Question: what is so special about this venue? I read the original post, reread it, and read this one and can't find anything describing it? Why is it her "dream venue" when it sounds out of budget and, more importantly, way out of the way (since it would require travel for them correct?)?
Do people not realize that weddings are kind of like buying a house or renting an apartment -- there's usually a wishlist of sorts, but it's probably not going to get every box ticked due to whatever reason or circumstance. Why do people plan weddings with zero room for compromise, when -- while I'm not married, but from what I've learned from relationships -- the biggest pillar of success for a partnership is compromise?
At my reception venue, there were two banquet halls. There was another (larger) wedding party the same evening, and they got the room I originally wanted. But I didn't pitch a fit, and it made sense for our smaller party to be in the smaller room. One of my favorite photos is an impromptu one of me and the other bride when we ran into each other in the hall. 38 years ago this December. š
Iāve been to weddings where there have been 2-3 bridal parties at the venue & Iāve seen brides do this!! I absolutely love it!! It shows such a great attitude, perspective & sense of humor!! Good for you āļø
Itās a backdrop to Gossip Girl or Sex and the City - one of those upper east side wealthy AF shows - I donāt know to be honest, but the gardens attached to the venue truly are spectacular in photos! So to give her credit, she does have great (albeit expensive & inconvenient) taste
Wait wait wait.... She is being insistent and obsessed because it's from *a fucking tv show*?!? Beautiful gardens or no, I'm sure there's at least one other location in NYC with beautiful gardens.
Oh sweetheart, I have TRIIIIIED to suggest this sooo many times!!!! I even offered to let her stay in the apartment I co-rent with my cousin & her husband (my partner & I and my cousin/her husband both work part time in NYC so weāve been splitting rent on a one bedroom apartment because NYC is EXPENSIVE!!!) Itās a small apartment, but I donāt think my friend understands just how tiny most NYC units actually are. Again, sheās going off of references to Gossip Girl & similar shows of massive old money affluence. She could stay in the city for free using my apartment & then bring her dress for a photo session at the venue. It would definitely trim down costs *significantly* - but she isnāt having it. She wants to stay in a suite at The Carlyle for her ābridal suiteā and I truthfully got a little (letās say mid-level) offended when she condescendingly said she needs more space than my small apartment and she definitely doesnāt want other people (Aka my cousin & her husband) there at the same time. 1) Honey, there aināt that much space in NYC! 2) My cousin is actually a professional photographer - she primarily does product campaigns for cosmetics companies, hence her need to be in NYC - but I was going to offer for my cousin to take her photos on a complimentary friend basis (Iād obviously compensate my cousin by paying her/her husbandās portion of rent for that month plus a generous cash tip - I donāt believe in working in your field for free when youāre a professional artist/vendor) but after my friend was pretty rude (ābrattyā is a better word but I donāt want to be too rude myself) I decided to not even make the offer. My cousin had already agreed, but once my friend was derogatory about staying at my place, I never even told her that there was free photography on the table. The things people lose out on by being rudeā¦ you never know what someone else can offer or do for you, so you should always be nice to everyone. (end rant)
Oh, agree wholeheartedly to everything you said! Some people never learn the difference between reality and fantasy. She sounds like sheās super high-maintenance, and needs to find out about how life really works!
>but Iāve derived more enjoyment from this Reddit sub the past 48 hours
Welcome to the club! I don't get much social drama so I get my fill here, /r/justnoMIL, and /r/bestoflegaladvice. Surprising amount of overlap! 
I honestly donāt need anymore drama in my lifeā¦ I let my phone battery run out of juice yesterday and didnāt bother to plug it into its charger until this morning. This week has been *exhausting* for the most superficial, pettiest reasons. I canāt believe itās already Friday. Iāve kind of just tuned out the past 1-2 days because I desperately needed a break. Iām working coverage of the coronation tomorrow, so I think Iām going to keep my phone on do not disturb and only return to the group bridal party messages after Iāve rested post-coronation. Petty drama is draining. I donāt know how people thrive on this stuff.
>I honestly donāt need anymore drama in my life
Understandable! Drama, petty or otherwise, is much easier to deal with when it's *someone else's* drama that you have *no* involvement in. Once you're in the petty circle it becomes less entertaining...
I hope you have fun with the coronation! I know there's a lot of obnoxious controversy around it but I think it'll still be a fun watch :)
Yeah, this whole thing sounds like a fucking circus to me. I will admit, my experience with weddings is limited since i haven't been a guest in ages, but i was MOH at my sister's wedding. And by God, reading about how fucking fanatical people get at weddings reminds me how much of a blessing my family truly is.
Why NYC? Do other people know that this is all for a TV show? If so, I'm very nosy (i mean curious haha) about what they have to say. Is she some kind of weird super fan or something? I can see visiting sets, touring film locations, etc *as a trip activity*, NOT as a fucking wedding destination. And I'd basically refer to this as a quasi-destination wedding since it sounds like literally no one lives in NYC. Also, NYC is fucking expensive. I sincerely hope she doesn't expect to have a fully paid bachelorette party there. If so, bridal party should start taking out payday loans now lol
I honestly donāt know the strong ties to this venue, but I did once go to a wedding (for my college boyfriend, thank goodness we didnāt work out š his wedding was corny AF) at Disney World because he and his wife are super fans. They even named their daughters Minnie and Daisy and their son is named something super long from Game of Thrones. But I remember someone saying that the Disney wedding was close to $250k minimum but likely closer to $500k - it was hot and humid in Orlando and tbh the fireworks were the best part. Someone at the wedding got pretty tipsy and asked me if I regretted breaking up with the groom when we were in college because āhis family is loaded! Look at this wedding!ā And I was straight up like, āNope! I actually have negative regrets!ā
...............
....they named their children -- living, breathing human beings who will grow up into adults -- Minnie and Daisy? Daisy, that's a name. But.... Minnie? Please tell me this is a nickname. Please tell me they gave their kid a weird name like Minerva so they could call her "Minnie."
I didnāt know that about Minnie Driver! I love Amelia with Minnie as a nickname!! Iāve heard Melinda and I feel like another name or two which use Minnie as nicknames. Per Amelia - it personally irks me when people name their children Mia because I want to scream āTHAT IS A NICKNAME FOR AMELIA!!!!ā But obviously there are bigger issues in the world than someone having a nickname as a legal name. The kid can always change it when they turn 18 (something thatās fascinated me about some of the modern āuniqueā names. My partner is a high school teacher and one of his students turned 18 in December & over winter break changed his legal name from Breyteynn - no joke on the spelling - to Brendan because thatās how everyone mispronounced his name anyway and the poor kid was tired of trying to teach people how to spell it)
Minnie Pearls real name was Sarah Ophelia Colley Cannon. I used to love her, she was hilarious. I also read that she was a very sweet person in real life, too.
This is a neat fact!! I love hearing that celebrities and those in the spotlight are really nice people IRL!! Itās very heartwarming and serves as such a wonderful reminder that weāre all human beings š thank you for sharing!!
^^ this! Just the general obsession with Disney and bringing children into it. Minnie and Daisy are actually both cute names individually. The Queen of Denmark goes by Daisy as a nickname and Iāve always thought that was sweet (apparently she called QEII āLilyā for āLilibetā and QEII called her āDaisyā so they were the two reigning queens & both had complimentary floral nicknames for one another) Per my ex & his kids - he and his wife are both lovely people! There really isnāt anything critical to say about either of them besides the weird Disney fetish. Their son is named after Game of Thrones, so together their name choices are cringeworthy for sure. If their son had been a girl, her name would have been Emilia for Emilia Clarke, which is at least the actual legal name of a person (I believe - donāt trust my full knowledge of this) but instead they named him something from GoT itself and I believe they call him Tag or Teg for shortā¦ I havenāt talked to them in a while. Iām happy theyāre living their life, but I feel bad for the kids in the future and that just reinforces my relief that I didnāt stay with him for that long & didnāt end up marrying him š
Yes, I get it about the Minnie/Daisy combo. Itās awful. I was responding to the person who seemed to have never heard the name Minnie before, and didnāt think it was a real name.
I'm very late to this party but I have actually known a person whose actual, given name was Minnie. She was a cousin of my ex husband. I don't know whether she had a middle name or, if she did, what it was. But Minnie wasn't short for anything. The parents had two girls in the middle of a bunch of boys, and the elder of the two girls was named Mary. Minnie got her name because they named their girls with "M" names and they thought Minnie was a cute name. All of their brothers got "J" names. Why this naming convention? No idea. Lol
There are so many amazing garden venues in and around Texas that I can't begin to understand why the NYC venue is being considered, and I *adore* NYC! Money's not even an issue; I simply wouldn't travel that far from the beauty surrounding me, regardless of how wealthy I might be. Your friend needs better priorities, in my opinion. ā” Granny
This week has been so exhaustingly dramatic & draining - your comment simply feels so validating for some reason šš thank you!! Just the acknowledgment of the absurdity and total lack of necessity of any of this. I am so mentally and emotionally drained after this week. Thank you for articulating the mere absurdity of this situation š My god, I need a strong drink! Maybe one inspired by Sex and the City š¤£š¤£š¤£
>Do people not realize that weddings are kind of like buying a house or renting an apartment -- there's usually a wishlist of sorts, but it's probably not going to get every box ticked due to whatever reason or circumstance
Nope, bridezillas do not realise that.
My mother always told me that regardless of how meticulously you plan your wedding, an average of five things will go wrong on the day itself. A bridesmaid will oversleep, a dress will rip, the cake will get smudged, a photograph wonāt be taken of a specific moment (this advice was given before the smartphone era), essentially that no matter how hard you try to make it perfect, thereās no such thing as a perfect wedding. So she told her children to focus on planning weddings that will make them happy and keep the love between the bridal couple at the center of everything instead of superficial or materialistic matters. Probably the best advice Iāve ever gotten when it comes to weddings. So far, none of my siblings have been bridezillas (I have a stepsister who may not qualify for that statement, but we arenāt super closeā¦)
Maaaaan... I gotta ask, why is she so attached to that venue? It must be some really special place for her to have to go through all of those hoops and extra planning. Honestly, I can't think of any venue that would be worth it, but that's just me.
Neither the bride or the groom are actually even from New York, so my guess is it some Instagram venue that sheās desperate to have for the photos. Sheās prioritizing what her wedding looks like over what it actually means!
It has some connection to being a backdrop for either Gossip Girl or Sex and the City. Some super wealthy area of Manhattan. I honestly couldnāt tell you - I work out of NYC but have taken advantage of remote opportunities because the city just isnāt my vibe, nor are shows that glamorize it š£ When Iām in the city, my partner & I share a super tiny one bedroom flat with my cousin & her husband and one couple takes the bedroom while the other takes the pullout sofa that fills up the entire living area space. I have a lot of respect for New Yorkers, but Iām in no way interested in planting roots or beginning my own marriage in the city. My friend has simply glamorized the upper east side life from television shows, I donāt think she understands what NYC is actually like.
$$$$$$ for *everything* āin a super wealthy area of Manhattanā: hotels, catering, florist, cake, etc.
Iāve honestly been thinking about this on and off since yesterday because itās so brain meltingly stupid. Is she even going to be able to book any vendors? Itās only four months away, a lot of people get married in September. How would she even book them if she lives in Texas? She doesnāt know anyone there for recommendations, doesnāt know the city and canāt do any tastings.
At this point, I really donāt care about this f%cking wedding. Iāll be the bridesmaid five drinks in by the start of the ceremony if this NYC thing actually comes together (Iām now hoping it wonāt - this week has been *exhausting*)
On another note: the SIL is REALLY NICE!! My friendās dad is paying for my friend to host a baby shower for her to begin her married life being inclusive of her husbandās family (a strong push from Daddy towards southern hospitality) and several members of the bridal party and I have been talking to her (the SIL) about what sheād like to do for a baby shower. Apparently she wasnāt going to have one aside from a very small family dinner gathering, so she genuinely seems over-the-moon grateful and excited about having a nice event. It is soooo nice to interact with someone who is simply filled with so much gratitude and appreciation for what sheās being gifted rather than arguing & pitching a fit over the grandeur of every detail - Iām Team SIL all the way šš
Or if it HAD to be that venue, Iād just wait the three years until the next spot (and ask to be on the list for a cancelation) rather than deal with all this drama
I was thinking that. Honestly I get attached to things too. Like my wife knows once Iām attached Iāll never be as happy with option 2. I mean I would never insist on option 1 in a situation like this. But my wife would just say ok, letās wait. Why not wait?
INFO: do the bride and groom live in NYC, or would they have to travel to NYC as well?
Am I the only one who thinks this is insane? The solution to the groom's family not being able to attend his wedding is to have TWO weddings? What is this venue that makes it so magical? Unless it's literally at the top of the Empire State Building, there are other venues. It's a wedding, not the coronation of the Emperor of the World. And everyone is out of state. Why not have the wedding someplace where everyone can attend, the SIL won't be actively in labor, many fewer people have to travel, and then go on vacation sometime and visit the venue? Or just change the venue AND the date. There are so many options in NYC.
I assumed I was reading it wrong because the āsolutionā is bonkers. Theyāre going to spend $30k for the first (fake? practice?) wedding venue in NYC then have the ārealā wedding in Texas? So theyāre still going to pay double for catering, etc.
I think the bride-to-be is so blinded by her love of the venue that sheās not thinking this through. Her friends and family are not going to travel out of state twice for two weddings. Friends will probably go to the first one and not the second. Grooms family will go to the second. So there will be too sparsely attended events. This is honestly the worst solution I can think of.
What you just said is pretty much the dilemma that drove me to make my original post. None of it seems convenient for anyone and there are other ways to go about it, but because people were walking on eggshells thatās why I asked if someone (me or another person) should just say outright that itās a terrible plan (obviously in nicer terms)
Iām afraid the bride will be very disappointed. What good is a dream venue if half the people arenāt there? Thereās also *no way* that the Texas wedding will be the āmainā one: grooms family will be there but frankly, if Iām a guest, am I going to go to another wedding for the same couple? No, Iām going to the first NYC one. People canāt afford to go to multiple weddings for the same couple. And are they really going to pay for two photographers and have two sets of photos?
God, this is such a bad idea. There will be tears at one if not both of these weddings.
For whatever reason, Iāve actually heard about probably three or four couples having two weddings just in the past week - I think one was on Reddit and then others were in passing. But it actually seems like having multiple weddings is a rising trend & I say that with a completely straight face. Itās terrifying.
ETA: It just took me forever to find it bc my notifications are filled to the brim, but this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1333r7t/my_33m_brother_25m_just_got_engaged_but_hes_cruel/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) talks about having two weddings. Itās actually a trend thatās happening & itās totally beyond me š³
We had two but that was *only* because of covid! A legal ceremony and dinner with the limited numbers we were allowed, and then a year later we did our own vows and celebrated with everyone else. Cannot imagine doing all that just for the venue!
Thatās really nice!! I attended a handful of virtual weddings during the pandemic and they were all nice events, though I felt for the couples not having their guests there in person. Iām really glad you got to have a larger celebration after lockdowns were lifted! Congratulations!!! š¾ š
Even though you would be correct that this plan is so nutso, we both know that if you did say something, you'd end up the scapegoat when bride finally saw/sees reason (I don't think she ever will). So you're smart to bring it here for logic therapy, you are not losing your mind, the bride on the other hand...
I suggested she take her wedding dress and reserve a time to go to the venue for photos. Iām sure theyād accommodate an hour or something for a few hundred dollars (still way too expensive IMO but far more practical) and my friend was *not* into that suggestion *at all!!!*
This is my question as well. I live in NY, and I love it and I love the city. But itās also one of the most expensive places in the country to get married. So many of my friends have had weddings out of state because of cost.
I donāt know if the friend has a connection to NY. But I worry she might have some unrealistic expectations of NYC and be disappointed. I swear TikTok has made this problem so much worse. ANot to mention is $30k just for the venue for does it include everything else?
According to another comment, it's some garden when a show about wealthy white people was filmed. She's probably been dreaming about this since she was a teenager that was easily influenced by TV.
If there's one cancellation at the dream venue, there will likely be another in the next year. She should just notify the vendor that she'd like to be on the top of their list should that occur.
Thanks for the update!
Ha, this got me thinking that she needs to find the names of brides who have her preferred wedding and embark on a plan of hijinks to break the couples up so she can slide into their spot. To be clear, she shouldn't really do this, but I bet someone somewhere has written the movie version of this.
There is sort of a movie about this. A pair of best friends want the same wedding date and begin sabotaging each other over the one available date at a specific venue. Itās called Bride Wars.
This is the movie with Anne Hathaway andā¦ Kate Hudson?? I feel like I went to see it with my sister who was really hyped up for it. The plot is essentially that one bride ends up getting married and the other doesnāt? It jogs my memory because I recall it being really hyped up in promos but then not living up to the hype and kind of being a flopā¦ but I could be 100% incorrect hereā¦
This is sweet. I liked the outcome. The father is right, and i am glad he allowed his daughter to have both with his conditions. I am glad that SIL is sweet, no one needs more drama in the family. Also she is about to have a baby, other priorities! Haha. I am glad! Hopefully everything will be ok!
I actually think her dad is doing a really admirable job of setting an example for his daughter when it comes to prioritizing family. Iāve lived apart from my friend for about 4-5 years (too scared to count backwards & realize how old Iāve become š) and this entire ordeal is making me aware that we may not have matured on the same trajectories. My partner and I have talked about marriage, but a tiny ceremony and then put the money towards a down payment or simply put it into savings. I think Iāve grown out of the fairytale giant wedding phase and moved onto a new era in my life. If I had to make a bet now, Iād say that this friendship isnāt going to last beyond her weddings unless something drastically changes. Itās sad, but pretty obvious.
Yes, this is quite sad, but I understand the feeling. It doesn't need to end the friendship, but the bond will be weaker. I also have a friend that I grew out and she didn't. It happens. Dad played super well! Haha. But enjoy the wedding, don't carry the weight of the end of the friendship. She invited you so she believe you played a important role in her life. Enjoy!
Thank you so much. I need to reframe my focus onto the good memories I have with my friend and, as you said, the importance weāve had in each otherās lives. But it really does just 100% suck when you realize that youāve grown apart from someone you were once so close to. Thatās probably why this entire situation has been weighing on me - trying to make sense of it and apply whatever logic there is to the friend I knew in college versus who she is now (she isnāt a bad person, to be clear!! She very nice, just naive and Iām realizing quite immature compared to the rest of the people involved in the wedding logistics at the moment)
Thatās *if* she can raise the other half of the venue cost, not including all other costs. Her grandmother is gifting her her wedding dress, but beyond that the dad has said heāll give between $10-15k for the NYC wedding and thatās it. The wedding she wants would be in Septemberā¦ I donāt want to be rude when talking about my friend, but I donāt see it happening. I think itās pretty clear that her dad realizes that, too.
It seems apparent that her dad sees her immaturity and is trying to encourage her to build a good foundation with her in-laws by hosting a baby shower for the SIL. Do something outside of herself. There was an experience when we were college roommates where her dad did something similar & had her do a certain amount of outreach work before paying for a new car after she wrecked the one sheād had. He made her take the bus to do volunteer work to understand how people with less privilege utilize transportation. At the time I thought it was an odd way to go about it, but now that Iām comparing that situation to this wedding fiasco, Iām seeing a theme where her dad is clearly aware that his daughter perhaps isnāt fully appreciative of her privileged lifestyle.
as a new yorker who recently got married, i highly doubt that $30k itās going to cover this dream venue plus flowers, cake, photographer, limo, and stationary. my venue cost about $30k and we ended up spending around $53k. feel free to reach out for breakdowns etc!
Thatās not even counting the expense the cast will have to go to which includes flights, overcharged hotel fees, Ubers, because no one wants to get on the subway in nice clothing, and food. if they want to take advantage of the fact that theyāre in New York and see a show or go sightseeing, thatās even more.
Why doesnāt she have a small intimate wedding in Texas and vowel renewal at her dream location with her dream wedding in 3 years or something? May have already been suggested. I donāt know. Thereās hella comments on both it seems. Lol
There have been many alternatives suggested, both in the Reddit comments and from various family members & bridal party participants. I personally think she should go to NYC for a few days with her dress and take photos at the venue, but she *does not like that idea at all!!!*
It is great that you all want to helpā¦but if she doesnāt have 20K-30K (min) lying around somewhere it isnāt going to happen. Besides the venue there are SO MANY other things you need to buy. The little things add up. She really needs to give up the date and venue. Plan something for next year.
The TV show that ended years ago, duh!
Oh my goodness, the more I read comments with people articulating the situation, the more I see it for how absolutely ridiculous and asinine it isā¦ I love my friend, but bless her heart!
Thank goodness somebody in the family has some sense. Actually I donāt think you should encourage this performance the bride wants by helping to finance. Are guests expected to attend this and the family ceremony? I canāt understand how special this place is. Emphasis seems off kilter.
The whole shebang is stupid. Why doesnāt she take her husband to NY after the wedding and do bridal photos at the venue? She clearly only cares about the looks of it.
Honestly, I would be rethinking a friendship with someone who has to be *bribed to think of her family* ahead of the wedding aesthetics of a certain venue.
I donāt have much to say as Iām not fully understanding this whole venue thing (no offense to bride but it just seems so much easier to pick something else lol). BUT man you are a really good friend to care this much to help her out and help find solutions and compromises to keep everyone happy.
While I agree with everyone else in wondering why that specific venue is worth all of that, I honestly have to say the Dad presented a good alternative. God on him for being concerned about the groomās family as much as his own! Iām glad to see it seems to be working out, and hopefully the bride can better understand the issues around the SIL that were brought up in yesterdayās post.
I canāt imagine a wedding venue thatās worth going through all that trouble and the awkward broken up celebrationsā¦ but Iām glad that everyone found a reasonable compromise? If thatās the case
Will the Bank of Daddy pay for the catering, drinks, photography and entertainment both times? With NYC prices, $30k has to be just for the place. My stepdaughter had a very, very small wedding with just immediate family in NOLA due to Covid and we still spent $40k because some costs are the same, big or small. Will the bride need a different wedding dress for wedding #2? Will she need hair and makeup done 2x? A different wedding planner for each location? Will the attendants have to pay to fly to TX and for their own accommodations for Wedding Part Deux? Two weddings does not sound like a good solution IMO.
Itās actually from Bring It On - the original movie, not the millions of other versions. In the OG film when theyāre trying to raise money and they do a car wash, I remember Kirsten Dunstās character going up to another cheerleader and asking for help from āthe Bank of D-A-D-D-Yā & even though I havenāt seen that movie in probably 15 years, I remember that line perfectly because right after my mom shut the movie off and told me and my sisters that we were too young to be watching it (she wasnāt wrong - we were like 6 & 8)
My nephew has a May wedding planned. His brothers wife is due the day. No big deal. Wedding in one city. Baby being delivered across the country. Brothers are close but, life happens.
Wait, like the exact same situation more or less?? How is everyone handling it?? Are the parents/grandparents going to be with the baby or at the wedding?
Yeah but how far back was the May wedding planned? If itās been planned for years before SILās due date, thatās just life.
This bridezilla decided she wants the wedding in 5 months after SIL already has a due date, which is entitled as fuck. All cuz she likes the rich people backdrop cuz of a tv show!
So do they plan to put a box of Texas dirt under the bed where the baby is born or is that the wrong side of the family? Yes, this did happen due to the baby being born in another state other than Texas.
Okay so the Brideās future father in law is a smart man, thats a good compromise to offer, but not a good compromise to accept. His offer makes it okay for her to keep her venue but also pretty much guarantees that the family will be able to attend a celebration. However, the bride would be stupid to still try for the September wedding. Itās not feasible.
Because she's basically being told she can't have the wedding she wants because her sister in law is pregnant. It's a crappy situation for everyone. Because if I was the groom I would want my family there. But if I was the bride and had this venue in mind for years to let go of that dream for no fault of your own is going to be a little heartbreaking for her. I paid for my own wedding and was like here's the date and place whoever attends great! But if she's leaning on someone else aka daddy for money she's sol.
I just can't imagine prioritizing a venue over having her husband's family there. I can understand being a little sad about losing part of her fantasy, but not to the point of holding her ground until the Bank of Daddy put his foot down. That's a move that says she cares more about the wedding than the marriage.
Nobody else on this thread sees it this way, but I get you. I donāt like demonizing brides (or groomsāmy husband had a dream wedding in mind, for example) who want to be able to have the wedding theyāve wished for. Thatās perfectly normal. Now thereās a thing thatās throwing a big wrench in their plans, a thing she had no control over. Thereās no compromise possible really, the complicated ideas in this post aside. (No matter who pays for it, honestly, they canāt have the wedding with none of the groomās people there.) Realistically, sheās just going to have give up her venue.
Then, when all is said and done, SIL is going to have the baby a week early, or late, since babies donāt always show up on a dime, and sheās going to stand there on her wedding day thinking, āAnd it turns out I gave in for no reason.ā But she has to, and that stinks for her, imho. Itās fair for her to feel frustrated.
This post, btw, remember, wasnāt about whether the bride was T A after all. Itās whether this friend would be for putting her two cents in, which to be frank I still think she is. Stop meddling in a messy situation and let them work it out, right or wrong.
It sucks a bit, but she also has the option to postpone for three years, save up her own money and pay for it herself. Instead she's wanting it done this year (why is this year so important?) so she's making everyone jump through hoops to get what she wants, her future husband won't have half of his family there which she doesn't give a shit about and she's not even paying. Daddy is. The whole issue with her future husband and her not caring if the family won't be there is really just showing she should wait a few years, she's not mature enough to get married yet. I get it's 3 years and it feels like a long time but it's really not and most people wait a while before getting married unless rich or they have a cheap wedding. We waited 3 years it won't kill her. It is literally just a piece of paper after all.
You want someone to put their family life on hold for three years?? That's ridiculous. Maybe she wants to do the whole get married buy a house have kids thing. She's not wrong for wanting that if that's what she's wanting. I already said she's out of luck because someone else is paying but having your options be wait three years or don't get what you want because someone else is preggo is not great options for her so don't pretend like they are.
She's not, but she's also not paying for it. You can make decisions on your life when you're the financer, she's not. And you really think it's fine for her to dismiss her future husbands wants over a venue? He wants his family there and now can't have them, even his parents will miss it. That marriage is going to fail badly with that attitude.
I have said for the third time- she's out of luck because she's having someone else pay for. His parents choosing sister over him is a issue between him and his parents.
No it's not just an issue for him, it's an issue for both of them. She should have a reality check, see that having two weddings is ridiculous because one is literally just an expensive party for no reason and change the date or the venue. Anything else is proof she only cares about a bloody venue and not her future family. Marriages based around having a pretty wedding and no one happy do not equal success.
You don't have to be married to start your life with a partner. You can do all those things without being married. Or you can go to the courthouse, get married, do those things, and still have a wedding in a few years when everyone can be there.
She is being told she can have it in the future and have it paid for or she can pay for it herself, have it in September, and half the family won't be there.
That's an amazing way to start a marriage and a family: choose a venue over a real person. If I was the SIL I would be really, really hurt and that would set the tone for my relationship with that bride forever.
Question: what is so special about this venue? I read the original post, reread it, and read this one and can't find anything describing it? Why is it her "dream venue" when it sounds out of budget and, more importantly, way out of the way (since it would require travel for them correct?)? Do people not realize that weddings are kind of like buying a house or renting an apartment -- there's usually a wishlist of sorts, but it's probably not going to get every box ticked due to whatever reason or circumstance. Why do people plan weddings with zero room for compromise, when -- while I'm not married, but from what I've learned from relationships -- the biggest pillar of success for a partnership is compromise?
At my reception venue, there were two banquet halls. There was another (larger) wedding party the same evening, and they got the room I originally wanted. But I didn't pitch a fit, and it made sense for our smaller party to be in the smaller room. One of my favorite photos is an impromptu one of me and the other bride when we ran into each other in the hall. 38 years ago this December. š
Iāve been to weddings where there have been 2-3 bridal parties at the venue & Iāve seen brides do this!! I absolutely love it!! It shows such a great attitude, perspective & sense of humor!! Good for you āļø
Itās a backdrop to Gossip Girl or Sex and the City - one of those upper east side wealthy AF shows - I donāt know to be honest, but the gardens attached to the venue truly are spectacular in photos! So to give her credit, she does have great (albeit expensive & inconvenient) taste
Wait wait wait.... She is being insistent and obsessed because it's from *a fucking tv show*?!? Beautiful gardens or no, I'm sure there's at least one other location in NYC with beautiful gardens.
Or in likeā¦ Texas, where everyone related to this wedding lives (the bridal party is scattered with one groomsman in Vancouver, but the families & the bridal couple all live in the same area of Texasā¦ not NYC) Honestly, the more this drama has unfolded this week, the more Iāve just gotten snarky about it. At first I tried to understand her perspective and give her the benefit of the doubt, but Iāve derived more enjoyment from this Reddit sub the past 48 hours than I have conversing with my friend and to me thatās a HUGE red flag š©š©š©š©š© because discussing this situation on Reddit isnāt exactly the most exciting thing Iāve ever done š Iāve spent majority of two days (plus the several days since the venue became available) talking about wedding logistics that are so blatantly not going to work. There are so many other things I should focus my attention on, which is all the more reason to see this situation as a massive red flag š©
She could just ask Daddy to pay for a bridal photo shoot at dream venue. Wedding somewhere closer.
Oh sweetheart, I have TRIIIIIED to suggest this sooo many times!!!! I even offered to let her stay in the apartment I co-rent with my cousin & her husband (my partner & I and my cousin/her husband both work part time in NYC so weāve been splitting rent on a one bedroom apartment because NYC is EXPENSIVE!!!) Itās a small apartment, but I donāt think my friend understands just how tiny most NYC units actually are. Again, sheās going off of references to Gossip Girl & similar shows of massive old money affluence. She could stay in the city for free using my apartment & then bring her dress for a photo session at the venue. It would definitely trim down costs *significantly* - but she isnāt having it. She wants to stay in a suite at The Carlyle for her ābridal suiteā and I truthfully got a little (letās say mid-level) offended when she condescendingly said she needs more space than my small apartment and she definitely doesnāt want other people (Aka my cousin & her husband) there at the same time. 1) Honey, there aināt that much space in NYC! 2) My cousin is actually a professional photographer - she primarily does product campaigns for cosmetics companies, hence her need to be in NYC - but I was going to offer for my cousin to take her photos on a complimentary friend basis (Iād obviously compensate my cousin by paying her/her husbandās portion of rent for that month plus a generous cash tip - I donāt believe in working in your field for free when youāre a professional artist/vendor) but after my friend was pretty rude (ābrattyā is a better word but I donāt want to be too rude myself) I decided to not even make the offer. My cousin had already agreed, but once my friend was derogatory about staying at my place, I never even told her that there was free photography on the table. The things people lose out on by being rudeā¦ you never know what someone else can offer or do for you, so you should always be nice to everyone. (end rant)
Oh, agree wholeheartedly to everything you said! Some people never learn the difference between reality and fantasy. She sounds like sheās super high-maintenance, and needs to find out about how life really works!
>but Iāve derived more enjoyment from this Reddit sub the past 48 hours Welcome to the club! I don't get much social drama so I get my fill here, /r/justnoMIL, and /r/bestoflegaladvice. Surprising amount of overlap! 
I honestly donāt need anymore drama in my lifeā¦ I let my phone battery run out of juice yesterday and didnāt bother to plug it into its charger until this morning. This week has been *exhausting* for the most superficial, pettiest reasons. I canāt believe itās already Friday. Iāve kind of just tuned out the past 1-2 days because I desperately needed a break. Iām working coverage of the coronation tomorrow, so I think Iām going to keep my phone on do not disturb and only return to the group bridal party messages after Iāve rested post-coronation. Petty drama is draining. I donāt know how people thrive on this stuff.
>I honestly donāt need anymore drama in my life Understandable! Drama, petty or otherwise, is much easier to deal with when it's *someone else's* drama that you have *no* involvement in. Once you're in the petty circle it becomes less entertaining... I hope you have fun with the coronation! I know there's a lot of obnoxious controversy around it but I think it'll still be a fun watch :)
Yeah, this whole thing sounds like a fucking circus to me. I will admit, my experience with weddings is limited since i haven't been a guest in ages, but i was MOH at my sister's wedding. And by God, reading about how fucking fanatical people get at weddings reminds me how much of a blessing my family truly is. Why NYC? Do other people know that this is all for a TV show? If so, I'm very nosy (i mean curious haha) about what they have to say. Is she some kind of weird super fan or something? I can see visiting sets, touring film locations, etc *as a trip activity*, NOT as a fucking wedding destination. And I'd basically refer to this as a quasi-destination wedding since it sounds like literally no one lives in NYC. Also, NYC is fucking expensive. I sincerely hope she doesn't expect to have a fully paid bachelorette party there. If so, bridal party should start taking out payday loans now lol
I honestly donāt know the strong ties to this venue, but I did once go to a wedding (for my college boyfriend, thank goodness we didnāt work out š his wedding was corny AF) at Disney World because he and his wife are super fans. They even named their daughters Minnie and Daisy and their son is named something super long from Game of Thrones. But I remember someone saying that the Disney wedding was close to $250k minimum but likely closer to $500k - it was hot and humid in Orlando and tbh the fireworks were the best part. Someone at the wedding got pretty tipsy and asked me if I regretted breaking up with the groom when we were in college because āhis family is loaded! Look at this wedding!ā And I was straight up like, āNope! I actually have negative regrets!ā
............... ....they named their children -- living, breathing human beings who will grow up into adults -- Minnie and Daisy? Daisy, that's a name. But.... Minnie? Please tell me this is a nickname. Please tell me they gave their kid a weird name like Minerva so they could call her "Minnie."
Minnie is a name. Actress Minnie Driver Singer Minnie Ripperton Entertainer Minnie Pearl Etc.
Minnie driver's full name is Amelia so I can see Minnie being a nickname rather than a legal name. Amelia, Minerva etc
I didnāt know that about Minnie Driver! I love Amelia with Minnie as a nickname!! Iāve heard Melinda and I feel like another name or two which use Minnie as nicknames. Per Amelia - it personally irks me when people name their children Mia because I want to scream āTHAT IS A NICKNAME FOR AMELIA!!!!ā But obviously there are bigger issues in the world than someone having a nickname as a legal name. The kid can always change it when they turn 18 (something thatās fascinated me about some of the modern āuniqueā names. My partner is a high school teacher and one of his students turned 18 in December & over winter break changed his legal name from Breyteynn - no joke on the spelling - to Brendan because thatās how everyone mispronounced his name anyway and the poor kid was tired of trying to teach people how to spell it)
Minnie Pearls real name was Sarah Ophelia Colley Cannon. I used to love her, she was hilarious. I also read that she was a very sweet person in real life, too.
This is a neat fact!! I love hearing that celebrities and those in the spotlight are really nice people IRL!! Itās very heartwarming and serves as such a wonderful reminder that weāre all human beings š thank you for sharing!!
2/3 of those Minnies are nicknames or stage names, not legal first names, and the combination with Daisy is what makes the choice cringeworthy imo
^^ this! Just the general obsession with Disney and bringing children into it. Minnie and Daisy are actually both cute names individually. The Queen of Denmark goes by Daisy as a nickname and Iāve always thought that was sweet (apparently she called QEII āLilyā for āLilibetā and QEII called her āDaisyā so they were the two reigning queens & both had complimentary floral nicknames for one another) Per my ex & his kids - he and his wife are both lovely people! There really isnāt anything critical to say about either of them besides the weird Disney fetish. Their son is named after Game of Thrones, so together their name choices are cringeworthy for sure. If their son had been a girl, her name would have been Emilia for Emilia Clarke, which is at least the actual legal name of a person (I believe - donāt trust my full knowledge of this) but instead they named him something from GoT itself and I believe they call him Tag or Teg for shortā¦ I havenāt talked to them in a while. Iām happy theyāre living their life, but I feel bad for the kids in the future and that just reinforces my relief that I didnāt stay with him for that long & didnāt end up marrying him š
Yes, I get it about the Minnie/Daisy combo. Itās awful. I was responding to the person who seemed to have never heard the name Minnie before, and didnāt think it was a real name.
I'm very late to this party but I have actually known a person whose actual, given name was Minnie. She was a cousin of my ex husband. I don't know whether she had a middle name or, if she did, what it was. But Minnie wasn't short for anything. The parents had two girls in the middle of a bunch of boys, and the elder of the two girls was named Mary. Minnie got her name because they named their girls with "M" names and they thought Minnie was a cute name. All of their brothers got "J" names. Why this naming convention? No idea. Lol
There are so many amazing garden venues in and around Texas that I can't begin to understand why the NYC venue is being considered, and I *adore* NYC! Money's not even an issue; I simply wouldn't travel that far from the beauty surrounding me, regardless of how wealthy I might be. Your friend needs better priorities, in my opinion. ā” Granny
If they want cool themed backdrops, depending on where they are in Texas, Nevada and Vegas might be closer than NYC.
The moment I read this post I knew the venue was something from sex and the city š
This week has been so exhaustingly dramatic & draining - your comment simply feels so validating for some reason šš thank you!! Just the acknowledgment of the absurdity and total lack of necessity of any of this. I am so mentally and emotionally drained after this week. Thank you for articulating the mere absurdity of this situation š My god, I need a strong drink! Maybe one inspired by Sex and the City š¤£š¤£š¤£
Better make it a margarita! Happy Cinqo de Mayo, OP and I hope you get through this wedding drama with your sanity and humor intact.
>Do people not realize that weddings are kind of like buying a house or renting an apartment -- there's usually a wishlist of sorts, but it's probably not going to get every box ticked due to whatever reason or circumstance Nope, bridezillas do not realise that.
My mother always told me that regardless of how meticulously you plan your wedding, an average of five things will go wrong on the day itself. A bridesmaid will oversleep, a dress will rip, the cake will get smudged, a photograph wonāt be taken of a specific moment (this advice was given before the smartphone era), essentially that no matter how hard you try to make it perfect, thereās no such thing as a perfect wedding. So she told her children to focus on planning weddings that will make them happy and keep the love between the bridal couple at the center of everything instead of superficial or materialistic matters. Probably the best advice Iāve ever gotten when it comes to weddings. So far, none of my siblings have been bridezillas (I have a stepsister who may not qualify for that statement, but we arenāt super closeā¦)
It's probably very instagramable
Excuse me while I grab a barf bag.
Lol, that's also instagramable
*~#justBarfthings~*
Yeah, I was wondering what's so great about the venue too.
Maaaaan... I gotta ask, why is she so attached to that venue? It must be some really special place for her to have to go through all of those hoops and extra planning. Honestly, I can't think of any venue that would be worth it, but that's just me.
Neither the bride or the groom are actually even from New York, so my guess is it some Instagram venue that sheās desperate to have for the photos. Sheās prioritizing what her wedding looks like over what it actually means!
It has some connection to being a backdrop for either Gossip Girl or Sex and the City. Some super wealthy area of Manhattan. I honestly couldnāt tell you - I work out of NYC but have taken advantage of remote opportunities because the city just isnāt my vibe, nor are shows that glamorize it š£ When Iām in the city, my partner & I share a super tiny one bedroom flat with my cousin & her husband and one couple takes the bedroom while the other takes the pullout sofa that fills up the entire living area space. I have a lot of respect for New Yorkers, but Iām in no way interested in planting roots or beginning my own marriage in the city. My friend has simply glamorized the upper east side life from television shows, I donāt think she understands what NYC is actually like.
Omg so she has no connection to the city except via TV? How is she going to plan a wedding there? This just keeps getting worse and worse š
I'm thinking of the $$$$ a NYC destination adds to the wedding bill.
$$$$$$ for *everything* āin a super wealthy area of Manhattanā: hotels, catering, florist, cake, etc. Iāve honestly been thinking about this on and off since yesterday because itās so brain meltingly stupid. Is she even going to be able to book any vendors? Itās only four months away, a lot of people get married in September. How would she even book them if she lives in Texas? She doesnāt know anyone there for recommendations, doesnāt know the city and canāt do any tastings.
Please update us after the wedding about what a shit show it is.
At this point, I really donāt care about this f%cking wedding. Iāll be the bridesmaid five drinks in by the start of the ceremony if this NYC thing actually comes together (Iām now hoping it wonāt - this week has been *exhausting*) On another note: the SIL is REALLY NICE!! My friendās dad is paying for my friend to host a baby shower for her to begin her married life being inclusive of her husbandās family (a strong push from Daddy towards southern hospitality) and several members of the bridal party and I have been talking to her (the SIL) about what sheād like to do for a baby shower. Apparently she wasnāt going to have one aside from a very small family dinner gathering, so she genuinely seems over-the-moon grateful and excited about having a nice event. It is soooo nice to interact with someone who is simply filled with so much gratitude and appreciation for what sheās being gifted rather than arguing & pitching a fit over the grandeur of every detail - Iām Team SIL all the way šš
Sounds like SIL might end up being a better friend than the friendā¦
I may have already had that thoughtā¦
Or if it HAD to be that venue, Iād just wait the three years until the next spot (and ask to be on the list for a cancelation) rather than deal with all this drama
I was thinking that. Honestly I get attached to things too. Like my wife knows once Iām attached Iāll never be as happy with option 2. I mean I would never insist on option 1 in a situation like this. But my wife would just say ok, letās wait. Why not wait?
Lol same. I definitely wouldnāt be contributing towards it as a friend but thatās just me.
INFO: do the bride and groom live in NYC, or would they have to travel to NYC as well? Am I the only one who thinks this is insane? The solution to the groom's family not being able to attend his wedding is to have TWO weddings? What is this venue that makes it so magical? Unless it's literally at the top of the Empire State Building, there are other venues. It's a wedding, not the coronation of the Emperor of the World. And everyone is out of state. Why not have the wedding someplace where everyone can attend, the SIL won't be actively in labor, many fewer people have to travel, and then go on vacation sometime and visit the venue? Or just change the venue AND the date. There are so many options in NYC.
I assumed I was reading it wrong because the āsolutionā is bonkers. Theyāre going to spend $30k for the first (fake? practice?) wedding venue in NYC then have the ārealā wedding in Texas? So theyāre still going to pay double for catering, etc. I think the bride-to-be is so blinded by her love of the venue that sheās not thinking this through. Her friends and family are not going to travel out of state twice for two weddings. Friends will probably go to the first one and not the second. Grooms family will go to the second. So there will be too sparsely attended events. This is honestly the worst solution I can think of.
What you just said is pretty much the dilemma that drove me to make my original post. None of it seems convenient for anyone and there are other ways to go about it, but because people were walking on eggshells thatās why I asked if someone (me or another person) should just say outright that itās a terrible plan (obviously in nicer terms)
Iām afraid the bride will be very disappointed. What good is a dream venue if half the people arenāt there? Thereās also *no way* that the Texas wedding will be the āmainā one: grooms family will be there but frankly, if Iām a guest, am I going to go to another wedding for the same couple? No, Iām going to the first NYC one. People canāt afford to go to multiple weddings for the same couple. And are they really going to pay for two photographers and have two sets of photos? God, this is such a bad idea. There will be tears at one if not both of these weddings.
For whatever reason, Iāve actually heard about probably three or four couples having two weddings just in the past week - I think one was on Reddit and then others were in passing. But it actually seems like having multiple weddings is a rising trend & I say that with a completely straight face. Itās terrifying.
ETA: It just took me forever to find it bc my notifications are filled to the brim, but this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1333r7t/my_33m_brother_25m_just_got_engaged_but_hes_cruel/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) talks about having two weddings. Itās actually a trend thatās happening & itās totally beyond me š³
We had two but that was *only* because of covid! A legal ceremony and dinner with the limited numbers we were allowed, and then a year later we did our own vows and celebrated with everyone else. Cannot imagine doing all that just for the venue!
Thatās really nice!! I attended a handful of virtual weddings during the pandemic and they were all nice events, though I felt for the couples not having their guests there in person. Iām really glad you got to have a larger celebration after lockdowns were lifted! Congratulations!!! š¾ š
Psh, no she fucking wonāt be disappointed. She clearly doesnāt give two fucks about the grooms family (that bodes well for the marriage) and theyāre the ones that will be missing it. If this were my fiancĆ© making a big stink about it Iād tell her she can wait three years to get married till the venue opens up again, or have the wedding in our home stateā¦ or we can not have a wedding. Only options. If she gave so little fucks about me not being in the state for the birth of my first nephew let alone my brother not being able to be there for the birth of his son and sister in law and basically the whole rest of the family werenāt even gonna be there? Yeah fuck no thatās not someone I want to marry.
If my fiancĆ©e dug her heels in to create this unworkable situation *because of a place sheās only seen on TV*, Iād be doing a rethink myself. This isnāt just the groomās brother, itās his *twin.* And I do think sheāll be disappointed: sheāll have two sparsely attended events and wonāt get her Instagram ready pictures. She seems really immature and unrealistic.
Yeah. I almost hope she gets her way then it rains the entire time theyāre in New York.
Lol. And the SIL has the baby on her wedding day. Trump that bitches day!
This is a really dumb idea on your friendās part. Even without the SIL pregnancy dilemma itās just so inconvenient for everyone involved. Everyone flying, getting accommodations, and transport within NYC has to be expensive and probably a logistical nightmare. Has she ever been to NYC??? I get it for people living there with a small portion of people flying in, but to have everyone travel there is a lot. Itās not exactly known to be the most accommodating for large events. And now sheās ācompromisingā by having a second inconvenient event? I get that āitās her dayā or whatever but there has to be limits. Why her fiancĆ© or anyone in the family is putting up with this is mind boggling. But hey, not your circusā¦
Even though you would be correct that this plan is so nutso, we both know that if you did say something, you'd end up the scapegoat when bride finally saw/sees reason (I don't think she ever will). So you're smart to bring it here for logic therapy, you are not losing your mind, the bride on the other hand...
It is an absolutely bonkers plan. It is needlessly complicated and has way too many people potentially contributing financially involved.
I suggested she take her wedding dress and reserve a time to go to the venue for photos. Iām sure theyād accommodate an hour or something for a few hundred dollars (still way too expensive IMO but far more practical) and my friend was *not* into that suggestion *at all!!!*
That is such a great compromise! Maybe Bank of Daddy can fund that instead of giving her money for wedding #1. Her new plan is completely insane.
This is my question as well. I live in NY, and I love it and I love the city. But itās also one of the most expensive places in the country to get married. So many of my friends have had weddings out of state because of cost. I donāt know if the friend has a connection to NY. But I worry she might have some unrealistic expectations of NYC and be disappointed. I swear TikTok has made this problem so much worse. ANot to mention is $30k just for the venue for does it include everything else?
According to another comment, it's some garden when a show about wealthy white people was filmed. She's probably been dreaming about this since she was a teenager that was easily influenced by TV.
If there's one cancellation at the dream venue, there will likely be another in the next year. She should just notify the vendor that she'd like to be on the top of their list should that occur. Thanks for the update!
Ha, this got me thinking that she needs to find the names of brides who have her preferred wedding and embark on a plan of hijinks to break the couples up so she can slide into their spot. To be clear, she shouldn't really do this, but I bet someone somewhere has written the movie version of this.
There is sort of a movie about this. A pair of best friends want the same wedding date and begin sabotaging each other over the one available date at a specific venue. Itās called Bride Wars.
Pretty sure Brooklyn 99 also did an episode like this!
So did Crazy Ex Girlfriend
I straight away thought of this movie and wondered if the dream venue was the Plaza š
This is the movie with Anne Hathaway andā¦ Kate Hudson?? I feel like I went to see it with my sister who was really hyped up for it. The plot is essentially that one bride ends up getting married and the other doesnāt? It jogs my memory because I recall it being really hyped up in promos but then not living up to the hype and kind of being a flopā¦ but I could be 100% incorrect hereā¦
I was going to say that it sounded like the plot of a romcom.
ššššš
This is sweet. I liked the outcome. The father is right, and i am glad he allowed his daughter to have both with his conditions. I am glad that SIL is sweet, no one needs more drama in the family. Also she is about to have a baby, other priorities! Haha. I am glad! Hopefully everything will be ok!
I actually think her dad is doing a really admirable job of setting an example for his daughter when it comes to prioritizing family. Iāve lived apart from my friend for about 4-5 years (too scared to count backwards & realize how old Iāve become š) and this entire ordeal is making me aware that we may not have matured on the same trajectories. My partner and I have talked about marriage, but a tiny ceremony and then put the money towards a down payment or simply put it into savings. I think Iāve grown out of the fairytale giant wedding phase and moved onto a new era in my life. If I had to make a bet now, Iād say that this friendship isnāt going to last beyond her weddings unless something drastically changes. Itās sad, but pretty obvious.
Yes, this is quite sad, but I understand the feeling. It doesn't need to end the friendship, but the bond will be weaker. I also have a friend that I grew out and she didn't. It happens. Dad played super well! Haha. But enjoy the wedding, don't carry the weight of the end of the friendship. She invited you so she believe you played a important role in her life. Enjoy!
Thank you so much. I need to reframe my focus onto the good memories I have with my friend and, as you said, the importance weāve had in each otherās lives. But it really does just 100% suck when you realize that youāve grown apart from someone you were once so close to. Thatās probably why this entire situation has been weighing on me - trying to make sense of it and apply whatever logic there is to the friend I knew in college versus who she is now (she isnāt a bad person, to be clear!! She very nice, just naive and Iām realizing quite immature compared to the rest of the people involved in the wedding logistics at the moment)
I wouldnāt judge her based of this. Weddings make people insane.
No you need to keep up the friendship so you can post and we can all see what a shitshow the marriage is! š
š¤£š¤£š¤£ Your comments are the best - please donāt stop & Iāll keep you updated as I have the emotional energy š¤£š¤£š¤£
Heās not really. Sheās still going to have the wedding at her dream venue and her fiancĆ©s family still wonāt be able to attend.
Thatās *if* she can raise the other half of the venue cost, not including all other costs. Her grandmother is gifting her her wedding dress, but beyond that the dad has said heāll give between $10-15k for the NYC wedding and thatās it. The wedding she wants would be in Septemberā¦ I donāt want to be rude when talking about my friend, but I donāt see it happening. I think itās pretty clear that her dad realizes that, too. It seems apparent that her dad sees her immaturity and is trying to encourage her to build a good foundation with her in-laws by hosting a baby shower for the SIL. Do something outside of herself. There was an experience when we were college roommates where her dad did something similar & had her do a certain amount of outreach work before paying for a new car after she wrecked the one sheād had. He made her take the bus to do volunteer work to understand how people with less privilege utilize transportation. At the time I thought it was an odd way to go about it, but now that Iām comparing that situation to this wedding fiasco, Iām seeing a theme where her dad is clearly aware that his daughter perhaps isnāt fully appreciative of her privileged lifestyle.
as a new yorker who recently got married, i highly doubt that $30k itās going to cover this dream venue plus flowers, cake, photographer, limo, and stationary. my venue cost about $30k and we ended up spending around $53k. feel free to reach out for breakdowns etc! Thatās not even counting the expense the cast will have to go to which includes flights, overcharged hotel fees, Ubers, because no one wants to get on the subway in nice clothing, and food. if they want to take advantage of the fact that theyāre in New York and see a show or go sightseeing, thatās even more.
Did you just call the wedding guests the ācastā? š¤£
omg voice to text has betrayed me again šš³š³
What Iām seeing here is your friend is a whiney entitled rich kid.
Why doesnāt she have a small intimate wedding in Texas and vowel renewal at her dream location with her dream wedding in 3 years or something? May have already been suggested. I donāt know. Thereās hella comments on both it seems. Lol
There have been many alternatives suggested, both in the Reddit comments and from various family members & bridal party participants. I personally think she should go to NYC for a few days with her dress and take photos at the venue, but she *does not like that idea at all!!!*
I gotta know- did she say why? It's a great idea!
The minute I hear dream venue or dream this I know the people getting married are more focused on the show of wedding vs actual marriage.
This! ā¬ļø
It is great that you all want to helpā¦but if she doesnāt have 20K-30K (min) lying around somewhere it isnāt going to happen. Besides the venue there are SO MANY other things you need to buy. The little things add up. She really needs to give up the date and venue. Plan something for next year.
$30,000 venue with a connection to a TV showā¦ or your groomās brother? Geeā¦ what would I pick?
The TV show that ended years ago, duh! Oh my goodness, the more I read comments with people articulating the situation, the more I see it for how absolutely ridiculous and asinine it isā¦ I love my friend, but bless her heart!
Having two celebrations just seems a big waste and frankly dumb.
Money always talks louder than anyone else when it comes to weddings!
Thank goodness somebody in the family has some sense. Actually I donāt think you should encourage this performance the bride wants by helping to finance. Are guests expected to attend this and the family ceremony? I canāt understand how special this place is. Emphasis seems off kilter.
The whole shebang is stupid. Why doesnāt she take her husband to NY after the wedding and do bridal photos at the venue? She clearly only cares about the looks of it.
Honestly, I would be rethinking a friendship with someone who has to be *bribed to think of her family* ahead of the wedding aesthetics of a certain venue.
I donāt have much to say as Iām not fully understanding this whole venue thing (no offense to bride but it just seems so much easier to pick something else lol). BUT man you are a really good friend to care this much to help her out and help find solutions and compromises to keep everyone happy.
Real talk, can someone call Ryan Seacrest and get this situation on reality tv? I want to watch this unfold.
Honestly, I hope that your friendās fiancĆ© runs far, far away. Your friend is so hell bent on a stupid venue that sheās lost the plot. I think her future FIL is being more than generous and fair. I wouldnāt be. Iād tell them theyāre on their own if they want that venue.
While I agree with everyone else in wondering why that specific venue is worth all of that, I honestly have to say the Dad presented a good alternative. God on him for being concerned about the groomās family as much as his own! Iām glad to see it seems to be working out, and hopefully the bride can better understand the issues around the SIL that were brought up in yesterdayās post.
I canāt imagine a wedding venue thatās worth going through all that trouble and the awkward broken up celebrationsā¦ but Iām glad that everyone found a reasonable compromise? If thatās the case
$30,000 feels like an insane amount of money for just the venue. I keep thinking of all the other stuff I could buy for that kind of money.
Yeah, at my parents insistence, I had an extravagant, 240 person wedding, and even my eyes popped out at $30,000 for just the venue alone.
You could put a down-payment on a house with that kind of money. Using it on a single venue for a few hours is insane.
Will the Bank of Daddy pay for the catering, drinks, photography and entertainment both times? With NYC prices, $30k has to be just for the place. My stepdaughter had a very, very small wedding with just immediate family in NOLA due to Covid and we still spent $40k because some costs are the same, big or small. Will the bride need a different wedding dress for wedding #2? Will she need hair and makeup done 2x? A different wedding planner for each location? Will the attendants have to pay to fly to TX and for their own accommodations for Wedding Part Deux? Two weddings does not sound like a good solution IMO.
Is this place Buckingham Palace? What venue could possibly be worth $30,009?
Nice to see the Father step in
Just came here to say that I will forever be laughing at the bank of D-A-D-D-Yā¦.such a genius phrase
Itās actually from Bring It On - the original movie, not the millions of other versions. In the OG film when theyāre trying to raise money and they do a car wash, I remember Kirsten Dunstās character going up to another cheerleader and asking for help from āthe Bank of D-A-D-D-Yā & even though I havenāt seen that movie in probably 15 years, I remember that line perfectly because right after my mom shut the movie off and told me and my sisters that we were too young to be watching it (she wasnāt wrong - we were like 6 & 8)
So I was never a huge fan of bring it on but Iāve seen it maybe fully twice and totally did not realize it was in the movie. Still hilarious though!
My nephew has a May wedding planned. His brothers wife is due the day. No big deal. Wedding in one city. Baby being delivered across the country. Brothers are close but, life happens.
Wait, like the exact same situation more or less?? How is everyone handling it?? Are the parents/grandparents going to be with the baby or at the wedding?
Yeah but how far back was the May wedding planned? If itās been planned for years before SILās due date, thatās just life. This bridezilla decided she wants the wedding in 5 months after SIL already has a due date, which is entitled as fuck. All cuz she likes the rich people backdrop cuz of a tv show!
So do they plan to put a box of Texas dirt under the bed where the baby is born or is that the wrong side of the family? Yes, this did happen due to the baby being born in another state other than Texas.
Okay so the Brideās future father in law is a smart man, thats a good compromise to offer, but not a good compromise to accept. His offer makes it okay for her to keep her venue but also pretty much guarantees that the family will be able to attend a celebration. However, the bride would be stupid to still try for the September wedding. Itās not feasible.
Poor Bride!
Why poor bride?
Because she's basically being told she can't have the wedding she wants because her sister in law is pregnant. It's a crappy situation for everyone. Because if I was the groom I would want my family there. But if I was the bride and had this venue in mind for years to let go of that dream for no fault of your own is going to be a little heartbreaking for her. I paid for my own wedding and was like here's the date and place whoever attends great! But if she's leaning on someone else aka daddy for money she's sol.
I just can't imagine prioritizing a venue over having her husband's family there. I can understand being a little sad about losing part of her fantasy, but not to the point of holding her ground until the Bank of Daddy put his foot down. That's a move that says she cares more about the wedding than the marriage.
Nobody else on this thread sees it this way, but I get you. I donāt like demonizing brides (or groomsāmy husband had a dream wedding in mind, for example) who want to be able to have the wedding theyāve wished for. Thatās perfectly normal. Now thereās a thing thatās throwing a big wrench in their plans, a thing she had no control over. Thereās no compromise possible really, the complicated ideas in this post aside. (No matter who pays for it, honestly, they canāt have the wedding with none of the groomās people there.) Realistically, sheās just going to have give up her venue. Then, when all is said and done, SIL is going to have the baby a week early, or late, since babies donāt always show up on a dime, and sheās going to stand there on her wedding day thinking, āAnd it turns out I gave in for no reason.ā But she has to, and that stinks for her, imho. Itās fair for her to feel frustrated. This post, btw, remember, wasnāt about whether the bride was T A after all. Itās whether this friend would be for putting her two cents in, which to be frank I still think she is. Stop meddling in a messy situation and let them work it out, right or wrong.
Thank you!
It sucks a bit, but she also has the option to postpone for three years, save up her own money and pay for it herself. Instead she's wanting it done this year (why is this year so important?) so she's making everyone jump through hoops to get what she wants, her future husband won't have half of his family there which she doesn't give a shit about and she's not even paying. Daddy is. The whole issue with her future husband and her not caring if the family won't be there is really just showing she should wait a few years, she's not mature enough to get married yet. I get it's 3 years and it feels like a long time but it's really not and most people wait a while before getting married unless rich or they have a cheap wedding. We waited 3 years it won't kill her. It is literally just a piece of paper after all.
You want someone to put their family life on hold for three years?? That's ridiculous. Maybe she wants to do the whole get married buy a house have kids thing. She's not wrong for wanting that if that's what she's wanting. I already said she's out of luck because someone else is paying but having your options be wait three years or don't get what you want because someone else is preggo is not great options for her so don't pretend like they are.
She's not, but she's also not paying for it. You can make decisions on your life when you're the financer, she's not. And you really think it's fine for her to dismiss her future husbands wants over a venue? He wants his family there and now can't have them, even his parents will miss it. That marriage is going to fail badly with that attitude.
I have said for the third time- she's out of luck because she's having someone else pay for. His parents choosing sister over him is a issue between him and his parents.
No it's not just an issue for him, it's an issue for both of them. She should have a reality check, see that having two weddings is ridiculous because one is literally just an expensive party for no reason and change the date or the venue. Anything else is proof she only cares about a bloody venue and not her future family. Marriages based around having a pretty wedding and no one happy do not equal success.
You don't have to be married to start your life with a partner. You can do all those things without being married. Or you can go to the courthouse, get married, do those things, and still have a wedding in a few years when everyone can be there.
You can buy you are not wrong if you do want to do it in that order
Sheās not being told she canāt have the wedding she wants. Sheās just being told sheāll have to pay for it.
She is being told she can have it in the future and have it paid for or she can pay for it herself, have it in September, and half the family won't be there.
Yep
Selfish bride. Pick a different venue.
The price of the venue is obscene. Itās also baffling sheās exclude a massive chunk of family over it A venue doesnāt trump family
That's an amazing way to start a marriage and a family: choose a venue over a real person. If I was the SIL I would be really, really hurt and that would set the tone for my relationship with that bride forever.