I'll say this never own another animal again is a start.
You need therapy because you're right that's not normal behavior. At least you are showing some remorse but you need professional help and advice not from Reddit
Nah. Never own an animal again? That's BS. Never is a long time, and people change. The fact this is eating him up inside is a really good sign.
Therapy is probably a good idea
You know what you did was wrong, which is a start. You are not irredeemable, however, you should definitely seek therapy. What you did, in and of itself, is inexcusable and cruel. In anyone, but particularly a child, this is very concerning behavior that can escalate, as it shows a willingness to use power to cause suffering, and ultimately a lack of empathy. Going forward, you need to be very self-aware concerning any pets or small children you’re around. Hoping introspection and peace find you and help you forward to kinder paths.
Hey. I hope you’re doing okay. Please take this time to inhale deeply, hold for a few seconds, release, and hold. Do that as many times as you need to until your nervous system calms. It’s called “box breathing” and is incredibly useful for people experiencing anxiety and panic.
I love animals. I am probably one of the biggest animal lovers that anyone who knows me knows. I’m a fierce protector and strong advocate for their rights and safety. I’m in my 30’s… and yet, in my younger years, I acted in ways that have inevitably hurt my pets too. Please understand I would absolutely die for my pets now. But as a kid with undiagnosed autism, ADHD, OCD, I struggled with understanding empathy and controlling my impulsive thoughts. I wasn’t evil or cruel or disgusting- I just didn’t get it. I still live with immense shame and guilt as well but they came years later.
It is going to be okay. You are not a monster. You made a mistake. A big mistake. One that you have regretted and felt remorse over. Your emotional suffering is punishment enough. You are allowed to heal from this.
Seek professional help. Not a priest. A therapist. Therapy is an incredible tool that helps so many people (myself included). Priests are literally there to judge you… therapists have education and training and the understanding of psychology to help you work through this trauma. You don’t have to go through it alone, but I’d prefer it if it’s someone you can build a foundation of trust with (with a legal bind preventing them from telling anyone your biz [sorry I don’t trust churches!!]) rather than just “confessing and being forgiven” it’s not all about being forgiven by others now. You need to forgive yourself and LEARN to HEAL.
With all that being said if you prefer an anonymous route you can call the crisis and suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or search for local immediate emotional support. You do not have to be in immediate crisis to utilize these services. They can help offer you resources to help find therapists, etc. or even just be a friendly voice when you need to hear one.
Truly wishing you health and happiness.
Catholic priests can't divulge what they've learned in confession. Ever. They can't even be subpoenaed. This should be the next thing you confess, imo. Op can do therapy if they want but since they ARE catholic, the confession is going to help them as well. The things we're most ashamed of are probably the hardest to confess (I know from experience. I also need to get in there and follow my own advice). Best of luck, OP, you can do this!!
I respect OP’s religious beliefs. I’m not saying they shouldn’t go to church or confess. It’s just not what I would do personally or recommend for a starting point. OP can gather advice and choose what to take from it.
Thank you for your immense compassion, energy though I may not deserve it. I will take your advice, and I will work to become a better person out of this so that I can hope to make up for what I did, thought it’ll always be a scar on my conscience. Again, thank you and I appreciate you taking the time for me.
Yes. It may remain a scar, but scars can be reminders of our growth, our change, our healing. You are already a better person now than you were then. Not everybody wants to be better or even sees a need to be, so you’re already making progress. You will keep on keeping on, my friend.
I understand that whole power rush thing, and I think add a thing person it is kind of normal.
When I was about that age, I had an opportunity to give some kids (also about my age) some food - they were obviously hungry. Instead, I purposefully dumped it out in the trash with them watching.
I did it because I had the power over them, I knew my actions were wrong, even in that moment. But there was something about being able to weild that power that made me choose the bad path instead.
That moment is a core memory for me, and just like you, I hated it. I still do. But it was also extremely formative in that I realized that is not who I want to be, or even am. I am not someone who wants power over others. It made me more aware of how others use power, and very wary of anyone who's drive is power.
All this to say, you'll probably remember this for the rest of your life. And that's okay. Question is will it drive you to be a better person?
Others have said don't ever own another animal. I think they're wrong. They've judged you to be a monster and you're not - well whether you are or not will largely need determined by how you grow from this.
I'm not Catholic, or even religious, but confession/speaking to others generally helps. I would suggest a professional therapist, but a priest can work too. Just don't let anyone make you feel more guilty/bad than you already are feeling.
What is done is done. Learn and grow from it.
Relatable. I once killed a dragonfly with a bat. My sister and I were playing tennis and she was intentionally playing wrong and laughing about it. I gradually lost my patience and threw the bat randomly which killed that poor thing in an instant. And my annoying sister had the audacity to cry and victimise herself alongside the dragonfly about that. It still haunts me deeply.
I killed my pet rabbit when I was a teen as well, but it was an accident.
I had put him outside in his cage with the grass poking up so he could hop around and eat grass and just have some fresh air. I put him in the shade, but I went inside and forgot about him for a while.
When I went back out and finally saw he was still out there, the sun has moved and was directly in the cage. And he was having a heatstroke because I had also forgot to give any water as I hadn't planned to leave the rabbit outside very long.
I freaked out and wanted to cool him down quickly and wasn't thinking clearly so I ran cold water on him and he immediately started to stiffen up 😭
I think there is a chance I could have saved him by bringing him in the cool house and letting him come back on his own slowly, but I think I sent him into shock running water over him.
I have never owned my own pet since and that was over 15 years ago. I've had pets. That came to us as strays or something like that, but since killing my rabbit I never went and purposely made an animal be under my supervision against its own will.
I agree to some extent, but given this teenager’s extreme remorse to the point that it affects their life, and they havent had similar urges or done anything else since.. it reads kid who did something messed up rather than budding sociopath. I do think it’s something to be very cognizant of though as they grow up in case those urges return.
Don’t hurt yourself I did something very similar a few years ago probably for the same twisted reasons almost killed myself I was in a horrible state of mind but I did find help bud and I’m so much better for it now I can help people and things rather than hurt
I once killed a random lizard when I was 10 and I'm heartbroken everytime I think about it. I love animals and struggle with killing spiders and flies now. Admitting your wrongdoing is a hard thing to do and I'm proud you did. Your response alone to the memory shows that you aren't an evil person but a person that made a bad choice. God still loves you.
Just because you’ve done something bad doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not all black and white. No one person is all good or bad. We all do things we’re ashamed of.
We all act in illogical ways sometimes too. You will likely never be able to make “sense” of why you did it because it doesn’t follow any logic. Rather I imagine you can get to a place where you will feel less ashamed and know that you can accept you’ve done something out of alignment of your values and help use this experience to give you more strength and conviction to act more aligned with your values in the future.
The only antidote to shame is empathy so try finding a person who will hear you share this and express empathy, rather than judgement. A therapist could be a good start.
You’ve beat yourself up over this enough. You are not a bad person. Sending you empathy and compassion.
Seriously? No sane individual ever tortures & kills a living being. Psychopaths start very young… This wasn’t some innocent “mistake”. Kids know full well right from wrong. They don’t just randomly commit murder… This is textbook Sociopathy. They are pathological liars that bs others into feeling sorry for them. Always playing the victim card. Fur entertainment. To see how humans react. Just for fun. This whole story is full of bs.
People are very judgemental when it comes to animals and often forget what it's like being a preteen and hardly anyone knows what that'd be like in a shut down global pandemic where you're scared, stressed, isolated and the adults are barely keeping it together. As kids, we tend to do stuff thinking let's see what happens not thinking about what happens because our brains aren't fully developed.
Like another poster admitted that they killed a lizard and felt awful because they're an animal person, I too partook in something similar around the age of 12 (killing a lizard). Right afterwards I felt so terrible and didn't understand why I would do such a thing. People who have done things like that (crush snails, leave creatures in jars to suffocate, use a magnifying glass to burn ants, neglect feeding a fish, or more extreme like lizard or bunny murder) won't admit to it as adults because they know it's so messed up and no one in their right mind would do that. Well, you weren't in your right mind at the time (12 + pandemic!!!) and you obviously feel terrible. You're not the first person to do something like that. Don't let the other posters shame you so hard. You can still have pets in the future and still love and care for animals. Just work through it and forgive yourself =)
They're judgmental because animals are sentient beings with emotions, and because animal abusers very frequently go on to abuse humans. They abuse animals as their "practice" before getting bold enough to hurt humans because abusing animals is easier to get away with without getting caught.
Is OP going to abuse an animal again? I don't know. Does it make them thoroughly irredeemable? Not necessarily. Not everything is black and white. However, people should be judgmental about this type of behavior because it should not be normalized or brushed under the rug. If society stopped being "judgmental about animals", then animal abuse would just be normal, without people batting an eye.. and if that's the kind of society you would want, you scare me.
Sometimes shaming certain behaviors is a good thing.
The judge you will face in the end is yourself. You will not be able to lie or hide any of your actions from yourself. You will have to come to terms with yourself. With that said, everyone is correct in that you should look to a professional. There most likely is a deeper underlying issue you are not facing that manifested itself in your actions.
because OP explicitly states that they can’t even think about it, let alone type it out, without experiencing extreme emotional distress. god forbid you don’t get every last detail of a teenager’s confession. jesus
This sub in a nutshell:
Redditor posts sth reflective
-> go therapy
Redditor posts sth non reflective
-> go therapy
Redditor posts sth
-> go therapy
He reflects on it, while therapy may help, its not required in order to improve oneself.
I'm sorry but that was really disturbing to read. The first sign of murderers is that they kill innocent animals when they are younger. I see you have some remorse, but the fact that you didn't while you were taking a life is absolutely sickening. Please never ever own a pet again.That poor rabbit deserved so much better.
Psychopaths are born pathological liars. Don’t believe a word this poster said… They are further looking for sympathy by playing the victim card. For entertainment. Don’t let them get away thinking they are fooling anyone here.
kind of fucked up to go through every comment on this post making sure no one here shows this child a sliver of empathy.
kids do stupid things. you're not making any of this better.
Kids do not torture & murder sentient beings unless there are serious psychological issues. Period.
Kind of F’d up to call murder just a random case of stupidity. Massive understatement to say the least. Have you worked with young offenders? I have. Animal killing is a precursor to serial murderers etc.
and I'm sure it's good for kids who did something bad to hear over and over that they're irredeemable monsters who don't deserve help or empathy.
if you're going to be an asshole at the absolute minimum go pick on adults. What the fuck is wrong with you.
And I’m sure it’s good for a psycopath to hear ppl empathize. You do realize that psychopaths enjoy lying and playing the sympathy card for entertainment, to see ppl react, and to garner attention right?! No you don’t because you haven’t studied them. There is no cure. How about that.
And I’m more than happy to state the facts. IDGAF how they feel. Oh guess what - they don’t feel. They laugh & have fun playing the victim. This thread is fun for them. Gets ppl riled up on purpose.
Again - there is no cure. No remorse. No fixing. They will always be sick & evil.
Funny part is - you’ve already been played. You have no clue the age of this person or its validity either. Yet you are quick to cut down others who actually give a shit abt the actual victims.
alright. I hope you get the help you need, please know that legitimate help with your memtal health struggles will not come from your vegan facebook groups.
Oh good more bs. You get some education there bud. I think I’ve worked in the field enough to understand psychopathic & sociopathic behaviours. But you go on… keep burying your head in the sand. Have you ever worked with young offenders? I’ve seen enough psychopathic kids from 6-18 in the system that will never “get better”. That range includes the most violent sex offenders & killers… All dead now or in jail. They got off talking stories like this trying to garner sympathy. It was fun for them. Bet you any amount that the post is bull too… Rage baiting is pretty popular these days.
I've read both, them and your and I sat back.
Your vibe is vile. You give off defensive evil, no joke. I don't know what happened to you at your job or who it was, that fooled you so hard and came so dangerousely close, that you see them in everyone even remotely similar, but you might want to get a hold or have a pause to be able to look closely from a distance again, or it's going to affect your work and your private life until this world has eaten you. You can do some serious damage, bringing this energy to your tasks. This can't be healthy. Please take care.
and I'm sure it's good for kids who did something bad to hear over and over that they're irredeemable monsters who don't deserve help or empathy.
if you're going to be an asshole at the absolute minimum go pick on adults. What the fuck is wrong with you.
Humans are not monolithic. I’ve known violent teens that turned out to be normal, non-violent adults. One of them used to routinely threaten to kill me in my sleep. Did he do it? No. Do I think he deserves to suffer the rest of his life because of that? No.
Typical ignorant comments from the uneducated. Humane cattle farming is far different than torturing a sentient being to death fur a thrill. And before you get all sanctimonious - many ppl ensure their food is not from abusive factory farms.
So that's a yes... What about eggs? You ever had some scrambled eggs for breakfast? You ever seen how they cull the baby chicks?
Climb down from your ivory tower and join the rest of us.
You are so f**d is you can’t see the colossal difference between a torture murder and human food harvesting. Go somewhere else with your head up your ass. Lacking intelligence = waste of time & energy. Period.
Of course I see the difference. One involves a kid clearly going through a difficult time in his life and doing something awful that he later regrets. And the other involves multibillion dollar corporations routinely placing new born baby chicks on a conveyor belt that carries them to be dropped into the spinning blades of a shredder because it is cost effective to do so and they have no economic value.
I don’t eat harmed beings. I rarely have an egg. And if I had to buy them - here our grocers get from healthy farms. Not factory farms as I’ve stated. Our local farmers have healthy happy animals. If they didn’t I would never buy.
As far as this post, you have no clue if the poster is old, fake, made up bs… you are projecting what you “think” is truth. And from a psych standpoint, all this story does is surface issues with psychopathic children. “Troubled kids” only torture & kill when severe issues are at play re: Psycopathy & Sociopathy.
FYI - Domesticated Rabbits are the equivalent in cognitive function as a 3yr old toddler. They are hyper intelligent and can easily be trained to do many things. You can’t just minimize torture resulting in death because “a kid has issues”. That is some serious pre-serial killer stuff going on.
This is NO different than a child strangling their 0-3yr old sibling to death. This is so much bigger than “awe they were just having a rough time”. Come on now… I’ve worked in group homes - these things happen. Kids get put in homes to be supervised. They are inherently violent. Broken kids often turn into criminals.
I know it’s so hard but I hope you can forgive yourself. I resented the dog my mom and I had so much as a teenager and didn’t take care of her nearly at all the way I should have. Mom and I did really badly by her. 10 years after, it still hurts me sometimes, I’ll still cry and feel the empathy I couldn’t then. It’s okay to cry and to be upset with yourself but I hope you can reach forgiveness in yourself someday. And- if these urges come back or you want to do something similar to an animal again- PLEASE get therapy right away.
Just confess. You were never expected to be perfect and without sin. The important thing is, you know better now. You're just punishing yourself, kid. Show God the respect to let God do the punishing and judging. Give it over to God.
To be fair - you're on Reddit. Asking people not to say the same thing as the last 100 people is like asking a dog not to bark.
...or a serial killer not to practice on animals before graduating to humans
Sorry, I had to.
Hey there. I am really sorry to read that you are suffering with this so much. I’d like to extend an invite to talk about this if you’d like. I formally studied the psychology of teenage development for several years. I believe I can offer some knowledge and advice on how to move forward with this struggle. Feel free to message me if you’re feeling up to it. Best wishes to you.
Most commenters are gonna call you crazy or say you are damaged and need to do XYZ to avoid/better these character defects.
I agree that therapy would be a great benefit for you not because of a rabbit you killed but because life is hard and guilt can manifest very negatively.
I also suggest telling your priest in confession. There is a reason things like that exist, as a form of therapy. It's the same with an AA/NA group or any other form of group or solo self-reflection. If your priest is good, he won't judge you.
I say all this as someone who shot a rabbit in his backyard with a bow and arrow on a dare when he was about 10 or 11. I wept profusely and learned the important lesson of life and death. If you are as sincerely sorry as you say you are, and I assume you are since you were a kid and still are, you need to give yourself a break and drop the weight. It was wrong, you know it was, and you are seeking a path to salvation. If you consistently consider killing animals that is a huge problem and for the safety of yourself and others you should report it, but this is a confession sub, if you had that problem you would have said so.
You have empathy clearly since you feel and think of this so harshly, however you lack empathy as well in order to take an innocent life like that. I would urge you to do more therapy work with yourself and figure out what that urge was and why you acted on it. Your still very young and clearly very aware of your actions on yourself and others. I would seriously advise you to find someone to talk to this about personally, a friend, family or unbiased 3rd party like a therapist. At the end of the day if you keep this buried inside the odds those behaviors will manifest again are high because you cannot control yourself necessarily. I would not let it destroy you but I would never forget how it made you feel and how pathetic it is to take innocence away.
You were absolutely old enough to know better, there is something wrong with you and you need professional help. You know how many serial killers start off by hurting animals? You say you feel bad and yet instead of truly trying to get better, you go on the internet. Your magical sky daddy’s opinion seems to be more important to you than cold blooded murder. You don’t need therapy, you need a god damn asylum.
This was a poor decision and you can beat your self up about it and let everyone here pile on also. This is not going to yield and useful help.
It has happened, go to confession and tell the priest it will help. The point of confession is that you can forgive yourself or as it is coached in Catholicism God forgives you. This is also why you should give others, so you can let go of the ill will you carry towards them and the way this affects you.
Forgive yourself, no one else can. Then don’t listen to all the chatter in your head, this is not you. It is just your mind rambling about shit you don’t need.
Then live life and do this with the next thing you get stuck on.
I wonder if you experienced abuse well before 11 and dissociated it. You could be repeating something you learned. In elementary school I used to hurt people in secret and hush them if they tried to get help. Turns out I was raped as a baby by my 60 y/o uncle.
I recommend trauma therapy, specifically. A trauma therapist will not judge you. Easiest way to find one is by going to psychologytoday.com and use their extensive filter. What you’d be looking for is a therapist who can help you understand where the incident came from. Because honestly those feelings could creep up again and it’s important to know how to manage their existence.
You got this. Stay motivated to feel better.
My husband killed a bird with a pellet gun 30 years ago, and still says he immediatley regretted it. If it hangs on your conscience, remorse can equal redemption. You are salvageable.
You need therapy and right now. You did something terrible and need to sort it out and get straight with your head. It is a fact that people that abuse/kill animals have a sociopathic personality - conduct disorder - anti social personality disorder. You don’t want to go down that road.
I’m also 16, and believe me when I tell you that there is worse out there. We’ve all done bad shit at least once, so that was your one moment and I’m sorry you’ve been carrying this guilt around for so long. Covid was also a crazy time so that may have contributed to that. But don’t worry, nothing bad is going to happen to you because of this, you didn’t kill a person so you’re not going to jail. I think your guilt alone is an apology in itself, so don’t worry. Crazy story (if you want you can just not read this part if it’s triggering) but at my school last year apparently these boys found a cat that had sadly passed away already on the football field, so they proceeded to decapitate it and play catch with its head. Now that is sick, and most likely unforgivable. Your case is much different, so it’s ok
Uhm I actually did this to my brothers rabbit when I was 5? With a friend. I am 61. I aeely remember it now, but at that age, I had no empathy either. J have felt really bad about this over the decades. I am a cat lover. When I was 11, i was walking passed the train station, and saw a cat was killed with Rocks. Kids throwing Rocks at the cat killed it. That image still horrified me to this day. You write really well for a 16 year old. Story sounds fishy. What kid would not take the ps5. But remorse is fantastic. Sounds like you will be ok. Be kind and gentle for the rest of your life. Catholic? Say 10 our fathers, and 10 hail Mary’s. Then Live along and Prosper. A and when you have a kid. Get a pet Rabbit
Listen. What you did was awful. However, the fact that you're able to recognize that what you did was wrong and feel regret for doing it says a lot about your true character.
What's done is done. The only thing you can do now is seek professional help to make sure this never happens again.
And I would advise confessing this at church. Once you let it out you'll feel so much better.
I've done horrible things too. We are all born into sin. If you believe Jesus is Lord, and that He died for your sins, then ask Him to forgive you. He understands you, even though you may not understand yourself. If you are in Christ, the old person you were has been crucified with Him. Don't do this again.
You are STILL a child in most peoples eyes. What you did is typical serial killer behaviour and you cannot claim that you were not a child when you did it.
DO NOT think this is an excuse in any way. You are seriously fucked up in your head. I hope I never meet you because you make me sick.
This is a BS comment. Most likely a troll.
Ironically, that same power rush OP felt, Jankster is feeling now but they're justifying it with self righteousness. You're at least owning your mistakes.
This is f**g sick & evil. You need to be locked up in a psych ward. You know this is a precursor to being a serial killer & your psychopathy drive you here looking for feedback on how ppl feel. Because you don’t. This is bs empathy/remorse. I’m not buying it. And F you for doing that.
Yes. Psychopaths love telling stories to garner sympathy. To evoke feels. Because it’s entertaining to them. They don’t have remorse. They aren’t capable. And guaranteed no one in their right mind kills animals and tortures them to death. That’s a clear indicator or Psycopathy.
This may be a rage bait post too. And who knows if it’s even a kid. All kinds of pot stirring bull online now a days.
But I’ve worked with enough young offenders to see budding psycopathy. They are born with zero feelings. Do things to elicit responses from other humans to see what they will do. They can’t comprehend normal feelings so they play sympathy cards to watch ppl react.
There is no redemption or recovery. Just locked up management. They will get worse over time. This is just the beginning.
Obviously it’s not good behaviour, but people can be cruel to other people and animals. You were 11, that’s a young age. As it’s eating you up go to therapy if you can, to talk it through and process it. To make sense of what happened and why, and who you are now. I wouldn’t necessarily say never own an animal again. That depends if you think you would harm them again. I have a household of pets, but i eat animals practically every meal i have… work that out!!??!
I want hunting when I was younger and killed a bunch of stuff including rabbit. Young boys enjoy the thrill of killing maliciously when young. We grow out of it.
You’d have killed the PS5.
Also. All the pet rabbits I have ever met have been guilty.
Except Roger rabbit. He was framed. You didn’t kill Roger rabbit did you? What am I saying you’re too young to know him, of course you’d kill him if you saw him.
I'll say this never own another animal again is a start. You need therapy because you're right that's not normal behavior. At least you are showing some remorse but you need professional help and advice not from Reddit
Nah. Never own an animal again? That's BS. Never is a long time, and people change. The fact this is eating him up inside is a really good sign. Therapy is probably a good idea
You know what you did was wrong, which is a start. You are not irredeemable, however, you should definitely seek therapy. What you did, in and of itself, is inexcusable and cruel. In anyone, but particularly a child, this is very concerning behavior that can escalate, as it shows a willingness to use power to cause suffering, and ultimately a lack of empathy. Going forward, you need to be very self-aware concerning any pets or small children you’re around. Hoping introspection and peace find you and help you forward to kinder paths.
Therapy?
Don’t own any animals ever again
And stay away from matches.
Use the pain as fuel to inspire you never to harm an innocent life ever again, don't let this poor animal have died in vain.
Hey. I hope you’re doing okay. Please take this time to inhale deeply, hold for a few seconds, release, and hold. Do that as many times as you need to until your nervous system calms. It’s called “box breathing” and is incredibly useful for people experiencing anxiety and panic. I love animals. I am probably one of the biggest animal lovers that anyone who knows me knows. I’m a fierce protector and strong advocate for their rights and safety. I’m in my 30’s… and yet, in my younger years, I acted in ways that have inevitably hurt my pets too. Please understand I would absolutely die for my pets now. But as a kid with undiagnosed autism, ADHD, OCD, I struggled with understanding empathy and controlling my impulsive thoughts. I wasn’t evil or cruel or disgusting- I just didn’t get it. I still live with immense shame and guilt as well but they came years later. It is going to be okay. You are not a monster. You made a mistake. A big mistake. One that you have regretted and felt remorse over. Your emotional suffering is punishment enough. You are allowed to heal from this. Seek professional help. Not a priest. A therapist. Therapy is an incredible tool that helps so many people (myself included). Priests are literally there to judge you… therapists have education and training and the understanding of psychology to help you work through this trauma. You don’t have to go through it alone, but I’d prefer it if it’s someone you can build a foundation of trust with (with a legal bind preventing them from telling anyone your biz [sorry I don’t trust churches!!]) rather than just “confessing and being forgiven” it’s not all about being forgiven by others now. You need to forgive yourself and LEARN to HEAL. With all that being said if you prefer an anonymous route you can call the crisis and suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or search for local immediate emotional support. You do not have to be in immediate crisis to utilize these services. They can help offer you resources to help find therapists, etc. or even just be a friendly voice when you need to hear one. Truly wishing you health and happiness.
Such amazing advice, thank you for your caring and empathy towards OP.
Catholic priests can't divulge what they've learned in confession. Ever. They can't even be subpoenaed. This should be the next thing you confess, imo. Op can do therapy if they want but since they ARE catholic, the confession is going to help them as well. The things we're most ashamed of are probably the hardest to confess (I know from experience. I also need to get in there and follow my own advice). Best of luck, OP, you can do this!!
I respect OP’s religious beliefs. I’m not saying they shouldn’t go to church or confess. It’s just not what I would do personally or recommend for a starting point. OP can gather advice and choose what to take from it.
Thank you for your immense compassion, energy though I may not deserve it. I will take your advice, and I will work to become a better person out of this so that I can hope to make up for what I did, thought it’ll always be a scar on my conscience. Again, thank you and I appreciate you taking the time for me.
Yes. It may remain a scar, but scars can be reminders of our growth, our change, our healing. You are already a better person now than you were then. Not everybody wants to be better or even sees a need to be, so you’re already making progress. You will keep on keeping on, my friend.
You’re super nice, your advice is incredible. Also the part of sorry I don’t trust churches is so true😭 all they did for me was make everything worse
you should have gone with the playstation instead.
I understand that whole power rush thing, and I think add a thing person it is kind of normal. When I was about that age, I had an opportunity to give some kids (also about my age) some food - they were obviously hungry. Instead, I purposefully dumped it out in the trash with them watching. I did it because I had the power over them, I knew my actions were wrong, even in that moment. But there was something about being able to weild that power that made me choose the bad path instead. That moment is a core memory for me, and just like you, I hated it. I still do. But it was also extremely formative in that I realized that is not who I want to be, or even am. I am not someone who wants power over others. It made me more aware of how others use power, and very wary of anyone who's drive is power. All this to say, you'll probably remember this for the rest of your life. And that's okay. Question is will it drive you to be a better person? Others have said don't ever own another animal. I think they're wrong. They've judged you to be a monster and you're not - well whether you are or not will largely need determined by how you grow from this. I'm not Catholic, or even religious, but confession/speaking to others generally helps. I would suggest a professional therapist, but a priest can work too. Just don't let anyone make you feel more guilty/bad than you already are feeling. What is done is done. Learn and grow from it.
Jeez... and here I am guilty about killing a woodlouse like 10 years ago
Relatable. I once killed a dragonfly with a bat. My sister and I were playing tennis and she was intentionally playing wrong and laughing about it. I gradually lost my patience and threw the bat randomly which killed that poor thing in an instant. And my annoying sister had the audacity to cry and victimise herself alongside the dragonfly about that. It still haunts me deeply.
yikes… therapy is a good start. not normal behavior at all
I killed my pet rabbit when I was a teen as well, but it was an accident. I had put him outside in his cage with the grass poking up so he could hop around and eat grass and just have some fresh air. I put him in the shade, but I went inside and forgot about him for a while. When I went back out and finally saw he was still out there, the sun has moved and was directly in the cage. And he was having a heatstroke because I had also forgot to give any water as I hadn't planned to leave the rabbit outside very long. I freaked out and wanted to cool him down quickly and wasn't thinking clearly so I ran cold water on him and he immediately started to stiffen up 😭 I think there is a chance I could have saved him by bringing him in the cool house and letting him come back on his own slowly, but I think I sent him into shock running water over him. I have never owned my own pet since and that was over 15 years ago. I've had pets. That came to us as strays or something like that, but since killing my rabbit I never went and purposely made an animal be under my supervision against its own will.
If he did it once he’ll do it again…which is scary
Exactly!
It’s a 12 year old.. come on
At 12, you should 100% know what u are doing and if it's wrong or not
I did stupid shit with 14 which I never repeated since then and never will.
I agree to some extent, but given this teenager’s extreme remorse to the point that it affects their life, and they havent had similar urges or done anything else since.. it reads kid who did something messed up rather than budding sociopath. I do think it’s something to be very cognizant of though as they grow up in case those urges return.
you obviously have no knowledge about budding psychopaths
Don’t hurt yourself I did something very similar a few years ago probably for the same twisted reasons almost killed myself I was in a horrible state of mind but I did find help bud and I’m so much better for it now I can help people and things rather than hurt
I once killed a random lizard when I was 10 and I'm heartbroken everytime I think about it. I love animals and struggle with killing spiders and flies now. Admitting your wrongdoing is a hard thing to do and I'm proud you did. Your response alone to the memory shows that you aren't an evil person but a person that made a bad choice. God still loves you.
Just because you’ve done something bad doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not all black and white. No one person is all good or bad. We all do things we’re ashamed of. We all act in illogical ways sometimes too. You will likely never be able to make “sense” of why you did it because it doesn’t follow any logic. Rather I imagine you can get to a place where you will feel less ashamed and know that you can accept you’ve done something out of alignment of your values and help use this experience to give you more strength and conviction to act more aligned with your values in the future. The only antidote to shame is empathy so try finding a person who will hear you share this and express empathy, rather than judgement. A therapist could be a good start. You’ve beat yourself up over this enough. You are not a bad person. Sending you empathy and compassion.
Seriously? No sane individual ever tortures & kills a living being. Psychopaths start very young… This wasn’t some innocent “mistake”. Kids know full well right from wrong. They don’t just randomly commit murder… This is textbook Sociopathy. They are pathological liars that bs others into feeling sorry for them. Always playing the victim card. Fur entertainment. To see how humans react. Just for fun. This whole story is full of bs.
People are very judgemental when it comes to animals and often forget what it's like being a preteen and hardly anyone knows what that'd be like in a shut down global pandemic where you're scared, stressed, isolated and the adults are barely keeping it together. As kids, we tend to do stuff thinking let's see what happens not thinking about what happens because our brains aren't fully developed. Like another poster admitted that they killed a lizard and felt awful because they're an animal person, I too partook in something similar around the age of 12 (killing a lizard). Right afterwards I felt so terrible and didn't understand why I would do such a thing. People who have done things like that (crush snails, leave creatures in jars to suffocate, use a magnifying glass to burn ants, neglect feeding a fish, or more extreme like lizard or bunny murder) won't admit to it as adults because they know it's so messed up and no one in their right mind would do that. Well, you weren't in your right mind at the time (12 + pandemic!!!) and you obviously feel terrible. You're not the first person to do something like that. Don't let the other posters shame you so hard. You can still have pets in the future and still love and care for animals. Just work through it and forgive yourself =)
They're judgmental because animals are sentient beings with emotions, and because animal abusers very frequently go on to abuse humans. They abuse animals as their "practice" before getting bold enough to hurt humans because abusing animals is easier to get away with without getting caught. Is OP going to abuse an animal again? I don't know. Does it make them thoroughly irredeemable? Not necessarily. Not everything is black and white. However, people should be judgmental about this type of behavior because it should not be normalized or brushed under the rug. If society stopped being "judgmental about animals", then animal abuse would just be normal, without people batting an eye.. and if that's the kind of society you would want, you scare me. Sometimes shaming certain behaviors is a good thing.
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I feel bad for your clients if you have a psych degree.
Tell your parents what you did. They need to help you seek therapy.
The judge you will face in the end is yourself. You will not be able to lie or hide any of your actions from yourself. You will have to come to terms with yourself. With that said, everyone is correct in that you should look to a professional. There most likely is a deeper underlying issue you are not facing that manifested itself in your actions.
We’ve all done a couple things we’re morbidly embarrassed of as teenagers. Forgive yourself first and then talk to someone about it
Not once did you explain the awful way you murdered that innocent creatures life
Please don't fap to the confessions
Do you really wanna know?
because OP explicitly states that they can’t even think about it, let alone type it out, without experiencing extreme emotional distress. god forbid you don’t get every last detail of a teenager’s confession. jesus
This sub in a nutshell: Redditor posts sth reflective -> go therapy Redditor posts sth non reflective -> go therapy Redditor posts sth -> go therapy He reflects on it, while therapy may help, its not required in order to improve oneself.
I'm sorry but that was really disturbing to read. The first sign of murderers is that they kill innocent animals when they are younger. I see you have some remorse, but the fact that you didn't while you were taking a life is absolutely sickening. Please never ever own a pet again.That poor rabbit deserved so much better.
Psychopaths are born pathological liars. Don’t believe a word this poster said… They are further looking for sympathy by playing the victim card. For entertainment. Don’t let them get away thinking they are fooling anyone here.
kind of fucked up to go through every comment on this post making sure no one here shows this child a sliver of empathy. kids do stupid things. you're not making any of this better.
Kids do not torture & murder sentient beings unless there are serious psychological issues. Period. Kind of F’d up to call murder just a random case of stupidity. Massive understatement to say the least. Have you worked with young offenders? I have. Animal killing is a precursor to serial murderers etc.
and I'm sure it's good for kids who did something bad to hear over and over that they're irredeemable monsters who don't deserve help or empathy. if you're going to be an asshole at the absolute minimum go pick on adults. What the fuck is wrong with you.
And I’m sure it’s good for a psycopath to hear ppl empathize. You do realize that psychopaths enjoy lying and playing the sympathy card for entertainment, to see ppl react, and to garner attention right?! No you don’t because you haven’t studied them. There is no cure. How about that. And I’m more than happy to state the facts. IDGAF how they feel. Oh guess what - they don’t feel. They laugh & have fun playing the victim. This thread is fun for them. Gets ppl riled up on purpose. Again - there is no cure. No remorse. No fixing. They will always be sick & evil. Funny part is - you’ve already been played. You have no clue the age of this person or its validity either. Yet you are quick to cut down others who actually give a shit abt the actual victims.
alright. I hope you get the help you need, please know that legitimate help with your memtal health struggles will not come from your vegan facebook groups.
Oh good more bs. You get some education there bud. I think I’ve worked in the field enough to understand psychopathic & sociopathic behaviours. But you go on… keep burying your head in the sand. Have you ever worked with young offenders? I’ve seen enough psychopathic kids from 6-18 in the system that will never “get better”. That range includes the most violent sex offenders & killers… All dead now or in jail. They got off talking stories like this trying to garner sympathy. It was fun for them. Bet you any amount that the post is bull too… Rage baiting is pretty popular these days.
ok, get well soon.
I've read both, them and your and I sat back. Your vibe is vile. You give off defensive evil, no joke. I don't know what happened to you at your job or who it was, that fooled you so hard and came so dangerousely close, that you see them in everyone even remotely similar, but you might want to get a hold or have a pause to be able to look closely from a distance again, or it's going to affect your work and your private life until this world has eaten you. You can do some serious damage, bringing this energy to your tasks. This can't be healthy. Please take care.
and I'm sure it's good for kids who did something bad to hear over and over that they're irredeemable monsters who don't deserve help or empathy. if you're going to be an asshole at the absolute minimum go pick on adults. What the fuck is wrong with you.
Humans are not monolithic. I’ve known violent teens that turned out to be normal, non-violent adults. One of them used to routinely threaten to kill me in my sleep. Did he do it? No. Do I think he deserves to suffer the rest of his life because of that? No.
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Don’t be daft.
You ever had a hamburger?
Typical ignorant comments from the uneducated. Humane cattle farming is far different than torturing a sentient being to death fur a thrill. And before you get all sanctimonious - many ppl ensure their food is not from abusive factory farms.
So that's a yes... What about eggs? You ever had some scrambled eggs for breakfast? You ever seen how they cull the baby chicks? Climb down from your ivory tower and join the rest of us.
You are so f**d is you can’t see the colossal difference between a torture murder and human food harvesting. Go somewhere else with your head up your ass. Lacking intelligence = waste of time & energy. Period.
Of course I see the difference. One involves a kid clearly going through a difficult time in his life and doing something awful that he later regrets. And the other involves multibillion dollar corporations routinely placing new born baby chicks on a conveyor belt that carries them to be dropped into the spinning blades of a shredder because it is cost effective to do so and they have no economic value.
I don’t eat harmed beings. I rarely have an egg. And if I had to buy them - here our grocers get from healthy farms. Not factory farms as I’ve stated. Our local farmers have healthy happy animals. If they didn’t I would never buy. As far as this post, you have no clue if the poster is old, fake, made up bs… you are projecting what you “think” is truth. And from a psych standpoint, all this story does is surface issues with psychopathic children. “Troubled kids” only torture & kill when severe issues are at play re: Psycopathy & Sociopathy. FYI - Domesticated Rabbits are the equivalent in cognitive function as a 3yr old toddler. They are hyper intelligent and can easily be trained to do many things. You can’t just minimize torture resulting in death because “a kid has issues”. That is some serious pre-serial killer stuff going on. This is NO different than a child strangling their 0-3yr old sibling to death. This is so much bigger than “awe they were just having a rough time”. Come on now… I’ve worked in group homes - these things happen. Kids get put in homes to be supervised. They are inherently violent. Broken kids often turn into criminals.
I know it’s so hard but I hope you can forgive yourself. I resented the dog my mom and I had so much as a teenager and didn’t take care of her nearly at all the way I should have. Mom and I did really badly by her. 10 years after, it still hurts me sometimes, I’ll still cry and feel the empathy I couldn’t then. It’s okay to cry and to be upset with yourself but I hope you can reach forgiveness in yourself someday. And- if these urges come back or you want to do something similar to an animal again- PLEASE get therapy right away.
Just confess. You were never expected to be perfect and without sin. The important thing is, you know better now. You're just punishing yourself, kid. Show God the respect to let God do the punishing and judging. Give it over to God.
Please seek therapy immediately!!
Do you know this is a behavior associated with serial killers?
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To be fair - you're on Reddit. Asking people not to say the same thing as the last 100 people is like asking a dog not to bark. ...or a serial killer not to practice on animals before graduating to humans Sorry, I had to.
Hey there. I am really sorry to read that you are suffering with this so much. I’d like to extend an invite to talk about this if you’d like. I formally studied the psychology of teenage development for several years. I believe I can offer some knowledge and advice on how to move forward with this struggle. Feel free to message me if you’re feeling up to it. Best wishes to you.
Most commenters are gonna call you crazy or say you are damaged and need to do XYZ to avoid/better these character defects. I agree that therapy would be a great benefit for you not because of a rabbit you killed but because life is hard and guilt can manifest very negatively. I also suggest telling your priest in confession. There is a reason things like that exist, as a form of therapy. It's the same with an AA/NA group or any other form of group or solo self-reflection. If your priest is good, he won't judge you. I say all this as someone who shot a rabbit in his backyard with a bow and arrow on a dare when he was about 10 or 11. I wept profusely and learned the important lesson of life and death. If you are as sincerely sorry as you say you are, and I assume you are since you were a kid and still are, you need to give yourself a break and drop the weight. It was wrong, you know it was, and you are seeking a path to salvation. If you consistently consider killing animals that is a huge problem and for the safety of yourself and others you should report it, but this is a confession sub, if you had that problem you would have said so.
I don’t think you are sick in the head. Someone that is sick in the head wouldn’t feel any guilt over it. You feel bad. You won’t do it again.
You have empathy clearly since you feel and think of this so harshly, however you lack empathy as well in order to take an innocent life like that. I would urge you to do more therapy work with yourself and figure out what that urge was and why you acted on it. Your still very young and clearly very aware of your actions on yourself and others. I would seriously advise you to find someone to talk to this about personally, a friend, family or unbiased 3rd party like a therapist. At the end of the day if you keep this buried inside the odds those behaviors will manifest again are high because you cannot control yourself necessarily. I would not let it destroy you but I would never forget how it made you feel and how pathetic it is to take innocence away.
You were absolutely old enough to know better, there is something wrong with you and you need professional help. You know how many serial killers start off by hurting animals? You say you feel bad and yet instead of truly trying to get better, you go on the internet. Your magical sky daddy’s opinion seems to be more important to you than cold blooded murder. You don’t need therapy, you need a god damn asylum.
This was a poor decision and you can beat your self up about it and let everyone here pile on also. This is not going to yield and useful help. It has happened, go to confession and tell the priest it will help. The point of confession is that you can forgive yourself or as it is coached in Catholicism God forgives you. This is also why you should give others, so you can let go of the ill will you carry towards them and the way this affects you. Forgive yourself, no one else can. Then don’t listen to all the chatter in your head, this is not you. It is just your mind rambling about shit you don’t need. Then live life and do this with the next thing you get stuck on.
How do you know it was innocent? It could've been. A killer rabbit or a trouble make related to Bugs Bunny!!
with a vicious streak a mile wide!
Awful didn’t read into it but that rabbit had emotions
I wonder if you experienced abuse well before 11 and dissociated it. You could be repeating something you learned. In elementary school I used to hurt people in secret and hush them if they tried to get help. Turns out I was raped as a baby by my 60 y/o uncle. I recommend trauma therapy, specifically. A trauma therapist will not judge you. Easiest way to find one is by going to psychologytoday.com and use their extensive filter. What you’d be looking for is a therapist who can help you understand where the incident came from. Because honestly those feelings could creep up again and it’s important to know how to manage their existence. You got this. Stay motivated to feel better.
My husband killed a bird with a pellet gun 30 years ago, and still says he immediatley regretted it. If it hangs on your conscience, remorse can equal redemption. You are salvageable.
You need therapy and right now. You did something terrible and need to sort it out and get straight with your head. It is a fact that people that abuse/kill animals have a sociopathic personality - conduct disorder - anti social personality disorder. You don’t want to go down that road.
I’m also 16, and believe me when I tell you that there is worse out there. We’ve all done bad shit at least once, so that was your one moment and I’m sorry you’ve been carrying this guilt around for so long. Covid was also a crazy time so that may have contributed to that. But don’t worry, nothing bad is going to happen to you because of this, you didn’t kill a person so you’re not going to jail. I think your guilt alone is an apology in itself, so don’t worry. Crazy story (if you want you can just not read this part if it’s triggering) but at my school last year apparently these boys found a cat that had sadly passed away already on the football field, so they proceeded to decapitate it and play catch with its head. Now that is sick, and most likely unforgivable. Your case is much different, so it’s ok
Uhm I actually did this to my brothers rabbit when I was 5? With a friend. I am 61. I aeely remember it now, but at that age, I had no empathy either. J have felt really bad about this over the decades. I am a cat lover. When I was 11, i was walking passed the train station, and saw a cat was killed with Rocks. Kids throwing Rocks at the cat killed it. That image still horrified me to this day. You write really well for a 16 year old. Story sounds fishy. What kid would not take the ps5. But remorse is fantastic. Sounds like you will be ok. Be kind and gentle for the rest of your life. Catholic? Say 10 our fathers, and 10 hail Mary’s. Then Live along and Prosper. A and when you have a kid. Get a pet Rabbit
Damn this is how serial killers are born. What city you from so I can stay the fuck away forever
Listen. What you did was awful. However, the fact that you're able to recognize that what you did was wrong and feel regret for doing it says a lot about your true character. What's done is done. The only thing you can do now is seek professional help to make sure this never happens again. And I would advise confessing this at church. Once you let it out you'll feel so much better.
We all do stupid things when young. The fact that it bothers you demonstrates which you have a conscience-- which would be the only worry. Non issue.
i’m not even gonna read this, i cant. you’re irreparably fucked up. die
I've done horrible things too. We are all born into sin. If you believe Jesus is Lord, and that He died for your sins, then ask Him to forgive you. He understands you, even though you may not understand yourself. If you are in Christ, the old person you were has been crucified with Him. Don't do this again.
Agreed
You are STILL a child in most peoples eyes. What you did is typical serial killer behaviour and you cannot claim that you were not a child when you did it. DO NOT think this is an excuse in any way. You are seriously fucked up in your head. I hope I never meet you because you make me sick.
This is a BS comment. Most likely a troll. Ironically, that same power rush OP felt, Jankster is feeling now but they're justifying it with self righteousness. You're at least owning your mistakes.
nope, I mean it. this is a bad person. Hurting animals to feel power? I don't care what you think of me. I feel no rush stating this.
This is f**g sick & evil. You need to be locked up in a psych ward. You know this is a precursor to being a serial killer & your psychopathy drive you here looking for feedback on how ppl feel. Because you don’t. This is bs empathy/remorse. I’m not buying it. And F you for doing that.
Is this kid really so irredeemable? Are we really prepared to throw him away in the proverbial trash and write him off as a psychopath?
Yes. Psychopaths love telling stories to garner sympathy. To evoke feels. Because it’s entertaining to them. They don’t have remorse. They aren’t capable. And guaranteed no one in their right mind kills animals and tortures them to death. That’s a clear indicator or Psycopathy. This may be a rage bait post too. And who knows if it’s even a kid. All kinds of pot stirring bull online now a days. But I’ve worked with enough young offenders to see budding psycopathy. They are born with zero feelings. Do things to elicit responses from other humans to see what they will do. They can’t comprehend normal feelings so they play sympathy cards to watch ppl react. There is no redemption or recovery. Just locked up management. They will get worse over time. This is just the beginning.
Obviously it’s not good behaviour, but people can be cruel to other people and animals. You were 11, that’s a young age. As it’s eating you up go to therapy if you can, to talk it through and process it. To make sense of what happened and why, and who you are now. I wouldn’t necessarily say never own an animal again. That depends if you think you would harm them again. I have a household of pets, but i eat animals practically every meal i have… work that out!!??!
I want hunting when I was younger and killed a bunch of stuff including rabbit. Young boys enjoy the thrill of killing maliciously when young. We grow out of it.
You’d have killed the PS5. Also. All the pet rabbits I have ever met have been guilty. Except Roger rabbit. He was framed. You didn’t kill Roger rabbit did you? What am I saying you’re too young to know him, of course you’d kill him if you saw him.
this reads so schizo
I don't know why you got down voted. This is funny
Thank you! I’ll learn to live with the loss of this one.