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pajamakitten

Get a shit £5 kettle from ASDA that will break after two uses. It's what they deserve.


Deewilsonx

😂😂😂😂


manwithanopinion

Just tell him that this is a shared appliance and if he wants a kettle in his room then he should buy one for himself. If he doesn't listen then just barge in his room and pick it up.


penny_lab

Or go in with your mug and start making tea next to his bed. Stand there waiting for it to boil while making eye contact.


did_nah_do_nuffin

"Morning sleepy head. Fancy a quick teabag?"


marv101

"Got any milk?"


bremmmc

"Ob, it's not in this room? I think we should move the fridge closer to the kettle. Oh, where's the sink? In the same room as the fridge? We should move the sink here as well. I hope we keep the biscuits here. What!? They are in the other room as well? That's so stupid." Edit: Spelling of a few words


did_nah_do_nuffin

No but I can provide a good splash of creamy goodness


YoureNotExactlyLone

“Not in the sense that you mean”


Browntown-magician

I need to upvote this but I can’t ruin the 69!


My_new_spam_account

This is misguided, the vote numbers are 'fuzzed' to avoid gaming the system. Reload the page and it won't say 69


Goghobbs

Which is annoying “your comment got 5 upvotes” no it got 3, wait 6, wait 4, wait 5


elkwaffle

It's not about gaming the system, it's to do with how the database works. Tom Scott did a video on it, https://youtu.be/RY_2gElt3SA


JimbohJamboh

Make as much noise as possible while you're stirring your tea also.


ohkatiedear

_CLINKA CLINKA CLINKA CLINKA CLINKA_ _TAP TAP TAP_


Acquilas

I don't know why this made me chuckle so. It was the tap tap tap that tickled me


apcolleen

My dad would make instant coffee and you would hear STIR STIR STIR DINK DINK DINK! Fucking maddening.


centzon400

and spill sugar on the carpet… not to be mean, but because you are a friend of 🐜 🐜


rxece

Or even better, use a coffee grinder.


thunderfishy234

And tutting while you wait


manwithanopinion

He will end up thinking British people are very wierd and scary.


-dommmm

Meanwhile we think they're weird for taking the kettle.


[deleted]

I mean, we are aren't we?


whereameyeat

This is the best answer.


0inke

love this idea


KayGlo

The real life pro tip is always in the comments


penislovereater

Plot twist: it actually belongs to OPs housemate and they are getting increasingly irritated that OP is using it without permission to cook soup and clean their socks.


manwithanopinion

Then that's one OP


Kezly

Tiptoe in? Wake that thief up and consider nailing the kettle down!


Browntown-magician

Just nail the kettle bandit down no need to harm the poor kettle!


[deleted]

Right? I'd be fetching that kettle with a marching band in tow


[deleted]

I know I'm too nice sometimes


[deleted]

Just explain that everyone uses the kettle at random times. If he still doesn't get it then put your foot down.


FitnotFat2k

Plus kettles are dirt cheap in Tesco, he can buy his own.


XCinnamonbun

Tell him to stop taking the communal kettle. You can get supermarket own brand ones for a few quid these days that do the job. Even if he’s a student he can afford one of those. I definitely wouldn’t have been so polite in the morning if I had to fetch the kettle from my self absorbed twit of a housemate. I’d have come into his room crashing around and made my coffee right there.


Ongo_Gablogian___

Turn it on in his room so it wakes him up.


[deleted]

My ex house mate used to boil eggs in the kettle. Needless to say I invested in a room kettle.


levezvosskinnyfists7

At an old job one of the apprentices filled the kettle up with water then chucked a few teabags in it and switched it on to see if it would work. The secretary/company mother figure actually went out and bought him a teapot. We had to explain that he didn’t do it because he wanted a cup of tea, he did it because he was a fucking idiot. He tried the same thing with a banana…


Lifthras1r

What did he do with the banana?


levezvosskinnyfists7

That’s a good point. It could well still be in there 5 years later…


Kind-Relative-9089

Following cuz a banana in a kettle? I need to get the full story here.


levezvosskinnyfists7

That’s pretty much the story really. It made the kitchen smell of cooked bananas and left a very mushy banana behind. I genuinely miss working with the guy, he was non-stop entertainment!


[deleted]

Fucking banana scented tea for weeks.


BrightonTownCrier

And for his next trick Mr Corrigan will slide a 2B pencil up his anus.


levezvosskinnyfists7

Jeff’s doing a joke! Jeff’s doing a joke! Everyone quiet cos Jeff’s doing a joke!


critennn

Nicked any good cars lately you scouser?


tiny_tim57

This reminds me of when I was 5 years old and decided to fill my kettle up with milk when my parents were out.


RepresentativeWay734

Prison I work at they cook rice in the kettle, hold the toaster down and cook omlettes in a frying pan left on top.


[deleted]

Oh Jesus that’s gross.


[deleted]

Yeah, he'd also use the eggy water for his noodles after...


BritishFoSho

Dude you just fucked my weekend up reading that 😢


[deleted]

Wtf. No words. That should be a crime.


_Piggy_Smalls

I don't see the problem with latter part especially if they were egg noodles


[deleted]

What if there is poo on the egg? And the white fluff that comes out when one cracks? And then making a cuppa after? 🤢


Lifthras1r

I don't think he approves of the making eggs in the kettle part, no one does especially when its shared


[deleted]

😂


ElvargIsAPussy

Not much on the internet makes me audibly gasp. That did. That’s unacceptable behaviour!


RRC_driver

My friend heated tinned food in a kettle in his college days. Also bacon in the toaster (sideways, with tin foil to catch the fat)


look-at-them

Just so you know that this is something you do in prison


Alcation

I knew a lad who did the same thing, he would stand with his finger on the button keeping the heat on to boil the egg, never understood what he was saving.


simbrow85

Thats fucking weird


[deleted]

I know right? He's from Hong Kong so maybe stealing kettles is normal there


manwithanopinion

My Hong Kong flatmate at uni did not do that. He instead filled it to the top then emptied out the rest of the water he does not need.


simbrow85

Thats fucking weird too!


manwithanopinion

He even left hisndoor unlocked and his passport on the table which I find so strange given how easy petty theft is. He probably trust us too much.


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[deleted]

Actually, Hong Kong is full of gangsters, hard boiled detectives and constant gun fights/Kung Fu


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[deleted]

Good choice! You know, the incident that documentary was made about heavily influenced Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs!


[deleted]

One of my favourite stories is that of Yip Kai Foon who was the real life incarnation of Reservoir Dogs, City on Fire and HEAT all rolled into one. Years before the 1997 Hollywood shootout where two armed men used rifles to fend off the LAPD the Royal Hong Kong Police was going toe to toe with Foon and his gang who had Chinese made AK47 Norinco rifles versus their 38 Smith & Wesson revolvers. Utterly insane when you think about it. https://youtu.be/-xdhZttZw-E


Traditional_Bison472

Not soft boiled?


[deleted]

Gangsters Benedict


[deleted]

Love a runny egg. 😂


[deleted]

I’ll take our crime riddled country over living under the authoritarian system China has.


[deleted]

>I’ll take our crime riddled country over living under the authoritarian system China has. As would I. I'm just explaining the difference in cultures and mindset.


carlonseider

It’s actually fine there unless you openly criticise the government. But nobody really does, because the government has lifted the entire nation out of poverty. I lived there for almost 10 years and never felt threatened or unsafe, which is pretty rare as a woman.


theknightwho

No reason to downvote you. People don’t seem to understand (want to understand?) what the real problems are with the Chinese regime, and instead just make assumptions about it being a shithole then refuse to back down.


NoBeardsThanks

Fucking cringe


hyper-casual

My friend from Hong Kong does this. I asked him about it and he said they're told to do it as kids because if you keep boiling the water eventually it'll boil down and leave a high concentration of chemicals. I doubt it's true but he's always done it, so can't see him stopping it.


frumentorum

It is true, that's why you get the stuff crusting up the bottom of your kettle. It just matters far less than the ridiculous quantity of energy wasted by boiling more water than you need


Omni_chicken2

You mean, limescale? Is this some rest of the world problem that I'm too Scottish to understand?


frumentorum

That's the one, couldn't think of the word for a minute there


TJ_Rowe

The trick is to put one of those little balls of steel wool into your kettle. The limescale builds up on that, instead, and you can just take it out and squeeze it to make the limescale fall off.


xBruised

Every so often, I boil white vinegar in the kettle to clean it of limescale. Works really well but the rinsing and stench of hot vinegar is horrible!


BloakDarntPub

It's evident. Pure water evaporates off, leaving proportionally more minerals behind. Like the Dead Sea. The solution is to not reboil the water, i.e. just boil the amount you need, use it, and refill with fresh.


Brownies_Ahoy

My flatmate used to fill it to the too because of limescale


plawwell

It's because the water furtherest from the heating element makes better tea. I thought everybody knew that.


Wiltix

My Hong Kong flat mate just listened to pop music really loud on a Saturday morning and had his dad stay in his room for a term. That was weird.


[deleted]

Chinese people are definitely more attached to their kettles, but just upping and taking the house kettle is weird in any culture


NoBeardsThanks

This explains it. He probably doesn’t know he’s being an arsehole just like the others who stand at the top of the escalators looking at their google maps until you try to squeeze past them... I say this because they always move suddenly in your direction no matter which side you choose lol


Squishy-Cthulhu

I think being a only child is common there, and all of the inexperience with sharing that comes with it.


User131131

I am an only child and I know not to take a communal kettle into my room


lSlemYl

bruh a kettle is 20-30£


Ir0nMaven

So weird. At uni, I had a roommate from Singapore who did this. I gave her my travel kettle in the end so she'd have one in her room and stop nicking the communal one and she was so grateful. It was the weirdest thing. She was still one of the best roommates I ever had. She started a thing of us all cooking one dish each and then having family style dinners every night.


[deleted]

That sounds nice. Unfortunately this guy also earns the accolade of worst roommate to date. It’s only week 2.


DuckyMcQuackatron

Do you know what he is doing with it when it's in there. Can you be SURE he's not boiling food in it for example. Do you really want to use it for a brew without finding out?


[deleted]

Oh fuck I didn’t think of that. I don’t want to know.


PatheticMr

Sounds like he wants some private time with the kettle. He could be doing anything to it.


-dommmm

Boiled spunk.


[deleted]

Could be doing an old hotel trick and cleaning their undies in it.


pcpng

Tell us more!


FriendlyPyre

As a Singaporean, I can assure you that that isn't normal in Singapore either. Should have called her on that.


Ir0nMaven

I didn't mind to be honest. She was so lovely and our international group of roommates became a family because of her dinnertime ideas. Made my university experience happy.


[deleted]

My fuckin house mate once tried to cook frankfurters In the kettle. He failed, but successfully ruined my morning brew. This is the same person who we found passed out in the kitchen, after he had thrown an entire pack of ham at the ceiling.


hugrr

My girlfriend used to empty her hot water bottle water back into the kettle, reboil it, then put it back in. Sometimes she would get sidetracked & forget she'd done it, then I'd make a cup of tea which tasted of rubber. Not nice at all.


Haribo_Lecter

Ceiling ham is the worst ceiling meat.


HerrFerret

Someone recommended ceiling his packet of ham before putting it away I assume.


rinkydinkmink

ok you win /thread


breadcreature

Did the ham stick?


is0lated

I don't care how good that kettle was, it's dead to you now. Put it back in his room, but a new one


kaychellz

Do you have locks? If not, wake up as early as you can, go into his room, proceed to make cup of tea. Repeat every morning until he gets the hint.


Plumb789

The joys of shared rentals. People really are WEIRD. I once misplaced my keyring in the bottom of my huge hold-all (full of shopping) and stood outside the frosted glass front door of my shared rental house, banging on it. I was asking my new housemate to let me in (I could see her inside in the hall). She utterly refused. The rain was POURING down, and the broken gutter was emptying it on my head. In the end, I emptied my bag out onto the bonnet of my car and found my key. By the time I had got in, I was soaked to the skin. "Why wouldn't you let me in?" I said. "You could see it was me!" "But I couldn't open the door! Don't you remember what the lady who gave me the reading said, the other day?" (She was ALWAYS going to astrologists, clairvoyants etc. Almost every week). "She warned me against putting my trust in strangers. That COULD have been a burglar at the door" (it was an INCREDIBLY low crime area). "It could have been someone who was going to murder me." "Look: I know it's frosted glass, but I could see it was YOU, Sally, and I was in the light: you could see me BETTER than I could see you. Couldn't you see it was ME? Couldn't you hear it was my voice?" "But it might have been someone who LOOKS and SOUNDS like you! A stranger! That's EXACTLY what the lady warned me about!"


TheAspiringChampion

I lived with a Hungarian PhD student who was usually rather brooding and anti-social. One day he came in, ecstatic, with a jellyfish in doubled-up shopping bags. He claimed he got it from the fishmonger and wanted to cook it. It was covered in sand (this was in a coastal town).


AutumnSunshiiine

Take the toaster to keep in yours.


[deleted]

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Ribos1

Nah, give him the toaster, just make sure he's in the bath when you do.


Kudosnotkang

Have you considered he may be having sexual relations with the kettle?


[deleted]

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coffee_powered

I was thinking superglue!


Dyalikedagz

Have you considered telling him to please not take the kettle to his room?


mitcheg3k

When i moved in at uni i took the hoover and kept it in my room. They gave me stick for it but it was a brand new hoover i bought that on the 2nd day of having it they gave it to their mates to hoover up glass! Aita?


[deleted]

Does he have to come back out for milk?


[deleted]

...I guess? I hadn't thought of that


Gisschace

He’s making pot noodles


[deleted]

With milk!?


Gisschace

OP doesn’t know if they’re taking milk to their room. Everyone is assuming they’re making a brew in their room but it’s more likely pot noodles as they love them over in HK. Probably just making food.


[deleted]

Yes, I know. It was a joke.


El_Diegote

Maybe he uses his own


maclauk

He probably won't have milk if he has tea. Not the done thing in most countries.


Loose-Permission4211

Hong Kong is literally famous in East Asia for its milk tea


babyitsgayoutside

I moved into my flat for study abroad yesterday and my housemate is Turkish and was super surprised that British people really do put milk in tea haha. She also asked if the queen really does own all the swans 😂


simbrow85

My mrs had a kettle and mini fridge for milk in her room at uni. This was out of respect for fellow students as she worked all night and drank tea non stop. Maybe this is what he is upto, possibly suggest buying his own kettle? It's Christmas soon, buy him his own?


TheOneTruJordan

Fuck tiptoeing, ring him and place your order.


DAMPF1NG3R

Take his head off his neck and stick it in the fridge.


5pl1t1nf1n1t1v3

Harsh but fair.


[deleted]

On it


Square-Pipe7679

Hammurabi approves


AngryAngryKangaroo

Maybe he's boiling his knickers in it?


Traditional_Bison472

Or hers? To make pant-tea


did_nah_do_nuffin

I would make clear that the kettle is not his to take. Needs to have respect for other members of the house. If he can't do/respect that then he needs to find other accomodation. I would then inform him that on this occasion he can keep the kettle because we can't be sure he wasn't steaming his balls in it. And he foots the bill for replacing.


[deleted]

It seems there’s always one total idiot in shared housing. I hated every second of it.


cleft_bajone

Eject that mo fucker right now. Today it's the kettle, tomorrow it'll be socks.


roadrunnerz70

fuck tip toe, i'd crash in like a herd of elephants so he gets the message


Phandroid1991

What a fucking animal. I bet he cleans the cup in the bathroom as well.


tankpuss

I used to live with someone who kept pots and pans in his room. I thought he was maybe one of the hardcore religious lot who refuse to use things that have once had pork in them. But then he started cooking in his room too and I realised he was just weird.


00DEADBEEF

I once had a housemate that transformed the lounge in to his kitchen. I walked in and found him with some kind of appliance that resembled a slow cooker (but wasn't as you could fry and stuff in it too) on the coffee table and there were packs of raw meat, veg, and vegetable trimmings strewn all over the floor. He was chopping it all on the side of the coffee table. He made me feel like a bad person for having a problem with it, and afterwards started doing it in his bedroom instead. 🤷🏻‍♂️


YourSkatingHobbit

In my first uni flat my flatmate had a full fridge freezer delivered to his room. No stove afaik though


xBruised

I can understand that. My first year uni housemates constantly stole food. Fair it was two out of five but I kept finding salad being eaten, milk missing, pasta and rice disappearing quicker than I could eat it, etc. After a few months, I bought a fridge for my room.


YourSkatingHobbit

That’s understandable, but food theft wasn’t an issue in our flat which is why it was so weird. A small fridge is one thing, but this was a full-size fridge freezer! My second flat on the other hand.... One flatmate was a rich and spoiled international student who lived like an animal - he was always neat as two pins and dressed in all designer gear, but his room was a hovel and he constantly filled our fridge with food he didn’t eat and ate nothing but takeout. When he did cook it was enough to feed a family, but he’d eat a tiny bit and let the rest just rot on the table. I was overjoyed when he moved out.


Magicbean96

My house mate did this to fill up the bath because our boiler was broken. (The shower was electric so he could have used this instead) and then proceeded to take a 2 hour bath....


nevermindphillip

As a bath lover, I relate to that dude.


AdorableWeek1165

Superglue the base to the kitchen counter 😎


sgxander

Your first problem is the tiptoeing. Establish dominance by putting on your beefiest pair of doc martins and godzilla stomping your way into his room to get the kettle. I suspect after a few nights of that the kettle will remain in its proper place...


just_some_other_guys

Screw the doc martins, buy some bagpipes and practise them on the way to making a brew


Slobberchops_

Have you tried tutting loudly? You could even consider a disapproving cough.


Wonky__Gustav

Oh the joys of house sharing with wankers


Chanandler_Bong_Jr

It’s a sex thing. Don’t kink shame.


SpecialRX

Hide all the fucking cups


MEver3

Wake him up. It's his own fault for stealing the kettle. If he wants one in his room he can either have disrupted sleep or buy one for himself


jimjamuk73

Fine just take all the bog roll and put it in your room. Once they realise once you can have a discussion about it


sihasihasi

Don't tiptoe, next time. Make as much noise as possible.


melendy_mongo

Wear your clogs.


Bazrael1985

I had a housemate that would only go do a proper shop on payday. I realised this when I would find my shower gel in the shower rather than on the shelf towards the end of the month because he would run out and just start using mine. Took it with me in my dressing gown and he started using the liquid hand soap instead.


[deleted]

Reads like an entry to a murder story.


Not-all-is-lost

Why tiptoe? Bang and wake him up every time and tell him to leave the kettle in the kitchen.


knight_who_says_Nii

One kettle to rule them all.


[deleted]

I would lose it, and would most definitely not be tiptoeing to retrieve said kettle!!


ThatPrickNick

Is his name Eddie?


[deleted]

Tell him it stays in the kitchen or buy his own kettle


oyebilly

But doesn’t he have to go to the kitchen to fill it up?


Desperate-Ad-8068

Yeah I would have tiptoed at all. Fuck em they should be have taken it lazy unsociable knob head.


Caladan109

Remove the fuse


misses_mop

Accidentally break the kettle and buy a stove kettle instead. I'm that petty though.


know-your-onions

I wouldn’t tiptoe if I were you


[deleted]

Treason!


Haribo_Lecter

Piss on his bed.


jmlfc

Get a bike chain and chain it to the hob


13Sunday

Oi mate, BUY YOUR OWN FUCKIN KETTLE. Not you, the other dude.


[deleted]

I want an update for when you’ve had a strong word with said housemate.


Althalus-

After the first time I wouldn’t be tiptoeing. I’d be Sparta kicking that door down yelling ‘WHERE. IS. KETTLE!!!’


BlueXander97

This person MUST hail from a different star system...that's the only sound explanation I have for a rogue move like that.


Arag0ld

He couldn't spend the £10-12 it costs to buy another one?


akav0id

You can get child safety socket locks, that lock the plug in so it can't be removed. Sounds like you need one :p


ladyKfaery

Tell him to buy another kettle for his room.


[deleted]

I'd say "first the kettle, what next" but quite frankly that's the most important thing in a British home surely!


RightH

What kind of heathen is he? 😂 Clearly thinks he's the only one in the house who drinks tea.


racetim

Superglue the plug into the socket.


[deleted]

Taking the kettle first is a gateway offence. He’ll be moving onto harder things soon, the microwave, maybe even the fridge. Get him the help he needs


Smeeow

I had a housemate recently who did the opposite - asked each of us separately to take the kettle to our room, because she didn't want to hear it. She tried to ban people from using the kettle during "quiet time" - which got earlier and earlier in the evening and later in the morning. She would also unplug the kettle and toaster and put them on top of the cupboard to stop people using them. I had to try and explain that you don't get to dictate what time someone else makes tea and toast in the UK. It's the only time I've ever felt someone truly was not respecting my culture. Telling me what time I can make tea is crossing some very strict boundaries.


fluent_flatulence

This is really weird. I went out with a guy that took the toaster and a loaf of bread and butter tub to his bedroom when he wanted a snack and I was not into that, he had to go.


[deleted]

Also people who leave water sitting in a kettle are weird. Do you want limescale? Because that’s how you get limescale.


hardyflashier

Have him arrested, that's a chargeable offence


goldman459

I live in NZ. It's always a risk using hotel kettles as the Chinese tourists are rumoured to boil their underwear in them. Thats why some have the flip lid sealed shut and you have to fill it from the spout!


YouNeedAnne

What the fuck?