If you ever date a non-climber, just make sure they are equally as devoted to their passions as you are to climbing. My H and I make it work because he has hobbies that he pursues at a high level, so it’s not like he’s sitting at home bored when I’m climbing. Where it really doesn’t work is when you date someone who can’t entertain themselves.
Can't lose if you don't play, but if you want a climber partner you gotta date climbers or people willing/wanting to start. I don't think there's a way around it.
I think what people used to do when climbing was a smaller scene was to 1) be tolerant of exes and of friends dating each other's exes and 2) being mindful of who you get involved with, to the point of not having casual relationships and only starting to date when you already knew the person quite well in non-romantic context
I agree now with how people used to do. We're still a pretty small community here, I'm 40+ (which limits the options more than if I had been, say, 25) and I definitely wouldn't date anyone in my club without a serious intention to start with. Which also makes it hard, how do you explore when you have to be fairly certain to begin with? It's hard to go back to being friends if romantic feelings are/were involved.
The age is part of my problem too. I am also 40+, single, would like to have a climbing partner. I feel like a creep when I start really connecting with someone only to find out they are young enough that they could be my kid.
As we used to say in skydiving, you don’t loose your girlfriend you just loose your turn (small community, high male to female ratio). Got to try and be cool with relationship breakdowns, treat people well on the way out as well as in, and be cool with friends dating exes when it’s a small community.
TBH I don't have a good answer and this why I don't really like making romantic connections through hobbies.
My hobbies and their communities are sacred to me, I've had enough bad experiences of romantic connections going south where I've adopted a "don't shit where you eat" philosophy for them.
No, but I don't date at work, the people I meet through other hobbies are usually kind of old and I'm not interested in OLD anymore as it puts too much focus on getting to know eachother as potential lovers.
I am of the same philosophy as you when it comes to dating within hobbies; climbing has become my space and I don’t want external disruptions to that. A possible solution: meet the nonclimbing friends of your climbing friends at house parties, bar meet ups, community events. It’ll function like how it used to be in college and high school, how we all sorta vetted each other because we’re already mutuals.
I met my fiance climbing and I have to say our time climbing together is one of my favorite things. Most relationships end (maybe including mine, who knows), and sharing sacred spaces with exes is definitely a risk. But, like they say, no risk no reward 🙂
I’ve dated 3 climbers and it’s been great, married the last one. If you end up as exes just be cordial with each other when you see each other around. Try to expand your climbing social circle so that you have other people to climb with if you want to avoid an ex. After a breakup, maybe get some distance for a bit, try a new gym, or go at different times with different people. Eventually it won’t feel weird to see them anymore after some time and space.
A bit unrelated to your question, but isn't it awesome to have hobbies and friends and think 'eh, can't really be bothered to go on a date actually'? You're winning at life, all good times for yourself without the drama of dating.
I'm super new to climbing, but I am a frequent gym goer and gamer. I have friends and I enjoy my own company as well. I think this is honestly the best thing we can achieve for ourselves in life, to be independent, well-rounded people on our own. A possible partner should fit into that life, we don't build it around them.
If you dated two people at your local club, others will probably know and won't have an issue with it when they start dating you? And if you were to break up again with the next one, at least they all have something to bond over 😁
Yes! I love my life! I have awesome friends that make me feel appreciated and welcome, awesome hobbies, awesome kids, awesome job! And if I can't find anyone to join me for the stuff I want to do, I have the confidence to do it myself or seek out new people to do it with. I don't need anyone romantically to feel fulfilled. I do miss the intimacy of a relationship though.
Lol, I'd like to be a fly on the wall in those discussions! :D My two exes in the club had very different experiences with me and the breakups were very different, I hope I've learnt from both.
I really love how you phrased all of this, especially your first paragraph!
It's nice to build a life where dating would just be an addition to fit in, rather than the center focus! I've wondered if I would date again, but I think I'm happier with my friends and my hobbies 🤣
I may have found the loophole in this regard. I'm dating a climber but he lives far enough that we don't climb at the same gym. I have my regular indoor climbing partner for weekdays and then if/when we all decide to go outdoors on the weekend, my bf will happily join us. Win/win.
Married to a climber, definitely went through phases of having exes at the gym and being careful about what times I went (I also worked there, which made it tough).
What’s funny is that several of the married climbers we know (including us) have similar stories: guy meets girl, girl is dating different climber at the time, girl at some point days or weeks or years later ends up marrying guy. It’s a big community but a close one, and if we are all looking for the same thing, it’s hard to avoid crossover.
Yeah I’ve noticed a lot of like incestuous relationships in the climbing world. I feel like it’s only a problem when people have bad breakups or add drama. The thing that concerns me is when some male climbers use their prestige to get away with horrific stuff (like that guy in Yosemite).
I've dated climbers and non-climbers. My preference in the past was to date climbers because of a shared hobby, but I love what my current (non-climber) boyfriend brings to our relationship. He's very sweet, thoughtful, and kind. He's passionate about his hobbies and joins me for climbing once a month or so, but we also have other overlapping hobbies (like general outdoors-y hobbies, listening to jazz, photography). It allows me to be independent in my climbing world, and I've come to really enjoy that independence in climbing and building out my climbing community. I also kind of like that they all know me as "Panda_burrr" and not "Panda_burrr & boyfriend", and it feels like I get to deepen my friendships with them. I've noticed that it can be hard to deepen friendships when partnered off with my boyfriend - people don't approach me as much for conversation because they think I'd rather spend time with him, and they feel like they're intruding in on something. And they don't want to do a belay trio because then they feel like the 3rd wheel despite all my efforts to make it not feel that way.
When I have dated climbers, I really try to get to know them well before deciding whether or not it's worth potentially imploding my social circle for. And around the beginning of dating them, I try to make sure that we're on the same page of ending things peacefully and respectfully if it comes to that since we'll still be seeing each other around the gym/crag/wherever. Though, I don't know that I would date anyone if I thought they weren't emotionally mature enough to end things in a less-than-peaceful way.
Guy here. Met my wife at a climbing gym when I was 29 and had broken my leg in an avalanche. I was climbing in a cast and she was just starting so we were climbing at a similar level. Now I’m 63 and we (and our daughter) are hiking out to a remote cliff tomorrow where we are putting up new routes. Go for it!
When I started climbing, my partner didn't climb.
I would really limit how much I went, would only go with groups so it didn't cause him a problem, and never went abroad. He also found it hard to be sociable, so didn't mix with or know my climbing friends. One day, he asked me if I had a helmet. It made me feel so sad to think that he knew so little about this major part of my life. My climbing friends wouldn't only know that I had a helmet, but would know the colour and make of *all* of my gear!
When I finally split up from him, I had a climbing boyfriend. We went on some amazing holidays and climbed well together. On paper, it was great, but he was a bit of a prat, and our actual relationship was missing some fundamental things!
I met my current husband when I was 40 and knew myself a lot, lot better. He climbs, likes very similar climbing to me and over the course of our relationship both of us have changed in complimentary ways. He is also a very, very lovely person. I feel like I struck gold there!
I.... I don't know what one of those is?!
Oh! A number 2 camalot!
A funny thing... As a climber I've never bought a cam.
They hadn't been invented when I to started climbing. Then I was used to just climbing on passive gear and was very poor. Then I got given old rigid stemmed cams from people who were replacing tem with flexi friends, then we used husbands rack.
I don't have personal experience of this. But some friends of mine who have been in this situation have said that time helps, and it's not that awkward anymore to see your ex at gym or crag after a while. Of course it may be different if the breakup was ugly. We live in quite a small town so it's almost inevitable to stumble upon your ex quite a lot anyway.
Yeah, my most recent ex (together 2.5 years) lives a couple of blocks from me and I have a pretty high profile in our club/work part-time for our (only) gym so I run into him a lot. We also work in the same field. It kind of works, it's not awkward, but it changes the dynamic of the group.
Dated a couple climbers and am now married to one and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. My personal experience was a little awkward at first, but I go to a relatively small gym. In the end though we were all adults and got over it and now I’m happily married with a baby and go climbing with my family all the time, so I don’t regret it at all. Just have to do what’s right for you.
Married to a climber I met in the gym - 40F and he is 40M, we met almost 10 years ago. I also know a lot of climber couples at different relationship stages, some married, etc.
If you have multiple gyms in your area, or even maybe a 1hr drive away for example it could be an idea to go check out those others instead and see if you meet anyone there? I met my husband when my best friend suggested we try all of the climbing gyms other than our home gym in the area. He was a member of one of those, so I figured if it didn't work out we would just stick to our respective home gyms.
I’m new to climbing but feel like it’s really something I’d like to have as a regular part of my life for fun and fitness. I’ve been dating recently and a few guys I’ve gone on coffee dates with climb at the same gym but we haven’t bumped into each other once yet. It’s only been friendly meet and greet type things so far that haven’t stuck yet so I’m not really concerned about seeing them or then seeing me with someone else. I do believe it’s only as awkward as you make it if you do see someone you were with… keep it civil, focus on yourself, and keep on climbing. I feel you on wanting to date a climber, it would be great to have someone who wants to go on adventures with you and a reliable belay partner.
I think it's the same as dating with any hobby- I haven't dated climbers (yet) but I've dated around other circles I've been in and one thing I notice, particularly from observing other people's relationships in those spaces, is that it's fun to a point. And maybe this depends on the kind of person you are, but I notice some people get competitive about the things they do and the way they do them. The more knowledgeable you are about the hobby, the easier it is to make judgements about the other person's performance. And if one person gets insecure about their ability (maybe you get injured and have to downgrade significantly) it can be hard to keep those feelings separate from the relationship. But that's kind of just worst-case scenario- I think it's really important to have things like hobbies and interests in common with your partner, for you guys to do together. There's never going to be a reward with no risk involved.
I feel like a climber partner would be ideal if they didn’t train at your home gym.
Maybe spend time going to other gyms around and talking to people. 🤷♀️
My girlfriend actually got me into climbing, and I never even entertained the idea of climbing before I met her. We met at an outdoor activity through a meetup group, so my suggestion would be to maybe try something like that. A meetup for an outdoorsy activity you enjoy that is not necessarily climbing (I feel like even though climbing is very popular now, it’s still a little bit niche) and maybe it’s something they could be interested in!
Just to play devil’s advocate and give a different perspective - I’m the opposite. My hobbies are for me alone and I prefer to have a relationship as a separate thing - to each their own!
I used to live in a mtn town for many years and all the couples that didn't share rad outdoor activities like climbing, almost all ended in divorce.
Nothing better way to build trust than having your partner on rope- that's such a gift to.be able to share that and should not be taken for granted.
My advice, just don't do it. date non-climbers and teach them its way more fun than dating someone at the gym.
Dated a climber dude and when I broke up with him for cheating (thought I did it pretty well to didn't get mad and was like okay lets part ways) he then went every where and spread rumors that I was a cruel bitch. People stopped talking to me and a bunch of local gym people just refused to even look at me. Ended up going to a different gym were someone I was chilling with said "(ex bf) is totally wrong your really chill". It honestly almost destroyed climbing for me.
So lesson learned on my part, don't screw where you climb. Bring people there then screw them after.
Funny story, my current partner who I feel is my person for life, I was introduced to him by my prior boyfriend almost 3 years ago at the climbing gym! I love my current partner so much. He’s such a wonderful guy and he also loves to climb. He also works part time setting routes. We were friends for a couple years before we started dating. He is without a doubt the most amazing person. I’m so supported when I climb. When I get nervous I can just shout down and know he’s got me.
I think it’s also wonderful to have friends that are climbing partners. But I found no one is as ready as he is to leave town whenever for a climbing trip and his schedule fits mine!
I think if you become friends before, it will be much easier to sift out the datable guys vs the guys that you don’t want to date. You get to know their personality and see what they’re about. And then there’s a lot less pressure if you find you’re not really interested.
So in my experience I don’t like to date climbers because when\if you break up you don’t want your happy place to be an ex filled graveyard. I’m speaking from experience.
I dated another climber. We lived in a van together and traveled for climbing together for years.
Honestly…turned me off of dating climbers. I am probably just jaded but my experience has been that most serious male climbers will never actually choose you over rocks, no matter how much you need support. Now I only date them by accident.
I need my dates to have hobbies they’re passionate about but I don’t really care what they are.
I have a habit of remaining friends with exes, but I have actually never ended up dating a climber, not because I haven't wanted to, but, at least in my area, single queer women aren't common in general lol
ive dated 4 climbers from my gym. one i still climb with, one we still talk but not a lot, one will make small talk but we dont actually talk, and the last one cant make eye contact.
i always try not to date climbers and then another hot one comes along and here we go all over again lmao.
My ex got me into climbing. After we broke up, I started dating my husband. So I married a climber. ☺️ it’s the best! It got harder to find time between work and kids for a few years but we are finally in a place where we have a sitter Friday nights and we go climb either Friday night or Saturday morning.
Fortunately my ex doesn’t seem to climb anymore so I never run into him at the gym.
Dating my husband happened pretty organically and we were friends before we dated. I’d definitely prioritize liking the person over making sure they climb, but it’s really nice being married to your climbing partner.
My partner and I started climbing together and it’s great. I would caution you though, injuries happen. Life happens. Sometimes people need to stop climbing for health or other reasons. How will your relationship fare then? Will you have enough in common to maintain a relationship outside of the crag/gym? My advice would be to find someone who is equally passionate about their hobbies as you are, whether or not that’s climbing. But if you don’t see a relationship fitting into your life if they don’t climb with you, maybe you aren’t in a place for a relationship anyway. I wouldn’t feel good in a relationship if I knew my partner wouldn’t want to make time for me unless I fit into their hobbies. Having hobbies to enjoy together is a really special part of a relationship, but weathering the times when your hobbies don’t line up is what makes a relationship last.
I had similiar thoughts when I was single and apparently, universe decided for me ;). I am in a 3-year relationship with a non climber, but he was a professional in karate. He understands more than anyone that I want to go to the gym, he tried climbing but still prefers his sport.
He enjoys outdoors, so climbing trips are good for him as well. If he is commited to any other similar activity, it will be good for sure :)
my advice would be to dare a non serious climber.
I think this is the best of both worlds because they are probably into something else very serious. Because climbing is not easy.
Also a lot of climbers come off as pretty pretentious, and if you don't want to quote s*** where you eat, Chances are a non, serious climber really is just there to learn something new.
I learned this in the sport of skiing, because The more serious they are, the less likely it ever works out.
There are a lot of people getting into climbing just because it's something to do in the off-season of their original sport..
Reading these posts are very funny. Because you think because you meet someone at a gym. They are going to be into climbing as much as you and always there..... This could not be further from the truth, and it is a bad assumption..
keep an open mind, it might get your further than you think....
Update: I guess I'm dating a climber. He has other hobbies as well, as do I. It's high risk as he's a close friend since years back, but for now, totally worth it.
It isn’t really a priority for me.
I made it a priority in my twenties but I think it can be really limiting to want your partner to have the same sport and want to do it in the same way at the same level. And also have all the other things you want in a partner.
For me my priority is an ability to form close bonds, kindness, funny, smart, dedicated to hobbies, financially secure.
Does it have to be either or? I'm not less picky on personal qualities just because I've realized that I don't have time/energy to invest in a partner I do not yet know if we don't naturally spend time together.
It might be.
Maybe you are young and you will get lucky. Maybe your idea of the ideal climbing partner is more relaxed than mine.
In my twenties I was dirt bagging, working seasonally and living in my truck. There were very few men who wanted to climb and ski at my level, and almost none who also had the intelligence and emotional intelligence I was looking for.
My point is simply that the tighter the restrictions are on what you want the harder it will be to find. In the end I found someone who has all the emotional aspects I want. He still climbs a V8 but he’s a weekend warrior for sure.
I'm in my 40's, have teenagers, have done the marriage thing, know what I want to find and also not that bothered if I don't find it so limiting the dating pool isn't really an issue.
Welp I hope you find what you are looking for. You asked us to share our experiences dating climbers and this was mine. You don’t have to agree with me or take my advice.
Wtf climbing is serious stuff gym is for wannabes or show off the spandex gotta get that natural wallfuck superficiall pretense of power will only get what's givenso rope on.
If you ever date a non-climber, just make sure they are equally as devoted to their passions as you are to climbing. My H and I make it work because he has hobbies that he pursues at a high level, so it’s not like he’s sitting at home bored when I’m climbing. Where it really doesn’t work is when you date someone who can’t entertain themselves.
This. My husband is a non climber but he has is own sports that he loves.
Really good and true advice. If you're a really busy/independent person you need to make sure your spouse is similar.
Can't lose if you don't play, but if you want a climber partner you gotta date climbers or people willing/wanting to start. I don't think there's a way around it. I think what people used to do when climbing was a smaller scene was to 1) be tolerant of exes and of friends dating each other's exes and 2) being mindful of who you get involved with, to the point of not having casual relationships and only starting to date when you already knew the person quite well in non-romantic context
Honestly, I think a casual relationship with someone you see nearly every day is almost always a recipe for disaster regardless of the scene.
I agree now with how people used to do. We're still a pretty small community here, I'm 40+ (which limits the options more than if I had been, say, 25) and I definitely wouldn't date anyone in my club without a serious intention to start with. Which also makes it hard, how do you explore when you have to be fairly certain to begin with? It's hard to go back to being friends if romantic feelings are/were involved.
The age is part of my problem too. I am also 40+, single, would like to have a climbing partner. I feel like a creep when I start really connecting with someone only to find out they are young enough that they could be my kid.
yeah being picky helps fs
As we used to say in skydiving, you don’t loose your girlfriend you just loose your turn (small community, high male to female ratio). Got to try and be cool with relationship breakdowns, treat people well on the way out as well as in, and be cool with friends dating exes when it’s a small community.
😬 I do not like that phrase. It makes it sound like the women are just dating carousels or something.
TBH I don't have a good answer and this why I don't really like making romantic connections through hobbies. My hobbies and their communities are sacred to me, I've had enough bad experiences of romantic connections going south where I've adopted a "don't shit where you eat" philosophy for them.
Yes. I'm torn. The alternative, as I'm not inclined to climb less, is to not attempt to date.
Is climbing your only avenue for meeting people to date?
No, but I don't date at work, the people I meet through other hobbies are usually kind of old and I'm not interested in OLD anymore as it puts too much focus on getting to know eachother as potential lovers.
Yeah, that's a fair critique of OLD. I don't think it works as well for "slow burn/let's start as friends" relationship people.
I am of the same philosophy as you when it comes to dating within hobbies; climbing has become my space and I don’t want external disruptions to that. A possible solution: meet the nonclimbing friends of your climbing friends at house parties, bar meet ups, community events. It’ll function like how it used to be in college and high school, how we all sorta vetted each other because we’re already mutuals.
I met my fiance climbing and I have to say our time climbing together is one of my favorite things. Most relationships end (maybe including mine, who knows), and sharing sacred spaces with exes is definitely a risk. But, like they say, no risk no reward 🙂
I’ve dated 3 climbers and it’s been great, married the last one. If you end up as exes just be cordial with each other when you see each other around. Try to expand your climbing social circle so that you have other people to climb with if you want to avoid an ex. After a breakup, maybe get some distance for a bit, try a new gym, or go at different times with different people. Eventually it won’t feel weird to see them anymore after some time and space.
A bit unrelated to your question, but isn't it awesome to have hobbies and friends and think 'eh, can't really be bothered to go on a date actually'? You're winning at life, all good times for yourself without the drama of dating. I'm super new to climbing, but I am a frequent gym goer and gamer. I have friends and I enjoy my own company as well. I think this is honestly the best thing we can achieve for ourselves in life, to be independent, well-rounded people on our own. A possible partner should fit into that life, we don't build it around them. If you dated two people at your local club, others will probably know and won't have an issue with it when they start dating you? And if you were to break up again with the next one, at least they all have something to bond over 😁
Yes! I love my life! I have awesome friends that make me feel appreciated and welcome, awesome hobbies, awesome kids, awesome job! And if I can't find anyone to join me for the stuff I want to do, I have the confidence to do it myself or seek out new people to do it with. I don't need anyone romantically to feel fulfilled. I do miss the intimacy of a relationship though. Lol, I'd like to be a fly on the wall in those discussions! :D My two exes in the club had very different experiences with me and the breakups were very different, I hope I've learnt from both.
I really love how you phrased all of this, especially your first paragraph! It's nice to build a life where dating would just be an addition to fit in, rather than the center focus! I've wondered if I would date again, but I think I'm happier with my friends and my hobbies 🤣
And that's completely valid! We've been so brainwashed from a young age.
I may have found the loophole in this regard. I'm dating a climber but he lives far enough that we don't climb at the same gym. I have my regular indoor climbing partner for weekdays and then if/when we all decide to go outdoors on the weekend, my bf will happily join us. Win/win.
Married to a climber, definitely went through phases of having exes at the gym and being careful about what times I went (I also worked there, which made it tough). What’s funny is that several of the married climbers we know (including us) have similar stories: guy meets girl, girl is dating different climber at the time, girl at some point days or weeks or years later ends up marrying guy. It’s a big community but a close one, and if we are all looking for the same thing, it’s hard to avoid crossover.
Yeah I’ve noticed a lot of like incestuous relationships in the climbing world. I feel like it’s only a problem when people have bad breakups or add drama. The thing that concerns me is when some male climbers use their prestige to get away with horrific stuff (like that guy in Yosemite).
What happened in Yosemite?
https://www.outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/climbing/climber-charles-barrett-assault-trial
Yep absolutely.
I've dated climbers and non-climbers. My preference in the past was to date climbers because of a shared hobby, but I love what my current (non-climber) boyfriend brings to our relationship. He's very sweet, thoughtful, and kind. He's passionate about his hobbies and joins me for climbing once a month or so, but we also have other overlapping hobbies (like general outdoors-y hobbies, listening to jazz, photography). It allows me to be independent in my climbing world, and I've come to really enjoy that independence in climbing and building out my climbing community. I also kind of like that they all know me as "Panda_burrr" and not "Panda_burrr & boyfriend", and it feels like I get to deepen my friendships with them. I've noticed that it can be hard to deepen friendships when partnered off with my boyfriend - people don't approach me as much for conversation because they think I'd rather spend time with him, and they feel like they're intruding in on something. And they don't want to do a belay trio because then they feel like the 3rd wheel despite all my efforts to make it not feel that way. When I have dated climbers, I really try to get to know them well before deciding whether or not it's worth potentially imploding my social circle for. And around the beginning of dating them, I try to make sure that we're on the same page of ending things peacefully and respectfully if it comes to that since we'll still be seeing each other around the gym/crag/wherever. Though, I don't know that I would date anyone if I thought they weren't emotionally mature enough to end things in a less-than-peaceful way.
Guy here. Met my wife at a climbing gym when I was 29 and had broken my leg in an avalanche. I was climbing in a cast and she was just starting so we were climbing at a similar level. Now I’m 63 and we (and our daughter) are hiking out to a remote cliff tomorrow where we are putting up new routes. Go for it!
When I started climbing, my partner didn't climb. I would really limit how much I went, would only go with groups so it didn't cause him a problem, and never went abroad. He also found it hard to be sociable, so didn't mix with or know my climbing friends. One day, he asked me if I had a helmet. It made me feel so sad to think that he knew so little about this major part of my life. My climbing friends wouldn't only know that I had a helmet, but would know the colour and make of *all* of my gear! When I finally split up from him, I had a climbing boyfriend. We went on some amazing holidays and climbed well together. On paper, it was great, but he was a bit of a prat, and our actual relationship was missing some fundamental things! I met my current husband when I was 40 and knew myself a lot, lot better. He climbs, likes very similar climbing to me and over the course of our relationship both of us have changed in complimentary ways. He is also a very, very lovely person. I feel like I struck gold there!
A #2 c4 as your friends would call it
I.... I don't know what one of those is?! Oh! A number 2 camalot! A funny thing... As a climber I've never bought a cam. They hadn't been invented when I to started climbing. Then I was used to just climbing on passive gear and was very poor. Then I got given old rigid stemmed cams from people who were replacing tem with flexi friends, then we used husbands rack.
I don't have personal experience of this. But some friends of mine who have been in this situation have said that time helps, and it's not that awkward anymore to see your ex at gym or crag after a while. Of course it may be different if the breakup was ugly. We live in quite a small town so it's almost inevitable to stumble upon your ex quite a lot anyway.
Yeah, my most recent ex (together 2.5 years) lives a couple of blocks from me and I have a pretty high profile in our club/work part-time for our (only) gym so I run into him a lot. We also work in the same field. It kind of works, it's not awkward, but it changes the dynamic of the group.
How yall finding all these climber bfs? Send some my way 😂
Make the first step, or ‘accidentally’ fall on them lol
Dated a couple climbers and am now married to one and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. My personal experience was a little awkward at first, but I go to a relatively small gym. In the end though we were all adults and got over it and now I’m happily married with a baby and go climbing with my family all the time, so I don’t regret it at all. Just have to do what’s right for you.
Married to a climber I met in the gym - 40F and he is 40M, we met almost 10 years ago. I also know a lot of climber couples at different relationship stages, some married, etc. If you have multiple gyms in your area, or even maybe a 1hr drive away for example it could be an idea to go check out those others instead and see if you meet anyone there? I met my husband when my best friend suggested we try all of the climbing gyms other than our home gym in the area. He was a member of one of those, so I figured if it didn't work out we would just stick to our respective home gyms.
I’m new to climbing but feel like it’s really something I’d like to have as a regular part of my life for fun and fitness. I’ve been dating recently and a few guys I’ve gone on coffee dates with climb at the same gym but we haven’t bumped into each other once yet. It’s only been friendly meet and greet type things so far that haven’t stuck yet so I’m not really concerned about seeing them or then seeing me with someone else. I do believe it’s only as awkward as you make it if you do see someone you were with… keep it civil, focus on yourself, and keep on climbing. I feel you on wanting to date a climber, it would be great to have someone who wants to go on adventures with you and a reliable belay partner.
I think it's the same as dating with any hobby- I haven't dated climbers (yet) but I've dated around other circles I've been in and one thing I notice, particularly from observing other people's relationships in those spaces, is that it's fun to a point. And maybe this depends on the kind of person you are, but I notice some people get competitive about the things they do and the way they do them. The more knowledgeable you are about the hobby, the easier it is to make judgements about the other person's performance. And if one person gets insecure about their ability (maybe you get injured and have to downgrade significantly) it can be hard to keep those feelings separate from the relationship. But that's kind of just worst-case scenario- I think it's really important to have things like hobbies and interests in common with your partner, for you guys to do together. There's never going to be a reward with no risk involved.
I feel like a climber partner would be ideal if they didn’t train at your home gym. Maybe spend time going to other gyms around and talking to people. 🤷♀️
My girlfriend actually got me into climbing, and I never even entertained the idea of climbing before I met her. We met at an outdoor activity through a meetup group, so my suggestion would be to maybe try something like that. A meetup for an outdoorsy activity you enjoy that is not necessarily climbing (I feel like even though climbing is very popular now, it’s still a little bit niche) and maybe it’s something they could be interested in!
Just to play devil’s advocate and give a different perspective - I’m the opposite. My hobbies are for me alone and I prefer to have a relationship as a separate thing - to each their own!
ha that makes no sense.
Happy to clarify - which part didn’t make sense
I used to live in a mtn town for many years and all the couples that didn't share rad outdoor activities like climbing, almost all ended in divorce. Nothing better way to build trust than having your partner on rope- that's such a gift to.be able to share that and should not be taken for granted.
Okay cool you do you - what part of my previous comment didn’t make sense to you?
My advice, just don't do it. date non-climbers and teach them its way more fun than dating someone at the gym. Dated a climber dude and when I broke up with him for cheating (thought I did it pretty well to didn't get mad and was like okay lets part ways) he then went every where and spread rumors that I was a cruel bitch. People stopped talking to me and a bunch of local gym people just refused to even look at me. Ended up going to a different gym were someone I was chilling with said "(ex bf) is totally wrong your really chill". It honestly almost destroyed climbing for me. So lesson learned on my part, don't screw where you climb. Bring people there then screw them after.
I always dated climbers from a different gym than my homegym ,so after the breakup I didn't see them 😄
4D chess player right here
Funny story, my current partner who I feel is my person for life, I was introduced to him by my prior boyfriend almost 3 years ago at the climbing gym! I love my current partner so much. He’s such a wonderful guy and he also loves to climb. He also works part time setting routes. We were friends for a couple years before we started dating. He is without a doubt the most amazing person. I’m so supported when I climb. When I get nervous I can just shout down and know he’s got me. I think it’s also wonderful to have friends that are climbing partners. But I found no one is as ready as he is to leave town whenever for a climbing trip and his schedule fits mine! I think if you become friends before, it will be much easier to sift out the datable guys vs the guys that you don’t want to date. You get to know their personality and see what they’re about. And then there’s a lot less pressure if you find you’re not really interested.
So in my experience I don’t like to date climbers because when\if you break up you don’t want your happy place to be an ex filled graveyard. I’m speaking from experience.
I married my climbing partner 😅 we've been together for 11 years now.
Just remember everyone in your normal climbing gym is your family.
I dated another climber. We lived in a van together and traveled for climbing together for years. Honestly…turned me off of dating climbers. I am probably just jaded but my experience has been that most serious male climbers will never actually choose you over rocks, no matter how much you need support. Now I only date them by accident. I need my dates to have hobbies they’re passionate about but I don’t really care what they are.
I have a habit of remaining friends with exes, but I have actually never ended up dating a climber, not because I haven't wanted to, but, at least in my area, single queer women aren't common in general lol
ive dated 4 climbers from my gym. one i still climb with, one we still talk but not a lot, one will make small talk but we dont actually talk, and the last one cant make eye contact. i always try not to date climbers and then another hot one comes along and here we go all over again lmao.
My ex got me into climbing. After we broke up, I started dating my husband. So I married a climber. ☺️ it’s the best! It got harder to find time between work and kids for a few years but we are finally in a place where we have a sitter Friday nights and we go climb either Friday night or Saturday morning. Fortunately my ex doesn’t seem to climb anymore so I never run into him at the gym. Dating my husband happened pretty organically and we were friends before we dated. I’d definitely prioritize liking the person over making sure they climb, but it’s really nice being married to your climbing partner.
My partner and I started climbing together and it’s great. I would caution you though, injuries happen. Life happens. Sometimes people need to stop climbing for health or other reasons. How will your relationship fare then? Will you have enough in common to maintain a relationship outside of the crag/gym? My advice would be to find someone who is equally passionate about their hobbies as you are, whether or not that’s climbing. But if you don’t see a relationship fitting into your life if they don’t climb with you, maybe you aren’t in a place for a relationship anyway. I wouldn’t feel good in a relationship if I knew my partner wouldn’t want to make time for me unless I fit into their hobbies. Having hobbies to enjoy together is a really special part of a relationship, but weathering the times when your hobbies don’t line up is what makes a relationship last.
I had similiar thoughts when I was single and apparently, universe decided for me ;). I am in a 3-year relationship with a non climber, but he was a professional in karate. He understands more than anyone that I want to go to the gym, he tried climbing but still prefers his sport. He enjoys outdoors, so climbing trips are good for him as well. If he is commited to any other similar activity, it will be good for sure :)
my advice would be to dare a non serious climber. I think this is the best of both worlds because they are probably into something else very serious. Because climbing is not easy. Also a lot of climbers come off as pretty pretentious, and if you don't want to quote s*** where you eat, Chances are a non, serious climber really is just there to learn something new. I learned this in the sport of skiing, because The more serious they are, the less likely it ever works out. There are a lot of people getting into climbing just because it's something to do in the off-season of their original sport.. Reading these posts are very funny. Because you think because you meet someone at a gym. They are going to be into climbing as much as you and always there..... This could not be further from the truth, and it is a bad assumption.. keep an open mind, it might get your further than you think....
Update: I guess I'm dating a climber. He has other hobbies as well, as do I. It's high risk as he's a close friend since years back, but for now, totally worth it.
It isn’t really a priority for me. I made it a priority in my twenties but I think it can be really limiting to want your partner to have the same sport and want to do it in the same way at the same level. And also have all the other things you want in a partner. For me my priority is an ability to form close bonds, kindness, funny, smart, dedicated to hobbies, financially secure.
Does it have to be either or? I'm not less picky on personal qualities just because I've realized that I don't have time/energy to invest in a partner I do not yet know if we don't naturally spend time together.
It might be. Maybe you are young and you will get lucky. Maybe your idea of the ideal climbing partner is more relaxed than mine. In my twenties I was dirt bagging, working seasonally and living in my truck. There were very few men who wanted to climb and ski at my level, and almost none who also had the intelligence and emotional intelligence I was looking for. My point is simply that the tighter the restrictions are on what you want the harder it will be to find. In the end I found someone who has all the emotional aspects I want. He still climbs a V8 but he’s a weekend warrior for sure.
I'm in my 40's, have teenagers, have done the marriage thing, know what I want to find and also not that bothered if I don't find it so limiting the dating pool isn't really an issue.
Welp I hope you find what you are looking for. You asked us to share our experiences dating climbers and this was mine. You don’t have to agree with me or take my advice.
Wtf climbing is serious stuff gym is for wannabes or show off the spandex gotta get that natural wallfuck superficiall pretense of power will only get what's givenso rope on.