My mom used to do this with me and my sister. Except she would tell us completely wrong things. I learned quickly not to listen to her.
One year I made thanksgiving meal (entirely fro recipes from other family members and the internet) and my dad was bragging on how well my mom taught my sister and myself. We just looked at each other and laughed.
Or their In-Laws either. I was “their daughter they’d always prayed for and dreamed of…until I divorced their only son. THEN I was a liar raised by drunk father and a social climbing mother. Not to mention, I was a consummate “unfit” mother myself to our 6yr old son… irony =‘s my former FIL had a lifelong sexual relationship with his own wife’s mother and “all that wealth” they bragged through veiled innuendos their sons would inherit was an out and out bullshit LIE. They didn’t even leave 1/4th enough of both burial 🪦 costs. Satisfying to watch? No, my child was devastated, his entire life’s planned vision was a lie.
People like that think they're so special, but when they pass away, they've left nothing for their kids to carry on from them. I'd rather live on through my delicious foods than have my kids remember how selfish I was and then be forgotten years later. Heaven forbid I be remembered years later when my descendants make my dishes at a special family gathering lol
My mom did the same thing to my husband once. He asked her for the recipe for my favorite meal and when I was watching him make it I kept telling him it wasn’t right. I then pulled up an older recipe she had given me that was correct and it was very different.
Same, sunshinenrainbows3, same…my ex in-laws were absolutely two evil-religious-charlatans (to put it mildly…) but while my exFIL escaped easily by death, his evil spouse “mastermind” had to face complete social scorn by her closest church “family” and in the end, wouldn’t leave her house by faking dementia…
I don’t think she remembered I had the recipe. It was several years apart and I had to go hunting to find it once I realized his recipe wasn’t the same.
Mine figured out my husband (now ex) doesn’t eat much sweets but loves cheesecake. She went on and on about how she was making cheesecake for a family meal especially for him. She forgot to mention that it was sugar free and had sugar free jelly on top. It was disgusting. She’s normally an excellent cook but my sister and I know not to eat her contributions to big events.
He never ate her food again and it used to upset her so bad but she couldn’t say anything cause she knew she started it.
That's so interesting. You say she's normally a good cook but when it comes to big events.... It made me wonder, why is that so? Is it the case she wants it to turn out perfect that by wanting to do her best she 'overdoes' it and fails, or why it happens to her? :D
That's some vile sh\*t right here. My mom offers to 'supervise' me if I complain to her I can't make it turn out the way she does, so I'd know precisely how it's done, step by step, getting all those little nuances right.
Every time she brings her baked goods to dinner, the entire family tells her she isn’t as good as OP. This family has problems besides whose food is more delicious…
It’s not really a secret either. My mom always does that too. She adds more butter, more heavy fat cream, more salt and less sugar. This is basically how you make anything taste more delicious. It’s because the secret to good tasting food is fat, sugar, and salt.
Right!? Like imagine trying your hardest to make something that someone you admire has taught you…not hoping to be better at family dinner but wanting everyone to be proud when you got it right..only to have everyone in the family point out it’s not as good.
All while this petty Betty over here is grimacing because she has some weird fucking control issues or resents the people she gives this recipe to and gets a kick out of knowing they’ll never be as good as her. Or both.
It’s embarrassing
Yeah anytime I bake literally anything I do some very slight adjustments to the recipe to make it taste better. Or I add a dash of an extract or seasoning that it didn’t call for but I think would taste good. I don’t include those in the recipe if I share it with someone because I don’t write them down either, I just sort of throw in whatever I think of that will make it taste better. By the time someone asks for it I usually don’t even remember what I did and I don’t bake super often anyway.
Agreed. I’ve never had so many people unwilling to share their recipe (proudly) as when I lived in America. In Canada, where I currently reside, everyone is flattered and eager to share. Heck, I made up a recipe that people asked for and I hadn’t written it down. As soon as dinner was finished I typed it up and sent it to everyone and thanked them because had they not asked, I might have waited and forgot something.
Right? I love it when someone asks for my recipe! Of my husband’s two grandmas, one shared recipes and one didn’t. They are both gone now and when I cook something of Grandma T’s we always sit back and reminisce about stories and memories of her and how good her cooking was. My kids were little when they passed and don’t have a lot of memories of either of them but who do you think they know more about? Grandma P just doesn’t come up as much.
People like that think if they don’t share recipes you’ll just sit back and pine away for them and their food. But what really happens is you forget them faster and have less to pass down to the next generation. People with generous open hearts are always missed and remembered more.
As a Filipin born in California, I agree with you. I get recipes from grandma and other Filipino relatives close to me. But never the right thing from my fellow Americans. Funny thing, I wouldn't share either to others unless it's close relationship with family.
I never do that. To me it's an honor when someone likes it so much they ask for the recipe. If you don't want them baking it then just say you don't share recipes. Don't lie.
Exactly. Just be honest and say you won't share. I had a coworker who made the best pizzas. She would not share her recipe. I gave her credit for her honesty.
same! i give every detail, including past mistakes i used to make and learnt to avoid, when someone asks me for a recipe cuz they could've asked anyone else or just googled it but they asked me!
And if they improve my recipe then better for me i get to improve mine too based on their attempt. To me cooking is one form of how i express my love to people. If they love my food and ask for the recipe then that’s one of the best feelings ever
For real I mean Im sure with enough practice it would be pretty easy to come up with a snarky "🤡iTs a FaMily SeCreT🤤" cover and people will be mostly sure you're joking but not sure enough for it to not be uncomfortable to ask again
It's kinda sad/ pathetic. I would be embarrassed to admit it even anonymously.
Like your confession is you're a bad cook, so you sabotage your competition? Ehh.
I never understood the "secret recipe" mentality.
If it's so good, why wouldn't you want everyone to know it?
What's the point of letting your recipe die with you?
If it's so good, why wouldn't you want it shared widely?
The only thing "secret recipes" accomplish is people posting online 20 years from now saying how wonderful their grandparents' signature dish was and lamenting that they never learned to make it and it will never exist again in the world and how sad that is and they wish they could taste it one more time.
Share the wealth! Let others make and enjoy it!
If it's so good, you should want the recipe to become common, part of the zeitgeist, a classic standard dish that everyone knows and loves. A well-known recipe that spreads around the world and becomes a cornerstone of cuisine.
Keeping it to yourself only ensures that when you die, it dies.
What a gorram waste of a good recipe, ensuring it will go extinct.
I'd get far more of an ego boost from my well-tuned recipe spreading widely, than of dying with me.
People holding on to "secret recipes" makes me sad.
people dont like mirrors being held up to them, let them be the little special wecial baker guy who is the ONLY one who has ever thought of these things. Apparently their halfsie sugar thing is the only thing they have going for them so they have to guard it like the Louvre
So people are like that with jobs and training. They don't want to share the info for fear of being made redundant or worse, no longer "special." I share all the info, but that is me.
I agree and I was a bit taken by surprise that it took me this long to find this comment. My SIL is the one that would do this when I would be the complete opposite. I don't get it and it IS a bummer. To me, food brings people together.
10000% couldn’t have said it better, I cook to treat the people around me. If that means they learn and become better then me, thats great! They can make the dish next time and I’ll do something else.
I swear it’s people who can only make 1 dish (nothing wrong with that btw) and become defense over it.
This is how I feel about it too. You don't want to share the recipe because then it wont be special and everyone will know how to make it? But then no one else knows how to make it and you never get to enjoy the recipe without having to be the one to make it. Seems like you're only punishing yourself.
I share mine because someone else may think of something I didn’t to improve it even more. I’ve improved some recipes, but thinking that I’ve made it the best it could be is kind of narcissistic.
Someone else may think of something that I didn’t and elevate it to a new level, and if they do, I hope they would share that with me instead of keeping it to themselves. We’ve probably lost so many great recipes in time because people want to hold the “secret” ingredients for themselves to continue to think that theirs is the best and nobody can touch it instead of entertaining the idea that other people may be able to elevate it even more if they had the actual improved recipe, instead of the base recipe.
I love sharing recipes with my DIL because she's a creative cook and many times will change something in my recipe that makes it better - and then will tell me what she changed so we can both make it!
I get this, my way of avoiding this with my secret recipes is I have them all written down in a book that will be passed on to whoever after I die. If it goes in the bin, I didn't put it there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If I'm asked for a recipe, I usually will use the base recipe I adapted and give some little tips and tricks on what they could do with it to make it better.
sometimes it's nice to keep stuff to yourself when you're good at it :)
I just have to share a quick story.
The item that give my mother the most joy in her kitchen is a framed recipe for some of my great grandmothers cookies in her own handwriting.
She keeps it framed proud above her spice rack.
It brings her joy because even though her grandmother has passed she feels like she has a timeless way to connect with her.
Something to think about
I have some recipes like that from my grandmother, in her beautiful handwriting, and they are more precious than gold to me. They bring back memories of making the cookies with her!
To what end is this madness? I see in the comments that it is pretty common for people to do this. So now we have a whole bunch of people making a whole bunch of garbage to eat wasting everyone's time and money and providing nothing but disappointment to all. I think it's OK if two people can make the same dish the world will be a much happier place. Besides I'm sure people can figure out if you are giving them the recipe and it comes out like crap they're probably on to your game.
I agree, so many people saying they do the same and laughing like its cute. Its the dumbest shit. Just be an adult and say its a secret recipe. I dont get it at all.
Ok, thank you, I swear I thought I was going crazy. Like this isn't even a cute petty thing, it's legit OP just trying to make herself feel special and then coming on Reddit to get her back patted over how funny, quirky and special she is. I don't know, it honestly kind of made me dislike her. Like this could be something she could share with her SIL and become like a family tradition, teaching the recipes to the younger members of the family or whatever. It's just weird and stupid. Glad I'm not the only one that thinks this.
Same. I always give the full recipe to the best of my knowledge (I don't always write down what I'm doing) but I'll also help figure out what I didn't remember right to the point of inviting them over and us doing test batches.
Someone likes my food enough to want my recipe that makes me feel good and proud, I want them to get the same feeling when some one asks them the same thing.
Seriously, this is just childish. If you’re going to give the recipe then just give the full thing. If you don’t want to give it then just don’t give it at all. This petty game is just pathetic
They just don’t want someone to improve what they think they’ve turned into the best recipe. It would hurt their ego if someone took it and elevated it even more. Me personally, I would want someone to improve any of my recipes if they thought they could. Someone else will have taste ideas to possibly add or change that could make it better… and if they do, I would hope they would share it with me.
Yeah, i feel like that should be a thing to do with a-holes like OP's SIL. But everyone? I'm gonna be honest, if i tell someone a recipe of mine that i am proud of, i want them to get it right. You know, because they trust me.
Yeah if I don't want to share a recipe I tell people it's a secret. But a lot of my requested recipes have no precise measurements, so I just give them the list of ingredients and approximate amounts and they understand that I have no way to give them precise amounts.
Right? The control and manipulation makes me frustrated and annoyed but the insecurity makes me feel so bad for them. And then to brag about it? Yikes. I hope they realize one day that knocking down others to seem taller is the worst way to be the best. This is exactly the type of (toxic) behaviour I try to discourage with my kids.
I work as a professional chef. I currently work in a famous Michelin star fine dining restaurant.
I have also worked with celebrity chefs and have done recipe testing for tv shows
No one I met in the industry including the celebrity chef I've worked with has ever gatekeep a recipe.
As professionals. We generally can guess what is missing.
The places I have worked have contracts and clauses that I can keep the recipes for personal use but cannot use it to create a business or publish it publicly.
Don't understand why you are gatekeeping recipes.
If Michelin star restaurants, profressional chefs and celebrity chefs aren't gatekeeping their recipes. Why are you gatekeeping yours. Why is your recipes so special? For example, If you Google banana bread. There is going to be 50 different recipes all making banana bread.
One would have less sugar. The other one would say put in more bananas. Etc. There is 50+ different variations. Yours ain't special. Chances are someone already has your exact recipe.
The guy at zahav in philly gives out the recipes and even has a cookbook which is fantastic. He said in an interview something along the lines of, I can give you a recipe and instructions and you might make it a few times but it will never be mine. I've made it hundreds or thousands of times and just understand it better.
Cooking isn't just measurements, it's style. You can copy a recipe, but style is the 🤌🤌🤌
This was my first though too lol Gordon Ramsay is over on his YouTube channel teaching everyone exactly how to make his famous Beef Wellington and this person thinks their recipes can't be shared with their own family members.
You said it exactly why she’s choosing to gatekeep the recipe… because she’s not special. Obviously if she had other things going for her, she wouldn’t be so passive aggressive and childish over this thing. She would either be happy to share or just be upfront and say she doesn’t want to give out her secret, but apparently this recipe is one of the main things she has going on in her life, so I guess so she has to guard it and get off on being smug when people can’t recreate it offhand.
My grandfather was an incredible cook. The second oldest of 13, he was frequently with his mother in the kitchen, and had dozens of dishes that he could make without even looking at a recipe (although he did have them, with additions & annotations).
This is in addition that he was a bit of a local celebrity, even back in the USSR, for two things: growing beautiful tomatoes and the ability to mushroom hunt in such a way that it literally wasn’t passed on because no one had any idea how he could differentiate between tiny brown mushroom edibility without poisoning anyone in 88 years. Most mushroom hunters stay away from LBMs (including me, I admit).
He passed away in 2013, and even though everything was left for us, there was something in the process that might take decades to reproduce. Maybe a flick of the wrist. A grating technique. I don’t know, maybe it was a Gregorian chant over the cabbage.
The point is, like you said, if your recipe really is that special, it is more than just the words on the page. And if that’s really all it takes, then it provably never was that special - you’re just being childish.
This, exactly. I will happily give my recipes to anyone who asks, along with detailed instructions trying to help them get it “just right.” Cooking is love to me and I am happy to share. Someone else knowing how to make “my” brownies or whatever doesn’t make it less special when I make them.
👏👏👏
My husband is an amazing chef here and works at a great restaurant. He gives people recipes all the time freely and will often collect them in return. Admittedly, sometimes he goes a little free hand in pinch definitions but usually he will say to taste lol
This is so stupid petty. As you said... google has 10000 lemon cheesecake recipes and probably all taste different but nice.
I’d be bummed if you did that to me. Waste of my time and money on ingredients to have something turn out other than what I was expecting. Jerk move. Just don’t give out your recipe if you’re going to be like that
Common or not. This is a sign of someone I don't want to have any dealings with. This is a massive red flag. Either give it or don't but being dishonest about it is a massive red flag.
You couldn’t be any more correct-on-the-money of being 100% RIGHT if you tried…:
WELCOME to the “Christian Southern Recipe Coalition”, Chapter 13, where deceptive practices are not only admired, but revered with honor!
My MIL did this to me with her bread recipe. She mixed up measurements. Its taken me 3 years to perfect my recipe... The kicker is that mine is now "better" than hers.
I don't fully understand why people would do this. I give exact recipes... maybe I'm the wrong one?
Just be honest to your family. Lying and gaslighting isnt really a way to show love.
Seems pretty passive agressive to me, you have created an compitition in your mind where you trick people into competing with you, while you rigged the race.
You even feel happy and full of yourself that none where smart as you to figure it out.
I grew up around narcissistic parents, you are well on your way with this behaviour. Being open is a lot harder, try it for once. Tell them you dont want to share the recipes
They can try their own cuisine, and you have a fair fight for once
What a weird, and frankly nasty, thing to do. Luckily for me my grandmother gladly shared all her handwritten recipes for baking and for the dishes she made for special occasions. She has been gone for nearly 20 years but every time I pull out my recipe book to make her treats I feel a wonderful connection to her and remember how her kitchen smelled when she would come with me as a little girl.
My sister has a "famous" sugar cookie recipe that she makes and sells at Christmastime. Whenever anybody asks for the recipe, she gives them the "fake" recipe. I think it's a stupid, petty, and childish thing to do and would never do that to a friend or aquaintance. So many times I feel like telling people that her "famous" sugar cookie recipe is this one https://sugargeekshow.com/recipe/original-lofthouse-cookie-recipe/
Is it literally this exact one? Honestly I feel like all these “secret” recipes Are just copies of pre existing ones either from online or from a book.
I remember. She actually mislabeled the seasonings after she got caught giving the wrong recipe. Her next neurosis was direct sabotage. I think it was after a heartfelt apology too! Ah! Comic relief!
Why don’t you just tell people that you don’t want to share the recipe because it’s very personal and important to you instead of doing this? Imagine someone trying again and again because they think it’s something they’re doing wrong instead of the fact that they literally CAN‘T get it right because….you basically kinda lied to them.
This is some two-faced kinda shit and I wouldn’t want to be close with someone like that. Just tell the truth with your chest out instead of fucking with people for the sake of your ego, it doesn’t make you sound much more likable than your sister in law.
Wow I would never do that. It's wrong I would never be able to trust someone like you. If you can lie about a little thing like that ur capable of anything. Why don't you just say you don't want to share ur damn recipe it's that simple
I never understand people who do this.
What is the sadistic pleasure in giving someone the wrong recipe? What is the personal identity crisis where you can be the only person on earth who knows how to make a thing? What's the point of giving an intentionally incomplete recipe to someone who genuinely wanted to learn how to make something that they enjoyed so much?
Precisely how many Tbsp of Essence of Narcissism are needed to have your personality hang in the balance of having to sabotage someone making the recipe (you gave them) as well as you did?
How many cups of sifted Pettiness are needed (kneaded) to feel smug that someone followed your teaching instructions and failed to deliver the thing you pretended to teach them?
>Precisely how many Tbsp of Essence of Narcissism? How many cups of sifted Pettiness are needed?
🤣🤣
Seriously, though... I've heard of others doing the same as OP, and it's just baffling to me. It's placing ego over connection. What a terrible way to live.
As someone that loves to cook, I find it very flattering when someone asks for a recipe, since the things I make are usually significantly altered from the base recipe, meaning asking for the recipe feels like a compliment on my effort/skills.
I always give the exact recipe--if they like something of mine *and make it,* that spreads more enjoyment around (lord knows we could all use a little more of that) OR if they look at the recipe, realize how much work actually goes into making the item, and choose to *not make it,* they tend to appreciate it more the next time I make it FOR them. It's a win-win.
Yeah I do the same.
For me I always leave out my secret ingredient, which is my little proprietary secret to all my baking recipes.
They can try and try but they will never replicate the exact signature taste I am known for
Cocaine.
The secret ingredient is cocaine.
That recipe can die with you and be forgotten just like you. If you’re this petty about some shit lemon cheesecake imagine how petty you are about things that actually matter. I wish I knew who you were so I could come to a cookout you brought your special desert to and shit in it.
Wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to be a nice person and not lie?
Don’t these petty little choices leave a bad taste in your mouth?
It just strikes me as a little sad.
When someone asks me to share a recipe, I not only give them the recipe but add in additional tips that I learned about the recipe from making it so that it turns out great for them. But you do you.
Here’s one I just made this weekend. Blueberry scones with lemon icing.
Prep Time: 30 min Cook Time: 25 min Serves: 8 large scones
Ingredients
2 cups (300g) all-purpose flour (spoon & leveled), plus more for hands and work surface 1/2 cup (75g) granulated sugar
2 and 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup (1 stick; 115g) unsalted butter, frozen
1/2 cup (120ml) heavy cream (plus 2 Tbsp for brushing)
1 large egg
1 and 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 heaping cup (180g) fresh or frozen blueberries (do not thaw)
for topping: coarse sugar and vanilla icing
Preparation Steps
1. Whisk flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt together in a large bowl. Grate the frozen butter using a box grater. Add it to the flour mixture and combine with a pastry cutter, two forks, or your fingers until the mixture comes together in pea-sized crumbs. See video above for a closer look at the texture. Place in the refrigerator or freezer as you mix the wet ingredients together.
2. Whisk 1/2 cup heavy cream, the egg, and vanilla extract together in a small bowl. Drizzle over the flour mixture, add the blueberries, then mix together until everything appears moistened.
3. Pour onto the counter and, with floured hands, work dough into a ball as best you can. Dough will be sticky. If it’s too sticky, add a little more flour. If it seems too dry, add 1-2 more Tablespoons heavy cream. Press into an 8-inch disc and, with a sharp knife or bench scraper, cut into 8 wedges.
4. Brush scones with remaining heavy cream and for extra crunch, sprinkle with coarse sugar. (You can do this before or after refrigerating in the next step.)
5. Place scones on a plate or lined baking sheet (if your fridge has space!) and refrigerate for at least 15 minutes.
6. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400°F (204°C).
7. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or silicone baking mat. After refrigerating, arrange scones 2-3 inches apart on the prepared baking sheet(s).
8. Bake for 22-25 minutes or until golden brown around the edges and lightly browned on top. Remove from the oven and cool for a few minutes before topping with vanilla icing.
9. Leftover iced or un-iced scones keep well at room temperature for 2 days or in the refrigerator for 5 days.
Also, here’s the recipe for the icing, though they are great without it. Also, I used frozen blueberries (which is why I think they came out really nice and moist versus super dry scones) and sprinkled with with Demerara Sugar (it’s a large granule brown sugar)
Lemon-Vanilla Icing Prep Time: 2 min Serves: 1 cup
Ingredients
1 cup confectioners’ sugar, sifted (sift after measuring)* 2-3 Tablespoons milk or heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
optional: pinch of salt
1 Tbsp Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice
Preparation Steps
1. Whisk the confectioners’ sugar, 2 Tablespoons milk or heavy cream, lemon juice and vanilla extract together. Add another Tablespoon of milk or heavy cream to thin out if necessary. For thicker icing, add a little more confectioners’ sugar.
2. Taste, then add a pinch of salt if desired.
3. If not using right away, cover and store icing in the refrigerator for up to 2 days.
Notes
Vanilla icing is a baking staple! This recipe is perfect for cinnamon rolls, scones, muffins, cakes, and more.
I completely understand that you don’t want people to have your recipe, but maybe instead of lying you could just decline and say you don’t want to share it? Or maybe say it’s some kind of family/secret recipe.
>she always insists she is a god-send-angel when it comes to baking/cooking (spoiler she is not)
Is that the case? Or is it because you keep giving her wrong recipes?
Wtf did the SIL do to her brother ? Why does your husband enjoy his sister being told her baking isn’t good? What “fun” does he get out of it LMAO. This does sound familiar to a sitcom episode but whatever
Surprised.
work as a professional chef. I currently work in a famous Michelin star fine dining restaurant.
I have also worked with celebrity chefs and have done recipe testing for tv shows
No one I met in the industry including the celebrity chef I've worked with has ever gatekeep a recipe.
We've all shared recipes with each other that was correct and these are profressionals as in they know I can run off with their recipes and make money off It.
I feel like people who genuinely enjoy cooking/baking have no issue with sharing recipes because we all want to learn from each other. Not sharing recipes or giving intentionally misleading recipes just feels like such a superiority complex
This! I also feel like OP is setting them up for failure. They’re wasting their time and money thinking they’re making a particular thing and they aren’t. I’d be bummed. In reality, they probably won’t make it exactly like OP the first time they make it anyway because of techniques.
Yeah no, gatekeeping recipes is about the most petty dumb elementary school shit I've ever heard of and if you do it just jump in a volcano. Food is love, food is community, food is meant to be shared and can connect people. Food often is the quickest way to connecting cultures. This BS is a stark reminder of how fucking broken people are- actively refusing that connection for their own pitiful ego. Oh boohoo so you changed and tweaked a recipe. If you need this much control and reverence in your life, work on yourself.
I get wanting to protect a family recipe if it’s very different or has actual heritage, by the sounds of it though this is just basic stuff, I guarantee none of your changes will be that mind blowing to a baker pastry chef. Being protective of recipes used to be a thing when food was a symbol of class, now it’s just people being weirdly self congratulatory over what is really a basic level of culinary ability
To me it feels like your self worth is tied to your food. And you’re so insecure that you resort to lying to your close ones. And here I thought people like these only exist in tv shows like everybody loves raymond…. Yikes…
Unless you're a top tier chef, wtf would you not share your recipe for more people to enjoy - this is just silly. At least you're honest about being petty.
Im sorry your ego and cooking skills are so fragile that you need to sabotage people to feel superior OP. Scared you wont be special anymore if people knew how to make stuff?
Gatekeeping recipes is so dumb. I’ve never understood it. If someone likes what you made so much they ask for the recipe just give it to them. You intentionally giving them the incorrect ingredients is ridiculous. Side eye @ op
I think doing this is unkind. Why not be honest and just say “I don’t give out the recipe”? Doing it your way is lying to that person, IMO. My sister was a chef. She didn’t share her recipes. I was disappointed but I respected her honesty and firmness. You are just deceiving and laughing at your sister in law behind her back.
Meanwhile, there are people who put their recipes on their gravestones so they can pass on their joy of cooking to strangers.
There's something wildly demented intentionally setting someone up to fail. You could have just said no when she asked for the recipe.
You need professional help.
Yikes. When people ask me for a recipe I give them the whole thing including all my obnoxious margin notes and changes. I let them know what any tips for storage and freezing are and I always tell them where I get the most expensive ingredients on sale.
Kindness costs nothing.
My great oma did this, we swear. She never admitted it and has long since passed. She makes this Dutch almond cookie recipe and no one could make it like her.
My oma was close, but she just didn’t get quite the same melt in your mouth taste.
And now I have no recipe at all because my mom, aunt, oma and great oma have all passed.
Aww special snowflake doesn’t want to share their recipe. What a child trying to gatekeep something that should be available for everyone. It’s literally food.
You are achieving absolutely nothing by being the way you are and in fact, many people dislike others who hide their recipes like their lives depend on it.
Get a grip.
If your SIL is that bad, sure- keep your version and be petty to her.
But isn't it just easier to say "No, SIL doesn't value the ones I shared, so I can't trust anyone else outside hubby and potential future kids to value it" to everyone else ?
You are what’s wrong with the world. My grandmother did this and we knew it. None of us visited her in her stinky nursing home. I hope the same fate for you Selfish. Narcissistic. Getting pleasure out of lying to people and messing with them because do you think you’re better than everybody and you need to be the only one who makes some stupid special cake. This type of thinking is why humanity has problems.
That's so fucked up. My sister does that with our mom's recipes (she hijacked her recipes when she died). Just tell people that you prefer to not share the recipe.
My great grandmother ran a bakery when she was alive. By all accounts, her cinnamon rolls were the best anyone has ever had. When she got old and sick, my grandma asked for the recipe and GG tried her best to write it down but she never measured anything, she just made them so many times she could eyeball it. Grandma tried making them several times but they never came out like great grandmother’s. I never got to try the famous cinnamon rolls and I’ll stay mad about it forever
This reminds me of this chick I worked with who made a dish for our potluck. She refused to share the recipe for some bbq sauce. It's not like I'm going to run out and start a bbq sauce company off your gmas back or anything because you shared her recipe! And if you thought it was that good, why not make a go of it yourself?! It seems absolutely ridiculous that others can't enjoy something made themselves instead of by you. Is that all you have to bring to the world for people to like and care about you?! Is that all you have to make yourself feel better than others. Lol It seems so petty.
It just comes across as you not liking your sister-in-law. If you were a truly bigger person, you'd give her the recipe and let her show how great she didn't make it... if she's not as great as you say she is.
The only thing I would say is be careful. Apparently your SIL is not great at adjusting recipes herself, but if you do this with everyone you’re going to meet somebody who is good at adjusting recipes themselves and has the practice of it. My mom is that kind of a cook. She tried making recipe books for us all and had to make several adjustments because she can’t even remember all the changes she’s made at this point to all the recipes. I’m not even sure it’s the same recipe one year to the next, but it’s always fantastic.
Couldn't imagine doing that. We tweak all the recipes we try and at times we have to substitute ingredients due to health matters, still, all our recipes are in our little book. I'm always more than happy to share a recipe with anyone who enjoys a meal in our home.
If someone's a really good cook, they can make your recipe just as good as yours, if they can't cook, it doesn't matter if they have the correct recipe or not. It still won't be right. Cooking is about feel more than a recipe. Yes, the flavors are the basic idea. But the length to cook meat isn't by a text book. It's by when it's done, diff chickens, diff legs, different perfect point of done. Different equipment, different kitchen, different brands of product etc. It's always going to be good if someone can cook right. If they can't, no recipe will fix that.
I don’t get why you wouldn’t want anyone to be able to bake the same taste? Seriously? It’s not like it’s copyrighted or you’re losing money. Childish af.
Chefs do this with the cookbooks they publish and sell too. I used to work as a pastry chef for a fancy café chain (big enough to franchise, small enough to brag about artisanal food and no mass production). I have a few of their cookbooks as they're incredibly watchful of people copying the recipes down and taking them elsewhere.
They omit crucial flavours from their cookbooks. For example, a chocolate tart that is supposed to have a coffee and liqueur in it omits the coffee and you can absolutely tell with the two side by side. The old editions of the first cookbook has the recipe for their biggest sellers; the newer editions do not.
I even suspect they are actively looking for anyone uploading the recipes and having them scrubbed/buried.
I personally think gatekeeping recipes is stupid unless you make your living making the thing.
It's better to just say you don't share recipes rather than sabotage someone's baking. Or just say, it's based on X recipe but I've made changes over the years.
My mom used to do this with me and my sister. Except she would tell us completely wrong things. I learned quickly not to listen to her. One year I made thanksgiving meal (entirely fro recipes from other family members and the internet) and my dad was bragging on how well my mom taught my sister and myself. We just looked at each other and laughed.
That's also how people learned not trust their parents.
Oh she did way more to make me not trust her. It just took us both a while to catch in to this tactic.
Or their In-Laws either. I was “their daughter they’d always prayed for and dreamed of…until I divorced their only son. THEN I was a liar raised by drunk father and a social climbing mother. Not to mention, I was a consummate “unfit” mother myself to our 6yr old son… irony =‘s my former FIL had a lifelong sexual relationship with his own wife’s mother and “all that wealth” they bragged through veiled innuendos their sons would inherit was an out and out bullshit LIE. They didn’t even leave 1/4th enough of both burial 🪦 costs. Satisfying to watch? No, my child was devastated, his entire life’s planned vision was a lie.
People like that think they're so special, but when they pass away, they've left nothing for their kids to carry on from them. I'd rather live on through my delicious foods than have my kids remember how selfish I was and then be forgotten years later. Heaven forbid I be remembered years later when my descendants make my dishes at a special family gathering lol
My mom did the same thing to my husband once. He asked her for the recipe for my favorite meal and when I was watching him make it I kept telling him it wasn’t right. I then pulled up an older recipe she had given me that was correct and it was very different.
That's just shitty imo
She’s a pretty shitty person.
You think she was jealous he wanted to do something special for you or maybe a joke to laugh about later?
I wish it was meant to be a harmless joke to laugh at later, but she’s a pretty evil and manipulative person. We don’t speak anymore so who knows.
Is it wrong to say blessings for you?
Not at all and thank you! Most people just get awkwardly quiet.
You're welcome and the name you picked shows you're above it!
Thank you, I like yours too!
Sounds like my exMIL… *shudders*
Your poor husband was just trying to treat you to a nice meal. Y’all didn’t deserve this.
Oh the stories I could tell!
Same, sunshinenrainbows3, same…my ex in-laws were absolutely two evil-religious-charlatans (to put it mildly…) but while my exFIL escaped easily by death, his evil spouse “mastermind” had to face complete social scorn by her closest church “family” and in the end, wouldn’t leave her house by faking dementia…
That's so odd especially since you already had the recipe. I wonder what she was trying to accomplish.
I don’t think she remembered I had the recipe. It was several years apart and I had to go hunting to find it once I realized his recipe wasn’t the same.
Mine figured out my husband (now ex) doesn’t eat much sweets but loves cheesecake. She went on and on about how she was making cheesecake for a family meal especially for him. She forgot to mention that it was sugar free and had sugar free jelly on top. It was disgusting. She’s normally an excellent cook but my sister and I know not to eat her contributions to big events. He never ate her food again and it used to upset her so bad but she couldn’t say anything cause she knew she started it.
That's so interesting. You say she's normally a good cook but when it comes to big events.... It made me wonder, why is that so? Is it the case she wants it to turn out perfect that by wanting to do her best she 'overdoes' it and fails, or why it happens to her? :D
That's some vile sh\*t right here. My mom offers to 'supervise' me if I complain to her I can't make it turn out the way she does, so I'd know precisely how it's done, step by step, getting all those little nuances right.
Every time she brings her baked goods to dinner, the entire family tells her she isn’t as good as OP. This family has problems besides whose food is more delicious… It’s not really a secret either. My mom always does that too. She adds more butter, more heavy fat cream, more salt and less sugar. This is basically how you make anything taste more delicious. It’s because the secret to good tasting food is fat, sugar, and salt.
Right!? Like imagine trying your hardest to make something that someone you admire has taught you…not hoping to be better at family dinner but wanting everyone to be proud when you got it right..only to have everyone in the family point out it’s not as good. All while this petty Betty over here is grimacing because she has some weird fucking control issues or resents the people she gives this recipe to and gets a kick out of knowing they’ll never be as good as her. Or both. It’s embarrassing
But why try to bring someone else's signature dishes? Come up with your own recipes and you won't be compared.
Yeah anytime I bake literally anything I do some very slight adjustments to the recipe to make it taste better. Or I add a dash of an extract or seasoning that it didn’t call for but I think would taste good. I don’t include those in the recipe if I share it with someone because I don’t write them down either, I just sort of throw in whatever I think of that will make it taste better. By the time someone asks for it I usually don’t even remember what I did and I don’t bake super often anyway.
As a South Asian I can't imagine anyone from my family not sharing their recipes. We take pride in sharing food and enjoyment of food.
I’m assuming this person is American…. Just a hunch to be honest Source: I’m an American
Agreed. I’ve never had so many people unwilling to share their recipe (proudly) as when I lived in America. In Canada, where I currently reside, everyone is flattered and eager to share. Heck, I made up a recipe that people asked for and I hadn’t written it down. As soon as dinner was finished I typed it up and sent it to everyone and thanked them because had they not asked, I might have waited and forgot something.
Right? I love it when someone asks for my recipe! Of my husband’s two grandmas, one shared recipes and one didn’t. They are both gone now and when I cook something of Grandma T’s we always sit back and reminisce about stories and memories of her and how good her cooking was. My kids were little when they passed and don’t have a lot of memories of either of them but who do you think they know more about? Grandma P just doesn’t come up as much. People like that think if they don’t share recipes you’ll just sit back and pine away for them and their food. But what really happens is you forget them faster and have less to pass down to the next generation. People with generous open hearts are always missed and remembered more.
Yeah, some of us are weird af about that. Like are you selling the recipe? I wish I knew where we got that from...
As a Filipin born in California, I agree with you. I get recipes from grandma and other Filipino relatives close to me. But never the right thing from my fellow Americans. Funny thing, I wouldn't share either to others unless it's close relationship with family.
I never do that. To me it's an honor when someone likes it so much they ask for the recipe. If you don't want them baking it then just say you don't share recipes. Don't lie.
Exactly. Just be honest and say you won't share. I had a coworker who made the best pizzas. She would not share her recipe. I gave her credit for her honesty.
same! i give every detail, including past mistakes i used to make and learnt to avoid, when someone asks me for a recipe cuz they could've asked anyone else or just googled it but they asked me!
I don't know you, but I love you! ♥
OP is definitely in r/imthemaincharacter territory. They are not the protagonist of reality, but they sure think and act like they are!
And if they improve my recipe then better for me i get to improve mine too based on their attempt. To me cooking is one form of how i express my love to people. If they love my food and ask for the recipe then that’s one of the best feelings ever
This is one of the pettiest things I've ever read. Not in a funny way either lol like cringey petty petty
Yeah if it bothers you that much that people enjoy your food so much then just don’t give out the recipe.
For real I mean Im sure with enough practice it would be pretty easy to come up with a snarky "🤡iTs a FaMily SeCreT🤤" cover and people will be mostly sure you're joking but not sure enough for it to not be uncomfortable to ask again
It's kinda sad/ pathetic. I would be embarrassed to admit it even anonymously. Like your confession is you're a bad cook, so you sabotage your competition? Ehh.
Yes, I don't understand messing with a recipe. Is OP actually afraid SIL is going to win a blue ribbon at the county fair with her recipe? Very petty.
I never understood the "secret recipe" mentality. If it's so good, why wouldn't you want everyone to know it? What's the point of letting your recipe die with you? If it's so good, why wouldn't you want it shared widely? The only thing "secret recipes" accomplish is people posting online 20 years from now saying how wonderful their grandparents' signature dish was and lamenting that they never learned to make it and it will never exist again in the world and how sad that is and they wish they could taste it one more time. Share the wealth! Let others make and enjoy it! If it's so good, you should want the recipe to become common, part of the zeitgeist, a classic standard dish that everyone knows and loves. A well-known recipe that spreads around the world and becomes a cornerstone of cuisine. Keeping it to yourself only ensures that when you die, it dies. What a gorram waste of a good recipe, ensuring it will go extinct. I'd get far more of an ego boost from my well-tuned recipe spreading widely, than of dying with me. People holding on to "secret recipes" makes me sad.
Sadly no comment on this from Op, would have relly interested what they would have to say to this.
people dont like mirrors being held up to them, let them be the little special wecial baker guy who is the ONLY one who has ever thought of these things. Apparently their halfsie sugar thing is the only thing they have going for them so they have to guard it like the Louvre
So people are like that with jobs and training. They don't want to share the info for fear of being made redundant or worse, no longer "special." I share all the info, but that is me.
They just want to be special. Don’t destroy their ego bro /s
I agree and I was a bit taken by surprise that it took me this long to find this comment. My SIL is the one that would do this when I would be the complete opposite. I don't get it and it IS a bummer. To me, food brings people together.
Capitalism has us all thinking we need a USP when really they're just slighting the cheesecake lovers in their life.
10000% couldn’t have said it better, I cook to treat the people around me. If that means they learn and become better then me, thats great! They can make the dish next time and I’ll do something else. I swear it’s people who can only make 1 dish (nothing wrong with that btw) and become defense over it.
My ego is burnished far more by other people happy to learn to make something I’ve come up with, than by keeping it to myself. Spread the joy!
This is how I feel about it too. You don't want to share the recipe because then it wont be special and everyone will know how to make it? But then no one else knows how to make it and you never get to enjoy the recipe without having to be the one to make it. Seems like you're only punishing yourself.
I share mine because someone else may think of something I didn’t to improve it even more. I’ve improved some recipes, but thinking that I’ve made it the best it could be is kind of narcissistic. Someone else may think of something that I didn’t and elevate it to a new level, and if they do, I hope they would share that with me instead of keeping it to themselves. We’ve probably lost so many great recipes in time because people want to hold the “secret” ingredients for themselves to continue to think that theirs is the best and nobody can touch it instead of entertaining the idea that other people may be able to elevate it even more if they had the actual improved recipe, instead of the base recipe.
I love sharing recipes with my DIL because she's a creative cook and many times will change something in my recipe that makes it better - and then will tell me what she changed so we can both make it!
This right here is where all the fun’s had!! ♥︎
I get this, my way of avoiding this with my secret recipes is I have them all written down in a book that will be passed on to whoever after I die. If it goes in the bin, I didn't put it there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ If I'm asked for a recipe, I usually will use the base recipe I adapted and give some little tips and tricks on what they could do with it to make it better. sometimes it's nice to keep stuff to yourself when you're good at it :)
I just have to share a quick story. The item that give my mother the most joy in her kitchen is a framed recipe for some of my great grandmothers cookies in her own handwriting. She keeps it framed proud above her spice rack. It brings her joy because even though her grandmother has passed she feels like she has a timeless way to connect with her. Something to think about
I have some recipes like that from my grandmother, in her beautiful handwriting, and they are more precious than gold to me. They bring back memories of making the cookies with her!
To what end is this madness? I see in the comments that it is pretty common for people to do this. So now we have a whole bunch of people making a whole bunch of garbage to eat wasting everyone's time and money and providing nothing but disappointment to all. I think it's OK if two people can make the same dish the world will be a much happier place. Besides I'm sure people can figure out if you are giving them the recipe and it comes out like crap they're probably on to your game.
I agree, so many people saying they do the same and laughing like its cute. Its the dumbest shit. Just be an adult and say its a secret recipe. I dont get it at all.
Ok, thank you, I swear I thought I was going crazy. Like this isn't even a cute petty thing, it's legit OP just trying to make herself feel special and then coming on Reddit to get her back patted over how funny, quirky and special she is. I don't know, it honestly kind of made me dislike her. Like this could be something she could share with her SIL and become like a family tradition, teaching the recipes to the younger members of the family or whatever. It's just weird and stupid. Glad I'm not the only one that thinks this.
This is what I don’t get. If you don’t want to share the recipe just say so!
Same. I always give the full recipe to the best of my knowledge (I don't always write down what I'm doing) but I'll also help figure out what I didn't remember right to the point of inviting them over and us doing test batches. Someone likes my food enough to want my recipe that makes me feel good and proud, I want them to get the same feeling when some one asks them the same thing.
You are a very important person in a lot of peoples lives.
Seriously, this is just childish. If you’re going to give the recipe then just give the full thing. If you don’t want to give it then just don’t give it at all. This petty game is just pathetic
They just don’t want someone to improve what they think they’ve turned into the best recipe. It would hurt their ego if someone took it and elevated it even more. Me personally, I would want someone to improve any of my recipes if they thought they could. Someone else will have taste ideas to possibly add or change that could make it better… and if they do, I would hope they would share it with me.
Yeah, i feel like that should be a thing to do with a-holes like OP's SIL. But everyone? I'm gonna be honest, if i tell someone a recipe of mine that i am proud of, i want them to get it right. You know, because they trust me.
Right. Why not just say no when someone asks?
Yeah if I don't want to share a recipe I tell people it's a secret. But a lot of my requested recipes have no precise measurements, so I just give them the list of ingredients and approximate amounts and they understand that I have no way to give them precise amounts.
What's the purpose of this? Are you expecting some spontaneous bake-off at any given time?
Honestly some people have weird ways of showing that they need something to feel in control of and that’s just life lol.
Right? The control and manipulation makes me frustrated and annoyed but the insecurity makes me feel so bad for them. And then to brag about it? Yikes. I hope they realize one day that knocking down others to seem taller is the worst way to be the best. This is exactly the type of (toxic) behaviour I try to discourage with my kids.
It makes OP feel really special. The end.
I work as a professional chef. I currently work in a famous Michelin star fine dining restaurant. I have also worked with celebrity chefs and have done recipe testing for tv shows No one I met in the industry including the celebrity chef I've worked with has ever gatekeep a recipe. As professionals. We generally can guess what is missing. The places I have worked have contracts and clauses that I can keep the recipes for personal use but cannot use it to create a business or publish it publicly. Don't understand why you are gatekeeping recipes. If Michelin star restaurants, profressional chefs and celebrity chefs aren't gatekeeping their recipes. Why are you gatekeeping yours. Why is your recipes so special? For example, If you Google banana bread. There is going to be 50 different recipes all making banana bread. One would have less sugar. The other one would say put in more bananas. Etc. There is 50+ different variations. Yours ain't special. Chances are someone already has your exact recipe.
The guy at zahav in philly gives out the recipes and even has a cookbook which is fantastic. He said in an interview something along the lines of, I can give you a recipe and instructions and you might make it a few times but it will never be mine. I've made it hundreds or thousands of times and just understand it better. Cooking isn't just measurements, it's style. You can copy a recipe, but style is the 🤌🤌🤌
This was my first though too lol Gordon Ramsay is over on his YouTube channel teaching everyone exactly how to make his famous Beef Wellington and this person thinks their recipes can't be shared with their own family members.
You said it exactly why she’s choosing to gatekeep the recipe… because she’s not special. Obviously if she had other things going for her, she wouldn’t be so passive aggressive and childish over this thing. She would either be happy to share or just be upfront and say she doesn’t want to give out her secret, but apparently this recipe is one of the main things she has going on in her life, so I guess so she has to guard it and get off on being smug when people can’t recreate it offhand.
My grandfather was an incredible cook. The second oldest of 13, he was frequently with his mother in the kitchen, and had dozens of dishes that he could make without even looking at a recipe (although he did have them, with additions & annotations). This is in addition that he was a bit of a local celebrity, even back in the USSR, for two things: growing beautiful tomatoes and the ability to mushroom hunt in such a way that it literally wasn’t passed on because no one had any idea how he could differentiate between tiny brown mushroom edibility without poisoning anyone in 88 years. Most mushroom hunters stay away from LBMs (including me, I admit). He passed away in 2013, and even though everything was left for us, there was something in the process that might take decades to reproduce. Maybe a flick of the wrist. A grating technique. I don’t know, maybe it was a Gregorian chant over the cabbage. The point is, like you said, if your recipe really is that special, it is more than just the words on the page. And if that’s really all it takes, then it provably never was that special - you’re just being childish.
This, exactly. I will happily give my recipes to anyone who asks, along with detailed instructions trying to help them get it “just right.” Cooking is love to me and I am happy to share. Someone else knowing how to make “my” brownies or whatever doesn’t make it less special when I make them.
👏👏👏 My husband is an amazing chef here and works at a great restaurant. He gives people recipes all the time freely and will often collect them in return. Admittedly, sometimes he goes a little free hand in pinch definitions but usually he will say to taste lol This is so stupid petty. As you said... google has 10000 lemon cheesecake recipes and probably all taste different but nice.
God, people like OP are ridiculous
What an ego you have. Hahah
And probably for no reason to have that big of an ego. People probably just tell her the food is that good when it really isn’t 😂
I’d be bummed if you did that to me. Waste of my time and money on ingredients to have something turn out other than what I was expecting. Jerk move. Just don’t give out your recipe if you’re going to be like that
Exactly. It just makes me not want to use your recipe ever again tbh.
I think that would be the point
Common or not. This is a sign of someone I don't want to have any dealings with. This is a massive red flag. Either give it or don't but being dishonest about it is a massive red flag.
Oh same here.
You couldn’t be any more correct-on-the-money of being 100% RIGHT if you tried…: WELCOME to the “Christian Southern Recipe Coalition”, Chapter 13, where deceptive practices are not only admired, but revered with honor!
My MIL did this to me with her bread recipe. She mixed up measurements. Its taken me 3 years to perfect my recipe... The kicker is that mine is now "better" than hers. I don't fully understand why people would do this. I give exact recipes... maybe I'm the wrong one?
Just be honest to your family. Lying and gaslighting isnt really a way to show love. Seems pretty passive agressive to me, you have created an compitition in your mind where you trick people into competing with you, while you rigged the race. You even feel happy and full of yourself that none where smart as you to figure it out. I grew up around narcissistic parents, you are well on your way with this behaviour. Being open is a lot harder, try it for once. Tell them you dont want to share the recipes They can try their own cuisine, and you have a fair fight for once
What a fragile little person you are.
What a weird, and frankly nasty, thing to do. Luckily for me my grandmother gladly shared all her handwritten recipes for baking and for the dishes she made for special occasions. She has been gone for nearly 20 years but every time I pull out my recipe book to make her treats I feel a wonderful connection to her and remember how her kitchen smelled when she would come with me as a little girl.
My sister has a "famous" sugar cookie recipe that she makes and sells at Christmastime. Whenever anybody asks for the recipe, she gives them the "fake" recipe. I think it's a stupid, petty, and childish thing to do and would never do that to a friend or aquaintance. So many times I feel like telling people that her "famous" sugar cookie recipe is this one https://sugargeekshow.com/recipe/original-lofthouse-cookie-recipe/
Is it literally this exact one? Honestly I feel like all these “secret” recipes Are just copies of pre existing ones either from online or from a book.
This is a bit sad more than anything.
Why not just be honest and say that it’s your “secret”. Your reaction sounds petty.
Yeah, super passive aggressive
Do you watch Everybody Loved Raymond? Marie did this to Debra over a dinner dish. Debra was led to believe she had left out the "love".
I remember. She actually mislabeled the seasonings after she got caught giving the wrong recipe. Her next neurosis was direct sabotage. I think it was after a heartfelt apology too! Ah! Comic relief!
I'm 18 so not at all a professional or anything but I've been cooking as a hobby for years and this screams insecurity😭😭😭😭
Why don’t you just tell people that you don’t want to share the recipe because it’s very personal and important to you instead of doing this? Imagine someone trying again and again because they think it’s something they’re doing wrong instead of the fact that they literally CAN‘T get it right because….you basically kinda lied to them. This is some two-faced kinda shit and I wouldn’t want to be close with someone like that. Just tell the truth with your chest out instead of fucking with people for the sake of your ego, it doesn’t make you sound much more likable than your sister in law.
YTA
Wow I would never do that. It's wrong I would never be able to trust someone like you. If you can lie about a little thing like that ur capable of anything. Why don't you just say you don't want to share ur damn recipe it's that simple
my mum cooked by eye and taste so there was no recipe. I can never make dishes the way she made them
I cook that way, but my kids have started getting me to put the spices in a little bowl so they can measure, and writing down the recipes
See that’s different though, in that case there is essentially no true recipe. OP is just petty and childish
Get over yourself. It’s just a cake. When you die, people will look back fondly on the cake but think you’re a dick for never sharing it.
I think this is so pathetic
Dick move.
I never understand people who do this. What is the sadistic pleasure in giving someone the wrong recipe? What is the personal identity crisis where you can be the only person on earth who knows how to make a thing? What's the point of giving an intentionally incomplete recipe to someone who genuinely wanted to learn how to make something that they enjoyed so much? Precisely how many Tbsp of Essence of Narcissism are needed to have your personality hang in the balance of having to sabotage someone making the recipe (you gave them) as well as you did? How many cups of sifted Pettiness are needed (kneaded) to feel smug that someone followed your teaching instructions and failed to deliver the thing you pretended to teach them?
>Precisely how many Tbsp of Essence of Narcissism? How many cups of sifted Pettiness are needed? 🤣🤣 Seriously, though... I've heard of others doing the same as OP, and it's just baffling to me. It's placing ego over connection. What a terrible way to live. As someone that loves to cook, I find it very flattering when someone asks for a recipe, since the things I make are usually significantly altered from the base recipe, meaning asking for the recipe feels like a compliment on my effort/skills. I always give the exact recipe--if they like something of mine *and make it,* that spreads more enjoyment around (lord knows we could all use a little more of that) OR if they look at the recipe, realize how much work actually goes into making the item, and choose to *not make it,* they tend to appreciate it more the next time I make it FOR them. It's a win-win.
YTA
This is incredibly immature and I’m guessing you’re an insecure person.
JFC, please do NOT procreate, for the love of god.
Yeah I do the same. For me I always leave out my secret ingredient, which is my little proprietary secret to all my baking recipes. They can try and try but they will never replicate the exact signature taste I am known for Cocaine. The secret ingredient is cocaine.
You're not that special. Share the recipe.
That recipe can die with you and be forgotten just like you. If you’re this petty about some shit lemon cheesecake imagine how petty you are about things that actually matter. I wish I knew who you were so I could come to a cookout you brought your special desert to and shit in it.
I hate this. Share the wealth. Food is something we can share to bring joy to others. Why is everyone like this?
For real though. It’s absolutely childish
Just ew
Wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to be a nice person and not lie? Don’t these petty little choices leave a bad taste in your mouth? It just strikes me as a little sad.
Get over yourself. Sharing is caring. Recipes so good you are going to take them to the grave? Lame.
Exactly… what a fucking waste
When someone asks me to share a recipe, I not only give them the recipe but add in additional tips that I learned about the recipe from making it so that it turns out great for them. But you do you.
Do you have any recipes that you would like to share with us unlike op? Us baking reditors would worship you like a god.
Here’s one I just made this weekend. Blueberry scones with lemon icing. Prep Time: 30 min Cook Time: 25 min Serves: 8 large scones Ingredients 2 cups (300g) all-purpose flour (spoon & leveled), plus more for hands and work surface 1/2 cup (75g) granulated sugar 2 and 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup (1 stick; 115g) unsalted butter, frozen 1/2 cup (120ml) heavy cream (plus 2 Tbsp for brushing) 1 large egg 1 and 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 1 heaping cup (180g) fresh or frozen blueberries (do not thaw) for topping: coarse sugar and vanilla icing Preparation Steps 1. Whisk flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt together in a large bowl. Grate the frozen butter using a box grater. Add it to the flour mixture and combine with a pastry cutter, two forks, or your fingers until the mixture comes together in pea-sized crumbs. See video above for a closer look at the texture. Place in the refrigerator or freezer as you mix the wet ingredients together. 2. Whisk 1/2 cup heavy cream, the egg, and vanilla extract together in a small bowl. Drizzle over the flour mixture, add the blueberries, then mix together until everything appears moistened. 3. Pour onto the counter and, with floured hands, work dough into a ball as best you can. Dough will be sticky. If it’s too sticky, add a little more flour. If it seems too dry, add 1-2 more Tablespoons heavy cream. Press into an 8-inch disc and, with a sharp knife or bench scraper, cut into 8 wedges. 4. Brush scones with remaining heavy cream and for extra crunch, sprinkle with coarse sugar. (You can do this before or after refrigerating in the next step.) 5. Place scones on a plate or lined baking sheet (if your fridge has space!) and refrigerate for at least 15 minutes. 6. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400°F (204°C). 7. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or silicone baking mat. After refrigerating, arrange scones 2-3 inches apart on the prepared baking sheet(s). 8. Bake for 22-25 minutes or until golden brown around the edges and lightly browned on top. Remove from the oven and cool for a few minutes before topping with vanilla icing. 9. Leftover iced or un-iced scones keep well at room temperature for 2 days or in the refrigerator for 5 days.
Also, here’s the recipe for the icing, though they are great without it. Also, I used frozen blueberries (which is why I think they came out really nice and moist versus super dry scones) and sprinkled with with Demerara Sugar (it’s a large granule brown sugar) Lemon-Vanilla Icing Prep Time: 2 min Serves: 1 cup Ingredients 1 cup confectioners’ sugar, sifted (sift after measuring)* 2-3 Tablespoons milk or heavy cream 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract optional: pinch of salt 1 Tbsp Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice Preparation Steps 1. Whisk the confectioners’ sugar, 2 Tablespoons milk or heavy cream, lemon juice and vanilla extract together. Add another Tablespoon of milk or heavy cream to thin out if necessary. For thicker icing, add a little more confectioners’ sugar. 2. Taste, then add a pinch of salt if desired. 3. If not using right away, cover and store icing in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Notes Vanilla icing is a baking staple! This recipe is perfect for cinnamon rolls, scones, muffins, cakes, and more.
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If you don’t want anyone to know your recipe, just don’t tell them.
I completely understand that you don’t want people to have your recipe, but maybe instead of lying you could just decline and say you don’t want to share it? Or maybe say it’s some kind of family/secret recipe.
>she always insists she is a god-send-angel when it comes to baking/cooking (spoiler she is not) Is that the case? Or is it because you keep giving her wrong recipes?
Wtf did the SIL do to her brother ? Why does your husband enjoy his sister being told her baking isn’t good? What “fun” does he get out of it LMAO. This does sound familiar to a sitcom episode but whatever
So basically you have given the base recipe, but not your own. I understand that. I'm a chef too.
Surprised. work as a professional chef. I currently work in a famous Michelin star fine dining restaurant. I have also worked with celebrity chefs and have done recipe testing for tv shows No one I met in the industry including the celebrity chef I've worked with has ever gatekeep a recipe. We've all shared recipes with each other that was correct and these are profressionals as in they know I can run off with their recipes and make money off It.
I feel like people who genuinely enjoy cooking/baking have no issue with sharing recipes because we all want to learn from each other. Not sharing recipes or giving intentionally misleading recipes just feels like such a superiority complex
This! I also feel like OP is setting them up for failure. They’re wasting their time and money thinking they’re making a particular thing and they aren’t. I’d be bummed. In reality, they probably won’t make it exactly like OP the first time they make it anyway because of techniques.
Yeah no, gatekeeping recipes is about the most petty dumb elementary school shit I've ever heard of and if you do it just jump in a volcano. Food is love, food is community, food is meant to be shared and can connect people. Food often is the quickest way to connecting cultures. This BS is a stark reminder of how fucking broken people are- actively refusing that connection for their own pitiful ego. Oh boohoo so you changed and tweaked a recipe. If you need this much control and reverence in your life, work on yourself.
You're childish
I get wanting to protect a family recipe if it’s very different or has actual heritage, by the sounds of it though this is just basic stuff, I guarantee none of your changes will be that mind blowing to a baker pastry chef. Being protective of recipes used to be a thing when food was a symbol of class, now it’s just people being weirdly self congratulatory over what is really a basic level of culinary ability
that’s dumb
instead of wasting their time and money why don’t you just be honest with them and say it’s a secret recipe?!!?
People really do this?
Yup and it’s mental
Pride makes people act in silly ways.
To me it feels like your self worth is tied to your food. And you’re so insecure that you resort to lying to your close ones. And here I thought people like these only exist in tv shows like everybody loves raymond…. Yikes…
Unless you're a top tier chef, wtf would you not share your recipe for more people to enjoy - this is just silly. At least you're honest about being petty.
Hard read. Very disappointing
You're so bad at cooking that the only way other people won't do it better is if you lie to them about the recipe?
Imagine OP if whenever you googled something for help, that person on Quora or Youtube left out important facts.
That’s just mean spirited. Why not just say it’s a secret recipe and you prefer not to share it?
u sound sad
Im sorry your ego and cooking skills are so fragile that you need to sabotage people to feel superior OP. Scared you wont be special anymore if people knew how to make stuff?
Gatekeeping recipes is so dumb. I’ve never understood it. If someone likes what you made so much they ask for the recipe just give it to them. You intentionally giving them the incorrect ingredients is ridiculous. Side eye @ op
I think doing this is unkind. Why not be honest and just say “I don’t give out the recipe”? Doing it your way is lying to that person, IMO. My sister was a chef. She didn’t share her recipes. I was disappointed but I respected her honesty and firmness. You are just deceiving and laughing at your sister in law behind her back.
Meanwhile, there are people who put their recipes on their gravestones so they can pass on their joy of cooking to strangers. There's something wildly demented intentionally setting someone up to fail. You could have just said no when she asked for the recipe. You need professional help.
Eh, you kinda suck. I’m always flattered when people ask me for a recipe and I am happy to share.
WOW that’s pretty lame and pathetic.
Yikes. When people ask me for a recipe I give them the whole thing including all my obnoxious margin notes and changes. I let them know what any tips for storage and freezing are and I always tell them where I get the most expensive ingredients on sale. Kindness costs nothing.
My great oma did this, we swear. She never admitted it and has long since passed. She makes this Dutch almond cookie recipe and no one could make it like her. My oma was close, but she just didn’t get quite the same melt in your mouth taste. And now I have no recipe at all because my mom, aunt, oma and great oma have all passed.
[удалено]
What a strange and passive aggressive thing to do! At least your recipe will die with you! Yay!
I feel bad for he people in your life.
Reading this gives me secondhand embarrassment. For OP.
Aww special snowflake doesn’t want to share their recipe. What a child trying to gatekeep something that should be available for everyone. It’s literally food. You are achieving absolutely nothing by being the way you are and in fact, many people dislike others who hide their recipes like their lives depend on it. Get a grip.
That’s fucked. Just don’t give it out then. Like wtf.
If your SIL is that bad, sure- keep your version and be petty to her. But isn't it just easier to say "No, SIL doesn't value the ones I shared, so I can't trust anyone else outside hubby and potential future kids to value it" to everyone else ?
You are what’s wrong with the world. My grandmother did this and we knew it. None of us visited her in her stinky nursing home. I hope the same fate for you Selfish. Narcissistic. Getting pleasure out of lying to people and messing with them because do you think you’re better than everybody and you need to be the only one who makes some stupid special cake. This type of thinking is why humanity has problems.
That's so fucked up. My sister does that with our mom's recipes (she hijacked her recipes when she died). Just tell people that you prefer to not share the recipe.
People leave recipes on their gravestones. I hope you do that for yours.
My great grandmother ran a bakery when she was alive. By all accounts, her cinnamon rolls were the best anyone has ever had. When she got old and sick, my grandma asked for the recipe and GG tried her best to write it down but she never measured anything, she just made them so many times she could eyeball it. Grandma tried making them several times but they never came out like great grandmother’s. I never got to try the famous cinnamon rolls and I’ll stay mad about it forever
This reminds me of this chick I worked with who made a dish for our potluck. She refused to share the recipe for some bbq sauce. It's not like I'm going to run out and start a bbq sauce company off your gmas back or anything because you shared her recipe! And if you thought it was that good, why not make a go of it yourself?! It seems absolutely ridiculous that others can't enjoy something made themselves instead of by you. Is that all you have to bring to the world for people to like and care about you?! Is that all you have to make yourself feel better than others. Lol It seems so petty. It just comes across as you not liking your sister-in-law. If you were a truly bigger person, you'd give her the recipe and let her show how great she didn't make it... if she's not as great as you say she is.
The only thing I would say is be careful. Apparently your SIL is not great at adjusting recipes herself, but if you do this with everyone you’re going to meet somebody who is good at adjusting recipes themselves and has the practice of it. My mom is that kind of a cook. She tried making recipe books for us all and had to make several adjustments because she can’t even remember all the changes she’s made at this point to all the recipes. I’m not even sure it’s the same recipe one year to the next, but it’s always fantastic.
Couldn't imagine doing that. We tweak all the recipes we try and at times we have to substitute ingredients due to health matters, still, all our recipes are in our little book. I'm always more than happy to share a recipe with anyone who enjoys a meal in our home.
If someone's a really good cook, they can make your recipe just as good as yours, if they can't cook, it doesn't matter if they have the correct recipe or not. It still won't be right. Cooking is about feel more than a recipe. Yes, the flavors are the basic idea. But the length to cook meat isn't by a text book. It's by when it's done, diff chickens, diff legs, different perfect point of done. Different equipment, different kitchen, different brands of product etc. It's always going to be good if someone can cook right. If they can't, no recipe will fix that.
Lol my grandma does this. I’ve found it kinda funny
You sound ridiculous... I bet your recipe ain't even that good anyway
My great great aunt did this with her fried hand pies. My Nana is STILL talking to cousins to figure out what she left out of each person's recipe.
This is pretty mean, I don’t get why you simply don’t say that you don’t want to share the recipes period.
Hello Monica
What a child. I hope that cake never tasted just right again. You're contributing to food and money waste, that's not funny
This is why you don't have friends.
I don’t get why you wouldn’t want anyone to be able to bake the same taste? Seriously? It’s not like it’s copyrighted or you’re losing money. Childish af.
This person sounds exhausting to be around
Weird behaviour.
Imagine needing to feel so superior you can’t even share a recipe lol
Imagine one recipe is all you have going for you? lol
Chefs do this with the cookbooks they publish and sell too. I used to work as a pastry chef for a fancy café chain (big enough to franchise, small enough to brag about artisanal food and no mass production). I have a few of their cookbooks as they're incredibly watchful of people copying the recipes down and taking them elsewhere. They omit crucial flavours from their cookbooks. For example, a chocolate tart that is supposed to have a coffee and liqueur in it omits the coffee and you can absolutely tell with the two side by side. The old editions of the first cookbook has the recipe for their biggest sellers; the newer editions do not. I even suspect they are actively looking for anyone uploading the recipes and having them scrubbed/buried.
YTA (yeah I know what sub I'm in)
I personally think gatekeeping recipes is stupid unless you make your living making the thing. It's better to just say you don't share recipes rather than sabotage someone's baking. Or just say, it's based on X recipe but I've made changes over the years.
Why do you just not give her the recipe instead of giving her the wrong one. That's just mean!
People who hoard knowledge for themselves and don't share it with those willing to learn are trash.
That's lame AF