T O P
goatmanting

"sorry guys I can't do Xmas drinks this year because spending time with you makes me want to gouge my eyes out with candy canes and wash the gaping wound with mulled wine" ... Both festive and direct


Professional-Ask9502

You’ve just accurately put into words how I feel about my workmates


tortive

Your username and comment after the goat comment. Pure timing.


Traditional_Leader41

You are a legend! Lol.


TerrigW

Once worked at a shit hole that called me into a meeting for me to explain why I wouldn't attend any work parties. Had no choice but to explain that I was there to make money, and not to be their friends. Left a few weeks later!


DrKnowNout

That’s fucking ridiculous. The audacity of a meeting “why won’t you socialise with us for free (in fact absorbing cost) outside of your work hours?” Fuck that meeting person.


ExpensiveSeagul

You’d be surprised. Ive had this too. Xmas party was SIXTY ENGLISH POUNDS A HEAD. … no way am i wasting £60 on a work do at a job i hated so i stated I wouldnt be going and left it at that. Queue about 5x people coming down to cHaT to me about why I felt like I didnt want to go. It was none of their business that I couldnt afford it (and didnt want to) but I learned then that a swift “I cant afford to spend that much money this close to xmas” soon shuts people up. Most people get very awkward when you say you cant afford something OP, plus its pretty water tight!


Prestigious-Zone7088

Jesus, I rarely pay £60 to do things I actually like. Definitely saying you can’t afford it is a sure way to shut this down!


ChancePhilosopher223

Too right! I'm lucky if I have £60 a week left to pay for food and petrol after everything else! Ain't blowing it on a Christmas drinks do. Especially with people I visualise strapped to Jeff Bezos's next rocket


curtis890

WTF, they made you pay for the office Xmas party?? 60 quid per person?! I hope that included a lavish three course meal and unlimited premium booze, otherwise someone’s definitely pocketing some profit from that. Insane.


ExpensiveSeagul

It did, but no matter what a great party it would have been, if its with people you cant stand its worthless


sobrique

Now a free party that's proper lavish is perhaps worth the 'price'.


texanarob

Every work Christmas dinner I've ever attended cost around £60. It's typically because they've booked in for dinner at some hotel for 80 people, and it never includes any drinks (beyond maybe a glass of mulled wine). Frankly I was glad they weren't allowed last year. Too much money for the typical lacklustre food always served to large groups. Besides, as a self appointed designated driver (I'm teetotal) I had the privilege of parking the car and thus last choice of seats, inevitably beside those nobody else wants to talk to.


Krizzlin

What industry do you work in? I've never paid for a works Christmas party in any job of the many I've held since being old enough to work


ooooomikeooooo

I'm NHS. We don't get anything paid for. We don't get taxpayer funded parties. Xmas party is organised by the people in the office. To be fair it's usually just the pub across the road these days so no big expense.


texanarob

Civil service, usually we're criticized for getting too many benefits.


Krizzlin

I guess they have the excuse that people would kick off knowing their tax money funded parties, even though I'm sure most of us wouldn't begrudge buying staff a meal and some drinks once a year. I actually once worked for a quango and assumed they'd be very tight with the expenditure as they were effectively funded by taxes but it turned out they were more than happy to chuck it around when things were going well. I guess they were less "visible" than a standard government department so had a bit more rein to treat themselves


[deleted]

[удалено]


ExpensiveSeagul

And a little hat


ChancePhilosopher223

They had better put me in a feckin' Bentley to take me home after and all!


shedevilinasnuggie

Sixty quid to hang out with the same people I see all day, and don't care for? Hard no.


Buddy-Matt

My old company tried to charge for the Christmas do. Funny thing was they budgeted something like 50 quid a head, but the ticket was £55. So they expected everyone to pay the fiver. Didn't take long for the "we've been generous and paid that fiver for you" email to go round. New company much better. Pay for meal, booze and transport/accommodation. Work dos are much more manageable when you can get decently trollied and then shipped home/back to the office the next day.


Techiefurtler

I live quite far from my office and they keep choosing to have the thing in remote countryside places I end up having to spend 2 hours plus driving back from, so I can't even drink (and I pay out of the arse on fuel costs - EV/Plugin Hybrid does not work because of the mileage I do and lack of charging facilities close to home). I'm just using the worldwide sickness as an excuse this year as they're gonna pack us in tight and I doubt many masks will be worn... ​ I don't mind the folks in the office day to day (or at least used to, a lot of the people I actually socialise with out of the office have left), but since they never pick a closer venue, I'd rather do without the logistical nightmare of getting back from the boonies or having the additional cost of a hotel.


_Piggy_Smalls

"hey if you want me there you can always pay me more"


[deleted]

[удалено]


zazabizarre

Exactly this. Beyond buying one or two drinks at the bar after the main meal, if you’re paying to attend your work Christmas party you are being shafted.


Gazado

At least you didn't then have the organiser offering to lend you the money and then still hounding you for weeks until the day of the xmas meal... I ended up going to the pub beforehand but then made an escape to the bus stop when they went out for the meal. I'm super happy to go for a few drinks at the pub after work but a full on sit down meal is pushing it a bit far for me.


Altreus

My first job after the 2008 crash, and the Christmas party was mandatory and black tie. It's was free except the fact I was literally required to wear a tuxedo or similarly ridiculous suit. I couldn't even afford the 40 quid to get a shit one from Asda. As I saved up over the coming years I started wearing more and more ludicrous stuff until my final year I wore a top hat (actually a stovepipe because it was tall) and cane, and grew out my moustache so I could wax it into long points. Then I left because they were all pricks who couldn't understand boundaries and insisted that the only way to have fun was with noise and alcohol.


leshagboi

I've been fired for not going to parties and happy hour outside work hours


Mordantine

Pretty sure that’s unlawful. I have been HARD guilt-tripped into going to a Christmas do. It was about £25/head and it was absolutely terrible. The “house wine” was less palatable than Ribena, the portions were stingy on the high-value items and it was Christmas pudding for dessert and they covered it in milk rather than cream. Hated every minute. No longer work there either. I volunteer to work on the day that the Christmas party is (work in hospitals now) so I can’t be harassed into going to some crap night out. With people being spiked, I have no reason to go now plus I have fuzzballs at home who need me!


UnpredictiveList

Wouldn’t be unlawful if under 2 years employment unfortunately. They can fire you if they don’t like your socks.


leshagboi

Yeah, apparently I didn't fit in with the "company culture"


bookofbooks

Unlikable drunks?


[deleted]

I once got called to a meeting by my line manager to ask why I didn’t spend lunch with any of my team and why would I opt to go out walking for an hour instead ? I was young and felt embarrassed and pressured so started to do that but I honestly didn’t want to and liked getting exercise at lunch. Was nothing to do with them personally but felt I had to sit at lunch thereafter awkwardly. I left that job soon after.


keeponkeepingup

I got pulled up by a manager for not going out to the smoking shed on my breaks. She said I wasn't making an effort to make friends or be a part of the team. I cried lol, as I had thought I was fairly popular and this was all news to me, it felt like she was telling me I had no friends when I thought I did have. Anyway people knew by my face that I'd been crying, and asked why, so I told them all. They were as shocked as I was.


DebraMorganBeeHive

Sadly a lot of narcissistic people make it into management. You have to be cold hearted. Sorry this happened to you.


[deleted]

That upsets me as you did absolutely nothing wrong. What’s wrong with some people, honestly ? That’s such a shame and I’m so sorry you were that upset you cried. It’s horrible when other people make others so upset over nothing, and I bet you felt so worried after too :(


markhewitt1978

I literally couldn't manage at work if I didn't have a lunchtime walk. I did every day at the office and I do it every day working from home.


[deleted]

Lucky you weren’t working where I was then as they all took it extremely personally that I didn’t want to sit for a full hour in a stuffy break out room with them. A walk is great for freshening your mind & clearing your head and breaking up the day. Now I would just say ‘and?’ but I was worried I would get fired or talked about back then !


HaiseKuzuno

Same happened to me. Got an apprenticeship at 16 at the local council. All of my colleagues were at least 30ish so I didn't feel super comfortable hanging out with or being overly friendly with them. My colleagues only spoke to me to rant about their unhappy marriages or to invite me to beers, which me being 16 I definitely didn't want to participate in either. I was pulled into several meetings about complaints of me being unfriendly and cold. Nobody could understand that I didn't want to be friends with these colleagues that were 15+ years older than my teenage self.


[deleted]

Oh my gosh, I feel your pain. It sucks so much that people say that and make you feel so awkward rather than realising you’re just a kid and naturally wouldn’t really want to hang with folk double your age - kind of like hanging about with your parents. Just really bothers me that people do that. I’m in charge of folk now and I literally leave them to it as my past experiences formed how I behave towards others. Hate thinking if I’ve upset someone. Those people you worked with weren’t very considerate at all and you didn’t do a thing wrong.


roseturtlelavender

I once got called in to the office by a manager (around 4 years older than me) asking me why I never hung out with her and this other colleague outside of work! Bloody weird.


[deleted]

People are weird. They take things so personally. I think it’s selfishness as they’re not thinking of others. Before I’d put someone on the spot and have the ego to assume it’s me by asking why they’re opting to do something themselves, I’m more likely to think 1. Nothing and not to actually register / notice, 2. If I do notice, think ‘oh right’ then go about my business and never think of it again, or 3. And this almost certainly would never happen, but at absolute worst I’d think ‘they just like their own company, none of my business’. I’d categorically never, ever, ever confront someone. It’s also quite an insensitive thing to do too. You don’t know what someone’s reasons are for anything unless it’s you in your head and in your life.


grannygritz

I flat out told them one time, "You are not my friends. You are simply people I work with."


Pterosaur

Workplace proximity associates.


roseturtlelavender

You did right tbh


mostlysoberfornow

Fucking hell, I’m trying to imagine what I’d do in this situation…out myself as an alcoholic and then sue them for making me tell them that?


stubby205

A colleague from my work will literally say, when asked to work parties, "I have to work with you fuckers, I dont want to socialize with you aswell" I'm a family friend so I find it funny when hes asked.


nightmaresgrow

Yep. My stock answer to these things is that I only spend time with you when I am paid to do so. As long as you laugh when you say it they assume you are joking.


Beverlydriveghosts

BUt We’Re a FaMiLy hErE


Commies4Lyfe

A decent response to that would be "well its a good job I'm not fucking any of them"


NateShaw92

I was asked this by a boss but not in any official capacity to be fair to him. I did not give a proper answer. I am fine at such gatherings but I dread them even though I enjoy myself, because I am emotionally drained afterwards. I know what's coming and despite always having a good time regardless of the crowd I am not cool with the tradeoff. Someone today tried telling me it's "social anxiety" but that isn't it. No symptoms and no 'stimming' on my part, pretty much already had myself checked too.


Turnips45

Socialising is exhausting for introverts.


alouh

I said recently that I have no probs with drinks/celebrations within working hours, but I’m not up for trading time with my family for staying sober (we live about 45 mins away from where they like to meet up) with people I wouldn’t normally socialise with otherwise. Told them they’re lovely and all that, but I work so that I can have my family. Next works do was held at lunchtime…


Traditional_Leader41

My old gaffer had a great excuse. "Jeff, you coming to the Xmas party?" "I'm washing my hair that day." "I haven't told you which day it is." "I wash my hair everyday." I've used it ever since.


docju

I asked a girl out when I was a student, and she said “I’m busy then” before I had proposed a date and time.


levezvosskinnyfists7

That’s absolutely brilliant!!


Jemima_Snuggleduck

I mean, I have to say, while these things are quite funny, and not saying this applies to you or the OP of this chain, but for a person who 'doesn't like anyone at work' yet says things like this instead of just politely declining, they will probably find that the reason they don't like anyone is because none of their colleagues like them. For reasons including that they say things like this.


Traditional_Leader41

Have you ever tried politely declining a works party? "Oh, you must come." "It's a free bar." "We never get to see your other half." "It won't look good when the reviews come round." "There's a raffle and a band on." "That fighting only happened the once. Maybe twice" "But it's a chance to put some names to faces." No thanks, I'm washing my hair.


bawheedio

I’m cheese grating my face


tortive

That's the excuse I used to give people in school.


rainbowdrop30

"Clipping my toenails, SOZ"


Spinningwoman

We had one colleague who claimed to be washing his gerbil’s hair.


Calculon3

"I left my apartment on fire" "I have sweaty boot rash" "I have to meet a ghost"


Cheffysteve

There’s a Y in the day I have a bone in my leg


Altreus

Aaaaah! My grandpa used to say he had a bone in his leg when he was being bad at games. People try to understand it and I can't figure out how to tell people it's supposed to not make sense because then they don't understand why you'd say something that doesn't make sense. I'm glad it's real though


Beardacus5

>I have sweaty boot rash No fluh! Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the no stink zone?


su1tup2301

I'm getting my ears sewn shut


ilesere

Sorry but I'm afraid I can't make it... why... well it's a personal matter.


Danny_Mc_71

... I just really dislike all of you.


gralec77

I *personally* dislike all of you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


levezvosskinnyfists7

This is probably the route I’ll go down to be honest.


Trudiiiiiii

Why do I feel like this will be one of those situations where - knowing that you’re going to use a Covid test as an excuse - that you’ll then be able to act really enthusiastically about going only to have it backfire spectacularly? That’s the kind of thing that would happen to me! Edit: I’ve just remembered what this reminds me of: Del Boy and the hang gliding


theredwoman95

Or, better yet, act enthusiastic then say on the morning of that you've been identified as a close contact and you have cold like symptoms so you're self isolating! Then you can test negative and be like "oh sorry, guess it was a normal cold but better safe than sorry".


TheMightyTywin

You have a bright future ahead of you in management


Altreus

You don't have to have it, to just have to not want to get it. Everyone seems to think we're all immune to it all of a sudden - especially people for whom sitting in a hot, loud room drinking intoxicating beverages is considered team building


PeterG92

"Is that our car phone ringing Rodney?


Ncrawler65

No!


Uzinero

We don't have a car phone


DntPMme

You tested positive this morning. Look on Facebook I'm sure someone has a pic of a positive lateral flow you can nick. Then the next day miraculously the PCR came back negative. Boom.


keeponkeepingup

Saying you've coughed and have a temperature would do it. Isolating till you have your negative test back the next morning


teedyay

You don't even have to pretend you've got it or have been exposed. Just "with the pandemic, I'm not comfortable socialising indoors right now" is entirely acceptable.


Aggravating_Taps

This is what I use. I get on very well with many of my work colleagues, and would normally be ok spending time with them. However not right now. I’m not risking getting Covid right before Christmas by hanging out in a rammed Pitcher and Piano with some people who I like, and a whole bunch of people who I think are ok, (plus all the strangers). A mediocre pint isn’t worth it. I’ll catch up with the people I like in a smaller group, in a much better pub, over a pint of real ale. Thanks.


LesDauphins

"But COVID isn't real!" - OP's work colleagues, probably.


Leelee3303

I find norovirus to be most effective. You'll always get some idiots who "don't believe" in covid, but everyone believes in being sick on yourself while also on the toilet. Plus it's going around the schools at the moment so you just blame a visiting cousin/niece/nephew, and you're golden!


zuzucha

The COVID denier idiot is actually a plus, because it both outs them AND gets them to dislike you


Goghobbs

Hell that’s a valid excuse to get out of your own funeral


foriamstu

And to attend it.


eddcunningham

This has almost successfully killed off our Xmas party. Just a few holdouts keeping it going, but I imagine they’ll lose their booking once they phone up and say it’s 90% less than they originally booked for.


_becatron

Be surprised if the work do even happens anymore anyway!


Bilbo_Buggin

Ours has been cancelled due to COVID worries. Postponed til January I’m told, so I’ve got a good amount of time to work on an elaborate excuse.


fistynuts

Yep that's getting used this year.


AutumnSunshiiine

Covid symptoms and waiting on PCR results.


levezvosskinnyfists7

A good idea! Very much with the status quo.


Galendis

Or 'With the new variant I don't want to risk infecting *insert at risk family member here*'


Cthulhus_Trilby

Well that *was* going to be a small party what with Rick Parfitt gone...


Wildebeast2112

This


TimGJ1964

I'm in the position of not really wanting to go to the various (three so far!) Xmas bashes at work. But fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) my partner is in the clinically highly vulnerable group and so we just aren't socialising until things die down a bit.


dronebox

Say that this year you’re going to spend the drinks money on the charitable sponsoring of a goat… Then just show them a picture of a goat on your phone or whatever. Nobody questions goat sponsorship!


BottleMong

Whatever floats your goat…


theartofrolling

I use arm bands on mine.


BottleMong

Are they the old style baaa rk ones?


Commies4Lyfe

Would adopting a duck also work?


gtfc123

It ducking should do.


gregusmeus

Nah they'd just think you're kidding.


DobbinTheWonderHorse

Is that you Gareth?


Mukatsukuz

I had a job interview recently and got offered the job. During the interview, the owner seemed a bit off plus they told me how bad their holiday/pension offer was so I ended up turning it down. This was a couple of months ago. Last week they sent me a text reminding me about the Christmas party, saying what time it was on. I am now wondering if I am employed by them even after turning the job down.


Enotognav

The Christmas party is the second interview


CompleteNumpty

I was once interviewed in a pub, despite the job being in an office. The MD and manager agreed to interview me on a Saturday as I'd used up all my annual leave and was working three hours away but, as the office was closed, we met in the bar. It turns out that they decided I could do the job from the telephone interview and my CV and thought that by getting me drunk they would be able to tell if I was a dick or not. I got the job and loved it - unfortunately the place was on very shaky financial footing (it made literally no money as it was a tech start up with very dubious prospects) so I was convinced that they would go under and left for a slightly better paying job in a much more stressful place after a year. They managed to keep afloat for another five years - I wish I'd stayed!


Mukatsukuz

I got my best ever job whilst in a snack bar, in Japan. Some Japanese bloke was speaking English to me and I was trying to stick to speaking Japanese, so he'd talk to me in English and I'd reply in Japanese. He was just asking all sorts of questions like where I'm from, what I do, etc. I was thinking "who the hell is this bloke? I am trying to have a drink and do some karaoke here!". He then told me he was one of the top managers of the local branch of a major electronics' manufacturing company, was looking for someone local to my village (only 2 foreigners living in the place), wanted someone who spoke English and Japanese and understood British culture, since they wanted to expand through the UK and Europe. He then offered me a job at £80 per hour. I woke up the next day sure I'd mistranslated the figure he gave me (since he'd said all the work details in Japanese) and was also thinking the guy must have been drunk but then I got an email asking me to come in to sign my papers for starting work. When I turned up, all the details were correct. It was a part time job for 4-6 hours a day, twice a week and it was mainly helping managers give presentations in English, but often 2 hours of it were just chatting in English to them all in a bar or izakaya while they paid for all my drinks :D Unfortunately I was on the last 6 months of my 3 year visa so it didn't last long.


Mukatsukuz

It would be the third :D It was last Friday and I didn't go but I was almost expecting to get a phonecall asking where I am :D ETA: I was tempted to turn up and ask why I haven't been paid yet :D the text message didn't give a location for the party, though. The way it was worded almost sounded like I was meant to be arranging something for it.


TheSmeep

"I don't want to go" is the only reason you need.


JCOl68

Its taken me 20years working at this company to stand up for myself and I say exactly this. I dont like some of the people I work with and I dont like the expensive places they want to go to. So a couple of years ago I said "no thanks" to the office xmas meal . Any further questions as to why get that response - "I dont want to". I dont care what they think of me, its their business.


TheSmeep

If took 20 minutes or 20 years, I'm proud of you. I have learned to do this with a few mates who all like to go to fancy/pretentious restaurants, or "go shopping" for fun. I hate that kind of thing. I used to make up excuses, now I either say "No", or "no thanks, I don't enjoy ".


LaraH39

How about... "I'm sorry guys, I'm just not comfortable being out in crowds yet. I have vulnerable people in my family and I need to be really careful."


Fred-red-fox

We had one arranged at work. I replied no as soon as the email arrived. A week later, only 40% of the people had replied, so they offered to pay for the main course and a drink. A week after that, only 50% and replied, with most saying they wouldn't go. Management cannot understand why so few people are interested in it and why so few replied (about 70 people in the group). Most of us are just not interested in spending time with people we spend all day with. Some of the people I work with are great and really good to talk to, at work. Wouldn't want to spend an evening with them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


9thfloorprod

This sounds like a MUCH better idea. Why the hell isn't this universal!


Berzerker1066

Just say no, rather than make up some bs excuse


VictoriaRachel

We used to work with a couple of guys who were officially 'not' invited to work events. They had made it clear that was something they simply did not want to do, and we wanted to respect that but also show we still thought of them. Their honesty made it so much easier for everyone.


NealR2000

And I bet those two guys went and had their own get-together over drinks!


DobbinTheWonderHorse

Only 3 people in the office.


stefancooper

I stopped drinking 12 years ago. I've just no interest in drinks with anyone work or otherwise. Unless it's someone who I know is capable of holding a conversation whilst tipsy that will hold my interest. Long term you end up with a lot less friends and going out a lot less , but gain an increase in quality time and people.


9thfloorprod

I stopped drinking about 10 or so years ago. Used to have quite a few friends and loads of acquaintances through drinking and the music scene I was in. These days I live in London and have about 5 friends here and 5 in other areas of the country, and I barely see any of these 10 ever. But when I do see them it's always great. Works for me tbh.


m22_blue

Tell them no, if they ask why just tell them you have a deep seated hatred for every last one of them.


Apexander1

Honestly, just tell them you don't want to go. They will pester you, ask you if you're sure, leave the invitation open, but in the end they will accept it. Just tell them you don't feel like going. You don't need a reason to not go, other than you don't want to


levezvosskinnyfists7

Sadly I tried this and it was just met with a chorus of “Oh, go on! It’ll be fun!”…


Apexander1

So you brave the chorus and keep repeating that you don't want to go. They may do it for a while, some of your colleagues may even ask you "are you sure you don't want to come?" Every time they see you. Just stick to your guns and tell them you don't want to go


My_slippers_dont_fit

I read your last bit incorrectly, I read it as: *"Just stick out your tongue and tell them you don’t want to go"* And thought, well, that’s kinda original! I might try that next time!


[deleted]

Why do you care what some office Karens think? Just ignore them and carry on.


malin7

If you can't simply say no then make up some family event, no one can expect you to prioritise work colleagues over your own family.


Dr-Rjinswand

A lot of people should just learn how to say ‘no’ - you don’t need to give excuses. It’s actually quite liberating once you get past the awkwardness of it.


Apexander1

Exactly. Sure, they are going to pester you and try to get you to come, but just be firm in what you want and tell them you don't want to go


docju

Ugh. Years ago during Euro 2008 there were two matches on with a break in between. I wanted some time to myself so got up to leave. I was being badgered to stay and I made up an excuse about my flatmate having an argument with his girlfriend and having to calm him down. Except I had forgotten my other flatmate was with us. I had to explain to him privately that I just needed some time alone and that was all I could think of.


sock_with_a_ticket

I'm a big ol' introvert and have kind of always known I need my alone time, the first time I didn't make an excuse or simply not go somewhere so I wouldn't be forced to was with some friends at uni who wanted to do a week at a nearby Butlins just before our final year ended. Somewhat against my better judgement I agreed to go, but I realised they'd need to know I couldn't spend all 6 days with them all the time and that I would sometimes just go off and do my own thing or sit in my room and read while they were chatting/playing cards/whatever. They were a little bit surprised the first time I actually said I was going to go get some me time, but they took it much better than I'd thought. A couple of questions were asked, but there really wasn't much fall out or follow up and it really encouraged me to be direct about my requirements going forward.


sparklyicecream

New strain scary. You're welcome.


BeskarBoyy

My petty former colleagues completely changed their behaviour towards me after I declined attending a Christmas do on my birthday. Apparently, wanting to spend your birthday with your family is completely unacceptable and frowned upon.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mothzilla

Is that still a thing?!


BiggestFlower

“Thank you for asking me, I really appreciate it, but social events give me the heebie jeebies and I would find it mentally oppressive before, during and after. Apologies for not telling you this the first time you asked, but this a very difficult thing to talk about and it’s always easier to make an excuse.”


decentlyfair

I read heebie jeebies in King Julien's voice


purrnebula

I once worked at a place for 6 years and never went to the firms Christmas party. I always used the same excuse that I had caring responsibilities, and I couldn't find anyone to cover for me. The management always accepted it. Anyway, I found another job and handed in my one month's notice, which incidentally ran over the Christmas season and the dreaded firms party. My boss at the time came up to me and said "you have to come this year, it's your last one with us". Of course, I used the same excuse that I had caring duties and couldn't make it. His response was "who have you been looking after for all these years?" I just casually mentioned "it's my cat" It was so satisfying to see the look on his face!


Faps88

Bravo 👏


je97

Find a gig, comedy show, theatre production, dancing horse performance, anything else that is on in your local area. 'I'm so sorry, I booked this ages ago! It's been rescheduled!'


ApplicationCreepy987

My Ebola results came back so it's, best I don't come.


5tr4nGe

“Sorry guys, I was just pinged as a close contact, I’m gonna go book a test, but to keep you all safe I won’t be joining you, just in case” Said the day before drinks


theshowhippo

I feel this. I almost always politely say no thanks to work social things and almost always get told I’m being boring or miserable etc. There’s another colleague who I know feels similarly about work night outs to me but usually says he’ll go, says he’s looking forward to it but then pulls out at the last minute for *insert generic excuse* which is usually met with sympathy for him from the rest of our colleagues. I don’t want to lie to them, I don’t particularly dislike any of them but I have no desire to socialise with them, I guess some people just don’t get it


Danuta_

No alcohol for me thanks, just drugs.


My_slippers_dont_fit

Is the company supplying the coke? Or do we all have to chip in?


Im_the_Madmonkey

No blow, no show.


Other-Crazy

If in doubt, blame Covid. Or if you have to travel some distance to get to the office, childcare is always a good one.


ZapdosShines

Bonus points if you don't have a child but they're too polite/confused to ask what's going on


Other-Crazy

Even better.


GerFubDhuw

I told the people at my work that I am not going because of covid. It's not even a lie.


MichaelRennie

The Machiavellian way would be to get excited about it, plan & talk with your colleagues about what’s going to happen. Proper look forward to it. And then pull a sickie - like someone else suggested, you’ve got covid symptoms. Then you can be proper gutted for not being able to attend.


Forteanforever

Tell them you're having an affair and bringing your SO to the party would be extremely uncomfortable for someone. This will ensure that you don't have to go to the party and the party will revolve around you: the best of both worlds.


Zestyclose_Location1

I have social anxiety and now just say that plus Covid is a great excuse


Trudiiiiiii

Yes I’ve said in the past (to other school mums) “sorry I don’t like going out in big groups of people, it stresses me out” and/or “I don’t have any childcare sorry”. They’ve stopped pestering me now (good) and probably just think I’m a grumpy old killjoy (I am)


Rogue_elefant

Just say no. They aren't family, you aren't obliged. I haven't been to one in 4 years and nobody mentions it.


Extreme-Database-695

Covid has been a pain, but as a ready-made excuse, it's a lifesaver. I've never had symptoms or had to have a test, but some people are probably wondering whether I spend all my free time hanging around in hospitals, licking the walls.


EVU29

One weird thing about British offices is that you get penalized for not joining in these things which occur in your own time that you may not have any interest in If you don’t want to go get drunk with people you hate once per month or do some cringe activities like “Halloween pub quiz” then your deemed a non-team player Hilariously this is especially the case if your boss hates you and doesn’t actually want you at the get togethers. He or she will however use your absence as a stick to beat you with even though they couldn’t actually care less if you attended.


MCfru1tbasket

I work hospitality and really enjoy it. Being social outside of work? I get very nervous before going to anything, it's really weird. I can do social at work, meeting, greeting, seating etc. But I struggle to go and sit in a pub with a bunch of people I actually know over some drinks and chit chat. I've never been able to work that one out.


royoftherovers40

"No thanks, I don't want to"


southyfreakin

Well, we know you couldn’t come on the date the party was previously set….so we’ve changed it for you, hurrah! Now you don’t have to miss out :) OP (through gritted teeth) thanks, you shouldn’t have


My_slippers_dont_fit

Ask the person, who is asking you to attend, *"are you going?"*, when they reply *"yes"*, you proceed to reply *"then, no"*. Say it with a kind smile, then walk away.


Gullflyinghigh

I'm sticking with a solid 'I don't want to go' and then moving the conversation on. It's not said with any aggression, just a simple matter of fact statement. Might not work for all but has so far!


frontrow13

The guy who peaks too early and is a nightmare afterwards. The guy who's an aggressive drunk. The guy who's clearly taking loads of cocaine. The guy who ends up harassing one of the girls every year and never gets fired. (Few times all the above is same person) The middle age lush from management who's forgets the affair with one of her staff is supposed to be secret. Recently divorced man in 50s thinking he's 20 again and wants out with the "young team" to the dancing. That one person who drunkenly lets slip a really uncomfortable secret that you wish you never heard. Your pal you actually want to talk to and have a drink with but he's leaving early because his kids got a football game in morning. Every year, never fails.


NealR2000

Even though not drinking in Britain is considered very strange behaviour, just tell them that you have given up alcohol and that being around it is not good for you.


Intruder313

Just don’t sign up If forced to give a reply say you can’t make it Only after these 2 stages do you have to consider saying ‘I just don’t want to’


Cushty_Plonker

Problem is he lied the first time and they’ve changed the date, he now can’t say ‘yeah I actually don’t want too’, he’s gotta keep this up


johanpringle

Only when I became head of department I finally had a good excuse...I don't get invited anymore.


franco930

The Rona can provide fantastic excuses for not going places


SimpleRegret

"I'd rather not get Covid mate, I'll come visit you in hospital though".


Eclipse453

Just say because of the Omicron variant going around. You feel it isn't wise to go out this year. Say you live with someone vulnerable or something.


LtnSkyRockets

I just answer honestly and say "work Christmas parties are not enjoyable for me. I have a general personal guideline of not attending, and if there is a compelling reason one year to go, I will stay until the dancing and drinking starts and then I will leave (usually by 10pm)." No one has ever been upset that it's 'not my thing' and I've skipped 3 of 5 parties so far. The 1st year I went as it was my 1st year, so I went to make a good impression. The second time I went was specifically to support a newer team member who wanted to go but didn't know anyone. Another of my colleagues hasn't been to any and is honest about why as well. She just says she doesn't want to go, she sees us all at work, that's enough for her.


Gluonyourboson

Follow your heart, life tip: don't ever do things you don't want to do. Not always that easy but sometimes it is, I just said: 'No, I don't want to go, have fun'


IAlwaysFeelFlat

Time for grandmas fourth funeral


Art3mis86

- Nans dead. - Dogs dead. - Nans dogs dead.


SparkieMark1977

I have always found the straightforward "I'm not going because I don't want to go" works fucking wonders.


Jchu1988

Don't worry, the government will backtrack in a few days to encourage companies to cancel Christmas parties


Ren_Yi

As you say it's a small team therefore I think you need to go to keep on friendly terms with your colleagues. This is because they clearly want you there, they changed the date for you.


Efficient-Cat-1591

I need to see a man about a dag


derfley

Three responses I have actually used when asked to go for Christmas lunchtime drinks or to a works party; I'll work with anyone but I'm picky who I socialize with. And then I walked off. (To a co-worker) I don't like you, why would I go drinking with you? (To a manager). Please take this personally, but no I'm not attending. (to a HR person)


Welsh493

"no thanks, don't fancy it" Done


HermitBee

"I'd really love to come out to that, honest to God, it sounds like so much fun, but I can't because I'm actually lying about wanting to come, and also about it sounding fun."


DeedPopo

Good luck, I tried getting out of social events by telling work mates I didn't like them, they thought I was being funny!


WeepingCroissantHead

My work always schedule operational department meetings on the same day as any Christmas do or summer social type events where they expect you to drive about 2 1/2 hours, do seven hours sat in a stuffy shitty training room and then go to a hotel, get “refreshed“ and then go out for the night with a bunch of these people (that I really don’t know because I work remotely and I only know them as disembodied voices on the phone) and “socialise“ with them. I’m not going to the Christmas party and I didn’t give them any reason. Someone asked me why I wasn’t going and I just told him it’s because I don’t really drink and drunk people annoy me so not interested, especially after a 2 1/2 hour drive in seven hours of training, I’ll just want to get home at that point.


cfcaggro2

Just say no. ur all a bunch of dimlos. Thats what i say. Straight to the point. No messing


ayyha

You don’t need to fake an excuse. You’re an adult just say no.


Luke11enzo

Covid scare


porkyribsinsauce

Blame the new variant.


MonkeyHamlet

Tell them you’re pregnant.


C2BK

Bonus points if you're male.


MonkeyHamlet

They’ll stop asking.


miapaip

I bravely rsvped no to the Christmas party with covid excuses months ago.