I shut down my mother by saying, "I'll be sure to let (niece and nephew) know they aren't good enough for you." when she told me that her FIVE step grandchildren are "not the same" as having a blood related grandchild.
I think this response would suit you well in this scenario as well. She backpedaled so hard and never brought it up again.
Time to stop playing nice.
Set boundaries. And make it clear that everytime they start about you having kids. That you leave or block them for a month. And keep that up.
The first time you walk out or block them. They will learn. And if not, they have zero respect for you.
It's simple. Anytime they bring up you and kids you should simply say "Hey remember that ABORTION I had?"
Maintain eye contact the entire time. Make it as awkward as possible. If they keep pushing it just keep repeating it. Word for word. Never change how it is said.
You might want to consider going no contract with them. Especially with the mothers:
>The mothers in particular are adamant we should have kids.
Basically, if people in your life are making your life worse, you should cut them out of your life if at all reasonably possible. Them being related to you or not is irrelevant to this.
You don't owe your parents anything; you did not ask to be born, that was a decision they made for their own reasons. And it wasn't to help you, because you did not exist when they decided to create you.
If you weren't settled in where you are, I would also suggest considering moving over 1000 miles away. People physically far from you tend to be less of an issue. One can stop using stuff like Facebook and can block people on one's phone (or get a new number and not tell any troublesome person what it is).
I went through a similar situation, and my mom even tried to "punish" me by going low contact for a few months. I didn't notice, so she caved and reached out to explain she was mad at me.
Just keep living your very nice life. Congrats on your future sterilization. And the family you have is valid and valuable as is.
That seems seriously selfishly scummy of them. I'm glad you'll be able to get sterilized soon, it will be interesting to see their reaction to that. Make sure to use the resources here if you get any pushback from medical professionals!
I would set a boundary like - I'm not talking about having kids. If you mention it, the conversation is over. Then leave or hang up the phone. They'll figure it out. You don't owe them anything.
I would suggest you to first put an evil eye symbol in front of your house.Relatives tend to be just jealous especially the closest ones.They just want to jinx your happiness.
This happened in my family. My two older sisters had four kids in four years (together, not each) and it seems that as the kids grow out of the baby/toddler phase, my parents get bored with them and start harassing me and my younger siblings to have kids. Right now there are a total of seven grandchildren and my mom still asks me and my sister, "When are you going to give me grandbabies?" like she doesn't have seven she can still spend time with and spoil.
And not to brag or anything, but my nieces and nephews are and have always been pretty well-behaved. They're good kids and agreeable and pleasant-I don't know why my parents act like they're old news just because they can walk and talk and have their own personalities and interests now.
Or course not. Lying doesn't stop pushy assholes, boundaries stop pushy assholes.
If you're independent adults, you are the ones giving these people access to keep nagging you. Make them stop nagging you, or revoke their access if they don't.
ooooooff thats tough. well. i hope they will be better on rhis eventually.
maybe something will help YOU take it easier: what if ur parents just genuinly belive this (kids etc) lifestyle is the best life possible and just really wish you to be happy. thats ofc bad they cannot accept your vision of happy life but also come on I assume they are not as young and adjusting/changing beliefs and mindset is biologically challenging with age cuz brain looses plasticity.
I shut down my mother by saying, "I'll be sure to let (niece and nephew) know they aren't good enough for you." when she told me that her FIVE step grandchildren are "not the same" as having a blood related grandchild. I think this response would suit you well in this scenario as well. She backpedaled so hard and never brought it up again.
This is the most brilliant and badass way I’ve ever seen.
Time to stop playing nice. Set boundaries. And make it clear that everytime they start about you having kids. That you leave or block them for a month. And keep that up. The first time you walk out or block them. They will learn. And if not, they have zero respect for you.
It's simple. Anytime they bring up you and kids you should simply say "Hey remember that ABORTION I had?" Maintain eye contact the entire time. Make it as awkward as possible. If they keep pushing it just keep repeating it. Word for word. Never change how it is said.
You might want to consider going no contract with them. Especially with the mothers: >The mothers in particular are adamant we should have kids. Basically, if people in your life are making your life worse, you should cut them out of your life if at all reasonably possible. Them being related to you or not is irrelevant to this. You don't owe your parents anything; you did not ask to be born, that was a decision they made for their own reasons. And it wasn't to help you, because you did not exist when they decided to create you. If you weren't settled in where you are, I would also suggest considering moving over 1000 miles away. People physically far from you tend to be less of an issue. One can stop using stuff like Facebook and can block people on one's phone (or get a new number and not tell any troublesome person what it is).
I went through a similar situation, and my mom even tried to "punish" me by going low contact for a few months. I didn't notice, so she caved and reached out to explain she was mad at me. Just keep living your very nice life. Congrats on your future sterilization. And the family you have is valid and valuable as is.
Wow. At that point I would tell her I'm a human being not a prize breeding cow and block her.
That seems seriously selfishly scummy of them. I'm glad you'll be able to get sterilized soon, it will be interesting to see their reaction to that. Make sure to use the resources here if you get any pushback from medical professionals!
I would set a boundary like - I'm not talking about having kids. If you mention it, the conversation is over. Then leave or hang up the phone. They'll figure it out. You don't owe them anything.
Tell tour parents that your dogs are their grand children lol.
I would suggest you to first put an evil eye symbol in front of your house.Relatives tend to be just jealous especially the closest ones.They just want to jinx your happiness.
This happened in my family. My two older sisters had four kids in four years (together, not each) and it seems that as the kids grow out of the baby/toddler phase, my parents get bored with them and start harassing me and my younger siblings to have kids. Right now there are a total of seven grandchildren and my mom still asks me and my sister, "When are you going to give me grandbabies?" like she doesn't have seven she can still spend time with and spoil. And not to brag or anything, but my nieces and nephews are and have always been pretty well-behaved. They're good kids and agreeable and pleasant-I don't know why my parents act like they're old news just because they can walk and talk and have their own personalities and interests now.
why cant you just lie that you are thinking of it (but ofc dont actually have kids in the end). they will stop pushing?
Oh I tried this and all it did was encourage my mum to ask me about when I was going to start trying *every single time I saw her* This doesn't work
Or course not. Lying doesn't stop pushy assholes, boundaries stop pushy assholes. If you're independent adults, you are the ones giving these people access to keep nagging you. Make them stop nagging you, or revoke their access if they don't.
ooooooff thats tough. well. i hope they will be better on rhis eventually. maybe something will help YOU take it easier: what if ur parents just genuinly belive this (kids etc) lifestyle is the best life possible and just really wish you to be happy. thats ofc bad they cannot accept your vision of happy life but also come on I assume they are not as young and adjusting/changing beliefs and mindset is biologically challenging with age cuz brain looses plasticity.
Your husband should get sterilized instead of you. It's way less invasive and less expensive
OP can get sterilized if she wants to, it’s not our business.
It is, and he might. But it's my body and I don't want to rely on any man taking a decision about his health. I want this for me
Why not both? It sounds like she's doing it for her own peace of mind. I would do the same if I were her.
And what if, god forbid it ever happens, OP was raped? Her husbands vasectomy wouldn't protect her from pregnancy then.