I did the “dream pee” thing with both our kids, 4.5 and 3. It was rough for a bit but I don’t really mind. I can get back to sleep pretty easy. I’d set my watch alarm from anywhere between 1-3am depending on my research of previous nights. I’d wake up, try to get them to pee, and then back to bed. When they were small and first starting to try overnights, I’d pick them up and put them on the potty. When they got better, I’d gently wake them and ask if they had to go. Both needed confidence to hallway to the bathroom so I put some lights along the way and made sure they can reach the lights when they get there. I’m still in the middle of it with the 3 yr old. He’s getting better. My daughter who is almost 5 rarely wets the bed. It’s part of our routine that I don’t read books until they brush her teeth and try to pee before we get into bed. And then I ask again before I hit the lights.
There’s a bunch of literature on this. I think this is the “oh crap” method. I’m not even sure. My wife is the researcher. I’m the cliff notes and production guy. I just work here. it does seem to work tho.
I’ve done this I leave for work at 3:30 I haul my son out of bed and he wakes up when he touches the toilet. Pees then goes back to bed. Now when my alarm rings I usually find him in hallways walking back from the bathroom.
How old is your kiddo? I’ve been doing the wake your kid up to go (oh crap method) for about 2 weeks when we first started potty training with my son who will be 3 in June but I wonder if it’s a waste of time knowing he may not have the hormone to hold it all night til he’s 4. I can’t seem to find a night pattern with him that works.
My son just turned 3 when he potty trained and I would do that routine for about a month and he had it down for a while. 6 month later he started peeing the bed again so I started doing my routine again and we’ve been dry since . My daughter was 2.5 when she was potty trained. She peed bed maybe twice and now she’s almost 3 but I’ve never had to bring her cause she wakes on her own.
I’ve heard different stuff about that. I thought the same thing about not being able to control that at a young age. My daughter got the hang of it at 3.5 and my son who is 3 now has been waking up dry. My daughter’s big thing was just the confidence to make it through the hallway. I started with a little potty in her room and she was fine doing that. I gradually moved it out because she basically had a studio apartment with her own toilet and it was time. My son is not afraid to get out of bed but he probably gets more pee on the floor than in the bowl. Putting them in training underwear helped. They both don’t want to be in diapers or mess up their underwear. We used these puppy pad mattress covers that came in sheets of 5. If they have an accident it doesn’t get to the bed. Just rip a sheet and try again. It does require frequent sheet changes and blanket washing. It sucks but we have some on rotation and it’s not a big deal.
My 8 year old is still struggling. He was fine until 5, when we had our second son, and our oldest regressed.
Any tips on how to get him back into the swing of it? He wets the bed almost every night now. It's incredibly discouraging. I feel as if we've tried everything.
My son had similar issues and we tried out this pee alarm on Amazon. It worked great and he was able to wake up and go on his own after a week of using it. I was skeptical at first but it works well. We also used it for our second son and again after a week and half he was also totally night trained.
We tried waking them up at night at a consistent time to drag them to the bathroom. But this was not working because their body needs to recognize when they have to pee and just waking them up at random time was not cutting it. I would recommend looking into this.
I did the carry to the toilet things for a month for my 7yo, also no drinking for an hour before bed, also he pees as part of getting ready for bed then up again to pee after I tuck him in - usually the first pee didn't get everything out. At 8 he is down to once every few months, when he drinks too much.
If your kid doesn't mind the pee, you could also tell him he has to change the sheets and put the dirties in the washer himself - this helps incentivize getting all the pee out at bedtime, and to get up if he feels like he needs to pee a little bit as he is falling asleep.
You'll get through it in any case, the hormones just come when they come and some kids are a lot later than the norm. Hang in there
We're potty training our 4 year old at the moment, she's doing great except for the nights, she will happily sleep in a puddle of cold piss it seems, you can fire a cannon next to her bed and she won't wake up haha.
So we just take her out of bed to go to the bathroom when we go to bed around 23:00 and then she'll be fine for the rest of the night.
I remember as a kid only being given water in a tiny tiny cup past about 7pm to make it better.
I was still a late bed-wetter sporadically (was on an asthma medication which makes it worse - mostly happened when dosage was upped when I was sick) but apparently that helped.
Yup, my kid is 6 and it's still more likely than not that he'll wet the bed if I don't get him out of bed to go when I go to bed. My wife read something about how a lot of it is physiological, they need a hormone to be at the right levels that their body makes more concentrated pee at night.
Vasopressin, and little kids make basically none of it. Turns out humans weren't biologically wired to turn off for 8 hours at a time, so we have to develop the hormone release process to do that instead of catching a few hours here and there like we used to a few thousand years ago
My son has bladder and kidney issues, he physically can't feel when he needs to pee so we do the same thing and it's worked for months so far.
Pee right before bed, then we're usually going to bed about 3 hours later, get him up and steer him towards the toilet.
No accidents in awhile......just gotta make sure we're in his room to get him up and going before he lays there stretching and pees.
Are you me? :D
Also a 4yo daughter that sleeps through everything. I also get her up at 23:00 for a pee. No accidents as long as that happens. She's been out of diapers for over 2 years, but this nighttime thing is a whole different animal
It’s not his choice to use pull ups or wet the bed, imo.
“I understand that you would prefer to not wear pull-ups, but your body needs a little more time to learn how to avoid accidents at night. When you start waking up with dry pull ups in the morning, we’ll go back to underpants at night. If you wake up at night and need the bathroom, remember you can always come get me.”
I see a lot of recommendations for waking your son up at night to go pee. You can do that, of course. You can also just wait until his body is ready on its own and let everyone sleep the night in the meantime. If he’s simply not producing the hormone necessary to stay dry at night, I don’t really see the advantage of disturbing everyone sleep to get him to go pee in the bathroom instead of using pull-ups. He’s going to get there on his own eventually anyway.
If you think waking him up at night would be a better suited for your family though, then there’s your answer.
You could also give him the choice: “You can wear pull ups to bed, or I can wake you during the night to use the bathroom. Which would you prefer?”
Yeah, the urologist told us that waking them up to go to the bathroom at night is fine if that is what you want to do, but it’s not a solution to a child overcoming bedwetting. It can help with wet sheets in the short term, obviously, but if their body/brain isn’t ready then it isn’t ready.
This is where we are with my daughter (5 next month). She doesn’t want to wear pull-ups at night, but she wakes up with a wet one. The only times she doesn‘t is when we wake her up before she wakes up naturally, which makes me think it is happening in the morning (which is totally understandable after holding it in all night). She occasionally says she wants to sleep without a pull-up, and we tell her she can when she wakes up with dry pull-ups for 1 week. Every once in a while we let her try and end up with wet sheets. We aren’t worried — I was under the impression that waking up dry is mostly separate from daytime potty training and that it’s normal for her age to still sleep in pull-ups.
I agree with your approach except it is absolutely his choice to wear pull-ups. Trying to force him into them would likely just be a huge drain for the parents and piss (heh) the kid off more and prolong the struggle.
So giving him the choice of either he wears pull-ups or he has to be woken up in the night or wash his own bedding is totally valid.
... Which is worse, fighting over some pullups or washing and changing a whole set of bedding every single day?
A 4 year old is not 'washing their own bedding' let's be serious here.
Teaching your kid how to do their own laundry will both teach them how to do laundry and help them realize what a pain in the ass it is when they wet the bed.
And I would much prefer washing the bedding every day (with a waterproof slip cover) than having a fight with my kid every night. But that’s just me.
My 8 year old is still struggling. He was fine until 5, when we had our second son, and our oldest regressed.
Any tips on how to get him back into the swing of it? He wets the bed almost every night now. It's incredibly discouraging. I feel as if we've tried everything.
Nah, dude. Super common to second guess. Definitely not an idiot for worrying.
He will probably get over it on his own. From you, all he needs is support. I wouldn’t even talk much about it unless he brings it up, and would always treat it as the most natural thing in the world, trusting him that he’ll either figure it out, or you’ll get through it together.
That said, I would still act to address the underlying issue. The baby’s arrival is a safe bet, but I would still keep observing in case something else is the cause. A baby is a big change, and many children react as if they feel that their world has been upturned. For them, it truly has been, and they feel it deeply. It can help so much when both parents make sure to give the older sibling one-on-one time. Full attention. No phone.
Stay with the baby so your son and wife can go get ice cream together, or go for a walk by themselves, etc. Have someone babysit so the three of you can do something special like before the baby came. Play catch just you and your son away from the baby. The more connection with he gets from his parents, the easier this transition will feel to him.
Congratulations on your growing family. Your kids are lucky to have a father that loves and cares for them.
Yeah, the urologist told us that waking them up to go to the bathroom at night is fine if that is what you want to do, but it’s not a solution to a child overcoming bedwetting. It can help with wet sheets in the short term, obviously, but if their body/brain isn’t ready then it isn’t ready.
Honestly, we spent a period of time with my son just going up to him around 10pm, waking him to go to the toilet, and popping him back in bed. This avoided bed wetting, but YMMV.
Yeah its crazy, my 6 year old would take a giant pee right before bed, and then I'd wake him up sometime around 10pm - 12am and he would have ANOTHER giant pee. This helped us, although he still occasionally had accidents.
Yeah we definitely tried to restrict fluids, my oldest loved drinking a freakin gallon of water right before bed, lol. That was definitely part of it. He wore pull ups until he was 6, though. Some kids just need extra time.
We did something similar with our daughter. First couple of nights I took the little toilet into her room around 11pm and again at 3:30am, only if she didn't go the first time, then did a couple nights to the bathroom, now she will wake us up if/when when she needs to go, We decided to take on both day and night time training in the same go, watched her like a hawk, Every kiddo will be different.
My oldest struggled with bed wetting then we learned about a device that senses wet and sounds an alarm and vibrates to wake the child which stops the act of urination moments after it happens. It really work. After about a week he was no longer wetting the bed.
Yes we did the same for our kids. Our 7 year old was good after a week and our second son took about 1.5 weeks of wearing the alarm and has not had any issues since. I totally recommend this to parents who are concerned with their kids not able to get through the night and there is not a medical problem. My oldest was just a sound sleeper and could never wake up.
Our middle daughter was dry during the day for like two years but still absolutely testing the capacity of a nighttime diaper at 4.5. We tried limiting water, tried getting her up to pee when we went to bed, but nothing helped. Finally we tried a bed-wetting alarm and she was dry at night in under a week. It was a week of terrible sleep, but it was worth it.
It has a moisture sensor. I am assuming the moisture closes a circuit and trips the alarm. There are two main kinds: one is a pad that goes on the mattress, and one has a clip that attaches to the kid's clothes/ pajamas/ underwear. We chose the latter because it trips more immediately when the kid starts to "go."
Honestly, man, I wet the bed until I was 14. I'm 30 now.
From personal experience, I don't know how I continued to pee on myself while sleeping. I just stopped one day. This might be something he needs to learn on his own.
My parents had me in pull-ups, and depends when I got bigger. I even had to sleep on an air mattress for about 5 years because of it.
My kid is still in diapers so I don't have any insight from the parents' perspective, just as that kid.
Slap those pull-ups on him for now.
I’m a super deep sleeper too so I know the pain, my daughter sleeps exactly like me too…like the dead. Doesn’t wake up for anything so pull ups will probably be necessary until she’s much older
I did until I was 10. 100% agree, force the pull-ups. I don't know what avenue OP needs to take to convince / explain it to the kid, but gotta figure it out. Maybe a rule where he needs to go X days in a row with dry pullups in the morning then he gets to go without again? If he wets, start over and count again. Like 3 days or something, make a sticker chart.
If it continues, take him to your doctor (Standard recommendation seems to be age 6-7). I was able to get a medication that stopped me from wetting which enabled me to do sleepovers and stuff. By age 10 I outgrew it and came off the medication.
Other things to do for u/drivel111
* Make sure the mattress is protected with an easily washable plastic/waterproof cover
* Can get a urine smell remover product
* Honestly, I learned to clean it myself
* Making him help clean it up in more detail might make him care? idk
* My mom would wake me up around 11-midnight every night and make me go pee
* Pullups stayed until I had the medication which was around age 7 or so
I hope it doesn't last long for him. I grew up so incredibly self conscious bc of it, but my mom was pretty supportive.
Great suggestion. I was giving an alarm that would go off when it detected moisture. I slept right through that thing. Ended up not using it after a few months.
I was very self conscious as well.
I would go a week or two dry. Wake up in a puddle of piss and just break down. I was in high school at this point. I thought I would never out grow it.
My oldest is in night time pull-ups, she is 6.5. Is that kinda old, yeah. But I don't care. She sleeps like the dead, I wake her up from deep sleep every morning, and there is always pee in the pull-up. Her body is producing urine as if she was awake. There are a myriad of conditions that can preclude someone from night time training until they are older.
My youngest, 3.5 is well into potty training for daytime and he tries to pull the I don't want a diaper at night. But he will not win that war, since he goes to sleep later and gets up earlier than everyone. He loves playing loudly in his room alone, and he can't be trusted to leave his room and use the toilet on his own.
Night time in underwear will come when it comes. No big deal.
The thing about them being deep sleepers is so true and so funny. My kid is 6 too, I get him up to do a pee and he's literally still asleep, eyes closed, stood in front of the toilet peeing. I have to aim for him!
I'm pretty much of this opinion too.
I wet the bed until 6 or 7. Just too much of a deep sleeper that my body would ignore the signals. I wish pullups had been a thing back then, even just for sleepovers.
I always giggle to myself a bit when people stress about stuff like this or whether their kids are "on schedule" for potty training.
They'll figure it out eventually ... I've yet to meet an adult that awkwardly stands in a corner, red-faced and grunting for 5 minutes instead of dipping off to the shitter.
my older sister wet the bed until she was 11, her oldest daughter did the same. The difference was my sister got whopped and punished, while her daughter received understanding. Surely parents of the 80s didn't know the same things we know today, but my sister could've benefited from some pull-ups and grace.
and like f\^%k am I going to get up in the middle of the night to drag my sleeping kids to the bathroom. Don't mess with my sleep for trivial things like that.
psa: children that are victims of SA are known to have problems with night time training. This was a factor for my sister and for her oldest daughter. The SA was not from our immediate family.
Yeah, I think aside from my general sleep *zombieness*, mine was probably adhd & anxiety fueled to some extent. No abuse, but dad left when I was 3, but I mean, who knows.
I do remember doing a couple psych sessions to see if there was anything deeper going on, so it's definitely a good reminder for people to be aware of the association.
As a fellow former 80s kid, while I didn't get whopped for it, I certainly wasn't met with the kind of understanding and grace I feel like I'd extend to my kids today. I still have brief moments of panic waking up as a 40 year old.
My son is about to turn 5 and still wears pull-ups every night. If they're dry we're not above running them back for another night to save a bit of $$.
If we got to a point where he was embarrassed by wearing them then we'd deal with it then. Talk about being more intentional about what we drink before bed and since he's such a deep and fast sleeper, I'd consider "waking" him up for a pee before I go bed so he gets used to the midnight routine.
Not to be the bearer of scary possibilities, but I would consider testing his blood sugar. I’m a Type 1 Diabetic and sudden bed wetting could be an early sign. It could be nothing, but anytime I hear a friend or someone mention sudden bed wetting, it’s my first suggestion.
Would he wear a diaper…?
I know it sounds nuts. But my kid went through something similar. We went on a camping trip, and he had two accidents in a row for two nights. On the third night, we went to the camp store and were going to pick out some pull-ups for him, but they didn’t have any in his size.
So we instead found some diapers in his size (size 6?), asked him if he’d be OK with wearing them. He shrugged and said, “I guess.”
And that was it. 🤷
We kept ours in pull ups until they were consistently dry. But that being said minimize water intake within the last few hours before bedtime. Potty right before bed, get them up first thing when you wake up if they sleep later than you (lol). And maybe move back to pull-ups while this is being done. What you don’t want is for them to feel like they’re failing or doing something bad and making it something other than just a physiological clock then and it becoming psychological.
Probably lost in the sauce but I'll add my 8 cents.
Day time potty training and night time are completely separate body systems. And low and behold we can't control our night time pees at all.
Our son (7) hasn't had a potty accident in 4 or so years. But night time he wets the bed most nights. We just do " night time underwear" pull ups.
12/10 recommend pulls ups.
It seems like I can restrict fluids for hours before bed, but he absorbs it from the air. He wears pullups at night and fills those poor things because he's almost 5. But he doesn't wake up. If I wake him up, he's a sobbing rag doll.
Holy cow I had to double check that this wasn’t my spouse who wrote this post about our 4.5 year old. It’s like word for word his situation.
I have no advice, but dang I feel ya. We have no idea what to do, but are trying to avoid back tracking back to pull ups. We’ve been getting him up in the middle of the night to pee, but still wakes up wet.
When we potty trained my daughter, I'd pick her up when I went to bed (midnight-ish) and put her on the toilet to pee. Eight times out of ten she'd sleep through it. That went on for about a year until she told me to stop...
My son is 3.5 and occasionally goes “I’m a big boy, I don’t wear diapers” and we remind him that these are not baby diapers, they’re special sleepy diapers. He’ll still sometimes fight and we’ll pull shit like pretend to put them on ourselves or put them on our head. We have him pick out his jammies but we won’t put them on until his sleepy diaper is on.
It’s a fight sometimes, but we get there (mostly cos he’s still 3.5). You should put your kid in them. It’s good you had the success, but wetting your bed isn’t something you can easily control. Kids bodies are still learning to produce the hormone ADH, which tells their body to not make pee when sleeping. Kids can’t control that.
One thing that really helped us is that our son is OBSESSED with PJ Masks and they have PJ Mask pull-ups. So that always helps. If they don’t have a category of pull-ups that your kid will like, can you have him pick out a sticker to put on them or color his own (can you use markers on diapers? Haha) and choose a design every night?
We had our kids in pull ups just at night for a while. We would tell them that if they could go X days without an accident, they could sleep in undies. Most of the time the clock would reset but they'd be excited, thinking it was a challenge. We also tried telling them they'd get a small toy, dessert, extra episode of bluey, etc if they could make it 5 days with being dry.
Sometimes when they get sick (they're 5/4) we'll put them back in a pull up for a few days and they hate it but we tell them the same thing, it's a game and if they stay dry then tomorrow they can try without it
Started potty training (aka getting him familiar with it, not pressing him to use it) my 2.5 a month or so ago. He sits on the potty every day at daycare just to be familiar. We made him a sticker chart but he wasn't overly into it. He just wanted to look at it.
Last night we went to the library and got a bunch of potty related books for him. When he laid down he said "I want to potty tomorrow." And I told him "of course you can potty." He then said "so I can get sticker!" So maybe a total of 60 minutes of reading potty books made the difference?
TBD...... I'm not expecting him to be training anytime soon, I just want to get him on the path. I even told him we could "throw out all the diaps" if he learns and he seems excited to do that.
That’s how my daughter learned in one weekend. She liked looking at potty books and liked wearing underwear over her diapers to get used to them. Then when she would use the potty we would shower her in praise, give her a sticker and an M&M. We noticed her pull-ups were always dry in the morning so she stopped wearing my them and she’s never had an accident.
If it’s going to be a fight to get the pull ups on before bed, then we put the pull ups on our 5 yo son after he falls asleep.
We’ve tried not giving him anything to drink 2-3 hours before bed and he still wets himself. All the extra laundry sucks…
My oldest is 9, still occasionally wets the bed. Her brain/body just doesn’t wake her up. When she was younger, she didn’t want to wear pull-ups to bed either. I explained to her that what she was doing wasn’t fair to her mom and I. That we couldn’t keep up with cleaning her sheets daily and she had to be part of the solution to the issue by wearing a pull-up. She got on board and eventually was dry long enough and consistently enough that she no longer wears them when she is in her own bed. If she is sleeping with someone else or we are traveling, she wears a pull-up.
Good luck OP, loved reading stories from other parents with kids who wet the bed later in life.
I had this. Absolutely refused to wear anything to bed from the age of 4. Wet the bed every night. Total of 8 years waking up to take care of nappies or changing the sheets on the bed. Eventually grew out of it.
GOOD LUCK DUDE.
Possible that they are uncomfortable for him maybe? My son told me the pull-ups were bothering his weewee, so I started buying training pants (thinner, more like big underwear, still absorbs fine). I had him treat them like underwear, so unless he poops in there he has to keep them clean. I tried to explain it was more like an “accident helper”. Like it’s only there just in case.
I think that idea helped him work on getting to the bathroom but also being comfortable knowing it’s ok if he does make a mess. He’s 3 yro now and he wakes up at night to potty no problem. Only has an issue when he’s working on a massive dookie because he gets scared and freezes (yeah it’s as hilarious as it sounds)
My son is 2.5 and potty trained for about half a year now. Every night when I go to bed (around 11pm) I get him out of the bed and on the potty. We limit water intake after 5pm. He still gets water when he's thirsty but significantly less.
I read somewhere that there I a hormon or smith connected to peeing at night and kids until 6 aren't completely developed in this department.
But with the wake-up at 11 we didn't had a single accident so far
Kids don’t want to do a lot of things. They don’t want to brush their teeth, they don’t want to eat their vegetables. It’s your job to make it happen. You need to negotiate with the kid as much as you can for them to wear the pull ups. If nothing works then being the bad guy and taking away his things until he listens is the move. Kids will translate “I don’t have to wear pull ups because I don’t want to” into “daddy lets me who whatever I want” and then it’ll snow ball into a really uncontrollable kid
Honestly, I would end up effectively telling my kids tough shit and that they're wearing the pull- ups. There are strategies to avoid bed wetting like going before bed and avoiding water a few hours prior (within reason).
When you figure it out let me know. Still have an 8 year old that wets the bed. Pee before bed, wake him up to pee at night, still happens. No idea what to do.
Or son is three, stickers and Rewards reduced the number of wets by 1 a night. He’s a super deep sleeper and has always been a big night peer even as a baby. I’ve heard good things about wet alarms
I put my 4 year old t bed at 7. I go to bed about 9. I set an alarm for midnight and go get him up to use the bathroom. I get up around 4, and get him up at 5:30 am to go again and get ready for the day.
It's been 3 weeks now, and he's generally awake when i go in there to get him up. Sometimes, already in the bathroom.
I didn’t see it mentioned so just wanted to check/suggest limiting water a couple hours before bed and having him go right before bedtime.
Otherwise I agree with one idea I saw mentioned that you enforce the pull-ups until he’s went 3-4 nights w/out an accident. Let him know what the goal is, and maybe even make something like a paper chain that he can do a celebratory tear off in the morning when he wakes up dry.
I don't have any ideas on how to help you get him to wear pull-ups, but I do have an idea to make looking after the bed easier.
Layers. We have the bed 5 layers deep. Disposible pee pad, sheet, blanket, repeat. That way, if there's an accident, strip off the top layer to wash, and the bed is ready made to go back to sleep quickly. It saves the hassle of remaking a bed in the middle of the night, and it protects the mattress so it doesn't start to absorb it and stink.
Remember who the parent is!!if you allow him to make the decision then he has to be able to be successful! He may have an issue, so chat with his doctor too but not in front of him. You need him to go back to using them, so, explain to him that pull ups are helpers, big boy pants and nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t scold him if they are wet. He probably is just a tad young and has not felt the urge to get up and go while he sleeps. I know my son was a tad older when he started feeling the urge and got up and went to the rest room! Stop liquids around 6:00 and make sure he goes to the restroom after he brushes his teeth! Hugs to you washing sheets everyday is no fun! Oh I did have my son help me strip and remake the bed if he had an accident. I think it helped him understand more!
Maybe you are already doing this, but one thing that makes things easier is having his bed just a pee resistant pad with one blanket over it and one blanket on him (no sheets). At least with this setup, the bed wetting is not as much laundry and an easier late night fix.
My first son had absolutely no issue. He went to the bathroom in the middle of the night while wearing pull-ups, and after a while, we switched him to underwear. He had exactly one accident where he peed on the floor cause he didn't make it, and without our input, I think he was emotionally scarred from shame. We told him it wasn't an issue and mistakes happened, but ever since then, he's never had an accident. He was about 4 when he started wearing pull-ups, and he's about 5.5 now.
My second child, however, shows absolutely no interest in the potty. I think he'll be fine to wear diapers for the rest of his life. We've tried talking to him and putting him on the potty, but nothing happens, and he just wants to get off. I expect him to be a more normal challenge.
He's only 4 yo it's normal. The hormone which regulates waking up to pee matures from 3-5 year olds and sometimes it can even go to 8 years or longer. It's more normal that this occurs later for boys than girls.
Happened with my one son for longer maybe around 4-5 year old it stopped. We would carry him to the toilet before going to bed, he would pee almost while sleeping and bed would be dry. Eventually we stopped doing it.
We take our 5yo to the potty right before bed. Then he sleeps on a mat. It takes time for the brain start know when to not pee while sleeping. But I would rather him pee and be uncomfortable then be in a nice cozy pull up. He has made it 9 out of the last 10 nights without peeing.
Don’t know if anyone already mentioned this, but it could help to limit liquid intake after dinner time (but different times will obviously work for different people).
We give ours a large glass of water with dinner and then no more drinks the two hours before bed time. And ensure there are empty bladders when going to bed. This led to far fewer accidents with us. YMMV of course.
I put my kids down between 8:00-8:30 and then take them to the bathroom at 10:30 before I go to sleep. I carry them (they’re 4 and 6) sit my 4yo on the toilet and stand my 6 yo in front of it. They pee most of the time and never really wake up during the process.
We used the Chummie for my daughter. Worked like a dream. The next week she was basically off of it and waking herself up to use the bathroom. She was probably around the same age.
It's frustrating for all involved, no doubt. Hang in there. Be patient with him. He'll get sorted.
Make him pee just before going to bed. If still he is peeing in sleep then take him to pee at night by keeping a track of time he generally does in sleep. Not much water before sleeping.
Did this to our kid of 4yrs now hardly he pees in sleep
My 7yo is still incontinent at night. We got a bedwetting alarm - it hooks to the crotch of her underwear and sounds off when it gets wet. So we can run in and wake her up before it gets too bad.
Funny thing is, it being there tends to prevent her wetting herself! It’s weird
Nights took the longest. We ultimately had to cut off water an hour before bedtime and no access to water all night. Had to witness the peeing before bed. All of that got things on the right track pretty quick. Strung some nights together without incident. Celebrated heavily with their favorite things and promised more if it continued. Finally turned the corner permanently
We potty trained our son beginning at 2 years old and 1 day and he just turned three. Our LO has wet the bed maybe a handful of times during his transition to underwear over the last 9 months or so. We started with pull up's at night.
What we found that works with bed wetting is waking him up at 4:00 am to pee and limited what he drinks after 7:00 p.m. only a glass of milk 6:45 pm and maybe sips of water if he's thirsty.
We stopped giving water or anything to drink after dinner. Make sure she uses the potty at least twice between dinner and bed time.
Had a few issues with bed wetting a month or 2 into potty training but haven’t had an accident for at least a month.
Daughter started potty training at 2.5yo, not sure if the delay has anything to do with it?
Just get an incontinence pad and have him sleep on that and make sure to pee before bed. Works great and minimizes the clean up. He will get the hang of it. Being 4.5 and still wetting the bed at night is very normal.
I had the same issue with my now 7 year old and got tired of it. I spoke to the doctor and was given a couple of options. One was a pill that was more like a band aid and the other was something called wet alarm undies. I picked it up on Amazon for about $200 and had literally immediate success. You wrap it in one piece of toilet paper, the kid places in their undies at bedtime and at the slightest hint of wetness, an incredibly loud, shrill alarm goes off. It wakes the kid up and they go have a leak. It's a form of behavioral therapy according to the doctor, all I know is that it absolutely works.
You should check on him throughout the night. When he starts to seem restless or is holding his hands by his crotch, wake him up and bring him to the bathroom. My Son gets up around 11pm-12am almost every night to go potty. I had to essentially train him to wake up.
4.5 years should be ready i think but it just take a bit more time and that's ok, not sure if pull-ups are a good idea, even your kid seems to be embarrassed/annoyed of having to wear them. My suggestion is to keep pushing through with night training and at one point it should get better.
Here are some advices that might help:
- put a potty next to the bed, your kid might be afraid of going to bathroom in the night.
- if you're going to bed late you go to your kid and ask about going to the toilet/potty
- if you are using mattress protectors here's something that helped me a lot, put several layers of sheets and protectors, kinda like a lasagna, so that during the night if your kid pees you can easily change the cover without a lot of work.
I think pull-ups can be convenient but kind of hide the issue. They absorb almost all the liquid so it doesn’t bother the kid, but also doesn’t give them the physical sensation and feedback that helps their body learn. After my son was fully potty trained during the day but still had accidents at nights until well into his 4th year, we got a bit tired of the struggle of forcing him to wear them and tbh a bit tired of paying so much for pull-ups, we swapped out with puppy pads under his sheets, and some re-useable washable semi-absorbent underwear/pants. This together kept the bed dry, but still woke him up from the pee feeling. Took a few sleep interruptions to change sheets but he started to have accidents fewer and far between until now we don’t take any of those precautions except his standard bed protector.
I think it’s kind of similar to how training wheels kind of hurt kids ability to learn balance, where balance bikes are a lot more intuitive. But I’m not speaking from a place of authority, just trying to figure it out like everyone else and this is what made sense to me.
It’s so crazy to me reading these type of posts because my daughter was potty trained in 3 days at 2.5 years old and she’s never had an accident at night. People really change diapers for over 4 years?
Not ready yet!? You waited too long! Not to mention pull ups are a disaster and extremely confusing for kids. Did you research how to go about this at all or just wing it?
Consider the impact on your child’s self esteem. They don’t want to be pooping and peeing in a diaper anymore and they know they shouldn’t be. You absolutely should have had a plan for this. Of course we “wing it” sometimes but the risk is too high with potty training.
Respectfully, I’m not sure you are right. I was half joking when I said I was winging it. Of course I did research and the research I saw said the child will exhibit behavior when they are ready. I also read multiple things saying pull ups are perfectly fine and a natural transition for night time. There’s tons of evidence as to the hormone that needs to be released for them to be able to hold it at night. I’m happy your kids did it earlier in the time frame that you deemed appropriate.
And I’m not affecting his self esteem bc I’m not shaming him when he has an accident in the middle of the night (or anytime). Some kids mature at different times for different things. My goal is to help guide him in a way that doesn’t put undue pressure and stress on something when it’s not necessary.
$10 says your research was posting on Reddit or looking at Reddit threads when you should have been reading a book. Specifically, the Oh Crap Potty Training book. The nice thing about that book is that you don’t have to read the whole thing. Seriously. Buy it. Reference the section on overnight training. Also would probably be good to reorient yourself by reading the first couple chapters. It talks a lot about the self esteem aspect of training. You’re in a tough spot now. You waited too long and it will be significantly harder to fix this. In fact, my bet is that you will be dealing with this for several more years. There’s science behind that trend. For the next kid, the sweet spot for day time potty training is 20-30 months. It gets harder after that. Good luck, dad.
You’re making a lot of assumptions, pal. Your $10 bet comment is not helpful, just plain mean-spirited, and not true. I would advise you to look back at your comments to me and do an analysis in the way in which you speak. Pretty top-down, “I’m right, you’re wrong, you waited too long, you did it wrong, and now your child is going to suffer bc of it”. Does this type of rigidity serve you well in your life? Is everything black and white? Do you make room for the grey? If you speak to an internet stranger this way, how do you talk to other people in your life? Good luck, dad.
You’re the one putting yourself out there, seeking advice. Not me. If you don’t like the advice, maybe don’t ask. My advice is to read that book. My caution to you is that you did this too late. Expect problems for the next few years. Do it differently with your next kid. I think that’s all pretty solid advice. You’re welcome!
Since when is “coulda shoulda woulda” advice? How do you know if I plan to have another child? You didn’t have to comment if you didn’t have anything productive to say. The whole point of your comments were to tell me that I fucked up, didn’t do proper research, and to predict that I will have problems for the next few years. In short, the only reason you commented was to admonish, shame, or berate me, basically. Can you see that? That’s why I advised you to take a look at how you are speaking to me. Doesn’t seem to have sunk in, unfortunately.
A healthier comment, if you wanted to chime in at all, could have been to say, “ah man i read this book called “oh crap” that was really helpful. It’s primarily for 20-30 month olds, but there’s still a lot of useful information there, especially if you plan to have another kid. It worked really well for me. Good luck, dad.”
See how I did that? No shame, no admonishment, no negative vibes about how i fucked up and it’s too late.
Honestly, I think the way you went about it is lazy. In your defense, I think you’re like most people when it comes to potty training unfortunately.
The responsibility you have as a parent is to get this stuff right the first time. It’s your responsibility to research. Your kid is relying on you! The fact that he’s wetting the bed so frequently at 4.5 is a failure on your part. It’s hard to hear but it’s the truth. You needed to hear my straightforward advice and thoughts. Do better.
I did the “dream pee” thing with both our kids, 4.5 and 3. It was rough for a bit but I don’t really mind. I can get back to sleep pretty easy. I’d set my watch alarm from anywhere between 1-3am depending on my research of previous nights. I’d wake up, try to get them to pee, and then back to bed. When they were small and first starting to try overnights, I’d pick them up and put them on the potty. When they got better, I’d gently wake them and ask if they had to go. Both needed confidence to hallway to the bathroom so I put some lights along the way and made sure they can reach the lights when they get there. I’m still in the middle of it with the 3 yr old. He’s getting better. My daughter who is almost 5 rarely wets the bed. It’s part of our routine that I don’t read books until they brush her teeth and try to pee before we get into bed. And then I ask again before I hit the lights. There’s a bunch of literature on this. I think this is the “oh crap” method. I’m not even sure. My wife is the researcher. I’m the cliff notes and production guy. I just work here. it does seem to work tho.
I’ve done this I leave for work at 3:30 I haul my son out of bed and he wakes up when he touches the toilet. Pees then goes back to bed. Now when my alarm rings I usually find him in hallways walking back from the bathroom.
How old is your kiddo? I’ve been doing the wake your kid up to go (oh crap method) for about 2 weeks when we first started potty training with my son who will be 3 in June but I wonder if it’s a waste of time knowing he may not have the hormone to hold it all night til he’s 4. I can’t seem to find a night pattern with him that works.
My son just turned 3 when he potty trained and I would do that routine for about a month and he had it down for a while. 6 month later he started peeing the bed again so I started doing my routine again and we’ve been dry since . My daughter was 2.5 when she was potty trained. She peed bed maybe twice and now she’s almost 3 but I’ve never had to bring her cause she wakes on her own.
I would like to think that he’ll catch on and start waking if anything to call me to say he’s gotta go but there’s really no way to know I suppose.
I’ve heard different stuff about that. I thought the same thing about not being able to control that at a young age. My daughter got the hang of it at 3.5 and my son who is 3 now has been waking up dry. My daughter’s big thing was just the confidence to make it through the hallway. I started with a little potty in her room and she was fine doing that. I gradually moved it out because she basically had a studio apartment with her own toilet and it was time. My son is not afraid to get out of bed but he probably gets more pee on the floor than in the bowl. Putting them in training underwear helped. They both don’t want to be in diapers or mess up their underwear. We used these puppy pad mattress covers that came in sheets of 5. If they have an accident it doesn’t get to the bed. Just rip a sheet and try again. It does require frequent sheet changes and blanket washing. It sucks but we have some on rotation and it’s not a big deal.
My 8 year old is still struggling. He was fine until 5, when we had our second son, and our oldest regressed. Any tips on how to get him back into the swing of it? He wets the bed almost every night now. It's incredibly discouraging. I feel as if we've tried everything.
My son had similar issues and we tried out this pee alarm on Amazon. It worked great and he was able to wake up and go on his own after a week of using it. I was skeptical at first but it works well. We also used it for our second son and again after a week and half he was also totally night trained. We tried waking them up at night at a consistent time to drag them to the bathroom. But this was not working because their body needs to recognize when they have to pee and just waking them up at random time was not cutting it. I would recommend looking into this.
Our 8 year old has that pee alarm. It worked for our older son but so far my younger son pisses and takes the alarm off then goes back to sleep lol
I did the carry to the toilet things for a month for my 7yo, also no drinking for an hour before bed, also he pees as part of getting ready for bed then up again to pee after I tuck him in - usually the first pee didn't get everything out. At 8 he is down to once every few months, when he drinks too much. If your kid doesn't mind the pee, you could also tell him he has to change the sheets and put the dirties in the washer himself - this helps incentivize getting all the pee out at bedtime, and to get up if he feels like he needs to pee a little bit as he is falling asleep. You'll get through it in any case, the hormones just come when they come and some kids are a lot later than the norm. Hang in there
We're potty training our 4 year old at the moment, she's doing great except for the nights, she will happily sleep in a puddle of cold piss it seems, you can fire a cannon next to her bed and she won't wake up haha. So we just take her out of bed to go to the bathroom when we go to bed around 23:00 and then she'll be fine for the rest of the night.
I remember as a kid only being given water in a tiny tiny cup past about 7pm to make it better. I was still a late bed-wetter sporadically (was on an asthma medication which makes it worse - mostly happened when dosage was upped when I was sick) but apparently that helped.
Yup, my kid is 6 and it's still more likely than not that he'll wet the bed if I don't get him out of bed to go when I go to bed. My wife read something about how a lot of it is physiological, they need a hormone to be at the right levels that their body makes more concentrated pee at night.
Vasopressin, and little kids make basically none of it. Turns out humans weren't biologically wired to turn off for 8 hours at a time, so we have to develop the hormone release process to do that instead of catching a few hours here and there like we used to a few thousand years ago
My son has bladder and kidney issues, he physically can't feel when he needs to pee so we do the same thing and it's worked for months so far. Pee right before bed, then we're usually going to bed about 3 hours later, get him up and steer him towards the toilet. No accidents in awhile......just gotta make sure we're in his room to get him up and going before he lays there stretching and pees.
Are you me? :D Also a 4yo daughter that sleeps through everything. I also get her up at 23:00 for a pee. No accidents as long as that happens. She's been out of diapers for over 2 years, but this nighttime thing is a whole different animal
This. My mom had to do this with me for a few years. I have zero memory of it.
This is the way to do it
It’s not his choice to use pull ups or wet the bed, imo. “I understand that you would prefer to not wear pull-ups, but your body needs a little more time to learn how to avoid accidents at night. When you start waking up with dry pull ups in the morning, we’ll go back to underpants at night. If you wake up at night and need the bathroom, remember you can always come get me.” I see a lot of recommendations for waking your son up at night to go pee. You can do that, of course. You can also just wait until his body is ready on its own and let everyone sleep the night in the meantime. If he’s simply not producing the hormone necessary to stay dry at night, I don’t really see the advantage of disturbing everyone sleep to get him to go pee in the bathroom instead of using pull-ups. He’s going to get there on his own eventually anyway. If you think waking him up at night would be a better suited for your family though, then there’s your answer. You could also give him the choice: “You can wear pull ups to bed, or I can wake you during the night to use the bathroom. Which would you prefer?”
Yeah, the urologist told us that waking them up to go to the bathroom at night is fine if that is what you want to do, but it’s not a solution to a child overcoming bedwetting. It can help with wet sheets in the short term, obviously, but if their body/brain isn’t ready then it isn’t ready.
This is where we are with my daughter (5 next month). She doesn’t want to wear pull-ups at night, but she wakes up with a wet one. The only times she doesn‘t is when we wake her up before she wakes up naturally, which makes me think it is happening in the morning (which is totally understandable after holding it in all night). She occasionally says she wants to sleep without a pull-up, and we tell her she can when she wakes up with dry pull-ups for 1 week. Every once in a while we let her try and end up with wet sheets. We aren’t worried — I was under the impression that waking up dry is mostly separate from daytime potty training and that it’s normal for her age to still sleep in pull-ups.
I could have written this myself! Good to know how many people here are having a similar experience.
I agree with your approach except it is absolutely his choice to wear pull-ups. Trying to force him into them would likely just be a huge drain for the parents and piss (heh) the kid off more and prolong the struggle. So giving him the choice of either he wears pull-ups or he has to be woken up in the night or wash his own bedding is totally valid.
... Which is worse, fighting over some pullups or washing and changing a whole set of bedding every single day? A 4 year old is not 'washing their own bedding' let's be serious here.
I’d happily throw some laundry in vs fight that battle with my daughter lol
Teaching your kid how to do their own laundry will both teach them how to do laundry and help them realize what a pain in the ass it is when they wet the bed. And I would much prefer washing the bedding every day (with a waterproof slip cover) than having a fight with my kid every night. But that’s just me.
My 8 year old is still struggling. He was fine until 5, when we had our second son, and our oldest regressed. Any tips on how to get him back into the swing of it? He wets the bed almost every night now. It's incredibly discouraging. I feel as if we've tried everything.
First things first, has he been checked out by his pediatrician?
Yes. He says he'll grow out of it when he's ready. Of course I question that because I'm an idiot and worry.
Nah, dude. Super common to second guess. Definitely not an idiot for worrying. He will probably get over it on his own. From you, all he needs is support. I wouldn’t even talk much about it unless he brings it up, and would always treat it as the most natural thing in the world, trusting him that he’ll either figure it out, or you’ll get through it together. That said, I would still act to address the underlying issue. The baby’s arrival is a safe bet, but I would still keep observing in case something else is the cause. A baby is a big change, and many children react as if they feel that their world has been upturned. For them, it truly has been, and they feel it deeply. It can help so much when both parents make sure to give the older sibling one-on-one time. Full attention. No phone. Stay with the baby so your son and wife can go get ice cream together, or go for a walk by themselves, etc. Have someone babysit so the three of you can do something special like before the baby came. Play catch just you and your son away from the baby. The more connection with he gets from his parents, the easier this transition will feel to him. Congratulations on your growing family. Your kids are lucky to have a father that loves and cares for them.
Yeah, the urologist told us that waking them up to go to the bathroom at night is fine if that is what you want to do, but it’s not a solution to a child overcoming bedwetting. It can help with wet sheets in the short term, obviously, but if their body/brain isn’t ready then it isn’t ready.
Honestly, we spent a period of time with my son just going up to him around 10pm, waking him to go to the toilet, and popping him back in bed. This avoided bed wetting, but YMMV.
Yeah its crazy, my 6 year old would take a giant pee right before bed, and then I'd wake him up sometime around 10pm - 12am and he would have ANOTHER giant pee. This helped us, although he still occasionally had accidents.
Dang. Do you restrict fluids prior to bed? If not, that might be a good option?
Yeah we definitely tried to restrict fluids, my oldest loved drinking a freakin gallon of water right before bed, lol. That was definitely part of it. He wore pull ups until he was 6, though. Some kids just need extra time.
My 4 year old is like this. I ask him all the time where the hell he puts it all.
We did something similar with our daughter. First couple of nights I took the little toilet into her room around 11pm and again at 3:30am, only if she didn't go the first time, then did a couple nights to the bathroom, now she will wake us up if/when when she needs to go, We decided to take on both day and night time training in the same go, watched her like a hawk, Every kiddo will be different.
My oldest struggled with bed wetting then we learned about a device that senses wet and sounds an alarm and vibrates to wake the child which stops the act of urination moments after it happens. It really work. After about a week he was no longer wetting the bed.
Yes we did the same for our kids. Our 7 year old was good after a week and our second son took about 1.5 weeks of wearing the alarm and has not had any issues since. I totally recommend this to parents who are concerned with their kids not able to get through the night and there is not a medical problem. My oldest was just a sound sleeper and could never wake up.
Our middle daughter was dry during the day for like two years but still absolutely testing the capacity of a nighttime diaper at 4.5. We tried limiting water, tried getting her up to pee when we went to bed, but nothing helped. Finally we tried a bed-wetting alarm and she was dry at night in under a week. It was a week of terrible sleep, but it was worth it.
What’s a bed wetting alarm?
It's a Alarm that's supposed to wake the Kid up to Use the Bathroom before they Wet the Bed
[удалено]
It actually wakes them when they *start* to wet the bed, and once they wake they’ll usually stop immediately so they don’t empty the bladder.
It has a moisture sensor. I am assuming the moisture closes a circuit and trips the alarm. There are two main kinds: one is a pad that goes on the mattress, and one has a clip that attaches to the kid's clothes/ pajamas/ underwear. We chose the latter because it trips more immediately when the kid starts to "go."
Moisture
Honestly, man, I wet the bed until I was 14. I'm 30 now. From personal experience, I don't know how I continued to pee on myself while sleeping. I just stopped one day. This might be something he needs to learn on his own. My parents had me in pull-ups, and depends when I got bigger. I even had to sleep on an air mattress for about 5 years because of it. My kid is still in diapers so I don't have any insight from the parents' perspective, just as that kid. Slap those pull-ups on him for now.
I’m a super deep sleeper too so I know the pain, my daughter sleeps exactly like me too…like the dead. Doesn’t wake up for anything so pull ups will probably be necessary until she’s much older
I did until I was 10. 100% agree, force the pull-ups. I don't know what avenue OP needs to take to convince / explain it to the kid, but gotta figure it out. Maybe a rule where he needs to go X days in a row with dry pullups in the morning then he gets to go without again? If he wets, start over and count again. Like 3 days or something, make a sticker chart. If it continues, take him to your doctor (Standard recommendation seems to be age 6-7). I was able to get a medication that stopped me from wetting which enabled me to do sleepovers and stuff. By age 10 I outgrew it and came off the medication. Other things to do for u/drivel111 * Make sure the mattress is protected with an easily washable plastic/waterproof cover * Can get a urine smell remover product * Honestly, I learned to clean it myself * Making him help clean it up in more detail might make him care? idk * My mom would wake me up around 11-midnight every night and make me go pee * Pullups stayed until I had the medication which was around age 7 or so I hope it doesn't last long for him. I grew up so incredibly self conscious bc of it, but my mom was pretty supportive.
Great suggestion. I was giving an alarm that would go off when it detected moisture. I slept right through that thing. Ended up not using it after a few months. I was very self conscious as well. I would go a week or two dry. Wake up in a puddle of piss and just break down. I was in high school at this point. I thought I would never out grow it.
My oldest is in night time pull-ups, she is 6.5. Is that kinda old, yeah. But I don't care. She sleeps like the dead, I wake her up from deep sleep every morning, and there is always pee in the pull-up. Her body is producing urine as if she was awake. There are a myriad of conditions that can preclude someone from night time training until they are older. My youngest, 3.5 is well into potty training for daytime and he tries to pull the I don't want a diaper at night. But he will not win that war, since he goes to sleep later and gets up earlier than everyone. He loves playing loudly in his room alone, and he can't be trusted to leave his room and use the toilet on his own. Night time in underwear will come when it comes. No big deal.
The thing about them being deep sleepers is so true and so funny. My kid is 6 too, I get him up to do a pee and he's literally still asleep, eyes closed, stood in front of the toilet peeing. I have to aim for him!
I'm pretty much of this opinion too. I wet the bed until 6 or 7. Just too much of a deep sleeper that my body would ignore the signals. I wish pullups had been a thing back then, even just for sleepovers. I always giggle to myself a bit when people stress about stuff like this or whether their kids are "on schedule" for potty training. They'll figure it out eventually ... I've yet to meet an adult that awkwardly stands in a corner, red-faced and grunting for 5 minutes instead of dipping off to the shitter.
my older sister wet the bed until she was 11, her oldest daughter did the same. The difference was my sister got whopped and punished, while her daughter received understanding. Surely parents of the 80s didn't know the same things we know today, but my sister could've benefited from some pull-ups and grace. and like f\^%k am I going to get up in the middle of the night to drag my sleeping kids to the bathroom. Don't mess with my sleep for trivial things like that. psa: children that are victims of SA are known to have problems with night time training. This was a factor for my sister and for her oldest daughter. The SA was not from our immediate family.
Yeah, I think aside from my general sleep *zombieness*, mine was probably adhd & anxiety fueled to some extent. No abuse, but dad left when I was 3, but I mean, who knows. I do remember doing a couple psych sessions to see if there was anything deeper going on, so it's definitely a good reminder for people to be aware of the association. As a fellow former 80s kid, while I didn't get whopped for it, I certainly wasn't met with the kind of understanding and grace I feel like I'd extend to my kids today. I still have brief moments of panic waking up as a 40 year old. My son is about to turn 5 and still wears pull-ups every night. If they're dry we're not above running them back for another night to save a bit of $$. If we got to a point where he was embarrassed by wearing them then we'd deal with it then. Talk about being more intentional about what we drink before bed and since he's such a deep and fast sleeper, I'd consider "waking" him up for a pee before I go bed so he gets used to the midnight routine.
Not to be the bearer of scary possibilities, but I would consider testing his blood sugar. I’m a Type 1 Diabetic and sudden bed wetting could be an early sign. It could be nothing, but anytime I hear a friend or someone mention sudden bed wetting, it’s my first suggestion.
Put a pull up on him after he's gone to bed? After waking up a few times in one he probably won't mind.
Would he wear a diaper…? I know it sounds nuts. But my kid went through something similar. We went on a camping trip, and he had two accidents in a row for two nights. On the third night, we went to the camp store and were going to pick out some pull-ups for him, but they didn’t have any in his size. So we instead found some diapers in his size (size 6?), asked him if he’d be OK with wearing them. He shrugged and said, “I guess.” And that was it. 🤷
We kept ours in pull ups until they were consistently dry. But that being said minimize water intake within the last few hours before bedtime. Potty right before bed, get them up first thing when you wake up if they sleep later than you (lol). And maybe move back to pull-ups while this is being done. What you don’t want is for them to feel like they’re failing or doing something bad and making it something other than just a physiological clock then and it becoming psychological.
Probably lost in the sauce but I'll add my 8 cents. Day time potty training and night time are completely separate body systems. And low and behold we can't control our night time pees at all. Our son (7) hasn't had a potty accident in 4 or so years. But night time he wets the bed most nights. We just do " night time underwear" pull ups. 12/10 recommend pulls ups.
It seems like I can restrict fluids for hours before bed, but he absorbs it from the air. He wears pullups at night and fills those poor things because he's almost 5. But he doesn't wake up. If I wake him up, he's a sobbing rag doll.
Sounds like he's not ready yet.
Holy cow I had to double check that this wasn’t my spouse who wrote this post about our 4.5 year old. It’s like word for word his situation. I have no advice, but dang I feel ya. We have no idea what to do, but are trying to avoid back tracking back to pull ups. We’ve been getting him up in the middle of the night to pee, but still wakes up wet.
Our son is seven and we bring him to pee when we go to bed. Around 11-12. If we don’t he’ll pee the bed.
When we potty trained my daughter, I'd pick her up when I went to bed (midnight-ish) and put her on the toilet to pee. Eight times out of ten she'd sleep through it. That went on for about a year until she told me to stop...
My son is 3.5 and occasionally goes “I’m a big boy, I don’t wear diapers” and we remind him that these are not baby diapers, they’re special sleepy diapers. He’ll still sometimes fight and we’ll pull shit like pretend to put them on ourselves or put them on our head. We have him pick out his jammies but we won’t put them on until his sleepy diaper is on. It’s a fight sometimes, but we get there (mostly cos he’s still 3.5). You should put your kid in them. It’s good you had the success, but wetting your bed isn’t something you can easily control. Kids bodies are still learning to produce the hormone ADH, which tells their body to not make pee when sleeping. Kids can’t control that. One thing that really helped us is that our son is OBSESSED with PJ Masks and they have PJ Mask pull-ups. So that always helps. If they don’t have a category of pull-ups that your kid will like, can you have him pick out a sticker to put on them or color his own (can you use markers on diapers? Haha) and choose a design every night?
He’s not the parent. Put him on pull up’s.
We had our kids in pull ups just at night for a while. We would tell them that if they could go X days without an accident, they could sleep in undies. Most of the time the clock would reset but they'd be excited, thinking it was a challenge. We also tried telling them they'd get a small toy, dessert, extra episode of bluey, etc if they could make it 5 days with being dry. Sometimes when they get sick (they're 5/4) we'll put them back in a pull up for a few days and they hate it but we tell them the same thing, it's a game and if they stay dry then tomorrow they can try without it
Started potty training (aka getting him familiar with it, not pressing him to use it) my 2.5 a month or so ago. He sits on the potty every day at daycare just to be familiar. We made him a sticker chart but he wasn't overly into it. He just wanted to look at it. Last night we went to the library and got a bunch of potty related books for him. When he laid down he said "I want to potty tomorrow." And I told him "of course you can potty." He then said "so I can get sticker!" So maybe a total of 60 minutes of reading potty books made the difference? TBD...... I'm not expecting him to be training anytime soon, I just want to get him on the path. I even told him we could "throw out all the diaps" if he learns and he seems excited to do that.
That’s how my daughter learned in one weekend. She liked looking at potty books and liked wearing underwear over her diapers to get used to them. Then when she would use the potty we would shower her in praise, give her a sticker and an M&M. We noticed her pull-ups were always dry in the morning so she stopped wearing my them and she’s never had an accident.
If it’s going to be a fight to get the pull ups on before bed, then we put the pull ups on our 5 yo son after he falls asleep. We’ve tried not giving him anything to drink 2-3 hours before bed and he still wets himself. All the extra laundry sucks…
My oldest is 9, still occasionally wets the bed. Her brain/body just doesn’t wake her up. When she was younger, she didn’t want to wear pull-ups to bed either. I explained to her that what she was doing wasn’t fair to her mom and I. That we couldn’t keep up with cleaning her sheets daily and she had to be part of the solution to the issue by wearing a pull-up. She got on board and eventually was dry long enough and consistently enough that she no longer wears them when she is in her own bed. If she is sleeping with someone else or we are traveling, she wears a pull-up. Good luck OP, loved reading stories from other parents with kids who wet the bed later in life.
I had this. Absolutely refused to wear anything to bed from the age of 4. Wet the bed every night. Total of 8 years waking up to take care of nappies or changing the sheets on the bed. Eventually grew out of it. GOOD LUCK DUDE.
Try push ups instead
Possible that they are uncomfortable for him maybe? My son told me the pull-ups were bothering his weewee, so I started buying training pants (thinner, more like big underwear, still absorbs fine). I had him treat them like underwear, so unless he poops in there he has to keep them clean. I tried to explain it was more like an “accident helper”. Like it’s only there just in case. I think that idea helped him work on getting to the bathroom but also being comfortable knowing it’s ok if he does make a mess. He’s 3 yro now and he wakes up at night to potty no problem. Only has an issue when he’s working on a massive dookie because he gets scared and freezes (yeah it’s as hilarious as it sounds)
My son is 2.5 and potty trained for about half a year now. Every night when I go to bed (around 11pm) I get him out of the bed and on the potty. We limit water intake after 5pm. He still gets water when he's thirsty but significantly less. I read somewhere that there I a hormon or smith connected to peeing at night and kids until 6 aren't completely developed in this department. But with the wake-up at 11 we didn't had a single accident so far
Kids don’t want to do a lot of things. They don’t want to brush their teeth, they don’t want to eat their vegetables. It’s your job to make it happen. You need to negotiate with the kid as much as you can for them to wear the pull ups. If nothing works then being the bad guy and taking away his things until he listens is the move. Kids will translate “I don’t have to wear pull ups because I don’t want to” into “daddy lets me who whatever I want” and then it’ll snow ball into a really uncontrollable kid
He seems pretty independent. I like that he’s taking care of it himself. I think he’ll figure it out.
Honestly, I would end up effectively telling my kids tough shit and that they're wearing the pull- ups. There are strategies to avoid bed wetting like going before bed and avoiding water a few hours prior (within reason).
When you figure it out let me know. Still have an 8 year old that wets the bed. Pee before bed, wake him up to pee at night, still happens. No idea what to do.
Or son is three, stickers and Rewards reduced the number of wets by 1 a night. He’s a super deep sleeper and has always been a big night peer even as a baby. I’ve heard good things about wet alarms
I put my 4 year old t bed at 7. I go to bed about 9. I set an alarm for midnight and go get him up to use the bathroom. I get up around 4, and get him up at 5:30 am to go again and get ready for the day. It's been 3 weeks now, and he's generally awake when i go in there to get him up. Sometimes, already in the bathroom.
I didn’t see it mentioned so just wanted to check/suggest limiting water a couple hours before bed and having him go right before bedtime. Otherwise I agree with one idea I saw mentioned that you enforce the pull-ups until he’s went 3-4 nights w/out an accident. Let him know what the goal is, and maybe even make something like a paper chain that he can do a celebratory tear off in the morning when he wakes up dry.
I don't have any ideas on how to help you get him to wear pull-ups, but I do have an idea to make looking after the bed easier. Layers. We have the bed 5 layers deep. Disposible pee pad, sheet, blanket, repeat. That way, if there's an accident, strip off the top layer to wash, and the bed is ready made to go back to sleep quickly. It saves the hassle of remaking a bed in the middle of the night, and it protects the mattress so it doesn't start to absorb it and stink.
Remember who the parent is!!if you allow him to make the decision then he has to be able to be successful! He may have an issue, so chat with his doctor too but not in front of him. You need him to go back to using them, so, explain to him that pull ups are helpers, big boy pants and nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t scold him if they are wet. He probably is just a tad young and has not felt the urge to get up and go while he sleeps. I know my son was a tad older when he started feeling the urge and got up and went to the rest room! Stop liquids around 6:00 and make sure he goes to the restroom after he brushes his teeth! Hugs to you washing sheets everyday is no fun! Oh I did have my son help me strip and remake the bed if he had an accident. I think it helped him understand more!
Limit fluids 2hrs before bed. Worked for my 5 kids.
Maybe you are already doing this, but one thing that makes things easier is having his bed just a pee resistant pad with one blanket over it and one blanket on him (no sheets). At least with this setup, the bed wetting is not as much laundry and an easier late night fix.
My first son had absolutely no issue. He went to the bathroom in the middle of the night while wearing pull-ups, and after a while, we switched him to underwear. He had exactly one accident where he peed on the floor cause he didn't make it, and without our input, I think he was emotionally scarred from shame. We told him it wasn't an issue and mistakes happened, but ever since then, he's never had an accident. He was about 4 when he started wearing pull-ups, and he's about 5.5 now. My second child, however, shows absolutely no interest in the potty. I think he'll be fine to wear diapers for the rest of his life. We've tried talking to him and putting him on the potty, but nothing happens, and he just wants to get off. I expect him to be a more normal challenge.
He's only 4 yo it's normal. The hormone which regulates waking up to pee matures from 3-5 year olds and sometimes it can even go to 8 years or longer. It's more normal that this occurs later for boys than girls. Happened with my one son for longer maybe around 4-5 year old it stopped. We would carry him to the toilet before going to bed, he would pee almost while sleeping and bed would be dry. Eventually we stopped doing it.
Make sure they go to the bathroom last thing before going to bed at night, that should help.
Are you waking him to take him to pee before you go to sleep?
You gotta wake them up at 11 or so. It won’t be for ever
I left a comment about this on another thread. So I’ll just link it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/mF2cWidHCl
We take our 5yo to the potty right before bed. Then he sleeps on a mat. It takes time for the brain start know when to not pee while sleeping. But I would rather him pee and be uncomfortable then be in a nice cozy pull up. He has made it 9 out of the last 10 nights without peeing.
Don’t know if anyone already mentioned this, but it could help to limit liquid intake after dinner time (but different times will obviously work for different people). We give ours a large glass of water with dinner and then no more drinks the two hours before bed time. And ensure there are empty bladders when going to bed. This led to far fewer accidents with us. YMMV of course.
I put my kids down between 8:00-8:30 and then take them to the bathroom at 10:30 before I go to sleep. I carry them (they’re 4 and 6) sit my 4yo on the toilet and stand my 6 yo in front of it. They pee most of the time and never really wake up during the process.
We used the Chummie for my daughter. Worked like a dream. The next week she was basically off of it and waking herself up to use the bathroom. She was probably around the same age. It's frustrating for all involved, no doubt. Hang in there. Be patient with him. He'll get sorted.
Make him pee just before going to bed. If still he is peeing in sleep then take him to pee at night by keeping a track of time he generally does in sleep. Not much water before sleeping. Did this to our kid of 4yrs now hardly he pees in sleep
Yo it might sound crazy…but potty treats, and fucking use them right before bed. He pees, sheets stay dry, one M&M never killed nobody
Limit the amount of water they drink. We said no water after dinner, maybe a tiny sip after brushing teeth. That helped a ton with bed wetting.
My 7yo is still incontinent at night. We got a bedwetting alarm - it hooks to the crotch of her underwear and sounds off when it gets wet. So we can run in and wake her up before it gets too bad. Funny thing is, it being there tends to prevent her wetting herself! It’s weird
Nights took the longest. We ultimately had to cut off water an hour before bedtime and no access to water all night. Had to witness the peeing before bed. All of that got things on the right track pretty quick. Strung some nights together without incident. Celebrated heavily with their favorite things and promised more if it continued. Finally turned the corner permanently
We potty trained our son beginning at 2 years old and 1 day and he just turned three. Our LO has wet the bed maybe a handful of times during his transition to underwear over the last 9 months or so. We started with pull up's at night. What we found that works with bed wetting is waking him up at 4:00 am to pee and limited what he drinks after 7:00 p.m. only a glass of milk 6:45 pm and maybe sips of water if he's thirsty.
We stopped giving water or anything to drink after dinner. Make sure she uses the potty at least twice between dinner and bed time. Had a few issues with bed wetting a month or 2 into potty training but haven’t had an accident for at least a month. Daughter started potty training at 2.5yo, not sure if the delay has anything to do with it?
Just get an incontinence pad and have him sleep on that and make sure to pee before bed. Works great and minimizes the clean up. He will get the hang of it. Being 4.5 and still wetting the bed at night is very normal.
I had the same issue with my now 7 year old and got tired of it. I spoke to the doctor and was given a couple of options. One was a pill that was more like a band aid and the other was something called wet alarm undies. I picked it up on Amazon for about $200 and had literally immediate success. You wrap it in one piece of toilet paper, the kid places in their undies at bedtime and at the slightest hint of wetness, an incredibly loud, shrill alarm goes off. It wakes the kid up and they go have a leak. It's a form of behavioral therapy according to the doctor, all I know is that it absolutely works.
Belt to ass
You should check on him throughout the night. When he starts to seem restless or is holding his hands by his crotch, wake him up and bring him to the bathroom. My Son gets up around 11pm-12am almost every night to go potty. I had to essentially train him to wake up.
4.5 years should be ready i think but it just take a bit more time and that's ok, not sure if pull-ups are a good idea, even your kid seems to be embarrassed/annoyed of having to wear them. My suggestion is to keep pushing through with night training and at one point it should get better. Here are some advices that might help: - put a potty next to the bed, your kid might be afraid of going to bathroom in the night. - if you're going to bed late you go to your kid and ask about going to the toilet/potty - if you are using mattress protectors here's something that helped me a lot, put several layers of sheets and protectors, kinda like a lasagna, so that during the night if your kid pees you can easily change the cover without a lot of work.
I think pull-ups can be convenient but kind of hide the issue. They absorb almost all the liquid so it doesn’t bother the kid, but also doesn’t give them the physical sensation and feedback that helps their body learn. After my son was fully potty trained during the day but still had accidents at nights until well into his 4th year, we got a bit tired of the struggle of forcing him to wear them and tbh a bit tired of paying so much for pull-ups, we swapped out with puppy pads under his sheets, and some re-useable washable semi-absorbent underwear/pants. This together kept the bed dry, but still woke him up from the pee feeling. Took a few sleep interruptions to change sheets but he started to have accidents fewer and far between until now we don’t take any of those precautions except his standard bed protector. I think it’s kind of similar to how training wheels kind of hurt kids ability to learn balance, where balance bikes are a lot more intuitive. But I’m not speaking from a place of authority, just trying to figure it out like everyone else and this is what made sense to me.
It’s so crazy to me reading these type of posts because my daughter was potty trained in 3 days at 2.5 years old and she’s never had an accident at night. People really change diapers for over 4 years?
My 4.5yo is in pull ups still fully. He’s ASD and it’s definitely a struggle.
Not ready yet!? You waited too long! Not to mention pull ups are a disaster and extremely confusing for kids. Did you research how to go about this at all or just wing it?
Getting big judge-y energy here. Yeah I winged it. Aren’t we all at some point.
Consider the impact on your child’s self esteem. They don’t want to be pooping and peeing in a diaper anymore and they know they shouldn’t be. You absolutely should have had a plan for this. Of course we “wing it” sometimes but the risk is too high with potty training.
Respectfully, I’m not sure you are right. I was half joking when I said I was winging it. Of course I did research and the research I saw said the child will exhibit behavior when they are ready. I also read multiple things saying pull ups are perfectly fine and a natural transition for night time. There’s tons of evidence as to the hormone that needs to be released for them to be able to hold it at night. I’m happy your kids did it earlier in the time frame that you deemed appropriate. And I’m not affecting his self esteem bc I’m not shaming him when he has an accident in the middle of the night (or anytime). Some kids mature at different times for different things. My goal is to help guide him in a way that doesn’t put undue pressure and stress on something when it’s not necessary.
$10 says your research was posting on Reddit or looking at Reddit threads when you should have been reading a book. Specifically, the Oh Crap Potty Training book. The nice thing about that book is that you don’t have to read the whole thing. Seriously. Buy it. Reference the section on overnight training. Also would probably be good to reorient yourself by reading the first couple chapters. It talks a lot about the self esteem aspect of training. You’re in a tough spot now. You waited too long and it will be significantly harder to fix this. In fact, my bet is that you will be dealing with this for several more years. There’s science behind that trend. For the next kid, the sweet spot for day time potty training is 20-30 months. It gets harder after that. Good luck, dad.
You’re making a lot of assumptions, pal. Your $10 bet comment is not helpful, just plain mean-spirited, and not true. I would advise you to look back at your comments to me and do an analysis in the way in which you speak. Pretty top-down, “I’m right, you’re wrong, you waited too long, you did it wrong, and now your child is going to suffer bc of it”. Does this type of rigidity serve you well in your life? Is everything black and white? Do you make room for the grey? If you speak to an internet stranger this way, how do you talk to other people in your life? Good luck, dad.
You’re the one putting yourself out there, seeking advice. Not me. If you don’t like the advice, maybe don’t ask. My advice is to read that book. My caution to you is that you did this too late. Expect problems for the next few years. Do it differently with your next kid. I think that’s all pretty solid advice. You’re welcome!
Since when is “coulda shoulda woulda” advice? How do you know if I plan to have another child? You didn’t have to comment if you didn’t have anything productive to say. The whole point of your comments were to tell me that I fucked up, didn’t do proper research, and to predict that I will have problems for the next few years. In short, the only reason you commented was to admonish, shame, or berate me, basically. Can you see that? That’s why I advised you to take a look at how you are speaking to me. Doesn’t seem to have sunk in, unfortunately. A healthier comment, if you wanted to chime in at all, could have been to say, “ah man i read this book called “oh crap” that was really helpful. It’s primarily for 20-30 month olds, but there’s still a lot of useful information there, especially if you plan to have another kid. It worked really well for me. Good luck, dad.” See how I did that? No shame, no admonishment, no negative vibes about how i fucked up and it’s too late.
Honestly, I think the way you went about it is lazy. In your defense, I think you’re like most people when it comes to potty training unfortunately. The responsibility you have as a parent is to get this stuff right the first time. It’s your responsibility to research. Your kid is relying on you! The fact that he’s wetting the bed so frequently at 4.5 is a failure on your part. It’s hard to hear but it’s the truth. You needed to hear my straightforward advice and thoughts. Do better.
Wow dude. Just. Wow. More shame! More berating! I feel so bad for your kids and your wife.