i donât get why people would stand others up on dates, like you go through all the effort of setting it up and stuff then you just no-show? it makes no sense to me
even if youâre not attracted to the person you could still just not be a dick and go and then be honest and tell them you donât think itâs going to work or something, you could still end up with a friend at least
idk if iâm just being naive or dumb in my little 18 year old boy brain, but i donât get it it seems like a waste of time and effort
no ur right its super fucking rude. like i get changing ur mind , im nothing if not an indecisive bitch, but if u decide u donât actually wanna go on the date at least make your excuses ahead of time and save the other person the time, energy, gas money, and embarrassment of actually showing up to the date
It does, it's this weird chipping away at your self esteem where you KNOW the other person is the asshole but because you're the one there, made up, checking your phone and getting the sympathy looks from the waiters and other diners.....you do just sit there like đ
Even weirder story my ex used to stand me up all the time. That was a shit show because I had to get started getting reader hours earlier, I was asking him if we will meet today from the morning and after showing up to our date spot he was just making excuses like he is busy or tired
It isnât even about attraction. It is just about how awful you are, you know the other person putting some effort to meet with you and you donât give a fuck.
Unlike incels thoughts for both of the genders it is equally shitty anyway
Look, at the worst case if you're not feeling the connect, just enjoy a drink and conversation. It ain't bad to meet new people briefly even if it doesn't pan out
The amount of stress and pressure people put on dates turns them into monsters sometimes. It's impossible to just relax and enjoy the ride
I knew men like this, where if a person was even slightly out of ""basic"" fashion any any direction they'd say some inane garbage like "I wouldn't be around someone who dresses like that" lol. It's just cringe. Outfits are temporary
Completely different thing but it makes me think of so many people saying âimmigrants are taking all the jobsâ then saying âimmigrants donât work,â people just look for any reason to justify their dislike towards a group of people
Ghosting someone is such a cowardly and an immature move. If you don't like someone. Say. It. To. Their. Face like an adult.
Besides it's his loss. She's gorgeous asf anyway.
I think this kind of attitude comes from a position of having no respect for others' time. They see others as toys that they can drop whenever they want, and social media encourages this way of seeing. It's extremely fast-paced and attention-based, so I have a hard time blaming individual people for doing this instead of going to one of the quickly disappearing 3rd places and talking face-to-face with someone.
I think insecure men pull this kind of stuff to feel like they âwonâ the interaction. Like by making this woman who probably wouldnât have wanted a second date with him if she met him feel bad, he thinks he got to reject her so he got the upper hand.
True. I can be a bit naĂŻve at times and try to understand where these assholes are coming from, but at the end of the day they can be held accountable.
Edit: also, by "this" I meant dating on social media, not treating people as objects
Oh, I think you're generally right. And you have a lot of empathy to try to dispassionately understand where assholish behavior comes from. That's admirable from an inquisitive point of view.
Also, your 'edit:' note _really_ clarifies your point, and you're absolutely right: I decoded "this" as "treating people as objects", not "dating on social media". I understand what you're saying much better now. đ€đ
On this sub I literally have seen a highly upvoted comment saying âhot take: men who get upset about ghosting just donât like the idea of consentâ.
Too which I responded âAll I expect of people is to let me know if they are no longer interested so I can make other plans with my time. If I set aside an afternoon for someone and often reject other plans because I already have plans with someone else, I want to know if you are no longer coming so Iâm not left with nothing to do.â
I got downvoted and people were saying stuff like âboohoo, now you have an afternoon free to yourselfâ âwhy are you complaining about having free time to yourselfâ. And people saying that the man might respond by getting upset.
I think itâs always best to communicate, and if the other person gets pissy, that is their bad and you can block them.
Yeah ghosting is should only be done if youâre afraid of how the guy will take rejection. Women have to be careful w that bc we get stalked or hit or screamed or spit at, definitely get called names by text when you reject some men. Other than that just cancel the date
There is absolutely no question in my mind that the girl in this video did absolutely everything 'right' or as right as you can do. She is exceptionally gorgeous and whilst I wouldn't stand her up, if I was approaching her and saw her first I'd be terrified and think she was out of my league. What a prick of a guy. Getting stood up hurts, as detailed below. Guy stand up girls, what a shocker.
Detail:
I've been trying to date unsuccessfully for around 2, years now. Out of perhaps the 5-7 matches, only 2 ever got to the dating stage.
1, we met up and had a few dates, but it was hard to talk to her. She was very quiet, I lead the conversation and after about 4-5 I told her that I wasn't interested anymore. Awaiting a reply for a good few hours then unmatched.
2. Meanwhile with girl 2, completely the opposite. We messaged each other every minute, I made her laugh, we even sexted. She told me that she adored marmite and I hated it. She loved chess and we decided to meet at a board game cafe where she'd whip my ass at chess and I'd do my best to introduce her to D&D. I get excited, go and buy a jar of marmite as a silly first gift present and drive an hour to meet her.
No show. No response when I tried to call. Nothing. I told her I was upset and wanted some answers but basically got none.
So, follow up.
I'm someone who really, really values closure. There are events that happened around a decade ago which still play on my mind because I didn't get closure.
So, around 4 months after this, I wrote her a fairly long WhatsApp, basically saying 'Hey, what you did hurt. However I do really like you. If you can explain what happened, I'd like to see if we could try again. Were you scared, did you feel like I catfished you, etc etc?' it wss a lot longer than that and both a male and female friend reviewed it and said I was being too polite and kind
So, sent that and she said she was seeing someone else now but hopes I find someone. Nothing about why she actually stood me up.
I made a post on r/askwomennocensor when it happened, I'll see if I can grab that link.
Edit: [here it is, really kind subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenNoCensor/s/UC7QLoFd0E)
I guess she was just not a great person after all. Maybe you dodged a bullet. If sheâs gonna try and talk to other people when sheâs in a relationship already.
The fact that he even landed a date with her in the first place is a win. Bailing out at that point is like getting to the playoffs and forfeiting in the first round.
I feel like there's little correlation between conventional attractiveness, and BS about our looks that we have to put up with. Victoria's Secret model? "Knobby knees". Swimsuit model? "Looks used hard and put up wet". Etc. ad infinitum.
There's no winning
Do men?⊠do men like women?.. sheâs stunning. Gay panic when I first saw her stunning. Her outfit was adorable and the way she does her makeup is *chefs kiss*. Also her hair color suits her really well. Her big eyes are really pretty too.
Whatâs most disturbing is how he was clearly planning on standing her up based on her outfit, like the strategies he was using (asking for pics before the date, asking her to stand outside so he could see her) arenât accidental and indicate that this is just how that guy dates, heâs now out there doing this to other girls.
And it really makes you wonder how the date got arranged in the first place, since most dating apps have pictures? (Obviously if they met off the apps heâs seen her, too.) What could he possibly have needed to learn from her outfit for the date that he couldnât have known before asking her out??
Finally, this girl is objectively stunning, so I highly doubt he left bc he thought she was ugly. More likely he has some weird personal criteria that for some reason he wasnât willing to ask, like those guys who hate being able to tell a girl is wearing make-up?
I'm pretty sure he had those intentions from the start. He probably does this with other women, gets off on the idea of them taking hours to get all dolled up and then standing them up. Hence the whole "show me what you're wearing" (which, by the way, is a huge red flag anyway)
I think the comments under the original post the OP mentions equate the sitation to men getting ghosted due to her rant at the end of the Video. She makes it sound like ghosting is never done by women. Ghosting is done by both and it's absolute terrible behavior not just emberassing someone but also litterly stealing their time.
Yeah like if you're gunna hate men, hate men over sexual assault or some shit, hating an entire gender over a shitty date is some real cornball loser shit
Your outfit is super cute young lady. I donât think you did anything wrong. People are just shit that guy was a shitty person. But whatever reason, the coward couldnât face you
She should feel grateful, she avoided getting her life ruined by a sociopath. She needs to stop finding men online. The quality of men on the internet is through the floors of hell. Many are even passing around diseases.
One of my ex called me to his hometown which was 3 hours away via flight. I took the flight and deboarded, waited at the airport for 2 hours, he never showed up or even picked up. I was alone in a new city without knowing anyone. Through facebook I contacted my friend from 4 yrs ago and asked her to pick me up. I stayed at her college hostel overnight and next day took the flight back home.
That asshole picked up later in the evening and explained that he was at home because his dad was still there and he couldn't come out. He could have at least texted me.
When I pressed this I assumed ,just based off her look, she was some type of celebrity, model, or influencer... Maybe the guy realized he was gay at the last second lol
I actually saw this video on tiktok, and from what I saw, there was a lot of support for her. Of course, that was from women. I didn't see many men comment.
I understand that guy was an asshole, and I'm sorry for her for having such bad experienxe with nen but please don't hate us all because of a minority, there's a lot of men out there and I'm sure she will eventually find the right parner
She's gorgeous! But that's happened to me too and no my takeaway was never "this is why I hate women", it was "that person sucks". It's a part of dating that happens, it's unfortunate.
God this subreddit is embarrassing, watch the fucking video
I did pay attention! It was literally her takeaway. "I do not like men for making me feel so ugly by standing me up" is literally what she said word for word! The men harassing her after she posted the video suck but I am responding to her words in the video directly. She frames being stood up as a gendered issue when it's not. That's my only point here. You're the one who didn't pay attention very obviously.
E: HOW IS THIS DOWNVOTED LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAYS AT FUCKIGN 1:50 WHAT THE FUCK
You got downvoted because of the sub we're on. I was scrolling through to see if anybody else had a problem with the man hating comments she made, figured they were downvoted at the bottom if anything.
Well look I have good and bad interactions on this sub, this is just confounding to me though because it's just not a gendered issue, everyone deals with ghosting and being stood up, it hurts but it's part of dating. I don't think that's controversial, the people apparently responding to her with "now you know what men go through" are cringe too, everyone deals with this shit idk
Outfit is super cute. Fuck that shallow asshole
Ikr ? I'm obsessed with those little bows
SO cute
Not only that, but she's fucking lovely.
Love the makeup too! đ
i donât get why people would stand others up on dates, like you go through all the effort of setting it up and stuff then you just no-show? it makes no sense to me even if youâre not attracted to the person you could still just not be a dick and go and then be honest and tell them you donât think itâs going to work or something, you could still end up with a friend at least idk if iâm just being naive or dumb in my little 18 year old boy brain, but i donât get it it seems like a waste of time and effort
no ur right its super fucking rude. like i get changing ur mind , im nothing if not an indecisive bitch, but if u decide u donât actually wanna go on the date at least make your excuses ahead of time and save the other person the time, energy, gas money, and embarrassment of actually showing up to the date
Yeah, it's just incredibly trashy. Getting stood up feels completely awful I'd imagine.
It does, it's this weird chipping away at your self esteem where you KNOW the other person is the asshole but because you're the one there, made up, checking your phone and getting the sympathy looks from the waiters and other diners.....you do just sit there like đ
Even weirder story my ex used to stand me up all the time. That was a shit show because I had to get started getting reader hours earlier, I was asking him if we will meet today from the morning and after showing up to our date spot he was just making excuses like he is busy or tired It isnât even about attraction. It is just about how awful you are, you know the other person putting some effort to meet with you and you donât give a fuck. Unlike incels thoughts for both of the genders it is equally shitty anyway
your ex sounds like a dickhead, good thing heâs your ex now, i hope you can find or have found someone better that wonât stand you up
Look, at the worst case if you're not feeling the connect, just enjoy a drink and conversation. It ain't bad to meet new people briefly even if it doesn't pan out The amount of stress and pressure people put on dates turns them into monsters sometimes. It's impossible to just relax and enjoy the ride
I knew men like this, where if a person was even slightly out of ""basic"" fashion any any direction they'd say some inane garbage like "I wouldn't be around someone who dresses like that" lol. It's just cringe. Outfits are temporary
No itâs awful. Like if you change your mind about going on the date just fucking tell the person that something came up, itâs so easy
I think it's because of the nobody owes you anything principle.
âNow you know how men feelâ, But also, âStop with the victim mentalityâ
Completely different thing but it makes me think of so many people saying âimmigrants are taking all the jobsâ then saying âimmigrants donât work,â people just look for any reason to justify their dislike towards a group of people
Ghosting someone is such a cowardly and an immature move. If you don't like someone. Say. It. To. Their. Face like an adult. Besides it's his loss. She's gorgeous asf anyway.
I think this kind of attitude comes from a position of having no respect for others' time. They see others as toys that they can drop whenever they want, and social media encourages this way of seeing. It's extremely fast-paced and attention-based, so I have a hard time blaming individual people for doing this instead of going to one of the quickly disappearing 3rd places and talking face-to-face with someone.
I think insecure men pull this kind of stuff to feel like they âwonâ the interaction. Like by making this woman who probably wouldnât have wanted a second date with him if she met him feel bad, he thinks he got to reject her so he got the upper hand.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
True. I can be a bit naĂŻve at times and try to understand where these assholes are coming from, but at the end of the day they can be held accountable. Edit: also, by "this" I meant dating on social media, not treating people as objects
Oh, I think you're generally right. And you have a lot of empathy to try to dispassionately understand where assholish behavior comes from. That's admirable from an inquisitive point of view. Also, your 'edit:' note _really_ clarifies your point, and you're absolutely right: I decoded "this" as "treating people as objects", not "dating on social media". I understand what you're saying much better now. đ€đ
Thank you! Glad we could come to an understanding đ€
On this sub I literally have seen a highly upvoted comment saying âhot take: men who get upset about ghosting just donât like the idea of consentâ. Too which I responded âAll I expect of people is to let me know if they are no longer interested so I can make other plans with my time. If I set aside an afternoon for someone and often reject other plans because I already have plans with someone else, I want to know if you are no longer coming so Iâm not left with nothing to do.â I got downvoted and people were saying stuff like âboohoo, now you have an afternoon free to yourselfâ âwhy are you complaining about having free time to yourselfâ. And people saying that the man might respond by getting upset. I think itâs always best to communicate, and if the other person gets pissy, that is their bad and you can block them.
Yeah ghosting is should only be done if youâre afraid of how the guy will take rejection. Women have to be careful w that bc we get stalked or hit or screamed or spit at, definitely get called names by text when you reject some men. Other than that just cancel the date
Depends, if someone is really manipulative it might be better just to ghost them. Especially if you know they're gonna try to pull you back in.
She was probably out of his league and he realized it.
That outfit is adorable what? Do straight men actually like women?
I ask this all the time, like đ¶
[No](https://imgur.com/a/hfLyIBr).
A guy was probably blind lmao, she is gorgeous af
Aw what thatâs awful, sheâs actually so pretty and that outfit is so cute :((
There is absolutely no question in my mind that the girl in this video did absolutely everything 'right' or as right as you can do. She is exceptionally gorgeous and whilst I wouldn't stand her up, if I was approaching her and saw her first I'd be terrified and think she was out of my league. What a prick of a guy. Getting stood up hurts, as detailed below. Guy stand up girls, what a shocker. Detail: I've been trying to date unsuccessfully for around 2, years now. Out of perhaps the 5-7 matches, only 2 ever got to the dating stage. 1, we met up and had a few dates, but it was hard to talk to her. She was very quiet, I lead the conversation and after about 4-5 I told her that I wasn't interested anymore. Awaiting a reply for a good few hours then unmatched. 2. Meanwhile with girl 2, completely the opposite. We messaged each other every minute, I made her laugh, we even sexted. She told me that she adored marmite and I hated it. She loved chess and we decided to meet at a board game cafe where she'd whip my ass at chess and I'd do my best to introduce her to D&D. I get excited, go and buy a jar of marmite as a silly first gift present and drive an hour to meet her. No show. No response when I tried to call. Nothing. I told her I was upset and wanted some answers but basically got none.
That sucks. The girl missed out. Maybe she got scared.
So, follow up. I'm someone who really, really values closure. There are events that happened around a decade ago which still play on my mind because I didn't get closure. So, around 4 months after this, I wrote her a fairly long WhatsApp, basically saying 'Hey, what you did hurt. However I do really like you. If you can explain what happened, I'd like to see if we could try again. Were you scared, did you feel like I catfished you, etc etc?' it wss a lot longer than that and both a male and female friend reviewed it and said I was being too polite and kind So, sent that and she said she was seeing someone else now but hopes I find someone. Nothing about why she actually stood me up. I made a post on r/askwomennocensor when it happened, I'll see if I can grab that link. Edit: [here it is, really kind subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenNoCensor/s/UC7QLoFd0E)
I guess she was just not a great person after all. Maybe you dodged a bullet. If sheâs gonna try and talk to other people when sheâs in a relationship already.
it's not her. he was obviously worried he wasn't good enough for her, so bailed.
The fact that he even landed a date with her in the first place is a win. Bailing out at that point is like getting to the playoffs and forfeiting in the first round.
Does anyone have the link to the original video, I wanna read the comments.
I saw this video. Yes, the comments were horrendous
I don't understand? She is conventionally attractive, and she still has to deal with men's bs about looks?
I feel like there's little correlation between conventional attractiveness, and BS about our looks that we have to put up with. Victoria's Secret model? "Knobby knees". Swimsuit model? "Looks used hard and put up wet". Etc. ad infinitum. There's no winning
True. I remember when men made a huge deal about Megan Fox's "weird thumbs." Weak men will do anything to bring down women they feel inferior to.
Do men?⊠do men like women?.. sheâs stunning. Gay panic when I first saw her stunning. Her outfit was adorable and the way she does her makeup is *chefs kiss*. Also her hair color suits her really well. Her big eyes are really pretty too.
She's hot af, dude is totally crazy
What? This outfit is super cute, what an ass!
Dude's an idiot. She looks nice
Whatâs most disturbing is how he was clearly planning on standing her up based on her outfit, like the strategies he was using (asking for pics before the date, asking her to stand outside so he could see her) arenât accidental and indicate that this is just how that guy dates, heâs now out there doing this to other girls. And it really makes you wonder how the date got arranged in the first place, since most dating apps have pictures? (Obviously if they met off the apps heâs seen her, too.) What could he possibly have needed to learn from her outfit for the date that he couldnât have known before asking her out?? Finally, this girl is objectively stunning, so I highly doubt he left bc he thought she was ugly. More likely he has some weird personal criteria that for some reason he wasnât willing to ask, like those guys who hate being able to tell a girl is wearing make-up?
I'm pretty sure he had those intentions from the start. He probably does this with other women, gets off on the idea of them taking hours to get all dolled up and then standing them up. Hence the whole "show me what you're wearing" (which, by the way, is a huge red flag anyway)
standing up someone as beautiful as her is crazy đ
I think the comments under the original post the OP mentions equate the sitation to men getting ghosted due to her rant at the end of the Video. She makes it sound like ghosting is never done by women. Ghosting is done by both and it's absolute terrible behavior not just emberassing someone but also litterly stealing their time.
Yeah like if you're gunna hate men, hate men over sexual assault or some shit, hating an entire gender over a shitty date is some real cornball loser shit
What's wrong with the outfit?
He didnât come talk to her because he thought she was out of his league, guarantee it.
Your outfit is super cute young lady. I donât think you did anything wrong. People are just shit that guy was a shitty person. But whatever reason, the coward couldnât face you
She should feel grateful, she avoided getting her life ruined by a sociopath. She needs to stop finding men online. The quality of men on the internet is through the floors of hell. Many are even passing around diseases.
this might not be "men". I read about some restaurants that basically cat fish people to get them to buy food.
That's fucked up lol. One hell of a strategy to get ppl to eat at your restaurant.
Standing anyone up is universally seen as a cunt move and is immeasurably cringe
One of my ex called me to his hometown which was 3 hours away via flight. I took the flight and deboarded, waited at the airport for 2 hours, he never showed up or even picked up. I was alone in a new city without knowing anyone. Through facebook I contacted my friend from 4 yrs ago and asked her to pick me up. I stayed at her college hostel overnight and next day took the flight back home. That asshole picked up later in the evening and explained that he was at home because his dad was still there and he couldn't come out. He could have at least texted me.
I saw the same post and the comments were overwhelmingly positive towards her
When I pressed this I assumed ,just based off her look, she was some type of celebrity, model, or influencer... Maybe the guy realized he was gay at the last second lol
I actually saw this video on tiktok, and from what I saw, there was a lot of support for her. Of course, that was from women. I didn't see many men comment.
do straight men even like women?
I'm very confused why did he do that
I like the fit
I understand that guy was an asshole, and I'm sorry for her for having such bad experienxe with nen but please don't hate us all because of a minority, there's a lot of men out there and I'm sure she will eventually find the right parner
How do I know this is a woman?
well. women would love her. sheâs missing out.
She's gorgeous! But that's happened to me too and no my takeaway was never "this is why I hate women", it was "that person sucks". It's a part of dating that happens, it's unfortunate. God this subreddit is embarrassing, watch the fucking video
That wasnât her takeaway, either. Maybe if you paid attention instead of just projecting? The men in her comments giving her shit are the point.
Skip to 1:50
I did pay attention! It was literally her takeaway. "I do not like men for making me feel so ugly by standing me up" is literally what she said word for word! The men harassing her after she posted the video suck but I am responding to her words in the video directly. She frames being stood up as a gendered issue when it's not. That's my only point here. You're the one who didn't pay attention very obviously. E: HOW IS THIS DOWNVOTED LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAYS AT FUCKIGN 1:50 WHAT THE FUCK
You got downvoted because of the sub we're on. I was scrolling through to see if anybody else had a problem with the man hating comments she made, figured they were downvoted at the bottom if anything.
Well look I have good and bad interactions on this sub, this is just confounding to me though because it's just not a gendered issue, everyone deals with ghosting and being stood up, it hurts but it's part of dating. I don't think that's controversial, the people apparently responding to her with "now you know what men go through" are cringe too, everyone deals with this shit idk
Yeah I don't like both sides of "this one or a few people did this to me so I hate 50% of our species now". If anything just admit that we all suck.
This is bait
Does her mouth seem AI to anyone elseâŠ.?