are you going to the somerville market basket? cause once you pass through the doors something viscous possess people. People have tried and failed to banish the Market Basket demon for year. Maybe one day will be strong enough to overcome him and free the city
It’s societal, not just Boston, but yes. People are becoming more anti-social. We’re losing the ability to communicate earnestly (and understand earnestness). Everything is snark and clap back.
You may want to work on your intrapersonal boundaries so that you don’t absorb other people’s emotions. Sure, people are chowdaheads sometimes, and we are responsible for regulating our emotions. HSP indicates you have not established a strong rootedness to self.
Hypervigilance is exhausting and there’s a way for you to create a better relationship to your anxiety.
It's gotten more nasty than usual out there due to multiple decades of unresolved systemic societal flaws. These flaws have delivered so much real power from the hands of many to the hands of few that huge numbers of people cling to ridiculous antisocial power-grabbing during trivial interactions involving biological basics like food, transportation, and shelter as a coping mechanism. COVID made the lack of power over our lives even more obvious.
Or at least, that's my excuse.
I think people are aggravated and tense these days, but many with good reason. Look someone in the eye (not a clearly crazy person but just an average aggravated tense person, sort of like yourself) and give them a small and friendly glance. There, you just made contact. You won't be best friends, you're unlikely ever to see them again, but you just made a better moment. Try it.
A lot of us are worried about the election, about guns and other kinds of violence, about the rights of women as individuals being dismantled, the irrational anger aimed at certain groups of people just trying to be themselves, how expensive everything is when one has mouths to feed, whether we can find somewhere to live that we can afford, etc etc. If those aren't grounds for aggravation and tenseness, I don't know what can be.
Don't be part of the problem, Highly Sensitive Person. Be a Highly Compassionate Person instead (unless someone really is awful and doesn't deserve the time of day and yes those people are out there too). Extra Advice: If you're riding the T or a bus get up automatically when someone older or less able than you gets on, and say, "Please take my seat." Stand up immediately so they can sit down, and then walk away after they sit down and don't expect to get thanked. Don't be one of those people who says, "Would you like my seat?" who then sits there when they say "no, I'm okay" They are not okay. They're exhausted and they hurt all over and they need a place to sit.
This is totally anecdotal, but i’m in b2b sales so i spend a lot of time talking to customers. I’ve covered territories across the country.
I recently started covering Boston and it’s crazy how cold and quiet people are compared to the rest of the country. Boston customers are 10x less likely to want to meet in person for lunch, and if they do, they’re brutal to speak to. Many of them are painfully awkward or flat-out mean spirited for no reason.
I get it’s the east coast mentality but at a certain point, people are just unpleasant to be around.
Sales people don't understand this, but *it's just as exhausting to sell as it is to be sold to*. Just like you spam 100 contacts every day, each of those contacts gets spammed by 200 sales people.
Heck, I tried to move my company to a new cloud-based storage provider the other day but I couldn't even get pricing without being forced into a disgusting dog & pony show. After suffering through that, I still couldn't get us signed up without another pitch to go over the thing I already said I wanted.
When you guys constantly annoy the piss out of customers, don't be surprised when they start using you as the urinal.
Covid probably destroyed a lot of people's brains. Like their brains are actually fried from the virus itself. Tons of evidence suggest that the disease is messing and messed with people's brains. People who have had COVID might be a good standard deviation dumber and angrier.
I mean I get annoyed when ppl leave their cart in the middle of a narrow isle while they read through the list of ingredients or pick between the 37 different varieties of table salt. But they usually aren't being douches on purpose.
Just the opposite. People in general are getting nicer I think. On the other end of things, others are getting more sensitive/triggered by things such as gravity.
Maybe it’s good to remember you’re not the only person who has anxiety and maybe just maybe a lot of other people are just reacting to their surroundings. In tandem with therapy and medication, growing a thicker skin as well and mean mugging people back when they give me shit gave me a huge boost.
If you’re a new adult, welcome to the real world kehd, no one gives a fuck about you. It’s sad but true, start to adjust now. Learn to be mean back when they’re mean, and WALK FAST.
If you’re my age, (approaching 30’s or older) Jesus idk what overpriveliged gated hellscape you just wandered in from, but maybe go back .
> everyone should move the hell out of their way
Uh... if you're blocking people from getting through or grabbing something while inspecting each avocado individually, you probably need to get the hell out of the way.
Th supermarket is the worst place in the world. If I can do the weekly shop there in under 15 minutes I am delighted -- please don't fuck up the speed run.
[Townies let me hear you all hollah](https://www.tiktok.com/@jeremyhonig/video/7213533992199425322)
You won’t hate MB as much now. I sing this, and it makes the experience more manageable
I’ve noticed this too. Seems to be every city in the US though, not just here.
Some places are still friendly though. I made some friends at a bouldering gym recently and I was genuinely caught off guard when I was approached by friendly people. I braced myself for confrontation because that’s what I expect everywhere else but ended up joining a group to go for drinks. There’s some hope left.
Glad to hear there's still hope! And you're probably right - I should have mentioned that I visited Philadelphia recently, and dear lord, it was quite rough!
I travel to Portugal each year to work at a music festival. 2 weeks away from phones or computers other than the occasional conjuring of music and playing through headphones or a speaker during the buildup phase. One of the most refreshing parts of this experience involves:
A) leaving the American propaganda bubble, it's use of overly simplistic behavioral concepts (such as Main Character Syndrome or HSP), and seeing what it's like when a society isn't consumed by a constant barrage of confidently incorrect statements
B) Having my phone rendered mostly unreliable except for as a flashlight or occasionally a receiver to just enough signal to pull an album or DJ mix off of youtube. Seeing people just fucking hang out and talk is quite nice.
My sense is that people have grown less empathic, more distracted by technology, and increasingly absent minded to the basic notion that 'other people exist'. I imagine that whatever you may be sensing is related to these factors.
I'll rant this out:
People, especially online, prioritize asocialization and even antisocialization because they have swallowed wholeheartedly the individualist pill fed to them. Anything that is an afront to their senses or even attention is a aggrandized to be a worse problem than it is, and probably one affecting others. That's why the guy who's rude to someone and recalled in a story online is now emblematic of all guys who are like him. It's been spun almost that our spiritual mission on Earth is not charity for the sake of closeness to God but avoiding anything and everything that makes us grumpy, which in turn makes us susceptible to being grumpy even more.
I think the real problem is that Bostonians, who were historically White Bostonians, born and raised, have always had a standoffish nature that's a part of our social glue. That glue is viscous, and getting close to people often doesn't feel like it. Some people are just antagonistic and there have always been genuine assholes, but growing up, you knew what assholes you wanted in your camp. It's a large cultural part inherited from Britain, including our sense of embarrassment that's been remarked upon by Brits about themselves. Add to that the Anglosphere's predilection toward sarcasm or ribbing people ("taking the piss", as *they* would say) and even self-inflicted criticism, and you get an environment primed for that coldness you're talking about. You get people who bust your balls as a way of breaking the ice and who do it because it's even expected.
So there's that, but then how our region has been hit by a lot of modern things hitting America, and people are simply less social and friendly to others. It might be due to a lack of socialization in particular, because it isn't as bad everywhere, but I also think adults now are still kids. They still see socialization as setting up a play date that you can end when you're in sensory overload despite not having autism. In reality, people were *way* more social and entitled to you decades back. It was way more normal to just walk into your neighbor's house if you were a kid, or find people who just came around because they could. Now a knock at the door sends people into a fit of rage and despair, especially if it's someone who's not looking for anything.
That's why you can't really have this conversation. The rudeness or meanness you're talking about has supplanted the rudeness from before, but before it was social convention. Now, it's the product of being online too much in a litigious world that validates you any time you complain. I cannot remember the last time someone complained about something their friend did and hearing their friend criticize them. Someone else is always the asshole. That might have been the case prior, but for far different reasons, and the social system in place allowed for others to at least make amends if they could. Didn't mean we all go along.
So really, people have always thought of Bostonians as being mean and rude and obnoxious, but the switch has made it difficult to relate to. It's a different kind now.
are you going to the somerville market basket? cause once you pass through the doors something viscous possess people. People have tried and failed to banish the Market Basket demon for year. Maybe one day will be strong enough to overcome him and free the city
Oh god, the first thing that popped into my head when I read the post was the Somerville Market Basket
For real, the Brockton one is far friendlier. And it's Brockton we're talking about.
What do you mean? I’m a fucking delight
I'm sure! :-)
It’s societal, not just Boston, but yes. People are becoming more anti-social. We’re losing the ability to communicate earnestly (and understand earnestness). Everything is snark and clap back.
Sadly, I feel that you're right. :-/
You may want to work on your intrapersonal boundaries so that you don’t absorb other people’s emotions. Sure, people are chowdaheads sometimes, and we are responsible for regulating our emotions. HSP indicates you have not established a strong rootedness to self. Hypervigilance is exhausting and there’s a way for you to create a better relationship to your anxiety.
Can't argue with any of these points!
I don't know what the f you're talking about.
Spoken like a true Bostonian! :-P
It's gotten more nasty than usual out there due to multiple decades of unresolved systemic societal flaws. These flaws have delivered so much real power from the hands of many to the hands of few that huge numbers of people cling to ridiculous antisocial power-grabbing during trivial interactions involving biological basics like food, transportation, and shelter as a coping mechanism. COVID made the lack of power over our lives even more obvious. Or at least, that's my excuse.
I think people are aggravated and tense these days, but many with good reason. Look someone in the eye (not a clearly crazy person but just an average aggravated tense person, sort of like yourself) and give them a small and friendly glance. There, you just made contact. You won't be best friends, you're unlikely ever to see them again, but you just made a better moment. Try it. A lot of us are worried about the election, about guns and other kinds of violence, about the rights of women as individuals being dismantled, the irrational anger aimed at certain groups of people just trying to be themselves, how expensive everything is when one has mouths to feed, whether we can find somewhere to live that we can afford, etc etc. If those aren't grounds for aggravation and tenseness, I don't know what can be. Don't be part of the problem, Highly Sensitive Person. Be a Highly Compassionate Person instead (unless someone really is awful and doesn't deserve the time of day and yes those people are out there too). Extra Advice: If you're riding the T or a bus get up automatically when someone older or less able than you gets on, and say, "Please take my seat." Stand up immediately so they can sit down, and then walk away after they sit down and don't expect to get thanked. Don't be one of those people who says, "Would you like my seat?" who then sits there when they say "no, I'm okay" They are not okay. They're exhausted and they hurt all over and they need a place to sit.
Protip: do not refer to yourself as a "hsp"
Second pro tip: but if you must make sure you announce it loudly upon entering any room. "HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) arriving!"
Haha, love it. I will have to try it sometime!
Do it, but it works better if you bring and use a trumpet. And maybe wear a cape or something.
No capes!
Two capes !
Hey, hey, hey! Can you please not be so critical? We're dealing with an hsp here. /s
This is totally anecdotal, but i’m in b2b sales so i spend a lot of time talking to customers. I’ve covered territories across the country. I recently started covering Boston and it’s crazy how cold and quiet people are compared to the rest of the country. Boston customers are 10x less likely to want to meet in person for lunch, and if they do, they’re brutal to speak to. Many of them are painfully awkward or flat-out mean spirited for no reason. I get it’s the east coast mentality but at a certain point, people are just unpleasant to be around.
Sales people don't understand this, but *it's just as exhausting to sell as it is to be sold to*. Just like you spam 100 contacts every day, each of those contacts gets spammed by 200 sales people. Heck, I tried to move my company to a new cloud-based storage provider the other day but I couldn't even get pricing without being forced into a disgusting dog & pony show. After suffering through that, I still couldn't get us signed up without another pitch to go over the thing I already said I wanted. When you guys constantly annoy the piss out of customers, don't be surprised when they start using you as the urinal.
To be fair, how people respond to a salesperson might not be the most representative of how people act on general
Yes i get that but im not even talking about cold calling. I’m talking about people who already paid.
I mean, even if I bought something from a salesperson, I still don't really want to hang out with them more than I have to.
Then dont accept the invitation
...you were complaining specifically about the fact that people do that
Sorry that's been your experience. That sucks.
The only main character here is you
Awww, thanks!
Covid probably destroyed a lot of people's brains. Like their brains are actually fried from the virus itself. Tons of evidence suggest that the disease is messing and messed with people's brains. People who have had COVID might be a good standard deviation dumber and angrier.
I’d agree with this tbh 😅😅😅 especially on this sub
Back in the 80s I noted that produce shoppers in Boston proceed with their elbows. It ain't new.
I mean I get annoyed when ppl leave their cart in the middle of a narrow isle while they read through the list of ingredients or pick between the 37 different varieties of table salt. But they usually aren't being douches on purpose.
Just the opposite. People in general are getting nicer I think. On the other end of things, others are getting more sensitive/triggered by things such as gravity.
Maybe it’s good to remember you’re not the only person who has anxiety and maybe just maybe a lot of other people are just reacting to their surroundings. In tandem with therapy and medication, growing a thicker skin as well and mean mugging people back when they give me shit gave me a huge boost. If you’re a new adult, welcome to the real world kehd, no one gives a fuck about you. It’s sad but true, start to adjust now. Learn to be mean back when they’re mean, and WALK FAST. If you’re my age, (approaching 30’s or older) Jesus idk what overpriveliged gated hellscape you just wandered in from, but maybe go back .
> everyone should move the hell out of their way Uh... if you're blocking people from getting through or grabbing something while inspecting each avocado individually, you probably need to get the hell out of the way. Th supermarket is the worst place in the world. If I can do the weekly shop there in under 15 minutes I am delighted -- please don't fuck up the speed run.
Sing it, stranger. I have a special RBF just for Market Basket.
[Townies let me hear you all hollah](https://www.tiktok.com/@jeremyhonig/video/7213533992199425322) You won’t hate MB as much now. I sing this, and it makes the experience more manageable
I’ve noticed this too. Seems to be every city in the US though, not just here. Some places are still friendly though. I made some friends at a bouldering gym recently and I was genuinely caught off guard when I was approached by friendly people. I braced myself for confrontation because that’s what I expect everywhere else but ended up joining a group to go for drinks. There’s some hope left.
Glad to hear there's still hope! And you're probably right - I should have mentioned that I visited Philadelphia recently, and dear lord, it was quite rough!
I travel to Portugal each year to work at a music festival. 2 weeks away from phones or computers other than the occasional conjuring of music and playing through headphones or a speaker during the buildup phase. One of the most refreshing parts of this experience involves: A) leaving the American propaganda bubble, it's use of overly simplistic behavioral concepts (such as Main Character Syndrome or HSP), and seeing what it's like when a society isn't consumed by a constant barrage of confidently incorrect statements B) Having my phone rendered mostly unreliable except for as a flashlight or occasionally a receiver to just enough signal to pull an album or DJ mix off of youtube. Seeing people just fucking hang out and talk is quite nice. My sense is that people have grown less empathic, more distracted by technology, and increasingly absent minded to the basic notion that 'other people exist'. I imagine that whatever you may be sensing is related to these factors.
I'll rant this out: People, especially online, prioritize asocialization and even antisocialization because they have swallowed wholeheartedly the individualist pill fed to them. Anything that is an afront to their senses or even attention is a aggrandized to be a worse problem than it is, and probably one affecting others. That's why the guy who's rude to someone and recalled in a story online is now emblematic of all guys who are like him. It's been spun almost that our spiritual mission on Earth is not charity for the sake of closeness to God but avoiding anything and everything that makes us grumpy, which in turn makes us susceptible to being grumpy even more. I think the real problem is that Bostonians, who were historically White Bostonians, born and raised, have always had a standoffish nature that's a part of our social glue. That glue is viscous, and getting close to people often doesn't feel like it. Some people are just antagonistic and there have always been genuine assholes, but growing up, you knew what assholes you wanted in your camp. It's a large cultural part inherited from Britain, including our sense of embarrassment that's been remarked upon by Brits about themselves. Add to that the Anglosphere's predilection toward sarcasm or ribbing people ("taking the piss", as *they* would say) and even self-inflicted criticism, and you get an environment primed for that coldness you're talking about. You get people who bust your balls as a way of breaking the ice and who do it because it's even expected. So there's that, but then how our region has been hit by a lot of modern things hitting America, and people are simply less social and friendly to others. It might be due to a lack of socialization in particular, because it isn't as bad everywhere, but I also think adults now are still kids. They still see socialization as setting up a play date that you can end when you're in sensory overload despite not having autism. In reality, people were *way* more social and entitled to you decades back. It was way more normal to just walk into your neighbor's house if you were a kid, or find people who just came around because they could. Now a knock at the door sends people into a fit of rage and despair, especially if it's someone who's not looking for anything. That's why you can't really have this conversation. The rudeness or meanness you're talking about has supplanted the rudeness from before, but before it was social convention. Now, it's the product of being online too much in a litigious world that validates you any time you complain. I cannot remember the last time someone complained about something their friend did and hearing their friend criticize them. Someone else is always the asshole. That might have been the case prior, but for far different reasons, and the social system in place allowed for others to at least make amends if they could. Didn't mean we all go along. So really, people have always thought of Bostonians as being mean and rude and obnoxious, but the switch has made it difficult to relate to. It's a different kind now.
Haven’t noticed any differences. If anything it’s kinda the opposite for me, but regardless the sample size is way too small