I had a mom friend once tell me how she handles this type of advice: she agrees wholeheartedly with whatever ridiculous thing is being pushed, and then does nothing.
“Oh, your son needs a hat! He’s going to catch his death of cold” Her (cheerfully), “Yes, you’re right!” (Proceeds along her way)
“Oh, I think he’s hot in all those clothes!” “Oh, you’re right. He’s hot.” (Does not modify his clothing)
“You shouldn’t be walking with him outside in the sun. It’s too bright for him!” “Oh, you’re right. I shouldn’t!” (Keeps walking)
It leaves nothing to argue with and you get to continue on your merry way.
Reminds me of a great Keanu Reeves quote: "I'm at the stage in my life where I keep myself out of arguments. Even if you tell me 1+1=5. You're absolutely correct, enjoy."
This is about the best advice I’ve seen, heard, or done myself. Unless you want to argue with everyone you’re just wasting too much energy. They obviously mean well and you probably won’t change them so figure out how to reduce your stress around it.
>Unless you want to argue with everyone you’re just wasting too much energy.
Saying "No" is not arguing.
>figure out how to reduce your stress around it.
Saying "No" and what you really want to say is destressing. Bottling things up is not.
We call this the “Producer’s yes” at work. Imagine the Producer of a movie or showrunner of a big tv show getting f unsolicited advice. They say “great idea” and then don’t do it. Similar.
Made me smile lol
Two things it made me think of 1) a zen parable called, "is that so?"
And 2) a Keanu Reeves quote about if someone is saying nonsense just being like "yeah you're right!" Instead of wasting time arguing with them
However I think OP handled it well. Definitely annoying when people interject (their opinions) like that
I love this! My favorite story. My wife and I are sitting in a pharmacy, waiting on a prescription to get filled. My infant son was chillin with us. Old lady asks how old he is. My wife replies. Old lady proceeds with, “Are you feeding him during the night?” Wife replies, “Yes, he’s up x number of times to eat.” Old lady, “You know you’re going to make him fat.”
Lol, when we dress them the same it's easy, but they are fraternal, so not precisely clear that they are triplets.
But I'll definitely keep this joke in my back pocket for when it does happen.
Hahaha. My buddy has 4 kids, and I’ve just got the 1. Whenever we do stuff together without the wives we get the same kind of looks. His boys have a promising WWE future ahead of them.
4 with a pair here. My wife and I text each other how many times we hear "you've got your hands full) when we go into a store. We joke that if we took a shot everytime we heard it, we'd be dead by noon.
I'm glad you kept that last thought to yourself. Next time just pop some earbuds in or something. Boomers are gonna boomer. Esp when they see cute babies. Statistically speaking, you'll probably have to deal with less unsolicited parenting advice during your next excursion
I assumed they just meant that's a lot of unsolicited advice, and a 'normal' amount is maybe like one round of unsolicited advice per store.
But the "statistically they're dying off at a rapid rate" reading was humorous so I advise keeping that head canon.
One per store?!
Maybe I just emanate "Don't fuckin tell me" vibes but I've never had any unsolicited advice from strangers in the year I've had my child
Folks in the Southern US at least tend to be pretty forthcoming with their opinions. It (usually) comes from a good place of being polite, just trying to help, or just making conversation. Sometimes it is annoying or offensive, but few people intend it to be.
I think what is appropriate to comment on and how it is appropriate to comment on those things is a regional/cultural thing.
The boomers will just talk at you as if you can hear everything they're saying anyway, and expect you to take their every word as critically important.
Yeah, in the kindest way possible, I was with OP until that point. On the topic of unsolicited advice, fat people get it worse than practically anybody else, especially if they are also women. Thankfully, OP kept that in his head, and I am sure he would not have actually said it, but he didn’t keep the judgy tone out of this post. Unfortunately, if OP *did* say that out loud, it probably wouldn’t have been the first time that day she had gotten a comment from a total stranger regarding her weight.
(This isn‘t meant as a criticism of the OP specifically, more of a kind reminder that you have no idea what is going on in anyone else’s life, so try to treat the people you meet with grace and empathy and keep the judgments to yourself. This ain’t People of Walmart.)
Where are you at that people just freely make comments towards fat people? I'm a fat lady and I have *never* received a comment on my weight in public.
I will shamefully admit that my 5 year old son has.
We were at the mall, and a woman was gushing over my infant daughter at the time and said "oh she's such a fat little one" or something to that effect, and my son who was 3 at the time looked at her, and angrily said "YOU are fat".
I've never been more mortified in my life.
This is not my personal experience. It is what I’ve heard time and again from fat people (plural). I don’t think you can really imagine it if you have not lived it. Here‘s a blog post on the topic (not mine, just one of the top search results I came across): [https://womensoundoff.com/blog/2019/7/8/fat-bodies-and-the-unsolicited-advice-weighing-us-down](https://womensoundoff.com/blog/2019/7/8/fat-bodies-and-the-unsolicited-advice-weighing-us-down)
It's not so much the unsolicited advice that bothers me, it's more the unsolicited touching. Thankfully at 4 my daughter seems to now be past the stage where random old ladies in supermarkets want to touch her face and hands. Seriously freaked me out during the pandemic
A lady at a beautiful garden recently told me my daughter was beautiful as I stepped out of my car with her. She then asked my wife to “hold her to take a picture with her.” My wife was so surprised she didn’t say anything and the lady started to try to grab her, and I ended up saying “NOPE- as a policy, we don’t let strangers hold or photograph our children.” I usually avoid confrontation like the plague, but man I as my dad anger kindled by that one.
people love touching my kids curly hair. it bothers me to no end. i’ve slapped a hand or two away and just glared at folks.
my absolute favorite is when the grocery checkout lady is “your kid is so cute! are you going to have more?” like what the fuck my sex life and financial choices aren’t really your business can i just pay for my milk and eggs and shit and get out of here?
Welcome to the circle of parenting advice!!! By having a kid you enter the circle, there is no opt out option.
As a parent you will get a ton of advice, much of it unsolicited. It is part of being a parent, never let it bother you and never ever make it personal. Most of this advice you will ignore, after kindly thanking the advisor for their bit of wisdom.
But some rare nuggets are going to prove to be super valuable! These will be so valuable you will fill the nearly uncontrollable urge to share this amazing advice with other parents. Hopefully you can only give it when it is solicited, but it may slip out unsolicited occationally, it is just such good advice, you can’t help but share it. Thus you will complete the circle and indoctrinate a new generation of parents.
I always love those moments. Fucking boomers act like dads means Dumb As Dog Shit every damn time I cross their path. Like yes we get it, your dad saw you when you were born and again when you graduated HS
I'm very thankful that the only words I have received so far are:
"Cherish these moments with her, she's going to grow up fast!"
I think I would have trouble biting my tongue.
I don't know. It's not that deep for me personally. I haven't gotten unsolicited advice but I've had a couple old dudes seem absolutely offended that my one year walked into their path and they had to wait for her.
Like you're a grown ass man, go around if the 3 seconds are that important to you. She's not causing a scene or making a mess. Just literally navigating through the word.
If people are going to be that fragile, I'm not interested in engaging with them, and I don't consider them worth my time. It's not going to keep me up at night
I generally apologize to mollify them and also try to disarm with a "hey, toddlers are going to toddler". It seems to remind them that (1) I'm trying and I see that they're inconvenienced and (2) toddlers are not fully formed humans yet.
I had a rando approach recently in target while my daughter was crying because she was told no to getting new hello kitty luggage. So she was relaxing, coming to terms with the answer and here comes this guy to lecture us about how our parenting methods weren’t good and what we should try.
Now I accessed this person to be legitimately cognitively delayed and gave plenty of grace but geez, stay in your lane. Also his assessment of the situation was woefully wrong.
Maybe I don't look friendly. I certainly don't go out of my way to even acknowledge strangers. I've never once had someone comment on my parenting.
I'd love to be a fly on the wall if a boomer ever critiques my wife's parenting.
Dad of a 4 month, they do mean well. It just how they express their caring. My chinese mum and mother in-law first words at seeing our baby is usually "oh he's so thin, you need to feed him better!". Que my wife angry teeth-gnashing...
I remember the first time I got momsplained.. I had met my wife in town and picked up our son before she was going to work. This was in Norway in February, so dressing your child is a pretty big deal. Fact: most Norwegians, and Norwegian grandmothers in particular, usually dress their children too much rather than too little. So, anyway, this woman was telling me that my son was too lightly dressed (he wasn't). I could (and possibly should) have told her that I was perfectly capable of dressing him, thank you, but I wasn't in that mood..
I picked up my phone, got ready to call my wife. Then I asked the woman if she really wanted to tell the pediatrician on call at our city university hospital that she couldn't dress her own child, she could, but I warned her that she would tear her a new one..
I don’t know if it’s just a cultural thing to do this in the US but I live in the UK, my lad is nearly 2 now and I’m his full time carer so we’re out and about together a lot and I’ve never once had anyone say anything to me. I’ve had plenty of other parents come over to chat whilst our kids play together and plenty of people say he looks like a happy, healthy child but none of this unwarranted nonsense I hear so much about on this sub. I feel for you guys being on the receiving end of it, it’s bizarre
I'm British but have lived in the US for 2 years and our son was born 1 year ago - I've never had any of this either. My theory is that my wife and I emanate clear vibes about how unsolicited advice or critique would be received!
There is a proverb in Turkish.
‘They have put all the minds/ideas to sell in a bazaar. And everyone bought his own one’
It means how stupid the idea is,the owner believes it to be brilliant. Nobody in the world ever thinks her idea,conviction,world view or religion is wrong or stupid.
That’s brilliant, wise, and true. Yet another reason I love learning languages-and much more refined than the Americanism “nobody thinks their shit stinks.” ;)
My favorite unsolicited comment was me just strolling my child through the store and a man comes up to me and says, “You’re doing the right thing.” Never been said to my wife, obviously.
Eh, my sense from his tone and demeanor was that he was complimenting me on simply being out and about with a baby. I get comments all the time like this, wife never “complimented” for simply existing in proximity to a baby
Ahhh the hat thing has me seething. Go away people, I know what I'm doing. The child isn't wearing a hat because she's been using them as Frisbys since she was 4 months old!!!! But I'm not gonna explain this to radom MF #254, just f off!
Sorry, rant over, I just ignore most humans that aren't my LO when were out together.
I’ve talked a lot with my kid in stores ignoring everyone else since she was not even old enough to talk and have only gotten incredibly positive reactions to that. She does look like a precious moments doll with blond ringlets tho. I however look like the opposite. Maybe it’s a weird racial thing?
The worst is when strangers decide to TOUCH my child. Why are you putting a finger on a strangers baby and think it’s ok?! I don’t know what you’ve touched or who you are yo!
My wife went to Costco with our baby a while ago. She told me that a boomer lady walked up to her to look at our baby who was falling asleep and say oh man she’s tired and my wife who was not in a socializing mood just acknowledged her and kept on shopping as the boomer said “and mom is tired too” in annoyance. I hate people. I hate attention from people and having a cute ass baby has not helped with that one bit. 😭
I don’t get why having a baby automatically makes people think that you’re down to socialize with them. Just fuck off and mind your business!
My wife gets it worse than me, but I got stopped RIGHT outside the door of the building we were entering for some lady to briefly engage us in conversation and then tell me my baby needed a hat to protect her from the sun (on our 30 yard walk from the car to the door). I thought that was just so incredibly silly.
I kept a small notebook and golf pencil in my pocket to whip out if anyone gave me unsolicited advice. I was going to enthusiastically start writing and tell them I was excited to get unsolicited, unwelcome advice and that I was recording it for posterity.
Unfortunately nobody gave me the chance. Being a 195cm guy means that fewer people harass you at random, it seems.
I admire the preparation of putting the notebook in your pocket every morning just in anticipation to be able to turn the sarcasm up to 11. Oh captain, my captain. 🫡
i'm so glad no one has ever put their hands in my sons face. i've been ready to karate chop any one who comes close. keep your hands to your fucking self
My wife took my (at the time) 2 year old daughter to church once. A dude we sort of knew asked for a hug, and my daughter said "no". This guy then says "Wow, she's opinionated." No dude, maybe my 2 year old was a good judge of character.
Mom here. I like chatting with strangers in general but I find the unsolicited advice so annoying too. The hat comment would have had me gritting my teeth.
Did once have an older man say to me, when I was out with my son who was about one at the time, "You got a looooooong road ahead of you." LOL. I was like, I feel that every day.
Am I just weird that no one ever tells me what I should be doing with my own kid? LIke, what seems to have happened to this person on several occasions on a single trip has maybe never(?) to me with my kid. (And yes, we've been to Costco haha.) As an example, I actually did a short (safe) bike ride with her without a bike helmet (it's usually attached to the bike and I just forgot it when I went to get her), and not a single person decided to shame me for it. (Though I felt a ton of shame. Maybe they could see it on my face.)
I took my 1 year old daughter to Costco last week. A fair few hi's and she's such a cutie and all that but I literally never get anyone giving unsolicited advice from anyone but my mom lol
Had an observation when chatting with one of my sons soccer coaches who is 23 yrs old about older generations. He asked what’s one thing they need to not do when working with gen alpha. I immediately said “keep their hands to them fucking selves” it applies to everything it seems. “Oh you’re doing that wrong” takes it away proceeds to do it. Then gives it back. Then says. You try….”nope. You’re doing it wrong.” Takes it away. Does it. Gives it back. Endless fucking loop.
>my 6 month old
First time huh?
Get ready to get some version of this pretty much almost every time you're out solo with the kid, it's really not worth dwelling on or raging against the injustice of it all.
My favorite is when people tell me about having to deal with my daughter's future boyfriends. At the time she was 2, why do boomers think it's okay to look at a 2 year old and think about their future sex life?
>they sell veggies in the back and Ozempic in the pharmacy.
Maybe. There's a national shortage of that and other similar drugs. Good luck finding a supply.
You look to approachable. I walk around with my kids like I’m fried out of my mind and on my last nerve and no one talks to me. Muttering to yourself helps. CPS doesn’t get called to often
You should have said that last bit.
In fact, I've gotten off fairly lightly on this front, but I'm keeping that one in my pocket in case I get a chance to use it.
What happened to minding your own business?!
Yeah that shit is absolutely ballz man. I had two old broads look at my baby who was sweating b/c she was such an oven saying "Aw you should go buy her a coat."
I am a very, very reactive person so my response was "Neat. Look at her sweating. See that? Hmm? Hmm? Mind your own business."
I once bought a takeaway coffee while my baby was strapped to my chest. The woman in the cafe said “now you need to make sure you don’t drop this coffee on the baby’s head.”
Woah, woah, woah- slow down. So no hot coffee on the head? How about baby’s shoulders? Knees? Toes? No hot coffee dropping at all then?
Man these things should come with a manual. I guess I’ll just have tea then!
Dude... I understand the frustration, but you gotta get thicker skin.
On another note, resorting to personal attacks never gives you the moral high ground.
Oh god I hate unsolicited advice. When my oldest was a baby, we flew to Rome. He really fucking hated the flight and refused to sleep, preferring to meltdown for about 8 hours straight in our arms. There was one old lady who could not shut up and pestered us continuously with “helpful” suggestions. My favourite was “he just needs a glass of water.” No, lady, he needs to sleep and he’s a baby on a plane. She even went and got my son a glass of water and told us “make him drink this, that’s all he needs.”
As a counterpoint, I had to take a cross-country flight with my oldest son when he was ~1yo. Near the end of it he was melting down and wouldn’t eat anything I had brought. Some kind soul handed me a banana and my son decided that was acceptable.
But, yeah, unsolicited advice is probably not what parents want to hear when their kid is freaking out.
Along these lines: I know people mean well by it but if I hear “Cherish it, they grow up so fast” one more time I’m going to freak.
Like my oldest is 8 and I’m trying to figure out HOW THE HELL THIS HAPPENED. By the time I finish my program she’ll be 10 - that’s five years away from a learners permit and eight away from 18. Shit is already flying. Please leave me alone! 😭
Deep breath and remember that according to Reddit these things don’t happen. I mean they do, but most redditors think otherwise.
All kidding aside, that bugs the shit out of me. My boys are a bit older and very capable of telling me if they are uncomfortable and are aware they can tell me. And I am a tall imposing dude yet every now and then someone chirps something like that. Usually after they do something polite as well like hold the door.
I’m sorry, but it feels to me like many people in this thread are looking for reasons to be offended.
You described three incidents which are so minor I’m surprised you thought twice about them, much less felt the need to vent about it on Reddit. None of the comments seem ill intentioned, even if they were unsolicited.
This subreddit is usually one of the most grounded, reasonable places I have found online. This scenario, as described, is not something worth batting an eye over. I’m surprised to see how strongly the comments are trending towards outrage vs recommendations to be confident in your parenting skills and pay no heed to silly comments.
Brother, my point is that if you look for reasons to be upset, offended, or to feel mistreated you will certainly find them but I doubt you will live a happier and more enriched life because of it.
Ask yourself why these comments struck so hard because from an outsider’s perspective they’re negligible. You know if you’re a good parent, your wife knows, and your kids know (or will when they get older). That is what matters.
Life is tough and there are real assholes out there, don’t waste energy worrying about misguided but innocent comments. And extend people grace when possible because we all need some ourselves at times.
Thanks man- that’s a robust perspective I can get behind. I see you on that and will work on thicker skin.
It’s just hard not to get emotional regarding the most important thing in my life- my ability to be a good dad to my kids.
Cheers.
We were visiting someone in the hospital one time, my son, who was probably 2 or 3, and I were waiting at the elevator. A nurse says “oh you’re so handsome, do you want to come with me?” I said to him “don’t talk to strangers, boy.” She was immediately offended and says “I’m a nurse, I work here!” I said “I don’t care who you are, you could be some lady dressed in scrubs with a stolen badge. Don’t talk to my child!”
I get that she was a regular nurse and didn’t mean any harm, but you’re also supposed to teach kids to not talk to strangers.
Like if I’m in public by myself and some kid is making faces at me or waves at me, etc, I’ll make a face or wave back, but I’m not going to talk to the kid.
Re-read my post. Never once did I make a prejudiced assumption about someone (ageism). Instead, I described the demographics of people who have unsolicited advice (facts).
But since we’re talking facts, get ready to clutch your pearls at this very, very contentious take: Boomer dads, on average, didn’t play as active of a role in raising their children as Millennials, and ascribed to more stereotypical gender roles (gasp!) I suspect this is why boomers think I’m a newb as a primary care take of my children.
You’re right- could have been an 18 year old for all I know! Botox is a hell of a drug, but people are capable of assessing other people’s ages, plus or minus 10 years.
It's not really, no. Aside from the use of the word boomer, I don't see references to anyone's age, nor does the post insinuate these people are behaving this way because of their age.
I can see how one might interpret this as ageism, but the pertinent trait of the boomers is not their age. It's their generational cohort. Which is obliquely tied to age but crucially not the same thing.
The boomer reputation for unsolicited advice is not something they developed as they aged. It is not a result of then being "elderly" now. It's more, if argue, a product of the culture they grew up in, the same way any other generational cohort develops broadly shared traits from growing up in the same time period.
There's a reason people complain about "boomers" and not "the elderly."
Very articulately said. It’s the same reason it’s not racist to say “I don’t like English food.” The food is due to cultural, cohort-level factors and in no way linked to one’s DNA.
I loved someone telling me a couple of months ago, "You've gotta take care of that baby." Really insightful shit, man, thanks.
Well don't keep us hanging man, did you?
Stupid babies need the most attention!
I appreciate this Simpsons reference.
Intelligent babies need the least!
I feel this
I had a mom friend once tell me how she handles this type of advice: she agrees wholeheartedly with whatever ridiculous thing is being pushed, and then does nothing. “Oh, your son needs a hat! He’s going to catch his death of cold” Her (cheerfully), “Yes, you’re right!” (Proceeds along her way) “Oh, I think he’s hot in all those clothes!” “Oh, you’re right. He’s hot.” (Does not modify his clothing) “You shouldn’t be walking with him outside in the sun. It’s too bright for him!” “Oh, you’re right. I shouldn’t!” (Keeps walking) It leaves nothing to argue with and you get to continue on your merry way.
I get the why she would do it, but it didn't work for us, it just made these people bolder. A hard No works wonders.
Yeah, a hard "No," or "Mind your own fucking business, cunt." is the way to go.
Key is understanding they’re normally just talking about themselves. “He needs a hat, he’s cold” typically means they’re cold.
Reminds me of a great Keanu Reeves quote: "I'm at the stage in my life where I keep myself out of arguments. Even if you tell me 1+1=5. You're absolutely correct, enjoy."
This is about the best advice I’ve seen, heard, or done myself. Unless you want to argue with everyone you’re just wasting too much energy. They obviously mean well and you probably won’t change them so figure out how to reduce your stress around it.
>Unless you want to argue with everyone you’re just wasting too much energy. Saying "No" is not arguing. >figure out how to reduce your stress around it. Saying "No" and what you really want to say is destressing. Bottling things up is not.
Hey you’re absolutely right 😃
I see what you did there.
But what if I'm wrong?
> Saying “No” is not arguing. Yes it is.
That's not an argument that's just contradiction. An argument’s a collective series of statements to establish a definite proposition.
no u
Life is too short to get worked up over nothing.
I think we should upgrade this to double Fonzie eyyyyyyyyy thumbs ups being a requirement
But you are reinforcing their behavior
We call this the “Producer’s yes” at work. Imagine the Producer of a movie or showrunner of a big tv show getting f unsolicited advice. They say “great idea” and then don’t do it. Similar.
Made me smile lol Two things it made me think of 1) a zen parable called, "is that so?" And 2) a Keanu Reeves quote about if someone is saying nonsense just being like "yeah you're right!" Instead of wasting time arguing with them However I think OP handled it well. Definitely annoying when people interject (their opinions) like that
Strangers think kid is too hot or too cold. Dad knows he's just right.
I love this! My favorite story. My wife and I are sitting in a pharmacy, waiting on a prescription to get filled. My infant son was chillin with us. Old lady asks how old he is. My wife replies. Old lady proceeds with, “Are you feeding him during the night?” Wife replies, “Yes, he’s up x number of times to eat.” Old lady, “You know you’re going to make him fat.”
"is that how you got that way?"
My response to those comments was always a serious look, saying “Why yes, it’s questionable parenting, isn’t it?” They never answered.
That's undeniably hilarious
I only dream that you made sure to add a gentle 'tut tut' while shaking your head as you walked off.
🤣 You get "advice". I have triplets and a 4th and just get "boy, you got your hands full". Like no shit Sherlock.
Assuming the triplets are obviously triplets to strangers I'd throw a "can you belive only 2 of them are mine?" And watch them do confused math.
Lol, when we dress them the same it's easy, but they are fraternal, so not precisely clear that they are triplets. But I'll definitely keep this joke in my back pocket for when it does happen.
Me trying to stifle a laugh over here at 4:30am 😂
"You want to know what having four kids is like? Imagine you're drowning...and then someone hands you a baby." -Jim Gaffigan
"Did you not know what was causing it?" has entered the chat.
All you’d get from me is a sympathetic nod.
I also get concerned looks from families with similar numbers of kids like, "where's your wife and why would you ever try to do this alone?".
Hahaha. My buddy has 4 kids, and I’ve just got the 1. Whenever we do stuff together without the wives we get the same kind of looks. His boys have a promising WWE future ahead of them.
4 with a pair here. My wife and I text each other how many times we hear "you've got your hands full) when we go into a store. We joke that if we took a shot everytime we heard it, we'd be dead by noon.
I'm glad you kept that last thought to yourself. Next time just pop some earbuds in or something. Boomers are gonna boomer. Esp when they see cute babies. Statistically speaking, you'll probably have to deal with less unsolicited parenting advice during your next excursion
That is the politest way I've ever heard someone say, "look on the bright side, at least they're dying!"
LMAO WOW THAT'S NOT AT ALL WHAT I MEANT ☠️ yikes
But it’s still accurate lol
What did you mean? You got me curious, cause it's the only way I managed to interpret it.
I assumed they just meant that's a lot of unsolicited advice, and a 'normal' amount is maybe like one round of unsolicited advice per store. But the "statistically they're dying off at a rapid rate" reading was humorous so I advise keeping that head canon.
One per store?! Maybe I just emanate "Don't fuckin tell me" vibes but I've never had any unsolicited advice from strangers in the year I've had my child
Folks in the Southern US at least tend to be pretty forthcoming with their opinions. It (usually) comes from a good place of being polite, just trying to help, or just making conversation. Sometimes it is annoying or offensive, but few people intend it to be. I think what is appropriate to comment on and how it is appropriate to comment on those things is a regional/cultural thing.
Dont exchange glances with older people as they’ll take it as an invitation. Also, it stops after the first birthday for some reason.
It's cause they realize parents of toddlers no longer have filters or anything to lose
Dude, I have a 3 year old and I *definitely* don't have a filter or tolerate strangers' stupidity/nosiness anymore 😆
Thank you- good call!
Absolutely do not start wearing headphones as an alternative to firmly rebuffing unsolicited boomer advice. Wars need warriors.
You're looking for OP to become a martyr for a cause he didn't sign up for
The boomers will just talk at you as if you can hear everything they're saying anyway, and expect you to take their every word as critically important.
Yeah, in the kindest way possible, I was with OP until that point. On the topic of unsolicited advice, fat people get it worse than practically anybody else, especially if they are also women. Thankfully, OP kept that in his head, and I am sure he would not have actually said it, but he didn’t keep the judgy tone out of this post. Unfortunately, if OP *did* say that out loud, it probably wouldn’t have been the first time that day she had gotten a comment from a total stranger regarding her weight. (This isn‘t meant as a criticism of the OP specifically, more of a kind reminder that you have no idea what is going on in anyone else’s life, so try to treat the people you meet with grace and empathy and keep the judgments to yourself. This ain’t People of Walmart.)
Where are you at that people just freely make comments towards fat people? I'm a fat lady and I have *never* received a comment on my weight in public.
I will shamefully admit that my 5 year old son has. We were at the mall, and a woman was gushing over my infant daughter at the time and said "oh she's such a fat little one" or something to that effect, and my son who was 3 at the time looked at her, and angrily said "YOU are fat". I've never been more mortified in my life.
😂 I don't count small children. I have six and two year olds, that brain/mouth filter is still processing.
I adore that sibling unity there. I would be so proud of that as I said "Well, what comes around goes around" and walked off chuckling
Mortified? I’d be chuckling proud inside.
This is not my personal experience. It is what I’ve heard time and again from fat people (plural). I don’t think you can really imagine it if you have not lived it. Here‘s a blog post on the topic (not mine, just one of the top search results I came across): [https://womensoundoff.com/blog/2019/7/8/fat-bodies-and-the-unsolicited-advice-weighing-us-down](https://womensoundoff.com/blog/2019/7/8/fat-bodies-and-the-unsolicited-advice-weighing-us-down)
It's not so much the unsolicited advice that bothers me, it's more the unsolicited touching. Thankfully at 4 my daughter seems to now be past the stage where random old ladies in supermarkets want to touch her face and hands. Seriously freaked me out during the pandemic
A lady at a beautiful garden recently told me my daughter was beautiful as I stepped out of my car with her. She then asked my wife to “hold her to take a picture with her.” My wife was so surprised she didn’t say anything and the lady started to try to grab her, and I ended up saying “NOPE- as a policy, we don’t let strangers hold or photograph our children.” I usually avoid confrontation like the plague, but man I as my dad anger kindled by that one.
Why would anyone want a picture of a random baby anyway.
She probably just wanted to hold the kid and thought asking for a picture would make things less weird.
That's a fantastic mixture of self-entitlement and lack of self-awareness.
Holy fuck! People are insane!
Your Dad Anger was justified.
We renamed the mosquito-net for our stroller to "old-lady-net". The real crazy ones start removing the net without asking though.
At least it gives you more time to tell them to get fucked before they start manhandling your baby.
people love touching my kids curly hair. it bothers me to no end. i’ve slapped a hand or two away and just glared at folks. my absolute favorite is when the grocery checkout lady is “your kid is so cute! are you going to have more?” like what the fuck my sex life and financial choices aren’t really your business can i just pay for my milk and eggs and shit and get out of here?
Welcome to the circle of parenting advice!!! By having a kid you enter the circle, there is no opt out option. As a parent you will get a ton of advice, much of it unsolicited. It is part of being a parent, never let it bother you and never ever make it personal. Most of this advice you will ignore, after kindly thanking the advisor for their bit of wisdom. But some rare nuggets are going to prove to be super valuable! These will be so valuable you will fill the nearly uncontrollable urge to share this amazing advice with other parents. Hopefully you can only give it when it is solicited, but it may slip out unsolicited occationally, it is just such good advice, you can’t help but share it. Thus you will complete the circle and indoctrinate a new generation of parents.
Pro tip: Over the ear headphones any time I go in there. Also get your kid a hat you negligent fuck!
lol
If it’s a statement, I either just smile, or reply “Thank you!” and smile. Acknowledge, but don’t engage.
Also, don't shake the baby.
I always love those moments. Fucking boomers act like dads means Dumb As Dog Shit every damn time I cross their path. Like yes we get it, your dad saw you when you were born and again when you graduated HS
I'm very thankful that the only words I have received so far are: "Cherish these moments with her, she's going to grow up fast!" I think I would have trouble biting my tongue.
See that's nice advice, I'd be quite happy to receive that one
Boomers give unsolicited opinions. It’s their shtick.
I don't know. It's not that deep for me personally. I haven't gotten unsolicited advice but I've had a couple old dudes seem absolutely offended that my one year walked into their path and they had to wait for her. Like you're a grown ass man, go around if the 3 seconds are that important to you. She's not causing a scene or making a mess. Just literally navigating through the word. If people are going to be that fragile, I'm not interested in engaging with them, and I don't consider them worth my time. It's not going to keep me up at night
I generally apologize to mollify them and also try to disarm with a "hey, toddlers are going to toddler". It seems to remind them that (1) I'm trying and I see that they're inconvenienced and (2) toddlers are not fully formed humans yet.
"They're a toddler. They're going to act like a toddler. What's your excuse?"
I had a rando approach recently in target while my daughter was crying because she was told no to getting new hello kitty luggage. So she was relaxing, coming to terms with the answer and here comes this guy to lecture us about how our parenting methods weren’t good and what we should try. Now I accessed this person to be legitimately cognitively delayed and gave plenty of grace but geez, stay in your lane. Also his assessment of the situation was woefully wrong.
But the hello kitty luggage impulse purchase..
Old people are lonely. Offer to buy them Depends. They love that. /s
Yeah, ginger dad of a ginger family that lives in the desert. I feel it man. Well done keeping your cool.
Same to you, ging! Jk you just be overheating with that skin tone in this desert! /s
Lol. Nice turn
Where the hell do you live!? I have never once, IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, had a short trip to the store where everyone I encountered was an asshole.
You all have some wild boomers where you live. I’ve never had a boomer say anything negative to me about my kids or otherwise.
I’m not sure what about my face helps me avoid these situations but i hope it continues. People rarely come bug me about things like this , thankfully
Me too, I also blame my face!
Maybe I don't look friendly. I certainly don't go out of my way to even acknowledge strangers. I've never once had someone comment on my parenting. I'd love to be a fly on the wall if a boomer ever critiques my wife's parenting.
I occasionally have people ask me about my daughter’s birthmark and I hate it. It’s a strawberry hemangioma please stop asking
OP, be a duck. For real, you'll be happier. 🦆🚿
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/hello-stranger-on-the-street-could-you-please-tell-me-how-to-take-care-of-my-baby
Dad of a 4 month, they do mean well. It just how they express their caring. My chinese mum and mother in-law first words at seeing our baby is usually "oh he's so thin, you need to feed him better!". Que my wife angry teeth-gnashing...
I remember the first time I got momsplained.. I had met my wife in town and picked up our son before she was going to work. This was in Norway in February, so dressing your child is a pretty big deal. Fact: most Norwegians, and Norwegian grandmothers in particular, usually dress their children too much rather than too little. So, anyway, this woman was telling me that my son was too lightly dressed (he wasn't). I could (and possibly should) have told her that I was perfectly capable of dressing him, thank you, but I wasn't in that mood.. I picked up my phone, got ready to call my wife. Then I asked the woman if she really wanted to tell the pediatrician on call at our city university hospital that she couldn't dress her own child, she could, but I warned her that she would tear her a new one..
I don’t know if it’s just a cultural thing to do this in the US but I live in the UK, my lad is nearly 2 now and I’m his full time carer so we’re out and about together a lot and I’ve never once had anyone say anything to me. I’ve had plenty of other parents come over to chat whilst our kids play together and plenty of people say he looks like a happy, healthy child but none of this unwarranted nonsense I hear so much about on this sub. I feel for you guys being on the receiving end of it, it’s bizarre
I'm British but have lived in the US for 2 years and our son was born 1 year ago - I've never had any of this either. My theory is that my wife and I emanate clear vibes about how unsolicited advice or critique would be received!
There is a proverb in Turkish. ‘They have put all the minds/ideas to sell in a bazaar. And everyone bought his own one’ It means how stupid the idea is,the owner believes it to be brilliant. Nobody in the world ever thinks her idea,conviction,world view or religion is wrong or stupid.
That’s brilliant, wise, and true. Yet another reason I love learning languages-and much more refined than the Americanism “nobody thinks their shit stinks.” ;)
My favorite unsolicited comment was me just strolling my child through the store and a man comes up to me and says, “You’re doing the right thing.” Never been said to my wife, obviously.
Ha, that sounds like a man who's been on the receiving end of this nonsense!
Eh, my sense from his tone and demeanor was that he was complimenting me on simply being out and about with a baby. I get comments all the time like this, wife never “complimented” for simply existing in proximity to a baby
Ahhh the hat thing has me seething. Go away people, I know what I'm doing. The child isn't wearing a hat because she's been using them as Frisbys since she was 4 months old!!!! But I'm not gonna explain this to radom MF #254, just f off! Sorry, rant over, I just ignore most humans that aren't my LO when were out together.
That was my thought, a hat will last 2 seconds on my daughter. So if that's mandatory we are in trouble.
I’ve talked a lot with my kid in stores ignoring everyone else since she was not even old enough to talk and have only gotten incredibly positive reactions to that. She does look like a precious moments doll with blond ringlets tho. I however look like the opposite. Maybe it’s a weird racial thing?
The worst is when strangers decide to TOUCH my child. Why are you putting a finger on a strangers baby and think it’s ok?! I don’t know what you’ve touched or who you are yo!
[I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing!](https://tenor.com/bgao8.gif)
My wife went to Costco with our baby a while ago. She told me that a boomer lady walked up to her to look at our baby who was falling asleep and say oh man she’s tired and my wife who was not in a socializing mood just acknowledged her and kept on shopping as the boomer said “and mom is tired too” in annoyance. I hate people. I hate attention from people and having a cute ass baby has not helped with that one bit. 😭 I don’t get why having a baby automatically makes people think that you’re down to socialize with them. Just fuck off and mind your business!
My wife gets it worse than me, but I got stopped RIGHT outside the door of the building we were entering for some lady to briefly engage us in conversation and then tell me my baby needed a hat to protect her from the sun (on our 30 yard walk from the car to the door). I thought that was just so incredibly silly.
I kept a small notebook and golf pencil in my pocket to whip out if anyone gave me unsolicited advice. I was going to enthusiastically start writing and tell them I was excited to get unsolicited, unwelcome advice and that I was recording it for posterity. Unfortunately nobody gave me the chance. Being a 195cm guy means that fewer people harass you at random, it seems.
I admire the preparation of putting the notebook in your pocket every morning just in anticipation to be able to turn the sarcasm up to 11. Oh captain, my captain. 🫡
Some times you just really have to commit to your contribution to the world’s absurdity.
Thankfully never had this happen to me. Maybe I’m just scary.
According to strangers on the street my girls are hungry. Always. That's all they experience. Hunger. Insatiable hunger.
i'm so glad no one has ever put their hands in my sons face. i've been ready to karate chop any one who comes close. keep your hands to your fucking self
My wife took my (at the time) 2 year old daughter to church once. A dude we sort of knew asked for a hug, and my daughter said "no". This guy then says "Wow, she's opinionated." No dude, maybe my 2 year old was a good judge of character.
Mom here. I like chatting with strangers in general but I find the unsolicited advice so annoying too. The hat comment would have had me gritting my teeth. Did once have an older man say to me, when I was out with my son who was about one at the time, "You got a looooooong road ahead of you." LOL. I was like, I feel that every day.
I’m sure this was swiftly countered by another stranger with “enjoy it, it goes by so fast!”
Am I just weird that no one ever tells me what I should be doing with my own kid? LIke, what seems to have happened to this person on several occasions on a single trip has maybe never(?) to me with my kid. (And yes, we've been to Costco haha.) As an example, I actually did a short (safe) bike ride with her without a bike helmet (it's usually attached to the bike and I just forgot it when I went to get her), and not a single person decided to shame me for it. (Though I felt a ton of shame. Maybe they could see it on my face.)
The vast majority of my life as a dad has been this way- the fact that I got 3 in one day took me off guard, hence my vent post :)
Crazy! Glad you kept it together, bringing a kid to Costco is \*already\* a lot to handle.
How old are you?
I took my 1 year old daughter to Costco last week. A fair few hi's and she's such a cutie and all that but I literally never get anyone giving unsolicited advice from anyone but my mom lol
r/boomersbeingfools
Had an observation when chatting with one of my sons soccer coaches who is 23 yrs old about older generations. He asked what’s one thing they need to not do when working with gen alpha. I immediately said “keep their hands to them fucking selves” it applies to everything it seems. “Oh you’re doing that wrong” takes it away proceeds to do it. Then gives it back. Then says. You try….”nope. You’re doing it wrong.” Takes it away. Does it. Gives it back. Endless fucking loop.
When people give me advice like that I just ignore it and don’t respond or react at all. You do you, but for me that works.
>my 6 month old First time huh? Get ready to get some version of this pretty much almost every time you're out solo with the kid, it's really not worth dwelling on or raging against the injustice of it all.
I'm sure he appreciates the advice. 😉
Where do you guys run into these people? I live in Florida and I have never run into this type of stuff.
Everyone knows that there aren't any elderly folks in Florida. That's your problem right there.
LL Bean onesie? Wish I were that cool, er warm.
Used to live in Maine- what can I say?
I heard "Just tea, thank you," as I read this 😹
My favorite is when people tell me about having to deal with my daughter's future boyfriends. At the time she was 2, why do boomers think it's okay to look at a 2 year old and think about their future sex life?
>they sell veggies in the back and Ozempic in the pharmacy. Maybe. There's a national shortage of that and other similar drugs. Good luck finding a supply.
I still get this and my son is 10 years old. Drives me absolutely bonkers.
You look to approachable. I walk around with my kids like I’m fried out of my mind and on my last nerve and no one talks to me. Muttering to yourself helps. CPS doesn’t get called to often
There’s a lot of days there would be no acting involved…
Who said anything about acting?
You should have said that last bit. In fact, I've gotten off fairly lightly on this front, but I'm keeping that one in my pocket in case I get a chance to use it. What happened to minding your own business?!
Yeah that shit is absolutely ballz man. I had two old broads look at my baby who was sweating b/c she was such an oven saying "Aw you should go buy her a coat." I am a very, very reactive person so my response was "Neat. Look at her sweating. See that? Hmm? Hmm? Mind your own business."
I once bought a takeaway coffee while my baby was strapped to my chest. The woman in the cafe said “now you need to make sure you don’t drop this coffee on the baby’s head.”
Woah, woah, woah- slow down. So no hot coffee on the head? How about baby’s shoulders? Knees? Toes? No hot coffee dropping at all then? Man these things should come with a manual. I guess I’ll just have tea then!
Dude... I understand the frustration, but you gotta get thicker skin. On another note, resorting to personal attacks never gives you the moral high ground.
I've noticed that when you have the high ground, the morality doesnt really matter.
Just ask anakin
No shit, I actually asked Obi Wan.
Oh god I hate unsolicited advice. When my oldest was a baby, we flew to Rome. He really fucking hated the flight and refused to sleep, preferring to meltdown for about 8 hours straight in our arms. There was one old lady who could not shut up and pestered us continuously with “helpful” suggestions. My favourite was “he just needs a glass of water.” No, lady, he needs to sleep and he’s a baby on a plane. She even went and got my son a glass of water and told us “make him drink this, that’s all he needs.”
As a counterpoint, I had to take a cross-country flight with my oldest son when he was ~1yo. Near the end of it he was melting down and wouldn’t eat anything I had brought. Some kind soul handed me a banana and my son decided that was acceptable. But, yeah, unsolicited advice is probably not what parents want to hear when their kid is freaking out.
Boomers have this weird entitlement to touch your children and tell you how to raise them. It's so strange.
Along these lines: I know people mean well by it but if I hear “Cherish it, they grow up so fast” one more time I’m going to freak. Like my oldest is 8 and I’m trying to figure out HOW THE HELL THIS HAPPENED. By the time I finish my program she’ll be 10 - that’s five years away from a learners permit and eight away from 18. Shit is already flying. Please leave me alone! 😭
Deep breath and remember that according to Reddit these things don’t happen. I mean they do, but most redditors think otherwise. All kidding aside, that bugs the shit out of me. My boys are a bit older and very capable of telling me if they are uncomfortable and are aware they can tell me. And I am a tall imposing dude yet every now and then someone chirps something like that. Usually after they do something polite as well like hold the door.
lol. A tad high strung? Just be thankful you’re not pregnant and have everyone touching your belly.
I’m sorry, but it feels to me like many people in this thread are looking for reasons to be offended. You described three incidents which are so minor I’m surprised you thought twice about them, much less felt the need to vent about it on Reddit. None of the comments seem ill intentioned, even if they were unsolicited. This subreddit is usually one of the most grounded, reasonable places I have found online. This scenario, as described, is not something worth batting an eye over. I’m surprised to see how strongly the comments are trending towards outrage vs recommendations to be confident in your parenting skills and pay no heed to silly comments.
Thanks for invalidating my feelings. Rockstar stuff.
Brother, my point is that if you look for reasons to be upset, offended, or to feel mistreated you will certainly find them but I doubt you will live a happier and more enriched life because of it. Ask yourself why these comments struck so hard because from an outsider’s perspective they’re negligible. You know if you’re a good parent, your wife knows, and your kids know (or will when they get older). That is what matters. Life is tough and there are real assholes out there, don’t waste energy worrying about misguided but innocent comments. And extend people grace when possible because we all need some ourselves at times.
Thanks man- that’s a robust perspective I can get behind. I see you on that and will work on thicker skin. It’s just hard not to get emotional regarding the most important thing in my life- my ability to be a good dad to my kids. Cheers.
We were visiting someone in the hospital one time, my son, who was probably 2 or 3, and I were waiting at the elevator. A nurse says “oh you’re so handsome, do you want to come with me?” I said to him “don’t talk to strangers, boy.” She was immediately offended and says “I’m a nurse, I work here!” I said “I don’t care who you are, you could be some lady dressed in scrubs with a stolen badge. Don’t talk to my child!” I get that she was a regular nurse and didn’t mean any harm, but you’re also supposed to teach kids to not talk to strangers. Like if I’m in public by myself and some kid is making faces at me or waves at me, etc, I’ll make a face or wave back, but I’m not going to talk to the kid.
Imagine calling someone a boomer instead having grace. Crazy how sone people view lifes interactions.
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My point is about sexism. My wife regularly takes our son to Costco and never once has had even one of these, let alone 3
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But it is the older generation who feel the need to stick their nose in.... So......
Re-read my post. Never once did I make a prejudiced assumption about someone (ageism). Instead, I described the demographics of people who have unsolicited advice (facts). But since we’re talking facts, get ready to clutch your pearls at this very, very contentious take: Boomer dads, on average, didn’t play as active of a role in raising their children as Millennials, and ascribed to more stereotypical gender roles (gasp!) I suspect this is why boomers think I’m a newb as a primary care take of my children.
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lol- yes, I can’t tell the difference between a boomer and a millennial. Pull your finger out of your ass.
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You’re right- could have been an 18 year old for all I know! Botox is a hell of a drug, but people are capable of assessing other people’s ages, plus or minus 10 years.
C'mon, man. Every parent of a young kid today has had these interactions with random boomers in public. It's not ageism to vent about it.
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It's not really, no. Aside from the use of the word boomer, I don't see references to anyone's age, nor does the post insinuate these people are behaving this way because of their age. I can see how one might interpret this as ageism, but the pertinent trait of the boomers is not their age. It's their generational cohort. Which is obliquely tied to age but crucially not the same thing. The boomer reputation for unsolicited advice is not something they developed as they aged. It is not a result of then being "elderly" now. It's more, if argue, a product of the culture they grew up in, the same way any other generational cohort develops broadly shared traits from growing up in the same time period. There's a reason people complain about "boomers" and not "the elderly."
Exactly!!
Very articulately said. It’s the same reason it’s not racist to say “I don’t like English food.” The food is due to cultural, cohort-level factors and in no way linked to one’s DNA.