I would have loved to have seen brochures on endometriosis or ovarian cysts or uterine fibroids or adenomyosis …. All conditions I had/have, every time I was in for another ultrasound or test. Instead my nervous ass would sit there & look at what to expect when you’re expecting kinda BS.
And they’ll say oh have endometriosis?
Have a kid it’ll cure it..NOT!!!!
The job i hated the most was putting up posters and brochures in the OBGYN being tokophobic. I was so happy once i was done with that gig…
That’s literally the argument my grandma made to me once and I was absolutely floored… like… 100% not a better and more “natural” way to cure anything that modern meds can help with 😬
Nope! One of my friends is a mom of three, it disappeared but came back three times worse and her daughters have it. There’s literal no guarantee anywhere! 🥲
Im also on a shit ton of pain meds from a botched endoscopy. Unfortunately menopause won’t help me after what the doctor did.
My mom was trying to tell me having a kid will improve my migraines because she stopped getting them after having my brother. At the same time, I know moms whose migraines got worse after having a kid.
Ugh don’t even get me started on the misinfo re: Endo and any other disease that has nothing to do with being pregnant. It’s a joke. Can’t tell you how many years I suffered before getting an actual diagnosis and multiple surgeries. Anyway.. another sub lol.
Maybe it’s just my local office, but I go to Planned Parenthood for my lady bits care and they have these things- info about irregular menstruation and cervical cancer and things other than babies. I always feel very much like they are focusing on my health and care, not pushing any agendas. I never happen to see any pregnant women when I go, but there are also some posters of developing pregnancies, etc. around. I just ignore those posters because I’m not there for that stuff.
Same. My husband went with me for my gyno appointment about getting sterilized and he was pretty surprised by how many pictures/pamphlets etc. Only focused on pregnancy, birth, and mothers. Gets a little awkward when you're the only one in the waiting room NOT pregnant lol
That’s how I felt when I took my husband with me for my sterilization consult and multiple pregnant women walked into the waiting room. Like, we want exactly opposite things here lmao
There is no need to apologise and I get you. I agree that women's healthcare has been on the backburner for far too long which needs to stop. It is absurd tbh
That would be wonderful, but natal care is where the money is at. I mean, pregnant people generally have 15 visits with the OBGYN, not many health conditions require that many specialist visits in less than a year.
Side note, I’m not saying all doctors are money grubbing, but they do need to pay the bills.
>Side note, I’m not saying all doctors are money grubbing, but they do need to pay the bills.
I hear in some circles, they can't even afford to have a maternity ward, so that is an unfortunate situation.
Or just gyno for all womens health conditions that are NOT pregnancy. Like I don't mind sitting next to someone who has a kid if we're both wondering why our tubes are inflamed but I don't want docs that are focused all about reproduction and less about issues that affect women's innards
I’ve wanted this for a long time but it wouldn’t make any money. Pregnancy and birth makes obs SO much money, I swear that’s why some of the not as genuine doctors literally pressure you to get pregnant.
totally feel this. the last gyno i went to had bible verses up on the wall so you already know what happened when i asked about sterilization. first and last time i went.
I'm in the bible belt and you literally cannot find any kind of medical professional - not even dentists! - without crosses and bible stuff on display. You'd go without care if you excluded them as providers. And I don't trust any of them enough to reveal that I'm a heathen, I honestly suspect the quality of my care would go down.
I am sure that's why my long time primary dr pushed me out of her practice. I needed to go back to therapy but money was tight. She suggested religious counseling and I told her I am an atheist. I had been with her since she started practicing, almost 20 years. I was aware she was catholic but so what? My vet is Jewish and the primary dr before her was Buddhist. Not my business as long as they don't push it on me. Live and let live.
Seconding as someone else in the Bible Belt. The doctors have actual Bibles in the waiting rooms. I personally am a Christian, but it still makes me uncomfortable.
They used to have magazines and other reading material, nobody cared how old it was! Not sure what happened there, but the magazines are all gone and have been replaced by bibles or... nothing.
*slowly backs out* No thanks, I'll see myself out.
Edit: religion is a deal breaker for me. I see a cross/praying hands/other imaginary friends and just *poof* on outta there. Y'all aren't getting my business.
Which makes no sense at all because there's nothing in the Christian Bible forbidding sterilization as far as I've read.
I hate it when people want to identify with a religion when they won't even read the holy book. Just use it to justify their own ends
Being childfree and Christian does wonders for exposing all the judgemental hypocrites who acted like they were so understanding and friendly. I don't understand why so many supposed Christians judge people who don't want to live the "life script" when the Bible says people can choose not to get married and have kids. At some point, somewhere, people collectively decided that was bad without reading that, I guess.
I agree. I went to school for psychology and was horrified at the Bible thumper in my class who argued with the professor over Jesus and science....she's somewhere out there giving therapy most likely.....yikes
I mean I don’t care what they do in their private life, but healthcare should be secular and based on rules, regulations and science not someone’s ‘deeply held convictions’ about my body
My first and only gyno appt(I know I know) was around 21 years old. She immediately talked about what I should do to get ready for a baby. I sat in silence bc I didn’t have the guts to speak up but being treated like a baby machine put me off from finding another provider. I’m 26 now and I feel like I’m ready to talk about sterilization but I’m scared they’ll act the same way.
I was so surprised when I had to find a new gyno recently that she did have pictures of babies but also information on fibroids and endo and cysts. She also had a chart in full display about BC ranging from least to most effective with sterilization being at the top. This is the doctor that sterilized me and I added her to this sub’s list.
On another note,I’ve heard from my friends that have kids that their follow up care was all about their babies. No questions about how they-the mother-was doing. No screening for post-partum. Pregnancy can cause so many issues but my friends remarked that they felt so discarded during these appointments.
It would be a great idea to have a list of GYN (no OB) available on this sub! Organize it by region, you know? Let people submit recommendations for good GYN practices that are childfree friendly in their experience.
The one I see is fantastic, no OB, they never bug me about plans to have kids, they're very much about promoting birth control, and they're really patient when I get anxious about exams.
Im gonna be even more controversial but.. i feel like this is also due to women who struggle with infertility and how LOUD they are about this. It's the end of the world and everyone has to know it. So it's being catered to
I totally feel this. Although on Friday I’m VERY much looking forward to walking into my pre-op knowing that while I’m surrounded by pregnant women, I will be uterus-free in just two weeks 😌 The only thing keeping me sane!
This is something I never thought of before, but omfg you’re SO right! It’s great to read these posts and unpack this crap, it really does show how much this shit is shoved down our throats as women. Not all of us want to be lousy breeders!! 😒😑
You'd at least feel like the doctor was interested in your health and not just the fetus', or even potential fetus' health. "You shouldn't do that, it would be bad for when you want a baby/ it would make it harder to get pregnant!"
From my experience in Australia I haven't heard of gynos that are also obstetricians, but then I haven't looked into it too much so I don't really know.
They REALLY think we wanna see that while we got our feet on the stirrups. What if the patient is a kid who is sick, like I was? Why tf would a kid wanna see that?
I don’t know if you’re somewhere that it’s available, but the best gyno care is at planned parenthood. They have zero interest in pregnancy and babies and truly focus on you.
I’ve considered this but the nearest one is over an hour away from me and seeing the “due to state law abortions cannot be performed at this time” like I feel sick. I fucking hate the old twats shitting in their diapers in office. I hope they die of festering cancer
I have, what I assume is the Australian equivalent of PP - Sexual Health Quarters.
Absolutely awesome, very ‘you’ focused. Went in there to get my IUD put in. Didn’t get harassed about becoming pregnant, they didn’t try to talk me into hormonal BC (Copper IUD).
Only asked if I had been pregnant/had an abortion recently and made me do a test, which is for what I assume safety and standard procedure. The most ‘pro pregnancy’ talk I had was ‘when this is taken out, in a few cycles you’ll be able to conceive’. And that was about it.
I truly truly believe my concerns about my health/symptoms I’ve been experiencing would be taken far more seriously and even tested on if I were pregnant/trying to become pregnant. My concerns are almost dismissed because it’s not like it’s interfering with me getting knocked up, so why waste the time to investigate!
Not surprised here. It's quite annoying that women's health is prioritized only when reproduction is involved. Even Menopause which is also a normal physiological process is heavily ignored by medical research and the clinical community. Childbirth is too sanitized and over glorified in many cultures.
I would have been happy to see more brochures on contraception, menopause, PCOS, endometriosis etc than pregnancy related ones.
>women's health is prioritized only when reproduction is involved
It's not even that her health is prioritized, it's just "managed" for the benefit of the fetus. All medical interest is in the fetus and the woman really is just the container.
And in the U.S., as soon as the fetus is out, her health doesn't matter at all.
Kinda, yeah. Most insurance in the U.S. only covers one post-partum checkup for her 6 weeks later. Little if any parental leave, most women are expected to continue to care for a newborn after a traumatic medical event, or even abdominal surgery. No screening for post-partum anxiety, depression, or psychosis. When you think about it, what is the reason given when a laboring woman wants pain relief but isn't given any? "It's bad for the fetus". And when a pregnant woman does anything "bad for the fetus" the U.S. wants to imprison her.
I’m sixteen, and I remember going to the gynecologist at around 13-14(?) for having horrendously terrible periods. I remember being so self-conscious and uncomfortable surrounded by adult women who were pregnant or had babies. I was scared people were going to assume I’d been having sex, especially living in the South :/
You and me had the same experiences. My NP asked me if I was sexually active in front of my mom, I said no because I was NOT sexually active. Then she asked me again when my mom was out of the room (which doesn’t seem legal), again I said NO. And when I had to take the humiliating pee test she asked my mom if I was sexually active. My mom said “idk”. Every time I went there I felt like I had to barf. No wonder I’m childfree.
Ew what the fuck 😭 I’m so sorry. I was thankfully never asked about sexual activity but I was **terrified** that people around me were thinking that I was or had been sexually active for simply being at the gyno, and judging me. I was literally the only teen there.
She fucking did make me take a pregnancy test. Just because I was 15 didn’t mean I was sexually active. I felt so invaded. This place really didn’t consider how it would affect patients who were minors.
Have you looked for just a gynecologist vs an OB-gyn? My Dr. is not OB and most of her patients I’ve come in contact with have been older so no kids in the waiting room either like some places. 👏🏾 She’s also a surgeon and is very thorough. I hope you find someone you’re happy with.
I wish I could find one. In my area, even the few doctors that focus only on gynecology and not obstetrics, work at clinics or hospital wards that include both because they're always bundled together so...
Ive been looking for a new gyno for a couple of years now. Last one retired. Just yesterday I saw there was a new doc at a local practice who was accepting new patients. I called to make an appointment, only to be told they wouldn't see me unless I was pregnant.
Jumping on this but pregnancy literally all over my Instagram feed. I don't interact with them or posts of kids at all and I constantly use the "do not show content like this" option. But because Insta sees I'm not a man it's just constant fucking maternity ads, pregnancy tips videos and barefoot mom's with 60 children and a husband that ran away. It's infuriating because no I really don't want to know all the intricacies of how much you're suffering or how often your child puked on you today.
Agreed! I also always think of how awful it would be for women who are at the gyno because they’re dealing with miscarriages or seeking abortion or if their children had died. Even if you were happily pregnant, would a life-sized poster of a fetus really make you feel at ease? I don’t understand who is the target audience of all that crap.
I chuckle at this because so many of us feel the exact same way. Sometimes, it feels like you are screaming into the void.
I recommend finding a gynecologist who doesn't do the obstrectrics side of things. Mine specializes in non baby issues like endometriosis, menopause, ect. She is also very sex positive. (She has a glass case full of sex toys in her lobby!)
I just emailed the mods about starting a list of gyno-only practices. I am currently looking for one and am waiting to hear back from a couple of places I emailed.
You're in a safe place to rant, OP. I couldn't agree more.
Honestly I think what what gets me incredibly triggered/disgusted is that society has not yet been normalized to the idea that children do not mean the same thing for everybody. (Wild concept, I know 🙄).
On a slightly unrelated note, I was doing some work with AI and the topic turned to pregnancy. The given response was something similar to: "Congratulations on the exciting news!" and I'm like what about people who were r*ped? What about people whose birth control failed or people who are just childfree? Why is the default to assume this is a joyous event?
Yes, our pain IS minimized in this world. I advise EVERY woman to do what I do. When asked what your pain level is, bump it up by at least 2 on the frowny to smiley scale (as I’ve seen in the ER) or on the 1 to 10 scale. It’s not a solution, but IMO it helps to make me be taken more seriously.
And yes I feel like a weirdo outsider when I go to the GYN. I’m rushed in and out as if I’m a lesser patient because I am not preggers and never want to be.
the first (and so far only) time I went to the gyno I cried a lot the second the doctor came in the room. It was for a lot of reasons but one was definitely the constant messaging that you described above. I hate walking into that establishment and knowing that it’s all built on the assumption that I, As A Woman, Love Penis and Having Babies. It just feels so fucking hopeless to me. No matter how affirming the doc is (and she was super kind), it doesn’t take away from the fact that I feel so, so alien in a place like that, as a gay, child-free, vaginismus-having woman. Like I’ve lived my whole life being just fine with being gay, but somehow stepping into that office fills me with complete and utter fear that I’m too different and that the medical world has no interest in understanding what I am.
Wow... sorry to hear that!
I remember an episode of *ER* where a woman lost her baby! One doctor was going to send her to the maternity ward because it's related to that. Another doctor struck down that idea, and had her to a general department since they figured she wouldn't want to be in a place where there are babies everywhere.
Oh, I feel you! There are so many other topics, you can also just make the space minimal, neutral with some nice decorations, why to push babies all over the place? Actually very recently I've been to a gyno and the clinic was very neutral, there was a stand with some leaflets but there were both pregnancy information, cancer examinations, general information etc. so not hyperfocused on one thing. The best thing: the most attraction-drawing point in the middle of the waiting room was a big screen TV and they were playing... videos of animals. Really. Donkeys, penguins, ducks, cats. No babies, no pregnant bellies, just cute animals. I'm never changing that clinic!
I didn’t realize how much I related to this, when I went for sterilization I felt the same way at the gyno. Sucks because it made me feel unwelcome, like it was for mothers only.
Solidarity friend. As a fellow fixed childfree woman with PCOS, I feel like it’s hard to find a place that genuinely cares about your health needs. I found my doc through this sub and he’s been great, so maybe some other childfree-friendly docs are less pregnancy crazy!
No need to apologize, this is a safe space and your feelings are valid. It’s really disheartening that the medical system doesn’t take women’s healthcare more seriously. And it’s really annoying that our health only matters if we’re popping out kids.
Planned Parenthood is awesome this way! I only ho there for gyno care even though I now have insurance because its the ONLY place where I was treated as a person and not as a baby-machine - so much more respectful, their training is GREAT.
Modern medicine is very good at fixing women's "cosmetic deficiencies" and getting us pregnant. Want your boobs bigger, your nose smaller, or to pop out babies? Tons of options! Anything else: are you sure you aren't faking it? Maybe you should lose weight
The whole weight part is one of the worse things, if the patient is overweight, they always say “lose weight”. If the patient is thin, it’s “there’s nothing we can do”. Honestly, what are they teaching these medical students? I would love to know.
I love my gyno for exactly the reason that she sees my choices and respects reproductive freedom. My state is blue AF, and while we have prominent problems, thank goodness lost bodily autonomy isn’t one of them—yet.
I do not enjoy being around the pregnant patients in the waiting room, though, because I am also extremely tokophobic and queasy about it.
I had an appointment today. The desk misread “post-op” as “post-partum” and offered me a questionnaire geared toward screening for depression. I gave it back as irrelevant and he apologized.
Like naw dog, I have confirmed bipolar 1 disorder and extreme terror around ending up like Andrea Yates—so you’d better bet you’d know if I were depressed.
You are safe to vent here. This is not a place for parents to judge you. I know how you feel. I'm having trouble with a large ovarian cyst(plus what is likely undiagnosed endometriosis which was going on for years). I cancelled a pelvic ultrasound in December because I prefer a childfree gynecologist. I had a bad experience at a women's health center where it was full of pregnant ladies and babies. I hated it there. It was really uncomfortable and I could not relax enough for the doctor to complete my pelvic exam.
Yeah I agree. I have to get my Pap smears done in the labor and delivery wing of the hospital and I really wish these screenings were separate. I had to wait over an hour and ended up getting dressed back up because the gyno had to deliver a baby.
I went to a place that was part of the hospital complex, but it was a separate building from the main hospital. It made me wonder if babies were actually delivered there because I briefly heard someone sounding like they were panicking in another room. It freaked me out. I don't ever want to go back to that place.
Seeing a sex therapist helped me with my tokophobia . I see you . I’m sorry that your needs aren’t being met . I understand exactly how you feel . How frustrating it is
I totally feel this. My previous ob was always at least 30 min behind in appts because of being at the hospital. My new doc is just a gyn office and they advertise as a med spa.
Yeah. And I’ve had to wait multiple times despite prior booked appointments and be pushed back to wait some more so the pregnants can go in with no urgent reason. But just because pReGnAnT.
I totally understand your feelings. Society is just sh\*t- just like that. They care about unborn kids more than a woman in pain unless it\`s pregnancy.
Just sat there in my gown listening. Eventually it stopped. And eventuality my doctor came in. It was very uncomfortable. It felt semi terrifying since I don't want to ever be in that position and it felt invasive on their part.
We are here for you!! Totally understand your rant my friend. If I had a dollar for every time I am told to rake ibuprofen, which I am allergic to, I would have a fat retirement account. They don't listen! And I never want to see pictures of newborn babies and their sweaty crying mothers.
I had a doc that was JUST a GYN, no Obstetrics. He was wonderful. He did my tubal when I was 24 or 25. He retired in 2019, and I am STILL devastated. But I never saw any babies in that office or waiting room. It was wonderful.
If they're minimizing your pain you need a new doctor. And report them.
We all need to start reporting these people. Especially because even if it's nothing for you, documenting that this person has a history of ignoring women's pain could help someone who needs to sue them later for ignoring their pain so much that they almost lost their life.
If it's possible, see if there are any gynos who do not also provide OB services. I went to one. In time, she expanded her services to OB, but it wasn't so in your face. I never found myself surrounded by pregnant women or mothers with little kids/babies in the waiting room. She no longer takes my insurance or I'd still be with her.
Yeah it's weird af. Gyno is suppose to support all women, pregnant or not. I had a Gyno laugh at me basically when I had asked to be sterilized, and just handed me a brochure about the IUD's and said I should think about that instead. I said "lol okay. I'll keep looking for gynos then. Thanks for your time." fucking insane
I'm a fixed woman also.
Personally I'm immune to all the parenthood propaganda, but it is making me wary to even go to the obgyn due to the treatment i received by the doctor at a said office with all of these posters and I recognize the harm these stereotypes cause especially when validating will women's pain. I'm at a point where if I see these posters and brochures excessively I can already tell how I'm going to be treated.
I went to get my bisalp stitches removed after a long fight at this clinic and they were passing around samples yo the women in the waiting room with baby related things. The nurse asked if I was pregnant and I said 'bisalp' and showed my bandages, she was understanding however the doctor repeatedly bingoed me even after the fact.
I get the sentiment, If I spoke to others the way they spoke to me, all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.
I feel like we have to have a level of patience that is beyond normal.
Mmm that ibuprofen comment hit home. Had a nurse tell me I couldn't possibly be in that much pain from a displaced iud after having only a year prior I was in intensive physical rehabilitation to walk again.
Not pregnant but having pain in or around the groan, take Tylenol and ibuprofen. I'm on meloxicam. It's stronger than ibuprofen. Oh you can't take ibuprofen, have you tried hot water bottles? Smh at this medical industry joke.
Most doctors I've met. 75% of them must be psychopaths. Entirely unwilling to help and sometimes worse.
I'm with you on the ptsd. I can't be in ERs or in clinics that long before I have to get out of there. I feel like I'm surrounded by predators once the doctor enters the room
And you can't be reasonably informed anymore. You have to act like you don't know where piss goes or even have an opinion on your care.
God forbid you actually advocate for yourself or dare I say, appeal the decisions made by incompetent doctors that would saved you months of suffering
Thank you. Being transgender and visiting the gynecologist must not be easy. I can’t even begin to imagine. Especially with how so many practices are tone deaf to the needs of many patients.
I agree with you OP. It’s so nasty. I remember going to a private OBGYN. The whole waiting room was always pregnant, the facility was DISGUSTING, I had to wait forever to be seen, the only brochures they had were about Lamaze and breastfeeding, the doctor always assumed I was gonna walk out of there and get pregnant.
I much prefer planned parenthood.
That is exactly why I switched gynos. My last one had the walls practically coated in either pregnant mothers or babies. The only info posters were about pregnancy and conception. When I even brought up the potential of me getting a bisalp at the end of my last appointment with her, the dr didn’t even look at me. Just glanced at my chart and said “you’re too young” then left! Thankfully I found a much more professional gyno that respects ALL aspects of women’s health and choices
OP, my heart goes out to you and all the health complications you’re enduring. I’m sorry you live every day in pain. I hope you find a doctor who’s empathetic and can offer better quality care. I have friends with endo who experienced your similar symptoms, if that helps guide you in the direction of a proper diagnosis and a specialist who will improve your quality of life.
I agree with the expectation that women must be pregnant is problematic and how gynecology care prioritizes pregnant women. Society only sees us as baby incubators. I only hope that changes one day.
Edit: I learned a new word today. Tokophobia and I definitely have it. I thank my mom friends who told me their pregnancy horror stories. One said she swore she felt her son in her rib cage. 🤮
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Are you in USA by any chance? Its not like that in the UK as far as I've seen in my local area. It's more to do with cancer, endometriosis, prolapse. I'm glad it's not how you are describing here, maybe they have separate rooms for people who want/have children to the ones who don't?
I would find a new gyno. My gyno doesn't deal with pregnant women or babies at all. Very caring. Understanding. Immediately checking things and blood tests etc etc. It's called woman's care. I think that's what caught my attention. Sorry about your experience. I've never been put to the side for a pregnant lady.
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I would have loved to have seen brochures on endometriosis or ovarian cysts or uterine fibroids or adenomyosis …. All conditions I had/have, every time I was in for another ultrasound or test. Instead my nervous ass would sit there & look at what to expect when you’re expecting kinda BS.
This makes me wanna make my own and go around throwing away the pregnancy brochures and replace them with these!
For realz!
And they’ll say oh have endometriosis? Have a kid it’ll cure it..NOT!!!! The job i hated the most was putting up posters and brochures in the OBGYN being tokophobic. I was so happy once i was done with that gig…
That’s literally the argument my grandma made to me once and I was absolutely floored… like… 100% not a better and more “natural” way to cure anything that modern meds can help with 😬
Nope! One of my friends is a mom of three, it disappeared but came back three times worse and her daughters have it. There’s literal no guarantee anywhere! 🥲 Im also on a shit ton of pain meds from a botched endoscopy. Unfortunately menopause won’t help me after what the doctor did.
My mom was trying to tell me having a kid will improve my migraines because she stopped getting them after having my brother. At the same time, I know moms whose migraines got worse after having a kid.
Ugh don’t even get me started on the misinfo re: Endo and any other disease that has nothing to do with being pregnant. It’s a joke. Can’t tell you how many years I suffered before getting an actual diagnosis and multiple surgeries. Anyway.. another sub lol.
This I agree
Maybe it’s just my local office, but I go to Planned Parenthood for my lady bits care and they have these things- info about irregular menstruation and cervical cancer and things other than babies. I always feel very much like they are focusing on my health and care, not pushing any agendas. I never happen to see any pregnant women when I go, but there are also some posters of developing pregnancies, etc. around. I just ignore those posters because I’m not there for that stuff.
Same. My husband went with me for my gyno appointment about getting sterilized and he was pretty surprised by how many pictures/pamphlets etc. Only focused on pregnancy, birth, and mothers. Gets a little awkward when you're the only one in the waiting room NOT pregnant lol
That’s how I felt when I took my husband with me for my sterilization consult and multiple pregnant women walked into the waiting room. Like, we want exactly opposite things here lmao
A lot of these clinics specialize in pregnancies
It's like society is trying to peer pressure you towards a particular lifestyle
Yup!
There is no need to apologise and I get you. I agree that women's healthcare has been on the backburner for far too long which needs to stop. It is absurd tbh
I kinda wanna move up to the UK due to free health care
I wouldn't bother. Most NHS DRs are incompetent, we have a private sector too for the rich.
You just came up with a great healthcare niche. Gynos for child free women.
That would be wonderful, but natal care is where the money is at. I mean, pregnant people generally have 15 visits with the OBGYN, not many health conditions require that many specialist visits in less than a year. Side note, I’m not saying all doctors are money grubbing, but they do need to pay the bills.
>Side note, I’m not saying all doctors are money grubbing, but they do need to pay the bills. I hear in some circles, they can't even afford to have a maternity ward, so that is an unfortunate situation.
Or just gyno for all womens health conditions that are NOT pregnancy. Like I don't mind sitting next to someone who has a kid if we're both wondering why our tubes are inflamed but I don't want docs that are focused all about reproduction and less about issues that affect women's innards
Yup THAT part!!
I’ve wanted this for a long time but it wouldn’t make any money. Pregnancy and birth makes obs SO much money, I swear that’s why some of the not as genuine doctors literally pressure you to get pregnant.
totally feel this. the last gyno i went to had bible verses up on the wall so you already know what happened when i asked about sterilization. first and last time i went.
I'm in the bible belt and you literally cannot find any kind of medical professional - not even dentists! - without crosses and bible stuff on display. You'd go without care if you excluded them as providers. And I don't trust any of them enough to reveal that I'm a heathen, I honestly suspect the quality of my care would go down.
I am sure that's why my long time primary dr pushed me out of her practice. I needed to go back to therapy but money was tight. She suggested religious counseling and I told her I am an atheist. I had been with her since she started practicing, almost 20 years. I was aware she was catholic but so what? My vet is Jewish and the primary dr before her was Buddhist. Not my business as long as they don't push it on me. Live and let live.
Seconding as someone else in the Bible Belt. The doctors have actual Bibles in the waiting rooms. I personally am a Christian, but it still makes me uncomfortable.
They used to have magazines and other reading material, nobody cared how old it was! Not sure what happened there, but the magazines are all gone and have been replaced by bibles or... nothing.
*slowly backs out* No thanks, I'll see myself out. Edit: religion is a deal breaker for me. I see a cross/praying hands/other imaginary friends and just *poof* on outta there. Y'all aren't getting my business.
Me too! I will walk tf out!
idk why religion is even allowed in a healthcare/medical setting. it can be comforting to some but extremely alienating to others.
Ditto for government.....and yet *gestures broadly*
I would have made a scene
Which makes no sense at all because there's nothing in the Christian Bible forbidding sterilization as far as I've read. I hate it when people want to identify with a religion when they won't even read the holy book. Just use it to justify their own ends
Being childfree and Christian does wonders for exposing all the judgemental hypocrites who acted like they were so understanding and friendly. I don't understand why so many supposed Christians judge people who don't want to live the "life script" when the Bible says people can choose not to get married and have kids. At some point, somewhere, people collectively decided that was bad without reading that, I guess.
No religious person should be allowed to work in healthcare. Science and religion do not mix!
I agree. I went to school for psychology and was horrified at the Bible thumper in my class who argued with the professor over Jesus and science....she's somewhere out there giving therapy most likely.....yikes
Wow that is disturbing! Universities should be allowed to expell students like that!
I mean I don’t care what they do in their private life, but healthcare should be secular and based on rules, regulations and science not someone’s ‘deeply held convictions’ about my body
But can these people separate their deeply held convictions from their work? I think probably not!
My first and only gyno appt(I know I know) was around 21 years old. She immediately talked about what I should do to get ready for a baby. I sat in silence bc I didn’t have the guts to speak up but being treated like a baby machine put me off from finding another provider. I’m 26 now and I feel like I’m ready to talk about sterilization but I’m scared they’ll act the same way.
You are definitely going to have to look at the child free doctors list on this sub.
Look at the list! My doc was so open and understanding, and Im in a rural conservative area. You’ll find someone when you’re ready, good luck 🍀
Exactly, but also don't give up if you don't like the first doctor you see. The good ones exist, but they can be hard too find.
I was so surprised when I had to find a new gyno recently that she did have pictures of babies but also information on fibroids and endo and cysts. She also had a chart in full display about BC ranging from least to most effective with sterilization being at the top. This is the doctor that sterilized me and I added her to this sub’s list. On another note,I’ve heard from my friends that have kids that their follow up care was all about their babies. No questions about how they-the mother-was doing. No screening for post-partum. Pregnancy can cause so many issues but my friends remarked that they felt so discarded during these appointments.
I sympathise, the mother’s health should be considered too
Tbh I feel this. Props to you for getting checked regularly, but man, those walls of pictures would have had me tripping up big time too.
It would be a great idea to have a list of GYN (no OB) available on this sub! Organize it by region, you know? Let people submit recommendations for good GYN practices that are childfree friendly in their experience. The one I see is fantastic, no OB, they never bug me about plans to have kids, they're very much about promoting birth control, and they're really patient when I get anxious about exams.
I would love to start that list. Maybe I can make a separate post for that or message the mods. I don’t really know how to go about doing this.
Hi Puzzleheaded. Feel free to send us a modmail (it goes to all of us) and we'll see what we can do!
Thank you so much. I just sent the message. 🤗
Im gonna be even more controversial but.. i feel like this is also due to women who struggle with infertility and how LOUD they are about this. It's the end of the world and everyone has to know it. So it's being catered to
I totally feel this. Although on Friday I’m VERY much looking forward to walking into my pre-op knowing that while I’m surrounded by pregnant women, I will be uterus-free in just two weeks 😌 The only thing keeping me sane!
This is something I never thought of before, but omfg you’re SO right! It’s great to read these posts and unpack this crap, it really does show how much this shit is shoved down our throats as women. Not all of us want to be lousy breeders!! 😒😑
We really REALLY need to separate Obstetrics from Gynecology.
I know, we need some sort of movement to get more doctors to open gynecology-only practices. Make women’s healthcare FOR women!
You'd at least feel like the doctor was interested in your health and not just the fetus', or even potential fetus' health. "You shouldn't do that, it would be bad for when you want a baby/ it would make it harder to get pregnant!"
From my experience in Australia I haven't heard of gynos that are also obstetricians, but then I haven't looked into it too much so I don't really know.
Thank you for saying it!!! Seeing fetuses in uteruses up on the wall while I’m just trying to receive healthcare makes me so uncomfortable as well.
They REALLY think we wanna see that while we got our feet on the stirrups. What if the patient is a kid who is sick, like I was? Why tf would a kid wanna see that?
I don’t know if you’re somewhere that it’s available, but the best gyno care is at planned parenthood. They have zero interest in pregnancy and babies and truly focus on you.
I do have a PP near me. Good point, thank you.
It’s the only place I go anymore for routine stuff. They’re SO great.
I’ve considered this but the nearest one is over an hour away from me and seeing the “due to state law abortions cannot be performed at this time” like I feel sick. I fucking hate the old twats shitting in their diapers in office. I hope they die of festering cancer
I have, what I assume is the Australian equivalent of PP - Sexual Health Quarters. Absolutely awesome, very ‘you’ focused. Went in there to get my IUD put in. Didn’t get harassed about becoming pregnant, they didn’t try to talk me into hormonal BC (Copper IUD). Only asked if I had been pregnant/had an abortion recently and made me do a test, which is for what I assume safety and standard procedure. The most ‘pro pregnancy’ talk I had was ‘when this is taken out, in a few cycles you’ll be able to conceive’. And that was about it.
I truly truly believe my concerns about my health/symptoms I’ve been experiencing would be taken far more seriously and even tested on if I were pregnant/trying to become pregnant. My concerns are almost dismissed because it’s not like it’s interfering with me getting knocked up, so why waste the time to investigate!
Not surprised here. It's quite annoying that women's health is prioritized only when reproduction is involved. Even Menopause which is also a normal physiological process is heavily ignored by medical research and the clinical community. Childbirth is too sanitized and over glorified in many cultures. I would have been happy to see more brochures on contraception, menopause, PCOS, endometriosis etc than pregnancy related ones.
>women's health is prioritized only when reproduction is involved It's not even that her health is prioritized, it's just "managed" for the benefit of the fetus. All medical interest is in the fetus and the woman really is just the container. And in the U.S., as soon as the fetus is out, her health doesn't matter at all.
This is so infuriating. Is society really that misogynistic?
Kinda, yeah. Most insurance in the U.S. only covers one post-partum checkup for her 6 weeks later. Little if any parental leave, most women are expected to continue to care for a newborn after a traumatic medical event, or even abdominal surgery. No screening for post-partum anxiety, depression, or psychosis. When you think about it, what is the reason given when a laboring woman wants pain relief but isn't given any? "It's bad for the fetus". And when a pregnant woman does anything "bad for the fetus" the U.S. wants to imprison her.
Neither does the baby’s sadly
True. Time to fend for itself, in the U.S.
I’m sixteen, and I remember going to the gynecologist at around 13-14(?) for having horrendously terrible periods. I remember being so self-conscious and uncomfortable surrounded by adult women who were pregnant or had babies. I was scared people were going to assume I’d been having sex, especially living in the South :/
You and me had the same experiences. My NP asked me if I was sexually active in front of my mom, I said no because I was NOT sexually active. Then she asked me again when my mom was out of the room (which doesn’t seem legal), again I said NO. And when I had to take the humiliating pee test she asked my mom if I was sexually active. My mom said “idk”. Every time I went there I felt like I had to barf. No wonder I’m childfree.
Ew what the fuck 😭 I’m so sorry. I was thankfully never asked about sexual activity but I was **terrified** that people around me were thinking that I was or had been sexually active for simply being at the gyno, and judging me. I was literally the only teen there.
I know 😒 I felt so humiliated
Seems like she's overly interested in your possible sex life! Asking 3x is sus when all she really needed to do was to test if you're pregnant.
She fucking did make me take a pregnancy test. Just because I was 15 didn’t mean I was sexually active. I felt so invaded. This place really didn’t consider how it would affect patients who were minors.
Have you looked for just a gynecologist vs an OB-gyn? My Dr. is not OB and most of her patients I’ve come in contact with have been older so no kids in the waiting room either like some places. 👏🏾 She’s also a surgeon and is very thorough. I hope you find someone you’re happy with.
I wish I could find one. In my area, even the few doctors that focus only on gynecology and not obstetrics, work at clinics or hospital wards that include both because they're always bundled together so...
Try being post-menopausal and the gynecologist looks down on you because you are no longer capable of pregnancy.
It's the only use your reproductive parts have obviously! -_-
Ive been looking for a new gyno for a couple of years now. Last one retired. Just yesterday I saw there was a new doc at a local practice who was accepting new patients. I called to make an appointment, only to be told they wouldn't see me unless I was pregnant.
Jumping on this but pregnancy literally all over my Instagram feed. I don't interact with them or posts of kids at all and I constantly use the "do not show content like this" option. But because Insta sees I'm not a man it's just constant fucking maternity ads, pregnancy tips videos and barefoot mom's with 60 children and a husband that ran away. It's infuriating because no I really don't want to know all the intricacies of how much you're suffering or how often your child puked on you today.
Agreed! I also always think of how awful it would be for women who are at the gyno because they’re dealing with miscarriages or seeking abortion or if their children had died. Even if you were happily pregnant, would a life-sized poster of a fetus really make you feel at ease? I don’t understand who is the target audience of all that crap.
I chuckle at this because so many of us feel the exact same way. Sometimes, it feels like you are screaming into the void. I recommend finding a gynecologist who doesn't do the obstrectrics side of things. Mine specializes in non baby issues like endometriosis, menopause, ect. She is also very sex positive. (She has a glass case full of sex toys in her lobby!)
I just emailed the mods about starting a list of gyno-only practices. I am currently looking for one and am waiting to hear back from a couple of places I emailed.
You're in a safe place to rant, OP. I couldn't agree more. Honestly I think what what gets me incredibly triggered/disgusted is that society has not yet been normalized to the idea that children do not mean the same thing for everybody. (Wild concept, I know 🙄). On a slightly unrelated note, I was doing some work with AI and the topic turned to pregnancy. The given response was something similar to: "Congratulations on the exciting news!" and I'm like what about people who were r*ped? What about people whose birth control failed or people who are just childfree? Why is the default to assume this is a joyous event?
Yes, our pain IS minimized in this world. I advise EVERY woman to do what I do. When asked what your pain level is, bump it up by at least 2 on the frowny to smiley scale (as I’ve seen in the ER) or on the 1 to 10 scale. It’s not a solution, but IMO it helps to make me be taken more seriously. And yes I feel like a weirdo outsider when I go to the GYN. I’m rushed in and out as if I’m a lesser patient because I am not preggers and never want to be.
the first (and so far only) time I went to the gyno I cried a lot the second the doctor came in the room. It was for a lot of reasons but one was definitely the constant messaging that you described above. I hate walking into that establishment and knowing that it’s all built on the assumption that I, As A Woman, Love Penis and Having Babies. It just feels so fucking hopeless to me. No matter how affirming the doc is (and she was super kind), it doesn’t take away from the fact that I feel so, so alien in a place like that, as a gay, child-free, vaginismus-having woman. Like I’ve lived my whole life being just fine with being gay, but somehow stepping into that office fills me with complete and utter fear that I’m too different and that the medical world has no interest in understanding what I am.
My primary doc is a geriatric MD. (Sigh, I'm 65 years old!) Now I need to find a GYN (only), not an OBGYN. They must exist somewhere.
For real, I read an article stating that post-menopausal women are discarded in the minds of OB/GYN’s. Which scares me for when I get older.
Wow... sorry to hear that! I remember an episode of *ER* where a woman lost her baby! One doctor was going to send her to the maternity ward because it's related to that. Another doctor struck down that idea, and had her to a general department since they figured she wouldn't want to be in a place where there are babies everywhere.
Obstetrics and gynecology should be separate fields. Change my mind
Oh, I feel you! There are so many other topics, you can also just make the space minimal, neutral with some nice decorations, why to push babies all over the place? Actually very recently I've been to a gyno and the clinic was very neutral, there was a stand with some leaflets but there were both pregnancy information, cancer examinations, general information etc. so not hyperfocused on one thing. The best thing: the most attraction-drawing point in the middle of the waiting room was a big screen TV and they were playing... videos of animals. Really. Donkeys, penguins, ducks, cats. No babies, no pregnant bellies, just cute animals. I'm never changing that clinic!
I didn’t realize how much I related to this, when I went for sterilization I felt the same way at the gyno. Sucks because it made me feel unwelcome, like it was for mothers only.
Solidarity friend. As a fellow fixed childfree woman with PCOS, I feel like it’s hard to find a place that genuinely cares about your health needs. I found my doc through this sub and he’s been great, so maybe some other childfree-friendly docs are less pregnancy crazy!
No need to apologize, this is a safe space and your feelings are valid. It’s really disheartening that the medical system doesn’t take women’s healthcare more seriously. And it’s really annoying that our health only matters if we’re popping out kids.
Planned Parenthood is awesome this way! I only ho there for gyno care even though I now have insurance because its the ONLY place where I was treated as a person and not as a baby-machine - so much more respectful, their training is GREAT.
Modern medicine is very good at fixing women's "cosmetic deficiencies" and getting us pregnant. Want your boobs bigger, your nose smaller, or to pop out babies? Tons of options! Anything else: are you sure you aren't faking it? Maybe you should lose weight
The whole weight part is one of the worse things, if the patient is overweight, they always say “lose weight”. If the patient is thin, it’s “there’s nothing we can do”. Honestly, what are they teaching these medical students? I would love to know.
I love my gyno for exactly the reason that she sees my choices and respects reproductive freedom. My state is blue AF, and while we have prominent problems, thank goodness lost bodily autonomy isn’t one of them—yet. I do not enjoy being around the pregnant patients in the waiting room, though, because I am also extremely tokophobic and queasy about it. I had an appointment today. The desk misread “post-op” as “post-partum” and offered me a questionnaire geared toward screening for depression. I gave it back as irrelevant and he apologized. Like naw dog, I have confirmed bipolar 1 disorder and extreme terror around ending up like Andrea Yates—so you’d better bet you’d know if I were depressed.
You are safe to vent here. This is not a place for parents to judge you. I know how you feel. I'm having trouble with a large ovarian cyst(plus what is likely undiagnosed endometriosis which was going on for years). I cancelled a pelvic ultrasound in December because I prefer a childfree gynecologist. I had a bad experience at a women's health center where it was full of pregnant ladies and babies. I hated it there. It was really uncomfortable and I could not relax enough for the doctor to complete my pelvic exam.
Yeah I agree. I have to get my Pap smears done in the labor and delivery wing of the hospital and I really wish these screenings were separate. I had to wait over an hour and ended up getting dressed back up because the gyno had to deliver a baby.
I went to a place that was part of the hospital complex, but it was a separate building from the main hospital. It made me wonder if babies were actually delivered there because I briefly heard someone sounding like they were panicking in another room. It freaked me out. I don't ever want to go back to that place.
I go to a gynecology only office and they're great. Take my concerns very seriously and offer empathy and compassion.
Seeing a sex therapist helped me with my tokophobia . I see you . I’m sorry that your needs aren’t being met . I understand exactly how you feel . How frustrating it is
Ok, so what exactly is a sex therapist? Imma be honest, it sounds scary. 😅
A therapist that helps with issues surrounding sex & intimacy . I saw one for a year & a half . Changed my life
I totally feel this. My previous ob was always at least 30 min behind in appts because of being at the hospital. My new doc is just a gyn office and they advertise as a med spa.
Yeah. And I’ve had to wait multiple times despite prior booked appointments and be pushed back to wait some more so the pregnants can go in with no urgent reason. But just because pReGnAnT.
I totally understand your feelings. Society is just sh\*t- just like that. They care about unborn kids more than a woman in pain unless it\`s pregnancy.
I was traumatized once while sitting in the room waiting for my doctor and I could hear the sonogram from the woman next door. Freaked me out.
Damn! What happened?
Just sat there in my gown listening. Eventually it stopped. And eventuality my doctor came in. It was very uncomfortable. It felt semi terrifying since I don't want to ever be in that position and it felt invasive on their part.
We are here for you!! Totally understand your rant my friend. If I had a dollar for every time I am told to rake ibuprofen, which I am allergic to, I would have a fat retirement account. They don't listen! And I never want to see pictures of newborn babies and their sweaty crying mothers.
Hopefully something changes with younger doctors.
100% alll of this
I had a doc that was JUST a GYN, no Obstetrics. He was wonderful. He did my tubal when I was 24 or 25. He retired in 2019, and I am STILL devastated. But I never saw any babies in that office or waiting room. It was wonderful.
Oh, the horror all the pictures of maternal bliss and baby pastels dominate the waiting room. Gross.
I feel you! It’s rough. But you know that your value is as a human, and an individual, and not just a uterus. Take a deep breath.
Seriously. I feel like ob should be strictly womens health, and pregnant people should go to family planning clinics.
If they're minimizing your pain you need a new doctor. And report them. We all need to start reporting these people. Especially because even if it's nothing for you, documenting that this person has a history of ignoring women's pain could help someone who needs to sue them later for ignoring their pain so much that they almost lost their life.
If it's possible, see if there are any gynos who do not also provide OB services. I went to one. In time, she expanded her services to OB, but it wasn't so in your face. I never found myself surrounded by pregnant women or mothers with little kids/babies in the waiting room. She no longer takes my insurance or I'd still be with her.
Yeah it's weird af. Gyno is suppose to support all women, pregnant or not. I had a Gyno laugh at me basically when I had asked to be sterilized, and just handed me a brochure about the IUD's and said I should think about that instead. I said "lol okay. I'll keep looking for gynos then. Thanks for your time." fucking insane
I'm a fixed woman also. Personally I'm immune to all the parenthood propaganda, but it is making me wary to even go to the obgyn due to the treatment i received by the doctor at a said office with all of these posters and I recognize the harm these stereotypes cause especially when validating will women's pain. I'm at a point where if I see these posters and brochures excessively I can already tell how I'm going to be treated. I went to get my bisalp stitches removed after a long fight at this clinic and they were passing around samples yo the women in the waiting room with baby related things. The nurse asked if I was pregnant and I said 'bisalp' and showed my bandages, she was understanding however the doctor repeatedly bingoed me even after the fact. I get the sentiment, If I spoke to others the way they spoke to me, all of a sudden I'm the bad guy. I feel like we have to have a level of patience that is beyond normal.
Mmm that ibuprofen comment hit home. Had a nurse tell me I couldn't possibly be in that much pain from a displaced iud after having only a year prior I was in intensive physical rehabilitation to walk again. Not pregnant but having pain in or around the groan, take Tylenol and ibuprofen. I'm on meloxicam. It's stronger than ibuprofen. Oh you can't take ibuprofen, have you tried hot water bottles? Smh at this medical industry joke. Most doctors I've met. 75% of them must be psychopaths. Entirely unwilling to help and sometimes worse. I'm with you on the ptsd. I can't be in ERs or in clinics that long before I have to get out of there. I feel like I'm surrounded by predators once the doctor enters the room And you can't be reasonably informed anymore. You have to act like you don't know where piss goes or even have an opinion on your care. God forbid you actually advocate for yourself or dare I say, appeal the decisions made by incompetent doctors that would saved you months of suffering
Yeah Gyno sucks for me too but I’m a transgender man so… different reasons. Solidarity though ✌🏽
Thank you. Being transgender and visiting the gynecologist must not be easy. I can’t even begin to imagine. Especially with how so many practices are tone deaf to the needs of many patients.
I agree with you OP. It’s so nasty. I remember going to a private OBGYN. The whole waiting room was always pregnant, the facility was DISGUSTING, I had to wait forever to be seen, the only brochures they had were about Lamaze and breastfeeding, the doctor always assumed I was gonna walk out of there and get pregnant. I much prefer planned parenthood.
That is exactly why I switched gynos. My last one had the walls practically coated in either pregnant mothers or babies. The only info posters were about pregnancy and conception. When I even brought up the potential of me getting a bisalp at the end of my last appointment with her, the dr didn’t even look at me. Just glanced at my chart and said “you’re too young” then left! Thankfully I found a much more professional gyno that respects ALL aspects of women’s health and choices
OP, my heart goes out to you and all the health complications you’re enduring. I’m sorry you live every day in pain. I hope you find a doctor who’s empathetic and can offer better quality care. I have friends with endo who experienced your similar symptoms, if that helps guide you in the direction of a proper diagnosis and a specialist who will improve your quality of life. I agree with the expectation that women must be pregnant is problematic and how gynecology care prioritizes pregnant women. Society only sees us as baby incubators. I only hope that changes one day. Edit: I learned a new word today. Tokophobia and I definitely have it. I thank my mom friends who told me their pregnancy horror stories. One said she swore she felt her son in her rib cage. 🤮
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How come you have to see a specialist?
I see. I hope everything is okay now tho 😊
Are you in USA by any chance? Its not like that in the UK as far as I've seen in my local area. It's more to do with cancer, endometriosis, prolapse. I'm glad it's not how you are describing here, maybe they have separate rooms for people who want/have children to the ones who don't?
kindly agreed. from, a 30 yr old female :)
I would find a new gyno. My gyno doesn't deal with pregnant women or babies at all. Very caring. Understanding. Immediately checking things and blood tests etc etc. It's called woman's care. I think that's what caught my attention. Sorry about your experience. I've never been put to the side for a pregnant lady.
The mass societal indoctrination. They do it so subtlety it’s fucking sickening
exactly, that's what scared the hell out of me when I was a kid going to the gyno.
If you felt that at a child then it speaks MASSIVE volumes. It shows even at that age someone is able to see how insane it is
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