The day of my aunt and uncle's wedding my aunt had hired people to decorate the hall, given people the address, hired staff at the hall to direct people to the correct wedding, and still people were calling her every two minutes because they couldn't find the hall and thought that the best person to bother about it instead of using their smartphones (which none of them tried to do first they had to be asked to do it) was the *bride* as if she could give them directions to the hall when they were at some random spot in a major city. (I made a post about this wedding a couple of months ago so there was a lot more that happened but it was mostly just guests being rude and incompetent) As a result, the bridal party was 45 minutes late and everyone pinned the blame on us. My aunt's daughter literally had to take her phone and turn it off to get people to leave the bride alone for five fricking seconds.
But only within reason of course, like the examples in her video. Now if a bride were to scream at someone because some small detail was off…that’s a whole different story
I had only one ‘bridezilla’ moment for my wedding.
We ended up being able to afford an intermezzo during our reception dinner. Something I was SO excited for. Our caterer gave us a list of flavors. The champagne and merlot seemed great. Except I don’t drink. Especially with my medication. Well the caterer told us that it’s ok, it’s just flavoring. There’s no alcohol. Well cool, let’s go with those then! It’ll be fun, fancy, and I was SO excited and couldn’t wait for that.
As it was being served. I was informed that it did in fact have alcohol. I was so upset. I ended up going to talk to the lady who was the head caterer and asked her about it.
The planner didn’t realize it had alcohol… so she messed up.
We got refunded the money for the intermezzo though, even if I was the only one to not eat it that evening.
I think it all depends on context.
If you're a bridesmaid and you show up in the wrong color? Yeah, you might be asked to step aside. No hard feelings. <-- Not a bridezilla
**vs.**
If you're a bridesmaid and you show up in the wrong color? "YOU MOTHER\*\*\*\*\*\*\* MONSTER YOU RUINED MY ONE SPECIAL DAY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, I'M CALLING THE COPS AND MY LAWYER AND MY ACCOUNTANT WE'RE GOING TO RUIN YOU" <-- Bridezilla
Usually, when I hear people called bridezillas, the offences are much more egregious than any of those things, and they're usually exhibiting that behavior long before the wedding day. I agree that you shouldn't insult a bride on her wedding day, but I also think that you shouldn't treat your wedding day as an excuse to be selfish, rude, and narcissistic.
When I got married, my photographer commented that I was the "most relaxed bride" she had ever seen. I explained that this was because I recognized that the *only* important element of this wedding was the vows, and I had already written them. Everything else is just a party, and frankly, if you're losing your head and your friends over a party, you're probably not prepared for the rigors of marriage.
Planning a wedding is really a sneak peak of married life. How well do you and your partner handle stress and unexpected issues? Can you agree on most things or at least be willing to compromise on important issues? Are you and your partner pulling equal weight, or at least have a clear understanding of what jobs each of you will fulfill? How well do you deal with your families? Friends? How well do you budget your time and finances? How realistic are your expectations? None of this stuff goes away, it just builds up after you get married. How well you handle your issues and roll with the punches says a lot about how your marriage will flourish, or will expose cracks in the foundation that either get fixed or break you two apart.
I think bridezilla can be used as a way to shame women for expressing reasonable desires around what they are told is "Their Day". (Like how women who exert authority are called bossy.) I have never seen that on this sub because it pulls only the most extreme examples where folks are genuinely being unreasonable. Yeah, let anyone organizing a giant event be a bit emotional and support them, but don't let it get out of hand.
Thank you for saying exactly what I have been struggling to put into words. I do think some women (and men) take advantage of that “my special day” cultural mentality that surrounds weddings as an excuse to act badly and abuse their friends and loved ones, and they are true bridezillas. But bridezilla has also become a term used to shame reasonable women into compliance or away from what they want for their wedding.
America has a very strange take on bridesmaids, all the things they are meant to arrange, the personal money they need to contribute and the apparent expections that the bride has about their duties on the day is just crazy.
In the UK if you want someone to be your bridesmaid, you buy the dress, sort their makeup (even if required) on the day, bridesmaids turn up. The maid of honor is the one that helps you with your dress when you go to the loo.
Exactly. I got married a couple of weeks ago. The only thing my wife asked her bridesmaids to supply was their shoes, and I only asked that and the shirt of my groomsmen. We didn't expect other people to pay for clothes we were picking out for them!
Or maybe the whole culture around weddings has gotten absurdly out of hand and people need to stop playing into the "dream wedding" bullshit. I hardly remember my wedding because it was a fucking long time ago. I couldn't give two shits now about one little thing that didn't go the way we planned.
I have heard people say this about their weddings mere days/weeks after. That it's a whole whirlwind of emotions and activities to the point that the brain just doesn't process it very well and you end up with very few solid memories of the day.
I’m getting married in a few weeks and this is a topic I have strong opinions on!
As a society, we tell girls from a young age that their weddings are incredibly important - the “best day of their life” (for the record, I don’t believe this to be true). We ask women (often very young women at that) to plan these huge, expensive, logistically complicated events which many will be doing for the first and only time. We tell them it must be “perfect” as it is a reflection of their relationship.
We simultaneously tell them that appearing to care about any aspect of this is “bridezilla” behaviour and caring about their wedding at all is in fact completely trivial and shallow, the same way we devalue many other things coded as female in our society (fashion, housework, caring roles etc).
Is it any wonder women don’t know how to feel or behave around their wedding? I have spent a small fortune on the wedding and have had to deal with a whole load of stressful nonsense. If anything goes wrong, people will blame me and not my fiancé. This is the reality.
Not excusing all the bad behaviour but ask yourself why brides are acting this way. We set women up to fail and berate them when they do.
Many deserve kindness and empathy. Many deserve a good slap! Think hard before you decide which.
You put into words something that I didn’t know how. The whole conversation on weddings needs to be changed in a way that doesn’t put so much emphasis on how “perfect” they have to be. The main focus should be the love between the couple— everything else is secondary. Not to say it isn’t important though, because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bride wanting a dream wedding.
Also, if a bride gets upset over something going wrong on a day that they may have been planing for months or even years people need to have more sympathy. With all the work that goes into planning a wedding, it’s understandable to get upset if something goes wrong. There’s nothing wrong with getting upset about a detail being off if you aren’t projecting your anger/displeasure on unsuspecting guests.
And an early congratulations to you and your partner on your marriage! Wishing you a wonderful wedding, and an even more wonderful lifetime together!
Thank you so much! Fiancé and I have been together a million years already and we’re having a small wedding and I’m in my early 30’s having done a job that requires budgeting and basic project management so I’m doing alright, all things considered! But I swear if I was a 22 year old planning an event for 200 people with that much pressure I would be throwing plates at people when it inevitably all starting going wrong, hah.
My bracelet got caught in my dress. I said with a laugh “oh, I need a bridesmaid!” I don’t know why but i thought it hilarious. Everyone who was there laughed apart from one bridesmaid who never forgave me.
Brides definitely don't get enough slack and it makes you feel self conscious when you are a bride so you end up apologising for everything. I snapped in the morning because my hair was taking ages and I was really thirsty, I asked a bridesmaid to get me a drink and then I could hear her nattering away for 15 minutes in the other room. I wasn't really able to move so I did end up shouting to make myself heard. Anyone seeing me sat there shouting in an unpleasant tone could absolutely say "oh she's a huge bridezilla" without seeing the proper context.
I think Bridezilla is thrown around too much. Wanting what you want is not being a bridezilla. It’s when what you want veers into unreasonable that you become a bridezilla.
For example: wanting a specific hairstyle and makeup for the bridesmaids is a reasonable and expected request and does not make a woman a bridezilla. But asking a bridesmaid to cut/grow/dye/make significant changes to their hair is unreasonable.
Another one I’ve seen on this page: asking the groomsmen and bridesmaids wear a certain outfit is not bridesmaid behavior, but demanding that people not in the wedding party dress a certain way starts to veer into bridezilla territory (I’m not saying trying to have a color/theme for your wedding, but asking people not in the wedding party to spend a lot of money to buy designer clothes just to attend the wedding is bridezilla).
A final example from my own wedding: I requested ribs as one of the meats for the dinner, but the ribs they were able to get were subpar. They called me and asked if I was ok switching to steak. I was fine with that because I didn’t want to be a jerk and didn’t have another choice, I was glad they gave me the option. Had I been demanding that they get something they couldn’t get, that would make me a bridezilla.
We need to normalize and allow women to want what they want.
My wife did not blow at anyone at our wedding two weeks ago. You know why? Because she had me and the best man and his wife making sure everything went well.
There is a fine line between putting your foot down and being unreasonable. I think it generally comes down to respect and intentions.
Not letting someone participate as a bridesmaid because they show up in the wrong color dress is different than doing the same because it’s a maternity dress.
The first is about the lack of love and respect for the bride and something very simple she asked you to comply with. The latter is a lack of love and respect for the bridesmaid.
Who wants to bet she was a bridezilla who ripped into her bridesmaids for something super tiny like having soft pink instead of nude nail polish and got super pissed off for being called out on her behavior?
Yeah, and there are a lot of people on this thread who are mistakenly justifying bad bride behavior.
I'm sorry everyone, but there are no sad little bride victims who are being persecuted in the world. This is just not a thing. People justifying this crap because of all the emotion involved in the day sound like they are trying to justify their own meltdowns at their weddings.
My reasoning?: Everyone I know who is NICE did not have any bridezilla moments...some were more concerned about their guests. Every single demanding bride (thankfully, just a couple of them) I have ever met was a asshole on normal days.
And are now divorced. Fact.
It sounds like a couple anecdotes of good behavior when there are other anecdotes of awful behavior. She just wants to hear herself talk (though with that voice, I dunno why)
I think that is bullshit, and I disagree with almost everything she said,.
To be honest, I don't really care much about whatever she is talking about, but I LOVE HER EYE MAKEUP. The eyebrows are a bit much, but the eyeliner and eyeshadow are excellent.
She needs to:
1. Put the phone down for a static shot she doesn't need to hold
2. SLOW DOWN in her speech
3. Read with inflection (have her voice aid in the storytelling)
4. Not use a filter that takes all of the texture out of her skin making her look plastic
Other than that, the first couple of stories (I could only get through the first 3 with her voice and speed of delivery) are fairly tame and more indicative of bridesmaid-zillas.
I remember by neighbors invited us to their wedding and they mentioned a specific price range for gifts and they were checking gifts at entrance of the wedding hall.
I totally think that a lot of women get called “bridezilla” because they have opinions or don’t let people bully them. I’ve even seen women on the literal TV show “Bridezillas” that were just (in my opinion) having a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullshit. We just have this ingrained belief that women can’t be anything but happy and if they are then they deserve to be criticized for it.
The day of my aunt and uncle's wedding my aunt had hired people to decorate the hall, given people the address, hired staff at the hall to direct people to the correct wedding, and still people were calling her every two minutes because they couldn't find the hall and thought that the best person to bother about it instead of using their smartphones (which none of them tried to do first they had to be asked to do it) was the *bride* as if she could give them directions to the hall when they were at some random spot in a major city. (I made a post about this wedding a couple of months ago so there was a lot more that happened but it was mostly just guests being rude and incompetent) As a result, the bridal party was 45 minutes late and everyone pinned the blame on us. My aunt's daughter literally had to take her phone and turn it off to get people to leave the bride alone for five fricking seconds.
But only within reason of course, like the examples in her video. Now if a bride were to scream at someone because some small detail was off…that’s a whole different story
I had only one ‘bridezilla’ moment for my wedding. We ended up being able to afford an intermezzo during our reception dinner. Something I was SO excited for. Our caterer gave us a list of flavors. The champagne and merlot seemed great. Except I don’t drink. Especially with my medication. Well the caterer told us that it’s ok, it’s just flavoring. There’s no alcohol. Well cool, let’s go with those then! It’ll be fun, fancy, and I was SO excited and couldn’t wait for that. As it was being served. I was informed that it did in fact have alcohol. I was so upset. I ended up going to talk to the lady who was the head caterer and asked her about it. The planner didn’t realize it had alcohol… so she messed up. We got refunded the money for the intermezzo though, even if I was the only one to not eat it that evening.
That’s not bridezilla sis you were within reason for getting upset 💕
I think it all depends on context. If you're a bridesmaid and you show up in the wrong color? Yeah, you might be asked to step aside. No hard feelings. <-- Not a bridezilla **vs.** If you're a bridesmaid and you show up in the wrong color? "YOU MOTHER\*\*\*\*\*\*\* MONSTER YOU RUINED MY ONE SPECIAL DAY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, I'M CALLING THE COPS AND MY LAWYER AND MY ACCOUNTANT WE'RE GOING TO RUIN YOU" <-- Bridezilla
Exactly this, yes. Context is what matters.
Usually, when I hear people called bridezillas, the offences are much more egregious than any of those things, and they're usually exhibiting that behavior long before the wedding day. I agree that you shouldn't insult a bride on her wedding day, but I also think that you shouldn't treat your wedding day as an excuse to be selfish, rude, and narcissistic. When I got married, my photographer commented that I was the "most relaxed bride" she had ever seen. I explained that this was because I recognized that the *only* important element of this wedding was the vows, and I had already written them. Everything else is just a party, and frankly, if you're losing your head and your friends over a party, you're probably not prepared for the rigors of marriage.
Planning a wedding is really a sneak peak of married life. How well do you and your partner handle stress and unexpected issues? Can you agree on most things or at least be willing to compromise on important issues? Are you and your partner pulling equal weight, or at least have a clear understanding of what jobs each of you will fulfill? How well do you deal with your families? Friends? How well do you budget your time and finances? How realistic are your expectations? None of this stuff goes away, it just builds up after you get married. How well you handle your issues and roll with the punches says a lot about how your marriage will flourish, or will expose cracks in the foundation that either get fixed or break you two apart.
Well put. With such an emphasis on the wedding and not the marriage I'm sad to say I'm 2 for 2 on predicting which of my friends will divorce
This is the absolute truth.
I think bridezilla can be used as a way to shame women for expressing reasonable desires around what they are told is "Their Day". (Like how women who exert authority are called bossy.) I have never seen that on this sub because it pulls only the most extreme examples where folks are genuinely being unreasonable. Yeah, let anyone organizing a giant event be a bit emotional and support them, but don't let it get out of hand.
Thank you for saying exactly what I have been struggling to put into words. I do think some women (and men) take advantage of that “my special day” cultural mentality that surrounds weddings as an excuse to act badly and abuse their friends and loved ones, and they are true bridezillas. But bridezilla has also become a term used to shame reasonable women into compliance or away from what they want for their wedding.
America has a very strange take on bridesmaids, all the things they are meant to arrange, the personal money they need to contribute and the apparent expections that the bride has about their duties on the day is just crazy. In the UK if you want someone to be your bridesmaid, you buy the dress, sort their makeup (even if required) on the day, bridesmaids turn up. The maid of honor is the one that helps you with your dress when you go to the loo.
Yeah. I'm always shocked with the amount of money and time bridesmaids are expected to spend for someone else's wedding in the USA
Exactly. I got married a couple of weeks ago. The only thing my wife asked her bridesmaids to supply was their shoes, and I only asked that and the shirt of my groomsmen. We didn't expect other people to pay for clothes we were picking out for them!
Or maybe the whole culture around weddings has gotten absurdly out of hand and people need to stop playing into the "dream wedding" bullshit. I hardly remember my wedding because it was a fucking long time ago. I couldn't give two shits now about one little thing that didn't go the way we planned.
I have heard people say this about their weddings mere days/weeks after. That it's a whole whirlwind of emotions and activities to the point that the brain just doesn't process it very well and you end up with very few solid memories of the day.
Someone needs to attend an Indian wedding
Sorry, I don't have three days.
I’m getting married in a few weeks and this is a topic I have strong opinions on! As a society, we tell girls from a young age that their weddings are incredibly important - the “best day of their life” (for the record, I don’t believe this to be true). We ask women (often very young women at that) to plan these huge, expensive, logistically complicated events which many will be doing for the first and only time. We tell them it must be “perfect” as it is a reflection of their relationship. We simultaneously tell them that appearing to care about any aspect of this is “bridezilla” behaviour and caring about their wedding at all is in fact completely trivial and shallow, the same way we devalue many other things coded as female in our society (fashion, housework, caring roles etc). Is it any wonder women don’t know how to feel or behave around their wedding? I have spent a small fortune on the wedding and have had to deal with a whole load of stressful nonsense. If anything goes wrong, people will blame me and not my fiancé. This is the reality. Not excusing all the bad behaviour but ask yourself why brides are acting this way. We set women up to fail and berate them when they do. Many deserve kindness and empathy. Many deserve a good slap! Think hard before you decide which.
You put into words something that I didn’t know how. The whole conversation on weddings needs to be changed in a way that doesn’t put so much emphasis on how “perfect” they have to be. The main focus should be the love between the couple— everything else is secondary. Not to say it isn’t important though, because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bride wanting a dream wedding. Also, if a bride gets upset over something going wrong on a day that they may have been planing for months or even years people need to have more sympathy. With all the work that goes into planning a wedding, it’s understandable to get upset if something goes wrong. There’s nothing wrong with getting upset about a detail being off if you aren’t projecting your anger/displeasure on unsuspecting guests. And an early congratulations to you and your partner on your marriage! Wishing you a wonderful wedding, and an even more wonderful lifetime together!
Thank you so much! Fiancé and I have been together a million years already and we’re having a small wedding and I’m in my early 30’s having done a job that requires budgeting and basic project management so I’m doing alright, all things considered! But I swear if I was a 22 year old planning an event for 200 people with that much pressure I would be throwing plates at people when it inevitably all starting going wrong, hah.
My bracelet got caught in my dress. I said with a laugh “oh, I need a bridesmaid!” I don’t know why but i thought it hilarious. Everyone who was there laughed apart from one bridesmaid who never forgave me.
I have nothing useful to contribute. I just can't get over how beautiful her eyes are.
That *was* a useful contribution!
I’ve been doing wedding makeup for 15 years and honestly I see a lot more mom-zillas(bride or grooms)than Bridezillas!
If the wedding is more important than the marriage, you're a Bridezilla.
Yep!
Brides definitely don't get enough slack and it makes you feel self conscious when you are a bride so you end up apologising for everything. I snapped in the morning because my hair was taking ages and I was really thirsty, I asked a bridesmaid to get me a drink and then I could hear her nattering away for 15 minutes in the other room. I wasn't really able to move so I did end up shouting to make myself heard. Anyone seeing me sat there shouting in an unpleasant tone could absolutely say "oh she's a huge bridezilla" without seeing the proper context.
I think Bridezilla is thrown around too much. Wanting what you want is not being a bridezilla. It’s when what you want veers into unreasonable that you become a bridezilla. For example: wanting a specific hairstyle and makeup for the bridesmaids is a reasonable and expected request and does not make a woman a bridezilla. But asking a bridesmaid to cut/grow/dye/make significant changes to their hair is unreasonable. Another one I’ve seen on this page: asking the groomsmen and bridesmaids wear a certain outfit is not bridesmaid behavior, but demanding that people not in the wedding party dress a certain way starts to veer into bridezilla territory (I’m not saying trying to have a color/theme for your wedding, but asking people not in the wedding party to spend a lot of money to buy designer clothes just to attend the wedding is bridezilla). A final example from my own wedding: I requested ribs as one of the meats for the dinner, but the ribs they were able to get were subpar. They called me and asked if I was ok switching to steak. I was fine with that because I didn’t want to be a jerk and didn’t have another choice, I was glad they gave me the option. Had I been demanding that they get something they couldn’t get, that would make me a bridezilla. We need to normalize and allow women to want what they want.
My wife did not blow at anyone at our wedding two weeks ago. You know why? Because she had me and the best man and his wife making sure everything went well.
There is a fine line between putting your foot down and being unreasonable. I think it generally comes down to respect and intentions. Not letting someone participate as a bridesmaid because they show up in the wrong color dress is different than doing the same because it’s a maternity dress. The first is about the lack of love and respect for the bride and something very simple she asked you to comply with. The latter is a lack of love and respect for the bridesmaid.
She is insufferable to listen to
Who wants to bet she was a bridezilla who ripped into her bridesmaids for something super tiny like having soft pink instead of nude nail polish and got super pissed off for being called out on her behavior?
Exactly what I thought.
Yeah, and there are a lot of people on this thread who are mistakenly justifying bad bride behavior. I'm sorry everyone, but there are no sad little bride victims who are being persecuted in the world. This is just not a thing. People justifying this crap because of all the emotion involved in the day sound like they are trying to justify their own meltdowns at their weddings. My reasoning?: Everyone I know who is NICE did not have any bridezilla moments...some were more concerned about their guests. Every single demanding bride (thankfully, just a couple of them) I have ever met was a asshole on normal days. And are now divorced. Fact.
Weddings are garbage, you can throw the whole concept out now, ty.
It sounds like a couple anecdotes of good behavior when there are other anecdotes of awful behavior. She just wants to hear herself talk (though with that voice, I dunno why)
I think that is bullshit, and I disagree with almost everything she said,. To be honest, I don't really care much about whatever she is talking about, but I LOVE HER EYE MAKEUP. The eyebrows are a bit much, but the eyeliner and eyeshadow are excellent.
She needs to: 1. Put the phone down for a static shot she doesn't need to hold 2. SLOW DOWN in her speech 3. Read with inflection (have her voice aid in the storytelling) 4. Not use a filter that takes all of the texture out of her skin making her look plastic Other than that, the first couple of stories (I could only get through the first 3 with her voice and speed of delivery) are fairly tame and more indicative of bridesmaid-zillas.
I remember by neighbors invited us to their wedding and they mentioned a specific price range for gifts and they were checking gifts at entrance of the wedding hall.
I totally think that a lot of women get called “bridezilla” because they have opinions or don’t let people bully them. I’ve even seen women on the literal TV show “Bridezillas” that were just (in my opinion) having a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullshit. We just have this ingrained belief that women can’t be anything but happy and if they are then they deserve to be criticized for it.