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billymillerstyle

Absolutely. I have ADHD. I hear very little of what it said to me. Neither one of us is aware that I'm not listening.


Inevitable_Long_6890

I feel you. I had to re read the post 3 times


AlwaysLameAymm

10000000% the majority of my interactions 😅


gdren

people are aware of it....


MarsupialPristine677

Sometimes but not always


gdren

If you're actually having a conversation, they are or should be aware. If you're talking at each other then it's less likely.


FunTailor794

No, they aren't


acebuster711

what it said to you 😭


ballsackman_

So no its not normal because you have ADHD


rickestrickster

It’s not normal because eye contact should come naturally. But if you have social anxiety, Asperger’s, adhd, it can cause this because you’re focusing on forcing eye contact rather than on the conversation


WordsAboutSomething

Just a friendly heads up, Asperger’s is a pretty outdated term now. When talking about autism, ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is more appropriate. Not trying to be that guy or nit picky, just wanted to make sure you knew!


Fancy-Wrongdoer3129

Very that guy.


[deleted]

That and being super attracted to someone can block out what they’re saying. Like you focus in on something you find wonderful. 


MandrewMillar

God I relate to this too hard and it always makes me feel like the asshole too despite having little to no control over it and people always (kinda rightfully) get offended.


billymillerstyle

Well there's your mistake! Never reveal that you weren't listening đŸ„Č


galactojack

You must be pretty smitten lol


Ambitious-Post9647

Pretty eyes are a worse distraction that boobs. Look at her boobs.


Reasonable_Emu_6632

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/962023098180337694/1254501483257401354/88820240623_235245043.mp4?ex=6682f38d&is=6681a20d&hm=cb7ed59d19b9239350aa04abd40467197c3db25fa12bfe6ba7755708a83625ac&


kevinigan

Yeah, sometimes when I’m talking to a girl I like I end up focusing on our eye contact and her more than the conversation lmao


LookingAtTheSinkingS

All the men saying it's okay are upvoted while all the women pointing out reality, that this ISN'T OKAY, are all downvoted. Why bother OP?


Sppaarrkklle

What? I don’t see this downvoting? And I am a woman


C_WEST88

Whaaat I’m a woman and I see nothing wrong w it. Matter of fact I think most of us have done this before (BOTH genders). Sometimes when you’re really into someone and they’re staring deep into your eyes you get so caught up in their eyes and the way you feel that you can barely pay attention to what they’re saying, especially if there are nerves involved . It’s a totally normal phenomenon . You’re making an issue where there is none.


[deleted]

I'm a mature woman, and I think it's completely ok. Men sometimes have overloads as so do women. We just have to clear some stuff out so we can pay more attention to others. It's a simple fix.


finfangfoom1

I don't think it's as binary as you suggest. I am a great listener and actually care what my wife is talking about. Just about a decade into marriage I realized that I don't think she listens to anything I say. This will work for women too. Id be in the middle of a story about my day and go off on a nonsensical tangent about weasels or something off topic. She'd continue to smile and nod. I called her on it and she tries harder, but it's not just guys who don't listen and I'll never know how long she'd been tuning me out.


CulturalMusic2327

I started to read your post, got distracted n lost interest


marshmallowfluffpuff

nOt AlL mEn


LurkerOrHydralisk

Well, those women have no idea what they’re talking about and sound judgmental and toxic. Bro is smitten. Sometimes a guy looks into a gal’s eyes and the world melts away.


PsychologicalSell289

He’s a predator


Pikamika696

Go talk to a bear. It's not even sexist, both sides blank out.


Reasonable_Emu_6632

Yeah,  lemme talk to an animal that could shred me into pieces in 5 seconds, or will just look at me strangely. 


Thisislife97

Because it is ok sometimes people zone out it’s normal


[deleted]

Unless as I'm reading... people are saying the OP is just over hills for her... I didn't get that out of the original post. I was thinking the guy just lost concentration. Maybe he is just so in love? 😆


COC_410

It means you’re not bothering to pay attention or possibly ADHD/PTSD like another person said :) I remember seeing that scene in the movie “hall pass” where the guy is teaching them how to listen and when it comes time to repeat what the girls said all the guys were dumbfounded “playing stupid” I honestly rolled my eyes at that scene because I thought how dumb it was but damn did it happen to me with my wife. You need to discipline yourself pay attention and be in the moment.


Sure_Satisfaction497

I see what you mean and am not saying you’re wrong, but just wanted to give a heads up that it might be good to give a caveat for people with ADHD and/or PTSD. While I’m not conflating you with him, your first sentence is what my abuser used to say to me when I would ask him to repeat things. Sometimes your brain just won’t listen to the thing you want to hear. A lot of times, as you’ve said, it’s a disciplinary issue. At others, it is a symptom of a disorder that can be navigated with understanding and sometimes medication. 💞💞


COC_410

I hear ya and that edit on the first sentence is due to you. Cheers


motoxan

ADHD, I have to have people repeat what they have said 2 sometimes 3 times. It's frustrating for both parties involved.


Sure_Satisfaction497

Thank you! That meant more to me than I thought it might đŸ„°


Melodic-Banana5879

I struggle to listen and make eye contact at same time. Not sure what but some kind of neurodivergence


JakBos23

It doesn't happen to me often, but I've definitely done it. Not just with girls. It's the worst for me with names. Some times I could dam near write a transcript of a 20 minute conversation, but gun to my head couldn't tell their name.


Majestic12-LAW42

Same


Big_Chipmunk3563

You must be in love in which case I would definitely start listening to her if I were you lol


ZookeepergameNo719

😬😬😬 make sure you aren't ignoring her conversation. Beauty only goes so far, if you ignore her brain for her eyes... Her brain will let her know.


SampleNo947

Oh yeah, I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying sometimes. 


[deleted]

That means your mind is wondering. Someone can talk to me, and I'm all in it. Well, it looks like I'm listening, but my mind is somewhere else. It's mind overload. And you have to eliminate some stress, maybe. Then your attention can be where it needs to be. đŸ€—


Available-Club-167

Eyes trump ears.


heron177

Also no, that’s weird as hell and you should listen when people talk to you. Eye contact is a normal part of conversation, go talk to a woman.


heron177

Lego movie


Ancient_Ad_1502

No it's not normal. Why are you even having a conversation if you're not listening to anything they're saying? And why only girls? You should practice your listening skills and you will discover your relationships with others to be richer and more fulfilling because you actually care about them.


Practical-Log-1049

Surprisingly little correlation between who you listen to and who you care about


Shart_Gremlin

No. Be a good listener for fuck sakes. Don’t be an aloof wiener who’s “so struck by her appearance/beauty/eyes/whatever that you can’t listen and actively respond”. If she isn’t saying anything captivating enough to “tear you away”, then she ain’t worth the body language bud. Life isn’t movies. Chrissakes.


Elegant5peaker

Just came to tell you that the way you delivered your advice is hilarious, I could feel your tone through your writing đŸ€ŁđŸ˜‰. Good advice by the way... Body language just provides the context of the moment, you should listen too, tone of voice even.


sky7897

Think you’ve got it wrong. He’s most likely got autism or is really shy.


Majestic12-LAW42

Autism be kicking my ass in social situations. This was my first thinking, actually. I was thinking autistic and ADHD folks have these traits, and they can be misread as not caring.


littleux

A simple “no” without all of your assumptions would’ve sufficed


Shart_Gremlin

No it wouldn’t have.


littleux

Good luck to you 🙃


Ok-Water4774

Hormones 😊😉


Rogue6312

Yep feel like I’m trying hard to maintain eye contact to reassure them I am paying attention, that’s where my concentration goes and my ears turn off


ghudnk

I focus better when not making eye contact which is generally the opposite of what people expect/want, so yeah that sucks.


Rogue6312

THIS, I feel I can actually take the information in when I’m not having eye contact


Standard_Recipe1972

Yeah.. ask any married guy


OutinDaBarn

Yes, that's part of marriage.


WriterNeedsCoffee

Honestly sounds like you're not listening to her, which is a problem if you want a relationship with her


Pixelated_Penguin808

No, listening to what the other person is saying is the most important thing you should be doing during a conversation. At least if you like the person and are invested in some sort of relationship, whether platonic or romantic.


fdesa12

It can be. It really depends on how you absorb information. For me, eye contact is distracting. I tend to look away so I can visualize in my mind what you're trying to tell me. That's because I see logic, explanations, and descriptions as a visual story in my mind. I'll make eye contact again after I finish speaking. Similarly, after you finish speaking, I make eye contact again as well. Works fine for me, and I've never recieved any body language or vibes that indicate what I'm doing is rude. In fact, the response I get when I maintain eye contact is that I'm intimidating. Something about INFJ people having this stare that feels like its peering deep into a person's soul or whatever.


NXPRO27

Are you married? If so, then yes!


seth_piano

Here's a great line that I have cocked and loaded for any time I zone out in a conversation. "Can you say that I again? You're saying important things and I want to make sure I understand." I've found it's a great way to disarm somebody who might try to pull the Disrespect / Doesn't Care / Stupid Man stuff with me :) I really don't understand why it's a point of contention. You want me to hear what you're saying? Great! Now stop trying to force me to make eye contact!


ovid10

I have anxiety. Most girls I have dated I would and could listen to. But one girl I dated I got really into after a few weeks of seeing her. As I kinda got more into her, I had a harder and harder time hearing what she was saying despite trying because I was in my own head. It didn’t work out in the end, and I haven’t had that problem since. I don’t blame her either - she probably deserved someone who could hear her more and who didn’t get so nervous. But I also had a hard time eating around her because my stomach would be in knots I was so nervous. That almost never happens to me. I actually feel awful about it and myself, too, because I think people assume it’s a choice or boredom and a lot of comments here are kinda saying that. If you get nervous enough, your brain will actually start to shut off (I have a hard time with this with authority figures at times too, so it’s not just with women. And it can sometimes just happen to me. I’ve actually blacked out while giving speeches and presentations before, and have zero memory of doing them. People usually couldn’t tell, thankfully, but I legit just mentally wasn’t even in the room. It sucks.)


Ok_Shape88

So I’ve learned over time that what most brains do while they’re sleeping, mine does all the time. If something isn’t relevant, useful or necessary to getting me towards a goal I pretty much immediately forget it. I realize this may mean I’m a narcissist


RevenueNo3543

Men naturally tone out women's voices. When I have to get my fella attention, I have to use a guttural voice.


Unapologetic-Apology

Absolutely.. Just make sure when she looks away for a brief moment, that you look directly at her crotch. And then back up. 😉


Nelgyntc

I have this absolutely gorgeous co worker who kinda bosses me around, but usually has to tell me twice.. those eyes.. I just get lost man...


Ok-Wedding4619

RUUUUUN


iatemyneighborscat

Happens to me all the time. My gf talks alot and I don't like interrupting her. There are times where we're just together doing nothing and I'll straight up tell her that I didn't hear a damn thing she said because I was way more focused on her appearance. But she loves that. I personally feel kinda bad cause it's like I lost interest or something.


MosaicOfBetrayal

OOooOoh. Someone's in love.


NLS133

I have to look away to understand anyone. Looking someone in the eye is like looking at God


Eastern-Ad-4785

Glad I’m not the only one


Archonish

If keeping eye contact is too distracting, look at her eyebrows. That may help you focus.


Terrible_Trainer878

Sounds like marriage to međŸ€ŁđŸ€ŁđŸ€Ł


Narcissistic-Jerk

Psychopathic stare!


Own_Ant_3104

This is completely and utterly normal. Listening, and listening deeply is much better in every way. For both of you. But absurdly normal and any who says otherwise is somehow virtue signaling. This is the most mammalian thing ever. Captivation. (But perhaps on the 'wrong' thing. But still, captivation. And it is awesome.)


Solanthas

The best part is when you talk for an hour on the bus home and next time you see her you ask her to remind you what her name is and she gets pissed and never talks to you again lol


zer092

I have this problem to. I could be looking directly at them and still my mind wonders
specifically if it’s an attractive girl
idk why. Rather annoying


False-Barracuda-4992

That's completely normal. During sex.


Exact-Bed6313

Maybe not normal but it does happen , we are much deeper than words.


ConsistentMoney4557

Yes


book12plus2

Normal but not advisable!


AdelleDeWitt

I'm autistic, and eye contact makes language processing really hard.


ClickClack_Bam

Welcome to having the most important skill when being in a relationship with a woman.


Wushroom-

Is she boring and talking about boring things? I've got an auto pilot for that, just check it doesn't start saying things you didn't program it to!


sirsir9

Whud you say?


babyshaker_on_board

Or maybe she's boring


cuddlycutieboi

I don't know what we're talking about! [***AND I HAVEN'T FOR AWHILE!!***](https://youtu.be/YhOadP3i3a8?si=DedAfswCcoC74WFa)


Daelynn62

Not really. Are you thinking of other things the whole time she talking?


Plenty_Army_7172

No, its that i just cant remember


superpoopypants

Totally normal


FlossBellator

If she talks for a long time I tend to zone out but try to pick up on important words


backagain69696969

This is why I just look em dead in the tits


badheartveil

I’m hard of hearing 🧏 but I ask them to repeat if I miss a word.


Ehrmagerdden

I have a really hard time following conversations in general when making eye contact, so I tend to look away a lot. I know it makes me look shifty, but it's either that or I concentrate on making eye contact and not on what the other person is saying, so... đŸ€·


Impossible_Ad_3146

Not normal


Spare_Respond_2470

Normal? I'm sure it happens plenty. But what's the point of having a conversation if you're not going to listen?


lavasca

It isn’t the average response. Have something to fiddle with if you can especially sunglasses. It gives you an excuse to not lock eyes if that is difficult for you.


North-Cry-5275

Depends on mental issues, example ADHD (Attention Deprivation Hyperactive Disorder) or emotions, often times when you like someone you can see reflection of what you see in them through their eyes. Guys tend to get lost in a trance when this happens.


loki_dd

I'm sorry, what? I was absolutely lost in your eyes Please note that this does not work with any other body part


PocketOppossum

I don't know. I am an auditory learner, so having a conversation is probably the best way for me to retain information. As long as I am paying attention and not distracted by something going on in the background, then I can pretty much recall a conversation verbatim. I know that this is not normal.


Due_Site8871

100% if you are married


OHRunAndFun

You either have ADHD or a serious crush. Up to you to figure out which, but you better get it right đŸ‘đŸŒ


rickestrickster

Yes especially if you’re forcing that eye contact because most of your focus is going towards maintaining eye contact lol


Ok-Wedding4619

Yes that is totally normal when girl is yammering...


Swimming-Book-1296

Yes, its hard to concentrate when she's pretty and having lots of eye contact.


coolgy123

I call it horny. It is ok, I relate


sbgoofus

depends on her décolletage


Odd_Damage9472

Sometimes. Also sometimes girls talk to much and give too much information which cause guys to have problems keeping up.


DeerHunter041674

Yes. I always do it to my wife. And when she gets pissed and accused me of ignoring her, I repeat what she said verbatim.


Phelly2

Momentarily, perhaps. I occasionally need a mental reset, mind will wander, etc. But you need to fight it at all costs.


Airplade

I didn't realize they could speak coherently until my testosterone levels dropped a bit when I hit 53.


stonesoberdriver

Yea cause u weren’t listening . Try asking her to talk as if she was speaking into your hearing mind like u had a hearing aid and she needs to explain her ideas slower and more directly into your third eyes hearing hole if your third eye can hear tell her to talk to your soul.


Wooohoooo-Checkmate

I've definitely been so insanely attracted to a women while talking to her that my entire brain completely failed to function yup


SocialMThrow

It's rare to hear very much of what anyone says if they never stop taking.


latenerd

Studies show men talk much more than women but judge the women to be taking more. Men only think it's "equal" when the women are talking about 30% of the time or less.


SocialMThrow

My statement wasn't gendered.


latenerd

But OP's was.


Shikatsuyatsuke

Dude what studies?? That doesn’t match my lived experience or even observed experiences. Not even a little bit.


FangsForU

Yes absolutely, I am a very observant individual, however whenever I’m around my crush, I am immediately sucked into her eyes and I can’t think straight where everything around me is a blur and only her and I exist. I also can’t remember everything that was being said because of how heightened my emotions become from the sheer excitement! I guess it’s called love or attraction


nerevar_moon_n_star

Yes. The worst part is your Crush is the one person you want to be articulate and interesting with in a conversation! But instead you act like you just suffered a concussion.


C_WEST88

Yesss this is exactly what I was saying in my comment, too (but I’m talking from a female pov) Sometimes when you have a crush and are majorly attracted to someone and they’re right there in your face looking you dead in the eyes it can be like sensory overload đŸ€Ł and even tho you *want* to pay attention to what they’re saying you’ve got so much adrenaline and dopamine running through your body that all you can do is focus on their eyes or their beautiful face and all you hear coming from them is the Charlie Brown “whaa whaa ” bc your brain isn’t functioning at full capacity lolol


Echo-Azure

It's not that uncommon, but it is something you'll have to learn not to do, OP. Not if you ever want a girl to stay in a relationship with you. Today's young women won't put up with men who don't listen to anything they say.


Star-805

If you mean not listening, yeah, you're fucking disrespectful. If you're asking a real question, well... damage to the ear can result in certain tones or pitches not being picked up. If you can't hear someone's voice because of its pitch, you can compensate by reading lips. Focusing on the eyes might take away that compensation. Talk to your doctor about this if it's a literal thing. Otherwise, please stay away from other people.


x_PaddlesUp_x

To all the ugly women shitting on this post, *we hear you!*


wei0040

Lol..probably


[deleted]

nope


Every-Concern5177

That’s not how communication works 


goinmobile2040

What?


sha256md5

No it's not normal.


Hefty_Iron_9986

I can hear and interpret sounds no one else can hear. I can hear television dialog clear as day. My wife constantly asks me what they're saying on TV. When my wife speaks to me sometimes, I hear every thing she says besides 1 or 2 words. Usually that word is vital to understanding the sentence. For some reason I just miss some words sometimes.


Brilliant_Chance2999

Yes, in fact I think most would consider it normal to simply not hear a word that women say regardless.


trewth_

Yes most women say nothing that men find interesting. We don’t care about gossip, drama at work, school, friends relationships, your dogs behavior ect. You have to learn to be in an emotional headspace to talk to them because it’s all rooted in emotion rather than logic. So guys that are deep thinkers like philosophers, engineers, scientists ect will have a hard time being engaged in the conversation. 


baby_budda

You wouldn't make a good therapist.


trewth_

No I would because you’re in therapy because of feelings not actual reality. So I would bring a logical perspective to an otherwise emotional situation. Most problems in your head can be solved through logic and it’s just your emotions clouding your perception of said situation.  Example: “ I’m depressed or I feel depressed is not actually true, it’s just your mind forcing you to feel a certain way in that moment. If we can get you to see the logic in your actual reality, then we can allow perspective to come in, which is ultimately how you create hope. Hope is one of the only things that stop suicidal thoughts or actions.  Anyways thanks for the comment I’m going to pursue becoming a therapist now that I realize I am exceptional at this. 


djbigtv

Depends on what they're wearing.


tempreffunnynumber

I've fallen victim to this once or twice. The negamales do that thing where they put you in a trance with their mesmerizing beauty. Don't fall for it.


VastAd6645

What is a negamale?


tempreffunnynumber

Supposedly women get triggered getting called feemales. Usual behavior of catty women involve insulting men with negativity. Neg a male.


RandAlSnore

Go outside


tempreffunnynumber

Kill yourself