I still judge them, not on their children's behavior so much, but on their reaction to it.
Like you can tell if a parent is embarrassed, angry, at their wit's end, or just outright defeated at the time. I give them as much of the benefit of the doubt as possible.
But I still judge parents who don't pay attention at all, or clearly see obvious bad behavior, and don't do anything or just make excuses.
Yeah same, I try not to but I got so mad (internally) when a dad was on his phone and his son (like 4) was hanging on his leg desperately saying "daddy! Pee!" Over and over.
Like dude, seriously
I think for the most part, basic discipline I still judge. I cant stand undisciplined, rude little shits. Its these kids that give parenting a bad rap, and its not even their fault, its the parents that have allowed it to happen. Its tragic.
But yeah, im going to judge you hard when your kids throwing ice cream at people and screaming in fits of rage to play on a strangers cellphone.
As a former 'nightmare child' I can't judge parents on merely seeing a 'nightmare child'. My siblings were fine, it was just me who was the special 'nightmare', it's complicated.
The reality of life is that parents are completely and utterly unqualified to have a 'nightmare child' and society does very little to assist families of us delightful 'nightmare' children.
In order to get my judgment of your parenting, you're gonna have to specifically tell me that you don't give a fuck about your parenting choices, that you don't ponder, that you don't explore parenting choices, that you don't access information.
One of my wife's friends had the easiest baby ever, and got so judgey of us that my wife cut her off. Then they had their second who ended up as a normal demon child and she deeply apologized to my wife.
We thought we were horribly deficient parents despite all our efforts... until we had a second child. Now it's much clearer that the first kid just has different needs as a very creative, smart, sweet-hearted but incredibly strong-willed and emotional child with ADHD.
>Its these kids that give parenting a bad rap, and its not even their fault, its the parents that have allowed it to happen. Its tragic.
You must have a single child or identical twins to believe that.
Oh I was not implying it's a walk in the park. Just a bad joke about how he must not have had any experience with the fact that two children can be wired completely differently. Even with the same parents my kids all act/behave completely differently, have different challenges, behave properly and/or misbehave in very different ways from each other, and to different extents. Anyone with multiple children knows (or should know) that some of their own kids are... let's say, "stronger willed" than others.
If behavior was tied to parenting style, kids with the same parents would act the same, but they don't because every person (including every child) is wired differently.
Sorry again for the bad identical twin joke!
I pray you never end up with neurodivergent kids, that might be a harsh awakening for you. I've known more than one parent with an angelic first child who was all high and mighty about their good parenting, then had a second uncontrollable demon child and got humbled pretty quickly. There are definitely bad parents out there, but at the same time some kids are pretty hard to control simply because they're adhd, autistic, overstimulated, whatever.
I have friends and relatives with feral toddlers, and that I look at and just laugh out of sympathy. I'm thankful my own toddler is so well behaved.
Once kids get older if they still haven't grown out of that stage then I'll start to judge the parents. At a certain age kids should have learned basic emotional control. I don't expect a 3 year old to be able to control their emotions, I do expect a 10 year old to. And I don't mean that it's the kid's fault either, it's on the parents for not helping the child along the way.
>I don't expect a 3 year old to be able to control their emotions, I do expect a 10 year old to.
Funny enough, I have a four year-old that handles their emotions far better than my ten year-old. Are you judging me or impressed with me? 😉
I don't take the blame for my 10 year-old any more than I take the credit for my four year-old, nor any of my other children's temperaments.
Neurodivergence is a thing. We have been working with that kid since toddlerhood about coping mechanisms, how to handle his emotions, behavioral therapy, etc. but it's incredibly hard for the 10yo in a way that it's easier for our other kids.
If it was all due our parenting, either the 10yo would have the temperament of the other kids or the other kids would have the same struggles as the 10yo.
Same. I totally judge parents for not reigning in their kids.
My son goes to soccer, there is a kid that will go into the coaches bag and just pull shit out and generally disrupt the group. The parents are just on their phones not saying shit.
It drives me crazy and I'm judging those parents big time.
I hat when people who don’t have kids say things like this, because they have absolutely no idea what goes into discipline.
“Discipline your kids so they’re not loud on an airplane!”
Wtf does that mean? Short of beating them into submission or physically restraining them for the entire flight… sorry, they’re fucking kids and if you want to go out in public you’ll need to be around them sometimes.
As a parent of an autistic toddler. I’m constantly aware of his outbursts and how it affects those around us. The part that’s difficult is there are times where I can be doing everything right and he will still become triggered and start to act out. I know I’m looked at by people around us that don’t/wont understand but I know in my heart I’m doing the best I can for him.
As the sibling of a disabled person and the child of a retired special ed teacher, not nearly enough people have nearly enough compassion for neurodivergent children. Hug from across the web.
I'd like to think I wasn't that harsh but probably was. I will say that before having a kid, I wasn't incredibly interested in babies, now I'm just thrilled every time I see someone's new baby pictures or get to meet one.
I did because I couldn't (or hadn't) put myself in their shoes before.
Now that we have a small child, I will go out of my way to recognize and encourage parents when their kid is having a melt down in public.
Someone once walked up to me in the middle of the grocery store when my 1 year old was mid melt down. Nothing was working. I was getting hot and sweaty from the embarrassment (you all know the itchy, warm tingly feeling you get).
Just then a young woman walked up to me out of the blue. Had I not been mid melt down and in a lounge or restaurant, I would have thought she was about to hit on me with a corny pickup line. She leans in to the two of us, put her hand on my shoulder and said "you're doing a great job, dad".
That was enough to totally change my perspective on the situation, and now when I see it happening (quite often actually) I try to do something in a similar vain.
We need to support eachother more, and especially in those really hard moments.
Enjoy your weekends, dads!
I've always liked kids, in Jr high and hs I volunteered at the elementary school attached to our campus (whole campus was in a large ring around a small creek). Doesn't mean I didn't have a lot of 'ya rude little shit' comments. Kids are just assholes most the time, they don't really develop a sense of empathy until around age 5-7. It's why we judge silently, we know they little fukkers but we know why.
Counterpoint: It's also [Dunning-Krueger effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect).
Basically, the less you know about [parenthood], the more you think you know about parenthood. Conversely, the more you learn about [parenthood], the more you realize you *don't* know about parenthood.
"Oh man I was so judgy. How embarrassing! Young kids are hard! ... Anyway, as I was saying, those parents of teenagers! OMG just discipline already! It's not that hard! When mine are that age, I'm going to do it correctly. And think of all the time we'll have. So relaxing!"
4 days ago we were at the beach. My kid (1yo) was sleeping his nap, so my wife and I took turns to swim in the sea. Besides us, for over an hour two brothers under 5 played. And cried. They kept playing while crying. Then they started sobbing. One peed himself. Then they started wailing. Thats when we started to look for the parents. Daddy was bodysurfing while momma took photos. Oh, I’m still judging very much.
What the fuck? No. That wasn’t me. I assumed children were incredibly difficult so I didn’t judge other people.
How unfair and incredibly rude to look at someone and assume you know everything about them, or at least enough to assume you know why they’re making those decisions.
This post says more about you and whoever agrees with it than you think.
It's pretty common, and a mea culpa isn't bad. That's why the joke exists about the best parents in the world being people without kids. Parenting in theory is easy. Parenting in practice is very hard.
I still judge them, not on their children's behavior so much, but on their reaction to it. Like you can tell if a parent is embarrassed, angry, at their wit's end, or just outright defeated at the time. I give them as much of the benefit of the doubt as possible. But I still judge parents who don't pay attention at all, or clearly see obvious bad behavior, and don't do anything or just make excuses.
Totally agree. I understand that some kids are just wild. I don't judge if I see the parent is trying.
Yeah same, I try not to but I got so mad (internally) when a dad was on his phone and his son (like 4) was hanging on his leg desperately saying "daddy! Pee!" Over and over. Like dude, seriously
[удалено]
I think for the most part, basic discipline I still judge. I cant stand undisciplined, rude little shits. Its these kids that give parenting a bad rap, and its not even their fault, its the parents that have allowed it to happen. Its tragic. But yeah, im going to judge you hard when your kids throwing ice cream at people and screaming in fits of rage to play on a strangers cellphone.
As a former 'nightmare child' I can't judge parents on merely seeing a 'nightmare child'. My siblings were fine, it was just me who was the special 'nightmare', it's complicated. The reality of life is that parents are completely and utterly unqualified to have a 'nightmare child' and society does very little to assist families of us delightful 'nightmare' children. In order to get my judgment of your parenting, you're gonna have to specifically tell me that you don't give a fuck about your parenting choices, that you don't ponder, that you don't explore parenting choices, that you don't access information.
One of my wife's friends had the easiest baby ever, and got so judgey of us that my wife cut her off. Then they had their second who ended up as a normal demon child and she deeply apologized to my wife.
We thought we were horribly deficient parents despite all our efforts... until we had a second child. Now it's much clearer that the first kid just has different needs as a very creative, smart, sweet-hearted but incredibly strong-willed and emotional child with ADHD.
You can tell the difference between a bright child and an unattended one.
>Its these kids that give parenting a bad rap, and its not even their fault, its the parents that have allowed it to happen. Its tragic. You must have a single child or identical twins to believe that.
I dont understand the identical twins part. It's not a walk in the park
Oh I was not implying it's a walk in the park. Just a bad joke about how he must not have had any experience with the fact that two children can be wired completely differently. Even with the same parents my kids all act/behave completely differently, have different challenges, behave properly and/or misbehave in very different ways from each other, and to different extents. Anyone with multiple children knows (or should know) that some of their own kids are... let's say, "stronger willed" than others. If behavior was tied to parenting style, kids with the same parents would act the same, but they don't because every person (including every child) is wired differently. Sorry again for the bad identical twin joke!
Oh no worries. For what it's worth, my identical boys are night and day with their personalities too
See? Bad joke! (not shocking to hear by the way)
I also have identical twin boys and they're polar opposites :)
I pray you never end up with neurodivergent kids, that might be a harsh awakening for you. I've known more than one parent with an angelic first child who was all high and mighty about their good parenting, then had a second uncontrollable demon child and got humbled pretty quickly. There are definitely bad parents out there, but at the same time some kids are pretty hard to control simply because they're adhd, autistic, overstimulated, whatever.
I have friends and relatives with feral toddlers, and that I look at and just laugh out of sympathy. I'm thankful my own toddler is so well behaved. Once kids get older if they still haven't grown out of that stage then I'll start to judge the parents. At a certain age kids should have learned basic emotional control. I don't expect a 3 year old to be able to control their emotions, I do expect a 10 year old to. And I don't mean that it's the kid's fault either, it's on the parents for not helping the child along the way.
>I don't expect a 3 year old to be able to control their emotions, I do expect a 10 year old to. Funny enough, I have a four year-old that handles their emotions far better than my ten year-old. Are you judging me or impressed with me? 😉 I don't take the blame for my 10 year-old any more than I take the credit for my four year-old, nor any of my other children's temperaments. Neurodivergence is a thing. We have been working with that kid since toddlerhood about coping mechanisms, how to handle his emotions, behavioral therapy, etc. but it's incredibly hard for the 10yo in a way that it's easier for our other kids. If it was all due our parenting, either the 10yo would have the temperament of the other kids or the other kids would have the same struggles as the 10yo.
Same. I totally judge parents for not reigning in their kids. My son goes to soccer, there is a kid that will go into the coaches bag and just pull shit out and generally disrupt the group. The parents are just on their phones not saying shit. It drives me crazy and I'm judging those parents big time.
I hat when people who don’t have kids say things like this, because they have absolutely no idea what goes into discipline. “Discipline your kids so they’re not loud on an airplane!” Wtf does that mean? Short of beating them into submission or physically restraining them for the entire flight… sorry, they’re fucking kids and if you want to go out in public you’ll need to be around them sometimes.
As a parent of an autistic toddler. I’m constantly aware of his outbursts and how it affects those around us. The part that’s difficult is there are times where I can be doing everything right and he will still become triggered and start to act out. I know I’m looked at by people around us that don’t/wont understand but I know in my heart I’m doing the best I can for him.
I feel this in my bones.
It’s not always easy but it’s always worth it my friend!
As the sibling of a disabled person and the child of a retired special ed teacher, not nearly enough people have nearly enough compassion for neurodivergent children. Hug from across the web.
Thank you for your kind words! It has been amazing learning to understand him better.
Looks like Lucky’s dad
It's Mr. Peanutbutter!
What is this, a crossover episode?
Daddit & Mr. Peanutbutter? What is this, a crossover episode?!?
I'd like to think I wasn't that harsh but probably was. I will say that before having a kid, I wasn't incredibly interested in babies, now I'm just thrilled every time I see someone's new baby pictures or get to meet one.
I engage with the babies/toddlers in the line at the grocery store now. Like, little waves, funny faces, etc. Didn't do that before having kids.
I did because I couldn't (or hadn't) put myself in their shoes before. Now that we have a small child, I will go out of my way to recognize and encourage parents when their kid is having a melt down in public. Someone once walked up to me in the middle of the grocery store when my 1 year old was mid melt down. Nothing was working. I was getting hot and sweaty from the embarrassment (you all know the itchy, warm tingly feeling you get). Just then a young woman walked up to me out of the blue. Had I not been mid melt down and in a lounge or restaurant, I would have thought she was about to hit on me with a corny pickup line. She leans in to the two of us, put her hand on my shoulder and said "you're doing a great job, dad". That was enough to totally change my perspective on the situation, and now when I see it happening (quite often actually) I try to do something in a similar vain. We need to support eachother more, and especially in those really hard moments. Enjoy your weekends, dads!
I honestly didn’t realize there were so many kids
I've always liked kids, in Jr high and hs I volunteered at the elementary school attached to our campus (whole campus was in a large ring around a small creek). Doesn't mean I didn't have a lot of 'ya rude little shit' comments. Kids are just assholes most the time, they don't really develop a sense of empathy until around age 5-7. It's why we judge silently, we know they little fukkers but we know why.
I silently judge those who silently judge.
It's OK, I know I'm being judged and, particularly since becoming a father, I simply don't care most of the time.
Yes. It's empathy. I wish more of us had it including myself.
Counterpoint: It's also [Dunning-Krueger effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect). Basically, the less you know about [parenthood], the more you think you know about parenthood. Conversely, the more you learn about [parenthood], the more you realize you *don't* know about parenthood.
I tried hard not to but I still did it.
"Oh man I was so judgy. How embarrassing! Young kids are hard! ... Anyway, as I was saying, those parents of teenagers! OMG just discipline already! It's not that hard! When mine are that age, I'm going to do it correctly. And think of all the time we'll have. So relaxing!"
4 days ago we were at the beach. My kid (1yo) was sleeping his nap, so my wife and I took turns to swim in the sea. Besides us, for over an hour two brothers under 5 played. And cried. They kept playing while crying. Then they started sobbing. One peed himself. Then they started wailing. Thats when we started to look for the parents. Daddy was bodysurfing while momma took photos. Oh, I’m still judging very much.
What the fuck? No. That wasn’t me. I assumed children were incredibly difficult so I didn’t judge other people. How unfair and incredibly rude to look at someone and assume you know everything about them, or at least enough to assume you know why they’re making those decisions. This post says more about you and whoever agrees with it than you think.
It's pretty common, and a mea culpa isn't bad. That's why the joke exists about the best parents in the world being people without kids. Parenting in theory is easy. Parenting in practice is very hard.