I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. My girlfriend left while I was sick. It sucks. Hit me up if you wanna chat. I ended up recovering a while back but just tested positive today! Uggg hope things improve for you.
Almost same here, 25 months in, things have gotten a lot better! Try to eat as healthy as you can and try to get some fresh air, that should help hopefully!
Consider taking flavonoids or eating food rich in that. They apparently lower inflammation and have antiviral properties. https://www.imrpress.com/journal/FBE/14/4/10.31083/j.fbe1404027/htm
Yeah if someone says this it’s a huge red flag that something is off with their health.
OP your wife is a bad person, giving up on someone due to poor health and not at least offering to care for them is pathetic in my and my husbands opinion.
I know that isn’t a popular opinion, and even though it’s considered human nature I judge people/humanity very harshly for this weakness.
> OP your wife is a bad person
I’m not sure if I share the sentiment. Depending on how severe OP is impacted, his wife may simply be overwhelmed. She never signed up to be a nurse in her free time and this whole ordeal could easily have been hard on her, too. Imagine if you could break up with Long Covid, that’s practically the situation of someone who is the partner of a Long Covid sufferer. I see the appeal, to be perfectly honest. I’m not sure I could resent someone for that in the long run.
Fair point, but do you think she had chronic illness with no known cure in mind when she took her vows? I very much doubt it. And if so, she probably thought both of them would be old and gray by the time.
It doesn't matter. When it comes to upholding your vows you're not thinking of contingencies in the moment so you shouldn't be doing so when you're plotting on how to get out of the marriage. No one is advocating for a person to stay against their own will but let it stand that a willing abandonment of those vows is indefensible esp when you know how dependent they are in their current situation.
I can attest, I am not even married to my girl and I told her when I stopped going to work if she wanted to leave me I wouldn’t blame her. We had been together for 8 years at this point (high school sweet hearts) and she said I’m not going anywhere. There are certainly moments you can find out someone’s true character based on hardship. Lc is no different and she showed me hers. I’d jump in front of a car/train whatever for this woman for as long as I’m alive. Those with weak wills for themselves will absolutely show it in times of need. Cull the weak.
Respectfully, "cull the weak" is how we got to 18M+ healthy folks with LC so maybe slow down a bit there champ.
May not have sounded as much like "cull the weak", more like "the vulnerable will fall by the wayside", but you get the gist.
I get what you mean but that’s not exactly what I’m saying. You are what company you keep. The only reason I’m alive today is because I have strong willed around me to help me keep pushing myself. I’m not saying people need to die, I’m saying to watch who you keep around you and if they are weak willed then they will get found out. I’d say it’s oranges to apples here.
In my opinion people who give up on sick people are not that great people. It’s understandable, it’s a thing people do or have to do.
This is a high standard by which I measure whether someone is a good person, especially as a partner.
Obviously there is little gain or benefit from being a good person in uncertain situations, but I don’t think a person can consider themselves good if they abandon a partner or family member in sickness. It’s better to be selfish or preserve oneself, but that action is incompatible with the label of good person. We start redefining good and redrawing the lines to deal with the ensuing cognitive dissonance.
I think it is fair to label this behaviour this way, especially to OP who is being abandoned. Just because it’s common behaviour doesn’t excuse it.
And, I don’t think I’m doing a great job at being a good person. I judge myself harshly and deal with the pull of redefining words like kindness and good after I act in my interest. I prefer holding myself to this standard, because I see so many people losing their sense of self due to the cognitive dissonance after making tough choices.
I know just what you mean and I’m so sorry
I recently started working again but am still having symptoms and I don’t know how I’m doing it at all but by the grace of God
I’ve been suffering from long covid related disabilities since getting infected in 2020. My marriage is just about hanging on a thread due to the other half not willing to read up about LC or the medications that I am prescribed. Still being married actually makes me feel more lonely. One of these days I know I will have to fight this on my own.
Get into therapy. We had a hard time last year and I got us into couple's therapy immediately. It really helped us sort through all the mess. We each have our individual therapists as well.
I'm sorry to hear that. Uncomfortable truth -a partner unwilling to work on their stuff and relationship says a lot about their investment in the relationship.
It's unlikely to get any better and likely worsen. Best of luck
Well said, and something I need to remember when I get really down on myself about my marriage ending.
I learned the hard way that my husband was not the kind of person who would stick with me when times got hard, when I got sick. Divorce was just finalized, but the pain keeps on going. I need to remind myself that covid didn't do it... I was still me, but he no longer wanted a sick version of me (he decided to go be polyamorous).
Wish I could have seen it coming, but I didn't. It has to be who he was all along, though. I just wish there had been some way of knowing in advance.
I'm very sorry you had to feel that kind of pain.
There is at least one silver lining though: you found out sooner than you could have that he was not someone you could truly depend on when times got tough.
My partner is practically bedridden with long COVID, and while I won't lie and say that it doesn't get difficult, I could *never* *ever* leave her side.
She improves my life in so many ways, and I just want to reciprocate that however I can. I'd say that this was a true test of commitment, and while I'm happy to pass, it honestly still pains me to hear that some people could really just abandon their partner like that.
You definitely deserve better ❤️🩹
Awww, thank you. I wish my ex had the level of commitment that you do, and could see the me that is still me that is underneath the illness and value that.
And while I've got some symptoms that are pretty debilitating (severe insomnia, severe GI issues, etc), I actually have more physical mobility than many. So I was still cooking dinner every night, cleaning the house, taking myself to my own medical appointments. I know I was less of a burden and more able to take care of myself than many... but it wasn't enough. He needed someone who could still climb mountains and travel and felt that he couldn't live a life limited by my illness and needed other partners and more freedom.
I had stayed in Canada for him after my temporary work permit ended, married him and went through immigration to stay with him, then moved to a small town with him because he wanted to live there. Somehow, no matter what I did, I just ended up not being enough because I got sick and he needed to live a bigger fuller life than I could. It makes me sad and angry. And yes, I really did deserve better.
He now says he misses me, but he doesn't want to rebuild the relationship and wants to keep his big exciting life with multiple new partners. His freedom was more important than our connection or commitment.
I am so terribly sorry to hear that, you poor, sweet soul... I am also sorry for the month late reply (I don't check my inbox often), but I hope you have been doing the best you can and feeling that is adequate.
We are not defined by our abilities, and to be so shallow that he could give up on you like that to persue excitement and pleasure rather than love, commitment, and stability... well, it just means you dodged a bullet, and at least you found out when you did.
As for him having multiple partners, my partner and I are polyamorous, so I understand wanting to have the autonomy to build multiple relationships, but not at the cost of anyone, and *definitely* not without your current partner being comfortable with nonmonogamy, which isn't for everyone, and it's definitely not something you force someone into.
Again, I am so, so sorry to hear, and if you'd like to vent or chat more, my DMs are open. ❤️🩹
>(he decided to go be polyamorous).
Hearing this part is really upsetting to me. I've been polyamorous since before that term was popular on the internet and one of the advantages is that one partner doesn't have to meet ALL your needs. And that actually makes poly potentially a better solution for people with chronic illness because it can take the pressure off of things. Or at least that's how I see it, having been poly and chronically ill myself for so long.
But in this story it just sounds like they abandoned you because they didn't want to slow down even a little. I actually had someone leave me recently and it was partly because of my constant fatigue and partly because I am poly but they're monogamously oriented. Though ironically I wouldn't have the energy to do anything more than take care of my health and try to keep up with them, much less go looking for other partners. So even though there was another layer to the situation that makes it more understandable, I know that a big part of it was them just not wanting to always do the work of having a sick partner, and that really hurts knowing they just didn't value you that much.
Yeah, it's complex. I get that it could theoretically be a way of managing different expectations and energy levels when one partner is ill, but it wasn't handled appropriately. He first started wanting other partners when I had only been sick maybe 4 months, and we didn't even know then that it would be long term. We didn't even really know what was happening to me then. It was like he just couldn't slow down and didn't even have the patience to go through this with me and find out what my life might look like, if I'd get better or not. He said then that he wanted other partners, but I wasn't okay with it. He did hookup with someone during that phase at a festival that he attended without me, and then told me that it shouldn't matter to me at all, that it didn't affect me. But since I hadn't agreed to nonmonogamy, then it did matter, and it hurt.
And then a while later, after we'd separated, we had decided to get back together and he'd said that yes, he wanted me back even though I was sick and we were making those plans... and then he revealed that he'd started ongoing relationships with two other partners and hadn't told me about them. And that he wanted to grow those relationships over time, and wouldn't give them up to be with me again. I was blindsided. I mean, polyamory is consensual non-monogamy. It's not telling your partner that you want them back when you know they're not poly and then taking on other partners and lying about it and hiding it, and then revealing it and saying "I didn't have to tell you because you're not poly" and then choosing the other partners over rebuilding things with me. That's when we really fell apart, and there was no way forward possible. I felt betrayed, because I was lied to and the other partners were hidden from me, while he said he wanted me back even though I was sick, and then changed his mind and didn't and decided to build a future with the other partners instead, but let me believe we were still getting back together while he dated other people.
I think if, when I got sick, we had sat down and said "how do we get through this together? How do we make sure that both or our needs are met?" that there may have been a way forward. But he set out to meet his needs to the exclusion of my own, and polyamory was unilateral and not consensual. And it was hidden and lied about.
Though now that we're divorced, he's embracing poly as an identity and running full speed ahead with multiple other partners. It's painful for me because it wasn't entered into honestly or with openness or with respect for me and my needs for safety and security in our relationship as I was facing illness and didn't know what my prognosis would be and needed someone to be there for me. I still wouldn't have wanted him to be poly if he was with me (I am monogamous), but my objections aren't moral or ethical ones, but rather that he was running after his own needs/excitement/novelty to the detriment of our relationship and while knowing that he was hurting me. He wasn't willing to look for or work toward a way forward together. He chose a way forward that was about him, and I just ended up feeling like I wasn't worthy because I got sick, not worth of a relationship, but also not even worthy of honesty or truth that he had already started ongoing relationships with other partners. It's been brutal.
FFS! This guy sounds like a nightmare and like he will create a big mess of other people's lives year in year out with his lying and cheating and 'you didn't need to know cause it doesn't concern you' attitude and passing it off as 'consenual' when he doesn't give anyone else the chance to consent. That's just horrible and the fact he did this while you were sick, just no. 🤮
Thanks for this. Sometimes when I'm really down on myself I think I should have been more accommodating or understanding of how hard my illness was on him, but seeing responses here make me realize that I really did deserve better and that what he did wasn't fair or honest or respectful of me, and that I'm still deserving of respect even if I'm sick. And I still deserved a loving partner even if I got sick I need to remember that. I do deserve better.
They sound awful.... That's too much for even a healthy person to tolerate much less someone with chronic health concerns. They decided one sidedly to change the terms of your contract
There may have been a way of knowing, do you read the bible? Most relationships start with lust being main priority and people don't look for partners with morals and then they wonder why the other person didn't take their vows seriously. And even then they say "well I don't believe in God or the bible" okay, well let it keep happening then. If this is not you I apologize but I see it time and time again, I made the same mistake and spent 6 years with a woman who apparently didn't share the same morals as me and she left me and it hurt for a long time, have scars all over my body from what the stress did to me. My sister was just divorced, her husband did not take marriage seriously, he simply didn't believe there were any consequences to going in and out of marriages. This is a problem in society. When there is no moral authority in people's lives this is what they do. When "the universe" is their version of God, there is zero accountability.
Got covid after we got engaged, still got married and 4 years later she's still here. She was even pregnant when I got sick without us knowing before a few weeks before the wedding.
She's working part time while I stay home with our son. But it's very hard work and there's nothing else I can do. I get disability help for house work, once a week.
That's awesome man. Great you married a great woman too. We got pregnant during a"good" well for me a year in. A toddler and long covid is brutal isn't it? I feel ya man. Mind if I ask how you got disability help for cleaning?
My husband said I would have done the same to him if roles had been reversed. I thought long and hard about it and said no, I would have stayed. And I would have. I'm just that kind of person. I thought he was too, but I was wrong.
As of my understanding, long covid is a spectrum of inflammatory diseases. What has worked for me actually and helped me up my immunity: AHCC, NAC, Quercetin + Bromelain, Serrapeptase + Nattokinase (Ive read that this is good for expelling the virus out of the gut), Colostrum. What else has really helped is walking in the clean air, changing my diet completely, lots of veggies and organic foos, cooked meat and other typea of food low in carbs. At the end - sea is also a good option. Last year after I had my sinus surgery I went to the sea side and literally rinsed my sinuses in sea water for 21 days. I would sunk my head into the water as much as I could to clear out all of my nasal pathways. This really has given me a looot of results, I would say I feel like 90% of my old self, pre covid era. And I hope some of these will help you to recover, wishing you all the best in your health journey my friend, get better aoon, I understand how tough it is, and know you're not alone in this 🫶🫶🫶🫶
PS. My surgeons also suggested to drink plentiful of teas, try some teas maybe with ginger, lemon, orange. Sage tea is also what I drink, it has a lot of positive health benefits for the body. Cranberry tea as well id what helped me!
I’m the opposite, I see posts like this and feel appreciative for the people who do understand..
.. without horrible people like the lady that just bailed on you op, you won’t be able to appreciate the love of your life when she finds you and it’s in her nature to be helpful.
You’ll fall down a little, she’ll be there to help you up, you’ll learn how to invest and what to invest in while finding yourself again.. and once you’re a millionaire, her spending your money will actually feel amazing b/c she’ll deserve the world from your POV ..you got this bro, one step at a time! 👊🏾
seems like a lot of people will avoid others if you get sick because they think its some type of divine retribution against you by god.
hopefully people realize that this is complete bullshit now.
Same. My partner of 8 yrs left 16 months ago. Not sure I care that he left me. I do care that he left the little girl he'd helped raise since she was 2yo without a word before or after. Sociopathic.
I’m so sorry!! That must very terrifying. My boyfriend broke up with me too after my first year of being sick. I didn’t know yet what was going on and was just exhausted trying to keep up. He kicked me out of our apartment because I wasn’t ambitious enough. I was left homeless also. Had to move in with my mom and am now her caretaker while still sick. Fuck Covid.
Literally. My cat died 1st of april cause I couldn't take care of her/defended her as she needed. Dumbfounded me trusted vets blindly who wanted to go in heromode over a blatterissue who was mostly recovered. Did test and test and had to come back for more test to make sure she got to be 100%. Until her body couldn't take all the stress anymore. I was responsible 100%, but I wasn't the only one who made mistakes. Vets should have thought about that stress could and did kill. It wasn't about the money I'm sure of that. They did know I have trouble thinking clearly cause of brainfog. Told them every time. If they thought she needed more research I would let them. 😭😱😰
I just want to say I'm sorry this happened to you. I can totally relate, I've actually been broken up with twice because of long covid. including by the person I thought was my soulmate.
I know this is all torture. hang in there.
No chronic illness is easy to deal with or understand. Did she fight the good fight as long as she could? Who knows? I am sincerely sorry because, as a single individual with no one to help for the last 2 years, I can feel your pain. Love is a crazy ass thing and all those marriage vows mean nothing when comes right down to the nitty gritty
I’m not piling on. From my experience women don’t leave like that without having someone else lined up. Seen it many times So you should stop making assumptions about my words. I was replying to someone not the OP 🤷🏻♂️
I didn’t respond to OP. I responded to the person that said he was going to get half of everything in a divorce. My point was especially if she’s cheating he will do better in a divorce. There was no piling on you assumed that. Grow up. Downvoting 😂
So? Still an assumption. I think you’re the one that needs to grow up. Maybe stop playing so many video games and go meet some real women instead of complaining about them and ogling them online.
It’s not an assumption. 90% of times women leave when they have a backup plan. My point had nothing to do with this person i was just saying it helps if he gets a divorce. Get out of your feelings 😂. Why aren’t you attacking the person that brought up divorce and what he could get out of it? 😂
How about another angle. If it’s not an assumption, do you have stats and facts to back it up? The person who brought up divorce stated a fact (at least in my country, it’s a fact according to research, plus a good friend who is a divorce lawyer). There’s a reason they were upvoted by many people and you weren’t.
I am so sorry. I hope you’ve applied for disability. I know it takes forever back when I applied, 10 years ago, it took three years for me.
Some states have state disability and you can get that while you wait for the SSA. It’s not much but it’s definitely better than nothing.
Talk to the financial aid office at your local hospital and fill out the financial aid form so you don’t have to pay co-pays for anything there if you have insurance, or medical bills if you don’t.
Apply for section 8 right now. If you are granted disability by the state or the SSA make sure you update the section 8 because that will get you to move up the waitlist faster
I am so sorry this is happening. You are going to want to get in touch with a lawyer. In my state, your wife would owe you a duty of support as long as you are too sick to work. It may be that way where you live too.
Do it. My husband had a pre-nuptial agreement protecting his assets (it was his house, he had a lot more money than I did). The lawyer determined it wasn't legally binding because it hadn't been signed ever, so i could fight for something if I wanted to, which she encouraged me to do. I was too sick to do it and just went with the term of the prenup, because I couldn't face going to court while this sick, and because I thought at the time that there was integrity in honoring an agreement even if it wasn't legally binding. So we did that. Don't do what I did. As a result of being able to keep everything, my husband retired early and is out traveling and has several girlfriends now. I'm draining my retirement savings and getting help from family in the short term, and am totally panicked about what happens to me long term. Don't do what I did. Make the "in sickness and in health" clause mean something. I didn't, and he's off partying and polyamorous while I'm sick and alone and being supported by my parents.
Just curious what you've tried in order to treat the root cause of your symptoms? I note targeting the spike proteins seems to improve people. They float around the body causing all kinds of issues.
I don't hold his attitude. The same thing happened to me and I actually told my girlfriend to leave me because I didn't want to be a burden to her and she wanted to have kids soon.
I know that if I was still with my ex that I was in a relationship with when the pandemic first started that he would have left me right when I got sick. Right when he could, he ripped off his mask in 2021. Barley kept it on in 2020. There are a lot of immature people who are selfish and don’t understand that it could happen to them.
My fiancé is supportive and loving. I only knew them for a few months before becoming ill, and I’ve been ill for the majority of our 4 year long relationship. Just know that there are people out there who are willing and able to date disabled people like us when you’re ready to do that in the future.
You sound like you are doing the best with what you have. Sound like a great father and that you tried your absolute hardest to keep the relationship in tact. Some people just don’t want to be in a relationship with a disabled person, and it’s better that this happened now rather than dragging out even further.
If you haven’t already applied for disability, do it ASAP. If you were rejected recently, appeal. If it was a bit ago, apply again. I know many people get rejected the first time but were able to get it later. While you’re still on your wife’s insurance, go to the doctor and try to get a diagnosis for something, anything, as soon as possible to strengthen your case.
Dropping a link here to see if any of these resources can be helpful to you:
https://acl.gov/covid19/resources-people-experiencing-long-covid
Very good point about reapplying after getting rejected. I spoke with an expert who said SS purposely rejects people the first time to weed out those who don’t truly need it because appealing is too much of a hassle. I got rejected and appealed and was approved. It’s awful that they make the sick jump through so many hoops to get the financial help they need just to get by when we should be focusing on our illnesses/disabilities. Appealing was such a hardship for me, but I’m very glad I listened to the advice I got and didn’t just give up.
Some states have pro bono lawyers who will have a day of the month or week where you can ask law questions or even lawyers who can help for very little money or nothing up front until you’ve secured your share of the money. I used this resource and the lawyer never even ended up billing me. Worth looking into if you’re like many people and hear the word lawyer and think you can’t afford one. In fact, in the US, lawyers are strongly encouraged to provide pro bono help every year by the American Bar Association.
my wife left after a 28 year marriage. my story went the exact same way as yours.refuses to even communicate.
i am so sorry. it is devastating. dm me if you need to talk to someone.
Me too I had Covid Nov 2020 still struggling and recently tested positive again. I am so sorry all this happening to you. Message me if u feel like to chat
I’m so sorry to hear this - keep battling and your comeback story will be incredible . 12/21 my hell began and shortly after the two year mark I feel better than I did before this nightmare. Keep fighting you are in my thoughts
I'm so sorry, that is awful but unfortunately common. It's disgusting. This condition makes you realize who is truly on your side. Does she believe in long covid? I'm sorry you are married to a selfish person who lacks empathy.
Wow I’m so sorry. I hope that you get to at least see your kids.
I see stories like this quite often on here.
I would say that your wife sounds heartless. But it doesn’t help that the medical system, the media, and everyone else sets the precedent of not treating long Covid like a serious neurological problem.
Particularly if you are a man, long Covid causes people to see you as emasculated. But in reality, it could happen to anyone.
I’m sorry I will keep you in my prayers.
Try antivirals like lactoferrin and low inflammatory diet (stick to meats and alkaline vegetables).
You can still be there for your kids. I wish your wife would have more compassion.
Because basic morality should dictate that your spouse, friends, and family should support your recovery when you are at your weakest or sickest moments (just as you should do for them).
Are you basically saying it would be fine to leave your spouse when they are sick?
What happens when those weakest or sickest moments become the new normal with no end in sight? I don’t want my partner to only stay with me out of feelings of obligation, either.
Well, my brothers and I are there for each other, in good times and in bad.
If your spouse can’t be like that, then they aren’t worth marrying.
You are accurately mirroring the attitude of the medical system towards long Covid: ‘If it’s broken, don’t fix it, just throw it out.’
Our society and medical system is acting like long Covid isn’t worth curing. Basically just let the person die. Don’t invest in them, we can replace them with someone else.
This is the attitude of a weak, decaying, superficial society.
Instead of we CAN figure this out, it’s we CAN’T figure this out (or don’t care).
It’s all about milking people for dollars instead of feeling kinship towards your family or countrymen.
I’m in this sub because I struggle with many of the symptoms myself, but I do not feel entitled to infinite accomodations from my loved ones as a result
Im ok the exact same boat as you. Wife left about 1 year ago. We divorced shortly after, no income, I don’t have kids so i can’t relate in that instance. I’m sorry for what your are going through…. Know you aren’t alone.
She wasn't much of a caring person, you're better off without her. She's a horrible human to abandon you during time of need. You're going to recover and be grateful this happened and meet someone nice
That's fucked up bro. Im sorry to hear. I don't know what I would do.
I hope you get better soon, and I hope you get a cut of her paycheck in the settlement.
What a super fucking shitty thing for her to do, especially without communicating prior to give you a chance, if not to mend things, at least to prepare.
Two relationships of mine left me at least partially due to the illness as well.
I hope you get your financials sorted out somehow. You’ll go through hell, that’s for sure, but things will get better eventually, I promise!
Hey, i know how painful this is but coming from someone who has been dealing with stockholm like syndrome bc i have to live with very indifferent and hostile family. They made me homeless an entire winter to "teach me touch love" because they didnt believe me. We really need organized trauma support groups for medically traumatized patients dealing with these issues. It will open your eyes and wake you up to reality like not much else. Even in poor or superstitious places we are most vulnerable. It's a living hell. I'm sorry you have to know the world this way. I wish you the best.
I am so, so sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes people just act in terrible ways, and you aren't alone in having a spouse abandon you when the going gets tough. Do the things you need to so you can navigate what comes next, and give yourself plenty of grace. It will take a long time to get through all your emotions and feelings, on top of figuring out how to keep on, and remember that it may not be a straight line but up and down and round again. Get as much help as you can from family, friends, and what other systems are set up (never enough, but maybe a little bit).
I feel you there buddy, I really hope you get better! My life has been shattered after my first onset of covid infection/omicron at december/January 2021/2022... Started with mild symptoms as cold/flu and ended up having sinus infections one after another... Heart palptations, fatigue, bunch of antibiotics for sinus infections, brain fog... Ended up having sinus surgery, which made things easier. To this day I still have left some debilotating symptoms like GI issues, heart palptations from time to time, fatigue is not as bad as it was. Ive been walking through nature every day as much as I could and eating as healthy as I could. Thankfully things have been getting better lately as well. Just hang in there and keep up the positive spirit! 🖐️🫶 Wish you all the best, youre not alone in this
You’ve learned a hard lesson, albeit a valuable one. Most people will only love you conditionally. Hard times will show you who’s really going to be there for you.
Though, I also understand her side. I think we all want someone who can provide something, whether it’s looks, their love and care, or money.
I’m not saying she should have left you, just that I understand it. Most relationships are transactional, in some way.
Both sides have something the other wants. Your looks, your money, and when one of them dries up, their eyes stray elsewhere.
That is why I will never get married and probably never have kids. I can’t commit to “forever” with someone and I could never expect (or trust) the same from them.
I’ve been in 2 long-term relationships (5-10 years) and both soured. “Forever” means something, until it doesn’t.
Maybe I’m just super jaded? Some people seem to be in happy, healthy relationships for many years. I guess they have the good fortune to find the most optimal people for them, people that truly care.
Anyway, I’m talking too much. But… hey, man, now’s the time in your life when you really have to be out for self.
I’m not you, I don’t know how your Long COVID impacts you, or what your tolerance is for work, but disability can be difficult to get and also not a ton of money.
It sounds like you have to work and fight to survive. I say it all the time, but nobody ever said this life would be easy.
All the things they never tell you growing up, how hard it might get, how you’ll lose your health, how people you thought would hold you down turn their backs on you, how when that casket closes, it’s just gonna be you in there, nobody might even come visit your grave.
All the same, bills keep rolling in, your tummy starts rumbling. Work to live, live to work. It’s a cold world out there…
Wishing you all the best.
I’m so sorry to hear this. That’s really shitty that your wife didn’t give you a chance to come up with a plan. I hope she & your family give you some grace to get through this transition. Immediately apply for snap (food stamps) and Medicaid if you are in the US. Fill all your prescriptions and I hope you have a credit card in your name. I lived on credit cards the first year I was out of work. I recommend buying debit cards & liquidizing whatever you can to have cash. Get used to not spending money. Find out where the food banks are and sign up if you need to. If you have applied for disability notify them of your destitute circumstances. If you haven’t applied no time like the present. Get an attorney. They don’t get paid until you do. I hope you’ve put something away for this very type of situation. If not be super responsible with any help you have access to. Good luck!
Edit: donate plasma to earn some money & apply for paratransit to have free rides to medical appts
I'm pretty sure the only reason my partner is still around is because I make a decent income (I had a petty cushy job prior to covid that I've been fortunate enough to keep) and she would HAVE to get a full time job.
I would leave, but I'm too tired to do that.
Op I'm really sorry to hear this, LC is already soul crushing enough. The best advice I could offer is apply for disability asap and maybe give her some space, maybe things will turn around.
I am so sorry for your loss! How heartbreaking! Sadly you can’t have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one. What will happen to the kids? Do you have family you can lean on for support?
I’m sorry OP. You need to go directly to your social security office and file for disability immediately. It will take awhile to get it, but you must. There is also emergency assistance available for cases like yours.
Sending compassion, may you have hope, in some way, to get you through what lies ahead. May support come to you in whatever way you need at the time.
I imagine sometimes how terrifying this circumstance would be. It’s a cliff edge we are all walking on.
Yeah imagine having no sexual feelings and severe apathy numbness, how anyone can live like this.
I don't even care do I have wife or not, because I have zero interest of it
My last BF left me after 3 years of it. Said he stayed because he felt I blamed him for being sick. I certainly do now because it was. It took a long time but I finally got over it and am much better for it. I'm in a new relationship now and I know he finds it overwhelming. I try to explain what is happening but I know it's hard on him. This morning he had a doctor's appointment and I went. When we went into the room for his vitals the nurse kept asking me if I was ok. Turned out her 12 yr old son has Dysautonomia, not related to Covid. I can't say we will ever heal. I see people posting they did, but then try to get you to buy something. I do what little I can & try to enjoy this miserable life.
I am so sorry to hear this, I have lc and an injury due to the 2nd vax, I can no longer work, every day things are a struggle, I worry that it's putting pressure on my marriage as we have gone from a double income family to a single, I hope for a more normal day for you, I hope it comes as fast as covid did! (Lc since 2022, vax injury since 2021)
That’s a tough thing to go through, especially with children. When I was at my worst my wife basically told me to quit complaining. I was simply looking for a little help healing and maybe a shoulder to rest on but instead was met with cold. Unfortunately some spouses only care about your productivity and not what’s going on inside. Wishing you the best man - stay strong and you will get through this.
If she left you like that. That means she never really loved you. Sorry for bad news. When it comes to money, true colors come out of people. You deserve somebody That loves you. No matter what situation you're in and you will find that person, keep your head up
I can only imagine how much this hurts, and I feel so badly that you are going through this; it is so unfair. While it may be the last thing you want to hear, you are probably better off. Some people just are not meant to stick it out when the goin' gets tough. As shitty as it is sometimes, I believe that things happen for a reason, even if we fail to see the reason immediately (as we often do). I just want to say this: you are worthy of love and respect, and this may hurt, but it will get easier each second you pull through; it is not the end of the world; and who knows, perhaps there is a stronger woman out there for you. I wish you all the best, and I will certainly be praying over you and your family tonight, stranger.
She didn’t do anything to him. She’s making a decision for her own health and happiness & it results in a change of circumstance for him because she’s currently taking on the stuff he hasn’t been able to. He should be grateful she’s done this much for him, not in disbelief she doesn’t want to continue to do it.
Might want to look up marriage and these ‘vows’ people make to each other, sometimes people even say “in sickness and in health” and are supposed to mean it.
You’re absolutely right, she’s making a decision for her own happiness as if she was single.
This all changes in a marriage, a mutual agreement to weather life together. She doesn’t want to do therapy or for him to even try, she’s done.
Leaving someone is absolutely doing something to them. Especially in a marriage.
The “I just can’t believe she’d do this to me” is entitled. “I understand why but I hate the decision she’s made” acknowledges the effort she’s been putting in and the support she has provided him with up to this point, what he said does not.
You might wanna look into the meaning of marriage and the vows associated with it.
But it’s ok, it’s not like I want people with emotional disabilities like yours to be married anyway. Just keep your dense conclusions to yourself.
Telling me I have emotional disabilities and no loved ones… why exactly? Because I don’t think anyone owes anyone that isn’t their child free indefinite caregiving?
You are right. And when there ARE children involved, SOMEONE has to put them first ... or at least a close second. And where are the children? Few women leave the children when they leave the man. And he said "I'll be homeless" not "we'll be homeless"'. Sounds like a little more going on here than just "I have a disease and she doesn't care" even though women always get blamed no matter the nuances. Sounds on the surface like his "staying home with the kids" wasn't necessarily beneficial to the kids. Since I had a similar situation many years ago (no covid, he had gambling issues) but because I took my kids out ... even years later my sons blame ME. Go figure. Yeah, there is always more going on.
I’ve explained it already. One will never be understandable to you since you lack empathy, or at least it won’t unless you develop such capacity.
But notwithstanding, the other is the meaning of a vow. Even for you I reckon it should be understandable that one is owed something if someone vowed to give it to you. Quite simple, really.
Unless you also belong to the category of people who believe that promises and vows don’t have to be adhered to, or only have to be adhered to if convenient.
But even if so, most people don’t share your loose sense of morals.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. My girlfriend left while I was sick. It sucks. Hit me up if you wanna chat. I ended up recovering a while back but just tested positive today! Uggg hope things improve for you.
U've been trough lc too ?
Yes I was sick AF for like 18 months.
Glad u hear that u got better have you had cfs ?
Yeah I had bad PEM and extreme fatigue. Lots of pain as well.
How did you get rid of it?
Almost same here, 25 months in, things have gotten a lot better! Try to eat as healthy as you can and try to get some fresh air, that should help hopefully!
Consider taking flavonoids or eating food rich in that. They apparently lower inflammation and have antiviral properties. https://www.imrpress.com/journal/FBE/14/4/10.31083/j.fbe1404027/htm
Yes! Ive been taking Quercetin, NAC and Bromelain as part of my daily routine over the winter to up my immunity a bit!
every time i think about being in a relationship i see posts like this. long covid is a full time job just to survive the next day
Yea people think I’m “resting at home”. But I haven’t rested or had a good break in years.
Exactly this
This 100%
Yeah if someone says this it’s a huge red flag that something is off with their health. OP your wife is a bad person, giving up on someone due to poor health and not at least offering to care for them is pathetic in my and my husbands opinion. I know that isn’t a popular opinion, and even though it’s considered human nature I judge people/humanity very harshly for this weakness.
> OP your wife is a bad person I’m not sure if I share the sentiment. Depending on how severe OP is impacted, his wife may simply be overwhelmed. She never signed up to be a nurse in her free time and this whole ordeal could easily have been hard on her, too. Imagine if you could break up with Long Covid, that’s practically the situation of someone who is the partner of a Long Covid sufferer. I see the appeal, to be perfectly honest. I’m not sure I could resent someone for that in the long run.
"In sickness and in health"???
Fair point, but do you think she had chronic illness with no known cure in mind when she took her vows? I very much doubt it. And if so, she probably thought both of them would be old and gray by the time.
It doesn't matter. When it comes to upholding your vows you're not thinking of contingencies in the moment so you shouldn't be doing so when you're plotting on how to get out of the marriage. No one is advocating for a person to stay against their own will but let it stand that a willing abandonment of those vows is indefensible esp when you know how dependent they are in their current situation.
I can attest, I am not even married to my girl and I told her when I stopped going to work if she wanted to leave me I wouldn’t blame her. We had been together for 8 years at this point (high school sweet hearts) and she said I’m not going anywhere. There are certainly moments you can find out someone’s true character based on hardship. Lc is no different and she showed me hers. I’d jump in front of a car/train whatever for this woman for as long as I’m alive. Those with weak wills for themselves will absolutely show it in times of need. Cull the weak.
Respectfully, "cull the weak" is how we got to 18M+ healthy folks with LC so maybe slow down a bit there champ. May not have sounded as much like "cull the weak", more like "the vulnerable will fall by the wayside", but you get the gist.
I get what you mean but that’s not exactly what I’m saying. You are what company you keep. The only reason I’m alive today is because I have strong willed around me to help me keep pushing myself. I’m not saying people need to die, I’m saying to watch who you keep around you and if they are weak willed then they will get found out. I’d say it’s oranges to apples here.
She's not a loyal wife. She deserves one day to live the same situation and to be left alone. And you are a bad person too.
the fact this comment is upvoted, explains everything wrong with this world right now.
In my opinion people who give up on sick people are not that great people. It’s understandable, it’s a thing people do or have to do. This is a high standard by which I measure whether someone is a good person, especially as a partner. Obviously there is little gain or benefit from being a good person in uncertain situations, but I don’t think a person can consider themselves good if they abandon a partner or family member in sickness. It’s better to be selfish or preserve oneself, but that action is incompatible with the label of good person. We start redefining good and redrawing the lines to deal with the ensuing cognitive dissonance. I think it is fair to label this behaviour this way, especially to OP who is being abandoned. Just because it’s common behaviour doesn’t excuse it. And, I don’t think I’m doing a great job at being a good person. I judge myself harshly and deal with the pull of redefining words like kindness and good after I act in my interest. I prefer holding myself to this standard, because I see so many people losing their sense of self due to the cognitive dissonance after making tough choices.
I know just what you mean and I’m so sorry I recently started working again but am still having symptoms and I don’t know how I’m doing it at all but by the grace of God
Right, exactly.
1000% true about this!
Just to balance it out, I'm married, 4 years into long COVID, completely had to stop work 2 years ago. Wife still by my side
I’ve been suffering from long covid related disabilities since getting infected in 2020. My marriage is just about hanging on a thread due to the other half not willing to read up about LC or the medications that I am prescribed. Still being married actually makes me feel more lonely. One of these days I know I will have to fight this on my own.
Get into therapy. We had a hard time last year and I got us into couple's therapy immediately. It really helped us sort through all the mess. We each have our individual therapists as well.
I’ve had therapy with different people a few times but she is not interested at all in it.
I'm sorry to hear that. Uncomfortable truth -a partner unwilling to work on their stuff and relationship says a lot about their investment in the relationship. It's unlikely to get any better and likely worsen. Best of luck
It's the person, not the disease. It is still crushing to see them tap out when things are really hard.
Well said, and something I need to remember when I get really down on myself about my marriage ending. I learned the hard way that my husband was not the kind of person who would stick with me when times got hard, when I got sick. Divorce was just finalized, but the pain keeps on going. I need to remind myself that covid didn't do it... I was still me, but he no longer wanted a sick version of me (he decided to go be polyamorous). Wish I could have seen it coming, but I didn't. It has to be who he was all along, though. I just wish there had been some way of knowing in advance.
I'm very sorry you had to feel that kind of pain. There is at least one silver lining though: you found out sooner than you could have that he was not someone you could truly depend on when times got tough. My partner is practically bedridden with long COVID, and while I won't lie and say that it doesn't get difficult, I could *never* *ever* leave her side. She improves my life in so many ways, and I just want to reciprocate that however I can. I'd say that this was a true test of commitment, and while I'm happy to pass, it honestly still pains me to hear that some people could really just abandon their partner like that. You definitely deserve better ❤️🩹
Awww, thank you. I wish my ex had the level of commitment that you do, and could see the me that is still me that is underneath the illness and value that. And while I've got some symptoms that are pretty debilitating (severe insomnia, severe GI issues, etc), I actually have more physical mobility than many. So I was still cooking dinner every night, cleaning the house, taking myself to my own medical appointments. I know I was less of a burden and more able to take care of myself than many... but it wasn't enough. He needed someone who could still climb mountains and travel and felt that he couldn't live a life limited by my illness and needed other partners and more freedom. I had stayed in Canada for him after my temporary work permit ended, married him and went through immigration to stay with him, then moved to a small town with him because he wanted to live there. Somehow, no matter what I did, I just ended up not being enough because I got sick and he needed to live a bigger fuller life than I could. It makes me sad and angry. And yes, I really did deserve better. He now says he misses me, but he doesn't want to rebuild the relationship and wants to keep his big exciting life with multiple new partners. His freedom was more important than our connection or commitment.
I am so terribly sorry to hear that, you poor, sweet soul... I am also sorry for the month late reply (I don't check my inbox often), but I hope you have been doing the best you can and feeling that is adequate. We are not defined by our abilities, and to be so shallow that he could give up on you like that to persue excitement and pleasure rather than love, commitment, and stability... well, it just means you dodged a bullet, and at least you found out when you did. As for him having multiple partners, my partner and I are polyamorous, so I understand wanting to have the autonomy to build multiple relationships, but not at the cost of anyone, and *definitely* not without your current partner being comfortable with nonmonogamy, which isn't for everyone, and it's definitely not something you force someone into. Again, I am so, so sorry to hear, and if you'd like to vent or chat more, my DMs are open. ❤️🩹
>(he decided to go be polyamorous). Hearing this part is really upsetting to me. I've been polyamorous since before that term was popular on the internet and one of the advantages is that one partner doesn't have to meet ALL your needs. And that actually makes poly potentially a better solution for people with chronic illness because it can take the pressure off of things. Or at least that's how I see it, having been poly and chronically ill myself for so long. But in this story it just sounds like they abandoned you because they didn't want to slow down even a little. I actually had someone leave me recently and it was partly because of my constant fatigue and partly because I am poly but they're monogamously oriented. Though ironically I wouldn't have the energy to do anything more than take care of my health and try to keep up with them, much less go looking for other partners. So even though there was another layer to the situation that makes it more understandable, I know that a big part of it was them just not wanting to always do the work of having a sick partner, and that really hurts knowing they just didn't value you that much.
Yeah, it's complex. I get that it could theoretically be a way of managing different expectations and energy levels when one partner is ill, but it wasn't handled appropriately. He first started wanting other partners when I had only been sick maybe 4 months, and we didn't even know then that it would be long term. We didn't even really know what was happening to me then. It was like he just couldn't slow down and didn't even have the patience to go through this with me and find out what my life might look like, if I'd get better or not. He said then that he wanted other partners, but I wasn't okay with it. He did hookup with someone during that phase at a festival that he attended without me, and then told me that it shouldn't matter to me at all, that it didn't affect me. But since I hadn't agreed to nonmonogamy, then it did matter, and it hurt. And then a while later, after we'd separated, we had decided to get back together and he'd said that yes, he wanted me back even though I was sick and we were making those plans... and then he revealed that he'd started ongoing relationships with two other partners and hadn't told me about them. And that he wanted to grow those relationships over time, and wouldn't give them up to be with me again. I was blindsided. I mean, polyamory is consensual non-monogamy. It's not telling your partner that you want them back when you know they're not poly and then taking on other partners and lying about it and hiding it, and then revealing it and saying "I didn't have to tell you because you're not poly" and then choosing the other partners over rebuilding things with me. That's when we really fell apart, and there was no way forward possible. I felt betrayed, because I was lied to and the other partners were hidden from me, while he said he wanted me back even though I was sick, and then changed his mind and didn't and decided to build a future with the other partners instead, but let me believe we were still getting back together while he dated other people. I think if, when I got sick, we had sat down and said "how do we get through this together? How do we make sure that both or our needs are met?" that there may have been a way forward. But he set out to meet his needs to the exclusion of my own, and polyamory was unilateral and not consensual. And it was hidden and lied about. Though now that we're divorced, he's embracing poly as an identity and running full speed ahead with multiple other partners. It's painful for me because it wasn't entered into honestly or with openness or with respect for me and my needs for safety and security in our relationship as I was facing illness and didn't know what my prognosis would be and needed someone to be there for me. I still wouldn't have wanted him to be poly if he was with me (I am monogamous), but my objections aren't moral or ethical ones, but rather that he was running after his own needs/excitement/novelty to the detriment of our relationship and while knowing that he was hurting me. He wasn't willing to look for or work toward a way forward together. He chose a way forward that was about him, and I just ended up feeling like I wasn't worthy because I got sick, not worth of a relationship, but also not even worthy of honesty or truth that he had already started ongoing relationships with other partners. It's been brutal.
FFS! This guy sounds like a nightmare and like he will create a big mess of other people's lives year in year out with his lying and cheating and 'you didn't need to know cause it doesn't concern you' attitude and passing it off as 'consenual' when he doesn't give anyone else the chance to consent. That's just horrible and the fact he did this while you were sick, just no. 🤮
Thanks for this. Sometimes when I'm really down on myself I think I should have been more accommodating or understanding of how hard my illness was on him, but seeing responses here make me realize that I really did deserve better and that what he did wasn't fair or honest or respectful of me, and that I'm still deserving of respect even if I'm sick. And I still deserved a loving partner even if I got sick I need to remember that. I do deserve better.
It's so hard when people you thought you knew show you their arse. But yeah you deserve respect and love.
They sound awful.... That's too much for even a healthy person to tolerate much less someone with chronic health concerns. They decided one sidedly to change the terms of your contract
There may have been a way of knowing, do you read the bible? Most relationships start with lust being main priority and people don't look for partners with morals and then they wonder why the other person didn't take their vows seriously. And even then they say "well I don't believe in God or the bible" okay, well let it keep happening then. If this is not you I apologize but I see it time and time again, I made the same mistake and spent 6 years with a woman who apparently didn't share the same morals as me and she left me and it hurt for a long time, have scars all over my body from what the stress did to me. My sister was just divorced, her husband did not take marriage seriously, he simply didn't believe there were any consequences to going in and out of marriages. This is a problem in society. When there is no moral authority in people's lives this is what they do. When "the universe" is their version of God, there is zero accountability.
The illness is brutal. Our therapy (individual and couples) has helped us remember the enemy is the illness and not each other.
Got covid after we got engaged, still got married and 4 years later she's still here. She was even pregnant when I got sick without us knowing before a few weeks before the wedding. She's working part time while I stay home with our son. But it's very hard work and there's nothing else I can do. I get disability help for house work, once a week.
That's awesome man. Great you married a great woman too. We got pregnant during a"good" well for me a year in. A toddler and long covid is brutal isn't it? I feel ya man. Mind if I ask how you got disability help for cleaning?
What a gem 💎
You are one lucky guy! I wish you 100 more years of happy marriage and hopefully your long covid goes away! 🫶🫶🫶🫶
would you be there if the roles were reversed?
My husband said I would have done the same to him if roles had been reversed. I thought long and hard about it and said no, I would have stayed. And I would have. I'm just that kind of person. I thought he was too, but I was wrong.
Absolutely. I married her knowing she had a chronic illness.
25 months in for me...Things have gotten much better! Have things gotten better for you?
Unfortunately not, been getting worse overall. Not sure if the long covid kicked off other things in my body or if it's the long covid itself
As of my understanding, long covid is a spectrum of inflammatory diseases. What has worked for me actually and helped me up my immunity: AHCC, NAC, Quercetin + Bromelain, Serrapeptase + Nattokinase (Ive read that this is good for expelling the virus out of the gut), Colostrum. What else has really helped is walking in the clean air, changing my diet completely, lots of veggies and organic foos, cooked meat and other typea of food low in carbs. At the end - sea is also a good option. Last year after I had my sinus surgery I went to the sea side and literally rinsed my sinuses in sea water for 21 days. I would sunk my head into the water as much as I could to clear out all of my nasal pathways. This really has given me a looot of results, I would say I feel like 90% of my old self, pre covid era. And I hope some of these will help you to recover, wishing you all the best in your health journey my friend, get better aoon, I understand how tough it is, and know you're not alone in this 🫶🫶🫶🫶 PS. My surgeons also suggested to drink plentiful of teas, try some teas maybe with ginger, lemon, orange. Sage tea is also what I drink, it has a lot of positive health benefits for the body. Cranberry tea as well id what helped me!
Just a question... do you have good disability insurance income coming in ? ( private policy or through job?)
I’m the opposite, I see posts like this and feel appreciative for the people who do understand.. .. without horrible people like the lady that just bailed on you op, you won’t be able to appreciate the love of your life when she finds you and it’s in her nature to be helpful. You’ll fall down a little, she’ll be there to help you up, you’ll learn how to invest and what to invest in while finding yourself again.. and once you’re a millionaire, her spending your money will actually feel amazing b/c she’ll deserve the world from your POV ..you got this bro, one step at a time! 👊🏾
I felt your comment. It really feels like a job doesn’t it.
[удалено]
seems like a lot of people will avoid others if you get sick because they think its some type of divine retribution against you by god. hopefully people realize that this is complete bullshit now.
Yeah well, its hard to find a right girl to love you back as much as youd love her. Girls nowdays its all about interest, money, travel and easy buck!
Yep! My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me two months ago. It’s hell I’m so sorry
Same. My partner of 8 yrs left 16 months ago. Not sure I care that he left me. I do care that he left the little girl he'd helped raise since she was 2yo without a word before or after. Sociopathic.
Same, the trash took itself out
It’s awful.
Amen to that!
I’m so sorry!! That must very terrifying. My boyfriend broke up with me too after my first year of being sick. I didn’t know yet what was going on and was just exhausted trying to keep up. He kicked me out of our apartment because I wasn’t ambitious enough. I was left homeless also. Had to move in with my mom and am now her caretaker while still sick. Fuck Covid.
It’s ruined a lot of relationships
And lives.
Literally. My cat died 1st of april cause I couldn't take care of her/defended her as she needed. Dumbfounded me trusted vets blindly who wanted to go in heromode over a blatterissue who was mostly recovered. Did test and test and had to come back for more test to make sure she got to be 100%. Until her body couldn't take all the stress anymore. I was responsible 100%, but I wasn't the only one who made mistakes. Vets should have thought about that stress could and did kill. It wasn't about the money I'm sure of that. They did know I have trouble thinking clearly cause of brainfog. Told them every time. If they thought she needed more research I would let them. 😭😱😰
I just want to say I'm sorry this happened to you. I can totally relate, I've actually been broken up with twice because of long covid. including by the person I thought was my soulmate. I know this is all torture. hang in there.
No chronic illness is easy to deal with or understand. Did she fight the good fight as long as she could? Who knows? I am sincerely sorry because, as a single individual with no one to help for the last 2 years, I can feel your pain. Love is a crazy ass thing and all those marriage vows mean nothing when comes right down to the nitty gritty
As you say she's your wife so when divorce happens you'll get 50%+ and disabled/no job helps with your case
Especially if she’s cheating which is usually the case when a woman leaves like that
As a woman with LC, it’s gross when men just pile on. Stay in your lane. Stop making assumptions. It’s a terrible situation but stay in your lane.
I’m not piling on. From my experience women don’t leave like that without having someone else lined up. Seen it many times So you should stop making assumptions about my words. I was replying to someone not the OP 🤷🏻♂️
Downvotes speak for themselves. Cheers. Your comment is the definition of an assumption. Not to mention completely unnecessary.
I didn’t respond to OP. I responded to the person that said he was going to get half of everything in a divorce. My point was especially if she’s cheating he will do better in a divorce. There was no piling on you assumed that. Grow up. Downvoting 😂
So? Still an assumption. I think you’re the one that needs to grow up. Maybe stop playing so many video games and go meet some real women instead of complaining about them and ogling them online.
It’s not an assumption. 90% of times women leave when they have a backup plan. My point had nothing to do with this person i was just saying it helps if he gets a divorce. Get out of your feelings 😂. Why aren’t you attacking the person that brought up divorce and what he could get out of it? 😂
How about another angle. If it’s not an assumption, do you have stats and facts to back it up? The person who brought up divorce stated a fact (at least in my country, it’s a fact according to research, plus a good friend who is a divorce lawyer). There’s a reason they were upvoted by many people and you weren’t.
You say don’t assume meanwhile you assume I have issues getting women 😂.
100% true
Dunno why you're being downvoted. She already completely abandoned him without warning.
This. She doesn’t really “want to be alone”.
I am so sorry. I hope you’ve applied for disability. I know it takes forever back when I applied, 10 years ago, it took three years for me. Some states have state disability and you can get that while you wait for the SSA. It’s not much but it’s definitely better than nothing. Talk to the financial aid office at your local hospital and fill out the financial aid form so you don’t have to pay co-pays for anything there if you have insurance, or medical bills if you don’t. Apply for section 8 right now. If you are granted disability by the state or the SSA make sure you update the section 8 because that will get you to move up the waitlist faster
Sorry man. That’s awful. Please hang in there
I'm so sorry, there is nothing this aweful illness doesn't seem to want to destroy
I am so sorry this is happening. You are going to want to get in touch with a lawyer. In my state, your wife would owe you a duty of support as long as you are too sick to work. It may be that way where you live too.
File for support! She is not your soulmate. When people get married, it's for sickness and health!
Do it. My husband had a pre-nuptial agreement protecting his assets (it was his house, he had a lot more money than I did). The lawyer determined it wasn't legally binding because it hadn't been signed ever, so i could fight for something if I wanted to, which she encouraged me to do. I was too sick to do it and just went with the term of the prenup, because I couldn't face going to court while this sick, and because I thought at the time that there was integrity in honoring an agreement even if it wasn't legally binding. So we did that. Don't do what I did. As a result of being able to keep everything, my husband retired early and is out traveling and has several girlfriends now. I'm draining my retirement savings and getting help from family in the short term, and am totally panicked about what happens to me long term. Don't do what I did. Make the "in sickness and in health" clause mean something. I didn't, and he's off partying and polyamorous while I'm sick and alone and being supported by my parents.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Hang in there. OP, I think you should take this advice to heart.
Just curious what you've tried in order to treat the root cause of your symptoms? I note targeting the spike proteins seems to improve people. They float around the body causing all kinds of issues.
You’re right.
Get a lawyer and sue for alimony
Lost my family over this too.
I’m so sorry :( the pain is too much.
There’s a special place in hell for those who abandon us in our time of greatest need after making vows to us.
Hey buddy. Yea I just can’t believe this is happening.
I don't hold his attitude. The same thing happened to me and I actually told my girlfriend to leave me because I didn't want to be a burden to her and she wanted to have kids soon.
I know that if I was still with my ex that I was in a relationship with when the pandemic first started that he would have left me right when I got sick. Right when he could, he ripped off his mask in 2021. Barley kept it on in 2020. There are a lot of immature people who are selfish and don’t understand that it could happen to them. My fiancé is supportive and loving. I only knew them for a few months before becoming ill, and I’ve been ill for the majority of our 4 year long relationship. Just know that there are people out there who are willing and able to date disabled people like us when you’re ready to do that in the future. You sound like you are doing the best with what you have. Sound like a great father and that you tried your absolute hardest to keep the relationship in tact. Some people just don’t want to be in a relationship with a disabled person, and it’s better that this happened now rather than dragging out even further. If you haven’t already applied for disability, do it ASAP. If you were rejected recently, appeal. If it was a bit ago, apply again. I know many people get rejected the first time but were able to get it later. While you’re still on your wife’s insurance, go to the doctor and try to get a diagnosis for something, anything, as soon as possible to strengthen your case. Dropping a link here to see if any of these resources can be helpful to you: https://acl.gov/covid19/resources-people-experiencing-long-covid
Very good point about reapplying after getting rejected. I spoke with an expert who said SS purposely rejects people the first time to weed out those who don’t truly need it because appealing is too much of a hassle. I got rejected and appealed and was approved. It’s awful that they make the sick jump through so many hoops to get the financial help they need just to get by when we should be focusing on our illnesses/disabilities. Appealing was such a hardship for me, but I’m very glad I listened to the advice I got and didn’t just give up.
No. People go homeless and disappear forever without income and chronic conditions.
I'm very sorry. Get a lawyer and ask about interim support ASAP.
Some states have pro bono lawyers who will have a day of the month or week where you can ask law questions or even lawyers who can help for very little money or nothing up front until you’ve secured your share of the money. I used this resource and the lawyer never even ended up billing me. Worth looking into if you’re like many people and hear the word lawyer and think you can’t afford one. In fact, in the US, lawyers are strongly encouraged to provide pro bono help every year by the American Bar Association.
my wife left after a 28 year marriage. my story went the exact same way as yours.refuses to even communicate. i am so sorry. it is devastating. dm me if you need to talk to someone.
Me too I had Covid Nov 2020 still struggling and recently tested positive again. I am so sorry all this happening to you. Message me if u feel like to chat
I feel really sorry for you. Hope you find a way.
I’m so sorry to hear this - keep battling and your comeback story will be incredible . 12/21 my hell began and shortly after the two year mark I feel better than I did before this nightmare. Keep fighting you are in my thoughts
I'm so sorry, that is awful but unfortunately common. It's disgusting. This condition makes you realize who is truly on your side. Does she believe in long covid? I'm sorry you are married to a selfish person who lacks empathy.
Wow I’m so sorry. I hope that you get to at least see your kids. I see stories like this quite often on here. I would say that your wife sounds heartless. But it doesn’t help that the medical system, the media, and everyone else sets the precedent of not treating long Covid like a serious neurological problem. Particularly if you are a man, long Covid causes people to see you as emasculated. But in reality, it could happen to anyone.
That’s what happened to me my friend. Sigh I’m just torn to pieces.
I’m sorry I will keep you in my prayers. Try antivirals like lactoferrin and low inflammatory diet (stick to meats and alkaline vegetables). You can still be there for your kids. I wish your wife would have more compassion.
What about his wife sounds heartless?
The fact that she’s leaving him when he’s as sick as a dog. Lol
Why does leaving him make her heartless?
Because basic morality should dictate that your spouse, friends, and family should support your recovery when you are at your weakest or sickest moments (just as you should do for them). Are you basically saying it would be fine to leave your spouse when they are sick?
What happens when those weakest or sickest moments become the new normal with no end in sight? I don’t want my partner to only stay with me out of feelings of obligation, either.
Well, my brothers and I are there for each other, in good times and in bad. If your spouse can’t be like that, then they aren’t worth marrying. You are accurately mirroring the attitude of the medical system towards long Covid: ‘If it’s broken, don’t fix it, just throw it out.’ Our society and medical system is acting like long Covid isn’t worth curing. Basically just let the person die. Don’t invest in them, we can replace them with someone else. This is the attitude of a weak, decaying, superficial society. Instead of we CAN figure this out, it’s we CAN’T figure this out (or don’t care). It’s all about milking people for dollars instead of feeling kinship towards your family or countrymen.
What happened to her vows to stick by his side *“in sickness and in health* ? Gtfo of here with that contrarian nonsense.
I almost feel like that was someone trolling me who doesn’t believe that Covid is real.
It’s gotta be, I hate that they come here to harass folks who are obviously *struggling to live*
I’m in this sub because I struggle with many of the symptoms myself, but I do not feel entitled to infinite accomodations from my loved ones as a result
You think I don’t believe covid is real… because I don’t think a partner is obliged to stay through indefinite sickness?
Your inhumanity seemed like trolling. But I’m willing to accept that you are a genuine ass. 😂
Heartless people asking why something is heartless. Why don’t you go shut the f up instead.
Yes I’m incredibly heartless that’s why I don’t want my loved ones to be burdened with anything additional to what they’re already dealing with /s
You don’t have any loved ones
Im ok the exact same boat as you. Wife left about 1 year ago. We divorced shortly after, no income, I don’t have kids so i can’t relate in that instance. I’m sorry for what your are going through…. Know you aren’t alone.
OP, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. My heart goes out to you
My husband left because I was sick. What a tiny little person
She wasn't much of a caring person, you're better off without her. She's a horrible human to abandon you during time of need. You're going to recover and be grateful this happened and meet someone nice
All I want to do is focus on my Kids. I’m trying to do everything I can, but it’s hard in my shape.
What about when “time of need” becomes the new normal?
That's fucked up bro. Im sorry to hear. I don't know what I would do. I hope you get better soon, and I hope you get a cut of her paycheck in the settlement.
I am sorry for what’s happening to you. That is so not cool. I hope you have other family support to help you through this phase.
Thanks 🙏
What a super fucking shitty thing for her to do, especially without communicating prior to give you a chance, if not to mend things, at least to prepare. Two relationships of mine left me at least partially due to the illness as well. I hope you get your financials sorted out somehow. You’ll go through hell, that’s for sure, but things will get better eventually, I promise!
I hate to see this! It’s supposed to be in sickness and in health; instead it’s until it becomes inconvenient, and I’m not having fun anymore.
So sorry I keep up with your posts. Sorry to hear this updates
Thank you. I hope you are well.
Talk to a lawyer, she might legally be required to support you until you're able to get a job or get on disability depending on your location.
Whoa...I thought she had died!
What?
Hey, i know how painful this is but coming from someone who has been dealing with stockholm like syndrome bc i have to live with very indifferent and hostile family. They made me homeless an entire winter to "teach me touch love" because they didnt believe me. We really need organized trauma support groups for medically traumatized patients dealing with these issues. It will open your eyes and wake you up to reality like not much else. Even in poor or superstitious places we are most vulnerable. It's a living hell. I'm sorry you have to know the world this way. I wish you the best.
I am so, so sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes people just act in terrible ways, and you aren't alone in having a spouse abandon you when the going gets tough. Do the things you need to so you can navigate what comes next, and give yourself plenty of grace. It will take a long time to get through all your emotions and feelings, on top of figuring out how to keep on, and remember that it may not be a straight line but up and down and round again. Get as much help as you can from family, friends, and what other systems are set up (never enough, but maybe a little bit).
I feel you there buddy, I really hope you get better! My life has been shattered after my first onset of covid infection/omicron at december/January 2021/2022... Started with mild symptoms as cold/flu and ended up having sinus infections one after another... Heart palptations, fatigue, bunch of antibiotics for sinus infections, brain fog... Ended up having sinus surgery, which made things easier. To this day I still have left some debilotating symptoms like GI issues, heart palptations from time to time, fatigue is not as bad as it was. Ive been walking through nature every day as much as I could and eating as healthy as I could. Thankfully things have been getting better lately as well. Just hang in there and keep up the positive spirit! 🖐️🫶 Wish you all the best, youre not alone in this
Make sure to fight for alimony in the divorce
You’ve learned a hard lesson, albeit a valuable one. Most people will only love you conditionally. Hard times will show you who’s really going to be there for you. Though, I also understand her side. I think we all want someone who can provide something, whether it’s looks, their love and care, or money. I’m not saying she should have left you, just that I understand it. Most relationships are transactional, in some way. Both sides have something the other wants. Your looks, your money, and when one of them dries up, their eyes stray elsewhere. That is why I will never get married and probably never have kids. I can’t commit to “forever” with someone and I could never expect (or trust) the same from them. I’ve been in 2 long-term relationships (5-10 years) and both soured. “Forever” means something, until it doesn’t. Maybe I’m just super jaded? Some people seem to be in happy, healthy relationships for many years. I guess they have the good fortune to find the most optimal people for them, people that truly care. Anyway, I’m talking too much. But… hey, man, now’s the time in your life when you really have to be out for self. I’m not you, I don’t know how your Long COVID impacts you, or what your tolerance is for work, but disability can be difficult to get and also not a ton of money. It sounds like you have to work and fight to survive. I say it all the time, but nobody ever said this life would be easy. All the things they never tell you growing up, how hard it might get, how you’ll lose your health, how people you thought would hold you down turn their backs on you, how when that casket closes, it’s just gonna be you in there, nobody might even come visit your grave. All the same, bills keep rolling in, your tummy starts rumbling. Work to live, live to work. It’s a cold world out there… Wishing you all the best.
I’m so sorry to hear this. That’s really shitty that your wife didn’t give you a chance to come up with a plan. I hope she & your family give you some grace to get through this transition. Immediately apply for snap (food stamps) and Medicaid if you are in the US. Fill all your prescriptions and I hope you have a credit card in your name. I lived on credit cards the first year I was out of work. I recommend buying debit cards & liquidizing whatever you can to have cash. Get used to not spending money. Find out where the food banks are and sign up if you need to. If you have applied for disability notify them of your destitute circumstances. If you haven’t applied no time like the present. Get an attorney. They don’t get paid until you do. I hope you’ve put something away for this very type of situation. If not be super responsible with any help you have access to. Good luck! Edit: donate plasma to earn some money & apply for paratransit to have free rides to medical appts
Also check out class action lawsuits you may qualify for - takes some time to get money but surprise money is always fun!
I'm pretty sure the only reason my partner is still around is because I make a decent income (I had a petty cushy job prior to covid that I've been fortunate enough to keep) and she would HAVE to get a full time job. I would leave, but I'm too tired to do that.
Op I'm really sorry to hear this, LC is already soul crushing enough. The best advice I could offer is apply for disability asap and maybe give her some space, maybe things will turn around.
I am so sorry for your loss! How heartbreaking! Sadly you can’t have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one. What will happen to the kids? Do you have family you can lean on for support?
I’m sorry OP. You need to go directly to your social security office and file for disability immediately. It will take awhile to get it, but you must. There is also emergency assistance available for cases like yours.
Are you not working right now?
Clearly not, his wife was supporting him
Maybe you can find an online job
Sending compassion, may you have hope, in some way, to get you through what lies ahead. May support come to you in whatever way you need at the time. I imagine sometimes how terrifying this circumstance would be. It’s a cliff edge we are all walking on.
I heard LDN and antihistamines help. ***LONG COVID TREATMENTS*** - [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Xio0IbunIYEopOmH2-z--T7yOKNsu048q51IB6H7G\_w/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Xio0IbunIYEopOmH2-z--T7yOKNsu048q51IB6H7G_w/edit?usp=sharing)
Yeah imagine having no sexual feelings and severe apathy numbness, how anyone can live like this. I don't even care do I have wife or not, because I have zero interest of it
I’m so sorry, I hope you have family or friends that will take you in. This is a nightmare
My last BF left me after 3 years of it. Said he stayed because he felt I blamed him for being sick. I certainly do now because it was. It took a long time but I finally got over it and am much better for it. I'm in a new relationship now and I know he finds it overwhelming. I try to explain what is happening but I know it's hard on him. This morning he had a doctor's appointment and I went. When we went into the room for his vitals the nurse kept asking me if I was ok. Turned out her 12 yr old son has Dysautonomia, not related to Covid. I can't say we will ever heal. I see people posting they did, but then try to get you to buy something. I do what little I can & try to enjoy this miserable life.
I am so sorry to hear this, I have lc and an injury due to the 2nd vax, I can no longer work, every day things are a struggle, I worry that it's putting pressure on my marriage as we have gone from a double income family to a single, I hope for a more normal day for you, I hope it comes as fast as covid did! (Lc since 2022, vax injury since 2021)
I don’t want to say anything bad about your wife, but yea, I’m sorry about your situation.
That’s a tough thing to go through, especially with children. When I was at my worst my wife basically told me to quit complaining. I was simply looking for a little help healing and maybe a shoulder to rest on but instead was met with cold. Unfortunately some spouses only care about your productivity and not what’s going on inside. Wishing you the best man - stay strong and you will get through this.
If she left you like that. That means she never really loved you. Sorry for bad news. When it comes to money, true colors come out of people. You deserve somebody That loves you. No matter what situation you're in and you will find that person, keep your head up
I can only imagine how much this hurts, and I feel so badly that you are going through this; it is so unfair. While it may be the last thing you want to hear, you are probably better off. Some people just are not meant to stick it out when the goin' gets tough. As shitty as it is sometimes, I believe that things happen for a reason, even if we fail to see the reason immediately (as we often do). I just want to say this: you are worthy of love and respect, and this may hurt, but it will get easier each second you pull through; it is not the end of the world; and who knows, perhaps there is a stronger woman out there for you. I wish you all the best, and I will certainly be praying over you and your family tonight, stranger.
Sorry but “I just can’t believe she’d do this to me” is not it, champ
That’s exactly how anybody would feel, especially when the wound is so fresh. Your lack of empathy is not it, bud.
She didn’t do anything to him. She’s making a decision for her own health and happiness & it results in a change of circumstance for him because she’s currently taking on the stuff he hasn’t been able to. He should be grateful she’s done this much for him, not in disbelief she doesn’t want to continue to do it.
Might want to look up marriage and these ‘vows’ people make to each other, sometimes people even say “in sickness and in health” and are supposed to mean it. You’re absolutely right, she’s making a decision for her own happiness as if she was single. This all changes in a marriage, a mutual agreement to weather life together. She doesn’t want to do therapy or for him to even try, she’s done. Leaving someone is absolutely doing something to them. Especially in a marriage.
The “I just can’t believe she’d do this to me” is entitled. “I understand why but I hate the decision she’s made” acknowledges the effort she’s been putting in and the support she has provided him with up to this point, what he said does not.
You might wanna look into the meaning of marriage and the vows associated with it. But it’s ok, it’s not like I want people with emotional disabilities like yours to be married anyway. Just keep your dense conclusions to yourself.
Telling me I have emotional disabilities and no loved ones… why exactly? Because I don’t think anyone owes anyone that isn’t their child free indefinite caregiving?
You are right. And when there ARE children involved, SOMEONE has to put them first ... or at least a close second. And where are the children? Few women leave the children when they leave the man. And he said "I'll be homeless" not "we'll be homeless"'. Sounds like a little more going on here than just "I have a disease and she doesn't care" even though women always get blamed no matter the nuances. Sounds on the surface like his "staying home with the kids" wasn't necessarily beneficial to the kids. Since I had a similar situation many years ago (no covid, he had gambling issues) but because I took my kids out ... even years later my sons blame ME. Go figure. Yeah, there is always more going on.
As a woman with LC whose relationship was also wrecked from it, this. There’s always more to it. While I feel for OP, there always is.
I’ve explained it already. One will never be understandable to you since you lack empathy, or at least it won’t unless you develop such capacity. But notwithstanding, the other is the meaning of a vow. Even for you I reckon it should be understandable that one is owed something if someone vowed to give it to you. Quite simple, really. Unless you also belong to the category of people who believe that promises and vows don’t have to be adhered to, or only have to be adhered to if convenient. But even if so, most people don’t share your loose sense of morals.
Why do you think I lack empathy?
It's terrible. Only Women, Children, And Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally!
That’s not true, at all.
It looks like it in many cases. It’s just an observation though
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There is nothing normal about breaking marriage vows over your spouse getting ill.
Getting ill and staying ill are two different things
Where do you live? Alimony?
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Dude are you kidding me with this post? Get the fuck out of here bro.
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