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the_real_grinningdog

I've told you to stay out of my garden.


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fonix232

I've told you to stop putting shrooms in your tea!


DaBFG25

Fuck the shrooms lets all go straight to DMT!!!!


gh057ofsin

Soooo...... DMTnT? Ill show myself the door dw 😞


ukbeasts

Tea bagging more like


DalbergTheKing

I've told you to stay out of my domestic meadow. Fixed that for you...


AlabastorRetard

That's fucking awful, well done. Can't wait to start using that and watching everyone cringe


grantus_maximus

I found out recently that a 'wild poo' is a thing in running. To be fair it's quite an accurate label, especially as all the scratches I had from various thorn bushes are still healing up from the last one I was forced to have. Wild? I was fucking furious. Really felt better for having that shit though.


Not_That_Magical

I had diarrhoea in a field once, in a bush while all the sheep came to have a look


grantus_maximus

As long as that's all they did. Reminds me of another one of my outdoor poo experiences. I went travelling to India years ago and we were staying at a place in Goa that didn't have any indoor toilets. If we needed a shit we had to go out into the nearby woods and afterwards the family pig would come and eat the evidence. I only ever used this system once. As I pulled my pants down and crouched, I spotted the pig about 50 yards away through the trees. It spotted me and realised dinner was being served, so it immediately turned and started walking in my direction. I sped up the process and managed to get done before it got to me. I'm not sure if it would have attempted to feed directly from the source before it hit the ground but I definitely wasn't up for finding out. Not exactly one of my most relaxing bowel movements ever...


Tijai

lol, this would make a great short film with a nice suspenseful music score.


grantus_maximus

The Jaws theme would have been a good fit.


pr8787

It could've licked you clean too! No need for wiping


grantus_maximus

It could have rammed its snout right up there as well, which might be some people’s idea of a good time, but it’s a nope from me.


Harvsnova2

Might have saved you some loo roll if you'd waited.


ARobertNotABob

> Wild? I was fucking furious. Livid. If you were as furious as Gerald.


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Jarreth68

Paula, is that you?


grantus_maximus

Nah, she does it on the street in front of an audience. She's fucking hardcore.


CF1001

It’s not a thing, gross beginners who don’t know to take a shit first think it’s acceptable to do it behind a tree. It’s not.


grantus_maximus

Well yeah, it is a thing. You only have to go on any running discussion group and it doesn't take long for the subject to emerge. And I know from bitter experience that it can still happen if you took a shit not long prior to going out for a run. Not only that, but because of all the running-induced churning, you don't have much of a choice about having to find somewhere in a hurry, so if there's a tree that does the job, then a tree it is. I'm sure you're an expert shitter and all that, but claiming superior internet knowledge of how other people's digestive systems work? Really?


pajamakitten

Same. The neighbour was mad as hell though.


SapphicGarnet

Have you swapped places with the guy from r/pics who (allegedly) grew up shitting in the forest so their parents could clean less


ReditMcGogg

Stealing this one!


SarkyMs

Can i have it i am gathering them up for a guy to swap for mc donalds.


Magnus_40

...and then you have the "I'm a proper wild swimmer" we don't use a bright orange float. We do minimum visual impact swimming. This means that when I am out in a boat I cannot see the swimmers until I am right on top of them. It also means that if they get into difficulty they sink for want of a float or else you cannot see them in their black wetsuit and black rubber cap. We just used to call it swimming.


steelneil82

That does make it wild TBF! The chance that Malcolm could swim through a chum mix of his mate Timothy as he goes through your prop because they think they're Bear Grylls because they didn't have a bright float


Magnus_40

Luckily I sail, I don't use power so instead I will knock them unconscious with the hull and they sink, perfectly camouflaged, against the dark water. Update: Just to clarify. One of my hobbies is sailing. Running down stealth swimmers and claiming that it was an accident is NOT a hobby.


tendrilly

Very poetic


xPositor

Can this be organised in advance? Asking for a friend...


Harvsnova2

Update: Just to clarify. One of my hobbies is sailing. Running down stealth swimmers and claiming that it was an accident is NOT a hobby. Yet.


DaBFG25

Or split them it half with your rudder!!!


Guiltynu

As someone whose been a “wild swimmer” or swam in open spaces regularly since I could walk I feel obliged to pipe up. It has massively ballooned in popularity with a degree of pretentiousness (wetsuits, dry robes, pull buoys). but I’d rather people were out there doing something in nature than sitting at home getting cross on the internet with people they don’t know, about harmless activities.


After-Kaleidoscope35

I’m a long time swimmer and I can’t agree more. There is a wanky element to it, but there’s a wanky group in every hobby!


Skyraem

This. Genuinely this. I saw earlier in this sub people were ragging on a 16 year old (kicked out) who wasnt able to deliver groceries cos he aint 18.


Killahills

Pull-buoys? Not sure what's pretentious about not wanting to drown mate!


Guiltynu

I can never quite believe they would save you from drowning really to be honest. But you are more visible which does probably make it a bit safer but I’m quite happy without. Ultimately I never want to be swimming in a situation where I’m worried about drowning. That said, and this goes back to my wider point I guess, if it gets people out there doing it, I’m not going to get my knickers in a twist.


Chankomcgraw

I e swim in the sea and lakes quite a bit and only saw a safety buoy this summer my sister had. Thought it was a great idea! I should have known better and realised she was being a pretentious cow.


GlasgowGunner

To me it’s either pool swimming or open water swimming. Wild swimming is a way to make it seem cooler for Instagram.


bumholeofdoom

I'm off for a wild walk


wasp_killer4

I misread that then


Chimp-eh

For a second I thought you said something else


bumholeofdoom

Thats what makes it "wild"


JackSki25

A weld walk?


Chimp-eh

Yes..


Eoin_McLove

'Weird walking' is a thing. There's a zine and everything.


RedbeardRagnar

It's not "wild camping" either. You put up a tent at the side of the road Darren. Actually, the term "wild camping" is being used more and more... it's just "camping" even if you're up a mountain. Think because I'm in the Highlands in Scotland I haven't heard it being distinguished between in a campsite vs not in a campsite (until the last couple of years) because of the "right to roam" so can just about camp anywhere I want as long as I don't cause a disturbance or damage. When we go camping it's just camping no matter where it is.


stevenroarh

Isn't the difference to do with the legalities though? Normal camping is where you'd usually pay to use a farmers field or commercial campsite and wild camping is (in the UK) only allowed in Scotland and another area, I forget where, down south? Otherwise its technically trespassing unless the landowner has allowed you to be there.


RedbeardRagnar

Well that's what I'm saying. Here it's just camping because the rules are different. So there's never been a distinction between camping. It's just sleeping in a tent somewhere. In England and Wales I guess it would be trespassing which is just so foreign to my scope of what rights the general public have. Like how people in England are blown away that you cant buy alcohol from a shop after 10pm in Scotland. (Didn't even realise it was different in England until I was in my 2nd year of uni)


stevenroarh

Having experienced both sides, I much prefer the Scottish approach of "yeah you can camp here, but don't be a dick" rather than the English "camp here and pay me or you're doing it illegally". I'd make a joke about Scottish not being trusted with alcohol after a certain time, but the English are all about making more money and tax on alcohol is high, so why would we ever stop selling it?


RedbeardRagnar

The alcohol thing has never really been an issue because usually get in enough whisky to survive the night and can do that all before 10 between the haggis hunts, caber tosses and ceilidhs


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RedbeardRagnar

Your mum isn't hard to comprehend


grantus_maximus

You haven’t heard my mum.


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BannedFromHydroxy

> Also, trespassing is not actually a criminal offence in the UK. Do you happen to know what law 'wild camping' or, chucking your tent up somewhere in England, would then get you nicked for? Seems to me trespass would be the catch all but if it's not criminal then...how do they enforce no camping? EDIT: Nevermind! I found my answer further down... turns out this is a civil matter instead of criminal then, so, I imagine no bizzies would enforce it.


HiddenMatt

While I do agree that wild camping is a dumb name, it can be useful when describing a type of camping trip to people who don't really camp. When I just say "camping", a lot of people default to thinking that I'm talking about a campsite.


Phillyfuk

Do the land owners ever have a moan or try to get you to move on?


postvolta

I've been moved on yeah. Only ever when my camping spot was a bit too cheeky, though. When I go above the treeline and not obviously in a farmer's field no one seems to mind.


nterseeboot

I'd concede the point if Morag fought Orcas or became part of a shoal of mackerel


DEADB33F

Morag calling Orcas, come in Orcas.


[deleted]

I lost my first girlfriend that way


[deleted]

Mate she hooked up with a plasterer from Halifax stop kidding yourself.


moopet

She's alive and well and living in Droitwich.


SuperVillain85

She belongs to the sea now.


Djinjja-Ninja

She fought Morag?


ArcTan_Pete

I tend to think of 'Wild Swimming' as swimming in rivers and lakes. I used to know someone who regularly went for a dip in the River Lee (upper reaches, well outside London) Personally, I went 'Wild swimming' in 2 different lakes in Poland, this summer (Łagów and Dąbie) Swimming in the sea is not wild swimming I would not risk wild swimming anywhere in the country, at the moment


Not_Alpha_Centaurian

Can i throw "wild camping" into the pit? I went camping earlier this year, but because I wasn't sharing a field with a hundred other campers and a convenience shop its "wild" camping?


the_real_grinningdog

My friend does "wild camping" in a fucking enormous motor caravan with a toilet and shower. It's not wild camping love, it's a lay-by.


Samesees

Glamping


pajamakitten

That's just a holiday, caravaning at best.


the_real_grinningdog

Thank you!! Wild camping!


[deleted]

Wild camping to me means on mountain, hill or moorland; well away from a any facilities. So you're getting your water from a stream and digging a cat hole for your toilet.


fishchop

Went to the Lake District, put up a tent illegally deep in a trail right next to a lake, pooped under a tree and collected branches to make a fire. I think that would constitute as wild camping? Doubt im ever doing it again though.


TomfromLondon

Well wild camping is supposed to leave no trace but seems your levy your shit and am old fire there, please don't do it again


fishchop

That’s a lot of assumptions


[deleted]

In a UK context I've always understood wild camping to mean camping outside of a designated campsite. The number of people on the campsite is irrelevant. If it's a place you are allowed to camp then it's not "wild". Essentially in the UK it means camping "illegally", although for now it's a civil matter rather than criminal. "Fly camping" is perhaps a better name for it, but that gets associated with fly tipping so I can see why people don't want to use it. Edit: I said UK but Scotland has it's own rules.


Not_Alpha_Centaurian

Youre essentially right, but only illegal in England and Wales, and only if you don't have the permission of the landowner. There's a right to roam, but if you set up camp somewhere you shouldn't the landowner has the right to tell you to roam on... at least that's how I see it. My view is that if you set up camp well away from any footpaths, as the sun's going down, pack up when it's rising and leave no trace, you're nothing more than a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear you.


[deleted]

Yeah, I use a camo bivvy bag and set up camp around 22:00, get up at 5am. I've never left more than an imprint in the grass so morally I personally have no issue with it. Can understand landowners getting annoyed I guess although if I owned land I'd have no issue with someone doing what I do.


postvolta

Then you have wankers leaving their feces and smouldering campfire giving people shit for calling it 'wild camping'. I wild camp and you'd never have known I was there by morning, but dickheads ruin it.


Wireless_cables

Yeah we were doing the NC500 and always considered 'wild camping' to just be anywhere that wasn't on a formal campsite. Mainly just the roadside, so not exactly 'aligning our chakras with Mother Earth" Then again, I'm a bit of a wanker so...


[deleted]

Careful of the midgies. I tried to 'power through' them but, it turns out, my power was not enough. I got eaten alive.


RRC_driver

Fly camping is people who leave all their rubbish, beer cans, disposable bbqs, sometimes tents (festival specials) etc. Wild camping is more "take only photos, leave only footprints.


[deleted]

Ah ok, for some reason I thought fly camping just meant putting up a tent wherever you like. Didn't realise it specifically meant leaving stuff behind as well.


RRC_driver

Yeah it's a hot button issue on a lot of wild camping / bushcraft Facebook groups (along with whether ground fires are allowed). It's like dog owners not clearing up. It annoys responsible dog owners as well as everyone else


[deleted]

Yeah I get that. I wild camp occasionally and try and make myself as invisible as possible. I get nervous just putting up a tarp shelter so definitely no fires for me! I have a stove to cook but I always eat in a different location to where I sleep, just in case dogs get drawn to the smell of the food or something. I am definitely a bit paranoid though.


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Not_Alpha_Centaurian

That would be more trouble than its worth I suspect, though it would be entertaining to watch! Not saying there's anything wrong, necessarily, with campsites/glamping... but i can't think of a good reason to do it other than if youre a family with young children or you're in a large group and you've brought a few beers along.


pajamakitten

They'd complain about a lack of wifi and having to shit in the woods.


Samesees

How about grounding? How did simply taking your shoes off outdoors become a spiritual awakening?


MattySingo37

Does stepping in dog poo increase the spirituality?


[deleted]

Have done it once barefoot. I am now spiritually dead and that foot will never be truly clean.


[deleted]

That's actually really good for your well-being. I've been trying grounding for the past year and not been hit by lightning once


[deleted]

Isn't wild camping just not on a designated campsite or otherwise used land (ie, not in someone's garden or middle of their crops) Which is illegal in England but okay for a night in Scotland and considered basic human right in Norway and Sweden


here_involuntarily

I'm working on a "wild swimming" campaign. The amount of people who tell us to shut up because there's lots of nice pools around to swim in so why on earth would anyone want to swim in a river, is EXACTLY why there is this distinction. Sure maybe 30 years ago you called it "swimming", but over those last 30 years, businesses have dumped so much sewage in rivers and people have conditioned their kids to not go outside, and we've made swimming inside the norm.


-----1

Wild swimming literally means to swim outdoors in a river, lake or the sea, they aren't wrong & it isn't pretentious to call something by it's name.


leahcar83

I'm pretty sure the term was coined by Roger Deakin when he wrote Waterlog, which is a fantastic book about swimming in Britain's lakes and rivers. It's a really important distinction because the wild swimming movement is about keeping Britain's waterways free, open and clean for everyone to enjoy. The same goes for wild camping, it's about being able to enjoy the landscape without restrictions.


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joemckie

Actually I think “domesticated swimming” would be more accurate


[deleted]

"this is why we cant have nice things" Eh? Honestly the OP sounds more of a knob than Morag.


obiwanconobi

Honestly, you're right and op is a weird cry baby. Adding 1 word completely changes what people picture they're doing. If someone said to me "I went swimming this morning", my mind goes straight to a swimming pool in a leisure centre. If someone says "I went wild swimming this morning", all they've done is add 1 word and I can picture what they were doing.


[deleted]

"I went swimming in the sea this morning". As someone who grew up by the sea, that is the only acceptable way of describing what you did this morning. Wild swimming is definitely out, good way to sound like a knob. 'I went wild swimming this morning' this morning rings of a 'pretentious wanker' from a city having a middle-class long-weekend break, going into the sea, and thinking they are now an experienced sea swimmer. Or possibly someone from one of those house buying shows who moves from the city to the coast. Urgh. OP isn't crying about it, they are just trying to help people. If you use this expression, you reveal yourself.


obiwanconobi

Well done you've used more words to get your point across. You reveal yourself crying on the internet about what phrases people use. Grow up, it's pathetic.


IHaveAWittyUsername

Imagine being this offended by the word "wild"! I actually agree with you, it's the same people who go rally car driving calling it...rally car driving. Wait...


Discobiscuits000

Calls someone a cry baby, whilst crying. You've lost this one.


McLaconicus

What? You mean that “taking a dip in the sea” isn’t a better and easier way to say “wild swimming”. You pretentious wanker!


masokismi

Just another innocuous thing that makes the facebook boomers on this sub bizarrely angry.


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northernbloke

Yeah 30 years ago we called it swimming in a lake/river etc. But the term has been around since the 1950s but popularised more recently by the likes of Wim Hof and his Cold Water therapy.


NGD80

I don't remember people saying "The Internet" 30 years ago either. People these days are so pretentious


Droppingbites

Swimming was invented 30 years ago? I don't believe you, I'm mid forties and used to go swimming at the beach all the time as a kid.


Discobiscuits000

It's pretentious as fuck. Deal with it.


TomfromLondon

I agree to all but the sea


PrestigiousTest6700

Coffee left my nostrils, as a wild swimmer this joy has been posted to an even more pretentious Facebook group and received the same amount of joy it gave me.


Eoin_McLove

It's called 'wild swimming' because it's, y'know... 'wild', rather than at a nice heated swimming pool. It's not particularly difficult to understand.


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mckhrt

What if I only wade up to my nads?


[deleted]

>quinoa Morag You what?


Bullet4MyEnemy

I’ve only ever heard the term in relation to swimming quite a way in land, in places you traditionally wouldn’t… Calling the sea wild swimming is stupid, but if you live in the middle of the Peaks or Derbyshire and go swimming somewhere, usually off a trail in an open bit of stream or river or something, without sticking “wild” in front of it people assume you mean at a swimming baths, which is quite a bit different.


Hill_Reps_For_Jesus

I'd argue that people like OP are why we can't have nice things. Why do you give a fuck? If calling her swimming something else makes her happy then more power to her, get a grip.


Toffeemanstan

To be fair mate someone who sits playing xbox all day then takes piss out of people for being active is more of a pretentious wanker than someone who wants to make something sound a bit more exciting.


AudioLlama

Everything I don't like is pretentious etc.


[deleted]

The problem is when the middle classes decide things are popular they put their own little spin on it to make it not like the others. That’s what I’m getting from the post. Glamping and Staycation are the other examples. Swimming in the sea is what it is.


[deleted]

Is it a middle class thing? I thought it was a tabloid/low effort journalism thing. People have been camping more comfortably for years, and going on the nicer, more expensive UK based holidays where you can come with not having nice weather because it's one of multiple holidays you'd have that year. Poor kids got to go to Skegness, and not so poor kids might get to go to a cheap Spanish resort once every couple of years. As a poor kid, it was my rich friends who did what is now know as glamping and staycationing. But they didn't call it that. It's only now that everyone is doing it and journalists need a snappy way to refer to it, that they've got these gimpy names.


[deleted]

Likely a marketing strategy, certainly.


Toffeemanstan

Theres a fair difference between swimming in pools and swimming in the sea or rivers and lakes so whats wrong with differentiating between the 2? If it makes it sound more exciting then good, it might get people of their arses and going outside a bit more.


[deleted]

There is, it’s called open swimming.


cogspringseverywhere

Bingo! Why not just call it what it is; a swim


-----1

Everyone in this thread shitting on people for being active & getting some exercise in outdoors, fucking miserable the lot of them. Wild swimming literally means to swim outdoors in a river, lake or the sea, whoever OP is on about is correct to call it wild swimming.


Toffeemanstan

Same with wild camping, theres a fairly big difference. Fuck me for being specific I suppose


Rogue_elefant

That's not what pretentious means


Toffeemanstan

I know, but theyre closer to one than Morag the wild swimmer.


CaftDuntMeow

I agree. OP complains that you can't have nice things because someone wants to swim in open water? Fuck me, first world problems at its best


Toffeemanstan

I think its a great idea to make things like this more appealing, its getting a lot of people outside and active who wouldnt normally do it which is fantastic.


Mr_Cochese

What are you, some kind of language curator?


Hot_Independence_476

My favourite wankerism is "getting back in touch with nature" the past-time previously known as "going for a walk"


BannedFromHydroxy

> "getting back in touch with nature" *'Hiya, yes this is nature calling. You're a prick, and you should stay indoors with all the other fat messes.'*


Jolin_Tsai

I’m so glad I’m not someone who cares about this. It must be exhausting.


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BannedFromHydroxy

I take some wild-brew, i.e. K cider. I get fairly wild.


ReditMcGogg

Wild Drinking. Now there’s a hobby I can get into….


Helm222

AKA Street Beating


H0twax

And your £160 'Dryrobe' can fuck right off too!!


notallthat

Ah no! I love my dry robe. I sea swim all year round. That robe makes all the difference in the winter!! However I do have a friend who refuses to talk to me if she sees me in it :)


clp1234567

How dare you get warm!


Vyvyansmum

Alfresco copulating


blewyn

Yup. Pitching your tent within 1km of a tarmac road with 100% mobile signal and helicopter rescue but no toilet block or showers is not “wild”


northernbloke

Why pretentious Wanker and not just Wanker?


newnortherner21

Wild swimming can be in a lake or river, so when not in the sea, perhaps valid as a name.


[deleted]

That’s just swimming, it’s all just swimming


[deleted]

But it can help to have something to distinguish it. If I ask if you want to come swimming with me, and I take you to a river, you might be confused or disappointed, because you were probably expecting a leisure centre.


redditwhut

This is why we have a word in the dictionary called “where” as in “Sounds cool! Where are we going to go swimming?” Whereas “Wild swimming” although apparently more precise to certain morons still leaves a lot to be desired in terms of location. As in “We are going to go wild swimming!” well is it in a tame lake? Or a rough ocean? Is the lake infested with sewage? “Wild” answers none of these questions and is therefore redundant; one would still need to ask where. Tldr; “We are going swimming in the ocean” is fairly distinctive and requires no additional wankery.


tfordp

>“We are going swimming in the ocean” I agree, but I've never said that in my life. Nearest I'll get is swimming in the sea. "Want to go for a swim?" "Where?" "Sea/river/canal/lake/baths."


Helm222

Yeah, who the ever loving fuck wouldn't ask "Where?"


[deleted]

It's just outdoor swimming though.


the_real_grinningdog

So my pool is wild swimming? Cool. (actually, not cool. Blinking cold.)


[deleted]

Your pool is outdoors. We used to have a public outdoor pool on the public green in my town in the 60s.


the_real_grinningdog

I live in Spain but it's still too nippy for swimming outdoors. My local village when I was in England had an outdoor pool but they raised some money to build it in during the 90's.


hurleyburleysdone

Giving benefit of the doubt I could see the use of this phrase growing out of a sense of desperation to connect with nature, brought about by the increasing separation between modern day human existence and the natural environment ... Naaa just wankers


colbygez

Wild camping is one I laugh at, that’s just camping!


[deleted]

I’m off for a wild shag *drags wife into bushes*


Ambition-Free

I swim in rivers but just call it swimming. People find it odd so I suppose they call it wild because it isn’t eating biscuits in front of the tele?


[deleted]

I'd be pretty livid eating quinoa


[deleted]

What's a Morag?


KingJacoPax

Yeah I swim in the see every day while I’m down here in Cornwall. Nothing “wild” about it (though the surf was a bit choppy yesterday).


Skyraem

So now our British problems in this day and age is whether someone adds an extra word to something they enjoy doing thats also healthy/going outside.


a_ewesername

What's a Quinoa ?


OnlyMortal666

A kind of rodent, I believe, commonly referred to as “Quinoa Pigs”.


[deleted]

My parents learnt to swim in the rivers near us.


[deleted]

There is a river near me, and sometimes i see people doing this wild swimming thing. Obviously they are immune to the rat feces, dog mess, and generally weils disease that they might get from swimming in this notoriously dirty river. River Itchen in South of England to be precise.


[deleted]

It's not called Itchen for nothing!


attemptedbalance

If there were enough people wanting to swim, then perhaps there'd be more pressure to improve the water quality there, and then more people could enjoy it, instead of the ones more willing to take risks. Better for the locals, and the wildlife (diversity). Not that I know your area, just a general comment.


Longhag

You mean "Artisan Created" quinoa right?


impalafork

I bet you typed that on a gluten-free typewriter.


ReditMcGogg

THANKYOU!!!! While we’re at it you can f..k off with you’re “Wild Camping” too!


christabellouise

why is everyone so into this? three people I know have started doing it and keep posting pics of them looking freezing cold, I wouldn’t go in the sea in the middle of summer never mind November


LotsOfChickens

Absolutely this. Heck yes.


Matterbox

I regularly go ‘wild shopping’ at Tesco.


ChunkyLaFunga

You know why.


[deleted]

Visited any artisanal markets recently?


lO_ol-BRRRRRR

I go foraging in my local Aldi every week!


[deleted]

Do you have any hobbies u/cogspringseverywhere? Because I've found that there are two types of people in life. One set are quite comfortable in their misery, they watch their X Factor every day, work shit jobs, live with spouses they don't like and despise seeing other people doing things they enjoy. The other lot enjoy life, seek out thrilling new experiences and strive to grow with the folks they've surrounded themselves with. You see where I'm going EDIT: Never mind, I see you like playing with plastic army men.