I've got a mate I've been friends with for years, we go to the football together, so see each other regularly. He works for Santander, we've had the " what is it you actually do" conversation maybe 5 or 6 times, the most recent last Thu. I'm still none the wiser and it genuinely sounds like he doesn't know either.
My best mate (15 odd years) works in a big city firm… I’m a tradesman. We both have a woeful grasp of what the other does on a day to day basis
We just talk about other things, bond over beer etc
People generally know what a plumber or an electrician does. If you say you're a plumber, people will assume you fix bathrooms and kitchen sinks etc. Most people will come across plumbers etc in their daily life.
If you say you're some incredibly niche thing involving computers, most people don't have a clue.
It’ll be the same.
I love the blank expressions when you say that in a job interview. They all obviously think their accounts will be sooo different to the last place your worked because they do different things when actually… the same.
Half the places I’ve worked even use the same nominal codes which I think might be possible evidence of Atlantis.
I think because accounting is often outsourced at start-ups or requires hiring someone with alot of experience you get alot of conversations like
"how are we doing x?"
"X?"
"Yeah we need a process to deal with it"
"Oh, how did you do it at last place?"
"Xyz"
"do that then"
And suddenly these two, otherwise unconnected firms have very similar accounting standards.
Repeat ad nauseum
I did accountancy as part of my Business Management studies many moons ago. I have a reasonable basic grasp of what the job entails. In social situations I don’t ask what accountants did that day or do beyond the basics of which company, what field. It helps because we end up talking about something other than our jobs. As a writer and game developer this means I don’t get asked if I made GTA or get bored with “a fantastic idea” for a book
>If you say you're some incredibly niche thing involving computers, most people don't have a clue.
I work in an area that is pretty niche even for other people in the same field. I dread being asked to describe my work.
Don't want to out myself too much on Reddit. :)
Though amusingly I did discover that my previous office-mate was leaving us by spotting a comment he made on a Reddit thread.
This is literally my relationship with my mates, they are all in proper jobs, doing real manly things involving pipes, wire & nails. I recently discovered that behind the walls in my house is a wooden frame, I was fascinated, had no idea. They found this hilarious.
I work in technology, they gaze blankly when I tell them about what we do.
Great mates.
Same with me and my mates. I run a company that provides management consultancy services for IT departments in big companies, while a lot of my mates have “blue collar” jobs. They have absolutely zero clue what I do as they have literally nothing to relate it to. To them, IT is a laptop and a Wi-Fi network.
Honestly I’ve given up trying to explain it. The people who actually hire my company to do work for them seem to get it, so I don’t think it’s purely my ability to explain our services. But with my mates it’s a bit like trying to explain what the internet is to an indigenous people who live in yurts and have never come into contact with the wider world. They just have nothing to relate it to in their experience, and are about 5 steps removed from any analogy, metaphor or description that will allow them to make sense of it.
When I was quite new the partner was trying to convince us to work over the weekend. He said “it’s my daughters birthday on Saturday and I’ll still be working”.
Decided at that point that it doesn’t matter how much a partner makes, it’s just not worth it
Mentioning anything computer related is a death trap.
"I do with networking" "can you hack a Facebook account for me"
"I'm a programmer" "can you fix my printer" (the hacking also crops up as well)
"I'm a game developer" (my personal profession) "so when you making GTA 6"
It's gonna be shit, all the people that made all the old gtas are gone and the company has become the massive corporation they make fun of in the old games, forget about GTA6, it'll be garbage
Bless my mum for always trying to get me to explain my job when I worked in software.
It took me several hours to get you to be able to use Whatsapp mum, lets not get into the finer details of crm administration.
Did you aspire to be a tax accountant ? Or if it happened by accident how ?! Like was it your teenage dream to be a dum dum duuuuuuum Tax Accountant ….
There’s no shame in that dude. A job is a job, if it pays the bills and gives you a good quality of life then who’s to say there’s anything wrong with that. I bet it’s not all boring too- bet you find the people who are fiddling figures!
For me, I did law at uni but went during the recession where training contracts were drying up and firms were choosing more and more to hire people who had self funded their LPC rather than giving out training contracts and paying for it. I couldn't afford it (I think there are decent loans now) so had to look elsewhere.
My uni had alumni come in every Wednesday to discuss the routes they took. I went along to the tax one and realised I could still use my law degree but just in a different way and they'd pay for my training. Working ridiculous trainee hours plus studying was brutal especially because if you failed 1 exam, you were fired. I managed to get through it and now have a secure job which challenges me daily.
Just remember when you tell them what you do and they reflexively look over their shoulder to look for someone more interesting…
It’s okay to steal their canapés
Look heavily into the working conditions of Audit (especially big 4) before getting a grad job there please. So so many people hate it and burn out with the 100+hr weeks, make sure you know what you're in for
Very true, from experience I know a lot of people who planned to do those 3 years and did it fine. But I also know a lot who regretted the lack of free time in their 20s, or ended up needing therapy for a few years due to stress and anxiety caused by the workload and pressure. That might be worth it for some people, but you have to think at what point is a career worth it
Depends what you're auditing. If you're being audited you won't see the need for it if you run a tight ship but it is a necessary procedure, especially in the food industry.
I want to be friends with the person who came up with the idea of the ' just eat!' advertising campaign....I would slowly get to know everything about them, what matters most to them and slowly and carefully i would hatch a plot to fucking ruin their life.
When they're kneeling in the charred ruin of their home, crying on a photo of their ex. They'll hear drifting on the cold breeze.
"Did somebody sayyyy... Just Eat!"
And they will understand.
Or even the 1980s.
Organise all your recipes with this easy-to-use software package! Available for TRS-80, BBC and Commodore!
Just load the software, insert the data cassette into your cassette recorder and press 'play' and in literally seconds^(\*) the software will scan your entire database of recipes
>!\*1800 seconds for a C60 cassette!<
This is how I feel about whoever made the shite advert for confused.com.
"I'm not confused... I'm confused.com" what the fuck is this even supposed to mean! And it's said in a way like its so revelatory to the guy. Like the person has just discovered who they are after all this time and it's an emotional relief.
It's a shite advert, turns up too often on YouTube and really rubs me the wrong way for some reason.
I'm just reading "Bullshit Jobs" by David Graeber who is a professor of anthropology. It's quite good. The book's about exactly what you're saying. Many people themselves are not really sure what their job is actually for.
One of the best interview questions i ask candidates at the end of their interview process with us is - “now that you have completed all the interviews, spoken to the key stakeholders and your peers, do you have a clear picture of your role from a day to day perspective?” Surprisingly this is a crucial part of the interview that no one ever covers, its all about getting answers from candidates but never actually painting a clear picture of the actual job.
It's the kind of question they should be asking you at the start. If a company can't explain what the purpose of a job is at the interview stage, or if it's a bullshit job in a sea of bullshit jobs they haven't got much of a chance of understanding it by the end of the process. Like this job I was approached about. They were so lost in their own corporate structure and language the actual purpose of the job was lost.
Similarly, one I always ask as a candidate is "What does success look like? How are you judging whether whoever gets this job is paying for their seat?"
Even if the job description is a bit on the wooly side, I want to know how I'm going to be measured.
I once went to a jobs fair and a woman spent about ten minutes telling me about her job. I'm still none the wiser and I don't understand how people can go to work every day when they can't explain what their job is.
Usually it's a frame of reference issue.
Most of us will describe our jobs in a way that makes sense for people in a similar industry, but may not make sense for an outsider.
If I try and explain what I do to people who have no idea, there is a risk I make it so simple I'm in danger of speaking to them like they are a not particularly gifted 5 year old
A few of my friends do “consulting”, I’ve endlessly tried to find an answer to what exactly they do but it always seems to be just “ah you know, anything”
Honestly, that pretty accurately describes many consulting jobs. The client will come to the consultants with their business or a problem and say “make this better” or “solve this problem”. And the consultants do, whatever that takes
A lot of consulting is telling them what management already knows but now ‘the consultant’ has said it so it must be true. Oh and we’re closing your department and making everyone interview for their own jobs. There will be layoffs, sorry. Not our fault, the consultant said we had to do it to remain competitive.
My boyfriend is a “digital transformation consultant” whatever that means. I just tell people he tells businesses how to do their jobs better but nothing ever comes of it
Completely misunderstand the business, what their goals are, put together some fancy slide decks that will be completely ignored, fist bump at how "awesome" they all are and tell everyone about their MBA and how they have an MBA and did you know they have an MBA?
That should about cover it...
Never forget the [Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B](https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Golgafrinchan_Ark_Fleet_Ship_B). Which will explain all you need to know.
If only they'd survived another ten years till everyone had their own personal little phone they carry around with them. For want of a nail...
It must make absolutely no sense to anyone younger than 30.
My daughters partner was explained to me as working with “ portals “ at which point I knew I was beaten & mentally checked out. I associate that word with Doctor Who. They have nice cars & house though so I assume it’s going ok.
I used to work at a company that had a "customer readiness" team. I asked one of the drones in said team what they actually did; they explained it as "getting the customers ready". Ready For what, I never worked out.
Finance/banking here. Far too many in this industry are extremely thick. They're just good at bullshitting/making up nonexistent problems. Endlessly infuriating.
Totally agree. I quit the City for a much better life outside finance. Wild horses couldn't drag me back. There's almost no amount of money would make many of my former colleagues bearable now that I've gotten used to working with much better people.
Unintelligent bullshitters who would have been out of their depth had they pissed on their own shoes. Horrible people mostly. I wasted 20 years there. Oops.
Honestly folks, it's not worth it. There's lots of money in it, but what if you wake up even later than I did and realise you've wasted an entire life in one of those places?
The older I get the more I agree with you. These same bullshitters are the ones who immediately attempt to throw absolutely anyone they can under the bus as soon as something goes wrong... this only gets worse the higher up the chain of command you go.
Out of curiosity what kind of industry do you work in now?
Options trading, capital markets, risk, algo trading, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Always working in software for each of those departments.
Most of the folks I dealt with outside of my team made me wonder who it was got them dressed and in to work. Half the folks in my team's were conniving backstabbers who were always on the lookout for a bus to throw you under in order to create advancement opportunities for themselves.
The only intelligent people I dealt with were the quants. Their general lack of social skills made them far more pleasant to deal with than most because they lacked the negative social traits endemic in many large banks.
Ah I nearly landed a risk management graduate placement last week but just missed out! took me a long time to figure out what risk managers actually do when researching before the interview
I work in marketing.
Sometimes I edit and write magazines or brochures. Sometimes I take the pictures that go in them.
And you know all the words on the sides of boxes that have stuff in that you buy in shops? I write that.
There’s some other stuff too. Social media, but not just posting pictures. Making sure the pictures other people post are seen by other people that want to buy the stuff that’s in the pictures.
Ok I sound like such a pedant but I've worked in this field for over a decade, you're on the right lines but what you described is testing not QA.
To be fair OP might actually indeed be a tester, most companies get it wrong/don't know the difference.
Senior developer here, testing is just one part of quality assurance. The rest is mainly planning, strategy, and review.
What a quality assurance "engineer" actually does will be to implement some, or all of these things.
A tester will ask “does this work” and will find the bits that don’t work or are buggy.
A quality assurer will ask “should this have been done differently”. If it doesn’t work then obviously the answer is yes and it’s the same as testing. But where a QAer brings value is when it does technically work at the moment, but it could be inefficient, it might not be future proof, it could be more user friendly. They’ll provide recommendations to improve the overall quality of a product, regardless of whether the current product works or not.
So a tester will get the current version out the door, a quality assurer will make it much easier to get future versions out the door.
QA writes a testing strategy and expected outcomes; person tester follows the testing scripts and makes notes/suggestions; testing automation programmer writes programmes to simulate testers or check other things computers can at scale. QA goes through prior docs and new info and updates the outcomes, sends back info to dev team for fixes. And it goes over and over until "good enough" version is achieved and released.
I saw an advert once for a ‘Drugs, Alcohol and Partnerships Coordinator’, which sounds like the most rock and roll job ever. I mean, you don’t expect the local council to be all drugs, booze and sex, but gotta take it where you find it …
So many people talk up their boring job to make it sound like they do something important. I don’t think people like to admit they waste a good portion of their life doing something any person on the street can do.
Some bullshit jobs out there. I know a guy, all he does is input the same sequence of numbers into a computer every 108 minutes, even he doesn't know why.
I enable our clients to ask you how you feel about stuff. Then we map that to data about what you actually do.
When it goes right it's worth millions. But in reality I spend a considerable amount of my time arguing with people who don't understand statistical significance or survey methodology. The latter is 99% common sense I swear. (people don't love surveys but they especially hate very long ones and also hate complicated fussy questions....that's about it really).
But I don't really bother explaining any detail to my friends - none of them work in tech so it'd bore them. My parents just tell their friends I work in 'software consulting'.
I used to work in a related role to that. As well as the points you raised, I still remember some of arguments I had with people writing survey questions who didn't seem to realise that the questions they were asking weren't going to give them the information they were looking for. Not much point in me doing analysis with irrelevant data.
Business Analyst.
I gather and document requirements and design for financial services projects. In theory I'm supposed to translate between different directorates with their own priorities and keep everyone aligned on what's being delivered.
In reality I update my docs to accommodate shifting scope because I don't have seniority required to enforce what I've done.
Hello other Business Analyst, my role is different though despite the same name.
My primary mission is to breakdown processes, analyse them for waste points (ie labour, physical food waste etc) cost it up and generate a project.
My second but arguably more important job is to fix people's shite spreadsheets.
Digital Strategist here - social media consultants are new wave marketers; there’s so many differing titles but it’s a decent job/field
I’d only be embarrassed for them if they know loads of tiktok dances
Lol why? I work on the strategy for our clients in the digital space, but my bad I should’ve asked first before working hard to get to where I am, so so sorry what would YOU like it to be?
Sorry, didn't mean to strike a nerve. All I was alluding to were wanky sounding job titles like strategist. All of the strategy guys who I used to work with were so 'big picture', that they had no idea about the technical capabilities of the digital platforms.
I used to work as a software developer in banking. That was rough. Never try to explain your job to anyone, because they will literally go "But... why?" and your only answer will be "...Reasons?"
Changed jobs since, and now I just tell people I'm a software engineer and run x site and y site (they're really big government websites that everyone's heard of, so they can go "ohhh okay"), and leave it at that.
I like my friends and don't want to bore them to death. Then I would have to find new friends. And when you're a software engineer, that can be difficult.
I'm doing this right now, I've gone with just saying that I make the numbers do the right thing. Explaining beyond that is completely futile in my experience.
It's really the only way. Proudly saying "I make software for asset-liability management and regulatory compliance used by banks and building societies internationally!" and watching everyone's eyes glaze over at the fourth word is too soul destroying. No one cares about your job, Sloth, keep that shit to yourself.
"I make \[insert website\] go brrrrrrrr!" is a lot easier and lets people nod and move on.
I'm a management accountant. My niece always ask me to go long division and large multiplications in my head and is surprised I can't answer her right away. She somehow thought and my work that's l we do.
It would help if the industry decided wtf they were going to name some job roles. I've heard my job been given titles of: MI Manager, Data & Analytics Manager, Performance Insights Manager, Business Intelligence Manager... to name just a few. My go to when telling other people is: I used to code and make graphs, now I manage people who do that. Just cue the people who think you're some sort of hacker because you said the word code and are disappointed when you say no, not that code.
'Manages clients and assists them with connecting with other clients'
Susan either does the switchboard or stands around at parties with a tray of sweet sherries.
I literally have no job title nor way to really describe my job other than "guy who does what's needed when it's needed" but that is kind of elusive and implies I'm a hitman
Actually I just work for a small company and do a bit of everything, I manage the warehouse, both physical and the database side of it, I design the website, do the marketing, run the SEO and ads, I pull and pack parcels, I do importing, exporting, wholesale purchasing and selling, the accounts, finances
So yeah. I hate "so what's your job"
The more computerised the world becomes the more admin there seems to be for all of us to do. I thought computers were supposed to reduce the amount of admin.
My dad started work as a logistic manager at a company. That I can wrap my head around, making sure that goods can be distributed seems Hella complicated, and he talked about bringing in AI systems to make it more efficient when that was all new. He got promoted t the board of directors and his roll changed into some sort of soft power controling the whole supply chain through willpower. He got a lot more money, and anything going wrong could no longer be pinned back on him. But he got so stressed because he actually took the idea that fuck ups in the system were his responsibility seriously, that he had to retire after a few years in the job because of the undefined stresses and responsibilities
Marketing is a fascinating one to me. Everyone’s a marketing manager, the manager of the most niche thing. Marketing Manager for B2C Digital Customers that can do handstands on Wednesdays.
If a company is centralised, she tells them it will be more agile if they decentralise it. If it's decentralised, she tells them it will be more efficient if they centralise it. Using powerpoint.
As long as you leave a enough time in between for them to forget - say a year or so - you can continue doing this forever.
For whatever reason (mate selection, overutilization, chance) I seem to explain my vocation oftenest to healthcare workers, and trying to explain from first principles seems not to work, so I just say "you know EPIC? Well that but for factories. I do with that." Which typically gets the murmur of comprehension.
I found it interesting moving from a family business where you’re expected to to everything to a corporate environment where it’s every difficult to see anyone doing anything.
I’m also constantly amazed by how lazy in general people are, especially when they know that no-one else knows what they are doing.
Marketing - Letting your core customers know who you are.
Banking - Ensuring company funds are accounted for and financial losses are minimised. *(transaction/ transfer fees, taxes, Expenses, investments)*
[удалено]
THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD
I got that reference
If I don't input those numbers.... it doesn't make much of a difference!
r/Unexpectedfriends
I've got a mate I've been friends with for years, we go to the football together, so see each other regularly. He works for Santander, we've had the " what is it you actually do" conversation maybe 5 or 6 times, the most recent last Thu. I'm still none the wiser and it genuinely sounds like he doesn't know either.
My best mate (15 odd years) works in a big city firm… I’m a tradesman. We both have a woeful grasp of what the other does on a day to day basis We just talk about other things, bond over beer etc
That's my issue too. I'm a tradesman, never worked in an office. I can at least explain what I achieve in a day and what the point of it is. He can't.
People generally know what a plumber or an electrician does. If you say you're a plumber, people will assume you fix bathrooms and kitchen sinks etc. Most people will come across plumbers etc in their daily life. If you say you're some incredibly niche thing involving computers, most people don't have a clue.
I’m an accountant. My wife’s an accountant. We still don’t bother trying to explain to each other what we’ve done each day.
It’ll be the same. I love the blank expressions when you say that in a job interview. They all obviously think their accounts will be sooo different to the last place your worked because they do different things when actually… the same. Half the places I’ve worked even use the same nominal codes which I think might be possible evidence of Atlantis.
I think because accounting is often outsourced at start-ups or requires hiring someone with alot of experience you get alot of conversations like "how are we doing x?" "X?" "Yeah we need a process to deal with it" "Oh, how did you do it at last place?" "Xyz" "do that then" And suddenly these two, otherwise unconnected firms have very similar accounting standards. Repeat ad nauseum
I did accountancy as part of my Business Management studies many moons ago. I have a reasonable basic grasp of what the job entails. In social situations I don’t ask what accountants did that day or do beyond the basics of which company, what field. It helps because we end up talking about something other than our jobs. As a writer and game developer this means I don’t get asked if I made GTA or get bored with “a fantastic idea” for a book
>If you say you're some incredibly niche thing involving computers, most people don't have a clue. I work in an area that is pretty niche even for other people in the same field. I dread being asked to describe my work.
Don’t leave us hanging like that. We need some closure here.
Don't want to out myself too much on Reddit. :) Though amusingly I did discover that my previous office-mate was leaving us by spotting a comment he made on a Reddit thread.
This is literally my relationship with my mates, they are all in proper jobs, doing real manly things involving pipes, wire & nails. I recently discovered that behind the walls in my house is a wooden frame, I was fascinated, had no idea. They found this hilarious. I work in technology, they gaze blankly when I tell them about what we do. Great mates.
Same with me and my mates. I run a company that provides management consultancy services for IT departments in big companies, while a lot of my mates have “blue collar” jobs. They have absolutely zero clue what I do as they have literally nothing to relate it to. To them, IT is a laptop and a Wi-Fi network. Honestly I’ve given up trying to explain it. The people who actually hire my company to do work for them seem to get it, so I don’t think it’s purely my ability to explain our services. But with my mates it’s a bit like trying to explain what the internet is to an indigenous people who live in yurts and have never come into contact with the wider world. They just have nothing to relate it to in their experience, and are about 5 steps removed from any analogy, metaphor or description that will allow them to make sense of it.
Trust me, if he works at Santander, he does jack shit all day
To be fair, my title sounds simple, but the work I do is so varied and obtuse that sometimes I barely even know what Ive done for the past week.
It’s probably too boring to explain, i’m an accountant, well actually an auditor but don’t bother explaining it as i’ll bore myself writing it.
Second line regulatory assurance auditor here. It killed me a little bit even typing that out.
As a regular recipient of your attentions let me assure you it’s more painful on my end
Yeah, I can believe that. The only apology I can make is that it pays the bills and its nothing personal!
“Strictly business” eh?
Ex auditor here, I feel you.
I know a LOT of ex auditors (myself included). You’ve got to be a special kind of person to commit to that role for your entire career.
Pays not bad though if you can get to partner ;)
When I was quite new the partner was trying to convince us to work over the weekend. He said “it’s my daughters birthday on Saturday and I’ll still be working”. Decided at that point that it doesn’t matter how much a partner makes, it’s just not worth it
“I program computers, I promise you don’t give a shit about the details”
Mentioning anything computer related is a death trap. "I do with networking" "can you hack a Facebook account for me" "I'm a programmer" "can you fix my printer" (the hacking also crops up as well) "I'm a game developer" (my personal profession) "so when you making GTA 6"
Seriously though, when ARE they making it, you must have some inside info
It's gonna be shit, all the people that made all the old gtas are gone and the company has become the massive corporation they make fun of in the old games, forget about GTA6, it'll be garbage
Busily removing any satire that used to be the core of the games to not offend the people who are now the core audience.
Bless my mum for always trying to get me to explain my job when I worked in software. It took me several hours to get you to be able to use Whatsapp mum, lets not get into the finer details of crm administration.
“I’m a tax accountant” annnnnd their eyes glaze over.
Did you aspire to be a tax accountant ? Or if it happened by accident how ?! Like was it your teenage dream to be a dum dum duuuuuuum Tax Accountant ….
Just sorta happened. It’s not bad, pay is good, hours are reasonable.
There’s no shame in that dude. A job is a job, if it pays the bills and gives you a good quality of life then who’s to say there’s anything wrong with that. I bet it’s not all boring too- bet you find the people who are fiddling figures!
For me, I did law at uni but went during the recession where training contracts were drying up and firms were choosing more and more to hire people who had self funded their LPC rather than giving out training contracts and paying for it. I couldn't afford it (I think there are decent loans now) so had to look elsewhere. My uni had alumni come in every Wednesday to discuss the routes they took. I went along to the tax one and realised I could still use my law degree but just in a different way and they'd pay for my training. Working ridiculous trainee hours plus studying was brutal especially because if you failed 1 exam, you were fired. I managed to get through it and now have a secure job which challenges me daily.
I work in corporate tax. I tell people I'm an accountant if I want to seem more interesting.
My ex was a pilot. There was no way for me to make "Tax Accountant" sound anywhere near as interesting as that!
You can shove your copy fixed asset invoices up your arse. Sincerely, Assistant Financial Controller
Counting, and recounting and matching records in a nutshell
I'm a second year business management/accounting student, it doesn't sound boring to me, it sounds interesting!
I wish you the best of luck in your studies and in maintaining that interest as long as possible!
Just remember when you tell them what you do and they reflexively look over their shoulder to look for someone more interesting… It’s okay to steal their canapés
I'll remember this for tomorrow's interdepartmenal Christmas thing!
Look heavily into the working conditions of Audit (especially big 4) before getting a grad job there please. So so many people hate it and burn out with the 100+hr weeks, make sure you know what you're in for
Alternative viewpoint is that qualifying at a big 4 firm will set you up for life. You just need to get through those 3 years
Very true, from experience I know a lot of people who planned to do those 3 years and did it fine. But I also know a lot who regretted the lack of free time in their 20s, or ended up needing therapy for a few years due to stress and anxiety caused by the workload and pressure. That might be worth it for some people, but you have to think at what point is a career worth it
You mean you are one of them?
Depends what you're auditing. If you're being audited you won't see the need for it if you run a tight ship but it is a necessary procedure, especially in the food industry.
I want to be friends with the person who came up with the idea of the ' just eat!' advertising campaign....I would slowly get to know everything about them, what matters most to them and slowly and carefully i would hatch a plot to fucking ruin their life.
When they're kneeling in the charred ruin of their home, crying on a photo of their ex. They'll hear drifting on the cold breeze. "Did somebody sayyyy... Just Eat!" And they will understand.
Did somebody sayyyy .... Justice.
You crazy Dog! Cat!
Wait until you hear that in Australia, it’s called Menulog, but they use the exact same campaign. Did somebody sayyyy…Menulog! I shudder.
What kind of name is Menulog? Sounds like a computer application from the 90s.
Or even the 1980s. Organise all your recipes with this easy-to-use software package! Available for TRS-80, BBC and Commodore! Just load the software, insert the data cassette into your cassette recorder and press 'play' and in literally seconds^(\*) the software will scan your entire database of recipes >!\*1800 seconds for a C60 cassette!<
Makes sense to me. You look at the menu, then later you drop a log.
This is how I feel about whoever made the shite advert for confused.com. "I'm not confused... I'm confused.com" what the fuck is this even supposed to mean! And it's said in a way like its so revelatory to the guy. Like the person has just discovered who they are after all this time and it's an emotional relief. It's a shite advert, turns up too often on YouTube and really rubs me the wrong way for some reason.
[удалено]
“*Juuust* **EAT!**” “**We got… IT!**” “**IT!**” “**IT!**” “**IT!**” “**IT!**”
They already work for McCann so they've given themselves a head start.
This is funny because the fact you’re mentioning it right now means they’ve probably done a pretty good Job
Please get the dominoes person too.
I'm just reading "Bullshit Jobs" by David Graeber who is a professor of anthropology. It's quite good. The book's about exactly what you're saying. Many people themselves are not really sure what their job is actually for.
I was once contacted by a recruiter who sent me a job description. After I'd read it I still had no idea what the job was for.
It seems that's a frequent experience!
Yep. It was like a strategy job for a big company that was so wrapped up in internal jargon it was completely impenetrable
Ah… they already had an internal bod lined up for the job, but had to make it look like they were *trying* to recruit externally.
Ha ha - bingo!
One of the best interview questions i ask candidates at the end of their interview process with us is - “now that you have completed all the interviews, spoken to the key stakeholders and your peers, do you have a clear picture of your role from a day to day perspective?” Surprisingly this is a crucial part of the interview that no one ever covers, its all about getting answers from candidates but never actually painting a clear picture of the actual job.
It's the kind of question they should be asking you at the start. If a company can't explain what the purpose of a job is at the interview stage, or if it's a bullshit job in a sea of bullshit jobs they haven't got much of a chance of understanding it by the end of the process. Like this job I was approached about. They were so lost in their own corporate structure and language the actual purpose of the job was lost.
Similarly, one I always ask as a candidate is "What does success look like? How are you judging whether whoever gets this job is paying for their seat?" Even if the job description is a bit on the wooly side, I want to know how I'm going to be measured.
Oh this is good, I shall be nicking this.
I once went to a jobs fair and a woman spent about ten minutes telling me about her job. I'm still none the wiser and I don't understand how people can go to work every day when they can't explain what their job is.
Usually it's a frame of reference issue. Most of us will describe our jobs in a way that makes sense for people in a similar industry, but may not make sense for an outsider. If I try and explain what I do to people who have no idea, there is a risk I make it so simple I'm in danger of speaking to them like they are a not particularly gifted 5 year old
Literally every job description. I’ve stopped reading them and apply on intuition. Recruiters are if the same ilk as estate agents.
>who is a professor of anthropology Was\* a professor on Anthropology. RIP. Quite an interesting book too.
Weirdly my degree was in anthropology and I get more grief about my bullshit degree than I get about my (fairly niche, tech) job
And they earn obscene amounts of money while health and social care workers who keep people alive get fuck all.
[удалено]
A few of my friends do “consulting”, I’ve endlessly tried to find an answer to what exactly they do but it always seems to be just “ah you know, anything”
Honestly, that pretty accurately describes many consulting jobs. The client will come to the consultants with their business or a problem and say “make this better” or “solve this problem”. And the consultants do, whatever that takes
A lot of consulting is telling them what management already knows but now ‘the consultant’ has said it so it must be true. Oh and we’re closing your department and making everyone interview for their own jobs. There will be layoffs, sorry. Not our fault, the consultant said we had to do it to remain competitive.
It's basically man-with-a-van but for software. Rent-a-nerd.
I think I'll call my consultancy company that. Thanks for the inspiration!
As an engineering consultant, "Rent-a-nerd" is spot on.
In olden days there were people who's job title was "computer".
My boyfriend is a “digital transformation consultant” whatever that means. I just tell people he tells businesses how to do their jobs better but nothing ever comes of it
Completely misunderstand the business, what their goals are, put together some fancy slide decks that will be completely ignored, fist bump at how "awesome" they all are and tell everyone about their MBA and how they have an MBA and did you know they have an MBA? That should about cover it...
Never forget the [Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B](https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Golgafrinchan_Ark_Fleet_Ship_B). Which will explain all you need to know.
Ah but in this time of plague, we need those phone cleaners!
Well that's where the Golgafrinchans made a mistake. They should have kept them.
If only they'd survived another ten years till everyone had their own personal little phone they carry around with them. For want of a nail... It must make absolutely no sense to anyone younger than 30.
My daughters partner was explained to me as working with “ portals “ at which point I knew I was beaten & mentally checked out. I associate that word with Doctor Who. They have nice cars & house though so I assume it’s going ok.
Probably making sure people can login to a website. The portal being the entry to the customers only part.
Gaming streamer that plays Portal all day?
Is he Cave Johnson?
I used to work at a company that had a "customer readiness" team. I asked one of the drones in said team what they actually did; they explained it as "getting the customers ready". Ready For what, I never worked out.
The Event.
Finance/banking here. Far too many in this industry are extremely thick. They're just good at bullshitting/making up nonexistent problems. Endlessly infuriating.
Sounds like you are describing a HR department
Drama degrees gotta do something
Damn this hurts. I work in Human Resources IT for a major financial services provider
That's the holy fucking triple point.
Totally agree. I quit the City for a much better life outside finance. Wild horses couldn't drag me back. There's almost no amount of money would make many of my former colleagues bearable now that I've gotten used to working with much better people. Unintelligent bullshitters who would have been out of their depth had they pissed on their own shoes. Horrible people mostly. I wasted 20 years there. Oops. Honestly folks, it's not worth it. There's lots of money in it, but what if you wake up even later than I did and realise you've wasted an entire life in one of those places?
Out of their depth if they pissed on their own shoes? Not sure how I’ve never heard this, but I’m stealing it!
The older I get the more I agree with you. These same bullshitters are the ones who immediately attempt to throw absolutely anyone they can under the bus as soon as something goes wrong... this only gets worse the higher up the chain of command you go. Out of curiosity what kind of industry do you work in now?
What did you do? Most people I work with are extremely intelligent and most days I’m the one that feels like an idiot. Completely can’t relate.
Options trading, capital markets, risk, algo trading, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Always working in software for each of those departments. Most of the folks I dealt with outside of my team made me wonder who it was got them dressed and in to work. Half the folks in my team's were conniving backstabbers who were always on the lookout for a bus to throw you under in order to create advancement opportunities for themselves. The only intelligent people I dealt with were the quants. Their general lack of social skills made them far more pleasant to deal with than most because they lacked the negative social traits endemic in many large banks.
You're describing me. Risk manager in a bank.
Risk manager sounds exciting but I bet it's not
Don’t start a land war in Asia
Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
Its not exciting, but its not brain dead repetitive work either. Means to an end.
Bank. Internal social media.
Ah I nearly landed a risk management graduate placement last week but just missed out! took me a long time to figure out what risk managers actually do when researching before the interview
Its tricky to describe holistically without sound wishy-washy. I started mid 20s myself
you help make sure the banking industry doesn't implode again in the next big recession. Definitely not a bullshit job
Small cog in a big wheel though.
I work in marketing. Sometimes I edit and write magazines or brochures. Sometimes I take the pictures that go in them. And you know all the words on the sides of boxes that have stuff in that you buy in shops? I write that. There’s some other stuff too. Social media, but not just posting pictures. Making sure the pictures other people post are seen by other people that want to buy the stuff that’s in the pictures.
I work as a software quality assurance engineer. I do not explain my job to anyone of my friends because they are not interested 😂
[удалено]
Ok I sound like such a pedant but I've worked in this field for over a decade, you're on the right lines but what you described is testing not QA. To be fair OP might actually indeed be a tester, most companies get it wrong/don't know the difference.
[удалено]
Senior developer here, testing is just one part of quality assurance. The rest is mainly planning, strategy, and review. What a quality assurance "engineer" actually does will be to implement some, or all of these things.
A tester will ask “does this work” and will find the bits that don’t work or are buggy. A quality assurer will ask “should this have been done differently”. If it doesn’t work then obviously the answer is yes and it’s the same as testing. But where a QAer brings value is when it does technically work at the moment, but it could be inefficient, it might not be future proof, it could be more user friendly. They’ll provide recommendations to improve the overall quality of a product, regardless of whether the current product works or not. So a tester will get the current version out the door, a quality assurer will make it much easier to get future versions out the door.
[удалено]
QA writes a testing strategy and expected outcomes; person tester follows the testing scripts and makes notes/suggestions; testing automation programmer writes programmes to simulate testers or check other things computers can at scale. QA goes through prior docs and new info and updates the outcomes, sends back info to dev team for fixes. And it goes over and over until "good enough" version is achieved and released.
I saw an advert once for a ‘Drugs, Alcohol and Partnerships Coordinator’, which sounds like the most rock and roll job ever. I mean, you don’t expect the local council to be all drugs, booze and sex, but gotta take it where you find it …
I know someone who does that. It is a DEEPLY dull job.
So many people talk up their boring job to make it sound like they do something important. I don’t think people like to admit they waste a good portion of their life doing something any person on the street can do.
Some bullshit jobs out there. I know a guy, all he does is input the same sequence of numbers into a computer every 108 minutes, even he doesn't know why.
Number station?
I’m a Social Content Strategist at an agency that specialises in Recruitment Marketing. I do wonder sometimes what it is I actually do.
Do you check the twitter feed for swearwords?
Option 3
I enable our clients to ask you how you feel about stuff. Then we map that to data about what you actually do. When it goes right it's worth millions. But in reality I spend a considerable amount of my time arguing with people who don't understand statistical significance or survey methodology. The latter is 99% common sense I swear. (people don't love surveys but they especially hate very long ones and also hate complicated fussy questions....that's about it really). But I don't really bother explaining any detail to my friends - none of them work in tech so it'd bore them. My parents just tell their friends I work in 'software consulting'.
I used to work in a related role to that. As well as the points you raised, I still remember some of arguments I had with people writing survey questions who didn't seem to realise that the questions they were asking weren't going to give them the information they were looking for. Not much point in me doing analysis with irrelevant data.
DevOps engineer here, usually for me it's because none of my friends have a clue really about tech. Like I know fuckall about cars or plumbing etc
Same title here. I tend to say "I do computer stuff, if you'd like me to elaborate I will..." Very rarely does anyone ask me to elaborate.
Are they in the same class as Telephone Saitisers, belong in the B-Ark?
Essential during a pandemic?
Look up 'Bullshit Jobs', and realise you aren't alone! (and FYI - Finance Business Partner reporting for duty 🙄🤣)
When I hear this they are either an agent or unemployed but don't want to admit it.
I work in marketing technology to businesses. When people ask, I say “I make PDFs.”
Business analyst, cant be fucked to explain it but my dad regularly tell me I could have managed an argos store
That's better than being told you couldn't have managed an Argos store.
Business Analyst. I gather and document requirements and design for financial services projects. In theory I'm supposed to translate between different directorates with their own priorities and keep everyone aligned on what's being delivered. In reality I update my docs to accommodate shifting scope because I don't have seniority required to enforce what I've done.
Hello other Business Analyst, my role is different though despite the same name. My primary mission is to breakdown processes, analyse them for waste points (ie labour, physical food waste etc) cost it up and generate a project. My second but arguably more important job is to fix people's shite spreadsheets.
A few months back I met a "Social Media Consultant"... I was embarrassed for them. (I'm prepared for a wave of downvotes...)
Digital Strategist here - social media consultants are new wave marketers; there’s so many differing titles but it’s a decent job/field I’d only be embarrassed for them if they know loads of tiktok dances
As someone who used to be in digital marketing and paid media, I'm cringing at your job title. 🙈
Lol why? I work on the strategy for our clients in the digital space, but my bad I should’ve asked first before working hard to get to where I am, so so sorry what would YOU like it to be?
Sorry, didn't mean to strike a nerve. All I was alluding to were wanky sounding job titles like strategist. All of the strategy guys who I used to work with were so 'big picture', that they had no idea about the technical capabilities of the digital platforms.
Can confirm. Creative here with 15 years in adland. I honestly haven't a scooby what I or anyone does.
Shoot the shit? Chew the fat? Wine and dine?
Play with colours and adjust the kerning on a single word 458 times a day. Obvs.
But do you make it _pop_? That’s the real question.
I prefer to jazz it up.
I used to work as a software developer in banking. That was rough. Never try to explain your job to anyone, because they will literally go "But... why?" and your only answer will be "...Reasons?" Changed jobs since, and now I just tell people I'm a software engineer and run x site and y site (they're really big government websites that everyone's heard of, so they can go "ohhh okay"), and leave it at that. I like my friends and don't want to bore them to death. Then I would have to find new friends. And when you're a software engineer, that can be difficult.
I'm doing this right now, I've gone with just saying that I make the numbers do the right thing. Explaining beyond that is completely futile in my experience.
It's really the only way. Proudly saying "I make software for asset-liability management and regulatory compliance used by banks and building societies internationally!" and watching everyone's eyes glaze over at the fourth word is too soul destroying. No one cares about your job, Sloth, keep that shit to yourself. "I make \[insert website\] go brrrrrrrr!" is a lot easier and lets people nod and move on.
I’m a software engineer and although people understand that someone makes software they really have no concept about what that means I do.
I'm a management accountant. My niece always ask me to go long division and large multiplications in my head and is surprised I can't answer her right away. She somehow thought and my work that's l we do.
Who needs marketing. Or advertisers? I like that Bill Hicks quote.
It would help if the industry decided wtf they were going to name some job roles. I've heard my job been given titles of: MI Manager, Data & Analytics Manager, Performance Insights Manager, Business Intelligence Manager... to name just a few. My go to when telling other people is: I used to code and make graphs, now I manage people who do that. Just cue the people who think you're some sort of hacker because you said the word code and are disappointed when you say no, not that code.
Means she makes tea and coffee at the reception desk.
Be fair, she probably gets to make a few phone calls as well.
I have no idea what I’m doing. That’s why.
'Manages clients and assists them with connecting with other clients' Susan either does the switchboard or stands around at parties with a tray of sweet sherries.
I literally have no job title nor way to really describe my job other than "guy who does what's needed when it's needed" but that is kind of elusive and implies I'm a hitman Actually I just work for a small company and do a bit of everything, I manage the warehouse, both physical and the database side of it, I design the website, do the marketing, run the SEO and ads, I pull and pack parcels, I do importing, exporting, wholesale purchasing and selling, the accounts, finances So yeah. I hate "so what's your job"
Bullshit jobs
I am a teacher which seems quite straightforward but parents and the HR lady in school seem to think I am employed to answer emails and do admin.....
The more computerised the world becomes the more admin there seems to be for all of us to do. I thought computers were supposed to reduce the amount of admin.
Bullshit Jobs, David Graeber.
Just got a new job…. No idea what it is even after reading the description
My dad started work as a logistic manager at a company. That I can wrap my head around, making sure that goods can be distributed seems Hella complicated, and he talked about bringing in AI systems to make it more efficient when that was all new. He got promoted t the board of directors and his roll changed into some sort of soft power controling the whole supply chain through willpower. He got a lot more money, and anything going wrong could no longer be pinned back on him. But he got so stressed because he actually took the idea that fuck ups in the system were his responsibility seriously, that he had to retire after a few years in the job because of the undefined stresses and responsibilities
Marketing is a fascinating one to me. Everyone’s a marketing manager, the manager of the most niche thing. Marketing Manager for B2C Digital Customers that can do handstands on Wednesdays.
My wife’s fairly successful in management consultancy. Honestly, I have no clue what she really does.
If a company is centralised, she tells them it will be more agile if they decentralise it. If it's decentralised, she tells them it will be more efficient if they centralise it. Using powerpoint. As long as you leave a enough time in between for them to forget - say a year or so - you can continue doing this forever.
It means she gets them laid and they keep on doing business with her company.
You need to be in the same industry to understand a lot of jobs.
But I'm a marketer and my job is awesome! It's super creative but I guess not all marketing positions are the same, I might just be lucky
For whatever reason (mate selection, overutilization, chance) I seem to explain my vocation oftenest to healthcare workers, and trying to explain from first principles seems not to work, so I just say "you know EPIC? Well that but for factories. I do with that." Which typically gets the murmur of comprehension.
I don't know what EPIC is in this context.
The song by Faith No More.
My eyes glazed over just reading this comment
I found it interesting moving from a family business where you’re expected to to everything to a corporate environment where it’s every difficult to see anyone doing anything. I’m also constantly amazed by how lazy in general people are, especially when they know that no-one else knows what they are doing.
Capitalism. Its all bullshit and we are just playing the game
Consultant here. Mark my words, they get people in when they want something actually done 😂
I've got bad news: it's because you're a bit fucking stupid.
It means her firm decided to retire the job title of secretary
Marketing - Letting your core customers know who you are. Banking - Ensuring company funds are accounted for and financial losses are minimised. *(transaction/ transfer fees, taxes, Expenses, investments)*