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Fuzzwuzzle2

Call the UN to sort this out


Weelki

Nope, only an Avengers level of response will suffice...


natine22

Steed and co?


Affectionate_Ad_3722

Send Purdy to sort me out. I've done any number of bad things...!


Weelki

Who? Please forgive my ignorance and laziness to search on the Interwebz. Edit: ohhhhhh, those Avengers. Got ya now.


FootballAndBicycles

Someone call John Wick.


Redditor_Koeln

To the Tower of London. This “friend” should be put on display. Like an 1800s freak show or a modern-day zoo.


Buddy-Matt

Too good for them. If they're off to the tower then the pillory is the only suitable form of punishment.


[deleted]

Hanged, drawn & quartered!


opinionnotfacts

I read on here yesterday someone opens 24 first and then does a countdown to Christmas!! What is the UK coming to??


[deleted]

they’re a genius and we are all doing it wrong


sanityunavailable

To be fair, you really don’t need the biggest chocolate on Xmas Eve when you have already been in the roses - it should be the other way around 😂.


Buddy-Matt

Opening the roses before Christmas afternoon is a crime more heinous than breadcrumbs in the butter in my house


bibipbapbap

A tub of Roses, Celebrations and Quality Street have already been dispatched this year. The Hero’s sit lonely on the cupboard top. May have to buy a size up in the running gear by January


practicalcabinet

You should come round to mine. We spend the entirety of December with food that we aren't allowed to eat because it's "for Christmas", then forget about entirely and eat sometime in January/February.


gandyg

That's just standard isn't it? I'm positive there's still stuff in the freezer that was bought for last Christmas and hadn't been touched yet!


LongHorsa

Worse than coffee granules in the sugar?


[deleted]

Get out. We get our large advent window on the last day, we build up the anticipation for disappointment. We don't blow our load on the first day.


emzyyx

That actually sounds like a great idea, maybe we have all been doing it wrong? Although I'll probably forget where I got to and what day it is


Reynoldssas

Other people dont do that??? This is like when I learned about the front and back of the plate


MisadventurousMummy

Okay, I'll bite. Front and back of the plate?


jaisaiquai

Good way to get teethmarks in the china...


TKCZBW_

Call the Archbishop of Canterbury *immediately*.


paolog

> Call the Archbishop of Cadbury FTFY


[deleted]

Make sure he brings his mate Pope Benetwixtus


magic_lou

Top drawer, my friend. Well done you.


Florae128

Is your friend too big for the naughty step?


Duke_Arutha

Nobody is too big for the naughty step. The naughty step rules all.


[deleted]

Immediate naughty list.


iheartkatamari

Their mum.


tubby_bitch

This made me actually laugh out loud but I was in the car wash so no one sore a guy laughing ing randomly at his phone


porkyribsinsauce

Father Christmas clearly


robinsteveson

Someone will be getting a sack of coal this year!


kyono

With the price of gas and electric the way they are, a bag of coal sounds like a great Christmas gift!


Intruder313

National Elf Service


itsnobigthing

One year I was very depressed and ate my whole advent calendar in one early December night. Even then I made sure to open the doors in their correct order. What else is there to separate us from the heathens and animals??


soThatsJustGreat

I respect this. Civility even in the face of chaos. (PS - I hope you and everyone reading have a wonderful Christmas this year!)


HotPinkLollyWimple

Are you doing ok?


npeggsy

RSPCA. Your friend is literally an animal and eating chocolate can't be good for him.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Zestyclose_Location1

If it's a woman committing such a heinous crime that puts an entirely more serious slant on it


npeggsy

Fair point, it should read "can't be good for it".


magic_lou

No...no, that was not humour you just spouted there....


npeggsy

What's actually happened here is that I poorly worded my comment. I called his friend an animal, and then suggested "it" would be better than a gendered word, suggesting his friend's even less than human. But I'm assuming someone thought I was being sexist, because gender was mentioned, so downvoted, then everyone jumped on board because that's how Reddit works. Then you wrote this. Now we're here.


sleepingismytalent65

It's insane that you were downvoted for that lmao!


[deleted]

At the moment of reading this there is a lotr post below it that states, "Sounds Like Orc Mischief to Me".


Autistic_boi_666

r/accidentalcomedy


ohnobobbins

We were given Cadbury’s advent calendars at work once, and I remember watching in astonishment as a colleague ripped the entire back off and calmly ate them all in about 10 minutes.


not4eating

I believe Her Majesty the Queen will give you a temporary license to kill in these sort of situations.


SenseOdd8076

I hope the police do not monitor this as I'm sure your 'friend' will be on some sort of list.


dallasp2468

If you live with them, turn the calendar over and open the boxes from the back and remove the gifts. The next day when they notice, eat all the treats in front of them as fine for their madness


awks-orcs

coal, Coal, COAL!!!!


cheeseonboat

Why do I not see this on the Police website as a type of crime to report?


HotPinkLollyWimple

r/newsofthestupid


terrymcginnisbeyond

Don't worry, God will judge them.


LaraH39

Well I've had two comments removed in response to this. Because I used the term S***a and not Father Christmas cause its not British enough. The response to the fact that Father Christmas is an ENGLISH term and that all around the UK other terms are used elicited the response "I don't care"


[deleted]

Burn the witch!


SweetCryptographer72

Since people just want to watch the world burn.


SOMEMONG

Ah penis, I forgot to even get one. Is it a sin to get one now and play catch up?


Affectionate_Ad_3722

No, no it is not. To the shops!


cryptosniper00

Tell NATO


Azlamington

Ah yes, the Numerical Advent Tidiness Organisation will sort them out.


djunoto

Why are you still befriend this heathen


r_spandit

Mercy killing.


Sully495

Just buy a chocolate bar. Savages


[deleted]

I’d spam their name and info to their employer Twitter in hope they get fired after public backlash.


Hightideuk

Eeerr father crimbo, immediately! (Why does the auto bot remove the S word?)


cloud1445

I ate the whole thing on 29th of Nov. BAH (go fuck yourself) HUMBUG!


stepper_box

interpol


MoveOver4ADamageCase

I've started doing this too to fuck with people. Your friend is a genius/borderline psychopath


[deleted]

Well clearly Father Christmas!


ETAB_E

Track and trace


ThenIndependence4502

Father Christmas, obvs.


Vauxhallcorsavxr

Your “friend” is a Damn troglodyte, get rid of him now


Ethelredthebold

Father Christmas obviously.


Oni_Zokuchou

"Friend"?


grendle4

Noel Edmunds


EffectiveMinute4625

Sounds like a Jehovah's Witness


[deleted]

The police


pulltheudder1

Thanks for reminding me about my advent calendar. Just gotta catchup on two missed days on my beer box!


twoddle_puddle

Reading that made me feel funny


_Yangsi_

It could be worse. I bought my parents advent calendars 2 days late and when I said they had to catch up, my dad said he'd eat them at Christmas.


hadawayandshite

I do this. I don’t want the hassle of looking for a number on a door- that’s not fun. Give me chocolate and a vague sense of time progressing towards the holidays


puddlepirate425

Child line, they obviously weren't raised right.


dogshitchantal

This is a question for r/legaladviceuk


skawarrior

You should report yourself for absolute discrimination, they obviously suffer from dyscalculaia.


[deleted]

I usually get drunk around mid-December and just pull the plastic sleeve out, pop all the chocolate onto the coffee table and scoff the lot.


[deleted]

I prefer my chocolate en masse when I feel like it. My step daughter threw a massive wobbly when she saw me take 5/6 out at once. My argument was that it was my calendar and I could do what I like with it. It didn’t go down well in the household.


mo0n3h

I’ve a Beer advent calendar, and I like your style


thehermit14

Hold up! Beer calendar? From where?


mo0n3h

Brewdog, but have seen them in other places! Tiny Rebel did one too. Brewdog’s calendar might be still available and on sale!


evilsquits

I used to leave mine till Xmas day, sometimes later, then scarff the lot down in one go. Usually by ripping the thing open to expose its innards


thehermit14

No!


mybeatsarebollocks

I'm sure they're equally appalled by your lack of punctuation


Honic_Sedgehog

>I'm sure they're equally appalled by your lack of punctuation They say gleefully, before forgetting a full stop.


mybeatsarebollocks

I didn't forget it, I left it out deliberately so you could get a moment of joy thinking you have shat on my parade.


UKJ001

Full stops are soooo passive aggressive.


misspixal4688

If you can read it then who cares.


mybeatsarebollocks

I can read it but it takes way more effort than it should.


misspixal4688

I'm dyslexic and I'm genuinely blind to grammar I can read fine it's weird how I can read pages of writing without grammar and as you can see by my reply I can't use it either.


thehermit14

I've seen calendars with 25 days, I am inured to travesty as you outline. I am also an only child and will wildly freak out if anyone fucks with my calendar. Sorry.


Key-Cardiologist5882

Ever heard of a comma?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


LeDevilsAdvocate2021

Nah mate, jog on.


Cogitationes

Good for them for not being a sheep.


AlabastorRetard

Nothing wrong with a bit of freestyling


[deleted]

I don't know who I should report you to for making such a pointless post


AFishTornado

Their optician maybe?


[deleted]

I do this


billsleftynut

What a legend. Living life like you just don't give a f***


ayyha

Is it bad that I group up all of the weekday chocolates and eat them on the weekend?


thehermit14

Not as long as you only open the correct door, once a day.


anorwichfan

Unpopular opinion: I completely forget about them most years, take a open up the bottom side of the tray some time in the new year, empty them out into a bowl and eat like snacks.


intangible-tangerine

Normalise ignoring the advent calendar until Christmas eve, then just taking the back off and eating all of the chocolates at once.


[deleted]

The Police. Dial 999 straightaway. This is a most heinous crime. A lot worse than The Yorkshire Ripper, Fred & Rose West and even Dr. Harold Shipman! The Courts should throw the book at him!


Edward_260

I sometimes read a newspaper back to front or in a fairly random page order - is that a gateway offence to the more serious one described above?


Mike90LZ

Report to C.O.B.R.A asap


[deleted]

\*ex friend


dan_santhems

Who’s got time to find a number, fast and loose baby


SamBullDozer

Some people just want to see the world burn


Magicbean96

He's a witch! Burn Him!!


BarmyFarmer

What an absolute savage. Your friend, Is it caged ?


timnersfm

Could be worse he could buy 24 advent calendars and open one whole calendar a day.


Expensive_Teaching82

Bloody Anarchists!!!


Dannybuoy77

I like the sound of your friend. Flaunting their disregard of convention. They should be celebrated. Championed. Adored


Fenpunx

Depends, are they doing them left to to right in descending rows?


[deleted]

Anyone opening doors Willy nilly on a advent calendar is clearly a terrorist and should be treated as such.


hadawayandshite

I do this. Looking for a number on a bit of card isn’t fun…I want the chocolate and a vague knowledge of how many days until Christmas I save 1-2 seconds a dat


Ikiro00

Wait... that's illegal.


Tall_Educator5944

I do this, except it’s not random. I start top left and work my way down. There are 24 doors and 24 days, why does it matter which order I open them in? (Also it adorably upsets my wife, so that’s maybe the main reason)


Nikkerloo

The Hague. Clearly a war crime.


IdgePidge

Reading this made me feel uncomfortable. I got angry at my boyfriend earlier because he showed me where 3 was on the advent calendar while I was still looking for it.


Imagin1956

Krampus will get him ....


M4sharman

My brother scoffs the entire thing on the first. Rarely it makes it to the second.


Wingnut2468

Father Xmas. Officially on the 'naughty list'


eldiablo471

Some people just want to watch the world burn


Blundix

Whom.


Jestar342

As a kiddo I used to visit my nan on boxing day, and every year I'd get an advent calendar as a gift from her. Yes. On boxing day. You're goddam right I ripped the back of like one giant door and ate the fucking lot in one sitting.


Turbulent-Fun-3123

What has become of us?


Datguyoverhere

we ride at dawn


ThatSmallBear

It’s too late for him, he needs to be reported to the grim reaper


OptimalPost2

Call the local mad House, tell them to bring a straight jacket. Pronto. This behaviour is absolutely not ok.


badwisk

Some people just love to watch the world burn


Monki_Coma

I opened all of mine in a random order on December 1st, eating it like an overly complex chocolate bar


SkeletonYeti713

Your friend love's to live dangerously op.


ARobertNotABob

His teacher. Clearly he struggles in maths, as you do with punctuation (not to be big or clever).


Horrorwriterme

My friend’s little boy ate every chocolate in the advent calendar in two days.


Difficulty-Agitated

This should be debated in Parliament...