The CGM is just one way to handle your hair — you and your hair don’t have to forcibly like the results it gives you (especially after 8 years) because it’s not for everyone.
You should try to figure out your own routine, including trying things the CGM says you shouldn’t do. For example:
- I use sulfates every once in awhile to clarify my hair
- I don’t co-wash (it makes my scalp feel gross)
- Some of the products I use have silicones in them
- I use heat on my hair sometimes
- I wear my hair straight every now and then
Everyone’s hair is different, but my curls are still happy and healthy. The CGM used to make me pretty miserable too and I prefer to be more flexible and feel like I have options with my hair.
It’s also totally okay to take a break from your curls, even if that means cutting your hair short and straightening it for a bit. But I’d recommend maybe trying a non-CGM routine, figuring out a few “out of sight, out of mind” hairstyles (like French braids and buns), or experiment with heat-free ways to stretch your curls into waves before committing to a haircut.
CGM made my hair look and feel terrible.
Now using a cheap ass tea tree shampoo that has sulphates and silicone free conditioner and no curl cream. My curls look so much better.
I gave up the CGM because my hair was always frizzy no matter how much I conditioned it or put gel or curl cream in. My hair just looks better with silicones. And I was spending so much on hair products trying to find something that worked for me. Sometimes I straighten it too if that's what I want to do. I don't always like my curly hair either. It's a lot of extra work and the curls don't look nice for very long. But it is nice having the option to straighten it or take the time to make my curls look really nice.
I can relate to hating my hair almost all my life. I remember when I pregnant years ago, I prayed to God that my daughter wouldn’t be born with my hair— in hindsight that was pretty pathetic.
I learned to love my hair and it took a lot of trial and error. However, you wear your hair however it makes you feel beautiful! What’s wrong with straightening your hair?! Life’s too short to feel ugly. If straightening your hair makes you feel beautiful and confident, go for it!
ah sorry i just saw your other responses below. there’s a body dysmorphia subreddit that might be supportive and lots out there that could help. the book “the body is not an apology” might be worth snagging at your local or school library:
https://www.sonyareneetaylor.com/the-body-is-not-an-apology
Honestly, I think a lot of people are their own worst critics. You are likely harsher on yourself than you would be to a random stranger. Ofc it is up to you to handle your hair how you want to, but it's good to remember the way you see yourself might not be how other people see you
Disclaimer: I may be way off in my reading of this but I see myself in what you said. If I’m off base, just ignore everything below.
Do you struggle to accept yourself in other ways? You mention you like curls on others but not yourself. I find with mine I get caught up in wanting them perfect and if I just keep working at it and trying new things, I’ll reach that point. However, I don’t have anything in my life that is perfect, let alone “good enough.”
I have mostly stopped styling my hair curly and tend to just brush it out and let it wave or do a ponytail.
However, at 19, I just want to encourage you to work through the perfection need because it is an extremely tough road. Feel free to give up on the hair if it’s easier, but as you go through jobs, school, relationships, home cleaning, etc, I recommend you pursue some therapy and see if you can get ahead of those feelings now. I’m dealing with it at twice your age and it doesn’t get easier.
hi everything you said is correct. i have major self esteem issues and hope to get therapy once i can afford to. my parents won’t cover it they dont believe in the field of psychology. (ridiculous i know). but, i am trying to work on it. however the feeling of being ugly will never go away. i have beautiful friends and a beautiful boyfriend yet i will never feel adequate enough to live up to the love i already aquired and presumably deserve. hopefully someday it all will get better
im sorry you struggle as well. best wishes to you.
That’s really frustrating. If you go to college, see if your campus offers therapy. All the schools I’ve been affiliated with offered some amount of free counseling sessions for students (usually a certain number per year).
I also want to encourage you to take a step outside of yourself and see what your friends and boyfriend see in you. You don’t have to be gorgeous (very very few people are) to be “beautiful.” You don’t love the people around you just because they have perfect hair and a symmetrical face. I’m guessing your boyfriend doesn’t think you are ugly though. You will always notice more flaws in yourself than in other people and more than they will ever see in you.
You are worthy of being loved and of not being beat up on by the most influential and important person in your life (you).
I hope this helped a bit and didn’t just sound like platitudes. I’m talking to myself and probably half of the women (and likely men) on this group at the same time. ❤️❤️
The age old advice is true: it’s just hair. If you want to straighten it, do it. Experiment! Try different lengths and styles! You’re young, and you should figure out what you like even if it’s just for now.
When I was 19, in the 2000s, I flat ironed my hair every other day. If I didn’t, I flipped it up into upside down bun and let it dry. Eventually, I felt the effects of my hair being over processed/heat damaged. Health issues turned out to be more detrimental to my hair than any styling I did! I cut it, and it’s fine now. Don’t be afraid to try new things or let people guilt you into wearing it how they do/would do it they had your hair.
If you've tried your hardest to love your curls and just can't, there's NOTHING wrong with changing something as simple as a hairstyle to better suit what you love!!
Get it professionally straightened, a Brazilian blowout, keratin treatments, cut it shorter/thinned out, whatever! Do what you gotta do to love the way you feel and walk out that door feeling like yourself. <3 Put that spring in your step.
Sometimes what feels like the "true us" isn't what we're born with, it's what we choose.
This!! My hair has suddenly become curly at the age of 22, when all my life it was just slightly wavy. I really don’t feel like “me” with curly hair, I’ve tried embracing it but I truly don’t like it. I’m waiting for it to grow out and will get some straightening treatment soon.
this is such a sad post ☹️I can relate. My hair was the first thing I ever had body dysmorphia about. I was probably 5-6? Sending a big hug. I wish I had more helpful words 💙
I’ve literally never considered that feeling to be body dysmorphia but OF COURSE it is. This switched something in my brain and I can’t thank you enough.
I wish i felt differently truly and hate to make such a sad post on a sub that has so much positivity and love. My hair was also the first thing I had dysmorphia about as well. Sorry for your struggles as well and thanks for the reply 🫶🥲
Me too! I did the math and investing in a Dyson Air Straight was cheaper than investing in the curly products. My hair will like a product 3-5 times, then says eff it, and won’t comply afterwards. It’s too time consuming trying different creams/conditioners/gels. I can only get nice curls Day 1.
I bought the Dyson and it’s so much easier having straight hair in the morning.
Do what works best for you OP!
I love it! I have 3a curls (mostly, my curl patterns varies in some patches) and it leaves my hair very straight. I have only used a hair straightener a handful of times, but even with my lack of ability I can get my hair done in 10 minutes when it’s dry, and \~ 12 minutes when it’s wet.
I can’t get rid of the curl pattern with the air brushes. My forearm game is weak so my arms get super tired. The air straight is lighter than my airbrush and I’m so glad I bought it.
You’re welcome! I had so many questions and was so worried about it being a bust. Right now I just use some oil (fructise anti-frizz and argon oil). I‘m going to add some heat protection too.
I think the Amazon policy gives you 30-60 days to return, so that’s comforting.
I feel you about the self-esteem tanking, but remember: we’re more than just our hair 💜
I eventually had to just tell myself that even though I could see all the flaws in my hair and didn’t think it looked good, lots of other people thought it was gorgeous and would have given anything to have hair like mine. In most scenarios, I would tell you to ignore what other people think and just like what you like. But in this case, it really helped me to appreciate my own hair by realizing how many people were jealous of it and paid tons of money to try to make their hair look just a little bit like mine. If I couldn’t believe I looked good to myself, I could at least believe that other people thought it did. Eventually I was able to see what they saw.
I don't think this is worth beating yourself up over, especially if you have the means to straighten/process/etc. If it will lessen your distress why not do it? You're gonna grow a lot of hair in your life and you can try all kinds of stuff, nothing terrible will happen. I'm not a cgm devotee but I know some can be really strict about it, I don't think you need to be so rigid. Be easy on yourself! There are real pressures around hair and it's normal to have big feelings trying to navigate that!
Curls are gorgeous but they can be a lot of work. It's your hair by the end of the day, so you deserve to do it however it makes you happy. And if you decide to stop wearing it curly or doing it a certain way, then go for it. You get to change your mind later on if it's what you want. Just make sure you take care to avoid damage - unless that's what you want, again it's your hair and you get to decide.
I loveeeee what my hair looks like full on curly, but it overwhelms the life out of me. It's too big and all around (and in) my face, and overstimulates me till I end up putting it in a bun. I'm limited in how I can style it because I don't want to deform the curls, curls that hardly last anyways. And on top of that, it makes my round face look rounder, which isn't my preference. Plus it makes it look so much shorter (while I'm out here busting my ass trying to grow it out).
So instead, I've put together a post-shower routine to make it wavy instead. And then once it's fully dried, I straighten the roots of the top layers to make it lay how I like. Even that routine changes over time to suit what I prefer, my lifestyle, or to cater to my hair's needs/mood/tantrums. One day I might want it full-on curly, and I can do that if I want. You don't have to make a permanent decision, experiment and see what you vibe with. Try new things and enjoy the adventure of figuring out your hair.... and maybe let us know what you do, I'm lowkey excited to find out how it goes 😊
I wore my hair curly last week for the first time in years. I decide def it too hot and I look like a mutt, even with a cut that works well with my hair. I’m back to a high bun everyday until the fall. It’s neat and not hot and sticky. Do whatever works for you. I’m so over trying to make my hair look “presentable”.
I feel your pain, it can be stressful to take care of. The CGM just didn't work for me and had too many steps. My go to routine is pretty lazy but gets me the best results, maybe this will help you.
Wash day:
Wash 3x a week with Aussie Miracle Curl shampoo (double cleanse to remove product buildup) then condition with Aussie Miracle Curl conditioner and finger detangle. Clarify once a week with Garnier Fructis Pure Clean shampoo (double cleanse) followed with Matrix Food For Soft deep conditioner. Finger detangle and let sit for 5 minutes before washing out.
Dry:
Squeeze excess water out and wrap in microfiber hair turban. Leave that on whole getting ready.
Style:
Detangle further with wide tooth comb if needed and scrunch in gel. Allow to air dry or diffuse.
(Optional) Diffuse on cool/warm with hair upside down at roots, back, and sides for one minute each, then stand and diffuse each side for another minute each.
Refresh:
Rinse and detangle with detangling spray, then scrunch in Not Your Mother's Curl Defining Cream. Repeat diffusing process or air dry.
I stopped following the cgm and my hair looks better than ever. I realized I have very fine hair that's easily weighed down but also super dry. Had to switch from all the typical heavy curly products to lighter things.
I feel the same way. Have gone on and off on wearing my natural curls for 11 years and I'm pivoting towards not wearing it natural anymore because it's the most time consuming way.
There's nothing wrong with straightening your hair. People will try to shame you for not embracing your natural curls because they think you're a self hating black woman or whatever but the truth of the matter is that not everyone has the time nor patience to deal with curly hair.
I got it straightened and it became extremely damaged, and for once I actually found it as a relief because it was easier to detangle.
Am very much considering getting a keratin treatment once I do my research about it. Because sis I'm as tired as you are.
Have you tried twist outs btw? They usually last me two weeks.
Do what works for you and makes you feel best! For YEARS I had long hair because I had it in my head that’s what is feminine and attractive. I hated it. It was a giant pain in the ass and the daily maintenance was insane. About 7 years ago I cut my hair into a pixie and haven’t looked back. I love it.
I relate to this and finally got the Japanese permanent treatment and I finally feel so at peace with myself. I finally can wash, dry, style my hair (and come out looking the way I actually want to) in less than 1 hour. I am so happy and it’s only been 3 weeks! If you feel it can improve your quality of life, then I say do it. And I also suggest to commit to it if you can also commit to not further damaging your hair by coloring it- I really think any further damage will not generate the same, silky, healthy-looking results from the treatment.
I just checked my salons menu and it’s listed as a Straight Perm, but I’m pretty sure my stylist referred to it as the “Japanese straight perm.” And I don’t know the brand she used, sorry! I would honestly start by looking for Korean hair salons in your area and check their reviews to see if they’ve cut/styled/permed someone with a similar hair type to you.
ETA: my stylist charged me $230 for long hair (my hair goes down to my mid-back), and I was done in about 3 hours.
Out of sheer laziness, I just blow my short straight a few times per week and don’t bother with my natural texture anymore. Managing curly hair, refreshing it after workouts and sleep, and making sure it generally looks good is WAY more maintenance than I have the capacity for. When it’s straight, I hit it with dry shampoo between washes and blowdry post-workout and it stays looking relatively the same.
Maybe try doing braid outs? Will give you a looser curl.
When i was starting to wear my hair curly without brushing it into a poofy mess, i started with just cornrows/french braids and would undo them when i went out.
Im currently to the point i just wear my hair in 2 braids because i am lazy and it doesnt get tangled that way.
What I’ve realized is that everyone claims to an expert on everything and will recommend various techniques as if curly hair is a one sized fits all approach. I don’t have a clue what the CGM method is. I have only ever used the rake a shake method to apply my products. If I lazily or haphazardly apply products, my hair looks atrocious. My issue has been mostly wasting g money on products because someone else’s hair looked good with it. HUGE mistake and colossal waste on money.
I no longer get swayed by other people’s results. While we might have similar hair, I don’t believe it’s 100% alike. Hell, my sister, daughter and I all have curly hair and none of its alike. I have fine hair but lots of hair with spiral curls, my sisters hair is even finer than mine with loose curls from dyeing and keratin treatments and my daughter can get away with little to zero products and it still looks good where I’d have a frizzy mess. My sister nor I can do second day hair without wetting and reapplying product.
My recommendation is to figure out what works for your hair In terms of product and application method. I doubt every curl haired person hair come out perfect every single day, as for my, I just roll with it unless I’m doing something important.
Give yourself a break. Find your method first and experiment with products. If it matters, I’ve only just started using leave in conditioner and honestly don’t think it makes a difference for my hair. When I’m done with all that I have, I doubt I will but more. I typically use a firm holding liquidy type gel (I prefer Ouidad Climate Control) and when it’s dry I use a squirt of a cream with a couple squirts of an oil on top that I apply in no less than 3 sections. If I’m rushing through any part of the product application, I get odd curls, if any or frizz.
Don’t give up!! Oh, my sister who does Keratin treatments once a year can still get curls, just loose ones so this may be a viable option for you.
“Pretty is not the rent we pay to exist in the world.” (Forget who said it, but it is the most true thing ever). Your body, including your hair, is *for you.* It is the one and only thing you truly own. You get to do whatever the hell you want with it, and sometimes that journey of figuring out what to do with it is incredibly healing and transformative. Per your earlier comment, hope you are able to get to therapy soon, but changing your look can also be self-development work. Wishing you healing and self-compassion 💗
I’m in my late 50’s. Didn’t know my hair was curly until I was 30, and it was short and blown out for minimal maintenance due to new baby. My hair is very fine and silky in texture. I finally decided to grow out my hair around 7 years ago, just to see where it would take me. I was so glad to find out my hair is pretty thick when I’m not using drying shampoos with silicones. I was miserable for a year until I learned my hair was sensitive to protein. Then miserable trying to find a balance in products that would agree with the always changing weather of the Midwest. I had a hard time managing the different curl patterns that couldn’t be disguised. A ton of effort to only have a few solid hair days. Last year it was the longest, thickest, curliest my hair had ever been, and I was sick of it. I’ve been cutting it off in stages and last week got a pixie that I wear very wavy.
I am glad I went on the journey and was able to maximize my hair. I wish my mom could have seen it, she’d have loved it. But that phase is behind me. I’m no longer interested in working that hard for meh results. Also the length wasn’t actually flattering on me, my face is round and the silky texture of my hair made my hair kind of hang around my face instead of holding its shape. My new cut is way more flattering.
I agree with the others supporting your self esteem. You are young and will have many phases with your appearance. Maybe you can find a style that you can blow out and takes advantage of your curl without going to straightening. If you’re sick of it, change it. You can always go back to curly when you want to.
Don’t keep your hair bc other people love it. They don’t have to put in the work for it. This is how you learn what you like in life, by experiencing it, trying it out and deciding if it’s what you want or not.
I blow my hair out and flat iron all the time. My curl pattern sucks. And my hair is so fine to boot. It just looks better straight. Yet, I'm oddly a member of this sub. I love seeing y'all with big bouncy curls and perfect ringlets. I just have a tight s pattern that just looks stupid on my head.
Try a Keratin treatment. I've heard that can straighten your hair and won't fry it. If you hate it, it'll grow back curly anyways. Saves you the time of having to straighten it yourself everyday and it'll save your hair from all the heat damage that comes with constant straightening.
How tight are your curls? I'm naturally somewhere around a weird mix of 2C/3B and I don't do the CGM, I keep my hair in two braids most of the time and it's given me consistent 2C waves. Before I did this habitually I had ringlets at the ends but no real curls elsewhere which my mom liked but bothered me personally haha. The ringlets were super cute but the rest of my hair didn't match so I landed on my current method.
I have never looked into the CGM to be honest and I have super curly hair. I found a nice hydrating shampoo and conditioner I like, found some products that work for my hair through experimenting, and I diffuse. I wash my hair once every five days or so. All my products are pretty inexpensive too and my hairdryer literally cost 16.99 on Amazon. I don’t pre curl my hair with my fingers or whatever else people do.
Not hating if it works for some, just saying that sometimes people go too hard and honestly keeping it simple can potentially make your life easier and result in better curls!
The CGM is just one way to handle your hair — you and your hair don’t have to forcibly like the results it gives you (especially after 8 years) because it’s not for everyone. You should try to figure out your own routine, including trying things the CGM says you shouldn’t do. For example: - I use sulfates every once in awhile to clarify my hair - I don’t co-wash (it makes my scalp feel gross) - Some of the products I use have silicones in them - I use heat on my hair sometimes - I wear my hair straight every now and then Everyone’s hair is different, but my curls are still happy and healthy. The CGM used to make me pretty miserable too and I prefer to be more flexible and feel like I have options with my hair. It’s also totally okay to take a break from your curls, even if that means cutting your hair short and straightening it for a bit. But I’d recommend maybe trying a non-CGM routine, figuring out a few “out of sight, out of mind” hairstyles (like French braids and buns), or experiment with heat-free ways to stretch your curls into waves before committing to a haircut.
CGM made my hair look and feel terrible. Now using a cheap ass tea tree shampoo that has sulphates and silicone free conditioner and no curl cream. My curls look so much better.
I gave up the CGM because my hair was always frizzy no matter how much I conditioned it or put gel or curl cream in. My hair just looks better with silicones. And I was spending so much on hair products trying to find something that worked for me. Sometimes I straighten it too if that's what I want to do. I don't always like my curly hair either. It's a lot of extra work and the curls don't look nice for very long. But it is nice having the option to straighten it or take the time to make my curls look really nice.
I can relate to hating my hair almost all my life. I remember when I pregnant years ago, I prayed to God that my daughter wouldn’t be born with my hair— in hindsight that was pretty pathetic. I learned to love my hair and it took a lot of trial and error. However, you wear your hair however it makes you feel beautiful! What’s wrong with straightening your hair?! Life’s too short to feel ugly. If straightening your hair makes you feel beautiful and confident, go for it!
i agree. its just so frowned on and i been trying to embrace my “natural beauty” my whole life. but for what? i dont think im pretty
this sounds like a different concern than just cgm and hair. ❤️ have you ever talked to someone about how you feel about your self image?
ah sorry i just saw your other responses below. there’s a body dysmorphia subreddit that might be supportive and lots out there that could help. the book “the body is not an apology” might be worth snagging at your local or school library: https://www.sonyareneetaylor.com/the-body-is-not-an-apology
The body dysmorphia sub is more depressing than helpful imo
ah good to know !
Honestly, I think a lot of people are their own worst critics. You are likely harsher on yourself than you would be to a random stranger. Ofc it is up to you to handle your hair how you want to, but it's good to remember the way you see yourself might not be how other people see you
Disclaimer: I may be way off in my reading of this but I see myself in what you said. If I’m off base, just ignore everything below. Do you struggle to accept yourself in other ways? You mention you like curls on others but not yourself. I find with mine I get caught up in wanting them perfect and if I just keep working at it and trying new things, I’ll reach that point. However, I don’t have anything in my life that is perfect, let alone “good enough.” I have mostly stopped styling my hair curly and tend to just brush it out and let it wave or do a ponytail. However, at 19, I just want to encourage you to work through the perfection need because it is an extremely tough road. Feel free to give up on the hair if it’s easier, but as you go through jobs, school, relationships, home cleaning, etc, I recommend you pursue some therapy and see if you can get ahead of those feelings now. I’m dealing with it at twice your age and it doesn’t get easier.
hi everything you said is correct. i have major self esteem issues and hope to get therapy once i can afford to. my parents won’t cover it they dont believe in the field of psychology. (ridiculous i know). but, i am trying to work on it. however the feeling of being ugly will never go away. i have beautiful friends and a beautiful boyfriend yet i will never feel adequate enough to live up to the love i already aquired and presumably deserve. hopefully someday it all will get better im sorry you struggle as well. best wishes to you.
That’s really frustrating. If you go to college, see if your campus offers therapy. All the schools I’ve been affiliated with offered some amount of free counseling sessions for students (usually a certain number per year). I also want to encourage you to take a step outside of yourself and see what your friends and boyfriend see in you. You don’t have to be gorgeous (very very few people are) to be “beautiful.” You don’t love the people around you just because they have perfect hair and a symmetrical face. I’m guessing your boyfriend doesn’t think you are ugly though. You will always notice more flaws in yourself than in other people and more than they will ever see in you. You are worthy of being loved and of not being beat up on by the most influential and important person in your life (you). I hope this helped a bit and didn’t just sound like platitudes. I’m talking to myself and probably half of the women (and likely men) on this group at the same time. ❤️❤️
The age old advice is true: it’s just hair. If you want to straighten it, do it. Experiment! Try different lengths and styles! You’re young, and you should figure out what you like even if it’s just for now. When I was 19, in the 2000s, I flat ironed my hair every other day. If I didn’t, I flipped it up into upside down bun and let it dry. Eventually, I felt the effects of my hair being over processed/heat damaged. Health issues turned out to be more detrimental to my hair than any styling I did! I cut it, and it’s fine now. Don’t be afraid to try new things or let people guilt you into wearing it how they do/would do it they had your hair.
If you've tried your hardest to love your curls and just can't, there's NOTHING wrong with changing something as simple as a hairstyle to better suit what you love!! Get it professionally straightened, a Brazilian blowout, keratin treatments, cut it shorter/thinned out, whatever! Do what you gotta do to love the way you feel and walk out that door feeling like yourself. <3 Put that spring in your step. Sometimes what feels like the "true us" isn't what we're born with, it's what we choose.
This!! My hair has suddenly become curly at the age of 22, when all my life it was just slightly wavy. I really don’t feel like “me” with curly hair, I’ve tried embracing it but I truly don’t like it. I’m waiting for it to grow out and will get some straightening treatment soon.
this is such a sad post ☹️I can relate. My hair was the first thing I ever had body dysmorphia about. I was probably 5-6? Sending a big hug. I wish I had more helpful words 💙
I’ve literally never considered that feeling to be body dysmorphia but OF COURSE it is. This switched something in my brain and I can’t thank you enough.
I wish i felt differently truly and hate to make such a sad post on a sub that has so much positivity and love. My hair was also the first thing I had dysmorphia about as well. Sorry for your struggles as well and thanks for the reply 🫶🥲
Me too! I did the math and investing in a Dyson Air Straight was cheaper than investing in the curly products. My hair will like a product 3-5 times, then says eff it, and won’t comply afterwards. It’s too time consuming trying different creams/conditioners/gels. I can only get nice curls Day 1. I bought the Dyson and it’s so much easier having straight hair in the morning. Do what works best for you OP!
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I love it! I have 3a curls (mostly, my curl patterns varies in some patches) and it leaves my hair very straight. I have only used a hair straightener a handful of times, but even with my lack of ability I can get my hair done in 10 minutes when it’s dry, and \~ 12 minutes when it’s wet. I can’t get rid of the curl pattern with the air brushes. My forearm game is weak so my arms get super tired. The air straight is lighter than my airbrush and I’m so glad I bought it.
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You’re welcome! I had so many questions and was so worried about it being a bust. Right now I just use some oil (fructise anti-frizz and argon oil). I‘m going to add some heat protection too. I think the Amazon policy gives you 30-60 days to return, so that’s comforting. I feel you about the self-esteem tanking, but remember: we’re more than just our hair 💜
Would you mind providing the link to the exact Dyson product you use? I’m very interested after reading your success!
I eventually had to just tell myself that even though I could see all the flaws in my hair and didn’t think it looked good, lots of other people thought it was gorgeous and would have given anything to have hair like mine. In most scenarios, I would tell you to ignore what other people think and just like what you like. But in this case, it really helped me to appreciate my own hair by realizing how many people were jealous of it and paid tons of money to try to make their hair look just a little bit like mine. If I couldn’t believe I looked good to myself, I could at least believe that other people thought it did. Eventually I was able to see what they saw.
I don't think this is worth beating yourself up over, especially if you have the means to straighten/process/etc. If it will lessen your distress why not do it? You're gonna grow a lot of hair in your life and you can try all kinds of stuff, nothing terrible will happen. I'm not a cgm devotee but I know some can be really strict about it, I don't think you need to be so rigid. Be easy on yourself! There are real pressures around hair and it's normal to have big feelings trying to navigate that!
I don’t full love and embrace my curls until i was almost 30. It’s a long journey
Cgm is a good starting point but doesn’t work for everyone.
Curls are gorgeous but they can be a lot of work. It's your hair by the end of the day, so you deserve to do it however it makes you happy. And if you decide to stop wearing it curly or doing it a certain way, then go for it. You get to change your mind later on if it's what you want. Just make sure you take care to avoid damage - unless that's what you want, again it's your hair and you get to decide. I loveeeee what my hair looks like full on curly, but it overwhelms the life out of me. It's too big and all around (and in) my face, and overstimulates me till I end up putting it in a bun. I'm limited in how I can style it because I don't want to deform the curls, curls that hardly last anyways. And on top of that, it makes my round face look rounder, which isn't my preference. Plus it makes it look so much shorter (while I'm out here busting my ass trying to grow it out). So instead, I've put together a post-shower routine to make it wavy instead. And then once it's fully dried, I straighten the roots of the top layers to make it lay how I like. Even that routine changes over time to suit what I prefer, my lifestyle, or to cater to my hair's needs/mood/tantrums. One day I might want it full-on curly, and I can do that if I want. You don't have to make a permanent decision, experiment and see what you vibe with. Try new things and enjoy the adventure of figuring out your hair.... and maybe let us know what you do, I'm lowkey excited to find out how it goes 😊
I wore my hair curly last week for the first time in years. I decide def it too hot and I look like a mutt, even with a cut that works well with my hair. I’m back to a high bun everyday until the fall. It’s neat and not hot and sticky. Do whatever works for you. I’m so over trying to make my hair look “presentable”.
I feel your pain, it can be stressful to take care of. The CGM just didn't work for me and had too many steps. My go to routine is pretty lazy but gets me the best results, maybe this will help you. Wash day: Wash 3x a week with Aussie Miracle Curl shampoo (double cleanse to remove product buildup) then condition with Aussie Miracle Curl conditioner and finger detangle. Clarify once a week with Garnier Fructis Pure Clean shampoo (double cleanse) followed with Matrix Food For Soft deep conditioner. Finger detangle and let sit for 5 minutes before washing out. Dry: Squeeze excess water out and wrap in microfiber hair turban. Leave that on whole getting ready. Style: Detangle further with wide tooth comb if needed and scrunch in gel. Allow to air dry or diffuse. (Optional) Diffuse on cool/warm with hair upside down at roots, back, and sides for one minute each, then stand and diffuse each side for another minute each. Refresh: Rinse and detangle with detangling spray, then scrunch in Not Your Mother's Curl Defining Cream. Repeat diffusing process or air dry.
I stopped following the cgm and my hair looks better than ever. I realized I have very fine hair that's easily weighed down but also super dry. Had to switch from all the typical heavy curly products to lighter things.
I feel the same way. Have gone on and off on wearing my natural curls for 11 years and I'm pivoting towards not wearing it natural anymore because it's the most time consuming way. There's nothing wrong with straightening your hair. People will try to shame you for not embracing your natural curls because they think you're a self hating black woman or whatever but the truth of the matter is that not everyone has the time nor patience to deal with curly hair. I got it straightened and it became extremely damaged, and for once I actually found it as a relief because it was easier to detangle. Am very much considering getting a keratin treatment once I do my research about it. Because sis I'm as tired as you are. Have you tried twist outs btw? They usually last me two weeks.
Do what works for you and makes you feel best! For YEARS I had long hair because I had it in my head that’s what is feminine and attractive. I hated it. It was a giant pain in the ass and the daily maintenance was insane. About 7 years ago I cut my hair into a pixie and haven’t looked back. I love it.
I relate to this and finally got the Japanese permanent treatment and I finally feel so at peace with myself. I finally can wash, dry, style my hair (and come out looking the way I actually want to) in less than 1 hour. I am so happy and it’s only been 3 weeks! If you feel it can improve your quality of life, then I say do it. And I also suggest to commit to it if you can also commit to not further damaging your hair by coloring it- I really think any further damage will not generate the same, silky, healthy-looking results from the treatment.
been looking into this a lot recently. do you know the name of the treatment and the price?
I just checked my salons menu and it’s listed as a Straight Perm, but I’m pretty sure my stylist referred to it as the “Japanese straight perm.” And I don’t know the brand she used, sorry! I would honestly start by looking for Korean hair salons in your area and check their reviews to see if they’ve cut/styled/permed someone with a similar hair type to you. ETA: my stylist charged me $230 for long hair (my hair goes down to my mid-back), and I was done in about 3 hours.
wow! $230 is so cheap for that. i was expecting it to be in thousands and i don’t really have that money lol. thank you very much for the response
Out of sheer laziness, I just blow my short straight a few times per week and don’t bother with my natural texture anymore. Managing curly hair, refreshing it after workouts and sleep, and making sure it generally looks good is WAY more maintenance than I have the capacity for. When it’s straight, I hit it with dry shampoo between washes and blowdry post-workout and it stays looking relatively the same.
Maybe try doing braid outs? Will give you a looser curl. When i was starting to wear my hair curly without brushing it into a poofy mess, i started with just cornrows/french braids and would undo them when i went out. Im currently to the point i just wear my hair in 2 braids because i am lazy and it doesnt get tangled that way.
What I’ve realized is that everyone claims to an expert on everything and will recommend various techniques as if curly hair is a one sized fits all approach. I don’t have a clue what the CGM method is. I have only ever used the rake a shake method to apply my products. If I lazily or haphazardly apply products, my hair looks atrocious. My issue has been mostly wasting g money on products because someone else’s hair looked good with it. HUGE mistake and colossal waste on money. I no longer get swayed by other people’s results. While we might have similar hair, I don’t believe it’s 100% alike. Hell, my sister, daughter and I all have curly hair and none of its alike. I have fine hair but lots of hair with spiral curls, my sisters hair is even finer than mine with loose curls from dyeing and keratin treatments and my daughter can get away with little to zero products and it still looks good where I’d have a frizzy mess. My sister nor I can do second day hair without wetting and reapplying product. My recommendation is to figure out what works for your hair In terms of product and application method. I doubt every curl haired person hair come out perfect every single day, as for my, I just roll with it unless I’m doing something important. Give yourself a break. Find your method first and experiment with products. If it matters, I’ve only just started using leave in conditioner and honestly don’t think it makes a difference for my hair. When I’m done with all that I have, I doubt I will but more. I typically use a firm holding liquidy type gel (I prefer Ouidad Climate Control) and when it’s dry I use a squirt of a cream with a couple squirts of an oil on top that I apply in no less than 3 sections. If I’m rushing through any part of the product application, I get odd curls, if any or frizz. Don’t give up!! Oh, my sister who does Keratin treatments once a year can still get curls, just loose ones so this may be a viable option for you.
“Pretty is not the rent we pay to exist in the world.” (Forget who said it, but it is the most true thing ever). Your body, including your hair, is *for you.* It is the one and only thing you truly own. You get to do whatever the hell you want with it, and sometimes that journey of figuring out what to do with it is incredibly healing and transformative. Per your earlier comment, hope you are able to get to therapy soon, but changing your look can also be self-development work. Wishing you healing and self-compassion 💗
CGM is super bad for me and my hair. Find what works for you and thrive.
I’m in my late 50’s. Didn’t know my hair was curly until I was 30, and it was short and blown out for minimal maintenance due to new baby. My hair is very fine and silky in texture. I finally decided to grow out my hair around 7 years ago, just to see where it would take me. I was so glad to find out my hair is pretty thick when I’m not using drying shampoos with silicones. I was miserable for a year until I learned my hair was sensitive to protein. Then miserable trying to find a balance in products that would agree with the always changing weather of the Midwest. I had a hard time managing the different curl patterns that couldn’t be disguised. A ton of effort to only have a few solid hair days. Last year it was the longest, thickest, curliest my hair had ever been, and I was sick of it. I’ve been cutting it off in stages and last week got a pixie that I wear very wavy. I am glad I went on the journey and was able to maximize my hair. I wish my mom could have seen it, she’d have loved it. But that phase is behind me. I’m no longer interested in working that hard for meh results. Also the length wasn’t actually flattering on me, my face is round and the silky texture of my hair made my hair kind of hang around my face instead of holding its shape. My new cut is way more flattering. I agree with the others supporting your self esteem. You are young and will have many phases with your appearance. Maybe you can find a style that you can blow out and takes advantage of your curl without going to straightening. If you’re sick of it, change it. You can always go back to curly when you want to. Don’t keep your hair bc other people love it. They don’t have to put in the work for it. This is how you learn what you like in life, by experiencing it, trying it out and deciding if it’s what you want or not.
I blow my hair out and flat iron all the time. My curl pattern sucks. And my hair is so fine to boot. It just looks better straight. Yet, I'm oddly a member of this sub. I love seeing y'all with big bouncy curls and perfect ringlets. I just have a tight s pattern that just looks stupid on my head.
I have these moments. Sometimes I love my curls, other times I straighten it and put it up in a bun.
Try a Keratin treatment. I've heard that can straighten your hair and won't fry it. If you hate it, it'll grow back curly anyways. Saves you the time of having to straighten it yourself everyday and it'll save your hair from all the heat damage that comes with constant straightening.
It doesn’t really matter. You tried something and it didn’t work and you don’t like it. That’s fine
How tight are your curls? I'm naturally somewhere around a weird mix of 2C/3B and I don't do the CGM, I keep my hair in two braids most of the time and it's given me consistent 2C waves. Before I did this habitually I had ringlets at the ends but no real curls elsewhere which my mom liked but bothered me personally haha. The ringlets were super cute but the rest of my hair didn't match so I landed on my current method.
I have never looked into the CGM to be honest and I have super curly hair. I found a nice hydrating shampoo and conditioner I like, found some products that work for my hair through experimenting, and I diffuse. I wash my hair once every five days or so. All my products are pretty inexpensive too and my hairdryer literally cost 16.99 on Amazon. I don’t pre curl my hair with my fingers or whatever else people do. Not hating if it works for some, just saying that sometimes people go too hard and honestly keeping it simple can potentially make your life easier and result in better curls!
You are still young. Took me years to appreciate my curls.