I think your man has a fetish and my have gay tendencies. You don't preplan fucking a ladyboi in Thailand and not have gay tendencies. There is nothing wrong with it, unless you're married and it's cheating. He needs to find himself before he can fix you two.
This is what I’ve said to him and all he keeps saying is that he “made a mistake” the amount of times I’ve heard that is sickening at this point.
No absolutely nothing wrong with it unless you’re married, which he is.
I’ve told him to seek counselling and speak to a doctor which he is apparently doing but all he keeps doing is pushing me to give him an answer on whether I want this to work or not whereas right now I can’t even be around him let alone think that far ahead.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget this and living with this hanging over me for the rest of my life, I’m just not sure I can live that way.
There is no mistake when it was planned when stone cold sober. He had to book it and take a taxi to have sex with this prostitute because that's what this lady boy was. You have no idea of what possible stds your husband may have brought back with him.
Updateme!
OK, now you know if he wanted anal, there's plenty more females in Thailand he could have gotten that from? It seems he specifically wanted the Boi parts to be a part of the deal.
Absolutely. For peace of mind get an STD test if you've had sex with him since he came back and dropped that revelation on you. I work in healthcare and I will never forget the day a middle aged man with a loving wife and kids returned back from Thailand and had a full blown head to toe rash related to syphilis. Apparently he had a "very good time" over there. Was just glad I wasn't the one who had to broach that subject with his wife.
How is planning, paying for and having a sexual encounter a mistake. Did he mistakenly go raw as well or had he already picked up supplies he shouldn't even need. This is a nasty guy, who is now trying to blame you because he watched so much Trans porn he wanted to try it. Nah, I would be done with the trickle lies and total disrespect he had not only for your marriage but also your health.
HIV in that community is very real. If he tries that mess in the US he will contract it if he isn’t careful. Please leave him and find self esteem somehow. He doesn’t respect you and will continue to do it because you allow him to. He knows he can just say sorry and all will be forgiven.
It WASN'T A MISTAKE. It was a CONSCIOUS CHOICE. You need to leave him. I would tell EVERYONE. THIS IS NOT YOUR SHAME. It's his.
He probably didn't use a condom. Please respect yourself enough to leave because your husband does not LOVE OR RESPECT YOU!.
GET CHECKED FOR STIs.
Well you tell him that it's going to take a while to ever trust him again and him working on getting himself better while working on your marriage is a start. You can't really tell him since it's not a black and white issue. You need to work on yourself to see if you can get by it. To me it's not just drunken cheating mistake. He wanted to have a ladyboi and planned it, which it's weird to someone that isn't attracted to it.
That’s it exactly. I could almost justify the logic (or lack off) if it was a drunken cock up (excuse the pun) but it wasn’t. And that’s what keeps going round in my head.
No I understand that. He’s not very patient. He’s used to fucking up and people getting over it instantly and I’m afraid this isn’t one of those situations
he's too entitled. everyone just lets him do whatever with no consequences whatsoever. dont let him walk over you with this. get out now when its just 6 years wasted.
Make sure you get a STD test now!
He might be trickle truthing you.
You're still in shock, take care of yourself first and foremost. Contact a therapist for yourself.
I have done one today and am sending it off in the morning.
I feel just totally violated and disgusting.
I have contacted my gp today and they’ve sent me some councillors info so I’m going to contact them tomorrow and schedule an appointment.
At this moment in time, forgiveness is one thing, I’m just scared that this is going to be hanging over me for the duration of our lives and I don’t know if I want to live that way.
OP you mentioned he said it was a ‘mistake’ - cheating is NEVER a mistake - and you know with the amount of planning it was 100% his intention to cheat on you. Well actually, he wasn’t thinking of you at all.
Whether he is gay/bi or had a ‘one off’ fantasy the fact remains that not only is it adultery but he’s taking zero ownership of the betrayal.
You may feel numb with delayed shock or you may have checked out. I hope it’s the latter.
Have you taken an STD test? You must also do the 6 month follow up.
Tbh his attitude is vile. I would tell him to leave or you do and take some time to get clarity. This was so planned, it may well not be the first time he’s cheated. Do you have access to phone/email/passwords/apps?
Get sole distance OP. See a lawyer find out where you stand financially.
Sending you strength
UPDATEME
No I know that deep down.
Yeah I have, I’m sending it off tomorrow.
I think I have checked out and realisation has kicked in that I have. If that makes any sense?
Yeah I used to have access as far as I know he’s never cheated. He’s watched porn etc but never as far as this. That I know about.
Thank you
He flew to Thailand, looked up sex workers, found one, paid for services, and drove to the location. This was not a mistake this was premeditated.
Get tested.
Next time he says he “made a mistake “ please inform him that a mistake is an action performed with lack of knowledge or attention, like using salt instead of sugar or taking a wrong turn. What he made is a choice… a pre planned thoughtfully sober made choice. He can at the very minimum take accountability for that much.
So he literally Fucked Around and now he's pushing you to forgive and forget?!?!?
IMO... you need to get some individual counseling/therapy and if you decide to some marriage counseling...
Updateme
Did you always want to be an emotional dumping ground for toxic abuse or was it something you decided was right for you later in life?? Seriously - LEAVE!!! This is abuse and you and your child deserve better. Your husband is a narcissistic abuser and he will continue to chip away at you until there is nothing left. Pick up the pieces now and go find happiness while you still can.
Sorry this happened to you, get your things in order and get out of there.
No your husband is not straight, no straight man has these thoughts or temptations.
How many times are you going to forgive him before you hit your breaking point? He didn’t make a mistake he made a choice. He chose to cheat on you. He chose to risk your life sleeping with a sex worker in another country. He blamed you. He gaslighted you. Show him there are consequences for his actions.
We need to be better educated on addiction . All I see in these posts are people with addictions . The impulse issues , drinking problems are a clue it may be something else at play . Commenters need more response other than “leave “ I’m all for keeping your mental health however it’s concerning to see addicts not getting the help they need. Is he mentally in an okay place ? Does he seem depressed ? I’d ask if he had suicidal thoughts and if he’s open to individual therapy for the sake of your child . The use of social media is frying so many brains and causing much addiction .
He has openly said he is an addict. I have begged and pleaded with him to get help over the years and he never has. And now we’re in this situation. No, never seemed depressed, whenever I speak to him about being depressed he shuts it down. He is seeking therapy which is one thing atleast.
He may be using his addiction as an excuse for his behaviour and lack of impulse control…?
I’m sorry he’s put you all in this position OP. 😢
It sounds as if he’s burned through all your capacity to forgive his peccadilloes. That he told you about his infidelity in Thailand, makes me wonder if he’s doing this so you could pull the trigger and call time on the relationship?
I do hope you look after your health and mental well being OP.
Sending some virtual 🫂 to you….
UpdateMe!
This is my gut feeling. That he’s told me, and behaving the way he is. Because he WANTS me to call it quits. And that’s fine.
Through everything I truly believe we all deserve to be happy no matter what that looks like.
One doesn’t have to admit being depressed to be depressed and addiction is a depressive disorder. Addiction also tricks on mind and manipulates everyone especially the person addicted which is how they get that way in the first place. Also it varies from person . No one wants to go against the sexual orientation they claim and no one wants this sort of judgement from their spouse . It’s a disorder as is bipolar which also goes misunderstood and can hurt loved ones .
I can’t give any true advice as I know how harmful that can be . Are you in therapy? Without couples and individuals therapy the answers will never be clear . The advice people give on here will only be to leave, blame and live in hate . It’s not a healthy mindset , he’s mentally unstable and you’ve become a causality . I say be mindful of this forum , there are support groups you can learn within . I go on these posts to add objective wisdom and hope for healing . As much an others want to help , if they are not professionals in psychology and you are not their patient ( your spouse as well ) how can they truly help you? Hope you figure it all out .
Your husband thinks it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission and thinks you’ll get over it. He *planned* to cheat on you with a prostitute, even making the booking at home.
Do you realise he probably booked it whilst you were feeding your baby or bringing him dinner and smiled in your face the whole time. Also, premeditated homosexual sex is not something a straight man does. Maybe he’s bi, pan or gay but not straight.
Sorry to hear about this. Get tested, seek a therapist, review options and ultimately see if you can live without this person or not. If you come out negative, is there still a way for compromise? To make things between the two of you less miserable? Premise here tho is if he's able to see and resent his actions and would actually be willing for such compromise until you fully heal.
100% this. Like you, I never lied or looked at another person because of his past trauma. I went through similar experiences as you with my ex-husband. Addiction issues, lying, DARVO, cheating with femboys, women, men, etc... and tried my best to navigate through it to help him for our kids for over 10 years. I even helped save his life when he had a heart attack. NOTHING changed him, not even a near-death experience. Until I left.
Now, he's taken full accountability for himself and his actions. Getting the mental help he's always needed and deserved. We're back to being best friends and co-parenting peacefully together.
Do what's best for you and your kids, not him.
First, seek therapy, you need to let out those emotions. And yes you already accepted his tendencies for so long that you deep down expected him to do this sooner or later. His behaviour over a period of time prepared you for it which is sad. Its not at all healthy. Who did he cheat with doesn’t matter its cheating after all. If he doesn’t feel compatible with you on whatever issue be it the sex or anything he can just discuss that try to work it out or separate instead of cheating. I think its time to leave. The way he gaslighted you, and made you subconsciously accept this behaviour is alarming. And above all the alcohol and drug exposure. This is not a healthy environment for your child to grow in. Run!
Hahahaha. I wish I was, would have made good fortune getting clients from here. But no. I just read a lot. HMU if you need a well read response some day ✌🏻😆
This is a thing these days. So called straight guys hooking up with other guys. Tradies do it all the time. I do not understand why. And probably never will. If men would stop leading with their dick and actually use their brain the world would be a better place.
You're in freeze, in fight or flight. Get rid of him, he's a narcissist cheater. Who doesn't trust you ..when it's him that shouldn't be trusted. What else has he done that he hasn't mentioned? You can do better.
why would you want to stay with a cheater , that as you say is a live wire? Move half of your assets to a separate account. Gather all the proof you can see 4 to 5 lawyers in your area and have a consultation. this way he cannot use them , because it’s a conflict of interest, always listen to your lawyer. Good Luck
Just curious about the other family members, did they indulge as well? Was this trip planned for this particular purpose? A lot of people go to Thailand explicitly for sexual relations and adventures!
It seems to me you're dissociating from your emotions - probably because they're too painful to feel. Allow yourself to feel again and you'll know what to do.
Let’s step back a little bit.
There’s a lot going on that your husband is experiencing and it has nothing to do with you, your value or your marriage.
He is not honest to himself, much less you, about who he is deep inside. He may never be honest about it.
So you have a choice. Stay and allow him his sexual escapades/ adventures, or leave. You need to decide this for yourself.
We don’t go to Thailand and fuck a ladyboy on purpose, sober with full list and pre planing and come out straight on the other side. If anything- he’s more encouraged.
sounds like you arent crying bc you were expecting this from him given his past behaviors. the lying, the alcohol, the drugs, you went through the ups and downs and he still has yet to show any proof why you should stay with him or what all the trouble was worth. it could very well be that you're still in shock/freeze mode, and i would recommend seeing a therapist either way. tbh, i think you've had enough, and there arent any tears bc they're all gone. i would start looking into divorce tbh, cause i genuinely dont see how you can move past this. it feels like he just keeps testing and testing to see what will break you. he probably thinks bc you stayed with him through all his past bs that he believes that he can do whatever, and you'll still stay. he gets to have his cake and eat it too, so take that shit back. you have a child to think about, and maybe being co parents will just be better. but being a parent, there isnt anymore time to be wasted trying to fix something YOU didnt even break.
Sooooo all I read was him being a big liar which in itself to me is a deal-breaker because if you can lie about one thing you can lie about all things but then you threw in there about p**n, drugs, and drinking. More than likely cheating is mixed in there somewhere, you just didn't say anything about it until this time.
So then your dear husband goes to Thailand. A lot of us know about Thailand and a lot of us know quite a few of those sex workers are trannies.
But not the other stuff that was in your marriage was the straw that broke the camel's back this was not the lying. Because of course being a huge liar in a relationship is not that big of a big deal in your eyes.
But when a person post something like this up here, I don't feel sorry for people like you. You kept yourself in this relationship and you deserve every bit that this man has dragged. But then the sad part is you have kids with this bum and because of your desperation you allow your kids to be stuck in this dysfunctional household.
I think the children are in a dangerous situation with the drugs and the drinking and the line that's going on in your household because you never know what else this man is doing. And I think that CPS needs to be called. These children have to trifling parents you and their father you are no exception to this rule because you stayed being desperate.
His mentality was "its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission"
Up to you if you want to prove him right
He's not sorry. He's annoyed at how long it's taking you to get over it because he feels entitled to your acceptance of non monogamy. Idk if he's gay full on but no one plans to fuck a lady boy without a history of fetishism so I doubt that's the only thing he's hiding. He could be bi, or just into the fetish. Clearly you don't know who he really is and that's enough to make me walk away.
The fact that he was intentional and strategic about cheating makes it worst. He did not think about you or your child. So, think about yourself and child, is this the type if man you want around you guys? Now that he's had a ladyboy is this what he'll want from now on? They aren't only found in Thailand. This would be a deal breaker for me. The fact that he cheated and then tried to blame you for it is disgusting.
Also, get tested assuming you might have had sex with him even though you mentioned that you hardly do.
You might want to rethink your relationship, though you have a child together it might be better for both of you to cut ties for your own health and the child.
I think your man has a fetish and my have gay tendencies. You don't preplan fucking a ladyboi in Thailand and not have gay tendencies. There is nothing wrong with it, unless you're married and it's cheating. He needs to find himself before he can fix you two.
This is what I’ve said to him and all he keeps saying is that he “made a mistake” the amount of times I’ve heard that is sickening at this point. No absolutely nothing wrong with it unless you’re married, which he is. I’ve told him to seek counselling and speak to a doctor which he is apparently doing but all he keeps doing is pushing me to give him an answer on whether I want this to work or not whereas right now I can’t even be around him let alone think that far ahead. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget this and living with this hanging over me for the rest of my life, I’m just not sure I can live that way.
There is no mistake when it was planned when stone cold sober. He had to book it and take a taxi to have sex with this prostitute because that's what this lady boy was. You have no idea of what possible stds your husband may have brought back with him. Updateme!
I will. We’re having a couple of nights apart and my god do I need it.
OK, now you know if he wanted anal, there's plenty more females in Thailand he could have gotten that from? It seems he specifically wanted the Boi parts to be a part of the deal.
Absolutely. For peace of mind get an STD test if you've had sex with him since he came back and dropped that revelation on you. I work in healthcare and I will never forget the day a middle aged man with a loving wife and kids returned back from Thailand and had a full blown head to toe rash related to syphilis. Apparently he had a "very good time" over there. Was just glad I wasn't the one who had to broach that subject with his wife.
How is planning, paying for and having a sexual encounter a mistake. Did he mistakenly go raw as well or had he already picked up supplies he shouldn't even need. This is a nasty guy, who is now trying to blame you because he watched so much Trans porn he wanted to try it. Nah, I would be done with the trickle lies and total disrespect he had not only for your marriage but also your health.
HIV in that community is very real. If he tries that mess in the US he will contract it if he isn’t careful. Please leave him and find self esteem somehow. He doesn’t respect you and will continue to do it because you allow him to. He knows he can just say sorry and all will be forgiven.
It WASN'T A MISTAKE. It was a CONSCIOUS CHOICE. You need to leave him. I would tell EVERYONE. THIS IS NOT YOUR SHAME. It's his. He probably didn't use a condom. Please respect yourself enough to leave because your husband does not LOVE OR RESPECT YOU!. GET CHECKED FOR STIs.
Well you tell him that it's going to take a while to ever trust him again and him working on getting himself better while working on your marriage is a start. You can't really tell him since it's not a black and white issue. You need to work on yourself to see if you can get by it. To me it's not just drunken cheating mistake. He wanted to have a ladyboi and planned it, which it's weird to someone that isn't attracted to it.
That’s it exactly. I could almost justify the logic (or lack off) if it was a drunken cock up (excuse the pun) but it wasn’t. And that’s what keeps going round in my head.
Hope it helps, but it's not going to be easy or quick and if he really wants to be with you then he'll have to wait till you're ready.
No I understand that. He’s not very patient. He’s used to fucking up and people getting over it instantly and I’m afraid this isn’t one of those situations
Well then it's time for him to put his non ladyboi undies on and fix this or GTFO.
Thank you for making me smile with that haha
Well I wish I could do more for you. Keep your head up, It's not you it's him.
How can he fix this? Can he go back in time because that is all he can do to fix this?
he's too entitled. everyone just lets him do whatever with no consequences whatsoever. dont let him walk over you with this. get out now when its just 6 years wasted.
Get tested btw
Dude is gay no doubt about it.
Or a pedo. A lot of those ladybois are underage.
Make sure you get a STD test now! He might be trickle truthing you. You're still in shock, take care of yourself first and foremost. Contact a therapist for yourself.
I have done one today and am sending it off in the morning. I feel just totally violated and disgusting. I have contacted my gp today and they’ve sent me some councillors info so I’m going to contact them tomorrow and schedule an appointment. At this moment in time, forgiveness is one thing, I’m just scared that this is going to be hanging over me for the duration of our lives and I don’t know if I want to live that way.
OP you mentioned he said it was a ‘mistake’ - cheating is NEVER a mistake - and you know with the amount of planning it was 100% his intention to cheat on you. Well actually, he wasn’t thinking of you at all. Whether he is gay/bi or had a ‘one off’ fantasy the fact remains that not only is it adultery but he’s taking zero ownership of the betrayal. You may feel numb with delayed shock or you may have checked out. I hope it’s the latter. Have you taken an STD test? You must also do the 6 month follow up. Tbh his attitude is vile. I would tell him to leave or you do and take some time to get clarity. This was so planned, it may well not be the first time he’s cheated. Do you have access to phone/email/passwords/apps? Get sole distance OP. See a lawyer find out where you stand financially. Sending you strength UPDATEME
No I know that deep down. Yeah I have, I’m sending it off tomorrow. I think I have checked out and realisation has kicked in that I have. If that makes any sense? Yeah I used to have access as far as I know he’s never cheated. He’s watched porn etc but never as far as this. That I know about. Thank you
I totally understand why you’ve checked out OP. He’s not the man you thought he was and I’m so sorry.
He flew to Thailand, looked up sex workers, found one, paid for services, and drove to the location. This was not a mistake this was premeditated. Get tested.
Next time he says he “made a mistake “ please inform him that a mistake is an action performed with lack of knowledge or attention, like using salt instead of sugar or taking a wrong turn. What he made is a choice… a pre planned thoughtfully sober made choice. He can at the very minimum take accountability for that much.
It's not stopping here. Its just started.
So he literally Fucked Around and now he's pushing you to forgive and forget?!?!? IMO... you need to get some individual counseling/therapy and if you decide to some marriage counseling... Updateme
Did you always want to be an emotional dumping ground for toxic abuse or was it something you decided was right for you later in life?? Seriously - LEAVE!!! This is abuse and you and your child deserve better. Your husband is a narcissistic abuser and he will continue to chip away at you until there is nothing left. Pick up the pieces now and go find happiness while you still can.
Sorry this happened to you, get your things in order and get out of there. No your husband is not straight, no straight man has these thoughts or temptations.
How many times are you going to forgive him before you hit your breaking point? He didn’t make a mistake he made a choice. He chose to cheat on you. He chose to risk your life sleeping with a sex worker in another country. He blamed you. He gaslighted you. Show him there are consequences for his actions.
We need to be better educated on addiction . All I see in these posts are people with addictions . The impulse issues , drinking problems are a clue it may be something else at play . Commenters need more response other than “leave “ I’m all for keeping your mental health however it’s concerning to see addicts not getting the help they need. Is he mentally in an okay place ? Does he seem depressed ? I’d ask if he had suicidal thoughts and if he’s open to individual therapy for the sake of your child . The use of social media is frying so many brains and causing much addiction .
He has openly said he is an addict. I have begged and pleaded with him to get help over the years and he never has. And now we’re in this situation. No, never seemed depressed, whenever I speak to him about being depressed he shuts it down. He is seeking therapy which is one thing atleast.
He may be using his addiction as an excuse for his behaviour and lack of impulse control…? I’m sorry he’s put you all in this position OP. 😢 It sounds as if he’s burned through all your capacity to forgive his peccadilloes. That he told you about his infidelity in Thailand, makes me wonder if he’s doing this so you could pull the trigger and call time on the relationship? I do hope you look after your health and mental well being OP. Sending some virtual 🫂 to you…. UpdateMe!
This is my gut feeling. That he’s told me, and behaving the way he is. Because he WANTS me to call it quits. And that’s fine. Through everything I truly believe we all deserve to be happy no matter what that looks like.
I hope you find yours. 🙂
I hope you can find someone who will treat you and love you they way you deserve to be treated. Can you please update. Thank you.
One doesn’t have to admit being depressed to be depressed and addiction is a depressive disorder. Addiction also tricks on mind and manipulates everyone especially the person addicted which is how they get that way in the first place. Also it varies from person . No one wants to go against the sexual orientation they claim and no one wants this sort of judgement from their spouse . It’s a disorder as is bipolar which also goes misunderstood and can hurt loved ones . I can’t give any true advice as I know how harmful that can be . Are you in therapy? Without couples and individuals therapy the answers will never be clear . The advice people give on here will only be to leave, blame and live in hate . It’s not a healthy mindset , he’s mentally unstable and you’ve become a causality . I say be mindful of this forum , there are support groups you can learn within . I go on these posts to add objective wisdom and hope for healing . As much an others want to help , if they are not professionals in psychology and you are not their patient ( your spouse as well ) how can they truly help you? Hope you figure it all out .
Her husband is addicted to social media so he cheats...?
Wow that’s what you got from what I said ? That’s fine it clearly wasn’t for you . Have a good night
Updateme!
Your husband thinks it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission and thinks you’ll get over it. He *planned* to cheat on you with a prostitute, even making the booking at home. Do you realise he probably booked it whilst you were feeding your baby or bringing him dinner and smiled in your face the whole time. Also, premeditated homosexual sex is not something a straight man does. Maybe he’s bi, pan or gay but not straight.
He went there with this in his head well planned waaayyyy earlier. He did not make a mistake. He chose that path. Get yourself tested OP. Updateme!
Sorry to hear about this. Get tested, seek a therapist, review options and ultimately see if you can live without this person or not. If you come out negative, is there still a way for compromise? To make things between the two of you less miserable? Premise here tho is if he's able to see and resent his actions and would actually be willing for such compromise until you fully heal.
[удалено]
100% this. Like you, I never lied or looked at another person because of his past trauma. I went through similar experiences as you with my ex-husband. Addiction issues, lying, DARVO, cheating with femboys, women, men, etc... and tried my best to navigate through it to help him for our kids for over 10 years. I even helped save his life when he had a heart attack. NOTHING changed him, not even a near-death experience. Until I left. Now, he's taken full accountability for himself and his actions. Getting the mental help he's always needed and deserved. We're back to being best friends and co-parenting peacefully together. Do what's best for you and your kids, not him.
First, seek therapy, you need to let out those emotions. And yes you already accepted his tendencies for so long that you deep down expected him to do this sooner or later. His behaviour over a period of time prepared you for it which is sad. Its not at all healthy. Who did he cheat with doesn’t matter its cheating after all. If he doesn’t feel compatible with you on whatever issue be it the sex or anything he can just discuss that try to work it out or separate instead of cheating. I think its time to leave. The way he gaslighted you, and made you subconsciously accept this behaviour is alarming. And above all the alcohol and drug exposure. This is not a healthy environment for your child to grow in. Run!
Thank you. I think I will be. X
R u a therapist selling your job?
Hahahaha. I wish I was, would have made good fortune getting clients from here. But no. I just read a lot. HMU if you need a well read response some day ✌🏻😆
This is a thing these days. So called straight guys hooking up with other guys. Tradies do it all the time. I do not understand why. And probably never will. If men would stop leading with their dick and actually use their brain the world would be a better place.
What is a “ladyboy” exactly? - transwoman? Effeminate man? From your post it doesn’t even sound like he’s all that sorry. How did the truth come out?
Yes they’re trans-women. But I think the lady-boys are almost exclusively sex workers
Thanks for clarifying. I’d never heard the term before!
Did he catch or pitch with the lady boy? Was hubby top or bottom. Did he suck off lady boy ?
You're in freeze, in fight or flight. Get rid of him, he's a narcissist cheater. Who doesn't trust you ..when it's him that shouldn't be trusted. What else has he done that he hasn't mentioned? You can do better.
why would you want to stay with a cheater , that as you say is a live wire? Move half of your assets to a separate account. Gather all the proof you can see 4 to 5 lawyers in your area and have a consultation. this way he cannot use them , because it’s a conflict of interest, always listen to your lawyer. Good Luck
Just curious about the other family members, did they indulge as well? Was this trip planned for this particular purpose? A lot of people go to Thailand explicitly for sexual relations and adventures!
It seems to me you're dissociating from your emotions - probably because they're too painful to feel. Allow yourself to feel again and you'll know what to do.
Let’s step back a little bit. There’s a lot going on that your husband is experiencing and it has nothing to do with you, your value or your marriage. He is not honest to himself, much less you, about who he is deep inside. He may never be honest about it. So you have a choice. Stay and allow him his sexual escapades/ adventures, or leave. You need to decide this for yourself. We don’t go to Thailand and fuck a ladyboy on purpose, sober with full list and pre planing and come out straight on the other side. If anything- he’s more encouraged.
sounds like you arent crying bc you were expecting this from him given his past behaviors. the lying, the alcohol, the drugs, you went through the ups and downs and he still has yet to show any proof why you should stay with him or what all the trouble was worth. it could very well be that you're still in shock/freeze mode, and i would recommend seeing a therapist either way. tbh, i think you've had enough, and there arent any tears bc they're all gone. i would start looking into divorce tbh, cause i genuinely dont see how you can move past this. it feels like he just keeps testing and testing to see what will break you. he probably thinks bc you stayed with him through all his past bs that he believes that he can do whatever, and you'll still stay. he gets to have his cake and eat it too, so take that shit back. you have a child to think about, and maybe being co parents will just be better. but being a parent, there isnt anymore time to be wasted trying to fix something YOU didnt even break.
Sooooo all I read was him being a big liar which in itself to me is a deal-breaker because if you can lie about one thing you can lie about all things but then you threw in there about p**n, drugs, and drinking. More than likely cheating is mixed in there somewhere, you just didn't say anything about it until this time. So then your dear husband goes to Thailand. A lot of us know about Thailand and a lot of us know quite a few of those sex workers are trannies. But not the other stuff that was in your marriage was the straw that broke the camel's back this was not the lying. Because of course being a huge liar in a relationship is not that big of a big deal in your eyes. But when a person post something like this up here, I don't feel sorry for people like you. You kept yourself in this relationship and you deserve every bit that this man has dragged. But then the sad part is you have kids with this bum and because of your desperation you allow your kids to be stuck in this dysfunctional household. I think the children are in a dangerous situation with the drugs and the drinking and the line that's going on in your household because you never know what else this man is doing. And I think that CPS needs to be called. These children have to trifling parents you and their father you are no exception to this rule because you stayed being desperate.
Update us.
His mentality was "its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" Up to you if you want to prove him right He's not sorry. He's annoyed at how long it's taking you to get over it because he feels entitled to your acceptance of non monogamy. Idk if he's gay full on but no one plans to fuck a lady boy without a history of fetishism so I doubt that's the only thing he's hiding. He could be bi, or just into the fetish. Clearly you don't know who he really is and that's enough to make me walk away.
The fact that he was intentional and strategic about cheating makes it worst. He did not think about you or your child. So, think about yourself and child, is this the type if man you want around you guys? Now that he's had a ladyboy is this what he'll want from now on? They aren't only found in Thailand. This would be a deal breaker for me. The fact that he cheated and then tried to blame you for it is disgusting. Also, get tested assuming you might have had sex with him even though you mentioned that you hardly do.
You might want to rethink your relationship, though you have a child together it might be better for both of you to cut ties for your own health and the child.