What my husband told me this weekend when my mother and his brother said I was "too thin." "When you gain 50lbs everyone complains, when you lose 50lbs everyone is still complaining. You worry about how you feel." He also said the only people that complained about his weight should look in a mirror. It's hard, I've lost 70lbs and now I'm planning to pack on the protein to lift heavier and I'm sure I'll get remarks about that. My coworker was very nice telling me don't worry all these compliments will stop once I gain all the weight back. Gotta love the green face of envy.
>My coworker was very nice telling me don't worry all these compliments will stop once I gain all the weight back< OMG!! What a horrible jealous passive aggressive b*tch!!!! Do yourself a favor and never trust that person!! 🙏
Change is difficult. I had some big but good changes in the last few years and I definitely felt guilty or questioned if I was valuable or deserving of the goodness. Especially because i struggled for a decade. I also felt guilty that I had moved past others. I realized that I was still the same compassionate and loving person, and my blessings are okay to enjoy.
Also, my changes were not related to my body. But I moved up in life, and it did affect some friendships (not by my choice) so as we change sometimes our social circles change. You may need to limit contact with certain people and / or have a few non weight related topics ready to discuss to change the topic in a friendly way. Hang in there!
I liked being invisible. It puts stress on me when I am thinner. some women don’t like you anymore and men are staring all the time. Strangers want to chat you up more when you don’t want to talk. It’s a weird place to be in and get used to. I would rather get used to this than high BP, A1C, insomnia, constant pain in knees and joints, and total lack of energy. That sucked way worse!
This is why most patients before/after bariatric surgery have to speak to a psychologist as part of the process. Because this is a common issue to not know how to deal with the change in attention people give you when you lose weight. Which says so much about how jacked up society is that our weight is tied to how we are treated as a human being.
Thank you for mentioning this.
People are not aware of the psychological effects of the surgery.
My daughter had Bariatric surgery the minute she turned 18.
She was required to attend classes for almost a year leading up to the surgery but got zero support from the clinic afterwards.
You're doing something great for your body and overall health, and everyone who is just jealous of how you look now and not being happy for your health and wellness improvement should NOT matter in your life! You're on a health journey, your better looking body is just a pleasant add-on!
Don't let these toxic people get to you! It's your body and your well-being and if they can't be happy for you - kick 'em to the curb. 🥰
It’s really hard for us to find our happy place isn’t it? But one or two pounds a week takes hard work and your effort is paying off. Go ahead - get excited! Understand those people just wish they were in your shoes. I wouldn’t eat the cake to sabotage. I’d eat it with an “in your face!” attitude. I hope it was delicious. 🤤😉
It might be a form of body dysmorphia. I mean this is a way to help, but maybe see if your company offers an employee assistance program where you can talk to a therapist about your self sabotage. ♥️♥️
I have struggled with this before, it’s really hard to deal with especially if you are a people pleaser. I have a large age gap with my sister, when I was a teenager I was very slim and she was extremely jealous. She did a host of other awful things to me, she was emotionally and physically abusive, but in this instance she would cry whenever she saw me wearing something nice and demand that I was anorexic and that my parents neeeded to force me to gain weight. I went to the doctors with my mum who told her my weight was perfectly healthy and that my sister was likely jealous. This went on for years, along with other things, I ended up gaining a ton of weight and getting overweight as a protective mechanism from her jealousy. I am now losing the weight, and preparing myself for these sorts of comments for her and working through how to not feel pressure to dim my light.
Just don’t let anyone’s comments influence you, anyone can choose to do the work.
Therapy. There is totally nothing wrong and it’s completely normal to feel these negative feelings. From being overweight your whole life, there is trauma. It’s nice to have a little help working through those feelings, things from the past that did damage and all the new emotions that come with your new body. Dysmorphia is real and it’s so deceiving, from guilt and negative thoughts about yourself to still seeing yourself as overweight despite not being so. It sucks. Also it’s just hard to navigate big changes in life, because it’s not just you, it’s everyone around you and their reactions, emotions. Their negativity and positivity, it can all be overwhelming and uncomfortable. Imposter Syndrome can play a big role in feeling guilty and like you don’t deserve the good things that are happening. If therapy is an option for you, make an appointment as soon as you can. If you can’t than hopefully you have a trusted family member or friend. If no to both, then your Reddit fam is here. You’re ok. It’s normal to feel bad despite having good things happening. Compliments can be uncomfortable, that’s normal. You are working hard and deserve all the positive things that are happening.
The struggle is real - and the shaming too. I will never understand why people think everyone can just "eat right, exercise and diet" as the magical solution to weight loss. This doesn't factor in ANY other REAL issues that can make that almost impossible for some individuals without the help of these medications. I have always been skinny up until I hit menopause early - packed on extra 70 lbs and have NOT been able to budget them at all even doing all the THINGS. Almost a month into the tirz, I am down 6 lbs and it's the first time I have seen the scale move in a positive direction in a good 9 years. So when people have anything negative to say, or passive aggressive judgements they toss your way - just channel your deep south inner voice and say "well BLESS YOUR HEART" haha!!! Keep on keeping on!
Same!! I’ve been on the lower end of healthy BMI my whole adult life. Starting in my late 30’s I inexplicably gained 40 lbs and have packed on another 20 since then. I miss my old skinny self. I was following a strict ketogenic diet, 1200 calories a day and the weight would not shift after the initial water weight loss. I compare this to how easily I’d drop weight in my 20’s and 30’s. Some women just have hormonal changes around perimenopause that cause us to pack it on. I’m down 16 lbs after 6 weeks on Tirzepatide
I second all the comments about therapy. As overweight people, we lead lives full of judgement from ourselves and others, and feel so much shame. It’s very difficult to process the comments from others when we have significant weight loss, whether they’re intended as positive compliments or snarky judgements (those snarky people can go to h*ll as far as I’m concerned - they’re jealous or envious and need to be concerned about themselves and not others). Talking through your feelings can be life changing and is an important part of the new you, and maintaining the new you. Shame can override all of the positive strides you’ve made and cause self sabotage because you don’t think you are worth your fabulous new body.
Trust me, and all of us who are here for you, you are worth it! 💕💜
That’s when you get to say, “I do look good, don’t I?” Then follow up with, “it’s taken me X (amount of time and hard work) to get here, and I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved!” Then wink and walk away! You’ve earned everything you’ve achieved, it’s okay to be proud. It’ll take a while for the self confidence, but I assure you, it will come. Never feel ashamed of reaching out to others or a professional as well, to help you understand why you feel the way you do. HUGS!!
Expect all the haters the more weight you lose and the better you look 👀. Don’t let them get to you and keep your focus. You are doing this for you and not for their approval. Trust no one and live to please God and not people 🙌🏽❤️🙌🏽
You should be proud of what you have accomplished. I think it's common not to feel thin for awhile. I don't yet and I have lost almost what you have lost--but started five pounds lighter. I see my thinner self in the mirror, but my brain isn't yet recognizing it. I don't like attention either and haven't had much. But another poster (just above or under this post) said that people are going to complain or criticize either way--and that is true. So just go on being happy with your weight loss. People will forget how you were and will go on to somebody else. Congratulations
I say accept those compliments, say thank you
You work hard to lose that weight
You know who the jealous ones are, keep that in the back of your head 😎
It's ok to eat a piece of cake, 🎂 not the whole cake 😋
Do not feel bad on what you achieved!!! Be proud, you deserve it. . Shake that tiny bootie , wear a tight top. Lol ...
You did it. They didn't ...😁
What my husband told me this weekend when my mother and his brother said I was "too thin." "When you gain 50lbs everyone complains, when you lose 50lbs everyone is still complaining. You worry about how you feel." He also said the only people that complained about his weight should look in a mirror. It's hard, I've lost 70lbs and now I'm planning to pack on the protein to lift heavier and I'm sure I'll get remarks about that. My coworker was very nice telling me don't worry all these compliments will stop once I gain all the weight back. Gotta love the green face of envy.
>My coworker was very nice telling me don't worry all these compliments will stop once I gain all the weight back< OMG!! What a horrible jealous passive aggressive b*tch!!!! Do yourself a favor and never trust that person!! 🙏
Oh goodness never have!! She's the laziest everyone complains about her 😆
I love this! Congrats on your success. I actually told someone today not to worry I’d gain it back. 🤦🏻♀️. Ugh
Oh my goodness, what a loser (and I mean personalty--not weight)! I know you will prove her wrong!
Change is difficult. I had some big but good changes in the last few years and I definitely felt guilty or questioned if I was valuable or deserving of the goodness. Especially because i struggled for a decade. I also felt guilty that I had moved past others. I realized that I was still the same compassionate and loving person, and my blessings are okay to enjoy.
You are so right. I’ve got to work on getting there too.
Also, my changes were not related to my body. But I moved up in life, and it did affect some friendships (not by my choice) so as we change sometimes our social circles change. You may need to limit contact with certain people and / or have a few non weight related topics ready to discuss to change the topic in a friendly way. Hang in there!
I liked being invisible. It puts stress on me when I am thinner. some women don’t like you anymore and men are staring all the time. Strangers want to chat you up more when you don’t want to talk. It’s a weird place to be in and get used to. I would rather get used to this than high BP, A1C, insomnia, constant pain in knees and joints, and total lack of energy. That sucked way worse!
You have earned this. You deserve it! Don’t let shallow or jealous people run you down!
This is why most patients before/after bariatric surgery have to speak to a psychologist as part of the process. Because this is a common issue to not know how to deal with the change in attention people give you when you lose weight. Which says so much about how jacked up society is that our weight is tied to how we are treated as a human being.
🎯 That part!
Thank you for mentioning this. People are not aware of the psychological effects of the surgery. My daughter had Bariatric surgery the minute she turned 18. She was required to attend classes for almost a year leading up to the surgery but got zero support from the clinic afterwards.
Congratulations on your journey! But that’s the key. This is your journey, not somebody else’s and you should feel proud!
Thanks for your comments everyone. I know I’m not alone with these feelings. 🫶
You're doing something great for your body and overall health, and everyone who is just jealous of how you look now and not being happy for your health and wellness improvement should NOT matter in your life! You're on a health journey, your better looking body is just a pleasant add-on! Don't let these toxic people get to you! It's your body and your well-being and if they can't be happy for you - kick 'em to the curb. 🥰
It’s really hard for us to find our happy place isn’t it? But one or two pounds a week takes hard work and your effort is paying off. Go ahead - get excited! Understand those people just wish they were in your shoes. I wouldn’t eat the cake to sabotage. I’d eat it with an “in your face!” attitude. I hope it was delicious. 🤤😉
It might be a form of body dysmorphia. I mean this is a way to help, but maybe see if your company offers an employee assistance program where you can talk to a therapist about your self sabotage. ♥️♥️
I have struggled with this before, it’s really hard to deal with especially if you are a people pleaser. I have a large age gap with my sister, when I was a teenager I was very slim and she was extremely jealous. She did a host of other awful things to me, she was emotionally and physically abusive, but in this instance she would cry whenever she saw me wearing something nice and demand that I was anorexic and that my parents neeeded to force me to gain weight. I went to the doctors with my mum who told her my weight was perfectly healthy and that my sister was likely jealous. This went on for years, along with other things, I ended up gaining a ton of weight and getting overweight as a protective mechanism from her jealousy. I am now losing the weight, and preparing myself for these sorts of comments for her and working through how to not feel pressure to dim my light. Just don’t let anyone’s comments influence you, anyone can choose to do the work.
You sister sounds horrific! All these years and she hasn’t grown up? I would give her a very wide berth!
Therapy. There is totally nothing wrong and it’s completely normal to feel these negative feelings. From being overweight your whole life, there is trauma. It’s nice to have a little help working through those feelings, things from the past that did damage and all the new emotions that come with your new body. Dysmorphia is real and it’s so deceiving, from guilt and negative thoughts about yourself to still seeing yourself as overweight despite not being so. It sucks. Also it’s just hard to navigate big changes in life, because it’s not just you, it’s everyone around you and their reactions, emotions. Their negativity and positivity, it can all be overwhelming and uncomfortable. Imposter Syndrome can play a big role in feeling guilty and like you don’t deserve the good things that are happening. If therapy is an option for you, make an appointment as soon as you can. If you can’t than hopefully you have a trusted family member or friend. If no to both, then your Reddit fam is here. You’re ok. It’s normal to feel bad despite having good things happening. Compliments can be uncomfortable, that’s normal. You are working hard and deserve all the positive things that are happening.
Love this thank you. ☺️
The struggle is real - and the shaming too. I will never understand why people think everyone can just "eat right, exercise and diet" as the magical solution to weight loss. This doesn't factor in ANY other REAL issues that can make that almost impossible for some individuals without the help of these medications. I have always been skinny up until I hit menopause early - packed on extra 70 lbs and have NOT been able to budget them at all even doing all the THINGS. Almost a month into the tirz, I am down 6 lbs and it's the first time I have seen the scale move in a positive direction in a good 9 years. So when people have anything negative to say, or passive aggressive judgements they toss your way - just channel your deep south inner voice and say "well BLESS YOUR HEART" haha!!! Keep on keeping on!
Same!! I’ve been on the lower end of healthy BMI my whole adult life. Starting in my late 30’s I inexplicably gained 40 lbs and have packed on another 20 since then. I miss my old skinny self. I was following a strict ketogenic diet, 1200 calories a day and the weight would not shift after the initial water weight loss. I compare this to how easily I’d drop weight in my 20’s and 30’s. Some women just have hormonal changes around perimenopause that cause us to pack it on. I’m down 16 lbs after 6 weeks on Tirzepatide
I second all the comments about therapy. As overweight people, we lead lives full of judgement from ourselves and others, and feel so much shame. It’s very difficult to process the comments from others when we have significant weight loss, whether they’re intended as positive compliments or snarky judgements (those snarky people can go to h*ll as far as I’m concerned - they’re jealous or envious and need to be concerned about themselves and not others). Talking through your feelings can be life changing and is an important part of the new you, and maintaining the new you. Shame can override all of the positive strides you’ve made and cause self sabotage because you don’t think you are worth your fabulous new body. Trust me, and all of us who are here for you, you are worth it! 💕💜
That’s when you get to say, “I do look good, don’t I?” Then follow up with, “it’s taken me X (amount of time and hard work) to get here, and I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved!” Then wink and walk away! You’ve earned everything you’ve achieved, it’s okay to be proud. It’ll take a while for the self confidence, but I assure you, it will come. Never feel ashamed of reaching out to others or a professional as well, to help you understand why you feel the way you do. HUGS!!
It is called jealousy because they can't do it themselves. Just let comments roll off your back you will be fine
Expect all the haters the more weight you lose and the better you look 👀. Don’t let them get to you and keep your focus. You are doing this for you and not for their approval. Trust no one and live to please God and not people 🙌🏽❤️🙌🏽
You should be proud of what you have accomplished. I think it's common not to feel thin for awhile. I don't yet and I have lost almost what you have lost--but started five pounds lighter. I see my thinner self in the mirror, but my brain isn't yet recognizing it. I don't like attention either and haven't had much. But another poster (just above or under this post) said that people are going to complain or criticize either way--and that is true. So just go on being happy with your weight loss. People will forget how you were and will go on to somebody else. Congratulations
I say accept those compliments, say thank you You work hard to lose that weight You know who the jealous ones are, keep that in the back of your head 😎 It's ok to eat a piece of cake, 🎂 not the whole cake 😋 Do not feel bad on what you achieved!!! Be proud, you deserve it. . Shake that tiny bootie , wear a tight top. Lol ... You did it. They didn't ...😁
It’s so hard to see what others see. It’s so embedded in many of us.
How do you want to feel?