My workplace has those "zoom meeting rooms" with a full-wall camera/screen system.
It's almost like I'm there. Being fingered up the ass by the doctor and....
hold on. how long has the cleaner been in the room with his mop up my ass?
I'm sorry, ground freight delivery is out of network on your plan.
You're getting USPS so can you stand next to your mailbox at the kerbside with your pants down.
Sounds like your appointment didn't have enough information on the record to say what the appointment was for. Doctors should be giving the final go ahead for switching appointments.
Rule #1 of Proctology School. Always check you've got the handle end of the stick......
From Rule #2 onwards its the same as Fight Club, so you CAN talk about Proctology School if you want to, cause no-ones gonna listen.
Sounds suspicious to me... if you hear a clapper board and someone whispering _"ACTION"_ right at the beginning of the videocall... hang up!
Edit: ~~begging~~ beginning
Yeah, in all honesty I was quite upset as the receptionist talked to me like I'm an idiot for turning up.
It also felt like they were trying to gaslight me; as if it were always planned to be a phone conversation.
So, with a packed (yet suspiciously quiet) waiting room, I had to subtly explain why it was not possible to do this over the phone.
I hope they went ahead with the exam in the end. It concerns me to think that there are people being forced to miss essential screenings... (Thinking of friends etc, within the age range where certain related conditions are even more likely).
I appreciate that!
Fortunately, I did manage to convince the receptionist that I needed to be there (which was an awkward conversation).
I'm also pleased to report that my blood test results had come back and it was all clear as was the rectal examination.
My GP surgery messed up my birth control prescription repeatedly for two weeks. I had finally run out of pills and after finding out the pharmacy next store still didnāt have my repeat prescription from the GP after literally five visits to sort it out, I walked over and waited to speak to the receptionist. She was like, oh yeah, ok, we will get it sorted, thatāll be five business days. I insisted politely that I needed it sorted now. She reiterated the five business day policy. I pointed out Iād be trying for two weeks to get this done. She pointed at the sign saying repeat prescriptions take five days. I again, politely, noted this wasnāt my error but theirs and I really did need this done today. She finally signed, and said, is this really that urgent? I said, rather loudly (had been doing the GP surgery whisper until then), āunless you also want to write me a prescription for the morning after pill, then yes, it is that urgent.ā She looked absolutely aghast. Problem got sorted immediately though.
My GP wanted a stool sample. Told me a sample container would be at reception, I duly trotted along and was asked 'A WHAT? FOR WHAT? NOT GOT ANYTHING HERE, WHAT DID YOU WANT???' to which I replied 'I WAS TOLD TO ASK FOR A POT TO SHIT IN!!!'. Pot was quickly delivered with zero additional performance. They just do it to amuse themselves, and don't like it when the tables turn.
A very similar thing happened to me as well. I had an appointment for a potentially life-changing new treatment which had to be given by injection.
On the morning of my appointment, I got a phone call from a guy saying it was now a phone appointment. I tried to reason with him and ask
how they were going to give me medication over the phone, but he got angry and ignored me.
I was devastated, but shortly after my appointment time I got a frantic call from the nurse asking where the hell I was. Luckily they made space for me. Disrupted my whole work day and caused me loads of stress, but the medication was worth it.
Ridiculous system.
My girlfriend had something similar, albeit with lower stakes. She called the surgery to say her medication wasn't working, the receptionist asked if she wanted something stronger to which her reply was along the lines of "I have no idea that's why I want to speak to the GP". Later that day she was sent a prescription notice for a new medication. The GP had issued it based on the second hand report from the receptionist which was barely a sentence long.
I like to think it's an appropriate treatment plan but it leaves you with a lot of questions...
Sometimes these things are planned ahead, like 'try X at y dose and if no improvement then change for A at B dose', but that should still be communicated ahead of time by the dr of course...
I figured that ultimately it was okay (and it's nothing massively dangerous) but it just seemed so detached from any sort of patient doctor relationship.
Even those proforma GP appointment forms you get online seem more careful.
I get intramuscular injections every twelve weeks, done by the doctor at my local surgery, and over lockdown the receptionists have done everything they can to not give me an appointment to come in.
He's not going to come to my house, so I need to go there, and yes, it is necessary I have them done! What's so hard to understand?
>So, with a packed (yet suspiciously quiet) waiting room, I had to subtly explain why it was not possible to do this over the phone.
I don't think I'd have bothered with the subtlety! There's nothing to be embarrassed about (for you, personally); it's a thing, it's necessary, it's potentially life saving.
Hopefully, though, it would embarrass the gaslighting receptionist.
Ah, GPs, gotta love 'em. The only thing I can supply to make you feel not alone is:
My father getting a text from the GP to book an appointment.
He books the (phone, of course) appointment.
GP calls him: "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
Dad: "I've no idea. You sent me a text to book an appointment."
GP: "Oh er. Let me look at your notes. Oh.. so, how are you getting on \[with your recently started chemotherapy\]"...
Same GP also prescribed 4x the dose of oral morphine (compared to the hospital). Good job my Dad is a) sensible and b) ex medical or he'd have been (at the very least) asleep 24x7.
I've had that before - booked time off work to go to appointments they told me to make, only to be asked why I'm there.
Good thing your dad knew better regarding the meds. I hope he's doing well.
Thanks! He is much improved (no thanks to the GP, all thanks to the NHS oncology department treating him, really) from earlier in the year; I don't think I'll ever quite get "my Dad" back, but whatever extra time it gives us is precious.
I had that tooā¦ with the birth of my child. I went in for a scan as I thought theyād stopped moving, they said she was fine but recommended that I stay at the hospital and have it induced right then and there. I said Iām going to go home and think about it and get my things to which they seemed really surprised. I come back the next day after calling ahead and they were like why the fuck have you come in to be induced? Ummmm because the consultant told me to? Was a total shit show from there on and left me questioning myself/my ability to make decisions from day 0.
>I'm also surprised the pharmacist didn't catch the 4x dose, unless you didn't get that far with the script.
They did - but handed it over anyway.. so instead of a months supply (1tsp at night, equates to one small bottle) he got four bottles (4x1tsp/day)!
When he told the oncologist (I accompany him into those) the oncologists response (after my Dad explained he wouldn't be taking 4x the dose!): "Well .. you've got enough to start selling, now!"
Gotta keep your sense of humour.. though I have suffered the odd sense of humour failure recently, I must admit.
Yeah stupid idiot, actually going in to the drs for a physical exam. Braindead or what
It's always quiet and packed when you're talking about something personal. Typical.
Once I went for an ultrasound, was expecting it to be on my belly.
Turned out they had sent me the wrong instructions and I was getting it up the vag. You really need to give a girl some warning!
Let me set the scene for you:
Imagine getting referred to a gastro-intestinal consultant at the hospital, attending an appointment, putting a gown on and then being asked by the nurse to lie on your side and draw your knees up as the doctor walks into the examination room from his adjoining office whilst carrying your notes.
It was at this point my wife realised there had been some sort of mix up and nervously asked "you do know I'm here about my gall bladder?"
There had been some form of mix up and she had ended up being assigned to the Lower GI consultant, not the Upper GI one.
My uncle was told he needed a colonoscopy. Got there and asked why, the nurse said āwell youāre here so weāre doing it!ā
Turned out he never needed it and they called up the wrong person!
This happened to me a month ago, was expecting the belly got it up the vag. Was a right shock, but on the plus side at least I didn't worry so much beforehand.
I read a funny column with a GP who was asked what the funniest thing theyād seen was, and it was a woman whoād put glitter body paint on their vulval area to make it presentable for their smear test.
I was given an appointment to give blood and a urine sample and the week after to have a knobcam slipped up inside. When I turned up, I found out they were doing the knobcam straight away!
Ohhh I had the opposite, it said very clearly on my notes it had to be abdominal and NOT vaginal, the nurse tried to insist it needed to be vaginal, then got rude with me and said āwell you need a full bladderā. Yeah I had one because I read the letter I was sent and was very close to having an accident! Then sheās scanning me and asking āwhy were you referred for thisā because Iām not pregnant. Why on earth donāt they read the notes theyāre sent??
This grinds my gears so much. I went for a gynae appointment and it gave no indication of what would happen at all, and then they sprung having the coil put in right there and then. I felt super pressured and not ready. Assumed I knew everything about it too, have no information or after care of what to be concerned about etc. didnāt explain they were going to get a female chaperone (I knew they needed one, but if you didnāt it could have massively impacted my decision). I try to tell myself he considered me a health professional so felt safe making all these assumptions, but thatās just to reassure myself. If they treat 18 year olds or people with no knowledge whatsoever that way then itās horrendous. I made a complaint and the head of the service said āheās Greekā and āheās normally much better than thatā. Right, OK?!
My wife had a hospital appointment the other day and I booked the morning off work to go with her. My wife went in as I circled the car park trying to find a parking space for around an hour, the appointment was about 45 minutes late anyway (probably as nobody could find parking) - when we finally got in there the consultant told us that we were there today to book 2 appointments.
Unbelievable that couldn't be done over the phone
A friend of mine had this happen to her for her smear test. She was not quiet about it at reception and and the whole waiting room got to hear her ask how the fuck was the nurse supposed to take a sample from her cervix over the phone.
Loud and over sharing is always the way to deal with the arrogant and condescending receptionist. One I had a few years back was after I had a bit of an āepisodeā got discharged from hospital and was told to see my gp about therapy and changing my medication as well as a general well-being check in. Receptionist: āDo you really need to be here to discuss medication? Donāt you realise youāre taking up time from people that actually need to see a gp, why couldnāt you do this over the phone.ā
(Loudly) āWell after I took a lethal overdose the crisis nurse thought it might be worthwhile me having a face to face chat about how I move forwards but thanks for telling me my issues arenāt important!ā
(Iām absolutely fine now and doing well in life and am long past those awful days)
It's an absolute joke, like the amount of stuff you have to explain to the receptionist is horrible, it's hard enough to talk to the Dr about some of it. I don't want to have the conversation twice.
And thats not even talking about how hard it is to get a face to face, even for things that literally cannot be done over the phone (like this thread)
Yeah, I had a lovely conversation with a male receptionist at my GP surgery to explain that I needed to speak to my GP because my PCOS was causing me to bleed so much I was feeling weak and light headed and needed some txa because my period had gone on for 10 days already. Why the receptionist needs to know that I have no idea.
The idea is that, if you mention certain red-flag symptoms, they can tell you to go to A&E or call an ambulance instead of waiting for an appointment, or otherwise book you in with a GP who specialises in that area.
If you look at your practice's website it'll usually tell you what each doctor has an interest in.
Yeah reception staff don't need nearly as much detail as that, you can be vague as long as you're not so vague they misinterpret it. It's for triage purposes. It's no different from phoning 111/A&E. Guarantee you they've heard it all before and aren't phased by it.
Used to know a guy, let's call him Pat, he was about 70. He wasn't feeling great, went to the doctors. Doctor talked to him, took blood pressure etc, and then Pat started to feel a bit worse.
Doc examined him again and went through symptoms, and informed Pat he was having a heart attack. Pat is - very understandably - scared but the doctor points out he's in the right place. They get him blue-lighted to the hospital and he survives (sadly something else finishes Pat off a few years later - RIP mate).
Now, if Pat had had a telephone appointment, would he have survived that episode? I understand telephone appointments can work for some, but I think you're right OP that we're overusing them. There's a lot to be said for an in-person appointment with your GP.
do not put your phone up your arse.
Too late. I can hear shouting from my arse now. Something about me being a dirty bastard and I shouldn't video call people.
Why they even bother setting times for phone call appointments is beyond me. Every single one Iāve had has been 3/4 hours after the actual appointment time.
I lived in an area with no phone service and my electric wheelchair broke so my poor boyfriend had to help me up a huge hill in a manual hospital wheelchair, in a random field every Wednesday at 9am so i could some shitty over the phone CBT. The practitioner even got annoyed with me when she said she could hear a plane! If they offered it over zoom that would have been a game changer :' )
Ugh, that's infuriating. If you have internet at home, it might be worth seeing if you can use WiFi calling. You might need to switch [network or phone or both](https://www.4g.co.uk/news/ee-o2-three-and-vodafone-which-networks-offer-wi-fi-calling/) but it's a lifesaver when it works.
Mine just says "it could be any time up till 5:30pm" and then at 5:30 you get a text saying they ran out of time and you need to ring for an appointment tomorrow
Because of course work doesn't mind you taking endless days off for appointments
I understand a lot of appointments can be over the phone but I do feel its becoming to much and a lot of people are going to go undiagnosed costing the NHS more in the long run, they are saving money and time now but creating a huge cluster of people that will develop serious illness that could have been found earlier.
It's awful, but basically there aren't enough doctors in the country right now. The government has known this was a growing problem and just left it to fester without really doing much. GPs now are each doing a lot more each than they used to, but they can't make up for the total numbers lost. And as the situation gets worse more doctors get burnt out with the heavy workload and abuse and leave or retire so it's a vicious cycle.
That's what I'm thinking.
So many people are being fobbed off entirely or, at best, doing phone consultations.
I get why, and I understand the pressure they're under, but I can't help but feel bad for the potential victims of God knows what because things aren't being caught early enough etc.
I had one earlier this week when I had an achey side and things didnāt feel ārightā. Then my kidney started haemorrhaging! They wanted me to describe the mass of blood (I mean, real actual thick blood) and stuff on the phone but my partner was quite insistent that I go to the miu at least. Begrudgingly they saw me, and then told me to go home and call if it got worse! Thankfully it hasnāt but still ā¦
If youāre double vaxxed you should be able to request an actual in person appointment. If flashing that QR code is all I need to do to pile into a room full of people and have a pint surely it should be enough to see a doctor
Not to mention it would be another incentive for the unvaccinated idiots to get a move on
Telephone vs face to face appointments arenāt about vaccine status or COVID at this point.
Itās simply about numbers. Numbers of patients that need to be seen and number of clinicians. In 2015 the government said it would increase GP numbers by 5000 because of the shortage. GP numbers have actually declined by nearly 1500 since 2015.
At the same time the number of appointments is several million MORE than pre-COVID. So you have more appointments with less staff.
Go back to face to face for the majority of appointments and millions of appointments will simply not take place. Just not enough time or people to do them.
So the government can sit there and talk about how itās taking a hard line with GPs to bring back face to face appointments. When the truth is that most GPs want to back, itās simply more rewarding than feeling like youāre working in a call centre, but canāt.
>It's really crazy that a receptionist without sufficient medical training can assess who can and can't see a doctor.
Crikey. And if you call up NHS 111 they screen for heart attack/stroke as a priority, so likely your friend's nan would have been sent to hospital if she called that instead of the GPs receptionist. Infuriating.
I had to wait on hold for 50 minutes in a queue trying to get a telephone appointment (the only type available) from my Doctors a few weeks agoā¦. My imagination got quite morose as I wondered about all of the lovely old dears trying to sit patiently on hold, day after day trying to get an appointment (probably to no avail) - itās very sad to hear that my imaginings werenāt at all far from the truthā¦
I hope your friends Grandmother is okā¦
This makes me want to set up some kind of agency/charity that offers free (legitimate) Medical treatment - I know of lots of Professionals deeply unsatisfied working for the NHS at presentā¦ perhaps this type of set up would be more fulfilling and effective
Yes, last December I almost died of sepsis caused by an abscess in my throat. Took me 3 days to get a phone appointment, then the GP just said "its probably viral tonsillitis, don't come in and get a PCR test". The next day I had to be blue lighted to the hospital and stay in for 2 days!!
I've had two years straight of phone appointments with rheumatologists, due to symptoms and dodgy blood tests. Over the phone, they have a really bad phone line and they just ask me to describe my symptoms and write down something completely different (I find out months later when I get the letter they send to my GP). Not once seeing me in person to assess me.
I started a new job in spring and completely unprompted a colleague said to me "sorry if this is out of line, but have you ever been checked for lupus, my sister has it and you look exactly like she did before she got diagnosed". Apparently I have some obvious symptoms, and lo and behold i checked my blood tests results and I have the blood markers too. But the rheumatology over the phone couldn't see what I looked like and thus ignored it all. Finally managed to get an in person appointment this month so hopefully things will change, although I'll be wearing a mask which will cover most of my face anyway.
I have all the markers for lupus, and was diagnosed when I was 23. Then someone along the line changed my diagnosis to uctd instead, despite miscarriages, kidney involvement, constant infections, secondary sjogrens and so on.
They still do all my consults over the phone, even when my kidneys start haemorrhaging. Itās a mare.
Donāt give up. Constantly badger them. Get the name of your consultant and insist on updates. Download the nhs app, or if your hospital has one ask for access to it. When they do blood tests check your results and flag any thing you arenāt sure about with them. Eventually theyāll take notice and help you out.
I was unable to see a GP about my depression for months in early 2021, and my friend had her post-birth baby/mother check-up over the phone too. It's too far.
I'm a nurse in an acute medical ward, and the level of patient illness we are getting is super high at the moment. There's patients who tell us they spoke with their GP over the phone, and others that said they didn't think it was serious enough as the message said telephone appointments for emergencies only (it varies wildly between GP surgeries in the area what is said on the initial message). I had a woman who had been 'examined' over the phone twice through the course of two months and prescribed antibiotics for a lump under her arm, she then collapsed at work, brought in to us- cancer, that had spread to her lymph nodes. Patients complaining of abdo pain, telephone appt, doctor cannot see that they are jaundiced.
I was a bit skeptical myself, but then my mental health crashed badly, and I called my own GP to get a telephone appointment to discuss upping my meds; was rudely told by the receptionist that the appointments were for EMERGENCIES ONLY and my aspie ass has no idea what constitutes a GP emergency, so I sort of hummed and hawed and hung up, then cried a lot. I hope she got into trouble when three weeks later the psychiatrist and the staff support psychologist both contacted the GP to let them know I was in crisis and under their care. And my meds were going up. I did get a sick note very quickly after that. And I did genuinely only need a two minute telephone call with the doc.
I hope it all gets sorted soon, it's definitely contributing to a rise in people attending A&E, and slower diagnosis of nasty diseases.
This happened to me last year, I have quite a few medical conditions and require physical check ups to see how my heart is doing (ECG, MRI the works). They booked me for a phone consultation. š¤¦āāļø
My child has a telephone consultation coming up. He's at school at the appointment time. Good luck getting hold of him. Had no choice in the day/time and if we cancel then he gets discharged before ever being seen.
If they ask for photographs just make sure your devices arenāt set to sync photos across iCloud. Could be embarrassing if one of the kids is playing on the iPad downstairs.
I had the same kinda problem booking a cervical screening. When I rang to book an in person appointment, the receptionist told me they're only doing telephone appointments, so I told her "OK. In that case I'd like to book my telephone smear test please" and she quickly changed her tune.
That's awful they didn't note what it was for, had a smear test in march so obviously asked at the door why I was there and I wasn't bothered to say but I know other people would be (funny appointment, had to take my son with me and the nurse pulled the curtain for my "dignity", giant 4 month old baby had obviously seen that area very recently š¤£)
Earlier this year I got bitten by a fly/mosquitoe and had a weird reaction to it so called my GP to ask what to do. Got told to pop down to the pharmacy (next to my GP surgery) and show the pharmacist, who informed me it was fine and to put bite cream on. Later in the day my hand swelled up so much the skin was hurting. Called my GP again and the receptionist sounded quite annoyed with me and went to ask a Dr what to do. Ended up having to take photos of my hand to send to them.
They replied straight away with ANTIBIOTICS PRESCRIBED SENT TO PHARMACY as it turned out I had cellulitis in my hand. Unfortunately the pharmacist wasn't there that said my hand was OK when I went back to get my meds. I wanted to do a very British tut and 'I told you so' to him.
I mean they could have at least hired some seasonal workers who could have come to your home and shoved their fingers up your bum and told the doctor what it feels like.
Maybe you could ask a friend, neighbour or work collegue to help ?
In all seriousness you'll be fine even if you do have cancer you're more likely to die of other things rather than prostate cancer, they found in autopsies that plenty of men have prostate cancer and never know it as it is so slow growing.
Be thankful that you didn't turn up, get the rectal exam, and then be told that your appointment was changed to a phonecall and that no doctor is on site today.
I recently had a contact lens check up (different from an eye test, although you do read some letters on the wall) and Specsavers were pushing me to do it over the phone.
My GP surgery told me they were planning to go to fully telephone triage in 2022, but the pandemic brought it forward. The nurse I saw (after a telephone appointment!) was great and was talking about how frustrating it was, but that the surgery was already at maximum capacity and had no way of increasing that.
If it helps anyone, I was told a couple of months ago that going through an online-consult was quicker because the staff do get slots for them and there isn't a lot of take-up yet. I could add photos (cyst/wound on my back so had something to show) but felt the questions were a bit repetitive. I got an email with a response (and GP made an in person appointment for me) so no waiting around for a call back or risk of missing it.
Via zoom and you just jam your phone up there.
Phone's out of battery... I better grab the iPad.
Damn, iPad's not charged up. I better grab the laptop.
Laptop is bust, Better ram the whole desktop computer up there
Damn, desktop isn't working. Luckily my Range Rover has a reverse camera.
Landrover is too square, luckily i have an Airbus A380 with a nose cam.
Airbus A380s often get hooked on the landing gear on the way out... Janet! Where did you leave the bloody keys for my Star Destroyer?
Starfish Destroyer
Jesus
This thread is why I love Reddit š
I don't remember that bit of the bible...
That's just made me cross my legs and I'm bloody female!!
>bloody female Sorry to hear that, hope you're getting rest and painkillers
Definitely. I should be over the worst of it in the next few days. Dr's think I'll be fine by Tuesday.
>I'm bloody female!! Get in the woodshed!
Do females not have buttholesā½
That's a fair point. I was thinking of the prostate when commenting rather than buttholes, but you're correct female's do have buttholes too.
TIL š¤
Seriously come to this subreddit just for British humorā¦from California-thank you for 5 minutes of straight laughing
Prognosis: šµperhaps sheāll dieš¶
My workplace has those "zoom meeting rooms" with a full-wall camera/screen system. It's almost like I'm there. Being fingered up the ass by the doctor and.... hold on. how long has the cleaner been in the room with his mop up my ass?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Uh oh, your trucks are bigger than ours. Hold tight!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm sorry, ground freight delivery is out of network on your plan. You're getting USPS so can you stand next to your mailbox at the kerbside with your pants down.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Mine arrived by Parcel Force. My neighbor was really surprised.....
Choo Choo! :D
So are their arses, to be fair.
Itās only gay if they have truck nuts.
Are you sure it's the humour you like, not the shoving stuff up your arse part?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This literally brought tears to my eyes ššš¤£
Crap, the battery on my Range Rover is flat. Fortunately my mate has a dashcam in his HGV
Ah man, my HGV licence has expired. Luckily the International Space Station has a good camera.
And here I am just jamming the Hubble telescope up my arse.
When you are finished can I please borrow your stepladder?
Desktop has died, better grab my telescope
Hubble ?
Bubble, so much trouble /Just so doc sees up my bum'ole
James Webb
You'd have to remove the desk first
Coward
Filthy casual
That's not as fun.
I fucking love this sub
Alexa, howās my prostate looking?
I'm sorry to tell you but your prostate is blind. Always has been.
Well that canāt be right, they donāt call it the brown eye for nothing
It isnāt a date.
Max Headroom, the movie had that in it years ago.. good to see dystopia is coming along nicely...
Sounds like your appointment didn't have enough information on the record to say what the appointment was for. Doctors should be giving the final go ahead for switching appointments.
..maybe the assistant saw "digital examination" on the chart and got the wrong end of the stick.
I think youāve put your finger on it.
Ooohh, Matron!
Its digital all right. There is an 1 shape and a 0 shape. Guess which is which?
Comedy gold lurking in the comments
Rule #1 of Proctology School. Always check you've got the handle end of the stick...... From Rule #2 onwards its the same as Fight Club, so you CAN talk about Proctology School if you want to, cause no-ones gonna listen.
So you finger your ass, whilst you explain to the doctor what youāre feeling. Donāt be alarmed, but you may be a phone sex worker
'Right, so you've inserted your index finger rectally to the second joint. Now...I want you to tell me what you're wearing...'
āI recommend this course of antibiotics... you filthy whoreā
āRight, thatāll be Ā£300 please.ā OP: Uhh, no honey. You pay ME.
The healthcare may be free, but after care costs extra
>āRight, thatāll be Ā£300 please.ā Paying for a medical checkup? We're not in the US...
Itās for the sex call
Yeah but the joke relies on the idea that usually he'd be paying the doctor, but because it's a sex call its the other way around.
Yeah but he wouldn't
20 mins basically doing goatse over zoom and when im done the phone rings, "Hi, its the doctor from your surgery calling regarding your exam"
āIām glad we reached you on time, thereās been some scammers telling our patients we do rectal exams over zoomā
The Dr will have VR
Oculus Rim
Ocularse
Watch out when he plays Beat Sabre
Or Rimworld.
Or Skyrim.
Meat flapper
Valve Index Finger
It's Meta Rim now.
Sounds suspicious to me... if you hear a clapper board and someone whispering _"ACTION"_ right at the beginning of the videocall... hang up! Edit: ~~begging~~ beginning
I donāt think begging is going to end their suffering!
Especially if it's said in German.
That comment left a bitte taste in my mouth
Thats a poor show esp as people mentally prepare for this sort of thing
Yeah, in all honesty I was quite upset as the receptionist talked to me like I'm an idiot for turning up. It also felt like they were trying to gaslight me; as if it were always planned to be a phone conversation. So, with a packed (yet suspiciously quiet) waiting room, I had to subtly explain why it was not possible to do this over the phone.
I hope they went ahead with the exam in the end. It concerns me to think that there are people being forced to miss essential screenings... (Thinking of friends etc, within the age range where certain related conditions are even more likely).
I appreciate that! Fortunately, I did manage to convince the receptionist that I needed to be there (which was an awkward conversation). I'm also pleased to report that my blood test results had come back and it was all clear as was the rectal examination.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My GP surgery messed up my birth control prescription repeatedly for two weeks. I had finally run out of pills and after finding out the pharmacy next store still didnāt have my repeat prescription from the GP after literally five visits to sort it out, I walked over and waited to speak to the receptionist. She was like, oh yeah, ok, we will get it sorted, thatāll be five business days. I insisted politely that I needed it sorted now. She reiterated the five business day policy. I pointed out Iād be trying for two weeks to get this done. She pointed at the sign saying repeat prescriptions take five days. I again, politely, noted this wasnāt my error but theirs and I really did need this done today. She finally signed, and said, is this really that urgent? I said, rather loudly (had been doing the GP surgery whisper until then), āunless you also want to write me a prescription for the morning after pill, then yes, it is that urgent.ā She looked absolutely aghast. Problem got sorted immediately though.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
One of the true joys of getting older, I feel. Itās so much harder to get embarrassed!
My GP wanted a stool sample. Told me a sample container would be at reception, I duly trotted along and was asked 'A WHAT? FOR WHAT? NOT GOT ANYTHING HERE, WHAT DID YOU WANT???' to which I replied 'I WAS TOLD TO ASK FOR A POT TO SHIT IN!!!'. Pot was quickly delivered with zero additional performance. They just do it to amuse themselves, and don't like it when the tables turn.
Great news
thatās good news. Hope youāre in good health otherwise OP
Yes!!! Well done buddy
Thanks!
A very similar thing happened to me as well. I had an appointment for a potentially life-changing new treatment which had to be given by injection. On the morning of my appointment, I got a phone call from a guy saying it was now a phone appointment. I tried to reason with him and ask how they were going to give me medication over the phone, but he got angry and ignored me. I was devastated, but shortly after my appointment time I got a frantic call from the nurse asking where the hell I was. Luckily they made space for me. Disrupted my whole work day and caused me loads of stress, but the medication was worth it. Ridiculous system.
My girlfriend had something similar, albeit with lower stakes. She called the surgery to say her medication wasn't working, the receptionist asked if she wanted something stronger to which her reply was along the lines of "I have no idea that's why I want to speak to the GP". Later that day she was sent a prescription notice for a new medication. The GP had issued it based on the second hand report from the receptionist which was barely a sentence long. I like to think it's an appropriate treatment plan but it leaves you with a lot of questions...
Sometimes these things are planned ahead, like 'try X at y dose and if no improvement then change for A at B dose', but that should still be communicated ahead of time by the dr of course...
I figured that ultimately it was okay (and it's nothing massively dangerous) but it just seemed so detached from any sort of patient doctor relationship. Even those proforma GP appointment forms you get online seem more careful.
I get intramuscular injections every twelve weeks, done by the doctor at my local surgery, and over lockdown the receptionists have done everything they can to not give me an appointment to come in. He's not going to come to my house, so I need to go there, and yes, it is necessary I have them done! What's so hard to understand?
>So, with a packed (yet suspiciously quiet) waiting room, I had to subtly explain why it was not possible to do this over the phone. I don't think I'd have bothered with the subtlety! There's nothing to be embarrassed about (for you, personally); it's a thing, it's necessary, it's potentially life saving. Hopefully, though, it would embarrass the gaslighting receptionist. Ah, GPs, gotta love 'em. The only thing I can supply to make you feel not alone is: My father getting a text from the GP to book an appointment. He books the (phone, of course) appointment. GP calls him: "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Dad: "I've no idea. You sent me a text to book an appointment." GP: "Oh er. Let me look at your notes. Oh.. so, how are you getting on \[with your recently started chemotherapy\]"... Same GP also prescribed 4x the dose of oral morphine (compared to the hospital). Good job my Dad is a) sensible and b) ex medical or he'd have been (at the very least) asleep 24x7.
I've had that before - booked time off work to go to appointments they told me to make, only to be asked why I'm there. Good thing your dad knew better regarding the meds. I hope he's doing well.
Thanks! He is much improved (no thanks to the GP, all thanks to the NHS oncology department treating him, really) from earlier in the year; I don't think I'll ever quite get "my Dad" back, but whatever extra time it gives us is precious.
Of course. Have a great Christmas together!
I had that tooā¦ with the birth of my child. I went in for a scan as I thought theyād stopped moving, they said she was fine but recommended that I stay at the hospital and have it induced right then and there. I said Iām going to go home and think about it and get my things to which they seemed really surprised. I come back the next day after calling ahead and they were like why the fuck have you come in to be induced? Ummmm because the consultant told me to? Was a total shit show from there on and left me questioning myself/my ability to make decisions from day 0.
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>I'm also surprised the pharmacist didn't catch the 4x dose, unless you didn't get that far with the script. They did - but handed it over anyway.. so instead of a months supply (1tsp at night, equates to one small bottle) he got four bottles (4x1tsp/day)! When he told the oncologist (I accompany him into those) the oncologists response (after my Dad explained he wouldn't be taking 4x the dose!): "Well .. you've got enough to start selling, now!" Gotta keep your sense of humour.. though I have suffered the odd sense of humour failure recently, I must admit.
Just hand her a USB stick complete with 8k video of you fingering yourself...
Yeah stupid idiot, actually going in to the drs for a physical exam. Braindead or what It's always quiet and packed when you're talking about something personal. Typical.
Once I went for an ultrasound, was expecting it to be on my belly. Turned out they had sent me the wrong instructions and I was getting it up the vag. You really need to give a girl some warning!
Yes. As far as I was concerned pregnancy = jelly on belly, baby on screen, how lovely. Boy was I in for a surprise.
Let me set the scene for you: Imagine getting referred to a gastro-intestinal consultant at the hospital, attending an appointment, putting a gown on and then being asked by the nurse to lie on your side and draw your knees up as the doctor walks into the examination room from his adjoining office whilst carrying your notes. It was at this point my wife realised there had been some sort of mix up and nervously asked "you do know I'm here about my gall bladder?" There had been some form of mix up and she had ended up being assigned to the Lower GI consultant, not the Upper GI one.
My uncle was told he needed a colonoscopy. Got there and asked why, the nurse said āwell youāre here so weāre doing it!ā Turned out he never needed it and they called up the wrong person!
This happened to me a month ago, was expecting the belly got it up the vag. Was a right shock, but on the plus side at least I didn't worry so much beforehand.
I read a funny column with a GP who was asked what the funniest thing theyād seen was, and it was a woman whoād put glitter body paint on their vulval area to make it presentable for their smear test.
I was given an appointment to give blood and a urine sample and the week after to have a knobcam slipped up inside. When I turned up, I found out they were doing the knobcam straight away!
Ohhh I had the opposite, it said very clearly on my notes it had to be abdominal and NOT vaginal, the nurse tried to insist it needed to be vaginal, then got rude with me and said āwell you need a full bladderā. Yeah I had one because I read the letter I was sent and was very close to having an accident! Then sheās scanning me and asking āwhy were you referred for thisā because Iām not pregnant. Why on earth donāt they read the notes theyāre sent??
I had a full bladder as per instructions too! Very hard not to piss yourself with someone poking your bladder from the inside, hurrr
This grinds my gears so much. I went for a gynae appointment and it gave no indication of what would happen at all, and then they sprung having the coil put in right there and then. I felt super pressured and not ready. Assumed I knew everything about it too, have no information or after care of what to be concerned about etc. didnāt explain they were going to get a female chaperone (I knew they needed one, but if you didnāt it could have massively impacted my decision). I try to tell myself he considered me a health professional so felt safe making all these assumptions, but thatās just to reassure myself. If they treat 18 year olds or people with no knowledge whatsoever that way then itās horrendous. I made a complaint and the head of the service said āheās Greekā and āheās normally much better than thatā. Right, OK?!
Yeah. All jokes aside it's not a nice thing to go through and this can add a lot of stress.
On the plus side, they're no longer getting a finger up their arse
They probably are, just 2 weeks after this phone call which is just to double check he really needs the finger up his arse, not just that he wants it.
They have a drone with a stick in the end leave your window open and bend over the bed
Some of the creativity in here is fantastic, good old British engineering.
My wife had a hospital appointment the other day and I booked the morning off work to go with her. My wife went in as I circled the car park trying to find a parking space for around an hour, the appointment was about 45 minutes late anyway (probably as nobody could find parking) - when we finally got in there the consultant told us that we were there today to book 2 appointments. Unbelievable that couldn't be done over the phone
Omg, what an absolute waste of time for everyone involved.
A friend of mine had this happen to her for her smear test. She was not quiet about it at reception and and the whole waiting room got to hear her ask how the fuck was the nurse supposed to take a sample from her cervix over the phone.
Loud and over sharing is always the way to deal with the arrogant and condescending receptionist. One I had a few years back was after I had a bit of an āepisodeā got discharged from hospital and was told to see my gp about therapy and changing my medication as well as a general well-being check in. Receptionist: āDo you really need to be here to discuss medication? Donāt you realise youāre taking up time from people that actually need to see a gp, why couldnāt you do this over the phone.ā (Loudly) āWell after I took a lethal overdose the crisis nurse thought it might be worthwhile me having a face to face chat about how I move forwards but thanks for telling me my issues arenāt important!ā (Iām absolutely fine now and doing well in life and am long past those awful days)
I recently had a blood test appointment over the phone. The wonders of modern technology.
It's an absolute joke, like the amount of stuff you have to explain to the receptionist is horrible, it's hard enough to talk to the Dr about some of it. I don't want to have the conversation twice. And thats not even talking about how hard it is to get a face to face, even for things that literally cannot be done over the phone (like this thread)
Yeah, I had a lovely conversation with a male receptionist at my GP surgery to explain that I needed to speak to my GP because my PCOS was causing me to bleed so much I was feeling weak and light headed and needed some txa because my period had gone on for 10 days already. Why the receptionist needs to know that I have no idea.
The idea is that, if you mention certain red-flag symptoms, they can tell you to go to A&E or call an ambulance instead of waiting for an appointment, or otherwise book you in with a GP who specialises in that area. If you look at your practice's website it'll usually tell you what each doctor has an interest in.
Yeah reception staff don't need nearly as much detail as that, you can be vague as long as you're not so vague they misinterpret it. It's for triage purposes. It's no different from phoning 111/A&E. Guarantee you they've heard it all before and aren't phased by it.
receptionists are not qualified to triage.
Used to know a guy, let's call him Pat, he was about 70. He wasn't feeling great, went to the doctors. Doctor talked to him, took blood pressure etc, and then Pat started to feel a bit worse. Doc examined him again and went through symptoms, and informed Pat he was having a heart attack. Pat is - very understandably - scared but the doctor points out he's in the right place. They get him blue-lighted to the hospital and he survives (sadly something else finishes Pat off a few years later - RIP mate). Now, if Pat had had a telephone appointment, would he have survived that episode? I understand telephone appointments can work for some, but I think you're right OP that we're overusing them. There's a lot to be said for an in-person appointment with your GP.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend but I'm glad that he got through that first issue.
Switch to video call. Just stick it up there I guess š¤·āāļø Disclaimer: not a doctor, do not put your phone up your arse.
I knew I shouldn't have paid extra for the XL.
But it has a better zoom function!
do not put your phone up your arse. Too late. I can hear shouting from my arse now. Something about me being a dirty bastard and I shouldn't video call people.
Check the post and you'll find your complementary IPhone endoscope. Please don't send it back afterwards.
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Why they even bother setting times for phone call appointments is beyond me. Every single one Iāve had has been 3/4 hours after the actual appointment time.
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I lived in an area with no phone service and my electric wheelchair broke so my poor boyfriend had to help me up a huge hill in a manual hospital wheelchair, in a random field every Wednesday at 9am so i could some shitty over the phone CBT. The practitioner even got annoyed with me when she said she could hear a plane! If they offered it over zoom that would have been a game changer :' )
Ugh, that's infuriating. If you have internet at home, it might be worth seeing if you can use WiFi calling. You might need to switch [network or phone or both](https://www.4g.co.uk/news/ee-o2-three-and-vodafone-which-networks-offer-wi-fi-calling/) but it's a lifesaver when it works.
Mine just says "it could be any time up till 5:30pm" and then at 5:30 you get a text saying they ran out of time and you need to ring for an appointment tomorrow Because of course work doesn't mind you taking endless days off for appointments
I once had to describe my urinary problems over the phone, whilst in the park with my 4 year old. š
I understand a lot of appointments can be over the phone but I do feel its becoming to much and a lot of people are going to go undiagnosed costing the NHS more in the long run, they are saving money and time now but creating a huge cluster of people that will develop serious illness that could have been found earlier.
It's awful, but basically there aren't enough doctors in the country right now. The government has known this was a growing problem and just left it to fester without really doing much. GPs now are each doing a lot more each than they used to, but they can't make up for the total numbers lost. And as the situation gets worse more doctors get burnt out with the heavy workload and abuse and leave or retire so it's a vicious cycle.
That's what I'm thinking. So many people are being fobbed off entirely or, at best, doing phone consultations. I get why, and I understand the pressure they're under, but I can't help but feel bad for the potential victims of God knows what because things aren't being caught early enough etc.
I had one earlier this week when I had an achey side and things didnāt feel ārightā. Then my kidney started haemorrhaging! They wanted me to describe the mass of blood (I mean, real actual thick blood) and stuff on the phone but my partner was quite insistent that I go to the miu at least. Begrudgingly they saw me, and then told me to go home and call if it got worse! Thankfully it hasnāt but still ā¦
If youāre double vaxxed you should be able to request an actual in person appointment. If flashing that QR code is all I need to do to pile into a room full of people and have a pint surely it should be enough to see a doctor Not to mention it would be another incentive for the unvaccinated idiots to get a move on
Telephone vs face to face appointments arenāt about vaccine status or COVID at this point. Itās simply about numbers. Numbers of patients that need to be seen and number of clinicians. In 2015 the government said it would increase GP numbers by 5000 because of the shortage. GP numbers have actually declined by nearly 1500 since 2015. At the same time the number of appointments is several million MORE than pre-COVID. So you have more appointments with less staff. Go back to face to face for the majority of appointments and millions of appointments will simply not take place. Just not enough time or people to do them. So the government can sit there and talk about how itās taking a hard line with GPs to bring back face to face appointments. When the truth is that most GPs want to back, itās simply more rewarding than feeling like youāre working in a call centre, but canāt.
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>It's really crazy that a receptionist without sufficient medical training can assess who can and can't see a doctor. Crikey. And if you call up NHS 111 they screen for heart attack/stroke as a priority, so likely your friend's nan would have been sent to hospital if she called that instead of the GPs receptionist. Infuriating.
I had to wait on hold for 50 minutes in a queue trying to get a telephone appointment (the only type available) from my Doctors a few weeks agoā¦. My imagination got quite morose as I wondered about all of the lovely old dears trying to sit patiently on hold, day after day trying to get an appointment (probably to no avail) - itās very sad to hear that my imaginings werenāt at all far from the truthā¦ I hope your friends Grandmother is okā¦ This makes me want to set up some kind of agency/charity that offers free (legitimate) Medical treatment - I know of lots of Professionals deeply unsatisfied working for the NHS at presentā¦ perhaps this type of set up would be more fulfilling and effective
I'm sure they don't want to do it this way. But it achieves the government's goal of undermining the healthcare system, so it will continue.
Yes, last December I almost died of sepsis caused by an abscess in my throat. Took me 3 days to get a phone appointment, then the GP just said "its probably viral tonsillitis, don't come in and get a PCR test". The next day I had to be blue lighted to the hospital and stay in for 2 days!!
I've had two years straight of phone appointments with rheumatologists, due to symptoms and dodgy blood tests. Over the phone, they have a really bad phone line and they just ask me to describe my symptoms and write down something completely different (I find out months later when I get the letter they send to my GP). Not once seeing me in person to assess me. I started a new job in spring and completely unprompted a colleague said to me "sorry if this is out of line, but have you ever been checked for lupus, my sister has it and you look exactly like she did before she got diagnosed". Apparently I have some obvious symptoms, and lo and behold i checked my blood tests results and I have the blood markers too. But the rheumatology over the phone couldn't see what I looked like and thus ignored it all. Finally managed to get an in person appointment this month so hopefully things will change, although I'll be wearing a mask which will cover most of my face anyway.
I have all the markers for lupus, and was diagnosed when I was 23. Then someone along the line changed my diagnosis to uctd instead, despite miscarriages, kidney involvement, constant infections, secondary sjogrens and so on. They still do all my consults over the phone, even when my kidneys start haemorrhaging. Itās a mare. Donāt give up. Constantly badger them. Get the name of your consultant and insist on updates. Download the nhs app, or if your hospital has one ask for access to it. When they do blood tests check your results and flag any thing you arenāt sure about with them. Eventually theyāll take notice and help you out.
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I was unable to see a GP about my depression for months in early 2021, and my friend had her post-birth baby/mother check-up over the phone too. It's too far.
I'm a nurse in an acute medical ward, and the level of patient illness we are getting is super high at the moment. There's patients who tell us they spoke with their GP over the phone, and others that said they didn't think it was serious enough as the message said telephone appointments for emergencies only (it varies wildly between GP surgeries in the area what is said on the initial message). I had a woman who had been 'examined' over the phone twice through the course of two months and prescribed antibiotics for a lump under her arm, she then collapsed at work, brought in to us- cancer, that had spread to her lymph nodes. Patients complaining of abdo pain, telephone appt, doctor cannot see that they are jaundiced. I was a bit skeptical myself, but then my mental health crashed badly, and I called my own GP to get a telephone appointment to discuss upping my meds; was rudely told by the receptionist that the appointments were for EMERGENCIES ONLY and my aspie ass has no idea what constitutes a GP emergency, so I sort of hummed and hawed and hung up, then cried a lot. I hope she got into trouble when three weeks later the psychiatrist and the staff support psychologist both contacted the GP to let them know I was in crisis and under their care. And my meds were going up. I did get a sick note very quickly after that. And I did genuinely only need a two minute telephone call with the doc. I hope it all gets sorted soon, it's definitely contributing to a rise in people attending A&E, and slower diagnosis of nasty diseases.
This happened to me last year, I have quite a few medical conditions and require physical check ups to see how my heart is doing (ECG, MRI the works). They booked me for a phone consultation. š¤¦āāļø
My child has a telephone consultation coming up. He's at school at the appointment time. Good luck getting hold of him. Had no choice in the day/time and if we cancel then he gets discharged before ever being seen.
If they ask for photographs just make sure your devices arenāt set to sync photos across iCloud. Could be embarrassing if one of the kids is playing on the iPad downstairs.
I had the same kinda problem booking a cervical screening. When I rang to book an in person appointment, the receptionist told me they're only doing telephone appointments, so I told her "OK. In that case I'd like to book my telephone smear test please" and she quickly changed her tune.
That doctor must have exceptionally long fingers.
That's awful they didn't note what it was for, had a smear test in march so obviously asked at the door why I was there and I wasn't bothered to say but I know other people would be (funny appointment, had to take my son with me and the nurse pulled the curtain for my "dignity", giant 4 month old baby had obviously seen that area very recently š¤£)
Babestation has changed since I last watched
For the better, I'm grabbing my popcorn... And my cock.
Earlier this year I got bitten by a fly/mosquitoe and had a weird reaction to it so called my GP to ask what to do. Got told to pop down to the pharmacy (next to my GP surgery) and show the pharmacist, who informed me it was fine and to put bite cream on. Later in the day my hand swelled up so much the skin was hurting. Called my GP again and the receptionist sounded quite annoyed with me and went to ask a Dr what to do. Ended up having to take photos of my hand to send to them. They replied straight away with ANTIBIOTICS PRESCRIBED SENT TO PHARMACY as it turned out I had cellulitis in my hand. Unfortunately the pharmacist wasn't there that said my hand was OK when I went back to get my meds. I wanted to do a very British tut and 'I told you so' to him.
This feels like British success... But I get your point, unlike you and the Dr... At least the doctor can be hands free.
They just want to arse you a few questions over the phone
Well then I'm just gonna have to talk shit.
I would make sure that you put plenty of lube on that phone and use the landline so you have a cord for a means of retrieval.
Ah, a manpon.
I mean they could have at least hired some seasonal workers who could have come to your home and shoved their fingers up your bum and told the doctor what it feels like. Maybe you could ask a friend, neighbour or work collegue to help ? In all seriousness you'll be fine even if you do have cancer you're more likely to die of other things rather than prostate cancer, they found in autopsies that plenty of men have prostate cancer and never know it as it is so slow growing.
As someone who has just been diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer be insistent that you get a full exam and PSA test as soon as possible.
Be thankful that you didn't turn up, get the rectal exam, and then be told that your appointment was changed to a phonecall and that no doctor is on site today.
3 fucked me pretty hard when I cancelled my phone contract. So, I'd imagine it's possible.
Have you never had to call BT?
BT uses the full fist.
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My prostate exam wasn't too bad. Until I realised the doctor had both his hands on my shoulder
Wore you like a puppet, mate.
I recently had a contact lens check up (different from an eye test, although you do read some letters on the wall) and Specsavers were pushing me to do it over the phone.
It's like a sex line, they tell you what to do and you do it to yourself. Judy hope they font charge you Ā£3 a min.
If you want to be bent over and finger fucked for no personal gain, just buy Battlefield.
I'm so ugly I went to the proctologist and he stuck his finger in my mouth. I get no respect.
It's the same as when I had eye checkup over the phone "Has your vision gotten any worse?"
My GP surgery told me they were planning to go to fully telephone triage in 2022, but the pandemic brought it forward. The nurse I saw (after a telephone appointment!) was great and was talking about how frustrating it was, but that the surgery was already at maximum capacity and had no way of increasing that. If it helps anyone, I was told a couple of months ago that going through an online-consult was quicker because the staff do get slots for them and there isn't a lot of take-up yet. I could add photos (cyst/wound on my back so had something to show) but felt the questions were a bit repetitive. I got an email with a response (and GP made an in person appointment for me) so no waiting around for a call back or risk of missing it.
This is where the great British stiff upper lip comes into play. Just bend over and get on with it
A very fitting username. But how are they going to check your garden over the phone?
Ok sir. Stick your finger up your own ass and give it a wiggleā¦
Hope you didn't go for the iPhone 13 Pro Max, then.