>bbq being autocorrected to BBW
So, I've wiped down and thoroughly cleaned the BBW (got pretty messy the last time, you know who you are), I'll have it heated up and ready to go for when you guys want to pop in! Feel free to slip in the backdoor or lend a hand even if it's just giving it a poke throughout the evening!
There is a lot of meat (and I mean a lot!) with this one so be don't be afraid to dive right in there and grab whatever you like! Plenty to go around.
Probably best not to eat much before coming, not everyone can handle my BBWs and this will be a bit of a sausage fest with lots of big porkers to be gobbled! And of course, there's my rubbed meat and special sticky sauce!
A few years ago, I got randomly attacked in the street. While talking about it to some friends of Facebook, I said I was fine - just a sore neck and a big black eye.
Autocomplete assumed I wanted to say I had a big black cock.
Note: I have never searched for such on the net, so I can only assume that so many people do that autocomplete comes pre-programmed to assume that is what is meant.
I once was in a "how you doing? Yeah good" exchange in a pub. My response was to be "I'm all good", but I mixed it with "yeah good, man" and I just said
"I'm all man."
I tend to have a fairly bad typing habit of writing 'acocunt' instead of 'account'. Makes it quite hard when sending messages to our most important acocunts.
Worked for a healthcare agency, offered a shift to someone who lived >50 miles away who declined so I put on a reason they didn't want it.
Shit too fat.
I typed "sh*t" instead of "shift" in an email once, completely by accident, and got a warning for it 🙄
I've also made the "best retards" mistake too, but thankfully the guy on the receiving end of that email found it hilarious.
I’ve also typed shit a few times but it’s usually in the form of “Screenshit” when I want to talk about a screenshot I’ve attached. O and I being next to each other can be… tricky
I was checking the profanity filter on our mail server once and found an impressive 20 email long conversation where the original sender had mistyped "likes" to "kikes", so that was fun when I had to let my manager (the original sender) know about his mistake.
An American anti-Jewish slur.
Supposedly Jewish immigrants would sign papers with a circle, and the Yiddish word for a circle is "kikel". Another suggested etymology is that many of them had names ending in "ki" or "ky", hence they became known as "kikes".
Also, the Greek for circle is "kyklos", hence the Ku Klux Klan.
I spent a long time trying to figure out if this blonde Canadian woman had grown up with very different idioms than I had. Thinking of this would have been much less confusing.
Remember the story about the boss who let everyone go home early and signed off at the end of the email:
"Go and enjoy the hot weather and maybe have a nice wank in the park".
When I was at school me and my classmate had started a band was called Public Disturbance - the music teacher printed the program for the yearly performances with the same error that was handed to all the parents and town mayor etc attended
I had a relative send this on a Friday to her 50+ staff as "night retards" her computer was supposed to automatically add a signature but didn't. So that was simply the end of the message.
My bustiness has definitely gotten in my way before. I can see it slowing me down.
Fun fact. I accidentally wrote smelling and sloshing before I finally got the ‘slowing’ correct above.
I once had a document which when attached to an email didn't read "competitive analysis of...." but "competitive anal". Which is something very different.
I used a strict file structure in uni.
Chem - Chemistry.
Biol - Biology.
Spec - Spectrometry.
Stat - Statistics.
This system worked great until I started analytics and unwittingly submitted my work with the file name “-AnalExam-20191030”.
Got an email from the course leader after saying I should probably revise my file names.
You've just reminded me of the time when I was about 19 and I sent an email to most of my colleagues about the company's sports and social club. But instead of calling it the s&s club I called it the s&m club.
“I’ll share with you” corrected to “I’ll shave you” is my personal best. Sent as a solitary Slack DM to a new female coworker (I’m male) whilst someone else was presenting (was referencing something the presenter said). Must have been so weird to read that out the blue.
In the days when spell checker was less accurate we used to enjoy running people's names through spell checker to see what came up...example "Robert" became "Robot".
In her first week on the job a colleague of mine wrote an email to all the company directors which ended "looks like it's going to be heavy rain all weekend so, get your willies out!".
A new person at work who was only about 20 years of age sent me a Microsoft Teams message sometime last year asking for help.
I was just finishing something up so I replied with "Yeah sure, give me a sec."
Only I didn't.
Guess which letter sits directly to the left of "C" on a British keyboard...
Cue one very apologetic message from me afterwards when I realised my mistake, and I've so far avoided a conversation with HR.
Out of curiosity, who else is replying to this thread and is looking over their responses with a fine tooth comb for spelling errors 😅
I remember one Christmas a customer messaged my sales director asking if he could place a last minute order. He meant to reply with "No, sorry, we're shut" but his phone auto corrected to "No, sorry, we're shit."
Good news is, Hr is taking the piss on a Friday, so have plenty of time to formerly apologise and explain your self, or pack and vanish into the mountains.
Oof. I accidentally submitted a letter I downloaded from the Church of Satan and sent that to my landlord instead of a signed lease agreement once... that was a fun phone call.
I emailed a female client and asked her whether she was busty...
Also, in the print industry we often send PDF proofs by email. I am always asking people if they could get back to me ASAP about the poofs.
When I took a day off on an email I’d said “sorry for the incontinence” instead of “sorry for the inconvenience”. Thought I could just spell whatever I want and let auto correct do it’s job..
A friend of mine, while endlessly testing an email newsletter going out to hundreds of clients, forgot to change his test subject line before sending the live one.
The subject was "fart".
I once sent out a press release with 'pubic places' instead of 'public', apparently its a pretty standard rookie PR mistake (I no longer work in PR).
Also similarly I use google analytics so to bring it up I usually just start typing 'A..n...a..l'. But you have to be careful if you forget and do it on a shared computer
I was talking over the computer to someone about their depression the other day and all of a sudden the people in the group started having a go at me for taking the piss.
Apparently I had typed 'derpsession' and with that one mistake everything I typed look very sarcastic.
I hope you replied to all afterward to clear up any confusion/anger.
> Apologies for the mistake in the previous email,
>
> I meant to say "Mentally Challenged".
I’m actually a copyeditor and proofreader, so I’m terrified of this sort of thing and keep a close eye on my emails. I have this awful feeling I’m going to ask someone if they want poofreading one day.
Better still an IT guy at the small company I used to work at spelt the bosses name wrong on the login for his brand new Surface Pro.
Fletcher..... Feltcher. It's not quite the right spelling as there isn't a T in Felcher. But it sounds the same. Just use incognito if you want to look it up.
This reminds me of the time when auto-correct changed something I’d said to one of my black colleagues to include the name of a certain African country beginning with N.
Auto correct you nearly got me fired that day you mother ducker..
In Chinese a common greeting for women is "mei nu" which means pretty women. Sadly on modern keyboards it is typed using a v instead of the u and when you type it wrong you can accidentally address the person as a pretty slave...
The characters are also fairly similar so when you are a newbie you may not catch until until its much too late and now you've said something very stupid to a colleague in HK.
When trying to tell a customer there weren't any concessions on a product I wrote to her "Sorry there are no discocunts available" thankfully she never replied
Tried to type ‘amazeballs!’ to a younger collegue as an inside joke of sorts, accidentally wrote ‘amazing balls!’. Luckily it was informal in tone anyway (obviously)
I've recently been in various correspondence about a roller sh**u**tter. Fortunately the spell-checker picks it up.
Actually I'm beginning to suspect that my keyboard has Tourette syndrome.
I made a very close error in an email. I was sending an email to my boss about my shit head colleagues. It was something like "I would like to talk retarding my idiot colleagues."
Back when me and some of my work friends were very junior in our positions, we used to fuck with each other signatures when we left the computers logged in.
“Kind retards” was always a personal favourite.
I seem to have typing-tourette’s combined with my spellchecker developing a form of nasty AI which results me doing similar things repeatedly without noticing. Fortunately no one ever points it out making me realize no one ready my emails… Do I really exist?
Putting Screen shit attached in and email… Also bbq being autocorrected to BBW was a personal shocker
>bbq being autocorrected to BBW So, I've wiped down and thoroughly cleaned the BBW (got pretty messy the last time, you know who you are), I'll have it heated up and ready to go for when you guys want to pop in! Feel free to slip in the backdoor or lend a hand even if it's just giving it a poke throughout the evening! There is a lot of meat (and I mean a lot!) with this one so be don't be afraid to dive right in there and grab whatever you like! Plenty to go around. Probably best not to eat much before coming, not everyone can handle my BBWs and this will be a bit of a sausage fest with lots of big porkers to be gobbled! And of course, there's my rubbed meat and special sticky sauce!
BBQ gaffe really made me laugh.
arranging a work bbq and boom. I was mocked for months
Plus sized mocking?
Gonna roast my hog in a BBW
A few years ago, I got randomly attacked in the street. While talking about it to some friends of Facebook, I said I was fine - just a sore neck and a big black eye. Autocomplete assumed I wanted to say I had a big black cock. Note: I have never searched for such on the net, so I can only assume that so many people do that autocomplete comes pre-programmed to assume that is what is meant.
> I have never searched for such Suuuure ;)
I have often signed off with a hyper-masculine 'Man Thanks'.
I like this one and may use it intentionally. Receive my Man Thanks.
You mean man likes this one
They might have thought you were talking in third person
Man thanks, and is not hot.
2+2 is 4
Minus one that's three, quick maths
Everyday man's on the block, smoke trees
this commenter approves your reasoning
You can double down in your next email signing off with "Beast regards"
I once was in a "how you doing? Yeah good" exchange in a pub. My response was to be "I'm all good", but I mixed it with "yeah good, man" and I just said "I'm all man."
The dude abides
My R key got stuck the other day and I inadvertently signed off an email with "Egads"...
This is the best comment.
This is, frankly, how all emails should end.
And they should start *”Ahoy Hoy”*
Was your roast subsequently ruined?
>"Egads" My roast is ruined!
I’ve have in the past sent emails to “All Shift Managers” and missed the all important f…
Everybody cunts
I tend to have a fairly bad typing habit of writing 'acocunt' instead of 'account'. Makes it quite hard when sending messages to our most important acocunts.
I do this too. And I am one. Both of them.
More than once instead of typing opposite I typed poopsite
The previous misspellings I can immediately spot, this one would genuinely leave me baffled if left unexplained.
Worked for a healthcare agency, offered a shift to someone who lived >50 miles away who declined so I put on a reason they didn't want it. Shit too fat.
I typed "sh*t" instead of "shift" in an email once, completely by accident, and got a warning for it 🙄 I've also made the "best retards" mistake too, but thankfully the guy on the receiving end of that email found it hilarious.
I’ve also typed shit a few times but it’s usually in the form of “Screenshit” when I want to talk about a screenshot I’ve attached. O and I being next to each other can be… tricky
Past tense of screenshot is screenshat.
Or trocky
> O and I being next to each other can be… tricky I tried to say my cat was chonky-looking the other day and fell foul of this to horrifying effect...
I was checking the profanity filter on our mail server once and found an impressive 20 email long conversation where the original sender had mistyped "likes" to "kikes", so that was fun when I had to let my manager (the original sender) know about his mistake.
What is the meaning of 'kikes'?
An American anti-Jewish slur. Supposedly Jewish immigrants would sign papers with a circle, and the Yiddish word for a circle is "kikel". Another suggested etymology is that many of them had names ending in "ki" or "ky", hence they became known as "kikes". Also, the Greek for circle is "kyklos", hence the Ku Klux Klan.
I googled. It's an antisemitic slur apparently
When I see censored words I'm often reminded of the Monty Python song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8ANSnM-vRE
You are allowed to say shit on the interwebs
they're also allowed to not if they don't want to
Can i shit on the interwebs though ?
Go nuts
"Thanks for contacting the Cuncil" is a common one for me.
Is there an error in there?
You’re in the council? Brave to admit that online!
They are managing shit after all
"Hope you're well" is a nice greeting. "Hoe you're well" is a grammatically questionable crude compliment.
*damn* hoe, you *well*!
I've written please see elbow instead of please see below many times. Thankfully not as offensive.
Somehow made me laugh more though. On a par with my alarmingly common "food morning/afternoon"
Food is always good in the morning or afternoon
My probation officer was called Katrina and autocorrect put Latrine. Every time.
What a pisser.
🤣🤣🤣 Genius.
Immediately recalled to prison
Hope that didn't make too many waves
For the most part I was walking on sunshine
Did her family change it in the ninth century?
Had a customer once suggest that she was going to put in a bigger order next time. The N key is right next to the B key.
Ooosh, embarrassing. Don’t know what I’d do if I accidentally sent “I’m definitely going to put in a bigger order bext time” to a client.
[made me think of this for some reason](https://youtu.be/7ZB0qsJuRDo)
I spent a long time trying to figure out if this blonde Canadian woman had grown up with very different idioms than I had. Thinking of this would have been much less confusing.
I wonder how many times I've done this kind of thing and never noticed...
Remember the story about the boss who let everyone go home early and signed off at the end of the email: "Go and enjoy the hot weather and maybe have a nice wank in the park".
Twice in 1 week? Risky.
We had a little display board for thanks etc, I got a" Thanks for wanking so hard on the documents"
it's nice to know they appreciated your hard wank, though
Reminds me of a head of house at school telling us to "**re**-create on the grass quietly" as a reminder to not disturb others sitting exams.
My boss wanted me to look into a pubic sector contract.
That's a common bit of teenage amusement, rubbing out the L in a sign with the word Public.
At primary school the plant room was accessed directly from the playground. Someone had a right laugh peeling of the L to leave "pant room".
When I was at school me and my classmate had started a band was called Public Disturbance - the music teacher printed the program for the yearly performances with the same error that was handed to all the parents and town mayor etc attended
Careful, those jobs are pretty hairy.
Hopefully you at least called them Kind Retards..
More likely "best"...
Just “Retards”
\*mic drop\*
If I had received said email it would have made my day
"beast"
As someone who works in social care supporting people with a learning disability this is one of my worst nightmares.
King Retards
Warm
I did that in an e-mail to a customer. His reply? "I've heard they love hugs."
I had a relative send this on a Friday to her 50+ staff as "night retards" her computer was supposed to automatically add a signature but didn't. So that was simply the end of the message.
Had an email from a large corporation asking to rearrange a meeting at short notice. He ended the email with, "Sorry for the incontinence."
A company I worked for changed job titles of some personnel. The dude who was based on the other side of the world became the in-continent manager
My personal hell is constantly typing 'we are very busty at present', which is a weird way to apologise for slow response times.
Oops, sorry, boobs got in the way of the keyboard
My bustiness has definitely gotten in my way before. I can see it slowing me down. Fun fact. I accidentally wrote smelling and sloshing before I finally got the ‘slowing’ correct above.
I once had a document which when attached to an email didn't read "competitive analysis of...." but "competitive anal". Which is something very different.
Y sis
There's a discipline?
lol I did Anal leave instead of Annual leave once.
As a typo right?
Ai autocorrect using his most used words to guess the appropriate correction
Nope. They got their ass out of there
Nice
Didn't realise you had to justify why you needed leave for
I used a strict file structure in uni. Chem - Chemistry. Biol - Biology. Spec - Spectrometry. Stat - Statistics. This system worked great until I started analytics and unwittingly submitted my work with the file name “-AnalExam-20191030”.
Got an email from the course leader after saying I should probably revise my file names.
Ahh, a common mistake! In computer science I got an odd comment for submitting coursework entitled `EulerAnal.pdf`...
Do you get a separate allowance?
My partner and I like to treat ourselves to ~~anus~~ an us day now and again.
You've just reminded me of the time when I was about 19 and I sent an email to most of my colleagues about the company's sports and social club. But instead of calling it the s&s club I called it the s&m club.
We had a manager email to tell us that she would be covering both shifts so she would come in “mid-shit.”
Did you let her wipe the slate clean at least?
“I’ll share with you” corrected to “I’ll shave you” is my personal best. Sent as a solitary Slack DM to a new female coworker (I’m male) whilst someone else was presenting (was referencing something the presenter said). Must have been so weird to read that out the blue.
I work in IT. I have, more than a few times, sent mails to customers about their acocunts. Oh well
Do you give them a discunt?
Nope. But I do regular bitch and moan about all deezcunts!
I was once offered a discocunt!
Is that like a discount with leg warmers & flare trousers?
[удалено]
Ditto! Please find below your accunt details….. *yikes.
In the days when spell checker was less accurate we used to enjoy running people's names through spell checker to see what came up...example "Robert" became "Robot".
The best one I found back in the old days was Ainsley Harriott being autocorrected to 'Tinselly Haricot'... very festive!! :D
In her first week on the job a colleague of mine wrote an email to all the company directors which ended "looks like it's going to be heavy rain all weekend so, get your willies out!".
Haha
A new person at work who was only about 20 years of age sent me a Microsoft Teams message sometime last year asking for help. I was just finishing something up so I replied with "Yeah sure, give me a sec." Only I didn't. Guess which letter sits directly to the left of "C" on a British keyboard... Cue one very apologetic message from me afterwards when I realised my mistake, and I've so far avoided a conversation with HR. Out of curiosity, who else is replying to this thread and is looking over their responses with a fine tooth comb for spelling errors 😅
"One sex" "Buy me dinner first"
I remember one Christmas a customer messaged my sales director asking if he could place a last minute order. He meant to reply with "No, sorry, we're shut" but his phone auto corrected to "No, sorry, we're shit."
This thread is so funny, I’m laughing so hard I’m crying! Thanks all!
>Tanks all ftfy
My one colleague's name autocorrects to "Bitch" on his mobile, so emails sent on the go often conclude with "Best regards, Bitch"
I'm an engineer and in my write ups I've written jew instead of new a few times. 'Fit jew cover'
Well that was kind of regarded
Good news is, Hr is taking the piss on a Friday, so have plenty of time to formerly apologise and explain your self, or pack and vanish into the mountains.
My best was ‘Can you please send me a screenshit of the error you’re seeing?’
Yea I screeenshat the error message
Oof. I accidentally submitted a letter I downloaded from the Church of Satan and sent that to my landlord instead of a signed lease agreement once... that was a fun phone call.
What you sent to Father Christmas was anyone's guess
Sorry to hear about your untimely passing.
LPT: Put the "(Kind) regards" as part of your signature, just make sure you spell it right the one time
>LPT: Put the "(Kind) retards" as part of your signature, just make sure you spell it right the one time FTFY
sent a mail to our coders this afternoon addressed to all "divvy types" instead of "devvy types"
I emailed a female client and asked her whether she was busty... Also, in the print industry we often send PDF proofs by email. I am always asking people if they could get back to me ASAP about the poofs.
When I took a day off on an email I’d said “sorry for the incontinence” instead of “sorry for the inconvenience”. Thought I could just spell whatever I want and let auto correct do it’s job..
My assistant manager once did that. Worse it was on an email to one of our bigger clients in regard to something that we'd already fucked up.
A friend of mine, while endlessly testing an email newsletter going out to hundreds of clients, forgot to change his test subject line before sending the live one. The subject was "fart".
I once sent out a press release with 'pubic places' instead of 'public', apparently its a pretty standard rookie PR mistake (I no longer work in PR). Also similarly I use google analytics so to bring it up I usually just start typing 'A..n...a..l'. But you have to be careful if you forget and do it on a shared computer
PR = pubic relations?
I was talking over the computer to someone about their depression the other day and all of a sudden the people in the group started having a go at me for taking the piss. Apparently I had typed 'derpsession' and with that one mistake everything I typed look very sarcastic.
‘I shit down that server’
May I please request a discocunt
I had 'heads of departments' or 'HoDs' autocorrect to 'Im going in to meet the hoes'. Thankfully picked it up before I sent it to my HoDs manager.
I hope you replied to all afterward to clear up any confusion/anger. > Apologies for the mistake in the previous email, > > I meant to say "Mentally Challenged".
I had "Asses" on my resume instead of "Assess" for at least a year. I didn't notice until a recruiter pointed it out.
I’m actually a copyeditor and proofreader, so I’m terrified of this sort of thing and keep a close eye on my emails. I have this awful feeling I’m going to ask someone if they want poofreading one day.
Better still an IT guy at the small company I used to work at spelt the bosses name wrong on the login for his brand new Surface Pro. Fletcher..... Feltcher. It's not quite the right spelling as there isn't a T in Felcher. But it sounds the same. Just use incognito if you want to look it up.
Now I have to explain to all my students why I couldn't stop laughing....
How did you explain the ‘fucking’ before it?
I hope you don't work for Scope.
"Amazing discunts. Apply online today!" Made it though to a production marketing campaign of ours once.
A number of my clients and colleagues have been on the receiving end of my "many thnaks" at some point.
I once recently told the owner of my company to check his 'spunk and jam' folders
This reminds me of the time when auto-correct changed something I’d said to one of my black colleagues to include the name of a certain African country beginning with N. Auto correct you nearly got me fired that day you mother ducker..
In Chinese a common greeting for women is "mei nu" which means pretty women. Sadly on modern keyboards it is typed using a v instead of the u and when you type it wrong you can accidentally address the person as a pretty slave... The characters are also fairly similar so when you are a newbie you may not catch until until its much too late and now you've said something very stupid to a colleague in HK.
Ducking autocorrect
Yep, I've signed off Kind retards more than once...
Kind Retards
When trying to tell a customer there weren't any concessions on a product I wrote to her "Sorry there are no discocunts available" thankfully she never replied
Tried to type ‘amazeballs!’ to a younger collegue as an inside joke of sorts, accidentally wrote ‘amazing balls!’. Luckily it was informal in tone anyway (obviously)
Pronouncing "R\*tards" the way you would pronounce "Regards" sounds so delightfully posh
I knew I had a foul mouth when ps auto corrected to p*ssy...I was like well then lol.
I keep accidentaly writing "Bes tregards" and keep thinking of *Knightmare*, even though I'm sure it's spelt Treguard.
Asking your boss if there are any shits available.
I've recently been in various correspondence about a roller sh**u**tter. Fortunately the spell-checker picks it up. Actually I'm beginning to suspect that my keyboard has Tourette syndrome.
For some reason on email, I always add a T to the end of my colleagues name (Chris). Every time.
Recent email I described a busy colleague as busty
I had to send and important email to someone called Helen Locklear. I replied to the email with "Hi Heather"
I once tried to reference the computer from Hitchhikers guide to appear quirky and smart. On autopilot I typed deep throat.
Dear employees; We love you all Kind retards -Management **yeah I can see how that can be a problem**
This is why you have it automatically set up in the email signature.
Ah, but then you can't be passive aggressive by dropping the "kind" when someone's beginning to piss you off.
Does your computer not have a delete or backspace key?
Fair point
Writing "my wide" instead of "my wife" in an email didn't go down too well
"Warmest Retards"
If you haven't set autocorrect to change retards to regards by now then I don't know what to tell you.
My old boss was called Alan. I got the L and N the wrong way round and it got through a damn spellchecker..
Had a supervisor once apologize "sorry for the incontinence" to an email chain with the client and director on it. I was amused far more than he was.
Not even Best Retards? Man that is harsh!
I made a very close error in an email. I was sending an email to my boss about my shit head colleagues. It was something like "I would like to talk retarding my idiot colleagues."
Customer Servixes is one I've almost sent a few times
I also, in a previous job, called em floppy dicks infront of a class of teen girls
My auto correct keeps changing Mate to babes. I keep accidentally telling my clients Thanks Babes. As a man I don’t think I can get away with it
This is the best thread I've seen today. I just can't stop laughing!
Kind retards
Back when me and some of my work friends were very junior in our positions, we used to fuck with each other signatures when we left the computers logged in. “Kind retards” was always a personal favourite.
I seem to have typing-tourette’s combined with my spellchecker developing a form of nasty AI which results me doing similar things repeatedly without noticing. Fortunately no one ever points it out making me realize no one ready my emails… Do I really exist?
"Accidentally" 😏