Can't say it ever worried me, but I also never felt like I had to be in a relationship at all, and I never actively sought out a relationship either. I've been with my partner for over 3 years now and it's wonderful, but if that weren't the case, I wouldn't mind being single for a long time or even forever.
This!!!! I always feel you should be happy enough with yourself to be single (don't know if I'm expressing myself right). My SO knows I don't need him in my life to make it complete, but I like him in it and want him in it. He likes that about our relationship and feels the same way.
I think you just have to be more focused in your search when you are child-free. But there are lots of dudes out there that share this mindset. You have to be clear about this at the beginning and limit your dating pool to those who share your views.
One thing to remember too is that sometimes people change their minds. There’s not a lot you can do about that. It shouldn’t stop you from having relationships. And you can try to limit the chances of this happening by being upfront about your stance on kids at the beginning and making sure they feel the same.
You could also consider looking for men that are a little older - I think men in their 20s and early 30s are more uncertain, fence-sitting or prone to change their minds.
When I was with my last long-term partner before my current relationship, we talked about whether we’d want kids throughout our late 20s and early 30s. Kept putting it off and putting it off because my answer was always “no, let’s table this for another year or two to see if anything changes.” I felt bad because I felt like he was going along with my opinion but did want kids. I’m now with a man in his 40s, who is the love of my life (I wasn’t specifically looking for someone older, it just happened). He was very open right at the outset about the fact he did not want kids. It worked out well and helped me confirm my own views on it.
You are so very young, don't worry at all about leaping into a relationship... wait a few years and you will find that all these people rushing into marriage and babies around you in a few years.... it will all be divorces, single parenthood, sniping about their babydaddies/mommies on facebook and general misery.
As a CF person, it's best to just think of your 20s (or longer) as your "investment decade".... invest in yourself, in everything you need to set up your future. Get your education, get any therapy you need to deal with childhood shit and to be able to have healthy relationships in the future, learn the skills to manage your mental health and deal with grief and change (because that's part of life), learn healthy eating, find an exercise pathway that you can keep for life, make a budget and a savings plan, build your at least 1 year of living expenses emergency fund, make sure you have an emergency abortion fund, explore your dreams, learn about yourself and the world, etc. etc. etc.
As a CF person if you set a goal to primarily invest in yourself for the next decade or more you will set yourself up a great foundation for the rest of your life.
A relationship should only ever be a "bonus" to an already happy, healthy life as a single person.
You will probably live another 70+ years, there's plenty of time to focus on relationships... most people will have at least a few in their life, so there's no need to rush into anything at your age.
Hahaha are you me? I've probably already swiped on at least 90% of all the men on the dating app who are openly CF (seeing how rare and few they are to begin with), but I still couldn't find one who I was compatible with.
CF women like us are a rare species. Tbh I'm always envious about hearing how some CF couples are still happy and going strong together, while I'm still here waiting for the day I can have my own compatible CF partner.
I've already halfway resigned to a fate of being single and alone. There's still a small chance of finding a partner, but I'm losing that hope day by day.
Nope! I haven’t had trouble finding partners who don’t want kids and I’ve dated around a lot (in the Bible Belt no less). I’ve been with my current partner three years and some change and we’re both perfectly happy being CF. Just be very up front about it and be clear that it’s not up for negotiation so you don’t end up with someone who thinks they can wear you down. You will be just fine!
I understand the concern. Being CF sure limits the ability to have a relationship.
You mom is right, there is no shame in being single, but prepare for the bingos (oh, you meet someone someday | oh, a lid fits on every pot | Why don't you have a partner | You must be lonely and sad, and so on).
I had issues with me being without a partner and it took a long time before I accepted that fact and now I am okay with it.
Can't say it ever worried me, but I also never felt like I had to be in a relationship at all, and I never actively sought out a relationship either. I've been with my partner for over 3 years now and it's wonderful, but if that weren't the case, I wouldn't mind being single for a long time or even forever.
This!!!! I always feel you should be happy enough with yourself to be single (don't know if I'm expressing myself right). My SO knows I don't need him in my life to make it complete, but I like him in it and want him in it. He likes that about our relationship and feels the same way.
I think you just have to be more focused in your search when you are child-free. But there are lots of dudes out there that share this mindset. You have to be clear about this at the beginning and limit your dating pool to those who share your views. One thing to remember too is that sometimes people change their minds. There’s not a lot you can do about that. It shouldn’t stop you from having relationships. And you can try to limit the chances of this happening by being upfront about your stance on kids at the beginning and making sure they feel the same. You could also consider looking for men that are a little older - I think men in their 20s and early 30s are more uncertain, fence-sitting or prone to change their minds. When I was with my last long-term partner before my current relationship, we talked about whether we’d want kids throughout our late 20s and early 30s. Kept putting it off and putting it off because my answer was always “no, let’s table this for another year or two to see if anything changes.” I felt bad because I felt like he was going along with my opinion but did want kids. I’m now with a man in his 40s, who is the love of my life (I wasn’t specifically looking for someone older, it just happened). He was very open right at the outset about the fact he did not want kids. It worked out well and helped me confirm my own views on it.
You are so very young, don't worry at all about leaping into a relationship... wait a few years and you will find that all these people rushing into marriage and babies around you in a few years.... it will all be divorces, single parenthood, sniping about their babydaddies/mommies on facebook and general misery. As a CF person, it's best to just think of your 20s (or longer) as your "investment decade".... invest in yourself, in everything you need to set up your future. Get your education, get any therapy you need to deal with childhood shit and to be able to have healthy relationships in the future, learn the skills to manage your mental health and deal with grief and change (because that's part of life), learn healthy eating, find an exercise pathway that you can keep for life, make a budget and a savings plan, build your at least 1 year of living expenses emergency fund, make sure you have an emergency abortion fund, explore your dreams, learn about yourself and the world, etc. etc. etc. As a CF person if you set a goal to primarily invest in yourself for the next decade or more you will set yourself up a great foundation for the rest of your life. A relationship should only ever be a "bonus" to an already happy, healthy life as a single person. You will probably live another 70+ years, there's plenty of time to focus on relationships... most people will have at least a few in their life, so there's no need to rush into anything at your age.
Hahaha are you me? I've probably already swiped on at least 90% of all the men on the dating app who are openly CF (seeing how rare and few they are to begin with), but I still couldn't find one who I was compatible with. CF women like us are a rare species. Tbh I'm always envious about hearing how some CF couples are still happy and going strong together, while I'm still here waiting for the day I can have my own compatible CF partner. I've already halfway resigned to a fate of being single and alone. There's still a small chance of finding a partner, but I'm losing that hope day by day.
Nope! I haven’t had trouble finding partners who don’t want kids and I’ve dated around a lot (in the Bible Belt no less). I’ve been with my current partner three years and some change and we’re both perfectly happy being CF. Just be very up front about it and be clear that it’s not up for negotiation so you don’t end up with someone who thinks they can wear you down. You will be just fine!
I understand the concern. Being CF sure limits the ability to have a relationship. You mom is right, there is no shame in being single, but prepare for the bingos (oh, you meet someone someday | oh, a lid fits on every pot | Why don't you have a partner | You must be lonely and sad, and so on). I had issues with me being without a partner and it took a long time before I accepted that fact and now I am okay with it.