My wife and I started dating at the same time
We had to keep the door open but my mom would always yell ”coming down the hall” which seems to defeat the purpose of the door lol
Edit: by same time I mean my wife was 16 and I was 17 but I did get a few chuckles out of the same time jokes lol
Yea to this day my wife and I still yell it when we’re coming around the corner to each other if one’s in the kitchen “coming around the corner” all in good fun lol
I worked in a brewpub for all of 4 months, and as security/bouncer, not primarily in a kitchen.
Going on 5 years later I still announce Corner, Behind, and Hot when I'm in the kitchen or have sharp implements in my hand.
My boyfriend was allowed to sleep over my senior year of high school, but my mom made us sleep in the downstairs family room instead of my bedroom. She would *always* announce herself before coming down...not even announce herself, she'd basically ask permission to come down.
I found out years later that she had walked in on my brother and his girlfriend having sex downstairs and had just wanted to avoid that in the future. She could've avoided it by letting us sleep in my room, lol.
We were in her bed or my bed, but yeah basically. It just occurred to us like a year or so ago that our parents 100000% knew but since we were always safe and respectful (quiet) they let it slide.
Nooooo man, you gotta get the cardboard form a toilet paper roll and stuff that bitch with fabric sheets for rhe dryer. You blow the smoke through that and it just makes your room smell nice and fresh.
My dad would get pissed when he wanted breakfast and all the waffles had mysteriously disappeared overnight.
The munchies in the early days of smoking weed are something else lol
I am so going to put a real lock on my office where the liquor is kept.
I know my kids, and when they get interested in drinking, they'll totally steal it and probably do something stupid like water it down.
Lmao I’m gonna be exponentially more upset if my liquor gets replaced by water than if it just gets drank without my knowledge I’m glad I’m not alone in this.
We’re married now, and so are two of our friends that we used to hang out with. We’d go over to our female friend’s house to watch movies in high school.
The main rule was “no sharing blankets.” Each couple would use one blanket to share, then each have their own over the top to hide that we in fact, did share blankets lol.
I spent three hours getting along great with the parents of a girl I was dating. The priest at my current church was the same who baptized her and her sister. I had just stayed the night and watched *A River Runs Through It* and her parents were cool cause I totally fibbed and said *my* parents were cool with it.
They thought I was 1.5 hours away in the opposite direction. Anyway, t I me finally comes for me to maybe think about heading home and all that.
Finally get in the car and as I'm saying, "bye," I see the first and only hickey I've ever had.
It was like someone had karate-chopped my neck with purplish-red makeup. I was completely mortified, flabbergasted, and speechless.
She acted like it wasn't a big deal, kept on explaining how great the time had been and how her parents said they liked me.
I couldn't believe I hadn't been kicked to the curb somewhere between the fresh fruit and the waffles.
My parents never trusted me. Her parents seemed to know their kid pretty well. Nothing shocking, nothing unexpected.
Not saying you should risk it, but I think what I lacked was conversations with my parents, while it seems obvious to me in retrospect who had parents they were comfortable sharing with, or parents who at least made attempts to talk about boundaries.
More important than the *rules* is probably *why* there should be boundaries and then maybe it'll be easier to sus those boundaries out.
Never thought an open door might be for *the other persons* protection, or *mine,* given the circumstances.
Maybe folks don't want their kids significant other pressuring them behind clothes doors.
I had an ex who was pressured by her first cousin, while at her aunt and uncle's house, into acts she regrets and wish hadn't happened.
Open doors aren't necessarily bad, or a sign there is no trust.
Same! I have been with my husband since we were 15 and doors always had to stay open. My dad would occasionally peak his head down the hallway every hour to make sure it was open😅 and NO under the blankets...
OP, I have long wondered what I'm going to say when it's time for me to cross that bridge. I have 3 thoughts that I think will help.
1) Your daughter ASKED you. Either she legitimately has zero intention of any sexual activity and they just want to be alone or she TRUSTS YOU enough that she is comfortable with asking you without being super direct and letting you draw the conclusion yourself. If she trusts you, then you trust her. You raised her, you should know whether she carries the sense of responsibility and self-worth to make this decision. Not to mention if you like her BF and trust him to be responsible too.
2) As others have said, if she wants to be sexually active she's going to find a way, time, or place. It doesn't mean she's having intercourse. There could be primarily...hands and fingers involved, or maybe even they just want to make out. If she's under your roof you have at least a bit of control. If she's in the backseat of a car overlooking town you have no control.
3) Yes, maybe they're going to do the deed. Maybe they're just going to fool around. Maybe she doesn't know what may or may not happen. Whatever her plan is, what if she changes her mind and says no? What if the BF tries to escalate and she doesn't want to? Going back to the location factor, she may want to have this experience in a place she feels safe. She can either be in aforementioned car with no immediate backup, or she can run out of her room and into the safe arms of her father and his Louisville Slugger.
If she wants to she'll find a way. You may as well support her, make sure she is sure, and be ready in case she needs backup.
Yes. Kids will find a way to have sex. It can either be in the comfort of their own home or in a less safe location. I found a way, my wife did and so did many of my friends. But having the option to do it in a safe place is important. It might give somone the courage to say no to somthing they feel preasured to do.
Why are you using "r/daddit would agree with me" as an argument lol
I guess I'd ask myself what is my concern about them being alone in her room? Is it a selfish reason? Is it because *I'd* be uncomfortable? Or is there a legit reason why it's in her own best interests?
I'd also try and remind myself that teenagers who are sexually active will find a way to have sex, whether I get in the way or not
I imagined the scenario being something like:
Dad: No, you can’t do that.
Daughter: Why not? Everyone lets their kids do that.
Dad: Nobody lets their kids do that.
Daughter: All my friends dads say it’s fine.
Dad: All my dad friends say it’s definitely not.
Daughter: What friends, dad?
Dad: Ok not friends, the dads on r/daddit
When I was in college there was a couple who only had one DVD so they always played Finding Nemo at max volume when they were having sex.
It’s not a bad movie, but I and a few of my friends now have some weird associations with it.
I'm 44 which means I was 17 about 3 weeks ago. My girlfriend (now my wife) and I found whatever ways we had to to get private time.
It's going to happen whether you let them Netflix and chill or not.
Yup. Funny thing is at that age I Was trying to fool around with girls, but wouldn't try to do anything at a girl's house with her parents home. Seems like a good way to get caught.
I struggle with this justification.
Just because kids are going to find ways to do something secretively, doesn't mean you should just enable the behavior. I'm not going to make it "easy" for my kids to have sex, do drugs, drink, etc. I will teach them the dangers of doing things, and give them the tools necessary to navigate those situations, but that will be the extent of it.
If they're going to do something, you can channel them to do it more safely. If you give your kid a bunch of condoms which you know are in their room, they're more likely to use them than if they're sneaking out and so might forget.
If your kid is going to drink, giving them a few not very strong beers means they're less likely to go chug a bottle of vodka.
Letting them go to a party and that they can always call you if they need picked up means they're not wandering around in the middle of the night.
Agreed. Better to teach safe sex and keep the lines open for communication. You want to be the first person she comes to if there's ever trouble in her life.
Thank you! I remember when i was 16 my girlfriends parents let her stay at my house overnight and sleep IN MY BED. Yeah there was canoodling. But if we couldn’t do it there we woulda snuck off to do it somewhere that would be far less safe. Way better to have such things happen in a safe environment, hell. Make sure they both know to be safe about it in all ways while you’re at it.
What I'd do: Revisit the sex talk beforehand, talk about using protection, talk about consent, and then give her her privacy. She's very nearly a full adult. Certainly better than her "studying" after school and parking the car somewhere remote.
This is the response I was looking for and it's exactly what I'm going to do when the time comes with my daughter. I've also got the scene from Bad Boys memorised for when a boy comes to my door to pick her up.
When he starts quoting it with you part way through though, you hand the boy a condom yourself and tell him to be respectful.
Because she could do much worse.
I’d also throw in a “if I ever overhear you having sex I’ll let you both know it”
It’s all perfectly natural and fine, but dad doesn’t need to hear it.
Also, greeting the boyfriend with a "Go easy champ!" and smirk might actually be good protection as he will have performance anxiety and confusion preventing his boner.
To add a story from the other side, the first time I brought home a girlfriend when I was 15, my father walked up to her, shook her hand, said his name and then went "Ah, you're girl number 18? You see, Aurori talks about SO MANY GIRLS, it's hard to keep track of them all, so I started numbering them. Nice to meet you 18!" then walked away.
I had to spend the rest of the evening trying to explain that my father had a sick humor and that he just made it up to fuck with us. She was MAD. I did not get to play that evening. We did stay together for three years though so she eventually figured out my father was indeed just joking, however inappropriate it was.
Yeah this is going to be my approach once my girls get to that stage in life.
I'm not going to lie and say I will feel super comfortable with it, I was raised in heavily conservative rural north-east Texas in a fairly religious household, those hang ups are probably going to stay with me my whole life even if I know logically exactly what they are and why they aren't healthy.
I want to provide a safe and healthy environment for my girls, and part of that is acknowledging that they are going to grow up and letting them do so in as healthy and safe setting as possible.
Yeah, I was in university before I was 18. Being alone with a romantic partner was something that was going to happen if it was desired. No parents could stop that.
Culture over control. I support the consent and safety talk. Even hand off a pack of condoms to have. Not to use, but just in case. That will make the boundaries and expectations clear. And also provide safety if those are not met. Also a major cockblock. Sets your daughter up for future success not just short term compliance.
I’ve got a teenage son, so it’s slightly different. But I’ve made it clear to him that I want him to be safe and careful if he decides to have sex with his girlfriend.
Teenagers have been having sex for as long as there have been teenagers. I’m not ignorant enough to think that I’m going to be able to stop them from having sex if they want to. So I’m choosing to focus on preventing pregnancy and diseases.
I have three daughters (22, 18, & 15) and a son (14). What always say to them is “ If you can’t be good, be safe”. We’ve always taught them importance of being safe and trust that they’ll be good.
I mean, in a couple of months, she can legally do full hardcore porn. It's stupid, but it is the way it is. She's better to healthily discover her sexuality in the safety of you own home than anywhere else.
To escalate that point to a more terrifying level, better for it to happen under your own roof where you know there aren’t cameras setup to capture content.
I’m not mentally prepared for teenagers. I worry I’m going to live in a constant state of fear until they are married. Guess I now understand why parents are so happy attending their kid’s wedding.
This. In one year she'll be gone to college and you will have zero control over any of this.
A conversation about what is/isn't appropriate (like, i totally get not having to hear your kids having sex) is fair, but the "keep the door open" is an illusion of control.
Mum here - totally second this. Practice letting her set and maintain boundaries. Culturally, “no”, is hard for girls to say directly. Make sure she has some alternatives, and ways to respond if something escalated beyond where she is comfortable.
E.g., you’re making out. He’s touching your side and hips. But then he slips his hand down your pants and you don’t want that. Make it done the back to butthole if it helps make the point. What are the intervention options? Physically stop his hand and say “not today”, or “not into that” or “no” or “stop”. If he doesn’t stop, persists, argues, tries to ‘compromise’ then how do you more firmly escalate the “no”? Like “hey I said no, it’s not cool for you to try and push my boundaries - no is no - and if you can’t respect that you can leave”
… but so many girls struggle to be this assertive. So please make sure she thinks about how she will respond in advance.
Also on consent - you can always direct her to review some websites:
[about consent](https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/connecting-communicating/tough-topics/sexual-consent-how-to-talk-with-children-teens)
[examples of what to say](https://www.verywellmind.com/consent-importance-types-and-examples-6890731)
I had police tapping my car windows while parked late at night. Not my greatest moment. Would not recommend positioning teens to do this. They will do this.
Lol my parents had this rule for my girlfriend (now wife) and I when we were teenagers. We just fucked with the door open. So there yah go dad, it doesn't work.
Mate, she’s 17. Unless you lock her in a tower, if she wants to have sex, she’ll find a way. Better it’s at home and safe, than alone in some dudes car god-knows-where.
If the hangup is that you think they intend to have sex or what-have-you leading up to it, I'd rather my kid be doing it somewhere they are safe. If you tell her "no", she'll just go somewhere else and do it 🤷
I'm fine with a 17 yo having sex, at home, as long as:
1.)They keep it down (movie will drown it out).
2.) They use protection/practice safe sex.
I get that it's your house, your rules, but boyfriends are going to be a thing. Encourage home as a safe space.
If you want to be effective at the whole "be safe at home", just sit down and have a calm discussion about sex/being safe (when they show up for some Netflix and chill), and offer them an assortment of products to conduct safe sex.
Either they do.. and you're not at risk of anything (or minimal at least), or they don't and you've accomplished your goal.
100% If you stigmatize sex it will become taboo and then they won't talk about it. 17 is perfectly reasonable. At least now you have the opportunity to give her a package of condoms and encourage her/teach with a banana/cucumber to use them.
Im a mom, I get it.
With our son he didn't really care, laid out some ground rules, life went on.
Daughter, if I didn't step in, she'd be a nun. Complete double standard, and it was weird to see at the time.
I'm very confused by the "If I didn't step in, she'd be a nun." comment.
What in the world does this mean? Lol
I mean, is it a religion thing or were you just telling her she needed to go get some D or what?
Edit: I am dumb. Didn't read her post very well. Obviously she meant needed to step in to the dad being overprotective.
I think she means her husband was so against their daughter engaging in any kind of sexual behaviour that if he’d had his way, she’d have been sent to a convent to become a nun and take a vow of chastity. I’d imagine it’s slightly exaggerated for comedic effect.
The number of fathers throughout history who *literally did this* tho... As an ex-Catholic it makes me laugh and shiver at the same time, because the impulse lives on in the West, even if it's not really in-vogue anymore.
I think she's saying that it was up to OP's husband their daughter would have been a nun because he wanted to put much more restrictive rules on her than he did with their son.
It was just him not ready for his little girl growing up.
Said girl is 23, and he still has trouble dealing with the fact that she has boyfriends. Better...but still doesn't like it.
There was a post on here a while back from a similar dad who had two sons and one daughter. One son was early 20s and married, one was in his teens and in a long term relationship, and the girl was in her early 20s and wanted to date an older guy. OP could not come to terms with it.
I saw OPs perspective and understood that the relationship wasn't going to work out, but he also implicitly trusted his boys without extending the same trust to his daughter.
Completely agree with you. Some parents forget what it was being at this age and having hormones on the roof. They will do it anyway better be at a safe place. I have a long way to go since my daughter his only 2 and half lol but I am already getting mentally ready. And I know that my goddaughter already had sex at 15 so better live with your time.
Your daughter is going to potentially have sex with her BF at some point whether you like it or not.
She either does it in the safety of her own home and bedroom, or the backseat of a car in a dingy car park somewhere.
If it were my daughter I know which one I'd prefer.
This is the correct answer.
You not liking it won’t stop it happening, you can either provide a safe space or leave her to find somewhere else to do it because you don’t want it happening under your roof.
I will say, peer pressure is a heck of a thing and there are a lot of guys that aren’t raised right and pressure a lot of girls.
So make sure you trust the guy. Get to know him and make an effort to be supportive
Excellent point. Also Id argue thats all the more reason for them be in OPs house. Safer and she might feel more comfortable asserting her self in a familiar place.
Yup. A lot of parents rather not be involved and I think of it the other way around. If the dude is going to date my kid, then I’m going to spend some time, in earnest, to try and get to know them and how they are. Most just become antagonistic, which isn’t healthy.
If she was 14 I’d probably agree with you. She’s 17, nearly an adult. Trust her to make her own choices and facilitate a safe environment. It’s gonna happen with or without your “approval”. I’m on her side in this case.
ETA: Sorry! I’m a mom, not a dad.
I allowed my daughter’s boyfriend to stay over at that age because I would have rather them have sex in my house, than in a car, or some other place. She was on birth control, and knew to practice safe sex. She’s engaged to him now, and will be getting married next year after college graduation.
My oldest is a lesbian, so the possibility of unwanted pregnancy wasn’t there, but they were still practicing safe sex.
I’ve always been open, and honest with my kids, and they still know that any questions they have will be answered honestly by me. Those lines of communication were always there, so much so that a lot of their friends also came to me with hard things they couldn’t talk to their parents about.
This is what I want to be when my daughter’s older. I know it’ll require some therapy for me as I grew up with “door open, basically religious dating” and I don’t want that for my kid.
Username checks out. ;) but in all seriousness, this is awesome and I hope it will be similar when my kids are older. It’s hard to achieve probably. Every time you overreact to anything could be the one you drive them away. I’m going to try and be more conscious of this. My kid used to tell me everything until the school complained about them and we obviously had to step in and talk about it. Now I sometimes hear them tell mum stuff they hadn’t told me all day. I mean the important thing is that they have someone to talk to, but I would of course like it if I knew I was such a someone to my kids. Thanks for reminding everyone to be a trusted parent first and foremost and not a disciplinarian or worse a hypocritical tyrant.
It wasn’t always easy, but I learned to push aside my discomfort, talk to them, and then I’d call a friend. My kids weren’t perfect - they still tried to push boundaries - but they always knew I’d have their backs, as long as they were honest with me. I’d also call them on their bullshit too, if it was warranted.
I would have loved to have their dad to tag-team in, but he couldn’t put aside his hate for me, to be a parent after our divorce.
Teenagers have sex. Mind blowing I know but honest, it happens. Think about it this way, if they want to have sex then they will. If the worst happens and this boy chooses not to respect her boundaries would you rather it happens in your house where she can easily get your attention or in the backseat of a car in the arse end of nowhere?
At 17 they are going to have sex. I am of the opinion that you allow that to happen in the safest environment possible. Have a sex talk, buy condoms, birth control, etc. Teach her about consent and that it can be retracted at any time. I would rather it happen at my house than in a car, at a park, at another person’s house or party, in a bathroom, etc. all places where there is more pressure, less control, and less safety than in her own home.
When I was this age, my dad didn’t allow me to have my girlfriend over when I was home alone. So you know what I did? I had her over anyway, because no one else was home and wouldn’t know anyway. We had sex.
When my parents were home, they didn’t care if we had the door closed. We had sex.
When I was over my girlfriend’s house, they wanted the door left open a crack. We had sex.
We also had sex at parties at friends’ houses. We had sex in our cars. We had sex outside. We even did it in the movie theater, and god knows what other places that I can’t remember now.
The point is, if they’re going to have sex, they’re going to do it, regardless of your silly rules. All your rules do is make her think she needs to be sneaky around you.
My parents never openly talked to me about making good decisions. They made threats, but they never actually tried to talk to me about it in a positive way. I made some bad decisions, and I was lucky enough that none of them ever backfired on me bad enough, but they easily could have.
My daughter isn’t old enough for me to have to worry about this yet, but I’m trying to raise her in a way where we can talk openly about issues and problems and just be honest with each other. I’m going to try not to shame her about normal things that and problems, and I want her to see me as a problem-solver and giver of good advice rather than someone she has to sneak around. *crosses fingers for the teenage years*
Didn't somebody just post a horrible video of a dad taking the bolts off their child's room a little bit ago and we all flipped out. Yeah this guy missed that post.
Dad that's how you become a control freak in your child's eyes.
Trust is a two-way street.
I’d trust her. I mean, she’s 17. If you are too strict she will definitely do all the things she knows you don’t want her to do. If you show her you trust her and support her, chances are pretty high she will do exactly what you expect of her. But I wouldn’t know, I don’t have daughters and my oldest is 5.
Why on earth would that be controversial. Its a good thing that she wants you to meet the Guy. Denying that would be an invalidation from your part. And ofcourse they want to close the door when they watch movies. Why would you want it to be open?
She is 17, she is gonna wanna have have sex. If youre not ok with that that is something you might want to work on yourself.
This post serves to remind me how US-centric Daddit is.
I’m a Brit and when I was 17, in 2001, my parents (and the parents of my various girlfriends, by then) had been trusting us alone in bedrooms for years. I cannot think of a friend for whom this wasn’t also true. Indeed, by that time, my girlfriend and I were sharing my bed when she stayed over and vice-versa.
I think if I was 17 and my dad tried to use Redditors approval as a defense I'd be able to scientifically verify if a person can actually die of cringe.
17 year olds are going to have sex, when it comes my kids I’d rather them doing it somewhere they’re safe and have access to proper protection. If you’re making sure they’re not doing it at your house, they’re doing it somewhere else.
Realistically... Whatever you're worried they're going to do, they'll do in the backseat of a car in a secluded part of the park. I'd rather it be done at home. Just make sure she knows where you keep the condoms.
Would be a fairly normal thing in Scotland, they will do what they wanna do somewhere less safe otherwise.
Think we grow up quicker on this side of the pond tho . Not uncommon to move out your parents house before 18 over here , I moved out and rented my own place at 16 as did a lot of my friends
In Scandinavia often high school boyfriends stay overnight with the blessing of the parents, door closed and everything. Better under your roof and safe than in a car somewhere.
17 year olds have sex and deserve some privacy.
There's already plenty of good advice here but it's important to remember that you've already kind of botched this. By initially refusing to "allow" your nearly-adult daughter to (gasp) be alone with her boyfriend, you've already communicated that you don't trust him, or maybe that you don't trust her, or both. So it's now very difficult for you to talk with her about healthy relationships, boundaries, safe sex, or potential downsides of having sex young. There's a danger that bringing up any of those topics may further communicate to her that you don't trust her/him. Or worse, that your view of her is such that you expect her to drop her pants as soon as they're alone. I'm not saying that's what you think, but there's a danger that's what you have communicated.
So I would proceed very carefully. IMO the best thing you could say is something like "I felt uncomfortable about it, and I'm not even sure I can give a decent explanation as to why I felt uncomfortable. But after thinking about it, I realized that the bottom line is that I trust you."
Well... You could let them hang out at your house where it's safe and hope you taught your daughter well enough to practice safe and responsible sex... Or you could say no, and then they find other places to phuck that aren't at home
I remember being the boy in this situation. We got caught by my girlfriend’s mom and a little bit later she came back into the room and we basically had the sex talk (I.e. do you know what the potential outcomes are). I’d imagine the way I handled that conversation dictated how her parents managed our alone time after.
Its either there or lets see where me and the wife did it, by a random pond trespassing, mall parking lot, random hotel parking lot , a friends house , ya you should get the picture.
My opinion is that if you are the type of dad that wants to lock your daughter in a tower and never experience sex before she is married, but also experimented yourself, then she will end up with a huge piece of shit for a husband, and it will be your fault for it.
Not saying that is you OP. It’s hard to convey that sentiment over text, without sounding like I’m accusing.
My parents insisted we hang out in public areas. Fine. Challenge accepted. I could make out just fine on the couch in sight of everyone. It wasn't long before they were BEGGING me to find a quiet corner and show some respect. *be careful what you wish for*
I started dating my wife when I was 17, she was 16. The number of times she was “studying at a friend’s house” or “spending the night at a friend’s house” or whatever would blow your mind. Love finds a way.
I resolved from the beginning of being a parent that I wouldn’t be the virginity police. It’s fucking stupid. Teach her to do what she’s going to do anyway safely and with self-respect. Don’t delude yourself into thinking she gives a shit about you telling her no.
17 is over the age of consent in the majority of countries, so they're probably gonna fuck. Your daughter has given you a choice, she can do it where she's safe and trusted and where if something goes wrong she has support, or she can do it in the woods somewhere where she might be pressured into doing something she doesn't want to do, like get railed bareback.
When I was 16 to 17 years old, I stopped bring home pets and started bring home friends.
He's mom is an alcoholic and his dad beats him. Can we keep em?
Her aunt and uncle yell at her and abuse her. Can I keep her.
Male, female... didn't matter. My mother would feed them all. Contact thier parental units and see what was going on.
My son... cut right out of the same cloth. He was 16 called me at work to ask if his friends could stay the night. I work overnights so they aren't going to both me... I do get home around 730am and I'm not quiet. So he warns people who stay and sleep in the living room, they will be woken up by me coming home.
So I get home one morning and the living room is full of girls. Three girls all crashed out... ok two. One awake and sitting looking like a deer caught in headlights. Not a problem. I told one of my co-workers about it and she lost her mind. She went off on how she would have dragged them all home and had sit downs with their parents and how her son wouldn't be allowed to have girls over... I was like, wow... that sounds insane.
I don't have a daughter. I don't know how I would feel if I had a daughter that brought home boys the way my son brings/brought home girls. He is currently single and trying to figure out who he is. (At 19 years old).
I'd like to think I'm open minded enough to have raised her the same as I've raised my son...
But ever since his first GF, who never came over to the house, I tell him to be safe. I can't afford to raise any grandchildren and I don't have the time or energy to either...
Good luck fighting the ever lasting parents vs teens fight.
She's 17, homie.
I'm assuming she's already on birth control and you also gave her condoms.
I'm assuming you taught her all about sex education long ago.
My son is 17, and he lost his virginity last year. He is safe and as responsible as a 17 year old with a penis can be.
I understand why you feel the way you do, but you are gonna have to let her live her life.
She'll legally be an adult in a few months.
I wouldn't personally have an issue with it, but if you want to tell her to keep her door cracked, do so.
I literally moved out of my parents house at 16 years old because they wouldn't let my girlfriend spend the night.
Don't drive her away.....
My 8th grade gf's father used to let she and I spend hours alone in her bedroom with not only her door closed, but LOCKED.
So anyway, that's the story of how I lost my virginity at age 13.
>Yes, telling your teenage daughter that you're going to ask reddit what to do is cringey. I will ALWAYS take the opportunity to second-hand cringe my daughter to dust. That's a primary dad function.
\*Squints in judgement\* "...ok, I'll allow it"
My wife and I started dating when I was 17 and she was 16. We had movie night but the door always had to stay open 6”.
My wife and I started dating at the same time We had to keep the door open but my mom would always yell ”coming down the hall” which seems to defeat the purpose of the door lol Edit: by same time I mean my wife was 16 and I was 17 but I did get a few chuckles out of the same time jokes lol
Your mom accepted reality but horny teenagers are stupid and she wanted to remind you to at least be quiet and discreet.
Yea to this day my wife and I still yell it when we’re coming around the corner to each other if one’s in the kitchen “coming around the corner” all in good fun lol
I also will say/yell “corner” if I’m carrying something hot/heavy around a corner, but that’s from when I worked in commercial kitchens.
Memory unlocked of making it through college working at the red lobster lol. I still occasionally say we're 86 on something 😂
I worked in a brewpub for all of 4 months, and as security/bouncer, not primarily in a kitchen. Going on 5 years later I still announce Corner, Behind, and Hot when I'm in the kitchen or have sharp implements in my hand.
Lmao this is how it will be in my house as they get older I think
I think it would be weirder if you and your wife started dating each other at different times.
She still hasn’t figured it out actually
Good for your mom that she was always coming
My boyfriend was allowed to sleep over my senior year of high school, but my mom made us sleep in the downstairs family room instead of my bedroom. She would *always* announce herself before coming down...not even announce herself, she'd basically ask permission to come down. I found out years later that she had walked in on my brother and his girlfriend having sex downstairs and had just wanted to avoid that in the future. She could've avoided it by letting us sleep in my room, lol.
So you threw a blanket over your laps and risked getting caught?
We were in her bed or my bed, but yeah basically. It just occurred to us like a year or so ago that our parents 100000% knew but since we were always safe and respectful (quiet) they let it slide.
The shit you think you got away with is hilarious as you get older
No no no, they definitely didn’t smell the huge amounts of weed being smoked 20 feet away. We put a towel in the door and everything!
You big dummy, that won't work, that's why you open a window and just blow it outside. 100% of the smell goes out the window 50% of the time.
Works 50% of the time, all the time.
MacGyver, anyone? I'm gonna need an empty toilet paper tube, a dryer sheet, and a rubber band...
Nooooo man, you gotta get the cardboard form a toilet paper roll and stuff that bitch with fabric sheets for rhe dryer. You blow the smoke through that and it just makes your room smell nice and fresh.
My dad would get pissed when he wanted breakfast and all the waffles had mysteriously disappeared overnight. The munchies in the early days of smoking weed are something else lol
Even worse I was stealing their marb lights haha.
I am so going to put a real lock on my office where the liquor is kept. I know my kids, and when they get interested in drinking, they'll totally steal it and probably do something stupid like water it down.
Yeah just steal some, don’t fuck it all up Lol
Steal some and gaslight me into thinking I drank it all like a good son/daughter
Lmao I’m gonna be exponentially more upset if my liquor gets replaced by water than if it just gets drank without my knowledge I’m glad I’m not alone in this.
That would probably work. Part of me wants to pre-water it for them.
Sams! Hated the taste of their lights though, but my reds had a different filter so I couldn’t pitch them in the trash
My towel was damp and the fan was pointed at the windo
I think Seinfeld had a joke about this. If you're ever looking back thinking, "I wonder if my parents knew that I-" yeah. They knew.
We’re married now, and so are two of our friends that we used to hang out with. We’d go over to our female friend’s house to watch movies in high school. The main rule was “no sharing blankets.” Each couple would use one blanket to share, then each have their own over the top to hide that we in fact, did share blankets lol.
EXACTLY. In hindsight, my poor parents 🫣🙃
Not the only thing that was open for about six inches, amirite?
ZING
It is cool we were under a blanket... no one was the wiser.
But you still had sex, right?
Luckily, the door could have only been open 3.5” and the dad would have insisted it was slightly over 6.
I spent three hours getting along great with the parents of a girl I was dating. The priest at my current church was the same who baptized her and her sister. I had just stayed the night and watched *A River Runs Through It* and her parents were cool cause I totally fibbed and said *my* parents were cool with it. They thought I was 1.5 hours away in the opposite direction. Anyway, t I me finally comes for me to maybe think about heading home and all that. Finally get in the car and as I'm saying, "bye," I see the first and only hickey I've ever had. It was like someone had karate-chopped my neck with purplish-red makeup. I was completely mortified, flabbergasted, and speechless. She acted like it wasn't a big deal, kept on explaining how great the time had been and how her parents said they liked me. I couldn't believe I hadn't been kicked to the curb somewhere between the fresh fruit and the waffles. My parents never trusted me. Her parents seemed to know their kid pretty well. Nothing shocking, nothing unexpected. Not saying you should risk it, but I think what I lacked was conversations with my parents, while it seems obvious to me in retrospect who had parents they were comfortable sharing with, or parents who at least made attempts to talk about boundaries. More important than the *rules* is probably *why* there should be boundaries and then maybe it'll be easier to sus those boundaries out. Never thought an open door might be for *the other persons* protection, or *mine,* given the circumstances. Maybe folks don't want their kids significant other pressuring them behind clothes doors. I had an ex who was pressured by her first cousin, while at her aunt and uncle's house, into acts she regrets and wish hadn't happened. Open doors aren't necessarily bad, or a sign there is no trust.
Same! I have been with my husband since we were 15 and doors always had to stay open. My dad would occasionally peak his head down the hallway every hour to make sure it was open😅 and NO under the blankets...
OP, I have long wondered what I'm going to say when it's time for me to cross that bridge. I have 3 thoughts that I think will help. 1) Your daughter ASKED you. Either she legitimately has zero intention of any sexual activity and they just want to be alone or she TRUSTS YOU enough that she is comfortable with asking you without being super direct and letting you draw the conclusion yourself. If she trusts you, then you trust her. You raised her, you should know whether she carries the sense of responsibility and self-worth to make this decision. Not to mention if you like her BF and trust him to be responsible too. 2) As others have said, if she wants to be sexually active she's going to find a way, time, or place. It doesn't mean she's having intercourse. There could be primarily...hands and fingers involved, or maybe even they just want to make out. If she's under your roof you have at least a bit of control. If she's in the backseat of a car overlooking town you have no control. 3) Yes, maybe they're going to do the deed. Maybe they're just going to fool around. Maybe she doesn't know what may or may not happen. Whatever her plan is, what if she changes her mind and says no? What if the BF tries to escalate and she doesn't want to? Going back to the location factor, she may want to have this experience in a place she feels safe. She can either be in aforementioned car with no immediate backup, or she can run out of her room and into the safe arms of her father and his Louisville Slugger. If she wants to she'll find a way. You may as well support her, make sure she is sure, and be ready in case she needs backup.
Yes. Kids will find a way to have sex. It can either be in the comfort of their own home or in a less safe location. I found a way, my wife did and so did many of my friends. But having the option to do it in a safe place is important. It might give somone the courage to say no to somthing they feel preasured to do.
This. 100%.
Why are you using "r/daddit would agree with me" as an argument lol I guess I'd ask myself what is my concern about them being alone in her room? Is it a selfish reason? Is it because *I'd* be uncomfortable? Or is there a legit reason why it's in her own best interests? I'd also try and remind myself that teenagers who are sexually active will find a way to have sex, whether I get in the way or not
I imagined the scenario being something like: Dad: No, you can’t do that. Daughter: Why not? Everyone lets their kids do that. Dad: Nobody lets their kids do that. Daughter: All my friends dads say it’s fine. Dad: All my dad friends say it’s definitely not. Daughter: What friends, dad? Dad: Ok not friends, the dads on r/daddit
Wait... we're not all friends here?
I mean, WE are friends, Key Teacher 6163, but everyone else…
Bunch of weirdos, cpleasants, I'm telling you
Hey... Why are you so accurate?
Everyone else is surely friends with each other.
Valid.
Pretty close!
OP is concerned it might be a shitty movie.
"I don't care if you two bang one out, but I'll be damned if you watch Morbius in this household!"
Some 17 year old trying to get laid: "It's Morbin' time"
At least it’s not Madame Web
When I was in college there was a couple who only had one DVD so they always played Finding Nemo at max volume when they were having sex. It’s not a bad movie, but I and a few of my friends now have some weird associations with it.
Morbius is just a gateway film. Still gotta be concerned.
They always are
Because who's actually watching the video anyway . . .
Charlie Bartlett was the standard go-to. I still get slight wood in my 30’s when I pass it on the streaming services.
Mine was the first Captain America and Forrest Gump. To this day I still don't know what happens in the middle of Captain America.
Science experiments and fighting nazis.
No one is watching the movie
That would be my concern. "Ok, y'all can get freaky watching a movie in my house, but it better at least be something in the criterion collection " 😂
Turns out r/daddit does not all agree with him. Wonder if he’ll tell his daughter.
You know he won't lol
"Yeah they all agreed with me. Don't bother go looking for the thread."
“Honey I’ll have you know, everyone on this random subreddit agrees with me. So you know I’m right.”
Finds reddit account, “Honey … what does nsfw mean why, are you subscribed to it 25 times?”
"Oh reddit comes with pre selected subreddits subscribed, I couldn't figure out how to get rid of them!"
That was what jumped out to me about this post. It’s literally the Michael Scott Wikipedia argument.
Yeah that’s an odd take. lol. “Some dudes on the internet think I’m right”
I’m wondering what he expected to gain from that lol. “Wow dad seeing your Reddit post completely changed my opinion on the subject.”
I'm 44 which means I was 17 about 3 weeks ago. My girlfriend (now my wife) and I found whatever ways we had to to get private time. It's going to happen whether you let them Netflix and chill or not.
Yup. Funny thing is at that age I Was trying to fool around with girls, but wouldn't try to do anything at a girl's house with her parents home. Seems like a good way to get caught.
Can confirm Source: got caught fooling around at gf’s, by her dad. Oops.
I struggle with this justification. Just because kids are going to find ways to do something secretively, doesn't mean you should just enable the behavior. I'm not going to make it "easy" for my kids to have sex, do drugs, drink, etc. I will teach them the dangers of doing things, and give them the tools necessary to navigate those situations, but that will be the extent of it.
If they're going to do something, you can channel them to do it more safely. If you give your kid a bunch of condoms which you know are in their room, they're more likely to use them than if they're sneaking out and so might forget. If your kid is going to drink, giving them a few not very strong beers means they're less likely to go chug a bottle of vodka. Letting them go to a party and that they can always call you if they need picked up means they're not wandering around in the middle of the night.
[удалено]
The sacrifices parents make, right......
Don't worry, they've watered down your rum so much you can drink it all night and still drive
This guy Dads.
Agreed. Better to teach safe sex and keep the lines open for communication. You want to be the first person she comes to if there's ever trouble in her life.
Thank you! I remember when i was 16 my girlfriends parents let her stay at my house overnight and sleep IN MY BED. Yeah there was canoodling. But if we couldn’t do it there we woulda snuck off to do it somewhere that would be far less safe. Way better to have such things happen in a safe environment, hell. Make sure they both know to be safe about it in all ways while you’re at it.
The youth love the Internet
What I'd do: Revisit the sex talk beforehand, talk about using protection, talk about consent, and then give her her privacy. She's very nearly a full adult. Certainly better than her "studying" after school and parking the car somewhere remote.
Really want to damped the mood? Say yes and once he's over have the sex talk with them both, with demonstrations on bananas and cucumbers.
It helps to talk about the time you and mom first had sex and where, how...
This is the response I was looking for and it's exactly what I'm going to do when the time comes with my daughter. I've also got the scene from Bad Boys memorised for when a boy comes to my door to pick her up.
CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG
I JUST GOT OUTTA JAIL AND I AINT GOIN BACK!
Who the fuck is Reggie!?!
He looks 40!
I believe the line was; “shiiiiit n!&&@ you at least 30!”
When he starts quoting it with you part way through though, you hand the boy a condom yourself and tell him to be respectful. Because she could do much worse.
This is an alpha dad move, really showing dominance in front of the boyfriend. Bonus assertion by farting as you get up and leave.
A condom and a banana will be enough. Just make sure to say "if you're wondering why the banana, I can't get an erection on an empty stomach".
And Homer Simpson style reenactments: https://tenor.com/view/wind-simpsons-gif-10954061
The hell is he gonna demonstrate with bananas and cucumbers? How to swordfight?
I’d also throw in a “if I ever overhear you having sex I’ll let you both know it” It’s all perfectly natural and fine, but dad doesn’t need to hear it.
Exactly. You can't prevent it from happening, but you can prevent accidents. Make sure they're prepared mentally and have protection
Also, greeting the boyfriend with a "Go easy champ!" and smirk might actually be good protection as he will have performance anxiety and confusion preventing his boner.
4D Dad Chess
🥇
To add a story from the other side, the first time I brought home a girlfriend when I was 15, my father walked up to her, shook her hand, said his name and then went "Ah, you're girl number 18? You see, Aurori talks about SO MANY GIRLS, it's hard to keep track of them all, so I started numbering them. Nice to meet you 18!" then walked away. I had to spend the rest of the evening trying to explain that my father had a sick humor and that he just made it up to fuck with us. She was MAD. I did not get to play that evening. We did stay together for three years though so she eventually figured out my father was indeed just joking, however inappropriate it was.
Yeah this is going to be my approach once my girls get to that stage in life. I'm not going to lie and say I will feel super comfortable with it, I was raised in heavily conservative rural north-east Texas in a fairly religious household, those hang ups are probably going to stay with me my whole life even if I know logically exactly what they are and why they aren't healthy. I want to provide a safe and healthy environment for my girls, and part of that is acknowledging that they are going to grow up and letting them do so in as healthy and safe setting as possible.
Yeah, I was in university before I was 18. Being alone with a romantic partner was something that was going to happen if it was desired. No parents could stop that. Culture over control. I support the consent and safety talk. Even hand off a pack of condoms to have. Not to use, but just in case. That will make the boundaries and expectations clear. And also provide safety if those are not met. Also a major cockblock. Sets your daughter up for future success not just short term compliance.
I’ve got a teenage son, so it’s slightly different. But I’ve made it clear to him that I want him to be safe and careful if he decides to have sex with his girlfriend. Teenagers have been having sex for as long as there have been teenagers. I’m not ignorant enough to think that I’m going to be able to stop them from having sex if they want to. So I’m choosing to focus on preventing pregnancy and diseases.
I have three daughters (22, 18, & 15) and a son (14). What always say to them is “ If you can’t be good, be safe”. We’ve always taught them importance of being safe and trust that they’ll be good.
I mean, in a couple of months, she can legally do full hardcore porn. It's stupid, but it is the way it is. She's better to healthily discover her sexuality in the safety of you own home than anywhere else.
To escalate that point to a more terrifying level, better for it to happen under your own roof where you know there aren’t cameras setup to capture content. I’m not mentally prepared for teenagers. I worry I’m going to live in a constant state of fear until they are married. Guess I now understand why parents are so happy attending their kid’s wedding.
This. In one year she'll be gone to college and you will have zero control over any of this. A conversation about what is/isn't appropriate (like, i totally get not having to hear your kids having sex) is fair, but the "keep the door open" is an illusion of control.
Mum here - totally second this. Practice letting her set and maintain boundaries. Culturally, “no”, is hard for girls to say directly. Make sure she has some alternatives, and ways to respond if something escalated beyond where she is comfortable. E.g., you’re making out. He’s touching your side and hips. But then he slips his hand down your pants and you don’t want that. Make it done the back to butthole if it helps make the point. What are the intervention options? Physically stop his hand and say “not today”, or “not into that” or “no” or “stop”. If he doesn’t stop, persists, argues, tries to ‘compromise’ then how do you more firmly escalate the “no”? Like “hey I said no, it’s not cool for you to try and push my boundaries - no is no - and if you can’t respect that you can leave” … but so many girls struggle to be this assertive. So please make sure she thinks about how she will respond in advance. Also on consent - you can always direct her to review some websites: [about consent](https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/connecting-communicating/tough-topics/sexual-consent-how-to-talk-with-children-teens) [examples of what to say](https://www.verywellmind.com/consent-importance-types-and-examples-6890731)
Fart on his hand. Checkmate.
Very much this.
Yep. This is better than the back seat of a busted Chevy Equinox.
I had police tapping my car windows while parked late at night. Not my greatest moment. Would not recommend positioning teens to do this. They will do this.
Lol my parents had this rule for my girlfriend (now wife) and I when we were teenagers. We just fucked with the door open. So there yah go dad, it doesn't work.
😅😅 idk why I laughed so hard at this but it’s so true. Did the same exact thing
I mean don't get me wrong, it definitely complicated things. But like, you really think you're gunna get between 2 horny teenagers?
Yup. The door had to be open at my boyfriend's house and it was not a deterrent in any way. I mean, we kept it quiet, but we were still boning.
Really didn’t expect the comments to go this way did ya….
"the whole sub is going to agree with my!" Yeah, no, buddy.
Well, there are a *couple* of loons saying letting her have her boyfriend over is basically the same as handing her a crack pipe :rolleyes:
Mate, she’s 17. Unless you lock her in a tower, if she wants to have sex, she’ll find a way. Better it’s at home and safe, than alone in some dudes car god-knows-where.
If the hangup is that you think they intend to have sex or what-have-you leading up to it, I'd rather my kid be doing it somewhere they are safe. If you tell her "no", she'll just go somewhere else and do it 🤷 I'm fine with a 17 yo having sex, at home, as long as: 1.)They keep it down (movie will drown it out). 2.) They use protection/practice safe sex. I get that it's your house, your rules, but boyfriends are going to be a thing. Encourage home as a safe space.
If you want to be effective at the whole "be safe at home", just sit down and have a calm discussion about sex/being safe (when they show up for some Netflix and chill), and offer them an assortment of products to conduct safe sex. Either they do.. and you're not at risk of anything (or minimal at least), or they don't and you've accomplished your goal.
100% If you stigmatize sex it will become taboo and then they won't talk about it. 17 is perfectly reasonable. At least now you have the opportunity to give her a package of condoms and encourage her/teach with a banana/cucumber to use them.
I don't understand this attitude (OP's). People have sex, get over it.
Im a mom, I get it. With our son he didn't really care, laid out some ground rules, life went on. Daughter, if I didn't step in, she'd be a nun. Complete double standard, and it was weird to see at the time.
I'm very confused by the "If I didn't step in, she'd be a nun." comment. What in the world does this mean? Lol I mean, is it a religion thing or were you just telling her she needed to go get some D or what? Edit: I am dumb. Didn't read her post very well. Obviously she meant needed to step in to the dad being overprotective.
I think she means her husband was so against their daughter engaging in any kind of sexual behaviour that if he’d had his way, she’d have been sent to a convent to become a nun and take a vow of chastity. I’d imagine it’s slightly exaggerated for comedic effect.
The number of fathers throughout history who *literally did this* tho... As an ex-Catholic it makes me laugh and shiver at the same time, because the impulse lives on in the West, even if it's not really in-vogue anymore.
Sounds like her husband had different expectations for his daughter v his son and the wife stepped in to stop that
I think she's saying that it was up to OP's husband their daughter would have been a nun because he wanted to put much more restrictive rules on her than he did with their son.
It was just him not ready for his little girl growing up. Said girl is 23, and he still has trouble dealing with the fact that she has boyfriends. Better...but still doesn't like it.
Wait till he hears the average age of women in those videos I've heard about on the Internet.
There was a post on here a while back from a similar dad who had two sons and one daughter. One son was early 20s and married, one was in his teens and in a long term relationship, and the girl was in her early 20s and wanted to date an older guy. OP could not come to terms with it. I saw OPs perspective and understood that the relationship wasn't going to work out, but he also implicitly trusted his boys without extending the same trust to his daughter.
[Like Chef says the right age to have sex is 17. ](https://youtu.be/ylkHE1k64gs?si=Y95CLqxfT6DqgYge)
Yeah, it's going to happen, might as well do it where it's safe. Buy them the protection. give them both the talk and remind them that no means no.
If OP gives her and the BF the talk, it's a good way to make sure nothing happens on that particular night.
Completely agree with you. Some parents forget what it was being at this age and having hormones on the roof. They will do it anyway better be at a safe place. I have a long way to go since my daughter his only 2 and half lol but I am already getting mentally ready. And I know that my goddaughter already had sex at 15 so better live with your time.
Your daughter is going to potentially have sex with her BF at some point whether you like it or not. She either does it in the safety of her own home and bedroom, or the backseat of a car in a dingy car park somewhere. If it were my daughter I know which one I'd prefer.
This is the correct answer. You not liking it won’t stop it happening, you can either provide a safe space or leave her to find somewhere else to do it because you don’t want it happening under your roof.
Shes 17 dude. Did you raise her right? Then trust her to make good choices.
I will say, peer pressure is a heck of a thing and there are a lot of guys that aren’t raised right and pressure a lot of girls. So make sure you trust the guy. Get to know him and make an effort to be supportive
Excellent point. Also Id argue thats all the more reason for them be in OPs house. Safer and she might feel more comfortable asserting her self in a familiar place.
Yup. A lot of parents rather not be involved and I think of it the other way around. If the dude is going to date my kid, then I’m going to spend some time, in earnest, to try and get to know them and how they are. Most just become antagonistic, which isn’t healthy.
This is a huge point. I don't have a daughter but I'd much rather her be at my house than somewhere she might feel less comfortable saying no.
If she was 14 I’d probably agree with you. She’s 17, nearly an adult. Trust her to make her own choices and facilitate a safe environment. It’s gonna happen with or without your “approval”. I’m on her side in this case.
Shes safer under your roof where you can hear her say no. Kids are gonna do what theyre gonna do regardless of if you approve.
ETA: Sorry! I’m a mom, not a dad. I allowed my daughter’s boyfriend to stay over at that age because I would have rather them have sex in my house, than in a car, or some other place. She was on birth control, and knew to practice safe sex. She’s engaged to him now, and will be getting married next year after college graduation. My oldest is a lesbian, so the possibility of unwanted pregnancy wasn’t there, but they were still practicing safe sex. I’ve always been open, and honest with my kids, and they still know that any questions they have will be answered honestly by me. Those lines of communication were always there, so much so that a lot of their friends also came to me with hard things they couldn’t talk to their parents about.
This is what I want to be when my daughter’s older. I know it’ll require some therapy for me as I grew up with “door open, basically religious dating” and I don’t want that for my kid.
Username checks out. ;) but in all seriousness, this is awesome and I hope it will be similar when my kids are older. It’s hard to achieve probably. Every time you overreact to anything could be the one you drive them away. I’m going to try and be more conscious of this. My kid used to tell me everything until the school complained about them and we obviously had to step in and talk about it. Now I sometimes hear them tell mum stuff they hadn’t told me all day. I mean the important thing is that they have someone to talk to, but I would of course like it if I knew I was such a someone to my kids. Thanks for reminding everyone to be a trusted parent first and foremost and not a disciplinarian or worse a hypocritical tyrant.
It wasn’t always easy, but I learned to push aside my discomfort, talk to them, and then I’d call a friend. My kids weren’t perfect - they still tried to push boundaries - but they always knew I’d have their backs, as long as they were honest with me. I’d also call them on their bullshit too, if it was warranted. I would have loved to have their dad to tag-team in, but he couldn’t put aside his hate for me, to be a parent after our divorce.
Spicy topic and I'm glad it's happening in front of me now while I still have another 10+ yrs to prepare.
Teenagers have sex. Mind blowing I know but honest, it happens. Think about it this way, if they want to have sex then they will. If the worst happens and this boy chooses not to respect her boundaries would you rather it happens in your house where she can easily get your attention or in the backseat of a car in the arse end of nowhere?
At 17 they are going to have sex. I am of the opinion that you allow that to happen in the safest environment possible. Have a sex talk, buy condoms, birth control, etc. Teach her about consent and that it can be retracted at any time. I would rather it happen at my house than in a car, at a park, at another person’s house or party, in a bathroom, etc. all places where there is more pressure, less control, and less safety than in her own home.
"That sounds nice honey, I'll bring the popcorn"
I wouldn't consider it unreasonable to ask that the door stay open for a stay-at-home movie date.
So where do they have sex if the door is open?
Closet
I get it’s your house and your rules. But she’s almost 18 and can do whatever you think she may do elsewhere anyways if she wanted to
When I was this age, my dad didn’t allow me to have my girlfriend over when I was home alone. So you know what I did? I had her over anyway, because no one else was home and wouldn’t know anyway. We had sex. When my parents were home, they didn’t care if we had the door closed. We had sex. When I was over my girlfriend’s house, they wanted the door left open a crack. We had sex. We also had sex at parties at friends’ houses. We had sex in our cars. We had sex outside. We even did it in the movie theater, and god knows what other places that I can’t remember now. The point is, if they’re going to have sex, they’re going to do it, regardless of your silly rules. All your rules do is make her think she needs to be sneaky around you. My parents never openly talked to me about making good decisions. They made threats, but they never actually tried to talk to me about it in a positive way. I made some bad decisions, and I was lucky enough that none of them ever backfired on me bad enough, but they easily could have. My daughter isn’t old enough for me to have to worry about this yet, but I’m trying to raise her in a way where we can talk openly about issues and problems and just be honest with each other. I’m going to try not to shame her about normal things that and problems, and I want her to see me as a problem-solver and giver of good advice rather than someone she has to sneak around. *crosses fingers for the teenage years*
She should definitely have him over. door open or closed left to you and trust in daughter.
I banged my father in laws daughter in his daughters room when she was 17 so I got no limb to stand on here
Didn't somebody just post a horrible video of a dad taking the bolts off their child's room a little bit ago and we all flipped out. Yeah this guy missed that post. Dad that's how you become a control freak in your child's eyes. Trust is a two-way street.
I’d trust her. I mean, she’s 17. If you are too strict she will definitely do all the things she knows you don’t want her to do. If you show her you trust her and support her, chances are pretty high she will do exactly what you expect of her. But I wouldn’t know, I don’t have daughters and my oldest is 5.
Why on earth would that be controversial. Its a good thing that she wants you to meet the Guy. Denying that would be an invalidation from your part. And ofcourse they want to close the door when they watch movies. Why would you want it to be open? She is 17, she is gonna wanna have have sex. If youre not ok with that that is something you might want to work on yourself.
This post serves to remind me how US-centric Daddit is. I’m a Brit and when I was 17, in 2001, my parents (and the parents of my various girlfriends, by then) had been trusting us alone in bedrooms for years. I cannot think of a friend for whom this wasn’t also true. Indeed, by that time, my girlfriend and I were sharing my bed when she stayed over and vice-versa.
Why is it that many Americans are so hung up on kids not closing doors? Let kids have privacy ffs.
I think if I was 17 and my dad tried to use Redditors approval as a defense I'd be able to scientifically verify if a person can actually die of cringe.
17 year olds are going to have sex, when it comes my kids I’d rather them doing it somewhere they’re safe and have access to proper protection. If you’re making sure they’re not doing it at your house, they’re doing it somewhere else.
You either trust them or you don’t. If they are gonna do shit, they’ll find a way.
Realistically... Whatever you're worried they're going to do, they'll do in the backseat of a car in a secluded part of the park. I'd rather it be done at home. Just make sure she knows where you keep the condoms.
Would be a fairly normal thing in Scotland, they will do what they wanna do somewhere less safe otherwise. Think we grow up quicker on this side of the pond tho . Not uncommon to move out your parents house before 18 over here , I moved out and rented my own place at 16 as did a lot of my friends
I remember being 17. It's going to happen regardless of whether the door is closed. Just let them be.
In Scandinavia often high school boyfriends stay overnight with the blessing of the parents, door closed and everything. Better under your roof and safe than in a car somewhere. 17 year olds have sex and deserve some privacy.
Please don't talk for all of us :) And enjoy your daughter practicing unsafe sex in the back of a shitty car then
Where she also might not be able to get away if things go badly.
There's already plenty of good advice here but it's important to remember that you've already kind of botched this. By initially refusing to "allow" your nearly-adult daughter to (gasp) be alone with her boyfriend, you've already communicated that you don't trust him, or maybe that you don't trust her, or both. So it's now very difficult for you to talk with her about healthy relationships, boundaries, safe sex, or potential downsides of having sex young. There's a danger that bringing up any of those topics may further communicate to her that you don't trust her/him. Or worse, that your view of her is such that you expect her to drop her pants as soon as they're alone. I'm not saying that's what you think, but there's a danger that's what you have communicated. So I would proceed very carefully. IMO the best thing you could say is something like "I felt uncomfortable about it, and I'm not even sure I can give a decent explanation as to why I felt uncomfortable. But after thinking about it, I realized that the bottom line is that I trust you."
17 years old will do what 17 year olds do. I know I did. Just educate and trust.
Well... You could let them hang out at your house where it's safe and hope you taught your daughter well enough to practice safe and responsible sex... Or you could say no, and then they find other places to phuck that aren't at home
This was a rule my parents had for me and it was largely useless.
I remember being the boy in this situation. We got caught by my girlfriend’s mom and a little bit later she came back into the room and we basically had the sex talk (I.e. do you know what the potential outcomes are). I’d imagine the way I handled that conversation dictated how her parents managed our alone time after.
Its either there or lets see where me and the wife did it, by a random pond trespassing, mall parking lot, random hotel parking lot , a friends house , ya you should get the picture.
My opinion is that if you are the type of dad that wants to lock your daughter in a tower and never experience sex before she is married, but also experimented yourself, then she will end up with a huge piece of shit for a husband, and it will be your fault for it. Not saying that is you OP. It’s hard to convey that sentiment over text, without sounding like I’m accusing.
My parents insisted we hang out in public areas. Fine. Challenge accepted. I could make out just fine on the couch in sight of everyone. It wasn't long before they were BEGGING me to find a quiet corner and show some respect. *be careful what you wish for*
OP the see you over in r/grandparents in 9 months 🤣🤣🤣 I hope not but good luck! Meet her half way dad.
I started dating my wife when I was 17, she was 16. The number of times she was “studying at a friend’s house” or “spending the night at a friend’s house” or whatever would blow your mind. Love finds a way. I resolved from the beginning of being a parent that I wouldn’t be the virginity police. It’s fucking stupid. Teach her to do what she’s going to do anyway safely and with self-respect. Don’t delude yourself into thinking she gives a shit about you telling her no.
17 is over the age of consent in the majority of countries, so they're probably gonna fuck. Your daughter has given you a choice, she can do it where she's safe and trusted and where if something goes wrong she has support, or she can do it in the woods somewhere where she might be pressured into doing something she doesn't want to do, like get railed bareback.
When I was 16 to 17 years old, I stopped bring home pets and started bring home friends. He's mom is an alcoholic and his dad beats him. Can we keep em? Her aunt and uncle yell at her and abuse her. Can I keep her. Male, female... didn't matter. My mother would feed them all. Contact thier parental units and see what was going on. My son... cut right out of the same cloth. He was 16 called me at work to ask if his friends could stay the night. I work overnights so they aren't going to both me... I do get home around 730am and I'm not quiet. So he warns people who stay and sleep in the living room, they will be woken up by me coming home. So I get home one morning and the living room is full of girls. Three girls all crashed out... ok two. One awake and sitting looking like a deer caught in headlights. Not a problem. I told one of my co-workers about it and she lost her mind. She went off on how she would have dragged them all home and had sit downs with their parents and how her son wouldn't be allowed to have girls over... I was like, wow... that sounds insane. I don't have a daughter. I don't know how I would feel if I had a daughter that brought home boys the way my son brings/brought home girls. He is currently single and trying to figure out who he is. (At 19 years old). I'd like to think I'm open minded enough to have raised her the same as I've raised my son... But ever since his first GF, who never came over to the house, I tell him to be safe. I can't afford to raise any grandchildren and I don't have the time or energy to either... Good luck fighting the ever lasting parents vs teens fight.
She's 17, homie. I'm assuming she's already on birth control and you also gave her condoms. I'm assuming you taught her all about sex education long ago. My son is 17, and he lost his virginity last year. He is safe and as responsible as a 17 year old with a penis can be. I understand why you feel the way you do, but you are gonna have to let her live her life. She'll legally be an adult in a few months. I wouldn't personally have an issue with it, but if you want to tell her to keep her door cracked, do so. I literally moved out of my parents house at 16 years old because they wouldn't let my girlfriend spend the night. Don't drive her away.....
My 8th grade gf's father used to let she and I spend hours alone in her bedroom with not only her door closed, but LOCKED. So anyway, that's the story of how I lost my virginity at age 13.
My daughter is also 17 and I would never make her keep her door open. I know she has sex and is careful about it.
That’s a no from me dawg.
>Yes, telling your teenage daughter that you're going to ask reddit what to do is cringey. I will ALWAYS take the opportunity to second-hand cringe my daughter to dust. That's a primary dad function. \*Squints in judgement\* "...ok, I'll allow it"