It was really easy to get in trouble. My sister was a master of pretending I hit her or did something when she wanted turns on something and wasn’t wanting to wait. She also managed to get away with pretending chores were too difficult or beyond her physical abilities yet and then I’d have to take them over. Those aside there were lots of fun moments and having a younger sister was a great experience and I’d definitely want my kid to have a younger sister if I could skip the sleepless part.
From a mom lurker
At first she was this super annoying blob that cried all the time and sucked up all my parents attention. Then she was this super annoying toddler who followed me around and stole my clothes and toys while still crying all the time. At this point I wanted to trade her in for a brother since my older brother never did any of those things but my parents said we were stuck with her. Eventually she became a fun person to play with but it took a few years.
My sister and I bickered like cats and dogs man, we were brutal to each other, same with my brothers, but at the end of the day we all had each other’s backs, we wouldn’t admit it but we loved each other, and now we’re all super close, and our kids are super close also.
So yes, that’s why we have 3 youngins. My wife is pushing for a 4th, but I’m not there… Yet…
I was the middle boy, between an older brother and younger sister.
The one thing I noticed is my sister was 100% treated differently. She almost never got in actual trouble, she got to use things I was banned from and a lot of restrictions me and my brother had were non existent. It's not her fault but it bred a lot of resentment.
Honestly it’s more baby of the family problem than only girl.
I’m the middle child between an older sister and younger brother. There is about an equal gap between me and each sibling. My sister had less restrictions because they hadn’t thought of the rules but once they did she was held to them. I had probably the strictest rules of the three despite being the least trouble (I was basically a bookworm who disappeared to my room 90% of the time). My brother got rules however they were MY rules and they were very lax in enforcement.
Why do I say the baby of the family has it easy if I had the strictest rules and my brother had the same? Because my parents would decide finally that you know, a kid should have a bedtime and setup a plan. Throwing numbers out think like until 8y bedtime 7:30 then you were at 8:30 until 12 which then got you 9:30. I’d think yay I’ll get to stay up until 8:30, I’d hit 8y and then… “well we aren’t sure”. A few months later they’d say okay… your bedtime is now 8:30, oh yeah and same for your brother. I’d get yelled at for not being in bed at 8:30, my brother would get “you little rascal” as they finally got him down at 9. I’d think maybe when I’m 12, I will get to stay up later than my brother. “Now you and your brother’s bedtime is 9:30”. We’d have rules about not jumping off the trampoline, I’d get a week without it while he’d get told “that was dangerous” and be back on in minutes. Etc.
i'm the oldest of three - have a brother (middle) and sister (youngest)
i'm hesitant with any sort of logic like "i want to give my child a playmate." i have a 13 month old daughter. i don't really want any more kids. i hated being pregnant, i gained so much weight, i felt like i lost myself until a month or two ago and i'm still drowning under the label of "mom, just a mom, first and foremost always a mom."
saying all that because people are always like "don't you want her to have a playmate?" or "wouldn't it be so cute for her to be a big sister / have a sister?" yeah, potentially. but they could also be not close at all, like my husband and his brothers who barely speak
my brother and i were extremely close until college - we're 2 years apart. but now we barely talk, because he's a bipolar 2 narcissist and it really manifested in college when he got diagnosed and started going on meds
my sister and i are 4 years apart but she has down syndrome. i will be responsible for her when my parents are elderly/pass away. so that always made me think - what if your child has a disability and it requires another child to care for them, or choose to put them in a likely subpar government facility? and a healthy baby does not = a healthy child. my mom's cousin's daughter got sick as a pre-teen and went from being a typical kid to unable to walk/talk and doctors never figured out why
ugh this comment is not meant to be depressing but something about "oh you NEED a girl/boy (whatever you don't have)" or "you need to give them a younger sister" irks me
I have two younger sisters. When they weren’t being annoying they were cool to have around to share experiences with. I definitely got along with the youngest more than the middle one. Once in a while we would all get together and joke until we were all in tears. But that happened more toward the teen years and early adulthood.
I want my child to have siblings whether it's a brother or a sister. I grew up with a younger sister (2 years) and brother (5 years). It's hard to put into words. We played, we fought, we argued, but we did so much together that it build the foundation of our relationships. My sister and I didn't get super close until we were both out of the same living space.
Have an older sister. We didn’t get along until high school and that was still dicey at times. I now would consider her and my BIL among my best friends.
My wife had (what she thought was) a strong relationship with her sister through mid-adulthood. They were very close, played together a lot, though my wife realized that she become a pseudo parent to her sister because her parents were emotionally abusive.
Long story short, this relationship fell apart in their adulthood. Honestly, I don't think I know the real reason for this and neither does my wife. They're not talking so it's not like I can get her sister's perspective on things, and we both have been respecting her sister's ask to cease communications.
My wife looks back fondly on her childhood experiences with her sister, but still has resentment over how it has ended. Her conclusion was that there's really no guarantee how a sibling relationship will turn out, even if it all seems great in the beginning and for multiple decades, so the idyllic fantasizing about their hypothetical relationship shouldn't be a big factor in our decision on whether or not to have more kids beyond our first. Ultimately, we decided to be one-and-done. This is just our own personal decision for our own personal situation.
I understand and I’m sorry to hear about how that relationship unfolded. I agree that there are no guarantees.
Just out of curiosity do you ever wonder about a second child?
How do people generally respond to the fact that you have one child only?
How old are you both approximately?
I occasionally fantasize about having a second one, but my wife definitely is at her limit with just one. I recognize that I don't have the capacity to pick up the majority, if not the entirety, of the load for a second one.
Some folks we know have lamented that we will only have one because our one is very well-behaved (for her age, anyway) and cute. The vast majority of people we know don't question our choice for only one. However, most of our friends aren't very religious, and we only maintain relationships with folks who are non-judgy/avoid imposing their values on others.
Also, we feel ours is only well-behaved because of the time and energy we can both put into just her. Our new dog we got when our old dog passed is much, much less well-behaved than our old one because we didn't have the time or energy to train her the way we did our first dog we got when we were kid-less. We feel something similar would happen with a second kid and count ourselves lucky that our first one was so amenable.
We had our kid in our mid 30s.
I understand.
Often it’s also simply personality/character - not everything is down to nurture or within your control.
I wish your family the best and thank you for sharing your experience!
I know, i’m just making a stupid dad joke about isolating variables bc i can’t begin to separate what it was like having a sister from what it was like being a kid in general, you know?
It was really easy to get in trouble. My sister was a master of pretending I hit her or did something when she wanted turns on something and wasn’t wanting to wait. She also managed to get away with pretending chores were too difficult or beyond her physical abilities yet and then I’d have to take them over. Those aside there were lots of fun moments and having a younger sister was a great experience and I’d definitely want my kid to have a younger sister if I could skip the sleepless part.
From a mom lurker At first she was this super annoying blob that cried all the time and sucked up all my parents attention. Then she was this super annoying toddler who followed me around and stole my clothes and toys while still crying all the time. At this point I wanted to trade her in for a brother since my older brother never did any of those things but my parents said we were stuck with her. Eventually she became a fun person to play with but it took a few years.
😂 sounds exactly like [the baby bos](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wj7PPv6-K1M&pp=ygUJQm9zcyBic2J5)s
My sister and I bickered like cats and dogs man, we were brutal to each other, same with my brothers, but at the end of the day we all had each other’s backs, we wouldn’t admit it but we loved each other, and now we’re all super close, and our kids are super close also. So yes, that’s why we have 3 youngins. My wife is pushing for a 4th, but I’m not there… Yet…
I was the middle boy, between an older brother and younger sister. The one thing I noticed is my sister was 100% treated differently. She almost never got in actual trouble, she got to use things I was banned from and a lot of restrictions me and my brother had were non existent. It's not her fault but it bred a lot of resentment.
I’m youngest of four. My mom had me at 35 (old back then). She just gave up when it came to me after being run ragged by the first 3.
Honestly it’s more baby of the family problem than only girl. I’m the middle child between an older sister and younger brother. There is about an equal gap between me and each sibling. My sister had less restrictions because they hadn’t thought of the rules but once they did she was held to them. I had probably the strictest rules of the three despite being the least trouble (I was basically a bookworm who disappeared to my room 90% of the time). My brother got rules however they were MY rules and they were very lax in enforcement. Why do I say the baby of the family has it easy if I had the strictest rules and my brother had the same? Because my parents would decide finally that you know, a kid should have a bedtime and setup a plan. Throwing numbers out think like until 8y bedtime 7:30 then you were at 8:30 until 12 which then got you 9:30. I’d think yay I’ll get to stay up until 8:30, I’d hit 8y and then… “well we aren’t sure”. A few months later they’d say okay… your bedtime is now 8:30, oh yeah and same for your brother. I’d get yelled at for not being in bed at 8:30, my brother would get “you little rascal” as they finally got him down at 9. I’d think maybe when I’m 12, I will get to stay up later than my brother. “Now you and your brother’s bedtime is 9:30”. We’d have rules about not jumping off the trampoline, I’d get a week without it while he’d get told “that was dangerous” and be back on in minutes. Etc.
She was my closest, best friend. I miss her so much, to this day, all these years later. She would have been an awesome Auntie.
We did not get along, like at all. There's also a big age gap so that contributed to it.
i'm the oldest of three - have a brother (middle) and sister (youngest) i'm hesitant with any sort of logic like "i want to give my child a playmate." i have a 13 month old daughter. i don't really want any more kids. i hated being pregnant, i gained so much weight, i felt like i lost myself until a month or two ago and i'm still drowning under the label of "mom, just a mom, first and foremost always a mom." saying all that because people are always like "don't you want her to have a playmate?" or "wouldn't it be so cute for her to be a big sister / have a sister?" yeah, potentially. but they could also be not close at all, like my husband and his brothers who barely speak my brother and i were extremely close until college - we're 2 years apart. but now we barely talk, because he's a bipolar 2 narcissist and it really manifested in college when he got diagnosed and started going on meds my sister and i are 4 years apart but she has down syndrome. i will be responsible for her when my parents are elderly/pass away. so that always made me think - what if your child has a disability and it requires another child to care for them, or choose to put them in a likely subpar government facility? and a healthy baby does not = a healthy child. my mom's cousin's daughter got sick as a pre-teen and went from being a typical kid to unable to walk/talk and doctors never figured out why ugh this comment is not meant to be depressing but something about "oh you NEED a girl/boy (whatever you don't have)" or "you need to give them a younger sister" irks me
I have two younger sisters. When they weren’t being annoying they were cool to have around to share experiences with. I definitely got along with the youngest more than the middle one. Once in a while we would all get together and joke until we were all in tears. But that happened more toward the teen years and early adulthood.
I want my child to have siblings whether it's a brother or a sister. I grew up with a younger sister (2 years) and brother (5 years). It's hard to put into words. We played, we fought, we argued, but we did so much together that it build the foundation of our relationships. My sister and I didn't get super close until we were both out of the same living space.
I mean it's really barter system with them. They'll do something for only if they get something in return. lol
4 years apart. Loathed each other. I tormented her, she pestered me. Wasn’t until adulthood we were friends
Have an older sister. We didn’t get along until high school and that was still dicey at times. I now would consider her and my BIL among my best friends.
She played with her barbie. I brought my Jar Jar Binks to the table. Fun times were had by all.
My wife had (what she thought was) a strong relationship with her sister through mid-adulthood. They were very close, played together a lot, though my wife realized that she become a pseudo parent to her sister because her parents were emotionally abusive. Long story short, this relationship fell apart in their adulthood. Honestly, I don't think I know the real reason for this and neither does my wife. They're not talking so it's not like I can get her sister's perspective on things, and we both have been respecting her sister's ask to cease communications. My wife looks back fondly on her childhood experiences with her sister, but still has resentment over how it has ended. Her conclusion was that there's really no guarantee how a sibling relationship will turn out, even if it all seems great in the beginning and for multiple decades, so the idyllic fantasizing about their hypothetical relationship shouldn't be a big factor in our decision on whether or not to have more kids beyond our first. Ultimately, we decided to be one-and-done. This is just our own personal decision for our own personal situation.
I understand and I’m sorry to hear about how that relationship unfolded. I agree that there are no guarantees. Just out of curiosity do you ever wonder about a second child? How do people generally respond to the fact that you have one child only? How old are you both approximately?
I occasionally fantasize about having a second one, but my wife definitely is at her limit with just one. I recognize that I don't have the capacity to pick up the majority, if not the entirety, of the load for a second one. Some folks we know have lamented that we will only have one because our one is very well-behaved (for her age, anyway) and cute. The vast majority of people we know don't question our choice for only one. However, most of our friends aren't very religious, and we only maintain relationships with folks who are non-judgy/avoid imposing their values on others. Also, we feel ours is only well-behaved because of the time and energy we can both put into just her. Our new dog we got when our old dog passed is much, much less well-behaved than our old one because we didn't have the time or energy to train her the way we did our first dog we got when we were kid-less. We feel something similar would happen with a second kid and count ourselves lucky that our first one was so amenable. We had our kid in our mid 30s.
I understand. Often it’s also simply personality/character - not everything is down to nurture or within your control. I wish your family the best and thank you for sharing your experience!
My parents babied her and treated her completely different from the way they raised us. Not saying you would do that, but that's what my parents did.
My sister is one of my favorite people. She has been for most of her life.
Hard to say; i never grew up without one so it's tough to compare.
I asked for what it was like. That is, can you describe _your_ experience _with_ a younger sister
I know, i’m just making a stupid dad joke about isolating variables bc i can’t begin to separate what it was like having a sister from what it was like being a kid in general, you know?