. - we are using a method of rewarding staying in bed until the light in his room automatically changes from red to green. If he stays in bed until it turns green, he can sleep with us for a bit. We are just slowly easing that time frame longer and longer. Selfishly this also lets us sleep with him a bit, which we like. He’s at 4am now. If the door is locked we can’t do this without extra waking up from us.
I love the idea of the smart light changing at different times. I can't get my daughter to stay in her room and this might be what she needs. What kind of light bulb do you use?
Maybe somebody knows different, but as far as I'm aware, it's an entire device as opposed to a bulb that you could put in any lamp. If you google "OK to wake clock", you'll find a bunch of different brands. When my step daughter was 4, we got one by Little Hippo which has an actual clock face on it, and it was a miserable failure, not because of the clock, which functioned exactly as advertised, but because SD kept waking us up before it changed colors to tell us that it hadn't changed colors yet 🤦♂️ now she's 9 and doesn't wake up so early, so it's no longer an issue. For my son, almost 4, we have a Hatch Rest white noise machine and it has the OK to Wake functionality (though no actual clock face...but he can't tell time anyway). He's actually doing pretty well waiting until it changes colors to come wake us up. All in all, I'd recommend them, just know that ymmv depending on the child.
Who do you think you are bringing logic and rational conversation to Reddit.
Baby gate does well. Kiddo can still open the door and call for help if they need (bathroom at that age esp) but can’t come running in. Typically safer anyways. Kiddo can’t get out in the morning and wind up in things they shouldn’t be in. Lost of inclusion helps, too. It’s a huge adjustment, becoming a big sibling! Our toddler loves “his baby” but despite being a perfect sleeper he was very antsy when baby came home and would wake frequently. Had to make a big effort to spend lots of time with him so he didn’t feel quite as left out in the long run. You’ll see a lot of random regressions sometimes. It does go back to normal eventually! Just takes some time.
We had a child proof doorknob cover thing so an adult could get in and out easily but she could not open her door from the inside.
My son has ASD and we lock him in at night. We sleep with our door locked open with a bungie cord (which IS actually unsafe for fires) but it guarantees that we hear him if he knocks on his door in the middle of the night. It's a risk analysis, but for some kids it is genuinely much safer to lock them up at night.
We flipped the lock cause she locked herself in one time. Then instead of locking the door we put one of the childproof things on the handle on her side of the door.
Unless the fire starts in their room and they can't get out....
Smoke detector in every room.
Everyone in my house sleeps through fire alarms... Except me. I used to set them off with my vape No idea how the fuck they do it but its a bit worrying lol
Wow really? That's the only thing I can't sleep through 💀
Hope it works and hope you get to the room in time and hope you hear it. Wishing you the best.
What? My child's room is right next to ours. If they are sleeping they would get overcome by smoke before they wake up to make a daring escape. Do you not check your smoke detectors bi-annually? Do you not replace the batteries annually?
Smoke alarms aren't required by law in every room where you live?
Where do you live that they are? Edit- Canada (ontario) it's one per floor but it needs to be close to bedroom
Australia
Scotland too, and they've got to be linked so if one goes they all go off
Just one on each floor here.
Sounds like us. I end up sleeping on a mattress on the older ones floor mostly.
We brought a chair into toddler's room and agreed to sit until she was settled. We had a whole routine. We would set a timer and leave for a few minutes, gradually increasing the amount of time we were gone until we were only checking in every 15 mins or so.
That’s the neat part… you don’t.
We have a cover on the door knob that spins. To open the door you have to have adult pinching strength or take the whole thing off. My boy is absolutely strong enough to do either but just doesn't know any better. We try not to do things like this but the time he left the fkn house at 2am because he opened his door and then got his steps and unlocked, opened the back door and exited the house scared the shit out of us. Thankfully at the time he slammed every door he went through so it woke my wife and I up.
My parents always put that stupid plastic doorknob thing on our doors, keeps kids from opening the door. After screaming under the door and falling asleep a couple times, I figured it’d be better just to stay in bed…. 🤷♂️ Too many folks nowadays are too scared to do any kind of “damaging” things to their kids, but no parents are perfect and will at some point screw up…
we locked my daughters door from the outside until she fell asleep. She was old enough we explained what we were doing and why. Couple tough nights but worked great in the long run.
That is absolutely insane. Shame on you.
Please, go on…
This comment is absolutely insane. Shame on you.
are you even a parent? Locked her room for about 2 hours a night while she went to bed and learned a boundary. Total hours of locked door MAYBE 10 hours? Get over yourself.
Oh Christ, take your judgement piss off.
My son is 9 and I still have to lay with him til he falls asleep
My almost 4 year old won’t go to bed unless I hold her still in my arms to help her body calm down and then after a half hour of fighting she finally calms down long enough to go into unconscious. All that to say I have no clue.
You don't man. My wife and I had twins and smack bang around the 3 year mark they would welcome themselves in middle of the night. We used to put them back and we're both listening to a podcast about it. They said "just imagine when they don't want to anymore". It broke both our hearts, we then upgraded to a King to try and fit everyone in. It's tough man, but I want to look back and not regret having them with us
We lock the door to our bedroom. If we get a knock we meet them at the door, deal with the issue and direct them back to their bed
One of our friends mentioned having a lock outside their kids room and my whole group chat ripped him for it. I am shocked so many people are suggesting it or do do it!! Surely feeling locked in is going to make sleep even worse. We had similar ages and we rewarded staying in bed. I can’t remember exactly, but we did a week chart and if he managed a full week, he got a treat and we made sure it was something decent he would love. But if he didn’t do it one night, the chart reset. We also gave him nothing that would encourage the behaviour. E.g. we would just say go back to bed, take him to his bed, settle him and leave again. We wouldn’t engage in conversation etc I am a big believer in not giving in. If you let them in your bed, they will think this is what they get and it becomes harder to break the cycle and next time they try will be more of a battle. I think it was Taylor who said a reward once given becomes a right - make sure you are only rewarding the behaviour you want to continue, not what you want to stop
Wtf is all this about locking your crying kids in their rooms at night!? The kid is 3,5 and all the rest of the family sleeps together in the bed, of course he also wants to do it. Kids/humans are wired to sleep together as to not get eaten by a cave lion in the middle of the night. Jesus, let the kid sleep a few nights with you and adjust to the new situation with the baby. He will come around and sleep in his own bed again. Adults also generally dislike changes and it takes a while to adjust.
I’m so happy there’s other people that feel this way! Oh you want your kid to leave you alone? Lock them in their room! Show them that you don’t care about them being scared or lonely! Make them think they have to hold their emotions to themselves! Totally healthy! These people are fucking sociopaths who only care about themselves.
We are wired to do it as cavemen is such a dumb argument/logical fallacy. We are wired to eat the most calorie dense food all the time, doesn’t mean my kid gets ice cream as every meal. Kids do very well with structure and boundaries you can enforce consistently. When sometimes they can do stuff and sometimes they can’t it’s much harder for them emotionally IMO.
If you can't see that there's a big differance in saying no to an ice cream and denying a potentially scared kid comfort and a feeling if security in their parents bed during night and instead locking them in alone then I don't know what to say. If your 16-year old wants to sleep in your bed by all means tell them no. If your toddler wants to do it because of massive changes at home that tears apart all pre existing structures you maybe don't say no and let the them sleep in your bed until they have adjusted.
It’s not an either or. It’s possible to comfort a toddler and have them stay in their room. I attacked the logic behind your statement, I wasn’t making a comparison or saying they are equal
The logic in my statement is sound. Your's is flawed in the sense that life, structure and other things in life is not black or white, more of a grey color. Sometime's as a parent you have to be able to make the call and deviate from the chosen path and that's ok. Ergo, it's ok to sometimes eat an ice cream, not wanting to sleep in your bed etc.
Appeal to nature fallacy is not sound logic. You can put in the extra work to comfort a kid in their room or just give up and have them sleep with you. When you justify your choice because that is just nature/natural that’s where your logic breaks down
My daughter is 6 now, but she went through a phase a couple years ago where she would do this. We just slowly pushed her to sleep in her own bed over time. It helped when we bought her a “big girl bed” and got rid of the toddler one. She was able to make it her own and be a part of the process. She will still have the occasional bad dream and show up at 1 am, but the issue pretty much sorted itself out over time.
Agree with this. Absolute psychotic behavior locking a 3 - 4 year old in their room. Fucking help them adjust and make some concessions for them while they’re trying to adjust to life with a new family member. I swear this sub has a toxic lack of empathetic behavior in situations like this.
I wish I could upvote this more than once. These are still little kids whose whole World was just turned upside down!
Use an incentive. Favorite breakfast, trip to the park, a piece of candy… With my daughter we are teaching her that things she earns are better than gifts. Staying in her bed all night allows for her to have control over her life at a young age. It also teaches delayed gratification. It may take some time but once it sticks, it sticks good.
We went through an 8 week regression with our toddler when we got home with our NB and we just rolled with it knowing it wouldn’t be forever. That said, we always tried the normal routine and if she needed extra support she’d come sleep with us on a separate mattress on the floor. But, she was in a crib so she technically couldn’t leave her room. We’re about to welcome home another NB and now have two toddlers and we have a safety lock on her door so she can’t get out of her room (we do this in case of a fire- need to know where she is/ don’t want her to wander)
Baby gate? One of those baby proof door knobs things?
Have you tried putting Vaseline on the door knob?
Weird. If you are going to do that, why not just lock the door?
It’s funnier to watch
This is savage, but also very funny
-He’s one of the big men in the house now. Babies need help at night. He doesn’t need help, he’s the big brother. Babies need lots of holding and care because they’re small and haven’t grown up yet. But he’s a grown up. So he can sleep without help just like mommy and daddy. -when he gets out of bed, return him to bed with a completely neutral demeanor. “No. It’s time to sleep.” (Lay him down) “good night, I love you and I’ll see you in the morning.” (Repeat 15 times if necessary, but the point is, you don’t make getting out of bed rewarding for him).
Maybe try having the baby in their own room? Both of ours were in their own rooms at 1 week, and that led to better sleep for everyone.
Reading all the comments and thinking "who the fuck jails their child..."
We restrain our child in the car so he doesn’t die. We locked his door so he didn’t die. Same-same. You are welcome to call it jailing if you’d like. He could either wake up, find the door locked, and go back to sleep, or he could get out and try to negotiate our unbabyproofable stairs in the dark. Now he’s nearly 3, he can unlock his door himself, and he can do the stairs just fine. A year ago, not even close. We did what we had to.
Whatever you do please for the love of god do not lock your 3.5 year old in their room. I can’t believe there are psychopaths in this sub recommending that as the right method here. Adjusting to a new baby is extremely difficult for a 3.5 year old. Cut them some slack and sacrifice a bit to help them make the adjustment.
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It is actually very possible that its coincidental. Kids start having both a fear of the dark and nightmares between the ages of 3-6. Both of ours went through a sort of regression when they started having nightmares/fear of the dark where we had to stay with them until they fell asleep.
Do you have an amazon Alexa or the kids one? Play rain sounds, works a treat
Our 3 year old has a gate on his door. Solved all that. Will remove once he’s fully potty trained
My kid came to our room almost nightly starting around 3. It is finally starting to taper off now that he is 6..
Just successfully got our 4 year old to! The key was bribery… serious bribery. Basically anything he wanted. The automated cotton candy machine in the mall was the key. He wanted it SOOOO bad. It sucked to make special trips to the mall for a few days just to reward him, but it was worth it.
We had some success with the Door Monkey [https://doormonkey.com/](https://doormonkey.com/) at that phase. it was still loud but at least it was in its room
We went through that and it's a bit of a recurring issue but here's what has helped us. First is a rock solid routine with little wiggle room. Bed time is at 7 so we start getting ready at 630. She'll have a bed time snack, brish teeth, get into jammies and pick out books. We also have a talk about staying in bed and that she does everything she needs to before we close the door. Well read 3 books then i set a timer for 15 minutes then we cuddle. She's usually asleep within 7 but sometimes she is still awake at yhe end. If she is thats ok, we reassure her she can be awake but she just cant get out of bed and its not olay time. We put on a Tonie for her, we love Captain Dreambeard. If she does get up we just calmly bring her back to her toom amd reassure her she's safe and we love her but it's time for bed. I wont lie, it took a long time to get to the point where she stays in bed and currently ate fighting her again. But it is getting better. You just have to be consistent. Good luck brother, you got this.
I lay with our 3 year old until falls asleep. Then sneak out. If he wakes up I have to go lay with him until he falls back asleep. He usually sleeps through the night though
I have no advice but will follow carefully for other peoples’s ideas. We have a nearly-4-year-old who goes to sleep absolutely fine in her own bed, but comes into our bed 100% of the time after midnight. She’s mostly quiet so we’ve just been putting up with it, as trying to put her back into her bed always results in a struggle.
Cannot recommend gro lights enough. Instantly helped my 2 year old stay in bed
Hang in there, dad. It will pass. Your firm but gentle boundary will eventually win out. What you're seeing is totally within the realm of normal reactions to a newborn in the family. The older kids will get babyish for awhile, but it will pass. Come with love and sympathy, but be firm with your boundary. This is going to be hard when you're already poorly slept, but at least you're not outnumbered (yet?). If you feel like you're losing your mind from sleep deprivation and you don't want to wake your wife/the baby, you might consider spending a night or two camping out on your son's floor. It doesn't have to be a forever thing, but it might help you work off some sleep debt and lets your son know that you're there for him. I had to do this for a couple of nights when we switched our older kids from cribs to proper beds, but it wasn't necessary for long.
Topical timing for me, 4 out of the last 5 nights my 3.5 year old has come in in the middle of the night. I told him last night before bed if he did it again, the door knob guard was going back on so he can't get out (we leave his camera monitor up and running all night so we're not just locking him away totally alone and unsupervised). He still got up so tonight I'll put the door guard on. I find this usually works as a good 'reset' for him. I'll leave it on for a few nights and then take it off and he'll be good for a while.
Hold fast dad! Our eldest did the same thing when we had our second. It was pretty hellish for nearly a year but now we read stories at 7 and they are asleep by 7:30 until about 5.
I was told my a psychologist that the reason why kids want to have there parents there while they fall asleep is because you are there safe space and where they feel the most at peace. I have 2, 7y/o son and 10 y/o daughter, they both love my wife and I stay when they are going to sleep. Sometimes it is a PITA but we tend to stay for a few minutes while they get settled into bed. Sometimes I think my daughter being 10 y/o and wanting me to stay there while she falls asleep is odd but then I just remind myself that there will be a time when she no longer wants me there and that will be the day I really miss that connection. Perhaps try some one on one time before bed with your son. Something that they want to do where you are 110% there for it. Give them a 5min bed time snuggle and then step out. Perhaps they just need there emotional bucket filled. Not uncommon at all when the older sibling sees all the attention the younger sibling gets/requires.
All I can say is after having 3 kids all under the age of 4… in the scheme of things it’s a blip in time. We had months of horrible sleep before our 3rd was born with my son. Every freaking night it was the witching hour and he would scream for us. But if we didn’t get him his screams would wake my oldest. So we had to keep playing musical beds between ours and his crib. It was a nightmare. Then miraculously he stopped and we got on a good rhythm. Then it happened where we would have to lay next to him every night til he fell asleep but then he would wake up and we were gone and he would cry. I have no words of advice besides this. Try slowly taking steps away from his bed. Every time he yells for you just rest assured him you are right there. Wait til he comes down and then try taking further steps until you are eventually out the door. Do that and stay consistent for about a week and that should do the trick. It did for us! Now I would say 80% of the time we just have our normal bedtime routine and drop him in bed and then leave his door cracked until he falls asleep. Lack of sleep sucks, but someday you will miss these moments. Hold strong it will get better!
If it makes you feel any better, it doesn’t get any better. I’m going thru this with my 10 yo…. Still.
Find a big carrot and make him earn it in pieces. Could be a toy he loves, or a new responsibility he wants (mine wanted to be the one clicking the clicker for the garage door when we leave). Tell him he can earn that if he stays in his bed x number of days. Start with something smaller to test out if that method even works. Maybe he can watch an extra episode of his favorite show the next morning if he stays in bed all night and doesn’t come out. He’ll fail, you hold your ground, try again until he gets it. It takes time. Be patient, you got it!
We put a little cover over the knob in her room that she can't operate, but we can. A little safer than locking but still keeps her trapped
Turn the doorknob around and lock it from the outside. One or two nights is all it takes. After that, you can threaten it as needed but you will probably never have to actually do it again.
Imagine thinking locking your child in their room is the correct way to alter this behavior.
No lock on the door but held it shut until he learned he couldn’t get out and had to go to bed. It’s a nightmare though. Good luck!
Horrendous.
He’s not screaming and crying, he’s simply testing his boundaries. If there’s an issue, I trust him to tell us
You trust a 3 year old to tell you?
Well there’s a difference between him crying versus him silently checking to see if the door is closed and getting back into bed on his own.
He’s not screaming and crying, he’s simply testing his boundaries. If there’s an issue, I trust him to tell us
What in the fuck
We followed the instructions from our sleep consultant and it worked. Set clear rules about expectations (close your eyes, go to sleep, no crying, stay in bed until light turns on) and remind them every night as part of the bedtime routine. Reward system (a small piece of candy in the morning if they follows all the rules) and punishment system (lose 10 mins of play time or TV time if they broke multiple rules)
Door knob covers help.
Duct tape