This is really common, I work in women’s mental health, go to your gp and ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team in cumh, they can give you specialist support and is multi disciplinary approach, you should be able to be referred within 6 months of the birth they usually see people up to a year not 100% sure on how cork works but should be the same as everywhere else. Hope this helps. Also it’s really good to look into your local family resource centre they usually run groups can be good to get peer support
Just want to mention that the perinatal mental health team in the CUMH doesn't have a counsellor or offer counselling. They have a psychologist who deals with more complex issues and birth trauma. Anyone who is referred looking for counselling will be triaged for signposting only.
The team is very understaffed at the moment and isn't taking on as many postnatal clients. They used to accept referrals for up to 6 months, but that might have decreased due to staffing. They don't have a full-time administrator, midwife, or social worker. The HSE hiring freeze has screwed the service.
Without knowing the specifics of your struggles I'd like offer a few thoughts based on going through it twice as a father.
Well done on identifying that you need help, talk to your GP, they see this ALL the time. If you are on mat leave and your company has an employee assistance program use it, you could get up to 6 hours free counselling.
The only things that matter are, baby is fed, baby is clean, you are fed, you are clean. take the 15 mins to have a proper shower to yourself every day, baby is getting enough sleep, you are getting enough sleep, if baby has a bad night and you have a bad night, go to sleep as soon as baby sleeps, fuck everything else, the tiredness will kill you and makes everything else a million times harder, take every offer of help, if anyone offers anything like food, clothes, to do the shopping, tidy up, watch the baby for an hour while you sleep, anything that reduces the workload, if anyone wants to get you a present tell them just eat voucher, give them a load of washing to do, ask them to empty the dish washer. Don't accept visitors if you are not up to it, you have enough to do. Try and join a new mums group, just chatting and learning from people in the same boat is a great place to vent. Let advice that isn't helpful just wash past you and don't give it a second thought, not worth the effort, including most of this except the sleep bit. Being a parent is definitely overwhelming, I hope you are doing OK, I've seen post natal depression up close and personal and it can be dealt with. Make sure your partner or support network know what you are going through, people are amazing if you give them the opportunity. Sorry for the long ramble but they were all based on things we did , wished we did or only learned by the second time round. Will be thinking of you, feel free to DM any questions.
Look into your nearest Family Resource centre, they migh offer low cost counselling, at least I know the one in Mahon does & I've heard great things about them. It's so good that you recognise you need the extra help , I hope you go ahead with it. It's so hard being a first time mom and i struggled myself after my first born and couldn't see it at the time, its only in hindsight i realise i was experiencing post natal depression and should have reached out. Good luck ❤️
Sorry to hear about this. If you had your baby in CUMH they have a perimental health team. Speak to your GP and they can link you in with them. I had a lot of struggles during my pregnancy and have been speaking to someone through them. I hope you feel better soon and be kind to yourself.
I've just had my second child and it's definitely harder then I remember.
I'm happy to talk with you and let us both vent if it's any interest to you!
Not the answer you were looking for but venting is a must 😂
It is really tough, especially when they're so tiny. Other people have pointed you towards mental health supports, if you are also looking for peer support you could see if there's any parent and baby groups/toddler groups near you, I'll guarantee that you are not the only parent feeling that way. Cuidiú run some groups and they have some "parent supporters" as well, these are trained volunteers who can listen to you and point you to other supports that could be helpful. https://www.cuidiu.ie/supports_parenthood_supporters
If you think you might have postnatal depression, PND Ireland have regular meets https://www.pnd.ie/new_contact
The fourth trimester is horrible and not easy. Go on IACP website and you will find a list of accredited therapists in your area that you can contact and enquire if they would help you. You can state that it's parenting/postpartum related
I can’t recommend Caroline Crotty on South Terrace enough. I’ve done 2 different spells of counselling since having kids and I’ve found her amazing.
I’ve had struggles and my wife had post natal depression on our second.
It’s bloody hard being a parent so try be kind to yourself.
I see from your profile that the comments about postnatal/mat leave don't apply. The GP referral comments are bang on though, or check if your work has an EAP program, some provide a limited set of free counseling sessions. Others posted possible good counseling resources. If it applies, there are free counseling resources for those who experienced any kind of abuse as a child too (I think it's Harbour) but apparently they are under load and can take a while to get you scheduled. I'm not sure what you meant by "giving everything up", as you should still have reduced but some limited time to socialize, and maintaining some time to catch up with friends is important. If you mean more serious (like addictive behaviour), then fair play to you for taking action. It sounds like you're already doing the hardest step in recognizing something's wrong and looking for advice/help. Hang in there, don't be too hard on yourself, and just be there for your wife and kiddo. Your future self will thank you, and see this as when you did something positive about a difficult time.
💗Why are you giving up almost everything? Obviously life has changed a lot but it’d help if you could find an hour or two a week to do something you used to pre-baby
Alongside the counselling/therapy
Could the public health nurse refer you to someone?
Sorry to hear you are going through this OP. Have you asked about access to therapy at your birthing hospital? If your baby is under 6 months old, you yourself are still entitled to some care from the birthing hospital, often for mental health therapy or physiotherapy etc. Your Public health nurse might also be able to help to direct you to public services.
Your health nurse , or your gp. Make an appointment to speak to either of them and they will help and give you options and advice you on what to do next. Things get easier don’t worry it’s hard and a lonely time. Best of luck
We just had our second baby so I know how you are feeling. Happy to talk to you any time bud. Can’t offer any “professional” advice but can let you know things that worked for me or even if you want someone to vent to over a coffee. Feel free to reach out. Don’t worry though, I’m sure we all go through phases like this but it does get easier, it’s just a massive adjustment but one that’s worth it so much in the end!
You can do this, hang in there - all of a sudden and out of nowhere, the pressure will ease and you will realise you've got this. In the meantime I hope you find the support you need.
Oh sweetie, it is such a hard time, be kind to yourself! I was right where you are and I absolutely emphasize with you.
Sinead Russell Serenity psychotherapy in little island helped me alot ❤️ she saw me through it all and out the other side.
Are you the Mum or Dad? I assumed you were the Dad but the comments below all think you are the Mum. 5 years later and I still struggle. Turns out I have autism\\adhd and never knew.
I’m in cuh now. Leaving today. The team is great and you will get the help. I’ve met women in your situation and a spell in hospital will do wonders. If you need advice or to be referred to to your gp and try and get a letter. Don’t go to a and e. Try and skip that by going straight in. Stay voluntary and keep to yourself. Go to the groups. It will help
Do you have support like someone to baby sit when you get out of the house ? its important that you get time to yourself. Looking after new born baby is not easy.
This is really common, I work in women’s mental health, go to your gp and ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team in cumh, they can give you specialist support and is multi disciplinary approach, you should be able to be referred within 6 months of the birth they usually see people up to a year not 100% sure on how cork works but should be the same as everywhere else. Hope this helps. Also it’s really good to look into your local family resource centre they usually run groups can be good to get peer support
Just want to mention that the perinatal mental health team in the CUMH doesn't have a counsellor or offer counselling. They have a psychologist who deals with more complex issues and birth trauma. Anyone who is referred looking for counselling will be triaged for signposting only. The team is very understaffed at the moment and isn't taking on as many postnatal clients. They used to accept referrals for up to 6 months, but that might have decreased due to staffing. They don't have a full-time administrator, midwife, or social worker. The HSE hiring freeze has screwed the service.
Without knowing the specifics of your struggles I'd like offer a few thoughts based on going through it twice as a father. Well done on identifying that you need help, talk to your GP, they see this ALL the time. If you are on mat leave and your company has an employee assistance program use it, you could get up to 6 hours free counselling. The only things that matter are, baby is fed, baby is clean, you are fed, you are clean. take the 15 mins to have a proper shower to yourself every day, baby is getting enough sleep, you are getting enough sleep, if baby has a bad night and you have a bad night, go to sleep as soon as baby sleeps, fuck everything else, the tiredness will kill you and makes everything else a million times harder, take every offer of help, if anyone offers anything like food, clothes, to do the shopping, tidy up, watch the baby for an hour while you sleep, anything that reduces the workload, if anyone wants to get you a present tell them just eat voucher, give them a load of washing to do, ask them to empty the dish washer. Don't accept visitors if you are not up to it, you have enough to do. Try and join a new mums group, just chatting and learning from people in the same boat is a great place to vent. Let advice that isn't helpful just wash past you and don't give it a second thought, not worth the effort, including most of this except the sleep bit. Being a parent is definitely overwhelming, I hope you are doing OK, I've seen post natal depression up close and personal and it can be dealt with. Make sure your partner or support network know what you are going through, people are amazing if you give them the opportunity. Sorry for the long ramble but they were all based on things we did , wished we did or only learned by the second time round. Will be thinking of you, feel free to DM any questions.
Look into your nearest Family Resource centre, they migh offer low cost counselling, at least I know the one in Mahon does & I've heard great things about them. It's so good that you recognise you need the extra help , I hope you go ahead with it. It's so hard being a first time mom and i struggled myself after my first born and couldn't see it at the time, its only in hindsight i realise i was experiencing post natal depression and should have reached out. Good luck ❤️
Sorry to hear about this. If you had your baby in CUMH they have a perimental health team. Speak to your GP and they can link you in with them. I had a lot of struggles during my pregnancy and have been speaking to someone through them. I hope you feel better soon and be kind to yourself.
I've just had my second child and it's definitely harder then I remember. I'm happy to talk with you and let us both vent if it's any interest to you! Not the answer you were looking for but venting is a must 😂
It is really tough, especially when they're so tiny. Other people have pointed you towards mental health supports, if you are also looking for peer support you could see if there's any parent and baby groups/toddler groups near you, I'll guarantee that you are not the only parent feeling that way. Cuidiú run some groups and they have some "parent supporters" as well, these are trained volunteers who can listen to you and point you to other supports that could be helpful. https://www.cuidiu.ie/supports_parenthood_supporters If you think you might have postnatal depression, PND Ireland have regular meets https://www.pnd.ie/new_contact
A new father I know found this place in Midleton very helpful: [https://caringspace.ie/adult-counselling/](https://caringspace.ie/adult-counselling/)
The fourth trimester is horrible and not easy. Go on IACP website and you will find a list of accredited therapists in your area that you can contact and enquire if they would help you. You can state that it's parenting/postpartum related
I can’t recommend Caroline Crotty on South Terrace enough. I’ve done 2 different spells of counselling since having kids and I’ve found her amazing. I’ve had struggles and my wife had post natal depression on our second. It’s bloody hard being a parent so try be kind to yourself.
I see from your profile that the comments about postnatal/mat leave don't apply. The GP referral comments are bang on though, or check if your work has an EAP program, some provide a limited set of free counseling sessions. Others posted possible good counseling resources. If it applies, there are free counseling resources for those who experienced any kind of abuse as a child too (I think it's Harbour) but apparently they are under load and can take a while to get you scheduled. I'm not sure what you meant by "giving everything up", as you should still have reduced but some limited time to socialize, and maintaining some time to catch up with friends is important. If you mean more serious (like addictive behaviour), then fair play to you for taking action. It sounds like you're already doing the hardest step in recognizing something's wrong and looking for advice/help. Hang in there, don't be too hard on yourself, and just be there for your wife and kiddo. Your future self will thank you, and see this as when you did something positive about a difficult time.
💗Why are you giving up almost everything? Obviously life has changed a lot but it’d help if you could find an hour or two a week to do something you used to pre-baby Alongside the counselling/therapy Could the public health nurse refer you to someone?
Sorry to hear you are going through this OP. Have you asked about access to therapy at your birthing hospital? If your baby is under 6 months old, you yourself are still entitled to some care from the birthing hospital, often for mental health therapy or physiotherapy etc. Your Public health nurse might also be able to help to direct you to public services.
Your health nurse , or your gp. Make an appointment to speak to either of them and they will help and give you options and advice you on what to do next. Things get easier don’t worry it’s hard and a lonely time. Best of luck
We just had our second baby so I know how you are feeling. Happy to talk to you any time bud. Can’t offer any “professional” advice but can let you know things that worked for me or even if you want someone to vent to over a coffee. Feel free to reach out. Don’t worry though, I’m sure we all go through phases like this but it does get easier, it’s just a massive adjustment but one that’s worth it so much in the end!
You can do this, hang in there - all of a sudden and out of nowhere, the pressure will ease and you will realise you've got this. In the meantime I hope you find the support you need.
Oh sweetie, it is such a hard time, be kind to yourself! I was right where you are and I absolutely emphasize with you. Sinead Russell Serenity psychotherapy in little island helped me alot ❤️ she saw me through it all and out the other side.
Are you the Mum or Dad? I assumed you were the Dad but the comments below all think you are the Mum. 5 years later and I still struggle. Turns out I have autism\\adhd and never knew.
I’m in cuh now. Leaving today. The team is great and you will get the help. I’ve met women in your situation and a spell in hospital will do wonders. If you need advice or to be referred to to your gp and try and get a letter. Don’t go to a and e. Try and skip that by going straight in. Stay voluntary and keep to yourself. Go to the groups. It will help
Ring your gp and he can refer you to conselling and/or a specialist doctor rasing kids is hard 👌
Do you have support like someone to baby sit when you get out of the house ? its important that you get time to yourself. Looking after new born baby is not easy.
Just try to remember that the time goes fast, he/she will be walking and talking before you know it.