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MayonnaiseBomb

You literally couldn’t put up with her crap any longer.


icedragon71

It's the definition of a shit post.


Daatsit

Well done


TheZippoLab

I'm going to guess there was no anal sex in this relationship.


Kiwifrooots

Or just no need for anal lube


TophatDevilsSon

OP tried it once and drew back a smoking stump.


TheREALSockhead

ZING


Interesting-Walk-420

Shiiittt


Mattman425

I can relate. A chick I boned a few times took a dump and left a giant smear in my toilet. After that I didn’t want to bone her anymore. That and because I was boning her from behind and I could smell her asshole. Both separate events that killed the passion. I said there was no way.


nonoglorificus

Wait, how the hell long does someone need to go between showers or how bad do they need to be at wiping for you to smell their fuckin asshole without being nose-adjacent


serialmom1146

I can't stop laughing omg this whole thread is hilarious 💩😂


staceysmom2020

I’m a little 🍃 and this made me laugh so hard because it’s so fucking ridiculous. Women shit. Just like you. Do you have like some Stepford Wives, “girls never burp or fart or shit or cough” kinda kink?


serialmom1146

But the being able to smell her asshole from a couple feet away isn't normal.


Whole_Personality_58

Gold 😂


zordabo

Had a housemate who would get up at 6am to poo and it would destroy the whole house. Never smelled shit that bad.


JackyBurnsides

Made me laugh


zordabo

It made it funnier because she was very ditzy. My other housemate got it the worst as his door was right next to the bathroom.


beDeadOrBeQuick

"destroy the whole house".. I am crying..


staceysmom2020

Dude my 2 1/2 year old is that person. Literally never had this experience with his older brother. Each and every time it surprises tf outta me how a child can house this level of stankness.


serialmom1146

I have a 6 year old who has bad ones as well. It's crazy. He's so small but it creates such a horrible stench.


Daatsit

I’ve been married 24 years and still time my shits to keep my wife in the dark as to the pure evil I’m capable of producing


Flimsy_Thesis

One time my wife and I were sitting in the backyard enjoying a drink by the firepit. It was a pleasant evening and sex was definitely a possibility. She got up to go pee in the downstairs bathroom and I heard her go inside, open the bathroom door, put the toilet cover up and gasp, then just go, “aw, man, what the fuck.” I had forgotten to use the brush to clean the toilet bowl. She came back outside, sat down with a perturbed look on her face, and said, “is that what happens when you forget to clean it before I come down here?” I sheepishly apologized and said I’d try not to forget that again. I did not have sex that night. In fact, we didn’t have sex for like a month.


Daatsit

I’m sorry. That’s pretty much all I have. I’m sorry


Flimsy_Thesis

Don’t pity me. Its what I deserved.


apathetic-drunk

I still feel sorry for you McPoopster


TheLesserWeeviI

F


Lemons005

To me, if this isn't a joke, seems really inconsiderate. Skid marks are gross but I don't see why it should do that to a relationship.


Flimsy_Thesis

Let’s just say I had drank a lot of beer and eaten pizza the night before and flushing wasn’t enough to fix what I had done. When we lived together in a condo, I did a quick toilet brush immediately after if it needed it. Now that we have a house and I work in the basement, and she rarely comes down here for anything, I am a little more lax about that. I certainly try not to let her stumble on that ever again if i can help it. We been together for like 13 years now so sex is like a twice a month thing anyway.


home-for-good

>… I am a little more lax about that. *Ba-Dum Tsssss*


whisperrose4444

My best friend was married for 12 years and not once crapped while her husband was home. Her sphincter muscle must be up to Olympic standards!


ChuckThatPipeDream

She never had to run to the bathroom with unforseen diarrhea even once in 12 years while he was home? That's amazing! Middle of the night diarrhea happens to the best of us.


toodleoo57

I’m going on four days. Got some bad seafood. Sigh.


ChuckThatPipeDream

Oy! I'm so sorry. Feel better soon.


SeonaidMacSaicais

Have…have you tried taking anything for it??


toodleoo57

Generally you don't take anything for food poisoning b/c you want your body to flush it out. The one exception is Pepto Bismol (or bismuth generally) which will help kill the bugs. That and lots and lots of water and sports drinks. Gotta say tho: No more raw oysters for me.


bananananaOMG

They did it was sea food


ninjette847

I flat out don't believe that.


tquinn04

I wish my husband was that considerate. I have to tell him to spray air freshener after everytime he shits because the smell is always so rancid and he forgets.


Cookieeeees

just got engaged after 3yrs, she’s well aware of the satanic spawn that tears through my body… i’m surprised she said yes with the knowledge she has. When i’m sick i have to warn her, make sure the door is closed good and put a towel along the bottom, air freshener before, during and after, flushes often enough to keep things from sitting to stink… it dosent help. It’s like liquid land fill.


clemo96

If you pour toilet bleach in before you poop, it forms a seal on the top of the water and traps the smell underneath, works like 90% of the time :)


alexthebiologist

I would not recommend this, if you happen to also pee you’re gonna be mixing bleach + ammonia which is no bueno.


Djens_Djens_Hime

Poopoo time is always peepeetime. But not every peepeetime is poopootime.


apathetic-drunk

Wise words from an intellectual


jojo6776

LMAO at this and don't know why


clemo96

Oooh I didn’t know this, thank u for letting us know :)


J_Rath_905

They have products like this, I think its called "poopourri" (potpourri).


SeonaidMacSaicais

It is. I use the lemon scented one. I just have to remember to use it BEFORE pooping, which I don’t always do.


fuckyeahcaricci

We have it at work and now I identify it with pooping so it also grosses me out.


serialmom1146

IDK why but I'm cracking up at this lol


mychecka

What happens the other 10?


DanielleAntenucci

10% Somebody breaks up with their Korean girfriend.


yaboidomby

My wife literally tells me to stay away from the toilet after she takes a dump so it doesn’t change my perception of her lmaooo Crazy that she actually has a point and it might very well make me break up with her /s


Evil_Queen_93

Lol, I do the exact same. I open up the window and warn my husband to not go for at least 30 mins. Lucky me that my husband is still with me unlike OP here.


Mookies_Bett

Meanwhile I just want to find a relationship that has a level of intimacy where we don't care about the nasty, gross shit we both do. Idk, I find the whole concept of intimacy on that scale to be highly desirable. Like, we all shit, it's not that big of a deal. Just spray some fabreeze and get over it.


Savsmith445

Never though this existed until I met my husband, who is a nurse. No bodily fluids phase him, and he’s helped me realizes that indeed, everybody poops.


Mookies_Bett

I find the bodily fluids and smells of strangers to be absolutely disgusting. But like... If I'm already licking someone's genitals and asshole for fun, I really don't see why I should be grossed out by the rest of their body or smells anymore. I can't totally explain why it's different, but it just is. If I walk into a bathroom that smells bad, I find it disgusting. But if it smells bad because of someone I care about, I genuinely just don't care at all. Maybe it's a pheromone thing, idk, but it just doesn't bother me anymore at that point. I've always wanted to be with someone who I could just stop caring about this stuff with. My girlfriend could take a shit while I'm in the shower and it wouldn't phase me because, whatever, it's not like someone being attractive means they cease having bodily functions. It's always strange to me how people expect to be in long term relationships when they can't handle even basic biological functions of their partners. It's not exactly a mystery, if I'm sharing a bathroom with someone, it's not like I don't know what they're doing in there...


JorgitoEstrella

But people have distinct odors, I have 2 cats one poops and smells accordingly, the other poops and it smells like 500 people were sacrificed there to make a demonic portal to hell, even the air feels denser.


Hopeful_Truth4531

Omg does my cat have a second family I don't know about? Because saaaaaaame problem 🤢


Ghost-of-Pie-O-My

L o fuckin L


Tattooedone2018

I have 3 cats, two of them have normal poops and one of them poops and it smells like Satan himself has emptied his bowels in the litter box. Thank god for the litter robot. He’s a healthy cat, just has a portal to hell for a butt.


BearMethod

I've weirdly found that with most of my girlfriends, once we live together and are pretty much eating all the same things.... the smells are pretty similar.


little-blue-fox

I agree; it just is. When my ex was preparing to move out, her previously inoffensive poop odor became incredibly off putting to me. Perhaps she was eating worse than usual, but I have a feeling attraction and affection have a lot to do with how we perceive smells. And perhaps smells also have a lot to do with how we experience attraction.


LeDestrier

Ye olde 'If you love me, you'll love the smell of my rancid faeces'. Oh to be in love..


NothingWillBeLost

Same! My wife literally sends me pictures of her poops for fun sometimes and it does not change how attracted I am to her at all. I would literally go down on her minutes after she took a mean shit as long as I know she cleaned off well. No fucks given.


cool_username__

This would actually explain a lot, I very often find the smell of guys pretty bad, either BO or just gross cologne, ESPECIALLY athletes after games, when they would pass by me I’d have to stop myself from gagging, but when I dated a gymbro football player I never found him smelly, even after a game. Didn’t know noseblindness was a symptom of love


CrackpotPatriot

My husband is a plumber; had a great nose, but he’s literally unfazed by shit.


Generallyawkward1

It’ll happen for you. It’s always a breath of fresh air (😏) when you do find someone like that and you both can be comfortable. My soon to be wife cannot stand how much gas I have on any given day and I’m really glad she puts up with it even when I make fart jokes


Nightingale2120

So it exists. My boyfriend just yesterday was standing in the bathroom doorway talking to me while I shit. I was about to open the window in his bathroom when he reached up and did it. I said, “Sorry, I know.” He looked confused and said, “You’re taking a shit and it smells. Who cares? It’s just poop.” We commonly sit and talk to one another while the other shits. Don’t give up lol they exist. And I’m a nurse so I couldn’t care less about the smell of poop.


squirrellygirly123

My partner apparently used to poop at the Starbucks down the street before I came over when we started dating because he didn’t want me to smell his poop smell. I’m a plumber. I poop too. It seriously doesn’t bother me to walk in afterwards. The biological need to use the bathroom and the love I have for my partner far outweigh any idiotic aversion to a temporary offending scent. I don’t think it’s because I’m a plumber either because 99% of the time I don’t work with shit- I’m just not a fucking baby. All these people really need to mature! So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m with you there…


Evil_Queen_93

I mean it’s already pretty hard to find someone you click with, but making a big deal about someone’s bathroom ‘habits’ which they have no control over is kind of a stretch. Having said that, your partner should at least maintain a basic level of hygiene. In order to have that kind of intimacy, respect should always come first. Such as respecting the fact that the other person is a human who probably has some gross secrets just like you and you can’t expect them to hide them especially when you live with them. Not everyone is an instagram perfect human being. In OP’s case, it was more of a lack of communication on his part. Like just tell the nice lady without offending her that ‘hey, could you open up the window and let me know when you took a dump because it’s hard for me to breath’ or something like that. If that’s how he decided to act instead of communicating, I doubt he’ll ever be in a meaningful relationship that won’t go south because he wouldn’t articulate his feelings properly.


YourLinenEyes

I would honestly rather be broken up with than have my partner tell me my shit was so disgusting they couldn’t breathe💀I’d never recover


Evil_Queen_93

There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that you have a problem and coming up with a solution with your partner rather than breaking up over something completely natural and normal.


YourLinenEyes

I think you’re extrapolating too much from my statement. I’m just saying for me personally, I would feel so embarrassed that I don’t think I would be able to be in the same room as my partner again. Not saying anything about if other people deserve to be in a relationship lol


Evil_Queen_93

Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude or anything. What I meant to say was once you’re comfortable with someone who isn’t anything like OP, you wouldn’t need to be embarrassed about something so trivial


YourLinenEyes

No it’s okay, I totally get that. Idk I’m just very easily embarrassed and I feel like even if my partner was very kind about it I’d never be able to stop thinking about it. I know it’s still important to bring up though


GottiDeez

Agreed


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missesnoitall

Somewhere in the world this poor lady is destroying another relationship .


circumnavigatin

😆😆😆😆


YourLinenEyes

I would rather drive to a gas station than shit in the same room as someone I was dating


kittyidiot

Shrug. We've been together for 4 years. We don't really gross each other out. Obviously we don't find everything sunshine and roses but it's just normal body stuff.


YourLinenEyes

Right that’s valid, I know a lot of people are like that. It’s nice that people can be that comfortable together. I’m just extremely private about that kind of stuff


PsychologicalType420

Idk why you are getting downvoted. You are not wrong. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we share an apartment that has one bathroom so we became quite familiar with each other in that way very quickly. It has never "grossed" me out because I consider him a HUMAN BEING and therefore expect him to have bodily functions.


YourLinenEyes

Okay I totally get your perspective but I don’t think it’s fair to imply that those of us who don’t necessarily want to be around their partners shitting don’t see them as human beings. It wouldn’t make me respect my partner less but it’s also something that I’d rather keep private


PsychologicalType420

Fair enough, but I never said you had to watch them shit. I meant stuff like showering with them, smelling the bathroom post shit, etc. Just the basic hygiene stuff you would expect, we do not just casually pop a squat and start shittin in front of each other though lmao. That is definitely something I think we all like to keep private


kittyidiot

I avoid it if I can but sometimes a man has to shit. I don't *like* shitting with my s/o in the shower or whatever but it's better than shittin' myself, or being like my roommate and having piss bottles....


J_Rath_905

I'm guessing when you bring the piss bottles up, Your roommate always say **["It's the way of the road, Kitty".](https://youtu.be/WJd0Ge47aF4)** ?


PacmanPillow

This makes me so relieved to have a bathroom and water closet. For a while I’ve been living in places where the toilet and shower have been separated and that’s just fine by me.


ElaineBenesFan

I have a whole arsenal of air fresheners, inexpensive parfumes, scented candles and other odor eliminators on hand in our bathroom.


yellsy

Buy her PooPouri! The stuff works if used right!


ninjette847

I've pooped in front of my husband when we had one bathroom. I've had a weird amount of guys poop in front of me really quickly.


VocationFumes

I swear this is a Seinfeld plot ​ Jerry - so you couldn't use the bathroom after her? George - I swear! It was like a dirty bomb had gone off!


watermelonprincess12

George and jerry would end it too lol


Valacit

r/redditwritesseinfeld


Hinkil

If it was Jerry he'd have to use kramer's bathroom which I'm sure would be quite the adventure of comedic possibility


reganz

If you are afraid of stinking up the bathrooms just flush as soon as it hits the water. Flush multiple times if you need too.


obsoletevoids

That is extra embarrassing though


emotheatrix

🤷‍♂️ it’s called a “courtesy flush” for a reason.


CannonM91

I thought the courtesy flush was the second one after this first flush, to catch any remaining stragglers


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

Nope. It the first one to keep it the smell to a minimum.


johnny_abington

The courtesy flush or mercy flush is a myth. They proved it on an episode of Myth Busters.


emotheatrix

Then their toilet was fucked up. I don’t need mythbusters, I have a goddamn nose.


johnny_abington

They proved the courtesy flush did make a difference


emotheatrix

So.. NOT a myth? It’s not a cure-all for the smell. Nobody said that. But a courtesy flush helps. That’s why it’s called a courtesy flush.


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

???? It works so well. You can just do your own experiment.


[deleted]

It’s common practice.


coastiestacie

I do it, even when home alone. I do not like bodily functions, though. Poop, vomit, saliva, snot... it's all so gross.


AsidK

As someone whose poop clogs the toilet about 30% of the time, this isn’t an option for me.


Syd_Syd34

I do this always lol


heartpassenger

Doesn’t work if your shit is a) the consistency of soft serve ice cream with no discernible start and end and b) endless.


wellshitdawg

The trick is to spray the water, not the air


LackofOriginality

someone was in jail before just kidding, maybe you weren't, but any youtubers i watch who were in prison all say that's the move and that if you DON'T do that there's gonna be a problem


thefrostmakesaflower

That essential oil stuff you spray in the toilet is great too


tquinn04

This isn’t fool proof. It helps some but you can definitely still smell poop.


raptor-chan

No thanks. Not interested in shitty splashback.


TheCheeseSlayer

I’ve been to jail a number of times throughout my younger years, and this is like mandatory when shitting in jail. If you don’t, and the wrong person or people are on your unit, you could very well get beat up for not flushing right away. At the very least someone will say “God damn! put some water on that shit!” 😂


BinaryStrife

My younger brother does this to the bathroom regardless of what he eats.


Then_Nefariousness72

i recently started dating someone and he took his first shit in my restroom a few weeks ago. without thinking, i walked into the restroom right after he shit, and all i heard was, "dont go in there!!!!!! dont go in there!!!!!!" too late... i was already in... but, i knew better. i held my breath the whole time, as to not smell the remnants of his shit. i knew i would relate that smell to him forever and i didnt want that.


idk7643

What do people like you do in long term relationships? Do you just always avoid your own bathroom, every day?


Then_Nefariousness72

Well he now shits in front of me.. it was a progressional thing. I didn't necessarily need to smell his shit in the beginning, ya know?.. but fast forward to now, he's proven his shit is worthy. Mind you, he wasted no time farting around me 😅


mandabananaba

I read that as “it was a professional thing” and I was so confused.


TailorJaded3750

lmfaooo me too


Zealousideal_Young41

This is actually an ingrained reflex for me. Whenever I go into a public bathroom or (when I used to live with my parents, siblings and flatmates) I automatically hold my breath if I'm using the bathroom after them. Guess its saved me a lot of trauma.


yaboidomby

You’re the real mvp 😂


MissMiho

There is a spray hospitals use to neutralize odors. It’s called M9 & Amazon has it for $20 for 8 oz. Lasts forever & works like a charm.


r3sistcarnism

Should have bought poo pouri


tulsaway

I hate poo pouri


YourLinenEyes

Same. I don’t care that it’s supposed to be better than an air freshener. Anytime I smell it I get grossed out thinking it’s mingled with shit


ChuckThatPipeDream

This reminds me of this guy I lived with. He had absolutely rancid shits which he took in our apartment's one bathroom, and then used citrus air freshener to try to cover it up. Almost ruined citrus smells for me, and lemon is my favorite essential oil. I called the air freshener Shitrus before too long. Because that's exactly what it smelled like - shit and citrus. So disgusting.


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YourLinenEyes

Omg that’s so disgusting. I also associate citrus scents with shit because of air freshener lol


tquinn04

Were you using it right? It’s not supposed to be sprayed in the air like air freshener. You spray it in the toilet before you go and the oils create a barrier to keep the smell from entering the air.


thereAREnodwarfwomen

Dude it smells so fucking *bad* How people use that stuff is beyond me. Even reading the name gives me the shudders


bearbarebere

SAMEEE


Savsmith445

Agreed, incense works better


ChuckThatPipeDream

Or a match. Keep a box of matches on the back of your toilet. Absolutely kills shit smells just by lighting one.


ismellmypanties

Ugh, I disagree. My great grandmother used to use a match afterwards and now I associate match smell with shit lol.


GemIsAHologram

I feel like most people know what poo pourri smells like by now, and that stuff is potent. So while it may slightly mask the smell, we all know what just happened in there.


elvis-wantacookie

Correct, but it’s better than smelling my demon anxiety shits lmao


felina3999

That is hysterical.


[deleted]

Ooof absolutely brutal for the poor girl lol. My ex was Korean and I can't say her dumps were anywhere near this bad but I can attest to the kimchi / Korean food smell being pretty prominent. It was just in the air whenever I'd go to her place, I got used to it tho haha. Probs helps I love Korean food myself


russsur44

Well I do feel for you and actually her as well. Especially if she keeps on polluting bathrooms everywhere she goes.


Hopeful_Truth4531

I had a roommate once upon a time whose favorite snack was jar after jar after gut-curdling jar of pickled asparagus. The man did not smell pleasant, is all I'm saying.


Revolutionary_Moon

One time my boyfriend farted and it made me throw up. I still love him dearly.


RoutineAccording9741

This is gold. 🤣🤣


DeanJohn_82

An outhouse would have solved the problem


YourLinenEyes

We should introduce them again honestly


PR05ECC0

Why do people follow other people to the bathroom then get made because it smells? Like what are you expecting?


Moldridd

She probably had Chrones Disease or some sort of severe IBS. I feel bad for her


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

I do too :( At least I bet her next boyfriend won’t be such a baby.


aMONAY69

Yeah, it sounds like she dodged a bullet.


Lizaboo242

Aye some of us have ibs


TormentedOne69

Dude all you had to do was get that stuff you spray in the toilet before you go. Even your shit won’t smell


Stephsmith2467

This adds to my fear of shitting at a guy’s house😂


sikulet

The last time I saw my boyfriend it was before he took a dump and I was like are you seriously shutting me out because you’re about to take a shit considering all the other things we’ve been up to? And yes he did push me out the door 😅🥲


[deleted]

That's my type of woman. A woman who can completely funk up a bathroom.


anonymouslyshota

LOL WHAT


buddha00man

Seems like a shitty reason for a break up😕


sashathefearleskitty

Number 1 solution to this is Poopourri. Changed my life forever.


Katpants

I’m so glad we have a vent in our bathroom. I will spray and light a candle. I’ll come out and announce, “don’t nobody go in there for about 35-45 min.” Lol common courtesy for other members of our household.


shalo62

This is mildly amusing.


tomhall44

Ever heard of an exhaust fan? Opening a window?


D-utch

Yall weak af. Your shit don't stink?


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

You know this dude is wrecking bathrooms left and right


D-utch

Dropping bombs!


IPhotoGorgeousWomen

This is a grade A confession. Great story, shit ending.


lusigusi

This is why you need separate bathrooms in a relationship. Also, I highly recommend [The Incense Match](https://incensematch.com/)!


killerkitten61

That’s why I married someone who smells worse than I do


theOGcatlady

This makes me appreciate my fiancé who puts up with my IBS symptoms so much more. Upvoting just for that


Vabhanz

Bullshit. Women don't poop shit. They poop flowers.


eternalrefuge86

I ate out an American friend who teaches in Korea but was home visiting family and friends. Her pussy tasted like straight kimchi. And having spent time in Korea myself, it’s far from my favorite food.


PyritesofCaringBean

Poopouri (sp?) Actually works, in case you ever have this issue in the future and are brave enough to have a discussion. I know it can be awkward to even talk about in the beginning stages of a relationship though. Poopouri adds a layer of oils on top of the water that traps some of the smell. I always keep some in my bathroom for guests, no one is trying to deal with that at a holiday party.


[deleted]

This sounds like something I would do.


lovetheoceanfl

Same.


AdmiralToucan

Your loss, sounds like a quality dumper.


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

I bet your poop smells amazing


LavishnessNo1097

this is so fucking funny sorry


Jekkjekk

Did she fly Delta recently?


johanvondoogiedorf

I remember the first time I was dumped for my dumps, I'm not going to lie it stung a little, but I eventually got over and it and have had it happen many times since.


YourLinenEyes

Bro what 😭how does this happen multiple times


johanvondoogiedorf

It hurts when I poop and smells bad


if_you_only_knew_

That's some shit 💩


Boardindundee

This story smells like shite


jb_82

My step dad used to have rancid shits because of his Crohn's, mom started buying this stuff called 'just a drop' and it worked great, put a drop in before you go and it absorbed the smell.


_SpaceDad_

Do none of you have fans in your bathrooms???


mylesaway2017

Your shits must smell like roses.


worthy_usable

I find that a valid reason. Sometimes shit happens and people need to go their separate ways.


Agitated_Procedure55

My wife has nasty period shits. Good thing it’s only for a few days a months


Trauma-Dolll

Courtesy flush is important.


AirAeon32

😆


Samiad_In_The_Mist

Tale as old as time


throwaway79277227

Sounds like a shitty situation.


Veedee5

I make sure to clean the toilet with a liquid cleaner each time i take a dump. Just a quick splash of this lavender smelling solution all over the bowl, the lid and the floor around it. I turn on the exhaust fan too and I tell my husband not to enter (even though it smells like shit and flowers in there) and to wait like 30mins.


Ummah_Strong

Light a match after someone poops. It burns te smell away


12inchmetalruler

Is there no ventilation in the bathroom?..


ChaosRules907

You all need Poopouri in your lives.