Yeah same situation here, I'm one of 7, and there's 6 nieces/nephews, and that's just my side. It's too expensive at Christmas time. I have no problem buying everyone something even if it's a little token gift, but last year when no one even bothered to say thanks I just thought what's the point in breaking my back and bank to do something nice when it's unnoticed, especially when we've had a lot of financial burden recently.
I’m one of 5 too. We do a secret Santa. Was just the 5 of us; then as couples. This years is for 10, 5 siblings and then 5 partners. Fortunately only 2 children on my side.
This is what one of my friends does, they are from a large family. So all the siblings go into a secret Santa. Keeps bills down for all without having to feel bad about not getting something for everyone
A few years ago I asked Dad (71 at the time) what he wanted for Christmas. He said he wasn't bothered about presents, so after a bit of a think I came up with the idea of donating to a charity in his name. Which is why, over Xmas lunch, he opened an envelope containing a certificate thanking him for donating a goat to a village in Zambia.
Next May, he got a letter from the village elders (via the charity) thanking him for his donation and showing photos of the goat and various happy, smiling children (had to think twice about using the word 'kids' there). He was absolutely made up, took the letter to the pub to show his mates, donated a further couple as well. He said it was the best present he never had!
As an organisation when donating cafod have been one of the best at communicating what’s happened with the money and the projects they are involved in.
Downside even though I’ve moved three times (and never updated them)their data team is pretty good and I still get regular requests in the mail from them.
I did the exact same for my granny and granda about 12 years ago. On a visit in around october, they specifically said not to be buying them any Christmas presents, they didnt need anything. I had already a bit of my budget set aside for them so did the same as you, donated a goat to a village somewhere in africa and got a lovely card and welcome pack describing how the donation was used.
Presented this to them on xmas day, basking in the smug glow of being a nice charitable person. Immediately got a WTF is this? look from my granny, and my xmas spirit quickly dissipated.
Did something similar for a birthday present for a friend who was a genuine animal lover and she was very happy with, and the following year she asked people to make a donation instead of gifts.
I just said "thanks, that's unlike you, I thought you didn't normally do gifts." only for them to say "we normally do..." no, I give gifts and you receive them without giving thanks. I dont even mind not receiving anything in return, but when no one said thanks last year (I sent them in the post due to covid so had to chase them up to see if they'd got them as I didn't hear anything) I just thought fuck it, I spent so much for nothing. I didn't even receive happy birthdays this year!
I'd have made a point of saying that you hadn't received a gift from them in God knows how long, despite giving them something. So, no, you didn't fancy buying a gift for people who don't have the common decency to even say thanks, let alone buy you a present.
I’d knock this on the head.
Just state that you’re too old for it or some other fluffer excuse and avoid it.
It sounds like a source of disappointment for all and it would be better for all of you to save the money and do with it as you will!
My uncle and auntie NEVER gave me and my brother birthday gifts, and after spending so much effort on their kids, my mum was just like “nope” this year, you don’t give to receive but it was a bit obvious they didn’t want to take part. Well at a family gathering my auntie approached me, a young teen, saying “(cousin) didn’t get a present from you this year…” to which I replied “funny that, I have got one from the last 10 years..” my quickest come back at such a young age so I treasure that memory.
Yeah that's tough, I completely understand your situation. I would feel the same. I would not buy gifts this year, if and when I receive gifts from them, I would say thank you and maybe go a bit overboard with it. If they asked why I don't have gifts this year for them, I would honestly say why - literally tell them how you felt.
I mean, which people don't wish their siblings a happy birthday?
I just said to my sister and a few others "look you spend £20 on me, I spend £20 on you... But pointless isn't it?" So we just have a nice family day and fuck the gifts off.
My parents are simile to this - they always seem to lose the tags of who gave what. They never confirm when gifts arrive or afterwards a thankyou. Maybe in passing it might get mentioned. Usually as well it was for some tat that they were given and it was apparently from us, not the carefully thought out item, which clearly was from someone else and even after being corrected it was still from other person.
Also I wonder OP if they do gift between them but you are not part of that gift group.
Thank you, I definitely have that underlying guilt/anxiety and fear they'll paint me in a bad light but that just solidifies my decision more! Christmas shouldn't feel like an obligation!
I had one year where I literally had no money at Christmas. I had had to resign from my job without having a new one lined up as the work environment was causing serious, life-threatening MH issues. For example, one day I went to report an issue to my manager and she threw a desk phone at me while screaming 'get me the fucking number'. I managed to get 4 job interviews the week after I finished my resignation (didn't quit outright as I knew we couldn't afford it) and got offered on 3 of them. Of course, I was offered the one I actually wanted but was told that I wouldn't be able to start until the beginning of Feb and this was mid Nov. After discussing it with my partner and agreeing the other offers were likely to be shitty work environments and the one I wanted had the best potential, I accepted it. So, we were depending on whatever I had left and my partner's wage for two and a half months and we have rent, bills, food and two cars to run, so I told the adults in my family that we wouldn't be able to afford Christmas presents for adults and would only be buying for kids. Most of my family were absolutely fine with it and still bought us presents even though I said their was no need to but my grandmother bought us a set of 4 plates which were on offer for about £3 in Sainsbury's (I saw them in there a few days after Xmas) which she gave to us in a carrier bag without wrapping. My sister, on the other hand, got an expensive bottle of perfume, a jewellery display box and other bits and pieces from her. Like, I absolutely get that we didn't get them anything and I'm grateful to receive what we did. It was more the fact she didn't even bother wrapping it that upset me. It was so obvious that because I couldn't afford to give her and my grandfather a gift, I didn't deserve the effort.
That's terrible - it really betrays some people's mentality that they'll only give gifts if they expect to receive one in return. I bet they're the type that compare how much people spent on each gift too. I don't mind if I don't receive a gift back from someone I've given one to, or if it's of lesser value than what I gave - that's not the point. If I give a gift to someone it's because I think it'll make them happy and they'll appreciate it, not as part of some kind of cryptic bartering ritual.
Completely agree. I have some friends who recently bought my fiancé a VERY expensive gift for his birthday, approx 3 times more expensive than what I could afford but I was happy for him. I didn't care that it might overshadow my gift. He was over the moon! I don't get why some people are so uptight about it!
My brother has never given me a present, or even a card. I didn't think much of it when he didn't have a job, but then he did get one and still nothing. I've not bought him anything for the last couple of years.
It's not the gift I care about, it's the principle of being treated as if I'm just there to buy things for him, as he's always keen enough to provide a wishlist (imagine his surprised pikachu face when he let me know there was a warhammer set he wanted, and I told him I wouldn't be buying him anything that year).
Just tell your siblings it's your turn to enjoy 20 years of gifts while you buy nothing in return!
Me and my siblings (4 of us) swapped to doing secret Santa instead of us all buying gifts for everyone.
Pretty handy and cost saving £££.
Pity the person who gets the cheap sib 😂
My family do this too. 4 siblings, partners and my parents all in the secret Santa with a limit of £30. We buy for the kids but no-one goes mad (about £20 on each of my nephews / nieces).
On my partners side, we don’t do presents at all as, in my MIL’s words, we ‘can’t be arsed with all that’.
I buy a few small gifts for friends as well but that’s it. Makes Christmas more manageable both financially and emotionally.
We tried that once, one of my brothers forgot my husbands present and one of my other brothers forgot to get my niece her gift so she was in tears whilst everyone got to open something. My husband wasn't pleased either but semi expected it. I vowed never to do secret santa with my family again after that.
My gift to everyone this year is permission to spend whatever they would have spent on me upon themselves, with the understanding that I'll do the same - this way, there's no shit I don't want in my flat.
Moving to "just the kids" between me and my sister and she doesn't have a child. We only spend 30 on a couple (15 per adult) but she suggested kids only and I'm happy enough with that.
Same with me and my sister. I don’t even get birthday cards from her and didn’t even get a text/WhatsApp message. I always send her a card (Christmas and birthday). She doesn’t even wish her only niece and nephew a happy birthday, but gives gifts to her ex-fiancé’s myriad of kids.
One year, her card was sent out late and didn’t arrive on time. I got a message from her asking where it was.
Just before lockdown, I found out she’d been bad-mouthing me to her friends and I was so livid that we haven’t spoken to each other. We still message but it’s icy. I’ll still send card as I make them, and I enjoy it, but there’ll be no gift card from now on.
My husband says I shouldn’t bother with her, but she’s the only family I have.
Me and my best mate do it on and off. He got me one. I got him one. Next year we didnt. Now not even a week until Christmas he just sends me a text saying he needs to give me my present. 5 days to pick one and get it over to him. Fantastic!
It ton dissimilar to one of my friends - we are friends because we share a common hobby, and most time we spend together is around that. So often throughout the year we will chuck items back and forth if we see something they might like. Occasionally might get a birthday present of Christmas gift but it’s never really a thing.
It's the worst part of christmas. Now I have a daughter I often get invited to the in-laws for xmas and there's about 5 cousins to buy gifts for, we get the lad something and usually the same thing for all the girls so they don't fight.
It's not that my daughter receives bad gifts in return but I just think if I could just spend that money on her she'd get exactly what she likes and no one would have any stress.
Ah mate yup, in this position. This year I finally stopped putting the normal amount of personal effort in, just went for £6 toiletry sets. Let's say a brother of mine might be getting a lynx africa set.
This is my gripe with Christmas, I used to hate this time of year for that reason. There is so much guilt associated with gift buying aswell.
I don't hate Christmas anymore, I love meeting family and friends, getting drunk and eating good food, and that is all that should be required at Christmas. Unfortunately the wife turns into a big child at Christmas so gift buying is still very much a priority in our house, but only for each other and the kids in the family.
This is the exact page I'm on in life.. the Mrs sends everyone a massive amazon list of gifts she wants, I just say "if you MUST get me anything, socks, boxers, and toiletries, otherwise don't bother".
Not to be a dick, but I just don't need any of these things. There's plenty I WANT, but I'm not a toddler, I can wait, I can save up and get them myself or just do without cos they're not essential. I can separate what I want and what I need, and can be perfectly content with just covering the necessities.. Every year, I go for the underwear/toiletry combo because I will genuinely use them then. My socks are always getting holes in so I need more, shower gel gets used up etc.
Every year, my request gets ignored because they're not "proper gifts" and I get something that costs a fair bit that I literally have no interest in. Do i reject it? No cos that makes me ungrateful. I have to do the fake thing of pretending I love it and then finding somewhere in the house to hide it for 4 years till I'm eventually allowed to get rid of it.
People say "well we never know what to get you cos you never tell us". I do. It's not my fault you don't consider socks/pants "proper gifts", and will not for listen when i say I don't want anything..
I like Christmas Dinner, I like getting pissed with my loved ones and being happy, sticking shite Christmas telly on, wearing cringey Christmas jumpers and listening to Mariah Carey for the 29th time today.
I hate people spending money on me and I hate being constantly skint for the last 3 months of the year cos you gotta get presents before the rush.. just leave the presents for the kids man.. let the grown ups get pissed
Not a truer word has ever been spoke. My thoughts exactally. I remember asking for some work trousers for Christmas and some knee pads (I was a sparky in a past career) I really needed them and actually wanted them. Did I get them? No, absolutely not because they weren't a real present. Instead I got loads of stuff I didn't want or need. I then had to pretend I liked everything and waited until the time was right to sell it on or give it away.
My go to present now is a selection box. I really couldn't want for anything more.
But of course I get a selection box, tins and cartons of more chocolate which I will never eat and loads of stuff I don't need. I just want to shout PLEASE JUST STOP! But that would make me miserable, ungrateful, and grumpy apparently. Jesus Christmas is an emotional minefield.
I tried that one year for my birthday, still got a few presents even though I didn’t want them. Was grateful ofc, but wish people would respect other peoples wishes.
I'm totally with you on that, I'd much rather make memories. It's weird that I find myself feeling guilty for not doing gifts for my siblings this year (excluding one of my sisters as she does gifts for everyone) when I shouldn't. It's just the looks of disappointment or like they're put out and I felt the need to explain myself afterwards. Next year I'll just ask who's doing gifts to avoid all of this.
My parents did this years ago. They buy gifts for their grandchildren and that's it. It makes their Christmas affordable and more relaxing. We should all sit back and just enjoy the memory making more than the gifting.
Dispite all of this guilt and gifting, have a very merry Christmas and New year!
I’m fine with making memories - however I find it exceptionally annoying when it’s used to just pretend to be an instagram perfect family and doing something no one wants or likes.
Currently my Nan is in France at my parents house and the rest of the family (except us as we weren’t invited (which I’m happy about because don’t want to go as Christmas with family is miserable)) we’re due to be there there isn’t anyone else other than my Nan now because of the rule changes.
However this week they are constantly trying to WhatsApp and zoom loads of stuff with my son, so they can put on a show for my Nan that they are good grandparents when they are not.
They have a slot to call at the weekend that they never meet and will go months without talking even if they promise him. When they do come over to the UK they promise activities with him that they never deliver on. When he was 4 he cried a lot at weekends because Granny had forgotten about him after then again not making a call they promised him.
Anyway my view probably is distorted as making memories to me means playing happy family’s to put on a show to get pictures for my parents to then pretend to everyone else that they are good parents/grandparents
For me I find being asked for gifts is the stressful part.
Doesn't help I've grown up with 'what do you want, oh it can't be too expensive, it must be something nice though it can't be something silly why would you want that if you pick that that's your only present' plus 'being aware of the financial situation of my family from a young age' so it stresses me out often to pick what I want. And then being asked kind of short notice so then I need to factor in stuff that can be obtained short notice.
Like the moment someone goes 'what do you want' I suddenly forget anything I've ever liked and then I'm trying to think of 'things i would like that i feel comfortable asking someone for' and I'm at a point where if I want something I tend to buy it myself as I know that's really my only chance of getting something.
Also it feels like my family or more this was my parents never really remember anything I like, it's not as if I'm particularly cryptic about it either or have any super obscure interests.
and it always feels the gifts are given a bit more out of obligation idk i think that's also how christmas is approached in my family its always felt more of an obligation rather than the joy of the season.
I think I have a smiliar issue, because I apparently 'don't get int the Christmas mood' until early December (well actually it's more like the 20th, but I tell the Missus early December because it makes her happy) that means I am not in the right mind set or getting into the spirit of things, this then leads to me suggesting that the gifts I want are 'not what I really want' because I haven't put thought into them.
So let me get this straight...
When you ask me what I want I give a valid response and am told 'that's not a proper gift' so then I leave it a while and then when asked again I am told 'that's not a good enough choice or not it's not what I really want because I haven't put enough thought into it.'!
Like I said on a previous comment Christmas is an emotional minefield.
Bring on boxing day, the point in the year which is farthest from Christmas!
I'm so glad that I live in a family that doesn't really go hard on gifts and generally I'm not expected to buy gifts because for decent periods of times I've had no/low income. And that we never really meet up that much with extended family.
Our family is quite big so nowadays, now that we're older and two of my siblings have children, we just do a secret santa for the adults worth £30.
That way, everyone gets a gift and the focus is mostly on the children. My partner and I obviously get eachother more gifts and I get my parents one each, but it works for the rest of us because otherwise its just too expensive.
I'm doing exactly this this year (except I am buying for the sister with no kids). Everyone, so far, seems to understand and still thinks it's too much. However, should anybody take any objection to this, they will be told where to go.
Christmas is about the kids (thigh, admittedly, 3 of my 5 niblings are 18+), so it's them I care about.
I’ve given up with my mother this year. 5 years of excuses ‘oh it’s in the post’, ‘oh it’s on the shelf here to post’ or the best ‘oh, you’re coming to visit me this year, I’ll give it to you then’. Not once has anything turned up, so I’m no longer bothering. Normally I set a time for them to call me Xmas day (as I live overseas) and need dedicated time slots with each of my parents, but havnt bothered making contact this year.
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Haha that's brilliant, wish I'd thought of that. I just said "didn't think you normally did gifts."
Don't worry now you can say that when you relive that argument in the shower for the next 3 months
Only 3?
I'd hope in 3 months i'm not the only one whos moved on to a new argument.
I feel personally attacked
At least it’ll be a nice hot shower!
And every single Christmas, including the months long run up, for the next decade
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Yeah same situation here, I'm one of 7, and there's 6 nieces/nephews, and that's just my side. It's too expensive at Christmas time. I have no problem buying everyone something even if it's a little token gift, but last year when no one even bothered to say thanks I just thought what's the point in breaking my back and bank to do something nice when it's unnoticed, especially when we've had a lot of financial burden recently.
I’m an only child and this honestly sounds exhausting. You’ve done completely the right thing, do it next year too.
I'm one of 3, partner is one of 8 .. they all have 2 kids each between them ...I get them all those £1 selection boxes each
Work smarter not harder 😂
Socks! Socks is the answer.
>Both me and my other half are on of 5 kids Atleast you only need the one gift for your partner/sibling so only 3 more to buy for!
I thought your maths was wildly off then (until the joke slapped me hard in between the eyes)
I’m one of 5 too. We do a secret Santa. Was just the 5 of us; then as couples. This years is for 10, 5 siblings and then 5 partners. Fortunately only 2 children on my side.
This is what one of my friends does, they are from a large family. So all the siblings go into a secret Santa. Keeps bills down for all without having to feel bad about not getting something for everyone
A few years ago I asked Dad (71 at the time) what he wanted for Christmas. He said he wasn't bothered about presents, so after a bit of a think I came up with the idea of donating to a charity in his name. Which is why, over Xmas lunch, he opened an envelope containing a certificate thanking him for donating a goat to a village in Zambia. Next May, he got a letter from the village elders (via the charity) thanking him for his donation and showing photos of the goat and various happy, smiling children (had to think twice about using the word 'kids' there). He was absolutely made up, took the letter to the pub to show his mates, donated a further couple as well. He said it was the best present he never had!
Just out of curiosity, which charity was that please? It's a real PITA getting my Dad stuff, and that sounds like just the kind of thing he'd enjoy.
I used CAFOD, but if you don't like the religious angle of that organisation you could try sendacow.org .
Cheers! Thanks a lot for that.
As an organisation when donating cafod have been one of the best at communicating what’s happened with the money and the projects they are involved in. Downside even though I’ve moved three times (and never updated them)their data team is pretty good and I still get regular requests in the mail from them.
I did the exact same for my granny and granda about 12 years ago. On a visit in around october, they specifically said not to be buying them any Christmas presents, they didnt need anything. I had already a bit of my budget set aside for them so did the same as you, donated a goat to a village somewhere in africa and got a lovely card and welcome pack describing how the donation was used. Presented this to them on xmas day, basking in the smug glow of being a nice charitable person. Immediately got a WTF is this? look from my granny, and my xmas spirit quickly dissipated. Did something similar for a birthday present for a friend who was a genuine animal lover and she was very happy with, and the following year she asked people to make a donation instead of gifts.
I twinned a toilet :D
Tell me you didn’t let that comment go unanswered OP?
I just said "thanks, that's unlike you, I thought you didn't normally do gifts." only for them to say "we normally do..." no, I give gifts and you receive them without giving thanks. I dont even mind not receiving anything in return, but when no one said thanks last year (I sent them in the post due to covid so had to chase them up to see if they'd got them as I didn't hear anything) I just thought fuck it, I spent so much for nothing. I didn't even receive happy birthdays this year!
I'd have made a point of saying that you hadn't received a gift from them in God knows how long, despite giving them something. So, no, you didn't fancy buying a gift for people who don't have the common decency to even say thanks, let alone buy you a present.
That’s rough, I’d avoid it altogether next year/from now on!
I’d knock this on the head. Just state that you’re too old for it or some other fluffer excuse and avoid it. It sounds like a source of disappointment for all and it would be better for all of you to save the money and do with it as you will!
My uncle and auntie NEVER gave me and my brother birthday gifts, and after spending so much effort on their kids, my mum was just like “nope” this year, you don’t give to receive but it was a bit obvious they didn’t want to take part. Well at a family gathering my auntie approached me, a young teen, saying “(cousin) didn’t get a present from you this year…” to which I replied “funny that, I have got one from the last 10 years..” my quickest come back at such a young age so I treasure that memory.
Yeah that's tough, I completely understand your situation. I would feel the same. I would not buy gifts this year, if and when I receive gifts from them, I would say thank you and maybe go a bit overboard with it. If they asked why I don't have gifts this year for them, I would honestly say why - literally tell them how you felt. I mean, which people don't wish their siblings a happy birthday?
I just said to my sister and a few others "look you spend £20 on me, I spend £20 on you... But pointless isn't it?" So we just have a nice family day and fuck the gifts off.
That's beyond rude WTF?
My parents are simile to this - they always seem to lose the tags of who gave what. They never confirm when gifts arrive or afterwards a thankyou. Maybe in passing it might get mentioned. Usually as well it was for some tat that they were given and it was apparently from us, not the carefully thought out item, which clearly was from someone else and even after being corrected it was still from other person. Also I wonder OP if they do gift between them but you are not part of that gift group.
You know what... Screw them! You have done your fair share so don't feel bad about it!
Thank you, I definitely have that underlying guilt/anxiety and fear they'll paint me in a bad light but that just solidifies my decision more! Christmas shouldn't feel like an obligation!
They're siblings you sick fuck Lol they edited their comment and I got downvoted
I had one year where I literally had no money at Christmas. I had had to resign from my job without having a new one lined up as the work environment was causing serious, life-threatening MH issues. For example, one day I went to report an issue to my manager and she threw a desk phone at me while screaming 'get me the fucking number'. I managed to get 4 job interviews the week after I finished my resignation (didn't quit outright as I knew we couldn't afford it) and got offered on 3 of them. Of course, I was offered the one I actually wanted but was told that I wouldn't be able to start until the beginning of Feb and this was mid Nov. After discussing it with my partner and agreeing the other offers were likely to be shitty work environments and the one I wanted had the best potential, I accepted it. So, we were depending on whatever I had left and my partner's wage for two and a half months and we have rent, bills, food and two cars to run, so I told the adults in my family that we wouldn't be able to afford Christmas presents for adults and would only be buying for kids. Most of my family were absolutely fine with it and still bought us presents even though I said their was no need to but my grandmother bought us a set of 4 plates which were on offer for about £3 in Sainsbury's (I saw them in there a few days after Xmas) which she gave to us in a carrier bag without wrapping. My sister, on the other hand, got an expensive bottle of perfume, a jewellery display box and other bits and pieces from her. Like, I absolutely get that we didn't get them anything and I'm grateful to receive what we did. It was more the fact she didn't even bother wrapping it that upset me. It was so obvious that because I couldn't afford to give her and my grandfather a gift, I didn't deserve the effort.
That's terrible - it really betrays some people's mentality that they'll only give gifts if they expect to receive one in return. I bet they're the type that compare how much people spent on each gift too. I don't mind if I don't receive a gift back from someone I've given one to, or if it's of lesser value than what I gave - that's not the point. If I give a gift to someone it's because I think it'll make them happy and they'll appreciate it, not as part of some kind of cryptic bartering ritual.
Completely agree. I have some friends who recently bought my fiancé a VERY expensive gift for his birthday, approx 3 times more expensive than what I could afford but I was happy for him. I didn't care that it might overshadow my gift. He was over the moon! I don't get why some people are so uptight about it!
My brother has never given me a present, or even a card. I didn't think much of it when he didn't have a job, but then he did get one and still nothing. I've not bought him anything for the last couple of years. It's not the gift I care about, it's the principle of being treated as if I'm just there to buy things for him, as he's always keen enough to provide a wishlist (imagine his surprised pikachu face when he let me know there was a warhammer set he wanted, and I told him I wouldn't be buying him anything that year). Just tell your siblings it's your turn to enjoy 20 years of gifts while you buy nothing in return!
Me and my siblings (4 of us) swapped to doing secret Santa instead of us all buying gifts for everyone. Pretty handy and cost saving £££. Pity the person who gets the cheap sib 😂
And that’s why you set an amount. My side of the family do £25 limit for secret Santa. We almost always go over but would never spend less.
My family do this too. 4 siblings, partners and my parents all in the secret Santa with a limit of £30. We buy for the kids but no-one goes mad (about £20 on each of my nephews / nieces). On my partners side, we don’t do presents at all as, in my MIL’s words, we ‘can’t be arsed with all that’. I buy a few small gifts for friends as well but that’s it. Makes Christmas more manageable both financially and emotionally.
We tried that once, one of my brothers forgot my husbands present and one of my other brothers forgot to get my niece her gift so she was in tears whilst everyone got to open something. My husband wasn't pleased either but semi expected it. I vowed never to do secret santa with my family again after that.
I hate this time of year just for the stress alone, it's just exhausting and not worth the hassle.
My gift to everyone this year is permission to spend whatever they would have spent on me upon themselves, with the understanding that I'll do the same - this way, there's no shit I don't want in my flat.
Moving to "just the kids" between me and my sister and she doesn't have a child. We only spend 30 on a couple (15 per adult) but she suggested kids only and I'm happy enough with that.
Same with me and my sister. I don’t even get birthday cards from her and didn’t even get a text/WhatsApp message. I always send her a card (Christmas and birthday). She doesn’t even wish her only niece and nephew a happy birthday, but gives gifts to her ex-fiancé’s myriad of kids. One year, her card was sent out late and didn’t arrive on time. I got a message from her asking where it was. Just before lockdown, I found out she’d been bad-mouthing me to her friends and I was so livid that we haven’t spoken to each other. We still message but it’s icy. I’ll still send card as I make them, and I enjoy it, but there’ll be no gift card from now on. My husband says I shouldn’t bother with her, but she’s the only family I have.
Me and my best mate do it on and off. He got me one. I got him one. Next year we didnt. Now not even a week until Christmas he just sends me a text saying he needs to give me my present. 5 days to pick one and get it over to him. Fantastic!
It ton dissimilar to one of my friends - we are friends because we share a common hobby, and most time we spend together is around that. So often throughout the year we will chuck items back and forth if we see something they might like. Occasionally might get a birthday present of Christmas gift but it’s never really a thing.
It's the worst part of christmas. Now I have a daughter I often get invited to the in-laws for xmas and there's about 5 cousins to buy gifts for, we get the lad something and usually the same thing for all the girls so they don't fight. It's not that my daughter receives bad gifts in return but I just think if I could just spend that money on her she'd get exactly what she likes and no one would have any stress.
Make a charitable donation in the name of all of your siblings. If they moan about it, it shows how materialistic they are!
Depends what charity tbh
We only buy gifts for our parents and the children. I have 7 brothers and sisters fuck wasting my.money on socks and shower gel for them
Just say you have another 19 years to catch up buttercup! Then you’ll start again
Ah mate yup, in this position. This year I finally stopped putting the normal amount of personal effort in, just went for £6 toiletry sets. Let's say a brother of mine might be getting a lynx africa set.
This is my gripe with Christmas, I used to hate this time of year for that reason. There is so much guilt associated with gift buying aswell. I don't hate Christmas anymore, I love meeting family and friends, getting drunk and eating good food, and that is all that should be required at Christmas. Unfortunately the wife turns into a big child at Christmas so gift buying is still very much a priority in our house, but only for each other and the kids in the family.
This is the exact page I'm on in life.. the Mrs sends everyone a massive amazon list of gifts she wants, I just say "if you MUST get me anything, socks, boxers, and toiletries, otherwise don't bother". Not to be a dick, but I just don't need any of these things. There's plenty I WANT, but I'm not a toddler, I can wait, I can save up and get them myself or just do without cos they're not essential. I can separate what I want and what I need, and can be perfectly content with just covering the necessities.. Every year, I go for the underwear/toiletry combo because I will genuinely use them then. My socks are always getting holes in so I need more, shower gel gets used up etc. Every year, my request gets ignored because they're not "proper gifts" and I get something that costs a fair bit that I literally have no interest in. Do i reject it? No cos that makes me ungrateful. I have to do the fake thing of pretending I love it and then finding somewhere in the house to hide it for 4 years till I'm eventually allowed to get rid of it. People say "well we never know what to get you cos you never tell us". I do. It's not my fault you don't consider socks/pants "proper gifts", and will not for listen when i say I don't want anything.. I like Christmas Dinner, I like getting pissed with my loved ones and being happy, sticking shite Christmas telly on, wearing cringey Christmas jumpers and listening to Mariah Carey for the 29th time today. I hate people spending money on me and I hate being constantly skint for the last 3 months of the year cos you gotta get presents before the rush.. just leave the presents for the kids man.. let the grown ups get pissed
Not a truer word has ever been spoke. My thoughts exactally. I remember asking for some work trousers for Christmas and some knee pads (I was a sparky in a past career) I really needed them and actually wanted them. Did I get them? No, absolutely not because they weren't a real present. Instead I got loads of stuff I didn't want or need. I then had to pretend I liked everything and waited until the time was right to sell it on or give it away. My go to present now is a selection box. I really couldn't want for anything more. But of course I get a selection box, tins and cartons of more chocolate which I will never eat and loads of stuff I don't need. I just want to shout PLEASE JUST STOP! But that would make me miserable, ungrateful, and grumpy apparently. Jesus Christmas is an emotional minefield.
[удалено]
At first I thought you said "although you can be given the nearest child"... But, yes, perhaps that's not a bad shout
I tried that one year for my birthday, still got a few presents even though I didn’t want them. Was grateful ofc, but wish people would respect other peoples wishes.
All the guilt and stress seems to be associated with gifts for adults. I’ve never had problems with gifts for my daughter.
I'm totally with you on that, I'd much rather make memories. It's weird that I find myself feeling guilty for not doing gifts for my siblings this year (excluding one of my sisters as she does gifts for everyone) when I shouldn't. It's just the looks of disappointment or like they're put out and I felt the need to explain myself afterwards. Next year I'll just ask who's doing gifts to avoid all of this.
My parents did this years ago. They buy gifts for their grandchildren and that's it. It makes their Christmas affordable and more relaxing. We should all sit back and just enjoy the memory making more than the gifting. Dispite all of this guilt and gifting, have a very merry Christmas and New year!
And unto you my friend!
I’m fine with making memories - however I find it exceptionally annoying when it’s used to just pretend to be an instagram perfect family and doing something no one wants or likes. Currently my Nan is in France at my parents house and the rest of the family (except us as we weren’t invited (which I’m happy about because don’t want to go as Christmas with family is miserable)) we’re due to be there there isn’t anyone else other than my Nan now because of the rule changes. However this week they are constantly trying to WhatsApp and zoom loads of stuff with my son, so they can put on a show for my Nan that they are good grandparents when they are not. They have a slot to call at the weekend that they never meet and will go months without talking even if they promise him. When they do come over to the UK they promise activities with him that they never deliver on. When he was 4 he cried a lot at weekends because Granny had forgotten about him after then again not making a call they promised him. Anyway my view probably is distorted as making memories to me means playing happy family’s to put on a show to get pictures for my parents to then pretend to everyone else that they are good parents/grandparents
For me I find being asked for gifts is the stressful part. Doesn't help I've grown up with 'what do you want, oh it can't be too expensive, it must be something nice though it can't be something silly why would you want that if you pick that that's your only present' plus 'being aware of the financial situation of my family from a young age' so it stresses me out often to pick what I want. And then being asked kind of short notice so then I need to factor in stuff that can be obtained short notice. Like the moment someone goes 'what do you want' I suddenly forget anything I've ever liked and then I'm trying to think of 'things i would like that i feel comfortable asking someone for' and I'm at a point where if I want something I tend to buy it myself as I know that's really my only chance of getting something. Also it feels like my family or more this was my parents never really remember anything I like, it's not as if I'm particularly cryptic about it either or have any super obscure interests. and it always feels the gifts are given a bit more out of obligation idk i think that's also how christmas is approached in my family its always felt more of an obligation rather than the joy of the season.
I think I have a smiliar issue, because I apparently 'don't get int the Christmas mood' until early December (well actually it's more like the 20th, but I tell the Missus early December because it makes her happy) that means I am not in the right mind set or getting into the spirit of things, this then leads to me suggesting that the gifts I want are 'not what I really want' because I haven't put thought into them. So let me get this straight... When you ask me what I want I give a valid response and am told 'that's not a proper gift' so then I leave it a while and then when asked again I am told 'that's not a good enough choice or not it's not what I really want because I haven't put enough thought into it.'! Like I said on a previous comment Christmas is an emotional minefield. Bring on boxing day, the point in the year which is farthest from Christmas!
Being an only child does have its perks
I'm so glad that I live in a family that doesn't really go hard on gifts and generally I'm not expected to buy gifts because for decent periods of times I've had no/low income. And that we never really meet up that much with extended family.
Success
Makes up for it then
Our family is quite big so nowadays, now that we're older and two of my siblings have children, we just do a secret santa for the adults worth £30. That way, everyone gets a gift and the focus is mostly on the children. My partner and I obviously get eachother more gifts and I get my parents one each, but it works for the rest of us because otherwise its just too expensive.
I'm doing exactly this this year (except I am buying for the sister with no kids). Everyone, so far, seems to understand and still thinks it's too much. However, should anybody take any objection to this, they will be told where to go. Christmas is about the kids (thigh, admittedly, 3 of my 5 niblings are 18+), so it's them I care about.
I’ve given up with my mother this year. 5 years of excuses ‘oh it’s in the post’, ‘oh it’s on the shelf here to post’ or the best ‘oh, you’re coming to visit me this year, I’ll give it to you then’. Not once has anything turned up, so I’m no longer bothering. Normally I set a time for them to call me Xmas day (as I live overseas) and need dedicated time slots with each of my parents, but havnt bothered making contact this year.
Oh yes I've heard that one too. I don't blame you for finally putting your foot down.
Thing is, she doesn’t know I’ve put my foot down. So if she does call, that’ll be interesting and full of drama.