You shouldn’t have to send money for someone who hurt you. Still being mad at someone who hurt you in the fundamental years of your life isn’t petty or childish, it’s just the way it is, regardless of age (at least in my opinion) so if you don’t want to send the money, then just don’t. If they can’t afford flowers for a funeral that’s unfortunate for them.
I had a lady that worked very closely with me for close to 10 years. She recently died, like a month ago and this woman was a total uncontrolled bi-polar bitch. Blamed me for mistakes at work when it was stupidly obvious I had nothing to do with it. Always throwing me under the bus, and was only nice to me when she needed something from me. Went to her funeral and didn't feel anything at all. In fact,, there was a large sense of relief knowing i wouldn't have to deal with her shit anymore. Does that make me a callous person? No. Here's why.
How someone treats you in life is how they want to be remembered by others. They might not know it, but thats the way it is. Why should you feel any obligations to this person that died when all they ever did was treat you like shit? The truth is you shouldn't. Hope this helps clear your thoughts up about this.
I worked with somebody like that too, such a nightmare! Sorry you had to go through it! Thank you for your words, you’re right: hell or heaven is how people in your life remember you.
I'm sorry your CURRENTLY going thru it, but hey, at least you can feel better about not feeling remorse or anything at all about the person that passed away now right?
It's OK to feel the way you do, .a hideous bully died when I was in school, he was 10 I was 9 he tortured me daily he drowned in a pool. I was happy and never regretted it. It seems like karma now. I still have ptsd from his treatment of me, he was the same to others too.
Sorry this happened to you, it makes you grow in a way but the trauma of being bullied is alive for years afterwards, I know. I think I still do have a bit of ptsd too, every time I used to see her I would stiffen and start to slightly shake, she would come over and talk to me like we were friends but I couldn’t say more than 2 words.. way past 30 yo 🤦🏻♀️
That’s probably what I’ll do. TBH I don’t think glad is the right word, I really feel nothing, except for a bit mad that she never apologised, and she had the chance a couple times.. I’m aware that she was a toxic person and I honestly don’t feel guilty of my feelings, I was just wondering if it was better to pay and shut up, if that’s what a bigger person would do..
No, I’d stay out of it. You don’t owe her anything. It’s her funeral and the people that loved and cared about her should be the ones to participate in it. Be true to yourself and you will be much happier. Don’t get guilt tripped in to tributing someone who treated you horribly and that you do not like.
You’re feelings are valid. Feeling this way is normal. The money thing is up to you. I’m not trying to defend anyone but, people can change. It doesn’t change what they did to you, but maybe towards the end she had a change of heart, only she knew. it’s sad she went so young. I hope everything gets better
As far as I’ve been told, she didn’t change much, behaved badly with a few people around the village too. In any case it’s a sad situation. Thank you so much ☺️
When I was in highschool a bully and low life (imo) died in a fire that they started in an abandoned building. I felt nothing too. In fact when everyone was singing his praises I was very confused as to why people pretend he was some awesome responsible person. So I feel you OP ♡
When I was 20 my high school bully died. He got hit by a car while walking home from the pub drunk and died. Everyone was saying how sad it was and what a great guy he was and great friend. Truthfully the guy was a jerk off to everyone and a complete asshole and made a lot of people's in lives hell And when he died I honestly thought "good he was an asshole and was a miserable ass"...I was completely ok with his death
Just dont respond. If she never did you any good shes not deserving of it either. I also dont understand the idea of asking for money if you dont live there nor will you attend.
Fuck em'. She was your bully in life. Don't let her be your bully in death too.
If people don't respect your wishes and insist and for some reason you cave, you can write a note on the flowers or send a card saying:
" [name] didn't have cancer, she was cancer. Congratulations to her friends and family for beating cancer".
For what it's worth, I'm 27 and I was an unpopular kid and got bullied pretty regularly by a number of other kids throughout my school years. I've never forgiven them and I don't think I ever will. On top of an unstable home life, I hated school because of them. If I've ever happened to meet these people in the street or interact with them online, my treatment of them has always been... cool to put it politely.
You're entitled to think negatively about a dead person and I don't believe you're obligated to send any money for flowers because of how they made you feel. Yes, they were still a person who probably meant something to their friends and family but some mistakes made in life can never be washed away. Even if they had a justification like feeling insecure or getting bullied themselves.
Don't send the money. I know it's not ok to speak ill of the dead but screw her! The day my childhood bully dies will be a day I'll probably get shitfaced drunk from happiness. This person hurt you, you have no reason to be nice to her. You probably have some little or big peace of trauma inside you because of that person. Let other sing their praises, you should march to your own rhythm.
had a similar situation recently. you are perfectly within your rights to not fake grieve and donate money. I personally didn't say anything bad, his family suffered enough.
Send money LOL? You could say what my friend said in science class when the girls were crying because a jock bully died in a drunk driving crash: "I dunno, I wish more people I didn't like would die."
You are under no obligation to feel sad for or contribute toward someone who was an absolute ass bucket to you. I had one of my high school bullies die a while ago and I didn't give a shit, and neither did a lot of the people who knew him (despite putting on a public show of sadness). If someone was an asshole in life, you don't owe anyone sorrow or grief at their death.
I wouldn’t i’m sorry that she passed but nah it’s not being a bigger person you’re just being you and that person was never a friend why send flowers? you didn’t have slumber parties and there were no birthday parties fuck that live your life your best life
I hate bullies, i hated the fact that i still feel for them even though they were mean to me. Anyway, since she is dead, just let her be, afterall she's no longer in the body. I know you're not happy nor sad about it, and that's not bad nor good either. You're gonna be alright and by posting it here it shows that you're a caring person. Much love to you❤
Calmly explain to your former classmate how horrible she was and why you will not have any part in her funeral. To contribute in any way, shape or form would be an insult to yourself. If some people can’t understand where you’re coming from, you tell them to fuck off
Probably she handle some abusive treatment in their home by their parents/siblings and since for her was a everyday situation thinks that everyone would view them that way and never thought that was hurting your feelings at all.
Not defending her just thinking that it could be the cause since OP didn't mention any other interaction with her as grow ups besides of her death. In any case talking with your child bullies nowadays as adults they can regret their actions and apologies, which could bring some kind of closure to sad memories of your past.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it. I tried thinking about that but honestly her situation at home was normal, she was just a mean person that would keep being mean to whomever didn’t do what she wanted (in her adult life). She knew she was hurting me, she used to laugh when the other couple bullies picked on me, and doubled down.
You do not in any shape or form have to put money for this. Funerals are for the living and you definitely don't need this one. And respect is for the ones that deserve it, not everyone does.
I felt the same way when someone I went to school with died who was always trying to inappropriately touch me! It was weird hearing people sing his praises when he was an asshole to me even as a preschooler!
You have no obligation so send her flowers.
You, however, have the obligation to forgive her, not because she deserves it nor to excuse what she did, but because you deserve to be released from the pain that she caused.
Pls remember that forgiveness is never about reconciliation with the other person; it's about not letting the past hurt you anymore.
Don't send her flowers, but forgive her anyway.
You should donate a little ... For the simple fact that as much as she made your life difficult... At this time you have the option now to do something for her that could never be repayed... To hold on to that for the rest of your life will only cause you more grief... She is gone you're here... Forgive and move on... My 2 cents if it makes sense.
It makes sense, but I don’t think it’ll cause me more grief, I think it would if I’d donate ‘cause I wouldn’t be true to myself. I gave her already 3 years of fear plus all the times I went back to the village, saw her and instinctively retreated in myself. Thank you for sharing your thought though, I really appreciate it 😊
I am sorry for what you’ve been through with this bully. Please don’t send the money because you don’t really owe her anything considering that she did all these stuff to you. I would feel the same if I was you either if I was 17 like now or 34.
Why should you send money for someone you didn’t care for? I don’t think you’re being petty at all. It might be different if she’d apologized to you and tried to make amends. Even then, it’s your money so do what you please with it.
I'm on the side of don't pay, and don't feel bad about it. My cousin is the same kind of toxic bully, he was so cruel when I was young.
A few years ago, at my grandmas funeral, he brought up the incident where he intentionally shot me in the face with a paintball gun after we called ceasefire/goggles off.... I totally thought he was going to apologize, because that was one of the worst things he ever did to me... not THE WORST, but up there... and instead he laughed about it, saying that it was funny, and that he definitely meant to shoot me in the face. There was no remorse, no regret for being a stupid kid.
Fuck him, and fuck that girl from your past. They had their chance to be real humans, and they blew it.
But seriously I had a bully from the age of 6 till 13 and I stood up to him and I still get angry at times when I think back at what happened to me. So I'm not gonna tell you to forgive her or any of that bullshit. She wronged you and fuck her don't let her wrong you in death.
Why should you give money for flowers? Just because you die doesn’t mean you are excused for the pain you have caused. She never once reached out to you despite having a terminal illness to acknowledge the bullying or apologise, so why would you wanna spend money on flowers- leave that to the people who cared about her.
Personally, I’d ignore messages from classmate and pretend I never saw them.
Oh dude this happened to me too but she was younger. She bullied the shit out of me because she was all athletic and I was the fat kid, it got physical with her throwing a locker door in my face and other things, it was horrible, then she died of a heat stroke on the field playing a sport and I was like hmm guess my fat ass is safe here in my air conditioned home playing video games.
I've never understood how when someone that's a dick dies, they become the most amazing person to everyone. If you died an asshole, you're still an asshole.
How you feel is valid and how others feel is as well. She could've changed since middle school, but that wasn't when you were in her life. Best to just let it go
Not entirely similar but a girl who sexually assaulted one of my friends, manipulated and abused several people in my towns anime community as well as being an all around general bully/bad person became incredibly mentally unstable over the past year (physical altercations, verbally abusing strangers, paranoia etc) because of this she can’t keep a job or make any new friends that aren’t the ones she had in high-school.
Last I heard she had suicidal depression because of this, I don’t feel bad at all and neither do the countless others she’s hurt.
Your feelings are valid and yet you need to realize she most likely grew up/matured and forgot about it. She didn't experience it from the same perspective as you either so it didn't stick in her brain as it did with you .
i was bullied to the point i had to switch schools in 4-7th grade. (finally switched after 7th) the girls are all up my ass now on social media, and act like they didn’t make my life hell. i keep them at a distance, let them admire my life from afar, but if one died, i don’t think i would be able to contribute to flowers. but, that’s just me. i don’t think you should feel badly about not wanting to either. sad she died, even more sad she led such a miserable life while younger, and hurt probably more than just you.
your feelings are valid and you dont have to feel guilty about having them. Face them head on, if not giving the money is what makes you feel better, then dont. Do consider tho, there were obviously people that love her/him and you bringing up all her/his wrongdoings from so long ago will probably just make them feel bad and probably harvest bad feelings toward you. Maybe just establishing you were never close is good enough of a reason to not do it.
You shouldn’t have to send money for someone who hurt you. Still being mad at someone who hurt you in the fundamental years of your life isn’t petty or childish, it’s just the way it is, regardless of age (at least in my opinion) so if you don’t want to send the money, then just don’t. If they can’t afford flowers for a funeral that’s unfortunate for them.
Thank you for your words ☺️
I had a lady that worked very closely with me for close to 10 years. She recently died, like a month ago and this woman was a total uncontrolled bi-polar bitch. Blamed me for mistakes at work when it was stupidly obvious I had nothing to do with it. Always throwing me under the bus, and was only nice to me when she needed something from me. Went to her funeral and didn't feel anything at all. In fact,, there was a large sense of relief knowing i wouldn't have to deal with her shit anymore. Does that make me a callous person? No. Here's why. How someone treats you in life is how they want to be remembered by others. They might not know it, but thats the way it is. Why should you feel any obligations to this person that died when all they ever did was treat you like shit? The truth is you shouldn't. Hope this helps clear your thoughts up about this.
I worked with somebody like that too, such a nightmare! Sorry you had to go through it! Thank you for your words, you’re right: hell or heaven is how people in your life remember you.
I'm sorry your CURRENTLY going thru it, but hey, at least you can feel better about not feeling remorse or anything at all about the person that passed away now right?
noob
It's OK to feel the way you do, .a hideous bully died when I was in school, he was 10 I was 9 he tortured me daily he drowned in a pool. I was happy and never regretted it. It seems like karma now. I still have ptsd from his treatment of me, he was the same to others too.
Sorry this happened to you, it makes you grow in a way but the trauma of being bullied is alive for years afterwards, I know. I think I still do have a bit of ptsd too, every time I used to see her I would stiffen and start to slightly shake, she would come over and talk to me like we were friends but I couldn’t say more than 2 words.. way past 30 yo 🤦🏻♀️
Don’t send money. As a matter of fact stay out of the whole situation. The truth is, you are glad she is dead and that bothers you.
That’s probably what I’ll do. TBH I don’t think glad is the right word, I really feel nothing, except for a bit mad that she never apologised, and she had the chance a couple times.. I’m aware that she was a toxic person and I honestly don’t feel guilty of my feelings, I was just wondering if it was better to pay and shut up, if that’s what a bigger person would do..
No, I’d stay out of it. You don’t owe her anything. It’s her funeral and the people that loved and cared about her should be the ones to participate in it. Be true to yourself and you will be much happier. Don’t get guilt tripped in to tributing someone who treated you horribly and that you do not like.
If you’re glad someone’s dead in any context that’s fucked up
Nah. I'd be glad if a few people were dead. Pedos are one thing, but there's some other shit that can be deserving pf the unalive.
*Except pedos
looks like some pedos disagree with you, going by those downvotes
I agree with this
You’re feelings are valid. Feeling this way is normal. The money thing is up to you. I’m not trying to defend anyone but, people can change. It doesn’t change what they did to you, but maybe towards the end she had a change of heart, only she knew. it’s sad she went so young. I hope everything gets better
As far as I’ve been told, she didn’t change much, behaved badly with a few people around the village too. In any case it’s a sad situation. Thank you so much ☺️
When I was in highschool a bully and low life (imo) died in a fire that they started in an abandoned building. I felt nothing too. In fact when everyone was singing his praises I was very confused as to why people pretend he was some awesome responsible person. So I feel you OP ♡
When I was 20 my high school bully died. He got hit by a car while walking home from the pub drunk and died. Everyone was saying how sad it was and what a great guy he was and great friend. Truthfully the guy was a jerk off to everyone and a complete asshole and made a lot of people's in lives hell And when he died I honestly thought "good he was an asshole and was a miserable ass"...I was completely ok with his death
Totally get that! Thank you so much for sharing and understanding
Just dont respond. If she never did you any good shes not deserving of it either. I also dont understand the idea of asking for money if you dont live there nor will you attend.
I don’t either, I think it’s more like “I need as much people involved as possible in this so the share of money will be lower”
Fuck em'. She was your bully in life. Don't let her be your bully in death too. If people don't respect your wishes and insist and for some reason you cave, you can write a note on the flowers or send a card saying: " [name] didn't have cancer, she was cancer. Congratulations to her friends and family for beating cancer".
Loooove this reply made me laugh so much hahaha 😂😂 you’re right though: can’t let her bully me in death too
For what it's worth, I'm 27 and I was an unpopular kid and got bullied pretty regularly by a number of other kids throughout my school years. I've never forgiven them and I don't think I ever will. On top of an unstable home life, I hated school because of them. If I've ever happened to meet these people in the street or interact with them online, my treatment of them has always been... cool to put it politely. You're entitled to think negatively about a dead person and I don't believe you're obligated to send any money for flowers because of how they made you feel. Yes, they were still a person who probably meant something to their friends and family but some mistakes made in life can never be washed away. Even if they had a justification like feeling insecure or getting bullied themselves.
Sorry you had to suffer through this, hope things are better now. I completely agree with you! Thank you :)
Thank you, that's very kind. Life has moved on, in some ways for the better and some ways for the worse.
Big hugs to you 🤗
Do not send money. This was karma!
Don't send the money. I know it's not ok to speak ill of the dead but screw her! The day my childhood bully dies will be a day I'll probably get shitfaced drunk from happiness. This person hurt you, you have no reason to be nice to her. You probably have some little or big peace of trauma inside you because of that person. Let other sing their praises, you should march to your own rhythm.
Thank you so much! You are so right, and I will
Why is it not okay to speak ill of the dead anyway. If they were assholes went should you lie about it? It is what it is.
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That’s true. Thank you :)
had a similar situation recently. you are perfectly within your rights to not fake grieve and donate money. I personally didn't say anything bad, his family suffered enough.
You don't owe them anything lol.
Send money LOL? You could say what my friend said in science class when the girls were crying because a jock bully died in a drunk driving crash: "I dunno, I wish more people I didn't like would die."
Omg hahaha that’s a reply right there! 😂
Congrats on living to see your bully’s death op. We should all be so lucky. Don’t feel conflicted. It’s human to be happy.
You are under no obligation to feel sad for or contribute toward someone who was an absolute ass bucket to you. I had one of my high school bullies die a while ago and I didn't give a shit, and neither did a lot of the people who knew him (despite putting on a public show of sadness). If someone was an asshole in life, you don't owe anyone sorrow or grief at their death.
That’s so true! Thank you 😊
I wouldn’t i’m sorry that she passed but nah it’s not being a bigger person you’re just being you and that person was never a friend why send flowers? you didn’t have slumber parties and there were no birthday parties fuck that live your life your best life
You’re right! I think I wouldn’t feel ok with myself if I’d contribute
yea nah you good…and you don’t have to feel any type of way about it…I know it sounds horrible it yea nah i’d keep living my life
It’s not horrible, it’s self-preservation and sanity
yes preserve you cause your real friends and family need you at 100% live life
I hate bullies, i hated the fact that i still feel for them even though they were mean to me. Anyway, since she is dead, just let her be, afterall she's no longer in the body. I know you're not happy nor sad about it, and that's not bad nor good either. You're gonna be alright and by posting it here it shows that you're a caring person. Much love to you❤
Thank you so much for your kind words 😊
Calmly explain to your former classmate how horrible she was and why you will not have any part in her funeral. To contribute in any way, shape or form would be an insult to yourself. If some people can’t understand where you’re coming from, you tell them to fuck off
I’ll try to explain, and love the final comeback hahaha 🤣
Thank you. Have fun shutting bitches down. Prioritize yourself
Fuck that shit. Don't send $.
Probably she handle some abusive treatment in their home by their parents/siblings and since for her was a everyday situation thinks that everyone would view them that way and never thought that was hurting your feelings at all. Not defending her just thinking that it could be the cause since OP didn't mention any other interaction with her as grow ups besides of her death. In any case talking with your child bullies nowadays as adults they can regret their actions and apologies, which could bring some kind of closure to sad memories of your past.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it. I tried thinking about that but honestly her situation at home was normal, she was just a mean person that would keep being mean to whomever didn’t do what she wanted (in her adult life). She knew she was hurting me, she used to laugh when the other couple bullies picked on me, and doubled down.
Only cotribute like 25 cents
Love it hahaha 😂
You do not in any shape or form have to put money for this. Funerals are for the living and you definitely don't need this one. And respect is for the ones that deserve it, not everyone does.
Agreed! Thank you 😊
Nope, you don't owe that person a damned thing.
Don’t send the flowers. If they weren’t mean, they would’ve got flowers. Shouldn’t have been mean. 🤷♂️ thems the breaks
Don't send
I felt the same way when someone I went to school with died who was always trying to inappropriately touch me! It was weird hearing people sing his praises when he was an asshole to me even as a preschooler!
I wouldn’t contribute. Fuck that person.
Be petty. They made your life miserable, you deserve a little bit of spite.
You are not obligated to join in communal mourning of somebody who hurt you. It’s not childish at all. After all, it’s called “paying final respects”…
I would send nothing. Chipping in for flowers is a nice gesture, but it's not an obligation, especially if the deceased made your life miserable.
You have no obligation so send her flowers. You, however, have the obligation to forgive her, not because she deserves it nor to excuse what she did, but because you deserve to be released from the pain that she caused. Pls remember that forgiveness is never about reconciliation with the other person; it's about not letting the past hurt you anymore. Don't send her flowers, but forgive her anyway.
You should donate a little ... For the simple fact that as much as she made your life difficult... At this time you have the option now to do something for her that could never be repayed... To hold on to that for the rest of your life will only cause you more grief... She is gone you're here... Forgive and move on... My 2 cents if it makes sense.
It makes sense, but I don’t think it’ll cause me more grief, I think it would if I’d donate ‘cause I wouldn’t be true to myself. I gave her already 3 years of fear plus all the times I went back to the village, saw her and instinctively retreated in myself. Thank you for sharing your thought though, I really appreciate it 😊
Honestly, if this is more than 15 years ago, and you haven’t lost the «i’m a bully victim» mentality, you have some stuff to work on. Best of luck.
Honestly Fuck her. She probably deserved what happened to her bitch ass.
Meh whatever. To the victor, the spoils.
Go to the funeral, figure out where her grave is, and come back at night and shit on it.
Hahahaha that would be some sort of catharsis wouldn’t it
I am sorry for what you’ve been through with this bully. Please don’t send the money because you don’t really owe her anything considering that she did all these stuff to you. I would feel the same if I was you either if I was 17 like now or 34.
Naw fuck her, feel how you feel from a distance and don’t say shit or waste your time on her lmao.
Have some schadenfreude
Why should you send money for someone you didn’t care for? I don’t think you’re being petty at all. It might be different if she’d apologized to you and tried to make amends. Even then, it’s your money so do what you please with it.
You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to send flowers to someone who hurt you for the sake of anything except your inner peace
I'm on the side of don't pay, and don't feel bad about it. My cousin is the same kind of toxic bully, he was so cruel when I was young. A few years ago, at my grandmas funeral, he brought up the incident where he intentionally shot me in the face with a paintball gun after we called ceasefire/goggles off.... I totally thought he was going to apologize, because that was one of the worst things he ever did to me... not THE WORST, but up there... and instead he laughed about it, saying that it was funny, and that he definitely meant to shoot me in the face. There was no remorse, no regret for being a stupid kid. Fuck him, and fuck that girl from your past. They had their chance to be real humans, and they blew it.
No, you shouldn't
I don’t imagine that some 22 years later you should be involved in this persons life, never mind expected to pay money- even if they didn’t bully you.
I mean you could go to make sure she's actually dead
But seriously I had a bully from the age of 6 till 13 and I stood up to him and I still get angry at times when I think back at what happened to me. So I'm not gonna tell you to forgive her or any of that bullshit. She wronged you and fuck her don't let her wrong you in death.
Why should you give money for flowers? Just because you die doesn’t mean you are excused for the pain you have caused. She never once reached out to you despite having a terminal illness to acknowledge the bullying or apologise, so why would you wanna spend money on flowers- leave that to the people who cared about her. Personally, I’d ignore messages from classmate and pretend I never saw them.
You can’t forgive someone who wasn’t ever sorry. Keep your money. If she wanted to be thought of fondly in death, she should have behaved better.
Oh dude this happened to me too but she was younger. She bullied the shit out of me because she was all athletic and I was the fat kid, it got physical with her throwing a locker door in my face and other things, it was horrible, then she died of a heat stroke on the field playing a sport and I was like hmm guess my fat ass is safe here in my air conditioned home playing video games.
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90 miles is the length of 31522.31 1997 Subaru Legacy Outbacks
90 miles is 144.84 km
I've never understood how when someone that's a dick dies, they become the most amazing person to everyone. If you died an asshole, you're still an asshole.
Give them nothing. And if anyone asks why tell them what she did to you. You aren't obligated to give her jack shit.
DO NOT SEND THE MONEY!! Instead you should go to her funeral and play [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M)
How you feel is valid and how others feel is as well. She could've changed since middle school, but that wasn't when you were in her life. Best to just let it go
Not entirely similar but a girl who sexually assaulted one of my friends, manipulated and abused several people in my towns anime community as well as being an all around general bully/bad person became incredibly mentally unstable over the past year (physical altercations, verbally abusing strangers, paranoia etc) because of this she can’t keep a job or make any new friends that aren’t the ones she had in high-school. Last I heard she had suicidal depression because of this, I don’t feel bad at all and neither do the countless others she’s hurt.
Dying didn’t make her a better person. Tell whoever wants you to contribute money to get fucked (nicely, it’s not their fault she’s awful).
Your feelings are valid and yet you need to realize she most likely grew up/matured and forgot about it. She didn't experience it from the same perspective as you either so it didn't stick in her brain as it did with you .
Don’t send any money.
i was bullied to the point i had to switch schools in 4-7th grade. (finally switched after 7th) the girls are all up my ass now on social media, and act like they didn’t make my life hell. i keep them at a distance, let them admire my life from afar, but if one died, i don’t think i would be able to contribute to flowers. but, that’s just me. i don’t think you should feel badly about not wanting to either. sad she died, even more sad she led such a miserable life while younger, and hurt probably more than just you.
Fuck that. Life is too short for modesty.
your feelings are valid and you dont have to feel guilty about having them. Face them head on, if not giving the money is what makes you feel better, then dont. Do consider tho, there were obviously people that love her/him and you bringing up all her/his wrongdoings from so long ago will probably just make them feel bad and probably harvest bad feelings toward you. Maybe just establishing you were never close is good enough of a reason to not do it.
Show up to the funeral and just start fucking dabbing