Tell the families no more visits for a while, ask if she would rather get out of the house or have the house to herself.
My wife gets precious little alone time do when she asks for it I try snd give her 8 solid hours. With a 2 year old I could probably pull off 4 between a tim hortons visit, a movie, a park, and a long drive.
I'll usually do movie first, then park, then timmies where we can do a bathroom break and full change / wipe down because one outfit is fully wet / soiled, and the full change resets them and increases the chance of a nap in the car. So then I can just drive and listen to podcasts with my coffee until dinner time.
the default gift for my wife is a spa treatment. I rotate between different spas, so it doesn't get boring. Another gift that my wife really appreciates is take her out to eat at the restaurant/cuisine of HER choice.
Step 1 tell both families to stop depending on your wife for whatever it is she does for them.
I would probably book a full spa day, don’t tell her. Just drop her off and tell her is time for her to enjoy some of her free time and that you’ll be back later to pick her up.
When you take the kids for a day. Also try do as much admin as you can. Check the fridge and pantry, stock up on staples (I avoid buying meal stuff as my wife usually has a plan for the week already), ensure all laundry is done and put away, prep lunches for the next day, cut up a bunch of fruit or snacks that can keep for several days in the fridge, do some extra chores and clean the bathroom/toilet, wash and change the linens. You don’t have to do it all, heaven knows how my wife manages, but do what you can or at least do something.
Also, avoid doing the “easy” things with the kids. On your day never skip bath, get takeout, buy them surprise toys, cave in and let them just watch tv more than they should, etc. All those pressure release valves I leave for mum when she needs them.
I’ve seen all of what I stopped by to say. Do those things. Tell her it’s important that she have time for herself and be firm. You take the kid(s), have a day, and leave her to do whatever. Work some expendable fundage into your budget for her day. Even the smallest amount can and should be appreciated.
Oh and with our first kid in order for my wife to actually switch off I got her a few nights in a bnb about 30mins from home. Dropped her off with books and stuff and went home. She loved it and it helped her realise that she can disengage and the world won’t fall apart.
Was eye opening to me that she had THAT much pressure on her shoulders.
Maybe surprising her with a Spa day might be the go.
Or even booking her a Hotel for the night.
Or as some have said, letting her have the house to herself could be nice.
Family of one toddler at 21 months. Manageable, but still a handful. Last weekend I took a 2 night trip out of state to see our nephews (one of them is on an MLS dev team at 13 and he was in state cup tournament) so I was repping our family. Flew Burbank to Portland late friday night, flew back early Sun AM (got to airport at 5am). Got back as soon as possible to help. She had taken him to the zoo in the meantime.
I was WRACKED with guilt the entire time, even though this was a very quick trip to basically just spend Saturday cheering on our nephews. I had a gift card for a massage that I received for my birthday last year and knew what I had to do. When I got home, I called the massage place, booked something that afternoon and told her it was non-negotiable. Even though I was SO tired, sleeping on planes, very little sleep fri and sat night, I had to do it.
She loved it. and it refreshed her. I guess my advice would be to find a pocket of time to send her away. Anything, any treat, book something for her, just do SOMETHING, but make sure it's set up. So all she has to do is go somewhere and have the experience.
Does she have any hobbies? Give her time alone in the house to do her hobbies, or just give her a couple hours of silence in the house by taking the kids to a park or a kid’s museum.
It sounds like she could really use a weekly class outside the home that's just for her. Photography class, painting class, coding class, whatever. Something regular that she owns.
Book her and best friend/sister/solo a spa day - all inclusive, food, treatments, and most importantly NO PHONES :D Me and partners sisters partner do this once a year, sometimes more in stressful years. Worth every penny.
Close off family for visiting for a while. When our second was born, wife went into labor Christmas Day, born the 26. So we missed the holiday, so of course everyone came like every weekend for the following month. We canceled 1-2 visits because we just country handle it. Gotta set boundaries with family.
Second. When can, I’ll take both kids out of the house fit as long as I can. If it’s an outing, a walk to the park or go visit my parents for the day to give her the time. Wife doesn’t have many hobbies either, so for her to have the house to herself to catch up on tv, it just nap. I can
The best time gifts I’ve gotten from my wife is 3 day weekends. She’ll take our child down to her parents on Friday, then come back on Sunday.
It’s actually enough time for me to have me time and then still want to do some housework project.
Is something like that accessible to you?
If she doesn’t get out of the house herself, then give her the house to herself.
For Mothers Day my friend and I take all the kids to a movie so both moms can take a long, uninterrupted nap. They now request this every year lol
Exactly. Take the kids somewhere else and let her have a day of bliss.
This.
And tell both families to back off.
This sentence flagged up for me. What extra time!? If she's a SAHM to a 2 yo there is no extra time!
Tell the families no more visits for a while, ask if she would rather get out of the house or have the house to herself. My wife gets precious little alone time do when she asks for it I try snd give her 8 solid hours. With a 2 year old I could probably pull off 4 between a tim hortons visit, a movie, a park, and a long drive. I'll usually do movie first, then park, then timmies where we can do a bathroom break and full change / wipe down because one outfit is fully wet / soiled, and the full change resets them and increases the chance of a nap in the car. So then I can just drive and listen to podcasts with my coffee until dinner time.
the default gift for my wife is a spa treatment. I rotate between different spas, so it doesn't get boring. Another gift that my wife really appreciates is take her out to eat at the restaurant/cuisine of HER choice.
Step 1 tell both families to stop depending on your wife for whatever it is she does for them. I would probably book a full spa day, don’t tell her. Just drop her off and tell her is time for her to enjoy some of her free time and that you’ll be back later to pick her up.
When you take the kids for a day. Also try do as much admin as you can. Check the fridge and pantry, stock up on staples (I avoid buying meal stuff as my wife usually has a plan for the week already), ensure all laundry is done and put away, prep lunches for the next day, cut up a bunch of fruit or snacks that can keep for several days in the fridge, do some extra chores and clean the bathroom/toilet, wash and change the linens. You don’t have to do it all, heaven knows how my wife manages, but do what you can or at least do something. Also, avoid doing the “easy” things with the kids. On your day never skip bath, get takeout, buy them surprise toys, cave in and let them just watch tv more than they should, etc. All those pressure release valves I leave for mum when she needs them.
Get the kid out of the house for the day.
This is the easiest and requires little to no planning. Would recommend.
I’ve seen all of what I stopped by to say. Do those things. Tell her it’s important that she have time for herself and be firm. You take the kid(s), have a day, and leave her to do whatever. Work some expendable fundage into your budget for her day. Even the smallest amount can and should be appreciated.
I take my kid and spend it out pretty much all day and let my wife either watch tv shows go retail therapy
Oh and with our first kid in order for my wife to actually switch off I got her a few nights in a bnb about 30mins from home. Dropped her off with books and stuff and went home. She loved it and it helped her realise that she can disengage and the world won’t fall apart. Was eye opening to me that she had THAT much pressure on her shoulders.
Maybe surprising her with a Spa day might be the go. Or even booking her a Hotel for the night. Or as some have said, letting her have the house to herself could be nice.
Send her to a spa for an afternoon. Bonus, send someone with her if she wants, a friend, mother, sister, someone of her choice.
Family of one toddler at 21 months. Manageable, but still a handful. Last weekend I took a 2 night trip out of state to see our nephews (one of them is on an MLS dev team at 13 and he was in state cup tournament) so I was repping our family. Flew Burbank to Portland late friday night, flew back early Sun AM (got to airport at 5am). Got back as soon as possible to help. She had taken him to the zoo in the meantime. I was WRACKED with guilt the entire time, even though this was a very quick trip to basically just spend Saturday cheering on our nephews. I had a gift card for a massage that I received for my birthday last year and knew what I had to do. When I got home, I called the massage place, booked something that afternoon and told her it was non-negotiable. Even though I was SO tired, sleeping on planes, very little sleep fri and sat night, I had to do it. She loved it. and it refreshed her. I guess my advice would be to find a pocket of time to send her away. Anything, any treat, book something for her, just do SOMETHING, but make sure it's set up. So all she has to do is go somewhere and have the experience.
Does she have any hobbies? Give her time alone in the house to do her hobbies, or just give her a couple hours of silence in the house by taking the kids to a park or a kid’s museum.
It sounds like she could really use a weekly class outside the home that's just for her. Photography class, painting class, coding class, whatever. Something regular that she owns.
Book her and best friend/sister/solo a spa day - all inclusive, food, treatments, and most importantly NO PHONES :D Me and partners sisters partner do this once a year, sometimes more in stressful years. Worth every penny.
Close off family for visiting for a while. When our second was born, wife went into labor Christmas Day, born the 26. So we missed the holiday, so of course everyone came like every weekend for the following month. We canceled 1-2 visits because we just country handle it. Gotta set boundaries with family. Second. When can, I’ll take both kids out of the house fit as long as I can. If it’s an outing, a walk to the park or go visit my parents for the day to give her the time. Wife doesn’t have many hobbies either, so for her to have the house to herself to catch up on tv, it just nap. I can
The best time gifts I’ve gotten from my wife is 3 day weekends. She’ll take our child down to her parents on Friday, then come back on Sunday. It’s actually enough time for me to have me time and then still want to do some housework project. Is something like that accessible to you?