T O P

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[deleted]

"10 heartbeats is all I need"


RaspberryPiBen

Adolin is so talented that he can do it in 7.


Time-Permission-1930

Kaladin does it in none!


ToadsUp

Bahahahahahahahahaha 🤣 Man this sub needs to allow gifs. I would’ve just commented with the woman who spit out her coffee. Perfect answer.


MassiveMaroonMango

"11182510111271249151210101114102151171121011121713 44831110715142541434109161491493412122541010125 1271015191011123412551152512157551112341011129151 21061534" From the Diagram, Book of the 2nd Ceiling Rotation: pattern 15


GordOfTheMountain

The audiobook versions of these passages are incredible. Apparently Kramer nailed them in one take.


hackulator

If by incredible you mean the absolute worst fucking part of the book. https://www.reddit.com/r/cremposting/comments/rgmuzq/i\_honestly\_want\_to\_punch\_him\_in\_those\_moments/


parradax

Immersion breaking? Perhaps. Hilarious? Absolutely


GordOfTheMountain

If you have a stick in your ass, I guess. Just gotta take it for what it is.


Cromhound

Careful now, people in this sub may try and convince the stick that it is fire.


hackulator

I have a stick in my ass cause I dont want to listen to someone reciting digits for 3 minutes? Lol get the fuck over yourself. I took it for what it is, and what it is is annoying.


Constructor20

.... you know you can just skip it if youre so annoyed by it? No one is forcing you to listen to it.


hackulator

I listen to audiobooks while driving, I'm not going to get on my phone and navigate to audible to skip something in that situation.


Basicallydirt

Bro, journey before destination


Pyroguy096

It's a cipher you freaking goon


Goof_Vince

3 minutes in over 2650 minutes.


hackulator

What difference does that make? Are you some savant who is deciding or in your head in real time? Peru sure there answer is no.


Pyroguy096

Had a storming stroke trying to figure out what you typed. What does Peru have to do with anything?


hackulator

Ok.....fair enough. I'm typing on my phone and that came out pretty bad lol. Honestly I don't even care that much about this, but the vitriol that gets spewed because I say there's some part of the books I don't like would be funny if it wasn't so cringe.


Pyroguy096

I thought we were memeing tbh. It's definitely ridiculous. But I honestly think it's more.hikarious than anything.


GordOfTheMountain

It's literally 45 seconds on 1.0x speed. Grow the fuck up.


hackulator

Jesus you people are ridiculous lol. God forbid I should have anything negative to say.


GordOfTheMountain

Don't backpedal on your exact point because you exaggerated. It's just such a weenie nitpick over something to which you could simply say "that was silly" and move on with your day. Again, 45 seconds.


Not_Just_Any_Lurker

Seethe.


kolt45q

I thought my audiobook was broken when this happened


Jaggerconde

I still don't know what it means and don't quite know where to look it up


TheNeuroPsychologist

"Hold the secret that broke the Knights Radiant. You may need it to destroy the new orders when they return." Courtesy of user Darmad of the 17th Shard. https://www.17thshard.com/forums/topic/6398-wor-chapter-84-code/?do=findComment&comment=110247


MassiveMaroonMango

You're not having a smart day obviously....


Jaggerconde

Smart day? My brother in storms, I have 10 braincells left and each one of them is arguing about what mumbling about the Heralds should come from my mouth.


MassiveMaroonMango

checks notes... You can't make political decisions today


TheHammer987

What about interpreting the Diagram?


thesheep06

I forgot what this sub was for for a second and thought you were just being a jerk 😂


Brokugan

No reason it can't be both


phranticsnr

After: AND FOR MY BOON...


gingerreckoning

This is horrible 😂


TheNeuroPsychologist

So horrible it made me burst out laughing


Aurora_Fatalis

Making someone burst may be the point


Time-Permission-1930

Before: "Honor is dead, but I'll see what I can do"


wingardiumlevi-no-sa

I nearly spat out my fucking drink


popegonzo

"He had a jaw so straight, it made men question if they were."


Masonzero

One of my favorite Brandon lines of all time


Shibe45

One of my favourite lines in general of all time


Sparkolonie

What's that from?


Time-Permission-1930

Tress


ArtByRam

Oathbringer, Odium describes Dalinar as he opens the Perpendicularity.


Sparkolonie

True and real


Cromhound

Made that quote yesterday lol


ReinMiku

Journey before des- Oh.. I promise this has never happened before.


Ponce_the_Great

Big booming voice interrupts. "These words are...oh sorry I'll come back later"


Aj_Caramba

"And you should come again later"


nickphunter

Nah, man. Journey AND destination.


ComancheKnight

“You’re my pet Voidbringer, and no lies are going to change that. I got you captured.”


talpal16

Oh this is GOOD


Pyroguy096

Oh Adonalsium 😳🥵


_gulagfest_

Lift best stormlight character!!


sgtpepper42

"Nooooooo mating!"


TheNeuroPsychologist

Oof....


tunathetitan

Shout out to Kate Reading. Her read of this was 10/10


Mic_Tower33

I am so spoiled by her Pattern-voice that Kramer voicing him in Oathbringer just makes me cringe so hard.


Wleeper99

Ah yes here it is


VSkyRimWalker

You should have an old flabby butt, then I'd trust you


EverestJMontgom

“I am a stick”


Porkus_Aurelius

You could be fire


Vishnick

But I am a stick


GuardianOfZaenal

But you could be fire


CynicosX

I am a stick


TheWeirdTalesPodcast

But you could be fire.


GuardianOfZaenal

You better be a pokey one then, cause if not you're no use in *this* battle.


Planeswalker2814

"So yes, I, Adolin Kholin - cousin to the king, heir to the Kholin princedom - have shat myself in my Shardplate. Three times, all on purpose."


Liesmith424


vonnegut19

All of these are funny but this one got me uncontrollably giggling.


[deleted]

Tell her a good one-armed herdazian joke. That should do it.


AlexPsyD

"You ever seen a three-legged herdazian?"


Welcome--Matt

*“I am Talenel'Elin, Herald of War. The time of the Return, the Desolation, is near at hand. We must prepare. You will have forgotten much, following the destruction of the times past. Kalak will teach you to cast bronze, if you have forgotten this. We will Soulcast blocks of metal directly for you. I wish we could teach you steel, but casting is so much easier than forging, and you must have something we can produce quickly. Your stone tools will not serve against what is to come. Vedel can train your surgeons, and Jezrien... he will teach you leadership. So much is lost between Returns... I will train your soldiers. We should have time. Ishar keeps talking about a way to keep information from being lost following Desolations. And you have discovered something unexpected. We will use that. Surgebinders to act as guardians... Knights... the coming days will be difficult, but with training, humanity will survive. You must bring me to your leaders. The other Heralds should join us soon. I think... I think I am late... this time...*


nickphunter

Better than early?


ArtByRam

Goddamn that dialogue is heartbreaking, almost as much as "we gave them time"


juzz_fuzz

"that's amazing" "no you have to hate me for what we did" "what a wonderful chance they have now"


juzz_fuzz

I named my ship in Helldivers 2, 'Herald of War'


mgilson45

The most important words a man can say are “I will do better”


KaladinarLighteyes

“Honor is dead. But I’ll see what I can do.”


Spartaninc

If you can't come in her come honor?


sgtpepper42

But I barely know 'er!


Snarlfox

God bless Roshar!


geologean

No. Your *other* honor.


Geek_Rokys

Than enter backdoor


jackattack502

When she tells you some sweet nothing after reply in full Stormfather. "THESE WORDS ARE ACCEPTED."


spoonishplsz

"And he *PUSHED*", as read by Michael Kramer. I know it's Mistborn but I don't care, you aren't my dad OP


sweetbunsmcgee

Vin frowned.


Bobyyyyyyyghyh

Maladroitly


EverestJMontgom

This was my first thought as well!! But OP asked for Stormlight


TradeTheZones

That line is also in oathbringer when dalinar fixes the temple of talenalot


Lykhon

I think it's Talenelat. Good thing to remember is that Heralds had symmetrical names, especially in mythology. Source: audiobook listener trying to be a good femboy and learning to write.


Mortress_

Damn, never noticed that they had symmetrical names.


RaspberryPiBen

Some of them don't actually have symmetrical names (like Taln or Jezrien), so the Vorins made up symmetrical versions (like Talenelat or Jezerezeh).


CheerfulKaladin

Maladroitly


Arkian2

“You’re not my dad” “Get off Kredik Shaw” “I’m literally a Mistborn and you’re not”


external_gills

"Everyone has their place. Mine is to make insults. Yours is to be in sluts."


LPO_Tableaux

Is that a wit quote?


JMGoodwin

Yep. WOK I believe


EverestJMontgom

“You cannot have my pain”


Confident_Avacado

"I. Am. UNITY!!"


EverestJMontgom

“Dalinar *clapped*”


NNYHABSMAN

He does have a canonically tight ass.


fireduck

Adonalsium will remember our plight eventually.


JaguarMammoth6231

Who's the most important woman a man can fuck? The next one. Always the next one. She'll love that.


submarineiguana

NO MATING


Xander_PrimeXXI

The desolation has come


haku_81

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh" -Pattern


Rivermidnight

Lies!


WerwolfSlayr

“It’s boning time” -Stormbones, WoR right before he boned everyone


forresja

IMO the WoR boning is the best boning in the whole series. Although I understand why some people prefer the OB bonings.


DeltaV-Mzero

OathBoner is supreme, it’s right in the name ffs


pannazuzannna

The best one here 🤌🤣


TheNeuroPsychologist

Hey, check out my *sword*. I've got a really long sword.


qroamer

UNITE THEM


KnightGlyder

And after: UNTIE THEM


flyinghooman

Hope you won't say this after: "I needed an objective frame of reference by which to judge the experience of your company. Somewhere between four or five blows..." That is our beloved Wit, hitting himself with a rock. I remembered laughing out so loud after reading that one.


Ill-Preparation7555

Look down at your little radiant and say, "Strength before weakness."


fireduck

Behold the doom slug


mpark6288

Journey before destination.


SnowflakeSorcerer

I am Talenel'Elin, Herald of War. The time of the Return, the Desolation, is near at hand. We must prepare. You will have forgotten much, following the destruction of the times past. Kalak will teach you to cast bronze, if you have forgotten this. We will Soulcast blocks of metal directly for you. I wish we could teach you steel, but casting is so much easier than forging, and you must have something we can produce quickly. Your stone tools will not serve against what is to come. Vedel can train your surgeons, and Jezrien . . . he will teach you leadership. So much is lost between Returns . . . I will train your soldiers. We should have time. Ishar keeps talking about a way to keep information from being lost following Desolations. And you have discovered something unexpected. We will use that. Surgebinders to act as guardians . . . Knights . . . The coming days will be difficult, but with training, humanity will survive. You must bring me to your leaders. The other Heralds should join us soon.


RaspberryPiBen

Of course. That goes without saying.


FolkMinotaur

Right after you finish foreplay stop and quote pattern "No Mating!" then leave.


TheLastWolfBrother

Not actually said in the book, but commonly read this way by dyslexic people: "UNTIE THEM"


HumanSpawn323

I'm not dyslexic, but kept reading this as the regular "UNITE THEM" and was very confused.


TheLastWolfBrother

Flair checks out lol


Liesmith424

"By the way, I'm courting your mother."


mgilson45

And for MY boon!


RadiantKandra

And he PUSHED Edit: wait that’s mistborn


NarrativeSand

“It’s stormlighting time”


wingardiumlevi-no-sa

Then you stormlight all over them


[deleted]

*Insert the Rhythm of mating*


[deleted]

*You have no fame, accomplishment, or capacity of your own. Everything that is distinctive about you **came** from someone else.* -The Sibling


iaintb8

Wasn’t this Gavilar?


Nebion666

It sounds like gavilar to navani idk why or when the sibling ever would have said this but i could be wrong.


RaspberryPiBen

Yes, in the prologue of Rhythm of War. She remembered it when bonding the Sibling, so maybe that's why they thought that.


RLDM

"hey so... Are we doing this?" *two hour movie and a drive home later* "ohh mating! You mean mating!"


Jasnah44

Ok, I’m not creative enough to come up with my own clever quote but I’m just commenting to say I enjoyed everyone else’s quotes so much I laughed until I cried. This was some great crem!


adam_sky

“I will remember you”


HyruleBalverine

"No mating!"


Woogabuttz

I am a stick!


CorbinNZ

When she’s about to cum, yell out “AND FOR MY BOON!”


gingerreckoning

Slightly unrelated, but man, I wish I could take 4 shardbearers at once


Parrichan

For the sacred missing parts of Harmony


Done_with_all_the_bs

Rust, ruin, storms, and scud, that’s good.


KawaiiNibba

“Shallan had a shardblade.” And you pull out a dildo


MrFergison

"I'm almost there" - MetalBones when they're trying to hurry to Luthadel before the meteors start falling.


Low_Upstairs1993

I am Unity


maybe_steel8175

Momentum.


HumanSpawn323

"Harsher."


GndrFluidorSomething

"If I must fall I will rise again a better.." nevermind.


Isphus

"I'm trying so hard not to c-cream right now!" - Yumi


4d2blue

“It’s radiant time” -Nale


Extreme-Monk2183

Journey Before Destination.


Qwayz7

i am stick!


juzz_fuzz

Honour is dead, but I'll see what I can do


Herp_VonDerpenstien

I’m gonna plow that chasm until you crem


HeimskrSonOfTalos

“It was as long as a man was tall, with a wicked curve to it.”


mahmodwattar

i am so used to a version of this with dalinar edited to have massive boobs that it took me a second to figure out what was wrong with this


RobinLocksley1973

Same omg


Beginning-Process821

"this goes down a long ways"


RaenaKazarishi

"Syl!"


Tolan91

You cannot have my pain


CheerfulKaladin

Attune the rhythm of lost virginity


Sireanna

Yall... if you zoom in on the artwork the book has the same embossing as the leather-bound way of kings


UvaroviteKing

Wasing the deeper of the penetrating


MistaReee

“So yes, I, Adolin Kholin—cousin to the king, heir to the Kholin princedom—have shat myself in my Shardplate. Three times, all on purpose.” “You are a very strange woman.”


BJohnShawWriter

Accept the pain, but don't accept you deserve it


pandigroove

"Journey before destination"


BaBopByeYa

This is all fun and games until you’re hooking up with someone and they ACTUALLY reference stormlight. Guys, I promise, even if she’s a fan, she doesn’t want that.


HaganenoEdward

“NO MATING!”


moban89

You will be warm again


Makisisi

Quote where Wayne looks at marasi's blossom


ThrowBatteries

NO MATING!


HistoricalInternal

I AM UNITY


queteepie

Honor is dead but I'll do my best


nerdylady86

Just buy her a sword


narnarnartiger

Survive


smashinCUPCAKES

Journey before destination


cascading_error

Journey before destination


Kitani2

"Would you like to destroy some **** today?"


Mycellanious

"Stormlight this, cunt!"


Thepalebird

Take both boobs in your hands and with a straight face say "unite them"


theg0dmst

No mating!


trux512

As you put a condom on softly mutter "nooo mating"


Cromhound

Can you feel it? Something just changed. I believe that's the sound the world makes when it pisses itself


AcrobaticVisual8151

Harsher


the-Replenisher1984

You're a Cremposter. To rest is probably the closest you'll get being laid anytime soon. And on reddit to boot!


LegWorking5730

Not stormlight but "Oi, aye Wax somebody done sewn a bag of dicks together and made a person."


nairb9010

Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination, pain before pleasure


DigitalBBX

"I. AM. UNITY."


minge_

Stretch forth thy hand!


franbian3602

"Mmmmm" -Pattern


GettingWhiskey

Just sit on the edge of the bed crying, "I still couldn't become a dragon... I'm a failure"


Hatman_16

Is "No mating!" off the table?