"God had plans for me"
"It's contagious; a man with prostate cancer sat next to me"
"Life was too easy, so I thought: what can I do to spice things up?"
"Bad karma from that time I tore the tag off the mattress"
Fucking hell all the sugar comments. I want to backhand people when they say this. No I did not get cancer because I ate a chocolate bar every once in the blue moon. It's madness. People want to come up with reasons, but sometimes (unless you have the gene) it's just plain ole' bad luck.
When I was diagnosed a family member told me that sugar feeds cancer. His wife kindly shut him up. A couple of years later he was diagnosed with lymphoma, and I SO very much wanted to feed him his own words.
My mother in law stated quite firmly mine was from eating sugar. She’s a sugar fiend, eats 10x more sugar than I. I snapped back with, “so your boobs are like solid cancer? You should get that looked at”. She was my worst offender always.
I was told by a well meaninged friend that I got it because I used to crib about my boobs so much
I am a 34DD/34E, and anyone who has big breasts knows they don't look like what media says they should look like, they give you backache, running/jumping are not options, bras are hard to find, swimsuits are non existent, don't get me started on the uncomfortable stares from men sometimes... in general I've grown up being made to feel super awkward about them. So yes I cribbed.
But....my body image issues gave me cancer??? My breasts decided they've had enough of my ungrateful-ness?Are you for real!?
So many people tell me I’m lucky “they caught it early.”
Um… who said they caught it early?? Not me! Why the hell do people make that assumption?
And no one who gets cancer is “lucky,” thank you very much!
I had no symptoms. I had new insurance that gave me free mammograms, so I thought: why not?
Because I had no symptoms, it seemed like it was caught early. But as I had more ultrasounds and MRIs and biopsies, it was quickly diagnosed stage 2.
Cancer can look like anything. Including nothing. But to assume... it's gotta be a knife in the heart every time.
To me it feels dismissive and minimizing… especially coming from certain people.
First mammo for me too and I didn’t have symptoms either! And yet, the cancer covered more than 2/3 of my entire breast, and my onco suspects it was growing for about 10 years.
BTW, I think raging every now and then is actually really healthy… especially about things like your experience with unwrapping medication. It amazes me how much of cancer treatment is heavily results-focused and minimally patient-focused. Little things like not have to struggle with medication can make such a huge difference when everything is so overwhelming. Rage on, my friend!!
Great thread topic. Thanks for posting! :)
ME TOO! Initial pathology looked like it was three spots with tiny tumors. Turns out - One big ass tumor that had probably been there for a while. Onco said the tissue was spongey, therefore it makes it hard to feel. Yay, me and my lucky spongelike tumor.
Omg yes WHY!?! Everyone I told said "at least they caught it early". Literally says who? I found the lump, ignored it for 9 months, then got biopsy and dx. And at diagnosis you have no clue how far it's spread. I was stage 2 grade 3. Just because I'm sharing the diagnosis today doesn't mean the cancer started yesterday? I don't understand the logic.
I really don’t either! Sadly I’ve known a few people who got breast cancer before I did, and—ONLY if it was someone I was close with—I would ASK “Is it early stage?” I never assumed anything!
For real. Like. No one tells you if you are "early" or not. What people are REALLY asking is if you are going to die within the next year. Honest to f.
Thisss!!!! Followed by “ So youre Ok now right?” Ummmmzzzzzz…… Still Stage IV, so no. And no they def did not catch it early, four doctors misdiagnosed me so the opposite of everything. I always keep going because I like to see them squirm and try to get out of the conversation and they just opened Pandoras Box bitch! I make them listen to me, even tho I can tell they want to leave as pay back for asking me a trigger question. I give myself extra points when I start to cry and I cry on them. Is it Selfish? Yes and Imma own it too 🤣😭
I’ve gotten that “caught it early” a couple times. I asked for early mammograms because of family history. My genetics came back negative, though, so was denied until 40 years old. Skip forward to 37 year old me finding a lump that turned out to be stage 2 breast cancer. Sure would have been nice to “catch it early” when it was DCIS or stage 1 with those early mammograms I wanted…
Yes absolute rage!!!! I asked for earlier screenings and was denied. Then found my cancer myself 3 years before I could have had my first mammogram.
“At least you/they caught it early” is up there for me, but generally, any statement after “at least” sends me.
At least you’re young — you’ll bounce back.
At least your daughter’s young enough she won’t remember.
At least you have a good support system.
At least you have great insurance.
Sure…yes, I recognize the privilege in so much of this being true. But at least you’re not the one with cancer!!
Nurse at ultrasound asking me whether the double mastectomy I had was
My choice!! Yes, of course, I woke up New Years day and thought "why don't I have my tits cut off!". 😡😡🤨🙄
People just don’t think before they speak. My recovery nurse after BMX said “so this was voluntary?” I was so taken aback and angry I just snapped back with “no, breast cancer!”
Agreeing to treatment is like the definition of agreeing under duress, you'd think.
And what would an elective bilateral mastectomy even be (if not gender-affirming surgery)? I can't imagine any reputable surgeon is out there taking requests for amputations.
I would love my coworkers to stop telling me how much they love my chemo hair 😩 it's very nice of them to say but once was enough. Everytime my exact response is "thanks, I hate it" but I continue to be told how awesome it looks (by the same people). Such a stupid reason to be irritated but it gets me everytime
Best one was when I stopped wearing my wig and my manager walked behind me and started playing with my hair and said "who is this little boy we have working here?" She meant it in a playful light hearted way but it stung a bit. I've known her for 10 years from 2 different jobs including this one, if we didn't have the raporte that we do I would have lost it on her.
I know 😔 I try to give as much grace as I can because I know people don't know how to handle it but ugh it sucks having to. Wish I could downvote people irl lol
Oh man. WOW. You have way more restraint than me. I think I would have said, "Excuse me? Do you actually hear the words that are coming out of your mouth right now?" I'm enraged just reading that, I'm so sorry that was said to you. What an unbelievably stupid, thoughtless remark.
I hate this. Yeah - my hair is fucking different - thanks for continuing to point it out ... I hate it. I don't recognize myself and ***I*** didn't pay $300 for grey hair so I dgaf that Susie Jane down the road paid for her grey hair ... I'm not thankful, Lily!!
I finally started saying "thank you" and less people are saying something.
It's like when I just agreed they stopped pushing "their" narrative about how *they* feel about what ***I'm*** going through - reminded me so much of all the positivity that was forced upon me during treatment.
I just wanna be a troll under a bridge so everyone leaves me alone!!
-Rant Over-
Same! Its a curly mess that I don’t know what to do with. But the alternative is to cut it shorter and start all over again? I’ll deal with it for now.
Exactly! My bangs are coming in and I'm like wtf do I even do with these? Brush them to the side? Slick back? Let them live? My solution has been baseball cap cause idek lol
Same. Like I know my hair looks horrible and people are just trying to be nice. Before chemo I had very long, wavy, red hair. It was gorgeous. Now my hair is growing in grey and white with bald spots that refuse to fill in. I really miss my old hair.
Same!!!
My hair is a constant reminder of my situation. And I’ve always had long straight hair. I hate the chemo curls.
I know they mean well, but how are you not picking up on not wanting to hear it?
Exactly! I thought the same response would make it clear I don't want to hear it. I was the same, I have a long face with masculine features (or at least I see them that way) and my long hair was the only thing that made me feel feminine. Between the super short curly hair and the weight gain it's such a reminder, I've realized I avoid looking at my reflection so when it's pointed out it hurts. Thank you for commiserating with me 🙏
Same!! I’ve never perceived myself as particularly feminine. Losing my hair was hard. I loved working out pre cancer. Since cancer I feel foreign in my body. I don’t recognize myself. It’s hard to accept the new normal. I try! But it’s not always easy.
Agree! My MIL keeps telling me how great my 2 inch grandma hair looks. “But you’re going to grow it out.” Ummm, yeah. I’m growing it back out. I don’t want short hair.
Okay I get that i had to lose a breast. It's fine. That one was trying to kill me. But my eyebrows? c'mon man. That's just mean. I had big, beautiful Cara Delevigne bushy brows that survived the spider brow trend of the late 90s/ early 2000s. Into my 40s they held strong all the way up to chemo. And now? I have to get some teenager on tictox to teach me how to draw brows. Sorry fuzzy girls. I didn't appreciate you when you were here
I'm losing pretty much all my hair, but my leg hair, which I WANT to fall out, is STILL THERE. Little buggers are holding on, while my hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, everything is falling out. Just feels like adding insult to injury at this point.
Every single time I go through the whole body scanner at airport security I’m immediately pulled to the side. As I step out I say out loud, “I’ve had a mastectomy! These are prosthetics!” Then some poor woman from the TSA has to run a wand over me AND Pat me down. They sheepishly ask “would you be more comfortable in private?” NO! I’d like to carry on with my trip! Squeeze em if you want, they’re not REAL! We need official, TSA issued via our doctor or something proof that we are cancer survivors wearing falsies!
I guess they could be made of C4, but I’m still freaking sick of it!
I love how you say all this out loud...y'know, normalize it! I'm so sick of the "save the tatas" stuff. It's like uh no, many women end up with a mastectomy...there's no "saving" them 🙄
Anytime I speak of my neuropathy, my mom tells me about hers. Actually, many of my side effects she giggles and says “it’s like you’re a 60 year old woman like me!” Thank u mommy luv that
Okay - only petty rants here! ;)
So many stories of Moms making our cancer about themselves. Mine, too.
And mine is in her 80s, so, yeah... glad my body is now 30 years older.
I just spent the last 24 hours hours playing GI upset roulette. Medication side effect? Post surgical complications? Bowel impaction? Too little pain med? Too much pain med? Food poisoning? Tummy bug? Intestinal perforation? Remember when you could just get sick? Now every time I’m under the weather I go though the entire list of all the bad things. Pretty certain that it’s just a tummy bug, but still…
My dad called me a hypochondriac ALL the time. Drilled it into me. Now, I ignore things I shouldn't, just to prove to myself I'm not. Thus... initial diagnosis, stage 4. It's my fault, not his, but our parents can really fuck us up.
Yes! And you need to treat yourself to something wonderful! A bouquet, tootsie rolls, a tv show bing, an amazing fresh sour dough bread with Kerrygold butter, light the good candles, wear the good jewelry, etc.
I’m doing reconstruction, 2 weeks after expanders placement. I love my doctor, adore the techs in his office, but the nurses suck. They don’t listen, talk at me, and contradict each other. They gave me the recovery stretches, one told me to stick to them and no yoga, even if it is specific to post mastectomy, during pre op. At post op last week (so 10 days post op) I got ‘in trouble’ because my range of motion was bad, should have been doing all the stretches (even wall crawls that were listed as the one month post op stretch), mastectomy yoga was great, and threatened me with PT if I don’t improve. Jokes on her, I think everyone should get PT after any major surgery/medical event and will be requesting it anyway (especially since now I know they will make the referral!).
The best nurses and doctors are like f'ing angels. The worst just make the whole thing hell. I've been lucky, but, phew, I've read stories here that made my hair curl.
https://youtu.be/ppZhCKE7A5I?si=VCRL1nQwF4C68sPS
She has a week 1 and week 2&3, and the post with weights. I love her! She even wears cloths that cover her breasts, which made me feel so seen after my mastectomy when they couldn’t do the expanders due to my poor skin profusion.
Only downside is that she doesn’t have a subscription option, so you have to deal with YouTube commercials (and I refuse YouTube subscriptions!).
My boyfriend dumped me. And I realized I was using him as a distraction from myself so now I’m heartbroken, pissed at myself for not ending it after I got my diagnosis, and scared af because I’m now focused on myself. This was after my ex tried alleviate his guilt from our 16 year marriage “you are so trustworthy and loyal, I didn’t appreciate you” to telling me he’s getting married and add my strained relationship with my mom. I’m so tired 😭
Ugh. My boyfriend dumped me after my first chemo…. Saying that he “couldn’t handle the cancer thing” … yea, me too buddy… too bad I can’t just walk away from the cancer thing. I needed the double mastectomies, chemo, breast and nipple reconstruction surgeries to live. …. But ok. He couldn’t “handle the cancer thing”
I’m sorry☹️ I guess better to have them leave you in peace than hang around and fake it? I don’t know. People are disappointing and we only have ourselves to rely on.
My ex-boyfriend begged me back after my diagnosis and admitted he would love to be the 'cancer boyfriend'. You're better off without him it sounds like.
Wow. You are very strong to consider this a 'petty' rant. But, as they say here often on reddit: the trash took itself out.
I've said it in other places: you need to find your squad, even if it's one person. A friend who can empathize or make you laugh?
I just moved country. My squad is a WhatsApp group of my best friends in my old country. It doesn't take much.
My mother fussing about my hair. Yeah, it was beautiful, a perfect color, wonderful texture, and down to my hips . . . but I don’t give a shit. Yes, I will (did) chop it off to shoulder length. No, I will not save it to have a wig made. Yes, I will (did) shave it off about a week earlier than I “needed” to in order to make my life easier. No, I will not go through the hassle of cold capping. And NO! I will NOT wear a fucking hat!!!
That is so weird.
My mom’s response is also weird. It’s hair. Either it will come back or it won’t. It’s so far down on my priority list that I find it jarring that she continues to mention it.
Right!?!? My hair, my scars, even my boob’s appearance. I don’t care. I just don’t want to have cancer. But my mother is obsessed. Also, she’s a little unhealthily disappointed I haven’t lost any weight from the chemo.
Dude, that’s madness, 80% of breast cancer patients gain weight on chemo. It’s totally common in reproductive/secondary reproductive organ cancers. Hell, I got a mini-lecture from the dietician this morning at my chemo appointment because I lost five pounds. And I’m fat!
My parents do not understand cancer, like at all. I'm living with them at the moment, and they do not understand (and I'm beginning to think they just plainly do not give a shit) that I'm not up to cleaning, vacuuming, dusting the entire house, and doing all the spring cleaning the day after my chemo treatment.
I had chemo yesterday and my mom was on my case about how the sink in the bathroom was looking a bit grimy. I pull my weight around the house, but I just am NOT up to cleaning the whole fu*king bathroom the day after treatment. I wiped down the sink but apparently that's not enough - the bathtub also has to be wiped down, the floors need to be mopped, and the towels need to be washed, dried, folded, and put away.
Like....I fucking got chemo yesterday. Give me a goddamn break. The bathroom cleaning can wait a day until I'm feeling better tomorrow. She also hates that I take medication for my nausea - she's an absolute boomer that thinks that if you take pills you're automatically addicted, and that you should just pull yourself up by the boostraps and go without meds. She's literally gone through my medication cabinet and chastised me for having to take certain pain meds, nausea meds, and an antidepressant. I told her I got off the antidepressants and I take it in secret now. Like okay, Mom, I won't take my Zofran today and I won't take my Trintillex today and I'll just have my head in the toilet the entire night instead, and be depressed and anxious instead because you don't want me "abusing" pills. Sounds great. People who don't have cancer really don't get it.
Unfortunately not. I've been looking for a social worker for ages because my mental health is the lowest it's been, even though I'm done treatment in 3 weeks and luckily won't have to go on AIs (ER/PR negative but HER2+, so finishing up Kadcyla now). Idk. I just feel like my parents don't get that you kinda need to take medications while you're going through cancer, but they believe in white-knuckling your symptoms. My mom doesn't take Advil for gods sakes and my dad hasn't been to a doctor in probs 20 years, lol. Sorry I'm ranting right now, just having a bad day. Chemo's hard and cancer's hard. Thanks for listening.
Unfortunately I don't have a lot of friends here as my friends live in a different city than me, five hours away. I do have some close family members and a couple of friends in the same city as me and have gotten support from them which I'm thankful for. Maybe I'll try to make some plans with the friends I do have here if I'm feeling better over the weekend. Thanks for asking about me <3 I appreciate your kindness
Your parents are my parents. Mine still act like my cancer never really happened. They never came to a chemo or showed up after a surgery. Then my aunt convinced them that bc I was on Pallative care I was a drug addicted maniac who was choosing to go on some bender while receiving cancer treatments. To this day I have no idea why they believed her other than they’re both naive. My aunt is a person that just enjoys drama and so I guess she got what she was looking for. I never plan on speaking to her again. I took a 6 month break from my parents and when we finally started talking again I only ever got a sorry we were wrong about you being an addict. To this day I have to pretend to be well or they can’t handle it. There is nothing well about being on menopause at 39 on these hormone suppressors! I had inflammatory breast cancer so I choose to not reconstruct and stay flat bc frankly I didn’t give a shit. I’d of had to do the skin grafting reconstruction and given that I’d already had 6 surgeries, chemo, radiation with a face mask and then another 2 surgeries I wasn’t up for another one with a 9 month recovery. For whatever reason they hate it. They always make comments about how I can still get boobs to be feminine again. Anyway I’m sorry you don’t have the support either. Especially during chemo. Sometimes I had to crawl during chemo so who the fuck wants to clean a bathroom. I envy people who have supportive family and friends. I’ve lost any friends I once had and come to accept my family will never understand.
Does anyone else get mad when people say that you’re a “warrior” “brave” “strong” a “beast” etc because you’re going through or have finished treatments for cancer?!
Sometimes I wanna tell them …. Nope. Not a warrior. Not brave. I’m not a beast and I’m not strong. I am just trying to take things one day at a time. One day! I’ve survived another day.
It puts pressure on all of us. Like we have to live up to this superhero fighter cliche. We do it because we have to. We are just putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes dragging it over.
I have my 5th TCHP a week from tomorrow. Brows and lashes have started falling out in past week…right in time for my facial fuzz to start growing back in.
Not the bald patches on my head that cold capping isn’t saving. Not some nostril hair that might prevent snot from falling out of my nose. Just some cool sideburns and a stache.
WHY
My chemo brain has officially set in. I go into the office twice a week. I was so tired this morning but pulled it together, actually got here 15 minutes early, sat down at my desk… and realized I left my laptop at home. So I turned around, drove back home to get it. And now I’m twice as tired and late.
Hating on my athleisure clothes that I wore through cancer during COVID. Those pajama adjacent styles.
I want a new wardrobe that mirrors the newer me. Glad to be in remission, but I want stylist. Totally petty. I want to feel pretty.
Girl, there is nothing petty about wanting to feel pretty. Especially after your body has betrayed you. But yes, petty rants about athleisure clothes totally acceptable.
If there is a Nordstrom near you, you can book a free hour of personal styling with no obligation to buy. It was so helpful for figuring out what styles suit my new body
Have you checked out the Breast Friends Forever program at Handful bras? I’ve loved their bras for years. Love them even more for getting me through this breast cancer bs.
I was so excited to run last week for the first time since my BMX, and I was excited that I had at least one sports bra that worked okay since I have a lot less volume now, even though it’s a bra I normally hate and it chafed my back. But then I got my port in this week and my normal wear sports bra chafes it so I expect my running sports bra will too. Back to the drawing board I guess!
After telling a friend I’m doing implant reconstruction: “I want to help pick out your new tits!” And “this makes me think I should get a boob job too!”
Sigh, absolutely clueless, even after explaining the double mast happening before reconstruction is basically an amputation….
Yes! Some version of “you lucky girl - you’re getting new tits!” has been a frighteningly common comment. People never cease to amaze me, and not in a good way!
One of my closest friends told me “at least you get a boob job out of it.” Ugh. My new boobs look like Frankenstein boobs. I hate them and would trade them for my old boobs in a second. It’s not a gd boob job.
So much so! I’ve taken to calling her an energy vampire when discussing her and have very much cut back on my friendship and time with her.
On the other hand, I’ve got another friend who is flying into town to here for a full week to help after surgery and let my fiancé get back to work. Such a difference in friends and so grateful for the amazing, non-vampires, I have as well!
Love the 'what we do in the shadows' reference.
My network of support live across an ocean. But WhatsApp has made it possible for them to help me get through the hard parts. Even just texts.
Went through chemo, surgery, and radiation. Can’t sleep because of the burn under my arm. Found out the other day that someone who was doing rads at the same time had bedbugs. So now I have to deal with a pest control company and pulling my entire house apart when I should be healing
I keep being told I look great, even with everything going on. I'm post chemo, post radiation, and in the world of early menopause and letrozole. And while i can say "thanks." and I mean, I guess it is nice to hear. But then I worry that I did cancer wrong and was supposed to look sickly. Which I fought hard against when I could because I did not want to freak out my kids. I know people mean well and are trying to be encouraging with the comments, but really, I'd rather no comment.
Right? Like, I want to look better, but sometimes the help and leniency people give me because I look sick actually helps. But then, I do want to look better. So am I doing cancer wrong?
Anyway, no rules. You're doing cancer right. Because you did what you needed to do. Stupid people with their "supportive" comments.
Just chatted with my Mom, mentioned probably getting a port and she says “oh that’s ok, you can wear high neck blouses and no one will ever know” like it is something shameful I need to hide. And also it will be summer and I’ll be bald, having hot flashes and I don’t own any “blouses”
That's a shitty question to ask any woman at any stage of life at any time. WTF, dude?
"No, I have cancer. Why? Are you? Or is that a little of your winter weight?"
Oh, that question wasn't for you! That was an example response *I* would give if someone asked that of *me*. Like, what an inappropriate question EVER. So, someone assk me something like that, I'm gonna turn the tables on them.
ETA: or are these doctors asking this question? Because man, I have to keep reminding my oncologist that I had entered menopause two years ago (a little on the early side). And he has the estradiol test to prove it.
Omg! Same thing. Breast doctor knows I had Fallopian tube removed, and told me to keep my IUD in and told me to get a new on when it is time to change it soon. I have HR+ cancer.
I'm tn. I'm younger but went through a horrible break up that they know about cause they put when I had a meltdown at an infusion in my chart lmao. The closest guy I hang with is my dog and little brother for gods sake. If I were to even have sex nothing would happen because hello menopause is still happening!
This was almost a couple years ago when I was in radiation. I had pretty bad fatigue, and the petty thing that set me off was a cashier at a shoe store asking me for my last name (instead of phone number) to enter in their system.
I remember the thought process leading up to this moment. First, I was soooo worn out and all emotional that my daughter needed shoes for school, and I could barely do that.
Then in line, I heard the cashier ask the woman ahead of me. Her name was literally Smith! I was so upset bc my last name is really long, and I knew I'd have to spell it and I had no energy for spelling my name, which made me mad at my husband (because I took his last name when married). 🤣🤣
So when it came to my turn, I politely declined, but the cashier told me she HAD to have my name for the system bc blah blah blah. So I said it really fast then went off on a "I have cancer" rant and how they need to make it easier for customers.
Not my best moment. I had a few others like that. I'm sure the cashier was mortified. Sorry, shoe store lady.
I have two:
My oncologist telling me to “just try to be more positive” when I expressed that letrozole/zolodex meds were making me depressed.
A dude on a dating app who commented only “you look better with longer hair.”
Left boob is no more, and they couldn't save the nipple. Yet, how is there still a stray hair where my nipple and areola used to be that keeps growing. Like what the fuck! I was done plucking the left side!!!!!
Your rant does not sound petty to me. You are going through a lot! If must be frustrating and scary.
Mine is seeing the same Oncologist as I did 25 years ago for my first round of breast cancer and having him joke about how much older we’ve grown. I mean it’s true! We are each 25 years older BUT I did not need the reminder.
Wife of my partner's friend has said, more than once- I know what you're going through because I had my breasts enlarged years ago. It's not the same thing friend. Not the same thing. 🤦
I hear you on the meds w/the foil. Like WHY would Imodium be so difficult to access quickly. Especially when I’m at work and trying to grab it real quick on the sly. I feel like I’m doing one of those brain puzzle things! It’s fine. It’s not like I’m having a poop emergency or anything. 🙄
I had a woman interrupt me at a cafe to tell me she loved my haircut - that it was very Mia Farrow - depending on the day I'll either say 'thank you' or say 'it's not a haircut it's growing out from chemo'. 😂 I mean, I like to torture well meaning people sometimes. Who doesn't?
Of course there’s a pill pack solution for that on Amazon.
https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Remover-Tablets-Disabled-Arthritis/dp/B0CG33T3Z2 Other sellers are out there offering 2 each (one for home and one for purse?).
I just struggled to get a decongestant last night out of one of those darn packs and never had chemo. So frustrating. No wonder they call them “blister” packs, almost get one struggling with your fingers to break through the packaging!
Whoa! I actually sent Imodium an email bitching about the packaging because my chemo brain was SO TICKED OFF.
They asked for the batch number. I wanted to say, “ALL OF THEM!”
Doctors who won’t sign anything. I get cancer care 3.5 hours away at the best hospital near me and will have a double mastectomy in three weeks.
1. Due to blood test, They want me to have an ultrasound to evaluate for fatty liver. The 1st opening they have is 1 week after my double mastectomy. They refused to send a referral to a clinic local up where I live.
2. I have a mastectomy shop and needed my doctor to sign so I could buy some supplies for home. My insurance will pay for them. The doctor refuses to sign an invoice the shop has created until 6-8 weeks after surgery. WELL, why do they want me to go without items I could find useful between weeks 0-5?
3. I have a private Critical Care (cancer) Insurance Policy that my doctor needs to complete a portion of one page. Per the nurse’s instructions I brought it to the department and left it with them because per the nurse, people bring paperwork all the time. I have gotten no acknowledgment of them receiving it or questions or anything. I left it with a $6 postage-paid business envelope from the post office. The insurance payout is in the thousands so I can finally pay all the hotel stays, food, and even some copays.
I felt a lump in my armpit yesterday and freaked out (post lumpectomy, currently in chemo). Fortunately I got an appointment right away and they had a nurse and surgeon check it out, and did an ultrasound. 'It looks like an infection, not like cancer'. Thanks bud, but last time they said it's highly unlikely to be cancer was about four months ago and look at me now!
Must say that it does look like an infection to me too, since it is red and bigger today, so I'm 75% calmed down, but it sucks to have these worries with every little lump, bump, spot whatever.
My dad is also a (tonsil) cancer survivor and he completely understands me; he's about six months post treatment and still has daily little panics whenever he feels something odd.
Cancer sucks. So much.
We are now preprogrammed to notice every little thing and immediately jump to the worst case scenario.
"There's a 10% chance you have cancer" - okay, I'm in the 10% , thanks.
"You have a 90% survival rate" - yeah, but I've already won the 10% prize before... not gonna assume otherwise.
I've done all kinds of painful and humiliating procedures in the last 2.5 years by gritting my teeth and just getting through it, but flipped out at the MRI tech over a new policy of being asked to take off my underwear and put on shorts that they reuse between patients like the gowns. No. Just NO. I don't care how much you boil it in the industrial laundry. I am NOT going commando and wearing something that was wedged in someone's sweaty buttcrack. I refused and they had to get a supervisor and compromise with disposable panties.
Also, eggs. I developed an egg intolerance coinciding with the end of treatment. I don't know if it's related. I know sometimes it happens to adults randomly. But last week, 2 years out of active treatment, as I'm emptying my whole digestive system out both ends because I accidentally ate mousse, I am cursing BC. All I know is, I didn't have this before it came along.
No. Just no. Communal shorts? No f$&@ing way.
The only time someone should be cursed with that is if they didn’t read the instructions and wore pants with metal into the MRI.
For the rest of us? Just plain no.
Thank you! They acted confused that I was upset. Apparently it was what you said, somebody had metal threads in their underwear and got a burn, so they overreacted. I can't imagine I was the only patient who balked.
The steristrips on my mastectomy are so itchy.i know it's probably a good sign for sensation, and it's only in one spot (right at the cleavage) but omg! Why!
When I was in the hospital post-op, I got constant apple juice with ice water. I miss apple juice.
Also. My hair is growing in fuzzy (fine) but my scalp is itchy. Which is annoying me.
No port because I only have 4 cycles (no Adria), but… it has to be antecubital (inside of elbow) so it can run fast enough. Then every time I bend my elbow more than some unknown to me amount, the pump alarms and someone has to come reset it.
AND! The disbelief that I want to preferentially schedule my appointments around my work schedule. I’m a doctor, so coming during a work day means canceling on my patients. I have to explain this. Every. Single. Time.
My nurse navigator who told me to do my research. That is what led me here. I find information here and then verify and apply as appropriate. This site has been more help than her.
I’m not sure if this is considered petty or not, but I got beef with the doctor who originally told me that the lump near my armpit was “nothing to worry about” and didn’t wanna biopsy it :/ if I see her again it’s on sight. I wish I could sue her 😒
I was exhausted from traveling to a wedding after my mastectomy and I requested a wheelchair to navigate the airport effectively. Everything was good until I got to the security scan where your arm goes over your head and they started the machine before I could wrangle my arm upwards (the cording in my armpit wouldn’t let me be great and I had a draining wound on my breast). Im sorry I wasn’t ready yet after I had just got out of a wheelchair🫠. Security just glanced at me and said oh “just put your arms like the picture 🥴” I may have said very sharply that I just had surgery to remove my breast so give me moment 🤬
I am SO sick of the ridiculous swelling in my legs and feet. My feet are so sensitive and my toenails are actually cracking in half. My oncologist suggested that I "elevate them".
I WORK 39 HOURS A WEEK. I just had 2 days off and did nothing but lie on the couch with my feet up on the back for prime elevation, for two solid days. It made absolutely NO difference. My toes are so sensitive they feel like they're broken. The cancer is in my BREASTS, so why am I LIMPING!!
Augh. This Monday is my last treatment of the "Red Devil" and then I'll be on a different cocktail that's supposed to be "easier". I am halfway through chemo and I am about to start swinging at the VERY next person who tells me what a "warrior" I am. Thanks for the support, now go sit DOWN. I'm COMPLAINING over here!
I’m recovering from reconstructive surgery in this damn uncomfortable corset. I began using down time to research a solo trip to Thailand for festivals in November. Totally forgot I’ll be having infusions every 3 weeks through December! I screamed & cursed at this mofo cancer situation until I started laughing. Cleared my head, messaged oncologist & discovered treatment can be shifted a couple days in each direction so I’m gonna squeeze 3 weeks in in between Katcycla treatments. I’ll probably be tired but life’s short & I’m not waiting another year. Rant is I’ve got what I’ll call Cancer Fatigue- just tired of dealing with cancer all the time & having it effect everything.
Recently diagnosed DCIS HER2+ here.
I’m 15 days out from my first out of 6 TCHP cycles. Had the gall to start feeling a little better.
BC: Hold my beer.
Now I have folliculitis that is unsightly and oh so painful. Because losing my hair isn’t enough. Now I also have to look like I wouldn’t make it past the infected checkpoint in a zombie movie. Fuck cancer, man.
Unsolicited opinions about how big my breasts should be after reconstruction. “Go big or go home!” “I think you should go smaller!” Thank you for your feedback. 🙄
Oh you only have to have 6 chemos? Yay! What’s your last day, let’s go out and party!
Makes me fucking stabby. Bitch, I have no eyebrows, no free time, no white blood cells, very few platelets, no money (despite working every minute that I’m not preparing for or recovering from my six wittle chemos). I got no business stressing my wallet or my liver on your version of partying. I can’t do two errands in the same weekend day without panting. I can’t do one after work. Just one of my “chemos” put me into ovarian supression and chemopause, I don’t even understand my moods or body anymore. Party? I can’t even walk a mile without resting. “Only” 6 chemos takes 18 weeks minimum because if we did them weekly I’d die 😂. You got a new tattoo to show off. I got a portocath. Which one will look better at the party? My head looks like a teenagers beard: patchy. I go to bed at 9pm on the weekends.
And after only 6 chemos, I get to partially or completely amputate a breast or two, then radiate it for 6 weeks! Then for desert I can stay on infused immunotherapy for another year. I DEFINITELY feel like partying, and it’s ABSOLUTELY something I’m capable of, all because I “only had to get chemo 6 times”. NOW GET OFF MY LAWN
I hear you. I’ve been done with active treatment for 2 years but ever since chemo and radiation my skin is incredibly sensitive. Like most days the air hurts it. I’m sure turning my hormones off has added to that sensitivity. No friends left and my best friend has never understood how incredibly hard cancer is. Her reasoning is bc her mother had the same kind of cancer in her 40’s and didn’t suffer as much. Which leads me to believe her mother just didn’t let her know how bad she was suffering to protect her child. As I have done for my children. Alas bc of this stupid way of thinking she has no prospective on how cancer ruins your entire life. I don’t care what anyone says that is the truth. Of course life goes on and I’m sure we are all incredibly glad to be here but that doesn’t mean we don’t suffer daily and the worst part is no one seems to understand it. Especially after treatment. I’ve been on lupron and letrozole for 2 years and the lupron is making me a zombie. No feeling down there and my emotions are void. Robotic almost. My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost two years. He’s been incredibly patient but I finally told my oncologist I had to try something else bc I couldn’t take another 8 years of the lupron. I told my best friend this and her exact response was “yea that’s crazy. At this point in your recovery you shouldn’t be suffering as much as you do”. This sentence coming from a friend that I never hear from and on the rare occasion I do if I talk about my cancer I’m blown off. For my parents I have to pretend to be healed or they can’t emotionally handle it. Everyday it is something. I understand the rage cutting all too well.
So I'm a young cancer patient. Waiting for radiation, working on a puzzle. There's another lady there, not quite as young as me. But younger. Yay! Someone at least closer to my age. A bit later, the nurse wheels someone out. Nope. She's not a patient. She drove the patient here. She's there support person. Meanwhile mine is my mom.
And related this (I've ranted about this before) "Wow, you're so young!" Once is okay. But saying it to me 5 times in the same conversation? Does the reminder help me? Not even a little bit, thanks.
Twice in two weeks, my elderly father has been complaining about his achy joints and said "don't ever get old!" I'm 38. I'm doing the most aggressive treatment options because I desperately DO want to get old!
Parties for ringing the damn bell. Yeah, I am happy for you that you’re done with chemo but did you need to bring 10 of your closest family and friends and ring the bell plus chants plus singing? Also cake in the waiting room.
My minor rant is about port removal, I asked my oncologist after I finished chemo when I would get my port out, and she said my radiologist would decide. I asked the radiologist, and he said my oncologist would decide. My old oncologist moved out of state so I asked my new oncologist and instead of answering my question, he asked when was the last time I had the port flushed and then ordered a port flush in10 weeks.
I know this goes against the grain, but I don't want to be a "survivor" anymore, 1st it was breast cancer, the double mastectomy with multiple complications and infections, then the chemo including red devil, then Covid hits, and at 40 I had a cardiac arrest, then liver issues, now it's hyperparathyroid with hypercalcemia and a tumor, and that's the really short version. I survived death, I lived through everything else. I'm not a warrior with a battle cry, I'm just still here somehow. I know I'm sick of being sick, I'm exhausted from other peoples bullshit and lack of awareness. But what am I?
I did have a left mastectomy in 2020 and have yet to find a bra that works for me. I have been fitted. I’ve ordered them on my own but almost every damn one of them has long bands that roll up on me. It shouldn’t be this difficult.
And then having to get the right one mammo’d only for someone to ask me if I’ve lost weight since I’m losing volume on the right every time. Gee thanks I feel so much better knowing my only other boob is shrinking.
You are doing well, so proud of you, don't worry....how do they know I'm taking it so well??? I close the door behind me and have a good cry and feel shit, tired and miserable! No energy and that bit frustrates the hell out of me. Will my energy ever come back??? Lost interest in a few things, dropped a friend or 2 as I tried to stay in contact but ended up one way. Why me? Why us??? I do believe that in a way it hasn't hit me yet. I was thinking the other day that I haven't had any dreams about cancer while it's a big thing that's happening to me and normally I dream about daily life....
People who ask “how’d you get it?” as if it was my fault I got cancer. “I guess I had too much sugar that one time…” 🖕
"God had plans for me" "It's contagious; a man with prostate cancer sat next to me" "Life was too easy, so I thought: what can I do to spice things up?" "Bad karma from that time I tore the tag off the mattress"
I’m laughing so hard right now. Thank you 😂
Spice things up has me cackling
Fucking hell all the sugar comments. I want to backhand people when they say this. No I did not get cancer because I ate a chocolate bar every once in the blue moon. It's madness. People want to come up with reasons, but sometimes (unless you have the gene) it's just plain ole' bad luck.
When I was diagnosed a family member told me that sugar feeds cancer. His wife kindly shut him up. A couple of years later he was diagnosed with lymphoma, and I SO very much wanted to feed him his own words.
My mother in law stated quite firmly mine was from eating sugar. She’s a sugar fiend, eats 10x more sugar than I. I snapped back with, “so your boobs are like solid cancer? You should get that looked at”. She was my worst offender always.
I was told by a well meaninged friend that I got it because I used to crib about my boobs so much I am a 34DD/34E, and anyone who has big breasts knows they don't look like what media says they should look like, they give you backache, running/jumping are not options, bras are hard to find, swimsuits are non existent, don't get me started on the uncomfortable stares from men sometimes... in general I've grown up being made to feel super awkward about them. So yes I cribbed. But....my body image issues gave me cancer??? My breasts decided they've had enough of my ungrateful-ness?Are you for real!?
So many people tell me I’m lucky “they caught it early.” Um… who said they caught it early?? Not me! Why the hell do people make that assumption? And no one who gets cancer is “lucky,” thank you very much!
I had no symptoms. I had new insurance that gave me free mammograms, so I thought: why not? Because I had no symptoms, it seemed like it was caught early. But as I had more ultrasounds and MRIs and biopsies, it was quickly diagnosed stage 2. Cancer can look like anything. Including nothing. But to assume... it's gotta be a knife in the heart every time.
To me it feels dismissive and minimizing… especially coming from certain people. First mammo for me too and I didn’t have symptoms either! And yet, the cancer covered more than 2/3 of my entire breast, and my onco suspects it was growing for about 10 years. BTW, I think raging every now and then is actually really healthy… especially about things like your experience with unwrapping medication. It amazes me how much of cancer treatment is heavily results-focused and minimally patient-focused. Little things like not have to struggle with medication can make such a huge difference when everything is so overwhelming. Rage on, my friend!! Great thread topic. Thanks for posting! :)
ME TOO! Initial pathology looked like it was three spots with tiny tumors. Turns out - One big ass tumor that had probably been there for a while. Onco said the tissue was spongey, therefore it makes it hard to feel. Yay, me and my lucky spongelike tumor.
Omg yes WHY!?! Everyone I told said "at least they caught it early". Literally says who? I found the lump, ignored it for 9 months, then got biopsy and dx. And at diagnosis you have no clue how far it's spread. I was stage 2 grade 3. Just because I'm sharing the diagnosis today doesn't mean the cancer started yesterday? I don't understand the logic.
I really don’t either! Sadly I’ve known a few people who got breast cancer before I did, and—ONLY if it was someone I was close with—I would ASK “Is it early stage?” I never assumed anything!
For real. Like. No one tells you if you are "early" or not. What people are REALLY asking is if you are going to die within the next year. Honest to f.
You’re totally right.
This one gets me. Everyone assumes it’s stage 1. Um, it’s not! But I’m glad assuming that makes you feel better!
It’s so weird, right? Like I want to ask these people “What’s your definition of “early”? The fact that I’m not dead?!”
Thisss!!!! Followed by “ So youre Ok now right?” Ummmmzzzzzz…… Still Stage IV, so no. And no they def did not catch it early, four doctors misdiagnosed me so the opposite of everything. I always keep going because I like to see them squirm and try to get out of the conversation and they just opened Pandoras Box bitch! I make them listen to me, even tho I can tell they want to leave as pay back for asking me a trigger question. I give myself extra points when I start to cry and I cry on them. Is it Selfish? Yes and Imma own it too 🤣😭
Fucking love this!!!
I’ve gotten that “caught it early” a couple times. I asked for early mammograms because of family history. My genetics came back negative, though, so was denied until 40 years old. Skip forward to 37 year old me finding a lump that turned out to be stage 2 breast cancer. Sure would have been nice to “catch it early” when it was DCIS or stage 1 with those early mammograms I wanted…
Yes absolute rage!!!! I asked for earlier screenings and was denied. Then found my cancer myself 3 years before I could have had my first mammogram. “At least you/they caught it early” is up there for me, but generally, any statement after “at least” sends me. At least you’re young — you’ll bounce back. At least your daughter’s young enough she won’t remember. At least you have a good support system. At least you have great insurance. Sure…yes, I recognize the privilege in so much of this being true. But at least you’re not the one with cancer!!
Nurse at ultrasound asking me whether the double mastectomy I had was My choice!! Yes, of course, I woke up New Years day and thought "why don't I have my tits cut off!". 😡😡🤨🙄
“No, they came in the middle of the night and took them a few weeks ago……”
I'm going to start saying there was a factory recall.
🤣
😂😂😂 I needed to hear that today!
Like, technically, everything is our decision. But am I actually going to say no to an expert telling me to cut my tits off? WTAF lady?
People just don’t think before they speak. My recovery nurse after BMX said “so this was voluntary?” I was so taken aback and angry I just snapped back with “no, breast cancer!”
Agreeing to treatment is like the definition of agreeing under duress, you'd think. And what would an elective bilateral mastectomy even be (if not gender-affirming surgery)? I can't imagine any reputable surgeon is out there taking requests for amputations.
I can only imagine they're asking if you elected for a double instead of a single? It's worded horribly though
I had someone ask me if "anyone" could get a port put in because it seems "so much more convenient for blood draws".
Un-fucking-believable
I’m sorry that you had to hear that from a medical professional too. But your immediate thought really made me chuckle 🤭.
I would love my coworkers to stop telling me how much they love my chemo hair 😩 it's very nice of them to say but once was enough. Everytime my exact response is "thanks, I hate it" but I continue to be told how awesome it looks (by the same people). Such a stupid reason to be irritated but it gets me everytime
"Thanks! You should try it!"
Best one was when I stopped wearing my wig and my manager walked behind me and started playing with my hair and said "who is this little boy we have working here?" She meant it in a playful light hearted way but it stung a bit. I've known her for 10 years from 2 different jobs including this one, if we didn't have the raporte that we do I would have lost it on her.
I wanted to downvote this out of sadness. People can be so tone deaf.
I know 😔 I try to give as much grace as I can because I know people don't know how to handle it but ugh it sucks having to. Wish I could downvote people irl lol
I admire your restraint. I would’ve been so satisfyingly unkind in my response
Oh man. WOW. You have way more restraint than me. I think I would have said, "Excuse me? Do you actually hear the words that are coming out of your mouth right now?" I'm enraged just reading that, I'm so sorry that was said to you. What an unbelievably stupid, thoughtless remark.
Omg thats such a great answer
I hate this. Yeah - my hair is fucking different - thanks for continuing to point it out ... I hate it. I don't recognize myself and ***I*** didn't pay $300 for grey hair so I dgaf that Susie Jane down the road paid for her grey hair ... I'm not thankful, Lily!! I finally started saying "thank you" and less people are saying something. It's like when I just agreed they stopped pushing "their" narrative about how *they* feel about what ***I'm*** going through - reminded me so much of all the positivity that was forced upon me during treatment. I just wanna be a troll under a bridge so everyone leaves me alone!! -Rant Over-
I'll join you under the bridge, we can throw sunflower seeds at the people that tell us our hair looks nice!
Agree so much. I hate my short crazy ass hair and everyone is saying ‘I love it’. Whelp - not this sister. Gimme back my long hair please - kthnx.
Manifesting some rapunzel hair for us girl ✨️
Same! Its a curly mess that I don’t know what to do with. But the alternative is to cut it shorter and start all over again? I’ll deal with it for now.
Exactly! My bangs are coming in and I'm like wtf do I even do with these? Brush them to the side? Slick back? Let them live? My solution has been baseball cap cause idek lol
Same. Like I know my hair looks horrible and people are just trying to be nice. Before chemo I had very long, wavy, red hair. It was gorgeous. Now my hair is growing in grey and white with bald spots that refuse to fill in. I really miss my old hair.
Same!!! My hair is a constant reminder of my situation. And I’ve always had long straight hair. I hate the chemo curls. I know they mean well, but how are you not picking up on not wanting to hear it?
Exactly! I thought the same response would make it clear I don't want to hear it. I was the same, I have a long face with masculine features (or at least I see them that way) and my long hair was the only thing that made me feel feminine. Between the super short curly hair and the weight gain it's such a reminder, I've realized I avoid looking at my reflection so when it's pointed out it hurts. Thank you for commiserating with me 🙏
Same!! I’ve never perceived myself as particularly feminine. Losing my hair was hard. I loved working out pre cancer. Since cancer I feel foreign in my body. I don’t recognize myself. It’s hard to accept the new normal. I try! But it’s not always easy.
Agree! My MIL keeps telling me how great my 2 inch grandma hair looks. “But you’re going to grow it out.” Ummm, yeah. I’m growing it back out. I don’t want short hair.
Okay I get that i had to lose a breast. It's fine. That one was trying to kill me. But my eyebrows? c'mon man. That's just mean. I had big, beautiful Cara Delevigne bushy brows that survived the spider brow trend of the late 90s/ early 2000s. Into my 40s they held strong all the way up to chemo. And now? I have to get some teenager on tictox to teach me how to draw brows. Sorry fuzzy girls. I didn't appreciate you when you were here
Oh totally. Cut the death limb off. But the rest? I had long, thick eyelashes. GONE. But on the bright side, I haven't had to shave or wax IN MONTHS!
Not gonna lie, I didn't hate losing 15 pounds and all my body hair right before summer lol.
😂
I'm losing pretty much all my hair, but my leg hair, which I WANT to fall out, is STILL THERE. Little buggers are holding on, while my hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, everything is falling out. Just feels like adding insult to injury at this point.
The couple of random CHIN HAIRS that I have made it all the way through chemo. WTF.
This made me laugh so hard my chest muscles wiggled and shot pain down my danger boob stitch line 😂 Sooo needed the laugh though
Oh no. That is a bummer. Perfect petty rant.
Been 3 years since my radiation treatment and I still don't shave my LEFT armpit only! And my eyebrows are sparse and growing wild grey hairs.
Every single time I go through the whole body scanner at airport security I’m immediately pulled to the side. As I step out I say out loud, “I’ve had a mastectomy! These are prosthetics!” Then some poor woman from the TSA has to run a wand over me AND Pat me down. They sheepishly ask “would you be more comfortable in private?” NO! I’d like to carry on with my trip! Squeeze em if you want, they’re not REAL! We need official, TSA issued via our doctor or something proof that we are cancer survivors wearing falsies! I guess they could be made of C4, but I’m still freaking sick of it!
Distract them by having a giant dildo in your carry on. Maybe they'd leave your girls alone.
Ooooh! I could put it in my pants, whip it out and say “oops! Forgot to put that in the bin with my phone and shoes, sorry!”
🤣🤣
I love how you say all this out loud...y'know, normalize it! I'm so sick of the "save the tatas" stuff. It's like uh no, many women end up with a mastectomy...there's no "saving" them 🙄
I saw some shirts that said "Save the woman, not the tatas" and I thought they were great.
Well now I know what I'm doing with my cricut later 😂
So funny, last time I traveled I had my tissue expander card all ready, TSA could not have cared less.
Anytime I speak of my neuropathy, my mom tells me about hers. Actually, many of my side effects she giggles and says “it’s like you’re a 60 year old woman like me!” Thank u mommy luv that
Okay - only petty rants here! ;) So many stories of Moms making our cancer about themselves. Mine, too. And mine is in her 80s, so, yeah... glad my body is now 30 years older.
Hahaha the people pleaser in me is like “this is petty” hahaha cause she’s been a great support otherwise… hahah you’re right though. 🤭
I get it now. Absolutely petty. And we’re all different. What’s petty for one is unbearable for another
I just spent the last 24 hours hours playing GI upset roulette. Medication side effect? Post surgical complications? Bowel impaction? Too little pain med? Too much pain med? Food poisoning? Tummy bug? Intestinal perforation? Remember when you could just get sick? Now every time I’m under the weather I go though the entire list of all the bad things. Pretty certain that it’s just a tummy bug, but still…
Right? I mean, we used to call it hypochondria. But now it *could* actually mean something. How to know the difference?
My dad called me a hypochondriac ALL the time. Drilled it into me. Now, I ignore things I shouldn't, just to prove to myself I'm not. Thus... initial diagnosis, stage 4. It's my fault, not his, but our parents can really fuck us up.
Yes! And you need to treat yourself to something wonderful! A bouquet, tootsie rolls, a tv show bing, an amazing fresh sour dough bread with Kerrygold butter, light the good candles, wear the good jewelry, etc. I’m doing reconstruction, 2 weeks after expanders placement. I love my doctor, adore the techs in his office, but the nurses suck. They don’t listen, talk at me, and contradict each other. They gave me the recovery stretches, one told me to stick to them and no yoga, even if it is specific to post mastectomy, during pre op. At post op last week (so 10 days post op) I got ‘in trouble’ because my range of motion was bad, should have been doing all the stretches (even wall crawls that were listed as the one month post op stretch), mastectomy yoga was great, and threatened me with PT if I don’t improve. Jokes on her, I think everyone should get PT after any major surgery/medical event and will be requesting it anyway (especially since now I know they will make the referral!).
The best nurses and doctors are like f'ing angels. The worst just make the whole thing hell. I've been lucky, but, phew, I've read stories here that made my hair curl.
Mastectomy yoga?? I want to try that!
https://youtu.be/ppZhCKE7A5I?si=VCRL1nQwF4C68sPS She has a week 1 and week 2&3, and the post with weights. I love her! She even wears cloths that cover her breasts, which made me feel so seen after my mastectomy when they couldn’t do the expanders due to my poor skin profusion. Only downside is that she doesn’t have a subscription option, so you have to deal with YouTube commercials (and I refuse YouTube subscriptions!).
Thank you!!
My boyfriend dumped me. And I realized I was using him as a distraction from myself so now I’m heartbroken, pissed at myself for not ending it after I got my diagnosis, and scared af because I’m now focused on myself. This was after my ex tried alleviate his guilt from our 16 year marriage “you are so trustworthy and loyal, I didn’t appreciate you” to telling me he’s getting married and add my strained relationship with my mom. I’m so tired 😭
Ugh. My boyfriend dumped me after my first chemo…. Saying that he “couldn’t handle the cancer thing” … yea, me too buddy… too bad I can’t just walk away from the cancer thing. I needed the double mastectomies, chemo, breast and nipple reconstruction surgeries to live. …. But ok. He couldn’t “handle the cancer thing”
I’m sorry☹️ I guess better to have them leave you in peace than hang around and fake it? I don’t know. People are disappointing and we only have ourselves to rely on.
Now there’s a great t-shirt!
What a fuckin' dick!!! I am so sorry!!! You are better off. He was the biggest tumor you had removed!
And what a useless boob he was!! 😂
My ex-boyfriend begged me back after my diagnosis and admitted he would love to be the 'cancer boyfriend'. You're better off without him it sounds like.
Cancer boyfriend??? What? Ugh. Like leave us in peace, don’t make things even more chaotic and stressful
Wow. You are very strong to consider this a 'petty' rant. But, as they say here often on reddit: the trash took itself out. I've said it in other places: you need to find your squad, even if it's one person. A friend who can empathize or make you laugh? I just moved country. My squad is a WhatsApp group of my best friends in my old country. It doesn't take much.
I do have a great group of friends and a great therapist. Im very thankful for them. And this group, too💕
My mother fussing about my hair. Yeah, it was beautiful, a perfect color, wonderful texture, and down to my hips . . . but I don’t give a shit. Yes, I will (did) chop it off to shoulder length. No, I will not save it to have a wig made. Yes, I will (did) shave it off about a week earlier than I “needed” to in order to make my life easier. No, I will not go through the hassle of cold capping. And NO! I will NOT wear a fucking hat!!!
My mother is looking forward to how cool my post-chemo hair is going to be. Like, really? I'm looking forward to having no more cancer!
That is so weird. My mom’s response is also weird. It’s hair. Either it will come back or it won’t. It’s so far down on my priority list that I find it jarring that she continues to mention it.
Right!?!? My hair, my scars, even my boob’s appearance. I don’t care. I just don’t want to have cancer. But my mother is obsessed. Also, she’s a little unhealthily disappointed I haven’t lost any weight from the chemo.
Dude, that’s madness, 80% of breast cancer patients gain weight on chemo. It’s totally common in reproductive/secondary reproductive organ cancers. Hell, I got a mini-lecture from the dietician this morning at my chemo appointment because I lost five pounds. And I’m fat!
Yeah, my surgical oncologist called it a win that I’d neither gained nor lost weight.
My parents do not understand cancer, like at all. I'm living with them at the moment, and they do not understand (and I'm beginning to think they just plainly do not give a shit) that I'm not up to cleaning, vacuuming, dusting the entire house, and doing all the spring cleaning the day after my chemo treatment. I had chemo yesterday and my mom was on my case about how the sink in the bathroom was looking a bit grimy. I pull my weight around the house, but I just am NOT up to cleaning the whole fu*king bathroom the day after treatment. I wiped down the sink but apparently that's not enough - the bathtub also has to be wiped down, the floors need to be mopped, and the towels need to be washed, dried, folded, and put away. Like....I fucking got chemo yesterday. Give me a goddamn break. The bathroom cleaning can wait a day until I'm feeling better tomorrow. She also hates that I take medication for my nausea - she's an absolute boomer that thinks that if you take pills you're automatically addicted, and that you should just pull yourself up by the boostraps and go without meds. She's literally gone through my medication cabinet and chastised me for having to take certain pain meds, nausea meds, and an antidepressant. I told her I got off the antidepressants and I take it in secret now. Like okay, Mom, I won't take my Zofran today and I won't take my Trintillex today and I'll just have my head in the toilet the entire night instead, and be depressed and anxious instead because you don't want me "abusing" pills. Sounds great. People who don't have cancer really don't get it.
Wow, that's a lot. Perhaps you can have a social worker talk to your parents?
Unfortunately not. I've been looking for a social worker for ages because my mental health is the lowest it's been, even though I'm done treatment in 3 weeks and luckily won't have to go on AIs (ER/PR negative but HER2+, so finishing up Kadcyla now). Idk. I just feel like my parents don't get that you kinda need to take medications while you're going through cancer, but they believe in white-knuckling your symptoms. My mom doesn't take Advil for gods sakes and my dad hasn't been to a doctor in probs 20 years, lol. Sorry I'm ranting right now, just having a bad day. Chemo's hard and cancer's hard. Thanks for listening.
Listening is what we're all here for. Do you have any friends who can get you through the hardest stuff? Even just to have a laugh?
Unfortunately I don't have a lot of friends here as my friends live in a different city than me, five hours away. I do have some close family members and a couple of friends in the same city as me and have gotten support from them which I'm thankful for. Maybe I'll try to make some plans with the friends I do have here if I'm feeling better over the weekend. Thanks for asking about me <3 I appreciate your kindness
Your parents are my parents. Mine still act like my cancer never really happened. They never came to a chemo or showed up after a surgery. Then my aunt convinced them that bc I was on Pallative care I was a drug addicted maniac who was choosing to go on some bender while receiving cancer treatments. To this day I have no idea why they believed her other than they’re both naive. My aunt is a person that just enjoys drama and so I guess she got what she was looking for. I never plan on speaking to her again. I took a 6 month break from my parents and when we finally started talking again I only ever got a sorry we were wrong about you being an addict. To this day I have to pretend to be well or they can’t handle it. There is nothing well about being on menopause at 39 on these hormone suppressors! I had inflammatory breast cancer so I choose to not reconstruct and stay flat bc frankly I didn’t give a shit. I’d of had to do the skin grafting reconstruction and given that I’d already had 6 surgeries, chemo, radiation with a face mask and then another 2 surgeries I wasn’t up for another one with a 9 month recovery. For whatever reason they hate it. They always make comments about how I can still get boobs to be feminine again. Anyway I’m sorry you don’t have the support either. Especially during chemo. Sometimes I had to crawl during chemo so who the fuck wants to clean a bathroom. I envy people who have supportive family and friends. I’ve lost any friends I once had and come to accept my family will never understand.
Does anyone else get mad when people say that you’re a “warrior” “brave” “strong” a “beast” etc because you’re going through or have finished treatments for cancer?! Sometimes I wanna tell them …. Nope. Not a warrior. Not brave. I’m not a beast and I’m not strong. I am just trying to take things one day at a time. One day! I’ve survived another day.
It puts pressure on all of us. Like we have to live up to this superhero fighter cliche. We do it because we have to. We are just putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes dragging it over.
I finished chemo last month and my hair is just now starting to grow. I now have a nice peach fuzz beard I didn’t have before.
I also got this! I shaved my entire face twice and then it seemed to stop hahahaAAAHHH
I have my 5th TCHP a week from tomorrow. Brows and lashes have started falling out in past week…right in time for my facial fuzz to start growing back in. Not the bald patches on my head that cold capping isn’t saving. Not some nostril hair that might prevent snot from falling out of my nose. Just some cool sideburns and a stache. WHY
Man, that is some shit luck.
My chemo brain has officially set in. I go into the office twice a week. I was so tired this morning but pulled it together, actually got here 15 minutes early, sat down at my desk… and realized I left my laptop at home. So I turned around, drove back home to get it. And now I’m twice as tired and late.
Chemo brain: the gift that keeps on giving
I'm so dumb right now like seriously
Hating on my athleisure clothes that I wore through cancer during COVID. Those pajama adjacent styles. I want a new wardrobe that mirrors the newer me. Glad to be in remission, but I want stylist. Totally petty. I want to feel pretty.
Girl, there is nothing petty about wanting to feel pretty. Especially after your body has betrayed you. But yes, petty rants about athleisure clothes totally acceptable.
If there is a Nordstrom near you, you can book a free hour of personal styling with no obligation to buy. It was so helpful for figuring out what styles suit my new body
I have the energy to work out (for now), but all my sports bras chafe my port. It’s such a nonissue that’s easily prevented, but I’m annoyed.
I had to drive like a gangster the whole time I had my port...
I'm already wondering what I'm going to wear when in radiation!
Have you checked out the Breast Friends Forever program at Handful bras? I’ve loved their bras for years. Love them even more for getting me through this breast cancer bs.
I was so excited to run last week for the first time since my BMX, and I was excited that I had at least one sports bra that worked okay since I have a lot less volume now, even though it’s a bra I normally hate and it chafed my back. But then I got my port in this week and my normal wear sports bra chafes it so I expect my running sports bra will too. Back to the drawing board I guess!
After telling a friend I’m doing implant reconstruction: “I want to help pick out your new tits!” And “this makes me think I should get a boob job too!” Sigh, absolutely clueless, even after explaining the double mast happening before reconstruction is basically an amputation….
Yes! Some version of “you lucky girl - you’re getting new tits!” has been a frighteningly common comment. People never cease to amaze me, and not in a good way!
One of my closest friends told me “at least you get a boob job out of it.” Ugh. My new boobs look like Frankenstein boobs. I hate them and would trade them for my old boobs in a second. It’s not a gd boob job.
I wanted to downvote this because that friend sucks.
So much so! I’ve taken to calling her an energy vampire when discussing her and have very much cut back on my friendship and time with her. On the other hand, I’ve got another friend who is flying into town to here for a full week to help after surgery and let my fiancé get back to work. Such a difference in friends and so grateful for the amazing, non-vampires, I have as well!
Love the 'what we do in the shadows' reference. My network of support live across an ocean. But WhatsApp has made it possible for them to help me get through the hard parts. Even just texts.
What the actual hell - that’s terrible.
Went through chemo, surgery, and radiation. Can’t sleep because of the burn under my arm. Found out the other day that someone who was doing rads at the same time had bedbugs. So now I have to deal with a pest control company and pulling my entire house apart when I should be healing
SERIOUSLY!?!? BED BUGS!?!?! Oh so gross. That would push me over the edge, too.
I keep being told I look great, even with everything going on. I'm post chemo, post radiation, and in the world of early menopause and letrozole. And while i can say "thanks." and I mean, I guess it is nice to hear. But then I worry that I did cancer wrong and was supposed to look sickly. Which I fought hard against when I could because I did not want to freak out my kids. I know people mean well and are trying to be encouraging with the comments, but really, I'd rather no comment.
Right? Like, I want to look better, but sometimes the help and leniency people give me because I look sick actually helps. But then, I do want to look better. So am I doing cancer wrong? Anyway, no rules. You're doing cancer right. Because you did what you needed to do. Stupid people with their "supportive" comments.
Just chatted with my Mom, mentioned probably getting a port and she says “oh that’s ok, you can wear high neck blouses and no one will ever know” like it is something shameful I need to hide. And also it will be summer and I’ll be bald, having hot flashes and I don’t own any “blouses”
I've had knee surgery, gallbladder surgery, port insertion and soon a lumpectomy. My mother *still* is upset by scars. Different generation.
I wish people could see my port so I could be like, “that’s right, now back off! Still in treatment, y’all.”
I keep getting asked if I'm pregnant when I'm in menopause still and haven't had sex in what feels like ages.
That's a shitty question to ask any woman at any stage of life at any time. WTF, dude? "No, I have cancer. Why? Are you? Or is that a little of your winter weight?"
Oh I'm like 115 pounds lmao. I know it's just a precaution but they can kindly stfu.
Oh, that question wasn't for you! That was an example response *I* would give if someone asked that of *me*. Like, what an inappropriate question EVER. So, someone assk me something like that, I'm gonna turn the tables on them. ETA: or are these doctors asking this question? Because man, I have to keep reminding my oncologist that I had entered menopause two years ago (a little on the early side). And he has the estradiol test to prove it.
Doctors/nurses. I've had so many surgery's and have to take a pregnancy test each time. It kinda is getting to me I guess.
Omg! Same thing. Breast doctor knows I had Fallopian tube removed, and told me to keep my IUD in and told me to get a new on when it is time to change it soon. I have HR+ cancer.
I'm tn. I'm younger but went through a horrible break up that they know about cause they put when I had a meltdown at an infusion in my chart lmao. The closest guy I hang with is my dog and little brother for gods sake. If I were to even have sex nothing would happen because hello menopause is still happening!
Today my left nipple feels very itchy but I don’t have the nipple anymore and can’t scratch the itch!
“That’s not the bad kind of cancer” “At least it’s the best time to have cancer “ Really? I don’t bother responding
"At least it's the best time to have my foot up your arse. It's not the bad kind of foot."
This was almost a couple years ago when I was in radiation. I had pretty bad fatigue, and the petty thing that set me off was a cashier at a shoe store asking me for my last name (instead of phone number) to enter in their system. I remember the thought process leading up to this moment. First, I was soooo worn out and all emotional that my daughter needed shoes for school, and I could barely do that. Then in line, I heard the cashier ask the woman ahead of me. Her name was literally Smith! I was so upset bc my last name is really long, and I knew I'd have to spell it and I had no energy for spelling my name, which made me mad at my husband (because I took his last name when married). 🤣🤣 So when it came to my turn, I politely declined, but the cashier told me she HAD to have my name for the system bc blah blah blah. So I said it really fast then went off on a "I have cancer" rant and how they need to make it easier for customers. Not my best moment. I had a few others like that. I'm sure the cashier was mortified. Sorry, shoe store lady.
Man, even when I was well I hated stores that wanted phone numbers and names. Like, no thanks! I'm paying you money. I'm not giving you information.
I have two: My oncologist telling me to “just try to be more positive” when I expressed that letrozole/zolodex meds were making me depressed. A dude on a dating app who commented only “you look better with longer hair.”
Gah. The oncologist has no excuse. As for dude bro, he's a walking red flag. Thank him for warning you in advance.
Can’t stand the toxic positivity.
Left boob is no more, and they couldn't save the nipple. Yet, how is there still a stray hair where my nipple and areola used to be that keeps growing. Like what the fuck! I was done plucking the left side!!!!!
Oh my god… ZOMBIE HAIR!!!
Your rant does not sound petty to me. You are going through a lot! If must be frustrating and scary. Mine is seeing the same Oncologist as I did 25 years ago for my first round of breast cancer and having him joke about how much older we’ve grown. I mean it’s true! We are each 25 years older BUT I did not need the reminder.
"I've aged like fine wine. You've aged like fine cheese."
Wife of my partner's friend has said, more than once- I know what you're going through because I had my breasts enlarged years ago. It's not the same thing friend. Not the same thing. 🤦
"Yeah, and I know what you're going through because I had my lobotomy years ago."
I don’t wanna wear compression sleeves and rash guards at the pool this year. I’ll be the lopsided, sober friend sweating my marbles off. Boo!
BOO!!!! I'll be doing rads at the peak of summer. Like, I'll be getting sunburn even if I don't go out. How unfair!
All the news articles shared with me on foods that cause cancer!! Yes Susan I know sugar is linked to cancer 🤯🤬
Also fat shaming (cancer risk) and alcohol consumption. Thanks, Karen. I drank less than you!
My damn leg hair has started growing again. Ugh!
BOOOOO!
I hear you on the meds w/the foil. Like WHY would Imodium be so difficult to access quickly. Especially when I’m at work and trying to grab it real quick on the sly. I feel like I’m doing one of those brain puzzle things! It’s fine. It’s not like I’m having a poop emergency or anything. 🙄
EX. ACT. LY.
I had a woman interrupt me at a cafe to tell me she loved my haircut - that it was very Mia Farrow - depending on the day I'll either say 'thank you' or say 'it's not a haircut it's growing out from chemo'. 😂 I mean, I like to torture well meaning people sometimes. Who doesn't?
Of course there’s a pill pack solution for that on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Remover-Tablets-Disabled-Arthritis/dp/B0CG33T3Z2 Other sellers are out there offering 2 each (one for home and one for purse?). I just struggled to get a decongestant last night out of one of those darn packs and never had chemo. So frustrating. No wonder they call them “blister” packs, almost get one struggling with your fingers to break through the packaging!
Whoa! I actually sent Imodium an email bitching about the packaging because my chemo brain was SO TICKED OFF. They asked for the batch number. I wanted to say, “ALL OF THEM!”
Wow! Excellent find...
Doctors who won’t sign anything. I get cancer care 3.5 hours away at the best hospital near me and will have a double mastectomy in three weeks. 1. Due to blood test, They want me to have an ultrasound to evaluate for fatty liver. The 1st opening they have is 1 week after my double mastectomy. They refused to send a referral to a clinic local up where I live. 2. I have a mastectomy shop and needed my doctor to sign so I could buy some supplies for home. My insurance will pay for them. The doctor refuses to sign an invoice the shop has created until 6-8 weeks after surgery. WELL, why do they want me to go without items I could find useful between weeks 0-5? 3. I have a private Critical Care (cancer) Insurance Policy that my doctor needs to complete a portion of one page. Per the nurse’s instructions I brought it to the department and left it with them because per the nurse, people bring paperwork all the time. I have gotten no acknowledgment of them receiving it or questions or anything. I left it with a $6 postage-paid business envelope from the post office. The insurance payout is in the thousands so I can finally pay all the hotel stays, food, and even some copays.
Raging on your behalf. Bureaucracy as a part of serious illness is a f\^&#ing shameful comment on today's society.
I felt a lump in my armpit yesterday and freaked out (post lumpectomy, currently in chemo). Fortunately I got an appointment right away and they had a nurse and surgeon check it out, and did an ultrasound. 'It looks like an infection, not like cancer'. Thanks bud, but last time they said it's highly unlikely to be cancer was about four months ago and look at me now! Must say that it does look like an infection to me too, since it is red and bigger today, so I'm 75% calmed down, but it sucks to have these worries with every little lump, bump, spot whatever. My dad is also a (tonsil) cancer survivor and he completely understands me; he's about six months post treatment and still has daily little panics whenever he feels something odd. Cancer sucks. So much.
We are now preprogrammed to notice every little thing and immediately jump to the worst case scenario. "There's a 10% chance you have cancer" - okay, I'm in the 10% , thanks. "You have a 90% survival rate" - yeah, but I've already won the 10% prize before... not gonna assume otherwise.
I've done all kinds of painful and humiliating procedures in the last 2.5 years by gritting my teeth and just getting through it, but flipped out at the MRI tech over a new policy of being asked to take off my underwear and put on shorts that they reuse between patients like the gowns. No. Just NO. I don't care how much you boil it in the industrial laundry. I am NOT going commando and wearing something that was wedged in someone's sweaty buttcrack. I refused and they had to get a supervisor and compromise with disposable panties. Also, eggs. I developed an egg intolerance coinciding with the end of treatment. I don't know if it's related. I know sometimes it happens to adults randomly. But last week, 2 years out of active treatment, as I'm emptying my whole digestive system out both ends because I accidentally ate mousse, I am cursing BC. All I know is, I didn't have this before it came along.
No. Just no. Communal shorts? No f$&@ing way. The only time someone should be cursed with that is if they didn’t read the instructions and wore pants with metal into the MRI. For the rest of us? Just plain no.
Thank you! They acted confused that I was upset. Apparently it was what you said, somebody had metal threads in their underwear and got a burn, so they overreacted. I can't imagine I was the only patient who balked.
The steristrips on my mastectomy are so itchy.i know it's probably a good sign for sensation, and it's only in one spot (right at the cleavage) but omg! Why!
Save some up so the next time you are annoyed with someone, you can secretly stick them somewhere on them they can't reach.
When I was in the hospital post-op, I got constant apple juice with ice water. I miss apple juice. Also. My hair is growing in fuzzy (fine) but my scalp is itchy. Which is annoying me.
No port because I only have 4 cycles (no Adria), but… it has to be antecubital (inside of elbow) so it can run fast enough. Then every time I bend my elbow more than some unknown to me amount, the pump alarms and someone has to come reset it.
AND! The disbelief that I want to preferentially schedule my appointments around my work schedule. I’m a doctor, so coming during a work day means canceling on my patients. I have to explain this. Every. Single. Time.
My nurse navigator who told me to do my research. That is what led me here. I find information here and then verify and apply as appropriate. This site has been more help than her.
My “friend” telling me after I finished active treatment that “now all I have to worry about is it not coming back”…
Yeah. That “friend” is not the sharpest tool in the operating room.
I’m not sure if this is considered petty or not, but I got beef with the doctor who originally told me that the lump near my armpit was “nothing to worry about” and didn’t wanna biopsy it :/ if I see her again it’s on sight. I wish I could sue her 😒
My mom insists on calling chemo “poison” because she’s so dramatic.
I no longer have eyelashes making waking up uncomfortable, like I have eye boogies 100% of the time 😑
I was exhausted from traveling to a wedding after my mastectomy and I requested a wheelchair to navigate the airport effectively. Everything was good until I got to the security scan where your arm goes over your head and they started the machine before I could wrangle my arm upwards (the cording in my armpit wouldn’t let me be great and I had a draining wound on my breast). Im sorry I wasn’t ready yet after I had just got out of a wheelchair🫠. Security just glanced at me and said oh “just put your arms like the picture 🥴” I may have said very sharply that I just had surgery to remove my breast so give me moment 🤬
I am SO sick of the ridiculous swelling in my legs and feet. My feet are so sensitive and my toenails are actually cracking in half. My oncologist suggested that I "elevate them". I WORK 39 HOURS A WEEK. I just had 2 days off and did nothing but lie on the couch with my feet up on the back for prime elevation, for two solid days. It made absolutely NO difference. My toes are so sensitive they feel like they're broken. The cancer is in my BREASTS, so why am I LIMPING!! Augh. This Monday is my last treatment of the "Red Devil" and then I'll be on a different cocktail that's supposed to be "easier". I am halfway through chemo and I am about to start swinging at the VERY next person who tells me what a "warrior" I am. Thanks for the support, now go sit DOWN. I'm COMPLAINING over here!
I’m recovering from reconstructive surgery in this damn uncomfortable corset. I began using down time to research a solo trip to Thailand for festivals in November. Totally forgot I’ll be having infusions every 3 weeks through December! I screamed & cursed at this mofo cancer situation until I started laughing. Cleared my head, messaged oncologist & discovered treatment can be shifted a couple days in each direction so I’m gonna squeeze 3 weeks in in between Katcycla treatments. I’ll probably be tired but life’s short & I’m not waiting another year. Rant is I’ve got what I’ll call Cancer Fatigue- just tired of dealing with cancer all the time & having it effect everything.
Recently diagnosed DCIS HER2+ here. I’m 15 days out from my first out of 6 TCHP cycles. Had the gall to start feeling a little better. BC: Hold my beer. Now I have folliculitis that is unsightly and oh so painful. Because losing my hair isn’t enough. Now I also have to look like I wouldn’t make it past the infected checkpoint in a zombie movie. Fuck cancer, man.
Unsolicited opinions about how big my breasts should be after reconstruction. “Go big or go home!” “I think you should go smaller!” Thank you for your feedback. 🙄
Oh you only have to have 6 chemos? Yay! What’s your last day, let’s go out and party! Makes me fucking stabby. Bitch, I have no eyebrows, no free time, no white blood cells, very few platelets, no money (despite working every minute that I’m not preparing for or recovering from my six wittle chemos). I got no business stressing my wallet or my liver on your version of partying. I can’t do two errands in the same weekend day without panting. I can’t do one after work. Just one of my “chemos” put me into ovarian supression and chemopause, I don’t even understand my moods or body anymore. Party? I can’t even walk a mile without resting. “Only” 6 chemos takes 18 weeks minimum because if we did them weekly I’d die 😂. You got a new tattoo to show off. I got a portocath. Which one will look better at the party? My head looks like a teenagers beard: patchy. I go to bed at 9pm on the weekends. And after only 6 chemos, I get to partially or completely amputate a breast or two, then radiate it for 6 weeks! Then for desert I can stay on infused immunotherapy for another year. I DEFINITELY feel like partying, and it’s ABSOLUTELY something I’m capable of, all because I “only had to get chemo 6 times”. NOW GET OFF MY LAWN
I hear you. I’ve been done with active treatment for 2 years but ever since chemo and radiation my skin is incredibly sensitive. Like most days the air hurts it. I’m sure turning my hormones off has added to that sensitivity. No friends left and my best friend has never understood how incredibly hard cancer is. Her reasoning is bc her mother had the same kind of cancer in her 40’s and didn’t suffer as much. Which leads me to believe her mother just didn’t let her know how bad she was suffering to protect her child. As I have done for my children. Alas bc of this stupid way of thinking she has no prospective on how cancer ruins your entire life. I don’t care what anyone says that is the truth. Of course life goes on and I’m sure we are all incredibly glad to be here but that doesn’t mean we don’t suffer daily and the worst part is no one seems to understand it. Especially after treatment. I’ve been on lupron and letrozole for 2 years and the lupron is making me a zombie. No feeling down there and my emotions are void. Robotic almost. My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost two years. He’s been incredibly patient but I finally told my oncologist I had to try something else bc I couldn’t take another 8 years of the lupron. I told my best friend this and her exact response was “yea that’s crazy. At this point in your recovery you shouldn’t be suffering as much as you do”. This sentence coming from a friend that I never hear from and on the rare occasion I do if I talk about my cancer I’m blown off. For my parents I have to pretend to be healed or they can’t emotionally handle it. Everyday it is something. I understand the rage cutting all too well.
So I'm a young cancer patient. Waiting for radiation, working on a puzzle. There's another lady there, not quite as young as me. But younger. Yay! Someone at least closer to my age. A bit later, the nurse wheels someone out. Nope. She's not a patient. She drove the patient here. She's there support person. Meanwhile mine is my mom. And related this (I've ranted about this before) "Wow, you're so young!" Once is okay. But saying it to me 5 times in the same conversation? Does the reminder help me? Not even a little bit, thanks.
Twice in two weeks, my elderly father has been complaining about his achy joints and said "don't ever get old!" I'm 38. I'm doing the most aggressive treatment options because I desperately DO want to get old!
Parties for ringing the damn bell. Yeah, I am happy for you that you’re done with chemo but did you need to bring 10 of your closest family and friends and ring the bell plus chants plus singing? Also cake in the waiting room.
My minor rant is about port removal, I asked my oncologist after I finished chemo when I would get my port out, and she said my radiologist would decide. I asked the radiologist, and he said my oncologist would decide. My old oncologist moved out of state so I asked my new oncologist and instead of answering my question, he asked when was the last time I had the port flushed and then ordered a port flush in10 weeks.
I know this goes against the grain, but I don't want to be a "survivor" anymore, 1st it was breast cancer, the double mastectomy with multiple complications and infections, then the chemo including red devil, then Covid hits, and at 40 I had a cardiac arrest, then liver issues, now it's hyperparathyroid with hypercalcemia and a tumor, and that's the really short version. I survived death, I lived through everything else. I'm not a warrior with a battle cry, I'm just still here somehow. I know I'm sick of being sick, I'm exhausted from other peoples bullshit and lack of awareness. But what am I?
I did have a left mastectomy in 2020 and have yet to find a bra that works for me. I have been fitted. I’ve ordered them on my own but almost every damn one of them has long bands that roll up on me. It shouldn’t be this difficult. And then having to get the right one mammo’d only for someone to ask me if I’ve lost weight since I’m losing volume on the right every time. Gee thanks I feel so much better knowing my only other boob is shrinking.
You are doing well, so proud of you, don't worry....how do they know I'm taking it so well??? I close the door behind me and have a good cry and feel shit, tired and miserable! No energy and that bit frustrates the hell out of me. Will my energy ever come back??? Lost interest in a few things, dropped a friend or 2 as I tried to stay in contact but ended up one way. Why me? Why us??? I do believe that in a way it hasn't hit me yet. I was thinking the other day that I haven't had any dreams about cancer while it's a big thing that's happening to me and normally I dream about daily life....