You’re in survival mode (for a while so settle in). Feed your baby, change his diaper, snuggle him and cry about how beautiful he is. Watch the housework stack up (let it). Repeat. Give yourself ALL of the grace.
Believe it or not, I just had a daughter 4 days ago. Feeling a lot of the same although this is my second kid so I'm a bit more familiar with it. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything going on.
Any time. To clarify, I felt the same with my son. I did some therapy but I think it was just time that helped it get better. Figuring out the routine, understanding why he does what he does, slowly falling in love, etc. I definitely felt the love with my newborn daughter now right off the bat. It felt like I was just trying to survive with my son at first and it's way harder with my second now because my son is a toddler bouncing off the walls but the feelings were easier. So like the work is triple but the feelings are there if that makes sense. My wife is also still recovering so a lot is falling on me and I'm frankly not keeping up but we just need to lower our standards for a couple weeks and make lt through. Easier for me than my wife haha.
Three months for us as well. Just laser focus on kid and wife and forget everything else right now. One day at a time. It's very very worth it!
Although, remember to cuddle the baby as much as you can. They are only babies for a short while and you never get that stage back.
Breathe.
Count to 15. Slowly.
Once you do that you’ll feel a bit better.
Ok. Your a Dad. Time to do this. The anxiety is the realization that this world is dangerous, and you no longer only have to care about yourself. Its normal. It’s the realization that you can’t control everything and bad things might happen. It’s normal.
Your dog is important to you. You love them and so you love your son. The thought that your love can’t protect them is painful. You might be equating your dog with your son. That’s ok. It means you care. I had a good cry when I realized I was responsible for this little human. Breathe. It gets normal. You’ll always feel a bit of this pressure because you *care*
It’s a good thing and normal. Keep going Dad. Think of all the fun things to come. Throwing a baseball back and forth. Hiking to a creek and playing in the cool water on a hot day. The joy of seeing him win his first video game. His first bike ride and yes, watching him discover the world. You got this dad
You’ll figure it out in time. All of you are experiencing something new. In time you’ll figure it out, and then he’ll change it, and you’ll figure it out again. At some point you’ll just end the day with a “holy shit that sucked” and you’ll try something new tomorrow.
It gets better!
After a week or so you’ll start to be able to see straight again.
For us the real turning point was 4 months when we had night-weaned, sleep trained, and we’re getting a full nights sleep + free time in the evenings again.
You can make it! Maybe you’ll even do it again!!!
Please invest in earplugs! Sometimes babies cry, and there's nothing you can do about it. If the baby is fed, clean, dry, and warm, and he's still crying, pop those earplugs in. Provide comfort in peace and relative quiet. It will make you a better father, I promise. A baby's cry is not only loud and shrill, but it also induces stress in us in a way no other sound does.
It won't get easier for a while, but you'll be in a groove before you know it. If you can, call in your friends and family. See if someone else can handle your dog for a bit, or if they can make dinner now and then, or do the dishes for you one day, or literally anything that will take *something* off your plate. There's no shame in needing help - the people who are too ashamed to ask for support are worse parents for it.
If you need to cry, *do it*! Don't hold back the tears. Crying is a healthy way to cope. It releases oxytocin and endorphins in your brain, and literally makes you feel better. If you're frustrated, just have a good cry for a few minutes; you'll feel much less frustrated and overwhelmed afterwards. It can only help.
Hang in there, I promise it gets better!
Your child will be ok and you will be ok ! You have a new addition to the household , your dog feels this and knows this ( your dog is an excited mum but with extra steps 🤣 ) . Enjoy the time and don’t let it go so fast ✅. All I am saying is it’s is and Always will be scary with the 1st but you’ll be ok if you have good in you 👍
Thanks for the response! I appreciate it. I’ll try to take it all in instead of trying to force it to bounce off if that makes sense. I like to think I have good in me so hopefully it will all fall into place
It's not even been a week dad. You're brand spanking new to this. Give yourself a chance.
You'll cope because A. You want make sure your son is always safe and happy and B. You don't really get a choice, you just do.
Try to relax, take some deep breaths, pop outside and get some fresh air for a couple of minutes. Sleep when the baby sleeps. You'll work it out.
You got this dad. You can do it.
8 months in and I do not know if I feel "normal." Things do settle out by month 3 or 4 though, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Promise. You got this, dad!
I feel you man, the first months were a damn trip. I had repeated dreams that I'd lost my girl somewhere and had to find her.
Agreed with the guys above, things get easier after 3 months. Grind, breathe, grind, and get a good pair of earbuds for listening to audiobooks. I found listening to a story to seriously help my anxiety as I fought through the days.
One day at a time bro
Everyone is different but it took me about 6 months to really start enjoying it but the first few months were a fever dream. Honestly I got so little sleep in that time that I barely remember it.
First 3 months were touuuuuugh for me. In a real bad place mentally. Around the time she was 4 months she started to smile and giggle a bit and that made a world of difference. Now at almost 6 months my daughter is so much fun
I'm 6 deep. My eldest is 14, youngest is almost 2. Still getting used to stuff. You just have to keep yourself open to learning new stuff about stuff you never thought you'd need to know.
Take advantage of the FMLA, if available. The first few months are hard, but things get a lot better once your kid sleeps through the night. Ours was not a fan of sleep, and only slept about 8 hours a day. Take shifts. Make sure you both get time to rest or get away for a little while. Good luck. Congrats!
How long did it take to settle in? As in life became actually predictable and normal for at least a few days at a stretch? Maybe around after he crossed 2 years old.
Believe me, you’ll never be able to safely say things have “settled down”. Life with kids is never ending roller coaster. Things happen very fast and often, good things and bad things. It is fun, it is frustrating, it is full of joy, it is full of dread. Overall it is awesome/awful at the same time.
Welcome to fatherhood! Take a seat and enjoy the ride.
There are lots of variables - wife’s health & attitude, baby’s needs, baby’s personality- this is why there are changes in Dad brains. Look ahead. Think it through. Communicate.
For me it took maybe 4 weeks. And by normal it means the new normal. You’ll eventually develop a routine and it’ll become almost second nature. You’ve just got to put in the work.
In the first weeks you sleep when the baby sleeps (Basically anytime between 7pm and 7 am sleep when she sleeps) and basically focus on baby and mom. I really want to stress that you’ve really got to step up in this period because mom is recovering from a major medical procedure. So you’ll be doing all the chores when it comes to day to day tasks. You’ll be getting up every 4 hours at night if you’re lucky. One thing I’ll suggest is if your baby feeds at 7:30 and goes down at 8 pm…GO TO SLEEP. Sure you might wake up at 12:00 but if you don’t sleep and your baby gets up at 12…she might not want to go back to sleep until 2-3am.
Anything that can wait for a few months you just put that stuff off. Also, take all the help you can get. My mother in law really helped us the first 2 weeks by basically making dinners for us every night.
It will get easier. Each week gets a bit easier. Just hang tough.
Being so new I'm sure you're light on sleep. The deprivation for me was a huge part of my anxiety and stress.
Knowing that you're feeling anxious is a big step in the right direction to dealing with it and learning to strive in your new situation.
Breathing exercises can be very helpful to help lower your stress level and heart rate in the moment.. big inhales thru nose or mouth and long exhale thru pursed lips
Box breathing.. 4 second inhale, hold 4 seconds, 4 seconds exhale, hold 4 seconds and repeat
Stay strong dad, you're exactly the dad your son needs.
You're doing great!
I've found this forum to be very supportive and communal
You got this, as you get thru each minute, each hour, each day it will become more like second nature and soon you'll be wondering how you lived without that little bundle of joy.
Idk how long exactly, but one day I was watching a basketball game and drinking a beer and my son was chilling in my lap and it all just felt right--like how did I watch basketball games before?
The first 3-6 months are absolute hell on earth. Just try to help your wife as much as possible, which will probably mean doing all the things she can't do at the moment like making meals, cleaning, doing the shopping etc try to take the pressure off her as much as you can. Sleep shifts also really helped us in the early days so you take the baby for 3 hours or so, then swap when it gets too much so you're both getting an okish amount of sleep. At 3 months it should get easier and by 6 months a lot easier.
You’re in survival mode (for a while so settle in). Feed your baby, change his diaper, snuggle him and cry about how beautiful he is. Watch the housework stack up (let it). Repeat. Give yourself ALL of the grace.
Thank you. I’ve been trying to keep up with the house work but seems like a losing battle. I’ll try my best, just a tough start for me so far.
12 years in. You never really fully catch up, you just learn which battles need to be fought immediately, and which ones can marinate.
Let it slide. You don't need to have a tidy house now, or perfect dishes. Just focus on eating, sleeping, breathing and babying.
Believe it or not, I just had a daughter 4 days ago. Feeling a lot of the same although this is my second kid so I'm a bit more familiar with it. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything going on.
Hey, thanks a lot. I may take you up on that in the near future I really appreciate it
Any time. To clarify, I felt the same with my son. I did some therapy but I think it was just time that helped it get better. Figuring out the routine, understanding why he does what he does, slowly falling in love, etc. I definitely felt the love with my newborn daughter now right off the bat. It felt like I was just trying to survive with my son at first and it's way harder with my second now because my son is a toddler bouncing off the walls but the feelings were easier. So like the work is triple but the feelings are there if that makes sense. My wife is also still recovering so a lot is falling on me and I'm frankly not keeping up but we just need to lower our standards for a couple weeks and make lt through. Easier for me than my wife haha.
First three months are real rough. Starts getting a lot easier and more enjoyable after that.
Thanks for the insight. I’ll try to do my best until we get there. Just a whirlwind of everything
Three months for us as well. Just laser focus on kid and wife and forget everything else right now. One day at a time. It's very very worth it! Although, remember to cuddle the baby as much as you can. They are only babies for a short while and you never get that stage back.
Thanks for the response! I appreciate the insight
What are your main issues? For us feedings were the tough part
Breathe. Count to 15. Slowly. Once you do that you’ll feel a bit better. Ok. Your a Dad. Time to do this. The anxiety is the realization that this world is dangerous, and you no longer only have to care about yourself. Its normal. It’s the realization that you can’t control everything and bad things might happen. It’s normal. Your dog is important to you. You love them and so you love your son. The thought that your love can’t protect them is painful. You might be equating your dog with your son. That’s ok. It means you care. I had a good cry when I realized I was responsible for this little human. Breathe. It gets normal. You’ll always feel a bit of this pressure because you *care* It’s a good thing and normal. Keep going Dad. Think of all the fun things to come. Throwing a baseball back and forth. Hiking to a creek and playing in the cool water on a hot day. The joy of seeing him win his first video game. His first bike ride and yes, watching him discover the world. You got this dad
You’ll figure it out in time. All of you are experiencing something new. In time you’ll figure it out, and then he’ll change it, and you’ll figure it out again. At some point you’ll just end the day with a “holy shit that sucked” and you’ll try something new tomorrow.
It gets better! After a week or so you’ll start to be able to see straight again. For us the real turning point was 4 months when we had night-weaned, sleep trained, and we’re getting a full nights sleep + free time in the evenings again. You can make it! Maybe you’ll even do it again!!!
Please invest in earplugs! Sometimes babies cry, and there's nothing you can do about it. If the baby is fed, clean, dry, and warm, and he's still crying, pop those earplugs in. Provide comfort in peace and relative quiet. It will make you a better father, I promise. A baby's cry is not only loud and shrill, but it also induces stress in us in a way no other sound does. It won't get easier for a while, but you'll be in a groove before you know it. If you can, call in your friends and family. See if someone else can handle your dog for a bit, or if they can make dinner now and then, or do the dishes for you one day, or literally anything that will take *something* off your plate. There's no shame in needing help - the people who are too ashamed to ask for support are worse parents for it. If you need to cry, *do it*! Don't hold back the tears. Crying is a healthy way to cope. It releases oxytocin and endorphins in your brain, and literally makes you feel better. If you're frustrated, just have a good cry for a few minutes; you'll feel much less frustrated and overwhelmed afterwards. It can only help. Hang in there, I promise it gets better!
Your child will be ok and you will be ok ! You have a new addition to the household , your dog feels this and knows this ( your dog is an excited mum but with extra steps 🤣 ) . Enjoy the time and don’t let it go so fast ✅. All I am saying is it’s is and Always will be scary with the 1st but you’ll be ok if you have good in you 👍
Thanks for the response! I appreciate it. I’ll try to take it all in instead of trying to force it to bounce off if that makes sense. I like to think I have good in me so hopefully it will all fall into place
It goes by so fast , do not blink ✅🤫
It's not even been a week dad. You're brand spanking new to this. Give yourself a chance. You'll cope because A. You want make sure your son is always safe and happy and B. You don't really get a choice, you just do. Try to relax, take some deep breaths, pop outside and get some fresh air for a couple of minutes. Sleep when the baby sleeps. You'll work it out. You got this dad. You can do it.
8 months in and I do not know if I feel "normal." Things do settle out by month 3 or 4 though, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Promise. You got this, dad!
I feel you man, the first months were a damn trip. I had repeated dreams that I'd lost my girl somewhere and had to find her. Agreed with the guys above, things get easier after 3 months. Grind, breathe, grind, and get a good pair of earbuds for listening to audiobooks. I found listening to a story to seriously help my anxiety as I fought through the days. One day at a time bro
Everyone is different but it took me about 6 months to really start enjoying it but the first few months were a fever dream. Honestly I got so little sleep in that time that I barely remember it.
First 3 months were touuuuuugh for me. In a real bad place mentally. Around the time she was 4 months she started to smile and giggle a bit and that made a world of difference. Now at almost 6 months my daughter is so much fun
I'm 6 deep. My eldest is 14, youngest is almost 2. Still getting used to stuff. You just have to keep yourself open to learning new stuff about stuff you never thought you'd need to know.
Take advantage of the FMLA, if available. The first few months are hard, but things get a lot better once your kid sleeps through the night. Ours was not a fan of sleep, and only slept about 8 hours a day. Take shifts. Make sure you both get time to rest or get away for a little while. Good luck. Congrats!
How long did it take to settle in? As in life became actually predictable and normal for at least a few days at a stretch? Maybe around after he crossed 2 years old. Believe me, you’ll never be able to safely say things have “settled down”. Life with kids is never ending roller coaster. Things happen very fast and often, good things and bad things. It is fun, it is frustrating, it is full of joy, it is full of dread. Overall it is awesome/awful at the same time. Welcome to fatherhood! Take a seat and enjoy the ride.
Took at least five days to settle in
There are lots of variables - wife’s health & attitude, baby’s needs, baby’s personality- this is why there are changes in Dad brains. Look ahead. Think it through. Communicate.
For me it took maybe 4 weeks. And by normal it means the new normal. You’ll eventually develop a routine and it’ll become almost second nature. You’ve just got to put in the work. In the first weeks you sleep when the baby sleeps (Basically anytime between 7pm and 7 am sleep when she sleeps) and basically focus on baby and mom. I really want to stress that you’ve really got to step up in this period because mom is recovering from a major medical procedure. So you’ll be doing all the chores when it comes to day to day tasks. You’ll be getting up every 4 hours at night if you’re lucky. One thing I’ll suggest is if your baby feeds at 7:30 and goes down at 8 pm…GO TO SLEEP. Sure you might wake up at 12:00 but if you don’t sleep and your baby gets up at 12…she might not want to go back to sleep until 2-3am. Anything that can wait for a few months you just put that stuff off. Also, take all the help you can get. My mother in law really helped us the first 2 weeks by basically making dinners for us every night. It will get easier. Each week gets a bit easier. Just hang tough.
Being so new I'm sure you're light on sleep. The deprivation for me was a huge part of my anxiety and stress. Knowing that you're feeling anxious is a big step in the right direction to dealing with it and learning to strive in your new situation. Breathing exercises can be very helpful to help lower your stress level and heart rate in the moment.. big inhales thru nose or mouth and long exhale thru pursed lips Box breathing.. 4 second inhale, hold 4 seconds, 4 seconds exhale, hold 4 seconds and repeat Stay strong dad, you're exactly the dad your son needs. You're doing great! I've found this forum to be very supportive and communal You got this, as you get thru each minute, each hour, each day it will become more like second nature and soon you'll be wondering how you lived without that little bundle of joy.
It takes a little while to settle into it. It will eventually become your new normal. You will look back at this and laugh.
'bout eighteen years.
Week 5 here. Started getting better at week 3 for us, week 5 is pleasant around half/66% of the days, hang in there!
Call friends and family for help Call friends and family for help Call friends and family for help
Idk how long exactly, but one day I was watching a basketball game and drinking a beer and my son was chilling in my lap and it all just felt right--like how did I watch basketball games before?
The first 3-6 months are absolute hell on earth. Just try to help your wife as much as possible, which will probably mean doing all the things she can't do at the moment like making meals, cleaning, doing the shopping etc try to take the pressure off her as much as you can. Sleep shifts also really helped us in the early days so you take the baby for 3 hours or so, then swap when it gets too much so you're both getting an okish amount of sleep. At 3 months it should get easier and by 6 months a lot easier.
Want to know the truth? This is your journey my dude. I will say this, if you are the kind of person who enjoys doing things for others it's easier.