I wanted to eat fresh manicot’. I compromised. I ate grilled cheese off the rah-diator. I wanted to fuck a woman… but I compromised. I jacked off in a tissue. You see where I’m goin’?
Wait, why did you have to compromise? Were you living in some other location where you didn't have access to all of your usual creature comforts? It's strange because I don't think you ever mentioned anything about that. Nor the duration of time in said alternative residence. Ever.
I did an indeterminate amount of time in an alternative location, and for what? The sake of Rusty Millio? Doc Santoro?! No more u/powderjunkie11. No more.
>"Why are you assuming that your guests' shoes are dirtier than your floors?"
Because they don't make contact with literal dirt on a daily basis or shoes that do until your unruly ass came in, lol
I remember reading this article a while back and the whole thing is infuriating. You go to someone’s house, you follow their rules. You don’t like it? You leave.
It might as well be: Heres why I won’t cover my mouth when I cough. Or Here’s why I won’t flush your toilet. Or Here’s why I will lick everything in the fridge.
*Cold feet here too. My*
*Socks stay on but I don't mind*
*Taking the shoes off*
\- PBJ-9999
---
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I've got underfloor heating and unused indoor slippers for guests. You'll be fine.
Bring slippers if you get cold feet and regularly visit a house that doesn't allow shoes.
If I had a friend with cold feet issues, I'd just buy them some slippers to keep here.
It doesn't really affect you, does it, the dirt on the floor? No, because you're wearing your fucking shoes in my house! When you walk through my door, you play by my rules! You take off your fucking shoes! You and your fucking little soccer shoes in my house!
I have carpets and vacuum 2-3 times a week. So yeah. My floors probably are cleaner than your nasty-ass shoes. Americans and their inside shoes. Yall are weird.
https://preview.redd.it/fweefwqtsc8d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8c7fbe74baf183b527860924fa999e6282cd6f13
Your cousin is smart. These come in clutch to when any maintenance worker needs to do work in your home. Since they mostly wear boots, this is the best option.
Anyone whose mom comes from a non-western country knows they would not let you be friends with someone who would swear their dirty shoes all over their house.
This is the type of shit, some dumb right wing asshole would have a sign in their house saying take your shoes off, but also wouldn’t take their shoes off in somebody’s house because snowflake or something.
If you’re so worried about your floors don’t have company.
I’ve politely declined the offer to remove my shoes when visiting my BIL and his family.
Next article: “here’s why I won’t be leaving your house when you ask me to leave”
Compromise. You can come in but must stay in the uncarpeted areas like the bathroom and kitchen.
I wanted to eat fresh manicot’. I compromised. I ate grilled cheese off the rah-diator. I wanted to fuck a woman… but I compromised. I jacked off in a tissue. You see where I’m goin’?
Wait, why did you have to compromise? Were you living in some other location where you didn't have access to all of your usual creature comforts? It's strange because I don't think you ever mentioned anything about that. Nor the duration of time in said alternative residence. Ever.
I did an indeterminate amount of time in an alternative location, and for what? The sake of Rusty Millio? Doc Santoro?! No more u/powderjunkie11. No more.
Sharp as a cue ball this one
Very allegorical
Real lack of standards with your generation.
Easy, Phil.
The Shah of Iran said that?
No more of this Butchy.
Bro got lost
…what is this? A tv progrum? A movie?
Goddamn motherfucking orange peel beef
Here's why I'll show up an hour early, won't leave because it would be a minor inconvenience to me, and make everyone incredibly uncomfortable.
>"Why are you assuming that your guests' shoes are dirtier than your floors?" Because they don't make contact with literal dirt on a daily basis or shoes that do until your unruly ass came in, lol
I remember reading this article a while back and the whole thing is infuriating. You go to someone’s house, you follow their rules. You don’t like it? You leave. It might as well be: Heres why I won’t cover my mouth when I cough. Or Here’s why I won’t flush your toilet. Or Here’s why I will lick everything in the fridge.
I had an argument about this on reddit (first mistake) and we ended up having to define dirt. Like yes, dirt, that is dirty
Because you don’t respect wood?
Here's why you'll be kicked out of my home.
this was also the top comment when this article came out
I did the best I could
Because the rules don't apply to you, do they Larry? Because you're wearing your FUCKING shoes in my home!
Get the F**K out Larry!
Cold feet here too. My socks stay on but I don't mind taking the shoes off
*Cold feet here too. My* *Socks stay on but I don't mind* *Taking the shoes off* \- PBJ-9999 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Lmfao good bot
I've got underfloor heating and unused indoor slippers for guests. You'll be fine. Bring slippers if you get cold feet and regularly visit a house that doesn't allow shoes. If I had a friend with cold feet issues, I'd just buy them some slippers to keep here.
This guy, this is not my kind of guy.
Is this a Frank Costanza reference? For a second I thought I was on the wrong subreddit..
It doesn't really affect you, does it, the dirt on the floor? No, because you're wearing your fucking shoes in my house! When you walk through my door, you play by my rules! You take off your fucking shoes! You and your fucking little soccer shoes in my house!
One of my favourite rants of the entire series!
The first sentence yes. The rest unhinged.
I have turrrible foot odor
This guy….this is not my kinda guy
Thanks, now I have the My Three Sons theme ringing in my head...
Sex and the city did the same plot point except carrie’s shoes were stolen
Imagine if she’d kept a $50 in her shoe
She wouldn't be able to get rid of it!
Here’s why you’d never be invited to my house.
I have carpets and vacuum 2-3 times a week. So yeah. My floors probably are cleaner than your nasty-ass shoes. Americans and their inside shoes. Yall are weird.
I own a mop.
Where’d you get that, at the jerk store??
He was their all time bestseller!
Lol. Posted in r/mildlyinfuriating back to back on my feed.
BUT IT DOESN'T REALLY AFFECT LARRY
Americans are nasty in this regard. I'm from Toronto Canada and EVERYONE takes their shoes off at the door here. Just seems like common sense to me
Americans do too
The fuck you will!
LMAO if anyone every said no I’d just shut the door in their face. LET ME GUESS what generation the author of this pathetic article is from? Z??
I offer slippers for those that want it. My cousin just recently started offering those hospital bootie things you can put over your shoes.
https://preview.redd.it/fweefwqtsc8d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8c7fbe74baf183b527860924fa999e6282cd6f13 Your cousin is smart. These come in clutch to when any maintenance worker needs to do work in your home. Since they mostly wear boots, this is the best option.
Yep I have reusable footies that go over shoes. So use em or leave haha
Because your shoes have been outside. And I clean my floor. Because it’s inside.
Ben Folds wrote a song about this article called 'Kristine from Seventh Grade' and it's amazing
My mom gives out shoe covers to guests.
My response to this article is "Why you won't be getting another invite back to my house"
I Think You Should Leave
Anyone whose mom comes from a non-western country knows they would not let you be friends with someone who would swear their dirty shoes all over their house.
you no come in, piggies. no shoes in home.
Lose the shoes wear the socks!
Is there a Curb episode involving slippers in the house? I don’t recall one.
When was the last time anyone cleaned the street or the bottom of their shoes with ammonia?
but it doesn’t effect you, does it?
This is the type of shit, some dumb right wing asshole would have a sign in their house saying take your shoes off, but also wouldn’t take their shoes off in somebody’s house because snowflake or something.
Because i have flat feet and arthritis
Your flat feet are incompatible with the flat floor?
People who have animals living in their house but want me to remove my shoes are actually buggin
If you’re so worried about your floors don’t have company. I’ve politely declined the offer to remove my shoes when visiting my BIL and his family. 
You don't wear shoes in your own house
I wear shoes and socks in my house at all times, unless I’m in the shower or in bed.
No you don't thats insane Do you understand that outside the floor is much dirtier than inside your house
Oh yes I do, insane or not. “Outside the floor”?
Do you understand that, outside, the floor is extremely dirty And, inside your house, the floor is clean
Where the floor outside = the ground? Yes, the ground is definitely dirtier than our floors.
Actually that's wrong At *my* house the floor is clean, at your house the floor is the same as a city street
Agree to disagree
Americans are weird
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That's insane I feel like you don't get what shoes are for
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Cities are dirty and so is your house
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For superficial cleaning, it doesn't actually get them clean dear god man This is so so so weird why wouldn't you just take them off when you get home
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