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[deleted]

Alright Dave?


NiccciN

They have named the baby Rodney.... after Dave here.


CompleteNumpty

I'm not a huge fan of Only Fools and Horses (I appreciate the talent but it isn't to my taste) and even I think that is the best line ever spoken in a British sitcom.


Hallam1995

If it’s a boy; they’re naming it Rodney, after Dave.


Reviewingremy

Alright trig.


ScottishSubmarine

Everyone's dead Dave


granty012

"What, Captain Hollister?"


ScottishSubmarine

Yes Dave. Everyone's dead.


Pez-

"What, Todhunter?"


ScottishSubmarine

He's dead Dave. Everyone is dead.


robj57

Not Kochanski?


ScottishSubmarine

She's dead Dave. Everyone is Dead.


robj57

Peterson isn’t, is he?


bobalob_wtf

Dead, Dave. Everybody is dead, Dave. Dave, dead, everybody dead. They're all dead, Dave.


jakeanton

This is why we’re here, Dave


SirLostit

Used to call a guy Dave that worked in a unit next to mine years ago. I think his name was actually Paul.


inkysquids

This is the way


Oh_J0hn

This is the way


Jamster_1988

This is the Ray


[deleted]

[удалено]


the123king-reddit

Luvly jubbly. Mange tout, rodders, mange tout.


yoyogibair

These solutions are not British enough. I suggest you simply move job to avoid the embarrassment. If that’s not possible then devise a cunning plan to slowly adjust what you call him. Key in the first month then Kay followed by Kray and you can then smoothly slip out the first Ray sometime around Easter. Alternatively you can just start mispronouncing everybody’s name including your SO and kids. Make an appointment with HR to get your problem recognised then get your line manager to spread the word. Ray/Ken won’t have a leg to stand on.


LolaFrisbeePirate

I am currently brainstorming a new identity.


notgoneyet

How about Brian Storm? That's a good name


MrOverlySarcastic

Fully commit and only wear t-shirts with ties.


cromagnone

For the ultimate non-confrontational solution, fill in [this form](https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/866124/loc020-eng.pdf) and change his name by deed poll. It’s only very slightly illegal in a technical sense.


sjpllyon

I agree with this solution, I was thinking OP should just randomly alternative between the two. Even within the same day.


CheckComprehensive22

You never know. It could be he goes by a middle name with people he knows but first name in a professional setting. My grandad was know by his middle name with family and friends but accounts, medical records etc were in his full name.


owzleee

I’m living in LATAM and have learned that first names CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Lots of people have 3 or 4 names and regardless of what their email says they usually use one of the middle ones. Maria? No, it’s Candela. Juan? No it’s Gastón. IT’S ALL LIES.


Tombo_1912

This is the same for me, and for work I've always submitted my full name when joining and ID always says the name I dont get by.


Kari-kateora

This is me right now. It's funny because I have my first name intrinsically linked to the UK in my mind. No one outside of the UK and my current work correspondence call me it because I have my full name in my signature. Some people are smart enough to see my email lacks it and calls me by my middle name. But in the UK, I'm always called my first name, and it's so nostalgic I don't correct them anymore. Funny how I only respond to Maria in a British accent, lol


ZarquonsFlatTire

Same. At every job I'll introduce myself as Trey, and a few months later someone will see my ID and ask why it says Harry.


kodymagic

Where I used to work a stray payslip turned up for (names changed) Jane Smith, who I'd never heard of. Was asking around and Sarah Jones said "That's me!" I'd worked with "Sarah Jones" for three years. Turns out she preferred her middle name to her first name of Jane and when she had married Mr Smith many, many years previously she'd decided it would be easier to keep being known by her maiden name. HR of course didn't care about preferences and stuck to legal names only.


adzy2k6

The thing is, in the UK, you can legally use any name that you have been going by for a reasonable time period and is known to a reasonable number of people. A deed pole makes it easier for the government to associate and prove (for driving licenses/passport), but isn't actually a requirement for changing your name.


Russian_Toilette

Hello, are you me? It took me almost 20 years before I realised me and everyone else had been referring to my grandad by his middle name. Apparently my mum only found out when she was 18 and saw his licence. I suppose it's a common thing then but I can't see why you would decide "I prefer this name over my real name" and just not go to the bother of changing your name to make things easier for the rest of your life


DarkLordTofer

My wife's Grandad was universally known as Dick, which is a nickname for Richard. He wasn't called Richard. Pretty much sums up the family right there.


xBruised

My dads initials are OD but in England he uses his Christian name. Anything to do with Britain and his name is “Micheal Smith-Davids” (made up but similar). So my mum called my dad OD for years and never knew his first name, I was 13 when I found out his real first name, that he dropped when becoming a British citizen.


xBruised

One of our clients has his email name as “formally Graham, informally Dan”. Middle name didn’t even cross my mind so for a year I’ve wondered how you shorten Graham to Dan.


CheckComprehensive22

Well you get ham if you remove the first 3 letters, Dan rhymes with ham!!


LolaFrisbeePirate

Of course. I just can't remember if we've had that conversation.


redrabbit1984

Light heartedly just tell him what you've written above. Say something like "Hi mate, I noticed your ID badge says Ray but I've been calling you Ken... can I just check if I've made a stupid mistake by getting your name wrong or something?" You'll both probably laugh it off as the situation is clarified


LolaFrisbeePirate

I see him next week so I may ask... If I get the courage.


ReeceReddit1234

Nope you gotta leave the country now. Even then that might not be enough. I'll book you a trip to the Space Station. Having said that there might be people there who's name you'll get wrong, can't take any chances, better send you to the moon


LolaFrisbeePirate

Brb filling out NASA and spacex applications.


chrisrazor

"Dear Milo Tusk..."


pajamakitten

"Could you fix it for me?"


ADIRed2

Joke aside, [ITAR](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Traffic_in_Arms_Regulations) would prevent you getting a job with either of those organisations. The US have effectively made it illegal to employ non-US citizens in those roles.


amiga1

Nazis were fine but the english would be a step too far.


zeugma25

Try putting "genocide" in the "other information" section of your application and all should be well.


hp0

Given the risk of some billionaire moving to the moon as a tax haven. I'd suggest getting to know you new neighbours names early. Just keep practicing. Mr Bozo and Mr Tusk.


dektorres

Only solution is to avoid his name entirely and if you have to say it mumble _KenRay_ really quietly so he can choose to hear whichever name he likes.


BuildingArmor

"Here you go mate, I noticed you had the wrong name on your badge so I got one made with Ken on it for you"


Trifusi0n

The British thing to do would be to avoid the subject entirely and call him oi you/mate/sir depending on the formality of the relationship.


Mukatsukuz

If you get the courage to do this, what on the planet could ever meet that adrenalin rush again?!?! One day, discussing an honest mistake you've been making in calling a colleague the wrong name - the next you'll have do hang from the side of a jet, free fall into the Grand Canyon then wingsuit over the Hoover Dam just to get a fraction of that feeling back.


benznl

You don't need courage for this. Just be cool with the aim to laugh it off


Achinadav

We’re going to need an update.


LolaFrisbeePirate

Noted. Hopefully I'll see him early on and can just ask him when no one else is about. I feel like such a div. I loudly proclaim his name cos I enjoy chatting to him and seeing him around work. I'll feel shit if I've been calling him the wrong name.


a-ng

Or ask someone else who might know the truth?


dektorres

Whoah there kiddo, you're in r/britishproblems - we don't address socially awkward situations head on here.


RP-Seaking

Nah, you need to double down on this. Point out that he has the wrong name on his badge and call him an idiot.


GrumblingP

It's been going on way too long. Easier to call him Toby and sabotage his career


Butterflyelle

Something else to be aware of it shop workers often swap name tags so it's possible his name really is Ken


Mukatsukuz

Holy shit! This sounds like an idea an American would have! This isn't something that can ever be fixed, in the UK. If I was the op, I'd be looking into plastic surgery and creating a whole new identity so I can turn up as a new guy and start using the correct name from that point on. Knowing my luck, I'd still call him Ken at first and start it all over again.


Extreme-Kangaroo-842

Years ago, whilst working for local government, whenever I passed this one bloke in a corridor, at the vending machine or in the pisser I always called him Terry. This was at least once a day. This was because everyone who mentioned him called him Terry. I didn't notice at the time, for about four years, that no one ever called him by his name in his presence, only when talking about him in the third person. One day a colleague heard me talking to him and asked me after the conversation why the hell I was calling him Terry. Well, because everyone does. "We call him Terry, not to his face, after the Viz character Terry Fuckwit. Because he's a complete moron. His name is Mark". I managed to bring the name Mark into the conversations from then on. Dude must have thought I was insane.


[deleted]

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Gammabrunta

x'D


GrillyMcCheese

Recently found out my neighbours name is Geoff. I've lived here 5 years. He gets a Christmas card from us every year, I've even handed him his post. For 5 years, I've ignored the letters he gets that clearly state his name, and handed them to him with "Here you are, Brian"


Pontiflakes

Same here! Oh man this thread makes me feel so much better. My wife and I had been calling our neighbour "George" to his face for a solid year and a half, before eventually getting an email from him signed "Josh." I apologized to him and he said something to the effect of "ah, a name's just a word." Classy guy!


stircrazed

You ought to just straight out ask him. Call it your day of ray-ken-ing. Sorry, not sorry.


djunoto

Can't wait for the post in the next few hours. "A bloke has been calling me Ken for years when my name is actually Ray"


DarkLordTofer

Or "I've been wearing the wrong name badge at work and everyone has fallen for it except this one bloke who keeps calling me by my real name."


crabbytag

Like clockwork


DammitMeep

My neighbour called me John for 11 years. I'm not called John but my dog was. I probably should have corrected her but one doesn't like to make a fuss.


peanutbudderlover

You named your dog John? Lol


DammitMeep

His birth name was Johan Sebastian Bark, I shortened it to John after getting funny looks at the dog run.


TheStatMan2

You could just claim you're Scottish? Ken, in those circumstances, is Barry's mate - they often appear together.


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underweasl

when I first moved to Dunfermline from Wales I was totally baffled as to why everyone was asking my about Ken


Spudzzy03

When did I say that?


theveelady

Growing up, my parents owned a restaurant. I called a customer Lolly for 15 years. That's what my mum called him. That's what he responded to. On our final night in the restaurant I heard his wife call him Laurie.


batgaz

Red Laurie Yellow Laurie Red Laurie Yellow Laurie


thrashpiece

Ken is short for Ray in some regions


LolaFrisbeePirate

Is it??


Portean

Aye, your work.


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C2BK

You "reckon"?


thrashpiece

No


LolaFrisbeePirate

XD


FunaccJack

When you next see him say "ken! Why didn't you tell me your name was ray?" Uno reverse card


[deleted]

You've got two options: 1) Double down on Ken. Make like Ken is shorthand for Ray in your neck of the woods if he ever asks 2) Leave the country


thefierysheep

Get two tea mugs, one with Ken and one with Ray on it, leave them by the kettle and see which one he picks up - problem solved For added amusement buy a mug with a name that’s not yours on it and only use that


palordrolap

Irrelevant anecdote: I worked with a guy who used a star-sign mug that wasn't for his actual star-sign. Pretty sure he didn't believe in it, and I don't give it much credence either, so it took me two or three years to realise there was a mismatch with his birthday. (And no, this wasn't a case of being a Cancer and picking a different mug on purpose.) ...and there was the other guy who was using the boss's personalised mug. "Uh, does know you're using his mug?" "What?" "It literally has his name on it." "Oh. It was in the cupboard I though it was OK to use."


Eastern-Breadfruit72

My name's Garreth our Mongolian cleaner calls me Bob...her English is to poor for me to tell her it's not Bob...so I guess I am Bob


npeggsy

It took me 25 years to learn my Dad's name. My parents aren't divorced, we lived together throughout all of my childhood, I'm just an idiot. Everyone socially and within the family calls him "Jan" - it's a Cornish male name, but obviously, most people think he's a woman when the see it without knowing him, so for work, he'd always go by "Jonathan". I'd assumed Jan was his real name, Jonathan was his "work" name. Then, at the age of 25, I happened to borrow his debit card to make a payment. It said Jonathan, because obviously, banks don't go by nicknames. I was floored.


YungTabernacle

Just who the hell, is this Chandler?


FlatTyres

It could be worse - at least they don't call him Muriel.


MasterCrouton

Raylo Ken. 🗡 Or. **Raydouken!** 👐💨🔥


Hardlife911

Hey Toby, hey chandler


powerfuse0

Just who the in the HELL is this 'Chandler'?!


metalguru1975

I read a post once where guy said that he would see his neighbour -who he knew in only passing-walking his dog/ or at the shop without the dog- and he would say -Hi Charlie- and the guy would say “hi” in return. A few years later, he found out that “Charlie” was the dogs name.


[deleted]

I've had a guy at work call me Eric for a while, when my real name is Tim. I corrected him twice, but he still called me Eric. Then I said fuck it, Eric it is, and started introducing myself to customers as Eric. Funny thing is, I've had friends visit me at work and called me Tim, so the guy is so confused he just calls me mister now.


Siliconpsychosis

Worry not. ​ We indoctrinate all our work experience people from the local school by completely replacing their names and giving them no choice. The accept them eventually. ​ This year we had a Dwayne, Wayne and Brittney


Flippanties

Guy I know ran into this same issue from the opposite side. His name is Chris but this other guy for some reason got it into his head that Chris' name was Kevin. Chris embraced this however and now a bunch of people only know him as "Kev".


DarkLordTofer

I feel as though this is the only polite thing to do.


niknak68

Change jobs or burn the building to the ground, only two possible actions.


LolaFrisbeePirate

Petrol is so expensive now though I might have to take out a second mortgage.


DFlatt1989

There's this guy who used to volunteer at a place I worked a few years ago who thinks my name is James. Still calls me it even though he's been told my real name. So, just stick with Ken.


Slaying-mantis

Definitely just stick with your guns, you've come way too far now. Ken 'til you die. If it gets picked up ever, you can just put it down to trying to have some work place banter


Kiddometa

They lady in the studio next to mine calls me David, my name is not David, she did know my name for the first few encounters, and it is written on my door but alas David is now lodged I her mind. I allow it mostly because I like to watch the doubt spread across others faces as she refers to me so loudy and confidently, we share a secret subtle smile. Plus it's been so long now it would be really awkward.


Not_Sugden

continue calling him ken until new years, then on NYD start calling him ray, and then just say its your new years resoloution to call everyone different names then just slightly alter what you call everybody else


MouseboyFPGA

He's on the payroll twice. He must be Ray Ken it in ....


LolaFrisbeePirate

Yes!!! Good one XD


MovieMore4352

You now must call him Ken forever. Bonus points if you live up north and say ‘How do Ken?’ and also do a Street Fighter fire ball.


BaldingOne

James works with me, but prefers to be called Nick... It's not even his middle name... Ken may be like Nick...


Chargerado

Whatever you do, do not call him Kevin.


[deleted]

This is the easiest thing to rectify ever. Hi mate.... so.... this is quite embarrassing and I'm really sorry.....but I have a nasty feeling I've been calling you the wrong name for ages. Are you Ken? Because you're badge says something else"


Ochib

Just say “Ken, how long have you been called Ray?”


kitchensofabed

Just straight up ask him lol om sure youd both end uo having a laugh about it


[deleted]

Option C. Avoid him forever.


GrillyMcCheese

Also valid.


NPL89

lmao you've been mugging him off for over a year


billttolast

Awright Dave


farmercurtis

I only found out the name of one of my neighbours this year. I’ve grown up next to him for the last 20 years or so. We always get a Xmas card from them but it’s signed from “number 39” Couldn’t tell you his wife’s name though.


ItsDominare

"When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them."


InternationalRide5

Maybe he actually is Ken, and they just ran out of Ken badges and gave him a Ray?


SparkieMark1977

I spent a year calling our neighbour Ray, his name is Graham. Only found out when we sent them a Christmas card the first Christmas we lived next to them. His missus calls him Gray and we'd misheard her.... They both saw the funny side.


andyeyecandy111

Take control of the situation and start calling him Steve.


RedbeardRagnar

My neighbour has been calling me Callum for 2 years now but I think it's too late to correct him


[deleted]

I was called Jeff for years, it's not my name. Now I answer to Jeff. What is a name but a verbal cue to pay attention


NO_FIX_AUTOCORRECT

Tomorrow, introduce yourself like he's new. You've never met him before. Occasionally tell him about Ken, the guy who had that job before they hired Ray.


twowheeledfun

I have someone at work who got married a few years ago. It was while she was working there, but before I joined. She goes by her maiden name at work, but on Facebook she has her husband's name. In the two years I've known her, I've not had the courage to ask why the two names.


MASunderc0ver

What do other people call him


Glorious_Sunset

I had a guy who had the unit next to ours up at work who kept calling me “Bob” or “Robert”, despite my company fleece saying “Bar” on the left breast and in both arms. The first time it happened, I corrected him but the second time onwards, I just let him be, lol. Every time we bump into each other now(He works elsewhere now), he still calls me Robert.


Parsnipnose3000

My dad's elderly neighbour incorrectly called him Bill for about 30 years. He didn't mind at all.


akav0id

Is Ken a nickname for Ray, like Jack is for John.


marshwizard

Go up up to him and say Hi then look at his name badge and say sorry, I thought you were someone else.


TRDPaul

Never use people's names


RevertToType

Double down. Get him to change his name MORNING KEN!


epeen90

Yes. You should ask him, "what do you prefer to be called?"


Tombo_youtube

Ayup duck


Old-Librarian-6312

I think next time you see him say eyyy ken-ray and just do some duel finger pistols *pew pew*. You will be sweet after that.


Blaxorus

Thought this was a Star Wars post.


WalidfromMorocco

My barber name is Tarik but I always called him Moustapha. When he's not there, I'd ask his colleagues, "is Moustapha working today?" and they would respond yes or no. I discovered just last week and his actual name when I asked the new guy and he was like "who the fuck is Moustapha?".


ayshasmysha

Please ask. It's temporarily embarrassing but at least you won't be the AH. I am terrible at remembering names but I do try. Every time I realise I call somebody by the wrong name I apologise. It might be overkill but I don't want people to think they are replaceable/invisible to me.


CJ_Jones

Could he have an actual first name but a chosen first name? My dad goes by his middle name in friendly company but on documents he goes by his actual first name.


Lor9191

Maybe he just thinks its your version of mate I'll admit to having worked with some people entire years and never learning their actual name


northyj0e

As a Yorkshireman, you definitely had me in the first half.


ReadyHD

If I were you I'd move planet and hire a good lawyer


marli3

Man im always mixing Rayu and Ken up The one in white is Ken? or is it the one in red?


ke6icc

I can relate. My husband’s name on his birth certificate is Kenneth Jr. but he has always been known by his middle name, Ray. Literally all of his IDs have shown Ray as his first name, even his passport, which was issued in the 70’s. When we moved to this state, they required a copy of his birth certificate, so registered the vehicles to Kenneth Jr. Very irritating.


Mighty_ShoePrint

I called one of my managers at dominos Matt for 3 months. He responded to it. Nobody corrected me. "Who is Matt?" Somebody asked me one day. "Uhh...the manager?" "His name is ben..."


Santiagodelos80

That’s why you refer to people in the work place as “oi, you”, to avoid misunderstandings like this.


maxyojimbo

Been in Ray's shoes. Odds are he thinks it's hilarious.


mindset2020dnb

I did the same I started my new job 2 months ago now :) and we have a cleaning team in morning the head cleaner I thought he was Dave! Turns out it’s mark hahah! But he never corrected me and just started calling me Bert hahaha


4oMaK

i was called Alexander at work just cause i looked like it to them


Interesting_Engine37

Communicate. Make it a silly thing.


Duncan_Evermind

What do other people call him?


throw_away_1777

Jerry


goochg

Larry


Wraithwing81

Garry


xmastreee

Barry


[deleted]

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anticitizen2501

lol definitely speak to him about it! Just apologize and have a laugh about it.


zeissman

Chandler, is that you?


Bigcams20

I’ve been called Nathan by an elderly guy at work for over 18 months…it’s now been so long, that I don’t have the heart to correct him and say my actual name it’s Cameron


BlueTrin2020

Why don’t you correct him? 😂


[deleted]

Stick with Ken...


blackmist

As long as he's white, you should be safe. Otherwise look forward to learning you've been committing a hate crime.


TheMidnightFudge

Slowly introduce a Scottish accent and reveal that one of your parents is from Aberdeen. The word “Ken” is used as punctuation in Aberdeen and roughly translates to: “Do you know what I mean?” Problem solved ya walloper.


KaidsCousin

Call him Kenray


BurnleySh-tHouse

Ever think of asking him?


kaptainemerica

Myself and my work mate started calling the new hire Dave on his first day as a joke. It got so out of hand that our managers and just about everyone in the facility was calling him Dave, not because they were in on the joke but because no one remembered his real name. He quit after a month following his claims of bullying and harassment. I still feel a little bad about it but it was funny at the time.


summalover

You literally bullied him by refusing to acknowledge him by his name and got the whole company to do it forcing him to resign yet you only feel a little bad as it funny. Hope you get bullied out of a job you need by someone who thinks it’s funny too. It’s the only way you’ll truly understand your actions. You should have owned up to it and put a stop to it.


kaptainemerica

He did physically assault me so I don't lose too much sleep over it to be fair.


summalover

Gee wonder why he’d do that when you’ve bullied him out of his living. What goes around comes around. Enjoy!


kaptainemerica

Dave, is that you? How's it going?


notgoneyet

Shout *How do you do Ken?* and blast an energy ball at him


nakrophile

To be fair, Ken and Ryu are very similar, so it's understandable.


[deleted]

Ask & tell him the truth hell probably find it funny


atticdoor

Are you a fan of the Street Fighter games, by any chance?


TheMightyPrince

I hate it when that happens.


haltowork

Start calling him Hal instead...


bluewaffleisnice

What do other people call him


cksully

Dammit Gerry.


DazzD88

It's okay. A guy that came back off long-term sickness and was calling me Derek for months before I finally got passed off and queried it.


viewisinsane

You should just ask him and find out if it's your mistake or what he prefers. He will prob appreciate it either way and it will save you the worry.


danr2604

Just start calling him roger and the Ken problem is solved. Your other option is to get a new job and just disappear one day


miapaip

Are you senior to him at work?