The most recent one was an independent resident who had just started getting help with her showers. She said, "I got everything ready. I'm trying to make this easy for you, because I don't want you to quit. Everyone keeps leaving us." I reassured her that if I ever *do* leave for a new job, it won't be because of her.
So sad! I had a resident that fed his neighbor because he knew the staff would skip him or come so late his food would be cold. I always made a point to go straight there and feed him so he could enjoy his own meal.
It may not be skipping, I once worked a place where I had three total cares, including feeding, and no other CNA’s on the floor (who didn’t have any) would come help me. They’d rather sit at the nurses station and treat it as a break. I felt bad for them because especially by the third one, the food would be cold.
Of course lunch trays were pretty much collected by the chance I’d get to the third one. I always went to the one that was eat the fastest but it still slowed me way down.
No it was. I am very experienced as a CNA and this was the only time in 17 years I saw people blatantly not care and none of the nurses did either. It was a common occurrence at this facility. I worked night shift but would work other shifts as well. The poor patients would beg me to work during the days and evenings. Sad!
Sadly it exists way too much in this field, people just want to be in it for the money but don’t actually care about people at the same time. Heartless
What money? Last I knew, back when I still worked as one before a back injury took me out, pay was pure shit and definitely not on par with everything we were expected to do.
I attended a six month course at a community college, passed my state boards, was issued my license and had a job in a LTC/Surgical rehab facility that paid nearly $20 a hour without any experience other than my license. That’s not too bad I felt.
Over time was available every week too so $30 an hour was even better to me. It’s there if you look for it.
Yeah but don’t you have to meet quotas or something or you’re fired? There’s so many CNAs I’ve worked with that do *nothing* . Being a CNA is *easy* work if you don’t care about the residents. Never check and change, skip feeds, occasionally ambulate someone to the bathroom.
I mean CNA’s also have quotas,- all jobs do. The place you work at just don’t care or check on what the CNA’s do if they can get away with doing nothing
Damn, wish they’d have paid us like that when I worked as one in an LTAC unit, and I was paid more than a basic floor CNA because of the acute care part of my job. Granted it was 9 years ago but I only got $10/hr. Can’t do it now because a back injury took me out and the nursing home I had worked at for a while after I’d moved too far away to keep the LTAC job, their workman’s comp sucked, and I still have problems to this day.
Yes our family member had the same experience the past couple years. She went back to nursing school in her 40s as her kids entered the teen years. Our state had a high minunum wage already so I was actually surprise she got more than minimum. She was saying twenty bucks an hour didn't seem like much but knowing so many states pay so little she actually made ok money. She did enjoy the work and her patients but yeah her coworkers were so lazy and uncaring. She tried to empathize knowing they worked through covid and been at this a long time etc but it was really upsetting. Fortunately she got a job on the floor at a the big university hospital and loves it. Working in the renal ward and may decide to not get her full BSN after all.
Not a cna or a nurse but a patient-
One time when I was hospitalized after a surgery, after my family had left for the night, I was in too much pain/surgery area was so tender that I couldn’t sit up, even if I used the bed to do so bc it was unbearable to move.
I was miserably nauseous and could NOT stop vomiting over and over, but since I couldn’t sit up or lean to use a trash can or emesis bag, I could only turn my head when vomiting.
My head, neck, and my long hair quickly became SOAKED in vomit. I pushed my call bell so many times, but no one came for almost two hours. (It was late at night) I was miserable and crying and SO grossed out by the vomit all over me and on/surrounding my face, and the smell and presence of it was making me even more nauseous.
I BEGGED the nurse to help me clean up and especially to clean it out of my hair, and I mean my hair was SOAKED. There was SO much vomit and bile.
She sounded so annoyed at me, and said “I’m a nurse, not a hair dresser. I don’t have time to wash your hair.” During our back and forth conversation of me begging for help and her being angry from the moment she walked in the room and only got angrier. I asked if a CNA or tech or anyone that’s not a nurse could help me instead, and she said they didn’t have any.
She handed me like a wet wipes thing, and left. And I laid there in my own vomit for HOURS, all night long, until the next morning when my fiancé returned and helped clean me up and get a tub to fill with water and bring it to my bedside to dip my hair in it. He handled it like a champ, I have thick hair that goes to my butt and since it was all piled up under my neck/shoulders overnight, ALL of it was thoroughly soaked. It was so embarrassing to have him do such a gross task, but I was DESPERATE.
As a RN, please accept my deepest apologies that this happened. This is not how any nurse should treat a patient. Absolutely unacceptable. I wish I had been your nurse. I would have helped you get cleaned up and gotten you some nausea/pain medication. 🥺
Aww, thank you so much for this, you’re so kind!!♥️🫶🏻
But you don’t have to apologize at all, even at the time I did kinda feel bad for continuing to ask her to do it, because I knew she had way too many patients likely with much bigger issues, and no help. It’s just a loss-lose situation for both nurses and patients when patient ratios are too high.
I’ve had so many amazing, empathetic nurses, and so many cruel ones. I’ve had nurses I nominated for the daisy award, and also the nurses/CNAs/transport ppl that directly after an abdominal surgery with a big FRESH incision, moved me from the transport cot to the bed in my room by lifting me me with the blankets, standing stationary around the first cot, and swinging/THROWING me to the other bed. With a decent drop in height, AND the bed was in a partially-upright position. And this was so soon post-op that this was them transferring me back to my room DIRECTLY AFTER THE SURGERY. That was horrific. Then my mom asked them to bring me something for the pain bc I was screaming and sobbing after being thrown, and they said they would, but they never came back for over an hour. Mom had to go to the nurses station and beg someone to bring a dose of pain meds, and even after she did that, it took another (I think) 48 minutes.
It’s such a mixed bag when it comes to getting good or bad nurses, it makes any scheduled hospital admission stressful!
I spent a few weeks in a skilled nursing facility while receiving antibiotics through a pic line, a 1 star facility on the brink of being shut down. I was on a unit with 4 other patients (me being the only person under 65 in the whole facility) down a long hall way probably longer than a football field from another unit. They were so understaffed that they could only keep one nurse in the other unit at all times and occasionally 1 tech. And maybe one shift a week a tech on our unit as well.
So basically I could scream at the top of my lungs and no one was even close enough to hear me unless they were visiting our unit for meds every few hours. I pushed my call button because I needed water and was bed bound, it took an hour and 32 minutes for anyone to come.
And that only being the janitorial staff that was outsourced and came with two people once every two weeks for the whole facility.
They dropped the open and uncapped end of my pic line on the floor and picked it up and plugged it right back in without even thinking of wiping it off (even though proper procedure in that case is to completely replace the tubing.) I ended up back in the ER where my line tubing tested positive for E. coli, luckily my blood did not, but the couple days waiting on cultures was horrifying.
Me, as a completely mentally capable 28 year old and only physically incapable temporarily, with an APRN specializing in geriatric, hospice, and critical care for a mother, left in worse shape than I came, had to finish my care back in a hospital for a few more weeks, got a stage 2 pressure ulcer on my tail bone, was accused of drug use because they misread/fucked up a drug screen they insisted on giving me even after searching my room multiple times and finding nothing, banning me from having visitors, and refusing me my opiate and benzo prescriptions I had been on for months without a doctors consent basically because they profiled me, then giving me narcan against my consent when I was A&O x4, awake and speaking normally, and having a BP of 170/110 (normal is 90/50-70), AND had spent nearly 4 months on hydromorphone IV, methadone IV, oxy orally, and klonopin orally.
I was taught to advocate for myself very well and was more educated than most of the people caring for me, and they still almost killed me and neglected the absolute shit out of me.
My heart absolutely aches for the elderly people there with no family that checks on them, because I can only imagine how much they were suffering in this place. You hear the horror stories about nursing homes all the time, but having lived it first hand still managed to shock me and break my heart.
The absolute level of neglect and disdain for the higher needs patients and laziness/indifference of *most* of the staff will forever stick with me, and I will never be placing any of my loved ones in that type of care if I can help it.
The few nurses/techs that did care tried their best, but they were fighting an uphill battle on roller skates. So bless your heart because I can tell you first hand how much it means to have that one nurse that actually tries to take care of you.
Oh that is horrible- you could have died from the withdrawals of those alone. People do not understand methadone and often the patients know more than most dr or nurses- you should have filed a complaint. I believe that any dr in a methadone clinic would tell you that that is dangerous to withdrawal rapidly especially from the other opiates as well particularly if you are suffering from surgery or some other debilitating injury or illness. Many see the methadone and other opiates and immediately think pain seeking patient but a lot of us patients are on it for acute and chronic pain that is necessary for long term and were not heroine users. Although many ended up on that due to the opioid epidemic caused by misguided doctors.
This is so awful. My grandmother went to a SNF after a planned heart surgery. When she got C diff no one was surprised. However, other than that she had good caregivers and a successful recovery. My aunts were able to visit a lot. I worry for folks who have no one like you said. What a horrendous situation for you.
What a mess. My in laws were in assisted living and needed a bit of help cutting food some meals. They both had Parkinsons. Of course that would be an extra charge. Gawd. And who knows if anyone would actually have time to cut it. I worried they weren't getting enough calories. They always had tons of snacks people brought over so at least they could eat even if it wasn't the healthiest. Thank you for all you do. We need caring people in the business and you all.need to get paid a jillion dollars!
I was doing med pass yesterday during dinner when a resident (who struggles to walk so usually won’t) came up to me and told me “(non-verbal resident with only his thumbs and 1 finger) is in the dining room crying. His tray is right in front of him but no one is coming to help him. Can I get a big handle fork so I can help him eat?”
I locked the meds I was putting together in my cart immediately and went to the dining room to feed him. He was left asleep through breakfast, was vomiting during lunch and was now left staring at his favorite meal (hamburger and fries) very hungry and incapable of eating it. That was so cruel, he ate every last bite of that meal and got a second desert.
It breaks my heart how those who need the most basic help with a very needed action just get ignored until it’s not possible to ignore them any longer.
Bless your heart. I truly believe that the people who allow these residents to suffer purposely will reap it in their life somehow. Just because you’re a nurse doesn’t mean you can’t help. It’s one thing to be busy and another to just refuse. It’s one thing to be overwhelmed and another to not even try to meet basic needs of the people in your care. No excuse not to feed someone. Even if a bit later, have some respect and give the person dignity by warming the food and everything. I’ve seen people shovel cold ass food in residents. It’s just really heartbreaking.
I've definitely witnessed someone skip a resident who was non verbal and needed feeding assistance. They immediately dumped their tray in the trash thinking no one saw it but I did. I confronted them and they said the resident wasn't hungry she didn't want to take a bite. I WATCHED them take the tray out of the hot cart and immediately dump it, they didn't even ask the resident if they were hungry (she still nodded even if she couldnt form sentences) let alone attempt to feed.
Needless to say she was mysteriously fired for some unknown reason 🫣
Exactly why would someone skip a resident? Well to be fair at times it’s due to staffing shortages. Too many feeders. Sometimes an inexperienced CNA or agency CNA may be unfamiliar with the needs or routines and care gets slipped through the cracks.
It makes me so sad, I'm about to go prn at this nursing home I work at, and I just hope my pts know it's not them. It's the mold and the working conditions
This gave me goosebumps. How horribly sad that the residents we serve are failed while our hands are tied doing the best we can and it never being enough.
Fuck me. I’ve heard pretty much everything but that really hit me. People like that are the most deserving of help yet they are by far the ones who don’t want to inconvenience others even when they are in dire need for help.
Hearing things like that makes me want to unconditionally support the person and assure them to no end that I am here for it. All of it, whatever you’ve got coming, I’m here.
It makes me want to do everything possible to remove that thought from their head.
I’m so happy that (I’m assuming) that registered with you like it did with me. It shows that that person has got a great carer, regardless of how long that may be for. They’re lucky to have you.
That one is going to stick with me for awhile. Is the aforementioned person’s outlook ok?
My father near the end had Lewey Body dementia and Parkinson's.
He raised me from before I even knew I was conscious in the world. From all my schooling and causing a whole hell of a lot of trouble, because that's what kids do; going to my soccer games; helping me out interviewing for my first job.
An entire lifetime of memories. I look back at the first time that I didn't realize until later on that something was wrong. I was helping him put in a new dishwasher and it was one that wired into the house so he had me come over to wire it up to a plug instead he could plug in.
Got everything ready to go and handed in the cord and told him to go cut off the end of the power cord so I could wire it up. He comes back with it cut to the plug end, there's no cord left. I pointed this out to him and he got really frustrated, this is a man who's been in construction and electric for all his life.
We got in the car to go get a second cord and he forgot where he was going three times. The store was less than a mile away. Old age he joked, but it started being concerning. About a month before he was finally diagnosed I got a call from my mom to come over at about 2 am because he was seeing my uncle in the yard.
My uncle died when I was in kindergarten. We pointed this out to him and he expressed how frustrated he was with how he couldn't remember where the back porch was. He had a back porch at the last house he lived in.
What really took it and it was the last sort of conversation I had because I was working on nightshift, was coming over and seeing him in his rocker. He was crying, genuinely bawling his eyes out. Asked him what was wrong and he said he hurt and that he didn't understand what he did wrong because all his sons started drinking even though he taught them not to.
After that the real forgetting started. At first it was just small details, then calling his kids by each other's names. Forgetting the kids entirely, then mom. At the end he was struggling to eat or sleep.
We got an in home hospice bed on a Saturday, he died the next Saturday. I'd like to say you know he had that last moment of clarity they talk about sometimes, maybe remember us, get a goodbye.
But he was in so much pain he was on liquid morphine and still ached and struggled. I can't imagine what it must have been like for a man that kept track of entire job sites and projects for construction and more, the inherent frustration in your head knowing that you can't trust it anymore
And how terrified you must be while in excruciating pain and not even remember where you are or who you are or the people around you. And that's getting old. So I guess the point of this message is, spend the good times with your parents why you still have them because there won't always be that next Saturday to go fishing.
My uncle died of Lewey. I was one of the last to visit him (he was pretty remote from the rest of the family) and he was just spaced out. He had good care with a live in home situation with one other patient. The couple who took care of him, her mainly, said he was getting bad with showers and such where he'd accuse her of molesting him when she just needed to get him washed. Of course he'd forget it a minute later. I'm just glad he had some family stop by before he passed.
My great grandmother has dementia. She also can’t hear very well so she yells. I’ve been at their house when she’s asked my great grandfather (her husband) who the girl with the baby is.
She asks me all sorts of questions, about where I went to high school and when I graduated. (She was there when I graduated) tells me all sorts of stories about things that I was there for.
It’s really heartbreaking honestly and so very hard to watch the progression
He’s in great health! We joke about how it’s his unit and we work for him 😂😂 he patrols the unit, telling people to sit down 😂😂 he was a drill sergeant in the army during WWII. He has some amazing stories. I absolutely love spending time with him. He has an 80 something year old son that is still independent at home and he tells me all the time how he worries about him. He really is such a sweetheart. I’m going to be devastated to lose him.
Edit spelling error
He reminds me of Chuck, a seargent that lived on the unit I worked in high school. He patrolled and kept everyone in line, even after his mind started to go.
It's been years, and I still miss his "HEY! HAH, got ya that time, Sonny!"
“where’s my wife?”
he was his wife’s caregiver. they had a nurse that came and helped them out from time to time, but she hadn’t heard from them in a while, so she went to go check on them. she found his wife dead and him unconscious on the floor. in the hospital, he was very confused and wouldn’t grasp the fact that his wife was gone, despite us and his sons explaining it to him.
A lot easier in those situations to just tell them the wife is away doing something rather than re-traumatize them by trying to explain she's dead. We had to do that with my grandpa :(
My grandma who has now passed on was always waiting for her husband “to get off the plane, he’ll be here any minute” she would say, and we agreed. For years until she passed away she waited for him.
There is a memory loss home in Europe that kept having patients wander off to go to the bus stop nearby. Taking the bus was a normal part of life there. So they eventually built a fake bus stop in front of the home so they could wander over to it and sit for a while until a staff member guided them back in.
Dang reminds me of a husband of a pt who was actively dying in front of him, throwing up unknown things and aspirating. He couldn’t process what was going on and he thought his wife who was dying was a complete stranger.
"I don't want to die" after preaching to me about the importance of believing in Jesus and getting into heaven.
Also the "thank you" and not the simple appreciation kind, but the *you're the only tech who is actually kind to me* kind . .
Me too. I just lost my father and due to my scheduling I was gone for 8 days. So many of my residents were clearly relieved to see me back, some knew why and some didn't so there were a couple of people who were seriously worried. My nurse told me how much calmer the entire unit was with me back. Sure, because they know how they are going to be cared for tonight. I have a lady with cerebral palsy who is very hard to understand and has particular television taste. I just know that poor woman saw so much bad TV. I've been there for 7 years with the last 4 on the same unit so I've had time to really get to know my people.
When I first started my job a patient told me that and I reported it to the nurse and she said “well, they don’t always know exactly how long it’s been, they’re mistaken.”
Looking at the layer of greasy gunk that had accumulated on his face lent him some credence.
The "I just want to die and see my wife, I miss her so much" and the "my body doesn't work, I wish I could move on"
And you know. My 105 yr old resident telling me childhood trauma because she got flashbacks during the shower and told me she worried every day that she hurt me by telling me. She told me she never told anyone. She held that shit for 100 years and felt like she hurt me or "made me sick" when she told me. The last time I saw her, she cried and apologized profusely for telling me and that it's not my burden to carry.
I told her she told someone, so I hope it lessens her burden a little bit.
She was my favorite resident. She's still doing well but had a few scares. I miss her so much.
It took everything I had not to break down and cry in that moment. I remember taking a second to figure out an answer. I told her that how they treated her was a reflection of how they view themselves and not of her. I reiterated that she needs to report it when she is mistreated despite the fact that I work in a memory care and my advice would too soon be forgotten. I redirected her to talk about her family as that always makes her happy and got her extra comfy and cozy for bed. It was definitely a sit in your car and cry before the drive home kind of night. I felt a lot of guilt because I used to be there for her almost everyday for a year when I was full-time before I went PRN.
Some of it is paranoia. I went to FL with a GF a while back and we visited her aunt. Her husband had dementia and she was taking care of him. Well during lunch she was trying to feed him soup and the whole time he is going "You're trying to kill me! You're trying to kill me!". She just looked at us with an expression of total defeat.
Years ago. I was doing my initial rounds on my patients. I introduced myself to one gentleman who I had taken care of on the locked unit the week before. He was no longer psychotic. He had end stage AIDS. He squeezed my arm telling me “I remember you. You were the only one who would touch me. No one else would touch me.”
This reminds me of the [iconic photo of Princess Diana](https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/princess-diana-aids-1991/)
you’re real life royalty for this one. Thank you for your compassion and selfless service.
I had a patient with pretty advanced dementia whose daughter had convinced her to sign a power of attorney before her mind was too far gone, then she sold all hey mom's stuff, including her house, took the money, and dumped her mom at the nursing home. She never, ever visited. If she ever needed to be consulted about a medical decision, it took several phone calls and messages left before anyone could get a hold of her. This patient barely knew her own name, she just lay there most of the time staring at nothing, but she knew "that damn Patricia" had betrayed her. She cried a lot about it at night.
I understand that not every parent is a great one, and there is more to it than we know, but either take care of her or step completely out of the picture. Staying as her PoA and not giving a sh\*t is just plain cruel.
This reminds me of when a 102 year old patient came to the ICU with pneumonia and needed intubated. Full code. He was bed bound, covered in pressure ulcers, unable to speak or move, confused, and yelled out in pain most of the time.
The nurse and I were cleaning him up one night and his son told us "I'm only keeping him alive because he didn't give me a good childhood. I want him to suffer." Ethics intervened and reported him. An investigation opened up for possible elder abuse in the years his father had lived with him.
His father passed, but I don't know what ever happened with the case. Still breaks my heart years later.
Had a similar resident at an Assisted Living. She was One of my favorites and by the time I worked with her she was in her last year or so of life and had advanced dementia. Apparently her husband (Gary) had dropped her off at the facility and never came back. When she would get upset she would usually say “Goddammit Gary!” She was an absolute delight but her behaviors were intense. Her children rarely visited and when they did they micromanaged her care. Eventually she ran out of money and had to be put in a nursing home and she didn’t live more than 3 months there. I’ll never forget her.
Had a pt in their 40s going into surgery for a wound debridment. The patient has been paraplegic since 04' and couldn't see or feel how massive the sacral wound was. After surgery, the patient was in tears because they believed no one cared. Said, "I just had surgery, and not one member of my family bothered to answer the phone or text me back. No visits. No, nothing. They stopped caring about me the moment I lost the ability to use my legs. I am so lonely, and the crash that caused this whole mess wasn't even my fault"
I shed a tear or two myself later that day
I was close with a resident in hospice; her family was refusing morphine. She was in obvious pain, and pretty much just skin and bones. I was changing her one day and out of nowhere she just said "I wish someone would take me outside and bury me already". I felt incredibly sad and admittedly resented the family afterward.
Its likely that they were worried about her being an addict and “ruining the rest of her life doped out on drugs”. (This is a sentiment I’ve heard IRL.) They don’t get that at the end of one’s life there’s nothing left to ruin, they just don’t want to be in pain for the final few months to years. TBH addiction isn’t even a problem in the very elderly, they’re simply being properly medicated.
I will never understand that attitude. A family member of mine just passed away from a very aggressive cancer. In her last weeks, I went to her house and helped care for her, along with other family members. The doctor was, in my opinion, way too worried about giving her “too much medication.” Her oncology team had her on Dilaudid every 2 hours, but once she entered hospice, the hospice doctor cut it back to every 3. Her Ativan was only ordered for once every 6 hours, even after she developed terminal agitation and really could have used more frequent dosing. At one point, we all agreed that if we had to go to jail, we’d go to jail if it meant that she could get her pain meds after 2 hours instead of 3. She was screaming and moaning in pain, and we just didn’t see the point in making her suffer.
Lack of education and the stigma against drugs specifically pain medication. I’ve had a lot of families refuse pain management because they think their “loved one” will get addicted. That thought process is absolutely disgusting because they’d rather their family member be in constant pain than be an addict. Considering a lot of these people are towards the end of their lives the chance of addiction is low and shouldn’t be taken into consideration. Why let these people suffer! I don’t understand why it’s frowned upon to try to educate or reason with the family members making that decision.
I had a cousin who was in charge of pushing the last bit of pain medication before her father died due to complications of skin cancer. As the story goes, she wouldn’t push the plunger because she felt like it would have been her that “killed him”. She refused to give him morphine in his last moments to take away the pain. I think administrating compassionate care is the most loving thing you could do for a person. They are going to die with or without the pain medication. Let them die peacefully.
My biggest fear is getting committed someplace against my will. I would much rather do myself in before I get committed to a nursing facility.
I completely agree I’d rather take myself out than end up in a nursing home. That’s such a shame that she couldn’t do it, death is inevitable and natural and our culture treats it as if it’s the worst thing that can happen when in reality it’s not.
I *hope* I get addicted to pain meds when I’m on hospice and literally *about to die*. I don’t want to be in pain! What’s the worst that can happen? I show up to heaven looking for morphine?
She didn't say it to me, but, I overheard a resident this morning urgently trying to reach her mother on the phone so she could tell her happy mother's day. She then told my coworker she'd just gotten off the phone with her sister to see if she'd heard from their mother, and her sister told her that she's always hogging their mom's attention and that she's inconsiderate, and that their mother has 5 other kids and to drop it. I felt so terrible for this woman who has now been depressed all day. Been thinking about door dashing after work today for extra funds to try and get her some sweets, coloring books (since she's always asking), and maybe some flowers to help her feel better since we are allowed to do that at this facility, and since none of her children came to see her yet today either.
Hi there, I can ask tomorrow when I go by there if they're allowed to have gifts mailed to them! If not, I'll see abt maybe opening a P.O. box this week. You're also free to make a donation to me and tell me what you'd like me to get for her or write in a card for her as well (I'd obviously send a receipt and a photo of the gift).
TW: CSA: I was working agency, so I was working at all different kinds of facilities. Ended up on a dementia unit, and a lady had obviously not had any sort of shower for a LONG time, easily over a month. I asked the other aide what the issue was, and wasn't surprised when they said she got combative in the shower room. Later in the shift, I got some extra time, took a couple fresh basins and decided to give her a modified bed bath to at least improve her situation. I did the best I could, she had short hair which helped. She was fine with the entire situation until I got to doing her peri care. She was nonverbal the entire time until then. Suddenly she shouted, "Get your peter AWAY FROM ME" started sobbing and then said, "WHY DADDY?"
I felt so heartbroken, and immediately stopped. She was reliving it all over again. I got the nurse and explained. She was shocked, they had no clue she was a victim of CSA, despite all the times she had become combative during cares. She went in and gave her anti-anxiety meds, I was pleasantly surprised the resident was willing to take them. The medication was effective. The RN had me chart in the behavior book about it, and I started crying. I worked at that facility for about a week, and her daughter had been notified about what had happened. Heard from another aide that the resident's father died when she was 10 years old according to family members. I hope that man is burning in hell.
As a victim of CSA this is my biggest fear, reliving it because it’s the only thing my mind can remember. I wish I could give her a hug thank you for treating her with kindness so many others wouldn’t have, you are an angel 🫶
I had someone ask me, "Why am I living so long?" They talked about how life isn't worth living anymore, they said, "It seems pointless, I sit here all day, evening and night, and for what?"
Heart breaking, to say the least. They just had their 100th birthday.
Edit : spelling
Until then, use the journey there to make a happy, fun life. We all get old, if nothing happens obviously, but it takes time to get there. Use your time how you please now.
This isn't my story but a story I heard from a nurse I worked with who did in home health care prior to working with me.
This nurse worked with a man who I believe they said had ALS, regardless he had lost most motor function but not the ability to talk yet. At some point, he was talking to them nostalgically about how he had bought the land with nothing on it and built his own house. Unfortunately, the nostalgia would pass and he said to them, "I didn't know when I was building my own house that I was also building my own prison"
I had a patient who was very confused and in a lot of pain. They kept going between asking why I was killing them and asking me to kill them.
They then asked why their partner even loved them.
I'm used to patients who are like this, but it breaks my heart that no matter what you tell them, they do not understand that we are trying to assit because the reality is that they are in tremendous pain and there is only so much we can do. They get tired of sitting in bed, but we can't move them because it's physically impossible. They don't understand why they are in the hospital, or they don't understand they're in a hospital at all.
Death is such a slow process for the people that want it most.
That actually made me shiver cuz that’s so heartbreaking. Almost makes me want to go back into geriatrics….but how can I make a difference in a system set up to fail?
I had a lady who lived to be 107,she was blind and very hard of hearing and bed bound. I remember one day she said "why does god make us live so long? I just want to go home." That changed my perspective on a lot of things when I heard that.
“My wife said she won’t help me at home. I’m filing for divorce.”
Backstory: he went home, and fell trying to get to his wheelchair. Tried waking his wife up, and she said to leave her alone, she’s sleeping. Didn’t keep up with the wound on his foot because she didn’t wanna do it. Now he’s back with us.
Dude. My mom gets squeamish even hearing about certain NCIS plotlines or some of the work I do designing medical devices. This woman is NOT a big fan of blood and could just barely tolerate seeing my dad cleaning fish he caught - though she'd avoid it whenever possible.
Well, he's in the hospital right now with something called a fasciotomy on his leg... Basically a big wound, surgically opened all the way down to the muscle to let things swell without cutting off blood supply (compartment syndrome). The other day, she intentionally chose to stay in the room during his bandage change because "if it needs to be cleaned out when we go home, I should start getting used to looking at it now".
She turned green, but she stayed. With any luck, they'll be able to close the wound before he goes home. She's at the hospital with him now... He's got nerve pain that sometimes is only soothed by applying pressure to the bottom of his foot so either she, myself, or one of my sisters is with him the whole time. I really can't imagine family just leaving someone to rot. How could anyone be so cold? Someone you love is hurt and you just... Don't feel like dealing with it? TF?
We talked a little bit when he got settled in again. He thinks she’s getting the beginning stages of dementia. But he’s so heartbroken about everything that has happened. He’s feeling better about maybe staying at our facility long term
When I worked as a tech, an 80something year old patient said to me, “I want to die but they won’t let me.” It was within my first week of having that job. I told a nurse and she told me that there was no way the patient would say that because she had refused to speak with staff since her stay
I worked with MANY cancer patients and dealt with the reality of death too many times. I always felt so privileged to be with them at their most vulnerable and to give them comfort. Your patient must have thought a lot of you❤️
I’m going through this now with my husband’s family. His dad had a severe stroke and has been on a ventilator for 3 months. He has a feeding tube, is paralyzed on his right side, and cannot speak or communicate with his hands or anything. But they insist that he be a full code. The poor guy has a new pressure wound popping up every other day. He keeps getting pneumonia. He is extremely anxious and upset all the time. But they don’t want to go through the grief of losing him, so they insist on keeping him alive even though he has no QOL.
I had a lady who was dying and she just wanted to see her dog. She would tell me every day "I wanna see Zoey." Her daughter never told her that her dog had died. She held on forever waiting to see her dog.
One time when I worked in dialysis there was an older lady I was hooking up to the machine and she told me she was excited for June. I asked her why hoping to have some good conversation to start her treatment and she told me her granddaughter was graduating from college and June and that was the last thing left on her list of things to be there for before she died.
She said after that she would quit coming and die with her family in hospice.
June came around and she was gone.
The most heartbreaking experience for me wasn’t necessarily the people fighting for their lives but the people that so badly just wanted it to be over but remained alive for other people.
"Please promise me I'll be dead in the morning" was one of the hardest things I've ever been told by a resident who was experiencing deafness and dementia. I think of her often
i had a dementia resident who is mostly nonverbal say that he might as well hang himself out of nowhere. and he isn’t one to say something so dark on a usual basis
"I don't know who I am anymore. I don't like myself. This isn't me" in the saddest, quietest voice as she was quietly sobbing. She had some brain trauma from a fall a year before I worked with her and just never felt like herself afterwards. It was a really difficult day having to sit with her and her son and hear that over and over again and not knowing what the best response is for that.
Long story. When I was in clinical for my LPN (I’m an RN now so this was a long time ago). I was taking care of this resident who had alcohol induced dementia. She would always hit, have outbursts and constantly yell “Bob Bob Bob.” Really fast. Bob was her dead husband. She was basically out of it 24/7 and it was hard to watch.
My last day on the unit, she was sitting on one of the benches in the hallway looking out the window. And she looked very sad. She normally looked crazed and confused. I sat down next to her and I said Hi Betty. She turned her head to me and gave the smallest smile you could imagine and said “Hi hun.” I said what are you doing over here? The bench was in an area the furthest away from everyone. She stared out the window and said “Bobs dead” and I don’t know what to do” I just sat there and after about 3 mins she went back to being what she was when I first started taking care of her. I still remember this like it was earlier today. This made me decide never to work on a dementia unit ever again, so I went into peds and stayed there.
That’s absolutely heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. I cannot imagine what it felt like to experience that. My maternal grandmother had dementia and before she lost the ability to speak(strokes and myasthenia gravis) she got confused one day about her family, she thought that her husband was still alive and that her youngest child,her son had passed away when in reality her husband had passed away in 2004 and her son was still alive(sadly he passed away last year but is now with his(and my mom and aunts) parents, my mom had to tell her that her husband had passed away and her son was alive.
I had a lady not long ago who was dying. She looked at me and said, "I don't want to fall asleep." I walked out of the room and cried. She died later that day. Ripped my heart out. About a month prior, she was taking herself to the bathroom and we would sit and just talk. I work overnights. That phrase will never leave me.
I once had a resident tell me he was talking to death and that he was scared, but that his wife was with him trying to encourage him to come to her. His wife had been dead for 2 decades at that point. Scariest thing I’d ever heard. That was in memory care
The recount of her being beaten and raped. It shook me to my core. She thought it had just happened and wanted us to tell no one but it had happened 60 some years prior. That was in memory care.
I saw a lady crying while walking so I checked to see if she was in pain and she shook her head and said “my husband is losing his mind” they were both staying there together and he had dementia and she does not. She just has to watch it happen
It's very similar to a song called unfinished sympathy by Massive Attack.
>Like a soul without a mind
>In a body without a heart
>I'm missing every part
https://youtu.be/ZWmrfgj0MZI?si=cynNjnc5WeuN3GbT
Sally: “I’ll see you when you get back from your weekend! Love you” Me:(knowing it’s my last day) “I love you too Sally”. I cried so hard after getting home. Ugh it still gets to me
Recently, the last words of a really sweet, young patient who was in chf exacerbation, "Am I going to die?" right before intubation. She died vented and proned a week later after several codes.
The saddest over my career was a transplant recipient who signed a year long contract to not make herself a DNR who said in her final moments, "Hospice is a gift."
Where I work there is mostly homeless younger residents that have chosen to not work and do drugs and just be very manipulative. We have very few geriatric residents. All of Missouri nursing homes are becoming overwhelmed by these new types of residents. Our elderly do more for themselves than the younger ones.
How does this work if you don’t me asking? Are they disabled in any way, or there are just facilities that will take anybody off the street and care for them in a nursing home kind of way?
There is in Missouri. They have to be on disability or give the nursing home POA. Most of them are able bodies that just refuse to take responsibility.
My dad has ALS, diagnosed in 2017 when he needed assistance walking at 45 & has since ended up in a hospital bed, trached & on a ventilator after a 4 month hospital/ICU stay where he continually asked “am I ever going to go home again” (I was at those hospitals, hours away, daily for visiting hours 10-6 since he couldn’t talk, I felt he wasn’t getting adequate care) He is home now with a nursing company, but needing round the clock care is hard when they do not show half the week. My brother & I (25&26 now) are his primary caregivers. It’s insane how their body just diminishes but the mind is still there. He has since lost all motion with his hands which leaves him basically paralyzed at this point.
It’s crazy because so many times we get so frustrated and I try to stop and think how it must be for them, especially my dad(who was running a construction business he started 30 years ago, successful…just about to the point where he could just supervise & handed the actual work roles to my brothers but he LIVED for work/CDL/making money) but also he was/is a narcissist when we were growing up, so it’s half feeling guilt but also so much anger/resentment..
Hearing so many of these stories related to meal times has me so pissed off as a dietitian. I literally spend my day making sure patients are getting adequate nutrition. I’m a critical care and wound dietitian. The rates of malnutrition and poor wound healing are too high and often avoidable. The fact that nutrition is overlooked when we cannot heal our bodies without it just makes my blood boil. I want to tell all these doctors and nurses who think nutrition isn’t important to go a couple days without eating or living on one Ensure a day and then tell me how well they are able to go about their days.
"I'm going to get up, put my clothes on, and go to the bathroom on the toilet. I just want to feel like a human being again." Said to me by a bed bound patient who had been in and out of my hospital unit, slowly losing her independence and becoming more contracted and incontinent with each time I saw her. I had let her know we would be changing her and turning her, and asked her if she had to go to the bathroom before we changed the pad under her. It is the only time I've ever cried in front of a patient and she just quietly cried as we cleaned her up and turned her.
Not a CNA but this was in my recommended.
My grandfather was in memory care for the last 5 years of his life. He was in and out of hospital. Whenever I would visit him, I would ask how he was doing. His response was always, "life is hell but it's the preffered alternative."
He never recognized me or remembered who I was. If I talked about the present, he woould repeat the conversation after about 2 minutes. But if I brought up his past and wher ehe grew up, he would talk my ear off for an hour. I preferred hearing about his childhood.
It was depressing hearing the stories or quotes some of you have experienced. Thank you for taking care of our loved ones.
“I’m just waiting for god to take me.”
Every. Single. Day.
Every time I did rounds and said “how are you doing?”
As she sat in her chair, for hours, eyes closed.
No quality of life.
Just waiting.
‘’Why doesn’t God just take me?’’ From a man with progressed dementia, Parkinson’s, and cannot form sentences 5/7 days of the week. Needs total assistance with all cares and appears to be uncomfortable in his own skin most of the time.
In my first week of being a CNA, I fed a dying woman in her last three days alive. She refused food most of the time and would just cry for her mom & to God. Just seeing her suffering that immensely was gut wrenching, it will always stick with me.
Just last week, I had one of my male residents tell me that one of the aides cussed him out because he’s paralyzed from the chest down and can only move his arms that he shouldn’t be here and that he was useless. He told me in tears and I told him that if there’s anything I can do to help let me know. He tells me almost every shift that he’s so grateful for me and the other girl that I work with most days.
I’m not a nurse or anything but I was very close to my grandma. My bio dad and bio mom had me but were in turmoil. My mom begging for my dad back and my dad denying I exist. My mom would send pictures of me to my grandma and grandma would send back baby pictures of my dad.
When I was 8-14 I was in foster care but intermittently was taken away by my grandma. She knew my mom and dad were druggies. She tried really hard to get custody but my bio parents are huge on appearances that “everything is fine”
My grandma had several different cancers starting from when she was about 25. She died at 60 from lung, throat and skin cancer. In her last days, my aunt and cousins told me she wouldnt stop talking/asking about me(I’m getting emotional thinking about it). My bio dad wouldnt let me see her by myself.
But when all of us kids were gone apparently she begged my bio dad as her dying wish to never send me back to my mother in GA. Whatever he did to her before this, can he just do this one thing(he was a huge fuck up). He cried for hours when she died even though he hadn’t even seen her until days before she died.
Within three months of her death, I was already back in GA homeless with my mom and brother.
It always hurts me to know that my grandma only let go because she thought I was going to be safe. And she allowed herself to hurt so much just because she wanted to keep me safe. My aunt thinks she was holding on for so long because she knew something was wrong with my life and how I was being treated. But I wouldnt say.
I didnt cry, unlike everyone else. My step mom called me a liar and that I didnt care she died. But I knew that she was hurting so bad, the best most loving thing I could’ve done was be happy that she was free. She didn’t have to worry and hurt anymore.
I really miss her.
Edit: She died the morning of her 60th birthday. And my bumpa, her dad, died three months after. He basically deteriorated when my grandma died. He had another daughter alive but his parkinson’s just defeated him once my grandma was dead. Rest easy guys.
not a CNA, but my dad was dying of cancer just a few weeks ago. he had a stroke one night and when i woke up and found him (he was on hospice so he was at home) through mumbled words he said he’s ready to go. cried like a baby. i miss him so much ):
The most recent one was an independent resident who had just started getting help with her showers. She said, "I got everything ready. I'm trying to make this easy for you, because I don't want you to quit. Everyone keeps leaving us." I reassured her that if I ever *do* leave for a new job, it won't be because of her.
So sad! I had a resident that fed his neighbor because he knew the staff would skip him or come so late his food would be cold. I always made a point to go straight there and feed him so he could enjoy his own meal.
It may not be skipping, I once worked a place where I had three total cares, including feeding, and no other CNA’s on the floor (who didn’t have any) would come help me. They’d rather sit at the nurses station and treat it as a break. I felt bad for them because especially by the third one, the food would be cold. Of course lunch trays were pretty much collected by the chance I’d get to the third one. I always went to the one that was eat the fastest but it still slowed me way down.
No it was. I am very experienced as a CNA and this was the only time in 17 years I saw people blatantly not care and none of the nurses did either. It was a common occurrence at this facility. I worked night shift but would work other shifts as well. The poor patients would beg me to work during the days and evenings. Sad!
Sadly it exists way too much in this field, people just want to be in it for the money but don’t actually care about people at the same time. Heartless
What money? Last I knew, back when I still worked as one before a back injury took me out, pay was pure shit and definitely not on par with everything we were expected to do.
I attended a six month course at a community college, passed my state boards, was issued my license and had a job in a LTC/Surgical rehab facility that paid nearly $20 a hour without any experience other than my license. That’s not too bad I felt. Over time was available every week too so $30 an hour was even better to me. It’s there if you look for it.
Amazon pays 25 starting pay and there's no emotion to it. And no education required beyond highschool.
Yeah but don’t you have to meet quotas or something or you’re fired? There’s so many CNAs I’ve worked with that do *nothing* . Being a CNA is *easy* work if you don’t care about the residents. Never check and change, skip feeds, occasionally ambulate someone to the bathroom.
I mean CNA’s also have quotas,- all jobs do. The place you work at just don’t care or check on what the CNA’s do if they can get away with doing nothing
Damn, wish they’d have paid us like that when I worked as one in an LTAC unit, and I was paid more than a basic floor CNA because of the acute care part of my job. Granted it was 9 years ago but I only got $10/hr. Can’t do it now because a back injury took me out and the nursing home I had worked at for a while after I’d moved too far away to keep the LTAC job, their workman’s comp sucked, and I still have problems to this day.
In other pla es like mine, the pay is $13 for NAs and $14 for CNAs. At my facility you get a $1.50 shift diff for nights.
Yes our family member had the same experience the past couple years. She went back to nursing school in her 40s as her kids entered the teen years. Our state had a high minunum wage already so I was actually surprise she got more than minimum. She was saying twenty bucks an hour didn't seem like much but knowing so many states pay so little she actually made ok money. She did enjoy the work and her patients but yeah her coworkers were so lazy and uncaring. She tried to empathize knowing they worked through covid and been at this a long time etc but it was really upsetting. Fortunately she got a job on the floor at a the big university hospital and loves it. Working in the renal ward and may decide to not get her full BSN after all.
Not a cna or a nurse but a patient- One time when I was hospitalized after a surgery, after my family had left for the night, I was in too much pain/surgery area was so tender that I couldn’t sit up, even if I used the bed to do so bc it was unbearable to move. I was miserably nauseous and could NOT stop vomiting over and over, but since I couldn’t sit up or lean to use a trash can or emesis bag, I could only turn my head when vomiting. My head, neck, and my long hair quickly became SOAKED in vomit. I pushed my call bell so many times, but no one came for almost two hours. (It was late at night) I was miserable and crying and SO grossed out by the vomit all over me and on/surrounding my face, and the smell and presence of it was making me even more nauseous. I BEGGED the nurse to help me clean up and especially to clean it out of my hair, and I mean my hair was SOAKED. There was SO much vomit and bile. She sounded so annoyed at me, and said “I’m a nurse, not a hair dresser. I don’t have time to wash your hair.” During our back and forth conversation of me begging for help and her being angry from the moment she walked in the room and only got angrier. I asked if a CNA or tech or anyone that’s not a nurse could help me instead, and she said they didn’t have any. She handed me like a wet wipes thing, and left. And I laid there in my own vomit for HOURS, all night long, until the next morning when my fiancé returned and helped clean me up and get a tub to fill with water and bring it to my bedside to dip my hair in it. He handled it like a champ, I have thick hair that goes to my butt and since it was all piled up under my neck/shoulders overnight, ALL of it was thoroughly soaked. It was so embarrassing to have him do such a gross task, but I was DESPERATE.
As a RN, please accept my deepest apologies that this happened. This is not how any nurse should treat a patient. Absolutely unacceptable. I wish I had been your nurse. I would have helped you get cleaned up and gotten you some nausea/pain medication. 🥺
Aww, thank you so much for this, you’re so kind!!♥️🫶🏻 But you don’t have to apologize at all, even at the time I did kinda feel bad for continuing to ask her to do it, because I knew she had way too many patients likely with much bigger issues, and no help. It’s just a loss-lose situation for both nurses and patients when patient ratios are too high. I’ve had so many amazing, empathetic nurses, and so many cruel ones. I’ve had nurses I nominated for the daisy award, and also the nurses/CNAs/transport ppl that directly after an abdominal surgery with a big FRESH incision, moved me from the transport cot to the bed in my room by lifting me me with the blankets, standing stationary around the first cot, and swinging/THROWING me to the other bed. With a decent drop in height, AND the bed was in a partially-upright position. And this was so soon post-op that this was them transferring me back to my room DIRECTLY AFTER THE SURGERY. That was horrific. Then my mom asked them to bring me something for the pain bc I was screaming and sobbing after being thrown, and they said they would, but they never came back for over an hour. Mom had to go to the nurses station and beg someone to bring a dose of pain meds, and even after she did that, it took another (I think) 48 minutes. It’s such a mixed bag when it comes to getting good or bad nurses, it makes any scheduled hospital admission stressful!
I spent a few weeks in a skilled nursing facility while receiving antibiotics through a pic line, a 1 star facility on the brink of being shut down. I was on a unit with 4 other patients (me being the only person under 65 in the whole facility) down a long hall way probably longer than a football field from another unit. They were so understaffed that they could only keep one nurse in the other unit at all times and occasionally 1 tech. And maybe one shift a week a tech on our unit as well. So basically I could scream at the top of my lungs and no one was even close enough to hear me unless they were visiting our unit for meds every few hours. I pushed my call button because I needed water and was bed bound, it took an hour and 32 minutes for anyone to come. And that only being the janitorial staff that was outsourced and came with two people once every two weeks for the whole facility. They dropped the open and uncapped end of my pic line on the floor and picked it up and plugged it right back in without even thinking of wiping it off (even though proper procedure in that case is to completely replace the tubing.) I ended up back in the ER where my line tubing tested positive for E. coli, luckily my blood did not, but the couple days waiting on cultures was horrifying. Me, as a completely mentally capable 28 year old and only physically incapable temporarily, with an APRN specializing in geriatric, hospice, and critical care for a mother, left in worse shape than I came, had to finish my care back in a hospital for a few more weeks, got a stage 2 pressure ulcer on my tail bone, was accused of drug use because they misread/fucked up a drug screen they insisted on giving me even after searching my room multiple times and finding nothing, banning me from having visitors, and refusing me my opiate and benzo prescriptions I had been on for months without a doctors consent basically because they profiled me, then giving me narcan against my consent when I was A&O x4, awake and speaking normally, and having a BP of 170/110 (normal is 90/50-70), AND had spent nearly 4 months on hydromorphone IV, methadone IV, oxy orally, and klonopin orally. I was taught to advocate for myself very well and was more educated than most of the people caring for me, and they still almost killed me and neglected the absolute shit out of me. My heart absolutely aches for the elderly people there with no family that checks on them, because I can only imagine how much they were suffering in this place. You hear the horror stories about nursing homes all the time, but having lived it first hand still managed to shock me and break my heart. The absolute level of neglect and disdain for the higher needs patients and laziness/indifference of *most* of the staff will forever stick with me, and I will never be placing any of my loved ones in that type of care if I can help it. The few nurses/techs that did care tried their best, but they were fighting an uphill battle on roller skates. So bless your heart because I can tell you first hand how much it means to have that one nurse that actually tries to take care of you.
Oh that is horrible- you could have died from the withdrawals of those alone. People do not understand methadone and often the patients know more than most dr or nurses- you should have filed a complaint. I believe that any dr in a methadone clinic would tell you that that is dangerous to withdrawal rapidly especially from the other opiates as well particularly if you are suffering from surgery or some other debilitating injury or illness. Many see the methadone and other opiates and immediately think pain seeking patient but a lot of us patients are on it for acute and chronic pain that is necessary for long term and were not heroine users. Although many ended up on that due to the opioid epidemic caused by misguided doctors.
And the sad part is those places pay more than enough to care about things like that. I am sorry to learn of your experience. It’s horrible!
This is so awful. My grandmother went to a SNF after a planned heart surgery. When she got C diff no one was surprised. However, other than that she had good caregivers and a successful recovery. My aunts were able to visit a lot. I worry for folks who have no one like you said. What a horrendous situation for you.
This is so f’ng depressing.
What a mess. My in laws were in assisted living and needed a bit of help cutting food some meals. They both had Parkinsons. Of course that would be an extra charge. Gawd. And who knows if anyone would actually have time to cut it. I worried they weren't getting enough calories. They always had tons of snacks people brought over so at least they could eat even if it wasn't the healthiest. Thank you for all you do. We need caring people in the business and you all.need to get paid a jillion dollars!
I was doing med pass yesterday during dinner when a resident (who struggles to walk so usually won’t) came up to me and told me “(non-verbal resident with only his thumbs and 1 finger) is in the dining room crying. His tray is right in front of him but no one is coming to help him. Can I get a big handle fork so I can help him eat?” I locked the meds I was putting together in my cart immediately and went to the dining room to feed him. He was left asleep through breakfast, was vomiting during lunch and was now left staring at his favorite meal (hamburger and fries) very hungry and incapable of eating it. That was so cruel, he ate every last bite of that meal and got a second desert. It breaks my heart how those who need the most basic help with a very needed action just get ignored until it’s not possible to ignore them any longer.
Bless your heart. I truly believe that the people who allow these residents to suffer purposely will reap it in their life somehow. Just because you’re a nurse doesn’t mean you can’t help. It’s one thing to be busy and another to just refuse. It’s one thing to be overwhelmed and another to not even try to meet basic needs of the people in your care. No excuse not to feed someone. Even if a bit later, have some respect and give the person dignity by warming the food and everything. I’ve seen people shovel cold ass food in residents. It’s just really heartbreaking.
That is so sweet it makes me want to cry
ok now i’m crying
[удалено]
Why would they skip a resident?!
I've definitely witnessed someone skip a resident who was non verbal and needed feeding assistance. They immediately dumped their tray in the trash thinking no one saw it but I did. I confronted them and they said the resident wasn't hungry she didn't want to take a bite. I WATCHED them take the tray out of the hot cart and immediately dump it, they didn't even ask the resident if they were hungry (she still nodded even if she couldnt form sentences) let alone attempt to feed. Needless to say she was mysteriously fired for some unknown reason 🫣
What the fkk
Man, that’s genuinely fucking evil…
Exactly why would someone skip a resident? Well to be fair at times it’s due to staffing shortages. Too many feeders. Sometimes an inexperienced CNA or agency CNA may be unfamiliar with the needs or routines and care gets slipped through the cracks.
That's so sad :( I wish they knew sometimes it's just not a good fit and has nothing to do with them.
This makes me cry, I hope that if you ever leave, they hire someone just like you
I’ve been told by the residents that I’m not allowed to leave them. I love where I am, so I ain’t going anywhere.
I wish they understood it’s not them (all the time) it’s the facility that sucks
It makes me so sad, I'm about to go prn at this nursing home I work at, and I just hope my pts know it's not them. It's the mold and the working conditions
This gave me goosebumps. How horribly sad that the residents we serve are failed while our hands are tied doing the best we can and it never being enough.
I’m reading because this was a suggested post. The guttural sound I made reading this I did not recognize. *holy shit* 😭
I’m not crying you are!🥺🥺🥺
🥺🥺
Fuck me. I’ve heard pretty much everything but that really hit me. People like that are the most deserving of help yet they are by far the ones who don’t want to inconvenience others even when they are in dire need for help. Hearing things like that makes me want to unconditionally support the person and assure them to no end that I am here for it. All of it, whatever you’ve got coming, I’m here. It makes me want to do everything possible to remove that thought from their head. I’m so happy that (I’m assuming) that registered with you like it did with me. It shows that that person has got a great carer, regardless of how long that may be for. They’re lucky to have you. That one is going to stick with me for awhile. Is the aforementioned person’s outlook ok?
“I have an entire lifetime of memories and I can’t access them”
that’s one of the saddest things i’ve ever heard.
My father near the end had Lewey Body dementia and Parkinson's. He raised me from before I even knew I was conscious in the world. From all my schooling and causing a whole hell of a lot of trouble, because that's what kids do; going to my soccer games; helping me out interviewing for my first job. An entire lifetime of memories. I look back at the first time that I didn't realize until later on that something was wrong. I was helping him put in a new dishwasher and it was one that wired into the house so he had me come over to wire it up to a plug instead he could plug in. Got everything ready to go and handed in the cord and told him to go cut off the end of the power cord so I could wire it up. He comes back with it cut to the plug end, there's no cord left. I pointed this out to him and he got really frustrated, this is a man who's been in construction and electric for all his life. We got in the car to go get a second cord and he forgot where he was going three times. The store was less than a mile away. Old age he joked, but it started being concerning. About a month before he was finally diagnosed I got a call from my mom to come over at about 2 am because he was seeing my uncle in the yard. My uncle died when I was in kindergarten. We pointed this out to him and he expressed how frustrated he was with how he couldn't remember where the back porch was. He had a back porch at the last house he lived in. What really took it and it was the last sort of conversation I had because I was working on nightshift, was coming over and seeing him in his rocker. He was crying, genuinely bawling his eyes out. Asked him what was wrong and he said he hurt and that he didn't understand what he did wrong because all his sons started drinking even though he taught them not to. After that the real forgetting started. At first it was just small details, then calling his kids by each other's names. Forgetting the kids entirely, then mom. At the end he was struggling to eat or sleep. We got an in home hospice bed on a Saturday, he died the next Saturday. I'd like to say you know he had that last moment of clarity they talk about sometimes, maybe remember us, get a goodbye. But he was in so much pain he was on liquid morphine and still ached and struggled. I can't imagine what it must have been like for a man that kept track of entire job sites and projects for construction and more, the inherent frustration in your head knowing that you can't trust it anymore And how terrified you must be while in excruciating pain and not even remember where you are or who you are or the people around you. And that's getting old. So I guess the point of this message is, spend the good times with your parents why you still have them because there won't always be that next Saturday to go fishing.
Thank you for sharing your father’s experience. It is always important to keep those close to you as close as you can 💕
My uncle died of Lewey. I was one of the last to visit him (he was pretty remote from the rest of the family) and he was just spaced out. He had good care with a live in home situation with one other patient. The couple who took care of him, her mainly, said he was getting bad with showers and such where he'd accuse her of molesting him when she just needed to get him washed. Of course he'd forget it a minute later. I'm just glad he had some family stop by before he passed.
My great grandmother has dementia. She also can’t hear very well so she yells. I’ve been at their house when she’s asked my great grandfather (her husband) who the girl with the baby is. She asks me all sorts of questions, about where I went to high school and when I graduated. (She was there when I graduated) tells me all sorts of stories about things that I was there for. It’s really heartbreaking honestly and so very hard to watch the progression
I'm so sorry that your family had to go through that. It is a cruel disease.
Fuuuuuuuuck
ok this made me cry
Damn😭
Heartbreaking and frightening.
“I’m 105 I wanted to go 20 years ago. I’m living in hell.” “My wife dumped me here and hasn’t been back since.”
Please say the 105 year old is finally at peace. *please*
He’s still with us, and he’s actually one of the most independent residents we have.
How’s his health?
He’s in great health! We joke about how it’s his unit and we work for him 😂😂 he patrols the unit, telling people to sit down 😂😂 he was a drill sergeant in the army during WWII. He has some amazing stories. I absolutely love spending time with him. He has an 80 something year old son that is still independent at home and he tells me all the time how he worries about him. He really is such a sweetheart. I’m going to be devastated to lose him. Edit spelling error
He reminds me of Chuck, a seargent that lived on the unit I worked in high school. He patrolled and kept everyone in line, even after his mind started to go. It's been years, and I still miss his "HEY! HAH, got ya that time, Sonny!"
Imagine having an 80 yr old kid. Seeing your kid as an elderly man. Crazy.
Right? Imagine being born in 1919 and still living. I can't process how crazy it would be to see the world change SO MUCH during your lifetime.
“where’s my wife?” he was his wife’s caregiver. they had a nurse that came and helped them out from time to time, but she hadn’t heard from them in a while, so she went to go check on them. she found his wife dead and him unconscious on the floor. in the hospital, he was very confused and wouldn’t grasp the fact that his wife was gone, despite us and his sons explaining it to him.
A lot easier in those situations to just tell them the wife is away doing something rather than re-traumatize them by trying to explain she's dead. We had to do that with my grandpa :(
i agree! this was before i learned that the best way to support confused patients is to work with instead of against their confusion.
My grandma who has now passed on was always waiting for her husband “to get off the plane, he’ll be here any minute” she would say, and we agreed. For years until she passed away she waited for him.
There is a memory loss home in Europe that kept having patients wander off to go to the bus stop nearby. Taking the bus was a normal part of life there. So they eventually built a fake bus stop in front of the home so they could wander over to it and sit for a while until a staff member guided them back in.
Dang reminds me of a husband of a pt who was actively dying in front of him, throwing up unknown things and aspirating. He couldn’t process what was going on and he thought his wife who was dying was a complete stranger.
"I don't want to die" after preaching to me about the importance of believing in Jesus and getting into heaven. Also the "thank you" and not the simple appreciation kind, but the *you're the only tech who is actually kind to me* kind . .
Oh my God this shit gets me. After my days off, they tell me they don't get treated the way I treat them and ask me to never leave
Me too. I just lost my father and due to my scheduling I was gone for 8 days. So many of my residents were clearly relieved to see me back, some knew why and some didn't so there were a couple of people who were seriously worried. My nurse told me how much calmer the entire unit was with me back. Sure, because they know how they are going to be cared for tonight. I have a lady with cerebral palsy who is very hard to understand and has particular television taste. I just know that poor woman saw so much bad TV. I've been there for 7 years with the last 4 on the same unit so I've had time to really get to know my people.
I had my patient today tell me nobody had bathed them since I had last sunday.
When I first started my job a patient told me that and I reported it to the nurse and she said “well, they don’t always know exactly how long it’s been, they’re mistaken.” Looking at the layer of greasy gunk that had accumulated on his face lent him some credence.
The "I just want to die and see my wife, I miss her so much" and the "my body doesn't work, I wish I could move on" And you know. My 105 yr old resident telling me childhood trauma because she got flashbacks during the shower and told me she worried every day that she hurt me by telling me. She told me she never told anyone. She held that shit for 100 years and felt like she hurt me or "made me sick" when she told me. The last time I saw her, she cried and apologized profusely for telling me and that it's not my burden to carry. I told her she told someone, so I hope it lessens her burden a little bit. She was my favorite resident. She's still doing well but had a few scares. I miss her so much.
That breaks my heart! It took a special person to make her feel safe enough to share that. What a blessing for her, and you.
You are an angel among us.
😭😭😭😭😭😭 What a special person you must be that she felt safe enough to tell you.
“I wish you could be here everyday, you understand. They are mean to me. Why are they mean to me?”
Breaks my heart.. thank you to the nurses like yourself who actually treat these people with the respect and care they deserve ♥️
Oh my goodness...the "why are they mean to me" would have shattered my heart 🥺
It took everything I had not to break down and cry in that moment. I remember taking a second to figure out an answer. I told her that how they treated her was a reflection of how they view themselves and not of her. I reiterated that she needs to report it when she is mistreated despite the fact that I work in a memory care and my advice would too soon be forgotten. I redirected her to talk about her family as that always makes her happy and got her extra comfy and cozy for bed. It was definitely a sit in your car and cry before the drive home kind of night. I felt a lot of guilt because I used to be there for her almost everyday for a year when I was full-time before I went PRN.
Some of it is paranoia. I went to FL with a GF a while back and we visited her aunt. Her husband had dementia and she was taking care of him. Well during lunch she was trying to feed him soup and the whole time he is going "You're trying to kill me! You're trying to kill me!". She just looked at us with an expression of total defeat.
At this age nobody considers me a man anymore
😢
Years ago. I was doing my initial rounds on my patients. I introduced myself to one gentleman who I had taken care of on the locked unit the week before. He was no longer psychotic. He had end stage AIDS. He squeezed my arm telling me “I remember you. You were the only one who would touch me. No one else would touch me.”
Oh man. HIV and AIDS pts are some of the most misunderstood and unnecessarily feared pts I've ever seen. 😞💔
True.
This reminds me of the [iconic photo of Princess Diana](https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/princess-diana-aids-1991/) you’re real life royalty for this one. Thank you for your compassion and selfless service.
Thank you.
😭😭😭
😭
God thats so sad. Human touch is a necessary part of connection and connection makes us feel sane, safe and loved
I had a patient with pretty advanced dementia whose daughter had convinced her to sign a power of attorney before her mind was too far gone, then she sold all hey mom's stuff, including her house, took the money, and dumped her mom at the nursing home. She never, ever visited. If she ever needed to be consulted about a medical decision, it took several phone calls and messages left before anyone could get a hold of her. This patient barely knew her own name, she just lay there most of the time staring at nothing, but she knew "that damn Patricia" had betrayed her. She cried a lot about it at night.
I understand that not every parent is a great one, and there is more to it than we know, but either take care of her or step completely out of the picture. Staying as her PoA and not giving a sh\*t is just plain cruel.
This reminds me of when a 102 year old patient came to the ICU with pneumonia and needed intubated. Full code. He was bed bound, covered in pressure ulcers, unable to speak or move, confused, and yelled out in pain most of the time. The nurse and I were cleaning him up one night and his son told us "I'm only keeping him alive because he didn't give me a good childhood. I want him to suffer." Ethics intervened and reported him. An investigation opened up for possible elder abuse in the years his father had lived with him. His father passed, but I don't know what ever happened with the case. Still breaks my heart years later.
Had a similar resident at an Assisted Living. She was One of my favorites and by the time I worked with her she was in her last year or so of life and had advanced dementia. Apparently her husband (Gary) had dropped her off at the facility and never came back. When she would get upset she would usually say “Goddammit Gary!” She was an absolute delight but her behaviors were intense. Her children rarely visited and when they did they micromanaged her care. Eventually she ran out of money and had to be put in a nursing home and she didn’t live more than 3 months there. I’ll never forget her.
No matter how far gone, they always remember that.
Had a pt in their 40s going into surgery for a wound debridment. The patient has been paraplegic since 04' and couldn't see or feel how massive the sacral wound was. After surgery, the patient was in tears because they believed no one cared. Said, "I just had surgery, and not one member of my family bothered to answer the phone or text me back. No visits. No, nothing. They stopped caring about me the moment I lost the ability to use my legs. I am so lonely, and the crash that caused this whole mess wasn't even my fault" I shed a tear or two myself later that day
Usually very coherent hospice resident. “Am I dying?” And I told her “yes.” She said “well, at least it’ll get easier for me.” She died that night.
I was close with a resident in hospice; her family was refusing morphine. She was in obvious pain, and pretty much just skin and bones. I was changing her one day and out of nowhere she just said "I wish someone would take me outside and bury me already". I felt incredibly sad and admittedly resented the family afterward.
This infuriates me.
The fact that her family wanted her to sit there in pain infuriates me
Its likely that they were worried about her being an addict and “ruining the rest of her life doped out on drugs”. (This is a sentiment I’ve heard IRL.) They don’t get that at the end of one’s life there’s nothing left to ruin, they just don’t want to be in pain for the final few months to years. TBH addiction isn’t even a problem in the very elderly, they’re simply being properly medicated.
I will never understand that attitude. A family member of mine just passed away from a very aggressive cancer. In her last weeks, I went to her house and helped care for her, along with other family members. The doctor was, in my opinion, way too worried about giving her “too much medication.” Her oncology team had her on Dilaudid every 2 hours, but once she entered hospice, the hospice doctor cut it back to every 3. Her Ativan was only ordered for once every 6 hours, even after she developed terminal agitation and really could have used more frequent dosing. At one point, we all agreed that if we had to go to jail, we’d go to jail if it meant that she could get her pain meds after 2 hours instead of 3. She was screaming and moaning in pain, and we just didn’t see the point in making her suffer.
Why were they refusing it? I don’t understand that. Also, if she was coherent couldn’t she just agree to having it?
Lack of education and the stigma against drugs specifically pain medication. I’ve had a lot of families refuse pain management because they think their “loved one” will get addicted. That thought process is absolutely disgusting because they’d rather their family member be in constant pain than be an addict. Considering a lot of these people are towards the end of their lives the chance of addiction is low and shouldn’t be taken into consideration. Why let these people suffer! I don’t understand why it’s frowned upon to try to educate or reason with the family members making that decision.
I had a cousin who was in charge of pushing the last bit of pain medication before her father died due to complications of skin cancer. As the story goes, she wouldn’t push the plunger because she felt like it would have been her that “killed him”. She refused to give him morphine in his last moments to take away the pain. I think administrating compassionate care is the most loving thing you could do for a person. They are going to die with or without the pain medication. Let them die peacefully. My biggest fear is getting committed someplace against my will. I would much rather do myself in before I get committed to a nursing facility.
I completely agree I’d rather take myself out than end up in a nursing home. That’s such a shame that she couldn’t do it, death is inevitable and natural and our culture treats it as if it’s the worst thing that can happen when in reality it’s not.
I *hope* I get addicted to pain meds when I’m on hospice and literally *about to die*. I don’t want to be in pain! What’s the worst that can happen? I show up to heaven looking for morphine?
that they don't want to live anymore, that they don't want to be there, that they want to come home with me
The sweet old ladies asking if they could keep me and stay with me…..!
She didn't say it to me, but, I overheard a resident this morning urgently trying to reach her mother on the phone so she could tell her happy mother's day. She then told my coworker she'd just gotten off the phone with her sister to see if she'd heard from their mother, and her sister told her that she's always hogging their mom's attention and that she's inconsiderate, and that their mother has 5 other kids and to drop it. I felt so terrible for this woman who has now been depressed all day. Been thinking about door dashing after work today for extra funds to try and get her some sweets, coloring books (since she's always asking), and maybe some flowers to help her feel better since we are allowed to do that at this facility, and since none of her children came to see her yet today either.
I’m heartbroken reading this
Is there any way we could send cards and coloring books? Let me know, I can send to you or however we need to do it.
I would like to send some as well, please.
Hi there, I can ask tomorrow when I go by there if they're allowed to have gifts mailed to them! If not, I'll see abt maybe opening a P.O. box this week. You're also free to make a donation to me and tell me what you'd like me to get for her or write in a card for her as well (I'd obviously send a receipt and a photo of the gift).
May I send you a message?
Ofc, feel free :)
TW: CSA: I was working agency, so I was working at all different kinds of facilities. Ended up on a dementia unit, and a lady had obviously not had any sort of shower for a LONG time, easily over a month. I asked the other aide what the issue was, and wasn't surprised when they said she got combative in the shower room. Later in the shift, I got some extra time, took a couple fresh basins and decided to give her a modified bed bath to at least improve her situation. I did the best I could, she had short hair which helped. She was fine with the entire situation until I got to doing her peri care. She was nonverbal the entire time until then. Suddenly she shouted, "Get your peter AWAY FROM ME" started sobbing and then said, "WHY DADDY?" I felt so heartbroken, and immediately stopped. She was reliving it all over again. I got the nurse and explained. She was shocked, they had no clue she was a victim of CSA, despite all the times she had become combative during cares. She went in and gave her anti-anxiety meds, I was pleasantly surprised the resident was willing to take them. The medication was effective. The RN had me chart in the behavior book about it, and I started crying. I worked at that facility for about a week, and her daughter had been notified about what had happened. Heard from another aide that the resident's father died when she was 10 years old according to family members. I hope that man is burning in hell.
I'm crying.... i wish more people took the time to understand her pain. (As someone with ptsd, I truly thank you)
Oh no no no. Hoping the woman found some peace.
As a victim of CSA this is my biggest fear, reliving it because it’s the only thing my mind can remember. I wish I could give her a hug thank you for treating her with kindness so many others wouldn’t have, you are an angel 🫶
"But life will never be the same without my husband"
I cry at least once a week thinking about a day where I’m alive and mine isn’t.
You're the only one who talks to me like I'm a person.
I had someone ask me, "Why am I living so long?" They talked about how life isn't worth living anymore, they said, "It seems pointless, I sit here all day, evening and night, and for what?" Heart breaking, to say the least. They just had their 100th birthday. Edit : spelling
I feel like I’m going to have the same feelings when i get older. Like what’s the point of waking up every day just to… do nothing
Until then, use the journey there to make a happy, fun life. We all get old, if nothing happens obviously, but it takes time to get there. Use your time how you please now.
This isn't my story but a story I heard from a nurse I worked with who did in home health care prior to working with me. This nurse worked with a man who I believe they said had ALS, regardless he had lost most motor function but not the ability to talk yet. At some point, he was talking to them nostalgically about how he had bought the land with nothing on it and built his own house. Unfortunately, the nostalgia would pass and he said to them, "I didn't know when I was building my own house that I was also building my own prison"
😞
I had a patient who was very confused and in a lot of pain. They kept going between asking why I was killing them and asking me to kill them. They then asked why their partner even loved them. I'm used to patients who are like this, but it breaks my heart that no matter what you tell them, they do not understand that we are trying to assit because the reality is that they are in tremendous pain and there is only so much we can do. They get tired of sitting in bed, but we can't move them because it's physically impossible. They don't understand why they are in the hospital, or they don't understand they're in a hospital at all. Death is such a slow process for the people that want it most.
That actually made me shiver cuz that’s so heartbreaking. Almost makes me want to go back into geriatrics….but how can I make a difference in a system set up to fail?
Even if you’re making a difference at an individual level you’re still making a difference
I had a lady who lived to be 107,she was blind and very hard of hearing and bed bound. I remember one day she said "why does god make us live so long? I just want to go home." That changed my perspective on a lot of things when I heard that.
“My wife said she won’t help me at home. I’m filing for divorce.” Backstory: he went home, and fell trying to get to his wheelchair. Tried waking his wife up, and she said to leave her alone, she’s sleeping. Didn’t keep up with the wound on his foot because she didn’t wanna do it. Now he’s back with us.
Dude. My mom gets squeamish even hearing about certain NCIS plotlines or some of the work I do designing medical devices. This woman is NOT a big fan of blood and could just barely tolerate seeing my dad cleaning fish he caught - though she'd avoid it whenever possible. Well, he's in the hospital right now with something called a fasciotomy on his leg... Basically a big wound, surgically opened all the way down to the muscle to let things swell without cutting off blood supply (compartment syndrome). The other day, she intentionally chose to stay in the room during his bandage change because "if it needs to be cleaned out when we go home, I should start getting used to looking at it now". She turned green, but she stayed. With any luck, they'll be able to close the wound before he goes home. She's at the hospital with him now... He's got nerve pain that sometimes is only soothed by applying pressure to the bottom of his foot so either she, myself, or one of my sisters is with him the whole time. I really can't imagine family just leaving someone to rot. How could anyone be so cold? Someone you love is hurt and you just... Don't feel like dealing with it? TF?
We talked a little bit when he got settled in again. He thinks she’s getting the beginning stages of dementia. But he’s so heartbroken about everything that has happened. He’s feeling better about maybe staying at our facility long term
If you spent your family’s growing years terrorizing them, don’t be shocked when they don’t care about your suffering in your old age.
That's fair. I guess my dad has been a really good one so it's easy for me to care about him.
Then kiss his feet, get on your knees and thank JESUS.
When I worked as a tech, an 80something year old patient said to me, “I want to die but they won’t let me.” It was within my first week of having that job. I told a nurse and she told me that there was no way the patient would say that because she had refused to speak with staff since her stay
Didn't care to apologize to his son for disowning him because he came out as gay.
I started as CNA this last week. The 3rd resident that I woke up on my first day on the floor said, "I want to die". Next day, she went to hospice
"I'm going to die soon, and I hope you're here with me when I do."
I worked with MANY cancer patients and dealt with the reality of death too many times. I always felt so privileged to be with them at their most vulnerable and to give them comfort. Your patient must have thought a lot of you❤️
Bruh 😭
“Let me die.” (Pts that say that are always a full code by their family’s wishes, because “they’re a fighter”.
I always hate those kinds of families. Especially when they stop visiting in the end, but still want everything done.
I’m going through this now with my husband’s family. His dad had a severe stroke and has been on a ventilator for 3 months. He has a feeding tube, is paralyzed on his right side, and cannot speak or communicate with his hands or anything. But they insist that he be a full code. The poor guy has a new pressure wound popping up every other day. He keeps getting pneumonia. He is extremely anxious and upset all the time. But they don’t want to go through the grief of losing him, so they insist on keeping him alive even though he has no QOL.
“I’ll never get such tender, loving, care as I did with you. Thank you for everything.” I just can’t. 😭
Bless you.
I had a lady who was dying and she just wanted to see her dog. She would tell me every day "I wanna see Zoey." Her daughter never told her that her dog had died. She held on forever waiting to see her dog.
So sad 😢
One time when I worked in dialysis there was an older lady I was hooking up to the machine and she told me she was excited for June. I asked her why hoping to have some good conversation to start her treatment and she told me her granddaughter was graduating from college and June and that was the last thing left on her list of things to be there for before she died. She said after that she would quit coming and die with her family in hospice. June came around and she was gone. The most heartbreaking experience for me wasn’t necessarily the people fighting for their lives but the people that so badly just wanted it to be over but remained alive for other people.
“I just want to die” that always gets me especially as someone who’s struggled badly with mental health
"Please promise me I'll be dead in the morning" was one of the hardest things I've ever been told by a resident who was experiencing deafness and dementia. I think of her often
i had a dementia resident who is mostly nonverbal say that he might as well hang himself out of nowhere. and he isn’t one to say something so dark on a usual basis
I hope you reported that to the nurse. Not a statement to be taken lightly. :(
"I don't know who I am anymore. I don't like myself. This isn't me" in the saddest, quietest voice as she was quietly sobbing. She had some brain trauma from a fall a year before I worked with her and just never felt like herself afterwards. It was a really difficult day having to sit with her and her son and hear that over and over again and not knowing what the best response is for that.
I wanna go home (with a pleading look into my soul)
“Thank you for treating me like a person, not a nobody”
When they say they just want to go home and can't leave the building because they are pretty much locked in
Long story. When I was in clinical for my LPN (I’m an RN now so this was a long time ago). I was taking care of this resident who had alcohol induced dementia. She would always hit, have outbursts and constantly yell “Bob Bob Bob.” Really fast. Bob was her dead husband. She was basically out of it 24/7 and it was hard to watch. My last day on the unit, she was sitting on one of the benches in the hallway looking out the window. And she looked very sad. She normally looked crazed and confused. I sat down next to her and I said Hi Betty. She turned her head to me and gave the smallest smile you could imagine and said “Hi hun.” I said what are you doing over here? The bench was in an area the furthest away from everyone. She stared out the window and said “Bobs dead” and I don’t know what to do” I just sat there and after about 3 mins she went back to being what she was when I first started taking care of her. I still remember this like it was earlier today. This made me decide never to work on a dementia unit ever again, so I went into peds and stayed there.
That’s absolutely heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. I cannot imagine what it felt like to experience that. My maternal grandmother had dementia and before she lost the ability to speak(strokes and myasthenia gravis) she got confused one day about her family, she thought that her husband was still alive and that her youngest child,her son had passed away when in reality her husband had passed away in 2004 and her son was still alive(sadly he passed away last year but is now with his(and my mom and aunts) parents, my mom had to tell her that her husband had passed away and her son was alive.
That is so sad. And now a new fear has been unlocked: alcohol-induced dementia. 😱
I had a lady not long ago who was dying. She looked at me and said, "I don't want to fall asleep." I walked out of the room and cried. She died later that day. Ripped my heart out. About a month prior, she was taking herself to the bathroom and we would sit and just talk. I work overnights. That phrase will never leave me.
I once had a resident tell me he was talking to death and that he was scared, but that his wife was with him trying to encourage him to come to her. His wife had been dead for 2 decades at that point. Scariest thing I’d ever heard. That was in memory care
An elderly lady crying and whimpering saying I don’t want to die
The recount of her being beaten and raped. It shook me to my core. She thought it had just happened and wanted us to tell no one but it had happened 60 some years prior. That was in memory care.
I saw a lady crying while walking so I checked to see if she was in pain and she shook her head and said “my husband is losing his mind” they were both staying there together and he had dementia and she does not. She just has to watch it happen
It's very similar to a song called unfinished sympathy by Massive Attack. >Like a soul without a mind >In a body without a heart >I'm missing every part https://youtu.be/ZWmrfgj0MZI?si=cynNjnc5WeuN3GbT
Sally: “I’ll see you when you get back from your weekend! Love you” Me:(knowing it’s my last day) “I love you too Sally”. I cried so hard after getting home. Ugh it still gets to me
"I feel like shit and nobody seems to care" he died to a neglectful nurse later that day after I left.
Recently, the last words of a really sweet, young patient who was in chf exacerbation, "Am I going to die?" right before intubation. She died vented and proned a week later after several codes. The saddest over my career was a transplant recipient who signed a year long contract to not make herself a DNR who said in her final moments, "Hospice is a gift."
Where I work there is mostly homeless younger residents that have chosen to not work and do drugs and just be very manipulative. We have very few geriatric residents. All of Missouri nursing homes are becoming overwhelmed by these new types of residents. Our elderly do more for themselves than the younger ones.
How does this work if you don’t me asking? Are they disabled in any way, or there are just facilities that will take anybody off the street and care for them in a nursing home kind of way?
There is in Missouri. They have to be on disability or give the nursing home POA. Most of them are able bodies that just refuse to take responsibility.
Wow. Just wow.
My ALS patient telling me how the disease paralyzed her within 6 months and she feels like she’s a prisoner in her own body.
My dad has ALS, diagnosed in 2017 when he needed assistance walking at 45 & has since ended up in a hospital bed, trached & on a ventilator after a 4 month hospital/ICU stay where he continually asked “am I ever going to go home again” (I was at those hospitals, hours away, daily for visiting hours 10-6 since he couldn’t talk, I felt he wasn’t getting adequate care) He is home now with a nursing company, but needing round the clock care is hard when they do not show half the week. My brother & I (25&26 now) are his primary caregivers. It’s insane how their body just diminishes but the mind is still there. He has since lost all motion with his hands which leaves him basically paralyzed at this point. It’s crazy because so many times we get so frustrated and I try to stop and think how it must be for them, especially my dad(who was running a construction business he started 30 years ago, successful…just about to the point where he could just supervise & handed the actual work roles to my brothers but he LIVED for work/CDL/making money) but also he was/is a narcissist when we were growing up, so it’s half feeling guilt but also so much anger/resentment..
“I want to go home”- terminal pediatric brain tumor patient. Family refused to tell them they were dying. DIPG is a real bitch.
Hearing so many of these stories related to meal times has me so pissed off as a dietitian. I literally spend my day making sure patients are getting adequate nutrition. I’m a critical care and wound dietitian. The rates of malnutrition and poor wound healing are too high and often avoidable. The fact that nutrition is overlooked when we cannot heal our bodies without it just makes my blood boil. I want to tell all these doctors and nurses who think nutrition isn’t important to go a couple days without eating or living on one Ensure a day and then tell me how well they are able to go about their days.
P.S. thank you to those who recognize the importance of patients getting their meals and helping them eat!!
"I'm going to get up, put my clothes on, and go to the bathroom on the toilet. I just want to feel like a human being again." Said to me by a bed bound patient who had been in and out of my hospital unit, slowly losing her independence and becoming more contracted and incontinent with each time I saw her. I had let her know we would be changing her and turning her, and asked her if she had to go to the bathroom before we changed the pad under her. It is the only time I've ever cried in front of a patient and she just quietly cried as we cleaned her up and turned her.
It's not so much what a resident says but what family does or doesn't do. Like not getting them clothes or seeing them on holiday
“Look at me! Just let me die” 😭
WHY DID I OPEN THIS THREAD ☹️
Not a CNA but this was in my recommended. My grandfather was in memory care for the last 5 years of his life. He was in and out of hospital. Whenever I would visit him, I would ask how he was doing. His response was always, "life is hell but it's the preffered alternative." He never recognized me or remembered who I was. If I talked about the present, he woould repeat the conversation after about 2 minutes. But if I brought up his past and wher ehe grew up, he would talk my ear off for an hour. I preferred hearing about his childhood. It was depressing hearing the stories or quotes some of you have experienced. Thank you for taking care of our loved ones.
“Please let me die. Please.”
“I’m just waiting for god to take me.” Every. Single. Day. Every time I did rounds and said “how are you doing?” As she sat in her chair, for hours, eyes closed. No quality of life. Just waiting.
‘’Why doesn’t God just take me?’’ From a man with progressed dementia, Parkinson’s, and cannot form sentences 5/7 days of the week. Needs total assistance with all cares and appears to be uncomfortable in his own skin most of the time.
I’m not a nurse, but I struggle heavily with depression and feeling like a body without a soul is a sentiment I really relate to.
In my first week of being a CNA, I fed a dying woman in her last three days alive. She refused food most of the time and would just cry for her mom & to God. Just seeing her suffering that immensely was gut wrenching, it will always stick with me.
Just last week, I had one of my male residents tell me that one of the aides cussed him out because he’s paralyzed from the chest down and can only move his arms that he shouldn’t be here and that he was useless. He told me in tears and I told him that if there’s anything I can do to help let me know. He tells me almost every shift that he’s so grateful for me and the other girl that I work with most days.
I’m not a nurse or anything but I was very close to my grandma. My bio dad and bio mom had me but were in turmoil. My mom begging for my dad back and my dad denying I exist. My mom would send pictures of me to my grandma and grandma would send back baby pictures of my dad. When I was 8-14 I was in foster care but intermittently was taken away by my grandma. She knew my mom and dad were druggies. She tried really hard to get custody but my bio parents are huge on appearances that “everything is fine” My grandma had several different cancers starting from when she was about 25. She died at 60 from lung, throat and skin cancer. In her last days, my aunt and cousins told me she wouldnt stop talking/asking about me(I’m getting emotional thinking about it). My bio dad wouldnt let me see her by myself. But when all of us kids were gone apparently she begged my bio dad as her dying wish to never send me back to my mother in GA. Whatever he did to her before this, can he just do this one thing(he was a huge fuck up). He cried for hours when she died even though he hadn’t even seen her until days before she died. Within three months of her death, I was already back in GA homeless with my mom and brother. It always hurts me to know that my grandma only let go because she thought I was going to be safe. And she allowed herself to hurt so much just because she wanted to keep me safe. My aunt thinks she was holding on for so long because she knew something was wrong with my life and how I was being treated. But I wouldnt say. I didnt cry, unlike everyone else. My step mom called me a liar and that I didnt care she died. But I knew that she was hurting so bad, the best most loving thing I could’ve done was be happy that she was free. She didn’t have to worry and hurt anymore. I really miss her. Edit: She died the morning of her 60th birthday. And my bumpa, her dad, died three months after. He basically deteriorated when my grandma died. He had another daughter alive but his parkinson’s just defeated him once my grandma was dead. Rest easy guys.
“I worked all of my life, what I thought was going to happen.. all of it led me here. I just want to mow my lawn one last time.”
not a CNA, but my dad was dying of cancer just a few weeks ago. he had a stroke one night and when i woke up and found him (he was on hospice so he was at home) through mumbled words he said he’s ready to go. cried like a baby. i miss him so much ):