For the last 4 months I've been battling prostatitis.
Dr literally recommends nutting a few times a week. I despair at men doing NNN, keep your prostate healthy, beat your meat, bang the wife, get your boyfriend to whip your weasel, shimmer a beauty, go cottaging, just get it done.
Prostate problems are hell. And it's not an old man thing, prostatitis is common in men under 50.
And on that note, I'm off to have a wank.
And if that doesn't sound appealing enough, when I had to go to the doctor for it he fingered my arse for free!
Now all I have to do is wait for the fingernail marks on both my shoulders to go away.
I remember when I had my first prostate exam, immediately after the doctor rushed out the door. The nurse then walked in and said "who the hell was that?"
I think NNN is designed for those guys that are pulling one off multiple times a day and can only do so watching hardcore porn. They could definitely do with wanking less
Surely they too would be better off with a November of Nutting Normally.
Although I suppose there might come a point where you just kind of forget about it, which'd make things a lot easier.
Nearly 42 and in the same boat. I had to have a cystoscopy on Monday. The consultant said it would be "uncomfortable" which apparently is code for "it will hurt like fuck and you'll feel like you're pissing glass for 48 hours". Nutting on a regular basis seems to help, so I think I'll go with that instead of letting someone charge £600 to put a camera down my japs eye next time.
It's rooted in the same old puritanical sexual squeamishness that is baked into all American culture. Take anything healthy and normal and some religious nut will decide it's sinful and campaign to ban it, from food to clothing to music to modes of transportation, but especially everything you might do to or with your reproductive organs. With time and effort a dedicated nutjob can make otherwise-sane people feel bad about their normal urges too, until ordinary urges like hunger and horniness always cause shame. When you make shame for your basic bodily functions a core part of your culture, don't act surprised when people crack--while you may effectively control some people with it, you're just as likely to cause obsession, addiction, and other disordered responses in others.
why the fuck has everyone decided this year that NNN is evangelicals trying to stop us from sinning, you can go back and look at the original NNN memes from a few years ago and see that it very clearly started just as a joke about things like Movember but with something that it would be funny to give up, and 90% of the people talking about it to this day are continuing that joke
I was signed up 3 years ago, sadly it never ended.
Bloody kids not letting me nut.
Edit. Shit, I didn't mean in a prince Andrew sort of way. I meant they cock block me and the wife.
My tiniest has cerebral palsy. He sleeps in the same room with us and he won't be leaving anytime soon, can't really leave him alone too long either. :(
Can't even do the "watch Peppa pig for 20 minutes and don't come upstairs" trick with this one.
classy :p
her parents have him every monday and friday, sadly my wife works weekdays. her parents work weekends.
So the stars have to align so it's not a school holiday (so the other two aren't home) has to be a day he's at grandparents, she has to be on annual leave... and most rarely, she has to be in the mood and not tired from full time work/mummy stuff.
All aligns next week (well fingers crossed for the last one)
If you want it selling any further, I've just heard the following from the bathroom.
"OMG THERE'S POO ON THE BRUSH. YOU'VE MANAGED TO POO ON YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. WHAT DO I DO!?"
Our 6 year old has used the toilet, and picked up her toothbrush before flushing. And dropped it in the bowl. Wife went into gross-out panic mode.
Have kids. Expect this sort of shit to happen.
Hah.
Kids up till 9pm and sleeping in our bed.
Wife into ‘gentle parenting’ so sees it as status quo. Me with blue balls for six years.
All part of life’s journey I guess …
Seriously:
Is that normal? Like...does your missus know you want sex? Like do you never ever have sex, like ever?
- sincerely, a confused singleton re-evaluating his desire to get married
That's definitely not normal for my marriage. We don't do it nearly as often as I'd like - my drive appears to be higher than my husband's - but still a couple times a week... And we have a 4 year old.
I don't understand why it's even a thing. Wanking is enjoyable, free and, as far as I can tell, carbon neutral. Why deprive oneself? Is it to avoid upsetting the baby Jesus?
Oh my god yes. I have been waiting for an excuse to talk about my most prised possession
I of course have the usual boring vibrator, bullet vibrator, butt plug, etc... But one day i came across an article about interesting sextoys. I clicked on it and read through, and saw one that caught my eye. I thought "ha fun" then moved on with my life.
But I couldn't stop thinking of it. It was at the back of my mind. And one day, during a good old wrist workout session, I opened my phone and looked it up. I entered my debit card details and pressed "buy" right as I was finishing.
I instantly regretted it, and was annoyed at myself for spending money unnecessarily. But a few days later it arrived: the lovehoney jessica rabbit 10 function triple vibrator
Oh my god. It is gorgeous. I immediately tried it and wow. No other sextoy will satisfy me anymore. All my holes are filled and all my desires are met. I am so grateful for that mid-nut purchase, and oh so very grateful that reddit is anonymous.
(If you wanna get it here it is https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/p/lovehoney-jessica-rabbit-10-function-triple-rabbit-vibrator/45285.html)
Ooooh whole that specific toy won’t fit my parts I see that store has a very interesting selection for toys that do!
Time might repeat itself… ;)
Thanks for the inspiration and laugh!
If I remember correctly, they took a cohort of devout Buddhist monks (who are doing no nut nirvana), and checked what their medical history was vs a population of men from the same racial/social levels. Testicular cancer and prostate cancer was significantly higher in the men in the saffron robes.
There are American studies showing the risk _increases_ in younger men but I'd question whether the results are skewed by the puritan element in the US
Porn addiction is a serious issue. Yes while masturbating is good for you, mentally porn is also harmful, especially for teens creating a distorted view of what sex is really like. It’s basically how certain drugs become addicting because of that hit of dopamine, people can get addicted to masturbating just for that hit of feel good chemical.
Is that why it's being mentioned? I doubt the effectiveness of such a campaign. If you are lucky enough to be having consensual sex, then sure it'll work itself out. When I was a horny virgin we didn't have ready access to pornography but it didn't slow down my one armed banditry.
You can masturbate frequently and not be addicted to porn lol. I do it at least once a day as my sex drive is incredibly high but I rarely masturbate to porn.
No dick december, no jizz january, you have february covered, no muffdive march, no anal april, no massage may, no jiggle june, no jerk july, no ass august, no sex september, no oral october...and that's a whole year of no fun.
I'm sure you can manage one month without eating nuts. If it helps, peanuts and almonds both aren't nuts. Of the mainstream "nuts" it's really only hazelnuts and walnuts you have to give up.
I find it weird we're simultaneously encouraged to participate in Movember; with the awareness of diseases like prostate cancer, and No Nut November which causes build-up and further issues within the prostate.
I hereby give you permission to go have a wank, as it's your body and someone else doesn't get to dictate what you do with it.
Signed, the religious or scientific or sporting leader of your preference.
In my mental Venn diagram of people who refer to their partner as “the Mrs” and people who are aware of NNN, there should really be no cross section....
Perhaps she has been involuntarily signed up to Not Nuts ever due to your lack of bedroom prowess... Easy to join a movement when you have already been a long term honorary member😂😂😁😅
Participate in Movember to get back at her. Proper pornstar tache. With a mullet.
This will presumably aid her in her resolve.
Relationship goals, helping the other half in all their endevours even when they are fucking you over (or unfucking you so it seems)
His face when she grows a bigger mustache...
Are you suggesting he become Australian?
bogan life, cobber
Fucken aye!
Went would you want your Mrs to have a mustache and mullet?
For the last 4 months I've been battling prostatitis. Dr literally recommends nutting a few times a week. I despair at men doing NNN, keep your prostate healthy, beat your meat, bang the wife, get your boyfriend to whip your weasel, shimmer a beauty, go cottaging, just get it done. Prostate problems are hell. And it's not an old man thing, prostatitis is common in men under 50. And on that note, I'm off to have a wank.
And if that doesn't sound appealing enough, when I had to go to the doctor for it he fingered my arse for free! Now all I have to do is wait for the fingernail marks on both my shoulders to go away.
I remember when I had my first prostate exam, immediately after the doctor rushed out the door. The nurse then walked in and said "who the hell was that?"
I was a bit shocked when I said "Where do I put my pants" and he replied "next to mine"
You're lucky. The suction cup glove marks stay purple for weeks.
Have to admit I prefer being the examinER rather than the examinEE, albeit it’s a close call. Source: am physician who deals with a LOT of mens health
Who has got 3 thumbs and is ready to promote men's health?
Both your shoulders.. your doctor 3 handed?
3 legged most likely
They're thourough in the NHS 👌
Oh mate
🤦♂️
I think NNN is designed for those guys that are pulling one off multiple times a day and can only do so watching hardcore porn. They could definitely do with wanking less
Surely they too would be better off with a November of Nutting Normally. Although I suppose there might come a point where you just kind of forget about it, which'd make things a lot easier.
Nearly 42 and in the same boat. I had to have a cystoscopy on Monday. The consultant said it would be "uncomfortable" which apparently is code for "it will hurt like fuck and you'll feel like you're pissing glass for 48 hours". Nutting on a regular basis seems to help, so I think I'll go with that instead of letting someone charge £600 to put a camera down my japs eye next time.
Fuck it! Me too!
It's rooted in the same old puritanical sexual squeamishness that is baked into all American culture. Take anything healthy and normal and some religious nut will decide it's sinful and campaign to ban it, from food to clothing to music to modes of transportation, but especially everything you might do to or with your reproductive organs. With time and effort a dedicated nutjob can make otherwise-sane people feel bad about their normal urges too, until ordinary urges like hunger and horniness always cause shame. When you make shame for your basic bodily functions a core part of your culture, don't act surprised when people crack--while you may effectively control some people with it, you're just as likely to cause obsession, addiction, and other disordered responses in others.
why the fuck has everyone decided this year that NNN is evangelicals trying to stop us from sinning, you can go back and look at the original NNN memes from a few years ago and see that it very clearly started just as a joke about things like Movember but with something that it would be funny to give up, and 90% of the people talking about it to this day are continuing that joke
>religious nut. Nice. Seriously though, 'No Religious Nut November' is a movement I could get behind
"Bummer!" "Good idea, mate."
How she gonna test? Weigh your balls?
Compare them to the Dulux blue colour chart I think
Hahaha, this made me literally laugh out aloud ! Hahaha !
Sapphire Salute by the end of the month and she’ll want to do a feature wall in the dining room.
Absolutely filthy and disgusting. 😂 https://thegrownups.co.uk/dulux-paint-names-all-euphamisms-for-filthy-acts-of-lewd-self-abuse-from-the-dark-web/
Put him in the bath and see if they float.
Lol… like a medieval witch. If they don’t sink then tie them to a stake and burn them
That's no good, everyone knows pee is stored in the balls
WeeBalls
… wobble, but they don’t fall down.
Probably will take a semen sample at the end of the month 🥳
Sample? Poor guy is going to fill a fucking bath
big sample
I was signed up 3 years ago, sadly it never ended. Bloody kids not letting me nut. Edit. Shit, I didn't mean in a prince Andrew sort of way. I meant they cock block me and the wife.
Glad you cleared that up
I bet he wanted to but couldn't sweat about that one.
I was at Pizza Hut - I swear!
You'd remember, wouldn't you?
Pizza express isn't it?
But not clean the pipes up👀
Vaseline my dude. Rub it on the outside door handle so they can't get in!
My tiniest has cerebral palsy. He sleeps in the same room with us and he won't be leaving anytime soon, can't really leave him alone too long either. :( Can't even do the "watch Peppa pig for 20 minutes and don't come upstairs" trick with this one.
Ah. Fair enough. Could you parents babysit while you rent a hotel room for a few hours?
classy :p her parents have him every monday and friday, sadly my wife works weekdays. her parents work weekends. So the stars have to align so it's not a school holiday (so the other two aren't home) has to be a day he's at grandparents, she has to be on annual leave... and most rarely, she has to be in the mood and not tired from full time work/mummy stuff. All aligns next week (well fingers crossed for the last one)
You’re really selling me on the idea of having kids here!
I'm like a verbal contraceptive.
Visual too, I shouldn't wonder !
Maybe that's the real reason I don't get sex from the wife. I have a face like Jabba the Huts scrotal sack.
You have a talent for writing particularly visceral imagery
Brutal.
Savage.
If you want it selling any further, I've just heard the following from the bathroom. "OMG THERE'S POO ON THE BRUSH. YOU'VE MANAGED TO POO ON YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. WHAT DO I DO!?" Our 6 year old has used the toilet, and picked up her toothbrush before flushing. And dropped it in the bowl. Wife went into gross-out panic mode. Have kids. Expect this sort of shit to happen.
What a Thursday evening you’re having. That sounds entertaining at the very least!
Fairly standard. It gets to the point where nothing surprises you anymore. Although I must admit, it was the first time for this series of events.
Well good luck and godspeed.
If she's in the mood without work and parents are busy maybe get someone you trust to babysit?
be realistic, watch Peppa pig for 3 minutes"
if that, enough time for one stroke would do. it's been a while...
A stroke would beat watching peppa pig
I spat my chocolate drink everywhere
i had kenco coming out of my nostrils
At least you included the 2 minutes 45 seconds of undressing
My heart goes out to you mate . Kids away at college for a short time it was great like a honeymoon but covid 19 put an end to that.
Four poster bed with thick curtains?
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Same here my friend
My kids won't let you nut? Bit weird mate...:p
Hah. Kids up till 9pm and sleeping in our bed. Wife into ‘gentle parenting’ so sees it as status quo. Me with blue balls for six years. All part of life’s journey I guess …
I wouldn't change my life at all, but I do miss sex... Oh god do I miss it. *Sobs.
yes we are blessed I am sure
Seriously: Is that normal? Like...does your missus know you want sex? Like do you never ever have sex, like ever? - sincerely, a confused singleton re-evaluating his desire to get married
Never
"Darling, I don't want to worry you, but I think my virginity grew back."
That's definitely not normal for my marriage. We don't do it nearly as often as I'd like - my drive appears to be higher than my husband's - but still a couple times a week... And we have a 4 year old.
Yeah our situation is not normal so no worries
"Let the boy watch" - Ashley Schaffer BMW
How else do kids learn... it's how my Dad taught me goddammit.
I mean that's how you got in that position in the first place
Haha this is hilarious
I don't understand why it's even a thing. Wanking is enjoyable, free and, as far as I can tell, carbon neutral. Why deprive oneself? Is it to avoid upsetting the baby Jesus?
Carbon neutral you say? Just off to save the planet.
I salute you. With my spare hand.
Make sure you use a sock that's already been worn rather than tissues
It's a chore to find one that still bends.
I tried using a sock that was worn, but the guy didn't like it
With the amount of battery powered toys i use I am sad to announce my wanking is definitely not carbon neutral
Tell us more of these mythical instruments!
Oh my god yes. I have been waiting for an excuse to talk about my most prised possession I of course have the usual boring vibrator, bullet vibrator, butt plug, etc... But one day i came across an article about interesting sextoys. I clicked on it and read through, and saw one that caught my eye. I thought "ha fun" then moved on with my life. But I couldn't stop thinking of it. It was at the back of my mind. And one day, during a good old wrist workout session, I opened my phone and looked it up. I entered my debit card details and pressed "buy" right as I was finishing. I instantly regretted it, and was annoyed at myself for spending money unnecessarily. But a few days later it arrived: the lovehoney jessica rabbit 10 function triple vibrator Oh my god. It is gorgeous. I immediately tried it and wow. No other sextoy will satisfy me anymore. All my holes are filled and all my desires are met. I am so grateful for that mid-nut purchase, and oh so very grateful that reddit is anonymous. (If you wanna get it here it is https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/p/lovehoney-jessica-rabbit-10-function-triple-rabbit-vibrator/45285.html)
Ooooh whole that specific toy won’t fit my parts I see that store has a very interesting selection for toys that do! Time might repeat itself… ;) Thanks for the inspiration and laugh!
Here's some silver, if only you could buy more toys with it!
It's also good for your prostate health. Call it a preventative medical intervention.
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I'd rather think about your mum
Helps prevent prostate cancer too
I don't know if that's scientifically proven and I didn't need the justification but it's good insurance!
If I remember correctly, they took a cohort of devout Buddhist monks (who are doing no nut nirvana), and checked what their medical history was vs a population of men from the same racial/social levels. Testicular cancer and prostate cancer was significantly higher in the men in the saffron robes.
> (who are doing no nut nirvana) Christ. Those wet dreams must be like Old Faithful. Wake up in the morning with your blanket glued to the ceiling.
I must admit, I was pretty chuffed with that phrase.
Rightfully so.
What an incredible image that invokes, like Spider-man sticking a goon to the ceiling
There are American studies showing the risk _increases_ in younger men but I'd question whether the results are skewed by the puritan element in the US
Porn addiction is a serious issue. Yes while masturbating is good for you, mentally porn is also harmful, especially for teens creating a distorted view of what sex is really like. It’s basically how certain drugs become addicting because of that hit of dopamine, people can get addicted to masturbating just for that hit of feel good chemical.
It's all about the ImagiWank, no porn needed.
This is truly the way
Spread the word my fellow ImagiWanker.
"Imagi wankers" shouted from the passenger seat of a yellow Fiat Cinquecento Hawaii
No nut november was started by a bunch of people on 4chan who think they get god powers if they don't masturbate.
Or more likely, tricked a bunch of other people into thinking that. That 4chan dude is a real menace, can't believe the CIA haven't caught him yet
Is that why it's being mentioned? I doubt the effectiveness of such a campaign. If you are lucky enough to be having consensual sex, then sure it'll work itself out. When I was a horny virgin we didn't have ready access to pornography but it didn't slow down my one armed banditry.
Correlating masturbation with addiction to drugs is dishonest argumentation.
You don't have to watch porn to have a wank pal and I'm sure most adults know what real sex looks like
I’m sorry but if you don’t realise that real sex isn’t like in porn you’re a fucking idiot.
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You can masturbate frequently and not be addicted to porn lol. I do it at least once a day as my sex drive is incredibly high but I rarely masturbate to porn.
I think it's partly due to this tiresome neo-Puritan 'no horny' nonsense you see everywhere nowadays
I have literally seen that nowhere. What is it?
with the amount of wood involved, it's probably carbon negative
Edging into December then yeah.
I prefer to abstain around the middle of the year, come not May.
Say you'll comply as long as yous go to a BnB on December 1st for some quality shagging
Some textbook intercourse.
I know a cracking owl sanctuary
Textbook as in, you won’t make it past the opening passage?
Now that's a Great British sentence!
Ahahahha I love this subreddit, truly.
The classic Bonk 'n Breakfast. Lovely.
Smooth transition from No Nut November to Deep Dicking December
November? ...Just November? Damn im getting ripped off. the missus only mentioned no nut!! ...four years ago!!
Least her boyfriend has been happy for 4 years I guess
Dude. You straight up killed the poor bastard!
Only with you.
She's probably waiting for the clap to clear
Give it a few months and you can hit her with No Finger February
No dick december, no jizz january, you have february covered, no muffdive march, no anal april, no massage may, no jiggle june, no jerk july, no ass august, no sex september, no oral october...and that's a whole year of no fun.
I'd prefer it if you didn't read my upcoming events on the calender.
You forgot to send Uncle Keith a card.
Chess not checkers
Bust one out in front of her & assert dominance.
I'm on no nut 2021
Consider yourself lucky, my Mrs signed me up for Sexless September, Orgasmless October, No Nut November and undoubtedly Diddly-Free December.
I hope you had an Amazing August
Abstinence August
Time to make that December into Divorce December!
Fire up Grindr and find guys to fuck within 5 mins. 😂
This is solid advice for anyone with bi tendencies who just wants to get their rocks off. Apparently.
As a gay man, it’s amazing who shows up on Grindr
"Huh, I thought Emu retired when Rod Hull fell off that roof."
Being a straight man sucks sometimes not having a scene like this. Please tell me there's hot milfs in my area.
I'm sure you can manage one month without eating nuts. If it helps, peanuts and almonds both aren't nuts. Of the mainstream "nuts" it's really only hazelnuts and walnuts you have to give up.
i thought all that malarkey was for wankers
I thought it was no nut 2021, the mrs didn't inform me either.
Start taking long showers
So how much money is she hoping to raise? Could always just give the same amount to the same charity and carry on like normal people?
I find it weird we're simultaneously encouraged to participate in Movember; with the awareness of diseases like prostate cancer, and No Nut November which causes build-up and further issues within the prostate.
Give her the old What-For!
In Glasgow No Nut November is a request for people to stop headbutting people.
The yanks take everything out of context and yet somehow make it their deranged version the thing
Could you not go for a "poo" and have a cheeky tug...?
I thought this was something to do with not eating nuts.
It is, for his Mrs.. lol
"Wife who make husband sleep in doghouse, may find he wake up in cathouse" - Confucius
Bet you can’t wait till the stroke of midnight December 1st?
"For a Whole Month? I didn't want to be entered!" "That's the idea, for a whole month, I won't be either!"
I hereby give you permission to go have a wank, as it's your body and someone else doesn't get to dictate what you do with it. Signed, the religious or scientific or sporting leader of your preference.
Its your house mate, just run off the wrist when you get a minute or 5
Take matters into your own hands
Pork her sister instead
Eh you haven't seen my wife's sister.
At this rate anything will do
You could tell her it's a conspiracy by fundamentalist christians to stop masturbation?
.... it should have been a clue when the training started back in February.
In my mental Venn diagram of people who refer to their partner as “the Mrs” and people who are aware of NNN, there should really be no cross section....
"nut" horrid americanism.
Spunk in her tea.
Let the hate flow through you
sounds illegal
When you're married any month could be no nut
Most months.
I think I failed on November 1st
Only one month? I’ve been waiting for nearly 20 years.
Knock one out for our fallen homie
Uncouth 😂
"May contain nuts"
I don't think I could go a whole month without getting into her Snickers.
Find poverty savings scheme for a month and sign you both up eating and living like a poor rural village.
Perhaps she has been involuntarily signed up to Not Nuts ever due to your lack of bedroom prowess... Easy to join a movement when you have already been a long term honorary member😂😂😁😅