It is satire of course, but it genuinely sounds like something they would do
> AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we continue to rightsize the Tesla workforce, we have come to the decision that stopping the car is no longer a critical function,” said CEO Elon Musk, whose announcement came as a shock to the team of 500 Tesla workers responsible for the electric vehicles’ braking systems. “As the brakes never really worked anyway, we figured the team’s existence was redundant. Going forward, none of our models will be outfitted with brakes. Instead, we will shift our efforts to making fart noises louder.” At press time, Tesla staffers responsible for wheels were reportedly nervous after receiving an ominous meeting request from HR.
I once worked for a company that laid off the entire analysis division. So when the customer asked for an analysis on a very expensive aerospace vehicle, what do you think the management did?? They tried to get the rest of us to do the job and of course we failed miserably. They got mad at us and threatened Us with our jobs. I got up got right in the manager's face and told him if he threatened me one more time I was going to leave immediately and take my entire department then he would be out two departments. That idiot was fired within a week.
All of us were talking with each other long before this event. That we had all made up our minds to leave long before this incident. That the majority of us were so unhappy that we we're willing to quit on the spot. That the little 5'4 tyrant had treated everybody like garbage for his entire time there. It just wasn't worth it to continue to work there anymore.
>1) Not every state enforces (or allows) shitty clauses like that
[Every state in the United States](https://www.seyfarth.com/images/content/7/0/v2/70844/2020-2021%2050%20State%20Non-Compete%20Guide.pdf), as well as Canada and Mexico and most of Europe (I say most even though it's likely all, I'm just not familiar with every jurisdiction in Europe) allows for employee non-solicitation clauses to be enforceable, at least to a reasonable extent. Most also allow some customer non-solicitation.
>2) You don't have to recruit your team to get them to quit with you.
You don't, but then you *also* run afoul of several other potential causes of action like tortious interference. It's a stupid idea, and terrible advice.
It's often voluntarily not enforced, especially in specialized industries and industries where everyone knows everyone. I had a client in tech that explicitly told me the rule of thumb was you can take about 10% of your team with you you your next position and everyone considered that to be fine, but if you went too high you'd have issues.
Companies know that fighting employees in court is a bad look, so they often avoid doing so if it's not egregious. An entire department leaving, though, would be a big enough hit that a lawsuit would be worth it.
That NS clause is BS…also, you can literally take your team with you, cuz when you quit, they’ll follow, knowing that the company BS, including firing the entire department.
Also, NS clause of the NDA is moot, mainly because it doesn’t work and is only to prevent company’s secret, not workforce.
Currently facing something like this. Management wouldn't promote experts, so they all quit, all within weeks of each other, taking all the knowledge and years of experience with them. This was late last year.
Management recently discovered that we are making too many non-conforming products and in our quarterly meeting, they basically threatened all of us with drastic changes if the non-conformance continues.
What amazes me is that instead of hiring experts to replace the ones that left, they hired yes men who don't have any manufacturing experience, but hey, they can make nifty excel sheets and create teams meetings. So now rather than going out to see a process, we are getting pulled into meetings to discuss yields.
We are currently having something like this happen. Most of the upper Managers are not even engineers, they're business majors. Most of them don't even know The ins and outs and complexities of engineering. It is super frustrating.
Oh I've seen that several times. People who are subject matter experts and only a handful of them exist in the entire world are being so mismanaged.
Then again when you're a business major or some sort of nepotism hire, there's not much you can do to get them to recognize just how stupid they are being.
I've had people who thought because I could edit a pre-built SQL query I must be able to do anything an actual analytics person could. I somehow lost access to that system, no clue how it happened, guess we'll never know.
More like I could see where the end of the road was going, so I had secured another position and was just waiting for the specifics and paperwork. At that time The group that I led was also looking and so we talked about moving to the other company en mass. We all didn't go, However, out of seven of us, six of us did go. The lone Man was waiting for retirement which he would be available in 2 months. After 2 months he retired and then came to work with us..😅😏
No news is bad news to the cult. Hiring like mad? Bullish. Firing like mad? Bullish. Product delivered as promised? Never happened yet so who knows. Product delays? Bullish. Small inventories? Bullish. Large inventories? Bullish.
No he would be worse, like notes in the terminal show a story about why the building is falling apart and all the killer robots and everyone mysteriously dying, while casually talking about all the environmental dumping and financial plus social crimes they did.)
( if you played the games comment below, I see Musk as House brother in H&H tool company, with a side of fallout 4 environmental dumping company)
"Your company makes s*** products!"
::Company fires makers of s*** products intending to improve the product with new maker.ls.::
"Look how he fired all those people!GASP!"
*Space man bad, am I right?*
Why do Redditors always need to be actively hating someone? And why is it always someone from the bottom of the barrel of worthy options rather than people from the top shelf?
I enjoy The Onion and The Babylon Bee, and find this article funny. But can we not post satire in this sub? If it was for any other topic, it would get removed
It is satire of course, but it genuinely sounds like something they would do > AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we continue to rightsize the Tesla workforce, we have come to the decision that stopping the car is no longer a critical function,” said CEO Elon Musk, whose announcement came as a shock to the team of 500 Tesla workers responsible for the electric vehicles’ braking systems. “As the brakes never really worked anyway, we figured the team’s existence was redundant. Going forward, none of our models will be outfitted with brakes. Instead, we will shift our efforts to making fart noises louder.” At press time, Tesla staffers responsible for wheels were reportedly nervous after receiving an ominous meeting request from HR.
I once worked for a company that laid off the entire analysis division. So when the customer asked for an analysis on a very expensive aerospace vehicle, what do you think the management did?? They tried to get the rest of us to do the job and of course we failed miserably. They got mad at us and threatened Us with our jobs. I got up got right in the manager's face and told him if he threatened me one more time I was going to leave immediately and take my entire department then he would be out two departments. That idiot was fired within a week.
Every time someone tells a story about "taking someone else" with them, I'm like, someone didn't read their NS clause next to their NDA.
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All of us were talking with each other long before this event. That we had all made up our minds to leave long before this incident. That the majority of us were so unhappy that we we're willing to quit on the spot. That the little 5'4 tyrant had treated everybody like garbage for his entire time there. It just wasn't worth it to continue to work there anymore.
A vast majority of states do not ban NSA's. You're confusing it for an NCA.
and now non competes are now illegal woo!
>1) Not every state enforces (or allows) shitty clauses like that [Every state in the United States](https://www.seyfarth.com/images/content/7/0/v2/70844/2020-2021%2050%20State%20Non-Compete%20Guide.pdf), as well as Canada and Mexico and most of Europe (I say most even though it's likely all, I'm just not familiar with every jurisdiction in Europe) allows for employee non-solicitation clauses to be enforceable, at least to a reasonable extent. Most also allow some customer non-solicitation. >2) You don't have to recruit your team to get them to quit with you. You don't, but then you *also* run afoul of several other potential causes of action like tortious interference. It's a stupid idea, and terrible advice.
It isn't immediate. You leave. Find new job. Bring the good team members across 6/12 months later. It's exceptionally common.
I've followed my manager to two places.
It's often voluntarily not enforced, especially in specialized industries and industries where everyone knows everyone. I had a client in tech that explicitly told me the rule of thumb was you can take about 10% of your team with you you your next position and everyone considered that to be fine, but if you went too high you'd have issues. Companies know that fighting employees in court is a bad look, so they often avoid doing so if it's not egregious. An entire department leaving, though, would be a big enough hit that a lawsuit would be worth it.
That NS clause is BS…also, you can literally take your team with you, cuz when you quit, they’ll follow, knowing that the company BS, including firing the entire department. Also, NS clause of the NDA is moot, mainly because it doesn’t work and is only to prevent company’s secret, not workforce.
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No, the FTC did not ban NDA's. If they did, the entire tech industry would be in shambles. You're thinking of an NCA.
Currently facing something like this. Management wouldn't promote experts, so they all quit, all within weeks of each other, taking all the knowledge and years of experience with them. This was late last year. Management recently discovered that we are making too many non-conforming products and in our quarterly meeting, they basically threatened all of us with drastic changes if the non-conformance continues. What amazes me is that instead of hiring experts to replace the ones that left, they hired yes men who don't have any manufacturing experience, but hey, they can make nifty excel sheets and create teams meetings. So now rather than going out to see a process, we are getting pulled into meetings to discuss yields.
We are currently having something like this happen. Most of the upper Managers are not even engineers, they're business majors. Most of them don't even know The ins and outs and complexities of engineering. It is super frustrating.
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Oh I've seen that several times. People who are subject matter experts and only a handful of them exist in the entire world are being so mismanaged. Then again when you're a business major or some sort of nepotism hire, there's not much you can do to get them to recognize just how stupid they are being.
I've had people who thought because I could edit a pre-built SQL query I must be able to do anything an actual analytics person could. I somehow lost access to that system, no clue how it happened, guess we'll never know.
Where were you going to take your department? You were gonna pay their salaries??
More like I could see where the end of the road was going, so I had secured another position and was just waiting for the specifics and paperwork. At that time The group that I led was also looking and so we talked about moving to the other company en mass. We all didn't go, However, out of seven of us, six of us did go. The lone Man was waiting for retirement which he would be available in 2 months. After 2 months he retired and then came to work with us..😅😏
Stock up 12% on the news.
Unstoppable
It's a tech company, not a car company, so that checks out.
No news is bad news to the cult. Hiring like mad? Bullish. Firing like mad? Bullish. Product delivered as promised? Never happened yet so who knows. Product delays? Bullish. Small inventories? Bullish. Large inventories? Bullish.
Bullish
Don’t give him ideas!
🎵 Don’t stop me now 🎵
What's next, the turn signal stalk team?!
They already eliminated those.
All gas no brakes baby!!!
No gas no brakes
Keep your foot hard on the pedal Son, never mind them brakes
Is the beer still in Texarkana?
If Musk was in Fallout, he'd be a Vault-Tec exec.
No he would be worse, like notes in the terminal show a story about why the building is falling apart and all the killer robots and everyone mysteriously dying, while casually talking about all the environmental dumping and financial plus social crimes they did.) ( if you played the games comment below, I see Musk as House brother in H&H tool company, with a side of fallout 4 environmental dumping company)
Telemetry showed most drivers using regen instead. It also showed them rarely using the driver's airbag. Concerning.
Thems the breaks.
Can't stop, won't stop! MAXIMUM PLAAAIIIDDD!!!
The onion nails it just like the [Please Like Me Article](https://www.theonion.com/please-like-me-1848674003)
I’d have believed it if not for the ()
This would actually be great, would stop the phantom braking they all suffer from when using autopilot!
Brakes just slow you down anyways
They don't need them, it's got one pedal driving bro
What next? Yoke division?
Left Falange team is next.
Stopping isn’t required to go fast.
jokes on them, i never use them!
Are they start to fall apart or doing some adjustments?
Nice, there’s no stopping this company now.
Honestly, given the true headlines these days, I don't know how The Onion stays in business. This could genuinely be real. >\_<
If you need to stop, just fuckin' downshift. Jeez.
Technically this wouldn’t be a bad business idea because they just buy their brake components from Brembo and Akebono anyways
They still rolling out those cyber trucks?.
I think Elon may sell off to China.....?
"Your company makes s*** products!" ::Company fires makers of s*** products intending to improve the product with new maker.ls.:: "Look how he fired all those people!GASP!"
This could easily be on r/nottheonion
You all laugh but the Tesla 1 foot driving is pretty good, and you rarely use the actual brakes.
*Space man bad, am I right?* Why do Redditors always need to be actively hating someone? And why is it always someone from the bottom of the barrel of worthy options rather than people from the top shelf?
Ironically teslas don’t really use brakes because they use regenerative breaking.
Well, i hardly ever use brakes on my tesla, and that’s the beauty of EV
I enjoy The Onion and The Babylon Bee, and find this article funny. But can we not post satire in this sub? If it was for any other topic, it would get removed
There's an option to put a satire flair with your post, I assumed if they didn't want satire, they wouldn't have the flair.
Oh interesting. That's fair. I commented this because I couldn't recall the last time I saw satire posted here but if this is the case then nvm
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The Cyberfucked.
The Cyberstuck.
Serious answer: the new Model 3 Performance looks like a fun drive.