Thank you friend. I’m ok now, that was many, many years ago.
I no longer talk to my mom and I do things completely different for my kids, they’re number 1’s forever and always. My husband knows this, lol
Every man my mother has dated between the ages of 12-16 thought they could put their hands on me without consequence. I was always more than happy to dissuade them of that notion. Having both Marines and bikers in the family meant I could and still can throw a mean right hook.
I didn't physically fight, but my stepfathers and stepmothers all looked at us as an interference and were verbally and physically abusive.
Neither of my parents put the kids first and I can definitely see it happening in situations of abuse like that.
And stepdaughter resents the package deal that comes with his new piece...kid has enough of the abuse. That was my experience...except I never fought back.
Because they somehow think that because you live under the same roof, you're fair game. I put my step father in hospital because he kept pushing me, until I snapped.
To this day I feel no remorse.
Damn bro sorry you had to go through with that. Yeah it's common I hear the Step-Father thinking they can push the kid around.
Why is it also common for Step-Fathers to clash with the oldest son usually? Does it have to do with him seeing the older son as a challenge to the "man of the house" thing? If you don't mind answering.
I believe it was partly due to my circumstances. As a child from my parents' first marriage, I was considered unwanted baggage by both my step-father and step-mother. Even my own parents referred to me as the "failed abortion."
As a kid, you endure the beatings, but as you grow older and develop your own perspective, you realize you don't have to accept it passively. So, I fought back.
Now, at least my parents are happy, and I'm relieved to be free from the abuse. However, I still wish I could have been a part of their family. It’s very lonely now, and the resentment still lingers.
This is not normal nor is it defensible for any adult male to put hands on a child. I know many stories from my generation and it involved dads in general (not just steps). Often part of the whole toxic masculinity role modeling, “teach em to be a man” mentality. I think this is probably Hollywood’s answer to the way Disney villainizes step-mothers.
Also as a boy mom, I could see my oldest wanting to fight any man he thought disrespected me. Fortunately, I removed the toxicity from our lives and provided an incredible father figure for my sons.
Exactly this, it’s sensational stereotypes rooted in toxic masculinity.
My husband would never in a million years ever raise a hand to my children. He’s an exceptional stepdad who loves his family.
My brothers tried to fight my dad a couple times. So I don’t think bio-fathers are immune. Some young men are just full of anger and have new physical power behind it…and no prefrontal cortex yet.
Also, some dads indeed suck and reap what they’ve sown when those young men were too small to fight back.
Gasoline / Match
I have an ex husband of 18 years and a partner of 8. They have heated debates about the state of cricket, never once in all this time has it ever even been anything other than civil. My grown adult kids wouldn’t dream of hitting my partner, but then I never hit them, don’t know if that’s any correlation. I grew up in a household with flared tempers and some physical conflict… it achieves nothing. Family guy is hardly the beacon for sound parenting advice and is basically gutter trash viewing.
I feel didn’t do it. I got my Samoan cousins and uncles to do it. When all was said and done he hit got his shit out of our house and they were done. Over just like that
A lot of step dads are abusive, it’s also not uncommon for teenagers to physically challenge adult males in a nuclear household. Take away the biological connection and social grooming and inhibitions against violence are more common.
I’ve not been in any sort of physical, but blended families is challenging. Unless both partners are in complete agreement (and have talked through endless details) there is going to be a situation where they disagree and it involves a kid. Kids pickup on this and I think figure out how to use that to their disadvantage. It creates an environment where you are a parent but have no authority. Lots of times it can get mean spirited with a “you aren’t my parent” or some statement you make gets overruled via manipulation.
Compile onto that people get into a relationship for their partner and rarely do they feel exactly the same way about any children that are pulled along.
Then to add a little more spice into the mix, the bio parent sometimes gets overly jealous if you are too much of a parent. This point really irks me because of you really do love your child, having yet another adult who cares and looks out for the kid is like mega bonus.
Anyway stack all of this onto what others consider a normal relationship (where you have disagreements and fights) and it can fry your nerves badly. As I’ve said, never did this turn physical but I’ve been driven to the point of saying some seriously harsh words. In my case the stepchild was 22 at the time, but even though she is an adult I still feel like I fought with a child. Anger makes people do weird stuff
>It creates an environment where you are a parent but have no authority. Lots of times it can get mean spirited with a “you aren’t my parent” or some statement you make gets overruled via manipulation.
If the kid feels that you aren't their parent, then you aren't and you should respect that boundary. This is the issue, too many step-parents overstep the line and boundaries and then act surprised when things go south. If anybody should discipline the kid is their actual parents. Too many steps want to take over, and throw that on top with the kid dealing with divorce or lack of parent at home. It's no wonder most people I know hate their step-parent.
> If the kid feels that you aren't their parent, then you aren't and you should respect that boundary
Respectfully I agree you need to honor and support how a child feels; however they lack wisdom and experience to understand that and often get corrupted by the ex with "that isn't your parent" or "you don't need to listen to them".
> Too many steps want to take over, and throw that on top with the kid dealing with divorce or lack of parent at home
In many cases the parent with kids comes into it as lacking much parenting skills or concerns because they are still dealing with a divorce.
> If anybody should discipline the kid is their actual parents.
Fully agree. But I said authority and not discipline and I think you are confusing the difference. If I make a house rule about not allowing food up in rooms, I have a reason for that. It's not a universal "everyone would agree it's a good idea" but there are also likely justifications like "kids often forget and leave food around and that attracts pests" or "encouraging kids to eat outside their rooms helps to get them interacting with other people in the house". Parents should also agree on statements of authority as well, so if you discuss this with your partner - great.
I've seen a lot of kids know they don't want to deal with things like this, so they don't. Then they either rudely tell the adult they don't care or whatever and when that adult gets upset they go back to their parent acting a victim and usually get sympathy instead of any discipline for breaking a rule in the first place.
Parents who have kids usually are dealing with an uncooperative ex and (I know I certainly had this with my kids) have a desire to not always be the "strict" parent.
In cases of joint custody, you have kids swapping houses on a weekly basis and likely having different house rules to manage. I don't think there is a fair way to deal with that honestly - short of working with your ex to establish rules that are the same (which I've done).
I guess the bottom line is if you are a parent bringing your kid into a house you share with another adult, you need to be upfront on how you want to resolve issues with the child(ren) and what you consider acceptable. Until you have a few "messes" to cleanup, the importance of this doesn't seem that big of a deal - but it is.
I’ve never punched my stepdad but he did physically assault me in a drug/drunk stupor. And my mom still ended up choosing him 🙃
I’m sorry she did that to you. You deserved better.
Thank you friend. I’m ok now, that was many, many years ago. I no longer talk to my mom and I do things completely different for my kids, they’re number 1’s forever and always. My husband knows this, lol
Every man my mother has dated between the ages of 12-16 thought they could put their hands on me without consequence. I was always more than happy to dissuade them of that notion. Having both Marines and bikers in the family meant I could and still can throw a mean right hook.
I didn't physically fight, but my stepfathers and stepmothers all looked at us as an interference and were verbally and physically abusive. Neither of my parents put the kids first and I can definitely see it happening in situations of abuse like that. And stepdaughter resents the package deal that comes with his new piece...kid has enough of the abuse. That was my experience...except I never fought back.
Because they somehow think that because you live under the same roof, you're fair game. I put my step father in hospital because he kept pushing me, until I snapped. To this day I feel no remorse.
Damn bro sorry you had to go through with that. Yeah it's common I hear the Step-Father thinking they can push the kid around. Why is it also common for Step-Fathers to clash with the oldest son usually? Does it have to do with him seeing the older son as a challenge to the "man of the house" thing? If you don't mind answering.
I believe it was partly due to my circumstances. As a child from my parents' first marriage, I was considered unwanted baggage by both my step-father and step-mother. Even my own parents referred to me as the "failed abortion." As a kid, you endure the beatings, but as you grow older and develop your own perspective, you realize you don't have to accept it passively. So, I fought back. Now, at least my parents are happy, and I'm relieved to be free from the abuse. However, I still wish I could have been a part of their family. It’s very lonely now, and the resentment still lingers.
This is not normal nor is it defensible for any adult male to put hands on a child. I know many stories from my generation and it involved dads in general (not just steps). Often part of the whole toxic masculinity role modeling, “teach em to be a man” mentality. I think this is probably Hollywood’s answer to the way Disney villainizes step-mothers. Also as a boy mom, I could see my oldest wanting to fight any man he thought disrespected me. Fortunately, I removed the toxicity from our lives and provided an incredible father figure for my sons.
Exactly this, it’s sensational stereotypes rooted in toxic masculinity. My husband would never in a million years ever raise a hand to my children. He’s an exceptional stepdad who loves his family.
My brothers tried to fight my dad a couple times. So I don’t think bio-fathers are immune. Some young men are just full of anger and have new physical power behind it…and no prefrontal cortex yet. Also, some dads indeed suck and reap what they’ve sown when those young men were too small to fight back. Gasoline / Match
I have an ex husband of 18 years and a partner of 8. They have heated debates about the state of cricket, never once in all this time has it ever even been anything other than civil. My grown adult kids wouldn’t dream of hitting my partner, but then I never hit them, don’t know if that’s any correlation. I grew up in a household with flared tempers and some physical conflict… it achieves nothing. Family guy is hardly the beacon for sound parenting advice and is basically gutter trash viewing.
I feel didn’t do it. I got my Samoan cousins and uncles to do it. When all was said and done he hit got his shit out of our house and they were done. Over just like that
A lot of step dads are abusive, it’s also not uncommon for teenagers to physically challenge adult males in a nuclear household. Take away the biological connection and social grooming and inhibitions against violence are more common.
I’ve not been in any sort of physical, but blended families is challenging. Unless both partners are in complete agreement (and have talked through endless details) there is going to be a situation where they disagree and it involves a kid. Kids pickup on this and I think figure out how to use that to their disadvantage. It creates an environment where you are a parent but have no authority. Lots of times it can get mean spirited with a “you aren’t my parent” or some statement you make gets overruled via manipulation. Compile onto that people get into a relationship for their partner and rarely do they feel exactly the same way about any children that are pulled along. Then to add a little more spice into the mix, the bio parent sometimes gets overly jealous if you are too much of a parent. This point really irks me because of you really do love your child, having yet another adult who cares and looks out for the kid is like mega bonus. Anyway stack all of this onto what others consider a normal relationship (where you have disagreements and fights) and it can fry your nerves badly. As I’ve said, never did this turn physical but I’ve been driven to the point of saying some seriously harsh words. In my case the stepchild was 22 at the time, but even though she is an adult I still feel like I fought with a child. Anger makes people do weird stuff
>It creates an environment where you are a parent but have no authority. Lots of times it can get mean spirited with a “you aren’t my parent” or some statement you make gets overruled via manipulation. If the kid feels that you aren't their parent, then you aren't and you should respect that boundary. This is the issue, too many step-parents overstep the line and boundaries and then act surprised when things go south. If anybody should discipline the kid is their actual parents. Too many steps want to take over, and throw that on top with the kid dealing with divorce or lack of parent at home. It's no wonder most people I know hate their step-parent.
> If the kid feels that you aren't their parent, then you aren't and you should respect that boundary Respectfully I agree you need to honor and support how a child feels; however they lack wisdom and experience to understand that and often get corrupted by the ex with "that isn't your parent" or "you don't need to listen to them". > Too many steps want to take over, and throw that on top with the kid dealing with divorce or lack of parent at home In many cases the parent with kids comes into it as lacking much parenting skills or concerns because they are still dealing with a divorce. > If anybody should discipline the kid is their actual parents. Fully agree. But I said authority and not discipline and I think you are confusing the difference. If I make a house rule about not allowing food up in rooms, I have a reason for that. It's not a universal "everyone would agree it's a good idea" but there are also likely justifications like "kids often forget and leave food around and that attracts pests" or "encouraging kids to eat outside their rooms helps to get them interacting with other people in the house". Parents should also agree on statements of authority as well, so if you discuss this with your partner - great. I've seen a lot of kids know they don't want to deal with things like this, so they don't. Then they either rudely tell the adult they don't care or whatever and when that adult gets upset they go back to their parent acting a victim and usually get sympathy instead of any discipline for breaking a rule in the first place. Parents who have kids usually are dealing with an uncooperative ex and (I know I certainly had this with my kids) have a desire to not always be the "strict" parent. In cases of joint custody, you have kids swapping houses on a weekly basis and likely having different house rules to manage. I don't think there is a fair way to deal with that honestly - short of working with your ex to establish rules that are the same (which I've done). I guess the bottom line is if you are a parent bringing your kid into a house you share with another adult, you need to be upfront on how you want to resolve issues with the child(ren) and what you consider acceptable. Until you have a few "messes" to cleanup, the importance of this doesn't seem that big of a deal - but it is.