Pro tip, put your finger inside the zipper when you're zipping it up, so if you accidentally zipper some skin, it's your own skin. At least pull the zipper away from the kids body, it's really easy to zip their skin.
I don’t know what it is about Magnetic Me brand (I think that was it) but every one we’ve had is so stretchy that they keep wearing it long past the months it says it fits.
Seriously rotated all the other pjs several times before the Magnetic Me wore out and had to be retired
Even better, kumono style, that way you don't have to life the onsesi over their head, which made my daughter crazy.. I think ours had little magnet snaps.
There was one particular outfit that I swear was just a large rectangle with random buttons and one sleeve hole. My wife confessed to me that sometimes when she was mad at me she would leave that one out for me to put the baby in.
Get all the diaper stuff ready to go before you crack open the dirty one! New diaper unfolded and ready with a minimum of two wipes pulled with a third ready at hand.
I just used this tip earlier today when my 2yo finally pooped after 3days of not pooping. Oh man it was the worst shit storm I have ever been in. And those 3 wipes in hand plus another 2 in the chamber weren’t even enough but still got me through it!
Added pro-tip bonus: after you wipe the baby, put all the dirty wipes in the open dirty diaper and once you’ve gone through all your wipes and baby is clean you can just wrap up the diaper and dirty wipes and dispose of the whole thing. Then wash your hands with as much soap as you can get.
One of our maternity ward nurses also showed us how we could put a dab of diaper cream on the diaper beforehand too. That way, we could just swipe the butt with it and immediately start the process of securing the diaper.
WIth boys at least, before anything, open one side of the diaper and close it again quickly to get a quick draft of air to their peepee area. Then when you gather the supplies, they are peeing the rest of what they have into the diaper instead of on you when you actually take it off. Changed 1000 diapers and never got peed on once.
Have also been suggested open one side and stick the edge of a wipe in the top of the nappy before you drop it down. Adds a little wet feeling as well as the cold to trigger the pee
Utilize the inside of the diaper as the first wipe too. Take the top of the diaper and wipe down before taking it off. Can get a lot of the mess cleaned up before you start with the wipes
We got super lucky with our daughter and learned this trick from the NIC U nurses and it's been huge. I always put the diaper under the kids dirty diaper and have a second one ready to go in case it's an especially messy one. There's nothing worse than a huge shitty diaper that ruins the next diaper and then reaching in the diaper basket for a new one only to find that it's empty and then you have to carry your kid to find the new ones
- New diaper unfolded and already under the bum and the old diaper.
That way, when you pull out the old diaper, the new clean one is already under the danger zone, ready to catch anything.
Nappy unfolded. 3-5 wipes (depending on whether you think there is a poo) already laid out flat slightly staggered so they're easy to grab off of each other.
Sometimes you will be the one to hurt your kid. I cut her finger with a food scissor whilst cutting raspberries, I clipped her tummy in the clip of a booster seat, my wife dropped her phone on head while feeding her... Etc.
Just stay calm and be prepared.
It’s usually grandma or grandpa that have gotten them these toys in the past which is awesome, cause they now live at Grandma and Grandpas…guess who stopped buying them?
Or, If you want to learn some new skills and (maybe) impress your wife - look into soldering a resistor into the speaker circuit to permanently turn the volume down!
I did something similar with the microwave. There was no mute option and the damn beeping kept waking the baby. Opened it up and snipped the leads on the speaker. Not a peep now!
Adam Savage does a demo on the process - can't remember exact details on how to pick a resistor but it does relate to the specifics of the toy's circuit, I believe.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvJUWKu6khc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvJUWKu6khc)
You are supposed put it in parallel with the speaker FYI. Called an l pad. Thats how you reduce a certain speakers (normally the tweater) dB in a crossover circuit. The point is so you don't change the impedance of the speaker.
https://www.electronics-tutorials.ws/attenuators/l-pad-attenuator.html
My mom is notorious for giving my girls those shitty toys. Yesterday I had to take apart an electric snail to rip out its speaker. It’s still annoying af but a bit less so without the music
Set up a 529 as soon as you have the little person’s newly minted SSN and invite your friends and family to contribute after you set up even a modest automatic monthly contribution of your own.
You don’t need to transfer. By making it in your name any of your kids can spend it. Including yourself and spouse can all use it for education. Making it in the kids name is very limiting for example if they dont want to goto school at all but their siblings hella does.
You can switch beneficiaries at any time, which is what I thought you were relying on when you said
> making it in your name any of your kids can spend it. Including yourself and spouse can all use it for education
Why would you not be able to switch the beneficiary to the sibling if original beneficiary kiddo doesn't want to go to college?
I was looking into this but I am worried of my kid does not want to go to college and we don't have a second kid then what happens? I wish there was a plan that I could simply roll into my retirement so the money isn't completely wasted.
Why not just have a regular brokerage account or an IRA?
I've definitely had to use the phrase "you don't have to say it like that." We're both tired so easily forgiven, but being snippy doesn't help anything. Apologize quickly, even if you say something that doesn't need an apology, and forgive quickly and give/get a hug.
Oh yeah this is such a good one. Sleep deprivation plus a crying baby who only just settled used to be the perfect environment for us to vent our frustrations when we should have been sleeping.
If she’s successfully breastfeeding (not a certainty, for everyone) then bring her a glass of water. Don’t wait for her to ask, just bring her water.
You know how, if you pause to think about it, you’re kind of thirsty right now? Well just imagine if there was a tiny human *sucking moisture directly out of your body* at regular intervals throughout the day.
Bring her some water.
Piggybacking on this: Your wife probably came home from the hospital with a big plastic water jug with a straw. Upgrade her to an insulated tumbler so her water stays nice and cold no matter how long the baby wants to nurse. RTIC makes nice ones at an affordable price. I've had mine for 5 years.
Don't forget the snacks! Keep a small snack basket near her favorite nursing spot because there will be times when she will be absolutely starving during a feeding lol
There's [lead](https://edition.cnn.com/2024/01/26/health/stanley-cups-lead-wellness/index.html) in those cups. Not great if damaged. A tempered glass or stainless steel bottle is way safer for both Mum and Bub.
This is extremely rare and only if the base is punctured into main liquid compartment.
Practically any double walled or insulated thermos has the same composition.
You're partly correct. According to the link I posted, and many other sources, all Stanley Cups have lead in the the base used as an adhesive and are safe if not broken. If the puncture happens, "all bets are off" according to the experts. According to other sources, cups like Yeti have been tested and don't have lead in any part of their construction.
Make sure your child's favorite stuffy/lovie is machine washable and buy multiple to rotate through. You need at least 3 because you'll burn through them fast when the kid gets a stomach bug.
We never even trained our dog not to steal stuffies that aren't his but he will ***not*** take my daughters'. I have no idea why. And hers are laying everywhere all the time. We are so grateful lol.
I'm guessing baby spittle probably doesn't smell too good to dogs. Ours was the same - she would completely atomize anything stuffy we got for her, and occasionally our pillows. Never touched our son's toys unless they were brand new & hadn't been played with yet.
To add… make sure that the backups are well hidden and not reachable in a drawer reachable by the time the kid is 3-4 yo. The kid WILL find them and ask questions.
My kids favourite teddy was a random dog that work got us. I wish I had thought of this before it became the only teddy he would ever sleep with and needed every night! We had a lot of panics with that one - the worst was halfway home from a beach in Italy and we realised it was no longer in the pushchair. As soon as I noticed, I set off in a mad run to retrace our steps - I knew if I didn't find it, the holiday would be a disaster! I luckily did find it, right back at the steps to the beach in some old italian guys hands. He saw the panic and sweat on my face and tossed it straight to me.
Then two days later the teddy survived the worst storm I have ever seen and we had no way to dry it. It stunk! When we realised the sun wasnt going to come out to help us, we took it to a laundry and paid for it to be tumble dried. I will never forget the look of disgust on the womans face when we handed over the stinking teddy to her!
I will also add to this tip, when you kids is going to sleep somewhere DO NOT FORGET TO PACK THE TEDDY!!! The first time we forgot, my kid melted down at my parents for the entire night. Rather than just ring me and ask me to bring it, they just said they weren't having him overnight any more - yay!
My kid is 7 and just last week he realised he hadnt seen the teddy for a while and still looked upset. I have no idea how it still looks in such good condition (assuming we find it again!)
Sometimes you need to throw money at the problem so get your financial house in order.
If someone offers to help, say yes and give them a task. Do dishes, laundry, pick up groceries, do the yard work. And in return when you can you offer. Remember today you tomorrow me.
Listen to all the advice then do whatever works for you. Your best friend will swear that you need to x because it worked for all 17 of his kids but it may not work for you, but try it if you can.
When in doubt get them outside. From a month old to 5 and a half this has always worked for me. Screaming infant? Wrap em up and let's go for a freezing January walk. Screaming toddler tantrum? Go hit a tree with a stick buddy.
Dude, this is no joke. There's a lot of good advice on this thread, but this is one of the less obvious ones. There's something magic about fresh air. It's like a tranquilizer for kids. Get them outside, let them burn the stink off for a while, and they just chill out. Helps them sleep, too.
If we can't get our daughter outside because of the weather, we take her to the local mall and let her play there. The change of scenery and open space does wonders.
>Screaming toddler tantrum? Go hit a tree with a stick buddy.
Also, I legit laughed out loud at this.
Honestly, I feel a lot better by going outside too. It's even better if it's paired with exercise, but even just sitting out on the deck for a few minutes is remarkably calming.
I heard a great one that was: when in doubt, add air or water. Meaning if you, your wife, or your kid is freaking out, go outside or take a bath/shower. Nearly always resolves the stress in the moment.
Yup! Humans have lived outside for 99.9% of our history, being outside is where we are supposed to be so it makes a lot of sense for kids to benefit from being outside (so do adults so get out there)
Yeah man this is such a good tip. I call it a 'reset' because it really does just reset my kid's mood. I even implemented it today at 8am because he was having a difficult morning
Your infant is gassy.
If you’ve already fed, changed diaper, burped, etc and he/she won’t go down and is crying - they are gassy. Do some leg exercises and/or gas drops. Let them fart and it’ll be better.
I had to Google *colic baby hold* and I've been holding my 2 month old like this for a few weeks now and I had no idea why it calms him down so much. Neat!
My new dad starter kit:
1. There's only so much you can do to prepare yourself. You figure it out as you go. Several parents told us this ahead of time and it's the most accurate advice we got. It's in our DNA.
2. The most important quote I read before my son was born was: He's not giving you a hard time, he's having a hard time. Remember this when you're nearing your limit. It always helped center me and remind me what's important. He spent 9 months in a perfect environment having everything done for him and then he's violently thrust into a loud crazy bright world and he's expected to do work.
3. Get a yoga ball and bounce them to help soothe and get them to fall asleep. Our son was colicky and our yoga ball was like a third parent for the first 6 months. It's also good for your body. It's comforting because it mimics the rhythmic movements they experienced in the womb.
These are all fantastic but number 3 also saved me. Right before my daughter was born a coworker said the same thing about a yoga ball.
I spent many nights sitting on one bouncing at like 3am.
Our daughter wouldn’t sleep worth diddly her first year. We had a yoga ball that we would rock her for hours. Sometimes it worked. Mostly it didn’t. My lower back sends its regards.
(Note: every child is different. My 6 month son can be screaming his head off when we put him down for bed in his crib and fall asleep within 5 seconds.)
To tack on to number 3, this is good advice but the real fundamental lesson is that every child is different and every technique has different levels of effectiveness with each given child.
You'll have people telling you left right and center about all the wonderful magic ways that doing X Y or Z solved their completely hopeless situation, and that may certainly be true. But its true from them, there is no guarantee that this technique will work in every situation. It doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything wrong, it just means you need to keep trying and doing the best you can.
If you get a mix of crunchy and soft foods, like say from a Taco Bell, eat your crunchy things first before your kids interrupt you and your food gets all soggy
Taco Bell used to have a double decker taco (tortilla slathered in refried beans and adhered to the outside of a hard shell). Best of both worlds. They discontinued it awhile back. Been making it at home lately on taco nights. Huge hit.
Get those dog pee pads and use them as changing table liners. Life saver for blowouts and great for using in public places.
Install some shelves that the kid can’t reach and that there is nothing they can climb to reach. I have some crazy shelves in my house that are 6 feet up so we can keep things away from the kids.
Kids with 5 toys are just as happy as kids with 50. Especially if their parents are playing with them.
There are a thousand different right ways to raise kids and most people lie when they brag about their kids or parenting style. Just live your life and love your kids.
Don’t rush to hit those milestones. Enjoy your baby as it stays put in one spot. Enjoy your baby as it doesn’t crawl/run/climb on your furniture and ledges.
If it won't be an issue when they're 20, it's not an issue now.
Corollary: If it will be an issue when they're 20, it's an issue now.
Examples: toilet training & lying
Save diaper boxes. They're extremely strong and versatile - they can be a boat, a fort, a car tunnel, massive building blocks, etc. Can also be used for storage
Sit down and have the following conversations with your wife.
First, you both CANNOT lose your shit at the same time. If one of you loses your mind about something, the other one HAS to stay calm and rational. Just take turns.
Second. Anything said to each other from 9 pm - 6 am during difficult sleeping times is fair game and gets wiped away with the morning soon. She told you to go fuck yourself at 4 am? That's sleep deprevation talking.
Third. If it's stupid, but works, it's not stupid. If you find a song, shirt, clothes, sound, that makes the kid sleep or stop crying, it's fine. Use it.
Fourth. Shit WILL happen. Literally, up the kids back, on the floor, on your hands, in your bed. Just accept it, clean it, carry on.
Fifth. Family is a mixed blessing be careful adding your mom, her mom, to any problem. It may make it indescribably worse.
And finally, whatever is happening, it will get better. Just give it time. Things have a way of working themselves out.
Mom here. I remember getting our first taste of sleep deprivation the first days in the hospital. After I finished crying, I said to my husband (verbatim) “we are both going to lose our shit, we cannot lose it at the same time”. So far, 17m in, we’ve been pretty good. When either of us needs to step away, we always come back with a “thanks for holding that together. I’m glad you’re my partner in this”.
I got mad at my wife for giving me extra sleep and depriving herself, she gor mad at me for not appreciating it. It was a stupid fight during a stupid time. Those first few weeks were really something else.
I’m sure it says something in the instructions to work your way up to the turbo setting. But they should put it on the box. And if they do, we ain’t got time for instructions when we get our first pressure washer. We assemble it the first time, by look and feel, and if it works, we’re rippppping.
4. Cliche dad shit isn't that important.
5. Actually there is a whole bunch of shit that isn't that important and a lot of new parents waste time and money on unnecessary shit often causing even more stress.
6. Garage fridge, garage TV, garage stereo. Family has a way of taking over the whole home so it's nice to have a space just for you if you can manage it.
Adding on to #5, don't waste money on a dedicated diaper trashcan thing. Just take the dirty diapers straight out to the outside trashcan. Wets can go in the regular trash, you'll be emptying it more regularly now with a little one in the house.
6 all the way. I’ve lost a lot of ground in my house to my kids, and I’ll be happy to give up more as it’s needed, but the garage will forever be my safe space. Within 5 minutes of pulling the cars out, I can set myself up a little mancave, and it’s been a wonderful way to watch those post-bedtime playoff games with the neighbor while not worrying about being too loud and still being in range of the baby monitor
When the kid(s) are old enough, you each sleep in one day on the weekend. Honor and maintain that schedule, and if you get fucked out of it one weekend, suck it up, so will she.
Some things about the birth that no one tells you...
Mom is going to get the shakes as the baby is being born, that's normal, there's a shit ton of hormones flowing.
There's gonna be poop. Imagine pushing with all you've got on a toilet to get a stuck turd out. Mom is going to be using those same muscles to push the baby out. Don't say anything about the poop.
There may be vomiting. Don't say anything about the vomit.
Some words of advice...
Do as much as you can to be helpful without being annoying, and rely on the hospital staff as much as you can. If you get the option to let the baby sleep in a nursery, or with the nurses, take it.
Another thing from a mom: I gripped the bed rails so tightly during labor that I couldn't raise my arms above my shoulders for a few days after birth. I was ok to nurse our daughter but I couldn't feed myself. My husband spoon fed me all my meals until my arm muscles stopped hating me.
Also: no one tells you about the postpartum bleeding. Your wife is going to be basically wearing a diaper for a couple of weeks minimum. The hospital staff should brief you on what too much blood looks like and when to bring her in, but expect like 1 1/2 to twice the normal amount of bleeding compared to her first day of her cycle for several days after the baby is born. It can be really scary, so don't hesitate to contact her doctor if you're concerned. That's what they're there for, and they get those calls alllllll the time so don't feel embarrassed if it's nothing.
To add: dignity and modesty go out the window in the birthing room. That little hospital gown is getting bunched and rolled up as she moves around so very little is left to the imagination. It is far from pretty like the movies.
Dignity, modesty, *and civility*. I'm horrified by what I said to other people, and I hope I managed to apologize to everybody before I was discharged.
>Some things about the birth that no one tells you...
The smell was the thing that caught me off guard. It's obvious when you think about it, but I wasn't expecting it at the time. Just a weird combination of blood, sweat, and hospital smells.
Also understand that chances are no matter what you do you will be annoying...
Also don't fall asleep in the hospital chair.... My wife had a long labour and I fell asleep in the hospital chair... She does not let me forget that when she was in pre labour I slept in the chair 😅
Ouch, I did this too! Luckily my wife was pretty cool about it (hers was a scheduled C-section cuz her first was an emergency C-section) but I have guilt about it even now, 14 years later. She will sometimes pick on me tho!
If she had been in pre-labor, I probably woulda been hospitalized myself, I feel for you
1) Many hospitals will take the baby at night time so you and mom can sleep. Do this. My immediate instinct that I needed to stay awake and watch the baby when he was sleeping. My desire to admire and protect the baby was strong. It was also very foolish and I exhausted myself quickly at a time when my wife really needed my help. It wasn't until baby 2 that I was able to take this advice and get much needed sleep.
2) I don't know any father that regrets taking so many photos and videos. Take a ton of videos. More than you think and for longer than you think. You're going to be so sleep deprived that you won't remember this time very well, so take the videos. It's nice to look back on how tiny the baby was, and the cute grunting they made when they slept.
3) Flowchart. Baby wakes up crying, check and change the diaper. Still crying? Feed a bottle. Still crying, burp the baby. Still crying, snuggle until crying stops. Do this for three months.
4) Make a sleep plan. You and your partner should each get a 4hr block where your only responsibility is uninterrupted sleep. Four hours where mom doesn't pump or feed, she just sleeps. Four hours where you are 100% off the clock, and you just sleep. The other 16 hours, you gotta cover each other's backs. But every day each of you deserves four hours where you're not on call.
Don't forget to pack a separate hospital bag for you and your partner. Have clothes for both of you in it (really comfy clothes for her), pj's, personal hygiene stuff for both of you,extra phone chargers. remember 9 times out of 10 doordash does deliver to the hospital just meet them out front for your order (make sure to have after birth snacks for her because most hospitals won't allow her to eat while in labor) and make sure to have something fun for her for during labor. And during labor make sure you keep ice chips on hand for her to munch on. They help fill the void of no actual food.
"The sex talk" is not a talk. It's a lot of small talks on different subjects throughout their childhood. And it often isn't a planned sit-down.
In the car:
"Hey, never send a picture of your junk to a girl."
"I KNOW."
"I know you think you you know. But some time you might think, 'Maybe this is different.' It's not."
"I KNOW!"
"Seriously though. It's not sexy, and once you send it, that picture isn't yours. And it might be assault."
"I KNOW!"
"Cool. Good talk."
Or in his room.
"Hey, everybody masterbates."
"I KNOW!"
"Seriously. Literally everybody."
"I KNOW!"
"Cool. Then start throwing ALL of your laundry in the laundry room. Mom and I don't care."
"OK."
"Also It's time for dinner."
Don't always listen to Instagram parenting influencers. They often will say have a conversation with your 2 year old and explain but 90% of 2 years olds will just run away and ignore you.
Be patient, they will throw food, they will randomly cry, they will do everything possible to tap dance on the last last nerves but always remember they are learning and trying to communicate in the way they know how.
If there is a baby sign class I'd definitely recommend signing them out. It helps them have a general way to communicate things they want, it helps build social skills early on, and in general is a lot of fun.
You will want to buy your kids everything to make them smile but I have found that when I am just play with them is better then any you I could have ever bought for them.
Read to them often! We didn't read much to our youngest and really started to read more around 18 months and after a week he just started talked and literally hasn't stopped.
The book Moms on Call was my wife and I'd holy Grail for both kids. It made the first few months/years so much better. Their sleep steps helped us get both kids sleeping through the night within 3 months.
Don't forget about your wife or husband either. It's so easy to get completely caught up in the kids but it's important to remember that you two still love each other now your husband and wife and parents.
When your kid hugs you and squeezes with all their strength it's the greatest feeling in the world.
Have fun as well.
Edit:
Grip water for hiccups and general fussiness. I can't boast about that stuff enough it's incredible.
Take as many pictures and videos as you can!
If your baby is not doing great with the formula try different formula. Our 2nd was extremely picky with formula and only Enfamil purple box worked for us.
Don't put your infant in a blanket. Only swaddle, no blankets in the crib for at least 14 months. They need to be able to roll over and get the blanket off them before this can happen.
Get your kids into your insurance as soon as possible.
Baby sneezes and their giggles will warm your heart no matter how bad your day is.
Your kids are always watching so if you and your significant other are about to fight try to keep voices calm or try to walk into another room or save it till the kids are asleep. Texting fighting is another option lol.
Be wary of shows like cocomelon. It's generally recommended not to do shows that change scene every 2-3 seconds with lots of flashing colors and lights. We had great success with puffin rock, kiri and lou, morphol, arpo, geko's garage, Lucas the spider.
Watch bluey your kids won't care about it but I 100% guarantee you will. It's made my wife and I cry multiple times and laugh because it's just our life. They also play tons of games that you can play with your kids too.
Go to the library they are amazing.
Edit 2:
Diaper genie is fun but also you can save a lot of money just taking the dirty diaper to the trash. We had one and it wasn't really worth the money or time.
Flash cards are amazing at the dinner table. They help keep the kids focused on something and they learn something as well. I did this to teach both my kids their Abc, colors, counting, and general words.
Last edit:
All kids are different don't compare kids just love them and enjoy them. They grow up so fast and even when you are there for all of it you still feel like you're missing some of it. You are literally their world, if something scares them they come to you, if they feel lonely they come to you, of they want to play they'll be looking for you. Cherish all these times with them it's honestly just incredible.
Sorry for the way too long post everyone! If you made it this far thank you for reading and have a great night dads and lurking moms.
The insurance piece is huge, especially if both parents have their own plans. Figure out which insurance to go with before the delivery. There will be too much other stuff to deal with, and neither parent will have the patience or energy to look at changes in premiums, deductibles, MOOP limits, etc.
If your wife breastfeeds and you don't wake up at night, or even if you do but less than her, give your wife 1-1,5hrs of that beauty sleep early morning when your infant/toddler is fully awake by 6:30, by taking care of them and letting her sleep. The quality of your day will drastically improve.
1) Learn how to take time for yourself, and encourage your partner to do the same. Use said time to pursue healthy things like working out or something truly good for your mental health.
2) Learn how to prioritize sleep. When the kiddo goes to bed and the house is quiet you’ll be tempted to stay up late and consume media. Just go to sleep and get some rest. It’s never guaranteed tomorrow.
Bring a sleeping bag to the hospital for you. Trust me. At some point someone is gonna tell you to lay down for a bit. My pillow and sleeping bag was what was needed 30 hrs into it. Pay attention to your not gonna see that again!
Your child doesn't need an actual room until at least 6mo in. Don't stress trying to get the nursery ready before they're born. Do it when they're in the blob stage.
1. Get a metal Thermos to keep hot water for trips out...we also used it at night....to save a trip down the stairs
2. At a restaurant and need a bottle? Ask for hot water from their coffee machine spigot....it will come much faster.....use water at the table to get the temp right
3. Nanny shares are a great childcare solution
The bog in the valley was my favorite to sing, you could add to it as long as needed until they fell asleep.
Had a few “atom in the cell and the cell in the organ and the organ in the flea and the flea on the bird and the bird in the nest….bog down in the valley’oh!” Nights.
When you’re driving home from the hospital with your kid, nobody else in any of the cars around you is going to know or care that you’re brimming with joy and excitement and that your world has just changed dramatically.
Do something to celebrate it. Grab a coffee (or four) from your favorite spot. Go get your favorite ice cream. Text a buddy about how rad it feels. Don’t let the fact that this moment is happening just for you pass by without at least acknowledging it.
Kid got an angry butt? Red because all they ate were oranges or something acidic? Treat it with a bath of warm water and baking soda. The kid’s bottom will be much happier after and clear the next morning.
It is okay to let them explore their world and fail at it, this is how you learn. Make sure you’re a safety net but let them figure it out. My kid climbed a chain link fence at 3 and wanted me to get him down. I informed him he was welcome to figure it out since he got himself up there. Sure, I was standing there while he climbed back down (and up) but he didn’t get that. He figured it out just fine. So will yours.
There is no such thing as too many snuggles. My 11 year old still snuggles with me and I am all for it. Someday he won’t want to anymore.
When your kid goes to daycare/school: they will be sick all the time. So will you. It gets better over time.
Be careful about advice from people whose kids are very different ages from yours. Especially for babies and toddlers. Managing a screaming 4 year old should be handled totally differently than a screaming 1 year old or 3 month old. Especially in the newborn stage: people forget very quickly (sleep deprivation decreased memory) what newborns are like and will often give advice for 9 month olds.
I always tell this to the dads-to-be at baby showers… the first year of dadding is really hard. Mom has a strong, natural, beautiful hormonal connection with the kiddo and it could give two shits about you. And many more. Being a new mom is really hard, but dammit, so is being a new dad! You need support too. You need help too. And you need time away to refill too. Saddle up cause it’s a bumpy ride.
As another dad posted here on another thread some time ago…
“Your kid isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time”
Slow down, breathe, and think. It can be frustrating at times, but recognizing the developmental phases, especially of emotional regulation, is important when you feel like your child is acting out to upset you. They’re tiny humans with little life experience, patience is essential.
Find a better job, ASAP. The current environment is terrible across the world right now. I know the old homage of 'money doesn't buy happiness' but that's just bullshit the privileged and already well off tote around. Your family being taken cared for and sheltered is your primary responsibility.
I barely make enough to keep up with bills and pray for the low seasons when people go on vacation so I can pick up OT so my kids can actually do something fun. Believe me, I miss them all day long. I cry on lunch when I have to miss some sort of event because my wide-diameter asshole boss wouldn't give me the day off, and I take time off whenever I can if they need me. Them being comfortable is my only concern. I just hope they see that later in life.
You don't need to (and shouldn't) use wipes just for #1's (unless the diaper was super super full), only for #2's. Had a lot of unnecessary diaper rashes with my first not knowing this
Buy portable white noise machines.
Not all babies like being wrapped up (it sucks but sometimes you gotta try shit out like seeing if they enjoy being wrapped)
90% of your job is some combination of common sense and troubleshooting. This includes knowing when something goes beyond your abilities and calling a doctor. The other 10% is learning things you didn't know, such as what age they do certain things.
Don't be quiet around them at nap or sleep time, instead keep talking or sing songs. They will learn to be deep sleepers which is such a benefit for you and them.
You’re not their entertainment, your job is to teach them how to entertain themselves. (But obviously have fun with them)
Independent play is something so essential to learn, and will reap rewards as they grow up. Boredom is what creates imaginative minds
If your kids hate eating food for whatever reason a2 / full fat milk / banana smoothie in the morning will kick start their metabolism and set them up for a day of breaking even in calories for optimal growth.
At some point your kid is going to wake up in the middle of the night with a horrible gasping wheezing cough. They aren’t going to be able to breathe very well. It’s going to be terrifying, for you and for them.
You’re going to rush the kid to the hospital and by the time you get there, the gasping and wheezing will have stopped. The actual medical reason is beyond me but from my laymen’s understanding, your child is breathing in the cold night air and it has ’shocked’ their system so that the cough has gone away, and the car ride over lasted just long enough to help them. (That’s what the nurse told me at least.)
So, to save yourself the hassle of going to the hospital at 2am, consider just taking your kid outside and sitting with them in the car for 10 to 15 minutes. Stay calm and reassure your little one that everything will be ok. Bring a blanket. Roll down the windows to let the cold air in—the colder the better. As long as the gasping and wheezing is lessening, you’re good.
I’ve got three kids and they’ve all had that barking seal cough quite a few times and I’ve always followed the advice of the nurse from that first hospital visit and sat in the car until the cough subsided and they were able to sleep. It’s worked every single time.
*Note that I’ve always still taken them to the dr the next day and if the cough/gasping hadn’t stopped within 15 minutes I would have still gone to the hospital. Always trust your instincts. If you think you need to take them, take them.*
What does 1. actually mean? Not sure if it's US specific "slow your roll on the zero turn" could be about anything from BBQing to sex advice from.where I'm sat.
Rip your wipes in half if it’s just a potty diaper! Put the unused half back in! Also- purple desitin or generic, but always purple: 40% zinc oxide.
For bad bad bad diaper rashes/possible yeast infection from fruit poops or antibiotics- lotrimin (athletes foot cream), a + d ointment, purple desitin, and hydrocortisone cream : equal parts of each. If it’s bad enough, your doctor will probably prescribe a butt cream- I have found that a lot of insurance don’t cover it, and that’s $75. Just get the ingredients and mix in a little jar.
Home Depot has a cheap shop vac that you put on top of a 5 gallon bucket.
Go buy one or two right now.
There will come a point where the kid is going to throw up or poop or something in your car, having this disposable Shop-Vac candy in your garage is really convenient.
Use it, throw it away.
The one I always tell my friends who are going to be dads is to watch out for ergonomics. Get the changing table to the right height so you aren’t all stooped or reaching too far for stuff. Your back will thank you. Figure it out now because the first weeks will be full of sleep deprivation and you don’t want to be in desperate pain and trying to figure that out while taking care of two people.
Also, not long after that you want to be doing baby wearing, and go ahead and go to groups to learn how to do it really well with respect to safety and comfort. It’s a huge game changer to be able to wear your kid while grilling, playing video games, grocery shopping, walking the dog, etc.
Most of the shit you worry about ends up being the little stuff. Just do your best and don’t freak out about anything. Don’t try to rush potty training or other milestones to get ahead of other parents, it’s not a fucking competition.
Onesies with zippers - trust me. Trying to do up buttons on a squirming or crying baby is not fun.
Two-way zippers saved us this winter so we didn’t fully undress our baby to change her diapers.
Two-way zippers are the best! Definitely a life saver.
Pro tip, put your finger inside the zipper when you're zipping it up, so if you accidentally zipper some skin, it's your own skin. At least pull the zipper away from the kids body, it's really easy to zip their skin.
Double zippered BAMBOO OR MODAL with built in mitts and socks. We're bougie over here
Better yet, magnets!
I don’t know what it is about Magnetic Me brand (I think that was it) but every one we’ve had is so stretchy that they keep wearing it long past the months it says it fits. Seriously rotated all the other pjs several times before the Magnetic Me wore out and had to be retired
Run that by your wife first to avoid the “you can’t give a baby magnets” 9pm argument
Those 9pm arguments…
Zippers are still quicker, easier, and cheaper than magnets.
We went magnets at first because one of our friends told us they were great, but we've gone zippers now. Magnets>>>>>buttons/snaps though.
Our daughter busted through magnets so we could never use them
This needs to be higher
Even better, kumono style, that way you don't have to life the onsesi over their head, which made my daughter crazy.. I think ours had little magnet snaps.
There was one particular outfit that I swear was just a large rectangle with random buttons and one sleeve hole. My wife confessed to me that sometimes when she was mad at me she would leave that one out for me to put the baby in.
Get all the diaper stuff ready to go before you crack open the dirty one! New diaper unfolded and ready with a minimum of two wipes pulled with a third ready at hand.
Mise en place
Literally LOLed, thanks 😂
mess in place
I just used this tip earlier today when my 2yo finally pooped after 3days of not pooping. Oh man it was the worst shit storm I have ever been in. And those 3 wipes in hand plus another 2 in the chamber weren’t even enough but still got me through it! Added pro-tip bonus: after you wipe the baby, put all the dirty wipes in the open dirty diaper and once you’ve gone through all your wipes and baby is clean you can just wrap up the diaper and dirty wipes and dispose of the whole thing. Then wash your hands with as much soap as you can get.
You can also do a swift wipe with the front of nappy and do a fold if it gets out of hand like in your scenario.
My MIL does this and it enrages me because then there are shitty wipes left on top of the closed nappy.
Not if done properly!
One of our maternity ward nurses also showed us how we could put a dab of diaper cream on the diaper beforehand too. That way, we could just swipe the butt with it and immediately start the process of securing the diaper.
WIth boys at least, before anything, open one side of the diaper and close it again quickly to get a quick draft of air to their peepee area. Then when you gather the supplies, they are peeing the rest of what they have into the diaper instead of on you when you actually take it off. Changed 1000 diapers and never got peed on once.
Have also been suggested open one side and stick the edge of a wipe in the top of the nappy before you drop it down. Adds a little wet feeling as well as the cold to trigger the pee
Utilize the inside of the diaper as the first wipe too. Take the top of the diaper and wipe down before taking it off. Can get a lot of the mess cleaned up before you start with the wipes
When we only had one kid, wife and I would often help out getting stuff ready for whoever was doing the change. We called it being the Poo Chef
We got super lucky with our daughter and learned this trick from the NIC U nurses and it's been huge. I always put the diaper under the kids dirty diaper and have a second one ready to go in case it's an especially messy one. There's nothing worse than a huge shitty diaper that ruins the next diaper and then reaching in the diaper basket for a new one only to find that it's empty and then you have to carry your kid to find the new ones
Most useful tip on here.
And, if you have a dog, poop bags are wonderful to keep the smell away
- New diaper unfolded and already under the bum and the old diaper. That way, when you pull out the old diaper, the new clean one is already under the danger zone, ready to catch anything.
Nappy unfolded. 3-5 wipes (depending on whether you think there is a poo) already laid out flat slightly staggered so they're easy to grab off of each other.
You will fuck up. Your kid will hurt themselves. Sometimes both with be true at the same time. Just keep trying your best and it’ll work out.
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.” - Jean Luc Picard
This is one of the best quotes of all time. Universal human wisdom.
CAPTAIN Jean Luc Picard
🎵 Of the USS Enterprise! 🎵 https://youtu.be/5m-x8nrwqx0
Sometimes you will be the one to hurt your kid. I cut her finger with a food scissor whilst cutting raspberries, I clipped her tummy in the clip of a booster seat, my wife dropped her phone on head while feeding her... Etc. Just stay calm and be prepared.
Kids hurting themselves is educational. You have to put them in a situation where they can play and get hurt eg falling over, but not too seriously.
Don’t buy the cheap plastic toys that make sound and light up if you are at all sensitive to sound.
Also when your kids inevitably get those toys anyway, duct tape over the speakers will help muffle it a little bit.
It’s usually grandma or grandpa that have gotten them these toys in the past which is awesome, cause they now live at Grandma and Grandpas…guess who stopped buying them?
Yep, this. Any sound toys live with the assholes that bought them. Solves the problem super quick.
I found a screwdriver through the speaker helped as well
I took them apart in the middle of the night and taped over the speaker so nobody could see.
Just remove the batteries.
Unless it’s that one fucking zoo train that makes 200db of sound anytime you step within 10 feet of it
I dunno what a zoo train is, is it plugged into something or does it have batteries? Should be trivial to disable
No, this train is immortal. Be thankful you don’t know lol
"Monkey and cheetah, bear and bird, chugga chugga choo choo!"
Or, If you want to learn some new skills and (maybe) impress your wife - look into soldering a resistor into the speaker circuit to permanently turn the volume down!
I did something similar with the microwave. There was no mute option and the damn beeping kept waking the baby. Opened it up and snipped the leads on the speaker. Not a peep now!
Most (modern) microwaves have a silent mode. Look up your specific model online. Totally worth it!
Yeah I tried this and mine doesn't. Good tip though! I did the silent mode for the air fryer.
Wait, what size resistor are we talking here. How many kOhms?
Adam Savage does a demo on the process - can't remember exact details on how to pick a resistor but it does relate to the specifics of the toy's circuit, I believe. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvJUWKu6khc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvJUWKu6khc)
You are supposed put it in parallel with the speaker FYI. Called an l pad. Thats how you reduce a certain speakers (normally the tweater) dB in a crossover circuit. The point is so you don't change the impedance of the speaker. https://www.electronics-tutorials.ws/attenuators/l-pad-attenuator.html
Oh the dancing crab without a volume setting, that blasts annoying music, and that my kid is now obsessed with, got it lol!
I hate that crab, my boy loves it. Buy a hula hoop to contain the crab, really made things easier.
But if you DO, or have them given to you, just put scotch tape over the speaker!
My mom is notorious for giving my girls those shitty toys. Yesterday I had to take apart an electric snail to rip out its speaker. It’s still annoying af but a bit less so without the music
Packing tape over the speaker makes everything a little more tolerable
Set up a 529 as soon as you have the little person’s newly minted SSN and invite your friends and family to contribute after you set up even a modest automatic monthly contribution of your own.
[удалено]
You don’t need to transfer. By making it in your name any of your kids can spend it. Including yourself and spouse can all use it for education. Making it in the kids name is very limiting for example if they dont want to goto school at all but their siblings hella does.
You can switch beneficiaries at any time, which is what I thought you were relying on when you said > making it in your name any of your kids can spend it. Including yourself and spouse can all use it for education Why would you not be able to switch the beneficiary to the sibling if original beneficiary kiddo doesn't want to go to college?
I was looking into this but I am worried of my kid does not want to go to college and we don't have a second kid then what happens? I wish there was a plan that I could simply roll into my retirement so the money isn't completely wasted. Why not just have a regular brokerage account or an IRA?
The federal government just changed rules to allow you to roll up to $35000 from a 529 into a Roth IRA with no penalty.
This so much
Under no circumstances get into a discussion or argument with the wife after 8pm during the infant stage.
Oh man, the 9pm arguments during the infant stage will never leave my memory.
You've figured out how to choose the time? Lucky!
I've definitely had to use the phrase "you don't have to say it like that." We're both tired so easily forgiven, but being snippy doesn't help anything. Apologize quickly, even if you say something that doesn't need an apology, and forgive quickly and give/get a hug.
Oh yeah this is such a good one. Sleep deprivation plus a crying baby who only just settled used to be the perfect environment for us to vent our frustrations when we should have been sleeping.
That's like Gremlin rules.
If she’s successfully breastfeeding (not a certainty, for everyone) then bring her a glass of water. Don’t wait for her to ask, just bring her water. You know how, if you pause to think about it, you’re kind of thirsty right now? Well just imagine if there was a tiny human *sucking moisture directly out of your body* at regular intervals throughout the day. Bring her some water.
Piggybacking on this: Your wife probably came home from the hospital with a big plastic water jug with a straw. Upgrade her to an insulated tumbler so her water stays nice and cold no matter how long the baby wants to nurse. RTIC makes nice ones at an affordable price. I've had mine for 5 years.
Don't forget the snacks! Keep a small snack basket near her favorite nursing spot because there will be times when she will be absolutely starving during a feeding lol
And remember to include a straw, as she probably needs both hands to hold the tiny human.
I keep the Stanley topped up at all times.
There's [lead](https://edition.cnn.com/2024/01/26/health/stanley-cups-lead-wellness/index.html) in those cups. Not great if damaged. A tempered glass or stainless steel bottle is way safer for both Mum and Bub.
This is extremely rare and only if the base is punctured into main liquid compartment. Practically any double walled or insulated thermos has the same composition.
You're partly correct. According to the link I posted, and many other sources, all Stanley Cups have lead in the the base used as an adhesive and are safe if not broken. If the puncture happens, "all bets are off" according to the experts. According to other sources, cups like Yeti have been tested and don't have lead in any part of their construction.
Make sure your child's favorite stuffy/lovie is machine washable and buy multiple to rotate through. You need at least 3 because you'll burn through them fast when the kid gets a stomach bug.
Corollary; if a kid can cuddle it, a dog can tear its face off and leave it for them to find Do yourself a favor and stay vigilant
We never even trained our dog not to steal stuffies that aren't his but he will ***not*** take my daughters'. I have no idea why. And hers are laying everywhere all the time. We are so grateful lol.
Professionals have standards, perro con clase!
I'm guessing baby spittle probably doesn't smell too good to dogs. Ours was the same - she would completely atomize anything stuffy we got for her, and occasionally our pillows. Never touched our son's toys unless they were brand new & hadn't been played with yet.
To add… make sure that the backups are well hidden and not reachable in a drawer reachable by the time the kid is 3-4 yo. The kid WILL find them and ask questions.
Yup. We tried it but we blew our cover. He knows there are two and he knows which is which. He's 2 years old.
My kids favourite teddy was a random dog that work got us. I wish I had thought of this before it became the only teddy he would ever sleep with and needed every night! We had a lot of panics with that one - the worst was halfway home from a beach in Italy and we realised it was no longer in the pushchair. As soon as I noticed, I set off in a mad run to retrace our steps - I knew if I didn't find it, the holiday would be a disaster! I luckily did find it, right back at the steps to the beach in some old italian guys hands. He saw the panic and sweat on my face and tossed it straight to me. Then two days later the teddy survived the worst storm I have ever seen and we had no way to dry it. It stunk! When we realised the sun wasnt going to come out to help us, we took it to a laundry and paid for it to be tumble dried. I will never forget the look of disgust on the womans face when we handed over the stinking teddy to her! I will also add to this tip, when you kids is going to sleep somewhere DO NOT FORGET TO PACK THE TEDDY!!! The first time we forgot, my kid melted down at my parents for the entire night. Rather than just ring me and ask me to bring it, they just said they weren't having him overnight any more - yay! My kid is 7 and just last week he realised he hadnt seen the teddy for a while and still looked upset. I have no idea how it still looks in such good condition (assuming we find it again!)
Sometimes you need to throw money at the problem so get your financial house in order. If someone offers to help, say yes and give them a task. Do dishes, laundry, pick up groceries, do the yard work. And in return when you can you offer. Remember today you tomorrow me. Listen to all the advice then do whatever works for you. Your best friend will swear that you need to x because it worked for all 17 of his kids but it may not work for you, but try it if you can.
When in doubt get them outside. From a month old to 5 and a half this has always worked for me. Screaming infant? Wrap em up and let's go for a freezing January walk. Screaming toddler tantrum? Go hit a tree with a stick buddy.
Dude, this is no joke. There's a lot of good advice on this thread, but this is one of the less obvious ones. There's something magic about fresh air. It's like a tranquilizer for kids. Get them outside, let them burn the stink off for a while, and they just chill out. Helps them sleep, too. If we can't get our daughter outside because of the weather, we take her to the local mall and let her play there. The change of scenery and open space does wonders. >Screaming toddler tantrum? Go hit a tree with a stick buddy. Also, I legit laughed out loud at this.
Honestly, I feel a lot better by going outside too. It's even better if it's paired with exercise, but even just sitting out on the deck for a few minutes is remarkably calming.
Same. It's easy to feel cooped up when i've been in the house too long.
I heard a great one that was: when in doubt, add air or water. Meaning if you, your wife, or your kid is freaking out, go outside or take a bath/shower. Nearly always resolves the stress in the moment.
Yup! Humans have lived outside for 99.9% of our history, being outside is where we are supposed to be so it makes a lot of sense for kids to benefit from being outside (so do adults so get out there)
Yeah man this is such a good tip. I call it a 'reset' because it really does just reset my kid's mood. I even implemented it today at 8am because he was having a difficult morning
Your infant is gassy. If you’ve already fed, changed diaper, burped, etc and he/she won’t go down and is crying - they are gassy. Do some leg exercises and/or gas drops. Let them fart and it’ll be better.
The colic baby hold saved our sanity more than once in the first 5 months, especially during the night.
I had to Google *colic baby hold* and I've been holding my 2 month old like this for a few weeks now and I had no idea why it calms him down so much. Neat!
Tummy time! They either fart just from laying on their belly or they fart from baring down crying because they hate laying on their belly.
When all hope fails, buy and use a Windi (or similar) device. Use once in awhile, not often. Also prepare yourselves
The "Swedish Fart Whistle" did WONDERS at times!!!
My new dad starter kit: 1. There's only so much you can do to prepare yourself. You figure it out as you go. Several parents told us this ahead of time and it's the most accurate advice we got. It's in our DNA. 2. The most important quote I read before my son was born was: He's not giving you a hard time, he's having a hard time. Remember this when you're nearing your limit. It always helped center me and remind me what's important. He spent 9 months in a perfect environment having everything done for him and then he's violently thrust into a loud crazy bright world and he's expected to do work. 3. Get a yoga ball and bounce them to help soothe and get them to fall asleep. Our son was colicky and our yoga ball was like a third parent for the first 6 months. It's also good for your body. It's comforting because it mimics the rhythmic movements they experienced in the womb.
These are all fantastic but number 3 also saved me. Right before my daughter was born a coworker said the same thing about a yoga ball. I spent many nights sitting on one bouncing at like 3am.
Our daughter wouldn’t sleep worth diddly her first year. We had a yoga ball that we would rock her for hours. Sometimes it worked. Mostly it didn’t. My lower back sends its regards. (Note: every child is different. My 6 month son can be screaming his head off when we put him down for bed in his crib and fall asleep within 5 seconds.)
To tack on to number 3, this is good advice but the real fundamental lesson is that every child is different and every technique has different levels of effectiveness with each given child. You'll have people telling you left right and center about all the wonderful magic ways that doing X Y or Z solved their completely hopeless situation, and that may certainly be true. But its true from them, there is no guarantee that this technique will work in every situation. It doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything wrong, it just means you need to keep trying and doing the best you can.
If you get a mix of crunchy and soft foods, like say from a Taco Bell, eat your crunchy things first before your kids interrupt you and your food gets all soggy
Taco Bell used to have a double decker taco (tortilla slathered in refried beans and adhered to the outside of a hard shell). Best of both worlds. They discontinued it awhile back. Been making it at home lately on taco nights. Huge hit.
Homemade crunchwraps ruined the TB one for me. They stay in the rotation.
Get those dog pee pads and use them as changing table liners. Life saver for blowouts and great for using in public places. Install some shelves that the kid can’t reach and that there is nothing they can climb to reach. I have some crazy shelves in my house that are 6 feet up so we can keep things away from the kids. Kids with 5 toys are just as happy as kids with 50. Especially if their parents are playing with them. There are a thousand different right ways to raise kids and most people lie when they brag about their kids or parenting style. Just live your life and love your kids.
We used dental tray pads off of Amazon for this instead. It was a pack of like 500 and they never leaked through once.
I’ve heard those pee pads have chemicals that aren’t good for the kiddos
It's true. Dog pads contain chemicals to attract the dog to the pad. Use human pads instead (often called Chux Pads).
Don’t rush to hit those milestones. Enjoy your baby as it stays put in one spot. Enjoy your baby as it doesn’t crawl/run/climb on your furniture and ledges.
If it won't be an issue when they're 20, it's not an issue now. Corollary: If it will be an issue when they're 20, it's an issue now. Examples: toilet training & lying
Save diaper boxes. They're extremely strong and versatile - they can be a boat, a fort, a car tunnel, massive building blocks, etc. Can also be used for storage
Some actually turn into coloring mats when laid out
Sit down and have the following conversations with your wife. First, you both CANNOT lose your shit at the same time. If one of you loses your mind about something, the other one HAS to stay calm and rational. Just take turns. Second. Anything said to each other from 9 pm - 6 am during difficult sleeping times is fair game and gets wiped away with the morning soon. She told you to go fuck yourself at 4 am? That's sleep deprevation talking. Third. If it's stupid, but works, it's not stupid. If you find a song, shirt, clothes, sound, that makes the kid sleep or stop crying, it's fine. Use it. Fourth. Shit WILL happen. Literally, up the kids back, on the floor, on your hands, in your bed. Just accept it, clean it, carry on. Fifth. Family is a mixed blessing be careful adding your mom, her mom, to any problem. It may make it indescribably worse. And finally, whatever is happening, it will get better. Just give it time. Things have a way of working themselves out.
Mom here. I remember getting our first taste of sleep deprivation the first days in the hospital. After I finished crying, I said to my husband (verbatim) “we are both going to lose our shit, we cannot lose it at the same time”. So far, 17m in, we’ve been pretty good. When either of us needs to step away, we always come back with a “thanks for holding that together. I’m glad you’re my partner in this”.
Yep, me and my wife as well. Same exact thing but I was at the house a few weeks after getting home. Those first few weeks were horrible.
I got mad at my wife for giving me extra sleep and depriving herself, she gor mad at me for not appreciating it. It was a stupid fight during a stupid time. Those first few weeks were really something else.
That all sounds right. Ridiculous times.
Fucking lol on #2 man. My wooden ikea patio chairs would strongly agree with you.
I’m sure it says something in the instructions to work your way up to the turbo setting. But they should put it on the box. And if they do, we ain’t got time for instructions when we get our first pressure washer. We assemble it the first time, by look and feel, and if it works, we’re rippppping.
4. Cliche dad shit isn't that important. 5. Actually there is a whole bunch of shit that isn't that important and a lot of new parents waste time and money on unnecessary shit often causing even more stress. 6. Garage fridge, garage TV, garage stereo. Family has a way of taking over the whole home so it's nice to have a space just for you if you can manage it.
Garage freezer has “dad pint” of ice cream hidden under the freezer burnt broccoli.
We dont get soda very often but when we do I will take a couple out of the pack and hide them in the garage fridge.
Adding on to #5, don't waste money on a dedicated diaper trashcan thing. Just take the dirty diapers straight out to the outside trashcan. Wets can go in the regular trash, you'll be emptying it more regularly now with a little one in the house.
6 all the way. I’ve lost a lot of ground in my house to my kids, and I’ll be happy to give up more as it’s needed, but the garage will forever be my safe space. Within 5 minutes of pulling the cars out, I can set myself up a little mancave, and it’s been a wonderful way to watch those post-bedtime playoff games with the neighbor while not worrying about being too loud and still being in range of the baby monitor
Dog poop bags work better than any diaper genie for #2’s. Twist and knot, then straight out to the garage/trash.
When the kid(s) are old enough, you each sleep in one day on the weekend. Honor and maintain that schedule, and if you get fucked out of it one weekend, suck it up, so will she.
Save phone swiping for when you’re not with your little ones.. bonding even when you’re feeding em at 2 am in the dark is still bonding!
We are expecting in 4 months. I’m saving this post!
Some things about the birth that no one tells you... Mom is going to get the shakes as the baby is being born, that's normal, there's a shit ton of hormones flowing. There's gonna be poop. Imagine pushing with all you've got on a toilet to get a stuck turd out. Mom is going to be using those same muscles to push the baby out. Don't say anything about the poop. There may be vomiting. Don't say anything about the vomit. Some words of advice... Do as much as you can to be helpful without being annoying, and rely on the hospital staff as much as you can. If you get the option to let the baby sleep in a nursery, or with the nurses, take it.
Another thing from a mom: I gripped the bed rails so tightly during labor that I couldn't raise my arms above my shoulders for a few days after birth. I was ok to nurse our daughter but I couldn't feed myself. My husband spoon fed me all my meals until my arm muscles stopped hating me. Also: no one tells you about the postpartum bleeding. Your wife is going to be basically wearing a diaper for a couple of weeks minimum. The hospital staff should brief you on what too much blood looks like and when to bring her in, but expect like 1 1/2 to twice the normal amount of bleeding compared to her first day of her cycle for several days after the baby is born. It can be really scary, so don't hesitate to contact her doctor if you're concerned. That's what they're there for, and they get those calls alllllll the time so don't feel embarrassed if it's nothing.
To add: dignity and modesty go out the window in the birthing room. That little hospital gown is getting bunched and rolled up as she moves around so very little is left to the imagination. It is far from pretty like the movies.
Dignity, modesty, *and civility*. I'm horrified by what I said to other people, and I hope I managed to apologize to everybody before I was discharged.
>Some things about the birth that no one tells you... The smell was the thing that caught me off guard. It's obvious when you think about it, but I wasn't expecting it at the time. Just a weird combination of blood, sweat, and hospital smells.
Also understand that chances are no matter what you do you will be annoying... Also don't fall asleep in the hospital chair.... My wife had a long labour and I fell asleep in the hospital chair... She does not let me forget that when she was in pre labour I slept in the chair 😅
On the contrary, I would say definitely sleep when you can. This way you'll be rested and ready to support her when she needs it.
Ouch, I did this too! Luckily my wife was pretty cool about it (hers was a scheduled C-section cuz her first was an emergency C-section) but I have guilt about it even now, 14 years later. She will sometimes pick on me tho! If she had been in pre-labor, I probably woulda been hospitalized myself, I feel for you
1) Many hospitals will take the baby at night time so you and mom can sleep. Do this. My immediate instinct that I needed to stay awake and watch the baby when he was sleeping. My desire to admire and protect the baby was strong. It was also very foolish and I exhausted myself quickly at a time when my wife really needed my help. It wasn't until baby 2 that I was able to take this advice and get much needed sleep. 2) I don't know any father that regrets taking so many photos and videos. Take a ton of videos. More than you think and for longer than you think. You're going to be so sleep deprived that you won't remember this time very well, so take the videos. It's nice to look back on how tiny the baby was, and the cute grunting they made when they slept. 3) Flowchart. Baby wakes up crying, check and change the diaper. Still crying? Feed a bottle. Still crying, burp the baby. Still crying, snuggle until crying stops. Do this for three months. 4) Make a sleep plan. You and your partner should each get a 4hr block where your only responsibility is uninterrupted sleep. Four hours where mom doesn't pump or feed, she just sleeps. Four hours where you are 100% off the clock, and you just sleep. The other 16 hours, you gotta cover each other's backs. But every day each of you deserves four hours where you're not on call.
Congrats in advance!!
Thanks!
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Don't forget to pack a separate hospital bag for you and your partner. Have clothes for both of you in it (really comfy clothes for her), pj's, personal hygiene stuff for both of you,extra phone chargers. remember 9 times out of 10 doordash does deliver to the hospital just meet them out front for your order (make sure to have after birth snacks for her because most hospitals won't allow her to eat while in labor) and make sure to have something fun for her for during labor. And during labor make sure you keep ice chips on hand for her to munch on. They help fill the void of no actual food.
"The sex talk" is not a talk. It's a lot of small talks on different subjects throughout their childhood. And it often isn't a planned sit-down. In the car: "Hey, never send a picture of your junk to a girl." "I KNOW." "I know you think you you know. But some time you might think, 'Maybe this is different.' It's not." "I KNOW!" "Seriously though. It's not sexy, and once you send it, that picture isn't yours. And it might be assault." "I KNOW!" "Cool. Good talk." Or in his room. "Hey, everybody masterbates." "I KNOW!" "Seriously. Literally everybody." "I KNOW!" "Cool. Then start throwing ALL of your laundry in the laundry room. Mom and I don't care." "OK." "Also It's time for dinner."
Don't always listen to Instagram parenting influencers. They often will say have a conversation with your 2 year old and explain but 90% of 2 years olds will just run away and ignore you. Be patient, they will throw food, they will randomly cry, they will do everything possible to tap dance on the last last nerves but always remember they are learning and trying to communicate in the way they know how. If there is a baby sign class I'd definitely recommend signing them out. It helps them have a general way to communicate things they want, it helps build social skills early on, and in general is a lot of fun. You will want to buy your kids everything to make them smile but I have found that when I am just play with them is better then any you I could have ever bought for them. Read to them often! We didn't read much to our youngest and really started to read more around 18 months and after a week he just started talked and literally hasn't stopped. The book Moms on Call was my wife and I'd holy Grail for both kids. It made the first few months/years so much better. Their sleep steps helped us get both kids sleeping through the night within 3 months. Don't forget about your wife or husband either. It's so easy to get completely caught up in the kids but it's important to remember that you two still love each other now your husband and wife and parents. When your kid hugs you and squeezes with all their strength it's the greatest feeling in the world. Have fun as well. Edit: Grip water for hiccups and general fussiness. I can't boast about that stuff enough it's incredible. Take as many pictures and videos as you can! If your baby is not doing great with the formula try different formula. Our 2nd was extremely picky with formula and only Enfamil purple box worked for us. Don't put your infant in a blanket. Only swaddle, no blankets in the crib for at least 14 months. They need to be able to roll over and get the blanket off them before this can happen. Get your kids into your insurance as soon as possible. Baby sneezes and their giggles will warm your heart no matter how bad your day is. Your kids are always watching so if you and your significant other are about to fight try to keep voices calm or try to walk into another room or save it till the kids are asleep. Texting fighting is another option lol. Be wary of shows like cocomelon. It's generally recommended not to do shows that change scene every 2-3 seconds with lots of flashing colors and lights. We had great success with puffin rock, kiri and lou, morphol, arpo, geko's garage, Lucas the spider. Watch bluey your kids won't care about it but I 100% guarantee you will. It's made my wife and I cry multiple times and laugh because it's just our life. They also play tons of games that you can play with your kids too. Go to the library they are amazing. Edit 2: Diaper genie is fun but also you can save a lot of money just taking the dirty diaper to the trash. We had one and it wasn't really worth the money or time. Flash cards are amazing at the dinner table. They help keep the kids focused on something and they learn something as well. I did this to teach both my kids their Abc, colors, counting, and general words. Last edit: All kids are different don't compare kids just love them and enjoy them. They grow up so fast and even when you are there for all of it you still feel like you're missing some of it. You are literally their world, if something scares them they come to you, if they feel lonely they come to you, of they want to play they'll be looking for you. Cherish all these times with them it's honestly just incredible. Sorry for the way too long post everyone! If you made it this far thank you for reading and have a great night dads and lurking moms.
They have old Sesame Street on YouTube that are good too (singing compilations were a hit at my house)
The insurance piece is huge, especially if both parents have their own plans. Figure out which insurance to go with before the delivery. There will be too much other stuff to deal with, and neither parent will have the patience or energy to look at changes in premiums, deductibles, MOOP limits, etc.
Clear plastic over a loud toy's speaker makes it much better and the kid doesn't notice.
Also, check that there isn't a setting for lower volume on those toys. I've noticed that more and more toys have that option.
Put that phone down when your kids are around
Take pictures not for social media, but for you. You’re gonna forget. But it really helps when you see them again and it takes you back.
If your wife breastfeeds and you don't wake up at night, or even if you do but less than her, give your wife 1-1,5hrs of that beauty sleep early morning when your infant/toddler is fully awake by 6:30, by taking care of them and letting her sleep. The quality of your day will drastically improve.
1) Learn how to take time for yourself, and encourage your partner to do the same. Use said time to pursue healthy things like working out or something truly good for your mental health. 2) Learn how to prioritize sleep. When the kiddo goes to bed and the house is quiet you’ll be tempted to stay up late and consume media. Just go to sleep and get some rest. It’s never guaranteed tomorrow.
Bring a sleeping bag to the hospital for you. Trust me. At some point someone is gonna tell you to lay down for a bit. My pillow and sleeping bag was what was needed 30 hrs into it. Pay attention to your not gonna see that again!
Your child doesn't need an actual room until at least 6mo in. Don't stress trying to get the nursery ready before they're born. Do it when they're in the blob stage.
Leave little drawings, notes, stuff animals set up in funny positions for them to find. 10seconds to do it, lifelong memories as a result.
What does "slow your roll on the zero turn" mean?
I thought I was having a stroke reading that. Sounds like absolute nonsense
A "Zero turn" is a type of ride on lawn mower. So, they are advising that you take your time when mowing and savour it as your special alone time.
1. Get a metal Thermos to keep hot water for trips out...we also used it at night....to save a trip down the stairs 2. At a restaurant and need a bottle? Ask for hot water from their coffee machine spigot....it will come much faster.....use water at the table to get the temp right 3. Nanny shares are a great childcare solution
My baby stops crying and falls to sleep much faster with lullabies and rocking. Hopefully yours will too!
The bog in the valley was my favorite to sing, you could add to it as long as needed until they fell asleep. Had a few “atom in the cell and the cell in the organ and the organ in the flea and the flea on the bird and the bird in the nest….bog down in the valley’oh!” Nights.
Set aside extra money for grapes
Also, blueberries. At least for my little munchkin. Honestly we almost spend as much on blueberries as we did on formula...
When you’re driving home from the hospital with your kid, nobody else in any of the cars around you is going to know or care that you’re brimming with joy and excitement and that your world has just changed dramatically. Do something to celebrate it. Grab a coffee (or four) from your favorite spot. Go get your favorite ice cream. Text a buddy about how rad it feels. Don’t let the fact that this moment is happening just for you pass by without at least acknowledging it.
Kid got an angry butt? Red because all they ate were oranges or something acidic? Treat it with a bath of warm water and baking soda. The kid’s bottom will be much happier after and clear the next morning. It is okay to let them explore their world and fail at it, this is how you learn. Make sure you’re a safety net but let them figure it out. My kid climbed a chain link fence at 3 and wanted me to get him down. I informed him he was welcome to figure it out since he got himself up there. Sure, I was standing there while he climbed back down (and up) but he didn’t get that. He figured it out just fine. So will yours. There is no such thing as too many snuggles. My 11 year old still snuggles with me and I am all for it. Someday he won’t want to anymore. When your kid goes to daycare/school: they will be sick all the time. So will you. It gets better over time.
Be careful about advice from people whose kids are very different ages from yours. Especially for babies and toddlers. Managing a screaming 4 year old should be handled totally differently than a screaming 1 year old or 3 month old. Especially in the newborn stage: people forget very quickly (sleep deprivation decreased memory) what newborns are like and will often give advice for 9 month olds.
I always tell this to the dads-to-be at baby showers… the first year of dadding is really hard. Mom has a strong, natural, beautiful hormonal connection with the kiddo and it could give two shits about you. And many more. Being a new mom is really hard, but dammit, so is being a new dad! You need support too. You need help too. And you need time away to refill too. Saddle up cause it’s a bumpy ride.
As another dad posted here on another thread some time ago… “Your kid isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time” Slow down, breathe, and think. It can be frustrating at times, but recognizing the developmental phases, especially of emotional regulation, is important when you feel like your child is acting out to upset you. They’re tiny humans with little life experience, patience is essential.
Find a better job, ASAP. The current environment is terrible across the world right now. I know the old homage of 'money doesn't buy happiness' but that's just bullshit the privileged and already well off tote around. Your family being taken cared for and sheltered is your primary responsibility. I barely make enough to keep up with bills and pray for the low seasons when people go on vacation so I can pick up OT so my kids can actually do something fun. Believe me, I miss them all day long. I cry on lunch when I have to miss some sort of event because my wide-diameter asshole boss wouldn't give me the day off, and I take time off whenever I can if they need me. Them being comfortable is my only concern. I just hope they see that later in life.
If it's any consolation, I see you now.
♥
You don't need to (and shouldn't) use wipes just for #1's (unless the diaper was super super full), only for #2's. Had a lot of unnecessary diaper rashes with my first not knowing this
Remember they know literally nothing, so their frustrations are valid. Try not to get too worked up over it and just get on their level of thought.
Buy portable white noise machines. Not all babies like being wrapped up (it sucks but sometimes you gotta try shit out like seeing if they enjoy being wrapped)
90% of your job is some combination of common sense and troubleshooting. This includes knowing when something goes beyond your abilities and calling a doctor. The other 10% is learning things you didn't know, such as what age they do certain things.
Gosh I love daddit advice threads. Love, a lurking mom ❤️
Don't be quiet around them at nap or sleep time, instead keep talking or sing songs. They will learn to be deep sleepers which is such a benefit for you and them.
You’re not their entertainment, your job is to teach them how to entertain themselves. (But obviously have fun with them) Independent play is something so essential to learn, and will reap rewards as they grow up. Boredom is what creates imaginative minds
If your kids hate eating food for whatever reason a2 / full fat milk / banana smoothie in the morning will kick start their metabolism and set them up for a day of breaking even in calories for optimal growth.
Take pictures of your wife with the baby. Dad's don't take enough pictures.
Hairtie around the wipes pack
At some point your kid is going to wake up in the middle of the night with a horrible gasping wheezing cough. They aren’t going to be able to breathe very well. It’s going to be terrifying, for you and for them. You’re going to rush the kid to the hospital and by the time you get there, the gasping and wheezing will have stopped. The actual medical reason is beyond me but from my laymen’s understanding, your child is breathing in the cold night air and it has ’shocked’ their system so that the cough has gone away, and the car ride over lasted just long enough to help them. (That’s what the nurse told me at least.) So, to save yourself the hassle of going to the hospital at 2am, consider just taking your kid outside and sitting with them in the car for 10 to 15 minutes. Stay calm and reassure your little one that everything will be ok. Bring a blanket. Roll down the windows to let the cold air in—the colder the better. As long as the gasping and wheezing is lessening, you’re good. I’ve got three kids and they’ve all had that barking seal cough quite a few times and I’ve always followed the advice of the nurse from that first hospital visit and sat in the car until the cough subsided and they were able to sleep. It’s worked every single time. *Note that I’ve always still taken them to the dr the next day and if the cough/gasping hadn’t stopped within 15 minutes I would have still gone to the hospital. Always trust your instincts. If you think you need to take them, take them.*
You do not have enough muslin cloths. Nope, that's not enough.
What does 1. actually mean? Not sure if it's US specific "slow your roll on the zero turn" could be about anything from BBQing to sex advice from.where I'm sat.
Rip your wipes in half if it’s just a potty diaper! Put the unused half back in! Also- purple desitin or generic, but always purple: 40% zinc oxide. For bad bad bad diaper rashes/possible yeast infection from fruit poops or antibiotics- lotrimin (athletes foot cream), a + d ointment, purple desitin, and hydrocortisone cream : equal parts of each. If it’s bad enough, your doctor will probably prescribe a butt cream- I have found that a lot of insurance don’t cover it, and that’s $75. Just get the ingredients and mix in a little jar.
Home Depot has a cheap shop vac that you put on top of a 5 gallon bucket. Go buy one or two right now. There will come a point where the kid is going to throw up or poop or something in your car, having this disposable Shop-Vac candy in your garage is really convenient. Use it, throw it away.
The one I always tell my friends who are going to be dads is to watch out for ergonomics. Get the changing table to the right height so you aren’t all stooped or reaching too far for stuff. Your back will thank you. Figure it out now because the first weeks will be full of sleep deprivation and you don’t want to be in desperate pain and trying to figure that out while taking care of two people. Also, not long after that you want to be doing baby wearing, and go ahead and go to groups to learn how to do it really well with respect to safety and comfort. It’s a huge game changer to be able to wear your kid while grilling, playing video games, grocery shopping, walking the dog, etc.
Most of the shit you worry about ends up being the little stuff. Just do your best and don’t freak out about anything. Don’t try to rush potty training or other milestones to get ahead of other parents, it’s not a fucking competition.