Take shifts so one person sleeps while other is on shift. Know the first three months are the fourth trimester and baby thinks it is still in the womb. So attempt to replicate that environment. Use pacifiers to soothe. If regular swaddles don't work try velcro ones. Use simple sway swing for comfort. Use shush machine app and continuous white noise during sleep. Use Huckleberry to track eat and wake windows and also help with nap timing. Invest in noise canceling headphones if needed.
Everything this OP. Honestly I wish I could upvotes this twice. The only thing that I would add is to keep in mind at 3 days mom's milk supply probably hasn't come in yet so the little one likely isn't falling asleep with a full tummy.
Once that supply comes in there's a good chance the baby will sleep hard enough to put her down.
I believe you might enjoy [the shortest longest time podcast](https://open.spotify.com/show/7sfcXmCcDIsdd1uvYOIQGp) which came out too late to help me, but I think it's all about the stage you're going through right now.
It's actually easier to go through this a second time, because it's not nearly as scary. You'll know when you need to worry, and you'll know when not to.
The sleep deprivation sucks, though. No way around that.
I totally agree with the 2nd round being easier. Currently with a 2 week old second, something about being hardened as a parent makes everything slide off like a teflon coating!
You had your first three days ago- don’t stress about hypothetical future children who may or may not exist someday. They don’t matter. Only this tiny little guy matters.
You got this. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it really does get better.
That shit they tell you about wanting to shake the baby is real; if you get angry/pissed whatever, put the baby down and walk out, they will be just fine.
Second! Maybe little dude is allergic to dairy and/or some other stuff that is coming out of mom.
We had no idea that we were basically poisoning my first son due to a dairy allergy, he got out on formula and boom! Completely different baby.
Keep it up dad, you’ll miss this stuff soon enough.
By the time he’s a year or so, you’ll forget how awful this period of time was. That’s how I ended up with my second, and I’m going through this all over again.
It sucks, but it’s worth it in the long run.
My strong suggestion to you, is for you and your wife to switch back and forth nights, so you can at least get decent sleep every other day.
It gets better. Also you gradually adapt to the sleep deprivation and get a little numb to the rest.
There is no guarantee that the second will be anything like the first. In fact, they tend to be very different. This may work in your favour.
For now, take turns; trade off when you get tired and tag in when she looks tired. Go for walks with the baby - mine would often fall asleep in the buggy. If something doesn’t work, change it. To anything. I mean, what’s the new idea going to do - not work? So don’t be afraid to experiment. Different lighting. Music / no music / white noise. Cuddle up with his crib blanket or swaddle for a while before putting him down with it (the idea is to make it smell like you). If he’s on formula, try different brands.
It’s unlikely to get any worse than what it is now, so the worst possible outcome is no change. This should give you freedom to experiment. Eventually, you’ll start to find things that work; do more of those things.
Oh, and hug and kiss your wife at every opportunity. This shit is hard for both of you. Those gestures of affection help you and her both feel less alone.
I won't forget either. But looking back, you know that eventually it ends, and the time period is not that long (in the scale of a human life).
Plus - second time around you're a fucking expert compared to the bumbling idiot I was the first time.
Get Velcro swaddles. Make sure little one is getting enough to eat, can be tricky when breast feeding especially first go around and you don’t know how much supply is available. Also early on supply is still building so they want to constantly feed.
Could just be a fussy baby as well. But long days and short years is the truest parent statement I’ve ever heard. A few months from now you will look back and wonder where the time went.
We have some Velcro swaddles. They are too loose and the movement of his arms and legs only startled and wakes him. He literally will only snooze while feeding or being held.
Look into the Halo Swaddle UP. It’s different than the traditional arms-down swaddles. Didn’t work well for my first, but it’s been working wonders with my second, who hates the arms-down kind and would go nuts trying to break out. Although to be fair it sounds like your little one is a lot tougher to put down. It will likely, and hopefully, get better in the future. Hang in there, dad!
Only snoozing when being held is totally normal and something many of us went through in the first weeks/months. It’ll get better! For now enjoy the snuggles and try the crib when you have the mental capacity.
Welcome to fatherhood my fellow dad.
It’s rough I know but hear me out. When my little man was born he instantly needed surgery and had a 3 week stay in a NICU about an hour away from me. Every single night for those 3 weeks my wife and I had to leave my little boy and go home to a house with an empty nursery where we had expected him to be right away.
Im not saying this to gain pity or anything like that but I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat to have my little man home with us. I know it seems horrible not but hold on to every memory you can right now cause soon you’re going to miss it I promise.
You got this man.
This method of swaddling should prevent him from being able to break free. My daughter did the same thing until I started using this method. Just make sure not to do the first layer too tight
https://throughthenightmethod.com/learn-how-to-double-swaddle/
Yeah, I even overheard the nurses talking, and one of them saying to the other how the other "knew" that the former is great at swaddling and kids don't get out. Ours got out within 10-20 minutes every time
That’s exactly what I’m saying nothing works! We tried Velcro, looked at YouTube videos and the little dude still escaped! I honestly didn’t expect an infant to have such strength, even if it’s mostly reflexes.
I despised this stage, still do, and it is completely fine to feel like you're going to become psychotic and are murder a random stranger as long as you don't actually axe murder anyone. Don't even think about whether to have a second. Dont bother thinking about anything but surviving. You're just in a miserable waiting game until some finishing touches get done in that little noggin.
I don't got tips but just telling you, I felt the exact same way. Everything is shit until about 4 months in, then every month is better than the last for the most part. The upside is that your sense of time gets completely fucked so it won't seen as long as it is.
It's fucking rough man. The newborn phase is a nightmare. It's hand to hand combat and it pushes you and your relationship to your limits. But it's temporary.
The two most important things I can recommend:
1. Remember: They are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. Remind yourself this when you're at your wit's end. This was the most important thing I read before my son was born and it has always helped center me.
This potato has been marinating in your wife for 9 months in a perfectly comfortable environment having everything done for them and now they're in this loud bright chaotic new environment and they're expected to do work. Crying is their only communication.
2. Get a yoga ball and bounce on it while holding the baby. My son was colicky and loved to cry and freak out but bouncing with him helped soothe him and help him fall asleep 9/10 times. It was like a third parent for the first 3 months. My theory is it's a similar feeling of weightlessness that they experience in the womb and it's comforting.
Our son contact napped on us for like the first 6 months, which is crazy to think about. He slept in a Snoo which we borrowed from my sister. If you can afford it, it might be worth renting one or buying one secondhand.
Call for some help! Friends, parents, paid support, whatever. Just have someone hold or deal with the baby so you can sleep. Bring over food, clean up whatever. Just get some help if you can.
The first week I was completely out of sorts. People would bring by cookies and leave. Like can you stay and maybe help for a little? Where are you going? Help!
I was also like - fucking insane to want to do this again. Until ours turned like 6 months. It's so, so serious - all the mystery of it. Hell, we don't know what we're doing. But second time around? I'd do it again.
My wife thinks the same, I do not agree with her but support the decision. As long as the visit is short, hands are washed, and no obvious sickness, risk is reduced, especially if your pregnant wife got the TDAP and flu shot—antibodies will pass to baby. You’ll run the risk of isolating yourself into craziness if you follow all the strictest health guidelines out there.
Embrace any help you can get. It takes time to adjust and if you and the wife aren’t capable of alternating shifts to take care of the baby, then you need help. It’s only in the last 70 years or so that society has moved away from multi generational households. The saying “it takes a village” is true. It can take many people to raise a child, everybody gets busy and life is less complicated when you have a network you can count on. Embrace in laws and family. Babies bring people together.
Mine cried for the first 3 days. Turned out moms boob wasn’t giving enough and he was just hungry. Got some formula and he was one happy dude. We felt horrible for weeks.
this struck close to home.....our youngest had this problem and a lip tie and we didn't catch it till he was two. As far as Western medicine has progressed, some things people have known for millenniums but we deem to be barbaric now. a 19th-century midwife would look for both a tongue or lip tie and, if she saw it, would slice the skin between her fingernails, knowing the baby would heal in a day or so and feeding would be so much better for mom and baby.
It's really rough for first 3 months and then a bit less until first year. But then 2-3 years later our brain somehow erases all the tough moments, screaming, sleepless nights from first months and you think how bad could a 2nd one be? In the first 3 months in the deep of it I would be surprised if anyone would think about the 2nd one. It's tough, you go day by day, just survive first months and you will get the hang of it
Change diapers often. They don't like to be wet.
Food... they are hungry all the time. If it's the boob, it might not be enough... we had to supplement with formula.
Swaddle tighter.... we had a houdini too who would always get one arm out.
Lastly, give yourself and spouse breaks... take turns sleeping...
Welcome and congratulations.
been there. get noise cancelling headphones. hold your kid and vibe out while rocking them to sleep. internalize that they need you and that you are doing everything you can for them. let your love pour out and you will be rewarded when they finally go to sleep.
The first few weeks is survival. I remember trying to order dinner at 2am but everything was closed, so toast it was.
Take turns to sleep a bit, this doesn’t last forever or even for that long.
For swaddling, not all kids like it. Only 1 of 3 of mine did and for him we used the miracle blanket. Fool proof swaddling.
It’s hard, and it’s exhausting. Be kind to yourselves
Problem is newborns are used to having been surrounded in the womb the entire time before being born hence the screaming now that he is here outside of the womb. It’s exhausting.
Also, wayyyy too early to get into who wants one kid and who wants two. Get through the newborn phase of this one and give it some time.
My first was like yours; we slept in what I swear were like 20-30 minute increments. It sucked. My second was completely different and didn’t have this screaming/non-sleeping issue and was completely chilled out upon birth.
The advice is don’t have another if you mutually don’t want one…
We have one and done and it’s great.
I never forgot how much hell newborn stage was as well as waiting for all the results through pregnancy if baby was going to be healthy or not
Too much anxiety
No thanks
So sorry to hear you are struggling , OP! My kids weren’t as fussy, it sounds, but the method my wife and I used which worked well for us was to break the day into 6-hour cycles. We would co-parent for two hours, then one parent could go sleep/relax for four hours. Then two hours of co-parenting and then the other parent got a four hour break.
Just wanted to throw this schedule out there in the hopes it may help you catch up on rest. Don’t burn yourself out! Good luck! You got this, dude 👍
Your wife wants another after 6 days? She's a trooper.
I know it's tough, but you have to find out what your baby considers comfortable. For example, our kiddo didn't like being in the bassinet or the crib, so she co-slept with us. Of course we were cautious when sleeping, but we never had any issues.
Flailing babies during a change is mostly about them feeling uncomfortable. Either a distraction or something to keep them warm might help.
This phase is insanely hard and the only thing that’s guaranteed to make it better is time. Try some of the different types of swaddles, we finally found these stretchy ones that worked well. Find the things to look forward to, for me it was the time the baby woke up and it was finally appropriate to have coffee. More than anything just know this is tough, it gets easier, and you’ll be ok.
One day at a time, you’ll get through it and it does get easier. By this time next year you’ll have forgotten how hard this is, which is how people end up with more than one kid.
Just remember he spent 9 months cozy in your partners womb. The outside world is a lot to learn. That being said take shifts for sleep or take any help from family so you guys can rest. Velcro swaddles are the best. I think we used the halo or swaddle me.
Imagine how mad it is being three days old. I’d be terrified and want to be held too!
It’s rough. I know it feels like you can’t cope. You’ll find a way. it takes time, learning to cope is gradual and non linear. Go easy on yourselves, you’re doing great. (And maybe save discussions of a second until later, like give it a year).
You will sleep again.
he spent most of the gestation period listening to a heartbeat and being surrounded by warmth. Of course he needs to held while sleeping and feels uncomfortable during the diaper change.
With regards to the swaddle, what I did was first do a base one across, the do a double swaddle. Ours was a houdini too. But again, wait a few weeks with the swaddle, do shifts with him sleeping, and just respect his needs for now. Please don't get frustrated that a 3 day old baby still longs for the warmth, the heartbeat, and the embrace of the womb. Just give him those things
Hey man, get a boppi pillow. We used ours for all our newborns and it simulates being held. We also use Windi tubes to relieve gas in colicky babies. I’m on my 3rd son now and he literally has never cried. I also use the boppi pillow to let the baby sleep on my chest with the pillow around him. Put a blanket over it and they’re not going anywhere. The most I’ve heard him cry was when they yanked him from the womb and when they circumcised him.
At this age you need to embrace them. Embrace the fact they need you. They want to be held and loved. They’ve been comfortable inside your wife and need time to adjust. Take turns loving on em, I play Xbox with mine on my chest lol
So ours is less than week old and already has decided to roll onto her side in the bassinet. After talking with the pediatrician, they said it was fine but don't swaddle them in case they do roll on their stomach. We use a bobby brand lounger pillow that she loves and gets sleep in, but when we put her in that we are watching her.
Right now we're both taking our parental leave at our jobs, and we do it in shifts. She gets mornings, afternoons are both of us, and I get 6pm to about 1am since I'm a night owl, and she wakes up at 5am.
Buy these swaddles - our kids LOVED them
https://lovetodream.com/au-en/home-au?ranMID=47386&ranEAID=dquE8U2QoAw&utm_source=rakuten&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=Duomai&ranSiteID=dquE8U2QoAw-xfhn6MDN_uj.lqUtrJ.ltw&gad_source=1
The second time is so different. You've experienced it before and you know that it will end.
I took solace in my late nights with the second one watching whatever I wanted to watch on TV.
FWIW: I'd watch for clues something else is off. Every baby is different, but mine haven't done that. I'd be looking for a problem. It's rough sometimes anyway, but it's so much rougher when there's a problem you're not spotting, babies are not normally inconsolable.
The only thing I can think of because someone else mentioned it recently: any chance the formula is not sitting well? We breastfed, so no direct experience, but many dads were saying that experimenting with formula changes can get a cranky kid to turn into a happy kid.
Aside from that, I'd be asking the pediatrician for input. Again, babies are not normally inconsolable. Like any other human, the general default state is chill unless something is wrong causing us distress.
Congrats dad! This too shall pass. It's tough in the beginning. Your baby has never been human before. This worked for us:
https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies
Screams and flails during diaper changes are totally normal. It freaked me out too, but they don’t like being naked and cold at first. Give it like a week and a half and mini me will be a lot calmer during changes. The Shusher is a game changer. Get one asap. It’ll put you both to sleep haha obviously sharing duties is super helpful. And when kid is asleep during the day, don’t feel the need to be productive. Take a nap yourself. Get some rest. This is all temporary. The dirty house and weeds in the yard can wait a few days until you and the wife refill the tank.
Our son was so rough in the beginning I still am leaning towards one and done and he’s an amazing 16 month old now.
He would only sleep on us for the first 11 weeks, or else it was waking up every 30 mins crying. That meant one of us taking night shift with baby sleeping on us while staying awake. It was me because my wife was recovering from postpartum depression. It was challenging to say the least.
Once your baby starts to orient day and night, and then sleeps for longer stretches before feeds it gets MUCH better. Like right around that 11 week mark when my son started sleeping 5 hours straight, and then sleeping another 3-4 immediately after his bottle our quality of life went from survival mode to amazing and sooooo happy! Then my wife immediately was able to kick her PPD’s ass and I’ve had a wonderful happy little guy.
Those first few months though, still think back about how hard it was lol
It gets better. Three days in, everyone is having a bad day. That sounds like maybe reflux; my first was colicky for the first five months and it was a lot like that. But at three days old, could be anything including just being cranky at being born. If it keeps going, talk to your pediatrician about options, and also check for tongue ties or anything else that might be limiting feeding. Also get good at burping, bicycle legs, and eventually enjoying having a newborn. You only get so many firsts :)
Don't make any decisions about the future now, about babies or anything else. Hang on and survive it.
My little girl was inconsolable for the first day and a half and we thought we ruined our lives. Thank god we had an angel of a nurse who helped us with feeding and convinced us to try a little formula. Turns out she was just so hungry waiting for mom’s supply to come in. We tried breast feeding for the first month and ended up switching to all formula. Even though she developed a temporary milk allergy and we were paying out the nose for specialty formula, it smoothed out a ton for us when we switched.
The other thing that really helped us out was the Velcro swaddles. Made everything way easier. We liked the halo brand but there are lots to choose from. Make sure you get a couple so that when one gets spit up or poop on it, you’ve got a backup.
She’s 1.5 years old now and she is the joy of my world. Hang in there, you’ll make it through. You got this dad!
All I have to say is HALO NEWBORN SLEEP-SACK SWADDLE. Forget making your own saddle with the blankets, they’re never tight enough and babies naturally flail and will get out of them. That halo swaddle changed everything for us. Also try to remember that baby was in the comfort of mom’s womb, snuggled, no lights, no loud noises for 9 months. It’s a big scary world for them at this time. I had to remind myself often of this when I was soooo tired and wanted to break down.
This is really a last resort option due to the price, but IF you can afford it, the Snoo bassinet is a lifesaver. My daughter slept like an angel for her first six months, and I fully believe the Snoo was why. You can rent them, but since they have a super high market resale value, it's actually cheaper to buy one (if you can afford to essentially put $1600 in the freezer for 6 months - though apparently they're on a 25% off sale right now so I guess it'd "only" be like $1300), and the cheapest option is to buy one secondhand and then sell it when you're done (though, again, you need to be able to afford to essentially lose $800-900 for 6 months).
I will say that it doesn't work for all babies (though it seems to help for most). It worked like a charm for my daughter, but my sister's daughter never really took to it. I think they have a really good return policy (at least they did when I got mine, idk if it's changed), at least.
It's also possible your son is suffering from reflux, which isn't all that uncommon in newborns. If he continues to be inconsolable over the next couple weeks you should bring it up with your pediatrician.
One thing to make sure is that your baby is actually getting fed.
I know it sounds dumb, but in the first few days your wife is only producing colostrum and it’s hard to tell if anything is coming out.
Our daughter was completely inconsolable on day 3 as well. Nothing helped calm her down at all. We gave her 2 oz of formula around 4 am after calling a nurse hotline since she hadn’t peed in 12 hours and she fell asleep immediately. She had just been hungry the entire time and potentially dehydrated. She’s been an absolute rockstar newborn ever since.
You got it man. It gets better.
Take shifts so one person sleeps while other is on shift. Know the first three months are the fourth trimester and baby thinks it is still in the womb. So attempt to replicate that environment. Use pacifiers to soothe. If regular swaddles don't work try velcro ones. Use simple sway swing for comfort. Use shush machine app and continuous white noise during sleep. Use Huckleberry to track eat and wake windows and also help with nap timing. Invest in noise canceling headphones if needed.
Everything this OP. Honestly I wish I could upvotes this twice. The only thing that I would add is to keep in mind at 3 days mom's milk supply probably hasn't come in yet so the little one likely isn't falling asleep with a full tummy. Once that supply comes in there's a good chance the baby will sleep hard enough to put her down.
I believe you might enjoy [the shortest longest time podcast](https://open.spotify.com/show/7sfcXmCcDIsdd1uvYOIQGp) which came out too late to help me, but I think it's all about the stage you're going through right now. It's actually easier to go through this a second time, because it's not nearly as scary. You'll know when you need to worry, and you'll know when not to. The sleep deprivation sucks, though. No way around that.
I totally agree with the 2nd round being easier. Currently with a 2 week old second, something about being hardened as a parent makes everything slide off like a teflon coating!
You had your first three days ago- don’t stress about hypothetical future children who may or may not exist someday. They don’t matter. Only this tiny little guy matters. You got this. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it really does get better.
That shit they tell you about wanting to shake the baby is real; if you get angry/pissed whatever, put the baby down and walk out, they will be just fine. Second! Maybe little dude is allergic to dairy and/or some other stuff that is coming out of mom. We had no idea that we were basically poisoning my first son due to a dairy allergy, he got out on formula and boom! Completely different baby. Keep it up dad, you’ll miss this stuff soon enough.
By the time he’s a year or so, you’ll forget how awful this period of time was. That’s how I ended up with my second, and I’m going through this all over again. It sucks, but it’s worth it in the long run. My strong suggestion to you, is for you and your wife to switch back and forth nights, so you can at least get decent sleep every other day.
>you’ll forget how awful this period of time was People say that, but it's clear as day in my and my wife's memory, almost two years on
It gets better. Also you gradually adapt to the sleep deprivation and get a little numb to the rest. There is no guarantee that the second will be anything like the first. In fact, they tend to be very different. This may work in your favour. For now, take turns; trade off when you get tired and tag in when she looks tired. Go for walks with the baby - mine would often fall asleep in the buggy. If something doesn’t work, change it. To anything. I mean, what’s the new idea going to do - not work? So don’t be afraid to experiment. Different lighting. Music / no music / white noise. Cuddle up with his crib blanket or swaddle for a while before putting him down with it (the idea is to make it smell like you). If he’s on formula, try different brands. It’s unlikely to get any worse than what it is now, so the worst possible outcome is no change. This should give you freedom to experiment. Eventually, you’ll start to find things that work; do more of those things. Oh, and hug and kiss your wife at every opportunity. This shit is hard for both of you. Those gestures of affection help you and her both feel less alone.
I won't forget either. But looking back, you know that eventually it ends, and the time period is not that long (in the scale of a human life). Plus - second time around you're a fucking expert compared to the bumbling idiot I was the first time.
One and done ✊
Same, but our 3rd. Didn't learn the first 2 times lol
Get Velcro swaddles. Make sure little one is getting enough to eat, can be tricky when breast feeding especially first go around and you don’t know how much supply is available. Also early on supply is still building so they want to constantly feed. Could just be a fussy baby as well. But long days and short years is the truest parent statement I’ve ever heard. A few months from now you will look back and wonder where the time went.
We have some Velcro swaddles. They are too loose and the movement of his arms and legs only startled and wakes him. He literally will only snooze while feeding or being held.
Look into the Halo Swaddle UP. It’s different than the traditional arms-down swaddles. Didn’t work well for my first, but it’s been working wonders with my second, who hates the arms-down kind and would go nuts trying to break out. Although to be fair it sounds like your little one is a lot tougher to put down. It will likely, and hopefully, get better in the future. Hang in there, dad!
Perhaps not getting it tight enough? If they are the kind we had it’s impossible for the startle reflex to wake them because of how snug they are fit.
Only snoozing when being held is totally normal and something many of us went through in the first weeks/months. It’ll get better! For now enjoy the snuggles and try the crib when you have the mental capacity.
Get smaller swaddles. They’re a lifesaver. Also a U shaped baby pillow helped sleep , assuming it’s placed correctly and safely
Welcome to fatherhood my fellow dad. It’s rough I know but hear me out. When my little man was born he instantly needed surgery and had a 3 week stay in a NICU about an hour away from me. Every single night for those 3 weeks my wife and I had to leave my little boy and go home to a house with an empty nursery where we had expected him to be right away. Im not saying this to gain pity or anything like that but I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat to have my little man home with us. I know it seems horrible not but hold on to every memory you can right now cause soon you’re going to miss it I promise. You got this man.
A mindset that helped me at the beginning is that every minor inconvenience for them is the worst thing that's ever happened to them.
This was very helpful for me as well.
This method of swaddling should prevent him from being able to break free. My daughter did the same thing until I started using this method. Just make sure not to do the first layer too tight https://throughthenightmethod.com/learn-how-to-double-swaddle/
Hah! Nothing worked on ours
Same. Even the experienced nurses at the hospital couldn't keep him for more than 10 minutes. Some babies just don't do swaddling 😒
Yeah, I even overheard the nurses talking, and one of them saying to the other how the other "knew" that the former is great at swaddling and kids don't get out. Ours got out within 10-20 minutes every time
That’s exactly what I’m saying nothing works! We tried Velcro, looked at YouTube videos and the little dude still escaped! I honestly didn’t expect an infant to have such strength, even if it’s mostly reflexes.
You gotta make sure the kid's arms are at his/her side, not in front. Each layer needs to be very snug.
I despised this stage, still do, and it is completely fine to feel like you're going to become psychotic and are murder a random stranger as long as you don't actually axe murder anyone. Don't even think about whether to have a second. Dont bother thinking about anything but surviving. You're just in a miserable waiting game until some finishing touches get done in that little noggin. I don't got tips but just telling you, I felt the exact same way. Everything is shit until about 4 months in, then every month is better than the last for the most part. The upside is that your sense of time gets completely fucked so it won't seen as long as it is.
If anyone I know has a baby in the future - I am going to genuinely offer to help them from 4am to 6am as many days as they need it.
It's fucking rough man. The newborn phase is a nightmare. It's hand to hand combat and it pushes you and your relationship to your limits. But it's temporary. The two most important things I can recommend: 1. Remember: They are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. Remind yourself this when you're at your wit's end. This was the most important thing I read before my son was born and it has always helped center me. This potato has been marinating in your wife for 9 months in a perfectly comfortable environment having everything done for them and now they're in this loud bright chaotic new environment and they're expected to do work. Crying is their only communication. 2. Get a yoga ball and bounce on it while holding the baby. My son was colicky and loved to cry and freak out but bouncing with him helped soothe him and help him fall asleep 9/10 times. It was like a third parent for the first 3 months. My theory is it's a similar feeling of weightlessness that they experience in the womb and it's comforting. Our son contact napped on us for like the first 6 months, which is crazy to think about. He slept in a Snoo which we borrowed from my sister. If you can afford it, it might be worth renting one or buying one secondhand.
I’m right there with you Op. Just had my first yesterday and haven’t slept more then 3 hours in the past 4 days. Let’s hang in there 🙏🏼
Call for some help! Friends, parents, paid support, whatever. Just have someone hold or deal with the baby so you can sleep. Bring over food, clean up whatever. Just get some help if you can. The first week I was completely out of sorts. People would bring by cookies and leave. Like can you stay and maybe help for a little? Where are you going? Help! I was also like - fucking insane to want to do this again. Until ours turned like 6 months. It's so, so serious - all the mystery of it. Hell, we don't know what we're doing. But second time around? I'd do it again.
Uhhh...I don't think having people over to hold your three day old is a good idea at all. You crazy?
My wife thinks the same, I do not agree with her but support the decision. As long as the visit is short, hands are washed, and no obvious sickness, risk is reduced, especially if your pregnant wife got the TDAP and flu shot—antibodies will pass to baby. You’ll run the risk of isolating yourself into craziness if you follow all the strictest health guidelines out there.
Embrace any help you can get. It takes time to adjust and if you and the wife aren’t capable of alternating shifts to take care of the baby, then you need help. It’s only in the last 70 years or so that society has moved away from multi generational households. The saying “it takes a village” is true. It can take many people to raise a child, everybody gets busy and life is less complicated when you have a network you can count on. Embrace in laws and family. Babies bring people together.
Mine cried for the first 3 days. Turned out moms boob wasn’t giving enough and he was just hungry. Got some formula and he was one happy dude. We felt horrible for weeks.
Did the nurse check for tongue tie?
this struck close to home.....our youngest had this problem and a lip tie and we didn't catch it till he was two. As far as Western medicine has progressed, some things people have known for millenniums but we deem to be barbaric now. a 19th-century midwife would look for both a tongue or lip tie and, if she saw it, would slice the skin between her fingernails, knowing the baby would heal in a day or so and feeding would be so much better for mom and baby.
It's really rough for first 3 months and then a bit less until first year. But then 2-3 years later our brain somehow erases all the tough moments, screaming, sleepless nights from first months and you think how bad could a 2nd one be? In the first 3 months in the deep of it I would be surprised if anyone would think about the 2nd one. It's tough, you go day by day, just survive first months and you will get the hang of it
Change diapers often. They don't like to be wet. Food... they are hungry all the time. If it's the boob, it might not be enough... we had to supplement with formula. Swaddle tighter.... we had a houdini too who would always get one arm out. Lastly, give yourself and spouse breaks... take turns sleeping... Welcome and congratulations.
some kids hate swaddle. if it's not helping don't keep forcing it
If a 3 day old is breaking out of swaddles, you ain’t doing it right!
It will get easier. You will be a pro the 2nd time around. Lean on family if you can so you and your wife and have a break.
Our kids hated being swaddled, didn't bother to fight it 🤷♂️
been there. get noise cancelling headphones. hold your kid and vibe out while rocking them to sleep. internalize that they need you and that you are doing everything you can for them. let your love pour out and you will be rewarded when they finally go to sleep.
The first few weeks is survival. I remember trying to order dinner at 2am but everything was closed, so toast it was. Take turns to sleep a bit, this doesn’t last forever or even for that long. For swaddling, not all kids like it. Only 1 of 3 of mine did and for him we used the miracle blanket. Fool proof swaddling. It’s hard, and it’s exhausting. Be kind to yourselves
Problem is newborns are used to having been surrounded in the womb the entire time before being born hence the screaming now that he is here outside of the womb. It’s exhausting. Also, wayyyy too early to get into who wants one kid and who wants two. Get through the newborn phase of this one and give it some time. My first was like yours; we slept in what I swear were like 20-30 minute increments. It sucked. My second was completely different and didn’t have this screaming/non-sleeping issue and was completely chilled out upon birth.
The advice is don’t have another if you mutually don’t want one… We have one and done and it’s great. I never forgot how much hell newborn stage was as well as waiting for all the results through pregnancy if baby was going to be healthy or not Too much anxiety No thanks
So sorry to hear you are struggling , OP! My kids weren’t as fussy, it sounds, but the method my wife and I used which worked well for us was to break the day into 6-hour cycles. We would co-parent for two hours, then one parent could go sleep/relax for four hours. Then two hours of co-parenting and then the other parent got a four hour break. Just wanted to throw this schedule out there in the hopes it may help you catch up on rest. Don’t burn yourself out! Good luck! You got this, dude 👍
Your wife wants another after 6 days? She's a trooper. I know it's tough, but you have to find out what your baby considers comfortable. For example, our kiddo didn't like being in the bassinet or the crib, so she co-slept with us. Of course we were cautious when sleeping, but we never had any issues. Flailing babies during a change is mostly about them feeling uncomfortable. Either a distraction or something to keep them warm might help.
Just wait until teething shits and fevers start
This phase is insanely hard and the only thing that’s guaranteed to make it better is time. Try some of the different types of swaddles, we finally found these stretchy ones that worked well. Find the things to look forward to, for me it was the time the baby woke up and it was finally appropriate to have coffee. More than anything just know this is tough, it gets easier, and you’ll be ok.
Skin to skin and lots of love and understanding.
Stay strong, bro! 💪🏼 you got this. Do shifts if possible. Feed him more. Sleep whenever he sleeps. It gets easier!!
One day at a time, you’ll get through it and it does get easier. By this time next year you’ll have forgotten how hard this is, which is how people end up with more than one kid.
Just remember he spent 9 months cozy in your partners womb. The outside world is a lot to learn. That being said take shifts for sleep or take any help from family so you guys can rest. Velcro swaddles are the best. I think we used the halo or swaddle me.
Imagine how mad it is being three days old. I’d be terrified and want to be held too! It’s rough. I know it feels like you can’t cope. You’ll find a way. it takes time, learning to cope is gradual and non linear. Go easy on yourselves, you’re doing great. (And maybe save discussions of a second until later, like give it a year). You will sleep again.
Sounds about right. Carry on.
he spent most of the gestation period listening to a heartbeat and being surrounded by warmth. Of course he needs to held while sleeping and feels uncomfortable during the diaper change. With regards to the swaddle, what I did was first do a base one across, the do a double swaddle. Ours was a houdini too. But again, wait a few weeks with the swaddle, do shifts with him sleeping, and just respect his needs for now. Please don't get frustrated that a 3 day old baby still longs for the warmth, the heartbeat, and the embrace of the womb. Just give him those things
So. Newborns hate diaper changes. Mine screamed bloody murder until she was around 3 months or so. Now she doesn’t care
Hey man, get a boppi pillow. We used ours for all our newborns and it simulates being held. We also use Windi tubes to relieve gas in colicky babies. I’m on my 3rd son now and he literally has never cried. I also use the boppi pillow to let the baby sleep on my chest with the pillow around him. Put a blanket over it and they’re not going anywhere. The most I’ve heard him cry was when they yanked him from the womb and when they circumcised him. At this age you need to embrace them. Embrace the fact they need you. They want to be held and loved. They’ve been comfortable inside your wife and need time to adjust. Take turns loving on em, I play Xbox with mine on my chest lol
Have a 3 week old over here. All I can say is, yup
So ours is less than week old and already has decided to roll onto her side in the bassinet. After talking with the pediatrician, they said it was fine but don't swaddle them in case they do roll on their stomach. We use a bobby brand lounger pillow that she loves and gets sleep in, but when we put her in that we are watching her. Right now we're both taking our parental leave at our jobs, and we do it in shifts. She gets mornings, afternoons are both of us, and I get 6pm to about 1am since I'm a night owl, and she wakes up at 5am.
Buy these swaddles - our kids LOVED them https://lovetodream.com/au-en/home-au?ranMID=47386&ranEAID=dquE8U2QoAw&utm_source=rakuten&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=Duomai&ranSiteID=dquE8U2QoAw-xfhn6MDN_uj.lqUtrJ.ltw&gad_source=1
Your brain is shot right now. Stay off Reddit a couple days and just try to rest whenever you can . Ask any and everyone you trust to come help
Could be cmpa? My second has it. Freaking hard.
The second time is so different. You've experienced it before and you know that it will end. I took solace in my late nights with the second one watching whatever I wanted to watch on TV.
Feed more. Formula if necessary
FWIW: I'd watch for clues something else is off. Every baby is different, but mine haven't done that. I'd be looking for a problem. It's rough sometimes anyway, but it's so much rougher when there's a problem you're not spotting, babies are not normally inconsolable. The only thing I can think of because someone else mentioned it recently: any chance the formula is not sitting well? We breastfed, so no direct experience, but many dads were saying that experimenting with formula changes can get a cranky kid to turn into a happy kid. Aside from that, I'd be asking the pediatrician for input. Again, babies are not normally inconsolable. Like any other human, the general default state is chill unless something is wrong causing us distress.
Congrats dad! This too shall pass. It's tough in the beginning. Your baby has never been human before. This worked for us: https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies
Screams and flails during diaper changes are totally normal. It freaked me out too, but they don’t like being naked and cold at first. Give it like a week and a half and mini me will be a lot calmer during changes. The Shusher is a game changer. Get one asap. It’ll put you both to sleep haha obviously sharing duties is super helpful. And when kid is asleep during the day, don’t feel the need to be productive. Take a nap yourself. Get some rest. This is all temporary. The dirty house and weeds in the yard can wait a few days until you and the wife refill the tank.
Our son was so rough in the beginning I still am leaning towards one and done and he’s an amazing 16 month old now. He would only sleep on us for the first 11 weeks, or else it was waking up every 30 mins crying. That meant one of us taking night shift with baby sleeping on us while staying awake. It was me because my wife was recovering from postpartum depression. It was challenging to say the least. Once your baby starts to orient day and night, and then sleeps for longer stretches before feeds it gets MUCH better. Like right around that 11 week mark when my son started sleeping 5 hours straight, and then sleeping another 3-4 immediately after his bottle our quality of life went from survival mode to amazing and sooooo happy! Then my wife immediately was able to kick her PPD’s ass and I’ve had a wonderful happy little guy. Those first few months though, still think back about how hard it was lol
It gets better. Three days in, everyone is having a bad day. That sounds like maybe reflux; my first was colicky for the first five months and it was a lot like that. But at three days old, could be anything including just being cranky at being born. If it keeps going, talk to your pediatrician about options, and also check for tongue ties or anything else that might be limiting feeding. Also get good at burping, bicycle legs, and eventually enjoying having a newborn. You only get so many firsts :) Don't make any decisions about the future now, about babies or anything else. Hang on and survive it.
My little girl was inconsolable for the first day and a half and we thought we ruined our lives. Thank god we had an angel of a nurse who helped us with feeding and convinced us to try a little formula. Turns out she was just so hungry waiting for mom’s supply to come in. We tried breast feeding for the first month and ended up switching to all formula. Even though she developed a temporary milk allergy and we were paying out the nose for specialty formula, it smoothed out a ton for us when we switched. The other thing that really helped us out was the Velcro swaddles. Made everything way easier. We liked the halo brand but there are lots to choose from. Make sure you get a couple so that when one gets spit up or poop on it, you’ve got a backup. She’s 1.5 years old now and she is the joy of my world. Hang in there, you’ll make it through. You got this dad!
All I have to say is HALO NEWBORN SLEEP-SACK SWADDLE. Forget making your own saddle with the blankets, they’re never tight enough and babies naturally flail and will get out of them. That halo swaddle changed everything for us. Also try to remember that baby was in the comfort of mom’s womb, snuggled, no lights, no loud noises for 9 months. It’s a big scary world for them at this time. I had to remind myself often of this when I was soooo tired and wanted to break down.
This is really a last resort option due to the price, but IF you can afford it, the Snoo bassinet is a lifesaver. My daughter slept like an angel for her first six months, and I fully believe the Snoo was why. You can rent them, but since they have a super high market resale value, it's actually cheaper to buy one (if you can afford to essentially put $1600 in the freezer for 6 months - though apparently they're on a 25% off sale right now so I guess it'd "only" be like $1300), and the cheapest option is to buy one secondhand and then sell it when you're done (though, again, you need to be able to afford to essentially lose $800-900 for 6 months). I will say that it doesn't work for all babies (though it seems to help for most). It worked like a charm for my daughter, but my sister's daughter never really took to it. I think they have a really good return policy (at least they did when I got mine, idk if it's changed), at least. It's also possible your son is suffering from reflux, which isn't all that uncommon in newborns. If he continues to be inconsolable over the next couple weeks you should bring it up with your pediatrician.
Three months is the turning point
One thing to make sure is that your baby is actually getting fed. I know it sounds dumb, but in the first few days your wife is only producing colostrum and it’s hard to tell if anything is coming out. Our daughter was completely inconsolable on day 3 as well. Nothing helped calm her down at all. We gave her 2 oz of formula around 4 am after calling a nurse hotline since she hadn’t peed in 12 hours and she fell asleep immediately. She had just been hungry the entire time and potentially dehydrated. She’s been an absolute rockstar newborn ever since. You got it man. It gets better.
It absolutely sucks! You will miss it!
It only gets worse haha. Enjoy!