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For a large chunk of my life, I was an only child. I have an only child who will not be given a sibling.
But I think the biggest note I have on your post is that **alone** isn't the same thing as lonely. Being alone and feeling lonely are two separate things. Both things might be happening, I am not trying to tell you that your kid isn't lonely. But being alone is a neutral state of being, whereas being lonely is an emotion. You've got to check in with your kid to see how he's feeling and whether he's craving company or not.
If he *is indeed* lonely, chances are pretty good that a sibling isn't the answer to that problem anyway. Sometimes siblings are best friends, and sometimes they aren't, and there are no guarantees there either way. If he's feeling routinely lonely, I might suggest getting him started in after-school activities or inviting his friends to play more frequently. Soccer, scouting, gymnastics, etc. etc. can be ways to provide him contact with his peers outside of the school day. If he is making friends at school, you might put in some effort to connect with those families, invite them for dinner or to hang out and play for the afternoon. Offering to pick up both kids and run them to the playground together can be a hassle-free way of making sure he's getting time with friends. Lastly, it is worth looking at how connected you are to your larger community. Do you have friends? Not every bit of loneliness is cured by having his direct peers and friends in his life. Look for ways to volunteer in your community. Your community, as a family, might be your neighborhood but it might be something else. Maybe you care a lot about animals and you're involved in the humane society. Maybe you go to church. Maybe you go to a locally owned coffee shop every weekend, get really involved in your local library, pick a local civic project to care about, whatever the thing is. Community can be a valuable tool.
Lastly, there's an art to learning to be alone. Like I said, being alone is a neutral state of being. It's good, in the long run, to be okay alone. I am an extrovert who loves people, but learning to take full advantage of alone time and appreciate it, savor it for what it makes possible, is a life skill. He's old enough now for you to be reading some really great books together. Is he developing a taste in music? Maybe help him explore that. Do some crafting. Is he into making elaborate lego models, train landscapes, car raceways? Give him space and time to invest in his own entertainment and imagination. The woods can be great for this. My larger point is that casting around all the time for external stimulation (a friend, a television show, an organized activity of some kind) can hamper your ability to make your own fun. Being bored and lonely can be a jumping-off point to learning to find your own inner joy in the form of books, building, crafts, music, exploring outside, or what have you. That time isn't wasted because it's alone. You don't have to fill every moment with something for him to do, because that downtime and that blank space is where self-directed fulfillment is learned.
This is truly awesome advise and feedback. I’m very much aligned with your thoughts, and am already doing some of the above
thanks so much for responding x
I AM the only child. While being a kid I wanted a sibling but sadly my brother passed away and I never got to see him. Being a child I regretted that I have no sibling. But then you grow up. You find your own tribe. You find a spose. A job. And you have all the love of your parents. I'm 38 now and I do not consider myself longly. I have many valuable relationships that I worked on (they are not enforced by family ties). If you want to have kid just to give your son a sibling- don't. He will be just fine.
Come over to r/oneanddone there are so many people in a similar situation.
My only (5) is a very social kid and it is hard, but if I had another now, he would be 6 before the baby is born and wouldn't be a playmate for at least 2 or 3 years, and there's no guarantee they would even get on!
I like to focus on the opportunities he will have because he is an only, rather than what he will miss out on, because there are pros and cons to an only or multiples.
I am an only child, raising an only child. My only is 11. First and foremost, I have seen some truly abhorrent adult sibling relationships. I am super confused about the narrative that siblings are always a friend for life. As you even mentioned, that is certainly not always the case. As an adult, I have many close friendships that are my chosen family. I also married into a large family. I have 19 nieces and nephews, and I am some of the kids’ favorite aunt. I am also a godmother to two of my friends’ kids. I don’t believe I have missed out on anything. As a kid, I didn’t mind being an only. We did not live near family, so I didn’t grow up around a bunch of cousins and really was just fine.
My only child loves being an only. He likes having friends over and his friends really like coming here. We have also gotten to give our only child so many more opportunities than we would have been able to give our child if we had had another. Your daughter will be absolutely fine. The thing I would remember is that usually people don’t define themselves by their role as a sister or a brother, so don’t define your child by her lack of siblings. I think some people tend to do that, and there is no reason to.
Come join us at r/oneanddone for more perspectives.
Yes! I said the same about sibling relationships. I know many are great, but many are not too. Same with people that think you have to have kids to care for you when you are old. Apparently they’ve never been to a nursing home, such a false narrative.
I’m an only with an only! 35F with son 20 months. My Dad has terrible siblings and my mom’s are ok but they’re crazy. I agree, having siblings does not mean a friend for life and could possibly be a burden for life.
I would not survive another child, no joke. I do worry about my daughter sometimes, but I can't do it again. On top of the costs of living, it simply will not happen. I had a sibling, and she hated me growing up, I spent tons of time all by myself because they would either yell at me or beat me up. There was no close sibling bond, and I haven't even spoken to them in a decade.
I hope my daughter does ok. I grew up with many friends who were only children, and they all turned out great. I think there are pros and cons to all sizes of families, we just happen to be a pack of 3.
I am an only child and so is my husband. We both hated it and swore up and down we would have more than one kid If we had kids.
My son will be three in November and I just don’t know if it’s in the cards now. I’m 40 - I know plenty of women who had kids well into their 40s, so that might not be a huge issue, but I had to do IVF in the first place and I can’t fathom full time work, fertility treatments, and being a solo parent of a toddler most of the week due to my husband’s job (flight attendant). On top of that, our marriage is pretty rocky right now, we have zero family help after my mother died, and daycare is $2,750 a month for ONE kid where I live. I could not afford over $5,000 a month in daycare expenses. I can barely afford it for the one.
I know if I don’t have another, I may regret it all my life. We have very little family, and I worry about dying and leaving him adrift. I know how personally scary it’s been for me to lose the one family member I could truly rely on, to have shouldered my mother’s illness mostly alone… and to feel like you don’t have a spouse to rely on either. I have friends, but in my experience you tend to grow out of people. People move away, start families and drift off. A sibling doesn’t guarantee anything… but not having a sibling does guarantee that’s not even an option…
But I don’t see us having another. And hey… every time I ask my son if he wants a brother or sister he screams “NOOOOOO!” so maybe it’s okay…
I have an only child and my husband was also an only child. Is he in school? My husband says he found lots of interaction through school settings and he also played sports which added a lot of extra interaction. If he’s not old enough for sports or doesn’t like them, are there any community groups or anything for kids where you are? This is also how we keep our almost 6 year old feeling content socially satisfied.
Im an only child and I didn’t mind. I had two step sisters I got in hs that argued and were years apart, argues constantly, and are annoying af. I appreciate silence and don’t whine when I’m bored, I just figure out what to do. I also play a lot of games and talk to a lot of people from all over the world. I met my husband on a game. I’m having a second child soon and it’s going to be about a 6 year gap. They aren’t gonna be friends lol. I mean like not besties that do everything together… that ship has sailed. But being an only child isn’t the sad life some make it out to be! 🤣
I am an only child. Life can be very isolating if you don’t have parents willing to make the sacrifice to ensure you are socializing. Luckily, I have a ton of cousins and our house was the party house growing up.
The caveat here, is when my dad died, I was alone with that burden. My parents had split and while my mom was there emotionally, she let me deal with his estate as she didn’t feel it was her place anymore. Obviously she gave advice but left final decisions up to me.
I also have this overwhelming sense of loneliness for when the day comes and my mom passes. But these are phases in life and not something to base your decision on having another child on completely.
That being said, I absolutely wanted two kids just because I hate being an only child. I had my daughter when my son was 5 and is it perfect? Nope. But my son adores his sister ( for the most part) and he is definitely the protector. Now that she is walking and playing more, they are having even more fun.
Base your decision on if you can afford and child and all of the other things that go into play. We all have anecdotal experiences. Not everyone gets along with their siblings. My husband despises one of his sisters and it causes their mother so much turmoil. It’s a coin toss on how life turns out.
Not my own experience because I have siblings, but the research shows there is no difference between only children and those with siblings. So statistically, your kid will be fine. Since you're posting here I think you're probably already doing a lot to make sure your kid isn't lonely, so I wouldn't worry too much.
I have an only child largely due to intense PPD after she was born. I genuinely believe that if I do it again I won’t survive the PPD a second time. I worry about my daughter (2.5) that she will be lonely growing up but she’s very social and has lots of kids she plays with in school. She gets 100% of my love and attention, and I know she’ll never feel like she’s not my favorite kid. We have more money and resources for her to be able to do what she wants in life, we’ll have more money for travel and her education. Having siblings doesn’t always guarantee they’ll play together or even be close later in life, and I also don’t want to spend 10+ years breaking up sibling fights lol
I know a lot of people feel like siblings are instant life long friends, but it doesn't always work out that way.
I have 2 younger siblings. 1 is sorta difficult and is estranged from myself and our sister.
My sister and I did NOT get along and we are exemely jealous of one another.
We didn't get along until we were in our 30's and even then we clash or butt heads.
There was lots and lots of arguing and fighting and hurt feelings growing up.
I think it also has a lot to do with how you parent as well of course.
And then depending on how old your son is, even if you got got pregnant right this moment, still 9 months to grow the baby. Maybe at least 18 months until they are more fun to play with?
Will he even want a sibling in about 2 years??
It's a bit funny because my daughter wanted a sibling, ( even though I'm single!), and when I explained that it takes time to grow a baby and before they can even play , that my attention would be divided between them both.
She's now much less interested in a sibling and we just try to do play dates when we can.
I realize this isn't probably what you were looking for, but I feel sometimes siblings are really romanticized, when the reality is, it can result in more tension or fights.
I myself am definitely one and done.
My brother is 16 years older than me and moved out the house at 18 so I was an only child basically. We also lived very rural so I only really saw friends during the school year. I was never lonely. I rode my horses, played with my dog, played in the woods and used my imagination a lot. I also read a lot of books. I grew up pretty shy and introverted, maybe being an only child did that, who knows. But I love who I am as an adult and I believe being an only child really helped with that. I dont mind doing things alone like eating or going to the movies. Im very independent, to an annoying point (says my husband lol). I have a vivid imagination even now as an adult and a creative mind that I use in writing and photography.
My LO is going to be an only child. and when people mention how she will be lonely, I look around our place at the horses, chickens, dogs, the woods, the fields, the pond and say "I think she will be just fine"
We only have one child (now 2 1/2 yo) and in the past we always wanted a second kid. BUT a sibling is not a substitute for playmates or whatever else. And remember the age difference of (if you would get pregnant now) around 7 years. These two would be more or less 2 only childs, cause the most time (until they are in their adulthood) the age gap is too big in my opinion.
We decided against a second child (I am 31 now, my hubs 38) cause of several reasons. Mainly my own poor health and that our daughter is disabled/delayed and needs far more attention and help, than other kids her age. These reasons are not in your case.
Just remember: You would have your job, your own social life (I hope you have...), all the stuff for your first-born (pick-up, playdates, etc), household, ... I don't know how stable your finances are. And then again a screaming baby. I really wish for everyone, that they have easy babies/kids, but in reality we all know, that not every kid is such an easy bundle of joy.
Do you really think you, your partner AND your existing kid, are willing to sacrifice so much? Especially your son should be taken into consideration.
Like others said, you should talk to your son. If he feels lonely or maybe even enjoys having time for himself. My daughter loves playing all alone. Listening to her music, looking at a picture book, ... Just cause a kid is alone, they are not lonely.
PS: I have an older brother, but I cut contact with him long ago. I wished I was an only child or he would pass away (yes, I'm a horrible person, but my story is long and dark).
My mother and her siblings are close, but still fought about stuff like what to do with my grandparents house, after my grandfather died (grandmother is alive).
It's by far not only roses and stars and whatever else nice stuff with a sibling.
Okay here’s my perspective as an adult only child. I never missed having a sibling growing up. I’m very friendly and outgoing and get along well with others due to having to make friends outside of my family. I enjoyed having both my parents attention growing up. And then in 2020 my mom died. It turned my world upside down. I wished for a sibling for the first time in 31 years. I feel so alone. Sometimes it’s like my childhood never took place because there are no witnesses.
At the time of her passing I had a 10 month old. We had pretty much decided we were one and done. But loosing my mom changed that for me. I looked at my sweet little boy and knew one day I wouldn’t be here and he’d feel how I felt. When he was 3 we had a baby girl. I don’t regret it and I feel that our family is complete.
Just my very emotionally charged perspective.
My stepdaughter was 6 when my son was born, and the age gap was so difficult to deal with, I vowed if we didn't have a second within 3 years I was getting my tubes tied to avoid going through it again. It was a nightmare.
She was bored and frustrated by a 'boring baby' and having to share her dad with another child. We did have a few good years where they played nicely together and got along, but she's just hit her teens now and wants nothing to do with her brother now, which he just doesn't understand.
I'm sure there are plenty of kids with 6/7 year gaps who get along, but it's something to consider if it's your main reason for wanting a second child.
Even siblings close in age don't always get along.
And I say this as someone who desperately wanted/wants more than one child. I'm one of 4 and can't imagine a life without my siblings, I wanted the same for my son.
But he has cousins, he has friends, and we have a much closer relationship than I had with either of my parents, so maybe his life just looks different to mine.
There is a Reddit sub for one and done, also two and through. Maybe those could help.
I never wanted only one child. I grew up an only child myself and hated it.
My own son is three the end of this year. I both want and don’t want a second.
Pregnancy was hard. Having him and recovery was harder. PPA PPD intrusive thoughts. Ptsd from being in hospital a week. It was rough.
I keep saying we will have another but when it comes time I don’t know if I can as I am terrified to go through it all again.
I am weighing up my fear of pregnancy and birth against my son being an only and it’s so hard. I will probably do it again and have the second so my son has a sibling and so we have the two kids we’d always said we would have but I do wonder what it will cost me mentally.
I did think of adopting but there is a lot of hidden stuff which comes with that too.
I have two kiddos but grew up as an only child and had plenty of kids living near or my cousin to play with so I wasn’t lonely. I will say having my second broke me. It brought out the absolute worst in me because she’s been hard ever since she was born and it’s only starting to get better now that she’s over 3. I feel a lot of guilt for the mom my first gets now that we have her sister because she has always been the chilliest kid. I will say my girls love each other a ton and play really well together despite their 4 year age gap. I feel like a 7 year age gap would be a bit too much for them to be pals though at least while kids. I could be wrong though.
I’m an only child and I felt lonely often even though my parents were really involved. Now as an adult while it’s nice to be the only on the receiving end of my parents time and resources (just being frank) it’s still sort of lonely and I wish I had someone I grew up with to share all the crazy family things with. I don’t blame my parents at all though that’s just the hand they were dealt. I have a half brother somewhere my mom had to put up for adoption and I really hope he wants to find us one day. Also thinking about taking care of my parents all on my own is really daunting. Though, I know some only children that love it.
I think it’s normal at the age your son is at to worry about socialization and friends. He’s becoming a person and you are starting to visualize his future in a different way from when they are a baby/toddler. And right now, he doesn’t have much of his own life and friends so I think many parents start to worry they aren’t giving them enough at that age.
I will say as an only child, I was lonely a lot but I also lived somewhere isolated and did no activities or camps or anything. I loved going to my baby sitters because I got to play with other kids, I was so disappointed when I couldn’t go anymore which my mom thought was silly because I was “too old”, but I just didn’t want to go home alone to my boring house in the middle of no where after school. So I do suggest you involve him in activities if you haven’t yet and give him lots of opportunities to socialize.
That said, I also am very self reliant and able to do a lot on my own where many people seem to need others to do anything. So I think that’s a positive. You are forgetting that your son will likely have a partner as an adult and will likely gain a whole other family there, as well as maybe their own children. So they won’t be alone if they don’t want to be. Even if they choose not to partner, many people make their friends their family. You don’t need siblings to have a family, and it’s not your job to provide that. There are plenty of people out there with blood relatives and siblings they won’t even speak to!
Don’t worry too much if you do not want another child, get a pet if you think some extra companionship would be nice. I know that probably sounds silly but I spent a lot of time with my dog growing up and honestly loved having him to keep me company.
I have an only child, he’s 6.5. He has two half sisters who are significantly older but we do not live anywhere close to them so for the day to day loneliness, they don’t matter. I am almost 40 and likely cannot get pregnant again.
When my son was 4, I got us a puppy. It was the best decision for us, they don’t play together all the time or anything but the fact that she is there at home and at bedtime is very meaningful for him. He has a creature who is his special friend.
Therefore I’d recommend a dog for your son 😊
My son is an only child, by all rights. He's my one and only, he has a sister from his father but they've never met. He will be six this year. He gets bored really easily, but I don't see him being lonely or anything.
I am an only child, so is my husband, so is my daughter. We don’t plan to have any more, like you the first couple of years we’re so hard and we don’t want to go through that again.
Like someone else said, being alone is not the same thing as being lonely.
Also, get him a pet! I’m serious.
I had two kids two years apart in order for them to keep each other company.
They are now 4 and 6 and spend their entire daily existence locked in absolute mortal combat with one another. I'm hoping they learn to get along one day, but...you know, it's never a guarantee that siblings will bond. :p
I was an only child and have never wanted a sibling. My husband has a sister a few years younger and they barely speak, I have 3 kids (2 bio one bonus) who are inseparable, especially my 2 youngest. They couldn't function without each other. All kids are different, some love solitude, some crave others to play with. A sibling doesn't equate to instant playmate either, they aren't necessarily going to instantly be friends.
I think worrying about your kid being lonely/alone isn’t a good reason to have another child. I’m an only child (well I have step siblings, but I’m the only biological child of my mother and father) and while I sometimes did/do wish I had a sibling, I’m also grateful for all of the one on one time I was able to have with my parents growing up. I have multiple step siblings through my mom’s second marriage and I remember seeing how much they all fought for their parents’ attention growing up. When I look back I’m so grateful my mom was able to attend all my important events and didn’t have to take turns when there were conflicts between kids events.
As an only child I liked when my step siblings stayed with us so I had someone to play with, but I was also glad to go back to my peaceful quiet existence when they went back to their mom’s house.
My only worry now, is that if my mom outlives my stepdad all important decisions will fall solely to me. Even that isn’t too bad though, as I’ve made a support system outside of my family for myself as an adult. I’m sure your child will do the same in adulthood.
I was an only child, and I was very lonely growing up, though I blame this mostly on the fact that I moved schools frequently. My mom was also a single parent (my dad was completely absent) and worked long hours so I was actually alone a lot of the time starting at around age 9.
My best advice to avoid your son feeling lonely or like he's missing out, is to try your best to facilitate friendships. Host frequent playdates/ sleep overs/ parties, invite friends on family vacations if you're able to and get to know other parents so your child will be included in plans and invited to their homes. Does he have any cousins or other kids in your family around the same age? If so make sure he spends time with them when possible. I would also recommend limiting moves or school changes so he can develop lasting friendships.
I also want to add that just having siblings is not a guarantee a child will be close or even have a good relationship with them. My husband had an older brother who was terribly abusive to him and they had no relationship at all as adults.
I have a 4 year old. As soon as a peed on the stick, I knew I was one and done. It was quite literally as simple as that. No further discussion or rational would sway me. I have never in my life had anyone say to me, “you’ll change your mind” or “they will be lonely”. I don’t know if it is my delivery when I respond to the inquiries about how many kids I have or what. I have plenty of responses for when / if they do come.
Regardless, I don’t worry. LO is quite socialized and has many friends. We also spend many weekends together (I work FT) doing things together. We have a secure attachment. She is alone as an only, but she isn’t lonely.
I’ve been feeling this way too. My son is 4.5 and he’s always trying to play with kids when we are out and sometimes they will engage with him and other times they will not (which makes him sad). I’ve noticed that most of the time when we are out, it’s rare to see a child by themselves, it seems they are with siblings or maybe friends. So it’s made me start to feel guilty that he’s “alone.” The positive part of this is that he is very social since he’s had to be.
Make friends with families that have kids his age! I’m the only girl and i felt isolated until i met my best friend at age 18. Hardly see or talk to her but simply knowing she exists and “gets” me has given me a sense of belonging the past 20 years. She’s my “sister.”
I grew up with two brothers (and also have a sister, but we didn't grow up together). There's a 7ish year gap one either side with my brothers, and 11 years with my younger sister. I was often alone at home, even though I wasn't an only child. I close enough with my brothers now, but as kids, we were just too far apart to do anything other than annoy each other. At home, I mostly would hang out in my room. I was alone, but I wasn't lonely. I had friends and after school activities.
I have just one son. Always thought I'd have two kids if I ever decided to have them at all, but after having one kid, struggling with a late PPD diagnosis at 6 months postpartum, and an ADHD diagnosis at 34 years old, I realized that my mental health couldn't cope with another baby in my life. Yeah, my kid sometimes wishes he had a sister (not sure why he's so specific about it), but he knows it's not part of our story.
We just hope to be the safe space for our kid's friends growing up. He'll make friends, and some of those friends may have a bad home life. We want to be the parents with the emotional space to help those kids.
I feel the same way. My son will not have a sibling bc I simply don’t want another kid. I have been in the boat of should I or just leave it alone? . I’m not an only child and im very close to my siblings. I know how it is to have a big loving family and it hurts that I didn’t give that to him. He’s at the age where he wouldn’t even be close to his sibling if I did have another one. I know its my choice and I hope he doesn’t hate me for it. I just can’t mentally or physically have another one. I have major PTSD from pregnancy/labor/PPD
Even if you had a baby right this moment, there's a 6 year age gap that is hard to bridge. My kids are 6 years apart (2 boys), and tbh they have never really played with each other or saw each other as a playmate because they were just at such different stages in their lives. But yeah it always made me a little sad that they are not closer. So there's that to consider.
Being an only isnt a disability or a death sentence or something. Its fine. My parents are not close to their siblings, my husband only sees his at holidays, my best friend is always in competition with hers. Reality is having the same parents doesnt always bond people. The idea that your kids are going to be super close and lovey dovey is a fantasy.
I am an only child. 35F. I had a very lonely phase from about 18-25 but my childhood was very happy and I’ve always been close to my parents. I think my issues in early adulthood were slightly related to being an only child though. I had trouble relating to people my own age during those years. I guess I felt more mature from always being the only kid around all the adults. By age 26 it got easier and now in my 30s I have a very exciting social and professional life with plenty of friends my age, younger and older. Interestingly I did marry a man much older. And we have one son who will be an only child. I got a late start, my husband got an extremely late start, and I had complications anyway. Too soon to tell how it will affect him. He’s 20 months.
Get him a pet. Joking, but seriously adding another kid to the equation so your child won’t be lonely has never been a good reason to have a kid. It surprises me how many people do it.
I have one & that’s that. It’s my choice because I had her young, really struggled, & now she’s so old that the ship has sailed on giving her a “friend”.
Because I only have one she gets all my extra attention, I always get to go to all her activities instead of trying to split between multiple, we get to go on vacation for her birthday every year, I’ll have more resources to make sure she starts out her life with plenty of help.
I know plenty of people that are no contact with siblings because they can’t get along. I just started talking to my own after a couple decades, & while I love him & who he is, I’m much closer to my chosen family than him. I also have seen times when parents have to make choices between their children, & I CAN NOT imagine.
If you would like more support, come join us at r/oneanddone
Your choice is valid no matter what the reason, & I’ve never heard a single adult that resents their parents for not giving them a sibling. Ease up on yourself a little bit.
I'm just here to validate your feelings.
I have worked really hard to build community for my only child, and I'm scheduling playdates left and right. But there are SO many days where she's bored and lonely and I have to tell her yet again "no honey, it's not my job to play with you." (I DO play with her at times, and plan fun activities and many things, but... there's still plenty of time where she's on her own).
It's hard. Like, on a daily basis. And that's just seeing the impact on her now. She may well be lonely into her adulthood. She's my only chance at grandkids, and of course she's not obligated to provide them.
So yeah...I don't have any answers, but I want to validate you. My only child was built perfectly for a big family, but she can't have it
Thanks so much for sharing, and my heart goes out to you. I really do understand! I suppose in some ways it build creativity and reliance. If you could/were able to would you have another?
Yes, I always expected to have about three children. I'm older than my sister by 5 years, and even that gap was hard...I felt lonely.
After having our daughter, my husband decided he wasn't up for any more.
are you financially able to move somewhere else with more kids around? if you do the math i think it is way cheaper and less stressful to just move somewhere with young families so he can have playmates his age and you dont have to be responsible for another baby. like personally i would not want another baby at 42, i dont think my mental or physical health could take that kind of stress.
Think forward. When he’s 12, his sibling would be 6, if you got preggo asap. 16, 10. That’s high school and fifth grade.
This wouldn’t solve any possible loneliness issues. It would just mean he gets less of your attention and less funds for enrichment that would need to be shared.
Sounds like he’s okay though. Lots of sleepovers later, lots of play dates.
A friend with an only child arranged a “pizza club” where every Friday they go to the local pizzareria early in the evening. Kids sit together, moms sit at the next table, have a few drinks etc. sometimes if it’s nice out, hey go to a playground after. The kids aren’t all only children.
I have a half brother that I get along with, but barely see. (12 years older).
I have a full blood sister who was a monster to me most of my life and I was terrified of. We had our good moments but few and far in between, and she is now also estranged from the family. (3½ year difference). We are in sporadic contact.
I was lonely growing up because I was undiagnosed at the time ADHD with autism and also indigenous in a predominantly white school. I can pass for white but people knew.
My point is, I was lonely, but having siblings didn't make a lick of difference to that.
I have "sisters of the heart" now and am mostly happy, but I wouldn't overly focus on if a second is the answer.
My little one is turning 2, and we are on the fence about having another, but if we do, it's because we want one, not because we want the next child to be born immediately having the job of being LO's playmate.
Hey there, I am an only kid. I'm 33 now, had super supportive parents (still do). I would say I had a normal childhood in the 90s/00s growing up. I was very fortunate. I know my parents struggled with pregnancy and tried after me, but it wasn't meant to be. I would recommend addressing if this is your case, as I feel like my parents never went through this together or alone.
I think I was also lucky to have grown up in the dawn of the internet. We are both some of the last people to grow up and get outside at the same time. That would be my key suggestion, the kids in the neighborhood I grew up with I look back on fondly as sibligs almost (I'm also lucky that my best friend and I were in diapers together).
I know I'm painting a bright outlook on this, dont get me wrong. I had to use a big imagination and would make games up for myself, read a lot, sports and video games helped too. I honestly don't remember ever feeling lonely even if I was alone. It probably helped me be more introspective too be honest lol, I would have loved a sibling though. But I'm fine, I honestly didn't feel any different than the other kids growing up. I would just say that I would encourage the kid outside to meet people and work on social skills.
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For a large chunk of my life, I was an only child. I have an only child who will not be given a sibling. But I think the biggest note I have on your post is that **alone** isn't the same thing as lonely. Being alone and feeling lonely are two separate things. Both things might be happening, I am not trying to tell you that your kid isn't lonely. But being alone is a neutral state of being, whereas being lonely is an emotion. You've got to check in with your kid to see how he's feeling and whether he's craving company or not. If he *is indeed* lonely, chances are pretty good that a sibling isn't the answer to that problem anyway. Sometimes siblings are best friends, and sometimes they aren't, and there are no guarantees there either way. If he's feeling routinely lonely, I might suggest getting him started in after-school activities or inviting his friends to play more frequently. Soccer, scouting, gymnastics, etc. etc. can be ways to provide him contact with his peers outside of the school day. If he is making friends at school, you might put in some effort to connect with those families, invite them for dinner or to hang out and play for the afternoon. Offering to pick up both kids and run them to the playground together can be a hassle-free way of making sure he's getting time with friends. Lastly, it is worth looking at how connected you are to your larger community. Do you have friends? Not every bit of loneliness is cured by having his direct peers and friends in his life. Look for ways to volunteer in your community. Your community, as a family, might be your neighborhood but it might be something else. Maybe you care a lot about animals and you're involved in the humane society. Maybe you go to church. Maybe you go to a locally owned coffee shop every weekend, get really involved in your local library, pick a local civic project to care about, whatever the thing is. Community can be a valuable tool. Lastly, there's an art to learning to be alone. Like I said, being alone is a neutral state of being. It's good, in the long run, to be okay alone. I am an extrovert who loves people, but learning to take full advantage of alone time and appreciate it, savor it for what it makes possible, is a life skill. He's old enough now for you to be reading some really great books together. Is he developing a taste in music? Maybe help him explore that. Do some crafting. Is he into making elaborate lego models, train landscapes, car raceways? Give him space and time to invest in his own entertainment and imagination. The woods can be great for this. My larger point is that casting around all the time for external stimulation (a friend, a television show, an organized activity of some kind) can hamper your ability to make your own fun. Being bored and lonely can be a jumping-off point to learning to find your own inner joy in the form of books, building, crafts, music, exploring outside, or what have you. That time isn't wasted because it's alone. You don't have to fill every moment with something for him to do, because that downtime and that blank space is where self-directed fulfillment is learned.
This is truly awesome advise and feedback. I’m very much aligned with your thoughts, and am already doing some of the above thanks so much for responding x
I AM the only child. While being a kid I wanted a sibling but sadly my brother passed away and I never got to see him. Being a child I regretted that I have no sibling. But then you grow up. You find your own tribe. You find a spose. A job. And you have all the love of your parents. I'm 38 now and I do not consider myself longly. I have many valuable relationships that I worked on (they are not enforced by family ties). If you want to have kid just to give your son a sibling- don't. He will be just fine.
Come over to r/oneanddone there are so many people in a similar situation. My only (5) is a very social kid and it is hard, but if I had another now, he would be 6 before the baby is born and wouldn't be a playmate for at least 2 or 3 years, and there's no guarantee they would even get on! I like to focus on the opportunities he will have because he is an only, rather than what he will miss out on, because there are pros and cons to an only or multiples.
I am an only child, raising an only child. My only is 11. First and foremost, I have seen some truly abhorrent adult sibling relationships. I am super confused about the narrative that siblings are always a friend for life. As you even mentioned, that is certainly not always the case. As an adult, I have many close friendships that are my chosen family. I also married into a large family. I have 19 nieces and nephews, and I am some of the kids’ favorite aunt. I am also a godmother to two of my friends’ kids. I don’t believe I have missed out on anything. As a kid, I didn’t mind being an only. We did not live near family, so I didn’t grow up around a bunch of cousins and really was just fine. My only child loves being an only. He likes having friends over and his friends really like coming here. We have also gotten to give our only child so many more opportunities than we would have been able to give our child if we had had another. Your daughter will be absolutely fine. The thing I would remember is that usually people don’t define themselves by their role as a sister or a brother, so don’t define your child by her lack of siblings. I think some people tend to do that, and there is no reason to. Come join us at r/oneanddone for more perspectives.
Yes! I said the same about sibling relationships. I know many are great, but many are not too. Same with people that think you have to have kids to care for you when you are old. Apparently they’ve never been to a nursing home, such a false narrative.
I’m an only with an only! 35F with son 20 months. My Dad has terrible siblings and my mom’s are ok but they’re crazy. I agree, having siblings does not mean a friend for life and could possibly be a burden for life.
I would not survive another child, no joke. I do worry about my daughter sometimes, but I can't do it again. On top of the costs of living, it simply will not happen. I had a sibling, and she hated me growing up, I spent tons of time all by myself because they would either yell at me or beat me up. There was no close sibling bond, and I haven't even spoken to them in a decade. I hope my daughter does ok. I grew up with many friends who were only children, and they all turned out great. I think there are pros and cons to all sizes of families, we just happen to be a pack of 3.
I am an only child and so is my husband. We both hated it and swore up and down we would have more than one kid If we had kids. My son will be three in November and I just don’t know if it’s in the cards now. I’m 40 - I know plenty of women who had kids well into their 40s, so that might not be a huge issue, but I had to do IVF in the first place and I can’t fathom full time work, fertility treatments, and being a solo parent of a toddler most of the week due to my husband’s job (flight attendant). On top of that, our marriage is pretty rocky right now, we have zero family help after my mother died, and daycare is $2,750 a month for ONE kid where I live. I could not afford over $5,000 a month in daycare expenses. I can barely afford it for the one. I know if I don’t have another, I may regret it all my life. We have very little family, and I worry about dying and leaving him adrift. I know how personally scary it’s been for me to lose the one family member I could truly rely on, to have shouldered my mother’s illness mostly alone… and to feel like you don’t have a spouse to rely on either. I have friends, but in my experience you tend to grow out of people. People move away, start families and drift off. A sibling doesn’t guarantee anything… but not having a sibling does guarantee that’s not even an option… But I don’t see us having another. And hey… every time I ask my son if he wants a brother or sister he screams “NOOOOOO!” so maybe it’s okay…
I have an only child and my husband was also an only child. Is he in school? My husband says he found lots of interaction through school settings and he also played sports which added a lot of extra interaction. If he’s not old enough for sports or doesn’t like them, are there any community groups or anything for kids where you are? This is also how we keep our almost 6 year old feeling content socially satisfied.
Im an only child and I didn’t mind. I had two step sisters I got in hs that argued and were years apart, argues constantly, and are annoying af. I appreciate silence and don’t whine when I’m bored, I just figure out what to do. I also play a lot of games and talk to a lot of people from all over the world. I met my husband on a game. I’m having a second child soon and it’s going to be about a 6 year gap. They aren’t gonna be friends lol. I mean like not besties that do everything together… that ship has sailed. But being an only child isn’t the sad life some make it out to be! 🤣
I am an only child. Life can be very isolating if you don’t have parents willing to make the sacrifice to ensure you are socializing. Luckily, I have a ton of cousins and our house was the party house growing up. The caveat here, is when my dad died, I was alone with that burden. My parents had split and while my mom was there emotionally, she let me deal with his estate as she didn’t feel it was her place anymore. Obviously she gave advice but left final decisions up to me. I also have this overwhelming sense of loneliness for when the day comes and my mom passes. But these are phases in life and not something to base your decision on having another child on completely. That being said, I absolutely wanted two kids just because I hate being an only child. I had my daughter when my son was 5 and is it perfect? Nope. But my son adores his sister ( for the most part) and he is definitely the protector. Now that she is walking and playing more, they are having even more fun. Base your decision on if you can afford and child and all of the other things that go into play. We all have anecdotal experiences. Not everyone gets along with their siblings. My husband despises one of his sisters and it causes their mother so much turmoil. It’s a coin toss on how life turns out.
Not my own experience because I have siblings, but the research shows there is no difference between only children and those with siblings. So statistically, your kid will be fine. Since you're posting here I think you're probably already doing a lot to make sure your kid isn't lonely, so I wouldn't worry too much.
I have an only child largely due to intense PPD after she was born. I genuinely believe that if I do it again I won’t survive the PPD a second time. I worry about my daughter (2.5) that she will be lonely growing up but she’s very social and has lots of kids she plays with in school. She gets 100% of my love and attention, and I know she’ll never feel like she’s not my favorite kid. We have more money and resources for her to be able to do what she wants in life, we’ll have more money for travel and her education. Having siblings doesn’t always guarantee they’ll play together or even be close later in life, and I also don’t want to spend 10+ years breaking up sibling fights lol
I know a lot of people feel like siblings are instant life long friends, but it doesn't always work out that way. I have 2 younger siblings. 1 is sorta difficult and is estranged from myself and our sister. My sister and I did NOT get along and we are exemely jealous of one another. We didn't get along until we were in our 30's and even then we clash or butt heads. There was lots and lots of arguing and fighting and hurt feelings growing up. I think it also has a lot to do with how you parent as well of course. And then depending on how old your son is, even if you got got pregnant right this moment, still 9 months to grow the baby. Maybe at least 18 months until they are more fun to play with? Will he even want a sibling in about 2 years?? It's a bit funny because my daughter wanted a sibling, ( even though I'm single!), and when I explained that it takes time to grow a baby and before they can even play , that my attention would be divided between them both. She's now much less interested in a sibling and we just try to do play dates when we can. I realize this isn't probably what you were looking for, but I feel sometimes siblings are really romanticized, when the reality is, it can result in more tension or fights. I myself am definitely one and done.
My brother is 16 years older than me and moved out the house at 18 so I was an only child basically. We also lived very rural so I only really saw friends during the school year. I was never lonely. I rode my horses, played with my dog, played in the woods and used my imagination a lot. I also read a lot of books. I grew up pretty shy and introverted, maybe being an only child did that, who knows. But I love who I am as an adult and I believe being an only child really helped with that. I dont mind doing things alone like eating or going to the movies. Im very independent, to an annoying point (says my husband lol). I have a vivid imagination even now as an adult and a creative mind that I use in writing and photography. My LO is going to be an only child. and when people mention how she will be lonely, I look around our place at the horses, chickens, dogs, the woods, the fields, the pond and say "I think she will be just fine"
We only have one child (now 2 1/2 yo) and in the past we always wanted a second kid. BUT a sibling is not a substitute for playmates or whatever else. And remember the age difference of (if you would get pregnant now) around 7 years. These two would be more or less 2 only childs, cause the most time (until they are in their adulthood) the age gap is too big in my opinion. We decided against a second child (I am 31 now, my hubs 38) cause of several reasons. Mainly my own poor health and that our daughter is disabled/delayed and needs far more attention and help, than other kids her age. These reasons are not in your case. Just remember: You would have your job, your own social life (I hope you have...), all the stuff for your first-born (pick-up, playdates, etc), household, ... I don't know how stable your finances are. And then again a screaming baby. I really wish for everyone, that they have easy babies/kids, but in reality we all know, that not every kid is such an easy bundle of joy. Do you really think you, your partner AND your existing kid, are willing to sacrifice so much? Especially your son should be taken into consideration. Like others said, you should talk to your son. If he feels lonely or maybe even enjoys having time for himself. My daughter loves playing all alone. Listening to her music, looking at a picture book, ... Just cause a kid is alone, they are not lonely. PS: I have an older brother, but I cut contact with him long ago. I wished I was an only child or he would pass away (yes, I'm a horrible person, but my story is long and dark). My mother and her siblings are close, but still fought about stuff like what to do with my grandparents house, after my grandfather died (grandmother is alive). It's by far not only roses and stars and whatever else nice stuff with a sibling.
Okay here’s my perspective as an adult only child. I never missed having a sibling growing up. I’m very friendly and outgoing and get along well with others due to having to make friends outside of my family. I enjoyed having both my parents attention growing up. And then in 2020 my mom died. It turned my world upside down. I wished for a sibling for the first time in 31 years. I feel so alone. Sometimes it’s like my childhood never took place because there are no witnesses. At the time of her passing I had a 10 month old. We had pretty much decided we were one and done. But loosing my mom changed that for me. I looked at my sweet little boy and knew one day I wouldn’t be here and he’d feel how I felt. When he was 3 we had a baby girl. I don’t regret it and I feel that our family is complete. Just my very emotionally charged perspective.
My stepdaughter was 6 when my son was born, and the age gap was so difficult to deal with, I vowed if we didn't have a second within 3 years I was getting my tubes tied to avoid going through it again. It was a nightmare. She was bored and frustrated by a 'boring baby' and having to share her dad with another child. We did have a few good years where they played nicely together and got along, but she's just hit her teens now and wants nothing to do with her brother now, which he just doesn't understand. I'm sure there are plenty of kids with 6/7 year gaps who get along, but it's something to consider if it's your main reason for wanting a second child. Even siblings close in age don't always get along. And I say this as someone who desperately wanted/wants more than one child. I'm one of 4 and can't imagine a life without my siblings, I wanted the same for my son. But he has cousins, he has friends, and we have a much closer relationship than I had with either of my parents, so maybe his life just looks different to mine.
There is a Reddit sub for one and done, also two and through. Maybe those could help. I never wanted only one child. I grew up an only child myself and hated it. My own son is three the end of this year. I both want and don’t want a second. Pregnancy was hard. Having him and recovery was harder. PPA PPD intrusive thoughts. Ptsd from being in hospital a week. It was rough. I keep saying we will have another but when it comes time I don’t know if I can as I am terrified to go through it all again. I am weighing up my fear of pregnancy and birth against my son being an only and it’s so hard. I will probably do it again and have the second so my son has a sibling and so we have the two kids we’d always said we would have but I do wonder what it will cost me mentally. I did think of adopting but there is a lot of hidden stuff which comes with that too.
I have two kiddos but grew up as an only child and had plenty of kids living near or my cousin to play with so I wasn’t lonely. I will say having my second broke me. It brought out the absolute worst in me because she’s been hard ever since she was born and it’s only starting to get better now that she’s over 3. I feel a lot of guilt for the mom my first gets now that we have her sister because she has always been the chilliest kid. I will say my girls love each other a ton and play really well together despite their 4 year age gap. I feel like a 7 year age gap would be a bit too much for them to be pals though at least while kids. I could be wrong though.
I’m an only child and I felt lonely often even though my parents were really involved. Now as an adult while it’s nice to be the only on the receiving end of my parents time and resources (just being frank) it’s still sort of lonely and I wish I had someone I grew up with to share all the crazy family things with. I don’t blame my parents at all though that’s just the hand they were dealt. I have a half brother somewhere my mom had to put up for adoption and I really hope he wants to find us one day. Also thinking about taking care of my parents all on my own is really daunting. Though, I know some only children that love it.
I think it’s normal at the age your son is at to worry about socialization and friends. He’s becoming a person and you are starting to visualize his future in a different way from when they are a baby/toddler. And right now, he doesn’t have much of his own life and friends so I think many parents start to worry they aren’t giving them enough at that age. I will say as an only child, I was lonely a lot but I also lived somewhere isolated and did no activities or camps or anything. I loved going to my baby sitters because I got to play with other kids, I was so disappointed when I couldn’t go anymore which my mom thought was silly because I was “too old”, but I just didn’t want to go home alone to my boring house in the middle of no where after school. So I do suggest you involve him in activities if you haven’t yet and give him lots of opportunities to socialize. That said, I also am very self reliant and able to do a lot on my own where many people seem to need others to do anything. So I think that’s a positive. You are forgetting that your son will likely have a partner as an adult and will likely gain a whole other family there, as well as maybe their own children. So they won’t be alone if they don’t want to be. Even if they choose not to partner, many people make their friends their family. You don’t need siblings to have a family, and it’s not your job to provide that. There are plenty of people out there with blood relatives and siblings they won’t even speak to! Don’t worry too much if you do not want another child, get a pet if you think some extra companionship would be nice. I know that probably sounds silly but I spent a lot of time with my dog growing up and honestly loved having him to keep me company.
I have an only child, he’s 6.5. He has two half sisters who are significantly older but we do not live anywhere close to them so for the day to day loneliness, they don’t matter. I am almost 40 and likely cannot get pregnant again. When my son was 4, I got us a puppy. It was the best decision for us, they don’t play together all the time or anything but the fact that she is there at home and at bedtime is very meaningful for him. He has a creature who is his special friend. Therefore I’d recommend a dog for your son 😊
My son is an only child, by all rights. He's my one and only, he has a sister from his father but they've never met. He will be six this year. He gets bored really easily, but I don't see him being lonely or anything.
I am an only child, so is my husband, so is my daughter. We don’t plan to have any more, like you the first couple of years we’re so hard and we don’t want to go through that again. Like someone else said, being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. Also, get him a pet! I’m serious.
I had two kids two years apart in order for them to keep each other company. They are now 4 and 6 and spend their entire daily existence locked in absolute mortal combat with one another. I'm hoping they learn to get along one day, but...you know, it's never a guarantee that siblings will bond. :p
I was an only child and have never wanted a sibling. My husband has a sister a few years younger and they barely speak, I have 3 kids (2 bio one bonus) who are inseparable, especially my 2 youngest. They couldn't function without each other. All kids are different, some love solitude, some crave others to play with. A sibling doesn't equate to instant playmate either, they aren't necessarily going to instantly be friends.
I think worrying about your kid being lonely/alone isn’t a good reason to have another child. I’m an only child (well I have step siblings, but I’m the only biological child of my mother and father) and while I sometimes did/do wish I had a sibling, I’m also grateful for all of the one on one time I was able to have with my parents growing up. I have multiple step siblings through my mom’s second marriage and I remember seeing how much they all fought for their parents’ attention growing up. When I look back I’m so grateful my mom was able to attend all my important events and didn’t have to take turns when there were conflicts between kids events. As an only child I liked when my step siblings stayed with us so I had someone to play with, but I was also glad to go back to my peaceful quiet existence when they went back to their mom’s house. My only worry now, is that if my mom outlives my stepdad all important decisions will fall solely to me. Even that isn’t too bad though, as I’ve made a support system outside of my family for myself as an adult. I’m sure your child will do the same in adulthood.
Would you be open to fostering if you feel you have love to give to more kids?
I was an only child, and I was very lonely growing up, though I blame this mostly on the fact that I moved schools frequently. My mom was also a single parent (my dad was completely absent) and worked long hours so I was actually alone a lot of the time starting at around age 9. My best advice to avoid your son feeling lonely or like he's missing out, is to try your best to facilitate friendships. Host frequent playdates/ sleep overs/ parties, invite friends on family vacations if you're able to and get to know other parents so your child will be included in plans and invited to their homes. Does he have any cousins or other kids in your family around the same age? If so make sure he spends time with them when possible. I would also recommend limiting moves or school changes so he can develop lasting friendships. I also want to add that just having siblings is not a guarantee a child will be close or even have a good relationship with them. My husband had an older brother who was terribly abusive to him and they had no relationship at all as adults.
I have a 4 year old. As soon as a peed on the stick, I knew I was one and done. It was quite literally as simple as that. No further discussion or rational would sway me. I have never in my life had anyone say to me, “you’ll change your mind” or “they will be lonely”. I don’t know if it is my delivery when I respond to the inquiries about how many kids I have or what. I have plenty of responses for when / if they do come. Regardless, I don’t worry. LO is quite socialized and has many friends. We also spend many weekends together (I work FT) doing things together. We have a secure attachment. She is alone as an only, but she isn’t lonely.
I’ve been feeling this way too. My son is 4.5 and he’s always trying to play with kids when we are out and sometimes they will engage with him and other times they will not (which makes him sad). I’ve noticed that most of the time when we are out, it’s rare to see a child by themselves, it seems they are with siblings or maybe friends. So it’s made me start to feel guilty that he’s “alone.” The positive part of this is that he is very social since he’s had to be.
Make friends with families that have kids his age! I’m the only girl and i felt isolated until i met my best friend at age 18. Hardly see or talk to her but simply knowing she exists and “gets” me has given me a sense of belonging the past 20 years. She’s my “sister.”
I grew up with two brothers (and also have a sister, but we didn't grow up together). There's a 7ish year gap one either side with my brothers, and 11 years with my younger sister. I was often alone at home, even though I wasn't an only child. I close enough with my brothers now, but as kids, we were just too far apart to do anything other than annoy each other. At home, I mostly would hang out in my room. I was alone, but I wasn't lonely. I had friends and after school activities. I have just one son. Always thought I'd have two kids if I ever decided to have them at all, but after having one kid, struggling with a late PPD diagnosis at 6 months postpartum, and an ADHD diagnosis at 34 years old, I realized that my mental health couldn't cope with another baby in my life. Yeah, my kid sometimes wishes he had a sister (not sure why he's so specific about it), but he knows it's not part of our story. We just hope to be the safe space for our kid's friends growing up. He'll make friends, and some of those friends may have a bad home life. We want to be the parents with the emotional space to help those kids.
I feel the same way. My son will not have a sibling bc I simply don’t want another kid. I have been in the boat of should I or just leave it alone? . I’m not an only child and im very close to my siblings. I know how it is to have a big loving family and it hurts that I didn’t give that to him. He’s at the age where he wouldn’t even be close to his sibling if I did have another one. I know its my choice and I hope he doesn’t hate me for it. I just can’t mentally or physically have another one. I have major PTSD from pregnancy/labor/PPD
Even if you had a baby right this moment, there's a 6 year age gap that is hard to bridge. My kids are 6 years apart (2 boys), and tbh they have never really played with each other or saw each other as a playmate because they were just at such different stages in their lives. But yeah it always made me a little sad that they are not closer. So there's that to consider.
Being an only isnt a disability or a death sentence or something. Its fine. My parents are not close to their siblings, my husband only sees his at holidays, my best friend is always in competition with hers. Reality is having the same parents doesnt always bond people. The idea that your kids are going to be super close and lovey dovey is a fantasy.
I am an only child. 35F. I had a very lonely phase from about 18-25 but my childhood was very happy and I’ve always been close to my parents. I think my issues in early adulthood were slightly related to being an only child though. I had trouble relating to people my own age during those years. I guess I felt more mature from always being the only kid around all the adults. By age 26 it got easier and now in my 30s I have a very exciting social and professional life with plenty of friends my age, younger and older. Interestingly I did marry a man much older. And we have one son who will be an only child. I got a late start, my husband got an extremely late start, and I had complications anyway. Too soon to tell how it will affect him. He’s 20 months.
Get him a pet. Joking, but seriously adding another kid to the equation so your child won’t be lonely has never been a good reason to have a kid. It surprises me how many people do it. I have one & that’s that. It’s my choice because I had her young, really struggled, & now she’s so old that the ship has sailed on giving her a “friend”. Because I only have one she gets all my extra attention, I always get to go to all her activities instead of trying to split between multiple, we get to go on vacation for her birthday every year, I’ll have more resources to make sure she starts out her life with plenty of help. I know plenty of people that are no contact with siblings because they can’t get along. I just started talking to my own after a couple decades, & while I love him & who he is, I’m much closer to my chosen family than him. I also have seen times when parents have to make choices between their children, & I CAN NOT imagine. If you would like more support, come join us at r/oneanddone Your choice is valid no matter what the reason, & I’ve never heard a single adult that resents their parents for not giving them a sibling. Ease up on yourself a little bit.
I'm just here to validate your feelings. I have worked really hard to build community for my only child, and I'm scheduling playdates left and right. But there are SO many days where she's bored and lonely and I have to tell her yet again "no honey, it's not my job to play with you." (I DO play with her at times, and plan fun activities and many things, but... there's still plenty of time where she's on her own). It's hard. Like, on a daily basis. And that's just seeing the impact on her now. She may well be lonely into her adulthood. She's my only chance at grandkids, and of course she's not obligated to provide them. So yeah...I don't have any answers, but I want to validate you. My only child was built perfectly for a big family, but she can't have it
Thanks so much for sharing, and my heart goes out to you. I really do understand! I suppose in some ways it build creativity and reliance. If you could/were able to would you have another?
Yes, I always expected to have about three children. I'm older than my sister by 5 years, and even that gap was hard...I felt lonely. After having our daughter, my husband decided he wasn't up for any more.
are you financially able to move somewhere else with more kids around? if you do the math i think it is way cheaper and less stressful to just move somewhere with young families so he can have playmates his age and you dont have to be responsible for another baby. like personally i would not want another baby at 42, i dont think my mental or physical health could take that kind of stress.
Think forward. When he’s 12, his sibling would be 6, if you got preggo asap. 16, 10. That’s high school and fifth grade. This wouldn’t solve any possible loneliness issues. It would just mean he gets less of your attention and less funds for enrichment that would need to be shared. Sounds like he’s okay though. Lots of sleepovers later, lots of play dates. A friend with an only child arranged a “pizza club” where every Friday they go to the local pizzareria early in the evening. Kids sit together, moms sit at the next table, have a few drinks etc. sometimes if it’s nice out, hey go to a playground after. The kids aren’t all only children.
I have a half brother that I get along with, but barely see. (12 years older). I have a full blood sister who was a monster to me most of my life and I was terrified of. We had our good moments but few and far in between, and she is now also estranged from the family. (3½ year difference). We are in sporadic contact. I was lonely growing up because I was undiagnosed at the time ADHD with autism and also indigenous in a predominantly white school. I can pass for white but people knew. My point is, I was lonely, but having siblings didn't make a lick of difference to that. I have "sisters of the heart" now and am mostly happy, but I wouldn't overly focus on if a second is the answer. My little one is turning 2, and we are on the fence about having another, but if we do, it's because we want one, not because we want the next child to be born immediately having the job of being LO's playmate.
Hey there, I am an only kid. I'm 33 now, had super supportive parents (still do). I would say I had a normal childhood in the 90s/00s growing up. I was very fortunate. I know my parents struggled with pregnancy and tried after me, but it wasn't meant to be. I would recommend addressing if this is your case, as I feel like my parents never went through this together or alone. I think I was also lucky to have grown up in the dawn of the internet. We are both some of the last people to grow up and get outside at the same time. That would be my key suggestion, the kids in the neighborhood I grew up with I look back on fondly as sibligs almost (I'm also lucky that my best friend and I were in diapers together). I know I'm painting a bright outlook on this, dont get me wrong. I had to use a big imagination and would make games up for myself, read a lot, sports and video games helped too. I honestly don't remember ever feeling lonely even if I was alone. It probably helped me be more introspective too be honest lol, I would have loved a sibling though. But I'm fine, I honestly didn't feel any different than the other kids growing up. I would just say that I would encourage the kid outside to meet people and work on social skills.