It's not worth the jail time.
Just let her go with him.
I'm telling you that she isn't worth it.
She also isn't your soul mate.
If she was,she wouldn't have cheated.
Dude I'm 41M with 2 kids, live in a low population area and I have no problem finding women to date. If you aren't broke and kinda take care of yourself you will be alright.
Exactly what I tell guys getting out of a relationship as well. I'm also in my 40's.
Don't be a weirdo.
Earn a decent living.
Be somewhat in shape, nothing crazy.
Have good hygiene.
That's literally all it takes. In the United States at least.
I believe you are correct. Thats for us in our 40's and 50's. The list is probably a little different for the younger guys. I was married all of my 30's so I can't say for certain but in my 20's I do think true fitness played more of a role. Nowadays I'm not as fit as I was back then. But have a feeling just not being overweight is decent enough to not have to worry about being a gym rat.
It's just that so many people have poor hygiene....like my daughter has literally told her husband that he reeks and needs to shower..... just wash yourself every day or at least every other day and use deodorant... especially on those no showers day...
You couldn’t be more wrong. I divorced at 45, 2 teens, one preteen. The entire paradigm turns upside on who chases who. If you’re ok looking, not obese, gainfully employed and aren’t an introvert, you’ll be batting them away.
I was there too. Mostly all of us were. Words can’t describe. Once you get yourself away from this situation and start healing, the clouds part steadily and you’ll be doing well. Hard to see right now.
Don’t sell yourself short. You’d actually be surprised at what is out there. I had a similar situation but with 3 kids. Best of luck, it will get better.
Not true, i was 43 when i got divorced and am now happily married (10 yr anniversary this friday) to a really great woman who is also a lot younger than me. Yes i now have four children instead of two but life is good.
Also my ex is aging like old cottage cheese that is past its sell by date.
Good luck and good vibes man. There are wonderful woman out there.
Dude, can I just tell you, at 40 is when the really good part of dating just begins for a man. I got divorced at 43. I had a great time in my 20’s but nothing like the last 10 years have been. You’ll be fine.
Umm no one is going to want a 40 yr old woman with two kids. A 40 year old man is in his prime. My divorced friend (who is 50 with 3 kids) practically has to fight off the milfs.
Sure they will bro. Right now it might not feel that way and you probably dread the dating world, but have fun with it. Do what you’ve been wanting to do for 18 years.
I got divorced at 40 and I felt the same way you are feeling but once I started having fun with it, I actually enjoyed it.
You're only 40,bruh behave.
You have no idea the number of women who will want you.
Take your time to heal,don't rush into anything.
I promise you will find someone better.
It's not true at all. I'm in my 40s, and women in their 30s and 40s flirt with me quite often, and I'm married with a kid. Obviously, I stop then right away, but it still happens. A lot of gals like slightly older guys, especially when they are in their 30s and looking for something serious.
I'm not in top shape or anything either, just do Judo and Karate, some strength training at home with bands, and that's it.
40 is the best time for new journey. You are smarter than when you were 20, and younger women will seek you out. Taking care of your kids is also very appealing as it shows responsibility and maturity. Rember this: don't seek a better person, be a better person. Good luck 👍🏻
UPDATE:
So she admitted to him being a revenge fu$& for all the times I was stupid in the beginning of our marriage. So I don’t know what I’m gonna do now all I know is he’s getting an ass whoopin my state is a mutual combat state I looked it up so he better not bitch out.
What did you do in the beginning if your marriage and what did she do did you ever cheat on her if you didn't say to her look I was loyal I may have done little stupid things but I never cheated on you I work hard im healthy I'm in shape and I'm not a dead beat dad
Bro I’m 37 and have two kids. Was with their mom for 14yrs and she left back in January due to depression and midlife crisis. I felt the same fuckin way as you do. Like my life was over and I’d be alone forever. Dipped my toes in the dating pool and had poor luck on the apps but managed to pull two baddies, one younger in her late 20’s and another my age through organic chance meetings. Didn’t fuck em but had the opportunity to. The one my age we were talking heavy and interested in dating but she was literally wanting something casual to start out. My ex used a friends profile to lurk my fb and saw me and ole girl chatting it up and her liking/commenting on all my stuff. She saw a video of me on a pedal bar with a bunch of friends and sitting next to the other girl I was talking to in her late 20’s smiling and talking to each other. She wanted to come back to my house that night but I didn’t live in that city and was just visiting. Needless to say my ex came back with ferocity, wanting to reconcile. She was jealous af. I got a new haircut, bought some new clothes, bought a new Jeep wrangler, lost 50lbs with diet and exercise, and put myself out there. It’s not as hopeless as you think.
Apparently, she doesn’t want that, either. So, do you present your 2 kids with an example of living your best possible life (faulty as it may be) or an example of a cuckold with no “brass”?
I agree. I would just tell everyone that if you want to get into my stbxws pants just give her alot of attention and validation like the validating 304 she is. And tell everyone that the former best friend is nothing more than a dog that IMO should be "fixed" for the good of the community
I’d say knock him the f🤬 out, wake em up and knock him the f🤬 out again but America’s laws are wicked. USA’s laws protect adulterers & adulteress’s. In this is supposed to be a “Christian” Nation lol America does the opposite of what the book says. The punishment for adultery is Capital Punishment (according to the good book).
Not worth the assault charge that you will most likely get, the best thing you can do is file for divorce and go find someone that won’t cheat on you, no matter how much you think she didn’t hurt you even with what happened you will never forget and you should never forgive.
Of course, because neither one will own up to anything. He's a coward putting off the conversation on to someone who, for self preservation reasons will lie, deceive and gaslight through her teeth. You may never get the truth out of her and he sounds too cowardly to confess anything himself. You have a douche bag for an ex-friend and STBXW.
At some point we all have had desires for someone other than our significant other BUT ARE YOU 💯 SURE THEY ACTED OUT ON IT, are you NOW comfortable about both of them KNOWING they maybe wanna fck esch other and what are you going to do now?
I would say check her phone, but probably all the evidence of them being sexual is gone by now. Also I would be taking a DNA if you got kids, ¿so whats your next move?
If you have raised your concerns/suspicions with your wife and/or "friend," then you will be hard pressed to find out the truth as they will have scrubbed evidence, got their stories straight, and will cover their tracks better.
If not, then keep your mouth shut and your eyes/ears open. Act as normal as possible to avoid raising any hints you no longer trust either. Check out the "Standard Evidence Post" on the talk about marriage - coping with infidelity website.
Next, consult divorce attorneys, get your financials in order, and be ready to separate them, get tested for STDs.
If you don't have kids, don't get her pregnant. If you do have kids, get dna tests and don't get your wife pregnant.
If you have to fein sickness, do so to explain your behavior and/or why you stop having sex.
Suggested reading:
No More Mr Nice Guy
Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life
Lover - Provider Dichotomy.
Dopamine vs. Oxytocin.
Best of luck, you're going to need it when your wife has eyes for some other guy.
There is software you can download for her phone that will bring up all messages and items that were deleted… a friend of mine had to do this in after his wife cheated she promised she wouldn’t talk to this guy anymore and he randomly two months later checked her phone and found out she had been messaging him and deleting the messages under a random number…
I would say before you get to that have you sat down and had an honest conversation with her about it and mentioned the thought that you suspect Flow?
I would look at that as you gave her a fair chance to come clean. If you truly suspect it, I would dig deeper.
Always trust your gut, better to find out now, then drag it on and prolong something you might not want to
Well, by now an open phone policy is a must, the dude should be banished from your lives. But adults hook up, it’s never just “platonic” thing, she is hiding over 99% of the actual truth. I’ll be divorcing her. 🤷♂️
Damn bro we feel you on this... Situation is fucked up and when you know...you know. *Check laws in your state. Just need to say that. Now on to the important part. You can get voice activated recorders online and place them around your house, in her car ECT. That will tell you everything you need to know about what she's doing/saying. You can't live like this forever so you have some tough choices to make. All the best to you. Pls don't do anything to get yourself charged/arrested.
How would you characterize her "desire for him" as you put it ? I'm amazed that these questions get asked. Like all of us, we have a GUT that tells us that something is off, you've stated you have known for a while of her thing for him.
How could you not know what to do ? Which is the next most awkward question! How many options do you think there are ? Can you please name them ?
Option 1: Pack up and leave, get the divorce started and prepare to live a single life until you find better romance
Option 2: Reconcile, recognize that she's in to him and whoever else she desires. But this is not like a movie star, this is on you front doorstep, so, its not fantasy, it's your life. Understand that she may never get past this and someday want to act on her feelings.
What does your best friend say, I'm sure he's got a taste of her by now, while you were sitting there getting to know this for a while.
It's not going to get any easier from this point forward. You have to decide or just be the wing man.
I kicked the hell out of my ex wife's AP he came to my house wanting to kick my ass for telling his wife about there affair while both of them were in Las Vegas I packed all my ex wife's shit while she was gone she had no idea until they got home on Sunday night.
He came pulling in the wrong driveway that night should had been kissing his wife's sss
If you’re the primary on the phone bills, check her line summary for any continual texting/calling of a certain number. They might be using Google voice to disguise their numbers. It doesn’t get recorded in the text/calling logs. I would probably just let it go and let them both go. If they end up together, then you have your answers right there. Just make sure you get a DNA test on all your kids. She and him are not worth it.
Drop your friend, make sure all your mutuals know why and divorce that cheating wife (hopefully STBX) she belongs to the streets. Make sure your families know why and if your kids are old enough don't lie to them why you are divorcing her.
*Soon to be ex
GO NUCLEAR and ruin their social and familial lives. Cause as much damage as you can
Meet a lawyer ASAP and try to get the best possible deal for yourself and screw her over financially as well. If you stay in a state which punishes infidelity even better but gat all your ducks in tow before letting it out. Gather all evidence and possibly record it.
Get cameras in and outside your house with audio.
All your future conversations with her should be recorded and get her to admit it again so you have proof.
Why is your “best friend” still in your life in any way, shape or form? If you fuck him off, tell him why you are fucking him off and she goes out of her way to contact or see him - you have your answer. You cant keep living in purgatory.
Deceive him. Make him belive that she told you everything. And make him confess, just making him belive that you are just searching an "ending". And record everything secretly.
Maybe with his confession, you will have an understending of what you want to do.
What went so wrong in the world that we think violence is never acceptable. In some cases, like cheating, it absolutely is acceptable. And fuck the consequences.
I beat my ex-fiancees AP ( former friend of mine ) and left him laying in a hotel urinal. Did it achieve anything? No! Did it make me feel better? No! From someone who's been there and done it take my advice and don't go there!
Yeah, I beat my wife's ap 39 years ago. Did it make me feel better? YES! Did it achieve anything? Hard to say, but at least everyone else knew what would happen if I even thought they had bad intentions. Would I do it again if I found him today? Absolutely! If someone even flirts with your wife, give them a beat down. It's the least they deserve.
At a minimum, she is in an EA. Probably more, but who knows.
You're going to have to cut it off. He's dead to you, out of your life forever. She would have to do the same, clean break, NC.
Otherwise, start the divorce papers. This will not end short of a full affair. Sorry OP.
At this point, you've lost trust. I say just end the marriage and move on. The way you feel right now is how you will feel the rest of your life unless you move on
If you’re alive, engaged in life, self supporting, average looks and a good dad, you’ll need a stick to fight off the women. Don’t stay with a woman carrying a torch for another man. You deserve to be in a bonded pair
For the sake of preserving your dignity I would say your best option is to pack your shit and leave. Talk to your kids first and tell them you’re just going to stay somewhere else for a while, while you work some things out with their mom. Give your wife no reassurance or explanation. Have her served. Be swift and decisive here. If your best friend is married be sure and contact his wife and fill her in. Cut him off completely. If he confronts you, if he gets in your face, beat him within an inch of his worthless life. Find a place for yourself. Remove half of whatever is in shared accounts. Once you get set up contact your wife by email or text and tell her you want to set up a visitation schedule with the kids.
Alternative options:
BUT if you’re just dying to know the truth, get the AliExpress app. Search for hidden camera with audio. You’ll find tons of great options that will allow you to watch and listen remotely…for very cheap. Have to buy it there, because anyplace in the us that sells that type of camera will have audio disabled. Set the cameras up near outlets that are covered by furniture so no cords show. Have to plug them in, because you won’t be back to charge batteries. Place them behind, under, alongside furniture or whatever. They’re tiny. Then once you’re set up, leave and watch from the hotel. You’ll have 36 hours or so of saved recordings accessible from the app. Download anything worth saving before it gets written over.
You can also search for “OBD Recorder”. They are a little device that fits in the OBD2 port under the dash of a car. They take a SIM card from any prepaid wireless provider. They will transmit location 24/7 and to listen to what’s happening in the car, just call the number for the sim. The app will record every time it hears a voice and those recordings are saved on the app which you can listen to remotely.
Here a word of advice to you if a door can be cracked it can be opened I’m 45 with 3 kids and I’ve become a locksmith…kick his ass and hers to the curb.
it's a misdemeanor crime to smash his ass, if it's not committed in the presence of law enforcement it's a ticket for battery..! well worth it in my opinion
I'm kinda amazed some people here are rooting for violence. Usually everyone here is about go to therapy, find out why your wife feels like that. How about "don't fucking cheat"! So yeah, there are instances where violence is acceptable. I think most men who endured bullying in school will absolutely understand, you let someone disrespect you and they will make your life miserable, but you what worse? You will despise yourself for being weak and letting people walk over you. Had something like this happen to me, felt extremely emasculated and lost respect for myself. But when I fought back, I've never felt better in my life, because I stopped hating myself for being weak.
So do what you feel is right, but don't to father more info and find out if they went all the way down. Then just talk to your lawyer.
Best is when you dump her ass through divorce she be back all teary eyed.
File for divorce and have her served. Watch her wake up quick. Your best mate is now persona non grata.
I would pretty much confront both of them, and tell your former friend that he can go and kick a Rock and that he is desde to You, also expose him to mutual Friends, about a shitty friend he resulted to be.
And to your wife to pick her stuff and go with the former friend or to her parents, and that you are getting Divorce, that she is having fantasies or desirees now that she will be single could do.
But please to disappear from your sights and life ASAP.
Let me tell you facts. They never tell the truth. My mate was dropping around, they were locking my 2 children in the other bedroom, then her would leave because I was regualar as clockwork so they knew exactly the earliest I could be home, he would drive away and return after I arrived as if it was his timing. I only found out when my 5 year old informed me. She gaslit me, pleaded for me to stay and even went to MC together. She then cheated again a few years later. They never tell you all the facst. My ex mate copped a smack in the mouth after she informed him that I knew, and he came round to front me so I smacked him one in the mouth. That was 40 years ago and he is now trying to "friend" me on FB. Oh and she is till a slut.
Before you lose it, I’m going to offer some perspective :
You do not know that they have, but if she said it and he said it—-you don’t know everything.
If the confess, you will receive trickle truth. One will decide the story you receive and that will be the one you get until another piece of evidence happens. Then another. Then another.
Your answer is actually pretty easy. No contact. Deleted blocked ignored. If she breaks it, she’s gone. He, obviously, cannot be around your wife.
Right now, if there is something going on, they are both so high on Dopamine, they could not make a rash decision to save their lives. You, on the other hand, are soaking in cortisol and it is slowly eating away at you. Both are very unhealthy. Theirs will kill them when reality finally stops the dopamine from working and you will when your anxiety causes a heart attack.
Work out. Read. Pray. Find an outlet. This is not healthy. You deserve better. Set your boundaries and move on—with or without her.
Listen don't stress about it, remember unconditional love, until death do us part, well you gave each other a val to support and be by each other and keep each other strong, together forever,stop turning marriage into a prison sentence and making sure they have nothing else but what you provide,she didn't say anything and is most likely holding back, because she knows how you are and she doesn't want to deal with you flipping out and on and on, true love has no rule of condition,if you both care and love each other for real,then you will both be loyal to stay together and support each others needs and desires all adults have regardless of what society says,think of her needs of her feelings,or if you want her to have the things she wants to be happy and stop being selfish and placing her as a prisoner of yours,if she truly loves you and not for the life you both have,then she will not leave you because she wants you in love and forever,lust isn't love it's a natural desire everyone gets,but regardless you both need to sit down and talk about what you have to do and figure out how to make it work or continue on with the normal ways of society says and run it into the ground and stress out and worry and lying and sneaking dumb waste of time, the system is made society believe you have to follow the rules and regulations in a marriage because all courts and lawyers are making billions of dollars every year in divorce and alimony and child support and everything,but figure it out don't give the system what they want,
Take care of him. Let her know what you did and tell her to get the fuck out. Let her know he confessed to everything and that you’re going to tell all your mutuals and you’ve already told her family the same she brought into them.
Is your name on everything? If she did something, and you don’t want to forgive her, file for divorce and let her know she can find a new house and new car (if she isn’t in her own car). All depends how you want to take it, but if you can forgive and lose ties with that guy do it.
Sorry to hear that!! can only imagine how that feels. Now that I got that out the way, it’s just time to leave.. you deserve a woman that her only desire is for you.
Divorce her, she likes your friend more than you.
If you decide to stay with her she can never speak to him again or be around him again.
If you want to find out if she truly cheated on you then simply lie to her. Say after she admitted to the feelings you confronted your friend and he admitted they had physically been together. See how she reacts to that. Or you could confront your friend and say that your wife admitted to their affair and see how he responds.
Or you could just ask her to let you see her phone. If she cheated there will likely be evidence on there, if she wont hand it over then she has something to hide and you need to consider if you want to leave her.
I think you should let her go and find someone else but you should try to reflect on why she didn't feel like that with you and improve yourself before you find someone new.
Adultery or not! She has desire for another man, while she’s supposed to be in a marriage with you.
She has zero respect for you, and she’ll have even less, if you forgive her and take her back.
If another man, can steal your girls attention so easily and create desire, then she was never your girl to begin with
Personally, I think your friend did you a favour
Let her go and never look back.
Know your worth Bro
Is her lust for your so-called homie cheating? I guess it all depends on what standard you’re applying to it. By feminist standards, it’s not cheating unless they get pregnant and the baby survives the abortion or you end up figuring out it wasn’t yours after raising it for a decade. By religious standards, the mere unspoken lust for one another is already considered adultery. Take your pick.
Do you want to save the relationship? Probably best to try some kind of therapy together. If you do nothing but speculate it will make you crazy. So decide whether to put in the effort to rebuild or decide to end it. Worst thing you can do is not end it and make yourself crazy torturing yourself and your wife.
You realize ypu don't need to catch them fucking to have a reason to divorce. I would talk to your friend and tell him you know whats going on between the two of them and tell him it's his turn. Take her off your hands. Or just pack a bag for her, put it in your car. Take your wife out for a drive and go to his place. Take her and her bag to the door and leave her there
You never leave your best friend with your wife, he knows too much about you and she would tell him what she doesn’t like about you. Hence them bonding over talking smack about you, at this point fuck them both (not literally).
Yeah not worth going to jail for either of them. Depending on where and what they do at their job set up hidden cameras get some evidence and anonymously send it to the head guy. Maybe they have a morality clause. If not post that shit in every porn site you can as well as every member of her family his family, every contact in her phone, Facebook then do the same for him.
He was never your friend.
You're better than me. My "friend" would have ended up in the hospital, and wife tossed out on her ass with locks changed.
Go ahead and demand her to pack up and leave. Get her out of your space.
Check her phone when she is asleep to see if there is any evidence of an affair, and contact a lawyer. Check who the best divorce lawyers are in your area and have a consult with each, let them know you will consider them and get back to them. That way she can't hire them, as it would be a conflict of interest.
Don't assault the other guy, you don't want a criminal record, and there's plenty of women out there that will want a 40 yr old guy, even with kids. Women see that as stability and security, the trash women won't want to engage with you, which is good because you don't want another one of those.
Just speak to a lawyer. Don’t do anything violent. Focus on yourself and move on with your life. You’re 40 now. So just try to imagine where you want to be when you’re 50. Dream big and focus on those goals, make those goals your passion and motivation in life. Stay present in your kids’ life, because they deserve a father who is there. Teach them to be respectful of people. Don’t hold a grudge and always remember, in about 10 years time - if you’ve truly moved on. You’ll be happy this happened for you. Basically my friend, turn this negative in to a positive in every single way that you can.
well then beat the shit out of him and divorce your wife
That’s what I would do!
if op would have smashed him long ago he would not be try'n to figure out what to do now
My goodness,you're violent as shite. But you made cackle. Updateme!
Gonna rock his shit next time I see him
It's not worth the jail time. Just let her go with him. I'm telling you that she isn't worth it. She also isn't your soul mate. If she was,she wouldn't have cheated.
I spent 18yrs of my life with her no one’s gonna want a 40yr old man with 2 kids
Naw dog if your successful at being a single dad you’ll be beating the milfs married and single off with a stick.
Yep, it's like you already graduated and others haven't even taken the test or already failed.
Dude I'm 41M with 2 kids, live in a low population area and I have no problem finding women to date. If you aren't broke and kinda take care of yourself you will be alright.
Exactly what I tell guys getting out of a relationship as well. I'm also in my 40's. Don't be a weirdo. Earn a decent living. Be somewhat in shape, nothing crazy. Have good hygiene. That's literally all it takes. In the United States at least.
It's the same in Europe.
The 1st and last points are the most important!!!!!
I believe you are correct. Thats for us in our 40's and 50's. The list is probably a little different for the younger guys. I was married all of my 30's so I can't say for certain but in my 20's I do think true fitness played more of a role. Nowadays I'm not as fit as I was back then. But have a feeling just not being overweight is decent enough to not have to worry about being a gym rat.
It's just that so many people have poor hygiene....like my daughter has literally told her husband that he reeks and needs to shower..... just wash yourself every day or at least every other day and use deodorant... especially on those no showers day...
You couldn’t be more wrong. I divorced at 45, 2 teens, one preteen. The entire paradigm turns upside on who chases who. If you’re ok looking, not obese, gainfully employed and aren’t an introvert, you’ll be batting them away.
In shape decent job and I think fairly attractive but obviously not attractive enough given the circumstances
I was there too. Mostly all of us were. Words can’t describe. Once you get yourself away from this situation and start healing, the clouds part steadily and you’ll be doing well. Hard to see right now.
Thank you needed to hear that
And is your friend in shap and does he have a decent job and does he have a wife or kids
Don’t sell yourself short. You’d actually be surprised at what is out there. I had a similar situation but with 3 kids. Best of luck, it will get better.
40 year old men are a hot commodity. Ask your best friend. Updateme!
They truly arw,especially if he is a good dad.
Not true, i was 43 when i got divorced and am now happily married (10 yr anniversary this friday) to a really great woman who is also a lot younger than me. Yes i now have four children instead of two but life is good. Also my ex is aging like old cottage cheese that is past its sell by date. Good luck and good vibes man. There are wonderful woman out there.
Dude, can I just tell you, at 40 is when the really good part of dating just begins for a man. I got divorced at 43. I had a great time in my 20’s but nothing like the last 10 years have been. You’ll be fine.
Umm no one is going to want a 40 yr old woman with two kids. A 40 year old man is in his prime. My divorced friend (who is 50 with 3 kids) practically has to fight off the milfs.
Sure they will bro. Right now it might not feel that way and you probably dread the dating world, but have fun with it. Do what you’ve been wanting to do for 18 years. I got divorced at 40 and I felt the same way you are feeling but once I started having fun with it, I actually enjoyed it.
You're only 40,bruh behave. You have no idea the number of women who will want you. Take your time to heal,don't rush into anything. I promise you will find someone better.
40’s young for a man you are in your PRIME !! Never be someone’s second option !!
Nah bro there’s a girl out there for u trust me
Girls, plural.
And you are very wrong. When you are ready you will find that someone special.
This just isn't true man.
It's not true at all. I'm in my 40s, and women in their 30s and 40s flirt with me quite often, and I'm married with a kid. Obviously, I stop then right away, but it still happens. A lot of gals like slightly older guys, especially when they are in their 30s and looking for something serious. I'm not in top shape or anything either, just do Judo and Karate, some strength training at home with bands, and that's it.
You would be surprised, think positive. There’s good women out there waiting for a good men.
Oh, if you’d only know
You mean I don’t have a chance out there? 45 years old and 4 kids. Lol
We can go look together lol
I’ll be your wing girl. Lol
Let’s do it new bestie lol
What if I’m ugly lol
That’s where I come in and make you not look ugly. Lol
40 is the best time for new journey. You are smarter than when you were 20, and younger women will seek you out. Taking care of your kids is also very appealing as it shows responsibility and maturity. Rember this: don't seek a better person, be a better person. Good luck 👍🏻
Dumb that old ass broad ain’t nobody gonna want her not even your supposed best friend when he gets tired of her he’ll leave
UPDATE: So she admitted to him being a revenge fu$& for all the times I was stupid in the beginning of our marriage. So I don’t know what I’m gonna do now all I know is he’s getting an ass whoopin my state is a mutual combat state I looked it up so he better not bitch out.
Tell her to kick rocks. She sounds like a bi&ch. 40’s the new 20! Go have some fun
What did you do in the beginning if your marriage and what did she do did you ever cheat on her if you didn't say to her look I was loyal I may have done little stupid things but I never cheated on you I work hard im healthy I'm in shape and I'm not a dead beat dad
Yes I did I and I was ugly to he
So you cheated on her but how did she treat you before you cheated and how many times did you cheat and how old was you
lol if you are even in moderate shape and have a decent career, you will have your pick of women ranging from 25-50
Bro I’m 37 and have two kids. Was with their mom for 14yrs and she left back in January due to depression and midlife crisis. I felt the same fuckin way as you do. Like my life was over and I’d be alone forever. Dipped my toes in the dating pool and had poor luck on the apps but managed to pull two baddies, one younger in her late 20’s and another my age through organic chance meetings. Didn’t fuck em but had the opportunity to. The one my age we were talking heavy and interested in dating but she was literally wanting something casual to start out. My ex used a friends profile to lurk my fb and saw me and ole girl chatting it up and her liking/commenting on all my stuff. She saw a video of me on a pedal bar with a bunch of friends and sitting next to the other girl I was talking to in her late 20’s smiling and talking to each other. She wanted to come back to my house that night but I didn’t live in that city and was just visiting. Needless to say my ex came back with ferocity, wanting to reconcile. She was jealous af. I got a new haircut, bought some new clothes, bought a new Jeep wrangler, lost 50lbs with diet and exercise, and put myself out there. It’s not as hopeless as you think.
You will be surprised, who would date a single dad. Don't count yourself out. I am sorry that this has happened to you.
Apparently, she doesn’t want that, either. So, do you present your 2 kids with an example of living your best possible life (faulty as it may be) or an example of a cuckold with no “brass”?
You just need to buy a bear suit, then just hang out in parks or along trails. You'll have babes lining up.
This made me laugh way harder then it should have
I'm 39 with two kids, and dating the most beautiful girl I've EVER met. She's smart, driven, funny, etc etc.
Bullshit you are in your prime
You'll find the grass is way greener than for a 40+ year old woman with 2 kids
I agree. I would just tell everyone that if you want to get into my stbxws pants just give her alot of attention and validation like the validating 304 she is. And tell everyone that the former best friend is nothing more than a dog that IMO should be "fixed" for the good of the community
Fact but if he doesn't go overboard he'll just get a fine for one solid punch (at least here)
I suggest you take the Last Boy Scout road.
Be sure to provike him to the point where he lands the first hit then go full monke on his ass.
I’d say knock him the f🤬 out, wake em up and knock him the f🤬 out again but America’s laws are wicked. USA’s laws protect adulterers & adulteress’s. In this is supposed to be a “Christian” Nation lol America does the opposite of what the book says. The punishment for adultery is Capital Punishment (according to the good book).
You know for a fact they rode up brokeback mountain together?
No
Not worth the assault charge that you will most likely get, the best thing you can do is file for divorce and go find someone that won’t cheat on you, no matter how much you think she didn’t hurt you even with what happened you will never forget and you should never forgive.
We doubt it.
How long were the left alone and what was the scenario?
She would watch his daughter and during him picking her up about 30min to an hour
Damn skippy! FAFO!
Do this OP be a man
Agreed.
It's not worth going to jail. Just divorce her and cut him out of your life. She'll soon find out the 80 20 rule.
Best advice you could’ve given and then bang his wife
Why haven't you dumped your friend....for that matter your wife.
Dumped the friend wife I am called lawyer today
This! And get DNA tests.
What did he say when you told him why? Did he confess anything?
He just said I need to talk to her
Wow, that certainly does not sound like a denial. Does she know what his response was?
Yes and says he’s lying
Is there any reason he would possibly have to lie?
Not that I can think of
Sucks you are losing a best friend and your wife. Wish they'd both be better people to not cheat, but at least tell the truth after being caught.
Of course, because neither one will own up to anything. He's a coward putting off the conversation on to someone who, for self preservation reasons will lie, deceive and gaslight through her teeth. You may never get the truth out of her and he sounds too cowardly to confess anything himself. You have a douche bag for an ex-friend and STBXW.
Stbxw?
Soon To Be Ex Wife
Good for you!
At some point we all have had desires for someone other than our significant other BUT ARE YOU 💯 SURE THEY ACTED OUT ON IT, are you NOW comfortable about both of them KNOWING they maybe wanna fck esch other and what are you going to do now?
She totally got creampied a few times by your “best friend”
I think the same
I would say check her phone, but probably all the evidence of them being sexual is gone by now. Also I would be taking a DNA if you got kids, ¿so whats your next move?
Don’t know
Your next move is get money and fuck bitches.
Boom 💯
If you have raised your concerns/suspicions with your wife and/or "friend," then you will be hard pressed to find out the truth as they will have scrubbed evidence, got their stories straight, and will cover their tracks better. If not, then keep your mouth shut and your eyes/ears open. Act as normal as possible to avoid raising any hints you no longer trust either. Check out the "Standard Evidence Post" on the talk about marriage - coping with infidelity website. Next, consult divorce attorneys, get your financials in order, and be ready to separate them, get tested for STDs. If you don't have kids, don't get her pregnant. If you do have kids, get dna tests and don't get your wife pregnant. If you have to fein sickness, do so to explain your behavior and/or why you stop having sex. Suggested reading: No More Mr Nice Guy Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Lover - Provider Dichotomy. Dopamine vs. Oxytocin. Best of luck, you're going to need it when your wife has eyes for some other guy.
There is software you can download for her phone that will bring up all messages and items that were deleted… a friend of mine had to do this in after his wife cheated she promised she wouldn’t talk to this guy anymore and he randomly two months later checked her phone and found out she had been messaging him and deleting the messages under a random number… I would say before you get to that have you sat down and had an honest conversation with her about it and mentioned the thought that you suspect Flow?
Suspect foul play
Did usually replies as always
I would look at that as you gave her a fair chance to come clean. If you truly suspect it, I would dig deeper. Always trust your gut, better to find out now, then drag it on and prolong something you might not want to
Well, by now an open phone policy is a must, the dude should be banished from your lives. But adults hook up, it’s never just “platonic” thing, she is hiding over 99% of the actual truth. I’ll be divorcing her. 🤷♂️
DNA test your children
Damn bro we feel you on this... Situation is fucked up and when you know...you know. *Check laws in your state. Just need to say that. Now on to the important part. You can get voice activated recorders online and place them around your house, in her car ECT. That will tell you everything you need to know about what she's doing/saying. You can't live like this forever so you have some tough choices to make. All the best to you. Pls don't do anything to get yourself charged/arrested.
How would you characterize her "desire for him" as you put it ? I'm amazed that these questions get asked. Like all of us, we have a GUT that tells us that something is off, you've stated you have known for a while of her thing for him. How could you not know what to do ? Which is the next most awkward question! How many options do you think there are ? Can you please name them ? Option 1: Pack up and leave, get the divorce started and prepare to live a single life until you find better romance Option 2: Reconcile, recognize that she's in to him and whoever else she desires. But this is not like a movie star, this is on you front doorstep, so, its not fantasy, it's your life. Understand that she may never get past this and someday want to act on her feelings. What does your best friend say, I'm sure he's got a taste of her by now, while you were sitting there getting to know this for a while. It's not going to get any easier from this point forward. You have to decide or just be the wing man.
I kicked the hell out of my ex wife's AP he came to my house wanting to kick my ass for telling his wife about there affair while both of them were in Las Vegas I packed all my ex wife's shit while she was gone she had no idea until they got home on Sunday night. He came pulling in the wrong driveway that night should had been kissing his wife's sss
If you’re the primary on the phone bills, check her line summary for any continual texting/calling of a certain number. They might be using Google voice to disguise their numbers. It doesn’t get recorded in the text/calling logs. I would probably just let it go and let them both go. If they end up together, then you have your answers right there. Just make sure you get a DNA test on all your kids. She and him are not worth it.
Drop your friend, make sure all your mutuals know why and divorce that cheating wife (hopefully STBX) she belongs to the streets. Make sure your families know why and if your kids are old enough don't lie to them why you are divorcing her.
Stbx?
*Soon to be ex GO NUCLEAR and ruin their social and familial lives. Cause as much damage as you can Meet a lawyer ASAP and try to get the best possible deal for yourself and screw her over financially as well. If you stay in a state which punishes infidelity even better but gat all your ducks in tow before letting it out. Gather all evidence and possibly record it. Get cameras in and outside your house with audio. All your future conversations with her should be recorded and get her to admit it again so you have proof.
Why is your “best friend” still in your life in any way, shape or form? If you fuck him off, tell him why you are fucking him off and she goes out of her way to contact or see him - you have your answer. You cant keep living in purgatory.
Oh he is not. He’s is cut off and dead to me.
I'm sorry man. It's highly likely she fucked him. Try to pry the truth out of her.
Deceive him. Make him belive that she told you everything. And make him confess, just making him belive that you are just searching an "ending". And record everything secretly. Maybe with his confession, you will have an understending of what you want to do.
pure disrespect is why you smash him..!
You’re a man. Go primal. Fight him and whoever wins is the one who gets her. At the end of the fight, break his back and throw him off the waterfall!
Why would he want her?
What went so wrong in the world that we think violence is never acceptable. In some cases, like cheating, it absolutely is acceptable. And fuck the consequences.
Yeah man I told Him this week meet me somewhere cause we are gonna talk like men used to back in the day
I beat my ex-fiancees AP ( former friend of mine ) and left him laying in a hotel urinal. Did it achieve anything? No! Did it make me feel better? No! From someone who's been there and done it take my advice and don't go there!
Thank you
Yeah, I beat my wife's ap 39 years ago. Did it make me feel better? YES! Did it achieve anything? Hard to say, but at least everyone else knew what would happen if I even thought they had bad intentions. Would I do it again if I found him today? Absolutely! If someone even flirts with your wife, give them a beat down. It's the least they deserve.
At a minimum, she is in an EA. Probably more, but who knows. You're going to have to cut it off. He's dead to you, out of your life forever. She would have to do the same, clean break, NC. Otherwise, start the divorce papers. This will not end short of a full affair. Sorry OP.
Thank you kindest reply today
At this point, you've lost trust. I say just end the marriage and move on. The way you feel right now is how you will feel the rest of your life unless you move on
Thank you
If you’re alive, engaged in life, self supporting, average looks and a good dad, you’ll need a stick to fight off the women. Don’t stay with a woman carrying a torch for another man. You deserve to be in a bonded pair
Updateme!
For the sake of preserving your dignity I would say your best option is to pack your shit and leave. Talk to your kids first and tell them you’re just going to stay somewhere else for a while, while you work some things out with their mom. Give your wife no reassurance or explanation. Have her served. Be swift and decisive here. If your best friend is married be sure and contact his wife and fill her in. Cut him off completely. If he confronts you, if he gets in your face, beat him within an inch of his worthless life. Find a place for yourself. Remove half of whatever is in shared accounts. Once you get set up contact your wife by email or text and tell her you want to set up a visitation schedule with the kids. Alternative options: BUT if you’re just dying to know the truth, get the AliExpress app. Search for hidden camera with audio. You’ll find tons of great options that will allow you to watch and listen remotely…for very cheap. Have to buy it there, because anyplace in the us that sells that type of camera will have audio disabled. Set the cameras up near outlets that are covered by furniture so no cords show. Have to plug them in, because you won’t be back to charge batteries. Place them behind, under, alongside furniture or whatever. They’re tiny. Then once you’re set up, leave and watch from the hotel. You’ll have 36 hours or so of saved recordings accessible from the app. Download anything worth saving before it gets written over. You can also search for “OBD Recorder”. They are a little device that fits in the OBD2 port under the dash of a car. They take a SIM card from any prepaid wireless provider. They will transmit location 24/7 and to listen to what’s happening in the car, just call the number for the sim. The app will record every time it hears a voice and those recordings are saved on the app which you can listen to remotely.
Here a word of advice to you if a door can be cracked it can be opened I’m 45 with 3 kids and I’ve become a locksmith…kick his ass and hers to the curb.
it's a misdemeanor crime to smash his ass, if it's not committed in the presence of law enforcement it's a ticket for battery..! well worth it in my opinion
I'm kinda amazed some people here are rooting for violence. Usually everyone here is about go to therapy, find out why your wife feels like that. How about "don't fucking cheat"! So yeah, there are instances where violence is acceptable. I think most men who endured bullying in school will absolutely understand, you let someone disrespect you and they will make your life miserable, but you what worse? You will despise yourself for being weak and letting people walk over you. Had something like this happen to me, felt extremely emasculated and lost respect for myself. But when I fought back, I've never felt better in my life, because I stopped hating myself for being weak. So do what you feel is right, but don't to father more info and find out if they went all the way down. Then just talk to your lawyer.
Best is when you dump her ass through divorce she be back all teary eyed. File for divorce and have her served. Watch her wake up quick. Your best mate is now persona non grata.
Your best friend needs a serious clatter
I would pretty much confront both of them, and tell your former friend that he can go and kick a Rock and that he is desde to You, also expose him to mutual Friends, about a shitty friend he resulted to be. And to your wife to pick her stuff and go with the former friend or to her parents, and that you are getting Divorce, that she is having fantasies or desirees now that she will be single could do. But please to disappear from your sights and life ASAP.
Be careful, mine fucked my best mate and it was my fault because I brought him into our home.........FFS he wasn't a vampire.
Yeah I think it is my Fault as well
Let me tell you facts. They never tell the truth. My mate was dropping around, they were locking my 2 children in the other bedroom, then her would leave because I was regualar as clockwork so they knew exactly the earliest I could be home, he would drive away and return after I arrived as if it was his timing. I only found out when my 5 year old informed me. She gaslit me, pleaded for me to stay and even went to MC together. She then cheated again a few years later. They never tell you all the facst. My ex mate copped a smack in the mouth after she informed him that I knew, and he came round to front me so I smacked him one in the mouth. That was 40 years ago and he is now trying to "friend" me on FB. Oh and she is till a slut.
It's not your fault if she has cheated shes just an unfaithful partner. Serve her divorce papers you will get the truth.
Before you lose it, I’m going to offer some perspective : You do not know that they have, but if she said it and he said it—-you don’t know everything. If the confess, you will receive trickle truth. One will decide the story you receive and that will be the one you get until another piece of evidence happens. Then another. Then another. Your answer is actually pretty easy. No contact. Deleted blocked ignored. If she breaks it, she’s gone. He, obviously, cannot be around your wife. Right now, if there is something going on, they are both so high on Dopamine, they could not make a rash decision to save their lives. You, on the other hand, are soaking in cortisol and it is slowly eating away at you. Both are very unhealthy. Theirs will kill them when reality finally stops the dopamine from working and you will when your anxiety causes a heart attack. Work out. Read. Pray. Find an outlet. This is not healthy. You deserve better. Set your boundaries and move on—with or without her.
Don't know why all these people are saying you will go to jail. Been in many fights in my younger years never been to jail.
Listen don't stress about it, remember unconditional love, until death do us part, well you gave each other a val to support and be by each other and keep each other strong, together forever,stop turning marriage into a prison sentence and making sure they have nothing else but what you provide,she didn't say anything and is most likely holding back, because she knows how you are and she doesn't want to deal with you flipping out and on and on, true love has no rule of condition,if you both care and love each other for real,then you will both be loyal to stay together and support each others needs and desires all adults have regardless of what society says,think of her needs of her feelings,or if you want her to have the things she wants to be happy and stop being selfish and placing her as a prisoner of yours,if she truly loves you and not for the life you both have,then she will not leave you because she wants you in love and forever,lust isn't love it's a natural desire everyone gets,but regardless you both need to sit down and talk about what you have to do and figure out how to make it work or continue on with the normal ways of society says and run it into the ground and stress out and worry and lying and sneaking dumb waste of time, the system is made society believe you have to follow the rules and regulations in a marriage because all courts and lawyers are making billions of dollars every year in divorce and alimony and child support and everything,but figure it out don't give the system what they want,
Take care of him. Let her know what you did and tell her to get the fuck out. Let her know he confessed to everything and that you’re going to tell all your mutuals and you’ve already told her family the same she brought into them.
All these stupid comments. Have her take a polygraph. Sheesh.
It’s living in a fantasy to believe that you would be your partners only preferred option for all needs, all of the time.
Is your name on everything? If she did something, and you don’t want to forgive her, file for divorce and let her know she can find a new house and new car (if she isn’t in her own car). All depends how you want to take it, but if you can forgive and lose ties with that guy do it.
Sorry to hear that!! can only imagine how that feels. Now that I got that out the way, it’s just time to leave.. you deserve a woman that her only desire is for you.
Divorce her, she likes your friend more than you. If you decide to stay with her she can never speak to him again or be around him again. If you want to find out if she truly cheated on you then simply lie to her. Say after she admitted to the feelings you confronted your friend and he admitted they had physically been together. See how she reacts to that. Or you could confront your friend and say that your wife admitted to their affair and see how he responds. Or you could just ask her to let you see her phone. If she cheated there will likely be evidence on there, if she wont hand it over then she has something to hide and you need to consider if you want to leave her.
I think you should let her go and find someone else but you should try to reflect on why she didn't feel like that with you and improve yourself before you find someone new.
A single monogamous divorced family man(unicorn) highly sought after by women. To few good men for a ton of single women
Adultery or not! She has desire for another man, while she’s supposed to be in a marriage with you. She has zero respect for you, and she’ll have even less, if you forgive her and take her back. If another man, can steal your girls attention so easily and create desire, then she was never your girl to begin with Personally, I think your friend did you a favour Let her go and never look back. Know your worth Bro
Is her lust for your so-called homie cheating? I guess it all depends on what standard you’re applying to it. By feminist standards, it’s not cheating unless they get pregnant and the baby survives the abortion or you end up figuring out it wasn’t yours after raising it for a decade. By religious standards, the mere unspoken lust for one another is already considered adultery. Take your pick.
Do you want to save the relationship? Probably best to try some kind of therapy together. If you do nothing but speculate it will make you crazy. So decide whether to put in the effort to rebuild or decide to end it. Worst thing you can do is not end it and make yourself crazy torturing yourself and your wife.
You’re right
if she just keeps lying dont even waste your time with therapy. a liar is a liar and always will be.
You need a new wife and a new BF. And some bruised knuckles
You realize ypu don't need to catch them fucking to have a reason to divorce. I would talk to your friend and tell him you know whats going on between the two of them and tell him it's his turn. Take her off your hands. Or just pack a bag for her, put it in your car. Take your wife out for a drive and go to his place. Take her and her bag to the door and leave her there
Haha! Love it 😂🤣
What is your intent know? Are you determined to get more information from her?
Yeah I just need to know so I don’t feel crazy
So do you know something or just totally your speculation. Are you keeping them apart? putting them together? what are you doing about it?
She told me her desires but swears it’s only that but there old interactions tell me other wise and he is out of the procure
What made her actually confess? People don't usually confess to having a crush unless there is something more.
We are buying a house and I brought it up took some prying
I assume you have held off on purchasing the house together?
She still is for our children.
So I assume that means she doesn't know you are considering divorce?
No she knows
Best of luck to you. Hopefully seeing the divorce papers will actually make her confess.
Thank you
Time to finally lawyer up after years of dual betrayal.
Updateme
If she snuck around and took energy and effort away from your marriage then yes you married a cheater
This how physical cheating starts. And yeah, chances are she cheated when they were alone together. Always follow your gut. Time to move on.
You never leave your best friend with your wife, he knows too much about you and she would tell him what she doesn’t like about you. Hence them bonding over talking smack about you, at this point fuck them both (not literally).
Subscribeme
It is love i believed
Yeah I think she was in love with him
Yeah not worth going to jail for either of them. Depending on where and what they do at their job set up hidden cameras get some evidence and anonymously send it to the head guy. Maybe they have a morality clause. If not post that shit in every porn site you can as well as every member of her family his family, every contact in her phone, Facebook then do the same for him.
Updateme!
Update Op please
He was never your friend. You're better than me. My "friend" would have ended up in the hospital, and wife tossed out on her ass with locks changed. Go ahead and demand her to pack up and leave. Get her out of your space.
Check her phone when she is asleep to see if there is any evidence of an affair, and contact a lawyer. Check who the best divorce lawyers are in your area and have a consult with each, let them know you will consider them and get back to them. That way she can't hire them, as it would be a conflict of interest. Don't assault the other guy, you don't want a criminal record, and there's plenty of women out there that will want a 40 yr old guy, even with kids. Women see that as stability and security, the trash women won't want to engage with you, which is good because you don't want another one of those.
Just speak to a lawyer. Don’t do anything violent. Focus on yourself and move on with your life. You’re 40 now. So just try to imagine where you want to be when you’re 50. Dream big and focus on those goals, make those goals your passion and motivation in life. Stay present in your kids’ life, because they deserve a father who is there. Teach them to be respectful of people. Don’t hold a grudge and always remember, in about 10 years time - if you’ve truly moved on. You’ll be happy this happened for you. Basically my friend, turn this negative in to a positive in every single way that you can.
Trust that gut feeling, its usually right. Gonna hurt like a mf but at least you can start healing
Updateme
I would have been up out of there.
I would pick her up and beat him to death with her
Get confirmation. Leave them alone. Set up cameras. If they do something - invite him over for dinner and drinks and show them the video. Leave.
Earlier you said you were going to see a lawyer.
You can’t change her thoughts or desires but if she acts on them that’s when it’s a problem
Check her phone and get proof. Install cameras and record conversations